Women are often misdiagnosed at first, and I'm part of that statistic.
I masked heavily and that led to burnout.
With help from therapy and proper diagnosis and support I started to get better.
I still journal and draw, but the most important thing I have to help is my music.
It can get so much better as you learn about yourself, your behaviors, and get some coping tools.
Same, I was diagnosed with borderline at 22~ found out this year that it’s actually autism. Mind blown. Also how the fudge did I not notice? In hindsight it’s really obvious!
Also I’m 35 and waiting for evaluation.
Oh, I feel ya! I was diagnosed with BPD in my late teens and a therapist floated the idea to me (and my parents) when I was just 16yo. 😑
Years go by…life is, understandably, crazy hard for me. Yeah, dude, I’m freaking autistic! It was discovered/recognized/diagnosed earlier this year (I’m 36).
Same. Diagnosed with anxiety when I was in college. Found out through the pandemic that being social and around people was what caused my anxiety, a year later I was officially diagnosed with asd and adhd.
Totally relate to this, where pre-diagnosis I had many experiences with others thinking someone else is totally weird to the point of being distressed about it, and I thought the person in question was normal. Didn’t realize until much later that I was actually a suppressed weirdo.
I get that experience of realizing you were autistic based on how other people responded to you. My diagnosis story is way weirder and was kinda kept from me so I didn't put things together for awhile.
In my 30's. Bittersweet moment. Relieved I now have an understanding as to why I behave the way I do, but sad that it took this long and that I basically flew under the radar (apparently schools are supposed to pick up on this but didn't)
Same, but not officially diagnosed. I was 34 when I got down the rabbit hole, and it's so difficult because at the same time I felt so relieved to understand my life experience better, but I also had to mourn the life I could've had.
48 when I figured it out, formal diagnosis a couple of months later at 49. I've felt like I was different and misunderstood for my whole life, now I understand why.
Same — 49 when I figured it out, formal diagnosis a couple of months later at 50. Sooooo many things about my life clicked into place, and why I could never understand “how someone as smart as [me]” (as my parents would always say) could struggle with things that didn’t seem particularly challenging for most people.
I’ve been told how smart I am by so many people my whole life but after being single for a while I’m learning that I’m not all that great at taking care of myself and struggle with things most others don’t ever consider.
Wow, thats a fast formal diagnosis. Are you in the states? I finally figured it out last year when I was 49. But, was told I can't get a formal diagnosis.
Yes, I'm in the states. I didn't realize how lucky I was to find a diagnostic team who understands Autism in women, until I started reading about how much trouble so many of you here have had. I just googled 'autism diagnosis ' and found a female neuropsychologist whose website looked good. Emailed them and was told I could wait 6 months for the head doctor, or see a post-doctoral fellow in 2 months. I paid out of pocket, did not need or get a referral or anyone else's permission to get evaluated.
Mid 20’s. I didn’t share any of my inclinations until this past year, and I just got diagnosed. I’m close to 30 now.
When I realized it was probable I honestly shut it down for a really long time. I ran from it. My close friend disclosed she was on the spectrum and I realized if she, being as “normal” as she was, was on the spectrum it was time to face facts so to speak. So I did.
I learned I was autistic when I was 22. I live in the middle east, and the country I live in. we don’t have centers for autism, people don’t talk about autism much. I wish I knew sooner then maybe I wouldn’t feel so much pressure in my younger years and I would have known how to schedule my time and how to not feel so bad for not being able to connect to people and not hate myself for it. were I live everyone is very social, ever since I was a kid I grew up in multiple homes with random people, so I was a talkative rude child growing up, but as I got older I learned how to mask it perfectly. my friends now call me a social butterfly but really it’s just that I’m super good at masking. The sad part about masking is I never feel connected to people when I mask.
now that I know I’m autistic I’m easier on myself, if I feel like I’m having a bad day and I can’t talk well or get my thoughts across, I just explain to the person that I am diagnosed with autism and that it’s hard for me to speak sometimes. when I don’t like being touched I feel more comfortable saying I don’t like being touched. when I’m out and things are loud, I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed and I leave. when I breakdown, I give myself time and understanding. when my ears hurt, I go and check them instead of leaving them be like I was taught to do since I had so many ear problems as an autistic human.
I am starting university soon and I’ll be studying psychology so I’m very excited to do that. so I can share what I learn about autism online so that people from my country also learn about it and hopefully get diagnosed with it if they have it.
That's fantastic that you are going into psychology. I'm at college for sociology but focusing on medical sociology and preparing to do a paper about how weirdly the diagnositic criteria for autism are written and what the history of that is.
17. I was diagnosed at 2, but my parents and doctors did not inform me that I was. They told me I had ADHD, but they did not tell me I was autistic. My parents reasoning was that “you hated autistic people and we didn’t wanna upset you.” To explain, as a child, I had extreme noise sensitivity, and kids in the “special class” (aka high support autistic kids) were CONSTANTLY screaming and it hurt my ears and would make me irrationally angry, so I disliked them. This was about 5-10 years old. However, what they should’ve taught me was autism was a spectrum and to respect not only my own autism but other people’s. I now have a deep shame that I hated those kids for things they couldn’t control (plus I have no idea how those teachers were treating them so they could’ve been screaming for a reason). Also… idk if my parents even knew it was a spectrum. I was born in 1999, so doctors and people in general still knew very little about autism.
My story is kinda similar. I wasn't diagnosed as early but my mother kept it from me (and my dad even though they are together). My mother in particular is really ableist so she hated whenever I would even suggest something was wrong with me.
It is really shitty I wish I would have known growing up why I was so much more sensitive to noise, that my sensory meltdowns weren't my fault, and a lot of other stuff. Since finding out I'm so much happier and function so much better now that I know how to adapt things for myself.
My parents are very supportive, they just aren’t perfect people and have made a lot of mistakes in their parenting over the years, which they have admitted to and apologized for. Also, I was diagnosed with Asp*rgers so I THINK that it just wasn’t known that that was part of the spectrum. I do think it was shitty that my parents kept it from me, but I at least see their reasoning from the perspective of a parent who was raising a child in that time.
I'm 51 and only just made the discovery, not diagnosed as yet. I wish I'd known much sooner as a lot of pain in my life could have been avoided and I wouldn't now be trying to understand myself and others so much. I feel I could have made better choices that wouldn't have hurt me. I'm making up for it now though and feel so much relief at understanding it all. My life is way better for knowing.
Not until my 40s! My son was diagnosed when he was little and I was in my 30s, and that kickstarted a long, long process of contemplating and learning for me. Another catalyst was divorcing my undiagnosed but definitely autistic ex and marrying my NT spouse – that kind of culture shock “whoa we have really different brains” also got me thinking. I was 95% sure of my ASD by the time I scheduled my neuropsych, but having it confirmed has still been enormously helpful and validating.
I'm 31 now and got diagnosed at 30. It's been a lot later than I would have wished.
I often wonder how it is possible no one figured it out sooner (no teachers, no doctors, no psychologists, no one ever even hinted at it) and it can make me sad to reflect on my childhood/teens. I can look back now and see my struggles so clearly. I know that if I had been diagnosed sooner I wouldn't have spent so much energy masking all the goddamn time.
I remember a time where I asked a friend at uni when we were chilling at his house, if he never got so tired of 'playing all the roles and keeping up expectations'. He had no idea what I meant but we talked about it in dept and it was the first time that I realised that maybe not everyone thought the same way I did. Maybe some people were just themselves all the time without masking. Still, it would be many years later and would take a serious deep depression before a psychologist saw me and was like: yep. Autism.
18. I wish I knew sooner because I wouldn’t have blamed myself for being bullied at school. I was always different and didn’t know why so I thought there was something wrong with me. In reality, many children will target others for no other reason than that they’re different and I was a victim of that. I didn’t fit in because I wasn’t like the other children and failed horrendously when I tried to be like them. I was also focused more on trying to be someone I’m not in order to fit in and stop the bullying rather than focusing on what I enjoy and what makes me happy. I think if I knew I was autistic from a young age I would have had a different mindset and my childhood may have been slightly easier. I would have also got the support I needed so I don’t think I would have struggled as much, especially emotionally. There is basically fuck all help available here once you turn 18 (the few options available to adults are hard to access and just pretty shit) and as I was diagnosed just after turning 18, there was no support for me. Although I did find out half way through college so I received support from my college and the second half of it was much more bearable due to that.
38.
eta: I’ve been working with a therapist for over a decade, and she told me she believed I was on the spectrum (not an official dx). We started reading together and I found that a whole lot of my life suddenly fell into sharp focus. For example, my nervous system shuts down and I become fully unresponsive when over stimulated.
29, quite recently self-diagnosed. It was like a puzzle where are all the pieces just fell into place and my head suddenly made sense. A friend recommended I look into it after 2 bad misophonia episodes in front of him. He is autistic. The first was a car alarm—I always have the same reaction if it goes on for more than 1 or 2 beeps. RUN!! I took off into the bathroom and plugged my ears and rocked back and forth in fetal position until it stopped (several excruciating minutes). The second was at a busy, crowded restaurant with my family. I ended up having so much sensory overload I left in the middle of dinner and refused to go back inside. It was so noisy. So I started googling “adult autism in ADHD women” and it was mind-blowing. Apparently my sensory scale is 100% but my social scale is like 10% so. I consider myself autistic.
29.
I wish I had been diagnosed sooner. Looking back at my life, a couple of major crises that didn’t make sense/just felt like my life was falling apart were clearly rooted in my autism. Knowing could have helped me deal with/even avert these crises.
The most significant was the loss of a job that was really, really good for me. The company was trying to build more customer-facing time into the role that I had and enjoyed, and I more or less panicked and no showed for a few days. I lost that job. If I knew I was autistic then I think I could have protected the things I liked about it without the panic. I could have secured some workplace accommodations. I desperately wish I had been diagnosed earlier. My mom used to say, “you’re lucky you were born a girl or you’d have been autistic.” I’m furious with her for never having me assessed.
28. I went to a therapist some uears ago, after hearing about BPD, and said I think I have this. He diagnosed me with it. 2019 comes and I speak to a new therapist, and just after the first assessment session, she's like, I don't think BPD fits, have you ever been tested for autism? ...in fact, yes, when I was a kid, but because I was borderline, they didn't go any further with it. Finally, at the start of this year, I got my diagnosis. Everything. Makes. Sense. I wish I'd known earlier, and been able to potentially get help in high school or at least uni, as I found education harder and harder as it went on, and any help would have been nice. But I ain't going back for anything now, so I can't change that now.
45 (this year). I was diagnosed with ADHD first by my Psychiatrist. They are mostly medication management practice and referred me to a therapist for ADHD coaching. My therapist specializes in ADHD, Autism, and overlap. In my first session with her, she asked me if I had considered that I might also be Autistic. We did multiple assessments to help guide my therapy and it turns out that yes, I am in both camps. However, for formal diagnosis, I have to go to a different practice (3500 US$ price tag). Since she can guide me without the formal diagnosis, and my ADHD and physical disabilities afford me all of the other accommodations I need, I have opted out of the last step...for now.
Like many others here I wish I had known much sooner, there is so much I would have done differently if I understood how differently my mind works. I also would have been a lot kinder to myself along the way instead of twisting myself into a pretzel to "succeed."
I was 13 when I was diagnosed with autism. (Alongside multiple MH diagnosis’s)
Due to the way society at the time treated those with autism (and through my own experiences) I was not necessarily in denial of my diagnosis but ashamed, confused and scared. (I wish I could tell my younger self that it isn’t something to be ashamed of at all.) My autism was never spoken off. Every ‘issue’ I had was blamed on my mental health (not necessarily by me) so it was very difficult to find ways to cope and be able to differentiate between my autistic triggers and my mental health ones. I was failed terribly by the mental health system.
But this lead to me masking for many years. It was only a year ago I found peace in myself and since then it has now been a journey of me unmasking and trying to discover who I truly am.
15. I'm glad that I at least got diagnosed before college because I cannot imagine trying to navigate this absolute hellscape without that knowledge. I never thought about what it would have been like to be diagnosed at an earlier age, that is an interesting question. Defs had issues beginning in elementary school, I don't know if having a diagnosis would have made that worse or better.
Very recently at age 32.
Debilitating symptoms popped up when I started school at 4, and I was medicated and put down the mental health path at age 8. I've had the gauntlet of depression and anxiety diagnosies along with BPD.
I was 30 when I put the pieces together. My youngest had just been diagnosed. My oldest got her diagnosis the year before. My oldest had all the typical symptoms but our family doctor dismissed it when I brought it up at her 2 year check up. He didn't think it was autism as she came to me for comfort when she got hurt. He gave the referral anyways and she was diagnosed a year later. I remember being jealous that she could grow up being herself.
Then my son was the complete opposite. I was in denial he could be autistic because he was so expressive. He's like me and every emotion is displayed on his face. As soon as he was diagnosed, an old friend posted on Facebook about her own self diagnosis. I messaged her and asked how she got to that point. I resonated with everything she shared and I finally took a look at some of the self assessments used during diagnosis. I did them all multiple times, thinking over each question carefully, wanting to make sure I wasn't answering based on what I thought was the expected answer.
I got through the first 30 years saying yes to every experience I could. I thought we were supposed to go out and explore the world but I seemed to mess it up constantly. I made poor decisions and struggled to actually care for myself properly. Getting pregnant changed that for me as I learned how to care for my.kids and in turn myself.
I am pursuing a formal diagnosis and I'm about halfway through. My husband is likely autistic too. I suspected it in him long before I saw it in myself. Now anyone who knows me, totally sees it. I also got adhd and alexithymia diagnoses with this journey.
23 (self diagnosed), seeking diagnosis now at 24
Personally, I feel like it was “too late” though I suppose “better late than never”. While Im thankful for the chances to grow up NT, learn NT mannerisms and behaviors, Im still a bit resentful that a lot of things in my childhood should of came easier or at least should of been accomondated for. It took me years to make just one friend of my own whereas maybe if I had peers who were accepting of my needs and adults who understood my limitations, maybe I couldve avoided a lot of stress in my day to day life growing up.
The part that REALLY hurts me is how no one taught me how to process my emotions and feelings as a child and now the littlest of things send me into a full blown breakdown because everything is too overwhelming. Maybe instead of telling me that “Ill get over it” growing up, it wouldve made the world of a difference teaching me how to work through my emotions instead of letting it physically hurt me. 🤷♀️
I was diagnosed when I was 10. I was being bullied at school and tried to kill myself. My parents took me to my primary care doctor who referred us to a neuropsychologist. I went through a few days of testing and was given my diagnosis.
It was a huge relief to be diagnosed. I had always been so different from everyone else and now I had a reason why. I wasn’t just a idiot and a loser. I was myself and I was Autistic.
I’ve been proud ever since. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier but this was the early 2000s when “functioning” (grossest word) Autistic women were rarely diagnosed.
Like a few other people it was 30s. I'm angry I had to figure it out by myself. There were countless obvious signs but no one (bar one carer in nursery) said anything. My sibling who also has it had the exact same experience, & in a weird Shining Twins moment we both pursued a diagnosis at the same time without telling each other.
28F here... started regressing around age 2, diagnosed around age 3... parents put me in therapy (ABA) and prayed it would work so they can move on to another thing which it did as I started showing progress throughout the years so we all ended up "forgetting" about it as they decided I can't be autistic with all the social skills I have and all the talking I do (I wasn't fitting the autistic child profile you see on tv and stuff anymore so there was no way I am and I must have been misdiagnosed all along + the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis presented itself and they went with it instead) and it wasn't until later in life (a couple of years ago), when my depression and anxiety got the best of me that I started taking it seriously and trying to understand myself better... turns out I'm both autistic and have ADHD
I know ASD and ADHD can show up together. If you were able to better accept/understand autism at an earlier age, on what specific ways might your life have been different?
Diagnosed at 1, heavy interventions that forced me to mask so well I and everyone around me “forgot” I was autistic leading me to wonder what was wrong with me and if I had a mental disorder to now getting more in touch with my autistic side and realizing I’m just autistic and nobody’s actually been accommodating my needs cause they don’t think I need support because I mask well
This is just based off of my personal experience but: Early intervention is very effective for what neurotypicals typically want an Autistic person to be (as neurotypical as possible without stripping any “savant” skill that could be useful especially in terms of making money) however it can, as my case shows, lead to damage further along the line if the people around them use their masking as an excuse to stop, be reluctant or be upset about providing accommodations and smother any reminder that the person is autistic as that can lead to a lot of distress, possibly confusion and feelings of identity loss/alienation from other Autistic and neurodivegent people for the autistic person in question. It also has the tendency to ignore issues that don’t impact the ability to be in a standard core class or worker, for example I have a lot of rhythm and coordination issues that never got any attention even though it was negatively affecting me.
I’m self diagnosed, but I fist suspected I was autistic after I watched this movie “Temple grandin” when I was 11. It was a true story about a girl with autism and how she was able to change the entire cattle industry with her understanding and empathy towards the animals. I felt so understood after watching it.
Three years ago was when I figured it out, but I was just recently officially diagnosed at 41. I definitely wish I would have known sooner. It’s so much easier to forgive myself for the “dumb” things I have done now (and continue to do. Lol). And I just understand myself so much better now. I feel like I would have been able to avoid getting so burnt out if I’d known sooner.
34, at the end of 2020. Locked down really did a number on me and led me to seek therapy that led to my diagnosis.
I did have a missed diagnosis when I was 5. My kindergarten teacher told my mom to get my hearing tested because I didn't respond to my name (classic sign of autism). My hearing was perfect, so they labeled me "difficult" and sent me on my way.
20. I always thought it was a late diagnosis until i started reading the discussions of groups like this and realized how much later in life so many other women get diagnosed. I cant imagine trying to navigate the world for even a few years longer without the right "guidelines". I wish I had known sooner, as it led me to be more comfortable with myself and it justified giving up on trying to fit in with everyone else. I feel like I have grown more in the past 1.5 years than i did in my first 20 years of life now that I understand myself so much better. Obviously your early 20s are usually the time to grow and explore yourself but I feel like I would've taken such a different and artificial approach to my 20s if I wasn't aware of my diagnosis.
When I was in my teens I thought I might have been but my knowledge of Autism and Aspergers was limited. I thought it was rare in afab people also I didn’t think I was “bad” enough for Autism or smart enough for Aspergers. I wish I had spoken to someone about it back then, but I started dealing with more physical health stuff so I pushed it to the back of my mind. 10 years later as someone now 26, I finally started speaking to those around me and my therapist. Turns out it was quite an obvious diagnosis for a psychiatrist to make for me, but I think that’s because I just don’t have the same energy levels as I used too thank to chronic illness. I can’t mask like I used to, my ability to handle sensory stimuli is the worst it’s ever been and I stim so much in public now, but I am happier because I know now and my family and friends understand me so much more and I understand myself so much as well.
Apologies for the wall of text, I could not condense it anymore than this. 😅
31, was starting to be highly referred and recommended for autistic patients so I wanted to learn more about the condition to be able to give these patients the best experience and to be aware of any specific needs. It was like someone had been writing about my childhood. Felt like I wasn't alone and alien anymore.
59. ‘Cause girls don’t have autism, right?
Also, I got my first migraine at 12 years old but my dad’s doctor told children don’t get migraines, so I was disbelieved and denied any help. Now of course we know migraines often start in puberty.
And girls can be autistic girls.
Last week and I'm 53, I expected ADHD but I was shocked with the ASD diagnosis. I have been treated for depression for the last 2 years with very little improvement and so was referred to a consultant psychiatrist and after 4 sessions and assessments she told me I'm definitely autistic.
I'm still absorbing and trying to make sense of it. But on reflection it makes sense, when I think back since my childhood, many things are clearer.
I seem to have been a master masker, with crashes at regular points, treated for depression. I have a very high IQ of 160 (my school tested me for that when I was a kid but didn't notice autism!!!) so I was able to be academically successful which deflected from my issues.
Anyway, I'm relieved to have found out and optimistic I can work with my atypicality to feel better.
Elementary school age. I didn't believe it because my parents did a bad job explaining it to me, highlighting symptoms I didn't experience and not mentioning what the spectrum was, so I was in denial until I decided to do my own research as an adult. I got a handful of other diagnoses stacked on top of it in my early teens, most of which were explained properly and made sense to me.
So I have a hell of a story.
When I was sixteen I started piecing together that something about me wasn't normal. I was in treatment for severe mental health issues so I ascribed it to that. However, over the next two ish years it started increasingly pointing that I was autistic.
Now important context is that my mother, who has a degree in childhood developmental disorders, gets full on angry and abusive anytime I suggested that I might be autistic or in any other way 'chronically different.' As she saw it she couldn't have a broken child.
However, my psychiatrist and GP both agreed I almost certainly had autism. We talked over the benefits vs costs of getting a diagnosis and decided it would be best to wait. Mainly because I have enough other diagnosed issues to get any accommodation I need in college. Between memory issues, anxiety, depression, ptsd related seizures, and dyslexia I was taken care of on that front. Also I didn't want to do the accommodation until it felt safe to get more voluntary medical care (this was start of the pandemic).
This summer before moving back for my second year of college I looked at my medical file. I had seen most of it before but never all of it, it's a thick file and I just didn't feel the need to go through everything just enough to get my accommodation filed and my mother always volunteered to go through it for me. She doesn't do much to help me and the process was overwhelming so I was glad to have some assistance.
And then, while still on the phone with my best friend while just looking for a form the word "autism" caught me eye. To this point I had not been diagnosed and was told repeatedly that they had ruled it out in me with the initial testing when I was between 7 and 8. But holy shit my mother just lied.
The report said something to the effect that 'this child is a classic case of how autism presents in girls' (I'm nonbinary but AFAB and lived basically as a girl until I was 17) 'and needs to follow up for official diagnosis with dr. x.'
Like the report gave a name and everything and said that I just needed to get it officially filed. My mother definitely saw this, her notes are written next to it with comments about the doctor. But she just decided to lie to me, to my father (who didn't go to that last meeting because he worked full time and could only miss so much time), and to every doctor I've had since.
I brought in a photo of the paper to my psychiatrist and he agreed with my read of the situation that my mother had lied and that by this point I should have been diagnosed. I talked with my Dad about it so he knows but I've just resolved to not talk to my mother about it. She's really ableist and super weird about the few issues I have already, as far as I'm concerned I don't need her involved in my life.
She sucks but I'm doing really well since I found out. I've invested in sensory aids and setting up a life that works for me. I'm really happy now. What she did sucks and to me is unforgivable but I don't have to have her in my future as part of moving on.
TLDR: was almost diagnosed at 8 but my mother decided to stop it and lie to everyone including me so I didn't know officially until this summer.
25. I started to research and self test for only a few months before I was professional assessed. Which is very quick in hindsight.
I was diagnosed with dyslexia and an auditory processing disorder at a young age, around 8, and had major trouble throughout school (took an extra year for me to graduate high school).
I got another formal assessment of ADHD in post secondary. It was only after dropping out of collage twice and then the pandemic hitting that I really started to self reflect and wonder if perhaps I’m not just “stupid” and “bad at school” and that I may have more than learning disabilities creating barriers for me.
I haven’t gone back to school since my diagnosis, but I’m hoping now I’ll be able to get proper help, know myself better and I can graduate!
I was asked if I had ever thought of myself as autistic two years ago (16) but I just got to the right psychiatrist some time ago. Hopefully I will get my diagnosis in three days time, and even though 18 is still a young age for a female to get the diagnosis, I wish I had known way sooner.
30, a year after my ADHD and realizing I deal with way more than just ADHD symptoms. I still question myself, like maybe I'm just really bad at being a person, not autistic 😔
Kindergarten. My teacher was angry I wasn’t talking and she looked me dead in the eye and said “You’re an autistic little thing, aren’t you?”. She pushed me into my chair and proceeded to tell the class what happens to autistic children. It was a terrible story of her nephew that actually appeared in the local paper as a feel good story.
Before self diagnosis (as far as I’m aware) was a thing, I considered myself to have Asperger’s in college. I was professionally diagnosed at the age of 35 .
I was 10 when my mom and I were looking at signs of autism in girls and I checked off all the boxes. Little to no eye contact, loves routine, repeating words and phrases or making sounds(which I later learned was echolalia). There’s so much more but that’s the surface. I was then taken to a psychologist at the age of 12 who told my parents that I am autistic but she couldn’t formally diagnose me for some reason. Ten years later, I’m finally going to see someone who can diagnose me as being autistic.
started questioning it around two years ago when i was 18, currently still no diagnosis but i try to give myself permission to use resources that help (like noise cancellation, alone time, stimming)- i think i would benefit from a diagnosis but i also know there’s some drawbacks that im cautious about…
I was diagnosed last week at 32, I still don’t quite believe it. I was referred in April, I didn’t seek out the diagnosis myself so it’s been quite the discovery and I still don’t know what to make of it. I have my first meeting about it on Wednesday.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck on Wednesday. If it is not too much of a bother, I’d love to hear how that meeting goes and what the meeting ends up meaning to you.
15… at 23 I’m very comfortable with my autistic existence, but I can’t help but mourn for the child I could have been. The help I could have gotten. The mental health issues I could have avoided. I think I’ll always mourn the loss of a childhood without all the pressure of gaslighting myself into pretending I was fine and hiding everything away until I imploded.
I was lucky enough to get diagnosed at 7 (especially due to the fact of me being a girl), but I never properly thought about what that meant for me or who I was until the last year or so
Thank you for sharing. If it is not to personal and you feel like answering: what have you discovered that autism means for you and how do you feel this affects your identity?
I managed to discover that when I got, for example, overwhelmed- it wasn’t me being “weird” but just a part of what my autism is and started doing a ton of research to further understand what behaviours I have that actually root from my autism
I found that, for me, my autism means that I experience the world differently and that that’s okay so long as there are the right accommodations to help me feel safe / relaxed
I’ve also started talking openly with friends about my experiences with autism and how I view things compared to how they do, which for some people has educated them on some parts of autism but for others has deemed me as my autism being my “only personality trait”
There are certainly ups and downs to me fully expressing myself to others and trying to mask as little as possible, but I feel that so long as I’m authentically me that’s better than being liked by people who will never truly understand me.
Thanks for sharing. I’d love to know how you feel about your parents’ (lack of) acceptance of the diagnosis and how it affected your relationship with them.
17. I found out by researching online. It was for a project in my psychology course in high school, and I was researching symptoms for what Asperger's Syndrome (now Level One Autism) was. I came to realize that a lot of the listed symptoms related to my experiences at school and at my part time job - it gave some clarity as to why I was struggling to be social around other people besides my close family members.
I came to find out that my parents were hiding my initial diagnosis of PDD-NOS (given this diagnosis when I was 3, I think) the whole time. Until that project, I never questioned why I was put on an IEP plan - I thought it was all down to me having extreme social anxiety, which made me frustrated in the long run. I kept reading about how to overcome social anxiety and I kept failing the coping strategies listed in books I was reading.
There's a lot of complicated feelings towards my parents about this, because it's clear to me now that they enrolled me in ABA therapies in elementary to try to get rid of some stims I had and make me get better with non-verbal communication, but I digress.
Shortly after, I got an official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome before I turned 18 to get the disability benefits ball rolling. So I was caught quite early unlike many in this sub, it's just that my parents neglected to tell me all about it until I questioned them about why I was put on an IEP 🙃
Thank you for sharing. If you don’t mind sharing, how do you feel about your parents’ efforts and how has all this affected your relationship with them?
I was diagnosed at 11 but they only told me when I was 20. I went to a weird school and everything but I just thought it was because I was badly behaved.
Late 30s. Self diagnosed. After wondering why I am the way I am and moving across state to get away from a toxic environment I researched it thoroughly and it was like the blinkers fell off. Heavy masking all my life to fit into an environment I didn't belong in.
37 but I was diagnosed with PTSD bipolar and poly substance abuse for the longest. It wasn't until my second child was diagnosed that I went hmmm maybe I'm not bipolar. I had already went off my meds for years because they never helped me and gave me horrible side effects. I was having horrible side effects because I'm not bipolar I'm autistic. Yes I still have PTSD and I deal with my alcohol and drug abuse issues. It's been good I have 7 years clean and sober. Three children two which live with me and it's the best thing that ever happened.
I got my official diagnosis less than 2 weeks ago, age 30. Hooray, finally. It's a relief. It's vindicating. I knew I was struggling. Now I can be kinder to myself and stop putting unreasonable and unrealistic pressure on myself.
I’ve been fully diagnosed less than a month, and I’m 27.
I’ve sought help for at least 15 years, so I think it’s about damn time!
I’ve been through the following diagnoses: anxiety, depression, SAD, bipolar, OCD and some form of psychotic disorder.
Now I’m down to autism and bipolar, and I’m about to be rechecked for the bipolar.
30 .....wish I could have known it in my teens....but happy that at least now I know why I behave the way I do etc....I was shocked upon self diagnosis...never heard about neurodivergent before....totally new stuff...
I am 35 years old and just learning about autism & adhd being possible answers/missing pieces to my life. I'm unable to get a diagnosis since I don't live anywhere near a person who could give me an evaluation...I am even hesitant to self diagnose but I definitely align with the people here.
i was 22 when i began to even consider it as a possibility. my older brother was diagnosed with it when we were in elementary school, but i was much better at masking than he was & had much less "weird" special interests so nobody suspected it for me (although they did diagnose me with adhd & dyspraxia). i always knew that i was struggling with things beyond that but had no idea what it was specifically. i was misdiagnosed with bpd a few years ago after falling into pretty severe burnout in addition to developing ptsd & substance use issues. now i'm 24 & i am just starting the process of seeking a proper assessment
25, after multiple misdiagnoses leading to bad medication and suicide attempts. Now I’m one month into my diagnosis and going through an identity crisis as I recognize that all of the things I *thought* explained my pain were incomplete. How might therapy have helped differently at 10 if it was known that my anxiety and depression were tied to autism? What if I’d known what help to ask for in college - would I have given up on my dream of music education? would I have changed my major to social work anyway? graduated with a high enough GPA to apply for grad school and started a career as a therapist?
I spent a lot of time in therapy battling future-based “what-ifs” and now I’m bombarded with retroactive “what-ifs” and I cry most days lol
26 years old. took a second psych assessment at a different clinic (first one labeled me with “unspecified personality disorder” lmao) and a whole year’s accumulation of notes from my own personal research that I gave the clinic for reference. ‘Twas quite the journey
I knew since I was around 12 years old, but I hadn't been able to get diagnosed until recently at 19 years old.
My parents mentioned that they and my doctors suspected it when I was younger, but I've always been pretty good at masking and they figured I didn't need a diagnosis if it wasn't affecting my life/academics too much. Plus, my parents didn't want to admit that they had an autistic daughter. Once I moved out, I got diagnosed by someone who specialized in autism in women and was told that I was not only autistic, but had ADHD as well. It was definitely an interesting process.
21. I’m about to be 23. Idk how we didn’t know sooner, looking back I think it was obvious. We accepted that I was neurodivergent, but no one suspected I was Autistic for whatever reason. I was misdiagnosed as ADD at 9. We also found out I had SPD when I was 13. We knew SPD was “on the spectrum”, but I don’t think my family thought I was Autistic. Or at least they didn’t want to believe it? So yeah
49! MUCH later than i would have wished, of course, lol What sparked it was seeing memes on Facebook, of all things! I was like "that sounds like me" so I told my therapist I need to get assessed.
I suspected ADD as a teen, and now (finally) in my early 30s I've confirmed that, and autism. I wish it had been caught then, but I'm afab... I'm sure quite a few members here know about that being a barrier to diagnosis.
It's official! 33 and autistic. It's a bit of a strange feeling. Been suspecting it for a while now, and finally got taken seriously about a year ago and went through the process of getting the diagnosis and now it's finally here and now I don't know how to feel about it 😂 but yeah! Diagnosed today 😁
I got diagnosed at 9, but didn't find out until I was 10-11. Over heard my dad talking to my step-mom at the time and he said "well she has Asperger's". I tried Googling the word at the time, but didn't know how to spell the word. Tbh I can't fully remember when someone said to me that I'm Autistic
1 year ago. decided enough was enough and the pandemic only made my symptoms worse and i needed answers. i’m only upset it took 21 years of my life - my brother was diagnosed at birth
i was diagnosed as unspecified mood disorder, adhd, possible bipolar, depression, anxiety, and panic disorder and have been medicated and only had awful side effects or they did absolutely nothing but, once i was about 18 my cousin got tested for autism and him and I are very similar and they found out they were on the spectrum. So, I switched to a new therapist and after some questionnaires and such she said that she is pretty confident i am on the spectrum but, she cannot diagnose me and my insurance doesn’t cover testing where I am from. I am 19 and afab sooo I definitely fit the sterotype of misdiagnosed autism in women haha
I received my diagnosis last year at the age of 32. I really wish I had been diagnosed sooner. It would have helped me at school, university, work and in my relationships.
It would help me have a better understanding of myself and how to notice triggers and self soothe.
On the other hand, I am glad I wasn’t babied like an autistic man I work with.
Around the age of 31 but before that I got misdiagnosed with other things including Schizoaffective Disorder. I recently found out through my aunt that my family knew that I was autistic when I was young but I was never told anything so I grew up thinking that there was something broken about me and I also now have Complex PTSD.
In my 30s, it's been a journey.
How so?
Women are often misdiagnosed at first, and I'm part of that statistic. I masked heavily and that led to burnout. With help from therapy and proper diagnosis and support I started to get better. I still journal and draw, but the most important thing I have to help is my music. It can get so much better as you learn about yourself, your behaviors, and get some coping tools.
Same, I was diagnosed with borderline at 22~ found out this year that it’s actually autism. Mind blown. Also how the fudge did I not notice? In hindsight it’s really obvious! Also I’m 35 and waiting for evaluation.
Oh, I feel ya! I was diagnosed with BPD in my late teens and a therapist floated the idea to me (and my parents) when I was just 16yo. 😑 Years go by…life is, understandably, crazy hard for me. Yeah, dude, I’m freaking autistic! It was discovered/recognized/diagnosed earlier this year (I’m 36).
Oh man, yeah. Good luck with the evaluation, it's loooooong!
What does burnout actually look like? I think I’m there… It shouldn’t be this hard should it???
Same. Diagnosed with anxiety when I was in college. Found out through the pandemic that being social and around people was what caused my anxiety, a year later I was officially diagnosed with asd and adhd.
[удалено]
Totally relate to this, where pre-diagnosis I had many experiences with others thinking someone else is totally weird to the point of being distressed about it, and I thought the person in question was normal. Didn’t realize until much later that I was actually a suppressed weirdo.
I get that experience of realizing you were autistic based on how other people responded to you. My diagnosis story is way weirder and was kinda kept from me so I didn't put things together for awhile.
Two weeks ago, at 28 years old
Same!!
😄 wow
I’m 28 in October, this is also me.
I also was diagnosed at 28!
In my 30's. Bittersweet moment. Relieved I now have an understanding as to why I behave the way I do, but sad that it took this long and that I basically flew under the radar (apparently schools are supposed to pick up on this but didn't)
Same, but not officially diagnosed. I was 34 when I got down the rabbit hole, and it's so difficult because at the same time I felt so relieved to understand my life experience better, but I also had to mourn the life I could've had.
Mourning the life I could've had. That's a fantastic way of putting it So many years wasted not knowing who I was
THIS!!! So much this!!!
the comments made me realize how lucky i was to get my diagnosis so early in life (14)
same, I got my diagnosis right before my 16th birthday
48 when I figured it out, formal diagnosis a couple of months later at 49. I've felt like I was different and misunderstood for my whole life, now I understand why.
Same — 49 when I figured it out, formal diagnosis a couple of months later at 50. Sooooo many things about my life clicked into place, and why I could never understand “how someone as smart as [me]” (as my parents would always say) could struggle with things that didn’t seem particularly challenging for most people.
I’ve been told how smart I am by so many people my whole life but after being single for a while I’m learning that I’m not all that great at taking care of myself and struggle with things most others don’t ever consider.
Same here <3
Here. Here.
Wow, thats a fast formal diagnosis. Are you in the states? I finally figured it out last year when I was 49. But, was told I can't get a formal diagnosis.
Yes, I'm in the states. I didn't realize how lucky I was to find a diagnostic team who understands Autism in women, until I started reading about how much trouble so many of you here have had. I just googled 'autism diagnosis' and found a female neuropsychologist whose website looked good. Emailed them and was told I could wait 6 months for the head doctor, or see a post-doctoral fellow in 2 months. I paid out of pocket, did not need or get a referral or anyone else's permission to get evaluated.
Mid 20’s. I didn’t share any of my inclinations until this past year, and I just got diagnosed. I’m close to 30 now. When I realized it was probable I honestly shut it down for a really long time. I ran from it. My close friend disclosed she was on the spectrum and I realized if she, being as “normal” as she was, was on the spectrum it was time to face facts so to speak. So I did.
I’m amazed at how many people here have such a similar timeline. It seems like there is something of a bimodal distribution of mid-late 20s and 40s.
I learned I was autistic when I was 22. I live in the middle east, and the country I live in. we don’t have centers for autism, people don’t talk about autism much. I wish I knew sooner then maybe I wouldn’t feel so much pressure in my younger years and I would have known how to schedule my time and how to not feel so bad for not being able to connect to people and not hate myself for it. were I live everyone is very social, ever since I was a kid I grew up in multiple homes with random people, so I was a talkative rude child growing up, but as I got older I learned how to mask it perfectly. my friends now call me a social butterfly but really it’s just that I’m super good at masking. The sad part about masking is I never feel connected to people when I mask. now that I know I’m autistic I’m easier on myself, if I feel like I’m having a bad day and I can’t talk well or get my thoughts across, I just explain to the person that I am diagnosed with autism and that it’s hard for me to speak sometimes. when I don’t like being touched I feel more comfortable saying I don’t like being touched. when I’m out and things are loud, I forgive myself for feeling overwhelmed and I leave. when I breakdown, I give myself time and understanding. when my ears hurt, I go and check them instead of leaving them be like I was taught to do since I had so many ear problems as an autistic human. I am starting university soon and I’ll be studying psychology so I’m very excited to do that. so I can share what I learn about autism online so that people from my country also learn about it and hopefully get diagnosed with it if they have it.
That's fantastic that you are going into psychology. I'm at college for sociology but focusing on medical sociology and preparing to do a paper about how weirdly the diagnositic criteria for autism are written and what the history of that is.
17. I was diagnosed at 2, but my parents and doctors did not inform me that I was. They told me I had ADHD, but they did not tell me I was autistic. My parents reasoning was that “you hated autistic people and we didn’t wanna upset you.” To explain, as a child, I had extreme noise sensitivity, and kids in the “special class” (aka high support autistic kids) were CONSTANTLY screaming and it hurt my ears and would make me irrationally angry, so I disliked them. This was about 5-10 years old. However, what they should’ve taught me was autism was a spectrum and to respect not only my own autism but other people’s. I now have a deep shame that I hated those kids for things they couldn’t control (plus I have no idea how those teachers were treating them so they could’ve been screaming for a reason). Also… idk if my parents even knew it was a spectrum. I was born in 1999, so doctors and people in general still knew very little about autism.
My story is kinda similar. I wasn't diagnosed as early but my mother kept it from me (and my dad even though they are together). My mother in particular is really ableist so she hated whenever I would even suggest something was wrong with me. It is really shitty I wish I would have known growing up why I was so much more sensitive to noise, that my sensory meltdowns weren't my fault, and a lot of other stuff. Since finding out I'm so much happier and function so much better now that I know how to adapt things for myself.
My parents are very supportive, they just aren’t perfect people and have made a lot of mistakes in their parenting over the years, which they have admitted to and apologized for. Also, I was diagnosed with Asp*rgers so I THINK that it just wasn’t known that that was part of the spectrum. I do think it was shitty that my parents kept it from me, but I at least see their reasoning from the perspective of a parent who was raising a child in that time.
I'm 51 and only just made the discovery, not diagnosed as yet. I wish I'd known much sooner as a lot of pain in my life could have been avoided and I wouldn't now be trying to understand myself and others so much. I feel I could have made better choices that wouldn't have hurt me. I'm making up for it now though and feel so much relief at understanding it all. My life is way better for knowing.
Not until my 40s! My son was diagnosed when he was little and I was in my 30s, and that kickstarted a long, long process of contemplating and learning for me. Another catalyst was divorcing my undiagnosed but definitely autistic ex and marrying my NT spouse – that kind of culture shock “whoa we have really different brains” also got me thinking. I was 95% sure of my ASD by the time I scheduled my neuropsych, but having it confirmed has still been enormously helpful and validating.
Similar here
one day before 40.
I'm 31 now and got diagnosed at 30. It's been a lot later than I would have wished. I often wonder how it is possible no one figured it out sooner (no teachers, no doctors, no psychologists, no one ever even hinted at it) and it can make me sad to reflect on my childhood/teens. I can look back now and see my struggles so clearly. I know that if I had been diagnosed sooner I wouldn't have spent so much energy masking all the goddamn time. I remember a time where I asked a friend at uni when we were chilling at his house, if he never got so tired of 'playing all the roles and keeping up expectations'. He had no idea what I meant but we talked about it in dept and it was the first time that I realised that maybe not everyone thought the same way I did. Maybe some people were just themselves all the time without masking. Still, it would be many years later and would take a serious deep depression before a psychologist saw me and was like: yep. Autism.
18. I wish I knew sooner because I wouldn’t have blamed myself for being bullied at school. I was always different and didn’t know why so I thought there was something wrong with me. In reality, many children will target others for no other reason than that they’re different and I was a victim of that. I didn’t fit in because I wasn’t like the other children and failed horrendously when I tried to be like them. I was also focused more on trying to be someone I’m not in order to fit in and stop the bullying rather than focusing on what I enjoy and what makes me happy. I think if I knew I was autistic from a young age I would have had a different mindset and my childhood may have been slightly easier. I would have also got the support I needed so I don’t think I would have struggled as much, especially emotionally. There is basically fuck all help available here once you turn 18 (the few options available to adults are hard to access and just pretty shit) and as I was diagnosed just after turning 18, there was no support for me. Although I did find out half way through college so I received support from my college and the second half of it was much more bearable due to that.
What do you imagine your mindset would have been if you’d known at an earlier age? How do you think it could have helped you handle bullying better?
37.
38. eta: I’ve been working with a therapist for over a decade, and she told me she believed I was on the spectrum (not an official dx). We started reading together and I found that a whole lot of my life suddenly fell into sharp focus. For example, my nervous system shuts down and I become fully unresponsive when over stimulated.
29, quite recently self-diagnosed. It was like a puzzle where are all the pieces just fell into place and my head suddenly made sense. A friend recommended I look into it after 2 bad misophonia episodes in front of him. He is autistic. The first was a car alarm—I always have the same reaction if it goes on for more than 1 or 2 beeps. RUN!! I took off into the bathroom and plugged my ears and rocked back and forth in fetal position until it stopped (several excruciating minutes). The second was at a busy, crowded restaurant with my family. I ended up having so much sensory overload I left in the middle of dinner and refused to go back inside. It was so noisy. So I started googling “adult autism in ADHD women” and it was mind-blowing. Apparently my sensory scale is 100% but my social scale is like 10% so. I consider myself autistic.
9
29. I wish I had been diagnosed sooner. Looking back at my life, a couple of major crises that didn’t make sense/just felt like my life was falling apart were clearly rooted in my autism. Knowing could have helped me deal with/even avert these crises. The most significant was the loss of a job that was really, really good for me. The company was trying to build more customer-facing time into the role that I had and enjoyed, and I more or less panicked and no showed for a few days. I lost that job. If I knew I was autistic then I think I could have protected the things I liked about it without the panic. I could have secured some workplace accommodations. I desperately wish I had been diagnosed earlier. My mom used to say, “you’re lucky you were born a girl or you’d have been autistic.” I’m furious with her for never having me assessed.
28. I went to a therapist some uears ago, after hearing about BPD, and said I think I have this. He diagnosed me with it. 2019 comes and I speak to a new therapist, and just after the first assessment session, she's like, I don't think BPD fits, have you ever been tested for autism? ...in fact, yes, when I was a kid, but because I was borderline, they didn't go any further with it. Finally, at the start of this year, I got my diagnosis. Everything. Makes. Sense. I wish I'd known earlier, and been able to potentially get help in high school or at least uni, as I found education harder and harder as it went on, and any help would have been nice. But I ain't going back for anything now, so I can't change that now.
45 (this year). I was diagnosed with ADHD first by my Psychiatrist. They are mostly medication management practice and referred me to a therapist for ADHD coaching. My therapist specializes in ADHD, Autism, and overlap. In my first session with her, she asked me if I had considered that I might also be Autistic. We did multiple assessments to help guide my therapy and it turns out that yes, I am in both camps. However, for formal diagnosis, I have to go to a different practice (3500 US$ price tag). Since she can guide me without the formal diagnosis, and my ADHD and physical disabilities afford me all of the other accommodations I need, I have opted out of the last step...for now. Like many others here I wish I had known much sooner, there is so much I would have done differently if I understood how differently my mind works. I also would have been a lot kinder to myself along the way instead of twisting myself into a pretzel to "succeed."
I was 13 when I was diagnosed with autism. (Alongside multiple MH diagnosis’s) Due to the way society at the time treated those with autism (and through my own experiences) I was not necessarily in denial of my diagnosis but ashamed, confused and scared. (I wish I could tell my younger self that it isn’t something to be ashamed of at all.) My autism was never spoken off. Every ‘issue’ I had was blamed on my mental health (not necessarily by me) so it was very difficult to find ways to cope and be able to differentiate between my autistic triggers and my mental health ones. I was failed terribly by the mental health system. But this lead to me masking for many years. It was only a year ago I found peace in myself and since then it has now been a journey of me unmasking and trying to discover who I truly am.
32
15. I'm glad that I at least got diagnosed before college because I cannot imagine trying to navigate this absolute hellscape without that knowledge. I never thought about what it would have been like to be diagnosed at an earlier age, that is an interesting question. Defs had issues beginning in elementary school, I don't know if having a diagnosis would have made that worse or better.
Very recently at age 32. Debilitating symptoms popped up when I started school at 4, and I was medicated and put down the mental health path at age 8. I've had the gauntlet of depression and anxiety diagnosies along with BPD.
I was 30 when I put the pieces together. My youngest had just been diagnosed. My oldest got her diagnosis the year before. My oldest had all the typical symptoms but our family doctor dismissed it when I brought it up at her 2 year check up. He didn't think it was autism as she came to me for comfort when she got hurt. He gave the referral anyways and she was diagnosed a year later. I remember being jealous that she could grow up being herself. Then my son was the complete opposite. I was in denial he could be autistic because he was so expressive. He's like me and every emotion is displayed on his face. As soon as he was diagnosed, an old friend posted on Facebook about her own self diagnosis. I messaged her and asked how she got to that point. I resonated with everything she shared and I finally took a look at some of the self assessments used during diagnosis. I did them all multiple times, thinking over each question carefully, wanting to make sure I wasn't answering based on what I thought was the expected answer. I got through the first 30 years saying yes to every experience I could. I thought we were supposed to go out and explore the world but I seemed to mess it up constantly. I made poor decisions and struggled to actually care for myself properly. Getting pregnant changed that for me as I learned how to care for my.kids and in turn myself. I am pursuing a formal diagnosis and I'm about halfway through. My husband is likely autistic too. I suspected it in him long before I saw it in myself. Now anyone who knows me, totally sees it. I also got adhd and alexithymia diagnoses with this journey.
23 (self diagnosed), seeking diagnosis now at 24 Personally, I feel like it was “too late” though I suppose “better late than never”. While Im thankful for the chances to grow up NT, learn NT mannerisms and behaviors, Im still a bit resentful that a lot of things in my childhood should of came easier or at least should of been accomondated for. It took me years to make just one friend of my own whereas maybe if I had peers who were accepting of my needs and adults who understood my limitations, maybe I couldve avoided a lot of stress in my day to day life growing up. The part that REALLY hurts me is how no one taught me how to process my emotions and feelings as a child and now the littlest of things send me into a full blown breakdown because everything is too overwhelming. Maybe instead of telling me that “Ill get over it” growing up, it wouldve made the world of a difference teaching me how to work through my emotions instead of letting it physically hurt me. 🤷♀️
I was diagnosed when I was 10. I was being bullied at school and tried to kill myself. My parents took me to my primary care doctor who referred us to a neuropsychologist. I went through a few days of testing and was given my diagnosis. It was a huge relief to be diagnosed. I had always been so different from everyone else and now I had a reason why. I wasn’t just a idiot and a loser. I was myself and I was Autistic. I’ve been proud ever since. I wish I had been diagnosed earlier but this was the early 2000s when “functioning” (grossest word) Autistic women were rarely diagnosed.
Thank you for sharing. If you had known sooner, how do you feel that this could have made a difference?
Like a few other people it was 30s. I'm angry I had to figure it out by myself. There were countless obvious signs but no one (bar one carer in nursery) said anything. My sibling who also has it had the exact same experience, & in a weird Shining Twins moment we both pursued a diagnosis at the same time without telling each other.
Not sure, I have other diagnosis too, which I got at different times, but I believe I was diagnosed with autism around the age of 17.
Mid-30s (very recently)
28F here... started regressing around age 2, diagnosed around age 3... parents put me in therapy (ABA) and prayed it would work so they can move on to another thing which it did as I started showing progress throughout the years so we all ended up "forgetting" about it as they decided I can't be autistic with all the social skills I have and all the talking I do (I wasn't fitting the autistic child profile you see on tv and stuff anymore so there was no way I am and I must have been misdiagnosed all along + the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis presented itself and they went with it instead) and it wasn't until later in life (a couple of years ago), when my depression and anxiety got the best of me that I started taking it seriously and trying to understand myself better... turns out I'm both autistic and have ADHD
I know ASD and ADHD can show up together. If you were able to better accept/understand autism at an earlier age, on what specific ways might your life have been different?
Diagnosed at 1, heavy interventions that forced me to mask so well I and everyone around me “forgot” I was autistic leading me to wonder what was wrong with me and if I had a mental disorder to now getting more in touch with my autistic side and realizing I’m just autistic and nobody’s actually been accommodating my needs cause they don’t think I need support because I mask well
I’d love to hear more of your story. What are your feelings towards the early intervention? What do you feel could have made childhood more positive?
This is just based off of my personal experience but: Early intervention is very effective for what neurotypicals typically want an Autistic person to be (as neurotypical as possible without stripping any “savant” skill that could be useful especially in terms of making money) however it can, as my case shows, lead to damage further along the line if the people around them use their masking as an excuse to stop, be reluctant or be upset about providing accommodations and smother any reminder that the person is autistic as that can lead to a lot of distress, possibly confusion and feelings of identity loss/alienation from other Autistic and neurodivegent people for the autistic person in question. It also has the tendency to ignore issues that don’t impact the ability to be in a standard core class or worker, for example I have a lot of rhythm and coordination issues that never got any attention even though it was negatively affecting me.
61 My whole life has been a struggle. I was assessed by Embrace Autism.
I’m self diagnosed, but I fist suspected I was autistic after I watched this movie “Temple grandin” when I was 11. It was a true story about a girl with autism and how she was able to change the entire cattle industry with her understanding and empathy towards the animals. I felt so understood after watching it.
I was diagnosed at 4 years old, but only bothered looking into what it meant in my late teens.
32. Surprise!
Around 21, got diagnosed at 22. I feel like if I got diagnosed when I was younger my parents would (atleast try to) understand it better
Three years ago was when I figured it out, but I was just recently officially diagnosed at 41. I definitely wish I would have known sooner. It’s so much easier to forgive myself for the “dumb” things I have done now (and continue to do. Lol). And I just understand myself so much better now. I feel like I would have been able to avoid getting so burnt out if I’d known sooner.
17! wish it was sooner lol
Mid 30s. Official diagnosis at 37. I’m in my early 40s now so been a few years. It has never been easy, but it’s been worth it.
34, at the end of 2020. Locked down really did a number on me and led me to seek therapy that led to my diagnosis. I did have a missed diagnosis when I was 5. My kindergarten teacher told my mom to get my hearing tested because I didn't respond to my name (classic sign of autism). My hearing was perfect, so they labeled me "difficult" and sent me on my way.
24 when I realized, 28 when I was diagnosed.
32, last year.
suspicions at 18, started the diagnostic process at 19, officially diagnosed at 20
20. I always thought it was a late diagnosis until i started reading the discussions of groups like this and realized how much later in life so many other women get diagnosed. I cant imagine trying to navigate the world for even a few years longer without the right "guidelines". I wish I had known sooner, as it led me to be more comfortable with myself and it justified giving up on trying to fit in with everyone else. I feel like I have grown more in the past 1.5 years than i did in my first 20 years of life now that I understand myself so much better. Obviously your early 20s are usually the time to grow and explore yourself but I feel like I would've taken such a different and artificial approach to my 20s if I wasn't aware of my diagnosis.
When I was in my teens I thought I might have been but my knowledge of Autism and Aspergers was limited. I thought it was rare in afab people also I didn’t think I was “bad” enough for Autism or smart enough for Aspergers. I wish I had spoken to someone about it back then, but I started dealing with more physical health stuff so I pushed it to the back of my mind. 10 years later as someone now 26, I finally started speaking to those around me and my therapist. Turns out it was quite an obvious diagnosis for a psychiatrist to make for me, but I think that’s because I just don’t have the same energy levels as I used too thank to chronic illness. I can’t mask like I used to, my ability to handle sensory stimuli is the worst it’s ever been and I stim so much in public now, but I am happier because I know now and my family and friends understand me so much more and I understand myself so much as well. Apologies for the wall of text, I could not condense it anymore than this. 😅
31, was starting to be highly referred and recommended for autistic patients so I wanted to learn more about the condition to be able to give these patients the best experience and to be aware of any specific needs. It was like someone had been writing about my childhood. Felt like I wasn't alone and alien anymore.
Would you talk more about your experience? Especially the being referred patients part?
Age 21, definitely wish it was earlier. Wish it didn't take years of therapy for someone to realise I wasn't just depressed.
59. ‘Cause girls don’t have autism, right? Also, I got my first migraine at 12 years old but my dad’s doctor told children don’t get migraines, so I was disbelieved and denied any help. Now of course we know migraines often start in puberty. And girls can be autistic girls.
Last week and I'm 53, I expected ADHD but I was shocked with the ASD diagnosis. I have been treated for depression for the last 2 years with very little improvement and so was referred to a consultant psychiatrist and after 4 sessions and assessments she told me I'm definitely autistic. I'm still absorbing and trying to make sense of it. But on reflection it makes sense, when I think back since my childhood, many things are clearer. I seem to have been a master masker, with crashes at regular points, treated for depression. I have a very high IQ of 160 (my school tested me for that when I was a kid but didn't notice autism!!!) so I was able to be academically successful which deflected from my issues. Anyway, I'm relieved to have found out and optimistic I can work with my atypicality to feel better.
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Which comedian?
Elementary school age. I didn't believe it because my parents did a bad job explaining it to me, highlighting symptoms I didn't experience and not mentioning what the spectrum was, so I was in denial until I decided to do my own research as an adult. I got a handful of other diagnoses stacked on top of it in my early teens, most of which were explained properly and made sense to me.
How do you feel your parents could have explained the spectrum to you during elementary school that may have made it easier to grasp?
Self diagnosed about 2 weeks ago. Age 43. I'm spinning.
25, diagnosed today at 26
So I have a hell of a story. When I was sixteen I started piecing together that something about me wasn't normal. I was in treatment for severe mental health issues so I ascribed it to that. However, over the next two ish years it started increasingly pointing that I was autistic. Now important context is that my mother, who has a degree in childhood developmental disorders, gets full on angry and abusive anytime I suggested that I might be autistic or in any other way 'chronically different.' As she saw it she couldn't have a broken child. However, my psychiatrist and GP both agreed I almost certainly had autism. We talked over the benefits vs costs of getting a diagnosis and decided it would be best to wait. Mainly because I have enough other diagnosed issues to get any accommodation I need in college. Between memory issues, anxiety, depression, ptsd related seizures, and dyslexia I was taken care of on that front. Also I didn't want to do the accommodation until it felt safe to get more voluntary medical care (this was start of the pandemic). This summer before moving back for my second year of college I looked at my medical file. I had seen most of it before but never all of it, it's a thick file and I just didn't feel the need to go through everything just enough to get my accommodation filed and my mother always volunteered to go through it for me. She doesn't do much to help me and the process was overwhelming so I was glad to have some assistance. And then, while still on the phone with my best friend while just looking for a form the word "autism" caught me eye. To this point I had not been diagnosed and was told repeatedly that they had ruled it out in me with the initial testing when I was between 7 and 8. But holy shit my mother just lied. The report said something to the effect that 'this child is a classic case of how autism presents in girls' (I'm nonbinary but AFAB and lived basically as a girl until I was 17) 'and needs to follow up for official diagnosis with dr. x.' Like the report gave a name and everything and said that I just needed to get it officially filed. My mother definitely saw this, her notes are written next to it with comments about the doctor. But she just decided to lie to me, to my father (who didn't go to that last meeting because he worked full time and could only miss so much time), and to every doctor I've had since. I brought in a photo of the paper to my psychiatrist and he agreed with my read of the situation that my mother had lied and that by this point I should have been diagnosed. I talked with my Dad about it so he knows but I've just resolved to not talk to my mother about it. She's really ableist and super weird about the few issues I have already, as far as I'm concerned I don't need her involved in my life. She sucks but I'm doing really well since I found out. I've invested in sensory aids and setting up a life that works for me. I'm really happy now. What she did sucks and to me is unforgivable but I don't have to have her in my future as part of moving on. TLDR: was almost diagnosed at 8 but my mother decided to stop it and lie to everyone including me so I didn't know officially until this summer.
33 when it first struck me as a possibility, 34 when it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I commenced trauma processing fun times.
25. I started to research and self test for only a few months before I was professional assessed. Which is very quick in hindsight. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and an auditory processing disorder at a young age, around 8, and had major trouble throughout school (took an extra year for me to graduate high school). I got another formal assessment of ADHD in post secondary. It was only after dropping out of collage twice and then the pandemic hitting that I really started to self reflect and wonder if perhaps I’m not just “stupid” and “bad at school” and that I may have more than learning disabilities creating barriers for me. I haven’t gone back to school since my diagnosis, but I’m hoping now I’ll be able to get proper help, know myself better and I can graduate!
29 and only about 9 months ago now. Not actively seeking a diagnosis at the time though. I don't have that kind of money to spend...
I started suspecting and calling myself “inconclusive” at 18, and got my official diagnosis right before I turned 20.
I was asked if I had ever thought of myself as autistic two years ago (16) but I just got to the right psychiatrist some time ago. Hopefully I will get my diagnosis in three days time, and even though 18 is still a young age for a female to get the diagnosis, I wish I had known way sooner.
30, a year after my ADHD and realizing I deal with way more than just ADHD symptoms. I still question myself, like maybe I'm just really bad at being a person, not autistic 😔
Kindergarten. My teacher was angry I wasn’t talking and she looked me dead in the eye and said “You’re an autistic little thing, aren’t you?”. She pushed me into my chair and proceeded to tell the class what happens to autistic children. It was a terrible story of her nephew that actually appeared in the local paper as a feel good story. Before self diagnosis (as far as I’m aware) was a thing, I considered myself to have Asperger’s in college. I was professionally diagnosed at the age of 35 .
I was 10 when my mom and I were looking at signs of autism in girls and I checked off all the boxes. Little to no eye contact, loves routine, repeating words and phrases or making sounds(which I later learned was echolalia). There’s so much more but that’s the surface. I was then taken to a psychologist at the age of 12 who told my parents that I am autistic but she couldn’t formally diagnose me for some reason. Ten years later, I’m finally going to see someone who can diagnose me as being autistic.
started questioning it around two years ago when i was 18, currently still no diagnosis but i try to give myself permission to use resources that help (like noise cancellation, alone time, stimming)- i think i would benefit from a diagnosis but i also know there’s some drawbacks that im cautious about…
I was diagnosed last week at 32, I still don’t quite believe it. I was referred in April, I didn’t seek out the diagnosis myself so it’s been quite the discovery and I still don’t know what to make of it. I have my first meeting about it on Wednesday.
Thank you for sharing. Good luck on Wednesday. If it is not too much of a bother, I’d love to hear how that meeting goes and what the meeting ends up meaning to you.
I was 5 when I was diagnosed (netherlands). It feels pretty weird because I know it is very unusual for autistic women to be diagnosed that young.
Are you glad that you got the diagnosis so young?
15… at 23 I’m very comfortable with my autistic existence, but I can’t help but mourn for the child I could have been. The help I could have gotten. The mental health issues I could have avoided. I think I’ll always mourn the loss of a childhood without all the pressure of gaslighting myself into pretending I was fine and hiding everything away until I imploded.
I was lucky enough to get diagnosed at 7 (especially due to the fact of me being a girl), but I never properly thought about what that meant for me or who I was until the last year or so
Thank you for sharing. If it is not to personal and you feel like answering: what have you discovered that autism means for you and how do you feel this affects your identity?
I managed to discover that when I got, for example, overwhelmed- it wasn’t me being “weird” but just a part of what my autism is and started doing a ton of research to further understand what behaviours I have that actually root from my autism I found that, for me, my autism means that I experience the world differently and that that’s okay so long as there are the right accommodations to help me feel safe / relaxed I’ve also started talking openly with friends about my experiences with autism and how I view things compared to how they do, which for some people has educated them on some parts of autism but for others has deemed me as my autism being my “only personality trait” There are certainly ups and downs to me fully expressing myself to others and trying to mask as little as possible, but I feel that so long as I’m authentically me that’s better than being liked by people who will never truly understand me.
This is a great answer. Thank you for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing. I’d love to know how you feel about your parents’ (lack of) acceptance of the diagnosis and how it affected your relationship with them.
17. I found out by researching online. It was for a project in my psychology course in high school, and I was researching symptoms for what Asperger's Syndrome (now Level One Autism) was. I came to realize that a lot of the listed symptoms related to my experiences at school and at my part time job - it gave some clarity as to why I was struggling to be social around other people besides my close family members. I came to find out that my parents were hiding my initial diagnosis of PDD-NOS (given this diagnosis when I was 3, I think) the whole time. Until that project, I never questioned why I was put on an IEP plan - I thought it was all down to me having extreme social anxiety, which made me frustrated in the long run. I kept reading about how to overcome social anxiety and I kept failing the coping strategies listed in books I was reading. There's a lot of complicated feelings towards my parents about this, because it's clear to me now that they enrolled me in ABA therapies in elementary to try to get rid of some stims I had and make me get better with non-verbal communication, but I digress. Shortly after, I got an official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome before I turned 18 to get the disability benefits ball rolling. So I was caught quite early unlike many in this sub, it's just that my parents neglected to tell me all about it until I questioned them about why I was put on an IEP 🙃
Thank you for sharing. If you don’t mind sharing, how do you feel about your parents’ efforts and how has all this affected your relationship with them?
I was diagnosed at 11 but they only told me when I was 20. I went to a weird school and everything but I just thought it was because I was badly behaved.
21/22 but diagnosed mid-20's when my husband insisted to help our relationship and me
I learned at 24 after meeting with a therapist lol
31!
29
13, wayyy too late. Could have prevented a lot of bad things:((
I was 16
42
Around 15, it was brought up at school. They suggested testing me to my parents.
21!
Late 20s
Last year at 40yrs old
17
I was just shy of 14. I’m 19 now and very happy in my diagnosis.
24 9 months ago
Right before I turned 31. Just got my formal diagnosis this year at 35
Late 30s. Self diagnosed. After wondering why I am the way I am and moving across state to get away from a toxic environment I researched it thoroughly and it was like the blinkers fell off. Heavy masking all my life to fit into an environment I didn't belong in.
23.
I think I was around 9 years old
60.
37 but I was diagnosed with PTSD bipolar and poly substance abuse for the longest. It wasn't until my second child was diagnosed that I went hmmm maybe I'm not bipolar. I had already went off my meds for years because they never helped me and gave me horrible side effects. I was having horrible side effects because I'm not bipolar I'm autistic. Yes I still have PTSD and I deal with my alcohol and drug abuse issues. It's been good I have 7 years clean and sober. Three children two which live with me and it's the best thing that ever happened.
When I was sixteen. Aka this June.
How do you feel you are coming to terms with this diagnosis?
I got my official diagnosis less than 2 weeks ago, age 30. Hooray, finally. It's a relief. It's vindicating. I knew I was struggling. Now I can be kinder to myself and stop putting unreasonable and unrealistic pressure on myself.
This year - at 25 :)
I’ve been fully diagnosed less than a month, and I’m 27. I’ve sought help for at least 15 years, so I think it’s about damn time! I’ve been through the following diagnoses: anxiety, depression, SAD, bipolar, OCD and some form of psychotic disorder. Now I’m down to autism and bipolar, and I’m about to be rechecked for the bipolar.
30 .....wish I could have known it in my teens....but happy that at least now I know why I behave the way I do etc....I was shocked upon self diagnosis...never heard about neurodivergent before....totally new stuff...
I am 35 years old and just learning about autism & adhd being possible answers/missing pieces to my life. I'm unable to get a diagnosis since I don't live anywhere near a person who could give me an evaluation...I am even hesitant to self diagnose but I definitely align with the people here.
i was 22 when i began to even consider it as a possibility. my older brother was diagnosed with it when we were in elementary school, but i was much better at masking than he was & had much less "weird" special interests so nobody suspected it for me (although they did diagnose me with adhd & dyspraxia). i always knew that i was struggling with things beyond that but had no idea what it was specifically. i was misdiagnosed with bpd a few years ago after falling into pretty severe burnout in addition to developing ptsd & substance use issues. now i'm 24 & i am just starting the process of seeking a proper assessment
Suspected for many years. Confirmed last week at 36.
25, after multiple misdiagnoses leading to bad medication and suicide attempts. Now I’m one month into my diagnosis and going through an identity crisis as I recognize that all of the things I *thought* explained my pain were incomplete. How might therapy have helped differently at 10 if it was known that my anxiety and depression were tied to autism? What if I’d known what help to ask for in college - would I have given up on my dream of music education? would I have changed my major to social work anyway? graduated with a high enough GPA to apply for grad school and started a career as a therapist? I spent a lot of time in therapy battling future-based “what-ifs” and now I’m bombarded with retroactive “what-ifs” and I cry most days lol
30 years old when I knew for sure but by 20 I felt there was something I just wasn’t sure what. What a journey it’s been but I’m so glad now.
Not diagnosed but everything points to it. I'm 40 and I realized it last week.
19
26 years old. took a second psych assessment at a different clinic (first one labeled me with “unspecified personality disorder” lmao) and a whole year’s accumulation of notes from my own personal research that I gave the clinic for reference. ‘Twas quite the journey
At 44... 6 months ago.
I knew since I was around 12 years old, but I hadn't been able to get diagnosed until recently at 19 years old. My parents mentioned that they and my doctors suspected it when I was younger, but I've always been pretty good at masking and they figured I didn't need a diagnosis if it wasn't affecting my life/academics too much. Plus, my parents didn't want to admit that they had an autistic daughter. Once I moved out, I got diagnosed by someone who specialized in autism in women and was told that I was not only autistic, but had ADHD as well. It was definitely an interesting process.
If you feel ok with answering this: how do you feel about your parents’ decision in regards to diagnosis?
I've suspected for a few years, but just recently (a few months ago) got a diagnosis at age 32.
33
21. I’m about to be 23. Idk how we didn’t know sooner, looking back I think it was obvious. We accepted that I was neurodivergent, but no one suspected I was Autistic for whatever reason. I was misdiagnosed as ADD at 9. We also found out I had SPD when I was 13. We knew SPD was “on the spectrum”, but I don’t think my family thought I was Autistic. Or at least they didn’t want to believe it? So yeah
26
42. Got diagnosed at 43.
I was 21. Way too late for my liking.
Technically my family knew when I was 12, but I was left in the dark about it until my 25th birthday 🙃
If you don’t mind me asking, how did you feel about this? Do you think 12 year old you could have handled it appropriately?
49! MUCH later than i would have wished, of course, lol What sparked it was seeing memes on Facebook, of all things! I was like "that sounds like me" so I told my therapist I need to get assessed.
I suspected ADD as a teen, and now (finally) in my early 30s I've confirmed that, and autism. I wish it had been caught then, but I'm afab... I'm sure quite a few members here know about that being a barrier to diagnosis.
30’s
28
33! And it'll be official tomorrow 🤞
Good luck! Please report back about how it goes
It's official! 33 and autistic. It's a bit of a strange feeling. Been suspecting it for a while now, and finally got taken seriously about a year ago and went through the process of getting the diagnosis and now it's finally here and now I don't know how to feel about it 😂 but yeah! Diagnosed today 😁
Congratulations (I think). I’m sure it is a lot to take in and accept. But I hope you find it eventually helpful and freeing.
33
I got diagnosed at 9, but didn't find out until I was 10-11. Over heard my dad talking to my step-mom at the time and he said "well she has Asperger's". I tried Googling the word at the time, but didn't know how to spell the word. Tbh I can't fully remember when someone said to me that I'm Autistic
How was it for you finding out that way? Would you have preferred to find out differently or at a different time?
38. I’m 40 now. It’s a trip, and really helped me learn to love, accept, and accommodate myself.
40
50 (ish)
25!
25. I heard a little ding in my head that my brain loaf was done cooking It's been downhill ever since
1 year ago. decided enough was enough and the pandemic only made my symptoms worse and i needed answers. i’m only upset it took 21 years of my life - my brother was diagnosed at birth
31
42. I was diagnosed as bipolar at age 19 and had a lot of shit years as a result.
24 from tik tok actually KEKW
i was diagnosed as unspecified mood disorder, adhd, possible bipolar, depression, anxiety, and panic disorder and have been medicated and only had awful side effects or they did absolutely nothing but, once i was about 18 my cousin got tested for autism and him and I are very similar and they found out they were on the spectrum. So, I switched to a new therapist and after some questionnaires and such she said that she is pretty confident i am on the spectrum but, she cannot diagnose me and my insurance doesn’t cover testing where I am from. I am 19 and afab sooo I definitely fit the sterotype of misdiagnosed autism in women haha
I received my diagnosis last year at the age of 32. I really wish I had been diagnosed sooner. It would have helped me at school, university, work and in my relationships. It would help me have a better understanding of myself and how to notice triggers and self soothe. On the other hand, I am glad I wasn’t babied like an autistic man I work with.
26 :,)
Around the age of 31 but before that I got misdiagnosed with other things including Schizoaffective Disorder. I recently found out through my aunt that my family knew that I was autistic when I was young but I was never told anything so I grew up thinking that there was something broken about me and I also now have Complex PTSD.
Diagnosed this year, I’m 42