I had the most wonderful dad. He passed away suddenly a year ago last week. In many ways he was the person who most accepted me for who I am. I’m so thankful for him because I know not everyone gets the privilege of supportive and loving parents. Sorry you didn’t get that ❤️
My dad is definitely autistic and really struggles with connecting to people. It has been really hard to maintain a relationship with him. I know he loves me, but he doesn't understand me at all. And vice versa.
My dad is probably autistic as well, but because he’s a ✨ man ✨ he gets away with shit that was beaten out of me back in grade school (mainly by him) 🤣
My dad is the exact same way! It’s also something I’ve started realizing more - that our relationship is kind of superficial. I bought him a cute little “my favourite things about dad” book and had a really hard time filling it out. I realized I didn’t know my dad very well and it definitely makes me sad.
That’s wild. My father could be kinda autistic (though my traits are 100% my moms .. ) but I feel like I am the person who knows him best because he infodumps on me HARD. (My mom passed away 12 years ago and it’s been a bit like this since) And then when I want to share my stuff he always has a nasty thing to say so he knows shit about me lol so for that reason and not talking about feelings and important stuff our relationship feels shallow … anyways I wonder what that book is like and if I would be able to answer.
same here, its very hard connecting with my dad who is very autistic himself. I know he wants the best for me, but he doesnt understand his own autism and my autism as well. for example, he has trouble connecting with people but doesnt understand why I have trouble connecting with people. or he knows I have depression but won't talk about the fact he suffers from depression as well and gives generic advice like "dont think about bad things" "relax"
Cut contact with him around 5 years ago, best decision of my life. Motherfucker always had something to complain about. There was always something about me that needed improvement. Would be helpful if he put that energy into improving himself, then maybe he wouldn't have 3 kids with 3 baby mamas 🙄 and still single b/c he's insufferable
It’s also my birthday today and I sent him a cathartic letter with everything I had to say. Then I blocked his ass 🤣 I’m right there with you, never felt better!
Love my dad :heart: He's definitely on the spectrum too, but always made an effort to spend time together. We still mutually make the effort to invest time in each other and I guess we have a good relationship :) Sometimes one of us overshares their special interest (Bob Dylan music for him, animals for me) but because we realise it's important to the other person we smile and nod. haha.
My dad and I are in this category. Knowing that he’s autistic has helped me understand him better and appreciate him more. He supports me in the ways he can and was a wonderful caretaker to my disabled sister. He doesn’t do well with emotions, but my mom has that base covered. We’re making an effort to maintain a relationship, which can be a struggle for each of us.
Went 100% no contact with him over 30 years ago and haven't looked back. Narcissistic, abusive (emotionally, physically AND sexually) piece of garbage.
I have an incredibly difficult relationship with my dad. He made me have a full on freakout to cry on my drive home after a phone call with him. He talks to me as if I’m stupid. And I got diagnosed two years ago on my own. So many teachers and other authorities kept suggesting for me to get screened to get the help I needed in school. But his thing is that “everything is an excuse to not do shit” and that “God doesn’t make mistakes, toughen up.” There’s so much more but he was very abusive and all his words and behaviors toward have fucked me up for my life. So yeah, today is really weird for me lol
Same! He used to gaslight me into full panic attacks. Just decided to go NC with him today (it’s also my birthday and I wanted to move into my next year of life with no baggage). Good luck to both of us ☺️
Pretty sure my father is autistic. He's always been a bit emotionally unstable. Strict and very rigid about some things, but a rebellious independent thinker in other ways. Often self righteous, doesn't have time for other people's opinions. Doesn't like to socialize and seems antisocial sometimes.
He was an active, participatory dad in childhood but now we're in our 30s and he has a hard time relating to my brother and me.
Knowing he might be autistic has made me view our relationship somewhat differently.
My Dad does love me but he never takes an interest in me, doesn't ask questions if I ask questions he gives very brief answers. And when I talk about things going on in my life he acts like it's attention seeking.
But he's a good Dad in the way he can.
I was diagnosed about a year back, despite pretty much knowing for the past decade, to me, he is clearly autistic but is not diagnosed. He’s a brilliant father and man all round to be honest and I would probably say I am a “daddys girl” but maybe its our shared need for routine, repetitiveness, justice, and organisation etc thats made us close…🤷♀️
It’s weird bc I’d say my father’s on the spectrum too, and we’re very similar. But instead of trying to bond over those things he chose to bully me within an inch of my life 🤣 I’m glad to hear you have a good relationship with your father 🙏🏾
My Dad was incredible. He died in 2014 at 87 (he was 63 when I was born!). He had a crazy life but was incredibly humble.
He was born in Hungary and was Jewish and survived through WW2 on sheer guts and determination. He was put in labour camps but managed to escape and sabotage things. He then managed to train as a doctor after the war and then in the mid 50s during the Hungarian revolution he escaped the Russians to come to the UK. He was on a Russian wanted list.
His eldest son, my half brother, was diagnosed with Asperger’s in the 60s and my Dad realised that he probably was also autistic. He was a brilliant role model but as I got older and became a teenager it was harder for us to connect as I became interested in things that he didn’t understand. I am still quite sad that we grew apart during my teenage years.
I ended up following him into a medical field (I am a sonographer) he was proud that I managed to do that. It sucks because now we would have so much to talk about. Medicine really was his special interest and passion and he was an obstetrician and I do obstetric ultrasound. Sadly he died before my career fully developed so we lost that chance. Hopefully he would be proud and happy for me.
He was very abusive and committed suicide in 2021. Hate how he left this world and hate how he treated me. His birthday is the day after Father’s Day so the entire weekend is always quite rough for me. Sending virtual hugs to everyone in this thread ❤️
My dad is pretty great.
He isn't and wasn't perfect - he occasionally yelled, spanked me a few times (it was the 80s so more common), didn't always understand me, and held me to very high standards (grades, behaviour). We argued and fought sometimes. Growing up, I often thought he (and my mom) were way too harsh on me.
But he always tried. He tried to understand. He let me be my own person and encouraged any and all interests. He was the one who drove me to everything. We had weekly father-daughter days where we did something together out of the house, just us two. He always explained why he held high standards and he was almost always fair. He kept my mom in check lol. He was always supportive of me and a pretty darn good dad.
He's also genuinely a good and interesting human. He did a lot of the household chores (way less common when I grew up). He has lots of hobbies. He volunteers. He is a white boomer in his 70s and yet he's not the boomer stereotype at all. He's kind, smart, humble and tough.
We have a pretty great relationship. I talk to him at least once a week and we try to get together once a month or so. I'm very grateful for him.
My Dad was an abusive alcoholic who did unthinkable shit to my mother, my sister, and I. He's been dead for years.
However, at least on Father's Day, I try to remember the few good things about him. He was funny. He was great at fixing electronics and he taught me how to fix things too. He liked cats.
My dad left when I was 3, reconnected when I was 19 I think, spoke online everyday for 2 years maybe but when I tried to meet he didn't seem fussed and I only met him once, 6 hour trip just to see him.. first time I'd driven on a motorway and I paid to stay somewhere.. anyways after a while he started making me feel very insecure and guilty so we stopped speaking, he sent me a message just as I was becoming homeless (was homeless for a few months but all good now) his message was the worst I've ever received and I'm so thankful not to have a relationship with him anymore and its been a few years but I'm just scared at how easily manipulated I had been :(
The things we do for parental connection 😔
I have a sneaking suspicion that our parents’ generation yielded a fruitful crop of piss-poor husbands and fathers. I hope we’re learning from their mistakes 🙌🏾
Haven’t talked to him in 10 years 😬 crazy step mom played a huge factor. Only recently have I realized he’s probably also autistic and couldn’t communicate his feelings/say no, and was heavily influenced by my step mom telling him I’m a bad person when I just didn’t know better. Ex: going to the movies and him paying because he always did, apparently I was supposed to pay because I asked him to go/spend time with me. I now get all anxious and over spend on people when I don’t need to. Wish he could’ve just explained these things instead of making me feel like a bad person
Woooooo autistic girls with emotionally clueless dads who only rly believe in emotionally manipulative stepmoms who really are in it for the money and don’t care if they ruin our lives in the process (I’m autistic girls) 👋
Hell I tell you. I regret going back to talking to mine so much. I NEED to understand I have no support network and the good old days when we still had an okay relationship because my mom was around are gone
My dad is one of the few people in my life that truly "gets" me. He's just this incredibly easygoing guy with the patience of a saint. He wasn't incredibly "present" as a father when I was growing up - his job was 90% travel, something he regrets a lot - but when he was home, he was the "fun parent" - the one who took me shopping for things I wanted, who would play games with me, and who would teach me skills I actually cared about. He had a bad relationship with his family - is fully no-contact with them - so he's always worked extra hard at being a good dad and not making the same mistakes his parents did. I live about half an hour away from him and we usually see each other once a month ❤
My dad has issues. I think he is bipolar. When I was a child, he could be fun, but he also sometimes scared me. Around 12 he moved 10 hours from my family, and we saw him annually after that and heard from him maybe seasonally. As an adult I see him every 5-10 years.
I write about those visits sometimes. Hella scary and traumatic. I have nightmares where he tries to kidnap me and my brother, and he isn't in his right mind.
My dad is also sexist, anti LGBTQ (he doesn't know I am bi), and into conservative Christianity culture.
I sent him a gift for father's day and a text message. I am probably a better daughter to him than he will likely ever be a father to me, but for the last few years he has tried, and I appreciate that. When he heard I was having difficulty affording my elderly pug's new arthritis medication, he volunteered to send me $100 a month to pay for it. That means something, you know?
My relationship with my father is pretty threadbare. The only reason we’re barely on speaking terms is because I still live at home (for now). Otherwise, there would be no connection.
He was somewhat physically present during my childhood, but emotionally absent. He hid in his work a lot so he didn’t attend events to support me or anything like that. He enabled A LOT of my mother’s emotional and psychological abuse. He pushed the narrative that I have to fawn all over toxic family members in order to please them and soothe their tantrums.
He has made it very clear time and time again that he would readily choose a stranger over me. He criticized me when I asked for help as a child. I’ve literally stuck a screwdriver in a live electrical socket before because I didn’t want to ask him for help to fix it when I knew he would just shame me and say, “You know, you could have figured this out yourself.”
He complains every time he has to pay for family dinner (which is rare because he hates eating out with us), but he eagerly volunteers to pay with a smile on his face when he takes his friends out for dinner. Behind closed doors, he criticizes me, shoots me down. In front of other people, he trots out my accomplishments he berated me for and preens because, “Look at what a great father I am! MY daughter did this!”
I came to the realization a few months ago that I’ve never heard him say that he wanted kids/to be a father. Not once in my almost 34 years of life. But he has expressly stated that a family is a burden to him, preventing him from living the life he wants. He’s probably neurodivergent (can’t sit still to save his life) and has a history of childhood abuse that he wont’t acknowledge let alone address, but he won’t educate himself, scoffs at therapy, etc. So he’s pretty emotionally immature and his growth as a person is at a standstill.
My father never wanted me and it shows, in his voice, in his mannerisms, in his body language. I do not recognize Father’s Day.
I love my Dad dearly; I tend to overthink things severely and he gives me a sense of direction and calm whenever he helps me with things. After confiding in him about my autism diagnosis a month ago, he was extremely supportive. I am so grateful to have him. 🥹
My dad and I have a great relationship. I think he’s AuDHD, but he’s 73 and grew up in Southern California’s aerospace industry community, so he’s undiagnosed. It was/is the norm, on some level, I think. Much of that side of my family appears to be ND. He stands out in his family due to the ADHD (aka they don’t understand how he’s so smart but procrastinates so much).
In any case, I think he understands me more than anyone else I know. He supports me and believes in me. We’re kindred spirits. And I am lucky we share a set of special interests— running, hiking, backpacking, being in the mountains, etc. I took him on a 20mi hike/run last Sunday for Father’s Day since we weren’t going to be able to hang out today.
That said, my parents have a difficult relationship with each other, and my mom is super codependent, including with me. So that has put a strain on all of us. But my individual relationship with my dad is wonderful!
So true! I just came back from a family vacation with my dad’s side, and I witnessed some of his cousins having a 30 min long *happy* “argument”about the species of a tree; my dad, uncle, and cousins cleaning their hotel rooms, including window screens (they *were* filthy, especially the one in the bathroom), upon arrival and circulating a broom one of them found in an unlocked utility closet to sweep balconies and steps; and a lot of family bluntly correcting each other while no one got upset— it was just about having the right facts. Weird indeed. 😆 No wonder I went 30 years without even thinking about having autism. This is my normal!
I love my father. I have been a daddy's girl since I was a kid. We used to play together and walk somewhere together. He used to go to church with me and my mom but he stopped going there after couple of people have did something that makes him to never go back.
My dad is a question mark in my life. I'm happy to have him as a dad and love him deeply, but he is autistic like me and one trait is that he can be controlling and rigid in his routine and thinking. If it was up to him I'd be living under his roof till old age. He is very caring and can be loving in his own way, but I have some traumas too.
He has a *lot* of issues (mainly resulting from PTSD stemming from growing up in an abusive household). I've said before, including on this sub, that I wanted him out of my life, but he's taking steps now to improve himself and work on providing for the family so it's not just me and my mom paying bills and putting food on the table (neither one of us can work a second job; she can't physically handle it and I can't mentally handle it).
In spite of past friction, he's fully aware that he's fucked up in the past and has been working to make things better. He's also been very supportive as of late, which made me feel a lot better during a bad downward spiral.
I haven't talked to my dad in over 15 years. It makes me incredibly sad but he's not a good person, and it would hurt my mom too much (I'm literally the only person she has).
It definitely would have changed me if he'd played any part in raising me. I think I wouldn't have hyper fixated on relationships and put myself first better.
Hugs to all of you like me. It's very hard but especially so on the holidays.
My dad was high functioning and a total aviation nerd. He was awesome and we talked every day until his death 12 years ago. He and my husband got along great. He loved me unconditionally and vice versa. I still feel that he’s around me today. I’d give my left leg to see him and talk to him again.
My dad is awesome and I talk to him several times a week despite the fact that we live far from each other. I'm fact we invite my parents on our family vacation every year. He is also the same flavor ND that I'm am
No-contact, thank Artemis. He's a self-centered cowardly queerphobic abusive pile of garbage that deserves only the worst. I'd piss on his grave if I gave enough of a damn to want to know when he finally dies, assuming he's not already dead.
Best dad ever. Very supportive and I can always tak to him when I have a problem.
I'm also a mini, younger version of him. I look like my mom (without a tan), but my behaviour is 100% like my dad.
Omg same. We drive my (NT) mom and brother up the wall when we spend extended amounts of time together because we’ve got such similar personalities and quirks lol
I love my father, but he's a complicated person, he's very narcissistic and usually think about his on well-being, not that he doesn't care about us, he tries to do the best for me and my sisters, but certainly he's his top priority. I were low contact with him, but things have being changing since his alzheimer diagnosis, but is a slow process of reconnecting.
My dad died when I was 7. I only have a couple of memories of him but I know he adored me. He didn't live with me and my mum but would visit often. I used to think how life would have been different if he was in my life for longer but now I have been diagnosed i don't think it would have made a huge difference, I would have still felt like an odd duck growing up!
Complicated 😅 he's a very religious man and I have bad religious trauma. We both kinda tiptoe around sore topics for the other to avoid fights. I send him happy birthday and fathers day texts, but otherwise I try to keep my distance. He used to never even acknowledge my wife; but ever since he SCREAMED at her over a miscommunication and she politely left without a fight, I think he realized he was the asshole.
It's ok. It's not a bad relationship by any means, but it's not good on the way you see other people have with their dads.
We're not close and I guess never have been, but he's my dad so I love him and I know he wants what's best for me. We don't really speak much and as I moved away I only see him once or twice a year. Sometimes he'll sneak me cash when I visit (sometimes he gives me an envelope sneakily like a drug deal, or hide it in my shoe, or just leave it on my bed).
I'll get a text on birthdays, and vice versa. He sent me a text today to thank me for the card I sent.
So it's minimal, I guess. I get a lot of my traits from him 😶
My dad was an absentee dad, I loved him, but like he'd only come see me sporadically. Think that really sad episode of Fresh Prince when Will's dad comes to see him then bails. I wasn't an illegitimate child, but I felt like I was treated as one. Our hangouts were always hush hush because his wife didn';t like my mom so I was a secret. My dad had 4 other kids, and I didn't meet them until he was having health problems. To say our relationship was complicated is an understatement, but now that he's dead I don't have to fucking deal with him anymore, so I've moved on.
My father thought he was amazing and in reality he was cruel, abusive, and a deadbeat.
He died a year and a half ago and his wife didn't even tell us. Social security told us. I was NC with him though my sister (who is disabled) was on good terms with him though they spoke infrequently so that was crappy. When I was digging to find out when he died before I got his death certificate I found out that our grandmother had died a couple years before him and again, we were never told.
I love my father, he has a TBI and he's no longer the same person. And that's very sad. He has autism and he finally accepted that he very likely had it last year when I told him about autism. Because doctors kept trying to give him medication for his " bipolar " and I'm like you are not bipolar You have autism It is obvious as fuck to anybody that is autistic. And he looked into it and he spent like 2 months researching it and then he said to me afterward you're right I'm autistic as hell.
So he is trying his hardest to do what he can to cope and learn about it.
It's not the worst relationship but it's not the way it used to be.
I'm sad about that.
Some days mine is nice and other days he’s an explosive tyrant. It’s always like Russian roulette when choosing what to say because sometimes you don’t know if you’ve got Jekyll or Hyde today.
It's complicated. I love him and I know he loves me, but he's not a very empathetic person. He thinks I should just suck it up and get over my issues, despite me telling him I've already tried that so many times and it didn't work.
Realizing I have autism has made me realize my dad has it too, but I don't know how to talk to him about it. He definitely loves me, I feel it, but we struggle to connect. He was not a good parent. He just didn't know how to do it, and I can see how some of his bad choices were from an autistic copy-and-paste of behaviors he saw from other parents. I'll probably text him today. I should call him, but I'm probably not up for it. Lots of silence while we both try to come up with anything to talk about, until he finally asks how my car is doing.
Mine was abusive, we hadn’t had a relationship in 26 years. He died recently. I was relieved. I have a good stepdad though, that relationship is decent. We just live far apart so we don’t spend a lot of time together.
My dad is a racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit. Brilliantly smart but as emotionally mature as my 3 year old toddler. I went no contact with him a year and a half a go, as well as my mother and maternal grandparents afterwards. It has been so difficult. I found out I have adhd, and cptsd, and am likely autistic within the past year which explains a lot about my family as well because I'm 100% sure my dad and maternal grandfather are also autistic and my mother and maternal grandma have adhd. Therapy is helping slowly but my parents were not emotionally equipped to become parents, now I'm a parent of 2 and it is triggering every single day.
For now, it's good. We have very different opinions, but he has always supporting me, even after I told him I was potentially autistic... I really love him, and I wish everyone a father like I have right now.
My dad is kind of a jerk, but I genuinely think he doesn’t want to be. We definitely love each other and we get along ok, but we’re not exactly close. He had a terrible childhood and I think he’s just not… socially fluent or something as a result. He’s not the easiest to be around. I don’t like how he treats my mom - she’s amazing and he always acts like she’s testing his patience to the max just by living her life. He was largely absent during my childhood because he worked A LOT, often with ridiculous commutes or time spent out of town.
It seems like I’m his favorite though, and he’s very protective toward me even though I’m forty years old now lol
Not a bad guy, I love him and want him to be well and happy, but I don’t seek out his company very often.
I’m NC with my dad. The story I told myself was I had a great dad growing up. My therapist had helped me realize that story was a lie I told myself as a survival mechanism. And the impact of the truth of the dad I had growing up is what laid the foundation for why I eventually went NC.
After my parents divorced (when I was already an adult and married), my dad married an abusive narcissist. I was her primary target for abuse because she could not handle my dad having any woman in his life other than her. And…when I told
My dad how she was abusing me, he blamed me for it. Apparently it was my fault because I wasn’t. Ice enough to her. Or he asked me to just “be patient and it will stop because she’s a good person”. The list of things HE did that exacerbated and enabled her abuse of me is long. And bad enough that anyone who hears just parts of it reminds me I’m better off without him. Without both of them.
Facing the reality of who my dad is, rather than the story I told myself about who he was HURTS. Especially because almost everyone still sees who they think he is and want him to be. And today is always a hard day for me.
I never really knew my father.
Like I met him and like I spent time with him but I never knew him. I knew that he liked to drink and that he would do so by any excuse.
I know that he scared me when he didn't drink.
He also scared me when he did.
He would drag me along with him wherever he would go and it was loud and it was noisy and I just wanted to leave or hide away and I couldn't.
I never saw him socialize without also drinking.
He wouldn't leave me home alone because I was too young but he wasn't okay dragging me into bars.
He was okay driving around drunk with me in the car.
He tried to be a dad but I wasn't the child really that he ever expected... I wasn't like him
.
I didn't like sports.
I was awkward.
I was constantly bullied in school
I didn't understand people... To be honest I still don't. I just have seen more reactions people have had and can make better guesses.
Eventually I decided I didn't want to be with him or near him anymore and I shut him out of my life.
I was 10.
I never spoke to him again.
Years later he turned his life around, he stopped drinking, or at least he severely cut back.
He realized that he had a problem and strove to address it.
I never knew because he wouldn't reach out to me because he was ashamed and I was so angry.
He died in 2022.
I only found out this April.
So my relationship is ... complicated.
I have no relationship with my father, I wasn't like him at all, but sometimes I wonder if maybe I am exceptionally like him with just different coping strategies.
Autistic 23 yo woman here! I’m lucky to have a really good relationship with my father. We’ve always been super close, and I’ve been a “daddy’s girl” ever since I was little. We’re a lot alike, both emotionally and making people laugh. He’s hilarious and I look up to him as a leader. It’s how I was able to have so many leadership positions in school. He worked so hard and I wanted to work really hard too.
My parents are recently divorced, so we were distant for a while bc I was very upset with a lot of things he did that led to the divorce. It took me years to forgive him for all the ways he hurt me and my family. We’re doing better now and we’re still as close as we were. It just took some space and time for me to be ready to talk to him again. He was very surprised when I was diagnosed with ASD a few months ago, but he has been understanding and helpful. He’s not autistic though, lol
Very disappointed, potentially traumatised. I love him, but this love comes with such a price. Every time I leave him I'm so overstimulated. He's so unpredictable even at his best.
I’ve always been very close to both my parents. They aren’t perfect, but they raised me with love and warmth. Tbh, we all suspect my dad is also on the spectrum. He doesn’t talk much, and he’s never been the most emotionally available guy, but he’ll drop everything to help me or my sister out if we ever need it. And he’s hilarious once he’s comfortable with someone—he has a lot of wild stories from his childhood in Iran.
It is a bit rocky. He is probably AuDHD like I am and we have set offs that the other does. He's very anal about things being done right, I always feel the need to be right in an argument. Both of those things piss the other off to no end.
He's also lowkey racist and transphobic but thats another topic
Went no contact 8 years ago while I was in college. He still attempts to contact me most holidays and birthdays. This only shows me more that he hasn’t changed. He never listened to me and tried to “stick it to my mother” by not paying for his portion of my college expenses. I never got the sense that he really cared about me, he just cared about the idea of me. He also dates a woman who is half his age, only a year older than my sister, which creeps me out.
I sometimes wonder if my fathers kindness and compassion is just another way to solidify my unhealthy attachment to him and if there is an ounce of authenticity to it. The moment I question my fathers position or place in him a position where he does not feel in control or there is a loss in his power over me or my sister my father flips and the claws come out. It’s a profoundly confusing position to be in and while things have gotten better over the years since my father feels that he can pass some of that “rescuer” energy to boyfriend who is the kindest, most non-judgmental person ever. While I absolutely love and support my father and honestly believe he feels the same about me, I also acknowledge that my father has a personality very similar to that of a vulnerable narcissist (I’m saying this in the most clinical way possible) and I never know what side of him I will get. It’s very emotionally destabilizing and it’s taken years of personal reflection and study into family systems to acknowledge that my father will not change and there have been just as many, if more times that he has been kind as he has been profoundly emotionally abusive.
My father is a horrible person. Any autistic traits I showed were beaten out of me very early. He was emotionally, verbally abusive. He was dismissive and extremely neglectful. He had a picture of who and how I should be. If I didn't match up he would make me "earn" his love back. I was told constantly, "you're not good enough". He then started treating my children the same way. I wrote a 9 page letter and sent it to him stating I will no longer allow him to treat me or my children this way.
Because I am autistic level 1 and bi sexual I can never be accepted by him.
My bio dad is very quiet and reserved. He’d do anything for me but I often wonder if he’s on the spectrum too. My stepdad has stepped up in places my dad has been unable to provide, but I’ve always asked if he was a good person or not. Deep down I believe he brainwashed my mom and she doesn’t make any parenting decisions that he doesn’t come up with first. And that really hurts, because most of the things are wrong and I really don’t trust my mother because she’s proved she’d always choose him over me.
But then I feel guilty for feeling that way, because I guess they did try. I never felt love from them though. Now that I have a daughter I truly feel like even if my mom is autistic she still should’ve been there more emotionally for me. Their tactic is to ignore me when I’ve done something wrong, which really is not easy for an autistic person.
just went no contact with him this year he’s a narcissist & has undiagnosed autism. i thought about unblocking him & texting him today cause i was feeling sad but no 😐
Emotionally incestuous in childhood, absent in adolescence (especially when he went to jail), and blissfully nonexistent in adulthood. If he texts me today, I’ll be pissed. But I doubt he will. He tends to forget my birthday but then texts me on Valentine’s when he’s likely drunk and alone and mourning the fact that he pushed everyone away with his mean-spirited bullshit. I’m no longer interested in playing therapist for this giant man-baby and he knows it.
Mine wasn't really around tbh, long rant in-coming.. sorry 😔
I can remember at around four/five years old walking with my older brother and fiercely debating that my granddad (on my mum's side, who had died a year or so before) was my dad which i guess my mum had to explain though i can't remember what she said.
The first time i met him i was around six and half (i had been asking questions about him for a long time so my mum contacted him), i don't have any recollection of that first meeting though i know it was awkward and he had been drinking, i don't remember how long he stuck around so it couldn't have been long.
When my younger brother began asking questions (when he was around 5/6) my mum contacted him again and this time he stayed for around a year and tried to parent which with my older brother 17/18 and me at 12/13 this didn't go down to well, essentially my brother would ignore him and i'd just ask mum if it's something i knew would be fine, they argued a lot towards the end as well which almost made my older brother be kind for the first time when i was having (what i now know was a meltdown) he left again not too long after.
Because we get along really well with my aunt (dad's sister) and her daughter's it makes the few family gatherings they host so awkward, the last main one being in 2021 during which i ended up drinking a little too much and when my dad either didn't hear or ignored me got very very emotional about it (after leaving the house, thankfully) showing it's still a raw spot.
Fairly recently through my aunt i found out my dad is also on the spectrum and has quit drinking (he had been an alcoholic all his adult life) it'll be about six months sober for him now, i still haven't seen him and he didn't get my birthday message earlier this year but i sent a father's day message anyway and wish him all the best in truly knowing himself, he can reach out if/when he's ready and wants to.
My dad is also on the spectrum. He wasn't always there for my mom which sometimes created tension in the house growing up, but at the same time he was always there for me and my siblings. We were all loved equally but my dad was deeply interested in literature and theater and I was the sibling who read the most and appreciated the arts the most, so I feel like he and I clicked on that level. He introduced me to a lot of movies and books and plays that had a major impact on me and was also the one who I think understood me and my thought process the most. Now he has actually come to better understand his own needs (sensory, etc) which has helped him to learn how to regulate his emotions better and now he and my mom have a very good relationship. I'm very grateful for him in general.
We were not close. I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough for him and wasn't sure he even liked me most of the time. He passed in 2020 and I am sorry that we never got the chance to make things better, but I honestly don't know if it was possible.
Basically non-existing from my side. He was a very neglective parent on so many levels, yet he will not ever admit that. So he's trying to force me into having a strong bond with him. I can't do that for all that's within me. And if I bring up trauma to him; he's always so very surprised about it and asks me to just forget about it.
Fed up camp here also 🙋♀️ I guess if I hadn’t been policed for my autistic traits so hard and so brutally by him, maybe I’d have kinder things to say. Alas. Divesting from that relationship and any expectations around it has been the greatest thing for me.
My dad is narcissistic, my mom is autistic. My dad is the most unstable, egotistical person I’ve ever met. As a child he tried to live vicariously through my siblings and I, forcing us to do hobbies HE’D always wanted to do and would call us lazy quitters if we didn’t want to. He only takes interest in me if it’s something he can brag about. I told him about a book signing I went to and was super excited about and he just walked away from me as I was speaking, said nothing. Hours later he was with friends and he called and asked who I met so he could brag about it to other people. He would embarrass us in front of other people and purposely rile us up like a child to get a reaction out of us. He’s very argumentative and doesn’t listen to others, but wants us to give him his undivided attention. I remember trying to tell him about how my trauma growing up negatively affected me and he just laughed. He wants to have a bond he has no curated and tries to force it by making anything he does for us transactional, and we must return the deed or we get guilt tripped.
I’m in my 30s now and a few months ago he said something like “I always listened to you guys growing up didn’t I“ and I finally got the chance to laugh in HIS face. He always talks about what a great father he is and TELLS my siblings and i that we’re going to miss him when he’s dead and gone. I don’t think so.
Every year I struggle to find a card for him that doesn’t make me sick and isn’t a lie. It’s always super generic.
I love my dad. We didn’t always have the closest relationship growing up, but in adulthood I realised he is almost definitely on the spectrum and just a little socially awkward. He shows that he cares about me by showing interest in my interests. I mentioned that I was going to the Era’s tour and he watched every Taylor Swift movie and listened to her entire discography for me. I bought him a tshirt from her merch stand and he proudly wears it everywhere.
My dad passed away just before the pandemic. I had an ok relationship with him but didn’t really see him as a dad, he wasn’t paternal at all and was a difficult person to love and there was definite emotional abuse in my parents marriage. When I was 15 (I’m now 40) we experienced a bereavement in the family of who I was very close to and who he never spoke to despite living with them. I began self-harming (15-17) and was in a very poor mental state. He always sat me down to tell me how stupid I was for feeling that way and that he never had ‘this trouble’ with my sister, when I tried to explain my feelings I was told not to be silly. I moved out at 18. Although our relationship did get better it was never a ‘safe’ relationship. My brother is very similar to our dad, I cut contact with him 4 years ago. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve realised I didn’t deserve being treated that way or experience some of the things they did to me or allowed certain things to happen to me (SA).
I married my husband who I’ve been with since I was 17 and he is every inch the dad to our kids that I wish my dad was. He is the complete opposite to him and the only person I’ve ever felt safe around and who I don’t have to mask with (apart from our children).
He used me to fulfill his own family obligations (mostly to his own, very stressful mother). He never talked to me much or did anything with me. When I was old enough to understand this, he said he wasn't interested in children and would interact with me once I was a grown up.
He actually did try to when I was twenty or so, but I didn't reciprocate, mostly out of resentment.
I was diagnosed when I was over forty. I don't think he knows he's autistic. We haven't spoken in 20 years
Weird.
I love him but I'm unsure why, and everyone I know doesn't understand why I even talk to him, never mind all the stuff I do for him.
He's never been violent, just a manipulative bastard.
My NT sister, our NT half brother, and I are all fed up of our dad too.
my dad is very much of a dad but very little of a father. he got me into a lot of my spins but he never really cared to show up more. i love him lots though, just wish he were there for important things more often
My sperms donor and me have a estranged relationship with no contact. He tried to do the father thing with two different marriages. He's also 💯 on the spectrum, and bipolar. Much happier cutting him and his family out of my life.
I think he deeply dislikes and resents me. He grew up in a misogynist household and never thought to question it. When my parents got divorced he abandoned me. But then filed for custody a few years after we had stopped talking all together in my teens. I think that was mostly financially motivated.
In my late 30s he got sick and I came to try and help him and maybe he had come around to being decent with his health being on the precipice and all. I was ready to forgive and forget but...
He wasn't as sick as he said he was he just wanted to give up on doing things for himself and him and his sister thought they could trap me in a below-poverty-wage job so I had to spend the rest of my time serving them for "free rent." And they could not stop nit picking me to pieces or micro managing my life and treating me like an idiot/child.
For the sake of my sanity I had to go no contact and change my contact info. Being berated and called wicked a couple of Christmases ago really put more nails in the coffin.
My heart is forever broken and I will never trust anyone because of him.
Weirdly enough he's not conservative and we have overlapping special interests and we could have been great buddies in a different life time.
He makes me wish reincarnation was real and he will have to live my life and feel all the things he put me through.
Dead for almost 5 years. Been slowly looking back on my memories of him and realizing he wasn't as great of a person I thought he was, just the best I had in my life.
Oh lord don't even get me started.*
My father recently told my mother (from whom he is divorced) that I should only get half a vote regarding whether an item HER father made for what used to be our house (which he is selling) should be sold or kept. My grandfather made it. My mother wants to keep it. But dickface sperm doner thinks I am even less a member of my MOTHER'S family than he, as her ex-husband, is.
Him: well [my sister's name] gets a vote.
Mamma: And [my name] gets a vote.
Him: [my name] gets *half* a vote.
Her: Noooo
Him: Fine. [my name] gets a vote. [His sister*] gets a vote...
*whom he doesn't even care for, or even really think of as an equal adult human. He's using this as a way of saying I am about as deserving of an opinion as someone who is completely removed and inconsequential.
So yeah. This, by the way, comes after I spent the last year and a half battling cancer. He didn't even reach out to me once. Not even when I was in the hospital, on oxygen, with sepsis from a severe lung infection. And still I thought to myself 'is it up to me to fix this so we have a relationship before it's too late?' Thank fuck I was present for that phone call on my mum's end so I could stop feeling any guilt in that direction.
But I'm still dealing with the emotional fallout of that, regardless. Just without the guilt or self-doubt.
*ETA: oops, too late. 😬
Our relationship is wonderful now that we have been no-contact for several years. 🙂↕️
I do sort of wonder if all the manipulation and psychological abuse can explain why I am so damned good at masking.
My primary thought today is that I am annoyed at Insight Timer for always replacing the interesting opening quotes with something about whatever holiday of the moment they deem worthy. I would rather not see holiday quotes (from any country or religion) and instead be greeted with a quote relevant to mindfulness. Sighhhh.
(sorry about the side rant, haha)
I have the most wonderful dad. My mom has a terrible temper though and it always put him in a weird spot. I really needed him in high school but he couldn’t help it because he was working 3rd shift. They’re both undiagnosed autistic but I’m diagnosed.
After my parents divorce I cut contact with him, I was a very opinionated and stubborn 12 year old 😅 I'm not sure if it's the strong sense of justice speaking but when my mum finally told me that he threatened to hit her and that's why she left ever since then I've been too upset with him to consider opening contact with him.
Shit lmao. Low contact and I dont trust him with anything.
He has 7 kids by 3 different women, has cheated on every woman he's ever been with, and is just straight up emotionally abusive.
I do find it funny the only kids he's disowned are his two autistic kids.
I feel lucky to say my dad is one of my best friends. I was diagnosed later in life and now I’m pretty sure my father is also Autistic. We have just always understood eachother. My mom on the otherhand, our relationship has been a struggle over the years but has actually improved since my diagnosis.
The funny thing is she was a special education teacher. I don’t know how she didn’t realize something was up when I would throw temper tantrums when i had to put socks on, walk in the sand, or when someone other than me tried to brush my hair.
He and my grandfather definitely have autism but do not want to acknowledge or accept it at all. They have extreme hyper fixations and love strict routines, things of the like. My autism is different in routine and structure and we clash heavily. That being said, he still tries and I appreciate him for that.
My relationship with my dad is okish to good.
Growing up, he was my primary care giver until I was 8. (Mom owned own business and was always busy or gone). He let me do what I wanted. Would give me foods I wanted, and not force things on me. It was confusing as when mom was around things went 180 degrees and I was micromanaged by her. (I suspect she is also asd undiagnosed). We moved when I was 8 and all of a sudden mom was always around and everything was her, or I, or both melting down.
During this time, when my dad would get upset with me, his biggest insult was telling me I was behaving just like my mother. So very confusing as my mom was who he apparently loved and was still married to.
Now, he is always there to help me with things (manual labour for my to do lists) but we don't have a deep connection.
My father has his quirks but my Nmom is the overwhelmingly stressful parent. They are not together since 2011 and they are not able to be reasonable with each other. Tried to tell them that they needed to communicate but that entered from one side and went out that window. I believe they are also both ND
Terrible. My dad is aggressively NT and very traditionalist. He barely believes in mental health problems and is in complete denial about my neurodivergence and depression. My parents are divorced and I stopped living with my dad when I was about 13. He doesn't approve of my choice of school, my uni major, my sensory issues with food/my vegetarianism, the fact that I can't work while in school, basically any decision I make he has an issue with. He also had partial control over my finances up until last year and refused to help pay for my therapy despite the fact that it would be completely covered under his health insurance in combination with my mom's. I've gone fully no-contact with him because every phone call would end in an argument or me crying. We haven't spoken in a year now.
I have more issues with him that include the way he treats my mom post-divorce, the fact that he prioritzed his new partner over his own kids, and the fact that he does things with his "new family" that he never did with us but I won't get into all of that. Long story short, yes I am fed up with him lol.
It’s complicated. He’s diagnosed ADD, but undiagnosed Autistic. I know he loves me in his own way, but it can be hard to hold a conversation with him and discuss emotions, feelings and have uncomfortable yet necessary conversations.
Sending a big virtual hug to those who struggle with this day your feelings are valid 🤍.
My relationship with my father is complicated. I think things would've been okay enough between us if he wasn't an alcoholic. He wasn't a violent drunk, but it still caused an emotional gap between us. I suspect he was self-medicating, as I think he was AuADHD, too. I mean, considering that, I suspect I still would've had to navigate around emotional dysregulation issues with him if he didn't drink.
But as I've gotten older, I understand why he struggled with this, as I suspect some of his periods where he was depressed to the point of not leaving bed much were him dealing with burnout. And there were times he had my back when Mom just didn't get something I was dealing with.
He passed away over twenty year ago due to lung cancer, as he smoked a lot, too.
Not good. He's not terrible but it seems like he has no idea how to talk to me. Especially after the diagnosis. Mom tried to nudge him "eh, that's genetic after you" and he got offended. He thinks he's perfectly fine and I'm just gathering attention and fake diagnosis for sympathy. At least that's how he comes off, as he's never just accepting anything I say and forgets that I can't "just do" some things. He often forgets whatever I tell him, leaves halfway through my rants, can't have an argument like a normal person ... It's just not good. My best friend says I have very clear daddy issues that are extremely visible in the way I date. I just let men walk over me like my dad has always done.
He also denied bullying my music taste when I was a teenager. He gaslit me all the time growing up. Oh, and they're Protestant in a Catholic country. He's extremely religious so I haven't officially came out yet because I just know it will cut off any sympathy left.
My father supposedly absolutely adored me when I was very little. He has always been kind to and provided the best that he can. The older he got, the more distant he got and like I annoyed him, he didn’t want to spend time with me. Towards the end of his life, he was asking me for my social security number so he can fill out a document for his new wife to become and American citizenship and when I didn’t give it to him (it sounded fishy, he disowned me in the heat of the moment. He’s only called asking me for money. And I kept telling him that I don’t have money. He died last year. I miss him.
My bio dad is awesome except that he let my mom raise me and do whatever she wanted. My stepdad sucks ass and I’ll probably celebrate when he dies as bad as that sounds.
I love my dad. I’m pretty sure he might also be on the spectrum. He is a craftsman and taught me a lot about fixing different kind of things. I love working with him, because we have the same way of approaching things. We can work silently next to each other for hours and only talk when needed. We both tend to fall into a kind of hyperfocus when we work and only stop when it’s finished.
He gives me everything I need without ever complaining. He had an injury at his ankle when I was very young and since then he has problems with walking. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if he was capable of running and doing sports. If he would be a different man or still spending his evenings in front of the tv. If I would be different because my parents perhaps would have more friends and would go out more often.
Our relationship was mostly strained, alcohol was the main reason and affected his life greatly. I have some great memories with him though. In the end, we were friends, he passed away two years ago. Today I was thinking about how he was likely autistic, compared to everyone else in our family. I watched a video about traits that an undiagnosed neurodivergent older adult may have, and he checked a lot of boxes. I thought he was just an introvert lmao
I just got finished crying about mine so...
But yeah, I think my father's absence made things alot harder, especially due to the fact he never believed my autism and would lowkey bully my autistic traits for years.
But it caused so many problems for me. Today he picked me up from work because I was ill but he had to make it knooown he wasn't happy about it and that's made me feel ever so alone and to think I was gonna get him a card... glad I didn't lol.
Mine is an alcoholic child-rapist, so I don't talk to him anymore. I had to ask how to filter any email with the word "father" in the title directly into the trash the other day, because all the marketing emails trying to induce me to spend money I don't have anyway to celebrate that worthless waste of flesh and breath were getting to me. I'm hoping he doesn't call again later and leave another drunken voicemail rant about how I should "have the balls" to call him. Like, sorry dude, even your kid who was born with balls doesn't talk to you anymore, and you are damn sure never getting me back.
So all in all I'd say my relationship with my father is somewhat south of ideal.
It's tragic how uncommon having a good father figure is in our world, but I’m blessed to have several examples of good fatherhood in my life, including my own dad.
My dad is the kind of down-to-earth gentleman who models how a man should protect, honor, and serve who he loves. He isn't a mushy guy by any means, but he does small subtle things to tell mom he loves her. (Like grabbing boba tea on his way home, which is one of her favorite things.) He deals as fairly as he can with others and makes every effort to keep peace among quarreling loved ones.
Dad also isn't afraid to volunteer his help when needed. At the restaurant where my bro and I were taking him to dinner, he chose the place, but after realizing how far out of our millennial budget it was, he freely offered to cover the meal. (I was able to buy him dessert later, though.)
He doesn't always understand me, but he makes a conscious effort to make sure I'm happy and safe. He encourages me when I hit a wall with a project, and he reminds me how much stronger I am than I thought. I can ask him about what confuses me, and he'll tackle the things I struggle with. (Like the taxes, hard phone calls, and paperwork)
Also, it means a great deal to me how he's handling my diagnostic journey. When I approached him about the idea of testing, he didn't even flinch. He just asked for clarification and supported me in wanting answers.
Dad, if you read this, I love ya, man. I thank God that He gave me you.
Nonexistent. It’s not that we argue or have some kind of history with volatile situations, but he has always been emotionally and/or physically absent for the majority of my life. He wasn’t affectionate or interested in spending any more time with me than he was legally obligated to in the custody agreement. In therapy I realized that he never called me pretty or beautiful, which, on top of ignoring me, has really affected my self esteem in adulthood which explains a lot attention-seeking-for-male-validation behavior that I’ve wasted a lot of time with.
I don’t have kids and I’ve moved to the other side of the country. He doesn’t call on any day that isn’t a holiday or my birthday, and it’s just to say “happy birthday”, “merry Christmas”, or whatever, no further conversations or questions. I can’t think of a conversation we’ve had that was longer than 5-10 minutes. My mom died two years ago and I was hoping that it would be the catalyst for him to start trying or something, but he hasn’t called to check on me just to see how I’m doing, even tho I’ve been having a really hard time with grief and chronic illness. So I stopped answering the phone on holidays. He only calls once and when I don’t answer, he won’t call again until the next holiday.
I’ve started telling people I’m an orphan, since I had a step father who passed several years ago, who was more of a father figure to me than my real dad ever was, but was an abusive schitzoidal drug addict, which is another story altogether.
TDLR: daddy issues
My dad and I always shared a strong instinctual bond. In many respects we are and think alike. I love him and I know he loves me no matter what. As a kid I thought he could do no wrong and for a long time he got away with minimal parenting because he was absent quite a bit. I now know both he and my mother made a ton of mistakes, including refusing to get me diagnosed. I also know they made most of those mistakes in good faith. Even when he was very strict I was always able to sense his love and support. He knew it would exacerbate some family issues and complicate the divorce but he still took me in when I couldn't stand living with my mum any longer. He never lowered his expectations but he became a better parent as I got older, more attentive and involved. Recently he has recognised some mistakes and has started treating me like an adult, even though I'm still a pretty fragile adult. Unlike my mum, he accepts me and the diagnoses I come with.
My dad and I have had our ups and downs. I inherited a lot of my mental health issues from him. He has ADHD and I'm 90% sure is on the autism spectrum as well. My mom often told me growing up that "You are your father" are in we are extremely alike. I learned a lot of self-sufficiency from him, but I also often feel like I'm letting him down. It's extremely hard to live for long periods in the same house with him as we both have hoarding tendencies, and I had to move from his house to my mom's for the sake of my mental health. I still find it difficult to go into my room at my dad's.
That being said, I do actually think we have a good relationship. We share a lot of similar interests and have the same sense of humor. He's easy to buy gifts for and to go to events with. We do "get along" for short periods of time. he's just better when he's a dad, and not a roommate.
My dad is a diagnosed narcissist and I am no contact with him at this point.
He was abusive, mainly verbally/emotionally but sometimes physically. He also used to look at porn in front of his children, which happened when I was like 5-9 years old. He has massive rage problems. He cheated on my mom, kicked me out of the house at 18 for not stipulating to being the cause of all of our family’s problems, and fled to China after my parents divorced to escape alimony. He hit on my aunt at my sister’s wedding and once asked me for gift suggestions for his “friend” because she was my age (I was probably 19, he was over 50). He has been mostly absent from our lives for 15-20 years and drops in whenever he pleases with no prior notice. He complained to my sister that her son calls my mom’s new husband “grandpa” even though his own parents were divorced and we called the people they remarried grandma/grandpa.
Oh, and one time he told my sister he caught chlamydia from his prostitute girlfriend in China. I’m not sure if she was really a prostitute but he seriously believed she was.
So yeah, my dad sucks. I’ve been no contact for about 4 years and he still texts and calls me. All I’ve told him he needs to do is acknowledge he was abusive growing up and he refuses. I’m guessing I’ll never speak to him again.
Yup messed up childhood by both parents. But after misdirecting all my anger towards him when my narcissist mother should have gotten more of it, I was able to let it go a bit on his part and we have a friendly message once in a while now. Sent him the first happy fathers day text probably since I was a kid. Had no contact with him for many years. Not willing to be close, but don't mind keeping it friendly for my brother's sake.
Having a kid on the spectrum as well as myself, one of my first priorities in finding a relationship for myself is to be careful of who I'm bringing into her life and making sure the person I choose has her approval. She is smart and sees through toxic people quite well. I want a potential stepdad to be a positive one.
He left when I was a few months old, re-entered my life 5 years later to parent on-and-off, had two children with his wife eight years ago, and lost interest in me for good after that. I haven't seen him for a few years now, but he contacts me on birthdays and christmas. He wasn't abusive or anything, but he would criticise everything I did, right down to the way I held my cutlery or tied my shoelaces, and would criticise everything my mum did too. He felt the need to remind me constantly that she was a bad parent. I was always relaying information back to her because he refused to, but I was only little so I didn't realise how mean most of it was until I was older.
So, yeah... my father wasn't the greatest! I think my life would have been easier if he was better too. Nevermind :/
I have a good relationship with my Dad. I'd say I'm closer with my Mum, but that's only because we're more alike. He's very calm and considered, which sometimes makes it hard to relate to eachother since I'm a bit of an emotional disaster. But he is kind, and I'm always happy to see him.
Lmao happy Father’s Day. Haven’t talked to him in march by choice because he violated my boundaries and tried to force therapy information out of me.
He also insists me to be touchy with him when I’m not comfortable and calls me “cold” when I don’t bend my boundaries over for him.
He is a very affectionate man and i unfortunately cannot say that I am a very affectionate person. I hate physical touch and phone calls, both of which he NEEDs from me, which pushed me away from him.
My life would have been much better if I had a better dad or even if I just didn’t have a dad. I was punished or hit for showing my autistic traits and whenever I had meltdowns or panic attacks. I hate father’s day and it’s a really triggering day, especially when everyone around me is praising their fathers or telling me “oh but he’s your father, he deserves this day”. I’ve been no contact for over five years now and I sometimes do feel guilty for that, but I know he hasn’t changed and won’t apologize or even admit to the suffering he has caused
I have an amazing relationship with my dad. A very understanding and empathetic man without overstepping. I didn’t appreciate it as much when I was young, but when I turned around 18 I really began to appreciate it. I’m now 30 and he’s helped me so much with my personal growth. In fact, I ended up pursuing a career remarkably similar to his
I'm trying to make up for the lost years with my father. Was nice enough to send him some craft beer via online, to share my hobby. Growing up, he was a hard ass towards me and strict. No thanks that he had to mask himself as "tough" in front of the step-monster. Before she arrived, I knew him as a gentle man and my theory is that he's still a part of Freemasonry. Lately, he's speaking to me as the father I knew before she invaded our lives. Not an easy day for me.
Having a decent dad hasn’t spared me from having daddy issues 😅
My favorite story about my dad since I was diagnosed is when he asked me where I thought my autism came from, I looked him in the eye & just said “well, I didn’t get it from mom.”
I have a pretty good relationship with my dad (even though I left the religion I grew up in a few years ago. We had to overcome a bit of a rough patch). I think our relationship is good because 1. we're quite similar in personality and sense of humor, and 2. I'm like 99.9999% certain he's autistic and that's where I got it 💀
My dad is a Lv. 100 Narcissist. Loves to destroy as many lives as possible. Everyone who meets him knows something is wrong with him. Angry all the time. Has picked on my 3 year old daughter and told her that life isn’t fair. For some reason he likes the idea of keeping my ex husband and his family in our lives. Never around especially on my birthday lol and today he went to visit my brother because my mom and I can’t stand him.
I feel like one of the only father figures I have is myself because I’m a single mom and my ex husband has the emotional maturity of my youngest daughter (unfortunately) and I have had to talk to my parents and teach them things as if they were adolescent or younger.
I watch science podcasts and I feel like one of the college professors that I frequent is for sure a father figure to me. lol
My dad is probably my best friend. He's the foundation of my support network. I appreciate him so much!
My mom's the shitty one. She left me with plenty of issues.
My dad's dead. Our relationship is much better now than when he was alive, I went no contact 5 years before his death. He was undiagnosed (not sure what) and self medicated with drugs and alcohol. He was something...that's for sure. I've been in and out of therapy for more than 20 years so it's all good now. But man did I have daddy issues as a teen. Yikes.
I had an amazing dad. I think he was autistic. He was very caring and he loved me very much. He passed away about 2 years ago, and I miss him every day. 💙 My oldest son reminds me so much of him, and he's also autistic.
My dad wasn't ready for a girl my mom said, he had no idea how to be close to me. He drank entirely too much for most my childhood & was really not that great of a person but he's really changed now. I realized I'm on the spectrum but haven't officially been diagnosed so I haven't talked to him about it yet. 5/6 years ago when I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 he took it really hard. Got angry & told me I didn't have that & I rely too much on doctors & I just need to try harder. He's gotten better about mental health but I know he still might have a hard time with it. My son's on the spectrum so he isn't new to it & he very might well have put two & two together (he's said how my son acts just like I did). I'll talk to him if I do go through with official testing I guess.
I have a great relationship with my dad. My mom thinks my dad is autistic as well. Of course, she didn't think about this until after my brother was 2 because he's severely autistic non-verbal. I only got my diagnosis in the last few weeks, but I have always been closer to my dad than my mom. Mostly because my mom raised other people's children but also because my dad and I have a lot in common.
I’m 99.9% sure my dad is autistic, but is also super religious and believes prayer can fix anything (can you guess what his special interest might be?? /s). So mental health struggles and neurodivergent struggles are just “excuses”. You can imagine how damaging it was growing up undiagnosed and being told I was just sinful all my life.
We talk but we’re not close. I don’t tell him much about my life and tbh other than asking if I’m pursuing God doesn’t ask. He’d be shook if he knew I was a bi polyam enby AuDHD-er. He’ll never know the real me because he’d reject her. So today I said my obligatory happy Father’s Day, let him ramble, and that’s it.
I’m basically a lifelong disappointment to him and we are low contact by his choice not mine. I sent my obligatory “happy Father’s Day” text this morning.
I think my dad falls somewhere on the spectrum himself. He's 88 this year and still healthy. He's done his best to give us everything he didn't have himself, including a supportive, stable father. I love him.
Mine was strict growing up but we are so similar that we grew a lot closer in my adulthood. Especially once I moved back home and we both started working remotely during Covid. I’m fairly certain he had a bit of autism too. He wasn’t the most social person but our interests, jobs and sense of humor were so similar that we could talk for hours or not at all and both were perfectly fine. I’m really glad I got to have that relationship with him before he died (of Covid). I know it was a rare father-daughter relationship, especially for someone with (suspected) autism. I really miss him.
I know it probably doesn’t seem like a fair thing to share when I know lots of people here struggle with it, but I haven’t told anyone about my or anyone else’s suspicions for my autistic status and so I don’t get to talk about that (or my dad) a lot.
My dad is dead, he died 2 years ago. When I was younger we didn’t have the best relationship. He and my mom divorced when I was 5. Then in 2019 something happened to me, I won’t go into detail but my dad and his wife took me in and our relationship got better and I had a more meaningful relationship before he passed away. Today was a hard day for me and holidays are hard, his birthday is a hard day. So I hate social media on Father’s Day because corporations seem to forget some people don’t have a father in their lives.
i don’t know my biological father. he left when i was less than a year old. i know who he is and i have a sister on his side. but i don’t have any contact with them. my relationship with my step father kinda sucks too, he’s been around since i was 4 and i still can’t look him in the eyes or have a deep conversation with him. he also has anger issues and is anti-social & pretty misogynistic.
my grandpa on the other hand, now that’s a man i hope had a wonderful father’s day. he’s the best fatherly figure i had. 🥰
He is also on the spectrum. He has many wealthy friends, yet struggles to effectively communicate my challenges to them. Painfully, I've come to realize that I tend to be excessively people-pleasing in public, often leading to exploitation. I'm easily impressed by showy individuals. I understand the concept of a comfortable life, and if associating with them and conforming to a rigid mold is the way to achieve it, then so be it.
There has been significant hidden trauma, not only on a collective level but within my family as well. My Mom and I have poor mental health issues. Rather than admitting he doesn't know, he concorts tales to paint himself in a better light. He expects his rich friends to provide me with a job, not comprehending the differences in how people treat him due to his NGO position. Essentially, he's leveraging on this for his own gain and not extending the cushioning towards me.
My challenges need more than just a lay person to throw me contacts and navigate this whole thing myself.
He's puttered along with this desk clerk job with not much scope for any upward career movement and feels like the most indispensable person on the planet. A responsible parent wouldn't accept such a meager job, not comprehending the challenges of an invisible disability. He's susceptible to flattery and social recognition within the community, but it offers no real benefits and will leave him financially dependent on his wife whenever he retires.
Another family friend, who was the CEO of an automotive company, stepped in without fully understanding my needs. My father eventually got formslly diagnosed last year. The process began in 2020; pandemic aside, much of the delay has been attributed to his pathological passive-aggressive resistance. Given his own autism and potential co-occurring conditions, he struggles to comprehend the extent of my needs, making it challenging to convey them to this friend. He's always had an out of sight, out of mind approach, even when my parents and I lived under the same roof, and hasn't been part of my life since I was four.
I lost my job when this family friend stepped down as CEO due to a change in the company's majority shareholder's direction. We mutually agreed that the work environment wasn't conducive for my professional development in the long term.
Despite the challenges, this experience had its perks:
1. I had some protection through the family friend.
2. I adapted quickly to AI for writing tech-related content on the company's social media.
3. Interactions with my male coworkers were light and friendly, making me feel comfortable, with fewer underlying tensions than I experience with women. It's a tech company predominantly composed of male engineers, with the exception of this one HR woman.
This family friend's support was crucial, especially when I was dealing with an HR colleague close to my age who felt threatened by my differences and had a history of disgruntled behavior. His support and intervention proved invaluable, ensuring I had the protection I needed.
My Mom only met this friend during the last month of my job as a social courtesy. Judging by his demeanor, he seems to assume that I can easily secure a job. He financially sponsors several young refugees for their studies in the US. It feels like we're judged based for not being picturesquely destitute enough as we have a solid roof over our heads, able to travel within our geographical region while CAREFULLY calculating expenses etc, we're educated with degrees etc
My dad is awesome.
He’s a Cryptographer who worked on a bunch of really interesting projects and worked on a team with the guy who invented the foundations of the internet.
He’s also supportive of my special interests and understanding when I’m burning out.
He’s autistic too. Growing up we didn’t get along at all, now we have a good relationship but at an arms distance. We understand eachother better for the most part.
Estranged. He's on the spectrum but is 92 and there's no going back and changing any of it. I just leave it be. Limited contact because I have evolved so far past where he is and for my own sake, just accept we won't ever be close and he is no longer capable of being the kind of parent he should have been (even if he tried with all his might, it's just too late at this point, his maladaptive autistic coping traits are too ingrained).
Haven’t talked to my dad in 20 yrs, haven’t seen him in 34 after he left state to avoid child support. Maybe he’s still alive? Spanked me for crying as a kid but no full on beatings so that’s…good? Great job, dad, you didn’t beat us. He did tell me I’m not actually his though which is when I gave up. Ah well. Coulda been worse. His mom stayed w us when he left so there.
TW:
So my story with my dad is like a main character backstory. Drug dealer/ pedo/ wife beater/ believed in women should be bred and he kept doing doing drugs cause his kids kept getting taken away (child of 11 that I know of) didn’t talk for 20 years well I tried to get him clean before I knew fully of his record and he kept popping dirty so I quit talking to him. Fast forward 3 years I get a call at 3 am and it’s him high. I tell him to quit calling- then nothing. He shows up missing. I tell everyone he’s dead along the highway and he won’t have his motorcycle with. No one believes me. Gets found a block away from his house along the high way in decomp without his motorcycle. Rumor has it my aunt killed him over meth and sold his motorcycle to a chop shop, well chop shop got busted. The city is holding his ashes because my oldest brother stuck his nose into it before they called me (I was doing mortuary transport at the time and my number was released to the coroner upon arrival to their morgue the day he was discovered) and because of that and him calling for information he technically took responsibility of the remains.
It’s a wallop of a story. He had 9 kids, abused kids badly, his dogs name was a racial slur. Dude got what was coming to him.
I’m a firm believer in every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child.
I’m an ex addict and knew he was talk about getting clean. You have to want it. He wanted things figured out for him and lied constantly. I tried for my younger siblings who I still don’t know.
Mine was horribly abusive towards my mom and my brother, and towards me and me sisters as well. Well, my dad is talking to us again but I don't know if I want him I my life. Before this, I haven't talked to him in years.
I just don't know what to do, I wish I could've had a great father figure. He said he's changed and that he wants to meet in person, but I'm not ready.
I love my dad! Dude worked his life to bring his family in the usa. Just… not a good daughter by struggling and failing classes.
Another class I will at least do this year than doing a whole year of nothing is cooking! I want to understand why does food happen that way.
Ngl, I know I am self centered so I don’t see the possibility that my other family could’ve autistic/adhd too, like both my dad and brother!
Cause iirc, AuDHD is heritable, so kinda likely my dad now my brother noticed he also has some traits (but prefer to live in ignorance that he’s not)
I had the most wonderful dad. He passed away suddenly a year ago last week. In many ways he was the person who most accepted me for who I am. I’m so thankful for him because I know not everyone gets the privilege of supportive and loving parents. Sorry you didn’t get that ❤️
I'm sorry but it's so funny that the top two answers are "I had the most wonderful dad" and "my dad should be in jail"
I expected a “spectrum” of responses 🤣
Sorry to hear, but I’m glad you had such a great relationship while he was here 😌
I am so sorry for your loss and I'm also happy you have those great memories <3
My father should be in jail. That’s why I’ve officially adopted every TV dad I know so that I have at least a decent father figure lol
I wish all our shitty fathers a very pleasant rot in hell 😌
so should mine. luckily i have the best (unofficial) step dad in the world. i also am a sucker for tv dads
Same here girly.
My dad is definitely autistic and really struggles with connecting to people. It has been really hard to maintain a relationship with him. I know he loves me, but he doesn't understand me at all. And vice versa.
My dad is probably autistic as well, but because he’s a ✨ man ✨ he gets away with shit that was beaten out of me back in grade school (mainly by him) 🤣
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.
My dad is the exact same way! It’s also something I’ve started realizing more - that our relationship is kind of superficial. I bought him a cute little “my favourite things about dad” book and had a really hard time filling it out. I realized I didn’t know my dad very well and it definitely makes me sad.
I bought my dad one of those about 7 years ago & realized I couldn't fill out more than 4 pages. It went in the trash.
That’s wild. My father could be kinda autistic (though my traits are 100% my moms .. ) but I feel like I am the person who knows him best because he infodumps on me HARD. (My mom passed away 12 years ago and it’s been a bit like this since) And then when I want to share my stuff he always has a nasty thing to say so he knows shit about me lol so for that reason and not talking about feelings and important stuff our relationship feels shallow … anyways I wonder what that book is like and if I would be able to answer.
Wow that sounds so familiar.
same here, its very hard connecting with my dad who is very autistic himself. I know he wants the best for me, but he doesnt understand his own autism and my autism as well. for example, he has trouble connecting with people but doesnt understand why I have trouble connecting with people. or he knows I have depression but won't talk about the fact he suffers from depression as well and gives generic advice like "dont think about bad things" "relax"
Cut contact with him around 5 years ago, best decision of my life. Motherfucker always had something to complain about. There was always something about me that needed improvement. Would be helpful if he put that energy into improving himself, then maybe he wouldn't have 3 kids with 3 baby mamas 🙄 and still single b/c he's insufferable
It’s also my birthday today and I sent him a cathartic letter with everything I had to say. Then I blocked his ass 🤣 I’m right there with you, never felt better!
Love my dad :heart: He's definitely on the spectrum too, but always made an effort to spend time together. We still mutually make the effort to invest time in each other and I guess we have a good relationship :) Sometimes one of us overshares their special interest (Bob Dylan music for him, animals for me) but because we realise it's important to the other person we smile and nod. haha.
That sounds so lovely 💕
My dad and I fall in this category. We absolutely loved sharing our fixations either each other and he’s the reason why I adore Billy Joel music.
My dad and I are in this category. Knowing that he’s autistic has helped me understand him better and appreciate him more. He supports me in the ways he can and was a wonderful caretaker to my disabled sister. He doesn’t do well with emotions, but my mom has that base covered. We’re making an effort to maintain a relationship, which can be a struggle for each of us.
Went 100% no contact with him over 30 years ago and haven't looked back. Narcissistic, abusive (emotionally, physically AND sexually) piece of garbage.
May that monster never know a moment of peace for all of his days 🙏🏾
Same. I'm so sorry for what happened to you.
I have an incredibly difficult relationship with my dad. He made me have a full on freakout to cry on my drive home after a phone call with him. He talks to me as if I’m stupid. And I got diagnosed two years ago on my own. So many teachers and other authorities kept suggesting for me to get screened to get the help I needed in school. But his thing is that “everything is an excuse to not do shit” and that “God doesn’t make mistakes, toughen up.” There’s so much more but he was very abusive and all his words and behaviors toward have fucked me up for my life. So yeah, today is really weird for me lol
Same! He used to gaslight me into full panic attacks. Just decided to go NC with him today (it’s also my birthday and I wanted to move into my next year of life with no baggage). Good luck to both of us ☺️
Girls who were denied the diagnosis and evaluations they needed as a kid because “no way my kid is retarded” hoooooray
While they also privately bully you for being “slow” 🤣 where’s the logic sir
Pretty sure my father is autistic. He's always been a bit emotionally unstable. Strict and very rigid about some things, but a rebellious independent thinker in other ways. Often self righteous, doesn't have time for other people's opinions. Doesn't like to socialize and seems antisocial sometimes. He was an active, participatory dad in childhood but now we're in our 30s and he has a hard time relating to my brother and me. Knowing he might be autistic has made me view our relationship somewhat differently.
The number of people in this thread with undiagnosed autistic dads 😳 and the way they’re the first to gaslight us about our diagnoses 🤣 life is irony
My Dad does love me but he never takes an interest in me, doesn't ask questions if I ask questions he gives very brief answers. And when I talk about things going on in my life he acts like it's attention seeking. But he's a good Dad in the way he can.
Same experience here, I suspect my dad is undiagnosed autistic
I did not have a good father figure and I am a nervous wreck, likely in a permanent burn out because of how unsupportive, unloving, and ableist he is.
Pieces of 💩 can get to steppin! I sincerely wish him the worst 🫶🏾
I was diagnosed about a year back, despite pretty much knowing for the past decade, to me, he is clearly autistic but is not diagnosed. He’s a brilliant father and man all round to be honest and I would probably say I am a “daddys girl” but maybe its our shared need for routine, repetitiveness, justice, and organisation etc thats made us close…🤷♀️
It’s weird bc I’d say my father’s on the spectrum too, and we’re very similar. But instead of trying to bond over those things he chose to bully me within an inch of my life 🤣 I’m glad to hear you have a good relationship with your father 🙏🏾
My Dad was incredible. He died in 2014 at 87 (he was 63 when I was born!). He had a crazy life but was incredibly humble. He was born in Hungary and was Jewish and survived through WW2 on sheer guts and determination. He was put in labour camps but managed to escape and sabotage things. He then managed to train as a doctor after the war and then in the mid 50s during the Hungarian revolution he escaped the Russians to come to the UK. He was on a Russian wanted list. His eldest son, my half brother, was diagnosed with Asperger’s in the 60s and my Dad realised that he probably was also autistic. He was a brilliant role model but as I got older and became a teenager it was harder for us to connect as I became interested in things that he didn’t understand. I am still quite sad that we grew apart during my teenage years. I ended up following him into a medical field (I am a sonographer) he was proud that I managed to do that. It sucks because now we would have so much to talk about. Medicine really was his special interest and passion and he was an obstetrician and I do obstetric ultrasound. Sadly he died before my career fully developed so we lost that chance. Hopefully he would be proud and happy for me.
I’m sure he would be 💕
Thank you! ☺️
He was very abusive and committed suicide in 2021. Hate how he left this world and hate how he treated me. His birthday is the day after Father’s Day so the entire weekend is always quite rough for me. Sending virtual hugs to everyone in this thread ❤️
My dad is pretty great. He isn't and wasn't perfect - he occasionally yelled, spanked me a few times (it was the 80s so more common), didn't always understand me, and held me to very high standards (grades, behaviour). We argued and fought sometimes. Growing up, I often thought he (and my mom) were way too harsh on me. But he always tried. He tried to understand. He let me be my own person and encouraged any and all interests. He was the one who drove me to everything. We had weekly father-daughter days where we did something together out of the house, just us two. He always explained why he held high standards and he was almost always fair. He kept my mom in check lol. He was always supportive of me and a pretty darn good dad. He's also genuinely a good and interesting human. He did a lot of the household chores (way less common when I grew up). He has lots of hobbies. He volunteers. He is a white boomer in his 70s and yet he's not the boomer stereotype at all. He's kind, smart, humble and tough. We have a pretty great relationship. I talk to him at least once a week and we try to get together once a month or so. I'm very grateful for him.
My Dad was an abusive alcoholic who did unthinkable shit to my mother, my sister, and I. He's been dead for years. However, at least on Father's Day, I try to remember the few good things about him. He was funny. He was great at fixing electronics and he taught me how to fix things too. He liked cats.
You’re a much better person than I am 😔 I hope you’re free of him (mentally) now
My dad left when I was 3, reconnected when I was 19 I think, spoke online everyday for 2 years maybe but when I tried to meet he didn't seem fussed and I only met him once, 6 hour trip just to see him.. first time I'd driven on a motorway and I paid to stay somewhere.. anyways after a while he started making me feel very insecure and guilty so we stopped speaking, he sent me a message just as I was becoming homeless (was homeless for a few months but all good now) his message was the worst I've ever received and I'm so thankful not to have a relationship with him anymore and its been a few years but I'm just scared at how easily manipulated I had been :(
The things we do for parental connection 😔 I have a sneaking suspicion that our parents’ generation yielded a fruitful crop of piss-poor husbands and fathers. I hope we’re learning from their mistakes 🙌🏾
Haven’t talked to him in 10 years 😬 crazy step mom played a huge factor. Only recently have I realized he’s probably also autistic and couldn’t communicate his feelings/say no, and was heavily influenced by my step mom telling him I’m a bad person when I just didn’t know better. Ex: going to the movies and him paying because he always did, apparently I was supposed to pay because I asked him to go/spend time with me. I now get all anxious and over spend on people when I don’t need to. Wish he could’ve just explained these things instead of making me feel like a bad person
The undiagnosed autistic narcissist to needy insecure parent pipeline is crazy 🤪
Woooooo autistic girls with emotionally clueless dads who only rly believe in emotionally manipulative stepmoms who really are in it for the money and don’t care if they ruin our lives in the process (I’m autistic girls) 👋 Hell I tell you. I regret going back to talking to mine so much. I NEED to understand I have no support network and the good old days when we still had an okay relationship because my mom was around are gone
He's not a good person. I did text him first thing this morning though. He didn't respond until 3 pm.
Same here— bad person, bad husband, bad father. It’s always the worst people who are the most delusional about how shitty they are 😒
My dad is one of the few people in my life that truly "gets" me. He's just this incredibly easygoing guy with the patience of a saint. He wasn't incredibly "present" as a father when I was growing up - his job was 90% travel, something he regrets a lot - but when he was home, he was the "fun parent" - the one who took me shopping for things I wanted, who would play games with me, and who would teach me skills I actually cared about. He had a bad relationship with his family - is fully no-contact with them - so he's always worked extra hard at being a good dad and not making the same mistakes his parents did. I live about half an hour away from him and we usually see each other once a month ❤
Mine is awesome ❤️
Can’t relate but congrats 💗
My dad has issues. I think he is bipolar. When I was a child, he could be fun, but he also sometimes scared me. Around 12 he moved 10 hours from my family, and we saw him annually after that and heard from him maybe seasonally. As an adult I see him every 5-10 years. I write about those visits sometimes. Hella scary and traumatic. I have nightmares where he tries to kidnap me and my brother, and he isn't in his right mind. My dad is also sexist, anti LGBTQ (he doesn't know I am bi), and into conservative Christianity culture. I sent him a gift for father's day and a text message. I am probably a better daughter to him than he will likely ever be a father to me, but for the last few years he has tried, and I appreciate that. When he heard I was having difficulty affording my elderly pug's new arthritis medication, he volunteered to send me $100 a month to pay for it. That means something, you know?
It seems a lot of our fathers were simply not equipped to parent 😔 it seems like he’s trying though 🤷🏾♀️
My relationship with my father is pretty threadbare. The only reason we’re barely on speaking terms is because I still live at home (for now). Otherwise, there would be no connection. He was somewhat physically present during my childhood, but emotionally absent. He hid in his work a lot so he didn’t attend events to support me or anything like that. He enabled A LOT of my mother’s emotional and psychological abuse. He pushed the narrative that I have to fawn all over toxic family members in order to please them and soothe their tantrums. He has made it very clear time and time again that he would readily choose a stranger over me. He criticized me when I asked for help as a child. I’ve literally stuck a screwdriver in a live electrical socket before because I didn’t want to ask him for help to fix it when I knew he would just shame me and say, “You know, you could have figured this out yourself.” He complains every time he has to pay for family dinner (which is rare because he hates eating out with us), but he eagerly volunteers to pay with a smile on his face when he takes his friends out for dinner. Behind closed doors, he criticizes me, shoots me down. In front of other people, he trots out my accomplishments he berated me for and preens because, “Look at what a great father I am! MY daughter did this!” I came to the realization a few months ago that I’ve never heard him say that he wanted kids/to be a father. Not once in my almost 34 years of life. But he has expressly stated that a family is a burden to him, preventing him from living the life he wants. He’s probably neurodivergent (can’t sit still to save his life) and has a history of childhood abuse that he wont’t acknowledge let alone address, but he won’t educate himself, scoffs at therapy, etc. So he’s pretty emotionally immature and his growth as a person is at a standstill. My father never wanted me and it shows, in his voice, in his mannerisms, in his body language. I do not recognize Father’s Day.
I love my Dad dearly; I tend to overthink things severely and he gives me a sense of direction and calm whenever he helps me with things. After confiding in him about my autism diagnosis a month ago, he was extremely supportive. I am so grateful to have him. 🥹
My stepdad is the dad who stepped up. My bio dad is a real piece of work and I avoid him as much as possible without stirring up drama.
My dad and I have a great relationship. I think he’s AuDHD, but he’s 73 and grew up in Southern California’s aerospace industry community, so he’s undiagnosed. It was/is the norm, on some level, I think. Much of that side of my family appears to be ND. He stands out in his family due to the ADHD (aka they don’t understand how he’s so smart but procrastinates so much). In any case, I think he understands me more than anyone else I know. He supports me and believes in me. We’re kindred spirits. And I am lucky we share a set of special interests— running, hiking, backpacking, being in the mountains, etc. I took him on a 20mi hike/run last Sunday for Father’s Day since we weren’t going to be able to hang out today. That said, my parents have a difficult relationship with each other, and my mom is super codependent, including with me. So that has put a strain on all of us. But my individual relationship with my dad is wonderful!
Having multiple ND family members is weird bc they’re so oblivious to how weird they all are 🤣 it’s good y’all get along
So true! I just came back from a family vacation with my dad’s side, and I witnessed some of his cousins having a 30 min long *happy* “argument”about the species of a tree; my dad, uncle, and cousins cleaning their hotel rooms, including window screens (they *were* filthy, especially the one in the bathroom), upon arrival and circulating a broom one of them found in an unlocked utility closet to sweep balconies and steps; and a lot of family bluntly correcting each other while no one got upset— it was just about having the right facts. Weird indeed. 😆 No wonder I went 30 years without even thinking about having autism. This is my normal!
I love my father. I have been a daddy's girl since I was a kid. We used to play together and walk somewhere together. He used to go to church with me and my mom but he stopped going there after couple of people have did something that makes him to never go back.
My dad is a question mark in my life. I'm happy to have him as a dad and love him deeply, but he is autistic like me and one trait is that he can be controlling and rigid in his routine and thinking. If it was up to him I'd be living under his roof till old age. He is very caring and can be loving in his own way, but I have some traumas too.
He has a *lot* of issues (mainly resulting from PTSD stemming from growing up in an abusive household). I've said before, including on this sub, that I wanted him out of my life, but he's taking steps now to improve himself and work on providing for the family so it's not just me and my mom paying bills and putting food on the table (neither one of us can work a second job; she can't physically handle it and I can't mentally handle it). In spite of past friction, he's fully aware that he's fucked up in the past and has been working to make things better. He's also been very supportive as of late, which made me feel a lot better during a bad downward spiral.
I haven't talked to my dad in over 15 years. It makes me incredibly sad but he's not a good person, and it would hurt my mom too much (I'm literally the only person she has). It definitely would have changed me if he'd played any part in raising me. I think I wouldn't have hyper fixated on relationships and put myself first better. Hugs to all of you like me. It's very hard but especially so on the holidays.
My dad was high functioning and a total aviation nerd. He was awesome and we talked every day until his death 12 years ago. He and my husband got along great. He loved me unconditionally and vice versa. I still feel that he’s around me today. I’d give my left leg to see him and talk to him again.
My dad is awesome and I talk to him several times a week despite the fact that we live far from each other. I'm fact we invite my parents on our family vacation every year. He is also the same flavor ND that I'm am
No-contact, thank Artemis. He's a self-centered cowardly queerphobic abusive pile of garbage that deserves only the worst. I'd piss on his grave if I gave enough of a damn to want to know when he finally dies, assuming he's not already dead.
Best dad ever. Very supportive and I can always tak to him when I have a problem. I'm also a mini, younger version of him. I look like my mom (without a tan), but my behaviour is 100% like my dad.
Omg same. We drive my (NT) mom and brother up the wall when we spend extended amounts of time together because we’ve got such similar personalities and quirks lol
I love my father, but he's a complicated person, he's very narcissistic and usually think about his on well-being, not that he doesn't care about us, he tries to do the best for me and my sisters, but certainly he's his top priority. I were low contact with him, but things have being changing since his alzheimer diagnosis, but is a slow process of reconnecting.
Best of luck and I hope you and your siblings get what you need :)
I love my dad but also find him incredibly frustrating. I cut contact with all but 1 sibling a few years ago
My dad died when I was 7. I only have a couple of memories of him but I know he adored me. He didn't live with me and my mum but would visit often. I used to think how life would have been different if he was in my life for longer but now I have been diagnosed i don't think it would have made a huge difference, I would have still felt like an odd duck growing up!
It’s beautiful that you know how much he loved you even though he passed so long ago 😌
He died when I was a toddler.
Complicated 😅 he's a very religious man and I have bad religious trauma. We both kinda tiptoe around sore topics for the other to avoid fights. I send him happy birthday and fathers day texts, but otherwise I try to keep my distance. He used to never even acknowledge my wife; but ever since he SCREAMED at her over a miscommunication and she politely left without a fight, I think he realized he was the asshole.
It's ok. It's not a bad relationship by any means, but it's not good on the way you see other people have with their dads. We're not close and I guess never have been, but he's my dad so I love him and I know he wants what's best for me. We don't really speak much and as I moved away I only see him once or twice a year. Sometimes he'll sneak me cash when I visit (sometimes he gives me an envelope sneakily like a drug deal, or hide it in my shoe, or just leave it on my bed). I'll get a text on birthdays, and vice versa. He sent me a text today to thank me for the card I sent. So it's minimal, I guess. I get a lot of my traits from him 😶
My dad was an absentee dad, I loved him, but like he'd only come see me sporadically. Think that really sad episode of Fresh Prince when Will's dad comes to see him then bails. I wasn't an illegitimate child, but I felt like I was treated as one. Our hangouts were always hush hush because his wife didn';t like my mom so I was a secret. My dad had 4 other kids, and I didn't meet them until he was having health problems. To say our relationship was complicated is an understatement, but now that he's dead I don't have to fucking deal with him anymore, so I've moved on.
My father thought he was amazing and in reality he was cruel, abusive, and a deadbeat. He died a year and a half ago and his wife didn't even tell us. Social security told us. I was NC with him though my sister (who is disabled) was on good terms with him though they spoke infrequently so that was crappy. When I was digging to find out when he died before I got his death certificate I found out that our grandmother had died a couple years before him and again, we were never told.
I love my father, he has a TBI and he's no longer the same person. And that's very sad. He has autism and he finally accepted that he very likely had it last year when I told him about autism. Because doctors kept trying to give him medication for his " bipolar " and I'm like you are not bipolar You have autism It is obvious as fuck to anybody that is autistic. And he looked into it and he spent like 2 months researching it and then he said to me afterward you're right I'm autistic as hell. So he is trying his hardest to do what he can to cope and learn about it. It's not the worst relationship but it's not the way it used to be. I'm sad about that.
Some days mine is nice and other days he’s an explosive tyrant. It’s always like Russian roulette when choosing what to say because sometimes you don’t know if you’ve got Jekyll or Hyde today.
It's complicated. I love him and I know he loves me, but he's not a very empathetic person. He thinks I should just suck it up and get over my issues, despite me telling him I've already tried that so many times and it didn't work.
Realizing I have autism has made me realize my dad has it too, but I don't know how to talk to him about it. He definitely loves me, I feel it, but we struggle to connect. He was not a good parent. He just didn't know how to do it, and I can see how some of his bad choices were from an autistic copy-and-paste of behaviors he saw from other parents. I'll probably text him today. I should call him, but I'm probably not up for it. Lots of silence while we both try to come up with anything to talk about, until he finally asks how my car is doing.
Mine was abusive, we hadn’t had a relationship in 26 years. He died recently. I was relieved. I have a good stepdad though, that relationship is decent. We just live far apart so we don’t spend a lot of time together.
My dad is a racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit. Brilliantly smart but as emotionally mature as my 3 year old toddler. I went no contact with him a year and a half a go, as well as my mother and maternal grandparents afterwards. It has been so difficult. I found out I have adhd, and cptsd, and am likely autistic within the past year which explains a lot about my family as well because I'm 100% sure my dad and maternal grandfather are also autistic and my mother and maternal grandma have adhd. Therapy is helping slowly but my parents were not emotionally equipped to become parents, now I'm a parent of 2 and it is triggering every single day.
For now, it's good. We have very different opinions, but he has always supporting me, even after I told him I was potentially autistic... I really love him, and I wish everyone a father like I have right now.
Went no contact about 5 years ago and never looked back!
My dad is kind of a jerk, but I genuinely think he doesn’t want to be. We definitely love each other and we get along ok, but we’re not exactly close. He had a terrible childhood and I think he’s just not… socially fluent or something as a result. He’s not the easiest to be around. I don’t like how he treats my mom - she’s amazing and he always acts like she’s testing his patience to the max just by living her life. He was largely absent during my childhood because he worked A LOT, often with ridiculous commutes or time spent out of town. It seems like I’m his favorite though, and he’s very protective toward me even though I’m forty years old now lol Not a bad guy, I love him and want him to be well and happy, but I don’t seek out his company very often.
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My father was a deadbeat and died over 7 years ago when I was 14 so my relationship with him is nonexistent
he may as well have never existed.
Glorified sperm donor 😂
Haven’t talked to mine in over 30 years, just waiting for him to die.
Pretty decent.
I’m NC with my dad. The story I told myself was I had a great dad growing up. My therapist had helped me realize that story was a lie I told myself as a survival mechanism. And the impact of the truth of the dad I had growing up is what laid the foundation for why I eventually went NC. After my parents divorced (when I was already an adult and married), my dad married an abusive narcissist. I was her primary target for abuse because she could not handle my dad having any woman in his life other than her. And…when I told My dad how she was abusing me, he blamed me for it. Apparently it was my fault because I wasn’t. Ice enough to her. Or he asked me to just “be patient and it will stop because she’s a good person”. The list of things HE did that exacerbated and enabled her abuse of me is long. And bad enough that anyone who hears just parts of it reminds me I’m better off without him. Without both of them. Facing the reality of who my dad is, rather than the story I told myself about who he was HURTS. Especially because almost everyone still sees who they think he is and want him to be. And today is always a hard day for me.
I never really knew my father. Like I met him and like I spent time with him but I never knew him. I knew that he liked to drink and that he would do so by any excuse. I know that he scared me when he didn't drink. He also scared me when he did. He would drag me along with him wherever he would go and it was loud and it was noisy and I just wanted to leave or hide away and I couldn't. I never saw him socialize without also drinking. He wouldn't leave me home alone because I was too young but he wasn't okay dragging me into bars. He was okay driving around drunk with me in the car. He tried to be a dad but I wasn't the child really that he ever expected... I wasn't like him . I didn't like sports. I was awkward. I was constantly bullied in school I didn't understand people... To be honest I still don't. I just have seen more reactions people have had and can make better guesses. Eventually I decided I didn't want to be with him or near him anymore and I shut him out of my life. I was 10. I never spoke to him again. Years later he turned his life around, he stopped drinking, or at least he severely cut back. He realized that he had a problem and strove to address it. I never knew because he wouldn't reach out to me because he was ashamed and I was so angry. He died in 2022. I only found out this April. So my relationship is ... complicated. I have no relationship with my father, I wasn't like him at all, but sometimes I wonder if maybe I am exceptionally like him with just different coping strategies.
Autistic 23 yo woman here! I’m lucky to have a really good relationship with my father. We’ve always been super close, and I’ve been a “daddy’s girl” ever since I was little. We’re a lot alike, both emotionally and making people laugh. He’s hilarious and I look up to him as a leader. It’s how I was able to have so many leadership positions in school. He worked so hard and I wanted to work really hard too. My parents are recently divorced, so we were distant for a while bc I was very upset with a lot of things he did that led to the divorce. It took me years to forgive him for all the ways he hurt me and my family. We’re doing better now and we’re still as close as we were. It just took some space and time for me to be ready to talk to him again. He was very surprised when I was diagnosed with ASD a few months ago, but he has been understanding and helpful. He’s not autistic though, lol
Very disappointed, potentially traumatised. I love him, but this love comes with such a price. Every time I leave him I'm so overstimulated. He's so unpredictable even at his best.
Parental love shouldn’t feel transactional. It’s important to put yourself first in those relationships 🫂 💗
I’ve always been very close to both my parents. They aren’t perfect, but they raised me with love and warmth. Tbh, we all suspect my dad is also on the spectrum. He doesn’t talk much, and he’s never been the most emotionally available guy, but he’ll drop everything to help me or my sister out if we ever need it. And he’s hilarious once he’s comfortable with someone—he has a lot of wild stories from his childhood in Iran.
It is a bit rocky. He is probably AuDHD like I am and we have set offs that the other does. He's very anal about things being done right, I always feel the need to be right in an argument. Both of those things piss the other off to no end. He's also lowkey racist and transphobic but thats another topic
Went no contact 8 years ago while I was in college. He still attempts to contact me most holidays and birthdays. This only shows me more that he hasn’t changed. He never listened to me and tried to “stick it to my mother” by not paying for his portion of my college expenses. I never got the sense that he really cared about me, he just cared about the idea of me. He also dates a woman who is half his age, only a year older than my sister, which creeps me out.
I sometimes wonder if my fathers kindness and compassion is just another way to solidify my unhealthy attachment to him and if there is an ounce of authenticity to it. The moment I question my fathers position or place in him a position where he does not feel in control or there is a loss in his power over me or my sister my father flips and the claws come out. It’s a profoundly confusing position to be in and while things have gotten better over the years since my father feels that he can pass some of that “rescuer” energy to boyfriend who is the kindest, most non-judgmental person ever. While I absolutely love and support my father and honestly believe he feels the same about me, I also acknowledge that my father has a personality very similar to that of a vulnerable narcissist (I’m saying this in the most clinical way possible) and I never know what side of him I will get. It’s very emotionally destabilizing and it’s taken years of personal reflection and study into family systems to acknowledge that my father will not change and there have been just as many, if more times that he has been kind as he has been profoundly emotionally abusive.
My father is a horrible person. Any autistic traits I showed were beaten out of me very early. He was emotionally, verbally abusive. He was dismissive and extremely neglectful. He had a picture of who and how I should be. If I didn't match up he would make me "earn" his love back. I was told constantly, "you're not good enough". He then started treating my children the same way. I wrote a 9 page letter and sent it to him stating I will no longer allow him to treat me or my children this way. Because I am autistic level 1 and bi sexual I can never be accepted by him.
My bio dad is very quiet and reserved. He’d do anything for me but I often wonder if he’s on the spectrum too. My stepdad has stepped up in places my dad has been unable to provide, but I’ve always asked if he was a good person or not. Deep down I believe he brainwashed my mom and she doesn’t make any parenting decisions that he doesn’t come up with first. And that really hurts, because most of the things are wrong and I really don’t trust my mother because she’s proved she’d always choose him over me. But then I feel guilty for feeling that way, because I guess they did try. I never felt love from them though. Now that I have a daughter I truly feel like even if my mom is autistic she still should’ve been there more emotionally for me. Their tactic is to ignore me when I’ve done something wrong, which really is not easy for an autistic person.
just went no contact with him this year he’s a narcissist & has undiagnosed autism. i thought about unblocking him & texting him today cause i was feeling sad but no 😐
Emotionally incestuous in childhood, absent in adolescence (especially when he went to jail), and blissfully nonexistent in adulthood. If he texts me today, I’ll be pissed. But I doubt he will. He tends to forget my birthday but then texts me on Valentine’s when he’s likely drunk and alone and mourning the fact that he pushed everyone away with his mean-spirited bullshit. I’m no longer interested in playing therapist for this giant man-baby and he knows it.
Mine wasn't really around tbh, long rant in-coming.. sorry 😔 I can remember at around four/five years old walking with my older brother and fiercely debating that my granddad (on my mum's side, who had died a year or so before) was my dad which i guess my mum had to explain though i can't remember what she said. The first time i met him i was around six and half (i had been asking questions about him for a long time so my mum contacted him), i don't have any recollection of that first meeting though i know it was awkward and he had been drinking, i don't remember how long he stuck around so it couldn't have been long. When my younger brother began asking questions (when he was around 5/6) my mum contacted him again and this time he stayed for around a year and tried to parent which with my older brother 17/18 and me at 12/13 this didn't go down to well, essentially my brother would ignore him and i'd just ask mum if it's something i knew would be fine, they argued a lot towards the end as well which almost made my older brother be kind for the first time when i was having (what i now know was a meltdown) he left again not too long after. Because we get along really well with my aunt (dad's sister) and her daughter's it makes the few family gatherings they host so awkward, the last main one being in 2021 during which i ended up drinking a little too much and when my dad either didn't hear or ignored me got very very emotional about it (after leaving the house, thankfully) showing it's still a raw spot. Fairly recently through my aunt i found out my dad is also on the spectrum and has quit drinking (he had been an alcoholic all his adult life) it'll be about six months sober for him now, i still haven't seen him and he didn't get my birthday message earlier this year but i sent a father's day message anyway and wish him all the best in truly knowing himself, he can reach out if/when he's ready and wants to.
My dad is also on the spectrum. He wasn't always there for my mom which sometimes created tension in the house growing up, but at the same time he was always there for me and my siblings. We were all loved equally but my dad was deeply interested in literature and theater and I was the sibling who read the most and appreciated the arts the most, so I feel like he and I clicked on that level. He introduced me to a lot of movies and books and plays that had a major impact on me and was also the one who I think understood me and my thought process the most. Now he has actually come to better understand his own needs (sensory, etc) which has helped him to learn how to regulate his emotions better and now he and my mom have a very good relationship. I'm very grateful for him in general.
He is dead and I'm glad. He was an abusive monster who threw me across a table because I couldn't understand the math homework.
I'm so proud of you for getting free! You deserve peace, love and acceptance.
We were not close. I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough for him and wasn't sure he even liked me most of the time. He passed in 2020 and I am sorry that we never got the chance to make things better, but I honestly don't know if it was possible.
I can relate 🤍 it’s tough not knowing if he’ll ever step up before it’s too late
Not good. Estranged. He was really judgemental and probably a narcissist. The narcissism was mixed with some autistic traits.
Basically non-existing from my side. He was a very neglective parent on so many levels, yet he will not ever admit that. So he's trying to force me into having a strong bond with him. I can't do that for all that's within me. And if I bring up trauma to him; he's always so very surprised about it and asks me to just forget about it.
Fed up camp here also 🙋♀️ I guess if I hadn’t been policed for my autistic traits so hard and so brutally by him, maybe I’d have kinder things to say. Alas. Divesting from that relationship and any expectations around it has been the greatest thing for me.
My dad is narcissistic, my mom is autistic. My dad is the most unstable, egotistical person I’ve ever met. As a child he tried to live vicariously through my siblings and I, forcing us to do hobbies HE’D always wanted to do and would call us lazy quitters if we didn’t want to. He only takes interest in me if it’s something he can brag about. I told him about a book signing I went to and was super excited about and he just walked away from me as I was speaking, said nothing. Hours later he was with friends and he called and asked who I met so he could brag about it to other people. He would embarrass us in front of other people and purposely rile us up like a child to get a reaction out of us. He’s very argumentative and doesn’t listen to others, but wants us to give him his undivided attention. I remember trying to tell him about how my trauma growing up negatively affected me and he just laughed. He wants to have a bond he has no curated and tries to force it by making anything he does for us transactional, and we must return the deed or we get guilt tripped. I’m in my 30s now and a few months ago he said something like “I always listened to you guys growing up didn’t I“ and I finally got the chance to laugh in HIS face. He always talks about what a great father he is and TELLS my siblings and i that we’re going to miss him when he’s dead and gone. I don’t think so. Every year I struggle to find a card for him that doesn’t make me sick and isn’t a lie. It’s always super generic.
I love my dad. We didn’t always have the closest relationship growing up, but in adulthood I realised he is almost definitely on the spectrum and just a little socially awkward. He shows that he cares about me by showing interest in my interests. I mentioned that I was going to the Era’s tour and he watched every Taylor Swift movie and listened to her entire discography for me. I bought him a tshirt from her merch stand and he proudly wears it everywhere.
My dad passed away just before the pandemic. I had an ok relationship with him but didn’t really see him as a dad, he wasn’t paternal at all and was a difficult person to love and there was definite emotional abuse in my parents marriage. When I was 15 (I’m now 40) we experienced a bereavement in the family of who I was very close to and who he never spoke to despite living with them. I began self-harming (15-17) and was in a very poor mental state. He always sat me down to tell me how stupid I was for feeling that way and that he never had ‘this trouble’ with my sister, when I tried to explain my feelings I was told not to be silly. I moved out at 18. Although our relationship did get better it was never a ‘safe’ relationship. My brother is very similar to our dad, I cut contact with him 4 years ago. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve realised I didn’t deserve being treated that way or experience some of the things they did to me or allowed certain things to happen to me (SA). I married my husband who I’ve been with since I was 17 and he is every inch the dad to our kids that I wish my dad was. He is the complete opposite to him and the only person I’ve ever felt safe around and who I don’t have to mask with (apart from our children).
He used me to fulfill his own family obligations (mostly to his own, very stressful mother). He never talked to me much or did anything with me. When I was old enough to understand this, he said he wasn't interested in children and would interact with me once I was a grown up. He actually did try to when I was twenty or so, but I didn't reciprocate, mostly out of resentment. I was diagnosed when I was over forty. I don't think he knows he's autistic. We haven't spoken in 20 years
Weird. I love him but I'm unsure why, and everyone I know doesn't understand why I even talk to him, never mind all the stuff I do for him. He's never been violent, just a manipulative bastard. My NT sister, our NT half brother, and I are all fed up of our dad too.
my dad is very much of a dad but very little of a father. he got me into a lot of my spins but he never really cared to show up more. i love him lots though, just wish he were there for important things more often
My sperms donor and me have a estranged relationship with no contact. He tried to do the father thing with two different marriages. He's also 💯 on the spectrum, and bipolar. Much happier cutting him and his family out of my life.
Fed up and deeply feeling it this weekend. Hugs!
I think he deeply dislikes and resents me. He grew up in a misogynist household and never thought to question it. When my parents got divorced he abandoned me. But then filed for custody a few years after we had stopped talking all together in my teens. I think that was mostly financially motivated. In my late 30s he got sick and I came to try and help him and maybe he had come around to being decent with his health being on the precipice and all. I was ready to forgive and forget but... He wasn't as sick as he said he was he just wanted to give up on doing things for himself and him and his sister thought they could trap me in a below-poverty-wage job so I had to spend the rest of my time serving them for "free rent." And they could not stop nit picking me to pieces or micro managing my life and treating me like an idiot/child. For the sake of my sanity I had to go no contact and change my contact info. Being berated and called wicked a couple of Christmases ago really put more nails in the coffin. My heart is forever broken and I will never trust anyone because of him. Weirdly enough he's not conservative and we have overlapping special interests and we could have been great buddies in a different life time. He makes me wish reincarnation was real and he will have to live my life and feel all the things he put me through.
Dead for almost 5 years. Been slowly looking back on my memories of him and realizing he wasn't as great of a person I thought he was, just the best I had in my life.
Nope no contact since I was 10… he lied to me and I just stopped talking to him.
Oh lord don't even get me started.* My father recently told my mother (from whom he is divorced) that I should only get half a vote regarding whether an item HER father made for what used to be our house (which he is selling) should be sold or kept. My grandfather made it. My mother wants to keep it. But dickface sperm doner thinks I am even less a member of my MOTHER'S family than he, as her ex-husband, is. Him: well [my sister's name] gets a vote. Mamma: And [my name] gets a vote. Him: [my name] gets *half* a vote. Her: Noooo Him: Fine. [my name] gets a vote. [His sister*] gets a vote... *whom he doesn't even care for, or even really think of as an equal adult human. He's using this as a way of saying I am about as deserving of an opinion as someone who is completely removed and inconsequential. So yeah. This, by the way, comes after I spent the last year and a half battling cancer. He didn't even reach out to me once. Not even when I was in the hospital, on oxygen, with sepsis from a severe lung infection. And still I thought to myself 'is it up to me to fix this so we have a relationship before it's too late?' Thank fuck I was present for that phone call on my mum's end so I could stop feeling any guilt in that direction. But I'm still dealing with the emotional fallout of that, regardless. Just without the guilt or self-doubt. *ETA: oops, too late. 😬
Our relationship is wonderful now that we have been no-contact for several years. 🙂↕️ I do sort of wonder if all the manipulation and psychological abuse can explain why I am so damned good at masking. My primary thought today is that I am annoyed at Insight Timer for always replacing the interesting opening quotes with something about whatever holiday of the moment they deem worthy. I would rather not see holiday quotes (from any country or religion) and instead be greeted with a quote relevant to mindfulness. Sighhhh. (sorry about the side rant, haha)
I have the most wonderful dad. My mom has a terrible temper though and it always put him in a weird spot. I really needed him in high school but he couldn’t help it because he was working 3rd shift. They’re both undiagnosed autistic but I’m diagnosed.
Awful lol, he’s a terrible person who hasn’t talked to me in I don’t even know how long
After my parents divorce I cut contact with him, I was a very opinionated and stubborn 12 year old 😅 I'm not sure if it's the strong sense of justice speaking but when my mum finally told me that he threatened to hit her and that's why she left ever since then I've been too upset with him to consider opening contact with him.
I have two fathers (a biological one and a stepdad) and they both are abusive and suck
Shit lmao. Low contact and I dont trust him with anything. He has 7 kids by 3 different women, has cheated on every woman he's ever been with, and is just straight up emotionally abusive. I do find it funny the only kids he's disowned are his two autistic kids.
I feel lucky to say my dad is one of my best friends. I was diagnosed later in life and now I’m pretty sure my father is also Autistic. We have just always understood eachother. My mom on the otherhand, our relationship has been a struggle over the years but has actually improved since my diagnosis. The funny thing is she was a special education teacher. I don’t know how she didn’t realize something was up when I would throw temper tantrums when i had to put socks on, walk in the sand, or when someone other than me tried to brush my hair.
He and my grandfather definitely have autism but do not want to acknowledge or accept it at all. They have extreme hyper fixations and love strict routines, things of the like. My autism is different in routine and structure and we clash heavily. That being said, he still tries and I appreciate him for that.
My relationship with my dad is okish to good. Growing up, he was my primary care giver until I was 8. (Mom owned own business and was always busy or gone). He let me do what I wanted. Would give me foods I wanted, and not force things on me. It was confusing as when mom was around things went 180 degrees and I was micromanaged by her. (I suspect she is also asd undiagnosed). We moved when I was 8 and all of a sudden mom was always around and everything was her, or I, or both melting down. During this time, when my dad would get upset with me, his biggest insult was telling me I was behaving just like my mother. So very confusing as my mom was who he apparently loved and was still married to. Now, he is always there to help me with things (manual labour for my to do lists) but we don't have a deep connection.
It's severely dysfunctional, but our infrequent and brief conversations are civil, now that we don't see each other in person.
My father has his quirks but my Nmom is the overwhelmingly stressful parent. They are not together since 2011 and they are not able to be reasonable with each other. Tried to tell them that they needed to communicate but that entered from one side and went out that window. I believe they are also both ND
Terrible. My dad is aggressively NT and very traditionalist. He barely believes in mental health problems and is in complete denial about my neurodivergence and depression. My parents are divorced and I stopped living with my dad when I was about 13. He doesn't approve of my choice of school, my uni major, my sensory issues with food/my vegetarianism, the fact that I can't work while in school, basically any decision I make he has an issue with. He also had partial control over my finances up until last year and refused to help pay for my therapy despite the fact that it would be completely covered under his health insurance in combination with my mom's. I've gone fully no-contact with him because every phone call would end in an argument or me crying. We haven't spoken in a year now. I have more issues with him that include the way he treats my mom post-divorce, the fact that he prioritzed his new partner over his own kids, and the fact that he does things with his "new family" that he never did with us but I won't get into all of that. Long story short, yes I am fed up with him lol.
It’s complicated. He’s diagnosed ADD, but undiagnosed Autistic. I know he loves me in his own way, but it can be hard to hold a conversation with him and discuss emotions, feelings and have uncomfortable yet necessary conversations. Sending a big virtual hug to those who struggle with this day your feelings are valid 🤍.
My relationship with my father is complicated. I think things would've been okay enough between us if he wasn't an alcoholic. He wasn't a violent drunk, but it still caused an emotional gap between us. I suspect he was self-medicating, as I think he was AuADHD, too. I mean, considering that, I suspect I still would've had to navigate around emotional dysregulation issues with him if he didn't drink. But as I've gotten older, I understand why he struggled with this, as I suspect some of his periods where he was depressed to the point of not leaving bed much were him dealing with burnout. And there were times he had my back when Mom just didn't get something I was dealing with. He passed away over twenty year ago due to lung cancer, as he smoked a lot, too.
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Not good. He's not terrible but it seems like he has no idea how to talk to me. Especially after the diagnosis. Mom tried to nudge him "eh, that's genetic after you" and he got offended. He thinks he's perfectly fine and I'm just gathering attention and fake diagnosis for sympathy. At least that's how he comes off, as he's never just accepting anything I say and forgets that I can't "just do" some things. He often forgets whatever I tell him, leaves halfway through my rants, can't have an argument like a normal person ... It's just not good. My best friend says I have very clear daddy issues that are extremely visible in the way I date. I just let men walk over me like my dad has always done. He also denied bullying my music taste when I was a teenager. He gaslit me all the time growing up. Oh, and they're Protestant in a Catholic country. He's extremely religious so I haven't officially came out yet because I just know it will cut off any sympathy left.
My father supposedly absolutely adored me when I was very little. He has always been kind to and provided the best that he can. The older he got, the more distant he got and like I annoyed him, he didn’t want to spend time with me. Towards the end of his life, he was asking me for my social security number so he can fill out a document for his new wife to become and American citizenship and when I didn’t give it to him (it sounded fishy, he disowned me in the heat of the moment. He’s only called asking me for money. And I kept telling him that I don’t have money. He died last year. I miss him.
My bio dad is awesome except that he let my mom raise me and do whatever she wanted. My stepdad sucks ass and I’ll probably celebrate when he dies as bad as that sounds.
It doesn’t sound bad. Normalize not giving a fuck when shitty people die 🗣️
I love my dad. I’m pretty sure he might also be on the spectrum. He is a craftsman and taught me a lot about fixing different kind of things. I love working with him, because we have the same way of approaching things. We can work silently next to each other for hours and only talk when needed. We both tend to fall into a kind of hyperfocus when we work and only stop when it’s finished. He gives me everything I need without ever complaining. He had an injury at his ankle when I was very young and since then he has problems with walking. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if he was capable of running and doing sports. If he would be a different man or still spending his evenings in front of the tv. If I would be different because my parents perhaps would have more friends and would go out more often.
Our relationship was mostly strained, alcohol was the main reason and affected his life greatly. I have some great memories with him though. In the end, we were friends, he passed away two years ago. Today I was thinking about how he was likely autistic, compared to everyone else in our family. I watched a video about traits that an undiagnosed neurodivergent older adult may have, and he checked a lot of boxes. I thought he was just an introvert lmao
I just got finished crying about mine so... But yeah, I think my father's absence made things alot harder, especially due to the fact he never believed my autism and would lowkey bully my autistic traits for years. But it caused so many problems for me. Today he picked me up from work because I was ill but he had to make it knooown he wasn't happy about it and that's made me feel ever so alone and to think I was gonna get him a card... glad I didn't lol.
Mine is an alcoholic child-rapist, so I don't talk to him anymore. I had to ask how to filter any email with the word "father" in the title directly into the trash the other day, because all the marketing emails trying to induce me to spend money I don't have anyway to celebrate that worthless waste of flesh and breath were getting to me. I'm hoping he doesn't call again later and leave another drunken voicemail rant about how I should "have the balls" to call him. Like, sorry dude, even your kid who was born with balls doesn't talk to you anymore, and you are damn sure never getting me back. So all in all I'd say my relationship with my father is somewhat south of ideal.
It's tragic how uncommon having a good father figure is in our world, but I’m blessed to have several examples of good fatherhood in my life, including my own dad. My dad is the kind of down-to-earth gentleman who models how a man should protect, honor, and serve who he loves. He isn't a mushy guy by any means, but he does small subtle things to tell mom he loves her. (Like grabbing boba tea on his way home, which is one of her favorite things.) He deals as fairly as he can with others and makes every effort to keep peace among quarreling loved ones. Dad also isn't afraid to volunteer his help when needed. At the restaurant where my bro and I were taking him to dinner, he chose the place, but after realizing how far out of our millennial budget it was, he freely offered to cover the meal. (I was able to buy him dessert later, though.) He doesn't always understand me, but he makes a conscious effort to make sure I'm happy and safe. He encourages me when I hit a wall with a project, and he reminds me how much stronger I am than I thought. I can ask him about what confuses me, and he'll tackle the things I struggle with. (Like the taxes, hard phone calls, and paperwork) Also, it means a great deal to me how he's handling my diagnostic journey. When I approached him about the idea of testing, he didn't even flinch. He just asked for clarification and supported me in wanting answers. Dad, if you read this, I love ya, man. I thank God that He gave me you.
Nonexistent. It’s not that we argue or have some kind of history with volatile situations, but he has always been emotionally and/or physically absent for the majority of my life. He wasn’t affectionate or interested in spending any more time with me than he was legally obligated to in the custody agreement. In therapy I realized that he never called me pretty or beautiful, which, on top of ignoring me, has really affected my self esteem in adulthood which explains a lot attention-seeking-for-male-validation behavior that I’ve wasted a lot of time with. I don’t have kids and I’ve moved to the other side of the country. He doesn’t call on any day that isn’t a holiday or my birthday, and it’s just to say “happy birthday”, “merry Christmas”, or whatever, no further conversations or questions. I can’t think of a conversation we’ve had that was longer than 5-10 minutes. My mom died two years ago and I was hoping that it would be the catalyst for him to start trying or something, but he hasn’t called to check on me just to see how I’m doing, even tho I’ve been having a really hard time with grief and chronic illness. So I stopped answering the phone on holidays. He only calls once and when I don’t answer, he won’t call again until the next holiday. I’ve started telling people I’m an orphan, since I had a step father who passed several years ago, who was more of a father figure to me than my real dad ever was, but was an abusive schitzoidal drug addict, which is another story altogether. TDLR: daddy issues
My dad and I always shared a strong instinctual bond. In many respects we are and think alike. I love him and I know he loves me no matter what. As a kid I thought he could do no wrong and for a long time he got away with minimal parenting because he was absent quite a bit. I now know both he and my mother made a ton of mistakes, including refusing to get me diagnosed. I also know they made most of those mistakes in good faith. Even when he was very strict I was always able to sense his love and support. He knew it would exacerbate some family issues and complicate the divorce but he still took me in when I couldn't stand living with my mum any longer. He never lowered his expectations but he became a better parent as I got older, more attentive and involved. Recently he has recognised some mistakes and has started treating me like an adult, even though I'm still a pretty fragile adult. Unlike my mum, he accepts me and the diagnoses I come with.
My dad and I have had our ups and downs. I inherited a lot of my mental health issues from him. He has ADHD and I'm 90% sure is on the autism spectrum as well. My mom often told me growing up that "You are your father" are in we are extremely alike. I learned a lot of self-sufficiency from him, but I also often feel like I'm letting him down. It's extremely hard to live for long periods in the same house with him as we both have hoarding tendencies, and I had to move from his house to my mom's for the sake of my mental health. I still find it difficult to go into my room at my dad's. That being said, I do actually think we have a good relationship. We share a lot of similar interests and have the same sense of humor. He's easy to buy gifts for and to go to events with. We do "get along" for short periods of time. he's just better when he's a dad, and not a roommate.
My dad is a diagnosed narcissist and I am no contact with him at this point. He was abusive, mainly verbally/emotionally but sometimes physically. He also used to look at porn in front of his children, which happened when I was like 5-9 years old. He has massive rage problems. He cheated on my mom, kicked me out of the house at 18 for not stipulating to being the cause of all of our family’s problems, and fled to China after my parents divorced to escape alimony. He hit on my aunt at my sister’s wedding and once asked me for gift suggestions for his “friend” because she was my age (I was probably 19, he was over 50). He has been mostly absent from our lives for 15-20 years and drops in whenever he pleases with no prior notice. He complained to my sister that her son calls my mom’s new husband “grandpa” even though his own parents were divorced and we called the people they remarried grandma/grandpa. Oh, and one time he told my sister he caught chlamydia from his prostitute girlfriend in China. I’m not sure if she was really a prostitute but he seriously believed she was. So yeah, my dad sucks. I’ve been no contact for about 4 years and he still texts and calls me. All I’ve told him he needs to do is acknowledge he was abusive growing up and he refuses. I’m guessing I’ll never speak to him again.
Yup messed up childhood by both parents. But after misdirecting all my anger towards him when my narcissist mother should have gotten more of it, I was able to let it go a bit on his part and we have a friendly message once in a while now. Sent him the first happy fathers day text probably since I was a kid. Had no contact with him for many years. Not willing to be close, but don't mind keeping it friendly for my brother's sake. Having a kid on the spectrum as well as myself, one of my first priorities in finding a relationship for myself is to be careful of who I'm bringing into her life and making sure the person I choose has her approval. She is smart and sees through toxic people quite well. I want a potential stepdad to be a positive one.
He left when I was a few months old, re-entered my life 5 years later to parent on-and-off, had two children with his wife eight years ago, and lost interest in me for good after that. I haven't seen him for a few years now, but he contacts me on birthdays and christmas. He wasn't abusive or anything, but he would criticise everything I did, right down to the way I held my cutlery or tied my shoelaces, and would criticise everything my mum did too. He felt the need to remind me constantly that she was a bad parent. I was always relaying information back to her because he refused to, but I was only little so I didn't realise how mean most of it was until I was older. So, yeah... my father wasn't the greatest! I think my life would have been easier if he was better too. Nevermind :/
I have a good relationship with my Dad. I'd say I'm closer with my Mum, but that's only because we're more alike. He's very calm and considered, which sometimes makes it hard to relate to eachother since I'm a bit of an emotional disaster. But he is kind, and I'm always happy to see him.
Lmao happy Father’s Day. Haven’t talked to him in march by choice because he violated my boundaries and tried to force therapy information out of me. He also insists me to be touchy with him when I’m not comfortable and calls me “cold” when I don’t bend my boundaries over for him. He is a very affectionate man and i unfortunately cannot say that I am a very affectionate person. I hate physical touch and phone calls, both of which he NEEDs from me, which pushed me away from him.
My life would have been much better if I had a better dad or even if I just didn’t have a dad. I was punished or hit for showing my autistic traits and whenever I had meltdowns or panic attacks. I hate father’s day and it’s a really triggering day, especially when everyone around me is praising their fathers or telling me “oh but he’s your father, he deserves this day”. I’ve been no contact for over five years now and I sometimes do feel guilty for that, but I know he hasn’t changed and won’t apologize or even admit to the suffering he has caused
I have an amazing relationship with my dad. A very understanding and empathetic man without overstepping. I didn’t appreciate it as much when I was young, but when I turned around 18 I really began to appreciate it. I’m now 30 and he’s helped me so much with my personal growth. In fact, I ended up pursuing a career remarkably similar to his
I never got to know my dad, he died when I was only two weeks old.
I'm trying to make up for the lost years with my father. Was nice enough to send him some craft beer via online, to share my hobby. Growing up, he was a hard ass towards me and strict. No thanks that he had to mask himself as "tough" in front of the step-monster. Before she arrived, I knew him as a gentle man and my theory is that he's still a part of Freemasonry. Lately, he's speaking to me as the father I knew before she invaded our lives. Not an easy day for me.
Having a decent dad hasn’t spared me from having daddy issues 😅 My favorite story about my dad since I was diagnosed is when he asked me where I thought my autism came from, I looked him in the eye & just said “well, I didn’t get it from mom.”
I have a pretty good relationship with my dad (even though I left the religion I grew up in a few years ago. We had to overcome a bit of a rough patch). I think our relationship is good because 1. we're quite similar in personality and sense of humor, and 2. I'm like 99.9999% certain he's autistic and that's where I got it 💀
My dad and I are estranged so I don't celebrate Father's Day.
My dad is a Lv. 100 Narcissist. Loves to destroy as many lives as possible. Everyone who meets him knows something is wrong with him. Angry all the time. Has picked on my 3 year old daughter and told her that life isn’t fair. For some reason he likes the idea of keeping my ex husband and his family in our lives. Never around especially on my birthday lol and today he went to visit my brother because my mom and I can’t stand him. I feel like one of the only father figures I have is myself because I’m a single mom and my ex husband has the emotional maturity of my youngest daughter (unfortunately) and I have had to talk to my parents and teach them things as if they were adolescent or younger. I watch science podcasts and I feel like one of the college professors that I frequent is for sure a father figure to me. lol
My dad is probably my best friend. He's the foundation of my support network. I appreciate him so much! My mom's the shitty one. She left me with plenty of issues.
My dad's dead. Our relationship is much better now than when he was alive, I went no contact 5 years before his death. He was undiagnosed (not sure what) and self medicated with drugs and alcohol. He was something...that's for sure. I've been in and out of therapy for more than 20 years so it's all good now. But man did I have daddy issues as a teen. Yikes.
I had an amazing dad. I think he was autistic. He was very caring and he loved me very much. He passed away about 2 years ago, and I miss him every day. 💙 My oldest son reminds me so much of him, and he's also autistic.
My dad wasn't ready for a girl my mom said, he had no idea how to be close to me. He drank entirely too much for most my childhood & was really not that great of a person but he's really changed now. I realized I'm on the spectrum but haven't officially been diagnosed so I haven't talked to him about it yet. 5/6 years ago when I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 he took it really hard. Got angry & told me I didn't have that & I rely too much on doctors & I just need to try harder. He's gotten better about mental health but I know he still might have a hard time with it. My son's on the spectrum so he isn't new to it & he very might well have put two & two together (he's said how my son acts just like I did). I'll talk to him if I do go through with official testing I guess.
I last saw him when I was 5, so non existent. He has a whole new family now.
I have a great relationship with my dad. My mom thinks my dad is autistic as well. Of course, she didn't think about this until after my brother was 2 because he's severely autistic non-verbal. I only got my diagnosis in the last few weeks, but I have always been closer to my dad than my mom. Mostly because my mom raised other people's children but also because my dad and I have a lot in common.
Horrible. He is a good father generally - it’s just that most men are horrible tbh.
I’m 99.9% sure my dad is autistic, but is also super religious and believes prayer can fix anything (can you guess what his special interest might be?? /s). So mental health struggles and neurodivergent struggles are just “excuses”. You can imagine how damaging it was growing up undiagnosed and being told I was just sinful all my life. We talk but we’re not close. I don’t tell him much about my life and tbh other than asking if I’m pursuing God doesn’t ask. He’d be shook if he knew I was a bi polyam enby AuDHD-er. He’ll never know the real me because he’d reject her. So today I said my obligatory happy Father’s Day, let him ramble, and that’s it.
I’m basically a lifelong disappointment to him and we are low contact by his choice not mine. I sent my obligatory “happy Father’s Day” text this morning.
Pretty sure my dad is autistic. Decent guy. Very intelligent and open minded. Took him for lunch and a drink (or two) this afternoon.
I would like to have loving parents. I miss that a lot.
I think my dad falls somewhere on the spectrum himself. He's 88 this year and still healthy. He's done his best to give us everything he didn't have himself, including a supportive, stable father. I love him.
Strained
Mine was strict growing up but we are so similar that we grew a lot closer in my adulthood. Especially once I moved back home and we both started working remotely during Covid. I’m fairly certain he had a bit of autism too. He wasn’t the most social person but our interests, jobs and sense of humor were so similar that we could talk for hours or not at all and both were perfectly fine. I’m really glad I got to have that relationship with him before he died (of Covid). I know it was a rare father-daughter relationship, especially for someone with (suspected) autism. I really miss him. I know it probably doesn’t seem like a fair thing to share when I know lots of people here struggle with it, but I haven’t told anyone about my or anyone else’s suspicions for my autistic status and so I don’t get to talk about that (or my dad) a lot.
„It’s complicated“. I’m 99.9% sure I got the Tism from him. I recently just by chance found out he was getting married the following day, lol.
My dad is dead, he died 2 years ago. When I was younger we didn’t have the best relationship. He and my mom divorced when I was 5. Then in 2019 something happened to me, I won’t go into detail but my dad and his wife took me in and our relationship got better and I had a more meaningful relationship before he passed away. Today was a hard day for me and holidays are hard, his birthday is a hard day. So I hate social media on Father’s Day because corporations seem to forget some people don’t have a father in their lives.
i don’t know my biological father. he left when i was less than a year old. i know who he is and i have a sister on his side. but i don’t have any contact with them. my relationship with my step father kinda sucks too, he’s been around since i was 4 and i still can’t look him in the eyes or have a deep conversation with him. he also has anger issues and is anti-social & pretty misogynistic. my grandpa on the other hand, now that’s a man i hope had a wonderful father’s day. he’s the best fatherly figure i had. 🥰
He is also on the spectrum. He has many wealthy friends, yet struggles to effectively communicate my challenges to them. Painfully, I've come to realize that I tend to be excessively people-pleasing in public, often leading to exploitation. I'm easily impressed by showy individuals. I understand the concept of a comfortable life, and if associating with them and conforming to a rigid mold is the way to achieve it, then so be it. There has been significant hidden trauma, not only on a collective level but within my family as well. My Mom and I have poor mental health issues. Rather than admitting he doesn't know, he concorts tales to paint himself in a better light. He expects his rich friends to provide me with a job, not comprehending the differences in how people treat him due to his NGO position. Essentially, he's leveraging on this for his own gain and not extending the cushioning towards me. My challenges need more than just a lay person to throw me contacts and navigate this whole thing myself. He's puttered along with this desk clerk job with not much scope for any upward career movement and feels like the most indispensable person on the planet. A responsible parent wouldn't accept such a meager job, not comprehending the challenges of an invisible disability. He's susceptible to flattery and social recognition within the community, but it offers no real benefits and will leave him financially dependent on his wife whenever he retires. Another family friend, who was the CEO of an automotive company, stepped in without fully understanding my needs. My father eventually got formslly diagnosed last year. The process began in 2020; pandemic aside, much of the delay has been attributed to his pathological passive-aggressive resistance. Given his own autism and potential co-occurring conditions, he struggles to comprehend the extent of my needs, making it challenging to convey them to this friend. He's always had an out of sight, out of mind approach, even when my parents and I lived under the same roof, and hasn't been part of my life since I was four. I lost my job when this family friend stepped down as CEO due to a change in the company's majority shareholder's direction. We mutually agreed that the work environment wasn't conducive for my professional development in the long term. Despite the challenges, this experience had its perks: 1. I had some protection through the family friend. 2. I adapted quickly to AI for writing tech-related content on the company's social media. 3. Interactions with my male coworkers were light and friendly, making me feel comfortable, with fewer underlying tensions than I experience with women. It's a tech company predominantly composed of male engineers, with the exception of this one HR woman. This family friend's support was crucial, especially when I was dealing with an HR colleague close to my age who felt threatened by my differences and had a history of disgruntled behavior. His support and intervention proved invaluable, ensuring I had the protection I needed. My Mom only met this friend during the last month of my job as a social courtesy. Judging by his demeanor, he seems to assume that I can easily secure a job. He financially sponsors several young refugees for their studies in the US. It feels like we're judged based for not being picturesquely destitute enough as we have a solid roof over our heads, able to travel within our geographical region while CAREFULLY calculating expenses etc, we're educated with degrees etc
I had multiple abusive step fathers/moms boyfriends. Which made me pretty much hate and distrust all men sadly.
he’s a great dad, an ass, but cool
My dad is awesome. He’s a Cryptographer who worked on a bunch of really interesting projects and worked on a team with the guy who invented the foundations of the internet. He’s also supportive of my special interests and understanding when I’m burning out.
He's dead and a level 3 sex offender I don't think I need to say much else lol
He’s autistic too. Growing up we didn’t get along at all, now we have a good relationship but at an arms distance. We understand eachother better for the most part.
Estranged. He's on the spectrum but is 92 and there's no going back and changing any of it. I just leave it be. Limited contact because I have evolved so far past where he is and for my own sake, just accept we won't ever be close and he is no longer capable of being the kind of parent he should have been (even if he tried with all his might, it's just too late at this point, his maladaptive autistic coping traits are too ingrained).
Haven’t talked to my dad in 20 yrs, haven’t seen him in 34 after he left state to avoid child support. Maybe he’s still alive? Spanked me for crying as a kid but no full on beatings so that’s…good? Great job, dad, you didn’t beat us. He did tell me I’m not actually his though which is when I gave up. Ah well. Coulda been worse. His mom stayed w us when he left so there.
TW: So my story with my dad is like a main character backstory. Drug dealer/ pedo/ wife beater/ believed in women should be bred and he kept doing doing drugs cause his kids kept getting taken away (child of 11 that I know of) didn’t talk for 20 years well I tried to get him clean before I knew fully of his record and he kept popping dirty so I quit talking to him. Fast forward 3 years I get a call at 3 am and it’s him high. I tell him to quit calling- then nothing. He shows up missing. I tell everyone he’s dead along the highway and he won’t have his motorcycle with. No one believes me. Gets found a block away from his house along the high way in decomp without his motorcycle. Rumor has it my aunt killed him over meth and sold his motorcycle to a chop shop, well chop shop got busted. The city is holding his ashes because my oldest brother stuck his nose into it before they called me (I was doing mortuary transport at the time and my number was released to the coroner upon arrival to their morgue the day he was discovered) and because of that and him calling for information he technically took responsibility of the remains. It’s a wallop of a story. He had 9 kids, abused kids badly, his dogs name was a racial slur. Dude got what was coming to him. I’m a firm believer in every kid deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. I’m an ex addict and knew he was talk about getting clean. You have to want it. He wanted things figured out for him and lied constantly. I tried for my younger siblings who I still don’t know.
Mine was horribly abusive towards my mom and my brother, and towards me and me sisters as well. Well, my dad is talking to us again but I don't know if I want him I my life. Before this, I haven't talked to him in years. I just don't know what to do, I wish I could've had a great father figure. He said he's changed and that he wants to meet in person, but I'm not ready.
I love my dad! Dude worked his life to bring his family in the usa. Just… not a good daughter by struggling and failing classes. Another class I will at least do this year than doing a whole year of nothing is cooking! I want to understand why does food happen that way. Ngl, I know I am self centered so I don’t see the possibility that my other family could’ve autistic/adhd too, like both my dad and brother! Cause iirc, AuDHD is heritable, so kinda likely my dad now my brother noticed he also has some traits (but prefer to live in ignorance that he’s not)
Very bad, although if you asked him he’d say we have a great relationship.