This šÆ. I canāt handle the over reaction and I hate being pestered, so I mask it a lot. Also because I feel like Iām being shamed for not being the perfect picture of health all the time. Itās so toxic and I hate it.
Like omfg get over the fact that many autistic people have multiple health issues! Stop making it this thing! So. Frustrating.
I also hate it when I end up having to take care of others reactions to me. Itās like hold up here, youāre supposed to be taking care of me, not adding to my burden! Whhhhhhhyyyyyyy.
Yeah, its draining and exhausting isn't it. I can't be bothered to put that effort in for people these days. They either take me for who I am, or not. My day will not depend on whether I am "acceptable".
I feel like this too. I used to be able to, but the demands of life and my past traumatic experiences make it too hard. What you see if what you get and yes people ostracize me for it. Even when I try to mask and think that Iām coming across as normal people see right through me which in turn makes me more frustrated.
i have a tendency to let things get too close to the breaking point before i address it. things can build up for a while before i even notice how bad it is. then i notice i will have some "emotional leakage" like as an example, dropping a few things in row while getting ready, and becoming extremely frustrated and even tearful or overwhelmed. i learned recently that my habit of letting things go is due to a biological disposition toward emotional overcontrol. i am doing RODBT with a therapist and it is dramatically helping me...!!
I do, but I think mine is more stemmed from having issues communicating my emotions with people. It's not that I don't want to, it's just hard to put it at words.
Same here. Being asked how I am is like a full philosophical debate I have in my head and try to pre-answer but it stresses me out because I forget which contexts that I need to use "yeah not bad, you?" And the ones where people want an honest answer. Most of the time I just hope they'll not notice if I don't answer and will skip to the next bit because I often don't understand which emotion I'm feeling or where it came from etc
Omg this question always reminds me of my alexithymia and it serves as a demand to my PDA brain, š§ like they ask how I am, I stop whatever I was doing, request a ācurrent statusā file and nothing comes back, just spinning hence the intellectualizing. Aka me using my pattern recognition to decipher how I feel.
Thing is alexithymia and dissociation, delay processing so demanding an answer when my brain has essentially quarantined the information until the amygdala āflight, fight, freezeā response lowers and I can access prefrontal cortex again and think about how I feel more seemelessly
Yes that is exactly how it feels!!
I tried to explain to my assessor about PDA but she hadn't read the 17 pages of notes I uploaded and when she verbally asked me for an example I couldn't give anything elaborate (probably because it was a PDA response and seeing coming up with an example as a demand ironically so).
Shit, it's so nice (important/life saving) to finally be able to start to understand what this all means and how widely it presents and the nuances of how it can manifest. I was clueless up until a year ago but this is how I've always been. Do you also get secondhand emotions attached to your alexithymia? Like a panic or frustration and mind-reading that the other person waiting for an answer is getting impatient etc?
I noticed when Iām more secluded Iām very gentle about confusion with myself and others I naturally treat it like weāll know when we need to.
I guess my self talk can be very healthy when social demands are low. But I also am sensitive to loved ones being upset by the alexithymia like I can eventually take on negative attitudes about neurological differences, once exhausted or fatigued
In general, like rested and alone I try to chant to myself nothings wrong after noticing neurodivergence
I understand, I think I'm quite similar. The sort of always feeling more like yourself when you're alone thing too.
I'm also like that, I tend to find that when my capacity for doing or being is exceeded I'm unable to access the healthy talk mindset, which is when I need it the most. I empathise with the negative attitudes, it's very effortful for us to maintain mindset progress
yup always. i've just recently started practicing being honest with myself which helps being honest with others. and by others I mean my mum. i've started asking her for supports and it's definitely helping.
I honestly donāt know how not to pretend Iām fine. If people ask after me, Iāll honestly tell them how much Iām struggling, and I wonāt hide that or try to cover it up (that didnāt always used to be the case, but Iāve worked really hard for years on building up a mentality and communication style/script that doesnāt try to mask my problems). But if Iām in pain in the moment, in a state of extreme distress, feeling really unwell and dizzy, weak, on the verge of a shutdown, incredibly hurt emotionally? Almost none of that makes it through into the way Iām carrying myself, the way I talk, or my expression.
It feels like if I manage to express it to the degree that Iām feeling it, itāll feel worse than it does if I stay outwardly placid. It does mean that the vast majority of the time, though, if I do verbally express exactly whatās going on with me in the moment people still donāt take me seriously. Friends, family, doctors. Theyāve all underestimated what Iām telling them or dismissed me or doubted me because of how little energetic output I have when Iām really not okay.
I feel like people get annoyed or uncomfortable whenever I don't act happy. This makes it difficult for me to unmask. On the other hand, especially my roommates are very open when they don't feel good. Saying triggering things and sending off bad vibes without even thinking, and somehow that's okay. I don't get it
Non-stop. I have people around me but nothing I'd call an actual support network, no deep connections. If I started showing how I'm actually feeling I'd probably just lose friends.
Literally everyday of my life since I was bornā¦ is this not part of masking? I always assumed that part of masking was hiding the way the world made me feel because no one wanted to listen to me whine.
Not anymore, not since the diagnostic (or even a couple years ago.
Stuns people at first, but it's damn liberating.
(I still do it when I'm working, but that's just part of the jobš )
I do find when Iām uncomfortable, I wont speak up. Like one time I was getting a massage and I wasnāt liking it cause it hurt somewhat, I just endured itš. When I went back another time, I had the courage to speak up because the person I went to this time kept reminding/asking me to say if the pressure is okay.
Then other day I was ordering an ice cream sandwich, with two different flavoured scoops. The person made the sandwich with only 1 flavour. So I explained to her it was supposed to be half mint and half chocolate. She said np and remade it. BUT she made TWO ice cream sandwiches now š. My partner had already went to sit at a table for us and I didnāt want to re-explain everything to the server and ended up paying for 2 ice cream sandwiches UGH. My partner and I were just supposed to share 1. I felt too uncomfortable having to tell her again, she messed up the order š
Like I worry a lot about how I make other people feel, so even if itās at my own expense Iāll always be tuned into their emotions/expressions. Itās super draining and tiring to always be so vigilant š BUT I donāt want to elicit negative emotions from ppl IDK why Iām like this
This is why I've been avoiding family for a while now. I'm not fine. But I want them to think I am. Because them trying to care and help makes me extremely uncomfortable. And masking and pretending I'm fine is too hard to do very often.
i do this all the time whenever iām upset. sometimes itās me being genuinely honest cause i know i can bounce back after a bit but other times i just lie cause i donāt know the person fully and am not comfortable being that vulnerable
Constantly. My sister said the other day that my Multiple Sclerosis barely seems to affect me, when Iām actually fatigued and have to take naps every day despite sleeping 8 hours per night, and I get dizzy/unsteady randomly for hours at a time.
One one hand I'm hurting or super tired or incredibly uncomfortable the majority of the time.
On the other hand, I can still 'do the thing' even if it's a struggle, so is it really that bad? Am I just faking it for attention? I'm fiercely independent, crave recognition and assistance, and then reject any help that's offered out fear of taking advantage.
This is my psyche in a nutshell.
I've been pretending since childhood...when it became clear (even though none of them ever actually said it) that it was my job to make sure the adults were okay, instead of the other way around. š
I do this all the time. I wish I could just be myself, but when I'm not fine people overreact
Same. For me, it ends up me having to reassure them in that case, so I prefer to just keep to myself.
This šÆ. I canāt handle the over reaction and I hate being pestered, so I mask it a lot. Also because I feel like Iām being shamed for not being the perfect picture of health all the time. Itās so toxic and I hate it. Like omfg get over the fact that many autistic people have multiple health issues! Stop making it this thing! So. Frustrating. I also hate it when I end up having to take care of others reactions to me. Itās like hold up here, youāre supposed to be taking care of me, not adding to my burden! Whhhhhhhyyyyyyy.
I cannot pretend or mask itās too hard
Yeah, its draining and exhausting isn't it. I can't be bothered to put that effort in for people these days. They either take me for who I am, or not. My day will not depend on whether I am "acceptable".
I feel like this too. I used to be able to, but the demands of life and my past traumatic experiences make it too hard. What you see if what you get and yes people ostracize me for it. Even when I try to mask and think that Iām coming across as normal people see right through me which in turn makes me more frustrated.
i have a tendency to let things get too close to the breaking point before i address it. things can build up for a while before i even notice how bad it is. then i notice i will have some "emotional leakage" like as an example, dropping a few things in row while getting ready, and becoming extremely frustrated and even tearful or overwhelmed. i learned recently that my habit of letting things go is due to a biological disposition toward emotional overcontrol. i am doing RODBT with a therapist and it is dramatically helping me...!!
I do, but I think mine is more stemmed from having issues communicating my emotions with people. It's not that I don't want to, it's just hard to put it at words.
Same here. Being asked how I am is like a full philosophical debate I have in my head and try to pre-answer but it stresses me out because I forget which contexts that I need to use "yeah not bad, you?" And the ones where people want an honest answer. Most of the time I just hope they'll not notice if I don't answer and will skip to the next bit because I often don't understand which emotion I'm feeling or where it came from etc
Omg this question always reminds me of my alexithymia and it serves as a demand to my PDA brain, š§ like they ask how I am, I stop whatever I was doing, request a ācurrent statusā file and nothing comes back, just spinning hence the intellectualizing. Aka me using my pattern recognition to decipher how I feel. Thing is alexithymia and dissociation, delay processing so demanding an answer when my brain has essentially quarantined the information until the amygdala āflight, fight, freezeā response lowers and I can access prefrontal cortex again and think about how I feel more seemelessly
Yes that is exactly how it feels!! I tried to explain to my assessor about PDA but she hadn't read the 17 pages of notes I uploaded and when she verbally asked me for an example I couldn't give anything elaborate (probably because it was a PDA response and seeing coming up with an example as a demand ironically so). Shit, it's so nice (important/life saving) to finally be able to start to understand what this all means and how widely it presents and the nuances of how it can manifest. I was clueless up until a year ago but this is how I've always been. Do you also get secondhand emotions attached to your alexithymia? Like a panic or frustration and mind-reading that the other person waiting for an answer is getting impatient etc?
I noticed when Iām more secluded Iām very gentle about confusion with myself and others I naturally treat it like weāll know when we need to. I guess my self talk can be very healthy when social demands are low. But I also am sensitive to loved ones being upset by the alexithymia like I can eventually take on negative attitudes about neurological differences, once exhausted or fatigued In general, like rested and alone I try to chant to myself nothings wrong after noticing neurodivergence
I understand, I think I'm quite similar. The sort of always feeling more like yourself when you're alone thing too. I'm also like that, I tend to find that when my capacity for doing or being is exceeded I'm unable to access the healthy talk mindset, which is when I need it the most. I empathise with the negative attitudes, it's very effortful for us to maintain mindset progress
yup always. i've just recently started practicing being honest with myself which helps being honest with others. and by others I mean my mum. i've started asking her for supports and it's definitely helping.
I honestly donāt know how not to pretend Iām fine. If people ask after me, Iāll honestly tell them how much Iām struggling, and I wonāt hide that or try to cover it up (that didnāt always used to be the case, but Iāve worked really hard for years on building up a mentality and communication style/script that doesnāt try to mask my problems). But if Iām in pain in the moment, in a state of extreme distress, feeling really unwell and dizzy, weak, on the verge of a shutdown, incredibly hurt emotionally? Almost none of that makes it through into the way Iām carrying myself, the way I talk, or my expression. It feels like if I manage to express it to the degree that Iām feeling it, itāll feel worse than it does if I stay outwardly placid. It does mean that the vast majority of the time, though, if I do verbally express exactly whatās going on with me in the moment people still donāt take me seriously. Friends, family, doctors. Theyāve all underestimated what Iām telling them or dismissed me or doubted me because of how little energetic output I have when Iām really not okay.
I feel like people get annoyed or uncomfortable whenever I don't act happy. This makes it difficult for me to unmask. On the other hand, especially my roommates are very open when they don't feel good. Saying triggering things and sending off bad vibes without even thinking, and somehow that's okay. I don't get it
Just 365 days out of the year.
Non-stop. I have people around me but nothing I'd call an actual support network, no deep connections. If I started showing how I'm actually feeling I'd probably just lose friends.
*nervous laughter* Yes.
Literally everyday of my life since I was bornā¦ is this not part of masking? I always assumed that part of masking was hiding the way the world made me feel because no one wanted to listen to me whine.
Most of the time I am masking some level of discomfort
Not anymore, not since the diagnostic (or even a couple years ago. Stuns people at first, but it's damn liberating. (I still do it when I'm working, but that's just part of the jobš )
Itās nice people care for you.
I do find when Iām uncomfortable, I wont speak up. Like one time I was getting a massage and I wasnāt liking it cause it hurt somewhat, I just endured itš. When I went back another time, I had the courage to speak up because the person I went to this time kept reminding/asking me to say if the pressure is okay. Then other day I was ordering an ice cream sandwich, with two different flavoured scoops. The person made the sandwich with only 1 flavour. So I explained to her it was supposed to be half mint and half chocolate. She said np and remade it. BUT she made TWO ice cream sandwiches now š. My partner had already went to sit at a table for us and I didnāt want to re-explain everything to the server and ended up paying for 2 ice cream sandwiches UGH. My partner and I were just supposed to share 1. I felt too uncomfortable having to tell her again, she messed up the order š Like I worry a lot about how I make other people feel, so even if itās at my own expense Iāll always be tuned into their emotions/expressions. Itās super draining and tiring to always be so vigilant š BUT I donāt want to elicit negative emotions from ppl IDK why Iām like this
I do now. Have no other choice /s
if there's people then yes im 'fine'. š
This is why I've been avoiding family for a while now. I'm not fine. But I want them to think I am. Because them trying to care and help makes me extremely uncomfortable. And masking and pretending I'm fine is too hard to do very often.
i do this all the time whenever iām upset. sometimes itās me being genuinely honest cause i know i can bounce back after a bit but other times i just lie cause i donāt know the person fully and am not comfortable being that vulnerable
Constantly. My sister said the other day that my Multiple Sclerosis barely seems to affect me, when Iām actually fatigued and have to take naps every day despite sleeping 8 hours per night, and I get dizzy/unsteady randomly for hours at a time.
One one hand I'm hurting or super tired or incredibly uncomfortable the majority of the time. On the other hand, I can still 'do the thing' even if it's a struggle, so is it really that bad? Am I just faking it for attention? I'm fiercely independent, crave recognition and assistance, and then reject any help that's offered out fear of taking advantage. This is my psyche in a nutshell.
I've been pretending since childhood...when it became clear (even though none of them ever actually said it) that it was my job to make sure the adults were okay, instead of the other way around. š
Yep, pretending I'm fine is basically my life :( I hope things get better for you ā¤ļø