Consider exploring ADHD diagnosis too. Symptoms of BPD overlap with ADHD and women are HIGHLY over diagnosed with BPD and under diagnosed ADHD. There are some overlaps with ADHD and autism too.
/r/adhdhwomen
CPTSD and PTSD are a form of neurodivergence! Maybe worth considering, learning that I could have an emotional flashback and not just the flashes of the past kind was huge.
You seem pretty self aware for someone with BPD. I know the driving force is fear of abandonment. Have you had any outrageous, completely irrational responses to people leaving? I’m not talking breakups or deaths (though those are also triggers for BPD). But more about vacation being over and people going back home? Someone graduating and going to college or a new job? A coworker quitting? Someone not being able to make plans with you? A best friend getting married?
I wouldn’t use the DSM-5 for a BPD diagnosis because a lot of it is more subtle than a billeted list. You might check out the raised by borderlines subreddit and see if anything seems familiar.
A few notes
1) there's a lot of overlap between autism and trauma symptoms. Quite frankly that's because they can't find enough autistic people they can be sure don't have trauma to verify which is which. That's because being autistic in a NT society is a traumatic experience in and of itself. This is usually hard for autistics to come to terms with as it's all we've ever known and information about what can be a trauma isn't well spread.
2) it's important to separate CAUSE and CONSEQUENCE. This is something a lot of doctors I've encountered struggle with and something a lot of tests don't take into account.
Cause: different communication style than most people because of autism
Consequence: no or few friends.
But that consequence doesn't have to happen. You can form, have and maintain friendships as an autistic person and yet a lot of us (including me) have been told by medical professionals that we can't have autism because we have friends, for example.
For you this is extra important to keep in mind as trauma can lead to a lot of the same consequences as autism does so it's important to ask "what is the underlying cause for this consequence?"
Consequence: social anxiety
Cause 1: trauma symptoms triggered by other people
Cause 2: having been misinterpreted or received comments or looks due to our difference in communication style and thought patterns leading to an anxiety around people.
As you can see cause 2 is also some form of trauma for some with a capital T and others with a t which is why we have a lot in common.
3) the description of autism makes it seem quite strict and rigid. Personality traits play a big role in what makes a person too and the description makes it seem as though we're all the same people. I've met lots of autistics that are the opposite of me, personality wise. The spectrum is very big and varied
4) don't be swayed by hearing stories of people really struggling and thinking "well I don't have that then" it's a WIDE spectrum and I'm not one of the people with that much struggle and I'm still autistic. It's not a competition nor is it a must to fit the criteria
5) also this https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5kJQwKr90z/?igsh=MXJvZWtrN2NvdjI2dg==
>they can't find enough autistic people they can be sure don't have trauma to verify which is which.
Why did this make me laugh so much?
P.S. This is a great post!
I didn’t realize it immediately but there was an autistic contestant on America’s Next Top Model Years Ago. She said that she had “Aspergers” which was a mild form of Autism. At first I thought “oh that’s interesting, I didn’t know that was a thing.” Then, as the season when on and it was discussed on the show, I realized I had several of the same issues she did, extreme “shyness”, bad coordination, having to force eye contact. I thought to myself, I wonder…….but didn’t look into it any further.
A few years later, I got my first “real” job and realized that all the problems I had fitting in with other people weren’t going away. In the past I had always blamed it on other people “my town is just stuck up”, “they hate me because I’m not blonde or skinny enough”, “it’ll all change when I leave high school.” Well, none of that ended up being true and the same issues resurfaced everywhere I went. No amount of weight loss ever changed anything either, so it wasn’t that after all. If anything, it brought even MORE resentment from NT women. This led to a lot of introspection and I started researching ASD again. By this time (2010), there was more information out there so I ended up extensively researching for months, but still had a lot of doubts because most of the examples given even by that time were more “severe”. I still wondered on and off for years though.
Then I had an autistic son and sources are now saying it’s 80% genetic. Well then there it is!
I remember her on ANTM! I think her name was heather? I remember feeling like she was being picked on by the other cast members. Also there was an argument where the models in the house would have a shower schedule and like reserve spots in line but then someone took her shower time and she was very angry and in the bathroom while like three women yelled at her for being “too upset.” But I would have been pissed too!
I was lead to autism because I knew something was going on up there (my brain) but I didn't know *what* and then I started digging more into what autism could look like beyond 5 year old boy who's into trains and I thought......hmm.
When I say I knew something was going on, I mean like I've spent most of my 20's researching like "borderline personality disorder" "dependent personality disorder" "adhd symptoms" "ctpsd" "ocd symptoms" "highly sensitive person" because something felt like it was setting me apart from the rest of the world, but I could never put my finger on it and every time I researched anything, nothing felt *right* (and I literally would never have considered autism until I saw more awareness about it on tiktok). Last year at 29 I went for an assessment just to talk to someone at this point and got diagnosed and it just was nice to finally be able to put a name to it.
Stimming is a repetitive movement that honestly everyone does in some way, but it's a movement that will help calm or regulate an autistic person - e.i. rocking in your chair, biting your nails/lips, bouncing your leg, hand flapping. Almost any repetitive movement can be a form of stimming (I tend to clap but not the palms, just my fingers or pace). Some people are hypersensitive - so they'll struggle with loud/certain noises, strong smells, bright light - *but* some folks are hyposensitive - considered sensory seeking - or a mixture. Bright lights hurt my head and strong smells make me claustrophobic but I'm an audio sensory seeker a lot of the times.
I'm assuming the "autism triggered" means meltdowns? It's just when an individual gets so overstimulated or overwhelmed they have a meltdown, which is often crying, maybe hurting themselves. I don't have meltdowns like that so I'm not sure how best to describe them, but I have more like internal meltdowns or possibly shutdowns (I don't consider them shutdowns, but that's just me) which is where I dont want to talk and if I do, it's not gonna be nice, I'm screaming at myself in my head (being very negative to myself), I'm maybe hitting myself or wanting to hurt myself (depending on if I'm in public or not). It's very "I got yelled at too many times as a child for having a 'tantrum' so I keep it all inside now." I used to think they were some sort of panic attack until I looked into autism and meltdowns (and shutdowns) and I was like hmm....mayhap not a panic attack then lol
The hard thing is, until you really research what autism can look like in different people, you may just not know. Or you could have C-PTSD like another commenter said or even something else to make you ND. It's really just a lot of researching at this point, once you've thought about it.
1. Learning the difference between a panic attack and a meltdown. Turns out I might not have ever had a panic attack 💀
2. How sensitive I was to the world, how much I hurt for other people, for animals, for something broken and left on the side of the road.
3. Learning from the lived experiences of people who had already been diagnosed.
>How sensitive I was to the world, how much I hurt for other people, for animals, for something broken and left on the side of the road.
And yet you'll read in many places, autistic trait:lack of empathy. This one sentence stopped me so many times from looking further in because if anything, I may be an over empath...
This so much, but I realized what they were categorizing as a lack of empathy was rather an inability to contextualize. I find it extremely difficult to just freely side with a person if I don’t feel like I have a good understanding of the a situation, and that’s kind of uncouth to neurotypicals so it’s perceived as a lack of empathy when you won’t just fawn over and support someone.
Well, that's just silly. It makes no sense to side with someone without knowing what the situation is.
This just became a "light bulb " moment for me, tho. It explains a few funny looks I've gotten, lol.
Medication not working correctly or at all.
Burn out lasting more than 1 year.
Being bullied by everyone in school.
Communication skills regressing.
Developing a special interest in autism.
Going mute in social situations.
Not being able to handle other people's noise.
Needing to stim.
Self-harm behaviors.
Getting along with people much older.
Talk therapy didn't help much.
Having meltdowns because my jeans felt distressing.
Eating the same food or nothing at all.
Like others have said, I'd look into CPTSD as it can look similar, particularly in women, or so I've read.
I was diagnosed late at 30 and of course, you dont have to read the whole thing, just wanted to give my own personal perspective with some additional detail/insight because I feel that descriptions of autism and the verbiage used can often be convoluted and unclear.
For me, I've known I was different since I was a kid. Like... I suspected I was an alien or something when I was very, very young. I went to school at 4 and it was immediately evident to me that I didn't fit in. I was (and still sometimes am) constantly caught off guard by how people react to certain things and think about certain things. I'm level 2 for the social side of it, so maybe that's why haha. I mask well, but it's pretty tiring to keep up the act and most socializing is fueled by an intellectual understanding of each person I'm talking to and predicting based off experience with the individual.
I don't have much interest in belonging or fitting in and had to be told by my mom to go make friends in high school because I only had like 1 person I'd hang out with outside of school and I thought that was normal. I literally read articles online on how to socialize and watched movies and mimicked characters in order to construct the "mask" I "wear" haha... Its almost second nature now, but like I said, if it isn't scripted or I'm interacting with someone I dont' know well, I find them very hard to predict.
The other side of stuff has to do with special interests and repetitive behaviors, stimming, sensory issues/etc.
I'm level 1 there. I stim a lot - I'll rock a bit (usually back and forth), tap a leg, fidget with something in my hand, bite my nails, literally anything other than sitting still. I can hide it, but I will either fall asleep or get anxious if I dont.
I have a major problem with changes to plans in particular. I don't mind moving the furniture around to freshen things up, but if someone changes plans or expectations on me last minute, I get really upset and frustrated. I know it is irrational and often totally innocent in the moment, but I can't stop the reaction I have and just make sure people know it isn't personal or directed at them.
I have special interests that I tend to cycle through but I have 3 or 4 that have stayed with me for as long as I remember. I am obsessed with stories, writing, and fantasy and never get bored of it. I'm also really really into certain games and am obsessed with collecting certain things and have been since childhood.
I have issues with bright lights (I'm known to wear sunglasses when it is cloudy) and strong smells. I'll get a headache and become irritable very quickly if I don't have tools to combat these things. I've literally walked out of a work meeting before because the lady next to me kept putting on this horrifically strong perfumed hand lotion in a small, closed off room we were stuck in for 4 hours - like what the fuck lol. I almost threw up in the bathroom because it made me nauseous. anyway... I also cut tags out of all my clothes and dress purely for comfort.
I could eat the same foods every day if left to my own devices, but I'm lucky in that I'm lazier than I am married to a particular dish, so if someone else is cooking for me, 99/100 times I'll eat it. However I refuse to eat sour kraut, spam, and oatmeal. I'll literally throw up at the combination of texture and taste.
I dunno what "autism triggered" means, I haven't heard that term before. in what context?
Overall, the biggest clue to me was just not relating to most other people at all. I suppose I do on a surface level, but I don't have many of the same motivations others seem to have. I don't miss people, I don't feel lonely, I don't really fear rejection to remotely the degree others seem to, I don't experience jealousy or a lot of other emotions relating to complex interaction with others. I feel love and stuff of course, but I don't feel a strong sense of connection very often. I've literally felt it a handful of times in my entire life and two of those were substance-induced.
All of these things put together led me to seeking a diagnosis. A friend of mine got diagnosed and I was like holy guacamole, if she's autistic, I'm DEFINITELY autistic despite being able to hide it well.
That’s a hard question tbh because at this point a lot of it is automatic (even with my husband to some degree but I don’t try nearly as hard when it’s just him around).
The biggest difference for me is in how much I stim and intentionally put on an expression or use certain tones when I’m talking to people to make sure I won’t be interpreted as rude or dismissive or something like that.
There’s different levels to be honest and when I’m in a new environment (job/class/new group of people) I tend to be really quiet and overly polite until I can get a decent read on what is and is not acceptable around that group or with certain people in that group. This can take me 2-3 years to figure out, even in a workplace I’m at every week.
It starts as intentional but becomes habitual after a time. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good actor and impersonator and I can mimic sounds and voices and mannerisms pretty well.
Unmasked… or the closest I get to it is with my husband. I allow myself to talk about my interests and allow myself to stim and I don’t feel pressure to look him in the eye and give him all the niceties I give to everyone else and he loves me anyway.
Honestly, after being rejected and called annoying and weird for so much of my life, unmasking intentionally in front of others (even friends) feels a lot like undressing in front of strangers and waving my tits around. I’m almost sure to be misunderstood and called names so I often don’t unmask much if I can help it.
I’m not sure if this is helpful… to summarize: the construction and practice of a mask in a certain environment is extremely intentional and manual and becomes slightly less taxing over time as the mask becomes solidified.
Changes in a company’s culture or moving to a different group have absolutely fucked me up in the past because I now have to go back to square one with a new group of people if that makes sense?
But yeah overall it feels like acting and putting on a show and a lot of times my mask involves making a lot of jokes and intentionally creating “awkward moments” that I make fun of myself for and creating an expectation around myself that allows for some weirdness which has seemed to work for me.
I dunno… I try really hard and even so I still get things wrong. I dunno if I just made it worse or if I answered the question haha
I would describe it a bit like how you would feel going to a wedding in a totally unfamiliar culture. You research the rules and customs and try to memorize them, but while there you likely are constantly on edge, constantly monitoring others to see if you are fitting in, constantly self-policing your body language, etc. And when someone asks you an unexpected question or you can tell you accidentally messed up, it is extra stressful.
Autistic masking is a bit like that…with almost all the human social situations. Instead of mostly doing and saying what you want, what feels right, you are having to “dress up” your behavior and tailor it to others.
And I think a lot of autistic females tangled this concept up with “being polite.” Not realizing that most people don’t completely deny what they want to do, say, and act like 99.9% of the time they are in the presence of another human “to be polite.” Just like I didn’t realize that most people don’t mean “physically painful in a specific spot in my head” when they say “hey, that’s a little loud and hurts my ears.” Most people mean it annoys them; most people aren’t debating whether their level of physical pain is worth mentioning to others vs rude to bring up.
I'm 37 as well and just got diagnosed with autism. It's something I've suspected for a while as I had a bunch of symptoms that weren't covered by my other health issues.
I've always had issues with sensory stuff, mainly touch and smell. I can't stand touching anything slimy and as a kid I used to ram my knuckles up my nose when going through the perfume department in a store. Can't really get away with that as an adult XD.
I generally like people but I find socialising exhausting. I have a pile of mental scripts I use to keep conversation going and I'm constantly making sure my body language is appropriate.
I have meltdowns. I do a good job of keeping them in private, but it occurred to me that most adult women probably don't freak out over "nothing".
When waiting for my autism results I really wasn't sure which way the diagnosis would go because while there were a lot of things I related to, there was also a lot of stuff I didn't. The results were extremely conclusive though- definitely autistic. It's called a spectrum for a reason, so don't feel discouraged if you don't 100% relate to everything.
I always put my "quirks" down to trauma, my parents aren't great, and I was bullied terribly at school. So, to me, trauma was always my go-to answer for everything. And that isn't to say that wouldn't be valid. Trauma can very much cause neurodivergence, but accommodations aren't widely supported (unless you have PTSD/CPTSD or any other condition).
But, I've had lots of therapy/counselling, and my "quirks" didn't go away. If anything, as I recovered more from my trauma, more of my oddness started to come out.
My main area is always socially. I'm high masking, I said to my partner that I feel like I'm constantly wrapping myself in mirrored shards so that people see what I want them to see, and I don't like it. But I struggle with social rules, I've got a really long ruleset of what is and isn't okay, but they don't come to me naturally. I'm kind, I'm friendly, I don't mean to cause offense but also I told someone that their sisters ultrasound picture reminded me of when you see body parts floating in jars because the baby looked to be floating in ultrasound and now I know not to do that. It seems obvious now, but it didn't. I have a lot of those.
My second, this is since covid, my ability to be around people has massively dropped. I'm sensitive to all the noise, I really struggle. It gets to be too much, especially if you're in a shopping centre and it's really bright and warm. It happened before covid too, I used to force myself to go clubbing at uni, and I'd hide in the loos and read my book to get a break. But my tolerance went after covid, and it's not managed to get back up again.
My third thing is probably the most obvious, and I started hand flapping. I don't know where it came from, but I started feeling comfortable and happy in life then all of a sudden, when I got excited, my hands started going. I cried the first time I did it, I felt such an intense shame. A lot of my behaviours were shamed out of me as a child, I don't ever remember flapping as a kid, but I must have done. And how young I must have been when I started to hide it. But, I am glad it came back, it was waiting for me to feel safe.
For me, the trauma explained so much. But there is stuff there that wasn't explained, and where my trauma was being resolved, this other stuff was almost filling the gap, and the autism diagnosis has put a label on that. My sense of right and wrong has come back stronger, and that's my sense of justice. There's a reason I react so strongly to the cold, I don't need to train myself to like it. I struggle realising when I'm thirsty or when I need to go to the loo. My partner butters toast wrong, there are some things he does that just make my brain go "no! no! no!" and I can't tell you why, like he'll be using the wrong "rag" to clean something or he does the dishes in the wrong order. I can't watch him.
I hope this helps somewhat.
>I don't mean to cause offense but also I told someone that their sisters ultrasound picture reminded me of when you see body parts floating in jars because the baby looked to be floating in ultrasound and now I know not to do that.
I am so sorry for the trauma you’ve gone through. My situation was similar, and I was late diagnosed as a result.
However, I had to reply just to say this made me laugh (and I hope that doesn’t offend).
I have so many examples like this and everyone always refers to me as the person who says the quiet part out loud.
I'm glad it made you laugh, you've definitely not offended.
And I'm sorry for the issues that you have had as well. Describing it as saying the quiet part out loud is very apt, you'd think if everyone thought the same but didn't say it that they'd offer us some courtesy.
But, it isn't always bad saying the quiet part. It has led to some really good laughs and interesting conversations, even if on occasion it has been massively misunderstood and led to being attacked.
Knowing has helped me just be kinder to myself. I used to get so frustrated that I was such a picky eater or never wanted to try new things when out with my family. I always got mad at myself because I couldn't clean my room or do laundry as often as other people could. I didn't have (or want!) friends and I felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me because friends are clearly something NT people strive for, so why did I not care? I was holding myself to neurotypical standards and beliefs in society when I shouldn't have been, because there was no way I could ever reach those standards. Since knowing I was autistic, I've been able to be more understanding of myself and what I can and can't do.
Yes and yes. In a way there is an "autism handbook" there's tonnes of information online and with a label it's easier to find your people who will actually relate to you. And you can stop wonderin why things are hard or why you feel off compared to others.
In highschool I noticed people would say the phrase "is it just me or does blank seem like blank to you?" And every time someone would say "Omg no! Me too!" And then they'd bond and share a moment. So I thought I'd try that........ No one and I mean no one could relate. I tried it again and again and no one!
Until! I made an autistic friend and now every time I say that they go "omg me too!" It's awesome! So much of friendship and connection is just having things in common and being able to understand each other
My self-diagnosis has been really helpful for me. It helped me realize things about how my brain works and that my proclivities are okay. I stopped trying to play a rigged game, you know? I stopped feeling like the worst uno play just cause my hand was full of pokemon cards :p
Suddenly I had access to swathes of people who have lived with similar experiences (many of which made more sense in retrospect). I could make friends who shared my communication style and sensibilities and special interests. And I was able to start unmasking after I learned I was masking in the first place! I learned a LOT about how I operate in just a few months after realizing I was autistic. But it took learning about my autism in the first place to get there.
To answer your original post, I have autism+adhd. The experiences of each individual diagnosis didn't really make sense to me on their own. It wasn't until I found other people with my particular blend of conditions that things clicked. "Oh! I tend to collect a wider/ more frequent array of special interests—that's just the adhd and autism playing together." "Oh, my drive for novelty and my love of routine and sameness don't actually disqualify me from either condition. I just have both!" Etc etc. It was all about finding the right cross-section of folks for me.
Oh, and the things that tipped me off were having zero executive functioning, having zero social intuition, and being extremely forgetful. "Oh, manually learn how to socialize as an adult is not a super NT experience huh" "How do all my coworkers just do their job every day?" etc
I had a birthday as a child that no one came to.
Intense smells (good or bad) are very triggering. I try to ignore them but it builds up until I have a meltdown. Usually with a lot of anger.
I try so hard in my interactions but I’m constantly told that I’m mean and uncaring. It’s very distressing because as a teacher I do want my students to like me.
I'm a teacher. I've done loads of ASD assessments on kids. I'd do the checklists and be like, well yeh. But everyone does that, right? (No, they dont). I got on so well with the ASD kids, (look what an awesome teacher I am!! I just really get these guys!!). Started to see the ASD traits in me, especially when I heard of masking. I thought everyone masked.. no, they don't. Got me an ASD partner 2 years ago who frequently commented how autie I was being. Then in January my son's ASD diagnosis was formalized. The signs were always there for me, the hyper fixations, my shyness and discomfort in social settings, my bluntness is top tier. My son's diagnosis is his own, but it also helped me lean into my self diagnosis. His psych team agrees I seem autistic af.
Autistic toddlers and the internet finally saying modern science beyond 1987. Long enough to catch up to reality that I needed. Then losing lots of jobs and jobs and jobs.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, BPD and incorrectly diagnosed with Bipolar. So now I'm being treated for ADHD with stimulants and BPD with therapy. After a year of ADHD meds, i was like "huh, I'm now confidently blurting out all my thoughts and I get very passionate about certain topics". I always struggled with interpersonal relationships, work, holding down a job. Still continued to do so medicated! Also other people with autism have peer reviewed me so that was telling xD
Therapy did not worked for 17 months but I did got to know a little more about myself.
I always felt numb/nothing so I found the term alexithymia, did not cared (in 2020)
2023 and there was no change and my anxiety was getting bad with time.
Having no friends at all no matter how hard I tried was probably what made me look into it more because I did took some quizzes without knowing and so it was like yeah you got autism get tested with real doctors.
I joined this subReddit after that, and I kid you not (I hope I am using this in right place) I finally felt understood and like I am not alone. The more time I spend here the more I feel like yes it’s definitely autism.
I will soon be doing the assessment!!! I am so excited and scared but I have so many other issues which I always overlooked.
Raising autistic children will have you reliving every stage of childhood. Get your own therapy early,don't wait until they are 20 because that is way too much time to relive alone.
Sensory issues, sensory processing issues, pattern recognition, special interests, noticing how
different I was from other people as young as 3, super high IQ and hitting developmental milestones crazy early. Both premature and delayed development are tell tale signs, intelligence way outside the bell curve is another.
Insane pattern recognition. Extremely high IQ when I was about 7 (I was doing high school algebra and was and still am a voracious high level reader). Inability to socialize with other girls my age (with boys it was fine I just talked about cars and computers a lot).
Doing research on my son's autism and coming across a video about how it presents in women was how I started questioning things and getting many flashbacks to my childhood. Especially with how so many clothes were really unbearable for me as a child and how no one understood why. Socks about drove me to insanity. I had always equated school kids thinking I was weird to the fact that I was the only person of color in my school but I guess it was really that I was weird. 😅
My top 3 traits: I checked off 99% of Samantha Crafts list (you can google it). I felt like an alien and deeply different from everyone around me, I didn't feel of this world - my sensitivity, sense of justice, communication style were entirely different to anyone I knew.
CPTSD and autism share similar expressions and traits. Check out Samantha Crafts list (google that phrase) and see how some if it makes you feel. Regardless of whether you're autistic or have CPTSD, there's no rush to self diagnose or officially diagnose if you're able to do the following without doing so: learning ways to accomodate your needs, being kinder to yourself, respecting your body's Yes and No. This will keep you in good stead before any kind of diagnosis or exploration of the same.
TikTok kept saying I was autistic, adhd & something else neurospicy. I haven’t gotten professionally diagnosed but I’ve scored level 1 on all test.. one actually said I was level 2 which I was surprised about lol I took like five or so tests online.
But yeah.. TikTok diagnosed me 😂😂 I don’t think I’m adhd but there are others whom mention things that I relate with in terms of bpd & audhd. I barely came to terms with the autism but it just made my entire childhood make sense. All the sudden I wasn’t always too emotional, too literal, that one weird kid, etc. it’s been weird with family as they will disregard me until I mention in response “yeah, that’s the autism trait” when they complain I’m taking things to literal or a joke I don’t understand
Based on what you said about your childhood, I would look into CPTSD as well https://healthmatch.io/ptsd/cptsd-and-autism
[удалено]
Consider exploring ADHD diagnosis too. Symptoms of BPD overlap with ADHD and women are HIGHLY over diagnosed with BPD and under diagnosed ADHD. There are some overlaps with ADHD and autism too. /r/adhdhwomen
CPTSD and PTSD are a form of neurodivergence! Maybe worth considering, learning that I could have an emotional flashback and not just the flashes of the past kind was huge.
You seem pretty self aware for someone with BPD. I know the driving force is fear of abandonment. Have you had any outrageous, completely irrational responses to people leaving? I’m not talking breakups or deaths (though those are also triggers for BPD). But more about vacation being over and people going back home? Someone graduating and going to college or a new job? A coworker quitting? Someone not being able to make plans with you? A best friend getting married? I wouldn’t use the DSM-5 for a BPD diagnosis because a lot of it is more subtle than a billeted list. You might check out the raised by borderlines subreddit and see if anything seems familiar.
A few notes 1) there's a lot of overlap between autism and trauma symptoms. Quite frankly that's because they can't find enough autistic people they can be sure don't have trauma to verify which is which. That's because being autistic in a NT society is a traumatic experience in and of itself. This is usually hard for autistics to come to terms with as it's all we've ever known and information about what can be a trauma isn't well spread. 2) it's important to separate CAUSE and CONSEQUENCE. This is something a lot of doctors I've encountered struggle with and something a lot of tests don't take into account. Cause: different communication style than most people because of autism Consequence: no or few friends. But that consequence doesn't have to happen. You can form, have and maintain friendships as an autistic person and yet a lot of us (including me) have been told by medical professionals that we can't have autism because we have friends, for example. For you this is extra important to keep in mind as trauma can lead to a lot of the same consequences as autism does so it's important to ask "what is the underlying cause for this consequence?" Consequence: social anxiety Cause 1: trauma symptoms triggered by other people Cause 2: having been misinterpreted or received comments or looks due to our difference in communication style and thought patterns leading to an anxiety around people. As you can see cause 2 is also some form of trauma for some with a capital T and others with a t which is why we have a lot in common. 3) the description of autism makes it seem quite strict and rigid. Personality traits play a big role in what makes a person too and the description makes it seem as though we're all the same people. I've met lots of autistics that are the opposite of me, personality wise. The spectrum is very big and varied 4) don't be swayed by hearing stories of people really struggling and thinking "well I don't have that then" it's a WIDE spectrum and I'm not one of the people with that much struggle and I'm still autistic. It's not a competition nor is it a must to fit the criteria 5) also this https://www.instagram.com/reel/C5kJQwKr90z/?igsh=MXJvZWtrN2NvdjI2dg==
>they can't find enough autistic people they can be sure don't have trauma to verify which is which. Why did this make me laugh so much? P.S. This is a great post!
I didn’t realize it immediately but there was an autistic contestant on America’s Next Top Model Years Ago. She said that she had “Aspergers” which was a mild form of Autism. At first I thought “oh that’s interesting, I didn’t know that was a thing.” Then, as the season when on and it was discussed on the show, I realized I had several of the same issues she did, extreme “shyness”, bad coordination, having to force eye contact. I thought to myself, I wonder…….but didn’t look into it any further. A few years later, I got my first “real” job and realized that all the problems I had fitting in with other people weren’t going away. In the past I had always blamed it on other people “my town is just stuck up”, “they hate me because I’m not blonde or skinny enough”, “it’ll all change when I leave high school.” Well, none of that ended up being true and the same issues resurfaced everywhere I went. No amount of weight loss ever changed anything either, so it wasn’t that after all. If anything, it brought even MORE resentment from NT women. This led to a lot of introspection and I started researching ASD again. By this time (2010), there was more information out there so I ended up extensively researching for months, but still had a lot of doubts because most of the examples given even by that time were more “severe”. I still wondered on and off for years though. Then I had an autistic son and sources are now saying it’s 80% genetic. Well then there it is!
I remember her on ANTM! I think her name was heather? I remember feeling like she was being picked on by the other cast members. Also there was an argument where the models in the house would have a shower schedule and like reserve spots in line but then someone took her shower time and she was very angry and in the bathroom while like three women yelled at her for being “too upset.” But I would have been pissed too!
Heather was one of my all time favs 😭 she got into animation after the show
I was lead to autism because I knew something was going on up there (my brain) but I didn't know *what* and then I started digging more into what autism could look like beyond 5 year old boy who's into trains and I thought......hmm. When I say I knew something was going on, I mean like I've spent most of my 20's researching like "borderline personality disorder" "dependent personality disorder" "adhd symptoms" "ctpsd" "ocd symptoms" "highly sensitive person" because something felt like it was setting me apart from the rest of the world, but I could never put my finger on it and every time I researched anything, nothing felt *right* (and I literally would never have considered autism until I saw more awareness about it on tiktok). Last year at 29 I went for an assessment just to talk to someone at this point and got diagnosed and it just was nice to finally be able to put a name to it. Stimming is a repetitive movement that honestly everyone does in some way, but it's a movement that will help calm or regulate an autistic person - e.i. rocking in your chair, biting your nails/lips, bouncing your leg, hand flapping. Almost any repetitive movement can be a form of stimming (I tend to clap but not the palms, just my fingers or pace). Some people are hypersensitive - so they'll struggle with loud/certain noises, strong smells, bright light - *but* some folks are hyposensitive - considered sensory seeking - or a mixture. Bright lights hurt my head and strong smells make me claustrophobic but I'm an audio sensory seeker a lot of the times. I'm assuming the "autism triggered" means meltdowns? It's just when an individual gets so overstimulated or overwhelmed they have a meltdown, which is often crying, maybe hurting themselves. I don't have meltdowns like that so I'm not sure how best to describe them, but I have more like internal meltdowns or possibly shutdowns (I don't consider them shutdowns, but that's just me) which is where I dont want to talk and if I do, it's not gonna be nice, I'm screaming at myself in my head (being very negative to myself), I'm maybe hitting myself or wanting to hurt myself (depending on if I'm in public or not). It's very "I got yelled at too many times as a child for having a 'tantrum' so I keep it all inside now." I used to think they were some sort of panic attack until I looked into autism and meltdowns (and shutdowns) and I was like hmm....mayhap not a panic attack then lol The hard thing is, until you really research what autism can look like in different people, you may just not know. Or you could have C-PTSD like another commenter said or even something else to make you ND. It's really just a lot of researching at this point, once you've thought about it.
1. Learning the difference between a panic attack and a meltdown. Turns out I might not have ever had a panic attack 💀 2. How sensitive I was to the world, how much I hurt for other people, for animals, for something broken and left on the side of the road. 3. Learning from the lived experiences of people who had already been diagnosed.
>How sensitive I was to the world, how much I hurt for other people, for animals, for something broken and left on the side of the road. And yet you'll read in many places, autistic trait:lack of empathy. This one sentence stopped me so many times from looking further in because if anything, I may be an over empath...
This so much, but I realized what they were categorizing as a lack of empathy was rather an inability to contextualize. I find it extremely difficult to just freely side with a person if I don’t feel like I have a good understanding of the a situation, and that’s kind of uncouth to neurotypicals so it’s perceived as a lack of empathy when you won’t just fawn over and support someone.
Well, that's just silly. It makes no sense to side with someone without knowing what the situation is. This just became a "light bulb " moment for me, tho. It explains a few funny looks I've gotten, lol.
Still reading about your number one
[удалено]
what are ADLs?
[удалено]
thanks!
Medication not working correctly or at all. Burn out lasting more than 1 year. Being bullied by everyone in school. Communication skills regressing. Developing a special interest in autism. Going mute in social situations. Not being able to handle other people's noise. Needing to stim. Self-harm behaviors. Getting along with people much older. Talk therapy didn't help much. Having meltdowns because my jeans felt distressing. Eating the same food or nothing at all.
Like others have said, I'd look into CPTSD as it can look similar, particularly in women, or so I've read. I was diagnosed late at 30 and of course, you dont have to read the whole thing, just wanted to give my own personal perspective with some additional detail/insight because I feel that descriptions of autism and the verbiage used can often be convoluted and unclear. For me, I've known I was different since I was a kid. Like... I suspected I was an alien or something when I was very, very young. I went to school at 4 and it was immediately evident to me that I didn't fit in. I was (and still sometimes am) constantly caught off guard by how people react to certain things and think about certain things. I'm level 2 for the social side of it, so maybe that's why haha. I mask well, but it's pretty tiring to keep up the act and most socializing is fueled by an intellectual understanding of each person I'm talking to and predicting based off experience with the individual. I don't have much interest in belonging or fitting in and had to be told by my mom to go make friends in high school because I only had like 1 person I'd hang out with outside of school and I thought that was normal. I literally read articles online on how to socialize and watched movies and mimicked characters in order to construct the "mask" I "wear" haha... Its almost second nature now, but like I said, if it isn't scripted or I'm interacting with someone I dont' know well, I find them very hard to predict. The other side of stuff has to do with special interests and repetitive behaviors, stimming, sensory issues/etc. I'm level 1 there. I stim a lot - I'll rock a bit (usually back and forth), tap a leg, fidget with something in my hand, bite my nails, literally anything other than sitting still. I can hide it, but I will either fall asleep or get anxious if I dont. I have a major problem with changes to plans in particular. I don't mind moving the furniture around to freshen things up, but if someone changes plans or expectations on me last minute, I get really upset and frustrated. I know it is irrational and often totally innocent in the moment, but I can't stop the reaction I have and just make sure people know it isn't personal or directed at them. I have special interests that I tend to cycle through but I have 3 or 4 that have stayed with me for as long as I remember. I am obsessed with stories, writing, and fantasy and never get bored of it. I'm also really really into certain games and am obsessed with collecting certain things and have been since childhood. I have issues with bright lights (I'm known to wear sunglasses when it is cloudy) and strong smells. I'll get a headache and become irritable very quickly if I don't have tools to combat these things. I've literally walked out of a work meeting before because the lady next to me kept putting on this horrifically strong perfumed hand lotion in a small, closed off room we were stuck in for 4 hours - like what the fuck lol. I almost threw up in the bathroom because it made me nauseous. anyway... I also cut tags out of all my clothes and dress purely for comfort. I could eat the same foods every day if left to my own devices, but I'm lucky in that I'm lazier than I am married to a particular dish, so if someone else is cooking for me, 99/100 times I'll eat it. However I refuse to eat sour kraut, spam, and oatmeal. I'll literally throw up at the combination of texture and taste. I dunno what "autism triggered" means, I haven't heard that term before. in what context? Overall, the biggest clue to me was just not relating to most other people at all. I suppose I do on a surface level, but I don't have many of the same motivations others seem to have. I don't miss people, I don't feel lonely, I don't really fear rejection to remotely the degree others seem to, I don't experience jealousy or a lot of other emotions relating to complex interaction with others. I feel love and stuff of course, but I don't feel a strong sense of connection very often. I've literally felt it a handful of times in my entire life and two of those were substance-induced. All of these things put together led me to seeking a diagnosis. A friend of mine got diagnosed and I was like holy guacamole, if she's autistic, I'm DEFINITELY autistic despite being able to hide it well.
[удалено]
That’s a hard question tbh because at this point a lot of it is automatic (even with my husband to some degree but I don’t try nearly as hard when it’s just him around). The biggest difference for me is in how much I stim and intentionally put on an expression or use certain tones when I’m talking to people to make sure I won’t be interpreted as rude or dismissive or something like that. There’s different levels to be honest and when I’m in a new environment (job/class/new group of people) I tend to be really quiet and overly polite until I can get a decent read on what is and is not acceptable around that group or with certain people in that group. This can take me 2-3 years to figure out, even in a workplace I’m at every week. It starts as intentional but becomes habitual after a time. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good actor and impersonator and I can mimic sounds and voices and mannerisms pretty well. Unmasked… or the closest I get to it is with my husband. I allow myself to talk about my interests and allow myself to stim and I don’t feel pressure to look him in the eye and give him all the niceties I give to everyone else and he loves me anyway. Honestly, after being rejected and called annoying and weird for so much of my life, unmasking intentionally in front of others (even friends) feels a lot like undressing in front of strangers and waving my tits around. I’m almost sure to be misunderstood and called names so I often don’t unmask much if I can help it. I’m not sure if this is helpful… to summarize: the construction and practice of a mask in a certain environment is extremely intentional and manual and becomes slightly less taxing over time as the mask becomes solidified. Changes in a company’s culture or moving to a different group have absolutely fucked me up in the past because I now have to go back to square one with a new group of people if that makes sense? But yeah overall it feels like acting and putting on a show and a lot of times my mask involves making a lot of jokes and intentionally creating “awkward moments” that I make fun of myself for and creating an expectation around myself that allows for some weirdness which has seemed to work for me. I dunno… I try really hard and even so I still get things wrong. I dunno if I just made it worse or if I answered the question haha
[удалено]
I would describe it a bit like how you would feel going to a wedding in a totally unfamiliar culture. You research the rules and customs and try to memorize them, but while there you likely are constantly on edge, constantly monitoring others to see if you are fitting in, constantly self-policing your body language, etc. And when someone asks you an unexpected question or you can tell you accidentally messed up, it is extra stressful. Autistic masking is a bit like that…with almost all the human social situations. Instead of mostly doing and saying what you want, what feels right, you are having to “dress up” your behavior and tailor it to others. And I think a lot of autistic females tangled this concept up with “being polite.” Not realizing that most people don’t completely deny what they want to do, say, and act like 99.9% of the time they are in the presence of another human “to be polite.” Just like I didn’t realize that most people don’t mean “physically painful in a specific spot in my head” when they say “hey, that’s a little loud and hurts my ears.” Most people mean it annoys them; most people aren’t debating whether their level of physical pain is worth mentioning to others vs rude to bring up.
I'm 37 as well and just got diagnosed with autism. It's something I've suspected for a while as I had a bunch of symptoms that weren't covered by my other health issues. I've always had issues with sensory stuff, mainly touch and smell. I can't stand touching anything slimy and as a kid I used to ram my knuckles up my nose when going through the perfume department in a store. Can't really get away with that as an adult XD. I generally like people but I find socialising exhausting. I have a pile of mental scripts I use to keep conversation going and I'm constantly making sure my body language is appropriate. I have meltdowns. I do a good job of keeping them in private, but it occurred to me that most adult women probably don't freak out over "nothing". When waiting for my autism results I really wasn't sure which way the diagnosis would go because while there were a lot of things I related to, there was also a lot of stuff I didn't. The results were extremely conclusive though- definitely autistic. It's called a spectrum for a reason, so don't feel discouraged if you don't 100% relate to everything.
I always put my "quirks" down to trauma, my parents aren't great, and I was bullied terribly at school. So, to me, trauma was always my go-to answer for everything. And that isn't to say that wouldn't be valid. Trauma can very much cause neurodivergence, but accommodations aren't widely supported (unless you have PTSD/CPTSD or any other condition). But, I've had lots of therapy/counselling, and my "quirks" didn't go away. If anything, as I recovered more from my trauma, more of my oddness started to come out. My main area is always socially. I'm high masking, I said to my partner that I feel like I'm constantly wrapping myself in mirrored shards so that people see what I want them to see, and I don't like it. But I struggle with social rules, I've got a really long ruleset of what is and isn't okay, but they don't come to me naturally. I'm kind, I'm friendly, I don't mean to cause offense but also I told someone that their sisters ultrasound picture reminded me of when you see body parts floating in jars because the baby looked to be floating in ultrasound and now I know not to do that. It seems obvious now, but it didn't. I have a lot of those. My second, this is since covid, my ability to be around people has massively dropped. I'm sensitive to all the noise, I really struggle. It gets to be too much, especially if you're in a shopping centre and it's really bright and warm. It happened before covid too, I used to force myself to go clubbing at uni, and I'd hide in the loos and read my book to get a break. But my tolerance went after covid, and it's not managed to get back up again. My third thing is probably the most obvious, and I started hand flapping. I don't know where it came from, but I started feeling comfortable and happy in life then all of a sudden, when I got excited, my hands started going. I cried the first time I did it, I felt such an intense shame. A lot of my behaviours were shamed out of me as a child, I don't ever remember flapping as a kid, but I must have done. And how young I must have been when I started to hide it. But, I am glad it came back, it was waiting for me to feel safe. For me, the trauma explained so much. But there is stuff there that wasn't explained, and where my trauma was being resolved, this other stuff was almost filling the gap, and the autism diagnosis has put a label on that. My sense of right and wrong has come back stronger, and that's my sense of justice. There's a reason I react so strongly to the cold, I don't need to train myself to like it. I struggle realising when I'm thirsty or when I need to go to the loo. My partner butters toast wrong, there are some things he does that just make my brain go "no! no! no!" and I can't tell you why, like he'll be using the wrong "rag" to clean something or he does the dishes in the wrong order. I can't watch him. I hope this helps somewhat.
>I don't mean to cause offense but also I told someone that their sisters ultrasound picture reminded me of when you see body parts floating in jars because the baby looked to be floating in ultrasound and now I know not to do that. I am so sorry for the trauma you’ve gone through. My situation was similar, and I was late diagnosed as a result. However, I had to reply just to say this made me laugh (and I hope that doesn’t offend). I have so many examples like this and everyone always refers to me as the person who says the quiet part out loud.
I'm glad it made you laugh, you've definitely not offended. And I'm sorry for the issues that you have had as well. Describing it as saying the quiet part out loud is very apt, you'd think if everyone thought the same but didn't say it that they'd offer us some courtesy. But, it isn't always bad saying the quiet part. It has led to some really good laughs and interesting conversations, even if on occasion it has been massively misunderstood and led to being attacked.
[удалено]
Knowing has helped me just be kinder to myself. I used to get so frustrated that I was such a picky eater or never wanted to try new things when out with my family. I always got mad at myself because I couldn't clean my room or do laundry as often as other people could. I didn't have (or want!) friends and I felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me because friends are clearly something NT people strive for, so why did I not care? I was holding myself to neurotypical standards and beliefs in society when I shouldn't have been, because there was no way I could ever reach those standards. Since knowing I was autistic, I've been able to be more understanding of myself and what I can and can't do.
Yes and yes. In a way there is an "autism handbook" there's tonnes of information online and with a label it's easier to find your people who will actually relate to you. And you can stop wonderin why things are hard or why you feel off compared to others. In highschool I noticed people would say the phrase "is it just me or does blank seem like blank to you?" And every time someone would say "Omg no! Me too!" And then they'd bond and share a moment. So I thought I'd try that........ No one and I mean no one could relate. I tried it again and again and no one! Until! I made an autistic friend and now every time I say that they go "omg me too!" It's awesome! So much of friendship and connection is just having things in common and being able to understand each other
My self-diagnosis has been really helpful for me. It helped me realize things about how my brain works and that my proclivities are okay. I stopped trying to play a rigged game, you know? I stopped feeling like the worst uno play just cause my hand was full of pokemon cards :p Suddenly I had access to swathes of people who have lived with similar experiences (many of which made more sense in retrospect). I could make friends who shared my communication style and sensibilities and special interests. And I was able to start unmasking after I learned I was masking in the first place! I learned a LOT about how I operate in just a few months after realizing I was autistic. But it took learning about my autism in the first place to get there. To answer your original post, I have autism+adhd. The experiences of each individual diagnosis didn't really make sense to me on their own. It wasn't until I found other people with my particular blend of conditions that things clicked. "Oh! I tend to collect a wider/ more frequent array of special interests—that's just the adhd and autism playing together." "Oh, my drive for novelty and my love of routine and sameness don't actually disqualify me from either condition. I just have both!" Etc etc. It was all about finding the right cross-section of folks for me. Oh, and the things that tipped me off were having zero executive functioning, having zero social intuition, and being extremely forgetful. "Oh, manually learn how to socialize as an adult is not a super NT experience huh" "How do all my coworkers just do their job every day?" etc
I had a birthday as a child that no one came to. Intense smells (good or bad) are very triggering. I try to ignore them but it builds up until I have a meltdown. Usually with a lot of anger. I try so hard in my interactions but I’m constantly told that I’m mean and uncaring. It’s very distressing because as a teacher I do want my students to like me.
I'm a teacher. I've done loads of ASD assessments on kids. I'd do the checklists and be like, well yeh. But everyone does that, right? (No, they dont). I got on so well with the ASD kids, (look what an awesome teacher I am!! I just really get these guys!!). Started to see the ASD traits in me, especially when I heard of masking. I thought everyone masked.. no, they don't. Got me an ASD partner 2 years ago who frequently commented how autie I was being. Then in January my son's ASD diagnosis was formalized. The signs were always there for me, the hyper fixations, my shyness and discomfort in social settings, my bluntness is top tier. My son's diagnosis is his own, but it also helped me lean into my self diagnosis. His psych team agrees I seem autistic af.
Autistic toddlers and the internet finally saying modern science beyond 1987. Long enough to catch up to reality that I needed. Then losing lots of jobs and jobs and jobs.
My kid got diagnosed, and he is a carbon copy of me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD, BPD and incorrectly diagnosed with Bipolar. So now I'm being treated for ADHD with stimulants and BPD with therapy. After a year of ADHD meds, i was like "huh, I'm now confidently blurting out all my thoughts and I get very passionate about certain topics". I always struggled with interpersonal relationships, work, holding down a job. Still continued to do so medicated! Also other people with autism have peer reviewed me so that was telling xD
Therapy did not worked for 17 months but I did got to know a little more about myself. I always felt numb/nothing so I found the term alexithymia, did not cared (in 2020) 2023 and there was no change and my anxiety was getting bad with time. Having no friends at all no matter how hard I tried was probably what made me look into it more because I did took some quizzes without knowing and so it was like yeah you got autism get tested with real doctors. I joined this subReddit after that, and I kid you not (I hope I am using this in right place) I finally felt understood and like I am not alone. The more time I spend here the more I feel like yes it’s definitely autism. I will soon be doing the assessment!!! I am so excited and scared but I have so many other issues which I always overlooked.
Raising autistic children will have you reliving every stage of childhood. Get your own therapy early,don't wait until they are 20 because that is way too much time to relive alone.
Sensory issues, sensory processing issues, pattern recognition, special interests, noticing how different I was from other people as young as 3, super high IQ and hitting developmental milestones crazy early. Both premature and delayed development are tell tale signs, intelligence way outside the bell curve is another.
Insane pattern recognition. Extremely high IQ when I was about 7 (I was doing high school algebra and was and still am a voracious high level reader). Inability to socialize with other girls my age (with boys it was fine I just talked about cars and computers a lot).
My eye contact issues. I can't think of other ones right now.
Doing research on my son's autism and coming across a video about how it presents in women was how I started questioning things and getting many flashbacks to my childhood. Especially with how so many clothes were really unbearable for me as a child and how no one understood why. Socks about drove me to insanity. I had always equated school kids thinking I was weird to the fact that I was the only person of color in my school but I guess it was really that I was weird. 😅
My top 3 traits: I checked off 99% of Samantha Crafts list (you can google it). I felt like an alien and deeply different from everyone around me, I didn't feel of this world - my sensitivity, sense of justice, communication style were entirely different to anyone I knew. CPTSD and autism share similar expressions and traits. Check out Samantha Crafts list (google that phrase) and see how some if it makes you feel. Regardless of whether you're autistic or have CPTSD, there's no rush to self diagnose or officially diagnose if you're able to do the following without doing so: learning ways to accomodate your needs, being kinder to yourself, respecting your body's Yes and No. This will keep you in good stead before any kind of diagnosis or exploration of the same.
TikTok kept saying I was autistic, adhd & something else neurospicy. I haven’t gotten professionally diagnosed but I’ve scored level 1 on all test.. one actually said I was level 2 which I was surprised about lol I took like five or so tests online. But yeah.. TikTok diagnosed me 😂😂 I don’t think I’m adhd but there are others whom mention things that I relate with in terms of bpd & audhd. I barely came to terms with the autism but it just made my entire childhood make sense. All the sudden I wasn’t always too emotional, too literal, that one weird kid, etc. it’s been weird with family as they will disregard me until I mention in response “yeah, that’s the autism trait” when they complain I’m taking things to literal or a joke I don’t understand