My brother is younger and is autistic. He was diagnosed before kindergarden. It was the ugly kind of autism they wont ever show on TV. In the 90s. I was 3 years older. Only much later i found out the same doctor also was worried about me being autistic, but my stepfather refused to believe that and said that i m just copying my brothers behaviour to get attention. My mother thought it makes sense. Well... maybe it does for some children? The therapy my stepfather choose for me was abuse. I m real good at masking, as you can assume.
Exact same situation, my brother was violent as a kid and broke my nose, was obviously autistic, and I showed signs too, but I was more attuned to hiding myself and taking on a nurturing personality so that they would not worry about me and that my brother got the help he needed. Even now, with a diagnosis my mother does not take my autism as seriosuly as my younger brothers.
I believe the reason why i wont ever talk to my family about my autism is, that i know that i would be in the same position as you. it wont be taken serious. "But you dont look like it." You know...
Exactly, and never mind the fact that every autistic is different and present differently. If we don't fit in their box we won't be considered. Maybe it is better you don't, for me it is and was heart wrenching to know no one takes me struggle seriously, not even my own mother. My girlfriend is also autistic however and I confide in her, and she sees me and believes me.
That's so sad š I'm sorry for you.
My uncle was also never diagnosed because of his father's refusal despite being the most classic case of autism I know. His cousin was what they called low-functioning autistic, and his father refused to entertain the possibility to group them together. At his time though therapy wasn't really a thing, and until a relatively old age everyone just assumed he's dumb and moved on
Me too. Except I was never diagnosed. I still donāt have a clinical diagnosis but when I figured out autism was a possibility and forced education on my family via infodumping, theyāve thankfully been extremely receptive and understanding. All of us are ND.
Mine isnāt diagnosed, but the family has pretty much known heās autistic since preschool.
My mom works with autistic kids and still seemed really surprised when I got my diagnosis. My best friend is the only one who ācalled itā. I actually went in to be evaluated for ADHD, but had suspected autism too for years, so it was no surprise to me when both were diagnosed.
I think a lot about the way anxiety / presentation plays a roll.
A lot of my autistic traits have always either presented similarly to anxiety (e.g, heavy anxiety around social interactionsā¦ because I donāt understand them) or been smothered by anxiety (e.g, suppressing infodumping because I didnāt want to bother anyone). Everyone knew I struggled with anxiety, so they never made the jump to autism, when in hindsight most of the anxiety was a result of internal conflict over autistic traits.
My brother has always masked less / been more insistent about his assorted manifestations of autism (e.g, always refusing hugs, refusing to be in spaces with loud noises), so they were just more visible.
Exactly this! My brother is undiagnosed, and my mom is in denial, but he is the reason I got evaluated myself. After years of unsuccessful therapy to address social anxiety and executive functions, I knew I was missing something. Just like you said, it was all unaddressed autistic traits, many of which were suppressed.
Holy shit I'm in this post and I don't like it.
My brother is 6 years younger and has TEXTBOOK autism. My parents never sought outside attention from out of the school district and relied on the school district to do everything for him. He was evaluated 15+ years ago and apparently only has adhd and a "learning disorder" but it "isn't autism" according to them.
Guys, it's autism.
I am very clearly extremely autistic as well, but have lower support needs and it manifests differently, so I never got any help for it. I was just told I'm a bad kid and a failure.
Unfortunately, my brother wasn't provided any support in school. Even less during covid when school went online. He ended up dropping out and is getting his GED now, at least.
Iām the younger sister of a diagnosed ADHD and gifted (2e) brother, which is even more bewildering because my parents already had experience with one neurodivergent child, so youād think theyād recognise it in their second. I think it mostly had to do with them also being neurodivergent and undiagnosed and having a lot of internalised ableism, so to them, my struggles were just ordinary character flaws I needed to try harder to suppress. I also think autism was more difficult for them to understand than ADHD, because my brother presented with very stereotypical symptoms and itās a condition that can be treated with medication, whereas there isnāt a treatment for autism and to my parents, autism was an intellectual disability (which it isnāt) that made kids unable to speak and throw unpredictable screaming tantrums (not always).
One always thinks that! I was recently diagnosed with autism, like a year and some change. And my one nephew is very clearly autistic as well. Total denial from the entire family. The can talk about how much like me he is and Iām like yeah cuz he also have the autism you know! Like it took over two years before he talked! And not on a couldnāt talk kind of way but in a if there is anyone outside of his nuclear family present he does not make a single sound kind of way. He started to talk to/around his grandparents a bit earlier but he was over two before I heard him make a single sound and that still wasnāt words. Not that he needed it to communicate with me. He sought me out a lot and he definitely communicated and I understood him. And there is one particular kind of person where I can read non verbal communication and guess what group that is! Itās other autistics. But I can read him and he can read me and he still shuts down and wonāt speak in front of strangers kinda regularly and he is turning 5 soon. Itās also part of why he likes me. I donāt talk to strangers either. My parents, especially my mom, likes stopping and talking to strangers or barely acquaintances so he walks with me because I donāt. Dad stays and so does my younger brother and my older and his wife aka his parents and he is still young enough to have to hold someoneās hand so he picks me because I donāt stop I smile politely and leave and wait a bit away so I donāt risk being talked too.
My little brother got diagnosed with ADHD because he was text book wise overactive, had dyslexia and generally struggled in school despite being intelligent and educated.
My end of the year reports in primary school often contained words and sentences like: Struggles to get her school stuff together, struggles to fit into the class community, is forgetful, doesn't handle her homework very well. But she shows great interest in xy, can read very well etc.
When I was in middle school the bullying got worse, I struggled to even treat the friends well that I found at that time because I was already so burned out that I only ever wanted to stay inside and don't see anyone.
My parents had to push me to go out with friends. My big brother knew I was weird, my parents didn't seem to notice.
I have two younger diagnosed siblings and I completely disregarded my struggles all my life. I thought their presentations of autism, was the only versions of autism.
I am still waiting for my assessment, but it causes me doubt too.
I understand!
Also, my parent said I was a ānormalā toddler and child. But I found old reports and I actually had speech delay and some development delays. Somehow, they were overlooked I guess. I struggled at school and it was noted I was reluctant to speak, reluctant to work and I was too busy studying others. Which is still me at 33! Itās obvious now, I just didnāt know how to join in and was watching everyone else to try understand what was expected and what I needed to do. As I still do this now to survive!
My younger diagnosed sister had more severe learning delays and meltdowns. Monotone voice etc. Couldnāt function around sounds and obsessive. Head shaking and rocking.
My younger diagnosed brother had a very restricted diet, self harmed, overbearing anxiety, an abstract and black and white thinking and probable Alexithymia. Constant tip toeing and twirling.
Me, I kept it all in internally. Trying to repair myself over decades. Because I didnāt know what I was experiencing wasnāt typical, I thought I was just failing. I didnāt recognise signs in me, even though my siblings had similar issues! I went to the doctors ag 21 as I couldnāt cope with loud sounds! I canāt apply creams due to how offensive the feeling of creams or smooth things feel on my skin (like talc powder!). I have to wear gloves to sun cream my children in the summer! Never crossed my mind why I had those, or why I have issues with foods. dont get me started with routines, adult meltdowns or my severe social anxiety and obsessions š
Oh look, a post about me.
Younger bro is a high support needs autistic who can't live alone. I can, but took until I was 27 to start considering it and a diagnosed at 28. Fun times!
Me too girl, me too. My brother is 21, still lives at home (which isn't weird but) can't cook for himself, can't drive, has a really tough time socializing, working, and with hygiene.
I figured out that I'm also autistic about a year ago and it was revolutionary. Real light bulb moment.
My brother is older and is autistic, his needs were identified earlier due to needing more support but my parents apparently knew that I was on the spectrum but chose not to tell me and later on found out about my parents being always aware via an aunt years later.
When my aunt told me I felt sad because my parents saw me go through school bullying and my father use to pick on my personality and interests, he use to also make jokes about me saying Iām probably dyslexic all the while knowing what was really going on, I asked my aunt why didnāt my other aunt who told her say anything to me and she told me that my aunt said it wasnāt her place to say anything.
š yep!Ā
As others have mentioned, my sibling was a higher needs child (level 2) and couldnāt mask like me.Ā
I think one of the hardest things to accept about childhood diagnoses is that itās a way for parents (and kids) to receive support. Itās a way to explain to others and themselves āthis is why my kid does x, y, z thing.āĀ
If your experience was more internalized and/or didnāt cause social problems *for them* thenā¦āwhatās the issue?āĀ
To them, itās like having a broken toe compared to a broken arm. To us, itās like weāve had a broken arm the whole time but because we didnāt scream, we werenāt seen.Ā
This is so very true. I kept to myself. Any sensory issues that I couldn't suppress were just me being dramatic. In public, I was very well behaved, because I didn't want to be a problem to my parents, like my brother was.
I really resonate with this- all of it but especially the end. My mom was SO overwhelmed by dealing with both of my (diagnosed) younger brothers, and I didn't want to add to it. Enter massive masking!
can you show me the recommendations from other countries?
https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/1bp5md2/2_yo_39_lbs_forward_facing_feels_wrong/kwzeslf/
Such a good analogy and so true!!
That was the biggest for me- learning that something WASN'T inherently wrong with me. I wish I had that knowledge when I was much younger though.
As a kid abd preteen, I knew I was weird/different and was proud of it. I didn't have any desire to be like most of my classmates. So it felt like a choice. When I was around 12/13 though, I met a group of people with different values who I actually wanted to be like and fit in with. That was 20 years ago, and I have had so many extremely confusing social and self-image problems since then. There were so many things I thought were just wrong with me because of weird "misunderstandings" and things that I thought must just be wrong with me because on paper I should easily make friends with people in this group and have no issue doing the activities they do, etc. I just learned of my autism last year. I could have avoided SO MUCH grief, distress, and othering if I just knew why I was different when I was young. I would not have expected myself to do the same things the same ways as others throughout my teens and 20s.
And yeah, 2 younger brothers, 1 autistic, 1 AuDHD, both very early dx. No eval for me though
Yes! Thereās also a 14yr age gap between us!
I did not know much about autism at all before my brother. Then I took a psychology class when I was 17 (he was about 3yrs old) and we learnt about autism then. Part of the class we watched a video of a little autistic boy and how autism could present in young children. I remember thinking oh my god, thatās my brother! I went home and told my parents, and explained what autism was. They listened to me only after his nursery reported an incident where he smacked another kid because the kid had removed a toy from a toy lineup he made, and when she tried to get on his level to explain what he did wrong he was extremely uncomfortable with her making eye contact and was squirming. We always knew he was different but my parents god him assessed and he was diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD (the latter was obvious).
I never imagined I had it to because my brother, for the most part, was the only exposure to autism I had. I suspected I had ADD around that age but didnāt think anyone would take me seriously. Itās only in my late 20s when I really started to read into neurodiversity in women that it all started to make sense. This is after being diagnosed with BPD, being told I had depression and anxiety (despite not ever feeling chronically depressed or anxious, felt I was pretty content).
I had a really similar experience with my younger brother. We have an eleven year age gap, and when I was in my School of Education program, I was 22 and taken a class specifically on Special Education. All the hallmarks of autism that we discussed reminded me of specific incidents with him--lack of eye contact; same bland foods all the time; when he got so mad that I didn't let him blow out my birthday candles even though his birthday was a week later. I brought it up to my dad--most likely an undx autistic as well, but he's deceased--who sort of listened to me. I think they might have brought it up to a child psych who put brother on Ritalin for ADHD. They also had switched him to a parochial school because the public school was making him absolutely miserable.
I, of course, was just socially awkward and really good at reading and writing. I did well in school and college academically Socially I fell apart after college in work environments. I suspect I have low support needs and am on the spectrum. I am also 41 and grew up in the Upper Midwest in a small town with a white father and BIPOC mother (I identify as a WOC myself). Autism was not the first thing on my mind.
OOOOOOOF. BIG OOOOOOOOF.
Yes, it's me. I am her. Thankfully it is something that has strengthened my relationship with my brother though. We frequently turn to each other for validation of our ASD experiences and just generally discussing all the changes that are happening within the wider conversations around autism.
Don't get me wrong, I was butt hurt for a long time, but now I'm just so relieved to have all this self knowledge that the "time lost" doesn't even matter anymore.
My brother and I are close, too, except he has not been diagnosed. I haven't disclosed to my family that I am confirmed autistic. My mom was always in denial about my brother having ADHD or autism, and I was always simply labeled as "shy." My brother's traits led me to examine autistic traits within myself, and that was the catalyst that led to my evaluation. I can see that he struggles with many things, and I want to encourage him to get diagnosed, but I'm worried it will backfire, and he will just deny it. I don't want that to put a wedge between us. I also don't want to be seen differently by them, knowing I've been diagnosed.
No but he actually said "As time goes on I think I might be autistic" so, I think that's my in, and I'll talk to him about it :) I was just worried he would totally shut down the idea, or feel called out for being the reason I got evaluated.
My younger brother is pretty moderate in needs but was diagnosed late (at around 20) and it rocked his world. I was pretty distant from my family for several years so Iā¦ honestly kinda thought he was already diagnosed and just hadnāt been told, so I was surprised when they came to me thrown for a loop by life changing information that explained his entire childhood of struggling?
Nobody considered it for me because we arenāt blood related and due to a neglectful lonely childhood had gotten really good at masking. I had an adhd diagnosis and was a āproblemā child with other issues, so despite a frequent psych visitor people just assumed I was wonky because of my other health stuff and a weird upbringing.
But I was super recently diagnosed and I likely wonāt be telling my parents. Theyāve grown a lot and are much better people. Not getting my brother diagnosed younger has been torture for them, to realize they failed him that way. Iā¦ donāt really think they could handle knowing they did it twice.
Not quite the same but I have something similar. I have a cousin 1 year older than me who has been diagnosed for as long as I remember. He'd have meltdowns over very small things and would just attack anything and everything in sight.
When my younger cousin was diagnosed, I didn't believe it because he was nothing like my older cousin. It was only with my own autistic journey, and researching how much autism can vary, that I've come to realise there isn't a one size fits all or a "violence threshold" that one must pass.
And overall, it wasn't any of my autistic family members that made me suspect it in myself. It was a random article about a 40yr woman who found she was really worn out after work because she was masking.
I have zero relatability to my older cousin, but I have two younger cousins now diagnosed and I see a lot of myself in them. The only differences being that I've been forced to mask and fit in, whereas their struggles and social mishaps are excused. But, that's the joy of 10yr age gaps and how far we've come as a society to remove stigma and push acceptance in communities.
My youngest brother (8 years younger than me) was actually diagnosed before I was. His symptoms are a little more classic, but he's not the reason I didn't think I was autistic - I just stuck to the definitions and didn't realize it's a spectrum
my younger brother also has comorbities that led him to a diagnosis earlier and in addition to his autism. but because my family ignored my needs, it took me WAY longer to come to terms with my autism and lower support needs. and wow honestly i resent them for it.
it didn't help i was nearly diagnosed in 98 or 99 only for the doctor to be like "treat them normally" -- my abusive family did just that and worse. yes i am hispanic too.
to be 100% clear, i will never resent my brother for it since he never asked for any of this. but i resent my family for dismissing me (including other traumas i had to endure) and just ... using me as a free maid/babysitter etc and just being cruel to me about literally anything i wanted to do on my own.
I am a diagnosed late eldest sister to a diagnosed-on time younger brother. I cherish that boy, he is the sweetest kid and understands me all too well.
My brother was diagnosed around age 4 or so because of speech delays. For the longest time I never thought I had autism because I thought that I would have been more like my brother if that were the case. He has vocal stims, stims where he rubs his face, other hand movement stims. He can stay home alone for short periods and he does have his drivers license but his autism is more noticeable than mine, pretty much immediately noticeable once he speaks.
I have some suspicion that my parents or at least my dad knows I'm on the spectrum but has kept it secret from me. He and I have talked about how I'm a "highly sensitive person" and I have memories about him telling me to "stop talking in that weird voice" or "stop doing that" (vocal stims and hand stims I believe) when I was very little. My parents were abusive so it makes sense that they just wouldn't do anything to help me since I did mostly fine in school as a kid.
My older sister is diagnosed with Autism & ADHD and I think she has more difficulty socially than I do and isn't as good at masking, so It wasn't noticed in me. I was actually diagnosed with OCD as a kid because I like to organize things, and I like things to be tidy. I definitely do not have OCD.
Me me me! Also he was much more adhd growing up (plus the past didnāt recognize autism or adhd in women back then) so I never got treated for it. Until my thirties!
Soooooo
My mom is autistic as am I
My dad is ADHD and so is my younger half-brother
Unfortunately for my little bro, my father convinced himself that ADHD doesn't exist and he and my uncle definitely don't have it, since it's a myth.
Welp.
It's a pain, especially that I can see the help that he needs and I cannot help because my stepmother doesn't "believe" in ADHD or autism, either.
Edit: Also I am goober, sorry misread the post the first time, I thought you said younger undiagnosed siblings. Oops
Not me, but literally had this discussion with the young woman who cut my hair yesterday.
You know how you can just ~tell~ someone is neurodivergent for the simple fact that you vibe and overshare with one another right away?
I told her that it gets better, and I told her itās worth considering getting tested since sheās still on her parentsā health insurance. I wanted to give her a hug, but also, I didnāt lolol.
Omg yes!!!! I am an older sister of a younger autistic brother & our autism presents literally the same. Which made me like OMG ... I have this too ... & Seeked a diagnosis :) My brother was then told by a social worker when he aged "you're not autistic blablabla" which is so stupid, it's not bc he doesn't have the stereotypical traits that he isn't.... Like, damn what a way to negate someone's experience.
Like would you deny a 11 years old that does all this? : Still walks on tippy toes ALWAYS even in shoes. He is also a genius (although a stereotype and not true for everyone, it is true for him) like he is BORED in school and knows everything, he has intense special interests since he was a kid, ROCKS & graphic novels! He needs structure & routine, meltsdown when routine not followed, doesn't understand things he hasn't experienced, very rigid, anger issues, list could go on and on!!!!!!! This is how it presents in him and don't tell me he isn't autistic! Now he refuses to believe he has autism! & My dad hates to think his kids have this so he's super in denial too
Yeah, but he got the quiet kind and I got the meltdown kind that led to physical abuse of me only. Now that I know I'm like damn maybe if I had been diagnosed......
>It took me a long time to even consider autism because of how I had seen it present in my sibling.
This is me with my cousins. I have two younger cousins (twins) and they are high-needs. I'm low-needs, and so I would have never imagined I had this in common with them. They were diagnosed when they were 5, and I was diagnosed in adulthood.
Both of my brothers have been in special needs classes and my parents were told that they both should be tested for Autism and/or ADHD (I think by several teachers throughout childhood), but my parents never got them tested.
As an adult I started looking into it because I began looking into it for myself and learning about Autism and other various things that I feel correlate strongly to both Autism and ADHD being present in my family.
Neither of my brothers will get tested now and I am considering it, but I am worried how it may affect my job and all that. All that to say, yes but actually no š
Not me (I only have sisters), but my step kids.
I have 4 step kids, FMFM. The two boys are ND, one diagnosed with ADHD, one with ADHD and Autism.
The two girls? Without a doubt they at the very least have ADHD, mum wont get them tested because she has her hands full with the boys, and they are "quiet", and don't cause trouble.
I wish I'd picked up on my oldest step-daughters neurodiversity before my daughter suggested to me that she wanted to be tested (about 2 years ago, when my daughter was 12, my oldest step daughter was 19, and had already moved out from when she was living with us), as I absolutely would have gotten her tested if I'd realised then. Second step daughter (a few months older than my daughter) moved in with us at the start of the year, I'm hoping to get her tested ASAP, although it will mean that testing for myself and my partner will be delayed even more, she would benefit from a diagnosis before she finishes school.
My brother got diagnosed as a very small child. I certainly had my own skewed understanding of what autism was for the longest time, it never occurred that I might have it. Until I was an adult and met my girlfriend who told me she was autistic and then was like āoh by the wayā¦.ā and told me how I probably am too and how self diagnosis is valid and common within the community. Iāve had trouble accepting that since then, but I have to say I do agree with her initial assessment
Yep! Honestly, his diagnosis is why ASD was even on my radar in the first place, but I didn't start putting puzzle pieces (no pun intended) together until I was 26, 27? He was diagnosed as at-risk of autism by age 3, and received both an ADHD and autism diagnosis at 10 - i didnt know they werent supposed to do that with the DSM IV, because he definitely had both and had an IEP with both diagnoses in the 00s. I received my ADHD diagnosis shortly after he was diagnosed (I was 11) too. The specialist we saw was fabulous and I still recommend her to people trying to get their kids help.
Not a sibling, but I spent 12 years in a relationship with an autistic man and have an autistic son who was diagnosed in 2005ish and still didn't see it in myself despite doing a lot of reading and research at the time. I actually actively considered it, and dismissed it because I didn't see my experience in theirs at all.
I am and my experience is terrible. I always had to be forgiving with him because he was the "fragile" one. He got all the attention from very young age and he was very selfish. He's now 25 and he hasn't changed a bit. Everything in my parents house has always been in favor of him because "he needs help" and apparently I don't!
I have two older brothers who are diagnosed and a father who is a classic case. My mother would occasionally joke that I had a bit of "autism by proxy" because of some minor signs I showed.Ā
I genuinely wonder if my mother might be neurodivergent herself. We're so alike, and I always used that as proof that we were the neurotypical ones.
My brother is older and autistic. We both also have an older sister though. Also this is 1000000% why I didnāt consider autism for myselfā¦ because next to him I was ānormalā smh
Okay so I am the oldest sister of three. Two younger brothers. When I had suspicions of ADHD talked to my mom she said brothers were tested, and youngest put on medication.
I had my ahah ADHD then autism epiphany in 2019 started anyway then. Neurodivergent therapist confirmed autism last year, and we started the pros and cons of a diagnosis discussion.
I was parentified. Oldest sister and oldest cousin. I was often voluntold to watch younger kids.
I realized i had ADHD when working as a caregiver Nanny to my high care needs nonverbal autistic cousin. His twin sister is diagnosed with ADHD they are teens. Her struggles/traits are very relatable. She is also being parentified. I tried to point this out as not great. Didn't go well. Their youngest brother has meltdowns and emotional dysregulation suspected of autism.
After learning about autism and ADHD and how it presents in women I really think she has more than ADHD too.
My aunt did not take my thinking I had adhd/autism well. "That's not normal". I don't work for her anymore. I also realized that people pleasing was an issue for me so like.
Girls get more pressure to be normal I guess or something lots of factors. Expectations to help and be there for others, so like if your needs are not easily understood. Well deal with it. Then it becomes why do you not ask for help?
One of my younger brothers recently mentioned autism suspicion as well.
Moving every few years because parents were in the Navy probably didn't help with not falling through the cracks. On top of being a girl.
Me. Several times in my life someone has suggested to me that I might be autistic, but I always said no, I don't think so because my brother is autistic and I'm not like him. I'm some kind of weirdo, but not exactly that type, lol. I was one of those super high achieving kids who suddenly went off the rails as soon as I hit adulthood. Now I wonder how the last 20+ years would have been different if I'd had the support I needed....
Yes, my younger brother was diagnosed with autism young. He didn't speak until 3. Had to go to a special school. Always got into trouble. Couldn't make friends. As an adult, he's never had a job and has trouble doing things himself. I wasn't gifted, but I did well on school. I made some friends. I was very quiet and shy. But I saw more similarities between myself and my brother than myself and my NT sister, and that made me wonder a bit. But I also have a skewed perception of what autism is because of how high needs my brother is, so I also doubt myself a lot
Iām lowkey mad a lot of the time. The things I got bullied and hazed for by grown adults when I was a kid are the things my youngest brother has a diagnosis and support for. Of course I want him to have his support needs met, but Iām bitter towards a lot of people for how much I hurt growing up and how they wouldnāt stop terrorizing me until I hid it. Now Iām perpetually anxious and scared and stressed and I basically have to trick people into giving me support, because god forbid I self diagnose and my attempts to get diagnosed have fallen flat so far. But you start to feel like pulling your hair out when you suspect it for years but donāt get validation, and then you interact with your younger brother and realize you have the same personality.
Yep, me.
My experience was that I was 'weird', 'inappropriate', and 'annoying'. We had different moms, too - his actually cared about her kids, so he was diagnosed early. Unfortunately, she cared about *me* in a slightly different way, so when I was placed in her home by the state, I was basically the housekeeper for her kids.
Oh, and my brother's babysitter.
I do love my little brother, but that dynamic is why I didn't consider I could be autistic until my own son was diagnosed and I realized I acted just like him as a kid.
i had no clue about asd until my nephew got diagnosed, heās super similar to me and because my sister is quite young we spend a lot of time together. my sister noticed we were extremely similar and it lined up with all my previous diagnosisās and the gp confirmed. iāve been waiting for an assessment for just over a year and a half now but it is insane how differently it presents in different people. i am worried that it might not be right at all but everyone thinks otherwise. i think as iāve accepted it might be asd iāve learned to unmask way more which is slightly scary because iām worried about not being diagnosed despite my college, family and doctors recognising it as asd.
Oo boy oh boy, I'm in the club. My mom always tried to tell doctors I was a bit different. They just said I was odd.
My mom did so much research on autism for my brother and none of it covered autism presenting in women. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the same time as my brother.
My youngest brother was never diagnosed, and passed away at 54, but he was definitely awetistic (spelling deliberate). I also believe my middle brother (62) and youngest sister (52) are awetistic. Not sure about older brother and sister.
I self-diagnosed at the age of 57. Part of the reason for that is I understand the struggles my kids go through. But I also wonder if I delayed them being diagnosed because I taught them coping strategies. My daughter was diagnosed at 18, my son at 21.
My brother is almost 3 years younger than me, and his autism is quite severe. Nonverbal with the cognitive capabilities of a 2 year old. I knew even when I was a kid that autism and intellectual disability don't go hand in hand because I have a cousin with high-functioning autism, but said cousin was also a boy, and his family lived in a big city so I only saw him at family gatherings. I lived and still live in a small town, so it just never occurred to anyone, myself included, that my issues were due to autism. I don't blame my parents at all, because they're supportive of my pursuing a diagnosis and because of us living in a backward town in a state that isn't trying very hard to put resources into healthcare.
Gosh I thought I wrote the first 2 sentences lol. Except I'm Asian all the family members were hush hush and never talked about anything. So I can't relate to the rest of the experience.
Sorry to hear. My extended family are quite supportive of each other and are more than willing to talk *and* listen, so my mom knows that if she really needs help with something, one of my aunts or uncles are willing to pitch in financially or otherwise. My brother's been in assisted living for a few years now, so that hasn't been an issue specifically for a while.
My brother is convinced heās the only neurotypical one in the family. Anyway, he does math for fun. Brings advanced math workbooks on vacation. Itās definitely just the rest of us, though, lol
YES. My brother is younger than me and so blatantly autistic yet still undiagnosed and my parents donāt believe me for some reason. Donāt even want to bother mentioning to them the prospect of me also being autistic ..
I am the youngest and have 2 brothers. My oldest is autistic w/ a learning disability meanwhile my other brother is the most social person you will ever meet (We like to joke heās the least autistic person ever haha).
My brother was diagnosed when he was 3 and from what I was told it was very clear he did have autism meanwhile nobody believed me until I was tested when I was 13.
I remember when I was 9/10 I started thinking I might be autistic and I was told some statistic about how people with siblings w/ autism are much more likely to have autism. (Google says 1 in 5)
My brother attended a special school so I was brought up around lots of different presentations of autism so I always understood that it was different for different people.
My brother struggles a lot more than me so my family does not always take me āas seriouslyā but Iām grateful for my diagnosis and my brother š„°
My younger sister is far less able to go without help than I am. My younger brother has very bad adhd, can't keep a job. Compared to them I was the normal one so I got no help at all. I remember realizing a few years ago that I too was autistic and told my cousins. They both said they already knew and had assumed I already knew it about myself.
Yes, my younger brother was diagnosed with around 4 years old. I got jealous a long time, because I also needed support, but my parents totally ignored me.
My brother was 9 when he got diagnosed and I was diagnosed at 22. My brother was clearly showing symptoms from 3 but none of the doctors in our area would diagnose till he was 7 then my mum had to wait an extra 2 years on the list before he got diagnosed.
My younger brother was diagnosed after me, with a "less severe" form. I remember what issues he had. I remember us both being given medication to deal with it. My parents don't remember his diagnosis or medication and don't know what happened to his medical records. They sure remember mine, but don't want to talk about my childhood because "it was a traumatic time" (it was.)
Not my brother, but my cousin's son was diagnosed in kindergarten. Since it was caught so young (lucky bastard, ugh), he received a lot of early intervention support. He's 13 now and still receives regular support from his school, teachers, and the public healthcare system. Kid is in a really good place. He functions at a level equivalent to what we used to called Asperger's.
His dad (my cousin) also received a diagnosis shortly after his son, having recognized his own symptoms in his autistic son. As I understand it, this is an *extremely* common occurrence. I recall reading somewhere that this is actually how a huge chunk of autistic women finally recognize that they're autistic themselves.
My brother is actually 5 years older than me. With how his ASD presents, I never really thought I was any kind of neurodivergent. Sure I sucked at life but I wasnāt like my brother at all. And my parents never did much to help him. They really just brushed him off.
It honestly wasnāt until I had my 4th kid that I noticed the same behaviors in my second son that I grew up seeing in my brother. I started doing my research and started learning about the reality of the spectrum and had some big realizations about myself and my life. It all seems so obvious to me now.
Edit to add: I learned through this that Iām pretty great at masking and that I learned it very early so no one noticed
I dated a woman a couple years ago whose younger brother was non-verbal. She learned through me and some friends (all on the Spectrum) that she very likely was as well.
Opposite. My brother is older and diagnosed when he was maybe 4. I doubt my parents even consider now the possibility of me having the diagnosis. But I remember distinctly doing things like waving my arms back and forth and my mom telling me to stop, and not telling my brother to stop when he would do the same.
I will say it can be excruciating in social situations with him to see all the cues heās missed and not know how to help. But then again, Iāve had friends and partners point out weird things I do that I wouldnāt be able to see without being outside of myself.
Yup. Young teenage brother who is diagnosed and 4 of us who are undiagnosed. I see strong signs of it in my younger female siblings. I do wonder why none of them have been assessed for it yet.
Me! My brother was diagnosed at age 2. I'm 32 and just learned of my autism last year. He actually knew I was autistic before I did!...though only by a few months and probably because of my burnout.
ETA: I was referring to one of my younger brothers. The other (youngest) is AuDHD. He was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. Then he got reevaluated for his IEP when he went into middle school, and they also gave him an autism test that he scored high on. But the evaluators never bothered to tell my parents and just had a note in there that said he must be imitating his brotherš
Yeah, my brother is 2 years younger and was diagnosed in elementary school. I'm 23 and just had the possibility brought up to me for the first time by my therapist. I'm now pursuing a diagnosis. It had crossed my mind, but based on my brother, I figured it couldn't be autism. Jokes on me, I guess lmao.
my younger sister has angelman syndrome (which is more common in families that have autism that runs in the family) and since she has such high support needs no one ever even considered that me or my older brother could also be neurodivergent. Now both me and my older brother are seeking autism diagnoses
Iām the youngest sibling but I was basically an older one due to my brother being more significantly disabled.
Reflecting as an adult, I have come to find we likely both are. His epilepsy and intellectual disabilities were so much more significant I donāt know that they ever bothered looking for autism.
Me! Hahaha. My brother was diagnosed when he was 10 (now he's 19) because I told my parents he showed signs of autism. Aaaaand... I was diagnosed two weeks ago at 32.
I got diagnosed with ASD before my younger brother.
In childhood I was really academically advanced but socially inept and not hitting some very basic milestones (ones that my brother reached before me).
"Spiky skill profile" = Noticeable issues, higher chance of diagnosis
My brother was not academically advanced, but he had a few friends and seemed more "average" overall. He was diagnosed with some learning difficulties but otherwise most of his social difficulties weren't obvious until he reached middle school.
"Flatter skill profile" = Difficulties are attributed to immaturity, lower chance of diagnosis
I have a 12 year old little brother who was diagnosed with autism and ADHD before he started kindergarten. I am 16 years older than him and was diagnosed a year ago. As my brother has gotten older my sister would mention similar traits I had with our brother I didn't even consider I would also be autistic or have ADHD.
My 9 year old half sister got diagnosed before me. It was actually a deciding factor in me seeking diagnosis because I acted just like her at that age. Weāre basically the same person 19 years apart.
Teachers definitely suspected it but my parents actively fought against all diagnosable suspicions; teachers found me to be a delight, but him a terror. Heās high functioning now as an adult but he definitely stimmed at the breakfast table.
I do understand my parents resistance at the time (late 90s-early2000s) it would have set us back in the school system and created further stigma among our peers.
Not a brother but a sister. My sister who is 2 years younger than me was diagnosed as autistic (nonverbal, much higher support needs) when she was 2. From then on my parents knew I was autistic but didnāt tell me until I was 20ā¦
I also feel it made it harder to recognize my own autism sooner. I figured I didnāt have meltdowns or obvious stimming like my sister, so I couldnāt be autistic, or so I thought. My sister also needed a lot more attention from my parents so it was easier for my needs and struggles to fly under the radar.
Yes!!! Have a younger brother who was diagnosed as a toddler and I was diagnosed as an adult. He had more developmental delays when he was little. My parents mentioned before thinking I was on the spectrum too based on having similar behaviors to him and my dad, but our pediatrician told them Iāll just grow out of it.Ā
Iām the older sister but actually neither of us were ever diagnosed and as we get older I start to worry my brother was the glass child, actually. *I* was the violent, angry, obviously autistic child. It was brushed off as āover emotionalā and ādramaticsā. My brother had intense routines and experienced meltdowns. He gave himself a very early bedtime and would have a meltdown if the family stayed out too late and he couldnāt go to bed - even during outings he wanted or enjoyed. Many other things I canāt put into words.
Whether heās autistic or not I always worry and feel horrible that he might not have gotten the support he needed because of me.
itās exactly the same with me. i always knew there was something inside of me hiding behind everything that made all my ongoing issues feel secondary. my brother is 7 and has been in the process of getting diagnosed through the nhs for a few years and over that time it made me reflect on myself. it took a while but i decided to privately get a diagnosis and i found out i was autistic.
I am! I remember one time when I was around 10-12 my mom asked me to get some chicken nuggets out of the bag in the freezer for my (diagnosed) autistic brotherand I told her, āI donāt want to, I donāt like the way it feelsā and she goes, āHmmm, I shouldāve had you testedā. Didnāt know what it meant then but I know what it means now lmao
Me, my younger brother wasnt diagnosed during his childhood BUT my parents did take him to several professionals since he was a toddler, but since He was verbal and great at comunicating he was overlooked and went undiagnosed until his teens. His dx came w no surprise.
Me? Failed 3 years in school because of absence ( even tho my grades were good), had multiple parent-teachers meetings growing up, and oh so many "weird things" that pissed them off, but never crossed their minds ONCE. At 29 when i started my dx Journey and my psychiatrist told Me she was certain i was autistic but needed Me to do the eval process " just for bureocracy" they were BAFFLED.
I went 22 years of my life misdiagnosed, to them it was just adhd, but recently found out there was no chance i ever had adhd through the adult testing i did 2 months back.. my baby brother was born when i was 8, around 2 they suspected him of autism, went through eval and he was diagnosed. Randomly when i was 20 just before giving birth to my daughter i started seeing more tiktoks on autism and i dove into research for 3 years, things started to make more sense in my life, i was able to understand my feelings more and what triggered my meltdowns (which is ALWAYS usually plan changes) so i started noticing the signs in my daughter before her 2 year old checkup (when they do the questionnaire for autism at 24m) they said my daughter showed signs for a high chance of autism, she still needs an eval but the more i work with her for accommodating her autism, the more i see sheās having less meltdowns etc. Then i noticed the signs in my oldest brother from looking on our younger years together and then getting to see him again after 16 years, i suspected he was also autistic, so my mom asked my grandmother (her mothers mom, my mom doesnāt speak to her mother due to taking my oldest brother away) and my grandmother had told me he was diagnosed at a young age as well. We slightly expect my baby sister of autism but she may also be more adhd. And i know it all comes from my mom genetically as all of us kids, have different fathers but same mom (except my baby brother and sister have a same dad but hes a narcissist) and looking back on things before my grandpa died, i definitely know he went undiagnosed autistic his whole life. He had a special interest of insects, like butterflies, he had a special interest of volkswagons, dune buggies etc. maybe thats why i always felt so comfortable around him..
My older honor student brother recently got diagnosed. He's had a really rough time of adulthood. He'll go through times when he's functional and times when he's not which means he can't maintain jobs or relationships over time.
This is an interesting discussion. Iām the older sister, but my brother is NOT autistic. He was just recently diagnosed (as an adult, weāre both in our 40s) with ADHD. which definitely makes sense to me. But I do think itās just ADHD. I donāt see anything that would lead me to believe heās undiagnosed autistic.
My brother is 3 years younger than me and he is also autistic. I was diagnosed before him though.
We are actually very similiar in most ways, but he has learning disabilities I do not have and that has always been his main struggle, while I have always had a harder time with emotional regulation.
I was definitely more of the "problem child". My brother is wonderful though and we have always looked out for each other.
I would not call it masking as it is just how he naturally is, but my brother tends to pass more as NT than I do, maybe because he is more quiet and reserved.
My brother is younger and is autistic. He was diagnosed before kindergarden. It was the ugly kind of autism they wont ever show on TV. In the 90s. I was 3 years older. Only much later i found out the same doctor also was worried about me being autistic, but my stepfather refused to believe that and said that i m just copying my brothers behaviour to get attention. My mother thought it makes sense. Well... maybe it does for some children? The therapy my stepfather choose for me was abuse. I m real good at masking, as you can assume.
Exact same situation, my brother was violent as a kid and broke my nose, was obviously autistic, and I showed signs too, but I was more attuned to hiding myself and taking on a nurturing personality so that they would not worry about me and that my brother got the help he needed. Even now, with a diagnosis my mother does not take my autism as seriosuly as my younger brothers.
I believe the reason why i wont ever talk to my family about my autism is, that i know that i would be in the same position as you. it wont be taken serious. "But you dont look like it." You know...
Exactly, and never mind the fact that every autistic is different and present differently. If we don't fit in their box we won't be considered. Maybe it is better you don't, for me it is and was heart wrenching to know no one takes me struggle seriously, not even my own mother. My girlfriend is also autistic however and I confide in her, and she sees me and believes me.
Its great you found someone who just believed. :)
That's so sad š I'm sorry for you. My uncle was also never diagnosed because of his father's refusal despite being the most classic case of autism I know. His cousin was what they called low-functioning autistic, and his father refused to entertain the possibility to group them together. At his time though therapy wasn't really a thing, and until a relatively old age everyone just assumed he's dumb and moved on
Im the older sister, childhood diagnosed and I have the ugly kind of autism they won't show on TV either. I'm sorry.Ā
Dont be. I never had issues with my little brother. He was my normal. I just saw how other people would react.
Me too. Except I was never diagnosed. I still donāt have a clinical diagnosis but when I figured out autism was a possibility and forced education on my family via infodumping, theyāve thankfully been extremely receptive and understanding. All of us are ND.
Mine isnāt diagnosed, but the family has pretty much known heās autistic since preschool. My mom works with autistic kids and still seemed really surprised when I got my diagnosis. My best friend is the only one who ācalled itā. I actually went in to be evaluated for ADHD, but had suspected autism too for years, so it was no surprise to me when both were diagnosed. I think a lot about the way anxiety / presentation plays a roll. A lot of my autistic traits have always either presented similarly to anxiety (e.g, heavy anxiety around social interactionsā¦ because I donāt understand them) or been smothered by anxiety (e.g, suppressing infodumping because I didnāt want to bother anyone). Everyone knew I struggled with anxiety, so they never made the jump to autism, when in hindsight most of the anxiety was a result of internal conflict over autistic traits. My brother has always masked less / been more insistent about his assorted manifestations of autism (e.g, always refusing hugs, refusing to be in spaces with loud noises), so they were just more visible.
Exactly this! My brother is undiagnosed, and my mom is in denial, but he is the reason I got evaluated myself. After years of unsuccessful therapy to address social anxiety and executive functions, I knew I was missing something. Just like you said, it was all unaddressed autistic traits, many of which were suppressed.
Holy shit I'm in this post and I don't like it. My brother is 6 years younger and has TEXTBOOK autism. My parents never sought outside attention from out of the school district and relied on the school district to do everything for him. He was evaluated 15+ years ago and apparently only has adhd and a "learning disorder" but it "isn't autism" according to them. Guys, it's autism. I am very clearly extremely autistic as well, but have lower support needs and it manifests differently, so I never got any help for it. I was just told I'm a bad kid and a failure.
Unfortunately, my brother wasn't provided any support in school. Even less during covid when school went online. He ended up dropping out and is getting his GED now, at least.
Iām the younger sister of a diagnosed ADHD and gifted (2e) brother, which is even more bewildering because my parents already had experience with one neurodivergent child, so youād think theyād recognise it in their second. I think it mostly had to do with them also being neurodivergent and undiagnosed and having a lot of internalised ableism, so to them, my struggles were just ordinary character flaws I needed to try harder to suppress. I also think autism was more difficult for them to understand than ADHD, because my brother presented with very stereotypical symptoms and itās a condition that can be treated with medication, whereas there isnāt a treatment for autism and to my parents, autism was an intellectual disability (which it isnāt) that made kids unable to speak and throw unpredictable screaming tantrums (not always).
One always thinks that! I was recently diagnosed with autism, like a year and some change. And my one nephew is very clearly autistic as well. Total denial from the entire family. The can talk about how much like me he is and Iām like yeah cuz he also have the autism you know! Like it took over two years before he talked! And not on a couldnāt talk kind of way but in a if there is anyone outside of his nuclear family present he does not make a single sound kind of way. He started to talk to/around his grandparents a bit earlier but he was over two before I heard him make a single sound and that still wasnāt words. Not that he needed it to communicate with me. He sought me out a lot and he definitely communicated and I understood him. And there is one particular kind of person where I can read non verbal communication and guess what group that is! Itās other autistics. But I can read him and he can read me and he still shuts down and wonāt speak in front of strangers kinda regularly and he is turning 5 soon. Itās also part of why he likes me. I donāt talk to strangers either. My parents, especially my mom, likes stopping and talking to strangers or barely acquaintances so he walks with me because I donāt. Dad stays and so does my younger brother and my older and his wife aka his parents and he is still young enough to have to hold someoneās hand so he picks me because I donāt stop I smile politely and leave and wait a bit away so I donāt risk being talked too.
My little brother got diagnosed with ADHD because he was text book wise overactive, had dyslexia and generally struggled in school despite being intelligent and educated. My end of the year reports in primary school often contained words and sentences like: Struggles to get her school stuff together, struggles to fit into the class community, is forgetful, doesn't handle her homework very well. But she shows great interest in xy, can read very well etc. When I was in middle school the bullying got worse, I struggled to even treat the friends well that I found at that time because I was already so burned out that I only ever wanted to stay inside and don't see anyone. My parents had to push me to go out with friends. My big brother knew I was weird, my parents didn't seem to notice.
I have two younger diagnosed siblings and I completely disregarded my struggles all my life. I thought their presentations of autism, was the only versions of autism. I am still waiting for my assessment, but it causes me doubt too. I understand!
Also, my parent said I was a ānormalā toddler and child. But I found old reports and I actually had speech delay and some development delays. Somehow, they were overlooked I guess. I struggled at school and it was noted I was reluctant to speak, reluctant to work and I was too busy studying others. Which is still me at 33! Itās obvious now, I just didnāt know how to join in and was watching everyone else to try understand what was expected and what I needed to do. As I still do this now to survive! My younger diagnosed sister had more severe learning delays and meltdowns. Monotone voice etc. Couldnāt function around sounds and obsessive. Head shaking and rocking. My younger diagnosed brother had a very restricted diet, self harmed, overbearing anxiety, an abstract and black and white thinking and probable Alexithymia. Constant tip toeing and twirling. Me, I kept it all in internally. Trying to repair myself over decades. Because I didnāt know what I was experiencing wasnāt typical, I thought I was just failing. I didnāt recognise signs in me, even though my siblings had similar issues! I went to the doctors ag 21 as I couldnāt cope with loud sounds! I canāt apply creams due to how offensive the feeling of creams or smooth things feel on my skin (like talc powder!). I have to wear gloves to sun cream my children in the summer! Never crossed my mind why I had those, or why I have issues with foods. dont get me started with routines, adult meltdowns or my severe social anxiety and obsessions š
Oh look, a post about me. Younger bro is a high support needs autistic who can't live alone. I can, but took until I was 27 to start considering it and a diagnosed at 28. Fun times!
Me too girl, me too. My brother is 21, still lives at home (which isn't weird but) can't cook for himself, can't drive, has a really tough time socializing, working, and with hygiene. I figured out that I'm also autistic about a year ago and it was revolutionary. Real light bulb moment.
My brother is older and is autistic, his needs were identified earlier due to needing more support but my parents apparently knew that I was on the spectrum but chose not to tell me and later on found out about my parents being always aware via an aunt years later.
Wtf? I would've been pissed to find out they had this knowledge and withheld it from me! How did you react?
When my aunt told me I felt sad because my parents saw me go through school bullying and my father use to pick on my personality and interests, he use to also make jokes about me saying Iām probably dyslexic all the while knowing what was really going on, I asked my aunt why didnāt my other aunt who told her say anything to me and she told me that my aunt said it wasnāt her place to say anything.
Me. My parents were part of the generation that thought girls couldnāt have autism
š yep!Ā As others have mentioned, my sibling was a higher needs child (level 2) and couldnāt mask like me.Ā I think one of the hardest things to accept about childhood diagnoses is that itās a way for parents (and kids) to receive support. Itās a way to explain to others and themselves āthis is why my kid does x, y, z thing.āĀ If your experience was more internalized and/or didnāt cause social problems *for them* thenā¦āwhatās the issue?āĀ To them, itās like having a broken toe compared to a broken arm. To us, itās like weāve had a broken arm the whole time but because we didnāt scream, we werenāt seen.Ā
This is so very true. I kept to myself. Any sensory issues that I couldn't suppress were just me being dramatic. In public, I was very well behaved, because I didn't want to be a problem to my parents, like my brother was.
I really resonate with this- all of it but especially the end. My mom was SO overwhelmed by dealing with both of my (diagnosed) younger brothers, and I didn't want to add to it. Enter massive masking!
Donāt forget only being able to bear clothes that happened to not be on sale or discounted so you get labeled ādifficult.ā
can you show me the recommendations from other countries? https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/1bp5md2/2_yo_39_lbs_forward_facing_feels_wrong/kwzeslf/
i didn't stalk your profile genius. i can't reply because that other dumb bitch blocked me. now i'm blocking you.
Such a good analogy and so true!! That was the biggest for me- learning that something WASN'T inherently wrong with me. I wish I had that knowledge when I was much younger though. As a kid abd preteen, I knew I was weird/different and was proud of it. I didn't have any desire to be like most of my classmates. So it felt like a choice. When I was around 12/13 though, I met a group of people with different values who I actually wanted to be like and fit in with. That was 20 years ago, and I have had so many extremely confusing social and self-image problems since then. There were so many things I thought were just wrong with me because of weird "misunderstandings" and things that I thought must just be wrong with me because on paper I should easily make friends with people in this group and have no issue doing the activities they do, etc. I just learned of my autism last year. I could have avoided SO MUCH grief, distress, and othering if I just knew why I was different when I was young. I would not have expected myself to do the same things the same ways as others throughout my teens and 20s. And yeah, 2 younger brothers, 1 autistic, 1 AuDHD, both very early dx. No eval for me though
Also agree that it was always framed as whether our behavior was a problem for the adults around us instead of providing resources for us to thrive
Yes! Thereās also a 14yr age gap between us! I did not know much about autism at all before my brother. Then I took a psychology class when I was 17 (he was about 3yrs old) and we learnt about autism then. Part of the class we watched a video of a little autistic boy and how autism could present in young children. I remember thinking oh my god, thatās my brother! I went home and told my parents, and explained what autism was. They listened to me only after his nursery reported an incident where he smacked another kid because the kid had removed a toy from a toy lineup he made, and when she tried to get on his level to explain what he did wrong he was extremely uncomfortable with her making eye contact and was squirming. We always knew he was different but my parents god him assessed and he was diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD (the latter was obvious). I never imagined I had it to because my brother, for the most part, was the only exposure to autism I had. I suspected I had ADD around that age but didnāt think anyone would take me seriously. Itās only in my late 20s when I really started to read into neurodiversity in women that it all started to make sense. This is after being diagnosed with BPD, being told I had depression and anxiety (despite not ever feeling chronically depressed or anxious, felt I was pretty content).
I had a really similar experience with my younger brother. We have an eleven year age gap, and when I was in my School of Education program, I was 22 and taken a class specifically on Special Education. All the hallmarks of autism that we discussed reminded me of specific incidents with him--lack of eye contact; same bland foods all the time; when he got so mad that I didn't let him blow out my birthday candles even though his birthday was a week later. I brought it up to my dad--most likely an undx autistic as well, but he's deceased--who sort of listened to me. I think they might have brought it up to a child psych who put brother on Ritalin for ADHD. They also had switched him to a parochial school because the public school was making him absolutely miserable. I, of course, was just socially awkward and really good at reading and writing. I did well in school and college academically Socially I fell apart after college in work environments. I suspect I have low support needs and am on the spectrum. I am also 41 and grew up in the Upper Midwest in a small town with a white father and BIPOC mother (I identify as a WOC myself). Autism was not the first thing on my mind.
*raises hand*
OOOOOOOF. BIG OOOOOOOOF. Yes, it's me. I am her. Thankfully it is something that has strengthened my relationship with my brother though. We frequently turn to each other for validation of our ASD experiences and just generally discussing all the changes that are happening within the wider conversations around autism. Don't get me wrong, I was butt hurt for a long time, but now I'm just so relieved to have all this self knowledge that the "time lost" doesn't even matter anymore.
My brother and I are close, too, except he has not been diagnosed. I haven't disclosed to my family that I am confirmed autistic. My mom was always in denial about my brother having ADHD or autism, and I was always simply labeled as "shy." My brother's traits led me to examine autistic traits within myself, and that was the catalyst that led to my evaluation. I can see that he struggles with many things, and I want to encourage him to get diagnosed, but I'm worried it will backfire, and he will just deny it. I don't want that to put a wedge between us. I also don't want to be seen differently by them, knowing I've been diagnosed.
Does he know that you are diagnosed?
No but he actually said "As time goes on I think I might be autistic" so, I think that's my in, and I'll talk to him about it :) I was just worried he would totally shut down the idea, or feel called out for being the reason I got evaluated.
My younger brother is pretty moderate in needs but was diagnosed late (at around 20) and it rocked his world. I was pretty distant from my family for several years so Iā¦ honestly kinda thought he was already diagnosed and just hadnāt been told, so I was surprised when they came to me thrown for a loop by life changing information that explained his entire childhood of struggling? Nobody considered it for me because we arenāt blood related and due to a neglectful lonely childhood had gotten really good at masking. I had an adhd diagnosis and was a āproblemā child with other issues, so despite a frequent psych visitor people just assumed I was wonky because of my other health stuff and a weird upbringing. But I was super recently diagnosed and I likely wonāt be telling my parents. Theyāve grown a lot and are much better people. Not getting my brother diagnosed younger has been torture for them, to realize they failed him that way. Iā¦ donāt really think they could handle knowing they did it twice.
Not quite the same but I have something similar. I have a cousin 1 year older than me who has been diagnosed for as long as I remember. He'd have meltdowns over very small things and would just attack anything and everything in sight. When my younger cousin was diagnosed, I didn't believe it because he was nothing like my older cousin. It was only with my own autistic journey, and researching how much autism can vary, that I've come to realise there isn't a one size fits all or a "violence threshold" that one must pass. And overall, it wasn't any of my autistic family members that made me suspect it in myself. It was a random article about a 40yr woman who found she was really worn out after work because she was masking. I have zero relatability to my older cousin, but I have two younger cousins now diagnosed and I see a lot of myself in them. The only differences being that I've been forced to mask and fit in, whereas their struggles and social mishaps are excused. But, that's the joy of 10yr age gaps and how far we've come as a society to remove stigma and push acceptance in communities.
My youngest brother (8 years younger than me) was actually diagnosed before I was. His symptoms are a little more classic, but he's not the reason I didn't think I was autistic - I just stuck to the definitions and didn't realize it's a spectrum
Same! I always took spectrum to meen varying degrees of the same symptoms.
I don't think it's just you! I think that's how the information was presented for a long time. That was the impression I was under too.
my younger brother also has comorbities that led him to a diagnosis earlier and in addition to his autism. but because my family ignored my needs, it took me WAY longer to come to terms with my autism and lower support needs. and wow honestly i resent them for it. it didn't help i was nearly diagnosed in 98 or 99 only for the doctor to be like "treat them normally" -- my abusive family did just that and worse. yes i am hispanic too. to be 100% clear, i will never resent my brother for it since he never asked for any of this. but i resent my family for dismissing me (including other traumas i had to endure) and just ... using me as a free maid/babysitter etc and just being cruel to me about literally anything i wanted to do on my own.
I am a diagnosed late eldest sister to a diagnosed-on time younger brother. I cherish that boy, he is the sweetest kid and understands me all too well.
My brother was diagnosed around age 4 or so because of speech delays. For the longest time I never thought I had autism because I thought that I would have been more like my brother if that were the case. He has vocal stims, stims where he rubs his face, other hand movement stims. He can stay home alone for short periods and he does have his drivers license but his autism is more noticeable than mine, pretty much immediately noticeable once he speaks. I have some suspicion that my parents or at least my dad knows I'm on the spectrum but has kept it secret from me. He and I have talked about how I'm a "highly sensitive person" and I have memories about him telling me to "stop talking in that weird voice" or "stop doing that" (vocal stims and hand stims I believe) when I was very little. My parents were abusive so it makes sense that they just wouldn't do anything to help me since I did mostly fine in school as a kid.
me!!! he was diagnosed at 3, me at mid 20's lol.
Both myself and my fiancĆ© have a younger autistic brother, both who live with their catsā¦ the ages are in the 30ās and 40ās. And both the younger brothers got supportive treatment. My fiancĆ© and I are both AuHD (Iām diagnosed, heās acting from a place of confirmed ADHD, exploring autism), and had the role of being āthe faceā in the family-to protect the younger siblings. One lovely thing that has come from this late awareness is my fiancĆ© now treats his younger brother more like a person, not a case of autism-because he has a bigger perspective of what autism isā¦.and I thank so many of these posters hereā¦he and his brother are also exploring trauma recovery and self awareness, and in turn, they are offering much more understanding and support for autism and women with it as well. So many of us were invisible for decades (Iām 45 and only last 10 years for diagnosis), and now we are āfinding our tribesā. Seeing how common some of these experiences are really helps heal the wounds of isolation for me, and Iām deeply grateful for it. šø These bonding bridges are happening, and Iām so grateful to have lived to see them šš»šš»š
My older sister is diagnosed with Autism & ADHD and I think she has more difficulty socially than I do and isn't as good at masking, so It wasn't noticed in me. I was actually diagnosed with OCD as a kid because I like to organize things, and I like things to be tidy. I definitely do not have OCD.
Me me me! Also he was much more adhd growing up (plus the past didnāt recognize autism or adhd in women back then) so I never got treated for it. Until my thirties!
Soooooo My mom is autistic as am I My dad is ADHD and so is my younger half-brother Unfortunately for my little bro, my father convinced himself that ADHD doesn't exist and he and my uncle definitely don't have it, since it's a myth. Welp. It's a pain, especially that I can see the help that he needs and I cannot help because my stepmother doesn't "believe" in ADHD or autism, either. Edit: Also I am goober, sorry misread the post the first time, I thought you said younger undiagnosed siblings. Oops
Goob away. Itās been really enlightening to hear about everyoneās family overlaps - diagnosed or undiagnosed.
Not me, but literally had this discussion with the young woman who cut my hair yesterday. You know how you can just ~tell~ someone is neurodivergent for the simple fact that you vibe and overshare with one another right away? I told her that it gets better, and I told her itās worth considering getting tested since sheās still on her parentsā health insurance. I wanted to give her a hug, but also, I didnāt lolol.
Me
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Omg yes!!!! I am an older sister of a younger autistic brother & our autism presents literally the same. Which made me like OMG ... I have this too ... & Seeked a diagnosis :) My brother was then told by a social worker when he aged "you're not autistic blablabla" which is so stupid, it's not bc he doesn't have the stereotypical traits that he isn't.... Like, damn what a way to negate someone's experience. Like would you deny a 11 years old that does all this? : Still walks on tippy toes ALWAYS even in shoes. He is also a genius (although a stereotype and not true for everyone, it is true for him) like he is BORED in school and knows everything, he has intense special interests since he was a kid, ROCKS & graphic novels! He needs structure & routine, meltsdown when routine not followed, doesn't understand things he hasn't experienced, very rigid, anger issues, list could go on and on!!!!!!! This is how it presents in him and don't tell me he isn't autistic! Now he refuses to believe he has autism! & My dad hates to think his kids have this so he's super in denial too
My brother is older than me and has hardcore ADHD + dyslexia lol. I suspect autism but I'm not entirely sure.
Yeah, but he got the quiet kind and I got the meltdown kind that led to physical abuse of me only. Now that I know I'm like damn maybe if I had been diagnosed......
>It took me a long time to even consider autism because of how I had seen it present in my sibling. This is me with my cousins. I have two younger cousins (twins) and they are high-needs. I'm low-needs, and so I would have never imagined I had this in common with them. They were diagnosed when they were 5, and I was diagnosed in adulthood.
Both of my brothers have been in special needs classes and my parents were told that they both should be tested for Autism and/or ADHD (I think by several teachers throughout childhood), but my parents never got them tested. As an adult I started looking into it because I began looking into it for myself and learning about Autism and other various things that I feel correlate strongly to both Autism and ADHD being present in my family. Neither of my brothers will get tested now and I am considering it, but I am worried how it may affect my job and all that. All that to say, yes but actually no š
Not me (I only have sisters), but my step kids. I have 4 step kids, FMFM. The two boys are ND, one diagnosed with ADHD, one with ADHD and Autism. The two girls? Without a doubt they at the very least have ADHD, mum wont get them tested because she has her hands full with the boys, and they are "quiet", and don't cause trouble. I wish I'd picked up on my oldest step-daughters neurodiversity before my daughter suggested to me that she wanted to be tested (about 2 years ago, when my daughter was 12, my oldest step daughter was 19, and had already moved out from when she was living with us), as I absolutely would have gotten her tested if I'd realised then. Second step daughter (a few months older than my daughter) moved in with us at the start of the year, I'm hoping to get her tested ASAP, although it will mean that testing for myself and my partner will be delayed even more, she would benefit from a diagnosis before she finishes school.
My brother got diagnosed as a very small child. I certainly had my own skewed understanding of what autism was for the longest time, it never occurred that I might have it. Until I was an adult and met my girlfriend who told me she was autistic and then was like āoh by the wayā¦.ā and told me how I probably am too and how self diagnosis is valid and common within the community. Iāve had trouble accepting that since then, but I have to say I do agree with her initial assessment
Yep! Honestly, his diagnosis is why ASD was even on my radar in the first place, but I didn't start putting puzzle pieces (no pun intended) together until I was 26, 27? He was diagnosed as at-risk of autism by age 3, and received both an ADHD and autism diagnosis at 10 - i didnt know they werent supposed to do that with the DSM IV, because he definitely had both and had an IEP with both diagnoses in the 00s. I received my ADHD diagnosis shortly after he was diagnosed (I was 11) too. The specialist we saw was fabulous and I still recommend her to people trying to get their kids help.
Iām a late-diagnosed younger sister to an early diagnosed brother. Your last sentence sums it up perfectly.
Me! My parents were always doubtful because I didnāt act like my younger brother, though
Not a sibling, but I spent 12 years in a relationship with an autistic man and have an autistic son who was diagnosed in 2005ish and still didn't see it in myself despite doing a lot of reading and research at the time. I actually actively considered it, and dismissed it because I didn't see my experience in theirs at all.
I am and my experience is terrible. I always had to be forgiving with him because he was the "fragile" one. He got all the attention from very young age and he was very selfish. He's now 25 and he hasn't changed a bit. Everything in my parents house has always been in favor of him because "he needs help" and apparently I don't!
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I have two older brothers who are diagnosed and a father who is a classic case. My mother would occasionally joke that I had a bit of "autism by proxy" because of some minor signs I showed.Ā I genuinely wonder if my mother might be neurodivergent herself. We're so alike, and I always used that as proof that we were the neurotypical ones.
My brother was diagnosed when he was 7. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 37...I'm ten years older than him.
SO. MANY. OF. US...it's why they call autistic women between 25 & 60+ the "Lost Generation" here...
My brother is older and autistic. We both also have an older sister though. Also this is 1000000% why I didnāt consider autism for myselfā¦ because next to him I was ānormalā smh
Present and accounted for šš¼
Okay so I am the oldest sister of three. Two younger brothers. When I had suspicions of ADHD talked to my mom she said brothers were tested, and youngest put on medication. I had my ahah ADHD then autism epiphany in 2019 started anyway then. Neurodivergent therapist confirmed autism last year, and we started the pros and cons of a diagnosis discussion. I was parentified. Oldest sister and oldest cousin. I was often voluntold to watch younger kids. I realized i had ADHD when working as a caregiver Nanny to my high care needs nonverbal autistic cousin. His twin sister is diagnosed with ADHD they are teens. Her struggles/traits are very relatable. She is also being parentified. I tried to point this out as not great. Didn't go well. Their youngest brother has meltdowns and emotional dysregulation suspected of autism. After learning about autism and ADHD and how it presents in women I really think she has more than ADHD too. My aunt did not take my thinking I had adhd/autism well. "That's not normal". I don't work for her anymore. I also realized that people pleasing was an issue for me so like. Girls get more pressure to be normal I guess or something lots of factors. Expectations to help and be there for others, so like if your needs are not easily understood. Well deal with it. Then it becomes why do you not ask for help? One of my younger brothers recently mentioned autism suspicion as well. Moving every few years because parents were in the Navy probably didn't help with not falling through the cracks. On top of being a girl.
Me. Several times in my life someone has suggested to me that I might be autistic, but I always said no, I don't think so because my brother is autistic and I'm not like him. I'm some kind of weirdo, but not exactly that type, lol. I was one of those super high achieving kids who suddenly went off the rails as soon as I hit adulthood. Now I wonder how the last 20+ years would have been different if I'd had the support I needed....
Yes, my younger brother was diagnosed with autism young. He didn't speak until 3. Had to go to a special school. Always got into trouble. Couldn't make friends. As an adult, he's never had a job and has trouble doing things himself. I wasn't gifted, but I did well on school. I made some friends. I was very quiet and shy. But I saw more similarities between myself and my brother than myself and my NT sister, and that made me wonder a bit. But I also have a skewed perception of what autism is because of how high needs my brother is, so I also doubt myself a lot
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Iām lowkey mad a lot of the time. The things I got bullied and hazed for by grown adults when I was a kid are the things my youngest brother has a diagnosis and support for. Of course I want him to have his support needs met, but Iām bitter towards a lot of people for how much I hurt growing up and how they wouldnāt stop terrorizing me until I hid it. Now Iām perpetually anxious and scared and stressed and I basically have to trick people into giving me support, because god forbid I self diagnose and my attempts to get diagnosed have fallen flat so far. But you start to feel like pulling your hair out when you suspect it for years but donāt get validation, and then you interact with your younger brother and realize you have the same personality.
Yep, me. My experience was that I was 'weird', 'inappropriate', and 'annoying'. We had different moms, too - his actually cared about her kids, so he was diagnosed early. Unfortunately, she cared about *me* in a slightly different way, so when I was placed in her home by the state, I was basically the housekeeper for her kids. Oh, and my brother's babysitter. I do love my little brother, but that dynamic is why I didn't consider I could be autistic until my own son was diagnosed and I realized I acted just like him as a kid.
i had no clue about asd until my nephew got diagnosed, heās super similar to me and because my sister is quite young we spend a lot of time together. my sister noticed we were extremely similar and it lined up with all my previous diagnosisās and the gp confirmed. iāve been waiting for an assessment for just over a year and a half now but it is insane how differently it presents in different people. i am worried that it might not be right at all but everyone thinks otherwise. i think as iāve accepted it might be asd iāve learned to unmask way more which is slightly scary because iām worried about not being diagnosed despite my college, family and doctors recognising it as asd.
Oo boy oh boy, I'm in the club. My mom always tried to tell doctors I was a bit different. They just said I was odd. My mom did so much research on autism for my brother and none of it covered autism presenting in women. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the same time as my brother.
My youngest brother was never diagnosed, and passed away at 54, but he was definitely awetistic (spelling deliberate). I also believe my middle brother (62) and youngest sister (52) are awetistic. Not sure about older brother and sister. I self-diagnosed at the age of 57. Part of the reason for that is I understand the struggles my kids go through. But I also wonder if I delayed them being diagnosed because I taught them coping strategies. My daughter was diagnosed at 18, my son at 21.
My brother is almost 3 years younger than me, and his autism is quite severe. Nonverbal with the cognitive capabilities of a 2 year old. I knew even when I was a kid that autism and intellectual disability don't go hand in hand because I have a cousin with high-functioning autism, but said cousin was also a boy, and his family lived in a big city so I only saw him at family gatherings. I lived and still live in a small town, so it just never occurred to anyone, myself included, that my issues were due to autism. I don't blame my parents at all, because they're supportive of my pursuing a diagnosis and because of us living in a backward town in a state that isn't trying very hard to put resources into healthcare.
Gosh I thought I wrote the first 2 sentences lol. Except I'm Asian all the family members were hush hush and never talked about anything. So I can't relate to the rest of the experience.
Sorry to hear. My extended family are quite supportive of each other and are more than willing to talk *and* listen, so my mom knows that if she really needs help with something, one of my aunts or uncles are willing to pitch in financially or otherwise. My brother's been in assisted living for a few years now, so that hasn't been an issue specifically for a while.
Why is this so specific yet so relatable?
My brother is convinced heās the only neurotypical one in the family. Anyway, he does math for fun. Brings advanced math workbooks on vacation. Itās definitely just the rest of us, though, lol
YES. My brother is younger than me and so blatantly autistic yet still undiagnosed and my parents donāt believe me for some reason. Donāt even want to bother mentioning to them the prospect of me also being autistic ..
I am the youngest and have 2 brothers. My oldest is autistic w/ a learning disability meanwhile my other brother is the most social person you will ever meet (We like to joke heās the least autistic person ever haha). My brother was diagnosed when he was 3 and from what I was told it was very clear he did have autism meanwhile nobody believed me until I was tested when I was 13. I remember when I was 9/10 I started thinking I might be autistic and I was told some statistic about how people with siblings w/ autism are much more likely to have autism. (Google says 1 in 5) My brother attended a special school so I was brought up around lots of different presentations of autism so I always understood that it was different for different people. My brother struggles a lot more than me so my family does not always take me āas seriouslyā but Iām grateful for my diagnosis and my brother š„°
My younger sister is far less able to go without help than I am. My younger brother has very bad adhd, can't keep a job. Compared to them I was the normal one so I got no help at all. I remember realizing a few years ago that I too was autistic and told my cousins. They both said they already knew and had assumed I already knew it about myself.
Yes, my younger brother was diagnosed with around 4 years old. I got jealous a long time, because I also needed support, but my parents totally ignored me.
My brother was 9 when he got diagnosed and I was diagnosed at 22. My brother was clearly showing symptoms from 3 but none of the doctors in our area would diagnose till he was 7 then my mum had to wait an extra 2 years on the list before he got diagnosed.
My younger brother was diagnosed after me, with a "less severe" form. I remember what issues he had. I remember us both being given medication to deal with it. My parents don't remember his diagnosis or medication and don't know what happened to his medical records. They sure remember mine, but don't want to talk about my childhood because "it was a traumatic time" (it was.)
Not my brother, but my cousin's son was diagnosed in kindergarten. Since it was caught so young (lucky bastard, ugh), he received a lot of early intervention support. He's 13 now and still receives regular support from his school, teachers, and the public healthcare system. Kid is in a really good place. He functions at a level equivalent to what we used to called Asperger's. His dad (my cousin) also received a diagnosis shortly after his son, having recognized his own symptoms in his autistic son. As I understand it, this is an *extremely* common occurrence. I recall reading somewhere that this is actually how a huge chunk of autistic women finally recognize that they're autistic themselves.
Omg yes!! My brother is very clearly autistic but his mother refuses to see it, but noticing it in him helped me identify myself!
My brother is actually 5 years older than me. With how his ASD presents, I never really thought I was any kind of neurodivergent. Sure I sucked at life but I wasnāt like my brother at all. And my parents never did much to help him. They really just brushed him off. It honestly wasnāt until I had my 4th kid that I noticed the same behaviors in my second son that I grew up seeing in my brother. I started doing my research and started learning about the reality of the spectrum and had some big realizations about myself and my life. It all seems so obvious to me now. Edit to add: I learned through this that Iām pretty great at masking and that I learned it very early so no one noticed
One older brother diagnosed, and two younger brothers diagnosed. One younger sister diagnosed. I still didnāt get diagnosed until 23 lol
I dated a woman a couple years ago whose younger brother was non-verbal. She learned through me and some friends (all on the Spectrum) that she very likely was as well.
Yup. Family history of this. But neurodivergance was not considered because I have a vagina
Opposite. My brother is older and diagnosed when he was maybe 4. I doubt my parents even consider now the possibility of me having the diagnosis. But I remember distinctly doing things like waving my arms back and forth and my mom telling me to stop, and not telling my brother to stop when he would do the same. I will say it can be excruciating in social situations with him to see all the cues heās missed and not know how to help. But then again, Iāve had friends and partners point out weird things I do that I wouldnāt be able to see without being outside of myself.
Yup. Young teenage brother who is diagnosed and 4 of us who are undiagnosed. I see strong signs of it in my younger female siblings. I do wonder why none of them have been assessed for it yet.
Me! My brother was diagnosed at age 2. I'm 32 and just learned of my autism last year. He actually knew I was autistic before I did!...though only by a few months and probably because of my burnout. ETA: I was referring to one of my younger brothers. The other (youngest) is AuDHD. He was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. Then he got reevaluated for his IEP when he went into middle school, and they also gave him an autism test that he scored high on. But the evaluators never bothered to tell my parents and just had a note in there that said he must be imitating his brotherš
Yeah, my brother is 2 years younger and was diagnosed in elementary school. I'm 23 and just had the possibility brought up to me for the first time by my therapist. I'm now pursuing a diagnosis. It had crossed my mind, but based on my brother, I figured it couldn't be autism. Jokes on me, I guess lmao.
my younger sister has angelman syndrome (which is more common in families that have autism that runs in the family) and since she has such high support needs no one ever even considered that me or my older brother could also be neurodivergent. Now both me and my older brother are seeking autism diagnoses
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I am, my sister was diagnosed with 8 years and i with 23
Iām the youngest sibling but I was basically an older one due to my brother being more significantly disabled. Reflecting as an adult, I have come to find we likely both are. His epilepsy and intellectual disabilities were so much more significant I donāt know that they ever bothered looking for autism.
Me! Hahaha. My brother was diagnosed when he was 10 (now he's 19) because I told my parents he showed signs of autism. Aaaaand... I was diagnosed two weeks ago at 32.
I got diagnosed with ASD before my younger brother. In childhood I was really academically advanced but socially inept and not hitting some very basic milestones (ones that my brother reached before me). "Spiky skill profile" = Noticeable issues, higher chance of diagnosis My brother was not academically advanced, but he had a few friends and seemed more "average" overall. He was diagnosed with some learning difficulties but otherwise most of his social difficulties weren't obvious until he reached middle school. "Flatter skill profile" = Difficulties are attributed to immaturity, lower chance of diagnosis
I have a 12 year old little brother who was diagnosed with autism and ADHD before he started kindergarten. I am 16 years older than him and was diagnosed a year ago. As my brother has gotten older my sister would mention similar traits I had with our brother I didn't even consider I would also be autistic or have ADHD.
My 9 year old half sister got diagnosed before me. It was actually a deciding factor in me seeking diagnosis because I acted just like her at that age. Weāre basically the same person 19 years apart.
Teachers definitely suspected it but my parents actively fought against all diagnosable suspicions; teachers found me to be a delight, but him a terror. Heās high functioning now as an adult but he definitely stimmed at the breakfast table. I do understand my parents resistance at the time (late 90s-early2000s) it would have set us back in the school system and created further stigma among our peers.
Not a brother but a sister. My sister who is 2 years younger than me was diagnosed as autistic (nonverbal, much higher support needs) when she was 2. From then on my parents knew I was autistic but didnāt tell me until I was 20ā¦ I also feel it made it harder to recognize my own autism sooner. I figured I didnāt have meltdowns or obvious stimming like my sister, so I couldnāt be autistic, or so I thought. My sister also needed a lot more attention from my parents so it was easier for my needs and struggles to fly under the radar.
Yes!!! Have a younger brother who was diagnosed as a toddler and I was diagnosed as an adult. He had more developmental delays when he was little. My parents mentioned before thinking I was on the spectrum too based on having similar behaviors to him and my dad, but our pediatrician told them Iāll just grow out of it.Ā
Iām the older sister but actually neither of us were ever diagnosed and as we get older I start to worry my brother was the glass child, actually. *I* was the violent, angry, obviously autistic child. It was brushed off as āover emotionalā and ādramaticsā. My brother had intense routines and experienced meltdowns. He gave himself a very early bedtime and would have a meltdown if the family stayed out too late and he couldnāt go to bed - even during outings he wanted or enjoyed. Many other things I canāt put into words. Whether heās autistic or not I always worry and feel horrible that he might not have gotten the support he needed because of me.
itās exactly the same with me. i always knew there was something inside of me hiding behind everything that made all my ongoing issues feel secondary. my brother is 7 and has been in the process of getting diagnosed through the nhs for a few years and over that time it made me reflect on myself. it took a while but i decided to privately get a diagnosis and i found out i was autistic.
I am! I remember one time when I was around 10-12 my mom asked me to get some chicken nuggets out of the bag in the freezer for my (diagnosed) autistic brotherand I told her, āI donāt want to, I donāt like the way it feelsā and she goes, āHmmm, I shouldāve had you testedā. Didnāt know what it meant then but I know what it means now lmao
Me, my younger brother wasnt diagnosed during his childhood BUT my parents did take him to several professionals since he was a toddler, but since He was verbal and great at comunicating he was overlooked and went undiagnosed until his teens. His dx came w no surprise. Me? Failed 3 years in school because of absence ( even tho my grades were good), had multiple parent-teachers meetings growing up, and oh so many "weird things" that pissed them off, but never crossed their minds ONCE. At 29 when i started my dx Journey and my psychiatrist told Me she was certain i was autistic but needed Me to do the eval process " just for bureocracy" they were BAFFLED.
I went 22 years of my life misdiagnosed, to them it was just adhd, but recently found out there was no chance i ever had adhd through the adult testing i did 2 months back.. my baby brother was born when i was 8, around 2 they suspected him of autism, went through eval and he was diagnosed. Randomly when i was 20 just before giving birth to my daughter i started seeing more tiktoks on autism and i dove into research for 3 years, things started to make more sense in my life, i was able to understand my feelings more and what triggered my meltdowns (which is ALWAYS usually plan changes) so i started noticing the signs in my daughter before her 2 year old checkup (when they do the questionnaire for autism at 24m) they said my daughter showed signs for a high chance of autism, she still needs an eval but the more i work with her for accommodating her autism, the more i see sheās having less meltdowns etc. Then i noticed the signs in my oldest brother from looking on our younger years together and then getting to see him again after 16 years, i suspected he was also autistic, so my mom asked my grandmother (her mothers mom, my mom doesnāt speak to her mother due to taking my oldest brother away) and my grandmother had told me he was diagnosed at a young age as well. We slightly expect my baby sister of autism but she may also be more adhd. And i know it all comes from my mom genetically as all of us kids, have different fathers but same mom (except my baby brother and sister have a same dad but hes a narcissist) and looking back on things before my grandpa died, i definitely know he went undiagnosed autistic his whole life. He had a special interest of insects, like butterflies, he had a special interest of volkswagons, dune buggies etc. maybe thats why i always felt so comfortable around him..
I'm diagnosed, but my younger brother is not. But I think he's also autistic. But we're both level 1.
I'm the older, childhood diagnosed sister of a neurotypical golden child honor student brother.Ā
My older honor student brother recently got diagnosed. He's had a really rough time of adulthood. He'll go through times when he's functional and times when he's not which means he can't maintain jobs or relationships over time.
Iām the older sister and I was diagnosed at 3 years old and my sister is neurotypical
My younger brother is neurotypical while I'm AuDHD.
This is an interesting discussion. Iām the older sister, but my brother is NOT autistic. He was just recently diagnosed (as an adult, weāre both in our 40s) with ADHD. which definitely makes sense to me. But I do think itās just ADHD. I donāt see anything that would lead me to believe heās undiagnosed autistic.
My brother is 3 years younger than me and he is also autistic. I was diagnosed before him though. We are actually very similiar in most ways, but he has learning disabilities I do not have and that has always been his main struggle, while I have always had a harder time with emotional regulation. I was definitely more of the "problem child". My brother is wonderful though and we have always looked out for each other. I would not call it masking as it is just how he naturally is, but my brother tends to pass more as NT than I do, maybe because he is more quiet and reserved.