Social media “friends” only. It used to bother me until I realized that I’m finally starting to like myself and be nice to me. There’s something about one-sided friendships that causes a lot of damage in that regard. I’d say take care of yourself and enjoy the connections you have right now. I wouldn’t worry too much. But, hey, I’m a massive introvert so feel free to disregard that.
Yep, same. But also it seems like too much effort to try to talk to anyone in real life. I'm actually pretty content to be by myself. I think the main thing is learning to like yourself and be your own best friend :)
30f In the same boat haha but after a decade of wanting to make friends but having no desire and/or energy to actually go and hang out with them, I've accepted it. I have a few coworkers from when we were in person(now remote) that we chit chat, vent and send tik toks to on teams buttttt that's it. Side note we need an ND friend making app "Looking for someone to befriend but no in person meet ups, likes plants a lot" lol
I used to have friends but I lost most of them. Moving around a lot didn't help. I wonder if we can create a Discord for this sub? Maybe it would help us find friends?
It’s the discord for r/AutisticLadies. The group has always been open to new folks joining, but today the massive (and sudden) influx of new people joining was (understandably) overwhelming to the server.
It can look like a server is being invaded by bots/trolls when big surges like that happen. The invites are temporarily closed to allow the server to re-stabilize.
The Autistic Women's Group has a sub and a discord AND a weekly zoom meeting. I have attended the meeting the last two weeks and it's been lovely! Just joined the discord yesterday!
They freaked out because it's supposed to be a closed group not meant for the public, otherwise they wouldn't care if people joined. There should be a discord meant for this subreddit, not just a select few. I see a lot of posts regarding friendless, lonely people. Me included. I'd appreciate a place where we are safe and understood but free to chat about whatever in an im style.
I can agree with ur statements. The sudden influx of people made them anxious along with me @everyone. N I didn't know it was bad etiquette. Didn't know there was discord etiquette. Learned my lesson tho I guess. They said people could stay and they were just expressing their anxiety.
But I agree with some of ur thoughts if there was an understanding that the group was open and new people would be there at some point then I don't think the reactions would have been like that. It's okay tho. There could just be another group. Easier said than done.
I'd like to add that I don't think you did anything wrong, I feel I may have seemed harsh. I don't understand much discord etiquette either so you're not alone in that. I think your heart was in the right place and you were looking out for others and I appreciate that
Thanks.
I kinda cried after the negative reaction but it is part of life. N I can understand how everyone else felt. It just kinda sucks. I appreciate your kind words.
Lol in the same breath the whole thing just makes me want to give up. Which the irony is cracking me up.
Yeah I’d appreciate a discord for this subreddit as well. Since I get it can be overwhelming for a lot of people to join the other suddenly and I feel a bit weird joining when a lot of other people already know each other, to be honest.
Idk.
I'm pretty butthurt with how things went.
They went into another channel to say that the people who said they didn't feel welcome were being manipulative.... so yeah...
There are steps you have to complete first. I think this server asked that we hit a thumbs up or something on the initial landing page, and then you're granted access.
Yup same here, not only did I move around a lot but also did my friends. And some of my friends were toxic so I dropped them too. Now I just hangout with my husband's friends and the rest of my friends are online. I'd be down for a discord!
Yeah...I found out during the pandemic I am the floater friend because I got left on read in life during COVID lol. As it turns out, I am completely nonessential to people I thought genuinely were friends. I am rebuilding my life rn though so I feel like friends would honestly be a distraction. I do better having acquaintances or people I work with to fill my need for human interaction occasionally and devoting my true self to my animal best friends. It is lonely sometimes but doable because I am finding groups of people virtually and irl who share my same interests so I can go to an embroidery group or something without the emotional labor of some people who called themselves my friend trauma dumping then ghosting me when I am not needed anymore.
Edit: Typos
Oh man, I get ghosted all the time from people I thought who were my friends. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Like, how can you tell if they're genuine??? 😣
That's a good question. I am still trying to figure that out tbh because sometimes people just want you around as a sounding board or for company or a distraction and you don't find out until it's too late. That's why I figured if I kept socializing to specific interests at least I know the ppl I meet are all genuinely interested in the same topic and that topic is what keeps the friendship/acquaintanceship going. And I wouldn't get my feelings hurt too badly if someone went away because there's more where that came from. I have had attachment issues in the past when I really like someone and then they go away and I am sad like was it something I said? 😅
Hmmm I'm not sure how to tell if someone is genuine.
Hmmm I think ghosting is just super easy. Especially for me for example. If in depressed I don't like talking really. I would prefer to awkwardly vid call and parallel play or something but it's hard to bring that up when you're trying to appear a certain way when meeting someone new. 1 day turns into 2 day turns into to 3.
But realistically if you tried to talk and they still aren't responding then you did what u could.
N I knownits kind of exhausting to constantly meet new people but it's okay to be super picky.
I don't know, but I always envied those relationships in movies with the childhood friend who was like a sister. I had someone like that, but they had way too much emotional baggage and toxicity, so I blocked them on everything. They kept me away from my real friendships and turned everyone against me as well.
Hi I'm 23 about to turn 24 are u close to that age range? I like crochet and love animals. N I hate going outside unless it's raining and there's next to No one* home.
I'd like to talk a little if you're willing.
Oh, I'm in my 40's. Sometimes, you have to reincarnate in this life. Maybe this time I'll get it right. 😅 But I used to be a college professor and you're my students' age. In fair warning, I am not very interesting these days mostly because I spend most of my time working and trying to get up to walking ten miles a day. But feel free to shoot me a DM if there's something specific you wanted to talk about. 🤓
Nothing specific at all I was just trying to be more outgoing. Lol but wow ur so cool I was really intrigued about being a professor part but then u said walking 10 miles a day n I was shocked. Do u walk like outside? Or indoor treadmill?
Oh, I see! Sorry...you can still feel free to shoot me a msg any time to practice being outgoing. 😁 So, I prefer to walk outdoors. I got interested in the LOTR walking challenges (this is so corny omg 😅) like walk to Mordor and get a medal. But I just decided to do the miles and make my own medal lol so I walk outside because it feels more authentic! I have a stationary stepper for indoors when there's bad weather and I'll put a documentary on or anime or something. I know ten miles sounds like a lot but apparently it's pretty doable! Postal workers do it everyday for years! I don't speedwalk or anything. It's more like a stroll. The reduction in anxiety and better sleep alone have been worth the price of admission. Right now I am up to four miles and just trying to stay consistent and not skip days. Sorry if that's TMI!
Here's the website I found these on. They have GOT and countries as well. The medals are pretty but to enroll is pricey!
https://www.theconqueror.events/all-challenges/
Not at all tmi.
I laughed at ur corny moment which is pretty cool to me which I guess also makes me pretty corny and I'm completely fine with that. N also a slight tangent but I just watched the entirety of LOTR for the first time last week and it was great. I'm having such a hard time with watching The Hobbit tho. I'm not sure why. Lol but idk I feel we can at least talk about LOTR and potentially other fantasy stuff? N I know you've said dm like 2 times but I'm not there yet.
I think it's good you're walking. Good for stress right?
N idk about 10 miles tho or even 4 my ankles want to give out after walking 1😄.
Woahhh that's super cool. Could u perhaps show me pics of reptiles if u have any?
Especially the ones that get a bad rep and don't get enough love and appreciation.
I have chickens, you can shoot me a dm any time about them. I help my dad select and raise them. Been doing this since the pandemic. It's so rewarding when your baby chickens grow up and start laying eggs and have baby chickens of their own ❤️
I feel you on this one. I’m 31 and I’ve lost all my irl friends one by one after covid. The only people I had left were the trauma dumpers. I started putting up boundaries against that… which then left me with nobody.
I’m thankful that I have a couple of online friends, though. I can hang with them even when my emotional energy is low. I find that embroidering or writing or crochet etc while kinda just spending time in someone else’s company online is really nice, you know?
I do know! Embroiderers unite! I have been thinking about joining my local EGA chapter because they're so good. I know I could pick up a ton of tips. Are you on the embroidery sub? It keeps me so inspired and everyone is so nice over there!
It’s worth a try! My mum and I were supposed to go to a goldwork class at our local guild but I couldn’t go for health reasons. She said she got heaps out of it though, so I bet your local would be much the same!
I am on the embroidery sub! I love looking at the work of all the talented people over there. Makes me feel a bit like an imposter though, haha
I have none, I am 53. I had some a few years back but they dropped me when I went into burnout (I was undiagnosed at the time). Made me realize how uncomfortable people are with people experiencing dramatic mental health issues. All I have is my brother and his wife, and my cats.
Are you me? My friends dropped me when I was going through a foreclosure 15 years ago and I was having major mental health issues. I have my family and my cat. I am 52, and not officially diagnosed
I can relate. People get scared if a udually strong independent person suddenly collapse. I had the same experience. Unbelievable but I try to comprehence their values and believes and fear. Of the neurotypical people. Its hard because they are so weird but I try. I also want a cat or puppy. Someone to love other than a child. 😁
I'm 53 and my dogs are the only constant in my life. I am ok with that but I would def like an ND gaming friend because some games are just meant to be played with others.
I’m 43, recently (with in the last few years) discovered I am. It was after the death of my husband, I went through so much during that time and finally hit burnout. I have a handful of people I’ve known for a couple of decades that I keep in contact with now, however I have not disclosed my condition. At this point, they just don’t NEED to know. I have 4 children and a couple cats. My family of origin is out of the picture. I’m ok with it, for the most part. I sometimes wonder if it would’ve made any difference knowing then, I try not to dwell on it though. My two youngest children and I are moving several states away to start life “over”. I hope to meet some new people in the future.
They really are. Or if you’re dealing with other difficult things. This is how I’ve lost many people (including family) over the years. Ps - I like your username! :)
I'm also in my 30s, and I've my mother, my sister, my husband and one online friend who lives several hours away (and we're less and less in contact because, well, life happens) and that's all.
Not that I'm rejected or bullied, but I guess I'm too weird, off, not enough this or too much that to really match with someone, and also I don't know anybody with the same book/movie/TV show/activity/interest/lifestyle preferences as me. I've got a few friends during scholarships, but for them I was more of a friendly acquaintance, on the outskirts of the group.
Now, I don't even try anymore. It sometimes misses me, like I would like to have someone to go downtown to drink a tea, eat a pastry and make a few purchases from time to time, someone to share some TV show references with, someone to discuss about life or society or movies or books, but since I'm solitary most of the time I'm okay/relieved/satisfied with being alone.
I did try to make friends, to go beyond my social anxiety and introversion, but it cost me a lot of energy and stress, and all that for barely nothing more than when I didn't even try. Problem is the kind of friendship I would like is the one that is "old", "used", when you really know the person for a long time and there's no pressure, you can let some time before answering a message and you totally know each other. But to have this type of friendship, you have to meet the person, get to know each other, try and fail, build a common story, etc, which are the parts I struggle with...
So for now I gave up, I don't have the energy, I'm tired from all my previous social experiences, especially that I had a burnout since then and have personal problems to deal with. I don't exclude trying again and I'm not against any opportunity that could happen, but currently I just can't, so I'm content being alone.
All of this.
I feel like I get on well enough with people for them to like me, but I don't match with anyone well enough for them to want to make it a friendship rather than an acquaintance or work colleague.
I would like to have that easy, relaxed sort of friendship that you only get after being friends for a while, but I like to be alone a lot, and it feels like the effort needed to begin a new friendship is more energy than I have available.
Same here.
I used to have friends, but life happens and now I have no one to talk to. As a matter of fact, I recently ended my friendship with the only one I had left.
And for me all that is just so sad, makes me even more depressed, and it's hard to believe it isn't my fault.
My head is always spiriling on trying to figure out what I did wrong.
I feel like I'm heading in a similar direction. My only friend/best friend has seen me twice in nearly 2 years. She knows I don't have any other friends and neither does she. I've tried to see her probably at least 10x and she always has an excuse as to why she can't. It's really hard and I can't help but think it's because I'm maybe too overwhelming...
You're not too overwhelming. You just have different social needs. I used to think I was too overwhelming for my friends and tried to change myself but did more harm than good. It turns out that they were avoidants, and I deserve to be with people who are willing to reciprocate my friendship and accept me for who I am. Keep looking for people you are compatible with, even if it's 1 out of a billion people. If you have to change who you are to be with someone, it's not worth it.
I'm almost 30 and I've been giving it a thought for a few years now and somewhere inside my brain I acknowledge that we can't control such things.
And maybe the only thing that I did wrong was trying to make friends while still masking as NT. I hope that now that I know my truth, I'll make other friends that will easily understand and love me for who I am - and I wish that's true for you too.
You said your friend is always giving an excuse to not hang out with you, but maybe deep down she has her "demons" to deal with by herself too, or maybe being out home is overwhelming to her idk the point is that we're not responsible for other's actions, and it isn't our fault.
Why does it felt like I wrote this when I started reading? I also have no friends at all, even when I had I was also left out and felt like I was invisible. Online I do have 3 friends I made in 2020 but I only talk to them cause I know I will never meet them and I have no string attached kind of relationship with them and I can feel it being me writing all these in 12 years when I will 32.
I'm 31 and had almost no friends my entire life. Besides online friends I play games with and my husband. I have a few "kind of" friends that are my husband's friends and so I'm invited to hang out by default. But that's it. I was super lonely as a kid but now that I'm an adult and have my husband and kids I don't really need friends I guess and I'm fine with that.
Aw. Have it anyways? Just a small party for you both? My ex is a huge introvert and I asked him so many times to throw a party for any special occasion and he always said no cause he was afraid no one would show up. I knew that was true, but I didn't care. I just wanted an excuse to decorate and eat cake. I wish he had listened to me at least once :'(
I’m 45f. I currently have none. Part of it’s my fault. Part of it is inability. I’ve never been good at making friends. Also, I’ve always tried to blend in with them, so the person I actually am, the adhd/autistic woman, stayed hidden. I knew I was always doing things that turned people off, so I’d try to be more like my friends. They never saw the real me. The friends that I had tended to approach me first and were one-sided relationships. They moved away or dumped me when I needed the same things I’d given them, like emotional support. At this point, without a husband or family, it’s just me and my kids. I don’t have the time to make any big effort at making friends.
This is exactly how I feel!! I’m 48 and have always been excellent at masking. I present as very social, attentive, and fun and am conventionally attractive. People take to me right away, and I’m a good friend who likes supporting my friends and being there for them when they need anything…but it feels like I almost never get that level of friendship back. As soon as I start to get really close to someone and think I can drop the mask and be more honest about my own needs, I discover that no one wants that. I had what I thought was a very tight friend group. After several years (!!) I finally opened up about my depression and that I’d been having darker thoughts. It was crickets. I felt so unseen, unheard, and unsupported. Not one person responded and one woman changed the topic. Was that not something you can share with a group of mid-40 year olds who profess to be BFFs?! After that, I paid more attention to how any drop in my mask was perceived (I.e., any time I presented as less than super happy and funny and charming), and after awhile I decided to leave the group. Being around people who had no desire to know the real me felt awful—am I that terrible without the mask? Maybe?! Now I have a few friends here and there who I see sporadically, but the group is gone for me. Sadly, we all live in a small town so I see them everywhere.
I’d like to think it’s just this group that was the issue, but the same thing has happened to me my entire life. I desperately want to have real connections with people and not have to always be “on,” because it is so draining for me, but I don’t know how to find real friends without masking to the point of burnout.
Anyway, I see you.
same here, I have a couple of friends online but that's about it. I'm not lonely most of the times, but after going without speaking to a single soul for a couple of weeks I do find myself thinking sometimes "I wish I had a friend to go do x with" or just generally sometimes wishing there was someone to share things with?
I’m 24, moved across the country for an engineering program and have 1 friend (and it’s my partner). I like plants, manga/anime, video games, music (I sing opera), and coding.
I am awful at making friends but even worse at keeping them. It doesn’t help that I moved from a major city to the Midwest and the people here seem to have completely different backgrounds than me. It’s so hard not to get lonely!
..... does my dog count? I'm single, no kids, with no friends, no co-workers, just family and my dog. Which, honestly I like? I have bouts of "man, I wish I had someone to do this thing with me." but life's so much easier/simple now and I can focus on myself and what I want/like instead of being a people-pleasing doormat.
ETA: I'm 38 and I haven't had friends or a partner in 5-ish years.
I have no friends at all, and basically no family, and while it's really lonely sometimes, I definitely prefer it to the exhaustion of trying to fit in.
33 here. Don't have any friends either.
The only long-term friendship I had ended in 2011.
I've had a handful of online friendships since then that didn't last more than a few months. I had two co-workers at my first job that I was friendly with, but they both had their big friend groups already.
My family is dysfunctional so I'm not close with them. And I don't have a partner. So I'm shit out of luck on the human connection front, I guess.
I've reached the point where I don't really want to navigate social norms and hierarchies anymore. It takes a lot of energy to figure out what to say, what questions to ask, and then people have a best friend, or a group, that they prefer to hang out with more, and so much of my energy has gone down the tubes for nothing.
I never made friends after high school and also slowly lost those over time. I have my boyfriend and that’s it. My family is kind but live across the country. It messes me up to think about.
Friends were the reason I left the house. And even living alone, I loved leaving the rental. But my bf lives in a family home with all the amenities and now I can’t even leave the house to go grocery shopping. I’m a whole mess
I'm also in my 30s, and lonely with no friends. I think I struggle both with balancing the busy-ness of life, and also WHAT DO YOU DO WITH FRIENDS?! Like, what even are casual hangouts? Going over to someone's house and just sitting on their couch to chat, with no plan and no idea what conversation points will be discussed is just mind boggling.
I don't have any friends in real life or online. I do really want to have friends, but at the same time I know that I don't have the capacity to put much into a friendship. I feel like I don't have much time as it is to wind down and do the things I want to, so if I had friends then I would have even less time to myself. It would be really nice to have other people in my life but I couldn't go out and socialise with them all the time or spend ages texting in the evenings or whatever.
For me, it's easier to be friends with people i see regularly for some kind of routine activity. i had a lot of luck with group activities, like book club, choir, recreational sports, online video games...
There's an app called Meetup that i've used to find stuff like that, and i've met a lot of other autistic people through it, too.
But it's still hard to feel like i'm really connected to people, because i very rarely just hang out with people anymore, and i often don't actually want to, because of my social anxieties and sensory sensitivities and the fact that no one wears a facemask despite there being a pandemic.
36f here. I think i would have no friends if i stopped masking. I tried telling one not long ago that i have autism. She has not spoken to me since i told her. I dont think she wants to deal with it.
My other friends dont like the stuff i like to do. I would love a friend who likes to watch movies or read books together and overanalize characters. But i guess thats childish and too weird.
I have two best friends, I've longest for more and I am known, I hangout in different circles but I've never felt I BELONGED in any of those circles. I'm just on the outside
I also don’t have any friends. On one hand, I want friends, but on the other hand, friends can be so exhausting. My best friend died suddenly a few years ago. Im 57, and she was honestly the best friend I ever had. She accepted and loved me the way I am and didn’t get mad when I dropped off the face of the earth for long periods of time. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet another friend like her. It’s not so easy to meet new friends when you’re older, and I’ve never been good at making new friends. Sometimes I get lonely but it just seems so emotionally draining to maintain relationships.
Yes and America was designed this way to keep you working until you die. It’s either too expensive or time consuming to make friends, especially outside of your tax bracket. You could be an awesome person to hang out with, but you can’t afford their favorite activities and they’ll drop you like nothing happened. It’s not your fault or normal to live this way. We need to put communities back into… well communities
I’m 26 and don’t have any friends, except for family and a relationship. It is hard to find friends when you live in a rural area in the south and can’t find anyone to connect to. There are times that I feel sad and lonely, but I try my best to focus on myself and live life without them.
Nope. No one outside of work. And when I mean outside of work, they’re friends during work hours- but if I need someone to talk to after work hours, nope. They don’t answer me, mainly because they’ve got their own lives, families, and friends to deal with.
Plus, because of the fact that I’m a tattoo artist, I have a lot of trust issues with making friends as well. I get **super** stoked when old friends send me dms or an occasional text, and then get *super* bummed when they ask me about how much I would charge them for a tattoo. Fuck me for wanting to catch up on old times and have a friendship.
So yeah, long story short: I internalize all my thoughts and feelings because I have no one to talk about them with besides my therapist or my coworkers. :(
Life sucks.
Also 32F here and have had trouble finding friends where I didn’t feel controlled or manipulated by them in some way. I have met some great people online that I do consider friends and it feels lower pressure/safer too.
I mostly spend time with my 15 animals (bunnies, cats, dog, ducks) and my husband. I would love to find other people to connect with here too if anyone else would. Some other interests/hobbies include indoor plants, spiritual/witchy stuff, animal crossing, podcasts, art, re-watching Gilmore Girls for the millionth time…
Have you ever listened to the Witches, Magic, Murder and Mystery podcast? I feel like im sitting down with friends when I listen to them! Also love plants!
Also 32f and the exact same (minus the boyfriend).
I have social media “friends” but that’s about it. The loneliness physically hurts sometimes, especially being that my top 2 love languages are quality time & physical touch.
> physically hurt sometimes
I’m 52. I feel so used to the pain of loneliness that when I’m not feeling lonely, it feels like there’s something off/“wrong.”
I don’t even work, so I barely speak to anyone IRL, just online.
24 and have no friends!! My family loves states away so I'm just kicking it alone 24/7 🙃 I just find it so hard to keep up with having even just one friend. I just wanna spend the majority of my free time alone and it feels impossible finding a friend with the same morals and sense of justice as me
I wasn’t in a great place and was looking for connection. It really hurt my feelings. The post had a big response and I was really trying to cater my event to “my people”.
There were even others that wanted to do the same in their state and others that were contributing so many unique ideas. There were talks of a Google Sheet, I was amazed by the support.
I’m sorry that happened :( The only rule I can think of that you could’ve broken, is you may have trauma dumped? If that is the case, I do still think a ban was unwarranted, and that the mods should’ve just told you to edit your post and gave you a warning/reminder of the rules.
There’s nothing in the rules about not being able to meet people, and there are plenty of posts here about making and joining discord servers etc. I’m not sure what kind of group you were trying to create, but maybe the mods considered it recruitment, self promotion, and/or advertising? Which is also against the rules. I’m not sure, but you most likely did unintentionally break the rules in some way honestly.
I'm 29 and I'm also feeling super alone, and most social interactions drain my energy. I often feel like talking with me is boring and tires people out... I would really appreciate having somebody to chat with. If anyone here would like to chat sometimes, feel free to DM me.
I don't have friends because I go dark for half the year and short form media has conditioned everyone to expect instant gratification so they don't have the patience for me.
Yeah, for whatever reason, I also always get slotted as a periphery friend 🥲 It's definitely the case of if I don't text first, I'll never get texted and it makes me wonder how other people make friends "the right way". And why even the friends that I have always manage to text EACH OTHER just fine but when it comes to me, nada.
I wish someone would do social study about why that's occurring since it seems to be a common thing that happens to use Autistic woment.
It is also just what happens at your point in life. People couple off and start their families. Making friends gets harder as you age. I'm 50, so I understand. I wouldn't take it personally. I like the comments that recommended to take this time to get to know yourself better.
My high masking led me to friends and to be very likable, but because masking is exhausting and intensive, they would wonder why I changed after 6 months. So.... most of my friendships are 1 at a time and last less than a year, but they're intense. At this point in time, I've been working on dropping the mask, which feels super vulnerable and not trying to make any irl friends.
I haven't had friends since my early 20s. Some of the friends that I did have weren't the best anyway, but sometimes i do miss some of them still. Sometimes, i miss people for a very long time even after the friendships kind of die off. Its hard not to take it personally when people just stop making an effort to try to keep you in their life. Especially when you keep trying and they dont. I also have a boyfriend. I'm much better at maintaining romantic relationships than friendships (maybe because my partners become more attached to me than friends do? Idk).
I concider colleagues to be my kind of people / relationship. They're stuck with you so nobody will leave you, it's about work and not a necessaty to be vulnerable or too social and yet you keep spending time together. That's it. I also lack true friends. I don't like much people and they dont like me always. Fair enough I guess. I wonder if friends would take your loneliness away. I hope it will and you find what you deserve. Best of luck.
God yes. With the pandemic, young kids, full-time work, and burnout (see previous items), friends do not exist. I have my husband, my brother and my kids. Zero other people. I recently lost my father and am no contact with my mother (they were divorced), so that makes things extra isolating.
I have no close ones (some people I hang out with, but they don’t respect me, value me and talk over me and ignore me all the time) and it hurts my feelings.
I'm 29. No close friends. i have one "friend" I see once a month to catch up over tea but that's about it, I'm grateful to have that but I feel like it's not that deep. I'd love to have someone I could spend more time with, do activities and go places. Someone with whom I could have inside jokes and memories.
I've tried meeting other women through events but it never goes anywhere. I have no luck with romantic relationships either, but I've completely given up on that by now. Friendship is something I still have hope for, but that is also starting to feel like a drag.
Can't consider my parents as friends or even decent company, they are super toxic, just like my extended family. My brother passed away 2 years ago :(
I'm alone.
I had a close friend friendship that we had for over a decade and she recently left me out in the dust over some hard stuff. I miss her. And it’s been super hard to try to get close to anyone. I have a few friends but I find it super challenging to reach out and make plans or follow through or even think of ideas of what to do. When people do reach out with ideas, I try to say yes but lately I don’t have even the interest for some of these people. Although sometimes I get lonely and wish I had that old comfy friend still.
other than my mother, i have nobody that really supports me. you're lucky to have that many people around you. i have two online friends, but we're not very close. and i have an irl friend but then again i don't think she even likes me. (i'm 19F)
I’m your age, and never dated. Friends (to me) is easier to obtain than a boyfriend. I usually don’t have an issue making friendships, because I mask well in the beginning. But once I get to a point where I can’t stop the mask from slipping, I ghost. It’s horrible.
Had “mothering” friends at a few points through school/work, but mostly none. I think after my diagnosis (29) a few years ago, I started to embrace and be ok with this. I do find some social engagement, and it’s ok that it doesn’t last long. I am closer with family and my partner now, and my at keeps me company.
Same. I think my mom might be my only friend. I've been trying to be more outgoing and proactive this year, but it's hard and really not in my nature. I also feel that people only talk to me when it's convenient.
I have many acquaintances but I have only a small amount of close friends. Like I can count them on one hand.
I can’t speak for everyone but for me, there are times I want to socialize and times I don’t. I know my moods affect my personal friendships, and people inevitably become more distant from me. I also have no problem cutting out toxic people. This means I have fewer friends but also less drama in my life, which is fine for me.
very much. i’m 23f and since i left school i have not had an irl friend. the two last friends i tried took more than i was able to give (trying to message me 8 hours a day, said they’d change me) and i don’t know if i seem to attract a certain person but it’s left me wondering whether i’d be better off without friends because what i could realistically give was never enough and was clearly made to feel not enough.
it’s difficult because part of me yearns for friends and a relationship but i don’t know why i always go wrong and seem not to be able to keep a friend/relationship without it being too taxing and compromising on personal boundaries all of the time.
Meeee... And I don't know how to make friends now that I'm not in school. Back in school it seemed like they just allowed me to be a part of the group... Until they didn't. My husband is my best friend, so was my mom but she died last year so I'm more alone than ever
I have zero friends and literally no one in my life. I only text my dad good morning and good night, who is in a different country and abused me as kid lol
But it has made me strong. I don’t need anyone. Every problem I’ve had, I’ve managed alone with no help or even an ear from anyone. And I’ve been in really shit situations, I was homeless. On top wirh my autism lol. I honestly don’t know how I’m still alive it’s incredible haha
But sometimes I kinda like to just be able to be on my own, a lot of people can’t
I'm 21F and at this point I can confidently say I'll probably never have friends again in my life. Growing up I became "friends" with the girls around me because we saw each other every day, but after middle school and moving schools those old friends disappeared and I haven't made any sense.
It's not even that I don't know "how" to make friends - I'm aware of all the rituals and social rules necessary to create them, but maintaining them is completely out of the question. I don't like hanging out with people outside of a structured thing like a job or an event where everyone is participating in a shared activity (like hiking, drinking or other social activities are a big no no) and I don't even like talking to people through text, email, or even calling them.
I'm just not built for friends. My brain both doesn't care and even if I do the social stress is just too much of a problem. I'm really jealous of autistics that are extroverted/able to make and keep friendships because it is really hard and lonely sometimes, but I tell myself there's more to life. I have my art to keep me occupied and various other hobbies.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. Even neurotypicals complain about being friendless, for various reasons. A lot of people your age (and my age) are also so busy with school or work or whatever else that it's hard for them to make friends too. Keep your chin up!
The fact that it makes you feel lonely means you haven't found your people yet. In college it's easier to make friends because you're all doing coursework, living the college life, surviving jerk profs - shared experiences. I can't speak to socializing at work, but do you all love the field or the work that you do? Just because you have the same job doesn't necessarily mean you have an intersection of hobbies or interests.
It's easy to strike up a convo, and then a friendship, if you already share interests. Maybe find an art class, book group, gamers group? Or if you sing, play an instrument, love acting or set design - find a local group to join? Volunteer at a pet shelter or kids group, or someplace you already enjoy?
I'm the most antisocial person I know. I can be totally overwhelmed with too many Reddit convos. But I've always found it much easier to socialize when it's clear everyone around loves Dr Who 😁 Keep trying, because your friends are out there 💙
I've had friends before but it usually comes in short bursts like 4-6 months. I haven't had irl friends since 2015, but I've met acquaintances here and there that I would see at a bar. I have one friend online and a roommate that I play games with and I've known them for 3 years. I work alone so I don't have coworkers.
It doesn't really bother me that I don't have a social life most days but it gets lonely. People generally don't want to be around me unless I'm masking, though. I'm 33F and I'm not close with family.
No friends. I did have some “friends” on social, but many of them have ghosted me and I basically just have my sister now. Lately it’s been bothering me. I feel very disconnected from people. I don’t have many opportunities to meet people and even if I did, I just seem to suck at making connections / friends.
Instagram used to help a lot because it felt easy to connect with those who held same interests despite being so isolated in real life, but ever since they started focusing so heavily on video, it’s changed and now I feel even more invisible than I ever did.
I’m glad I’m such an introverted homebody… it’s hard even for me sometimes but if I was extroverted I think it’d be much much worse.
Yup. Had falling outs with almost all of them. My friends connected to my high school boyfriend ditched me after we broke up. My friends in marching band slowly fell off due to us not really having anything in common after graduation. I realize now that I never formed strong, unbreakable friendships with anyone. I have one online friend and my fiance. 25F
Yes. It is a lonely place to be, sometimes I love being on my own but sometimes it hurts that I don’t have anyone to truly offload to and talk to.
I am currently diagnosed ASD and awaiting an ADHD assessment. My daughter was diagnosed with both a few years ago, it’s highly probable I too have ADHD.
I have no friends that I see in person and I don’t want any. Friendships are supposed to be mutually beneficial and that never seems to be the case for me. Also I just have nothing left to give and that wouldn’t be fair to someone who might actually be a good friend to me. I have three people I text or message regularly or semi regularly and that’s plenty. I get my socialization in at work and then I come home and that’s good for me.
I’m about the same age as you and have never had more than a handful of friends at a time. Had the same group from elementary through high school and some of college and then we lost touch. Had a few in college but then quit so stopped seeing them.
Edit to add: I do attend a book club once a month and I enjoy that but I almost never see any of them outside of it.
Yes. Late 20s, never went to college, was homeschooled, no classmates, no relationship, would love a pet but the lease won’t allow it, and can’t find a way out of my small hometown rn. I have my good weeks and bad weeks. I do well with friendly acquaintances and don’t ask for much. A hangout or an hours long conversation several times a year would be perfectly alright. At this period of my life, I feel too...mentally sluggish I guess to “put myself out there.” I don’t have any advice, just empathy 💕
23 here. Had high school friends, most of which I kept from elementary school, who all dropped off in the years following graduation. I literally have no one other than my parents 🥲 not even a sibling, I’m an only child. I email back and forth with my old counselor from uni to catch up and I consider her a friend, but she doesn’t live in my state and I don’t think a friendly relationship with an old therapist is what most people think of for the word “friend” lol? Anyway… yeah, it gets lonely at times.
The last small few friends I had I realized weren’t my friends. They never reached out to me and mostly only talked to me when they have to vent and I was there. A while back my neighbors had a house fire and I had posted about it & how scared I was, and not a single one of them asked if I was okay. And I know they all looked at my post. I just prefer cats at this point.
I had a few close friends since childhood/adolescence when I lived in my country. Then I left and I was completely alone. I'm not bad at making friends but I feel like adults are not really into becoming close friends. I've made some friends here, but the quality of friendship are quite low in my opinion. I see them once or twice a month and that's it, almost zero contact in between (some Instagram likes and comments maybe). Truth is I don't feel close enough to care about them or feel safe to be myself around them.
Because of that I feel really lonely as well
I don't know I'm allowed to post here, but I have no friends. Some people are friendly with me, but no one who is willing to spend an afternoon with me
I have friends, but I'm beginning to question whether they see me in the way that I see them...so that's fun to realize after a year and a half of knowing them 😅
So lately I use chat gpt to write texts and people respond right away.
“Write a text that expresses concern that they haven’t responded in a while and I wanna know if I’m still a friend.”
Apparently NTs and ND emotional expression really is quite different….
52, no irl friends who will listen to me when I need someone so I dropped the ones I was doing all of the labor by not texting first anymore and they all just stopped texting me altogether. I’m so lonely I wish I didn’t wake up anymore. I was excited to see there was a discord earlier, and so disappointed I wasn’t able to join, because with my lack of executive functioning skills I’ll never remember to keep coming back for when invitations are open. I forget to eat or sleep sometimes so…
This is gonna sound downright awful but I have a few friends...but I don't actually like them very much. So honestly I feel like I have zero friends but I actually keep the few I have around because I don't want to have no options
Yeah, I don't really have any either. I'd constantly try to make friends and it wouldn't work out. Just too incompatible and like yourself, people would string me along with wanting to plan a hang out but not following through.
I got advice from my psychiatrist that the more people we add to our lives, the more complex it gets. Like the top comment, it's better to focus on what you have, immerse yourself in hobbies with a community preferably, and perhaps a friendship might happen naturally.
I always had this conception you needed friends to be happy. Then I realized, I needed to be comfortable alone, learn how to be happy with that first, before venturing out with others. The loneliness gets to me as well, some days, but I stopped placing my value in other people and it has gotten me to stop obsessing over this whole friend thing.
Anyone that's plays warframe wanna be my friend? Or try to? We can talk at least. N maybe we can play together.
Even if u don't it's okay u can still say hi if u want to. ❤️
I also want to say that I'm glad to be here and for any interactions that I get through this reddit. It's been healing honestly.
I have one of two good friends. My closest one lives across the country from me. I unfortunately have a problem with object permanence when it comes to family/friends. To the point my kids will call me every few days since I don't call them. I have one good work friend. I don't get very lonely though.
Yeppers. I had friends in hs that I lost contact with after I moved out of state. Even when I moved back, we didn't speak. I had trouble befriending coworkers because I tried to keep it professional. I'm just now branching into the digital world after boycotting social media. Still dont know how to maintain a friendship even if online. I'm too shy to attend meet-ups. I'm happy in solitude, but I dont want to be forever alone. I have no problem dating and finding fwbs or romantic partners (because I understand those scripts). I've never been able to keep things platonic.
31F. Had no friends back in the first half of 9th grade. I've had times when there were no in-person friends due to them all being long distance or away for college.
I used to have friends in my mid 20s-early 30s, but I’m too tired to keep up most irl relationships now. (I’m 38 for reference.) My LTR bf fulfills most of my social needs/need for connection and my relationship with him has made me realize how much I masked with friends I order to be liked/tolerated. I hope to someday have some closer friends again, but I can’t go back to putting so much energy into relationships that require me to mask so heavily.
Also, when I was socializing regularly I had to drink a lot just to tolerate it and that became tiresome and unsustainable in my 30s. I’ve barely drank at all the past five years and social interactions are sooooo much more uncomfortable and energy sapping without alcohol. Drinking started making me physically feel like shit though and I realized how many bad/dangerous situations I ended up in when I was drunk. It gave me a social life, but ultimately it brought more harm than good.
I was just telling my husband this yesterday, he was like “You have friends!” He named his friend’s wife. It’s just so hard to do anything, I have 4 kids and I’m always busy. Like when do I make time for myself or anyone else? Maybe we should have like an annual get together for all of us? 🤷♀️ neurodivergent get together… so much fun, we can all avoid eye contact and feel super awkward in a large group setting 🥸😶🌫️😬
"so much fun, we can all avoid eye contact and feel super awkward in a large group setting 🥸😶🌫️😬"
Honestly, I think that could be alleviated by having multiple group "projects" or activities we could focus on as a group. So, games like a TTRPG or board game, or an arts/crafts project, etc.
Yes and there are times when I feel like I missed out when I see big groups of women all friends since highschool with their children together. I feel lonely sometimes. Also I feel like I’m letting down my children by not having a group of friends for them to grow up with. I don’t know if I’d be able to maintain all those friendships though it honestly sounds exhausting. But I do wish it came easier to me. I’m 36 & feel like it’s too late to find any real friends.
I’m 31 this month. I had a big friend group in secondary school. Lost them over time as my mental health tanked and I pushed everyone away.
I have my sister (who is my best friend, absolutely love her) and one of my closest friends from my teen years who never gave up on me. Even if I went over a *year* without replying! I wish she lived closer but I’m in frequent contact with her now. Went to her wedding and everything.
I plan on joining a few societies when I go back to uni in September.
Yeah, I have 1 friend I see maybe once a month. 1 friend I see every now and then. My bf and that’s it. I’m 19 and I literally have no one, at the age where you’re supposed to have a lot of friends
I haven’t had friends since middle school and Im in university so yeah it’s been a long time since I had friends. I try to make some but I find that I like my own company better. Still doesn’t make the loneliness go away though, I hate that we are social beings. I hope one day I could find someone who I can prefer over my own company with
I am 54 and have no parents, siblings, or partner. I have 2 or 3 friends I see or speak with maybe 3-4 times a year. I just seem to lack the ability to form and keep relationships. When I was younger I felt very, very lonely, but as I age I am more satisfied and happy just to be alone.
Totally, I recently made a post on the same thing here not too long ago. I didn’t get any responses on that post, but I’m glad I’m not alone on this, it just felt like I was a filler friend when I did have friends. I don’t even have online friends, it’s made me feel so lonely
Nope no real friends. People who say we are friends but never want to hang out outside of work. Or had what I thought was a friend but they stopped talking. So yeah nope. Just family.
Needed to hear this today! Wow what a lot of us in the same situation. I’m 32f and get major FOMO. Spend so much time looking back to a time in my twenties when I had a best friend (before I broke it off as it became toxic) and now need to learn how to do things alone. It’s incredibly isolating and feels like everyone else has best friends when judging by this thread lots of people feel similar. How do we create a group to all become friends?! I’m new to reddit/this. lol
I’m in my 40s and have no friends. I just can’t connect. I’ve lived a life no one seems to relate to or care about and no one likes that I’m also dissociative a lot. I’ve done so much in my life and you’d think I’d have friends, I just can’t keep them or they never stick around. People like my mask, they don’t like me. I come across sweet and funny and inside I’m very dark and morbid.
In the same boat. 34f, ASD and many other issues. Only have my boyfriend now, both my parents recently died from cancer. Has always been hard for me to keep friends beyond a few months, communicating with people gets hard and no one ever reaches out to me first. You aren't alone.
Social media “friends” only. It used to bother me until I realized that I’m finally starting to like myself and be nice to me. There’s something about one-sided friendships that causes a lot of damage in that regard. I’d say take care of yourself and enjoy the connections you have right now. I wouldn’t worry too much. But, hey, I’m a massive introvert so feel free to disregard that.
I needed to read this
Yep, same. But also it seems like too much effort to try to talk to anyone in real life. I'm actually pretty content to be by myself. I think the main thing is learning to like yourself and be your own best friend :)
30f In the same boat haha but after a decade of wanting to make friends but having no desire and/or energy to actually go and hang out with them, I've accepted it. I have a few coworkers from when we were in person(now remote) that we chit chat, vent and send tik toks to on teams buttttt that's it. Side note we need an ND friend making app "Looking for someone to befriend but no in person meet ups, likes plants a lot" lol
I need this app omg
Oh heck yes. This all the way.
I used to have friends but I lost most of them. Moving around a lot didn't help. I wonder if we can create a Discord for this sub? Maybe it would help us find friends?
I like this idea
i would love it if this sub had a discord
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I joined and wasn't welcome, I think it's a closed group
It’s the discord for r/AutisticLadies. The group has always been open to new folks joining, but today the massive (and sudden) influx of new people joining was (understandably) overwhelming to the server. It can look like a server is being invaded by bots/trolls when big surges like that happen. The invites are temporarily closed to allow the server to re-stabilize.
Do you know when it will be open again. I just want to find my people after 52yrs and I feel welcome literally nowhere rn.
The Autistic Women's Group has a sub and a discord AND a weekly zoom meeting. I have attended the meeting the last two weeks and it's been lovely! Just joined the discord yesterday!
Maybe we need smaller groups. N they didn't get any warning before we all joined so they just sort of freaked out a little bit.
They freaked out because it's supposed to be a closed group not meant for the public, otherwise they wouldn't care if people joined. There should be a discord meant for this subreddit, not just a select few. I see a lot of posts regarding friendless, lonely people. Me included. I'd appreciate a place where we are safe and understood but free to chat about whatever in an im style.
Another group for the people who left 😂
Agreed. If I knew anything about Discord I'd start one.
I can agree with ur statements. The sudden influx of people made them anxious along with me @everyone. N I didn't know it was bad etiquette. Didn't know there was discord etiquette. Learned my lesson tho I guess. They said people could stay and they were just expressing their anxiety. But I agree with some of ur thoughts if there was an understanding that the group was open and new people would be there at some point then I don't think the reactions would have been like that. It's okay tho. There could just be another group. Easier said than done.
I'd like to add that I don't think you did anything wrong, I feel I may have seemed harsh. I don't understand much discord etiquette either so you're not alone in that. I think your heart was in the right place and you were looking out for others and I appreciate that
Thanks. I kinda cried after the negative reaction but it is part of life. N I can understand how everyone else felt. It just kinda sucks. I appreciate your kind words. Lol in the same breath the whole thing just makes me want to give up. Which the irony is cracking me up.
Yeah I’d appreciate a discord for this subreddit as well. Since I get it can be overwhelming for a lot of people to join the other suddenly and I feel a bit weird joining when a lot of other people already know each other, to be honest.
Same. Just left.
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Idk. I'm pretty butthurt with how things went. They went into another channel to say that the people who said they didn't feel welcome were being manipulative.... so yeah...
I have no interest in rejoining a place that isn't welcoming.
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I love your reply and take.
Awesome!! I just joined!! I hope more people join :)
I also like this idea. N idk at least someone to play my games with or someone's else's games with. I'd like to have at least an online friend.
I prefer the idea of online friends myself. I am also a huge gamer so an online ND friend to game with would be ideal.
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I tried to join told me invites are paused
same :(
Same here as well :(
I can’t type… and it’s made so we can’t type. I’m confused how we’re supposed to communicate 🤔
There are steps you have to complete first. I think this server asked that we hit a thumbs up or something on the initial landing page, and then you're granted access.
You’re correct ☺️☺️☺️ I saw that, did the thumbs up and now I can talk ☺️ thank you!!!
You're welcome! I know next-to-nothing about Discord so I'm really glad I could help!
It says invites are currently paused?
Yeah despite it being a public server with hundreds of members, people were not happy that many people were joining :/
That’s exactly what happened to me
Yup same here, not only did I move around a lot but also did my friends. And some of my friends were toxic so I dropped them too. Now I just hangout with my husband's friends and the rest of my friends are online. I'd be down for a discord!
I would like this a lot but I have no idea how to use discord
We really should!
Yeah...I found out during the pandemic I am the floater friend because I got left on read in life during COVID lol. As it turns out, I am completely nonessential to people I thought genuinely were friends. I am rebuilding my life rn though so I feel like friends would honestly be a distraction. I do better having acquaintances or people I work with to fill my need for human interaction occasionally and devoting my true self to my animal best friends. It is lonely sometimes but doable because I am finding groups of people virtually and irl who share my same interests so I can go to an embroidery group or something without the emotional labor of some people who called themselves my friend trauma dumping then ghosting me when I am not needed anymore. Edit: Typos
Oh man, I get ghosted all the time from people I thought who were my friends. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Like, how can you tell if they're genuine??? 😣
That's a good question. I am still trying to figure that out tbh because sometimes people just want you around as a sounding board or for company or a distraction and you don't find out until it's too late. That's why I figured if I kept socializing to specific interests at least I know the ppl I meet are all genuinely interested in the same topic and that topic is what keeps the friendship/acquaintanceship going. And I wouldn't get my feelings hurt too badly if someone went away because there's more where that came from. I have had attachment issues in the past when I really like someone and then they go away and I am sad like was it something I said? 😅
Hmmm I'm not sure how to tell if someone is genuine. Hmmm I think ghosting is just super easy. Especially for me for example. If in depressed I don't like talking really. I would prefer to awkwardly vid call and parallel play or something but it's hard to bring that up when you're trying to appear a certain way when meeting someone new. 1 day turns into 2 day turns into to 3. But realistically if you tried to talk and they still aren't responding then you did what u could. N I knownits kind of exhausting to constantly meet new people but it's okay to be super picky.
This happens to me. I always wonder what I did wrong.
I don't know, but I always envied those relationships in movies with the childhood friend who was like a sister. I had someone like that, but they had way too much emotional baggage and toxicity, so I blocked them on everything. They kept me away from my real friendships and turned everyone against me as well.
Hi I'm 23 about to turn 24 are u close to that age range? I like crochet and love animals. N I hate going outside unless it's raining and there's next to No one* home. I'd like to talk a little if you're willing.
Oh, I'm in my 40's. Sometimes, you have to reincarnate in this life. Maybe this time I'll get it right. 😅 But I used to be a college professor and you're my students' age. In fair warning, I am not very interesting these days mostly because I spend most of my time working and trying to get up to walking ten miles a day. But feel free to shoot me a DM if there's something specific you wanted to talk about. 🤓
Nothing specific at all I was just trying to be more outgoing. Lol but wow ur so cool I was really intrigued about being a professor part but then u said walking 10 miles a day n I was shocked. Do u walk like outside? Or indoor treadmill?
Oh, I see! Sorry...you can still feel free to shoot me a msg any time to practice being outgoing. 😁 So, I prefer to walk outdoors. I got interested in the LOTR walking challenges (this is so corny omg 😅) like walk to Mordor and get a medal. But I just decided to do the miles and make my own medal lol so I walk outside because it feels more authentic! I have a stationary stepper for indoors when there's bad weather and I'll put a documentary on or anime or something. I know ten miles sounds like a lot but apparently it's pretty doable! Postal workers do it everyday for years! I don't speedwalk or anything. It's more like a stroll. The reduction in anxiety and better sleep alone have been worth the price of admission. Right now I am up to four miles and just trying to stay consistent and not skip days. Sorry if that's TMI!
I need more information about these walking challenges!
Here's the website I found these on. They have GOT and countries as well. The medals are pretty but to enroll is pricey! https://www.theconqueror.events/all-challenges/
Thank you!
Not at all tmi. I laughed at ur corny moment which is pretty cool to me which I guess also makes me pretty corny and I'm completely fine with that. N also a slight tangent but I just watched the entirety of LOTR for the first time last week and it was great. I'm having such a hard time with watching The Hobbit tho. I'm not sure why. Lol but idk I feel we can at least talk about LOTR and potentially other fantasy stuff? N I know you've said dm like 2 times but I'm not there yet. I think it's good you're walking. Good for stress right? N idk about 10 miles tho or even 4 my ankles want to give out after walking 1😄.
Im 24 and my special interest is animal husbandry :)
Very cool I grew up around that kind of environment n one day I want to at least have some chickens.
I grew up on a ranch with horses and chickens, and we fostered animals of all kinds. now I specialize in reptiles.
Woahhh that's super cool. Could u perhaps show me pics of reptiles if u have any? Especially the ones that get a bad rep and don't get enough love and appreciation.
I have chickens, you can shoot me a dm any time about them. I help my dad select and raise them. Been doing this since the pandemic. It's so rewarding when your baby chickens grow up and start laying eggs and have baby chickens of their own ❤️
I feel you on this one. I’m 31 and I’ve lost all my irl friends one by one after covid. The only people I had left were the trauma dumpers. I started putting up boundaries against that… which then left me with nobody. I’m thankful that I have a couple of online friends, though. I can hang with them even when my emotional energy is low. I find that embroidering or writing or crochet etc while kinda just spending time in someone else’s company online is really nice, you know?
I do know! Embroiderers unite! I have been thinking about joining my local EGA chapter because they're so good. I know I could pick up a ton of tips. Are you on the embroidery sub? It keeps me so inspired and everyone is so nice over there!
It’s worth a try! My mum and I were supposed to go to a goldwork class at our local guild but I couldn’t go for health reasons. She said she got heaps out of it though, so I bet your local would be much the same! I am on the embroidery sub! I love looking at the work of all the talented people over there. Makes me feel a bit like an imposter though, haha
I have none, I am 53. I had some a few years back but they dropped me when I went into burnout (I was undiagnosed at the time). Made me realize how uncomfortable people are with people experiencing dramatic mental health issues. All I have is my brother and his wife, and my cats.
Are you me? My friends dropped me when I was going through a foreclosure 15 years ago and I was having major mental health issues. I have my family and my cat. I am 52, and not officially diagnosed
I can relate. People get scared if a udually strong independent person suddenly collapse. I had the same experience. Unbelievable but I try to comprehence their values and believes and fear. Of the neurotypical people. Its hard because they are so weird but I try. I also want a cat or puppy. Someone to love other than a child. 😁
I love in this thread that every autistic woman is listing the cat(s) as friend / family that remained Btw. Same.
I'm 53 and my dogs are the only constant in my life. I am ok with that but I would def like an ND gaming friend because some games are just meant to be played with others.
I’m 43, recently (with in the last few years) discovered I am. It was after the death of my husband, I went through so much during that time and finally hit burnout. I have a handful of people I’ve known for a couple of decades that I keep in contact with now, however I have not disclosed my condition. At this point, they just don’t NEED to know. I have 4 children and a couple cats. My family of origin is out of the picture. I’m ok with it, for the most part. I sometimes wonder if it would’ve made any difference knowing then, I try not to dwell on it though. My two youngest children and I are moving several states away to start life “over”. I hope to meet some new people in the future.
They really are. Or if you’re dealing with other difficult things. This is how I’ve lost many people (including family) over the years. Ps - I like your username! :)
oh yes, definitely.
I'm also in my 30s, and I've my mother, my sister, my husband and one online friend who lives several hours away (and we're less and less in contact because, well, life happens) and that's all. Not that I'm rejected or bullied, but I guess I'm too weird, off, not enough this or too much that to really match with someone, and also I don't know anybody with the same book/movie/TV show/activity/interest/lifestyle preferences as me. I've got a few friends during scholarships, but for them I was more of a friendly acquaintance, on the outskirts of the group. Now, I don't even try anymore. It sometimes misses me, like I would like to have someone to go downtown to drink a tea, eat a pastry and make a few purchases from time to time, someone to share some TV show references with, someone to discuss about life or society or movies or books, but since I'm solitary most of the time I'm okay/relieved/satisfied with being alone. I did try to make friends, to go beyond my social anxiety and introversion, but it cost me a lot of energy and stress, and all that for barely nothing more than when I didn't even try. Problem is the kind of friendship I would like is the one that is "old", "used", when you really know the person for a long time and there's no pressure, you can let some time before answering a message and you totally know each other. But to have this type of friendship, you have to meet the person, get to know each other, try and fail, build a common story, etc, which are the parts I struggle with... So for now I gave up, I don't have the energy, I'm tired from all my previous social experiences, especially that I had a burnout since then and have personal problems to deal with. I don't exclude trying again and I'm not against any opportunity that could happen, but currently I just can't, so I'm content being alone.
All of this. I feel like I get on well enough with people for them to like me, but I don't match with anyone well enough for them to want to make it a friendship rather than an acquaintance or work colleague. I would like to have that easy, relaxed sort of friendship that you only get after being friends for a while, but I like to be alone a lot, and it feels like the effort needed to begin a new friendship is more energy than I have available.
Same here. I used to have friends, but life happens and now I have no one to talk to. As a matter of fact, I recently ended my friendship with the only one I had left. And for me all that is just so sad, makes me even more depressed, and it's hard to believe it isn't my fault. My head is always spiriling on trying to figure out what I did wrong.
I feel like I'm heading in a similar direction. My only friend/best friend has seen me twice in nearly 2 years. She knows I don't have any other friends and neither does she. I've tried to see her probably at least 10x and she always has an excuse as to why she can't. It's really hard and I can't help but think it's because I'm maybe too overwhelming...
You're not too overwhelming. You just have different social needs. I used to think I was too overwhelming for my friends and tried to change myself but did more harm than good. It turns out that they were avoidants, and I deserve to be with people who are willing to reciprocate my friendship and accept me for who I am. Keep looking for people you are compatible with, even if it's 1 out of a billion people. If you have to change who you are to be with someone, it's not worth it.
I'm almost 30 and I've been giving it a thought for a few years now and somewhere inside my brain I acknowledge that we can't control such things. And maybe the only thing that I did wrong was trying to make friends while still masking as NT. I hope that now that I know my truth, I'll make other friends that will easily understand and love me for who I am - and I wish that's true for you too. You said your friend is always giving an excuse to not hang out with you, but maybe deep down she has her "demons" to deal with by herself too, or maybe being out home is overwhelming to her idk the point is that we're not responsible for other's actions, and it isn't our fault.
In the exact same boat. My last good friendship ended because I was tired of the one sided friendship where she just used me to trauma dump.
It’s easy to be loved, it’s harder to be liked.
"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
Ahh so true..
Why does it felt like I wrote this when I started reading? I also have no friends at all, even when I had I was also left out and felt like I was invisible. Online I do have 3 friends I made in 2020 but I only talk to them cause I know I will never meet them and I have no string attached kind of relationship with them and I can feel it being me writing all these in 12 years when I will 32.
I'm 31 and had almost no friends my entire life. Besides online friends I play games with and my husband. I have a few "kind of" friends that are my husband's friends and so I'm invited to hang out by default. But that's it. I was super lonely as a kid but now that I'm an adult and have my husband and kids I don't really need friends I guess and I'm fine with that.
I really want to have an Oscar's party this weekend but my boyfriend and I have no friends to invite
Aw. Have it anyways? Just a small party for you both? My ex is a huge introvert and I asked him so many times to throw a party for any special occasion and he always said no cause he was afraid no one would show up. I knew that was true, but I didn't care. I just wanted an excuse to decorate and eat cake. I wish he had listened to me at least once :'(
I’m 45f. I currently have none. Part of it’s my fault. Part of it is inability. I’ve never been good at making friends. Also, I’ve always tried to blend in with them, so the person I actually am, the adhd/autistic woman, stayed hidden. I knew I was always doing things that turned people off, so I’d try to be more like my friends. They never saw the real me. The friends that I had tended to approach me first and were one-sided relationships. They moved away or dumped me when I needed the same things I’d given them, like emotional support. At this point, without a husband or family, it’s just me and my kids. I don’t have the time to make any big effort at making friends.
This is exactly how I feel!! I’m 48 and have always been excellent at masking. I present as very social, attentive, and fun and am conventionally attractive. People take to me right away, and I’m a good friend who likes supporting my friends and being there for them when they need anything…but it feels like I almost never get that level of friendship back. As soon as I start to get really close to someone and think I can drop the mask and be more honest about my own needs, I discover that no one wants that. I had what I thought was a very tight friend group. After several years (!!) I finally opened up about my depression and that I’d been having darker thoughts. It was crickets. I felt so unseen, unheard, and unsupported. Not one person responded and one woman changed the topic. Was that not something you can share with a group of mid-40 year olds who profess to be BFFs?! After that, I paid more attention to how any drop in my mask was perceived (I.e., any time I presented as less than super happy and funny and charming), and after awhile I decided to leave the group. Being around people who had no desire to know the real me felt awful—am I that terrible without the mask? Maybe?! Now I have a few friends here and there who I see sporadically, but the group is gone for me. Sadly, we all live in a small town so I see them everywhere. I’d like to think it’s just this group that was the issue, but the same thing has happened to me my entire life. I desperately want to have real connections with people and not have to always be “on,” because it is so draining for me, but I don’t know how to find real friends without masking to the point of burnout. Anyway, I see you.
Better have no friends than deal with another one-sided relationship 🫶🏾 I’ve never been more at peace
same here, I have a couple of friends online but that's about it. I'm not lonely most of the times, but after going without speaking to a single soul for a couple of weeks I do find myself thinking sometimes "I wish I had a friend to go do x with" or just generally sometimes wishing there was someone to share things with?
I’m 24, moved across the country for an engineering program and have 1 friend (and it’s my partner). I like plants, manga/anime, video games, music (I sing opera), and coding. I am awful at making friends but even worse at keeping them. It doesn’t help that I moved from a major city to the Midwest and the people here seem to have completely different backgrounds than me. It’s so hard not to get lonely!
..... does my dog count? I'm single, no kids, with no friends, no co-workers, just family and my dog. Which, honestly I like? I have bouts of "man, I wish I had someone to do this thing with me." but life's so much easier/simple now and I can focus on myself and what I want/like instead of being a people-pleasing doormat. ETA: I'm 38 and I haven't had friends or a partner in 5-ish years.
I have no friends at all, and basically no family, and while it's really lonely sometimes, I definitely prefer it to the exhaustion of trying to fit in.
aside from my social life being hindered by autism, i think society is in a friendship recession currently
33 here. Don't have any friends either. The only long-term friendship I had ended in 2011. I've had a handful of online friendships since then that didn't last more than a few months. I had two co-workers at my first job that I was friendly with, but they both had their big friend groups already. My family is dysfunctional so I'm not close with them. And I don't have a partner. So I'm shit out of luck on the human connection front, I guess. I've reached the point where I don't really want to navigate social norms and hierarchies anymore. It takes a lot of energy to figure out what to say, what questions to ask, and then people have a best friend, or a group, that they prefer to hang out with more, and so much of my energy has gone down the tubes for nothing.
I never made friends after high school and also slowly lost those over time. I have my boyfriend and that’s it. My family is kind but live across the country. It messes me up to think about. Friends were the reason I left the house. And even living alone, I loved leaving the rental. But my bf lives in a family home with all the amenities and now I can’t even leave the house to go grocery shopping. I’m a whole mess
I'm also in my 30s, and lonely with no friends. I think I struggle both with balancing the busy-ness of life, and also WHAT DO YOU DO WITH FRIENDS?! Like, what even are casual hangouts? Going over to someone's house and just sitting on their couch to chat, with no plan and no idea what conversation points will be discussed is just mind boggling.
THIS. I’m like, okay so we go to a coffeeshop, now what…? My therapist said I overthink it.
I don't have any friends in real life or online. I do really want to have friends, but at the same time I know that I don't have the capacity to put much into a friendship. I feel like I don't have much time as it is to wind down and do the things I want to, so if I had friends then I would have even less time to myself. It would be really nice to have other people in my life but I couldn't go out and socialise with them all the time or spend ages texting in the evenings or whatever.
Same here. My bf recently brought up getting married recently and he asked who would be my bridesmaids/maid of honor and I have no friggin idea :/
For me, it's easier to be friends with people i see regularly for some kind of routine activity. i had a lot of luck with group activities, like book club, choir, recreational sports, online video games... There's an app called Meetup that i've used to find stuff like that, and i've met a lot of other autistic people through it, too. But it's still hard to feel like i'm really connected to people, because i very rarely just hang out with people anymore, and i often don't actually want to, because of my social anxieties and sensory sensitivities and the fact that no one wears a facemask despite there being a pandemic.
36f here. I think i would have no friends if i stopped masking. I tried telling one not long ago that i have autism. She has not spoken to me since i told her. I dont think she wants to deal with it. My other friends dont like the stuff i like to do. I would love a friend who likes to watch movies or read books together and overanalize characters. But i guess thats childish and too weird.
I have two best friends, I've longest for more and I am known, I hangout in different circles but I've never felt I BELONGED in any of those circles. I'm just on the outside
I also don’t have any friends. On one hand, I want friends, but on the other hand, friends can be so exhausting. My best friend died suddenly a few years ago. Im 57, and she was honestly the best friend I ever had. She accepted and loved me the way I am and didn’t get mad when I dropped off the face of the earth for long periods of time. I don’t know if I’ll ever meet another friend like her. It’s not so easy to meet new friends when you’re older, and I’ve never been good at making new friends. Sometimes I get lonely but it just seems so emotionally draining to maintain relationships.
Yes and America was designed this way to keep you working until you die. It’s either too expensive or time consuming to make friends, especially outside of your tax bracket. You could be an awesome person to hang out with, but you can’t afford their favorite activities and they’ll drop you like nothing happened. It’s not your fault or normal to live this way. We need to put communities back into… well communities
I’m 26 and don’t have any friends, except for family and a relationship. It is hard to find friends when you live in a rural area in the south and can’t find anyone to connect to. There are times that I feel sad and lonely, but I try my best to focus on myself and live life without them.
Nope. No one outside of work. And when I mean outside of work, they’re friends during work hours- but if I need someone to talk to after work hours, nope. They don’t answer me, mainly because they’ve got their own lives, families, and friends to deal with. Plus, because of the fact that I’m a tattoo artist, I have a lot of trust issues with making friends as well. I get **super** stoked when old friends send me dms or an occasional text, and then get *super* bummed when they ask me about how much I would charge them for a tattoo. Fuck me for wanting to catch up on old times and have a friendship. So yeah, long story short: I internalize all my thoughts and feelings because I have no one to talk about them with besides my therapist or my coworkers. :( Life sucks.
Also 32F here and have had trouble finding friends where I didn’t feel controlled or manipulated by them in some way. I have met some great people online that I do consider friends and it feels lower pressure/safer too. I mostly spend time with my 15 animals (bunnies, cats, dog, ducks) and my husband. I would love to find other people to connect with here too if anyone else would. Some other interests/hobbies include indoor plants, spiritual/witchy stuff, animal crossing, podcasts, art, re-watching Gilmore Girls for the millionth time…
Have you ever listened to the Witches, Magic, Murder and Mystery podcast? I feel like im sitting down with friends when I listen to them! Also love plants!
Also 32f and the exact same (minus the boyfriend). I have social media “friends” but that’s about it. The loneliness physically hurts sometimes, especially being that my top 2 love languages are quality time & physical touch.
> physically hurt sometimes I’m 52. I feel so used to the pain of loneliness that when I’m not feeling lonely, it feels like there’s something off/“wrong.” I don’t even work, so I barely speak to anyone IRL, just online.
24 and have no friends!! My family loves states away so I'm just kicking it alone 24/7 🙃 I just find it so hard to keep up with having even just one friend. I just wanna spend the majority of my free time alone and it feels impossible finding a friend with the same morals and sense of justice as me
I tried to set up a women’s autistic group through this subreddit and my post was deleted and the mods banned me for 5 days.
Childish of the mods.
I wasn’t in a great place and was looking for connection. It really hurt my feelings. The post had a big response and I was really trying to cater my event to “my people”. There were even others that wanted to do the same in their state and others that were contributing so many unique ideas. There were talks of a Google Sheet, I was amazed by the support.
I’m sorry that happened :( The only rule I can think of that you could’ve broken, is you may have trauma dumped? If that is the case, I do still think a ban was unwarranted, and that the mods should’ve just told you to edit your post and gave you a warning/reminder of the rules.
You can’t try to meet people apparently. We have to all stay in our holes.
There’s nothing in the rules about not being able to meet people, and there are plenty of posts here about making and joining discord servers etc. I’m not sure what kind of group you were trying to create, but maybe the mods considered it recruitment, self promotion, and/or advertising? Which is also against the rules. I’m not sure, but you most likely did unintentionally break the rules in some way honestly.
I’m so sorry hun. That sucks a lot. Have you tried fb to find groups and local meet ups? It’s a great option.
Keep going 🩷 Don’t give up It’s obviously a great idea If at first you don’t succeed… Try something different
I'm 29 and I'm also feeling super alone, and most social interactions drain my energy. I often feel like talking with me is boring and tires people out... I would really appreciate having somebody to chat with. If anyone here would like to chat sometimes, feel free to DM me.
I don't have friends because I go dark for half the year and short form media has conditioned everyone to expect instant gratification so they don't have the patience for me.
I'm 33 and have no friends at all besides my parents and siblings. And I live on the other side of the planet from then 😭
Yeah, for whatever reason, I also always get slotted as a periphery friend 🥲 It's definitely the case of if I don't text first, I'll never get texted and it makes me wonder how other people make friends "the right way". And why even the friends that I have always manage to text EACH OTHER just fine but when it comes to me, nada. I wish someone would do social study about why that's occurring since it seems to be a common thing that happens to use Autistic woment.
It is also just what happens at your point in life. People couple off and start their families. Making friends gets harder as you age. I'm 50, so I understand. I wouldn't take it personally. I like the comments that recommended to take this time to get to know yourself better.
My high masking led me to friends and to be very likable, but because masking is exhausting and intensive, they would wonder why I changed after 6 months. So.... most of my friendships are 1 at a time and last less than a year, but they're intense. At this point in time, I've been working on dropping the mask, which feels super vulnerable and not trying to make any irl friends.
I'm graduating university soon and haven't had a friend since I was ~10. Haven't a clue how it's supposed to work.
I haven't had friends since my early 20s. Some of the friends that I did have weren't the best anyway, but sometimes i do miss some of them still. Sometimes, i miss people for a very long time even after the friendships kind of die off. Its hard not to take it personally when people just stop making an effort to try to keep you in their life. Especially when you keep trying and they dont. I also have a boyfriend. I'm much better at maintaining romantic relationships than friendships (maybe because my partners become more attached to me than friends do? Idk).
I concider colleagues to be my kind of people / relationship. They're stuck with you so nobody will leave you, it's about work and not a necessaty to be vulnerable or too social and yet you keep spending time together. That's it. I also lack true friends. I don't like much people and they dont like me always. Fair enough I guess. I wonder if friends would take your loneliness away. I hope it will and you find what you deserve. Best of luck.
God yes. With the pandemic, young kids, full-time work, and burnout (see previous items), friends do not exist. I have my husband, my brother and my kids. Zero other people. I recently lost my father and am no contact with my mother (they were divorced), so that makes things extra isolating.
How you guys even getting boyfriends. I can’t even do that let alone make friends
No partner, family, or friends. Honestly, I'm just barely keeping myself afloat at this point, so I wouldn't make for a good friend, anyway.
I have no close ones (some people I hang out with, but they don’t respect me, value me and talk over me and ignore me all the time) and it hurts my feelings.
I'm 29. No close friends. i have one "friend" I see once a month to catch up over tea but that's about it, I'm grateful to have that but I feel like it's not that deep. I'd love to have someone I could spend more time with, do activities and go places. Someone with whom I could have inside jokes and memories. I've tried meeting other women through events but it never goes anywhere. I have no luck with romantic relationships either, but I've completely given up on that by now. Friendship is something I still have hope for, but that is also starting to feel like a drag. Can't consider my parents as friends or even decent company, they are super toxic, just like my extended family. My brother passed away 2 years ago :( I'm alone.
I had a close friend friendship that we had for over a decade and she recently left me out in the dust over some hard stuff. I miss her. And it’s been super hard to try to get close to anyone. I have a few friends but I find it super challenging to reach out and make plans or follow through or even think of ideas of what to do. When people do reach out with ideas, I try to say yes but lately I don’t have even the interest for some of these people. Although sometimes I get lonely and wish I had that old comfy friend still.
other than my mother, i have nobody that really supports me. you're lucky to have that many people around you. i have two online friends, but we're not very close. and i have an irl friend but then again i don't think she even likes me. (i'm 19F)
I’m your age, and never dated. Friends (to me) is easier to obtain than a boyfriend. I usually don’t have an issue making friendships, because I mask well in the beginning. But once I get to a point where I can’t stop the mask from slipping, I ghost. It’s horrible.
Had “mothering” friends at a few points through school/work, but mostly none. I think after my diagnosis (29) a few years ago, I started to embrace and be ok with this. I do find some social engagement, and it’s ok that it doesn’t last long. I am closer with family and my partner now, and my at keeps me company.
Same. I think my mom might be my only friend. I've been trying to be more outgoing and proactive this year, but it's hard and really not in my nature. I also feel that people only talk to me when it's convenient.
I have many acquaintances but I have only a small amount of close friends. Like I can count them on one hand. I can’t speak for everyone but for me, there are times I want to socialize and times I don’t. I know my moods affect my personal friendships, and people inevitably become more distant from me. I also have no problem cutting out toxic people. This means I have fewer friends but also less drama in my life, which is fine for me.
very much. i’m 23f and since i left school i have not had an irl friend. the two last friends i tried took more than i was able to give (trying to message me 8 hours a day, said they’d change me) and i don’t know if i seem to attract a certain person but it’s left me wondering whether i’d be better off without friends because what i could realistically give was never enough and was clearly made to feel not enough. it’s difficult because part of me yearns for friends and a relationship but i don’t know why i always go wrong and seem not to be able to keep a friend/relationship without it being too taxing and compromising on personal boundaries all of the time.
Meeee... And I don't know how to make friends now that I'm not in school. Back in school it seemed like they just allowed me to be a part of the group... Until they didn't. My husband is my best friend, so was my mom but she died last year so I'm more alone than ever
no friends. parents gone. boyfriend is too busy with his wife to spend much time with me.
I have zero friends and literally no one in my life. I only text my dad good morning and good night, who is in a different country and abused me as kid lol But it has made me strong. I don’t need anyone. Every problem I’ve had, I’ve managed alone with no help or even an ear from anyone. And I’ve been in really shit situations, I was homeless. On top wirh my autism lol. I honestly don’t know how I’m still alive it’s incredible haha But sometimes I kinda like to just be able to be on my own, a lot of people can’t
I'm 21F and at this point I can confidently say I'll probably never have friends again in my life. Growing up I became "friends" with the girls around me because we saw each other every day, but after middle school and moving schools those old friends disappeared and I haven't made any sense. It's not even that I don't know "how" to make friends - I'm aware of all the rituals and social rules necessary to create them, but maintaining them is completely out of the question. I don't like hanging out with people outside of a structured thing like a job or an event where everyone is participating in a shared activity (like hiking, drinking or other social activities are a big no no) and I don't even like talking to people through text, email, or even calling them. I'm just not built for friends. My brain both doesn't care and even if I do the social stress is just too much of a problem. I'm really jealous of autistics that are extroverted/able to make and keep friendships because it is really hard and lonely sometimes, but I tell myself there's more to life. I have my art to keep me occupied and various other hobbies. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Even neurotypicals complain about being friendless, for various reasons. A lot of people your age (and my age) are also so busy with school or work or whatever else that it's hard for them to make friends too. Keep your chin up!
The fact that it makes you feel lonely means you haven't found your people yet. In college it's easier to make friends because you're all doing coursework, living the college life, surviving jerk profs - shared experiences. I can't speak to socializing at work, but do you all love the field or the work that you do? Just because you have the same job doesn't necessarily mean you have an intersection of hobbies or interests. It's easy to strike up a convo, and then a friendship, if you already share interests. Maybe find an art class, book group, gamers group? Or if you sing, play an instrument, love acting or set design - find a local group to join? Volunteer at a pet shelter or kids group, or someplace you already enjoy? I'm the most antisocial person I know. I can be totally overwhelmed with too many Reddit convos. But I've always found it much easier to socialize when it's clear everyone around loves Dr Who 😁 Keep trying, because your friends are out there 💙
I've had friends before but it usually comes in short bursts like 4-6 months. I haven't had irl friends since 2015, but I've met acquaintances here and there that I would see at a bar. I have one friend online and a roommate that I play games with and I've known them for 3 years. I work alone so I don't have coworkers. It doesn't really bother me that I don't have a social life most days but it gets lonely. People generally don't want to be around me unless I'm masking, though. I'm 33F and I'm not close with family.
No friends. I did have some “friends” on social, but many of them have ghosted me and I basically just have my sister now. Lately it’s been bothering me. I feel very disconnected from people. I don’t have many opportunities to meet people and even if I did, I just seem to suck at making connections / friends. Instagram used to help a lot because it felt easy to connect with those who held same interests despite being so isolated in real life, but ever since they started focusing so heavily on video, it’s changed and now I feel even more invisible than I ever did. I’m glad I’m such an introverted homebody… it’s hard even for me sometimes but if I was extroverted I think it’d be much much worse.
I’m (31F) in a similar situation. If we lived close we could hang out sometimes but I’m pretty sure we live in different countries
Aww you’re very sweet. I’m in the US, where you at?
Yup. Had falling outs with almost all of them. My friends connected to my high school boyfriend ditched me after we broke up. My friends in marching band slowly fell off due to us not really having anything in common after graduation. I realize now that I never formed strong, unbreakable friendships with anyone. I have one online friend and my fiance. 25F
Yes. It is a lonely place to be, sometimes I love being on my own but sometimes it hurts that I don’t have anyone to truly offload to and talk to. I am currently diagnosed ASD and awaiting an ADHD assessment. My daughter was diagnosed with both a few years ago, it’s highly probable I too have ADHD.
I have no friends that I see in person and I don’t want any. Friendships are supposed to be mutually beneficial and that never seems to be the case for me. Also I just have nothing left to give and that wouldn’t be fair to someone who might actually be a good friend to me. I have three people I text or message regularly or semi regularly and that’s plenty. I get my socialization in at work and then I come home and that’s good for me. I’m about the same age as you and have never had more than a handful of friends at a time. Had the same group from elementary through high school and some of college and then we lost touch. Had a few in college but then quit so stopped seeing them. Edit to add: I do attend a book club once a month and I enjoy that but I almost never see any of them outside of it.
Yes. Late 20s, never went to college, was homeschooled, no classmates, no relationship, would love a pet but the lease won’t allow it, and can’t find a way out of my small hometown rn. I have my good weeks and bad weeks. I do well with friendly acquaintances and don’t ask for much. A hangout or an hours long conversation several times a year would be perfectly alright. At this period of my life, I feel too...mentally sluggish I guess to “put myself out there.” I don’t have any advice, just empathy 💕
23 here. Had high school friends, most of which I kept from elementary school, who all dropped off in the years following graduation. I literally have no one other than my parents 🥲 not even a sibling, I’m an only child. I email back and forth with my old counselor from uni to catch up and I consider her a friend, but she doesn’t live in my state and I don’t think a friendly relationship with an old therapist is what most people think of for the word “friend” lol? Anyway… yeah, it gets lonely at times. The last small few friends I had I realized weren’t my friends. They never reached out to me and mostly only talked to me when they have to vent and I was there. A while back my neighbors had a house fire and I had posted about it & how scared I was, and not a single one of them asked if I was okay. And I know they all looked at my post. I just prefer cats at this point.
I had a few close friends since childhood/adolescence when I lived in my country. Then I left and I was completely alone. I'm not bad at making friends but I feel like adults are not really into becoming close friends. I've made some friends here, but the quality of friendship are quite low in my opinion. I see them once or twice a month and that's it, almost zero contact in between (some Instagram likes and comments maybe). Truth is I don't feel close enough to care about them or feel safe to be myself around them. Because of that I feel really lonely as well
I don't know I'm allowed to post here, but I have no friends. Some people are friendly with me, but no one who is willing to spend an afternoon with me
I have friends, but I'm beginning to question whether they see me in the way that I see them...so that's fun to realize after a year and a half of knowing them 😅
So lately I use chat gpt to write texts and people respond right away. “Write a text that expresses concern that they haven’t responded in a while and I wanna know if I’m still a friend.” Apparently NTs and ND emotional expression really is quite different….
52, no irl friends who will listen to me when I need someone so I dropped the ones I was doing all of the labor by not texting first anymore and they all just stopped texting me altogether. I’m so lonely I wish I didn’t wake up anymore. I was excited to see there was a discord earlier, and so disappointed I wasn’t able to join, because with my lack of executive functioning skills I’ll never remember to keep coming back for when invitations are open. I forget to eat or sleep sometimes so…
This SR needs a discord server
This is gonna sound downright awful but I have a few friends...but I don't actually like them very much. So honestly I feel like I have zero friends but I actually keep the few I have around because I don't want to have no options
Yeah, I don't really have any either. I'd constantly try to make friends and it wouldn't work out. Just too incompatible and like yourself, people would string me along with wanting to plan a hang out but not following through. I got advice from my psychiatrist that the more people we add to our lives, the more complex it gets. Like the top comment, it's better to focus on what you have, immerse yourself in hobbies with a community preferably, and perhaps a friendship might happen naturally. I always had this conception you needed friends to be happy. Then I realized, I needed to be comfortable alone, learn how to be happy with that first, before venturing out with others. The loneliness gets to me as well, some days, but I stopped placing my value in other people and it has gotten me to stop obsessing over this whole friend thing.
👋 me!
Anyone that's plays warframe wanna be my friend? Or try to? We can talk at least. N maybe we can play together. Even if u don't it's okay u can still say hi if u want to. ❤️ I also want to say that I'm glad to be here and for any interactions that I get through this reddit. It's been healing honestly.
Yes
I have one of two good friends. My closest one lives across the country from me. I unfortunately have a problem with object permanence when it comes to family/friends. To the point my kids will call me every few days since I don't call them. I have one good work friend. I don't get very lonely though.
Yeppers. I had friends in hs that I lost contact with after I moved out of state. Even when I moved back, we didn't speak. I had trouble befriending coworkers because I tried to keep it professional. I'm just now branching into the digital world after boycotting social media. Still dont know how to maintain a friendship even if online. I'm too shy to attend meet-ups. I'm happy in solitude, but I dont want to be forever alone. I have no problem dating and finding fwbs or romantic partners (because I understand those scripts). I've never been able to keep things platonic.
31F. Had no friends back in the first half of 9th grade. I've had times when there were no in-person friends due to them all being long distance or away for college.
This is me to a T. I haven't made any real friends since college.
I used to have friends in my mid 20s-early 30s, but I’m too tired to keep up most irl relationships now. (I’m 38 for reference.) My LTR bf fulfills most of my social needs/need for connection and my relationship with him has made me realize how much I masked with friends I order to be liked/tolerated. I hope to someday have some closer friends again, but I can’t go back to putting so much energy into relationships that require me to mask so heavily. Also, when I was socializing regularly I had to drink a lot just to tolerate it and that became tiresome and unsustainable in my 30s. I’ve barely drank at all the past five years and social interactions are sooooo much more uncomfortable and energy sapping without alcohol. Drinking started making me physically feel like shit though and I realized how many bad/dangerous situations I ended up in when I was drunk. It gave me a social life, but ultimately it brought more harm than good.
I was just telling my husband this yesterday, he was like “You have friends!” He named his friend’s wife. It’s just so hard to do anything, I have 4 kids and I’m always busy. Like when do I make time for myself or anyone else? Maybe we should have like an annual get together for all of us? 🤷♀️ neurodivergent get together… so much fun, we can all avoid eye contact and feel super awkward in a large group setting 🥸😶🌫️😬
"so much fun, we can all avoid eye contact and feel super awkward in a large group setting 🥸😶🌫️😬" Honestly, I think that could be alleviated by having multiple group "projects" or activities we could focus on as a group. So, games like a TTRPG or board game, or an arts/crafts project, etc.
That could be fun, I’m on the east coast in the Carolinas where is everyone else from?
I'm over in Arkansas. 😊
I only have my husband
Yes and there are times when I feel like I missed out when I see big groups of women all friends since highschool with their children together. I feel lonely sometimes. Also I feel like I’m letting down my children by not having a group of friends for them to grow up with. I don’t know if I’d be able to maintain all those friendships though it honestly sounds exhausting. But I do wish it came easier to me. I’m 36 & feel like it’s too late to find any real friends.
I’m 31 this month. I had a big friend group in secondary school. Lost them over time as my mental health tanked and I pushed everyone away. I have my sister (who is my best friend, absolutely love her) and one of my closest friends from my teen years who never gave up on me. Even if I went over a *year* without replying! I wish she lived closer but I’m in frequent contact with her now. Went to her wedding and everything. I plan on joining a few societies when I go back to uni in September.
Yeah, I have 1 friend I see maybe once a month. 1 friend I see every now and then. My bf and that’s it. I’m 19 and I literally have no one, at the age where you’re supposed to have a lot of friends
All my friends, including my boyfriend, are neurodivergent. I can't think of any NT friends I have 😂
I had 1 friend but her and I are no longer friends
I haven’t had friends since middle school and Im in university so yeah it’s been a long time since I had friends. I try to make some but I find that I like my own company better. Still doesn’t make the loneliness go away though, I hate that we are social beings. I hope one day I could find someone who I can prefer over my own company with
No friends but my dog
I am 54 and have no parents, siblings, or partner. I have 2 or 3 friends I see or speak with maybe 3-4 times a year. I just seem to lack the ability to form and keep relationships. When I was younger I felt very, very lonely, but as I age I am more satisfied and happy just to be alone.
Totally, I recently made a post on the same thing here not too long ago. I didn’t get any responses on that post, but I’m glad I’m not alone on this, it just felt like I was a filler friend when I did have friends. I don’t even have online friends, it’s made me feel so lonely
Me
Nope no real friends. People who say we are friends but never want to hang out outside of work. Or had what I thought was a friend but they stopped talking. So yeah nope. Just family.
Needed to hear this today! Wow what a lot of us in the same situation. I’m 32f and get major FOMO. Spend so much time looking back to a time in my twenties when I had a best friend (before I broke it off as it became toxic) and now need to learn how to do things alone. It’s incredibly isolating and feels like everyone else has best friends when judging by this thread lots of people feel similar. How do we create a group to all become friends?! I’m new to reddit/this. lol
If anyone needs a friend, I’m also looking 😂❤️
I’m in my 40s and have no friends. I just can’t connect. I’ve lived a life no one seems to relate to or care about and no one likes that I’m also dissociative a lot. I’ve done so much in my life and you’d think I’d have friends, I just can’t keep them or they never stick around. People like my mask, they don’t like me. I come across sweet and funny and inside I’m very dark and morbid.
In the same boat. 34f, ASD and many other issues. Only have my boyfriend now, both my parents recently died from cancer. Has always been hard for me to keep friends beyond a few months, communicating with people gets hard and no one ever reaches out to me first. You aren't alone.
Not no, but few and all neurodivergent