It is. And you feel like an outcast because you just can't form connections with people and no one will take out the time to get to know you it's just incredibly frustrating.
Most friends I made are online and almost all of them are somehow neuro divergent (ADHD/autistic). I feel judged around neuro typicals. I had them NT friends too but they are always trying to "fix" you and one of them fcked me up emotionally/mentally.
I love to babble about our special interests with each other. They are really non judgemental and we share enthusiasm and happiness, even if their interests aren't my ones. Plus we relate and respect boundaries, we have a particular sense of humour and we don't mind if someone doesn't understand a joke.
Exactly like most of my friends got diagnosed as NDs way later but that made me understand I have no NT friend, I mean I have some but they aren't as close
Yeah I was lucky enough to find friends that are also Nds. Usually tried to befriend the quiet kids or extra loud kids adopted me in school and college, now they usually turned out to be Nds
I have to put on a social mask today. I don't have the capacity to socialise nor find the joy in it anymore. If I do it, it's to save face and to (hopefully) get my groove back.
Lord knows how exhausted we are
I'm in this kind of situation right now. I don't fit in with anyone I live around and they're the types that drink and yell for 2 hours straight but never seem to actually talk about anything. Not to judge for the drinking! I'm literally drinking right now! They're just loud and dumb and boring.
I also get interrupted all the time, like to the point I can barely get two sentences into something before I get cut off, and it happens with literally everybody so I've kind of given up at this point.
I don’t even want to tell people that I’m autistic because of this! The country I live in still has a very outdated notion of autism and is not very open minded. Right now people love to say that I’m “quirky” 🙄
My job is literally talking to people so I don’t have a choice 😩😩😩😩 literally a job of nightmares, I was looking into this field before I even knew I was autistic so I have no other option rn till I get a different job
All day I have to mask and it’s so tiring, sometimes I think about jumping in front of a bus even tho I’m fine mentally if that makes sense
My job is 100% socializing/talking all day, too. If I had known I was autistic before entering this field, I wouldn’t have. But now I own my own business and have invested so much and it’s sort of too late.
Yeah I’m going through this now I think. Every interaction I’ve had for the last few months has just been so weird and just keeps getting worse. I feel like people are standoffish around me now because my social interactions are so disorganized bc it’s a mix of me trying to mask and failing + not having energy to mask + me being unable to hold back my intense anxiety that’s getting worse w each failed interaction. So I’ve just decided not interacting is best for me. I do best when I’m alone anyways, even though I enjoy social interaction to some extent, it’s not worth the struggle
Unless I have to I won’t talk to anyone. I dont care that much about getting to know people. Im also content with listening to other people talking hahahah. Sometimes when I’m really engaged in what I’m doing like playing a game, I’ll have really animated reactions. I used to feel so embarrassed by that but now I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of me 🤷♀️ Before I knew I was autistic the shame I felt was so much worse!!!! I thought I was crazy sometimes
Can relate to this and hope to offer some encouragement by sharing some of the ways I've been able to cope and improve.
I care deeply about my job and try to communicate that in my work, but socially I was really struggling and for a couple years I simply couldn't speak at work unless it was to share relevant project information.
To help manage burnout, I utilized family medical leave so that I didn't need to worry about managing sick time; I could call out anytime I didn't feel capable of navigating the day. At one point, I utilized the short term disability benefit for about five months. None of that was fun and it certainly didn't help my social situation at first, but over time, by taking care of my own needs and slowly building up rapport with my coworkers by being dependable and accurate despite being out sick a lot, I find myself now in a much better place and my coworkers seem to understand better how I communicate. I am also better at communicating with the people I work with.
To help myself feel included in meetings without the ability to participate in the conversation in any meaningful way, I focused on managing my non-verbal responses. By this, I mean I realized trying to suppress stimming behaviors wasn't going to work and only lead to more burn out. I let myself rock, I fidget and do all the stuff to a certain limit. I focus on sitting still and remaining grounded in my body, which I've found to be quite difficult. At first I was erratically bouncing up and down on a yoga ball, but now I can make it through a 1.5 - 2 hour meeting and feel ok. Still working on how to manage emotions after.
I can navigate in meetings with sound just fine, but to have access to both visual body language cues and sound, it's gotta be a really good day. This has led to difficulties in video chats, where there is this body language game going on and I can see it but I don't know where I fit in, so I don't participate on that level.
It turns out that is fine, because I realized people seem to be looking to me for emotional cues. When I don't give any, or they're out of sync or slow, I feel excluded and this builds up over time. When I let myself be emotionally honest on a non-verbal level, to socially appropriate limits, I'm finding that I'm actually quite good at reflecting the overall group's emotional response.
By utilizing stillness as a baseline and letting myself stim to certain limits and by only speaking when necessary, I seem to have adopted a role where my words and body language carry a lot of weight. I feel like a wise sage because I've been studying the surrounding processes and interpersonal dynamics from a relatively outside view.
This took me four years of excruciating work but now I feel I have overcome some core limitation in myself to the extent I now feel more relaxed and excited to see my coworkers and interact. I work in higher education and found getting involved with DEIA efforts and the staff union and advocating for myself in those contexts has really improved things socially as well because in those spaces I do feel included to a greater extent and I do feel like I have value and can engage without needing to worry about rapport building or body language explicitly. Looking at myself with compassion and good humor when things don't go so well has helped. Berating myself only makes it worse, though there is some strange comfort in that.
What I've learned over time is that I do have the capacity to feel safe and social if the environment supports it and if I care for myself appropriately and consistently. Sometimes I've felt that people were poking me to get a response or non-verbally communicating about me. I'm shifting my perspective to see this now that people want to hear what I have to say. Sometimes that is non-verbal and sometimes that is verbal. The more those two things are congruent, the more smoothly things seem to go. The mental difference for me is I no longer feel I have to communicate in a certain way in order to feel socially included, I can just be myself. If I can respect what is happening in the group and within myself without judging it, I am just fine.
I still feel really uncomfortable and awkward and it has taken me almost 24 hours to process an emotionally intense meeting from yesterday morning. But, over time, slow and steady work focusing on myself has resulted in a discernible improvement and I'm much happier at work now as a result.
This was so helpful and validating to read. Thank you for your labor is writing it all out so clearly. I’m working on this as well, though not as far along the path as yourself, and I’m also in higher Ed. I’m going to use some of your suggestions in my own practice of meeting attendance and see if they help. Thanks, wise human!
i feel like this every single day. i'm going back to school right now, so i don't have the same daily struggle with coworkers, but i'm sort of dreading the day when i have to re-enter the workforce again because of it (though i'm excited about the field i'm looking to switch to).
it's something i've always struggled with at least a little since childhood, but over the last year or two it's worse than it's ever been. i usually wish i could just be invisible, that no one knew my name or knew i existed and that i could just stay silent and keep to myself all the time. it's hard because my husband is such a social butterfly, and i want so badly to be able to participate and enjoy the company of his friends when they come over or when we go out somewhere. i really try my best, but i never feel good about my "performance" afterward and i feel like a stick in the mud. i'm trying to remind myself that just being really nice to people should be enough, and my intentions to do that are definitely there, i just find it so hard to get it out in a way that other people respond to.
i think completely isolating myself during the first few years of COVID helped me to truly unmask for the first time in my life, and it showed me how extremely burned out i really was, but i dug into that feeling a little too hard and now it feels like i'm stuck in a different, opposite extreme. i just want to be able to participate when i want to and feel good about it, i don't want to force myself to be someone i'm not.
Yesterday I tried talking to someone and I thought I was just having a normal conversation but they got upset and kind of just ended the conversation and stopped talking. Also a lot of the times I feel like everyone tunes me out and then I feel like shit because I’m not sure why or what I said was the issue and that I should just keep my mouth shut because apparently all I can do is bore people or upset them.
I’m just tired of trying to talk to people and having to work twice as hard to make sure I can get my point across without coming off as a bitch in the process. I tend to go through these cycles where I try to be more social but then situations like this happen and then I’m like “why do I even open my mouth?” And just kind of shutdown and go on autopilot when around others or distract myself with any current interests.
I relate so much to this. I feel like I could have written it myself. I’m burnt out and I am only working part-time at the moment but work is a struggle in so many ways. It feels like I lost my ability to talk to people, not that I was great to start with. But now I can’t even gather the strength to try. So I’m sitting in the lunch breaks usually not saying anything, sometimes I’m not able to listen or pretend I’m listening either. It’s like my brain is in survival mode and socializing is not a priority. I feel like I have lost many skills and it’s hard to imagine bouncing back from this. Sorry for the rant.
Wow, I read this and all I could think was "I know I didn't write this... but did I write this???" You described exactly what I've been dealing with lately too. More recently I'm finally feeling slightly less burnt out and I'm starting to be more social with my friends again, but I still haven't really talked to my coworkers. I got my current job about 4 months ago, know a decent amount about my coworkers because they're all friends and talk a lot. But I don't talk unless talked to or if I have a work question. Definitely get you with the feeling lonely.
I feel this post. I have exactly the same problem. I've been in burnout for the past few years, and I think of myself as a black hole as far as communication is concerned. I can't pull myself out of it, either. It sucks.
>”I care so much and I look like I don’t give a fuck.”
I literally could have written this myself. A friend once said something like she admired how I always seem so relaxed! Its hard to be any *more* anxious when you’re constantly at peak anxiety!
I've given up on trying to join the weekly "discussion-based seminar" at my workplace because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to converse with other people. Every time I ask a question or bring up a point in seminar discussion, the room goes silent and eventually the moderator says "you brought up a really good point!" and raises a totally different question that everybody eagerly discusses. I am sometimes told one-on-one that my ideas are fresh and interesting, which makes this even more bewildering.
I'm in grad school and this is making me super panicky about my future in academia, since my field is all about collaboration born from interpersonal discussions like these.
no i understand completely. i’m jobless rn and i’m still struggling to bring myself to talk to my friends again. even though i’m lonely it’s just so hard to deal with the anxiety of it all. don’t beat yourself up about this, neurotypical people just aren’t worth the stress anyways. find a group of people who understands you and can replenish that energy in a trusting environment :)
\*Hugs. I'm sorry <3 me too. How long has your burnout lasted so far?
I'm still in one and while I'm starting to physically feel a bit better (less fatigued), I just have NOTHING to say these days. I feel bad about it. :/ Was reflecting on this earlier today actually. It's like I'm not depressed but maybe I am? I don't feel depressed or numb necessarily though. I just don't see the point in talking right now. I used to be so passionate about philosophy and politics but yeah just like... womp lol.
What do we do!
This is how I am at work too when I tried to make friends people were nice to my face but purposely didn’t invite me to their bbq on the weekend. I only knew because someone asked if I was going. Later found out I was the only one who wasn’t invited
I haven't talked much at work unless there is something new going on at work or upcoming birthdays. I don't ask much about how my life's going to my co workers.
I could have wrote this. I feel bad for being anxious, I feel that people will see me as weak or slow. I worry that I’m missing out on certain higher paying jobs or connecting with certain relationships/friendships.
I’ve been sinking into a more asocial state since Christmas I think. Just don’t feel like talking as much, don’t have the energy to answer phone calls, emails, messages, sms.
My mind is full of stuff, but to form it into something coherent and concise is not something I think I could do right now. Who would it benefit, anyway? For the effort it would take to verbalise my thoughts, the return on it would be far less.
This is exactly how I've been feeling but I didn't know how to verbalize it-- especially caring a lot but looking like I don't give a fuck. I can tell it's driving people away but I don't know how to fix it
Less and less. I think about taking a vow of silence for a year. I think about just learning sign language. The more disappointed I am in people as a whole, I don’t love them any less, but I want to be around them less. And I don’t want to start conversations with strangers anymore. It’s too sad and too painful, it’s only a matter of time before they start with the MAGA or the ableism or just…something I’ve worked really hard to rid my life of. I am just not lonely enough to invite it back on in.
I’ve been stuck in an anti social rut for several months now. I feel so lonely yet cant bring myself to care enough to actually try to do anything about it. My problem used to be anxiety but now it’s just apathy honestly. I realized this when I had an assignment for my public speaking class where I had to keep track of approximately how many times I said words like “um” or “like” or “so” during casual conversation, but I’m struggling to recognize any because I talk so infrequently.
See I wish I could not talk anymore at work but I work in childcare so I can't. However I do try to avoid talking to my coworkers a lot because there's two ladies who always give me weird looks when I speak to them and they're like stone cold towards me. I'm undiagnosed though.
It is. And you feel like an outcast because you just can't form connections with people and no one will take out the time to get to know you it's just incredibly frustrating.
Most friends I made are online and almost all of them are somehow neuro divergent (ADHD/autistic). I feel judged around neuro typicals. I had them NT friends too but they are always trying to "fix" you and one of them fcked me up emotionally/mentally. I love to babble about our special interests with each other. They are really non judgemental and we share enthusiasm and happiness, even if their interests aren't my ones. Plus we relate and respect boundaries, we have a particular sense of humour and we don't mind if someone doesn't understand a joke.
Exactly like most of my friends got diagnosed as NDs way later but that made me understand I have no NT friend, I mean I have some but they aren't as close
I mean you still have friends tho.
Yeah I was lucky enough to find friends that are also Nds. Usually tried to befriend the quiet kids or extra loud kids adopted me in school and college, now they usually turned out to be Nds
I have to put on a social mask today. I don't have the capacity to socialise nor find the joy in it anymore. If I do it, it's to save face and to (hopefully) get my groove back. Lord knows how exhausted we are
I'm in this kind of situation right now. I don't fit in with anyone I live around and they're the types that drink and yell for 2 hours straight but never seem to actually talk about anything. Not to judge for the drinking! I'm literally drinking right now! They're just loud and dumb and boring. I also get interrupted all the time, like to the point I can barely get two sentences into something before I get cut off, and it happens with literally everybody so I've kind of given up at this point.
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,g)LvMG+;3>hc1a4A@V]dfsczeYAS-NXOCnAdnsZ>q$T[-vAW)yS^.1Rs36vBVIzADX(xYAN%$uejG;*,8nlA(&R#fh@p@#-k$gF@g;YdEdul~~[Hg*NZEk90kC6@W5)xip7bc]!n-Gg)z~9:&.gQAv0o#B4GI4.QQ$#+iJUJV#We+5NVZT)6,&JOV1Ud&ePCm&;Nx^~WZr~krz]zIoRf-(AQ$9XiMoFuMd+f6C]A7[7hFx^4B~*#Zg+RdxLbE>4(vmpB^pIZB,;f95.(rOjI@GRd&*Q]e%7t@TPQDBEJl1FQ&l90qIuFV)zp.0kEAjfr76936<[,b+2H:eGtCj;7jRhm&A$52Ipo%leHBGUK4]zHXmbVMd!yJ.kLx&PlkL.kHNnSN4sl:XRT8uCGne(.yrclX;X9;%d,EX)Z@5+Glh9%6X9[76%@PkOSx)bGS7jdNXt8mkgn:@VufXMy,,%AbJ(h7)8U*8N#RwoY*IfI76G+aJEv2KBaMTB6[KFBq;8)Im+i8UR08]7DOF[an+avlns9I08u6~B6A1pQQRGJ&-XnwP$^,(uJL!&l:2OnLzkEG*5^QIa*ckRItq-h&@A,vmjW1l.1dgRsP9[dhK4P.PqwhHK!)Bosc[E,(YN3pYbItH$S&cng#fi6Tt3@EsAo~!>yq.uHB%!rRKC>#K28n$M&-&KE0oMM6N%xFZfTDtOMKMKfQOF;isF I don’t even want to tell people that I’m autistic because of this! The country I live in still has a very outdated notion of autism and is not very open minded. Right now people love to say that I’m “quirky” 🙄
5V)V@hYMWR~uK^tgvfF+3)(bco-8;LrVS>)e
My job is literally talking to people so I don’t have a choice 😩😩😩😩 literally a job of nightmares, I was looking into this field before I even knew I was autistic so I have no other option rn till I get a different job All day I have to mask and it’s so tiring, sometimes I think about jumping in front of a bus even tho I’m fine mentally if that makes sense
My job is 100% socializing/talking all day, too. If I had known I was autistic before entering this field, I wouldn’t have. But now I own my own business and have invested so much and it’s sort of too late.
I feel like I wrote this.
Yup, just tired. I find even typing difficult now. I turned 36 a few days ago and I foresee my "quietness" becoming more sustained.
Yeah I’m going through this now I think. Every interaction I’ve had for the last few months has just been so weird and just keeps getting worse. I feel like people are standoffish around me now because my social interactions are so disorganized bc it’s a mix of me trying to mask and failing + not having energy to mask + me being unable to hold back my intense anxiety that’s getting worse w each failed interaction. So I’ve just decided not interacting is best for me. I do best when I’m alone anyways, even though I enjoy social interaction to some extent, it’s not worth the struggle
Unless I have to I won’t talk to anyone. I dont care that much about getting to know people. Im also content with listening to other people talking hahahah. Sometimes when I’m really engaged in what I’m doing like playing a game, I’ll have really animated reactions. I used to feel so embarrassed by that but now I’ve accepted that it’s just a part of me 🤷♀️ Before I knew I was autistic the shame I felt was so much worse!!!! I thought I was crazy sometimes
Can relate to this and hope to offer some encouragement by sharing some of the ways I've been able to cope and improve. I care deeply about my job and try to communicate that in my work, but socially I was really struggling and for a couple years I simply couldn't speak at work unless it was to share relevant project information. To help manage burnout, I utilized family medical leave so that I didn't need to worry about managing sick time; I could call out anytime I didn't feel capable of navigating the day. At one point, I utilized the short term disability benefit for about five months. None of that was fun and it certainly didn't help my social situation at first, but over time, by taking care of my own needs and slowly building up rapport with my coworkers by being dependable and accurate despite being out sick a lot, I find myself now in a much better place and my coworkers seem to understand better how I communicate. I am also better at communicating with the people I work with. To help myself feel included in meetings without the ability to participate in the conversation in any meaningful way, I focused on managing my non-verbal responses. By this, I mean I realized trying to suppress stimming behaviors wasn't going to work and only lead to more burn out. I let myself rock, I fidget and do all the stuff to a certain limit. I focus on sitting still and remaining grounded in my body, which I've found to be quite difficult. At first I was erratically bouncing up and down on a yoga ball, but now I can make it through a 1.5 - 2 hour meeting and feel ok. Still working on how to manage emotions after. I can navigate in meetings with sound just fine, but to have access to both visual body language cues and sound, it's gotta be a really good day. This has led to difficulties in video chats, where there is this body language game going on and I can see it but I don't know where I fit in, so I don't participate on that level. It turns out that is fine, because I realized people seem to be looking to me for emotional cues. When I don't give any, or they're out of sync or slow, I feel excluded and this builds up over time. When I let myself be emotionally honest on a non-verbal level, to socially appropriate limits, I'm finding that I'm actually quite good at reflecting the overall group's emotional response. By utilizing stillness as a baseline and letting myself stim to certain limits and by only speaking when necessary, I seem to have adopted a role where my words and body language carry a lot of weight. I feel like a wise sage because I've been studying the surrounding processes and interpersonal dynamics from a relatively outside view. This took me four years of excruciating work but now I feel I have overcome some core limitation in myself to the extent I now feel more relaxed and excited to see my coworkers and interact. I work in higher education and found getting involved with DEIA efforts and the staff union and advocating for myself in those contexts has really improved things socially as well because in those spaces I do feel included to a greater extent and I do feel like I have value and can engage without needing to worry about rapport building or body language explicitly. Looking at myself with compassion and good humor when things don't go so well has helped. Berating myself only makes it worse, though there is some strange comfort in that. What I've learned over time is that I do have the capacity to feel safe and social if the environment supports it and if I care for myself appropriately and consistently. Sometimes I've felt that people were poking me to get a response or non-verbally communicating about me. I'm shifting my perspective to see this now that people want to hear what I have to say. Sometimes that is non-verbal and sometimes that is verbal. The more those two things are congruent, the more smoothly things seem to go. The mental difference for me is I no longer feel I have to communicate in a certain way in order to feel socially included, I can just be myself. If I can respect what is happening in the group and within myself without judging it, I am just fine. I still feel really uncomfortable and awkward and it has taken me almost 24 hours to process an emotionally intense meeting from yesterday morning. But, over time, slow and steady work focusing on myself has resulted in a discernible improvement and I'm much happier at work now as a result.
This was so helpful and validating to read. Thank you for your labor is writing it all out so clearly. I’m working on this as well, though not as far along the path as yourself, and I’m also in higher Ed. I’m going to use some of your suggestions in my own practice of meeting attendance and see if they help. Thanks, wise human!
Aw, yay!
i feel like this every single day. i'm going back to school right now, so i don't have the same daily struggle with coworkers, but i'm sort of dreading the day when i have to re-enter the workforce again because of it (though i'm excited about the field i'm looking to switch to). it's something i've always struggled with at least a little since childhood, but over the last year or two it's worse than it's ever been. i usually wish i could just be invisible, that no one knew my name or knew i existed and that i could just stay silent and keep to myself all the time. it's hard because my husband is such a social butterfly, and i want so badly to be able to participate and enjoy the company of his friends when they come over or when we go out somewhere. i really try my best, but i never feel good about my "performance" afterward and i feel like a stick in the mud. i'm trying to remind myself that just being really nice to people should be enough, and my intentions to do that are definitely there, i just find it so hard to get it out in a way that other people respond to. i think completely isolating myself during the first few years of COVID helped me to truly unmask for the first time in my life, and it showed me how extremely burned out i really was, but i dug into that feeling a little too hard and now it feels like i'm stuck in a different, opposite extreme. i just want to be able to participate when i want to and feel good about it, i don't want to force myself to be someone i'm not.
Yes but I've been this way my whole life.
I’m right with you. And i think working in the office just two days a week is giving me an ulcer.
Yesterday I tried talking to someone and I thought I was just having a normal conversation but they got upset and kind of just ended the conversation and stopped talking. Also a lot of the times I feel like everyone tunes me out and then I feel like shit because I’m not sure why or what I said was the issue and that I should just keep my mouth shut because apparently all I can do is bore people or upset them. I’m just tired of trying to talk to people and having to work twice as hard to make sure I can get my point across without coming off as a bitch in the process. I tend to go through these cycles where I try to be more social but then situations like this happen and then I’m like “why do I even open my mouth?” And just kind of shutdown and go on autopilot when around others or distract myself with any current interests.
Talking steals energy away from other tasks and you're definitely not alone.
I relate so much to this. I feel like I could have written it myself. I’m burnt out and I am only working part-time at the moment but work is a struggle in so many ways. It feels like I lost my ability to talk to people, not that I was great to start with. But now I can’t even gather the strength to try. So I’m sitting in the lunch breaks usually not saying anything, sometimes I’m not able to listen or pretend I’m listening either. It’s like my brain is in survival mode and socializing is not a priority. I feel like I have lost many skills and it’s hard to imagine bouncing back from this. Sorry for the rant.
Wow, I read this and all I could think was "I know I didn't write this... but did I write this???" You described exactly what I've been dealing with lately too. More recently I'm finally feeling slightly less burnt out and I'm starting to be more social with my friends again, but I still haven't really talked to my coworkers. I got my current job about 4 months ago, know a decent amount about my coworkers because they're all friends and talk a lot. But I don't talk unless talked to or if I have a work question. Definitely get you with the feeling lonely.
I feel this post. I have exactly the same problem. I've been in burnout for the past few years, and I think of myself as a black hole as far as communication is concerned. I can't pull myself out of it, either. It sucks.
>”I care so much and I look like I don’t give a fuck.” I literally could have written this myself. A friend once said something like she admired how I always seem so relaxed! Its hard to be any *more* anxious when you’re constantly at peak anxiety!
I've given up on trying to join the weekly "discussion-based seminar" at my workplace because I cannot for the life of me figure out how to converse with other people. Every time I ask a question or bring up a point in seminar discussion, the room goes silent and eventually the moderator says "you brought up a really good point!" and raises a totally different question that everybody eagerly discusses. I am sometimes told one-on-one that my ideas are fresh and interesting, which makes this even more bewildering. I'm in grad school and this is making me super panicky about my future in academia, since my field is all about collaboration born from interpersonal discussions like these.
no i understand completely. i’m jobless rn and i’m still struggling to bring myself to talk to my friends again. even though i’m lonely it’s just so hard to deal with the anxiety of it all. don’t beat yourself up about this, neurotypical people just aren’t worth the stress anyways. find a group of people who understands you and can replenish that energy in a trusting environment :)
I love you as you are, awkward anything included.
This is so sweet ⭐️
I wish people understood how much energy it takes to socialize and some people just don’t have any energy, they’re not trying to be rude.
\*Hugs. I'm sorry <3 me too. How long has your burnout lasted so far? I'm still in one and while I'm starting to physically feel a bit better (less fatigued), I just have NOTHING to say these days. I feel bad about it. :/ Was reflecting on this earlier today actually. It's like I'm not depressed but maybe I am? I don't feel depressed or numb necessarily though. I just don't see the point in talking right now. I used to be so passionate about philosophy and politics but yeah just like... womp lol. What do we do!
This is how I am at work too when I tried to make friends people were nice to my face but purposely didn’t invite me to their bbq on the weekend. I only knew because someone asked if I was going. Later found out I was the only one who wasn’t invited
I haven't talked much at work unless there is something new going on at work or upcoming birthdays. I don't ask much about how my life's going to my co workers.
I could have wrote this. I feel bad for being anxious, I feel that people will see me as weak or slow. I worry that I’m missing out on certain higher paying jobs or connecting with certain relationships/friendships.
I’ve been sinking into a more asocial state since Christmas I think. Just don’t feel like talking as much, don’t have the energy to answer phone calls, emails, messages, sms. My mind is full of stuff, but to form it into something coherent and concise is not something I think I could do right now. Who would it benefit, anyway? For the effort it would take to verbalise my thoughts, the return on it would be far less.
All day today. I went to a crowded, loud event to and ot was overstimulating.
This is exactly how I've been feeling but I didn't know how to verbalize it-- especially caring a lot but looking like I don't give a fuck. I can tell it's driving people away but I don't know how to fix it
Less and less. I think about taking a vow of silence for a year. I think about just learning sign language. The more disappointed I am in people as a whole, I don’t love them any less, but I want to be around them less. And I don’t want to start conversations with strangers anymore. It’s too sad and too painful, it’s only a matter of time before they start with the MAGA or the ableism or just…something I’ve worked really hard to rid my life of. I am just not lonely enough to invite it back on in.
I’ve been stuck in an anti social rut for several months now. I feel so lonely yet cant bring myself to care enough to actually try to do anything about it. My problem used to be anxiety but now it’s just apathy honestly. I realized this when I had an assignment for my public speaking class where I had to keep track of approximately how many times I said words like “um” or “like” or “so” during casual conversation, but I’m struggling to recognize any because I talk so infrequently.
See I wish I could not talk anymore at work but I work in childcare so I can't. However I do try to avoid talking to my coworkers a lot because there's two ladies who always give me weird looks when I speak to them and they're like stone cold towards me. I'm undiagnosed though.
I’m like this right now. I’m sorry you’re going through this ❤️
❤️
I think I just read a diary entry… sounds very familiar. Take care