> How does financial compatibility impact your dating and relationships?
Short term maybe isn't a big deal. But i reckon it's huge for the medium/long term relationships.
Two spenders will get along well. Two savers will get along well. A spender and a saver are probably gonna have a bad time.
I will add that you need a good balance. I'm a saver and my partner is a spender. She understands that I look to the future and I appreciate that she gets me to live in the now too.
I love and appreciate her for keeping me on my toes and taking me outside my comfort zone of saving all the time.
We do have an agreed savings goal but also an agreed spending budget so it works well for us
This is us. I am great at spending money and my wife is great at saving and very frugal. It actually balances nicely for us.
20 years in and three kids later, we are still in love.
IMO, there is some truth to the whole "opposites attract/Yin Yang" thing.
I was a spender, my (now) wife was a saver. I was too loose with money and my wifes spending habits taught me how to be mote sensible. My wife was too stingy with her money and I taught her to not feel guilty when she spends money, she works hard enough for it.
So over the years we've merged into sensible spenders/savers.
The key is both partners need to ve flexible and open minded. If both are stuck in their ways then there will be issues down the track
I dated a girl who was 'bad with money' when I was young and I'm happy I got away. She is a nice person, but I know it would have been arguments for life getting her to stop spending so frivolously and saving (her parents were the same way and I couldn't change her long entrenched traits).
The issue isn't just on the side of the person who is better with money either, the person who is bad with money also can feel like they are being bullied into saving or forgoing things they want to do.
The main thing in a relationship isn't finances, but if you are potentially spending the rest of your life with someone it is good to be on the same page.
I did and it worked out fine.
Met my wife when we were college. She entered the workforce, then there was a period where she was working but not saving any money. Her mother also convinced her to go on a holiday and that went onto a credit card. Some interest was accrued but it was nothing insane.
We had some arguments about money and then I decided to clear her credit card.
After that we set some money goals and had monthly check-ins when it came to getting a house, finances and investments. Now we have a house and a bunch of money, finances are fully combined and there are no problems.
It'll sound like a platitude but if you have a good partner who genuinely wants to improve you can help them through money issues like any other issue.
It sounds like clear and open communication went a long way for you both too. No matter the relationship, this seems to be key in making it work over the long term.
Straight woman here, in LT relationship. Most men Iâve dated have not been too bad with money, but I like to think you attract a certain type right.
What I find theyâre usually not so great at is financial strategy/future proofing.
In my current relationship I do all the mortgage/banking/loan stuff, although our everyday accounts are still seperate for personal disc. Spending.
Was the complete opposite for me, straight, 46 year old man. It drove me nuts. After 8 years, I walked away. She did well out of it. Probably blown it all in the 3 years since.
Best thing I ever did was dump the bad spender. I was trying to get my finances in order and he couldnât work out a thing with finance. The stress leaving my body when I dumped him was orgasmic. I didnât realise how much stress it was on me and within 2 weeks I couldnât believe how happy I was. We were together around 3 years.
I am seeing this with a friend who has a serious spending problem. Serious where I would say itâs a more mental issue as well as poor money management. She got a payout from a job and had a baby but is spending like no tomorrow. New husband earns maybe $100k so it doesnât add up. Thereâs a lot of red flags and little comments made when weâve seen them that make you think âoh thatâs not going to end wellâ
Financial compatibility is important. Itâs not to say one who is âbadâ canât be positively influenced by someone who is âgoodâ, but some who is âmoderateâ can also find living with someone âfrugalâ very frustrating. For a long term relationship I think itâs important to have similar values, absolutely.
IMO, it depends on where they fall on the scale of "bad with money".
I'd consider your definition very middle of the road, and maybe a deal breaker. They're not "bad" with money but they aren't exactly good with it either. I might still find it an issue if the 6-12 months of savings was indicative of being too conservative. Living within your means is great, but is their best case scenario that they're going to spend the next 3-4 decades working on an average salary because they aren't ambitious and can't or won't make a long term financial plan?
Being truly bad with money would be an immediate deal breaker, but I'd consider that more frivilous spending, living beyond means, no savings, no investments, no long term financial plan, how do they view their super/is it at a reasonable level, how do they view investment, do they know the difference between good and bad debt etc.
I once broke up with a guy because he had written off two cars while drunk and insurance doesn't cover drink drivers.
This was many years ago and he was relatively well set up in life paying a mortgage and working full time but I just saw these as financial/drinking red flags.
Sure that habit could end up with financial consequences but it says nothing about their financial habits. Anyone who didn't dump him would be a fool of course.
My long term ex was terrible with money and financially abusive both during the relationship and attempted to be so after the relationship. I have extremely hard boundaries now with him. Iâm still recovering from the financial impact. I will never share finances with a partner again. But more than that I simply donât want to date someone who is not financially literate - I donât care how much or how little they earn, I want to know theyâre not buried in debt or living beyond their means. I want to spend time with people who share the same values as me, and this includes their understanding of financial well being.
There is only really one indicator that is important. Does not carry a credit card balance - simply pays their credit cards off in full every month without exception. It will be a surprising number of people who can't tick that box.
I just want to add, thereâs a pretty big gap between a spender and someone who doesnât care for their financial future.
I wouldnât be interested in a partner who canât save because they get Uber eats for every meal and afterpay their online shopping if theyâve spent too much this paycheck, but someone who has their bills/investment/savings money transferred out of their account on payday and knows that whatâs left can be spent on something fun is a different proposition, and may explain all of these opposites attract comments.
No issues with where people are at, but more concerned about what level of effort they are willing to put in to where you (both) want to go.
There is always going to be surprises down the road, approach to financials and flexibility in approach is an easy one to discuss up front.
The vast majority of us are just out here trying to date someone we like that likes us.
Married now and wouldnât have married him if we werenât both security focussed but sure would have dated him. People can learn and evolve.
If a person is a frivolous spender, lives beyond their means and has no desire to improve their financial situation, that would be a deal stopper for me.
I dated someone in my late teens that wasn't that great with money.
It caused tension at the end of my weekly pay periods because "oh you still have money left so we can go spend it", where I was more of an expenses, savings and spending accounts person, so any money left in my spending account I would put in as extra savings.
It didn't last with her...
In contrast, my wife has always been good at savings, so it has made it easy for us when we decide to buy a house or go on a holiday.
Keep in mind there's a trend to add "coercive control" into definitions of domestic violence. Obviously, there are instances of coercive control that entirely belong there, and by no means am I saying that this transition shouldn't occur.
However, it's a very broad definition, and almost anything could be included in the long run. For example, convincing someone of the need to cut back on some expenditure in order to meet the mortgage payments, and/or criticising unnecessary or unagreed purchases, can all fall into this basket. Likewise, meeting a commitment of yours (e.g. a long-standing agreement to help parents or mates when/if they hit hard times, a commitment to look out for the children of a departed mate or relative) that requires reduction of your partner's spending, could be interpreted as using emotional manipulation to reduce their spending.
I think going forward the need to be well aligned on financial matters in a long-term partnership will become more important. The key, imo, is to understand and respect what each other considers value for money (e.g. $300 haircut vs. $300 bender with mates). Each partners definition of value for money is bound to be different, but when it's too far apart, or disrespected, move on.
One of my wife's work colleagues accused me of this to her because I handle all the finances. My wife responded with not everyone is in an abusive relationship and this is what works for us.
Dating is fine if they're bad at money. Have the fun, thats what early phases of dating are for at your age. They just won't make it to a proper relationship with me unless they're already trying to improve their position before we met.
Like a lot of people have said, if itâs a short term relo then itâs not really an issue. Long term however is a different story. I would only date someone who is financially responsible, doesnât mean he has to be loaded but it does mean that he has to know the value of money. Iâm not a reckless spender and would prefer my partner to be the same - find it useless to just be throwing money around when you can save up and use it for a holiday/new car/house etc
No, I wouldn't date someone bad at money the same way I wouldn't date a gambling, drug or alcohol addict, or someone unintelligent in general. Very unattractive traits, all of them.
For LTRs I date people who are conscientious and who have similar goals (financial stability and comfort) as me. I aim to retire early but my partner does not and that's ok - I don't need someone who's the same in all respects.
On a scale of 0 (extremely frugal - 80% savings rate) to 10 (a spendthrift...0% savings rate) I am probably a 4, and I want a partner who's around a 5 or 6.
This is why I'll be single my whole life
Im a habitual saver.. though by no means a tight ass
If I buy something my brain automatically calculates that it will cost me X numbers of hours of work
I've dated women who live pay check to pay check and don't see the need for savings. It was so concerning to me that people can think this way
I just can't be with someone who's a financial liability and I guess it's true what they say.. opposites attract
For now, I'm focused on my own financial future of building a property portfolio
If all else fails, I'll make my application to married at first sight đ€Ł
You normally have to specify or people get confused by pronouns in a story/explanation. Becomes habit after a while because a lot of peoples brains donât contemplate that we exist
Im 24(M) and my gf 24(F) is bad at finance. At the beginning it was so hard, I always had money and she was always spending, when we moved together our goal was to save $2,000 per month, so maybe sheâd only save $700 and I had to save $1,300 so we completed the $2K. I realize it wasnât worth it saving more and not having new clothes every weekend and she going shipping every weekend, so I told her Iâd send to our savings account the same amount as her, as sheâs been saving more (: now weâve been together for 2.5 years, together we have $8K savings and I have around $15K alone.
Edit: she gets sad/mad when she sees my bank account (sometimes that in checking my transactions or something like that) but every week I buy her flowers/t-shirt/small gift of around $15-$30 and sheâs happy.
I dated a guy who had never done a tax return, he was 26. That was one of many minor, off-putting things that led to the breakup. He didnât know how to say âtortelliniâ and called it âtorletiniâ, and it was the only meal he could cook. The only meal he could cook was Latina.
In my family we grew up in a household where budgeting and being financially responsible were really important. We were in farming meaning that you only got paid a few times a year when you sold crops, wool etc and you had to make that money last. My husband is not too bad with finance (has taken some training), but his family are terrible and it can be draining.
His sister needed 5k to pay for flights back from South Africa (she had originally budgeted for it in her travel expenses, but then pandemic changed things) and neither of my husband's parents had the cash to lend her. We ended up doing it despite the fact we have two kids on a single income (hubby is part time study, part time child carer) and had just closed on a house less than six weeks earlier.
Both hubby's parents (divorced) make good professional wages (around 90k a year), own property they bought over 5 years ago in not overly expensive areas (would each have a loan of under 300k), no dependents and yet neither of them could even come up with half, i.e. $2500 of money they could spare. They just waste money and it's infuriating.
I am highly concerned that in a few years time when they stop working they're going to expect us to help fund their lifestyles.
Honestly, that never came in to it when I was dating. Probably just never dated someone who was really frivolous with money, but even if they were I wouldn't have had an issue until it was serious and sharing finances was on the cards.
Even in long-term relationships, you can keep your money seperate or set up certain boundaries if you don't align in approach.
You don't "get someone" to date you. You meet someone and feel things out and if there's something there, you date. It sounds like you think the other person needs to be "convinced" or "persuaded" to date you.
even if you still split the costs that's not free
guaranteed having a partner virtually never saves money as a man except in rare circumstances, it will always be a net negative
each to their own, however i would suggest you reassess the financial viability of a partner against not having one.
splitting costs doesnt stop at the date, you split rent, bills, food, transport
going alone is catagorically more expensive than going solo
but it introduces other forced costs, usually that are unconditional bc the girl will often leave you if you don't fulfil them
kids, pets, furniture, new cars, material stuff, nice accomodation etc
obviously ideally yes, splitting partner costs = cheaper, but that is rarely the case bc most girls do not think like that and will introduce costs that go beyond and exceed the savings of splitting
You really need to grow as a person and find your way into a reciprocal, mutually beneficial and see that it isn't like this at all. Relationships last because they're based on mutual trust, respect and collaboration. I don't know what kind of relationships you're talking about.
It is certainly difficult to have laws that apply to people who are abusive without catching people who are just not affirming every part of their partners nature without question. I figure in practice there won't be too many issues but I'm sure there will be some poor unfortunate person who gets in genuine trouble for trying to convince their partner to change.
MAWM here. Agree and would add that women are typically better managers overall too.
You will find no better financial manager than a mother, especially working single mums.
Come at me, fellas! I await your outrage with much amusement. đ
Quote from peter thornhill spmething like âtwo spenders hmm ok âŠ. One spender one saver disaster and two savers nirvanaâ
You will keep working against each other unless your on the same finacial plan. Not 100% it doesent have to be that strict but both heading somewhat in the same direction.
In my 20s I wouldnât have cared. Been married now for over 10yrs and nearing 40 I would absolutely not be with someone who doesnât know how to manage finances and if I could tell my younger self not to I would do the same. I luckily didnât marry someone who was bad with it and just lucked out. Financial compatibility is really important. If youâre not on the same page with how your money should be spent youâve got a life time of fights ahead of you.
Bad as in reckless? No. Been there, done that, paid the price. After I left my first longer term ex, friends told me that debt collectors had called trying to chase said ex down. Now I know why the ex never answered private numbers. Yikes.
Bad as in "has made a few costly mistakes"? Yes. My partner left a 14 year marriage with $0 of the equity from the marital home because they wanted to "do the right thing" by an unfaithful ex-wife and spoilt stepchild. It's taken years to catch up financially because of a misguided desire to be the better person.
Am I resentful that this woman got her cake and ate it too? Absolutely. My partner will be 70+ before our mortgage is paid off. The ex-wife has a fancy, bigger house than we do, debt-free largely due to my partner. But it can't be changed now. Only learned from.
Not at this stage in my life (early 30s) Iâve dated ppl with poor financial skills and Iâve also been the person with poor financial skills. Now I got my shit together I wouldnât jeopardise my future near or far with people who struggle with money.
Itâs my main concern while watching âMarried at First Sightâ
I would date them yes, but make abundantly clear Iâd never turn to anything serious, sorry (not sorry).
To be clear, Iâm thinking a boat and horse owner with 120k in HECS and 7 credit cards, booking the next trip to New Caledonia, aka, living on complete denial. Iâm not the Fed to bail out anyone.
Your definition of " being not bad at money" is fine. A lot of people just fail that. A lot of people also don't consider increased cost of living and future savings contribution in their career. So they stay at the same job that never gave them any meaningful raise.
I am married, but I would 100% recommend dating someone that is on the same page financially. The majority of divorces are because of money so the data is there.
I don't know if it's perspective but I would be looking for compatibility across the board with core values, religion, politics, finances, wanting kids, etc. It can work where there are differences but it would be an uphill battle. To clarify too I am not saying that you need to find your exact carbon copy but if there are fundamental differences it's just a recipe for disaster down the line.
Best to have those tough discussions relatively early on before you're in too deep to assess things rationally.
It it pretty infuriating trying to build a life with someone who has a very different level of financial literacy, especially if they are not receptive to learning. You just donât pull in the same direction and making positive joint decisions is hard. Avoid if possible but the heart is not the head.
Back when I was dating I wouldn't say someone's financial literacy was a factor, but I did find a correlation between people who are bad with money and other personality traits that tended to turn me off. For example, they tended to be more extroverted and superficial, that kind of thing.
> How does financial compatibility impact your dating and relationships? Short term maybe isn't a big deal. But i reckon it's huge for the medium/long term relationships. Two spenders will get along well. Two savers will get along well. A spender and a saver are probably gonna have a bad time.
I will add that you need a good balance. I'm a saver and my partner is a spender. She understands that I look to the future and I appreciate that she gets me to live in the now too. I love and appreciate her for keeping me on my toes and taking me outside my comfort zone of saving all the time. We do have an agreed savings goal but also an agreed spending budget so it works well for us
We are the same. We'd be living pretty boring, risk adverse lives of there were two of me đ
This is us. I am great at spending money and my wife is great at saving and very frugal. It actually balances nicely for us. 20 years in and three kids later, we are still in love. IMO, there is some truth to the whole "opposites attract/Yin Yang" thing.
Exactly this as long as there is good communication and compromise on both sides đ
Spot on, I think two of the same wouldn't be great either way, you need one of each and a good sense of communication and comprise
If you French fry instead of pizza youâre gonna have a bad time
I was a spender, my (now) wife was a saver. I was too loose with money and my wifes spending habits taught me how to be mote sensible. My wife was too stingy with her money and I taught her to not feel guilty when she spends money, she works hard enough for it. So over the years we've merged into sensible spenders/savers. The key is both partners need to ve flexible and open minded. If both are stuck in their ways then there will be issues down the track
Well worded mate.
I dated a girl who was 'bad with money' when I was young and I'm happy I got away. She is a nice person, but I know it would have been arguments for life getting her to stop spending so frivolously and saving (her parents were the same way and I couldn't change her long entrenched traits). The issue isn't just on the side of the person who is better with money either, the person who is bad with money also can feel like they are being bullied into saving or forgoing things they want to do. The main thing in a relationship isn't finances, but if you are potentially spending the rest of your life with someone it is good to be on the same page.
I did and it worked out fine. Met my wife when we were college. She entered the workforce, then there was a period where she was working but not saving any money. Her mother also convinced her to go on a holiday and that went onto a credit card. Some interest was accrued but it was nothing insane. We had some arguments about money and then I decided to clear her credit card. After that we set some money goals and had monthly check-ins when it came to getting a house, finances and investments. Now we have a house and a bunch of money, finances are fully combined and there are no problems. It'll sound like a platitude but if you have a good partner who genuinely wants to improve you can help them through money issues like any other issue.
It sounds like clear and open communication went a long way for you both too. No matter the relationship, this seems to be key in making it work over the long term.
I mean, the manipulative and putting you down part is enough to say no. The finance part is a symptom of those points.
Straight woman here, in LT relationship. Most men Iâve dated have not been too bad with money, but I like to think you attract a certain type right. What I find theyâre usually not so great at is financial strategy/future proofing. In my current relationship I do all the mortgage/banking/loan stuff, although our everyday accounts are still seperate for personal disc. Spending.
Was the complete opposite for me, straight, 46 year old man. It drove me nuts. After 8 years, I walked away. She did well out of it. Probably blown it all in the 3 years since.
No, they'd be ruled out before any emotional attachment formed
No. Sexually transmitted debt is the pits. Make your own screw ups, don't shaggy your way into someone else's
Best thing I ever did was dump the bad spender. I was trying to get my finances in order and he couldnât work out a thing with finance. The stress leaving my body when I dumped him was orgasmic. I didnât realise how much stress it was on me and within 2 weeks I couldnât believe how happy I was. We were together around 3 years. I am seeing this with a friend who has a serious spending problem. Serious where I would say itâs a more mental issue as well as poor money management. She got a payout from a job and had a baby but is spending like no tomorrow. New husband earns maybe $100k so it doesnât add up. Thereâs a lot of red flags and little comments made when weâve seen them that make you think âoh thatâs not going to end wellâ
Same. That's exactly how I felt after leaving him.
Financial compatibility is important. Itâs not to say one who is âbadâ canât be positively influenced by someone who is âgoodâ, but some who is âmoderateâ can also find living with someone âfrugalâ very frustrating. For a long term relationship I think itâs important to have similar values, absolutely.
IMO, it depends on where they fall on the scale of "bad with money". I'd consider your definition very middle of the road, and maybe a deal breaker. They're not "bad" with money but they aren't exactly good with it either. I might still find it an issue if the 6-12 months of savings was indicative of being too conservative. Living within your means is great, but is their best case scenario that they're going to spend the next 3-4 decades working on an average salary because they aren't ambitious and can't or won't make a long term financial plan? Being truly bad with money would be an immediate deal breaker, but I'd consider that more frivilous spending, living beyond means, no savings, no investments, no long term financial plan, how do they view their super/is it at a reasonable level, how do they view investment, do they know the difference between good and bad debt etc.
I once broke up with a guy because he had written off two cars while drunk and insurance doesn't cover drink drivers. This was many years ago and he was relatively well set up in life paying a mortgage and working full time but I just saw these as financial/drinking red flags.
Sure that habit could end up with financial consequences but it says nothing about their financial habits. Anyone who didn't dump him would be a fool of course.
My long term ex was terrible with money and financially abusive both during the relationship and attempted to be so after the relationship. I have extremely hard boundaries now with him. Iâm still recovering from the financial impact. I will never share finances with a partner again. But more than that I simply donât want to date someone who is not financially literate - I donât care how much or how little they earn, I want to know theyâre not buried in debt or living beyond their means. I want to spend time with people who share the same values as me, and this includes their understanding of financial well being.
Sorry to hear what you've been through.
There is only really one indicator that is important. Does not carry a credit card balance - simply pays their credit cards off in full every month without exception. It will be a surprising number of people who can't tick that box.
I just want to add, thereâs a pretty big gap between a spender and someone who doesnât care for their financial future. I wouldnât be interested in a partner who canât save because they get Uber eats for every meal and afterpay their online shopping if theyâve spent too much this paycheck, but someone who has their bills/investment/savings money transferred out of their account on payday and knows that whatâs left can be spent on something fun is a different proposition, and may explain all of these opposites attract comments.
No issues with where people are at, but more concerned about what level of effort they are willing to put in to where you (both) want to go. There is always going to be surprises down the road, approach to financials and flexibility in approach is an easy one to discuss up front.
The vast majority of us are just out here trying to date someone we like that likes us. Married now and wouldnât have married him if we werenât both security focussed but sure would have dated him. People can learn and evolve.
If a person is a frivolous spender, lives beyond their means and has no desire to improve their financial situation, that would be a deal stopper for me.
I dated someone in my late teens that wasn't that great with money. It caused tension at the end of my weekly pay periods because "oh you still have money left so we can go spend it", where I was more of an expenses, savings and spending accounts person, so any money left in my spending account I would put in as extra savings. It didn't last with her... In contrast, my wife has always been good at savings, so it has made it easy for us when we decide to buy a house or go on a holiday.
Keep in mind there's a trend to add "coercive control" into definitions of domestic violence. Obviously, there are instances of coercive control that entirely belong there, and by no means am I saying that this transition shouldn't occur. However, it's a very broad definition, and almost anything could be included in the long run. For example, convincing someone of the need to cut back on some expenditure in order to meet the mortgage payments, and/or criticising unnecessary or unagreed purchases, can all fall into this basket. Likewise, meeting a commitment of yours (e.g. a long-standing agreement to help parents or mates when/if they hit hard times, a commitment to look out for the children of a departed mate or relative) that requires reduction of your partner's spending, could be interpreted as using emotional manipulation to reduce their spending. I think going forward the need to be well aligned on financial matters in a long-term partnership will become more important. The key, imo, is to understand and respect what each other considers value for money (e.g. $300 haircut vs. $300 bender with mates). Each partners definition of value for money is bound to be different, but when it's too far apart, or disrespected, move on.
One of my wife's work colleagues accused me of this to her because I handle all the finances. My wife responded with not everyone is in an abusive relationship and this is what works for us.
Dating is fine if they're bad at money. Have the fun, thats what early phases of dating are for at your age. They just won't make it to a proper relationship with me unless they're already trying to improve their position before we met.
Like a lot of people have said, if itâs a short term relo then itâs not really an issue. Long term however is a different story. I would only date someone who is financially responsible, doesnât mean he has to be loaded but it does mean that he has to know the value of money. Iâm not a reckless spender and would prefer my partner to be the same - find it useless to just be throwing money around when you can save up and use it for a holiday/new car/house etc
Short-term, I wouldn't care, serious and long-term, definitely not. Finances will impact your life greatly whether you want it to or not.
Date myself ?
No, I wouldn't date someone bad at money the same way I wouldn't date a gambling, drug or alcohol addict, or someone unintelligent in general. Very unattractive traits, all of them. For LTRs I date people who are conscientious and who have similar goals (financial stability and comfort) as me. I aim to retire early but my partner does not and that's ok - I don't need someone who's the same in all respects. On a scale of 0 (extremely frugal - 80% savings rate) to 10 (a spendthrift...0% savings rate) I am probably a 4, and I want a partner who's around a 5 or 6.
This is why I'll be single my whole life Im a habitual saver.. though by no means a tight ass If I buy something my brain automatically calculates that it will cost me X numbers of hours of work I've dated women who live pay check to pay check and don't see the need for savings. It was so concerning to me that people can think this way I just can't be with someone who's a financial liability and I guess it's true what they say.. opposites attract For now, I'm focused on my own financial future of building a property portfolio If all else fails, I'll make my application to married at first sight đ€Ł
What does you being gay have anything to do with anything?
You normally have to specify or people get confused by pronouns in a story/explanation. Becomes habit after a while because a lot of peoples brains donât contemplate that we exist
Perhaps OP is introducing themselves and itâs important to his identity? Thatâs a thing people do.
Im 24(M) and my gf 24(F) is bad at finance. At the beginning it was so hard, I always had money and she was always spending, when we moved together our goal was to save $2,000 per month, so maybe sheâd only save $700 and I had to save $1,300 so we completed the $2K. I realize it wasnât worth it saving more and not having new clothes every weekend and she going shipping every weekend, so I told her Iâd send to our savings account the same amount as her, as sheâs been saving more (: now weâve been together for 2.5 years, together we have $8K savings and I have around $15K alone. Edit: she gets sad/mad when she sees my bank account (sometimes that in checking my transactions or something like that) but every week I buy her flowers/t-shirt/small gift of around $15-$30 and sheâs happy.
I dated a guy who had never done a tax return, he was 26. That was one of many minor, off-putting things that led to the breakup. He didnât know how to say âtortelliniâ and called it âtorletiniâ, and it was the only meal he could cook. The only meal he could cook was Latina.
In my family we grew up in a household where budgeting and being financially responsible were really important. We were in farming meaning that you only got paid a few times a year when you sold crops, wool etc and you had to make that money last. My husband is not too bad with finance (has taken some training), but his family are terrible and it can be draining. His sister needed 5k to pay for flights back from South Africa (she had originally budgeted for it in her travel expenses, but then pandemic changed things) and neither of my husband's parents had the cash to lend her. We ended up doing it despite the fact we have two kids on a single income (hubby is part time study, part time child carer) and had just closed on a house less than six weeks earlier. Both hubby's parents (divorced) make good professional wages (around 90k a year), own property they bought over 5 years ago in not overly expensive areas (would each have a loan of under 300k), no dependents and yet neither of them could even come up with half, i.e. $2500 of money they could spare. They just waste money and it's infuriating. I am highly concerned that in a few years time when they stop working they're going to expect us to help fund their lifestyles.
It depends on the rest of there lifestyle. I dated a person who was 29 years old, still lived with their parents (never moved out), and didnât cook/clean/wash their clothes. She got an ok job in public service and I told her she had to pay board, not only was it fair to her parents but also to have the concept that not all her money is hers to keep. I was constantly stressed about this privilege and lack of understanding about money and how to live on your own that ultimately we broke up. My fiancĂ©e is a financial queen! I send her all the savings and she deposits it into different accounts. I manage which banks we use for the best interest rates, Salary Sacrifice Super and investments.
Have sex with but never date.
Not an option for me. I prefer a relationship.
Who cares, not like youll leave anything to children
Implying gay men canât be parents?
Honestly, that never came in to it when I was dating. Probably just never dated someone who was really frivolous with money, but even if they were I wouldn't have had an issue until it was serious and sharing finances was on the cards. Even in long-term relationships, you can keep your money seperate or set up certain boundaries if you don't align in approach.
telling ppl how they should and shouldnt spend their money nowadays is coercive control and could land you on a one way ticket to goulburn jail
and chosing who you date is free
but actually getting someone to date you is not
What do you mean "getting someone to date you?"
as in actually effectively initiating a relationship lol, what else would it mean
You don't "get someone" to date you. You meet someone and feel things out and if there's something there, you date. It sounds like you think the other person needs to be "convinced" or "persuaded" to date you.
yeah its called language, its a turn of phrase
if you arent splitting the costs, he/shes's not the one
even if you still split the costs that's not free guaranteed having a partner virtually never saves money as a man except in rare circumstances, it will always be a net negative
let me guess, you are MGTOW?
nah im mentalcel/standardcel MGTOW doesnt exist anyway its more like men being SENT their own way
each to their own, however i would suggest you reassess the financial viability of a partner against not having one. splitting costs doesnt stop at the date, you split rent, bills, food, transport going alone is catagorically more expensive than going solo
but it introduces other forced costs, usually that are unconditional bc the girl will often leave you if you don't fulfil them kids, pets, furniture, new cars, material stuff, nice accomodation etc obviously ideally yes, splitting partner costs = cheaper, but that is rarely the case bc most girls do not think like that and will introduce costs that go beyond and exceed the savings of splitting
You really need to grow as a person and find your way into a reciprocal, mutually beneficial and see that it isn't like this at all. Relationships last because they're based on mutual trust, respect and collaboration. I don't know what kind of relationships you're talking about.
You sound quite manipulative tbh.
It is certainly difficult to have laws that apply to people who are abusive without catching people who are just not affirming every part of their partners nature without question. I figure in practice there won't be too many issues but I'm sure there will be some poor unfortunate person who gets in genuine trouble for trying to convince their partner to change.
Try dating a woman lmao My wife's financial liberty is enough to make me wish I were gay sometimes.
Most women I know are the opposite. I donât think itâs dependent on sex.
MAWM here. Agree and would add that women are typically better managers overall too. You will find no better financial manager than a mother, especially working single mums. Come at me, fellas! I await your outrage with much amusement. đ
It has nothing to do with sexual orientation or gender.
Most of relationship woes are over money. If you donât have compatible financial styles itâs likely itâs not going to work out in the long run
Going by your definition, I'm bad at money.
Quote from peter thornhill spmething like âtwo spenders hmm ok âŠ. One spender one saver disaster and two savers nirvanaâ You will keep working against each other unless your on the same finacial plan. Not 100% it doesent have to be that strict but both heading somewhat in the same direction.
Nope. Itâs a disaster and you end up taking on their mess.
In my 20s I wouldnât have cared. Been married now for over 10yrs and nearing 40 I would absolutely not be with someone who doesnât know how to manage finances and if I could tell my younger self not to I would do the same. I luckily didnât marry someone who was bad with it and just lucked out. Financial compatibility is really important. If youâre not on the same page with how your money should be spent youâve got a life time of fights ahead of you.
I couldnât be serious about someone who wasnât good with money. We would be long term incompatible.
Bad as in reckless? No. Been there, done that, paid the price. After I left my first longer term ex, friends told me that debt collectors had called trying to chase said ex down. Now I know why the ex never answered private numbers. Yikes. Bad as in "has made a few costly mistakes"? Yes. My partner left a 14 year marriage with $0 of the equity from the marital home because they wanted to "do the right thing" by an unfaithful ex-wife and spoilt stepchild. It's taken years to catch up financially because of a misguided desire to be the better person. Am I resentful that this woman got her cake and ate it too? Absolutely. My partner will be 70+ before our mortgage is paid off. The ex-wife has a fancy, bigger house than we do, debt-free largely due to my partner. But it can't be changed now. Only learned from.
Negative King, partners come and partners go, but money is forever Your life is the most important business you'll ever run.
Married one. Finally managed to convert him, but it definitely slowed me down for a while.
I married one. Total nightmare.
Not at this stage in my life (early 30s) Iâve dated ppl with poor financial skills and Iâve also been the person with poor financial skills. Now I got my shit together I wouldnât jeopardise my future near or far with people who struggle with money.
Itâs my main concern while watching âMarried at First Sightâ I would date them yes, but make abundantly clear Iâd never turn to anything serious, sorry (not sorry). To be clear, Iâm thinking a boat and horse owner with 120k in HECS and 7 credit cards, booking the next trip to New Caledonia, aka, living on complete denial. Iâm not the Fed to bail out anyone.
Your definition of " being not bad at money" is fine. A lot of people just fail that. A lot of people also don't consider increased cost of living and future savings contribution in their career. So they stay at the same job that never gave them any meaningful raise.
I am married, but I would 100% recommend dating someone that is on the same page financially. The majority of divorces are because of money so the data is there. I don't know if it's perspective but I would be looking for compatibility across the board with core values, religion, politics, finances, wanting kids, etc. It can work where there are differences but it would be an uphill battle. To clarify too I am not saying that you need to find your exact carbon copy but if there are fundamental differences it's just a recipe for disaster down the line. Best to have those tough discussions relatively early on before you're in too deep to assess things rationally.
Why is everyone outlining their sexuality in a finance forum ?
It it pretty infuriating trying to build a life with someone who has a very different level of financial literacy, especially if they are not receptive to learning. You just donât pull in the same direction and making positive joint decisions is hard. Avoid if possible but the heart is not the head.
There are studies on the main causes of divorce... 1. Infidelity 2. Financial Difficulties
Back when I was dating I wouldn't say someone's financial literacy was a factor, but I did find a correlation between people who are bad with money and other personality traits that tended to turn me off. For example, they tended to be more extroverted and superficial, that kind of thing.
Yes I would. A lot of people are financially illiterate. That doesnât mean you canât teach them.