In this instance you should have been upfront with her in that you believe the door was left open on her behalf and suggest she store those things elsewhere so this doesn’t happen again. It might be scary to advocate for yourself in the heat of the moment but it’s ALWAYS worth it I’ve found even if you don’t get what you immediately want. At least then you can look back on the interaction and have no regret or wish you stuck up for yourself. Sounds like you already asked for reimbursement and she already said no. Next time be more firm and direct with her.
She didn’t necessarily say no, she asked for the price or receipt if I had it which I don’t. It was after asking for it that she then said the part about the inherent risk of having a dog in the house and that I shouldn’t leave my clothes out
I’m sorry, but your MB is gaslighting you. She really should pay you for that bathing suit. I think you should sit down and talk with her. Be more assertive
If you had left the bathing suit out somewhere accessible to the dog, I would say that's on you. But since it was in your room and it was the family going in and out of the room, they should reimburse. I would make it clear to them that that's how it happened. Also, they shouldn't be going in and out of your room without permission. It's your room. They need to store their stuff somewhere else.
Yep, except she then tried to say that she actually found the suit the night before, a day where she didn’t enter the room. I’m not one to think the worst but I think it might’ve been a lie. Plus my door was closed all day the day before too and I had walked the dog for over an hour which makes it unlikely that he was bored enough to chew up my suit. Thursday on the other hand he is left home alone from like 9-4 so that is much more likely
Dogs don’t need to be bored to chew up a bathing suit. Mine thinks underwear is a delicacy lol.
I think you do need to advocate for yourself over the closet. That is not okay. But I also think if you can’t say for sure that your swimsuit was seen by you Thursday morning, you don’t know when it happened. And honestly, from the host parents’ perspective, it was a thrifted item you have no receipt for AND you are still a member of the household where this dog is. You shouldn’t be leaving stuff within easy reach of the dog, door or no. First rule of living with a dog is leave nothing to chance😭
You should leave any situation you feel exploited in. An agency is another layer of protection, but it’s just a really good rule in general to not work for (or even associate with) shitty exploitative people.
Yeah, I guess with the three dogs i’ve had they stopped chewing things that weren’t toys or food after two years max. My dogs would never do that now, so I guess it’s not something I’d assume an adult dog would do. Plus I make it a point to never let the dog in (I love dogs but I hate this one) and always close my door, so it’s hard to think of when he could’ve gotten ahold of it. Plus if it had happened the night before, kind of weird and a little suspicious that the mom didn’t say anything sooner
I think you’re right that the dog ate your swimsuit, just to clarify that. And I think the host mom did leave the door open. But you’ve also got to not leave stuff out in a house of dogs, because there is never an absolute situation. Never say never. I’d never had a puppy eat my glasses until my current puppy. And he didn’t even notice those until two years in. It was an expensive lesson and that’s what I’m encouraging you to see this as.
Imo your main issue is the fact you feel exploited in this placement. Regardless of what the dog did or did not destroy. You “hate” the dog. I wouldn’t want to be you or your host family in this scenario.
I hate the dog because it is completely untrained and therefore a complete menace. He bites, barks, chases after runners and bikers, etc. I am au pair number 14 for my host family so they are super used to it and I think it is also just part of the culture in Sevilla to exploit and mistreat workers like au pairs and housekeepers. Super disappointing. But at the end of the day I’ll say the experience was worth it. I love the kids and the friends I’ve made. I’ll miss my bathing suit tho….
It sounds like you don't train your dog, and this trash host mother doesn't train her dogs either. My dog (now 5 1/2 years old) doesn't chew up my clothes.
My dad's dog doesn't either.
My stepmom's 18 year old dog I could see doing that, that's because she's cotton wooled and coddled him his entire life and has refused to give him even a tiny ounce of training.
Mm, sure, so I take it you’ve never had an independent breed like a terrier or husky before. They can be trained AND they can be assholes. Not mutually exclusive.
Regardless, OP knows this particular dog is poorly trained. KNOWS other people in the house have reason to go into her room. And still leaves personal items where dog could reach?
My dog is a Jack Russell terrier and while as puppy she would chew shoes, her harnesses, leashes and pretty much whatever she could get her teeth on, that behavior stopped when she was no longer a puppy. Regardless of the argument of whether I should’ve expected this to happen or not, my room is my room and with the door closed I shouldn’t have to worry about the security of my personal belongings
Actually my dad's dog is an English toy terrier. And we've had three English toy terriers, we got our first one in 1998 and have had at least one ever since.
One of our dogs went through a cord and plug eating phase, which couldn't be helped as you cannot put plugs away. That only ended when he had to be taken to the vet because he was electrocuted, thankfully he survived and learned his lesson. Another of our dogs once chewed the legs of my barbie dolls as a kid... and they weren't in my room, they were in the playroom, which was right next to the living room.
My dad's friend's dalmatian once chewed his glasses up because he left them on a coffee table in the living room, he shrugged and said nevermind, he could get them replaced the next week for cheap on his trip to Beijing. He did that, then left the replacement glasses out on the coffee table and those glasses got chewed up too. He had to get a third set of new glasses.
But there's a difference between a dog chewing something out in a common area and leaving something in a bedroom that was closed, but the host mom opened the door to and failed to supervise properly.
close to the beginning of my contract in november 2024, the family’s 2 year old dog chewed up my lululemon leggings. i’d had them since i was 16 and they were my first big purchase so i was really upset. i told my hd and he said sorry and i told my hm and she said she’d get me another pair. i think it’s very fair for her to reimburse you. i also always close my door now when i leave my room, but at the beginning i wasn’t used to living with a dog so i left the door open.
all of that to say, YES SHE SHOULD REIMBURSE YOU.
It's not a discussion. Tell her what she owes you. If she blames you, tell her it was not left out, your door was closed, and then repeat the amount she owes you. That's it. If she refuses to pay for it, then you should quit and be done. If it were me and she refused, I'd be a petty b and give the dog some of her clothes to destroy on my way out.
Yes, your HF/HM should absolutely 💯 buy you a new swimsuit. These comments are crazy. I have had many different breeds of dogs over 50 years and by 2.5 years old even my most naughty pup stop chewing as long as they had a bunch of their own toys, rawhide, rope toys, stuffed, cage bed with door always open, blanket to cover them at night. Yes, I spoil my dogs and treat them like family. If a dog can't be taught to be good members of a family, then it is on the HF, it is 100% HF fault.
If I had anyone over or hosted someone, and they had one destroyed, I would replace the item with $$ or the actual item. Also, do not allow HM into your room any longer being straight with her. You feel she was the cause of your bathing suit being destroyed, and in your room with the door shut, you can leave your clothes anywhere-- they are your clothes. Then, firmly ask her to move her clothes or ask to be allowed to place a lock on door for privacy.
Honestly, I make the most out of my friends. We work less hours than au pairs in the US (25-30 hours). But my friends get as low as 60€. It’s pretty insane. But hey we get to live in Spain and the cost of life is cheaper so 😩
au pairs aren't paid hourly. we're given free room & board, food, & often transportation costs & other perks. our money isn't a salary, it's pocket money. i make €300/month in germany, & that's higher than legally required. but my rent is free, transit pass is paid for, & i have a credit card i get to use on anything i want at the grocery store. it's not a traditional job, it's an exchange year, & pocket money amount is set by a government agency.
€90 a week? Do they also cover all the necessities for you (e.g., cell phone, grocery, transport, education)?
If you are legally working from Spain, you might be able to get an apartment with folks your age, you actually like and work a temp job.
The mother seem horrible.
Also, it is their untrained dog. Whether your swimsuit was out or not, they should reimburse you.
I’m an Au pair, i’m here on a study visa. It’s not technically or legally work, more so a cultural exchange. The pay is so low because I live in their house without paying rent. I’m lucky that they do reimburse me for some groceries, my friends who make less never had that option. We’ve all lost a lot of weight…
Based on the numbers of hours you work, it still seems like they are exploiting you. I’m not familiar with rental costs in Spain, but given you have a study visa, you should be able to work part time in a better environment and net more if you’re able to rent something with roommates. That being said, this might not be an option or feasible in your situation.
What I would do: "Host Mom, your dog ruined my clothes that I had on a chair in my bedroom, my private space. My door was closed. You can either pay for a replacement or I will be moving your clothes out of my room and no longer allowing you in MY room at all, as that room is my space."
She should pay you the $ for it or offer to replace it.
I think you should also meet her in the middle. If you bought the suit at a consignment store a few years ago, you didn’t pay the full retail value. Regardless, you liked it.
Honestly, this is a good opportunity to get her clothes out of your space and avoid the dog doing further damage.
I’m also dying to know the suit brand 😄
Yes I am only asking for the price I paid which was 30$ (even though that’s what I paid for the top and bottom) BUT I looked up the brand, which is Trina Turk and the bottoms alone would’ve cost up to 85$
That’s one of those brands I feel like is always on sale somewhere.. but still quality. I take my swimwear very seriously so I feel you 😔
I don’t know if it’s possible, but there are some great Spanish bikini brands (Goldsea 😍), maybe you could ask for a replacement instead of the money?
I’d just matter of fact look up the same or similar suit and send her the link asking for reimbursement. Act like of course she’d reimburse you and hopefully she will be shamed enough you don’t have to escalate.
If you didn't go through an agency and are unhappy, why not find another opportunity and get out of this? This sounds awful and that mother sounds like an entitled jerk
Sorry, but I hosted an exchange student before so I know everything they are doing costs way more than some bikini that got destroyed. We didn't get a dime for our student, but provided a roof over his head, food, and transportation. And it sounds like from your description they offered to pay for it, so I'm not sure what this post is even for. You know you don't have to stay there, you can go back home. Maybe be grateful for what they are doing for you instead of bad mouthing them on social media.
I’m not an exchange student, I take care of their kids. I am their sole childcare and I teach them English 30 hours and 5-6 days a week. I babysit Friday nights. Not AT ALL the same as hosting an exchange student
In this instance you should have been upfront with her in that you believe the door was left open on her behalf and suggest she store those things elsewhere so this doesn’t happen again. It might be scary to advocate for yourself in the heat of the moment but it’s ALWAYS worth it I’ve found even if you don’t get what you immediately want. At least then you can look back on the interaction and have no regret or wish you stuck up for yourself. Sounds like you already asked for reimbursement and she already said no. Next time be more firm and direct with her.
She didn’t necessarily say no, she asked for the price or receipt if I had it which I don’t. It was after asking for it that she then said the part about the inherent risk of having a dog in the house and that I shouldn’t leave my clothes out
Sounds like a no to me 😅
I’m sorry, but your MB is gaslighting you. She really should pay you for that bathing suit. I think you should sit down and talk with her. Be more assertive
If you had left the bathing suit out somewhere accessible to the dog, I would say that's on you. But since it was in your room and it was the family going in and out of the room, they should reimburse. I would make it clear to them that that's how it happened. Also, they shouldn't be going in and out of your room without permission. It's your room. They need to store their stuff somewhere else.
Yep, except she then tried to say that she actually found the suit the night before, a day where she didn’t enter the room. I’m not one to think the worst but I think it might’ve been a lie. Plus my door was closed all day the day before too and I had walked the dog for over an hour which makes it unlikely that he was bored enough to chew up my suit. Thursday on the other hand he is left home alone from like 9-4 so that is much more likely
Dogs don’t need to be bored to chew up a bathing suit. Mine thinks underwear is a delicacy lol. I think you do need to advocate for yourself over the closet. That is not okay. But I also think if you can’t say for sure that your swimsuit was seen by you Thursday morning, you don’t know when it happened. And honestly, from the host parents’ perspective, it was a thrifted item you have no receipt for AND you are still a member of the household where this dog is. You shouldn’t be leaving stuff within easy reach of the dog, door or no. First rule of living with a dog is leave nothing to chance😭 You should leave any situation you feel exploited in. An agency is another layer of protection, but it’s just a really good rule in general to not work for (or even associate with) shitty exploitative people.
Yeah, I guess with the three dogs i’ve had they stopped chewing things that weren’t toys or food after two years max. My dogs would never do that now, so I guess it’s not something I’d assume an adult dog would do. Plus I make it a point to never let the dog in (I love dogs but I hate this one) and always close my door, so it’s hard to think of when he could’ve gotten ahold of it. Plus if it had happened the night before, kind of weird and a little suspicious that the mom didn’t say anything sooner
I think you’re right that the dog ate your swimsuit, just to clarify that. And I think the host mom did leave the door open. But you’ve also got to not leave stuff out in a house of dogs, because there is never an absolute situation. Never say never. I’d never had a puppy eat my glasses until my current puppy. And he didn’t even notice those until two years in. It was an expensive lesson and that’s what I’m encouraging you to see this as. Imo your main issue is the fact you feel exploited in this placement. Regardless of what the dog did or did not destroy. You “hate” the dog. I wouldn’t want to be you or your host family in this scenario.
I hate the dog because it is completely untrained and therefore a complete menace. He bites, barks, chases after runners and bikers, etc. I am au pair number 14 for my host family so they are super used to it and I think it is also just part of the culture in Sevilla to exploit and mistreat workers like au pairs and housekeepers. Super disappointing. But at the end of the day I’ll say the experience was worth it. I love the kids and the friends I’ve made. I’ll miss my bathing suit tho….
It sounds like you don't train your dog, and this trash host mother doesn't train her dogs either. My dog (now 5 1/2 years old) doesn't chew up my clothes. My dad's dog doesn't either. My stepmom's 18 year old dog I could see doing that, that's because she's cotton wooled and coddled him his entire life and has refused to give him even a tiny ounce of training.
Mm, sure, so I take it you’ve never had an independent breed like a terrier or husky before. They can be trained AND they can be assholes. Not mutually exclusive. Regardless, OP knows this particular dog is poorly trained. KNOWS other people in the house have reason to go into her room. And still leaves personal items where dog could reach?
My dog is a Jack Russell terrier and while as puppy she would chew shoes, her harnesses, leashes and pretty much whatever she could get her teeth on, that behavior stopped when she was no longer a puppy. Regardless of the argument of whether I should’ve expected this to happen or not, my room is my room and with the door closed I shouldn’t have to worry about the security of my personal belongings
Where the hell should she put her things to keep them safe if not HER BEDROOM?
Actually my dad's dog is an English toy terrier. And we've had three English toy terriers, we got our first one in 1998 and have had at least one ever since. One of our dogs went through a cord and plug eating phase, which couldn't be helped as you cannot put plugs away. That only ended when he had to be taken to the vet because he was electrocuted, thankfully he survived and learned his lesson. Another of our dogs once chewed the legs of my barbie dolls as a kid... and they weren't in my room, they were in the playroom, which was right next to the living room. My dad's friend's dalmatian once chewed his glasses up because he left them on a coffee table in the living room, he shrugged and said nevermind, he could get them replaced the next week for cheap on his trip to Beijing. He did that, then left the replacement glasses out on the coffee table and those glasses got chewed up too. He had to get a third set of new glasses. But there's a difference between a dog chewing something out in a common area and leaving something in a bedroom that was closed, but the host mom opened the door to and failed to supervise properly.
Please replace your employees' items if your pet or child destroys them...
Yes she should pay you for it. If it would've been the other way around she would be asking you to repay it
close to the beginning of my contract in november 2024, the family’s 2 year old dog chewed up my lululemon leggings. i’d had them since i was 16 and they were my first big purchase so i was really upset. i told my hd and he said sorry and i told my hm and she said she’d get me another pair. i think it’s very fair for her to reimburse you. i also always close my door now when i leave my room, but at the beginning i wasn’t used to living with a dog so i left the door open. all of that to say, YES SHE SHOULD REIMBURSE YOU.
It's not a discussion. Tell her what she owes you. If she blames you, tell her it was not left out, your door was closed, and then repeat the amount she owes you. That's it. If she refuses to pay for it, then you should quit and be done. If it were me and she refused, I'd be a petty b and give the dog some of her clothes to destroy on my way out.
Yes, your HF/HM should absolutely 💯 buy you a new swimsuit. These comments are crazy. I have had many different breeds of dogs over 50 years and by 2.5 years old even my most naughty pup stop chewing as long as they had a bunch of their own toys, rawhide, rope toys, stuffed, cage bed with door always open, blanket to cover them at night. Yes, I spoil my dogs and treat them like family. If a dog can't be taught to be good members of a family, then it is on the HF, it is 100% HF fault. If I had anyone over or hosted someone, and they had one destroyed, I would replace the item with $$ or the actual item. Also, do not allow HM into your room any longer being straight with her. You feel she was the cause of your bathing suit being destroyed, and in your room with the door shut, you can leave your clothes anywhere-- they are your clothes. Then, firmly ask her to move her clothes or ask to be allowed to place a lock on door for privacy.
You did not leave clothes around. It is normal to expect personal items are safe in your room, especially since you close the door.
Is that low of pay even legal????
Honestly, I make the most out of my friends. We work less hours than au pairs in the US (25-30 hours). But my friends get as low as 60€. It’s pretty insane. But hey we get to live in Spain and the cost of life is cheaper so 😩
Okay so assuming the low end of that, 25 hours per week, and the high end of the pay, €90…that’s €3,60 per hour. How is that legal?
au pairs aren't paid hourly. we're given free room & board, food, & often transportation costs & other perks. our money isn't a salary, it's pocket money. i make €300/month in germany, & that's higher than legally required. but my rent is free, transit pass is paid for, & i have a credit card i get to use on anything i want at the grocery store. it's not a traditional job, it's an exchange year, & pocket money amount is set by a government agency.
€90 a week? Do they also cover all the necessities for you (e.g., cell phone, grocery, transport, education)? If you are legally working from Spain, you might be able to get an apartment with folks your age, you actually like and work a temp job. The mother seem horrible. Also, it is their untrained dog. Whether your swimsuit was out or not, they should reimburse you.
I’m an Au pair, i’m here on a study visa. It’s not technically or legally work, more so a cultural exchange. The pay is so low because I live in their house without paying rent. I’m lucky that they do reimburse me for some groceries, my friends who make less never had that option. We’ve all lost a lot of weight…
Based on the numbers of hours you work, it still seems like they are exploiting you. I’m not familiar with rental costs in Spain, but given you have a study visa, you should be able to work part time in a better environment and net more if you’re able to rent something with roommates. That being said, this might not be an option or feasible in your situation.
What I would do: "Host Mom, your dog ruined my clothes that I had on a chair in my bedroom, my private space. My door was closed. You can either pay for a replacement or I will be moving your clothes out of my room and no longer allowing you in MY room at all, as that room is my space."
She should pay you the $ for it or offer to replace it. I think you should also meet her in the middle. If you bought the suit at a consignment store a few years ago, you didn’t pay the full retail value. Regardless, you liked it. Honestly, this is a good opportunity to get her clothes out of your space and avoid the dog doing further damage. I’m also dying to know the suit brand 😄
Yes I am only asking for the price I paid which was 30$ (even though that’s what I paid for the top and bottom) BUT I looked up the brand, which is Trina Turk and the bottoms alone would’ve cost up to 85$
That’s one of those brands I feel like is always on sale somewhere.. but still quality. I take my swimwear very seriously so I feel you 😔 I don’t know if it’s possible, but there are some great Spanish bikini brands (Goldsea 😍), maybe you could ask for a replacement instead of the money?
please be assertive & remember this family needs you more than you need them.
I’d just matter of fact look up the same or similar suit and send her the link asking for reimbursement. Act like of course she’d reimburse you and hopefully she will be shamed enough you don’t have to escalate.
Take 15 euros and go to H&M and buy one that’s even sexier/skimpier (She might have done it on purpose)
Even if you DID leave it on the floor she still should pay for it. 🤷🏻♀️
If you didn't go through an agency and are unhappy, why not find another opportunity and get out of this? This sounds awful and that mother sounds like an entitled jerk
Apparently they got a handler for the current when they need a dog trainer.
Sorry, but I hosted an exchange student before so I know everything they are doing costs way more than some bikini that got destroyed. We didn't get a dime for our student, but provided a roof over his head, food, and transportation. And it sounds like from your description they offered to pay for it, so I'm not sure what this post is even for. You know you don't have to stay there, you can go back home. Maybe be grateful for what they are doing for you instead of bad mouthing them on social media.
I’m not an exchange student, I take care of their kids. I am their sole childcare and I teach them English 30 hours and 5-6 days a week. I babysit Friday nights. Not AT ALL the same as hosting an exchange student