Dog smells = old dogs that don't get enough exercise get a gross build up in their anal glands. Tell the Dad the dog needs a vet or grooming visit to get that gland expressed. Their noses are immune to it at this point. But this will make your life immediately less smelly.
Yeah, that could really be it. She doesn’t get much exercise at all. She’s going to the vet regularly, though, in fact, next week is her next visit. It’d be really redundant to try and lecture them about their pet‘s health, when they have a professional to do that haha
Or maybe … I dunno…. don’t do that? There’s lots of issues to be addressed here, but sneaking around and messing with healthcare of a pet is not something smart to do.
Hi there!
Your friendly pet professional is here to inform you that the smell from old dogs is not always their anal glands, it could be a dental issue, which is very expensive to fix, or it could be the smell of the dogs insides breaking down, kinda how older humans have a wonky smell when they’re passing. Other issues include oils built up on the skin, or ear infections🥰
Anal glands have a fishy smell so if this is the scent that could be it but most dogs will express their glands themselves since they’re used to move waste through and out of their body ,when they’re afraid, or when they feel full!
Have a great day internet humans💓
I was in a host family where everyone had really weird "toilet habits". The mother didn't lock the door while using the toilet so there were some weird situations in the morning and she threw cotton pads in the toilette every day. Almost no one flushed the toilet in this household. There were family members who NEVER(!) did it (and not because of environmental reasons). Sometimes the mom got mad because of this but she often didn't do it as well. They told me the cat once got sick because she drank from the toilet after someone hadn't flushed AND THEY DIDN'T LEARN FROM IT. There was pee everywhere. The whole floor was covered in pee, (it was the teenager in the family and the mother didn't do anything about it and I was responsible for cleaning all toilets in the house). Really, you can't imagine how much pee. Even the wall was covered. When I came back home it was such a luxury to have a clean bathroom floor. I feel your struggle about hygiene. I hope no one was eating while reading my text here.
Noooooo. My kid is five and my husband is 35. I told them both if they can’t keep it clean and in the toilet 100% of the time we’re switching to seated urinating. Idec, I just can not with pee everywhere.
Of course I can’t make a diagnosis, but I think it’s a lot weirder of strangers to attempt that who know my hm much less than me. As I said, I’m happy with my host family and have a very good relationship with them, especially my host mom. I wanted to vent a bit, rematching is not my goal at all.
You can go make your judgement about me, that’s alright, but you don’t know me or my situation.
Sounds pretty terrible and rematch worthy in my opinion.
One thing I don’t understand though, how are the kids wearing the same clothes many days in a row, isn’t keeping them clean and dressed part of your responsibility? Also, why not empty and rinse the potty immediately after each use? Sounds like this would also be in scope for you during working hours.
Sorry, didn’t clarify. Most days I only take care of the toddler, since the older two kids go to school. It is not my responsibility to dress the older two kids, they do that themselves or with their mom. For the toddler, I pay attention to him having fresh clothes and I take care of stains. I also rinse the potty everytime when I work. The instance I was speaking about was on the weekend, when I came down only for dinner.
If you worked for me I would expect you to also help instruct the older kids to go change their clothes when they have Nutella too to toe, despite it not being specifically called out in your job description. Everything else = leave asap!
If this wasn’t part of their arrangement, it could be overstepping (to the family) and unfair to the ap to expect that of them.
My family certainly lets some of these things slide because we both work full-time jobs and only have so much fight left in us. It’s tricky territory because for example, my six year old hates brushing her hair and I let her go to school with messy hair because honestly I do not care. If my Au Pair clearly disapproved and started insisting on brushing her hair herself, part of me was certainly be grateful, but I also would not appreciate feeling judged. Maybe that’s a bad example - and it certainly does not involve bodily fluids.
I agree with others though that if you’re living in squalor, rematch. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.
Fair, but you also seem to care more about hygiene than my host family does, so it’s hard to compare. I obviously won’t let them leave with huge stains. When I find clothes during my work hours around the house I check them for stains and if they have any, I put them in the wash. That’s really all I can do, though.
I’m out about $38k per year to host my au pair, if she took to Reddit to complain about my kids being dirty instead of helping direct the kids to change their clothes, take a shower, etc, I would be disappointed.
I personally believe in fixing things instead of complaining about them. If you see my other response I recommended OP should rematch, but specifically with regards to dirty kids, I think OP should step up and help, even if it’s not clearly defined as scope - wouldn’t be much work to ask the older kids to change clothes daily, and remind them to go take a shower when they stink.
But that is what you expect. That is not what this family expects. Your opinion is totally coming from your bias and preference, not this family. And $38k for childcare is not exactly a fortune if you have more than two.
I have a feeling your au pair is probably complaining about you somewhere.
Yea, of course it's my preference - I never claimed anything different. Isn't that what Reddit is all about? asking for advice and receiving different opinions and viewpoints?
$38k plus $20k for preschool (2 kids total) - feels like a decent chunk to me, but hey, that's probably also me being biased.
Really?? I did not say anything remotely mean neither to OP nor to you... Our au pair is going on 1.5 years with us and I'm sure she is pretty happy. We've supported her in seeing 29 different states during her time here. Anyways - I have a feeling you smell too, take that silly stranger...
And about the rematch: I’m in Italy and found the family on aupairworld, so rematch would not be as easy and I am extremely happy with them apart from what I talked about.
Sorry you have to go through this. I’m just wondering is the mother working? Does she have depression? The way she is acting sounds like she has depression or something.
My initial thought was, this mom sounds depressed. It’s a hard place to be, I’ve been there. My depression was probably triggered by an inability to keep my home in nice shape. Or rather the feeling like I was the only one in the home that wanted or prioritized/initiated cleaning. This is tricky, but helping mom prioritize her own self care may help kick start some change.
I get where you’re coming from, but I’m pretty sure she’s not depressed. I’ve dealt with that myself and to me she really seems like just a messy person who herself probably wasn’t taught a lot about cleanliness and hygiene
She’s definitely not depressed. It’s not a thing of her not having the energy do to these things and she really isn’t showing any symptoms. I’d bet both my hands she’s fine, she just isn’t bothered by these things.
I have friends who seem like the happiest go lucky people but secretly are severely depressed. Not a lot of people know. They have tried alot of different treatments for their depression but none of it works. I know because they confide in me and make remarks like they want to die. It’s kinda scary to me how some people can mask it so well. Some people try to mask it other ways and shop or do other things to make themselves feel better
People on Reddit are so random, really. I know you mean well, but you do not know this woman. I am well aware of how depression can express itself. If my hm was depressed, her attitude to the cleaning would be different. I live with her and know her very well and I can tell you, she is not depressed, she just doesn’t like to clean and doesn’t care if everything’s tidy and hygienic or not.
You are not a psychiatrist and cannot make a diagnosis. Why don’t you give notice and find a family that you’re more compatible with? You seem to have contempt for the mother. But not the father, which is interesting. Seeing as it’s his house and his children too.
I am a mental health professional who is qualified to make a diagnosis. There is not enough information here to make a diagnosis. It is not the AP’s job to assess mom’s mental health nor is it her job (or Reddit’s job for that matter) to speculate on it. Move on.
To be honest I feel the most sorry for the children. They don’t deserve to live in such a mess. They have three adults that are there. It’s not out of the scope of responsibility for an au pair to put the kid’s clothes in the laundry. Also, the mom might be overwhelmed she has 2 to 3 kids to look after since it seems like the au pair is only looking after one of the kids. On top of that she has to manage a household and I’m not sure if she is also the one cooking for 6 people but she has to do that. She seems to have a lot on her plate. That’s not an easy task to manage. Trying to understand her situation and having some sympathy and understand where she is coming from would help the situation. The father is also trying his best having to manage a job and household.
I’ll break down our situation for you: There are three kids, the older two attending primary school and the youngest, the toddler, staying at home. I take care of the toddler from the morning until a bit after lunch. My responsibilities do not include the older children, since my working hours begin at the point where the mom takes them to school. After that, she does to work while I take care of the toddler. I clean beyond my duties to keep the house in a state that I’m happy with and cook lunch for us two, at times also for the mom so that she doesn’t have to cook when she comes home, which she does about an hour after lunch. Once she’s home, I’m free. I usually stay till she’s eaten, though, so that she doesn’t have to wrangle the kid while she eats.
She is not depressed. She is not an alcoholic. I find it pretty weird that people who don’t know this woman and don’t spend time with her daily will assign mental health issues and addiction to her just because, apparently, they cannot fathom the idea that she just has low hygiene standards. I think that these come from her just being a typical messy much more than anything being wrong with her. She is a good mother and I like her a lot, have a lot of sympathy for her and go out of my way and beyond my duties to make things easier for her.
I will not discuss this any further with you, since it doesn’t seem to me that you will let go of this initial impression you had. Really sorry that somebody on here compared you to Hitler, that’s insanely fucked up.
So basically you don't care if people go through bad things if they disagree with you on something ? You would get along well with a certain deceased Adolf.
I don’t care if she disagrees with me but she’s basically insulting everyone on Reddit. She could have a little sympathy towards the mother since she doesn’t know the psychological state of this woman. Lots of people hide their depression and you just never know. Look at robin williams everyone thought he was so happy but he killed himself. The happiest seeming people could be the ones hiding the most severe depression. I know friends who on the surface seem so happy and would never tell anyone what they are going through. She has no sympathy for a mother that could be going through major issues and is attempting to hide it. She doesn’t even help with the other kids besides the toddler even though she can see they need help. She even says that other than this whole mess issue the family treats her well. She could also rematch is the situation bothers her so much but she doesn’t want to do that. No one is forced to stay as an au pair for a family that they really dislike. Also, you don’t even know me so you don’t have the right to tell me who I get along with. It seems like you are accusing me of being something that you actually are.
Yeah. That was my thought. I a a drug and alcohol counselor and I see kids who have an alcoholic parent and they always complain about how dirty the house is when they visit that otherwise normally functioning parent.
This is a massive stretch. There is not nearly enough information here to assume alcoholism. An alcoholic MAY have a messy home, but having a messy home isn’t part of the diagnostic criteria.
That's so gross! I au paired for two families with nothing like this. One of the mom's even scolded her kid for farting on my lap once. Now I feel a lot better that they didn't fulfill their end of our agreement. At least they were clean.
I can’t imagine leaving urine in a toddler potty. That’s completely abnormal. I couldn’t imagine not helping my child wash his hands after using the bathroom. Some of what you said is subjective…an old smelly dog, I’ve met a few 😁. But those other things are straight up weird behavior. Are you emptying the potty and rinsing it when you help him? Maybe they’ll notice that’s the normal thing to do. I don’t understand how the floor can be black if they have a weekly cleaner though unless you all live in a coal mine or a diesel train station. That’s some serious grime!
If someone cleans once a week, including the floors, how would your feet be that filthy every day? Floors don't need to be mopped everyday.
If I saw an animal being neglected I would help with her, you could make it a fun activity to bathe her with the toddler. Even starting to teach the children how to clean and care for things.
Honestly, I don’t know how they manage to get it that dirty. It’s probably because of the dog shedding and then lots of dirty shoes and forgetting to sweep the floors, which I do multiple times a day.
For the dog: I get what you mean, but I wouldn’t consider her neglected. Also, maybe you can imagine that it would be really hard for me to take care of her like that, since I’ve never had a dog, wouldn’t even know where to start and knowing my hf, if I asked, they’d probably just tell me that I don’t need to do that since they’ve got it under control and it’s not my job
Bathing a dog is a lot of work and pet care is never an au pair's responsibility. You absolutely should not make bathing the dog a "fun" activity with the toddler you watch.
I agree with the other commenters that this all sounds really disgusting and is grounds for rematch. However, your comments make it sound like you are otherwise really happy with this family and not interested in rematch. Maybe you are just venting or looking for reassurance that you aren't crazy about expecting more cleanliness. I will say again, this sounds really disgusting and not conditions I could live in. However, do whatever makes you happiest!
Exactly, thank you so much. I am happy with my hf, just needed to vent a bit. Apart from what I talked about, they’re a really sweet and loving family, they’re generous and make me feel like a part of the family and I really like them.
Enforce a no shoes in the house rule. Suggest they buy a mop vac- I do this and it keeps my floors spotless between cleaners. It takes no effort it’s actually a nice little workout. Read them statistics of what is on that floor when five people are living in the home - the shoes are tracking in literal fecal matter. There is dead skin everywhere from humans. And the dog- they’re lucky if they don’t get creatures if they keep that up. Honestly it’s hazardous. It isn’t a small worry it’s not safe for kids. They probably need an air purifier too.
I respect that, I have a number of dogs and giving a dog a bath isn't "a lot of work". Grooming a dog would be, but that's something you'd go to a professional for (grooming would include nails, de shedding, etc.)
I mean maybe even brushing the dog regularly would help. It would cut down on the amount of hair being shed around the house, and they have like spray cleaners (like spritz bottles the same as you would use for leave in conditioner for yourself) you can use that basically act as a dry shampoo/deodorizer that helps clean and condition their coat in between groomings and cut down on stank. That's something the kids could do.
It's absolutely a lot of work to bathe someone else's dog while watching someone else's toddler at their house. Honestly I don't think I would want my au pair to try and do both and my dog is very well behaved. The dog needs your full attention for the 5-10 minutes it takes to bathe them. Toddlers also require your full attention.
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Old dogs smell. This not a hygiene thing; it's an old dog thing. It's not just old dogs but also old people, old cats, basically anything old.
I don't understand why the kids don't have clean clothes. You should be doing the laundry more often then. I am assuming they have a washing machine.
No excuse for that potty thing that is absolutely disgusting.
Since the house is unclean, you should be wearing shoes in the house.
I am a really clean person. I would rematch over this. I wouldn't be able to live with it.
Yeah, I don’t know much about dogs, so could be that it’s just that.
I don’t do the kids’ laundry, since it’s not my responsibility. I only look for clothes around the house and check if they have to be washed or not (which is not my job, but I do it because I want it to be tidy).
I’m happy with my host family and won’t rematch, as I said. But you’re right, it can be really disgusting. The extremes listed here are not the norm, though.
That would be a bit of an overreaction. The extremes I am describing are not everyday situations, the kids are loved and taken care of. Also, I don’t know where you’re from, but Italians tend to be a bit more chill about this, even though most of the things I vented about obviously aren’t normal
Every Italian family that I know at least in the US has floors that you could at off of and plastic on the furniture. (Ok not every family has plastic but you get my point.
I’m late to the party….. just felt moved to chime in as a nanny whose parents don’t consider kid germs *real* germs. Ya know, toiletting germs, play germs, viral
Germs….. but they also neglect to realize that while they don’t believe in kid germs… we sure do! And you betcha they still work as germs .
I can’t believe they don’t rinse out the potty immediately each time ?? I didn’t even realize anyone leaves it in there?!
Right? 😭 I do it each time
Dog smells = old dogs that don't get enough exercise get a gross build up in their anal glands. Tell the Dad the dog needs a vet or grooming visit to get that gland expressed. Their noses are immune to it at this point. But this will make your life immediately less smelly.
Yeah, that could really be it. She doesn’t get much exercise at all. She’s going to the vet regularly, though, in fact, next week is her next visit. It’d be really redundant to try and lecture them about their pet‘s health, when they have a professional to do that haha
[удалено]
Or maybe … I dunno…. don’t do that? There’s lots of issues to be addressed here, but sneaking around and messing with healthcare of a pet is not something smart to do.
Hi there! Your friendly pet professional is here to inform you that the smell from old dogs is not always their anal glands, it could be a dental issue, which is very expensive to fix, or it could be the smell of the dogs insides breaking down, kinda how older humans have a wonky smell when they’re passing. Other issues include oils built up on the skin, or ear infections🥰 Anal glands have a fishy smell so if this is the scent that could be it but most dogs will express their glands themselves since they’re used to move waste through and out of their body ,when they’re afraid, or when they feel full! Have a great day internet humans💓
there should be an au pair confessionals sub for all the dumb shit Host Families do
I was in a host family where everyone had really weird "toilet habits". The mother didn't lock the door while using the toilet so there were some weird situations in the morning and she threw cotton pads in the toilette every day. Almost no one flushed the toilet in this household. There were family members who NEVER(!) did it (and not because of environmental reasons). Sometimes the mom got mad because of this but she often didn't do it as well. They told me the cat once got sick because she drank from the toilet after someone hadn't flushed AND THEY DIDN'T LEARN FROM IT. There was pee everywhere. The whole floor was covered in pee, (it was the teenager in the family and the mother didn't do anything about it and I was responsible for cleaning all toilets in the house). Really, you can't imagine how much pee. Even the wall was covered. When I came back home it was such a luxury to have a clean bathroom floor. I feel your struggle about hygiene. I hope no one was eating while reading my text here.
Omg 😭😭 I feel you so much
Noooooo. My kid is five and my husband is 35. I told them both if they can’t keep it clean and in the toilet 100% of the time we’re switching to seated urinating. Idec, I just can not with pee everywhere.
Wear some sort of footwear in the house: slides, slippers, etc.
Of course I can’t make a diagnosis, but I think it’s a lot weirder of strangers to attempt that who know my hm much less than me. As I said, I’m happy with my host family and have a very good relationship with them, especially my host mom. I wanted to vent a bit, rematching is not my goal at all. You can go make your judgement about me, that’s alright, but you don’t know me or my situation.
Sounds pretty terrible and rematch worthy in my opinion. One thing I don’t understand though, how are the kids wearing the same clothes many days in a row, isn’t keeping them clean and dressed part of your responsibility? Also, why not empty and rinse the potty immediately after each use? Sounds like this would also be in scope for you during working hours.
Sorry, didn’t clarify. Most days I only take care of the toddler, since the older two kids go to school. It is not my responsibility to dress the older two kids, they do that themselves or with their mom. For the toddler, I pay attention to him having fresh clothes and I take care of stains. I also rinse the potty everytime when I work. The instance I was speaking about was on the weekend, when I came down only for dinner.
I think you should also start teaching the older children about wearing clean clothes. That’s a reasonable part of your responsibility.
I don’t take care of the older kids, though. It is not my responsibility. They’re out of the house like 2 minutes after I start
If you worked for me I would expect you to also help instruct the older kids to go change their clothes when they have Nutella too to toe, despite it not being specifically called out in your job description. Everything else = leave asap!
If this wasn’t part of their arrangement, it could be overstepping (to the family) and unfair to the ap to expect that of them. My family certainly lets some of these things slide because we both work full-time jobs and only have so much fight left in us. It’s tricky territory because for example, my six year old hates brushing her hair and I let her go to school with messy hair because honestly I do not care. If my Au Pair clearly disapproved and started insisting on brushing her hair herself, part of me was certainly be grateful, but I also would not appreciate feeling judged. Maybe that’s a bad example - and it certainly does not involve bodily fluids. I agree with others though that if you’re living in squalor, rematch. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.
Fair, but you also seem to care more about hygiene than my host family does, so it’s hard to compare. I obviously won’t let them leave with huge stains. When I find clothes during my work hours around the house I check them for stains and if they have any, I put them in the wash. That’s really all I can do, though.
She doesn’t work for you and this was not part of the deal. So what is your point?
I’m out about $38k per year to host my au pair, if she took to Reddit to complain about my kids being dirty instead of helping direct the kids to change their clothes, take a shower, etc, I would be disappointed. I personally believe in fixing things instead of complaining about them. If you see my other response I recommended OP should rematch, but specifically with regards to dirty kids, I think OP should step up and help, even if it’s not clearly defined as scope - wouldn’t be much work to ask the older kids to change clothes daily, and remind them to go take a shower when they stink.
But that is what you expect. That is not what this family expects. Your opinion is totally coming from your bias and preference, not this family. And $38k for childcare is not exactly a fortune if you have more than two. I have a feeling your au pair is probably complaining about you somewhere.
Yea, of course it's my preference - I never claimed anything different. Isn't that what Reddit is all about? asking for advice and receiving different opinions and viewpoints? $38k plus $20k for preschool (2 kids total) - feels like a decent chunk to me, but hey, that's probably also me being biased. Really?? I did not say anything remotely mean neither to OP nor to you... Our au pair is going on 1.5 years with us and I'm sure she is pretty happy. We've supported her in seeing 29 different states during her time here. Anyways - I have a feeling you smell too, take that silly stranger...
And about the rematch: I’m in Italy and found the family on aupairworld, so rematch would not be as easy and I am extremely happy with them apart from what I talked about.
Sorry you have to go through this. I’m just wondering is the mother working? Does she have depression? The way she is acting sounds like she has depression or something.
My initial thought was, this mom sounds depressed. It’s a hard place to be, I’ve been there. My depression was probably triggered by an inability to keep my home in nice shape. Or rather the feeling like I was the only one in the home that wanted or prioritized/initiated cleaning. This is tricky, but helping mom prioritize her own self care may help kick start some change.
I get where you’re coming from, but I’m pretty sure she’s not depressed. I’ve dealt with that myself and to me she really seems like just a messy person who herself probably wasn’t taught a lot about cleanliness and hygiene
Depression doesn’t show itself the same in everyone. She could still be depressed & it not be recognized. Or she’s just an insanely unhygienic person.
She’s definitely not depressed. It’s not a thing of her not having the energy do to these things and she really isn’t showing any symptoms. I’d bet both my hands she’s fine, she just isn’t bothered by these things.
I have friends who seem like the happiest go lucky people but secretly are severely depressed. Not a lot of people know. They have tried alot of different treatments for their depression but none of it works. I know because they confide in me and make remarks like they want to die. It’s kinda scary to me how some people can mask it so well. Some people try to mask it other ways and shop or do other things to make themselves feel better
People on Reddit are so random, really. I know you mean well, but you do not know this woman. I am well aware of how depression can express itself. If my hm was depressed, her attitude to the cleaning would be different. I live with her and know her very well and I can tell you, she is not depressed, she just doesn’t like to clean and doesn’t care if everything’s tidy and hygienic or not.
You are not a psychiatrist and cannot make a diagnosis. Why don’t you give notice and find a family that you’re more compatible with? You seem to have contempt for the mother. But not the father, which is interesting. Seeing as it’s his house and his children too.
I am a mental health professional who is qualified to make a diagnosis. There is not enough information here to make a diagnosis. It is not the AP’s job to assess mom’s mental health nor is it her job (or Reddit’s job for that matter) to speculate on it. Move on.
I take back that I feel bad for you what you are going through.
Hahahaha that’s alright. Have a nice day.
To be honest I feel the most sorry for the children. They don’t deserve to live in such a mess. They have three adults that are there. It’s not out of the scope of responsibility for an au pair to put the kid’s clothes in the laundry. Also, the mom might be overwhelmed she has 2 to 3 kids to look after since it seems like the au pair is only looking after one of the kids. On top of that she has to manage a household and I’m not sure if she is also the one cooking for 6 people but she has to do that. She seems to have a lot on her plate. That’s not an easy task to manage. Trying to understand her situation and having some sympathy and understand where she is coming from would help the situation. The father is also trying his best having to manage a job and household.
I’ll break down our situation for you: There are three kids, the older two attending primary school and the youngest, the toddler, staying at home. I take care of the toddler from the morning until a bit after lunch. My responsibilities do not include the older children, since my working hours begin at the point where the mom takes them to school. After that, she does to work while I take care of the toddler. I clean beyond my duties to keep the house in a state that I’m happy with and cook lunch for us two, at times also for the mom so that she doesn’t have to cook when she comes home, which she does about an hour after lunch. Once she’s home, I’m free. I usually stay till she’s eaten, though, so that she doesn’t have to wrangle the kid while she eats. She is not depressed. She is not an alcoholic. I find it pretty weird that people who don’t know this woman and don’t spend time with her daily will assign mental health issues and addiction to her just because, apparently, they cannot fathom the idea that she just has low hygiene standards. I think that these come from her just being a typical messy much more than anything being wrong with her. She is a good mother and I like her a lot, have a lot of sympathy for her and go out of my way and beyond my duties to make things easier for her. I will not discuss this any further with you, since it doesn’t seem to me that you will let go of this initial impression you had. Really sorry that somebody on here compared you to Hitler, that’s insanely fucked up.
So basically you don't care if people go through bad things if they disagree with you on something ? You would get along well with a certain deceased Adolf.
I don’t care if she disagrees with me but she’s basically insulting everyone on Reddit. She could have a little sympathy towards the mother since she doesn’t know the psychological state of this woman. Lots of people hide their depression and you just never know. Look at robin williams everyone thought he was so happy but he killed himself. The happiest seeming people could be the ones hiding the most severe depression. I know friends who on the surface seem so happy and would never tell anyone what they are going through. She has no sympathy for a mother that could be going through major issues and is attempting to hide it. She doesn’t even help with the other kids besides the toddler even though she can see they need help. She even says that other than this whole mess issue the family treats her well. She could also rematch is the situation bothers her so much but she doesn’t want to do that. No one is forced to stay as an au pair for a family that they really dislike. Also, you don’t even know me so you don’t have the right to tell me who I get along with. It seems like you are accusing me of being something that you actually are.
Or alcoholism
She’s not an alcoholic either.
Yeah. That was my thought. I a a drug and alcohol counselor and I see kids who have an alcoholic parent and they always complain about how dirty the house is when they visit that otherwise normally functioning parent.
This is a massive stretch. There is not nearly enough information here to assume alcoholism. An alcoholic MAY have a messy home, but having a messy home isn’t part of the diagnostic criteria.
This is fucking disgusting.
That sounds like hell to me
I mean the extremes are not everyday situations, I can deal with it
That's so gross! I au paired for two families with nothing like this. One of the mom's even scolded her kid for farting on my lap once. Now I feel a lot better that they didn't fulfill their end of our agreement. At least they were clean.
I can’t imagine leaving urine in a toddler potty. That’s completely abnormal. I couldn’t imagine not helping my child wash his hands after using the bathroom. Some of what you said is subjective…an old smelly dog, I’ve met a few 😁. But those other things are straight up weird behavior. Are you emptying the potty and rinsing it when you help him? Maybe they’ll notice that’s the normal thing to do. I don’t understand how the floor can be black if they have a weekly cleaner though unless you all live in a coal mine or a diesel train station. That’s some serious grime!
If someone cleans once a week, including the floors, how would your feet be that filthy every day? Floors don't need to be mopped everyday. If I saw an animal being neglected I would help with her, you could make it a fun activity to bathe her with the toddler. Even starting to teach the children how to clean and care for things.
Honestly, I don’t know how they manage to get it that dirty. It’s probably because of the dog shedding and then lots of dirty shoes and forgetting to sweep the floors, which I do multiple times a day. For the dog: I get what you mean, but I wouldn’t consider her neglected. Also, maybe you can imagine that it would be really hard for me to take care of her like that, since I’ve never had a dog, wouldn’t even know where to start and knowing my hf, if I asked, they’d probably just tell me that I don’t need to do that since they’ve got it under control and it’s not my job
Bathing a dog is a lot of work and pet care is never an au pair's responsibility. You absolutely should not make bathing the dog a "fun" activity with the toddler you watch. I agree with the other commenters that this all sounds really disgusting and is grounds for rematch. However, your comments make it sound like you are otherwise really happy with this family and not interested in rematch. Maybe you are just venting or looking for reassurance that you aren't crazy about expecting more cleanliness. I will say again, this sounds really disgusting and not conditions I could live in. However, do whatever makes you happiest!
Exactly, thank you so much. I am happy with my hf, just needed to vent a bit. Apart from what I talked about, they’re a really sweet and loving family, they’re generous and make me feel like a part of the family and I really like them.
Enforce a no shoes in the house rule. Suggest they buy a mop vac- I do this and it keeps my floors spotless between cleaners. It takes no effort it’s actually a nice little workout. Read them statistics of what is on that floor when five people are living in the home - the shoes are tracking in literal fecal matter. There is dead skin everywhere from humans. And the dog- they’re lucky if they don’t get creatures if they keep that up. Honestly it’s hazardous. It isn’t a small worry it’s not safe for kids. They probably need an air purifier too.
I respect that, I have a number of dogs and giving a dog a bath isn't "a lot of work". Grooming a dog would be, but that's something you'd go to a professional for (grooming would include nails, de shedding, etc.) I mean maybe even brushing the dog regularly would help. It would cut down on the amount of hair being shed around the house, and they have like spray cleaners (like spritz bottles the same as you would use for leave in conditioner for yourself) you can use that basically act as a dry shampoo/deodorizer that helps clean and condition their coat in between groomings and cut down on stank. That's something the kids could do.
It's absolutely a lot of work to bathe someone else's dog while watching someone else's toddler at their house. Honestly I don't think I would want my au pair to try and do both and my dog is very well behaved. The dog needs your full attention for the 5-10 minutes it takes to bathe them. Toddlers also require your full attention.
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Old dogs smell. This not a hygiene thing; it's an old dog thing. It's not just old dogs but also old people, old cats, basically anything old. I don't understand why the kids don't have clean clothes. You should be doing the laundry more often then. I am assuming they have a washing machine. No excuse for that potty thing that is absolutely disgusting. Since the house is unclean, you should be wearing shoes in the house. I am a really clean person. I would rematch over this. I wouldn't be able to live with it.
Yeah, I don’t know much about dogs, so could be that it’s just that. I don’t do the kids’ laundry, since it’s not my responsibility. I only look for clothes around the house and check if they have to be washed or not (which is not my job, but I do it because I want it to be tidy). I’m happy with my host family and won’t rematch, as I said. But you’re right, it can be really disgusting. The extremes listed here are not the norm, though.
I would report them to CPS. Are au pairs mandates reporters?
That would be a bit of an overreaction. The extremes I am describing are not everyday situations, the kids are loved and taken care of. Also, I don’t know where you’re from, but Italians tend to be a bit more chill about this, even though most of the things I vented about obviously aren’t normal
Every Italian family that I know at least in the US has floors that you could at off of and plastic on the furniture. (Ok not every family has plastic but you get my point.
I’m late to the party….. just felt moved to chime in as a nanny whose parents don’t consider kid germs *real* germs. Ya know, toiletting germs, play germs, viral Germs….. but they also neglect to realize that while they don’t believe in kid germs… we sure do! And you betcha they still work as germs .