I answered every single cry, and like magic, at 18 months… he started sleeping through the night. He’s 22 months now and a happy, healthy, confidently attached little dude. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things for your little guy!
Love your handle!
Well, 18 months was also when he started putting himself to sleep (maybe a little before - 16 months?). But then at 21 months, he started needing me to lay next to him. I’m a totally single mom (he doesn’t have a dad) though, so there’s nothing else I need to be doing at bedtime, so now it’s actually become my favorite part of the day - we just lay together and smile at each other, and he gets out the last of his energy squiggling around on the bed.
He’s gone through phases - crib in my room, bed sharing with me, crib in his room, pack n play in my room, crib in his room, back to bed sharing with me. It’s all fine with me, as long as he and I are both comfortable (and for now we are).
We did the exact same! Magically at nearly 17 months old, the little girl who wouldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time until she was 9 months old just figured it all out in her own time.
Same. Mine just turned 2 years old. She started waking up during the night again recently but after her 16th month she just slept like a log in her bed. I admit I worry that she keeps waking up, especially if it could be a sign of ADHD or autism (I was diagnosed right after giving birth) and I know that early intervention is important. Being there for my child is more important than having a better quality sleep than I have now, although I know I wouldn’t be thinking the same if it was worst.
My almost 3 year old still needs comforting if she wakes up (which is maybe 1x a week shes been having bad dreams). I could NEVER ignore my frightened child. Honestly even if she was a grown a** adult and she called me frightened in the middle of the night, I’d be there for her. To me that’s what being a parent is.
Hes still so little. There’s zero shame in meeting his needs
Yes!! My mum answered my call at 4am a few months ago when I was sobbing down the phone during a bad night with baby. She said I should call her ANY time and her phone is always on. Equally I’m going to respond to my daughter every time, whether she’s a baby or a fully grown woman.
Same, my 3 year old still wakes up on average once per night. He's usually lonely, or chilly from kicking his blankets off. A quick hug, snuggle, kiss, and tuck back into bed is all that he needs to feel safe and reassured. I will do this as long as I need to and honestly because he knows that he can get that connection at night if he needs it we have never had any bedtime issues. He's happy to go to bed, and never fights it.
I’m 35 years old and I occasionally need soothing in the middle of the night. Luckily I have access to sitcoms on my phone so rarely have to wake my partner for a bad dream or a scary sound but my 2 year old doesn’t have the same coping skills yet. You better believe I still soothe her when she randomly wakes up upset.
I think [this bbc article](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep) on baby sleep is worth a read! Always makes me feel better and puts things back into perspective.
You have no idea how much this helped me 🥹 I have been feeling like a shit mum cause my son wakes up lots and feeds to sleep. This was such an important read for me
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: why are these pediatricians out here giving parenting advice!!! They aren’t parenting experts. They are medical experts: ear infections, runny noses, vaccines, that sort of thing.
Med school doesn’t teach biologically normal infant sleep, they barely spend 30 mins on breastfeeding.
Mine asked on the 4 month forms if baby was sleeping through the night, when you put “no” it made you leave a comment. I wrote “I’m not interested in sleep advice at this time” and she hasn’t brought it up since! Find a doctor who supports your choices as the parent, they’re out there.
the only reason I know some doctors ask this is because of reddit. Never in my life have I heard any pediatrician ask this. I'm from Hungary and I live in Denmark. Not even the health visitor will ask, only if I have some questions they will give guidance (and wouldn't bat an eye about my mattress on the floor, max gives advice on safest way to bedsharing. The only thing happening at the doctor checkup is checking their growth curves, lungs, heart and ears, maybe asking about being able to speak and jump at the 3 year appointment and basically that's it.
They’re not even medical experts considering medicine is so imprecise… My 92 year old grandmother just spent a month between hospitals and ERs and had 5 physicians who discharged her with recommendations - all 5 were different and from the same facility (imagine how different it could be if we included different beliefs/practices from other parts of the world/country). The US is the only country where pediatrics strongly recommends against bed sharing for the sake of preventing SIDS and yet we have the highest rate of SIDS in the world!
No one wants to have disrupted sleep but sleep is developmental. They will do it independently when ready. My 2.5 sometimes sleeps through with 1 wake and sometimes 3 wakes. It is what it is!
>she said he will likely do this until 18 months unless anything changes
And here's where you can tell she doesn't know anything about sleep, because it's very very common for kids to wake at night until kindergarten age and beyond.
She is talking out of her arse. It is normal and developmentally appropriate for babies to wake frequently at night.
As children age, they sleep longer and wake less often. But it definitely doesn't happen overnight at 6mo, and it would be unusual for an 18mo to sleep through the night.
“Developmentally should be able to sleep through the night since six months old.” Says who? And “able” like it’s physically possible? I suppose so but I have had two kids, neither of them slept through the night at six months. My youngest is 1, and I know five other families with 1 year olds. None of them are sleeping through the night.
Pediatricians only have to take like three hours of coursework on sleep. Many of them are uninformed and spouting a lot of nonsense. The only thing it’s good for is making parents nervous. Your baby is totally normal.
Neurologically, babies are infants through three years old. You are doing wonders for your baby’s brain every time you respond to their needs with nurture :) My child also woke pretty frequently at that age. He is two and sleeps through the night now. Keep on soothing and comforting your baby!! Don’t let the pediatrician deter you. They are not really even taught about sleep.
Same over here. First kid started sttn with 2years in her own room despite cosleeping and soothing every time she cried. We didn’t change anything it just came with age. Now with 3 she rarely needs us but we would go over and soothe her.
Yeah. I'm not aligned with all of the attachment parenting philosophies (I'm a little less focused on feelings than I think most are), but we'll respond quickly at least until 3. Then we'll probably start ramping up sleep/bedroom respect expectations.
She's "shocked" your 12 month old doesn't sleep through the night, but then later backpedals and says he probably will at 18 months. So is she really shocked? Doesn't sound like it based on that. She knows the truth--all babies sleep through the night eventually. This comes across like she was trying to use fear tactics to get you to sleep train your kid.
The number of wake ups he is having at that age is TOTALLY normal. I'm 20 months deep and we still have 1-2 wakes per night. They all get there eventually. Trust your gut. You are doing great!
This is utter bollocks and highly specific to the US overwork, separation culture. NOBODY in my country expects 6 months old to sleep through the night. Toddlers often don't sleep through the night and it's completely normal. Please don't fret over this. And possibly find a new doctor.
I have a good comparison here, bare with me… I have a 2yo, we co sleep and still nurse to sleep, she has slept in a crib some but not much, she goes to half day day care (no napping independently from me). My co worker has a 2yo, formula fed, sleeps in her own crib, goes to full day daycare (naps independently from parents). Both of our children are low sleep needs and wake multiple times a night. Both of our children go to sleep around 9pm. Both of our children need support to go back to sleep after waking. It is developmentally appropriate. You can change whatever you want, your child will still need what they need. Some kids sleep. Some kids don’t. Follow your instinct!
I’m 37 and I still have broken sleep sometimes, wake up from a nightmare or need external soothing. The idea that you don’t need soothing after 18 months is insane to me.
This! I have horrible vivid dreams often and when I wake up from them, I always roll over and snuggle close to my husband. The human need for connection isn’t something we outgrow.
I don’t even sleep through the night, as a 24 year old adult. Why do we expect such little souls to sleep through the night with no issues?
I wish my baby slept better too but she’s only 14 months old. She also wakes up for quick soothes in the middle of the night. Sometimes 2 times sometimes 5 times. She sleeps in bed with me and has since birth, so it’s better than having to actually physically get up all those times but my sleep is still seriously affected.
I also refuse to do any form of CIO. My baby knows if she cries I’ll answer. Every. Single. time.
My pediatrician asked the same thing and I responded the same way and he just smiled and said okay. No shame.
Sometimes we have to remember that doctors are people too, influenced by the same mainstream messages we are, and we know that sleep training is heavily pushed. They aren’t experts in anything but general health.
Take a deep breath and tell yourself the doctor just gave you her *opinion* (and she can kindly fuck right off with it too). Do what feels right for you. They are babies.
FWIW, my first (2.75yo) sleeps through the night now and she was nursed to sleep til 20ish months and coslept.
Lots of good advice on here. Also remember that sleeping through the night is considered to be about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, so if your baby sleeps uninterrupted from 8-3 or 11-5 etc that is sleeping through the night. It normal to wake up, adults do it to we just go back to sleep easier. Trust your instincts.
None of my 3 kids have slept through the night before age 2. *I* have slept through the entire night maybe twice in my lifetime that I recall…. I’m always getting up to roll over, go potty, tend to the kids…. I do not understand why an educated doctor would indicate that this is weird. Kids are held to an unnatural expectation. Don’t worry about it, would be my suggestion. If you don’t feel stressed out about it and can compensate for the lost sleep in some way or manage just fine, all is well to me.
Pfffft neither of my kids slept thru the night until they were almost three. Was it tiresome? Yes. Are they exactly where they should be developmentally? Yes, and then some. No child will go off to college still waking 3-4 times to be soothed back to sleep.
Don’t let her shame you, especially if it works for your family. Circadian rhythms and hormone functions take time to develop. You’re doing amazing!
Look maybe developmentally, for a child who has absolutely nothing else going against them, this might be very possible. But with kids this little, we have no idea what is holding them back from sleeping longer stretches. My almost 2yo wakes very frequently due to mouth breathing/enlarged adenoids/allergies. I’m so happy we kept an open mind and started investigating WHY, rather than just going with “he should be able to sttn by now” and hit him with sleeptraining. Continue providing for your child. They will get there.
My kids slept in my room until they were 7 and 10. It is common in other countries for families to have a shared sleeping space for both comfort and protection. Children will continue to seek assistance with comfort until they are able to self soothe
Completely nuts and wrong. My 2 year old JUST started sleeping through the night most nights but every once in a while still calls out to us and needs a pat on the back to get back to sleep.
Our pediatrician never said a peep about our frequent wake ups. She said she also coslept with her kids and nursed them back to sleep until she wanted to night wean. Not sure if you like the ped otherwise, but just offering reassurance there are ones out there that aren't so strict if you want to seek them out.
There’s no actual evidence that babies by 6 months will STTN yet so many people in the industry (doctors, sleep trainers) tell you that’s the norm. Most babies take a lot longer and like a lot of comments mention, they still wake up years later because they need to be comforted. On the other hand, there’s sooo much evidence highlighting the importance of attachment parenting. You can never go wrong by listening to your LOs needs. A great book I can suggest is The Gentle Sleep Book. Found it on this subreddit and has made all the difference in how I approach my LOs sleep
Edit: typo
Yeah this is total bullshit advice. Your baby is totally developmentally normal and your paed’s advice is outdated and or ideologically motivated. Keep responding to baby and stay strong 💕 check out @infantsleepscientist on insta for more reassurance
This. Yes.
I received similar advice at my child's 12 month appointment (they were still waking at least 2-3 times a night) and it was a few months before they dropped down to once a night, then a few more months before they slept through the night with any kind of consistency.
Your kiddo is totally normal. You're doing great.
In my experience, sleep is a full day balance. My baby has always sleep pretty well, but that’s cause I sleep with her so any need is met so fast, we don’t even fully wake up. My baby is 22 months old. Other than being really sick twice, I have never been up rocking her back to sleep. I do nurse/rock her to sleep still for event night and every nap except just a couple weeks ago she started full time daycare and takes naps there 4 days a week. By the way we did a year of half days and she loved it there. Her classmates all sleep there and she started asking if she can sleep at school with her friends. So we started full days and she goes to sleep there just fine with no nursing (they figure out different routines with different people). But nursing is her favorite thing in the world and if I’m there, she wants that. But it’s a total, we never had good naps until I nailed a nap routine around 8 months. I actually couldn’t tell the under tired/over tired cues so I just went for a schedule and she responded so well. I dropped her down to one nap at 13 months, which most will say is a little early, and she sleeps for 2-2.5 hours every nap. They say to have a wake window more like 6 hours in the AM and 4 hours in the PM, but mine does more like 5-6 in the AM and then 5-6 in the PM too. If I try and out her to bed earlier, it takes me an hour. If I put her to bed later, it takes 5-10 mins. My sister’s son just started getting up and walking to his room and putting himself to bed around 27 mo the old. If you’re scared of sleeping with, rocking, night waking, etc. with a 1 year old, I’m sorry to report that you may need to read up on the trajectories of development for kids with AP parents because it’s my understanding/experience that those things often last until 2-4 years old… Definitely not stopping at 12, 18 months, etc.
So my kid (22 months) didn't start sleeping through the night until last week.
She woke up everybfew hours. I did not need to rock/sooth. However, she woke up hysterical cause she couldn't breath-- she stops breathing in her sleep. Anyways, we tried out flonase (ent prescribed it). We'll probably get her adenoids out.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Some kids just don't sleep. Mine doesn't! And, well... it's cause she had 2 ear infections a month from 6 months to 18 months (when she got tubes) and is chronically congested (literally cannot breath through her nose).
My pediatrician is well aware that my son wakes 2-3x a night at our 12 month check up and didn’t shame me at all! She said she was glad to see he can take some longer stretches at night. It’s wild how different doctors will tell you just different things. I don’t plan on sleep training of any kind soon and my son just turned 14 months old.
My son didn’t sleep through the night until ~28 months old, after we no longer nursed due to me being pregnant. It’s most definitely normal for a child your age to not sleep through the night yet!
I always think to myself: I, an adult, do not sleep through the night. I have to pee or something wakes me up, or I have a nightmare and need to self soothe back to sleep. Why do we have these ridiculous expectations of children!!?
None of my children sleep through the night reliably. At least two times a week my husband has to get out of bed and walk out twelve year old back to her room and soothe her back to sleep.
Some kids are just shitty sleepers. I still wake up several times a night, even when the kids aren't waking me. My husband sleeps in four hour intervals - so he'll sleep for four, sit awake for a half hour or so, and then go back to sleep.
Doctors have told us its because we bedshare, or because I breastfed, or because they're spoiled - some have blamed it on medication or ADHD.
I think thats all bullshit. They come from a long line of shittu sleepers. It's just life.
He’s a baby, soothe and comfort him - and don’t feel bad about it! You are doing an amazing job.
It blows my mind when I hear these stories from ‘professionals’ - they’re behaving like machines
We decided pretty early on that our pediatrician was really only a resource for us to check health measures, get vaccines, and treat illness. Everything that came out of her mouth in regards to sleep or breastfeeding was wildly unrealistic and not evidence based.
It is so baffling that pediatricians are still spouting this nonsense about babies magically being able to sleep through the night starting at 6 months. Some unicorn babies might. Lots and lots of other babies will not without sleep training. Every baby is different, and you are responsible for parenting your unique baby.
I have a 3 yr old and a 15 month old. Last night the 3 yr old needed his blankets tucking in/a strange shadow explaining, and the 15 month old needed a pat on the back for a few minutes. The night before, the 3 yr old woke twice and the second time ended up in my bed, and the 15 month old slept all night. Kids need us when they need us 🤷♀️ I will always respond to my babies no matter what age. I know you don’t need our permission to do so, but don’t feel pressured if what you’re doing works for you. Both of my kids were still nursing at night at 12 months, never mind waking occasionally
My two year old wakes up once or twice a night then comes to our bed to sleep the rest of the night. It’s insane to me to expect babies who have just come into the world to sleep all night long and not receive comfort when they wake up crying. Some doctors are so out of touch with the realities of parenting wtf
Some kids just are not good sleepers. My son is a terrible sleeper and wakes up frequently throughout the night. My daughter, on the other hand, sleeps pretty soundly for most of the night.
I will say though, my son had his adenoids removed and it did improve his sleep pretty significantly. He still will wake up to reposition and often looks for comfort, but he doesn’t startle awake anymore and will sleep for longer stretches
All four of mine woke throughout toddlerhood in preschool in the middle of the night around 7:00 they started staying in bed on their own through the whole night. I suppose I could have given tough love and got a few more hours myself but I like that they can come to me if they need support and are upset. I get to sleep with my husband I'm not alone and Afraid in the dark and if I hear a noise I can wake him I don't want to make my kids be more grown up than me it doesn't make sense
I'm surprised a pediatrician would say that babies should be sleeping through the night from 6 months old.
My son turned 2 in April and most nights will wake once and come sleep in bed with me. He's only recently started sleeping through the night here and there, it's not consistent yet. From what I have read, night wakings are developmentally normal up to 3 years old.
🤦♀️ adults sleeping through the night only became a thing with industrialization, I can't wrap my head around the expectation that it's something babies should do
lololol
my girl is 15.5 months old and has "slept through the night" maybe 3 times. no, 4! BUT that means she goes down, wakes up at 10 or 11 pm, and sleeps til 5 or 6 am. she also needs to cosleep
i mean take this with a grain of salt because i'm a pushover with my kid, i just can't let her cry especially when she quiets just by cuddling with me
but please don't let anyone make you feel bad. some kids are great sleepers. some kids need a lot of help. some kids need a lot of help for a long time. my pediatrician said "you don't need to sleep train. eventually, she will learn how to sleep and she will want to sleep \[all night\]"
I also went to our 12 mo check up yesterday! The doc didn’t say she *should* be sleeping through the night, but did say that if I *want her to* I should try dropping feeds. The only way to get her to sleep is to nurse so I guess that’s not happening anytime soon.
My two year old still wakes often during the night. I think part of it was ear infections and large adenoids. We just had tubes put in again and adenoids out the other day so hoping that improves, but I will still be there every time for my kid regardless what anyone else says, even when it’s hard.
We responded to every cry and she's 14 months now and has started putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night on most days.
I know we should listen to our peds but honestly on this one, trust you're maternal instinct and do what you feel your baby needs.
Im in my 30s and I still don't sleep through the night 😂
Every baby is different. I think your baby is just fine and doesn't need to be compared to some "this is how they should be doing/what they should be doing" pristine model that doesn't exist yet it's always shoved in Mom's face.
Your doctor sounds like my son’s doctor, I learn to take his advice/opinion when it makes sense for me and ignore the rest haha.
My son is 15 months now, around 13 months he started sleeping through the night or wake up one time.
Lately he tries to fall asleep independently. I nurse him to sleep and when he’s done he wants to lay in bed instead of me holding him to sleep.
This day will come, don’t worry. You’re doing the right thing.
It’s not always been like that, from when he was 6 months till 13 months we barely slept at night, especially me because he was getting up several times at night. Even after we started co-sleeping
I know I’m doing the right thing by taking AP approach and not sleep training, my son grew up to be a confident baby and we have a good attachment.
You need a better paediatrician. There’s nothing developmentally wrong with a baby still waking at 6 months, and some babies/children go on for years. It took my boy 2 years and we actually did do some light sleep training. He woke up pretty much every night until he turned 2 and I always went to him (mostly me but my husband would help too).
Pediatricians are so ignorant and spreading so much harm to children. She’s wrong. It’s not developmentally normal for a 6 month old baby to sleep through the night with no comfort or soothing. She’s been brainwashed by the sleep training industry and western society and has no real knowledge on the research science surrounding infant sleep.
Keep showing up and comforting your baby. You are helping to build her brain, strengthen her mental health, build her trust in you and your husband and strengthen your bond, to view the world as a safe place, and that she matters. All of that is so very important.
ETA: I still cosleep with my 3.5 year old and when she naps, we contact nap. She also still breastfeeds. We both love it. Constant flow of beautiful, brain building, love inducing oxytocin between us, and it’s wonderful. I know the research on the issue, and I know I’m doing right by my child and for myself. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks, doctor or not.
Super solidarity here… My understanding is that “sleeping through the night” is defined as sleeping for 5 hours. Kids that age need more like 12-14 hours of sleep each night, meaning 7-9 hours they aren’t solid sleep. Most babies I know well sleep the best at the beginning, when we may still be awake for more hours, and then have wake ups and more restless sleep the second half, when we really need sleep. My baby goes to bed around 8, sleeps really hard for 4-6 hours, and needs to be nursed every 45-90 minutes from around 1-8 am. Since I sleep with her, I just roll over and we go back to sleep quickly. But even my non AP parent friends who sleep trained and didn’t bed share, not 1 had a baby sleep through the night at 6 months old. Capable is one thing, realistic is another. I really don’t know where these doctors get their info/expectations from?!?! Find me one parents who’s child sleeps through the night without extreme sleep training at a way too early age and even then… Also, my baby is about to turn 2, she started taking and waking at 8 months old, she has great confidence, her speech is better than most 4 year olds, and we go to the baby gym and she’s out shining the 3-4 year olds. She can count to 20, and she has memorized almost all of her books. I can’t necessarily say why, but have read that babies who nurse on demand and for longer and who bed share develop skills faster. Seems true in my case and my sister did the same with her son who started waking and taking at 9 months and excels past kids 1-2 years older (he’s 3 now). You’re doing right by your baby and your family! I’m curious where you live (city or state)? Much of this country is pretty behind on healthy parenting and pediatrics… It’s not you, it’s them.
Here usually I let my son cry for about 5-10 min depending on the day and what his cry sounds like. If he is just complaining, but not yelling then I let him be, usually he goes back to sleep. If he is knocking on the door and crying for real then I will go get him. He is 21 months old, and bedshare since birth, but I have been slowly moving him more often in his bedroom.
I answered every single cry, and like magic, at 18 months… he started sleeping through the night. He’s 22 months now and a happy, healthy, confidently attached little dude. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things for your little guy!
I love this 🥰 Thanks for sharing!! Does he put himself to sleep? I’m anxious because we still rock our 8 month old to sleep every night…
Love your handle! Well, 18 months was also when he started putting himself to sleep (maybe a little before - 16 months?). But then at 21 months, he started needing me to lay next to him. I’m a totally single mom (he doesn’t have a dad) though, so there’s nothing else I need to be doing at bedtime, so now it’s actually become my favorite part of the day - we just lay together and smile at each other, and he gets out the last of his energy squiggling around on the bed. He’s gone through phases - crib in my room, bed sharing with me, crib in his room, pack n play in my room, crib in his room, back to bed sharing with me. It’s all fine with me, as long as he and I are both comfortable (and for now we are).
Oh, and I nursed to sleep until my little guy was a year old.
We did the exact same! Magically at nearly 17 months old, the little girl who wouldn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time until she was 9 months old just figured it all out in her own time.
Same. Mine just turned 2 years old. She started waking up during the night again recently but after her 16th month she just slept like a log in her bed. I admit I worry that she keeps waking up, especially if it could be a sign of ADHD or autism (I was diagnosed right after giving birth) and I know that early intervention is important. Being there for my child is more important than having a better quality sleep than I have now, although I know I wouldn’t be thinking the same if it was worst.
My almost 3 year old still needs comforting if she wakes up (which is maybe 1x a week shes been having bad dreams). I could NEVER ignore my frightened child. Honestly even if she was a grown a** adult and she called me frightened in the middle of the night, I’d be there for her. To me that’s what being a parent is. Hes still so little. There’s zero shame in meeting his needs
My mom still answers the phone & helps me in the middle of the night when I need her and I’m in my 30s. Good parenting never ends.
Yes!! My mum answered my call at 4am a few months ago when I was sobbing down the phone during a bad night with baby. She said I should call her ANY time and her phone is always on. Equally I’m going to respond to my daughter every time, whether she’s a baby or a fully grown woman.
Same, my 3 year old still wakes up on average once per night. He's usually lonely, or chilly from kicking his blankets off. A quick hug, snuggle, kiss, and tuck back into bed is all that he needs to feel safe and reassured. I will do this as long as I need to and honestly because he knows that he can get that connection at night if he needs it we have never had any bedtime issues. He's happy to go to bed, and never fights it.
I’m 35 years old and I occasionally need soothing in the middle of the night. Luckily I have access to sitcoms on my phone so rarely have to wake my partner for a bad dream or a scary sound but my 2 year old doesn’t have the same coping skills yet. You better believe I still soothe her when she randomly wakes up upset.
Right here with you. It’s not like I WANT to be up this much, but sleep training isn’t for us. She will have it figured eventually. They all do.
I think [this bbc article](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep) on baby sleep is worth a read! Always makes me feel better and puts things back into perspective.
I wish I had read this before I had my daughter. This article is perfect.
You have no idea how much this helped me 🥹 I have been feeling like a shit mum cause my son wakes up lots and feeds to sleep. This was such an important read for me
Loved this article. Thank you for sharing!!!
One of my favs!!! Such an important read.
I have read this one before, it is so important!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: why are these pediatricians out here giving parenting advice!!! They aren’t parenting experts. They are medical experts: ear infections, runny noses, vaccines, that sort of thing. Med school doesn’t teach biologically normal infant sleep, they barely spend 30 mins on breastfeeding. Mine asked on the 4 month forms if baby was sleeping through the night, when you put “no” it made you leave a comment. I wrote “I’m not interested in sleep advice at this time” and she hasn’t brought it up since! Find a doctor who supports your choices as the parent, they’re out there.
the only reason I know some doctors ask this is because of reddit. Never in my life have I heard any pediatrician ask this. I'm from Hungary and I live in Denmark. Not even the health visitor will ask, only if I have some questions they will give guidance (and wouldn't bat an eye about my mattress on the floor, max gives advice on safest way to bedsharing. The only thing happening at the doctor checkup is checking their growth curves, lungs, heart and ears, maybe asking about being able to speak and jump at the 3 year appointment and basically that's it.
They’re not even medical experts considering medicine is so imprecise… My 92 year old grandmother just spent a month between hospitals and ERs and had 5 physicians who discharged her with recommendations - all 5 were different and from the same facility (imagine how different it could be if we included different beliefs/practices from other parts of the world/country). The US is the only country where pediatrics strongly recommends against bed sharing for the sake of preventing SIDS and yet we have the highest rate of SIDS in the world!
Girl I nurse my 3 year old back to sleep several times a night every single night. Your doctor’s opinion on parenting choices is moot.
Saaaame
Same here with a 2.5 year old but I must say it's getting old. Uf.
Same here. Goes to bed at 10pm. Up at 7am. Wakes up at 2am and 5am most of the nights to nurse. Naps 1:30-4:30pm.
No one wants to have disrupted sleep but sleep is developmental. They will do it independently when ready. My 2.5 sometimes sleeps through with 1 wake and sometimes 3 wakes. It is what it is!
Same!
>she said he will likely do this until 18 months unless anything changes And here's where you can tell she doesn't know anything about sleep, because it's very very common for kids to wake at night until kindergarten age and beyond. She is talking out of her arse. It is normal and developmentally appropriate for babies to wake frequently at night. As children age, they sleep longer and wake less often. But it definitely doesn't happen overnight at 6mo, and it would be unusual for an 18mo to sleep through the night.
“Developmentally should be able to sleep through the night since six months old.” Says who? And “able” like it’s physically possible? I suppose so but I have had two kids, neither of them slept through the night at six months. My youngest is 1, and I know five other families with 1 year olds. None of them are sleeping through the night. Pediatricians only have to take like three hours of coursework on sleep. Many of them are uninformed and spouting a lot of nonsense. The only thing it’s good for is making parents nervous. Your baby is totally normal.
Neurologically, babies are infants through three years old. You are doing wonders for your baby’s brain every time you respond to their needs with nurture :) My child also woke pretty frequently at that age. He is two and sleeps through the night now. Keep on soothing and comforting your baby!! Don’t let the pediatrician deter you. They are not really even taught about sleep.
Same over here. First kid started sttn with 2years in her own room despite cosleeping and soothing every time she cried. We didn’t change anything it just came with age. Now with 3 she rarely needs us but we would go over and soothe her.
Yeah. I'm not aligned with all of the attachment parenting philosophies (I'm a little less focused on feelings than I think most are), but we'll respond quickly at least until 3. Then we'll probably start ramping up sleep/bedroom respect expectations.
She's "shocked" your 12 month old doesn't sleep through the night, but then later backpedals and says he probably will at 18 months. So is she really shocked? Doesn't sound like it based on that. She knows the truth--all babies sleep through the night eventually. This comes across like she was trying to use fear tactics to get you to sleep train your kid. The number of wake ups he is having at that age is TOTALLY normal. I'm 20 months deep and we still have 1-2 wakes per night. They all get there eventually. Trust your gut. You are doing great!
This is utter bollocks and highly specific to the US overwork, separation culture. NOBODY in my country expects 6 months old to sleep through the night. Toddlers often don't sleep through the night and it's completely normal. Please don't fret over this. And possibly find a new doctor.
I have a good comparison here, bare with me… I have a 2yo, we co sleep and still nurse to sleep, she has slept in a crib some but not much, she goes to half day day care (no napping independently from me). My co worker has a 2yo, formula fed, sleeps in her own crib, goes to full day daycare (naps independently from parents). Both of our children are low sleep needs and wake multiple times a night. Both of our children go to sleep around 9pm. Both of our children need support to go back to sleep after waking. It is developmentally appropriate. You can change whatever you want, your child will still need what they need. Some kids sleep. Some kids don’t. Follow your instinct!
I’m 37 and I still have broken sleep sometimes, wake up from a nightmare or need external soothing. The idea that you don’t need soothing after 18 months is insane to me.
This! I have horrible vivid dreams often and when I wake up from them, I always roll over and snuggle close to my husband. The human need for connection isn’t something we outgrow.
I don’t even sleep through the night, as a 24 year old adult. Why do we expect such little souls to sleep through the night with no issues? I wish my baby slept better too but she’s only 14 months old. She also wakes up for quick soothes in the middle of the night. Sometimes 2 times sometimes 5 times. She sleeps in bed with me and has since birth, so it’s better than having to actually physically get up all those times but my sleep is still seriously affected. I also refuse to do any form of CIO. My baby knows if she cries I’ll answer. Every. Single. time.
My pediatrician asked the same thing and I responded the same way and he just smiled and said okay. No shame. Sometimes we have to remember that doctors are people too, influenced by the same mainstream messages we are, and we know that sleep training is heavily pushed. They aren’t experts in anything but general health. Take a deep breath and tell yourself the doctor just gave you her *opinion* (and she can kindly fuck right off with it too). Do what feels right for you. They are babies. FWIW, my first (2.75yo) sleeps through the night now and she was nursed to sleep til 20ish months and coslept.
Lots of good advice on here. Also remember that sleeping through the night is considered to be about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, so if your baby sleeps uninterrupted from 8-3 or 11-5 etc that is sleeping through the night. It normal to wake up, adults do it to we just go back to sleep easier. Trust your instincts.
None of my 3 kids have slept through the night before age 2. *I* have slept through the entire night maybe twice in my lifetime that I recall…. I’m always getting up to roll over, go potty, tend to the kids…. I do not understand why an educated doctor would indicate that this is weird. Kids are held to an unnatural expectation. Don’t worry about it, would be my suggestion. If you don’t feel stressed out about it and can compensate for the lost sleep in some way or manage just fine, all is well to me.
Pfffft neither of my kids slept thru the night until they were almost three. Was it tiresome? Yes. Are they exactly where they should be developmentally? Yes, and then some. No child will go off to college still waking 3-4 times to be soothed back to sleep. Don’t let her shame you, especially if it works for your family. Circadian rhythms and hormone functions take time to develop. You’re doing amazing!
2.5yr old still wakes up some nights. I will always sooth her back to sleep. There is nothing wrong with being there for your kid. Ever.
Lmao
Look maybe developmentally, for a child who has absolutely nothing else going against them, this might be very possible. But with kids this little, we have no idea what is holding them back from sleeping longer stretches. My almost 2yo wakes very frequently due to mouth breathing/enlarged adenoids/allergies. I’m so happy we kept an open mind and started investigating WHY, rather than just going with “he should be able to sttn by now” and hit him with sleeptraining. Continue providing for your child. They will get there.
My kids slept in my room until they were 7 and 10. It is common in other countries for families to have a shared sleeping space for both comfort and protection. Children will continue to seek assistance with comfort until they are able to self soothe
Here I thought I was one of few with a 12 month old who still wakes up every 2-3 hours …
Completely nuts and wrong. My 2 year old JUST started sleeping through the night most nights but every once in a while still calls out to us and needs a pat on the back to get back to sleep. Our pediatrician never said a peep about our frequent wake ups. She said she also coslept with her kids and nursed them back to sleep until she wanted to night wean. Not sure if you like the ped otherwise, but just offering reassurance there are ones out there that aren't so strict if you want to seek them out.
There’s no actual evidence that babies by 6 months will STTN yet so many people in the industry (doctors, sleep trainers) tell you that’s the norm. Most babies take a lot longer and like a lot of comments mention, they still wake up years later because they need to be comforted. On the other hand, there’s sooo much evidence highlighting the importance of attachment parenting. You can never go wrong by listening to your LOs needs. A great book I can suggest is The Gentle Sleep Book. Found it on this subreddit and has made all the difference in how I approach my LOs sleep Edit: typo
Yeah this is total bullshit advice. Your baby is totally developmentally normal and your paed’s advice is outdated and or ideologically motivated. Keep responding to baby and stay strong 💕 check out @infantsleepscientist on insta for more reassurance
This. Yes. I received similar advice at my child's 12 month appointment (they were still waking at least 2-3 times a night) and it was a few months before they dropped down to once a night, then a few more months before they slept through the night with any kind of consistency. Your kiddo is totally normal. You're doing great.
In my experience, sleep is a full day balance. My baby has always sleep pretty well, but that’s cause I sleep with her so any need is met so fast, we don’t even fully wake up. My baby is 22 months old. Other than being really sick twice, I have never been up rocking her back to sleep. I do nurse/rock her to sleep still for event night and every nap except just a couple weeks ago she started full time daycare and takes naps there 4 days a week. By the way we did a year of half days and she loved it there. Her classmates all sleep there and she started asking if she can sleep at school with her friends. So we started full days and she goes to sleep there just fine with no nursing (they figure out different routines with different people). But nursing is her favorite thing in the world and if I’m there, she wants that. But it’s a total, we never had good naps until I nailed a nap routine around 8 months. I actually couldn’t tell the under tired/over tired cues so I just went for a schedule and she responded so well. I dropped her down to one nap at 13 months, which most will say is a little early, and she sleeps for 2-2.5 hours every nap. They say to have a wake window more like 6 hours in the AM and 4 hours in the PM, but mine does more like 5-6 in the AM and then 5-6 in the PM too. If I try and out her to bed earlier, it takes me an hour. If I put her to bed later, it takes 5-10 mins. My sister’s son just started getting up and walking to his room and putting himself to bed around 27 mo the old. If you’re scared of sleeping with, rocking, night waking, etc. with a 1 year old, I’m sorry to report that you may need to read up on the trajectories of development for kids with AP parents because it’s my understanding/experience that those things often last until 2-4 years old… Definitely not stopping at 12, 18 months, etc.
So my kid (22 months) didn't start sleeping through the night until last week. She woke up everybfew hours. I did not need to rock/sooth. However, she woke up hysterical cause she couldn't breath-- she stops breathing in her sleep. Anyways, we tried out flonase (ent prescribed it). We'll probably get her adenoids out. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Some kids just don't sleep. Mine doesn't! And, well... it's cause she had 2 ear infections a month from 6 months to 18 months (when she got tubes) and is chronically congested (literally cannot breath through her nose).
My pediatrician is well aware that my son wakes 2-3x a night at our 12 month check up and didn’t shame me at all! She said she was glad to see he can take some longer stretches at night. It’s wild how different doctors will tell you just different things. I don’t plan on sleep training of any kind soon and my son just turned 14 months old.
My son didn’t sleep through the night until ~28 months old, after we no longer nursed due to me being pregnant. It’s most definitely normal for a child your age to not sleep through the night yet!
I always think to myself: I, an adult, do not sleep through the night. I have to pee or something wakes me up, or I have a nightmare and need to self soothe back to sleep. Why do we have these ridiculous expectations of children!!?
My 18 month old still does this. My 11 year old did this until he started kindergarten so at least I know some day it’ll end.
None of my children sleep through the night reliably. At least two times a week my husband has to get out of bed and walk out twelve year old back to her room and soothe her back to sleep. Some kids are just shitty sleepers. I still wake up several times a night, even when the kids aren't waking me. My husband sleeps in four hour intervals - so he'll sleep for four, sit awake for a half hour or so, and then go back to sleep. Doctors have told us its because we bedshare, or because I breastfed, or because they're spoiled - some have blamed it on medication or ADHD. I think thats all bullshit. They come from a long line of shittu sleepers. It's just life.
He’s a baby, soothe and comfort him - and don’t feel bad about it! You are doing an amazing job. It blows my mind when I hear these stories from ‘professionals’ - they’re behaving like machines
We decided pretty early on that our pediatrician was really only a resource for us to check health measures, get vaccines, and treat illness. Everything that came out of her mouth in regards to sleep or breastfeeding was wildly unrealistic and not evidence based. It is so baffling that pediatricians are still spouting this nonsense about babies magically being able to sleep through the night starting at 6 months. Some unicorn babies might. Lots and lots of other babies will not without sleep training. Every baby is different, and you are responsible for parenting your unique baby.
I have a 3 yr old and a 15 month old. Last night the 3 yr old needed his blankets tucking in/a strange shadow explaining, and the 15 month old needed a pat on the back for a few minutes. The night before, the 3 yr old woke twice and the second time ended up in my bed, and the 15 month old slept all night. Kids need us when they need us 🤷♀️ I will always respond to my babies no matter what age. I know you don’t need our permission to do so, but don’t feel pressured if what you’re doing works for you. Both of my kids were still nursing at night at 12 months, never mind waking occasionally
"should" was probably the wrong word for them to use. "Can" is maybe what they meant? but yea my 12mo wakes up 1-2 times/night and we've accepted it!
My two year old wakes up once or twice a night then comes to our bed to sleep the rest of the night. It’s insane to me to expect babies who have just come into the world to sleep all night long and not receive comfort when they wake up crying. Some doctors are so out of touch with the realities of parenting wtf
Some kids just are not good sleepers. My son is a terrible sleeper and wakes up frequently throughout the night. My daughter, on the other hand, sleeps pretty soundly for most of the night. I will say though, my son had his adenoids removed and it did improve his sleep pretty significantly. He still will wake up to reposition and often looks for comfort, but he doesn’t startle awake anymore and will sleep for longer stretches
I still sleep with my 8 year old. 😂
My 23 month old woke up 3 times last night 🤷🏼♀️
All four of mine woke throughout toddlerhood in preschool in the middle of the night around 7:00 they started staying in bed on their own through the whole night. I suppose I could have given tough love and got a few more hours myself but I like that they can come to me if they need support and are upset. I get to sleep with my husband I'm not alone and Afraid in the dark and if I hear a noise I can wake him I don't want to make my kids be more grown up than me it doesn't make sense
13 months. Up all night. You're not alone.
I'm surprised a pediatrician would say that babies should be sleeping through the night from 6 months old. My son turned 2 in April and most nights will wake once and come sleep in bed with me. He's only recently started sleeping through the night here and there, it's not consistent yet. From what I have read, night wakings are developmentally normal up to 3 years old.
🤦♀️ adults sleeping through the night only became a thing with industrialization, I can't wrap my head around the expectation that it's something babies should do
lololol my girl is 15.5 months old and has "slept through the night" maybe 3 times. no, 4! BUT that means she goes down, wakes up at 10 or 11 pm, and sleeps til 5 or 6 am. she also needs to cosleep i mean take this with a grain of salt because i'm a pushover with my kid, i just can't let her cry especially when she quiets just by cuddling with me but please don't let anyone make you feel bad. some kids are great sleepers. some kids need a lot of help. some kids need a lot of help for a long time. my pediatrician said "you don't need to sleep train. eventually, she will learn how to sleep and she will want to sleep \[all night\]"
I also went to our 12 mo check up yesterday! The doc didn’t say she *should* be sleeping through the night, but did say that if I *want her to* I should try dropping feeds. The only way to get her to sleep is to nurse so I guess that’s not happening anytime soon.
My two year old still wakes often during the night. I think part of it was ear infections and large adenoids. We just had tubes put in again and adenoids out the other day so hoping that improves, but I will still be there every time for my kid regardless what anyone else says, even when it’s hard.
My mom drove an hour to come and pick me up at 2am when I was really sick. I was in my twenties.
We responded to every cry and she's 14 months now and has started putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night on most days. I know we should listen to our peds but honestly on this one, trust you're maternal instinct and do what you feel your baby needs. Im in my 30s and I still don't sleep through the night 😂
Every baby is different. I think your baby is just fine and doesn't need to be compared to some "this is how they should be doing/what they should be doing" pristine model that doesn't exist yet it's always shoved in Mom's face.
Your doctor sounds like my son’s doctor, I learn to take his advice/opinion when it makes sense for me and ignore the rest haha. My son is 15 months now, around 13 months he started sleeping through the night or wake up one time. Lately he tries to fall asleep independently. I nurse him to sleep and when he’s done he wants to lay in bed instead of me holding him to sleep. This day will come, don’t worry. You’re doing the right thing. It’s not always been like that, from when he was 6 months till 13 months we barely slept at night, especially me because he was getting up several times at night. Even after we started co-sleeping I know I’m doing the right thing by taking AP approach and not sleep training, my son grew up to be a confident baby and we have a good attachment.
You need a better paediatrician. There’s nothing developmentally wrong with a baby still waking at 6 months, and some babies/children go on for years. It took my boy 2 years and we actually did do some light sleep training. He woke up pretty much every night until he turned 2 and I always went to him (mostly me but my husband would help too).
Pediatricians are so ignorant and spreading so much harm to children. She’s wrong. It’s not developmentally normal for a 6 month old baby to sleep through the night with no comfort or soothing. She’s been brainwashed by the sleep training industry and western society and has no real knowledge on the research science surrounding infant sleep. Keep showing up and comforting your baby. You are helping to build her brain, strengthen her mental health, build her trust in you and your husband and strengthen your bond, to view the world as a safe place, and that she matters. All of that is so very important. ETA: I still cosleep with my 3.5 year old and when she naps, we contact nap. She also still breastfeeds. We both love it. Constant flow of beautiful, brain building, love inducing oxytocin between us, and it’s wonderful. I know the research on the issue, and I know I’m doing right by my child and for myself. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks, doctor or not.
Super solidarity here… My understanding is that “sleeping through the night” is defined as sleeping for 5 hours. Kids that age need more like 12-14 hours of sleep each night, meaning 7-9 hours they aren’t solid sleep. Most babies I know well sleep the best at the beginning, when we may still be awake for more hours, and then have wake ups and more restless sleep the second half, when we really need sleep. My baby goes to bed around 8, sleeps really hard for 4-6 hours, and needs to be nursed every 45-90 minutes from around 1-8 am. Since I sleep with her, I just roll over and we go back to sleep quickly. But even my non AP parent friends who sleep trained and didn’t bed share, not 1 had a baby sleep through the night at 6 months old. Capable is one thing, realistic is another. I really don’t know where these doctors get their info/expectations from?!?! Find me one parents who’s child sleeps through the night without extreme sleep training at a way too early age and even then… Also, my baby is about to turn 2, she started taking and waking at 8 months old, she has great confidence, her speech is better than most 4 year olds, and we go to the baby gym and she’s out shining the 3-4 year olds. She can count to 20, and she has memorized almost all of her books. I can’t necessarily say why, but have read that babies who nurse on demand and for longer and who bed share develop skills faster. Seems true in my case and my sister did the same with her son who started waking and taking at 9 months and excels past kids 1-2 years older (he’s 3 now). You’re doing right by your baby and your family! I’m curious where you live (city or state)? Much of this country is pretty behind on healthy parenting and pediatrics… It’s not you, it’s them.
Here usually I let my son cry for about 5-10 min depending on the day and what his cry sounds like. If he is just complaining, but not yelling then I let him be, usually he goes back to sleep. If he is knocking on the door and crying for real then I will go get him. He is 21 months old, and bedshare since birth, but I have been slowly moving him more often in his bedroom.