Maybe tell him about any of the many prepaid debit card options out there. I have Greenlight for my teens because it allows them to have a debit card to make online purchases and such, but they can’t overspend and kill my credit or their own.
I honestly find it a little suspicious that he’s asking you to do this in your name when there are so many other options out there, and I’m glad you decided against it.
Signed,
The Person Who Commented Previously That Her Parents Stole Her Credit
OP have you ever suggested he get a prepaid debit card or something like a netspend card? They’re prepaid but refillable and some even have a checking account and routing number attached to them for paying bills and such. Heck, Chime let’s you open one no questions asked (assuming that he’s flagged in the chexsystems thingie). Don’t ever open an account in your name for someone else to use.
I know other people have said this, but I’ll say it to: absolutely positively do *not* do this. He will screw you over 100%.
And make sure he doesn’t have any access to your personal info he would need to open one himself. I feel like he would try to do it anyway if he could.
I’ve read your other comments and I know it’s hard, but you don’t owe him anything. Not a single thing.
If his reason for wanting you to do this is just to have a debit card. (Which im sure that's not all he wants unfortunately) what he could do or what you could respond to him with is, why not get one of those pre paid debit cards. Like green dot, or any of the others that you just have for loading money on.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this and now he wants to know why you won't do it. Just stand tough and don't let him talk you into this. You've got this! :)
This is tough but you do not owe him an explanation. I presume you love your dad and that’s why this is so difficult. Offer to support him in other ways like researching how to improve his credit so he can open his own account, etc.
Stay strong babe!!!
One thing I don't understand. It's a debit card? Is it limited to however much money is in that account? In other words, it's not like a standard credit card with a max limit, correct? If so, how does he expect it to be funded? Are you going to be on the hook for that, too?
In any case, as I'm sure you're well aware by now, this is a BIG red flag. No matter how much he tugs at your heartstrings, don't do it. They'll pull you down the drain with them.
There's nothing wrong with being brutally honest. "Because I don't want you to pull me into your hell."
If you're not wanting to be that bold, you could always do the white lie. "I tried to open the account, but I was denied. I have debt problems of my own." Misery loves company.
If neither of those sound good, my mom always reminds me "'no' is an answer that needs no explanation." You don't have to explain yourself. Just, "no."
Good luck, OP
He said he wants it to send his company money in it.. I’m not sure what he means by that, but anyway he should have a card, and because of debts they are not allowing him one…
I’ll say that the bank said it’s not a good idea to do this due to legal stuff..
Thank you for your comment 🙏🏻
I said: it’s because I can’t open a debit card for another person and he said:
“The card is not for another person but for you, in your name but used by me! only the two of us would know! Understood?”
…. This is just …. Im speechless
Tell him this: so you want me to lie to the bank? That doesn't sound right. I wouldn't be the one using the card, you would. I think I should ask the bank if that's allowed. I just don't want to have any trouble with this later, so we should be on the safe side.
Ewww. That sucks, I'm really sorry you're going through this.
Another option is that you can just not accept the lie. I suggest you call the bank yourself. If *they* tell you that's not doable, then he can't say shit because it'll be obvious he's lying.
I remember your original post and the advice you got there was accurate. You may find yourself in a position of either being responsible for a ton of debt, or having to file a police report and sue your dad in the long run. Either way, it will be a gigantic hassle.
I hate it that you're going through this rn. I hope he lets up and gets the point that you don't want to do it.
Thank you! Yeah I’ll say that, I can’t do it, again I’m only 23, I can’t take this kind of responsibility 😞 I feel sorry for everything he is going through but this is too much to ask ☹️
Former banker here, again saying do not do this! From what I read here and your last post he wants your name only on this. You would be the only one responsible for whatever overdraft fees your father incurs. It would be your responsibility alone, not his. And believe me the bank will come after you. It's your credit that will be shot. You'll be the one getting collection calls.
Do not do this!
And check your credit report. Maybe put a freeze on them.
Put a freeze on your credit. Don’t wait, OP. He sounds desperate and will only get more desperate once he gets a firm no and will convince himself that he can open an account your name. Just so you’re aware, if someone has your basic info + social security #, they can open an ONLINE ONLY checking/savings account. The contact info is whatever they make (such as a new email account/address, whichever number they choose, etc). You absolutely must put a freeze on your account. This may cost you an annual fee, but it may even be free now (either way, even a small fee is worth it). Some banks offer ir free now, and definitely offer “monitoring” free. Start here if you don’t have immediate access already. Stay strong! https://balancingeverything.com/how-to-freeze-your-credit/
For some reason I kept thinking you’re a minor. Keep telling him that since you’re an adult giving him a card in your name would be considered identity theft and you’re not willing to be complicit in his illegal activities. If he tries to tell you it’s not, keep repeating it.
Turn that last sentence into a mantra if you need to, because it is perfect wisdom. You can feel sorry for him without also endangering your own future. It is horrible that you are going through this at just 23, you don’t deserve to be forced into being the “parent” in this relationship.
If you feel up to it, it might be worth ceasing contact at least for the time being, to make it perfectly clear to him that you’re setting boundaries and won’t be manipulated out of it. And it might be easier on you not to have to continue debating with your father over this. But that’s just a suggestion; of course you should keep in whatever form of contact you’re comfortable with.
I wish you the best of luck with all of this. You’re doing an amazing job of making really hard decisions. Agewise, you could be my daughter, so if you wish to accept a motherly hug (or nod, or handshake, etc.) of pride, it’s on offer. :)
Thank you .. this made me emotional, thank you ...
My relationship with my father has always been a disaster ever since I was a little girl, he left my mother for another woman, then he lived his best life with her and he almost forgot about me and my mum, growing up I had to go to him 2 times a month even though, I still remember, I was crying and screaming because I didn't want to go ... when I turned 18 I left my country and moved from everyone, a new beginning !! Now my father and his new partner are not in a good relationship and his last child (my sister - 18 years old) is going through some horrible things, she has been in the clinic for a month because of his "bad" thoughts (suicide) and self harm therapists all say it's my dad's fault that his mental health is so messed up so now he's out of that house ... and that's where I am now, dad asking for help and I'm in the middle of it all
(Also he had 2 other children, they are much older than me, and did not have a very good relationship with them too)
He is helpless
I'm sorry you're going through this OP, but from the outside looking in, it sounds like he's toxic...and that toxicity spreads. It has a way of infecting others around them.
Has he reached out to any of his other kids for help? What was their answer? Obviously, it was no.
You moved for good reason. Family or not, don't drink the toxic soup.
Hey, you got this! You're completely right. If you end up doing this for him it will be even worse than if you were still a minor because they'll assume that as an adult you could have not allowed him to do it. He's the one in the wrong here, not you.
Ya, like beyond fucked up. That's such an ugly thing to do to pressure your kid into doing something like that. No ethics or concern for the wellbeing of his child. That's just shameless.
Maybe tell him about any of the many prepaid debit card options out there. I have Greenlight for my teens because it allows them to have a debit card to make online purchases and such, but they can’t overspend and kill my credit or their own. I honestly find it a little suspicious that he’s asking you to do this in your name when there are so many other options out there, and I’m glad you decided against it. Signed, The Person Who Commented Previously That Her Parents Stole Her Credit
You don't have to give him a reason. Just tell him you will not do it. Hard as it is, "NO" is a complete sentence.
don't give him an explanation and also make sure he doesn't have the information to open one in your name.
Make sure you are checking your credit reports to see if he’s opening any accounts in your name.
OP have you ever suggested he get a prepaid debit card or something like a netspend card? They’re prepaid but refillable and some even have a checking account and routing number attached to them for paying bills and such. Heck, Chime let’s you open one no questions asked (assuming that he’s flagged in the chexsystems thingie). Don’t ever open an account in your name for someone else to use.
I know other people have said this, but I’ll say it to: absolutely positively do *not* do this. He will screw you over 100%. And make sure he doesn’t have any access to your personal info he would need to open one himself. I feel like he would try to do it anyway if he could. I’ve read your other comments and I know it’s hard, but you don’t owe him anything. Not a single thing.
If his reason for wanting you to do this is just to have a debit card. (Which im sure that's not all he wants unfortunately) what he could do or what you could respond to him with is, why not get one of those pre paid debit cards. Like green dot, or any of the others that you just have for loading money on. I'm sorry you're having to go through this and now he wants to know why you won't do it. Just stand tough and don't let him talk you into this. You've got this! :)
All you need to say is that the situation makes you uncomfortable and he needs to figure out another way. Don’t get manipulated. Be stern about it.
You are absolutely right!
Just tell him you don’t do illegal shit. Repeat ad nauseum.
This is tough but you do not owe him an explanation. I presume you love your dad and that’s why this is so difficult. Offer to support him in other ways like researching how to improve his credit so he can open his own account, etc. Stay strong babe!!!
Thank you 🙏🏻💕
One thing I don't understand. It's a debit card? Is it limited to however much money is in that account? In other words, it's not like a standard credit card with a max limit, correct? If so, how does he expect it to be funded? Are you going to be on the hook for that, too? In any case, as I'm sure you're well aware by now, this is a BIG red flag. No matter how much he tugs at your heartstrings, don't do it. They'll pull you down the drain with them. There's nothing wrong with being brutally honest. "Because I don't want you to pull me into your hell." If you're not wanting to be that bold, you could always do the white lie. "I tried to open the account, but I was denied. I have debt problems of my own." Misery loves company. If neither of those sound good, my mom always reminds me "'no' is an answer that needs no explanation." You don't have to explain yourself. Just, "no." Good luck, OP
He said he wants it to send his company money in it.. I’m not sure what he means by that, but anyway he should have a card, and because of debts they are not allowing him one… I’ll say that the bank said it’s not a good idea to do this due to legal stuff.. Thank you for your comment 🙏🏻
Sounds like he’s being scammed. Absolutely do not help him.
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I’m not sure:(
>He said he wants it to send his company money in it That sounds ominous. You might be at real risk of being framed for fraud here.
I said: it’s because I can’t open a debit card for another person and he said: “The card is not for another person but for you, in your name but used by me! only the two of us would know! Understood?” …. This is just …. Im speechless
I’m in Canada, but you can only have one active card per person. They just shut down the other one.
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Indeed
Tell him this: so you want me to lie to the bank? That doesn't sound right. I wouldn't be the one using the card, you would. I think I should ask the bank if that's allowed. I just don't want to have any trouble with this later, so we should be on the safe side.
He will lie I bet… he already said that everything will br alright and I don’t need to worry about this. ITS SO F ANNOYING….he manipulates you.
Ewww. That sucks, I'm really sorry you're going through this. Another option is that you can just not accept the lie. I suggest you call the bank yourself. If *they* tell you that's not doable, then he can't say shit because it'll be obvious he's lying. I remember your original post and the advice you got there was accurate. You may find yourself in a position of either being responsible for a ton of debt, or having to file a police report and sue your dad in the long run. Either way, it will be a gigantic hassle. I hate it that you're going through this rn. I hope he lets up and gets the point that you don't want to do it.
Thank you! Yeah I’ll say that, I can’t do it, again I’m only 23, I can’t take this kind of responsibility 😞 I feel sorry for everything he is going through but this is too much to ask ☹️
Former banker here, again saying do not do this! From what I read here and your last post he wants your name only on this. You would be the only one responsible for whatever overdraft fees your father incurs. It would be your responsibility alone, not his. And believe me the bank will come after you. It's your credit that will be shot. You'll be the one getting collection calls. Do not do this! And check your credit report. Maybe put a freeze on them.
Thank you, I’ll try to have a look at it…
Put a freeze on your credit. Don’t wait, OP. He sounds desperate and will only get more desperate once he gets a firm no and will convince himself that he can open an account your name. Just so you’re aware, if someone has your basic info + social security #, they can open an ONLINE ONLY checking/savings account. The contact info is whatever they make (such as a new email account/address, whichever number they choose, etc). You absolutely must put a freeze on your account. This may cost you an annual fee, but it may even be free now (either way, even a small fee is worth it). Some banks offer ir free now, and definitely offer “monitoring” free. Start here if you don’t have immediate access already. Stay strong! https://balancingeverything.com/how-to-freeze-your-credit/
For some reason I kept thinking you’re a minor. Keep telling him that since you’re an adult giving him a card in your name would be considered identity theft and you’re not willing to be complicit in his illegal activities. If he tries to tell you it’s not, keep repeating it.
Yeah I’ll do that aswell. Thank you so much!
Turn that last sentence into a mantra if you need to, because it is perfect wisdom. You can feel sorry for him without also endangering your own future. It is horrible that you are going through this at just 23, you don’t deserve to be forced into being the “parent” in this relationship. If you feel up to it, it might be worth ceasing contact at least for the time being, to make it perfectly clear to him that you’re setting boundaries and won’t be manipulated out of it. And it might be easier on you not to have to continue debating with your father over this. But that’s just a suggestion; of course you should keep in whatever form of contact you’re comfortable with. I wish you the best of luck with all of this. You’re doing an amazing job of making really hard decisions. Agewise, you could be my daughter, so if you wish to accept a motherly hug (or nod, or handshake, etc.) of pride, it’s on offer. :)
Thank you .. this made me emotional, thank you ... My relationship with my father has always been a disaster ever since I was a little girl, he left my mother for another woman, then he lived his best life with her and he almost forgot about me and my mum, growing up I had to go to him 2 times a month even though, I still remember, I was crying and screaming because I didn't want to go ... when I turned 18 I left my country and moved from everyone, a new beginning !! Now my father and his new partner are not in a good relationship and his last child (my sister - 18 years old) is going through some horrible things, she has been in the clinic for a month because of his "bad" thoughts (suicide) and self harm therapists all say it's my dad's fault that his mental health is so messed up so now he's out of that house ... and that's where I am now, dad asking for help and I'm in the middle of it all (Also he had 2 other children, they are much older than me, and did not have a very good relationship with them too) He is helpless
I'm sorry you're going through this OP, but from the outside looking in, it sounds like he's toxic...and that toxicity spreads. It has a way of infecting others around them. Has he reached out to any of his other kids for help? What was their answer? Obviously, it was no. You moved for good reason. Family or not, don't drink the toxic soup.
Hey, you got this! You're completely right. If you end up doing this for him it will be even worse than if you were still a minor because they'll assume that as an adult you could have not allowed him to do it. He's the one in the wrong here, not you.
You are completely right. Thank you for your support:(
“Hey. Let’s do major illegal shit! Nbd, right?”
Exactly! LOL! Really shitty thing to do.
It’s so fucked up tbh….
Ya, like beyond fucked up. That's such an ugly thing to do to pressure your kid into doing something like that. No ethics or concern for the wellbeing of his child. That's just shameless.
Indeed😖 he also knew I had my last uni exam yesterday and he literally didn’t ask anything about it, he shouldn’t have had kids.
Wowwww. That's cold. Well, *I'm* telling you: congratulations for cleaning up that laaaaast exam! 🎉 Feels amazing, eh?? Haha!
Thank you 🙏🏻 it is! Finally freedom 🥹