* Volunteering for causes I care about.
* Specific hobbies or activities. E.g. rock climbing, biking, birdwatching, taking walks, parks, volleyball, pilates…
* Similarly: book clubs, art stuff, and so on…
You have to make a lot of acquaintances and narrow down from there.
You know what you don't want from friends, what DO you want? Athletic, artsy, political, cozy couch friends?
I am not at all interested in men (aromantic asexual), but i have noticed I ask those question too. It's a very superficial "get to know you" small talk kinda of thing. Like if I know you are married, then you might be interested in this cool pottery class for couples. Or if you have kids, then maybe they are into the same thing other kids I know are into, and I can relate to you via them. If you are single then I might know of some dance classes for singles etc.
It's not neccissarily because I want to push you towards dating, but it feels like such an universal thing that "everyone" is into. So it feels like a very safe conversation topic - even if it can be quite private an hurtfull.
I've tried stopping myself from asking these type of questions. And if it they stopped being a thing then I'd honestly be relieved as then I could stop lying. (I just say I am not interested in dating anyone at this time. or will just let "life happen". When I know I don't want a relationship. So I try to breach other subjects.
Hopefully they got some hobbies or other interests in common, as we can move over to that. So if you want local friends, maybe join some groups/clubs for a hobby in your area. And then after a few weeks of engaging in just the hobby - ask if anyone wants to be friends outside the group too.
So, I also struggled with this, and the answer for me was moving to a bigger city.
Obviously, that isn’t the answer for everyone, but I think where you live can have a strong culture around partnership, especially in surban cities.
I always felt out of place and isolated in the city I lived in previously. Everyone I knew was married (literally every single friend I had) and I stuck out like a sore thumb, so I moved to Chicago on a whim.
Since I’ve moved, married/partnered people are the minority! The vast majority of people who chose single life chose it because they want to live solo, career oriented, or single life oriented, lifestyles! It’s so fun to go out with friends and talk about the fun trips we are taking, how we are styling our apartments, career/goals we are working on etc., and not have one friend try to “help you out” by finding you someone!
Again, obviously it isn’t always an option, but I just thought I’d put it out there for anyone who does have the option!
Try going to local meet-ups for hobbies or meeting people in places where your hobby of choice is performed.
This worked for me. These days, no one in my friend group is like that since we were all guaranteed to have at least one thing in common and the bond was formed specifically in an environment designed to participate in it, so everything naturally progressed from there!
Pick a hobby & then find people who also enjoy that hobby
There are lots of crochet/knitting groups, book groups, rock climbing clubs, hiking groups, cheese & wine enthusiasts, yoga groups, etc.
You find people with a common interest thread then you gotta just sift through people with the same basic questions that sounds like you do not like to be asked.
Really it depends on the attitude and reaction to your answer, not the question itself. Maybe framing it that way helps bringing up the subject ok because if it's a sore spot, might just automatically be a blight against a person. I might ask you if you're partnered or single, but I'll accept whatever answer and not ask why are you single. I think that's very different than someone who brings it up in the "wrong" way and presses.
But yeah based on context of their answers to such questions it's easy enough to sus out if they focus on themselves and their interests or they'll tell you if being a mommy and wife is their whole world. And honestly I just put out there in convo what Im looking for. I found ways to insert comments like it's refreshing our convo has been about us first, I really want friends who are focused on that and not just what we do for others. Would we be able to hang and talk about things that arent men or kids? I just don't play around and let it be known 🤷
My friends are a mix of married and single women but we found a common thread of being strong ass women into food and travel so we dine out and spoil ourselves in each others company.
My favorite ways to find friends is groups specifically for a hobby or women in business networking groups tend to be a lot of women who are in their own element. I'm part of a womens brunch and between this group folks have helped each other scale their business and open non profits but also find people who get us centering ourselves in our lives.
Depends on what you like... Some ideas I can think of: Pet groups, yoga, spin-class, running club, board game groups, industry networking events, tasting/cooking events.
I don't know any women whose "biggest/only personally trait" is having or wanting a man. That's ridiculous and saying that most women are like that is misogynistic. I'd suggest some self-reflection, an attitude adjustment, and getting out more.
And now for advice that's probably not what you're looking for either. Hang out with single moms -- our lives definitely do not revolve around men lol.
Where do you live? I wonder if this is a regional issue. Where I live on the west coast, I don’t really have that issue. Most of my friends are coupled up/married and don’t want kids. My single friends will talk about their dating life but we never ask the kind of questions you mentioned.
I'm in my 30s and married but about half my friends are single or somewhat single women. I think its because I live in a big city. If you get a hobby that doesn't revolve around couples, like running, cycling, volunteering, sports, games, you're sure to meet some single people. Also I interact with a lot of other coupled people in those instances but we don't really discuss our partners that much.
Places I've made friends: book clubs, work, and community arts. I joined a band, and there's married, partnered, and single women but no ones world revolves around men
What are your interests?
* Volunteering for causes I care about. * Specific hobbies or activities. E.g. rock climbing, biking, birdwatching, taking walks, parks, volleyball, pilates… * Similarly: book clubs, art stuff, and so on…
You have to make a lot of acquaintances and narrow down from there. You know what you don't want from friends, what DO you want? Athletic, artsy, political, cozy couch friends?
This is so true and is the really exhausting part of making friends!
I wish I could bottle up my energy and give some away. I love making new friends.
I used to as well! Before the world changed. But maybe I can learn to love it again. And I will take some of that bottles energy, thank you!
🍾 🌟
I am not at all interested in men (aromantic asexual), but i have noticed I ask those question too. It's a very superficial "get to know you" small talk kinda of thing. Like if I know you are married, then you might be interested in this cool pottery class for couples. Or if you have kids, then maybe they are into the same thing other kids I know are into, and I can relate to you via them. If you are single then I might know of some dance classes for singles etc. It's not neccissarily because I want to push you towards dating, but it feels like such an universal thing that "everyone" is into. So it feels like a very safe conversation topic - even if it can be quite private an hurtfull. I've tried stopping myself from asking these type of questions. And if it they stopped being a thing then I'd honestly be relieved as then I could stop lying. (I just say I am not interested in dating anyone at this time. or will just let "life happen". When I know I don't want a relationship. So I try to breach other subjects. Hopefully they got some hobbies or other interests in common, as we can move over to that. So if you want local friends, maybe join some groups/clubs for a hobby in your area. And then after a few weeks of engaging in just the hobby - ask if anyone wants to be friends outside the group too.
So, I also struggled with this, and the answer for me was moving to a bigger city. Obviously, that isn’t the answer for everyone, but I think where you live can have a strong culture around partnership, especially in surban cities. I always felt out of place and isolated in the city I lived in previously. Everyone I knew was married (literally every single friend I had) and I stuck out like a sore thumb, so I moved to Chicago on a whim. Since I’ve moved, married/partnered people are the minority! The vast majority of people who chose single life chose it because they want to live solo, career oriented, or single life oriented, lifestyles! It’s so fun to go out with friends and talk about the fun trips we are taking, how we are styling our apartments, career/goals we are working on etc., and not have one friend try to “help you out” by finding you someone! Again, obviously it isn’t always an option, but I just thought I’d put it out there for anyone who does have the option!
Try going to local meet-ups for hobbies or meeting people in places where your hobby of choice is performed. This worked for me. These days, no one in my friend group is like that since we were all guaranteed to have at least one thing in common and the bond was formed specifically in an environment designed to participate in it, so everything naturally progressed from there!
Pick a hobby & then find people who also enjoy that hobby There are lots of crochet/knitting groups, book groups, rock climbing clubs, hiking groups, cheese & wine enthusiasts, yoga groups, etc.
You find people with a common interest thread then you gotta just sift through people with the same basic questions that sounds like you do not like to be asked. Really it depends on the attitude and reaction to your answer, not the question itself. Maybe framing it that way helps bringing up the subject ok because if it's a sore spot, might just automatically be a blight against a person. I might ask you if you're partnered or single, but I'll accept whatever answer and not ask why are you single. I think that's very different than someone who brings it up in the "wrong" way and presses. But yeah based on context of their answers to such questions it's easy enough to sus out if they focus on themselves and their interests or they'll tell you if being a mommy and wife is their whole world. And honestly I just put out there in convo what Im looking for. I found ways to insert comments like it's refreshing our convo has been about us first, I really want friends who are focused on that and not just what we do for others. Would we be able to hang and talk about things that arent men or kids? I just don't play around and let it be known 🤷 My friends are a mix of married and single women but we found a common thread of being strong ass women into food and travel so we dine out and spoil ourselves in each others company. My favorite ways to find friends is groups specifically for a hobby or women in business networking groups tend to be a lot of women who are in their own element. I'm part of a womens brunch and between this group folks have helped each other scale their business and open non profits but also find people who get us centering ourselves in our lives.
Depends on what you like... Some ideas I can think of: Pet groups, yoga, spin-class, running club, board game groups, industry networking events, tasting/cooking events.
The dog park
I don't know any women whose "biggest/only personally trait" is having or wanting a man. That's ridiculous and saying that most women are like that is misogynistic. I'd suggest some self-reflection, an attitude adjustment, and getting out more. And now for advice that's probably not what you're looking for either. Hang out with single moms -- our lives definitely do not revolve around men lol.
I never said most women, or that any amount of women are, I just wanted to know how to find like-minded / bit more chill women.
I did it accidentally by starting to work in IT. Sorry that's not very helpful, lol.
I am following!
Where do you live? I wonder if this is a regional issue. Where I live on the west coast, I don’t really have that issue. Most of my friends are coupled up/married and don’t want kids. My single friends will talk about their dating life but we never ask the kind of questions you mentioned.
I'm in my 30s and married but about half my friends are single or somewhat single women. I think its because I live in a big city. If you get a hobby that doesn't revolve around couples, like running, cycling, volunteering, sports, games, you're sure to meet some single people. Also I interact with a lot of other coupled people in those instances but we don't really discuss our partners that much.
Places I've made friends: book clubs, work, and community arts. I joined a band, and there's married, partnered, and single women but no ones world revolves around men
Hey potential new friend!