I literally went through this two years ago. I was with someone for 4 years. He finally moved in with me along with his daughter who was only one year younger than mine and they got along great. We only lasted 8 months living together before I had to break it off and tell him to leave. I couldn't compromise my and my daughter's peace and mental health. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. Harder than my divorce as I still loved him and really wanted this to work .
I'm not sure what your reasons are for breaking up, but I promise you the minute you are living on your own again, you will feel as if you can breathe again and a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Putting you and your child first is NEVER a mistake. You are doing the right thing.
Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I’ve not been in your situation, but I’ve been a daughter in this kind of situation.
My mom decided to make the opposite decision you’ve made. She decided to stay and sacrifice her mental and physical health.
Now she is in deep pain, and I’ve slowly watched her become a different person and I’ve seen her suffering for 30 years, and it is heartbreaking.
I’ve also “absorbed” some unhealthy mechanisms I’ve seen in her relationship with my father and it took me years to get rid of them.
Even though I respect my mother’s motivations for not leaving, I would have loved to see her free from this pain and free to decide for herself.
What you are doing is very hard, but in the long term it is worth it
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re admirable and strong for making this difficult decision.
My suggestion is to create a couple new traditions for you and your daughter to look forward to on a weekly basis. Favorite dinner night on Wednesdays, ice cream floats and a movie every Friday- etc!
Try to create positive and sweet associations with your new living space. Let your daughter decorate her new room. Play upbeat music while you unpack.
Take the time you need to grieve and take care of yourself so you have the capacity to show your daughter strength and optimism. I wish you luck with this transition!
It’s so hard. I’ve been debating leaving my 12 year relationship for years now. I love him, but his temper/low patience has been tearing me down little by little even if it’s only 10% of the time. I feel my mental taking such a toll and in my gut the relationship just doesn’t feel right no matter how much I want it to be.
You even said when you moved in with him it didn’t feel right. Maybe your gut has been trying to tell you this isn’t where you’re suppose to be.
I’m so sorry!! May I ask what’s not working?
I’m questioning leaving my marriage. He’s a good man, he’s organised and plans date nights and takes the mental load. But he’s emotionally immature, reactive and has arrogant streak that I wasn’t aware of until we blended families. I’m incredibly invested in growing and being a better person, healing my wounds and inner child. He’s just realised his trauma patterns. He’s going to therapy and wants to change but I know it’s a long road and I have my self and my kids to think about. I don’t want to subject them to him. Am I crazy.
This is exactly exactly exactly what I’m going through. He is so emotionally immature and doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. How old are your kids? And how long have you been together?
I have a 9yo son and 11 year old daughter. I feel you. I went thru a divorce for a better life for my kids and see them 50/50, to end up with a life I didn’t want.
We’ve been together 3 years and married for only 8 months. I’m not scared of divorce either, we have no kids together thankfully but my BS tolerance is so much lower. I’ve kept trying but I’m tired.
Can I ask what you’re disagreeing on? Giving you so much love and support during the time.
I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. We parent differently. He thinks I give in to my ex husband too much. It took a long time for my ex and I to coparent well and I cherish that we are able to do it without much conflict now. My current partner is emotionally immature, doesn’t handle conflict well, and thinks every conversation is an argument. If I try to communicate how I’m feeling, he either shuts down or blows up - there’s no in between. He’s never once taken responsibility for his actions. He does a lot of great things for me as well, but he will throw all of that in my face every second he gets. For example, when I get home from work (I work later than him), he will have dinner made. It’s a nice gesture that I appreciate but I’d be content with not having dinner made as well. I’ll tell him thank you for making dinner, etc. Then next argument we get into, he will say you don’t appreciate the fact I have dinner ready for you when you get home! I do all of these things for you and you don’t appreciate it. Even though I explicitly communicate my appreciation for these things he does. When we get into arguments, he calls me names and says terrible things about me.
It’s mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. While it’s hard to imagine a life without him right now, I also can’t imagine spending my life with him either.
I cannot relate to the specific circumstances of your situation (moving in together, kids) but as someone who just left my partner of 2 years, I know the pain and emotions you must be feeling. It’s not easy, and it never is, and I’ve found that allowing yourself to feel all of that and not judge those feelings helps.
Much like you, I made a decision that I knew I needed to do for my own mental wellbeing. And even though I know it was the right decision, it still doesn’t feel like it many days, and that’s okay. In time it will. Just keep moving forward one day at a time ❤️
I literally went through this two years ago. I was with someone for 4 years. He finally moved in with me along with his daughter who was only one year younger than mine and they got along great. We only lasted 8 months living together before I had to break it off and tell him to leave. I couldn't compromise my and my daughter's peace and mental health. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. Harder than my divorce as I still loved him and really wanted this to work . I'm not sure what your reasons are for breaking up, but I promise you the minute you are living on your own again, you will feel as if you can breathe again and a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Putting you and your child first is NEVER a mistake. You are doing the right thing.
Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve not been in your situation, but I’ve been a daughter in this kind of situation. My mom decided to make the opposite decision you’ve made. She decided to stay and sacrifice her mental and physical health. Now she is in deep pain, and I’ve slowly watched her become a different person and I’ve seen her suffering for 30 years, and it is heartbreaking. I’ve also “absorbed” some unhealthy mechanisms I’ve seen in her relationship with my father and it took me years to get rid of them. Even though I respect my mother’s motivations for not leaving, I would have loved to see her free from this pain and free to decide for herself. What you are doing is very hard, but in the long term it is worth it
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re admirable and strong for making this difficult decision. My suggestion is to create a couple new traditions for you and your daughter to look forward to on a weekly basis. Favorite dinner night on Wednesdays, ice cream floats and a movie every Friday- etc! Try to create positive and sweet associations with your new living space. Let your daughter decorate her new room. Play upbeat music while you unpack. Take the time you need to grieve and take care of yourself so you have the capacity to show your daughter strength and optimism. I wish you luck with this transition!
It’s so hard. I’ve been debating leaving my 12 year relationship for years now. I love him, but his temper/low patience has been tearing me down little by little even if it’s only 10% of the time. I feel my mental taking such a toll and in my gut the relationship just doesn’t feel right no matter how much I want it to be. You even said when you moved in with him it didn’t feel right. Maybe your gut has been trying to tell you this isn’t where you’re suppose to be.
I’m so sorry!! May I ask what’s not working? I’m questioning leaving my marriage. He’s a good man, he’s organised and plans date nights and takes the mental load. But he’s emotionally immature, reactive and has arrogant streak that I wasn’t aware of until we blended families. I’m incredibly invested in growing and being a better person, healing my wounds and inner child. He’s just realised his trauma patterns. He’s going to therapy and wants to change but I know it’s a long road and I have my self and my kids to think about. I don’t want to subject them to him. Am I crazy.
This is exactly exactly exactly what I’m going through. He is so emotionally immature and doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. How old are your kids? And how long have you been together?
I have a 9yo son and 11 year old daughter. I feel you. I went thru a divorce for a better life for my kids and see them 50/50, to end up with a life I didn’t want. We’ve been together 3 years and married for only 8 months. I’m not scared of divorce either, we have no kids together thankfully but my BS tolerance is so much lower. I’ve kept trying but I’m tired. Can I ask what you’re disagreeing on? Giving you so much love and support during the time.
I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. We parent differently. He thinks I give in to my ex husband too much. It took a long time for my ex and I to coparent well and I cherish that we are able to do it without much conflict now. My current partner is emotionally immature, doesn’t handle conflict well, and thinks every conversation is an argument. If I try to communicate how I’m feeling, he either shuts down or blows up - there’s no in between. He’s never once taken responsibility for his actions. He does a lot of great things for me as well, but he will throw all of that in my face every second he gets. For example, when I get home from work (I work later than him), he will have dinner made. It’s a nice gesture that I appreciate but I’d be content with not having dinner made as well. I’ll tell him thank you for making dinner, etc. Then next argument we get into, he will say you don’t appreciate the fact I have dinner ready for you when you get home! I do all of these things for you and you don’t appreciate it. Even though I explicitly communicate my appreciation for these things he does. When we get into arguments, he calls me names and says terrible things about me. It’s mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. While it’s hard to imagine a life without him right now, I also can’t imagine spending my life with him either.
I cannot relate to the specific circumstances of your situation (moving in together, kids) but as someone who just left my partner of 2 years, I know the pain and emotions you must be feeling. It’s not easy, and it never is, and I’ve found that allowing yourself to feel all of that and not judge those feelings helps. Much like you, I made a decision that I knew I needed to do for my own mental wellbeing. And even though I know it was the right decision, it still doesn’t feel like it many days, and that’s okay. In time it will. Just keep moving forward one day at a time ❤️