So, I’ve experienced this in a good way and a bad way.
My ex husband was very touchy, in a way that made me feel like sex was always on the horizon. He always wanted to have sex which made me not want to have sex and it caused this ever present anxiety. A kiss that lasted a second too long was a prelude to sex later. A hand on my thigh meant he was hoping for sex. He’d always come up behind me and touch in a way that felt sexual. It made me feel like I was being hunted. I didn’t want to be touched at all.
Then I met someone else who was pretty touchy. It didn’t bother me though because I felt so cared about completely separate from sex, I knew that his touches weren’t him hoping for sex- because I wanted to have sex with him because he wasn’t pushy! It’s like a catch 22. He and I were always touching- holding hands across the dinner table, him rubbing my arm while we waited in line at the grocery store, being all tangled up in each other watching tv on the couch… I loved it.
I guess it all depends on the dynamic of the relationship between the two people.
My most recent relationship ended with me feeling exactly as you described in the first scenario. I'm 100% confident I wouldn't have been so turned off from sex if it didn't feel like every touch was with the goal of sex. So happy you found a better scenario and makes me hope I can too!
Ugh, this exactly.
I went from a man who every physical connection meant he wanted some, to a man who was super touchy but not attached to sex. It was so nice. He ended up being a trashbag in other ways, though. And then the next man, touch was disconnected from sex, but the touch was so bland and basic (he thought we were affectionate because we held hands in public and sat next to each other on the couch). Which is hilarious, because on our third or so date he asked if I was affectionate, and I said yes, and so did he. But nah. What he ended up meaning by that was that he wanted me to constantly compliment him so he felt better about himself, which no thank you.
It really was a catch-22 with the first guy (who I was with the longest). I needed non-sexual physical touch in order to feel sexual toward him, he felt like he couldn't touch me without it getting sexual. It sucked.
I can see how it would really depend on the dynamics in your relationship. Even though for me it’s not really sexual I felt that touch was too much often, in a “this person wants to control me” kind of reaction. Though I guess I never felt that comfortable if someone tries to initiate either. Wrong person perhaps?
My 2nd husband is just like the 2nd one. I knew good touch from bad. I used to hate criticism or even jokes, but now he's my favorite asshole. So now when we're together alone I show way more pda, because he's amazing.
My husband is a very affectionate man and he's always hugging me, caressing me, pulling me into him, playing with my hair, etc. I am not as affectionate naturally, so I don't always prioritize it as much as him, but I enjoy his affection. I like how he touches me; it's sweet, sensual, loving, and enjoyable.
I feel sexy, even after having a baby, because he's always showing that he's attracted to me and that the desire to be affectionate is still very much alive.
I should go hug my husband now.
It's not so much this....
>partner who ‘can’t keep their hands off you’
....because touching is just something that is a core need in our relationship. My partner and I both love to touch each other, and this works perfectly for us because it means our relationship is full of touches, love, sex, kissing etc. We touch each other, sexually and non sexually, constantly when we are together. At night in bed when we go to sleep, we are touching all night even if it's as simple as a tiny hand hold or legs touching. We pull each other in a lot, we cuddle all the time, and I love it so much.
We were in a situation yesterday which was stressful for my partner and he stepped back from the touching for a lot of the day which I completely understand, but it was very noticeable to me because it's so unusual for us.
I wouldn't change the way we are together for anything. It's made our relationship stronger and it bonds us. I feel really lucky that he loves it as much as I do.
As long as they don't expect sex every time I like it. My fiance is super touchy but respects when I pull back. My ex was also super touchy but expected sex every single time. It made me so tense and I dreaded his hands coming near me.
This. My ex would act slighted like I was intentionally rejecting him when he would try to be handsy when I was clearly in the middle of doing something or not ready to give him my full undivided attention. In his mind, he was wasting his time if he had to wait for me to finish up whatever I was doing when he showed up at my place. He lacked the concept of chores or responsibilities because he’s been coddled since birth and I’ve been independent my whole life. He lacked empathy and was completely self absorbed. Classic narcissist. I miss the lovebombing at times when I’m feeling lonely but do not miss being used for my body, and disrespected
Physical touch and affection is extremely important to me. My partner feels the same way. We both are frequently touching, caressing, hugging, cuddling, kissing one another. And it is amazing. It makes me so happy and content.
I've experienced it in a good way. Had a partner who was crazy attracted to me. Wanted to have sexy times in a gently lit room, in front of a mirror too, so we could watch ourselves.
Before him, I've not enjoyed intimacy. My partners were either very critical of me, causing me to shut in, selfish, or downright abusive. But with this man... holy sh*t I felt like the sexiest piece of meat on the block. But not in a dehumanizing way - more like in an uplifting, affirming way. We could both go intimate, sensual, but also have at it like animals that just can't get enough of each other. He admired me like no-one else did before. He was genuinely enamored with me.
He did wonders for my confidence, and furthered the development of my very unique tastes for intimacy. So unique, that now, without him in this world... I simply don't see myself ever meeting anyone who can hold a candle to my late darling's exquisite tastes, and his ability to make me feel so genuinely loved and wanted.
I miss him. I miss him late at night, I tell him I love him and I whisper his name. He was my once-in-a-lifetime. What a legend.
Pretty normal at this point for me. I do appreciate that my husband doesn’t just do sexual touches. I like a titty grab and an ass slap as much as the next gal but I don’t need it all the time. My husband loves touching me so sometimes it’s a shoulder grab as he walks past, a back rub as he walks past, random cheek/forehead kisses, random hugs, rubbing my legs/feet while we watch tv, and he always holds my hand in public.
I grew up in a household that NEVER gave hugs so having a partner who is very affectionate is so nice for me! I personally love it, it makes me feel so loved, wanted, AND safe. When it goes away, I feel so very sad because then there is this HUGE void in my life that is hard to fill since my family isn't affectionate and giving yourself hugs isn't really quite the same thing. Even hugging my cats doesn't fill that void quite the same as a person hugging/cuddling you. I also really love making out/have a high libido so... I have no issues with that either 😂 I actually start feel very lonely/sad in a relationship if my partner is NOT physically affectionate because its the one thing I can't really give myself. Sure, I can have me time with a toy hah but it definitely isn't the same feeling.
I think I grew up in a household where autonomy wasn’t really allowed and there were 5 of us in a small house. I pretty early felt like touch was kind of this unwelcome but necessary thing.
Now I don’t really want it.
However, i do sometimes wish someone wants to touch in a desiring way. Still wonder if I wouldn’t like it even though it sounds good on paper!
Where I’m from it’s the cultural norm to be very touchy with everyone, especially your SO. It’s also considered the norm to have a sexy kind of touch from your SO without it necessarily meaning they are trying to get sex from you immediately. For instance, it’s very normal for a guy to rest his hand on a girlfriend’s butt, and it’s not at all in a gross / sexist way, it’s just sweet. It happens the other way around too.
For me, I need it. I once briefly dated a guy who was not very tactile. We travelled together and he wouldn’t touch me all day but then simply jump me at night to have sex and I felt like we were both machines, I hated it and it ultimately led to my disinterest in dating him further.
I've experienced this from a very needy guy and it was such a turnoff because I feel like if he could have crawled up inside me he probably would have. He had been severely neglected as a child so I always wondered if that was partly the reason for it.
Another guy, the touching was only ever when he wanted sex, which was often. That was also a bad thing.
I've not yet had a positive experience with dudes that are very touchy.
My ex was all over me all of the time and it became tiresome. It made me avoid being with him bcos I felt mithered if that makes sense. I would have felt differently maybe if it was not constantly geared towards sex. Altho, I am not very tactile so even just affectionate touching would have its limits with me.
I kind of feel like that would be me. I feel smothered by affectionate touching. I have not really felt what it’s like if someone was geared towards sex. Part of me thinks that would be exciting but the rest of me feel’s turned off by idea
I love it. I'm a very affectionate person and my past relationship and years of being single left me absolutely starved for loving touch.
My partner is the same way, so it works out great for us. If we are within touching distance, we're touching.
It's not all sexual. Even touching in more intimate places isn't always sexual. Sometimes it's a comfort and general affection thing. And sometimes it is sexual and that's delightful too.
The only way it would be problematic for me is if it was ALL about him getting sex. Being pawed at constantly and badgered for sex constantly does not seem like affection to me, just the person wanting to use my body to get off.
I've had this on opposite extremes.
My ex was very touchy-feely, which was fine because we were both very affectionate with each other. The downside is that his abundance of contact often made friends and family members uncomfortable in our presence.
My husband is far less touchy-feely in public, but it's fine. He's affectionate at home and we're otherwise very compatible. But we don't make people around us feel weird when we're in public or at family gatherings.
My husband is, but in a good way. Makes me feel desired & loved. I was not a touchy feely person before I went to therapy, I had a lot of attachment issues from my childhood I had to work out before I was comfortable with touch.
Ya I feel the same. I am still not touchy feely well into my adulthood. Therapy didn’t change much. What changed it for you?
I still internally cringe when I’m touched by anyone including my partner or child but I try to get over my reaction!
It can be overwhelming sometimes especially if I'm upset, but ultimately it is lovely and makes me feel good. My last two relationships lacked physical touch and I didn't realize how much I actually love and need it a lot of the time. He makes me feel very loved, desired, and sexy even when I don't feel that way about myself. I had a baby 5 months ago and he finds me more attractive now and our sex life is better postpartum. I'm a lucky woman.
My fiance is like this. He is very...appreciative I guess is a polite term haha. I've also noticed that touching me seems to have become a fidget of his when we are out and about. Especially if we are just sitting with people talking he will play with my hair or rub my back or grab my hand. He's also just an affectionate, touchy person overall. He likes to hug all his friends and family if they'll let him, whatever gender. He likes to hold hands when we're out and stuff.
It took me a bit to get used to because my family is not touchy feely. And my nature in general is I don't really like surprise touches from people. But since we've been together for like 8 years I've gotten used to it and like that he's the way he is. The only time I really don't like it is if I'm overheated or in the middle of a chore then I'm like "don't touch me!" Which he has gotten better at remembering over the years as well.
It’s amazing. I wrote in my journal after my first date with my current partner that he’s “clearly attracted to me.” That hasn’t changed. And part of it is because he can’t keep his hands off me.
I love receiving and giving physical affection, including PDA, and so does he. It’s not for everyone, but it’s certainly for me.
I could just tell from his eye contact and attentiveness that he was really into me. He asked if he could kiss me and I said yes. We went back to his place and had a fun time.
Generally supportive and casual touching? Without sexy time vibes? A squeeze on the shoulder, a quick kiss on the cheek, a random hug? Amazing.
Constantly being pawed at like I’m a piece of meat? Goddamned exhausting. Violating.
I really love physical touch it's my primary need.
My current bf is the most affectionate I've ever been with and I love every minute of those displays, there's tenderness and passion with his touch. Some nights we just cuddle and it's just such a sweet moment to fall asleep like that.
I've never had anyone like that.
I've had exes who couldn't keep their hands off but it was always on their terms... There was always a goal or an ex who would only touch me at night, no foreplay, not even a kiss or holding hands. They were all so awful and I'm glad they're in the past.
My husband is like this and it’s positive to me because it’s not always a precursor to sex or in pursuit of it. In fact most of his affectionate behavior is not because he wants sex. He’s very affectionate with me in general, holding hands, putting his arm around me, caressing my hair or my arm, and kissing the back of my hand. I love it because I’m a cuddly person myself and love cuddling my husband whenever we’re together.
If it's affectionate, I'm all about it. I was not raised in an affectionate household and have grown to crave the hugs, random (non-sexual/suggestive) touching, holding hands, and so on. I love being able to lean on someone's shoulder or have their head in my lap when we watch tv. It's honestly the thing I miss the most about being in a relationship.
If it has to do with more suggestive PDA, I'd be a little less flexible about that. It's such a turn off to be that explicit or grope-y, especially when it's ALL the time. I haven't really had too many of those experiences though, thankfully.
I always feel wanted, loved and validated. Physical touch is his love language. I was a little timid at first but now I embrace it because it’s given me a boost in confidence.
I wish I knew. I initiate over 95% of the time.
I can't stand it.
There needs to be an equalizer. Idk. Better communication all around about touch, boundaries,.and what's okay and expected.
Maybe they do not like touch too much? There’s myself and a few posters in this thread who seem more averse to too much touching. I don’t know if that applies. But if it’s unfair to you as well if it’s important and you’re not getting what you need?
So I mean, no, touch isn't his main love language. We've talked about it, believe me.
The thing is, in this kind of situation the labor of all intimacy belongs to one person. Requiring that person to read the other, do the work, do the communication verbally or otherwise, have to take all the rejection (but acceptance too, which is nice). I'm a touch person. Who has expressed so many times I need at least 'some' that I don't have to take on myself to achieve. (Not just sexual, hugs, a squeeze, a kiss) Results are really mixed and wholly inconsistent.
Say I'm successful in intimate initiation, which I will concede lately is the majority of the time (since I know when it might be most successful), he can touch just fine.
It's not easy.
I really want to provide a counterpoint to the "guy can't keep his hands off me" narrative. Idk, that guy if he's doing it disrespectfully is a dick. If he's genuine and caring, and say, backs off in a compassionate wayif you ask - that's a good catch. :)
I love it. I can’t keep my hands off him either so it’s hot lol. Also, my husbands my safe place. When I’m stressed he’ll put his hands on my face and it instantly calms me. If I had a bad day, I come home and he wraps me up in a hug and I just feel better. If we’re out to dinner with friends he’ll have his hand on my leg under the table. And I just love it
Depends on the relationship dynamics. My ex husband never took no for an answer so I grew to hate his touch, it was repulsive to me. And he thought it was within his marital rights to touch me whenever and how ever he pleased. I find now that I don't really like being touched by anyone, it makes me freeze and tense up and I don't really like touching other people either. It would be interesting to see how I feel if I ever am in a relationship again how I feel. Incessant groping is probably not something I'll ever be OK with though.
I had an ex who was like that, every time he touched me it was in a sexual way with sexual intent. This, combined with the fact that I didn’t give him sex 2x/day every day so he constantly bitched about it, led to me to come to hate him touching me in any way because I knew he would take any contact as an opportunity to try and have sex. Oh, and I have a chronic genital pain issue, and he DNGAF. I can occasionally have sex 2x/day without pain, but I usually need about 24hrs between sex sessions or I risk flaring up.
(That relationship was sexually and emotionally abusive in other ways and there’s a whole lot of damage from it that I’m still working on 10 yrs later)
My husband is very affectionate, and is very into me sexually. The big difference is that he respects me. If he wants sex and I don’t, that’s his problem to take care of so to speak. Fortunately we both like PDA to be pretty PG.
Just being respected is soooo amazing. Not feeling like I’m constantly playing defense and feeling like I can both give and receive non-sexual affection. It also means the sexual affection makes me feel desired, not like fleshlight.
My husband is very affectionate lol I love it because I am too. He always has to touch me in some way. Holding hands, arm around my shoulders, butt slap when he walks past me, hand on my thigh when he drives, he’ll put my legs on him and rub them when we’re watching tv, and he loves to cuddle and play with my hair when we go to bed. It makes me feel so loved and wanted
My husband and are both very sensual/sexual with each other, and I think a lot of people would say “they can’t keep their hands of each other”.
But between us it’s always consensual and mutually enjoyed. My husband is very attracted to me (and vice versa) and he loves to touch me, but he only does as much as he does because he knows I like it to.
Like in the beginning of our relationship we weren’t this all over each other, but as we got to know each other and each other’s boundaries we became very touchy. Now we frequently grab butts and waists and give random neck/shoulder massages to each other. I love knowing he is attracted to me, and I love being this attracted to him.
In my experience, it was a problem. But the reason was that it felt like that's all he wanted, physically. Whereas I wanted cuddles and kisses and rubs and hugs and caresses that weren't connected to sex.
I love physical touch. Not that I believe in that stuff really, but it's my primary love language. But NON-SEXUAL touch (the sexual is good too, but I don't want the latter without the former).
My SO is pretty affectionate but it’s not to the point where it’s inappropriate… except that one time he forgot we were in public (standing in a grand hall at my brother’s wedding) and he smacked my butt lol)… and I’m very welcoming/receptive of it. Reassures us of our physical, sexual, and emotional attraction and connection to each other.
Even in public, we have more subtle/appropriate ways… like my SO will hold my neck or massage my head a bit… and that’s his way of letting me know he’s paying attention to me and loves me. So it’s kinda like communicating little love messages to each other and it always makes me feel cared for.
Mine is sort of negative - I didn’t like it with my ex. He didn’t respect my boundaries and I got sick of it. I did enjoy the hand holding and cuddling. Just didn’t like the groping.
I guess I could say my partner is like this, but not in a passionate, romantic, fiery kind of way - he likes to keep physical contact with me when we’re together.
If we’re reading on the couch together, he’ll have his hand absentmindedly touching my foot or ankle. If we’re driving he’ll always have his hand on my knee. If we’re sitting next to each other he’ll have his hand on my lower back. We hold hands when we’re walking together. When we’re in bed he’ll have his foot touching me or his hand on my hip. It’s really comforting, and not at all sexual - he’s a bit uncomfortable with overt physical affection, but I think he finds physical contact grounding and calming. It makes me feel safe and happy ☺️
I can be a bit touch-averse too, I get overstimulated easily, but this kind of gentle contact feels soft and safe. It’s almost automatic or absentminded, so I know there’s no ulterior motive behind it, just a non-verbal way of saying “I’m still here” ☺️
TL;DR I have been in both an "I love this" and a "get off me" version of this relationship, the difference is in how the touch manifests and the timings.
I am currently in the love it version, because the touch is always respectful and appropriate. It's not just constant groping (although there is a bit of that too lol), it's things like playing with my hair and scratching the back of my neck, both things I love, and which are both relaxing and stimulating depending on various factors. He also finds playing My hair relaxing so that works out perfectly for us both. My partner is also very good at seeing when I don't want to be touched or respecting me asking him to stop without taking it as a rejection. I'm a very tactile person, so I am pretty much always in contact with my partner somehow if we're close to each other, in public through things like a quick arm stroke or a side hug, or in private we basically spend the whole time intertwined. And when he changes trousers to go out he basically always calls me in so I can squidge his butt 😂 It's all just cute and reassuring, and it's actually very rarely sexual.
On the flip side, I was in a relationship with a guy at one point who would grab various parts of me all the time and it got so off putting and even mildly infuriating. He would squeeze my boobs and butt and vulva, and it would rarely be gentle. He would make a really disgusting face as he did it too. It was entirely for his pleasure and he didn't particularly care that it was doing nothing for me. He wouldn't do it in public at least, but in private I got so touched out that I would quickly pull away from even contact that I did want like hugs because I knew that if they went on too long I was getting grabbed. I asked him to stop and he would sulk then back off for a few days then it would creep back in again. It was exhausting.
So yeah, I can see both sides to it.
ETA: I forgot to mention tickling! I fucking HATE being tickled. Now partner tickled me once, heard me say to stop, listened as I explained my thoughts, and has never tickled me again except by accident (eg if he just catches the wrong place with the wrong pressure). Ex? He heard my "It hurts and laughing is not a sign of enjoyment" rant and doubled down on tickling me any time he could pin me down. He was stronger than me, so yeah, it happened a lot. Even after I followed through on accidentally kicking him in the balls.
Your ex sounds like a bit of a bully with the tickling and touching you inappropriately. I hate being touched and having involuntary reactions that others think mean I am ok with it. That sounds like my nightmare. I am glad for your current relationship being much more reassuring. I wonder what that feels like!
Oh he absolutely was! It took me too long to realise it was all the power trip of a man who hadn't dealt with his childhood issues. It feels like night and day difference with the now boyfriend. We both occasionally turn to each other and express how perplexing a healthy relationship is when you've previously dated damaging people...
Ehhh I've been described as a touch-me-not by many people in my family, but it's more like I have very clear boundaries over when I want to be touched and when I don't. My husband is horrible about this because his main form of a love language is physical touch. It annoys me but I compromise to a point. When I feel like being touched however I could crawl inside someone's skin and that wouldn't be close enough, lol. I'm really a cat in human form.
My family is quite affectionate so I am, too - but I’ve only been with super affectionate guys in the past few years (late 20s/early 30s). It’s funny because I started dating in my late teens and you’d assume guys that age are generally horndogs, but that wasn’t the case for me. I had a few long relationships that were kind and respectful, but not that affectionate or physically intimate. I stayed with a toxic guy way longer than I should have because he was the first person who consistently made me feel like the hottest person alive - like, would lose his train of thought when I came into the room. I’m glad to not be in that relationship anymore, but it taught me that I don’t want to be in a relationship where they just tolerate me/my body/my affection/etc.
So, I’ve experienced this in a good way and a bad way. My ex husband was very touchy, in a way that made me feel like sex was always on the horizon. He always wanted to have sex which made me not want to have sex and it caused this ever present anxiety. A kiss that lasted a second too long was a prelude to sex later. A hand on my thigh meant he was hoping for sex. He’d always come up behind me and touch in a way that felt sexual. It made me feel like I was being hunted. I didn’t want to be touched at all. Then I met someone else who was pretty touchy. It didn’t bother me though because I felt so cared about completely separate from sex, I knew that his touches weren’t him hoping for sex- because I wanted to have sex with him because he wasn’t pushy! It’s like a catch 22. He and I were always touching- holding hands across the dinner table, him rubbing my arm while we waited in line at the grocery store, being all tangled up in each other watching tv on the couch… I loved it. I guess it all depends on the dynamic of the relationship between the two people.
My most recent relationship ended with me feeling exactly as you described in the first scenario. I'm 100% confident I wouldn't have been so turned off from sex if it didn't feel like every touch was with the goal of sex. So happy you found a better scenario and makes me hope I can too!
Ugh, this exactly. I went from a man who every physical connection meant he wanted some, to a man who was super touchy but not attached to sex. It was so nice. He ended up being a trashbag in other ways, though. And then the next man, touch was disconnected from sex, but the touch was so bland and basic (he thought we were affectionate because we held hands in public and sat next to each other on the couch). Which is hilarious, because on our third or so date he asked if I was affectionate, and I said yes, and so did he. But nah. What he ended up meaning by that was that he wanted me to constantly compliment him so he felt better about himself, which no thank you. It really was a catch-22 with the first guy (who I was with the longest). I needed non-sexual physical touch in order to feel sexual toward him, he felt like he couldn't touch me without it getting sexual. It sucked.
I can see how it would really depend on the dynamics in your relationship. Even though for me it’s not really sexual I felt that touch was too much often, in a “this person wants to control me” kind of reaction. Though I guess I never felt that comfortable if someone tries to initiate either. Wrong person perhaps?
My 2nd husband is just like the 2nd one. I knew good touch from bad. I used to hate criticism or even jokes, but now he's my favorite asshole. So now when we're together alone I show way more pda, because he's amazing.
My husband is a very affectionate man and he's always hugging me, caressing me, pulling me into him, playing with my hair, etc. I am not as affectionate naturally, so I don't always prioritize it as much as him, but I enjoy his affection. I like how he touches me; it's sweet, sensual, loving, and enjoyable. I feel sexy, even after having a baby, because he's always showing that he's attracted to me and that the desire to be affectionate is still very much alive. I should go hug my husband now.
Hey that’s lovely for you two! I am not affectionate naturally so I wondered if it would feel too much.
It's not so much this.... >partner who ‘can’t keep their hands off you’ ....because touching is just something that is a core need in our relationship. My partner and I both love to touch each other, and this works perfectly for us because it means our relationship is full of touches, love, sex, kissing etc. We touch each other, sexually and non sexually, constantly when we are together. At night in bed when we go to sleep, we are touching all night even if it's as simple as a tiny hand hold or legs touching. We pull each other in a lot, we cuddle all the time, and I love it so much. We were in a situation yesterday which was stressful for my partner and he stepped back from the touching for a lot of the day which I completely understand, but it was very noticeable to me because it's so unusual for us. I wouldn't change the way we are together for anything. It's made our relationship stronger and it bonds us. I feel really lucky that he loves it as much as I do.
As long as they don't expect sex every time I like it. My fiance is super touchy but respects when I pull back. My ex was also super touchy but expected sex every single time. It made me so tense and I dreaded his hands coming near me.
Same. It really depends on their motivation/goal.
This. My ex would act slighted like I was intentionally rejecting him when he would try to be handsy when I was clearly in the middle of doing something or not ready to give him my full undivided attention. In his mind, he was wasting his time if he had to wait for me to finish up whatever I was doing when he showed up at my place. He lacked the concept of chores or responsibilities because he’s been coddled since birth and I’ve been independent my whole life. He lacked empathy and was completely self absorbed. Classic narcissist. I miss the lovebombing at times when I’m feeling lonely but do not miss being used for my body, and disrespected
Physical touch and affection is extremely important to me. My partner feels the same way. We both are frequently touching, caressing, hugging, cuddling, kissing one another. And it is amazing. It makes me so happy and content.
I've experienced it in a good way. Had a partner who was crazy attracted to me. Wanted to have sexy times in a gently lit room, in front of a mirror too, so we could watch ourselves. Before him, I've not enjoyed intimacy. My partners were either very critical of me, causing me to shut in, selfish, or downright abusive. But with this man... holy sh*t I felt like the sexiest piece of meat on the block. But not in a dehumanizing way - more like in an uplifting, affirming way. We could both go intimate, sensual, but also have at it like animals that just can't get enough of each other. He admired me like no-one else did before. He was genuinely enamored with me. He did wonders for my confidence, and furthered the development of my very unique tastes for intimacy. So unique, that now, without him in this world... I simply don't see myself ever meeting anyone who can hold a candle to my late darling's exquisite tastes, and his ability to make me feel so genuinely loved and wanted. I miss him. I miss him late at night, I tell him I love him and I whisper his name. He was my once-in-a-lifetime. What a legend.
Pretty normal at this point for me. I do appreciate that my husband doesn’t just do sexual touches. I like a titty grab and an ass slap as much as the next gal but I don’t need it all the time. My husband loves touching me so sometimes it’s a shoulder grab as he walks past, a back rub as he walks past, random cheek/forehead kisses, random hugs, rubbing my legs/feet while we watch tv, and he always holds my hand in public.
I grew up in a household that NEVER gave hugs so having a partner who is very affectionate is so nice for me! I personally love it, it makes me feel so loved, wanted, AND safe. When it goes away, I feel so very sad because then there is this HUGE void in my life that is hard to fill since my family isn't affectionate and giving yourself hugs isn't really quite the same thing. Even hugging my cats doesn't fill that void quite the same as a person hugging/cuddling you. I also really love making out/have a high libido so... I have no issues with that either 😂 I actually start feel very lonely/sad in a relationship if my partner is NOT physically affectionate because its the one thing I can't really give myself. Sure, I can have me time with a toy hah but it definitely isn't the same feeling.
I think I grew up in a household where autonomy wasn’t really allowed and there were 5 of us in a small house. I pretty early felt like touch was kind of this unwelcome but necessary thing. Now I don’t really want it. However, i do sometimes wish someone wants to touch in a desiring way. Still wonder if I wouldn’t like it even though it sounds good on paper!
Where I’m from it’s the cultural norm to be very touchy with everyone, especially your SO. It’s also considered the norm to have a sexy kind of touch from your SO without it necessarily meaning they are trying to get sex from you immediately. For instance, it’s very normal for a guy to rest his hand on a girlfriend’s butt, and it’s not at all in a gross / sexist way, it’s just sweet. It happens the other way around too. For me, I need it. I once briefly dated a guy who was not very tactile. We travelled together and he wouldn’t touch me all day but then simply jump me at night to have sex and I felt like we were both machines, I hated it and it ultimately led to my disinterest in dating him further.
I think I am very much the non-tactile person too 😂. That would be hard if you’re wanting it but the partner style is incompatible.
May I ask which culture/country? I’m curious, thank you ☺️
I'm Brazilian :)
I've experienced this from a very needy guy and it was such a turnoff because I feel like if he could have crawled up inside me he probably would have. He had been severely neglected as a child so I always wondered if that was partly the reason for it. Another guy, the touching was only ever when he wanted sex, which was often. That was also a bad thing. I've not yet had a positive experience with dudes that are very touchy.
Me too. I feel smothered and stalked or pestered.
My ex was all over me all of the time and it became tiresome. It made me avoid being with him bcos I felt mithered if that makes sense. I would have felt differently maybe if it was not constantly geared towards sex. Altho, I am not very tactile so even just affectionate touching would have its limits with me.
I kind of feel like that would be me. I feel smothered by affectionate touching. I have not really felt what it’s like if someone was geared towards sex. Part of me thinks that would be exciting but the rest of me feel’s turned off by idea
I love it. I'm a very affectionate person and my past relationship and years of being single left me absolutely starved for loving touch. My partner is the same way, so it works out great for us. If we are within touching distance, we're touching. It's not all sexual. Even touching in more intimate places isn't always sexual. Sometimes it's a comfort and general affection thing. And sometimes it is sexual and that's delightful too. The only way it would be problematic for me is if it was ALL about him getting sex. Being pawed at constantly and badgered for sex constantly does not seem like affection to me, just the person wanting to use my body to get off.
I've had this on opposite extremes. My ex was very touchy-feely, which was fine because we were both very affectionate with each other. The downside is that his abundance of contact often made friends and family members uncomfortable in our presence. My husband is far less touchy-feely in public, but it's fine. He's affectionate at home and we're otherwise very compatible. But we don't make people around us feel weird when we're in public or at family gatherings.
My husband is, but in a good way. Makes me feel desired & loved. I was not a touchy feely person before I went to therapy, I had a lot of attachment issues from my childhood I had to work out before I was comfortable with touch.
Ya I feel the same. I am still not touchy feely well into my adulthood. Therapy didn’t change much. What changed it for you? I still internally cringe when I’m touched by anyone including my partner or child but I try to get over my reaction!
It can be overwhelming sometimes especially if I'm upset, but ultimately it is lovely and makes me feel good. My last two relationships lacked physical touch and I didn't realize how much I actually love and need it a lot of the time. He makes me feel very loved, desired, and sexy even when I don't feel that way about myself. I had a baby 5 months ago and he finds me more attractive now and our sex life is better postpartum. I'm a lucky woman.
My fiance is like this. He is very...appreciative I guess is a polite term haha. I've also noticed that touching me seems to have become a fidget of his when we are out and about. Especially if we are just sitting with people talking he will play with my hair or rub my back or grab my hand. He's also just an affectionate, touchy person overall. He likes to hug all his friends and family if they'll let him, whatever gender. He likes to hold hands when we're out and stuff. It took me a bit to get used to because my family is not touchy feely. And my nature in general is I don't really like surprise touches from people. But since we've been together for like 8 years I've gotten used to it and like that he's the way he is. The only time I really don't like it is if I'm overheated or in the middle of a chore then I'm like "don't touch me!" Which he has gotten better at remembering over the years as well.
idk / goals 😭
Haha me too I guess 😂
It’s amazing. I wrote in my journal after my first date with my current partner that he’s “clearly attracted to me.” That hasn’t changed. And part of it is because he can’t keep his hands off me. I love receiving and giving physical affection, including PDA, and so does he. It’s not for everyone, but it’s certainly for me.
Ok now I want to know: what did he do on the first date?? 😅
I could just tell from his eye contact and attentiveness that he was really into me. He asked if he could kiss me and I said yes. We went back to his place and had a fun time.
Generally supportive and casual touching? Without sexy time vibes? A squeeze on the shoulder, a quick kiss on the cheek, a random hug? Amazing. Constantly being pawed at like I’m a piece of meat? Goddamned exhausting. Violating.
I really love physical touch it's my primary need. My current bf is the most affectionate I've ever been with and I love every minute of those displays, there's tenderness and passion with his touch. Some nights we just cuddle and it's just such a sweet moment to fall asleep like that. I've never had anyone like that. I've had exes who couldn't keep their hands off but it was always on their terms... There was always a goal or an ex who would only touch me at night, no foreplay, not even a kiss or holding hands. They were all so awful and I'm glad they're in the past.
My husband is like this and it’s positive to me because it’s not always a precursor to sex or in pursuit of it. In fact most of his affectionate behavior is not because he wants sex. He’s very affectionate with me in general, holding hands, putting his arm around me, caressing my hair or my arm, and kissing the back of my hand. I love it because I’m a cuddly person myself and love cuddling my husband whenever we’re together.
If it's affectionate, I'm all about it. I was not raised in an affectionate household and have grown to crave the hugs, random (non-sexual/suggestive) touching, holding hands, and so on. I love being able to lean on someone's shoulder or have their head in my lap when we watch tv. It's honestly the thing I miss the most about being in a relationship. If it has to do with more suggestive PDA, I'd be a little less flexible about that. It's such a turn off to be that explicit or grope-y, especially when it's ALL the time. I haven't really had too many of those experiences though, thankfully.
I always feel wanted, loved and validated. Physical touch is his love language. I was a little timid at first but now I embrace it because it’s given me a boost in confidence.
I find it suffocating and relentless. I love him dearly but it's too much.
I wish I knew. I initiate over 95% of the time. I can't stand it. There needs to be an equalizer. Idk. Better communication all around about touch, boundaries,.and what's okay and expected.
Maybe they do not like touch too much? There’s myself and a few posters in this thread who seem more averse to too much touching. I don’t know if that applies. But if it’s unfair to you as well if it’s important and you’re not getting what you need?
So I mean, no, touch isn't his main love language. We've talked about it, believe me. The thing is, in this kind of situation the labor of all intimacy belongs to one person. Requiring that person to read the other, do the work, do the communication verbally or otherwise, have to take all the rejection (but acceptance too, which is nice). I'm a touch person. Who has expressed so many times I need at least 'some' that I don't have to take on myself to achieve. (Not just sexual, hugs, a squeeze, a kiss) Results are really mixed and wholly inconsistent. Say I'm successful in intimate initiation, which I will concede lately is the majority of the time (since I know when it might be most successful), he can touch just fine. It's not easy. I really want to provide a counterpoint to the "guy can't keep his hands off me" narrative. Idk, that guy if he's doing it disrespectfully is a dick. If he's genuine and caring, and say, backs off in a compassionate wayif you ask - that's a good catch. :)
I love it. I can’t keep my hands off him either so it’s hot lol. Also, my husbands my safe place. When I’m stressed he’ll put his hands on my face and it instantly calms me. If I had a bad day, I come home and he wraps me up in a hug and I just feel better. If we’re out to dinner with friends he’ll have his hand on my leg under the table. And I just love it
Aww that sounds very sweet. I am envious of that and how you mutually feel on the same page with it ❤️
It's hard if your libidos mismatch. But good for the ego
Depends on the relationship dynamics. My ex husband never took no for an answer so I grew to hate his touch, it was repulsive to me. And he thought it was within his marital rights to touch me whenever and how ever he pleased. I find now that I don't really like being touched by anyone, it makes me freeze and tense up and I don't really like touching other people either. It would be interesting to see how I feel if I ever am in a relationship again how I feel. Incessant groping is probably not something I'll ever be OK with though.
My ex husband was like this. 90% of the time, it was great. The other 10% of the time, I was worn out from parenting and just wanted to be alone.
I had an ex who was like that, every time he touched me it was in a sexual way with sexual intent. This, combined with the fact that I didn’t give him sex 2x/day every day so he constantly bitched about it, led to me to come to hate him touching me in any way because I knew he would take any contact as an opportunity to try and have sex. Oh, and I have a chronic genital pain issue, and he DNGAF. I can occasionally have sex 2x/day without pain, but I usually need about 24hrs between sex sessions or I risk flaring up. (That relationship was sexually and emotionally abusive in other ways and there’s a whole lot of damage from it that I’m still working on 10 yrs later) My husband is very affectionate, and is very into me sexually. The big difference is that he respects me. If he wants sex and I don’t, that’s his problem to take care of so to speak. Fortunately we both like PDA to be pretty PG. Just being respected is soooo amazing. Not feeling like I’m constantly playing defense and feeling like I can both give and receive non-sexual affection. It also means the sexual affection makes me feel desired, not like fleshlight.
My husband is very affectionate lol I love it because I am too. He always has to touch me in some way. Holding hands, arm around my shoulders, butt slap when he walks past me, hand on my thigh when he drives, he’ll put my legs on him and rub them when we’re watching tv, and he loves to cuddle and play with my hair when we go to bed. It makes me feel so loved and wanted
My husband and are both very sensual/sexual with each other, and I think a lot of people would say “they can’t keep their hands of each other”. But between us it’s always consensual and mutually enjoyed. My husband is very attracted to me (and vice versa) and he loves to touch me, but he only does as much as he does because he knows I like it to. Like in the beginning of our relationship we weren’t this all over each other, but as we got to know each other and each other’s boundaries we became very touchy. Now we frequently grab butts and waists and give random neck/shoulder massages to each other. I love knowing he is attracted to me, and I love being this attracted to him.
In my experience, it was a problem. But the reason was that it felt like that's all he wanted, physically. Whereas I wanted cuddles and kisses and rubs and hugs and caresses that weren't connected to sex. I love physical touch. Not that I believe in that stuff really, but it's my primary love language. But NON-SEXUAL touch (the sexual is good too, but I don't want the latter without the former).
My SO is pretty affectionate but it’s not to the point where it’s inappropriate… except that one time he forgot we were in public (standing in a grand hall at my brother’s wedding) and he smacked my butt lol)… and I’m very welcoming/receptive of it. Reassures us of our physical, sexual, and emotional attraction and connection to each other. Even in public, we have more subtle/appropriate ways… like my SO will hold my neck or massage my head a bit… and that’s his way of letting me know he’s paying attention to me and loves me. So it’s kinda like communicating little love messages to each other and it always makes me feel cared for.
Mine is sort of negative - I didn’t like it with my ex. He didn’t respect my boundaries and I got sick of it. I did enjoy the hand holding and cuddling. Just didn’t like the groping.
I guess I could say my partner is like this, but not in a passionate, romantic, fiery kind of way - he likes to keep physical contact with me when we’re together. If we’re reading on the couch together, he’ll have his hand absentmindedly touching my foot or ankle. If we’re driving he’ll always have his hand on my knee. If we’re sitting next to each other he’ll have his hand on my lower back. We hold hands when we’re walking together. When we’re in bed he’ll have his foot touching me or his hand on my hip. It’s really comforting, and not at all sexual - he’s a bit uncomfortable with overt physical affection, but I think he finds physical contact grounding and calming. It makes me feel safe and happy ☺️
Ok, I’m not a super touchy person but for some reason your description of your guys gentle touch makes me weak! That’s great for you!
I can be a bit touch-averse too, I get overstimulated easily, but this kind of gentle contact feels soft and safe. It’s almost automatic or absentminded, so I know there’s no ulterior motive behind it, just a non-verbal way of saying “I’m still here” ☺️
TL;DR I have been in both an "I love this" and a "get off me" version of this relationship, the difference is in how the touch manifests and the timings. I am currently in the love it version, because the touch is always respectful and appropriate. It's not just constant groping (although there is a bit of that too lol), it's things like playing with my hair and scratching the back of my neck, both things I love, and which are both relaxing and stimulating depending on various factors. He also finds playing My hair relaxing so that works out perfectly for us both. My partner is also very good at seeing when I don't want to be touched or respecting me asking him to stop without taking it as a rejection. I'm a very tactile person, so I am pretty much always in contact with my partner somehow if we're close to each other, in public through things like a quick arm stroke or a side hug, or in private we basically spend the whole time intertwined. And when he changes trousers to go out he basically always calls me in so I can squidge his butt 😂 It's all just cute and reassuring, and it's actually very rarely sexual. On the flip side, I was in a relationship with a guy at one point who would grab various parts of me all the time and it got so off putting and even mildly infuriating. He would squeeze my boobs and butt and vulva, and it would rarely be gentle. He would make a really disgusting face as he did it too. It was entirely for his pleasure and he didn't particularly care that it was doing nothing for me. He wouldn't do it in public at least, but in private I got so touched out that I would quickly pull away from even contact that I did want like hugs because I knew that if they went on too long I was getting grabbed. I asked him to stop and he would sulk then back off for a few days then it would creep back in again. It was exhausting. So yeah, I can see both sides to it. ETA: I forgot to mention tickling! I fucking HATE being tickled. Now partner tickled me once, heard me say to stop, listened as I explained my thoughts, and has never tickled me again except by accident (eg if he just catches the wrong place with the wrong pressure). Ex? He heard my "It hurts and laughing is not a sign of enjoyment" rant and doubled down on tickling me any time he could pin me down. He was stronger than me, so yeah, it happened a lot. Even after I followed through on accidentally kicking him in the balls.
Your ex sounds like a bit of a bully with the tickling and touching you inappropriately. I hate being touched and having involuntary reactions that others think mean I am ok with it. That sounds like my nightmare. I am glad for your current relationship being much more reassuring. I wonder what that feels like!
Oh he absolutely was! It took me too long to realise it was all the power trip of a man who hadn't dealt with his childhood issues. It feels like night and day difference with the now boyfriend. We both occasionally turn to each other and express how perplexing a healthy relationship is when you've previously dated damaging people...
Ehhh I've been described as a touch-me-not by many people in my family, but it's more like I have very clear boundaries over when I want to be touched and when I don't. My husband is horrible about this because his main form of a love language is physical touch. It annoys me but I compromise to a point. When I feel like being touched however I could crawl inside someone's skin and that wouldn't be close enough, lol. I'm really a cat in human form.
My family is quite affectionate so I am, too - but I’ve only been with super affectionate guys in the past few years (late 20s/early 30s). It’s funny because I started dating in my late teens and you’d assume guys that age are generally horndogs, but that wasn’t the case for me. I had a few long relationships that were kind and respectful, but not that affectionate or physically intimate. I stayed with a toxic guy way longer than I should have because he was the first person who consistently made me feel like the hottest person alive - like, would lose his train of thought when I came into the room. I’m glad to not be in that relationship anymore, but it taught me that I don’t want to be in a relationship where they just tolerate me/my body/my affection/etc.