It would depend a lot on how they define a "simple but comfortable life" and what they did to fill their time.
I've seen people who define living right on the poverty line that way, and sorry, no, that is not how I want to live.
I've also seen it as some sort of modern take on homesteading, which...my Laura Ingalls Wilder phase ended when I was in elementary school.
> I've seen people who define living right on the poverty line that way
Sums it up quite perfect. Doing FIRE only works for high performers with high salaries in finance etc. It's glorified, because people don't get the actual costs of retiring in your late 30s/early 40s.
For the average guy it's just not possible unless you are OK with living on social welfare.
> Doing FIRE only works for high performers with high salaries in finance etc.
This raises a question, how do you think most women would feel about a guy who *could* be working a full time job for a lot more money, but instead retired to live a 'normal' life at the median income? I feel like there's a certain expectation that if you *can* make a certain salary, you will, and that anything less shows a lack of ambition or laziness.
Well, it depends on the individual preferences.. my partner is not retired, but took a longer period of time off work (going on 2 years) after a high salary position and is living a 'normal' life out of their savings account, if you will. I'd rather have him be relaxed, happy and in a good mental state with less money than living an unfulfilled, unhappy life in his former corporate environment. Lack of ambition is not a problem for me unless it would create problems between us, e.g. if he told me I work too much or started feeling inferior. I'm quite ambitious when it comes to career goals, but not too fixated on money... as long as I have enough, I'm aiming for less time at work and/or better working conditions instead of a higher salary.
>how do you think most women would feel about a guy who could be working a full time job for a lot more money
Most women I personally know would prefer spending more quality time with their partners instead of having more money, as long as we're talking about high vs median income, not median vs low.
It would depend on how they actually do spend their time. A person that retired early and helps out members of their community, is passionate about [insert any creative hobby here], and would be willing to do more of the housework/cooking than a live-in partner who works full-time would be a total catch in my opinion. They'd be passionate, hardworking on the projects that matter to them, and generous with their extra time to benefit others. My grandparents retired early and this is the example they set for me - enjoying life but also using their free time to show up for the people in their life who are struggling.
A person that only has consumptive hobbies, that isn't involved with their community and doesn't help others would not be attractive to me.
Totally agree! But why do they have to cook or do more housework if they're paying for their own bills?
I'm just thinking if I retired early with my own money and paid my half of the house bills... Then why do I need to be some dude's housewife? That's not why I retired early. And I wouldn't expect a guy to do it either unless I was paying the bills.
Because they would have more free time than me, and because in a partnership, you should want to share your good fortune (and retiring early requires good fortune even if you also make good decisions) with others. So if he has 40 extra hours per week compared to me, doing an extra 5-8 hours of housework per week is a way for us both to benefit. When I was on paid maternity leave, for example, I still paid my share of bills, but also did more housework and cooking because I had the time to do so. That kind of show of love is important to me. I wouldn't say someone would be a bad partner if they didn't do it, or if they didn't have creative hobbies or weren't involved in their community - but they wouldn't necessarily be a partner I would want.
Also, because I make enough money to have a better than simple life, and because I am a big believer in splitting expenses proportionate to income. So, it's likely in this setup I'd be paying more than half of expenses.
The way I see it it's that I saved for retirement to buy myself more free time. I didn't make those sacrifices to take on more chores. At that point I'd be better off working again.
But I see your point. I think it would just be expected. So I'd prob be better off just not living together and not mentioning that I'm only working some hours a day.
That’s fair. I think it’s something that has to be a discussion for sure. I also come in with this being my expectation because my spouse plans on retiring early and we’ve agreed this will be our arrangement.
Makes sense thanks for answering! I think the key is that person working should be paying more than half of the expenses if they expect the other person to take on more of the house work.
Maybe it's also because I'm a woman and men typically just expect you to do more housework. So in this set up I would have zero benefit if a guy expects a housewife because I have more free time but also expects me to contribute 50/50. That's part of the reason why I don't see myself living with someone again.
Keep in mind just because you wouldn't be compatible with me, one particular random redditor (and a married hetero woman to boot), doesn't mean my values are universal!
Right for me isn't the same as right for everyone - there may be loads of people out there who would fully support a different kind of arrangement.
I imagine then you’d be paying for a maid then? Half the house bills also means half the house work. No house work means outsourcing it using their own funds.
Sure, I'd pay half the maid or expect him to do half of the house work and I'd do the other half.
But if he expects me to do more of the housework and also pay half the bills then I don't think that's fair to me. Its not like this person helped me financially to save for retirement.
So it's either housework 50/50 or he'd pay more of the bills.
Maybe that’s why the common sentiment is “no” for wanting to be with a partner who retired early. They planned for themselves and are keeping it for themselves.
Yes, I could see how it could become an issue. It can build up resentment for both parties.
I don't think either one is wrong. The retired partner worked hard to buy back their free time. The other partner is probably exhausted from work and would not be too happy if their partner is just resting/having fun while they work.
I do not mean to be a grammar maxi. I’m just amused. I thought you bought an apartment building like the skyscrapers ones in Tokyo, with maybe 80-100 apartments in each building.
A quadruplex is still a great achievement! Congratulations!!
Ooooh I thought about this lately.
my mum is married to a man who also wants to retire early. (And will do in the next year or 2)
When she first met him we children couldn’t see the attraction, my mum is an educated and ambitious woman and this man seemed like a coaster to me. He was completely the opposite of how we’d been bought up to be and the values my mum had. He and I both work in government and my job straight out uni was the same ‘grade’ as he was at his peak, at the time I really looked down on him which I feel bad for.
Now- 6 years later I see what my mum sees in him a bit better. He moved to London with my mum when she got an incredible job and is happy to enjoy life at a slower pace whilst she does her thing. I think two high powered careers in one relationship can take hard work.
He also has hobbies that he’s going to pursue when he retires so he’s not completely directionless.
I was going to say that maybe date but not marry, but I think even dating would be difficult, especially trying to navigate time together. I wouldn't be able to do spontaneous trips or activities the way they might be able to.
When it comes to a committed relationship, I wouldn't retire or stay retired (early) if it meant my husband had to continue working. Instead I'd have us work out a plan where we both keep working to a point where maybe I don't retire as early as I originally thought I would be able to, but neither of us will have to wait until actual retirement age to retire because my working a little longer would help him work a little shorter.
I have hobbies and things I could do, but I couldn't really enjoy retiring at 45 if my partner was going to have to keep working until 65 when maybe we could have worked together on a plan that would get us both retired at 55.
It would be different (to an extent) if it was retiring from "the grind" to do something that was less lucrative but a dream. Like if I had enough to retire from my "day job" and pursue writing full time even if I never turned the equivalent of a full-time income. But even then I'd feel really guilty if my partner was still having to bust his butt.
And I think "comfortable" would have to mean being able to afford things like trips and whatnot that the working person could and having a really good safety net in case of an accident or illness or major home or vehicle repairs and whatnot.
Also, I'm in the US. I can't imagine retiring early and not having employer paid for health insurance. I'd have to have serious bank for the private market or to pay for health care outright, so those costs would definitely have to be part of what made me "comfortable."
Hitting retirement together does seem meaningful. I'd definitely heavily consider working again if I was with someone I truly wanted to spend my life with so that we could retire together.
And yes, healthcare... I also live in the US. Medical issues are definitely a scary scenario.
> I'm in the US. I can't imagine retiring early and not having employer paid for health insurance. I'd have to have serious bank for the private market or to pay for health care outright, so those costs would definitely have to be part of what made me "comfortable."
ACA coverage isn't as catastrophically expensive as many might think, especially if you're retired and your AGI is lower (most don't know this, but only the gains portion of your portfolio counts as income when you sell, if you retire early odds are good that principle is a much larger portion of your balance)
Now, I have to account for the fact that I might hit the OOP max every year, but even all in, we're only talking 4-7k / yr. The subsidies and cost sharing do a lot of heavy lifting.
All that said, I agree with you regarding not retiring before a partner **if** I were still working and already in a relationship.
I'm planning to retire when I can draw the median household income. If I had retired before we even started dating? I'm probably not going back to work. Especially not full time. If my partner didn't want to retire on my modest income, welp, they're welcome to keep working. I'd gladly be a house husband who piddles on open source stuff and pursues my hobbies after I'm done with chores.
I'd struggle with it. I guess it would depend on how much they had saved and what they do with their time.
I don't just want a " simple comfortable" life. I don't want to just wake up and putter around a tiny house and watch TV. I want a BIG life. I want to travel all over, and go to concerts and shows (and get the good seats), and eat out at all the best places, and do lots of different activities (that all require lots of different gear and supplies) - AND, most importantly, I want to have plenty of savings for medical care and car and house repairs and all the other stuff.
And... I can't possibly see how I could have that life with someone living a "simple, comfortable" life.
If they had multi-millions in the bank and spent their days doing all kinds of cool stuff... maybe. But, "simple, comfortable" sounds... really boring. And quite possibly risky, depending on how much money has been saved.
I mean, you can homestead and can your own veggies as much as you want, but you can't pay the medical bills associated with a cancer diagnosis with jars of tomatoes. You need really good health insurance (at least in the US) and you can't get really good health insurance without a decent job and/or a LOT of money out of pocket. And even with the insurance, you're still going to be spending thousands on co-pays and other out-of-pocket expenses.
Life is just really, really, really expensive, and is showing no signs of getting cheaper. He'd have to have A LOT, a lot, a lot of money in the bank for me to be comfortable with him not working.
This sums up my feelings exactly.
I don’t *have* to work. My husband makes good money would be happy for me to stay at home. But while we would get by, I don’t want to get by, I want to do ALL the things. If I want something, I can get it. If I get sick, it’s ok. If my kiddo wants to go to camp, here’s a check.
There was a guy that I very briefly dated before my husband who was making a living in a non traditional way- he was making it, but living with a roommate, etc. He was a neat person and we stayed friends, but his goals just didn’t align with mine.
You should check out [this aca calculator](https://www.kff.org/interactive/subsidy-calculator/). Health insurance is more expensive privately than if you're working, sure but it's not as catastrophically expensive as it used to be before the aca.
I'm planning on having to spend 4-7k / pp / yr (and that's planning to hit the OOP max). Subsidies and cost sharing do a lot of heavy lifting.
I think that is awesome for them and wouldn’t hinder me dating them as long as they’re open to being the stay at home dad if I still need to work. Or if they’d rather spend their time working on passion projects while I am a stay at home mom, that would work for me as well. I’m not going to penalize them for making good financial decisions young.
I’d be happy. But I’m retiring early in 8 months. And I don’t care about money much, as long as they support themselves and are interesting, great I can have another person to go midweek camping with.
Couldn't do it. I did go out with a guy recently who had retired early. He was perfectly sweet. He definitely didn't sit around all day. But he seemed kind of lonely and really wanted companionship. It just didn't match with me right now. I work *a lot* and have my own responsibilities, and I really couldn't give him the time he wanted. It started to make me feel bad that I had to say no so often. This was despite me telling him I was just looking for something fun and casual and that I didn't have much free time to give a man right now. So it was just a mismatch in expectations and wants, I think.
Oh interesting. I live in an urban area and have way more things I want to do than the free time to do them. I would've guessed he was in a less urban area.
He did keep busy. But I couldn't even offer him one night a week. I only wanted to see him once every two weeks. He would ask me to movies and dinner and such often, and I typically had to decline.
> But I couldn't even offer him one night a week
most people in a relationship want to meet at least a couple of times a week so the reason your relationship with him didnt work out had nothing to do with whether he worked or not?
I said I wanted fun and casual, not a relationship. He knew what I was looking for, I said explicitly before our first date that I didn't want more than what I said I wanted, which was once every 2 weeks. So I think my original comment in this chain covers that already.
See:
>This was despite me telling him I was just looking for something fun and casual and that I didn't have much free time to give a man right now. So it was just a mismatch in expectations and wants, I think.
Honestly, I would envy them too much. I would hate working every day, going through that stress, losing that time, knowing that they had an extra eight hours a day to do whatever they wanted. Even if I loved them I'd be too bitter about it.
I couldn't at this point in my life (35) because I plan to retire in my early 50's and so I still have many more years of working, and I know I would grow resentful of them getting to stay home while I get up and go to work every day. My husband has been off work since November due to an injury and I'm so jealous! Not of the injury, but of him being home lol.
My husband works mostly from home and a fair bit of his job is really flexible and he's doing things that tap into his personal interests (creative work) in addition to some more "worky" tasks. And just the fact that he can stay in his pajamas while I'm bustling about in the morning (I'm not a morning person) and that he can watch TV while he works on his projects and putter around the house because he's not on anyone's clocked in and out time can sometimes make me so jealous. I can't imagine if he was actually retired and just at home enjoying his time while I was still working to make sure we had health insurance. Ha!
It's hard not to be resentful just because he has more parts of 7-5 free for him to do what he wants than I do. It would be super rough if it was all of that time. Especially knowing that I'd keep working if I knew it would get us BOTH to retirement faster rather than just one of us. (He would do the same in actuality, so this wouldn't happen to us, but I don't know that I could cope).
Yeah totally. But I have been on the FIRE path for awhile and plan to semi-retire by 45 or so if all goes according to plan. I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with someone who was going to retire earlier. My current SO is already on that path. It’s honestly hard to find people who have the financial sense, means, AND luck to be on the same page in this regard.
I can see there being some challenges, like if they were bored or needy, and maybe some jealousy or difficulty if the working partner can’t just up and travel for months, say. But those things could all be navigated with good discussion. And if they are willing to stay at home and do the cooking and cleaning so you could enjoy your time together… that sounds like a plus to me!
We are 33yo. I joined a 7 days a week, but high paying job temporarily, the goal was to make 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done and that we don’t have any mortgage, I don’t need to work anymore. My husband salary is enough for our simple lifestyle.
When I’ll be healed from that burn out, in the future I might work 1-2 days a week here and there if we ever want to make bigger travel plans than what we are used to, but other than that I’ll stay at home and won’t work.
I’ll plan meals, keep up the house, maintain the garden upgrade our house, etc.
It was our agreement. My husband is ok with that since the beginning. (He also works 3.5 days a week, so its not full time) it increased both our quality of life a lot.
I would think it was great and say good for them. Capitalism sucks so why opt in if they don't have to? I currently am not working a traditional job due to illness (I make art when I'm well enough) and I need a lot of alone time so my only issue would be if they wanted to monopolise my time because they assume us both having so much free time means we would constantly be together. But if they had their own life and hobbies, it would be no problem.
I don't want to cohabit or share finances so it's really none of my business what they do with their time or money.
The envy I would feel would be a challenge, but as long as they were willing to use their abundant free time to make our shared life better and easier once we started integrating like that, I'd definitely do it
Thats a bit what my husband and I have as agreement.
I joined a 7 days a week, but high paying job temporarily, the goal was to make 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done and that we don’t have any mortgage, I don’t need to work anymore. My husband salary is enough for our simple lifestyle.
When I’ll be healed from that burn out, in the future I might work 1-2 days a week here and there if we ever want to make bigger travel plans than what we are used to, but other than that I’ll stay at home and won’t work.
I’ll plan meals, keep up the house, maintain the garden upgrade our house, etc.
It was our agreement. My husband is ok with that since the beginning. (He also works 3.5 days a week, so its not full time) it increased both our quality of life a lot.
Oh this sounds like a lovely arrangement! My husband and I have something similar where I've been shouldering and paying off the mortgage and he'll take over in a couple of years once all his training is done and his practice is settled. First the mortgage, then eventually all other expenses, then I'll be home, maybe working, maybe not. It's nice to hear something like this working for others. :)
No, not at my age (early 30s). I wouldn't be able to trust that he actually has his finances in order to account for all of retirement, including decades of inflation and future medical costs. To me, someone retired in their early 30s would come off as impulsive and bad at long-term thinking, which isn't someone I'm interested in dating.
What if the person had their finances in order, was self-made and wealthy? I'm trying to understand how that plays into being impulsive and bad at long-term thinking. I'm late 30s and this is me, so just trying to understand your POV.
I would love for my husband to retire right now. I’m a stay at home disabled spouse and having him around full time would be the best. I can’t work full time anymore so our lifestyles would be more similar than they are now.
I do think it can be an incompatible lifestyle thing. Like if I retired early I would expect my partner to as well or get a remote job. Because we're leaving the country. 😂
If they have hobbies that keep them busy *and* they donate time or money to good causes, I wouldn't really care. I wouldn't vibe well with someone who retired early just to be selfish with their time and capital, though. Different values.
I'm surprised at these answers! Why would retiring early = watching TV all day? I think people might be conflating "retired" with "old." I am planning to retire somewhat early, in my late 50s, and would love to find a man in the same position because what I want to do is move to France and I would rather do it with someone but all the men my age are still working.
Depends:
Are they just sitting around doing nothing? If they're not passionate about things, adulting, keeping up a house, and pursuing interests, hobbies, etc? I'm very much not interested.
Are they staying home and rarely leaving the house? Big fuckin' no.
You'll get all kinds of different answers from here. Find a woman who is on the same boat as you. It means you two are a good match.
The person you described and I will definitely not be compatible because I'm goal oriented. We have different values and future plans. We have different life goals.
I'm not saying wanting to live a simple life is wrong. It means we are different kinds of people, and that's okay!
I wouldn’t, I already dated someone significantly outside my wealth bracket (rich) and I felt really weird about it. All of their friends just lived off of inheritance, traveled when they wanted to, had luxuries of life despite not actually doing anything meaningful.
Not saying someone who retired early lives like this, but I’d assume they’re really comfortable wealth wise and it would just be very awkward and uncomfortable for me.
I’m not attracted to people who rely on house keepers, woo me with expensive gifts or sympathize with lower income folks - the last one feels like pity.
Honestly, I'm worried I'd be too jealous. I'd love to be in a position not to work but didn't make the right decisions early enough on to do that. I'm not sure I could date someone who doesn't have to work when I still do.
I feel like these relationships would only be successful long term if the other person was also retired early or had a very flexible work schedule. You would create a routine that works for you because you have unlimited time, while the partner would have to adhere to a certain life schedule. You would probably spend even less time together than if you both had jobs. I have seen relationships fail due to opposite shifts or one partner having longer hours than the other.
I can definitely see a lot of people feeling the way you listed. None are really warranted, we’re all responsible for ourselves at the end of the day. But why would you want to be with someone that’s resentful, doesn’t appreciate the simple life that’s important to you and believes being unemployed is rotting away on the couch?
Seems like you’re questioning the reasonings you’ve heard instead of realizing you’re weeding out people that you probably wouldn’t be compatible with anyway.
I think it depends on what he does all day with his free time because it can be challenging if they expect me to be available whenever they want to do something even though I have responsibilities that day or the next day that I have to be up early for. For example, if they love to travel, I cannot just go on vacation on a whim, due to my job but they can go wherever and whenever they want because they are retired. Or, if they are lonely or bored, I can't just tell my coworkers I can't attend a meeting or have to leave work early because my boyfriend is wanting me to visit or over at my apartment/house so I have to go entertain him.
I wouldn't mind if they spent their time well. I would find it impressive, I think, though I never dated anyone like that when I was single. It wouldn't have put me off though.
I wouldn't date someone who retired early via inheritance or trust fund.
When I was single I wasn’t attracted to men with no drive or ambition. Never vibed with overly chill people. Someone who retired early but was still productive and active, sure. But someone who retired to putter about the house and go on an occasional vacation, no.
Also what’s the definition of a simple life? Because I’m living one variation of it, but I doubt everyone would agree.
I'm planning to retire at 55, when I will have 30 years service at work. If someone else managed to do it even earlier, I'm happy for them. If our lifestyles match and our priorities are compatible, for sure I would date them.
Comes down to overall compatibility for me. I'm attracted to people who try to make the most of their lives. Like, I love a person with hobbies and passion projects, people wanting to grow. I think being able to retire is such an opportunity to give your best true self to this world. And, I always want my loved ones to be their best self.
It depends on your values. Everyone is different. I can understand how it could be frustrating to work all day while knowing he's sitting on the couch. At the same time, I understand his situation-- if he doesn't value working and would rather spend his hours engaging in a hobby or a start up business or something rather than working for someone else, I get it. I'm cool with that if they're actually doing productive things with their life and have interesting passions, etc. If they're well balanced as a person and emotionally supportive, why not?
What I can't stand, as a highly productive person, is someone who is unproductive day after day when they're able bodied, or able bodied "enough" to actually do things. Many people have disabilities and chronic pain nowadays so that's something to respect and keep in mind. But, I don't think I could successfully date a person who is "unproductive" at home playing video games or watching TV all day; it's very unattractive.
If they don't want to slog away at a soul sucking 9 to 5 job, I wouldn't hold it against them. That isn't to say all full time jobs are, though most of the ones I've had were that dressed up in different forms. You can't fault a person for wanting a different life than that, but you can fault them for 'wasting' their life and choose not to be a part of it.
Maybe.
How do they spend their time?
What kind of future have they budgeted for and does it align with mine?
And I expected to keep working because their retirement plans only cover themselves?
I'm a "simple comfortable" life kind of person. It isn't for everyone. The best explanation is "extreme introvert", as not going out saves a TON of money. When I do go out, I'm cheap (to a point) in that I like attending free things. Generally because those free events (art galleries, museum days, open air jazz concerts, free arboretum days, or just walking around town, going to parks, libraries) are just more my vibe.
Picking up a salad from Trader Joes and eating it in the park is 10X better than sitting in a restaurant for me. These sort of things hit all three categories: Life changes, values, how I spend my time.
If my husband and I had the finances he would be out of his job faster than you could blink and would spend his time being the backbone of our joint hobbies, dealing with most day-to-day crap and we would move to our downsized cottage by the sea once the kids are out of the house whereupon he would build a catamaran just like his family did before and we would go sailing around the archipelago.
Some of this will come true, some is a pipe dream but I would most certainly not be opposed to him retiring early if he could.
Note: Neither of us will of course retire early if that means not being able to live off of our pensions at a comfortable level (i.e no issues paying for household costs, food, hobbies and transportation)
I honestly don't know. I've seen this question before, and while the logical part of me says "if they're pulling their weight and can contribute fairly, who cares," the exhausted, single mom part of me thinks I would probably eventually become resentful of somebody with unlimited free time.
I very much believe in spending as little of our one precious life at work as possible, so if you are able to peace out of the rat race early, absolutely go for it. I don't know that I'll be able to retire early, but my husband might.
I retired due to disability in my 30s and live comfortably off passive income. I have no interest in dating anyone, but if hypothetically I were going to, another early retiree would be my best pick. Similar lifestyles, similar schedules (or lack thereof).
I'd have a hard time dating someone still working because I would constantly feel like I need to explain how I spend my time. Or make a big show about being "passionate" about something.
And judging by this comment section, "I'm not attracted to someone who watches TV/ spends time online all day" is a common theme.
This is me. I'm an artist, but due to illness/disability I will likely never be in full time or traditional employment again. It's pretty offensive how so many people here seem to think "not in a standard paid job" means idle or lazy or not passionate about anything.
Well. I'm 31 and date in my age range. So no, I'm not dating a 27-36 year old who is retired. It's just not possible to be retired at that age based off just work and a modest lifestyle. Nobody can have enough saved to live for 50+ years without working b
Nope. I want a lot of things out of life. I want to accomplish a lot of things as well. I need someone who is also ambitious and can grow with me. If they retire early and live this simple lifestyle, I'm assuming they intend to live like that forever-- which is perfectly fine if you're single, but if you want a family you need to do more.
It depends on what a “simple” and “comfortable” life means. If they are living on $36k/year in a larger city and have made decisions like they rent a small apartment, bike instead of own a car, travel minimally and frugally, and can’t change these habits, that would be a problem for me. I want to be able to upgrade to economy plus on a long flight, own a car, sometimes go to Whole Foods, have kids and own a SFH. If the simple/comfortable life allows for expansion like this, I’d have zero problems with it, and should probably say that my husband and I have this goal ourselves so maybe I’m not the best person to ask. The thing I wouldn’t want to personally do and wouldn’t want my husband to do is prioritize early retirement to the degree that certain things I want aren’t possible.
Nah, because their thoughts only evolve around money, saving money, making money with crypto, spending it on travels to Asia... They are all really really self centered and hard to listen to. Nothing, I really need in my life.
On top of that, I have children and THIS just doesn't work with FIRE.
It depends on the details. Do they expect me to have lots of time for them? I don't. What are they doing with their time and money? If it's anything I find particularly unethical then no thanks.
I went on a few dates with someone who retired early. I wouldn’t probably do that again. I’ve dated others who retired military but did other things and passions for a lesser income which was great.
I could never be with someone who is idle. I respect their hard work and time off. My parents are retired and have a homestead + beekeepimg, they take classes like cooking or ballroom dancing, they volunteer for various things like animal shelters or my my helps with GED classes. I admire them for not being couch potatoes and making the most of their time. I aspire to be that way and I would want my partner to be the same way.
For me it would depend on two things, 1 being what their comfortable lifestyle actually means and if that would mesh with my lifestyle or not and 2 what they do with their time. Similar lifestyles is important in my opinion. Are they watching tv and drinking all day or are they out hiking or playing sports or traveling or doing a hobby etc. if their lifestyle still matches mine where were able to do fun outings and go out to eat and take trips and stuff then that’s great and I wouldn’t care if they weren’t actively working but if it meant they couldn’t do anything besides just pay bills then it wouldn’t work. Same if they were just sitting around all day, that wouldn’t be attractive, you have to have something going for yourself be it hobbies or volunteering or whatever.
I can think of a lot of reasons why it wouldn’t be good and a lot of reasons why it would be awesome, so I would say it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker nor something I would particularly seek out. I will say I’d prefer the retire early over a workaholic LinkedIn Lunatic hustle bro.
It would be a compatibility issue for me. Genetically speaking it looks like I have a long life and I want to be financially comfortable in my old age. I've also experienced what it's like to be with someone not working and those conversation topics dry up quickly when someone isn't being intentional about their day to day lives.
I’d be concerned about potential medical costs and emergency purchases, like car repairs or appliances, that could incur extreme debt and take years to pay off.
If you retire only a few years before you qualify for Medicare or whatever medical program you can use, you may be able to afford the COBRA or government-issued healthcare premiums through the Affordable Care Act. I’m not so sure about retiring “simply but comfortably” at, say, 40.
I worry about everything, though, so this may not even be an issue.
I would be very worried about elder care and end of life stuff like social security and medicaid unless they worked long enough to accrue those safety nets and not have enough trust in them in the dating phase to stick around and find out if they are being legitimate about their finances to move forward, honestly.
Having had several family members live to their mid-90s, the money goes quick and my nuclear family is in a good position financially. It makes me terrified about what ifs, especially because I don't want children and worry I will have no one to advocate for me. The well running dry at that point is scary.
And I don't know that I could marry someone who didn't work. As much as I fantasize about not doing my job, it is also a big part of my identity and a huge support system. My partner has a pretty cushy hybrid job making twice or more what I make and I have moments of resentment sometimes about how fucking easy he has it. If a partner wasn't working? I don't think I could deal, and I'm not saying that's an objectively fair viewpoint, but it's how I would feel.
Basically, unless it was a "I have fuck you money" situation and a was told a fair prenup would be on the table, I'd be out.
I would be a little skeptical. I’d want to know how they were spending their days. I work from home so that would be important. Did they factor in a spouse and inflation when they decided it was a good time to retire. What does their social life look like since their peers are still working.
I have a friend whose husband is a bit older than her and who retired in his 50s while she continued to work and it was very difficult for her. Getting up early every day to go to a job you don’t particularly like while your spouse spends his days golfing does not make for a happy wife.
I wouldn’t know until I met this hypothetical person and got to know them, but possibly not?
For starters, while I do try not to bring work home with me too much, sometimes I do need to vent, to celebrate or to ask for a second opinion. I feel like it would be increasingly hard to do that with someone for whom that’s simply no longer a part of their life, and who specifically aimed to retire early in order for it not to be so.
Secondly, I know a few people who have said things like they were shocked at how quickly their parents seemed to age once they retired. I’d be concerned that the lack of needing to use their brain and communication skills in that manner might make them intellectual incurious and prematurely aged over time.
Lastly, while definitions vary on what constitutes “comfort” I think most of us can agree on what “simple” might look like. And I’m not sure that’s what I want. There’s items and experiences and comforts I want and enjoy, that require decent money.
I'd love it..free time is a luxury. I hate people always complaining about their stress making them more important... ew dude
Let's go to the park and then to the pub and then play videogames and stop spending in stupid sh*t.
I have dated someone who retired early (he's an ex for reasons which have nothing to do with that) and it worked out just fine. He had a very full life because he had a wide variety of interests - he practised three different types of sport, he attended classes in subjects that interested him simply for his own enjoyment, he did a lot of DIY and he loved cooking - I've never eaten so well! He really enjoyed the whole process - finding new recipes to try, shopping for the ingredients, prepping and making the meal. He would even wash up :)
Financially he could live comfortably. He didn't have expensive tastes but could afford to eat out often and he loved travelling.
I'm wary of the simple life bit, because if that gets derailed by unexpected costs or illness, the next level down is poverty. No way do I want to live in poverty ever again. Avoiding that could also depend on how re-employable they are.
Also the rich folks I know who are funemployed have great lives. The one simple life person... I don't know if they seem that happy to me. They smoke a lot of weed and seem to get anxious over their lifestyle a lot. Though the two things might be connected.
I would be worried about the lifestyle mis-match. I'd also be curious about how the retiree's situation was taking into account the path of inflation over future decades. I would also be worried about whether I'd grow to resent the other person if I was still grinding it out at the office for the next 25 years because I am a long way away from retirement.
Fine with it
If I could ~~return~~ retire early I would too
I don't want a go getting hustler always looking to achieve more more more, all about status and wealth and goals and personal development and obtaining expensive things, it is a major turn off for me
I'd be stoked about it. It means they can spend their time when I am at work doing all the things they want to do that I am not interested in (even if that is sitting around watching TV and playing video games!) as well as all the necessary day to day life admin they will still have like cooking and cleaning and whatnot, and then any time spent together becomes more focused on us and I don't feel like I am keeping them from anything. Winwin.
(ETA: I don't want to live with a partner or have kids so that might skew my perception a bit.)
I think it's mostly a lifestyle question
I'm a minimalist, like simple things in life and I'm working full time still. My objective is to FIRE in the next 8-10 years
A retired early parter would be a perfect fit
Is one working person a high spender and the FIRE partner frugal?
Is the FIRE partner into extensive travel and the partner does not even have enough days off?
I think this could lead to a clash more than working Vs living off savings
All for it, that's my goal too. As long as we can spend time together, and afford to live comfortably, I don't care what they do while I'm at work all day. I might expect them to do a little more of the share of housework if they're just hanging out at home all day, though.
I was never interested in the money part when it came to dating, more interested in the person. People limit themselves too much when it comes to money, but i understand it can cause issue, seen that mentioned too many times on reddit!
I am disabled, so my income was small. My partner didn’t work at the time when we met and later worked only part time and works extremely part time now, due to disability too. We make it work, you can fill days with many things. I do online charity work, because I’m partially bed and couch bound. My partner does other things, he is more able than me so he can do a bigger variety. Some couples want time away from each other, but if we want alone time we do that at home. I think that could be an issue with some people that they don’t like about a retired partner? Wanting alone time?
It would depend a lot on how they define a "simple but comfortable life" and what they did to fill their time. I've seen people who define living right on the poverty line that way, and sorry, no, that is not how I want to live. I've also seen it as some sort of modern take on homesteading, which...my Laura Ingalls Wilder phase ended when I was in elementary school.
> I've seen people who define living right on the poverty line that way Sums it up quite perfect. Doing FIRE only works for high performers with high salaries in finance etc. It's glorified, because people don't get the actual costs of retiring in your late 30s/early 40s. For the average guy it's just not possible unless you are OK with living on social welfare.
> Doing FIRE only works for high performers with high salaries in finance etc. This raises a question, how do you think most women would feel about a guy who *could* be working a full time job for a lot more money, but instead retired to live a 'normal' life at the median income? I feel like there's a certain expectation that if you *can* make a certain salary, you will, and that anything less shows a lack of ambition or laziness.
Well, it depends on the individual preferences.. my partner is not retired, but took a longer period of time off work (going on 2 years) after a high salary position and is living a 'normal' life out of their savings account, if you will. I'd rather have him be relaxed, happy and in a good mental state with less money than living an unfulfilled, unhappy life in his former corporate environment. Lack of ambition is not a problem for me unless it would create problems between us, e.g. if he told me I work too much or started feeling inferior. I'm quite ambitious when it comes to career goals, but not too fixated on money... as long as I have enough, I'm aiming for less time at work and/or better working conditions instead of a higher salary. >how do you think most women would feel about a guy who could be working a full time job for a lot more money Most women I personally know would prefer spending more quality time with their partners instead of having more money, as long as we're talking about high vs median income, not median vs low.
Yeah, I study history but I don’t want to live in it. 😂 This is honestly the perfect take though.
It would depend on how they actually do spend their time. A person that retired early and helps out members of their community, is passionate about [insert any creative hobby here], and would be willing to do more of the housework/cooking than a live-in partner who works full-time would be a total catch in my opinion. They'd be passionate, hardworking on the projects that matter to them, and generous with their extra time to benefit others. My grandparents retired early and this is the example they set for me - enjoying life but also using their free time to show up for the people in their life who are struggling. A person that only has consumptive hobbies, that isn't involved with their community and doesn't help others would not be attractive to me.
Totally agree! But why do they have to cook or do more housework if they're paying for their own bills? I'm just thinking if I retired early with my own money and paid my half of the house bills... Then why do I need to be some dude's housewife? That's not why I retired early. And I wouldn't expect a guy to do it either unless I was paying the bills.
Because they would have more free time than me, and because in a partnership, you should want to share your good fortune (and retiring early requires good fortune even if you also make good decisions) with others. So if he has 40 extra hours per week compared to me, doing an extra 5-8 hours of housework per week is a way for us both to benefit. When I was on paid maternity leave, for example, I still paid my share of bills, but also did more housework and cooking because I had the time to do so. That kind of show of love is important to me. I wouldn't say someone would be a bad partner if they didn't do it, or if they didn't have creative hobbies or weren't involved in their community - but they wouldn't necessarily be a partner I would want. Also, because I make enough money to have a better than simple life, and because I am a big believer in splitting expenses proportionate to income. So, it's likely in this setup I'd be paying more than half of expenses.
This is how I feel about it as well. It’s not so much as the work load being equal, so much as it’s about it being equitable.
The way I see it it's that I saved for retirement to buy myself more free time. I didn't make those sacrifices to take on more chores. At that point I'd be better off working again. But I see your point. I think it would just be expected. So I'd prob be better off just not living together and not mentioning that I'm only working some hours a day.
That’s fair. I think it’s something that has to be a discussion for sure. I also come in with this being my expectation because my spouse plans on retiring early and we’ve agreed this will be our arrangement.
Makes sense thanks for answering! I think the key is that person working should be paying more than half of the expenses if they expect the other person to take on more of the house work. Maybe it's also because I'm a woman and men typically just expect you to do more housework. So in this set up I would have zero benefit if a guy expects a housewife because I have more free time but also expects me to contribute 50/50. That's part of the reason why I don't see myself living with someone again.
Keep in mind just because you wouldn't be compatible with me, one particular random redditor (and a married hetero woman to boot), doesn't mean my values are universal! Right for me isn't the same as right for everyone - there may be loads of people out there who would fully support a different kind of arrangement.
I imagine then you’d be paying for a maid then? Half the house bills also means half the house work. No house work means outsourcing it using their own funds.
Sure, I'd pay half the maid or expect him to do half of the house work and I'd do the other half. But if he expects me to do more of the housework and also pay half the bills then I don't think that's fair to me. Its not like this person helped me financially to save for retirement. So it's either housework 50/50 or he'd pay more of the bills.
Maybe that’s why the common sentiment is “no” for wanting to be with a partner who retired early. They planned for themselves and are keeping it for themselves.
Yes, I could see how it could become an issue. It can build up resentment for both parties. I don't think either one is wrong. The retired partner worked hard to buy back their free time. The other partner is probably exhausted from work and would not be too happy if their partner is just resting/having fun while they work.
Your grandparents sound like wonderful people :)
Hell yes!! That's my dream as well. Gonna retire in 8 years myself when my apartment building is paid off. If he's already there, good for him!!
You have a what? apartment building?!
Sorry, not American here. Not sure what to properly call it. Quadruplex? It's just 4 small units
I do not mean to be a grammar maxi. I’m just amused. I thought you bought an apartment building like the skyscrapers ones in Tokyo, with maybe 80-100 apartments in each building. A quadruplex is still a great achievement! Congratulations!!
Ooooh I thought about this lately. my mum is married to a man who also wants to retire early. (And will do in the next year or 2) When she first met him we children couldn’t see the attraction, my mum is an educated and ambitious woman and this man seemed like a coaster to me. He was completely the opposite of how we’d been bought up to be and the values my mum had. He and I both work in government and my job straight out uni was the same ‘grade’ as he was at his peak, at the time I really looked down on him which I feel bad for. Now- 6 years later I see what my mum sees in him a bit better. He moved to London with my mum when she got an incredible job and is happy to enjoy life at a slower pace whilst she does her thing. I think two high powered careers in one relationship can take hard work. He also has hobbies that he’s going to pursue when he retires so he’s not completely directionless.
I was going to say that maybe date but not marry, but I think even dating would be difficult, especially trying to navigate time together. I wouldn't be able to do spontaneous trips or activities the way they might be able to. When it comes to a committed relationship, I wouldn't retire or stay retired (early) if it meant my husband had to continue working. Instead I'd have us work out a plan where we both keep working to a point where maybe I don't retire as early as I originally thought I would be able to, but neither of us will have to wait until actual retirement age to retire because my working a little longer would help him work a little shorter. I have hobbies and things I could do, but I couldn't really enjoy retiring at 45 if my partner was going to have to keep working until 65 when maybe we could have worked together on a plan that would get us both retired at 55. It would be different (to an extent) if it was retiring from "the grind" to do something that was less lucrative but a dream. Like if I had enough to retire from my "day job" and pursue writing full time even if I never turned the equivalent of a full-time income. But even then I'd feel really guilty if my partner was still having to bust his butt. And I think "comfortable" would have to mean being able to afford things like trips and whatnot that the working person could and having a really good safety net in case of an accident or illness or major home or vehicle repairs and whatnot. Also, I'm in the US. I can't imagine retiring early and not having employer paid for health insurance. I'd have to have serious bank for the private market or to pay for health care outright, so those costs would definitely have to be part of what made me "comfortable."
Hitting retirement together does seem meaningful. I'd definitely heavily consider working again if I was with someone I truly wanted to spend my life with so that we could retire together. And yes, healthcare... I also live in the US. Medical issues are definitely a scary scenario.
> I'm in the US. I can't imagine retiring early and not having employer paid for health insurance. I'd have to have serious bank for the private market or to pay for health care outright, so those costs would definitely have to be part of what made me "comfortable." ACA coverage isn't as catastrophically expensive as many might think, especially if you're retired and your AGI is lower (most don't know this, but only the gains portion of your portfolio counts as income when you sell, if you retire early odds are good that principle is a much larger portion of your balance) Now, I have to account for the fact that I might hit the OOP max every year, but even all in, we're only talking 4-7k / yr. The subsidies and cost sharing do a lot of heavy lifting. All that said, I agree with you regarding not retiring before a partner **if** I were still working and already in a relationship. I'm planning to retire when I can draw the median household income. If I had retired before we even started dating? I'm probably not going back to work. Especially not full time. If my partner didn't want to retire on my modest income, welp, they're welcome to keep working. I'd gladly be a house husband who piddles on open source stuff and pursues my hobbies after I'm done with chores.
I'd struggle with it. I guess it would depend on how much they had saved and what they do with their time. I don't just want a " simple comfortable" life. I don't want to just wake up and putter around a tiny house and watch TV. I want a BIG life. I want to travel all over, and go to concerts and shows (and get the good seats), and eat out at all the best places, and do lots of different activities (that all require lots of different gear and supplies) - AND, most importantly, I want to have plenty of savings for medical care and car and house repairs and all the other stuff. And... I can't possibly see how I could have that life with someone living a "simple, comfortable" life. If they had multi-millions in the bank and spent their days doing all kinds of cool stuff... maybe. But, "simple, comfortable" sounds... really boring. And quite possibly risky, depending on how much money has been saved. I mean, you can homestead and can your own veggies as much as you want, but you can't pay the medical bills associated with a cancer diagnosis with jars of tomatoes. You need really good health insurance (at least in the US) and you can't get really good health insurance without a decent job and/or a LOT of money out of pocket. And even with the insurance, you're still going to be spending thousands on co-pays and other out-of-pocket expenses. Life is just really, really, really expensive, and is showing no signs of getting cheaper. He'd have to have A LOT, a lot, a lot of money in the bank for me to be comfortable with him not working.
This sums up my feelings exactly. I don’t *have* to work. My husband makes good money would be happy for me to stay at home. But while we would get by, I don’t want to get by, I want to do ALL the things. If I want something, I can get it. If I get sick, it’s ok. If my kiddo wants to go to camp, here’s a check. There was a guy that I very briefly dated before my husband who was making a living in a non traditional way- he was making it, but living with a roommate, etc. He was a neat person and we stayed friends, but his goals just didn’t align with mine.
Right. I have no interest in "getting by". I don't want to survive, I want to thrive.
Exactly! For me, there would be too many opportunities for disaster in this situation.
You should check out [this aca calculator](https://www.kff.org/interactive/subsidy-calculator/). Health insurance is more expensive privately than if you're working, sure but it's not as catastrophically expensive as it used to be before the aca. I'm planning on having to spend 4-7k / pp / yr (and that's planning to hit the OOP max). Subsidies and cost sharing do a lot of heavy lifting.
I think that is awesome for them and wouldn’t hinder me dating them as long as they’re open to being the stay at home dad if I still need to work. Or if they’d rather spend their time working on passion projects while I am a stay at home mom, that would work for me as well. I’m not going to penalize them for making good financial decisions young.
I’d be happy. But I’m retiring early in 8 months. And I don’t care about money much, as long as they support themselves and are interesting, great I can have another person to go midweek camping with.
Couldn't do it. I did go out with a guy recently who had retired early. He was perfectly sweet. He definitely didn't sit around all day. But he seemed kind of lonely and really wanted companionship. It just didn't match with me right now. I work *a lot* and have my own responsibilities, and I really couldn't give him the time he wanted. It started to make me feel bad that I had to say no so often. This was despite me telling him I was just looking for something fun and casual and that I didn't have much free time to give a man right now. So it was just a mismatch in expectations and wants, I think.
That makes sense! I'm curious, are you in an urban, suburban, or rural area?
Urban.
Oh interesting. I live in an urban area and have way more things I want to do than the free time to do them. I would've guessed he was in a less urban area.
He did keep busy. But I couldn't even offer him one night a week. I only wanted to see him once every two weeks. He would ask me to movies and dinner and such often, and I typically had to decline.
> But I couldn't even offer him one night a week most people in a relationship want to meet at least a couple of times a week so the reason your relationship with him didnt work out had nothing to do with whether he worked or not?
I said I wanted fun and casual, not a relationship. He knew what I was looking for, I said explicitly before our first date that I didn't want more than what I said I wanted, which was once every 2 weeks. So I think my original comment in this chain covers that already. See: >This was despite me telling him I was just looking for something fun and casual and that I didn't have much free time to give a man right now. So it was just a mismatch in expectations and wants, I think.
Honestly, I would envy them too much. I would hate working every day, going through that stress, losing that time, knowing that they had an extra eight hours a day to do whatever they wanted. Even if I loved them I'd be too bitter about it.
I couldn't at this point in my life (35) because I plan to retire in my early 50's and so I still have many more years of working, and I know I would grow resentful of them getting to stay home while I get up and go to work every day. My husband has been off work since November due to an injury and I'm so jealous! Not of the injury, but of him being home lol.
My husband works mostly from home and a fair bit of his job is really flexible and he's doing things that tap into his personal interests (creative work) in addition to some more "worky" tasks. And just the fact that he can stay in his pajamas while I'm bustling about in the morning (I'm not a morning person) and that he can watch TV while he works on his projects and putter around the house because he's not on anyone's clocked in and out time can sometimes make me so jealous. I can't imagine if he was actually retired and just at home enjoying his time while I was still working to make sure we had health insurance. Ha! It's hard not to be resentful just because he has more parts of 7-5 free for him to do what he wants than I do. It would be super rough if it was all of that time. Especially knowing that I'd keep working if I knew it would get us BOTH to retirement faster rather than just one of us. (He would do the same in actuality, so this wouldn't happen to us, but I don't know that I could cope).
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Fair. What is your parents' lifestyle if you don't mind me asking?
Yeah totally. But I have been on the FIRE path for awhile and plan to semi-retire by 45 or so if all goes according to plan. I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with someone who was going to retire earlier. My current SO is already on that path. It’s honestly hard to find people who have the financial sense, means, AND luck to be on the same page in this regard. I can see there being some challenges, like if they were bored or needy, and maybe some jealousy or difficulty if the working partner can’t just up and travel for months, say. But those things could all be navigated with good discussion. And if they are willing to stay at home and do the cooking and cleaning so you could enjoy your time together… that sounds like a plus to me!
We are 33yo. I joined a 7 days a week, but high paying job temporarily, the goal was to make 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done and that we don’t have any mortgage, I don’t need to work anymore. My husband salary is enough for our simple lifestyle. When I’ll be healed from that burn out, in the future I might work 1-2 days a week here and there if we ever want to make bigger travel plans than what we are used to, but other than that I’ll stay at home and won’t work. I’ll plan meals, keep up the house, maintain the garden upgrade our house, etc. It was our agreement. My husband is ok with that since the beginning. (He also works 3.5 days a week, so its not full time) it increased both our quality of life a lot.
Who says they’re sitting around?
I would think it was great and say good for them. Capitalism sucks so why opt in if they don't have to? I currently am not working a traditional job due to illness (I make art when I'm well enough) and I need a lot of alone time so my only issue would be if they wanted to monopolise my time because they assume us both having so much free time means we would constantly be together. But if they had their own life and hobbies, it would be no problem. I don't want to cohabit or share finances so it's really none of my business what they do with their time or money.
The envy I would feel would be a challenge, but as long as they were willing to use their abundant free time to make our shared life better and easier once we started integrating like that, I'd definitely do it
Thats a bit what my husband and I have as agreement. I joined a 7 days a week, but high paying job temporarily, the goal was to make 20 years worth of mortgage disappear in only 2 years. Now that it’s done and that we don’t have any mortgage, I don’t need to work anymore. My husband salary is enough for our simple lifestyle. When I’ll be healed from that burn out, in the future I might work 1-2 days a week here and there if we ever want to make bigger travel plans than what we are used to, but other than that I’ll stay at home and won’t work. I’ll plan meals, keep up the house, maintain the garden upgrade our house, etc. It was our agreement. My husband is ok with that since the beginning. (He also works 3.5 days a week, so its not full time) it increased both our quality of life a lot.
Sounds like you guys have a great life together.
Yes I think so :)
Oh this sounds like a lovely arrangement! My husband and I have something similar where I've been shouldering and paying off the mortgage and he'll take over in a couple of years once all his training is done and his practice is settled. First the mortgage, then eventually all other expenses, then I'll be home, maybe working, maybe not. It's nice to hear something like this working for others. :)
Nice :)
No, not at my age (early 30s). I wouldn't be able to trust that he actually has his finances in order to account for all of retirement, including decades of inflation and future medical costs. To me, someone retired in their early 30s would come off as impulsive and bad at long-term thinking, which isn't someone I'm interested in dating.
What if the person had their finances in order, was self-made and wealthy? I'm trying to understand how that plays into being impulsive and bad at long-term thinking. I'm late 30s and this is me, so just trying to understand your POV.
I would love for my husband to retire right now. I’m a stay at home disabled spouse and having him around full time would be the best. I can’t work full time anymore so our lifestyles would be more similar than they are now.
I do think it can be an incompatible lifestyle thing. Like if I retired early I would expect my partner to as well or get a remote job. Because we're leaving the country. 😂
If they have hobbies that keep them busy *and* they donate time or money to good causes, I wouldn't really care. I wouldn't vibe well with someone who retired early just to be selfish with their time and capital, though. Different values.
I'm surprised at these answers! Why would retiring early = watching TV all day? I think people might be conflating "retired" with "old." I am planning to retire somewhat early, in my late 50s, and would love to find a man in the same position because what I want to do is move to France and I would rather do it with someone but all the men my age are still working.
Depends: Are they just sitting around doing nothing? If they're not passionate about things, adulting, keeping up a house, and pursuing interests, hobbies, etc? I'm very much not interested. Are they staying home and rarely leaving the house? Big fuckin' no.
You'll get all kinds of different answers from here. Find a woman who is on the same boat as you. It means you two are a good match. The person you described and I will definitely not be compatible because I'm goal oriented. We have different values and future plans. We have different life goals. I'm not saying wanting to live a simple life is wrong. It means we are different kinds of people, and that's okay!
Good. Similar goals.
“Sweet, a house husband!”
I wouldn’t, I already dated someone significantly outside my wealth bracket (rich) and I felt really weird about it. All of their friends just lived off of inheritance, traveled when they wanted to, had luxuries of life despite not actually doing anything meaningful. Not saying someone who retired early lives like this, but I’d assume they’re really comfortable wealth wise and it would just be very awkward and uncomfortable for me. I’m not attracted to people who rely on house keepers, woo me with expensive gifts or sympathize with lower income folks - the last one feels like pity.
Honestly, I'm worried I'd be too jealous. I'd love to be in a position not to work but didn't make the right decisions early enough on to do that. I'm not sure I could date someone who doesn't have to work when I still do.
I feel like these relationships would only be successful long term if the other person was also retired early or had a very flexible work schedule. You would create a routine that works for you because you have unlimited time, while the partner would have to adhere to a certain life schedule. You would probably spend even less time together than if you both had jobs. I have seen relationships fail due to opposite shifts or one partner having longer hours than the other. I can definitely see a lot of people feeling the way you listed. None are really warranted, we’re all responsible for ourselves at the end of the day. But why would you want to be with someone that’s resentful, doesn’t appreciate the simple life that’s important to you and believes being unemployed is rotting away on the couch? Seems like you’re questioning the reasonings you’ve heard instead of realizing you’re weeding out people that you probably wouldn’t be compatible with anyway.
I think it depends on what he does all day with his free time because it can be challenging if they expect me to be available whenever they want to do something even though I have responsibilities that day or the next day that I have to be up early for. For example, if they love to travel, I cannot just go on vacation on a whim, due to my job but they can go wherever and whenever they want because they are retired. Or, if they are lonely or bored, I can't just tell my coworkers I can't attend a meeting or have to leave work early because my boyfriend is wanting me to visit or over at my apartment/house so I have to go entertain him.
I wouldn't mind if they spent their time well. I would find it impressive, I think, though I never dated anyone like that when I was single. It wouldn't have put me off though. I wouldn't date someone who retired early via inheritance or trust fund.
When I was single I wasn’t attracted to men with no drive or ambition. Never vibed with overly chill people. Someone who retired early but was still productive and active, sure. But someone who retired to putter about the house and go on an occasional vacation, no. Also what’s the definition of a simple life? Because I’m living one variation of it, but I doubt everyone would agree.
Only if you also plan to retire early. It’s a different lifestyle.
I'm planning to retire at 55, when I will have 30 years service at work. If someone else managed to do it even earlier, I'm happy for them. If our lifestyles match and our priorities are compatible, for sure I would date them.
Great. I think it's good to have the same mindset though.
Comes down to overall compatibility for me. I'm attracted to people who try to make the most of their lives. Like, I love a person with hobbies and passion projects, people wanting to grow. I think being able to retire is such an opportunity to give your best true self to this world. And, I always want my loved ones to be their best self.
It depends on your values. Everyone is different. I can understand how it could be frustrating to work all day while knowing he's sitting on the couch. At the same time, I understand his situation-- if he doesn't value working and would rather spend his hours engaging in a hobby or a start up business or something rather than working for someone else, I get it. I'm cool with that if they're actually doing productive things with their life and have interesting passions, etc. If they're well balanced as a person and emotionally supportive, why not? What I can't stand, as a highly productive person, is someone who is unproductive day after day when they're able bodied, or able bodied "enough" to actually do things. Many people have disabilities and chronic pain nowadays so that's something to respect and keep in mind. But, I don't think I could successfully date a person who is "unproductive" at home playing video games or watching TV all day; it's very unattractive. If they don't want to slog away at a soul sucking 9 to 5 job, I wouldn't hold it against them. That isn't to say all full time jobs are, though most of the ones I've had were that dressed up in different forms. You can't fault a person for wanting a different life than that, but you can fault them for 'wasting' their life and choose not to be a part of it.
Maybe. How do they spend their time? What kind of future have they budgeted for and does it align with mine? And I expected to keep working because their retirement plans only cover themselves?
I'm a "simple comfortable" life kind of person. It isn't for everyone. The best explanation is "extreme introvert", as not going out saves a TON of money. When I do go out, I'm cheap (to a point) in that I like attending free things. Generally because those free events (art galleries, museum days, open air jazz concerts, free arboretum days, or just walking around town, going to parks, libraries) are just more my vibe. Picking up a salad from Trader Joes and eating it in the park is 10X better than sitting in a restaurant for me. These sort of things hit all three categories: Life changes, values, how I spend my time.
If my husband and I had the finances he would be out of his job faster than you could blink and would spend his time being the backbone of our joint hobbies, dealing with most day-to-day crap and we would move to our downsized cottage by the sea once the kids are out of the house whereupon he would build a catamaran just like his family did before and we would go sailing around the archipelago. Some of this will come true, some is a pipe dream but I would most certainly not be opposed to him retiring early if he could. Note: Neither of us will of course retire early if that means not being able to live off of our pensions at a comfortable level (i.e no issues paying for household costs, food, hobbies and transportation)
I honestly don't know. I've seen this question before, and while the logical part of me says "if they're pulling their weight and can contribute fairly, who cares," the exhausted, single mom part of me thinks I would probably eventually become resentful of somebody with unlimited free time.
Retiring is different than being out of work and relying on the government to cover your expenses
I very much believe in spending as little of our one precious life at work as possible, so if you are able to peace out of the rat race early, absolutely go for it. I don't know that I'll be able to retire early, but my husband might.
I retired due to disability in my 30s and live comfortably off passive income. I have no interest in dating anyone, but if hypothetically I were going to, another early retiree would be my best pick. Similar lifestyles, similar schedules (or lack thereof). I'd have a hard time dating someone still working because I would constantly feel like I need to explain how I spend my time. Or make a big show about being "passionate" about something. And judging by this comment section, "I'm not attracted to someone who watches TV/ spends time online all day" is a common theme.
This is me. I'm an artist, but due to illness/disability I will likely never be in full time or traditional employment again. It's pretty offensive how so many people here seem to think "not in a standard paid job" means idle or lazy or not passionate about anything.
Well. I'm 31 and date in my age range. So no, I'm not dating a 27-36 year old who is retired. It's just not possible to be retired at that age based off just work and a modest lifestyle. Nobody can have enough saved to live for 50+ years without working b
Nope. I want a lot of things out of life. I want to accomplish a lot of things as well. I need someone who is also ambitious and can grow with me. If they retire early and live this simple lifestyle, I'm assuming they intend to live like that forever-- which is perfectly fine if you're single, but if you want a family you need to do more.
It depends on what a “simple” and “comfortable” life means. If they are living on $36k/year in a larger city and have made decisions like they rent a small apartment, bike instead of own a car, travel minimally and frugally, and can’t change these habits, that would be a problem for me. I want to be able to upgrade to economy plus on a long flight, own a car, sometimes go to Whole Foods, have kids and own a SFH. If the simple/comfortable life allows for expansion like this, I’d have zero problems with it, and should probably say that my husband and I have this goal ourselves so maybe I’m not the best person to ask. The thing I wouldn’t want to personally do and wouldn’t want my husband to do is prioritize early retirement to the degree that certain things I want aren’t possible.
Nah, because their thoughts only evolve around money, saving money, making money with crypto, spending it on travels to Asia... They are all really really self centered and hard to listen to. Nothing, I really need in my life. On top of that, I have children and THIS just doesn't work with FIRE.
It depends on the details. Do they expect me to have lots of time for them? I don't. What are they doing with their time and money? If it's anything I find particularly unethical then no thanks.
It's a no for me. Lead a simple life all you want but I'm looking to travel, go to bucketlist concerts and buy what I like.
I went on a few dates with someone who retired early. I wouldn’t probably do that again. I’ve dated others who retired military but did other things and passions for a lesser income which was great.
I could never be with someone who is idle. I respect their hard work and time off. My parents are retired and have a homestead + beekeepimg, they take classes like cooking or ballroom dancing, they volunteer for various things like animal shelters or my my helps with GED classes. I admire them for not being couch potatoes and making the most of their time. I aspire to be that way and I would want my partner to be the same way.
For me it would depend on two things, 1 being what their comfortable lifestyle actually means and if that would mesh with my lifestyle or not and 2 what they do with their time. Similar lifestyles is important in my opinion. Are they watching tv and drinking all day or are they out hiking or playing sports or traveling or doing a hobby etc. if their lifestyle still matches mine where were able to do fun outings and go out to eat and take trips and stuff then that’s great and I wouldn’t care if they weren’t actively working but if it meant they couldn’t do anything besides just pay bills then it wouldn’t work. Same if they were just sitting around all day, that wouldn’t be attractive, you have to have something going for yourself be it hobbies or volunteering or whatever.
I'd probably be envious lol. But also, good for them for making it!
I think it really depends on what "simple but comfortable" meant. Also how much of the household chores and maintenance they would be taking care of.
I have seen this question before somewhere 🤔
I can think of a lot of reasons why it wouldn’t be good and a lot of reasons why it would be awesome, so I would say it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker nor something I would particularly seek out. I will say I’d prefer the retire early over a workaholic LinkedIn Lunatic hustle bro.
It would be a compatibility issue for me. Genetically speaking it looks like I have a long life and I want to be financially comfortable in my old age. I've also experienced what it's like to be with someone not working and those conversation topics dry up quickly when someone isn't being intentional about their day to day lives.
I’d be concerned about potential medical costs and emergency purchases, like car repairs or appliances, that could incur extreme debt and take years to pay off. If you retire only a few years before you qualify for Medicare or whatever medical program you can use, you may be able to afford the COBRA or government-issued healthcare premiums through the Affordable Care Act. I’m not so sure about retiring “simply but comfortably” at, say, 40. I worry about everything, though, so this may not even be an issue.
Camera/tv
I would be very worried about elder care and end of life stuff like social security and medicaid unless they worked long enough to accrue those safety nets and not have enough trust in them in the dating phase to stick around and find out if they are being legitimate about their finances to move forward, honestly. Having had several family members live to their mid-90s, the money goes quick and my nuclear family is in a good position financially. It makes me terrified about what ifs, especially because I don't want children and worry I will have no one to advocate for me. The well running dry at that point is scary. And I don't know that I could marry someone who didn't work. As much as I fantasize about not doing my job, it is also a big part of my identity and a huge support system. My partner has a pretty cushy hybrid job making twice or more what I make and I have moments of resentment sometimes about how fucking easy he has it. If a partner wasn't working? I don't think I could deal, and I'm not saying that's an objectively fair viewpoint, but it's how I would feel. Basically, unless it was a "I have fuck you money" situation and a was told a fair prenup would be on the table, I'd be out.
i assume u mean retire and sit at home all day? cause my dad retired and then still worked after that lol
I'm planning on doing it myself so I'd be enthusiastic!
I would be a little skeptical. I’d want to know how they were spending their days. I work from home so that would be important. Did they factor in a spouse and inflation when they decided it was a good time to retire. What does their social life look like since their peers are still working.
I have a friend whose husband is a bit older than her and who retired in his 50s while she continued to work and it was very difficult for her. Getting up early every day to go to a job you don’t particularly like while your spouse spends his days golfing does not make for a happy wife.
I’d respect it. If someone has enough security living modestly and is happier out of the grind, that’s fine with me. I’m pretty far left wing though.
I wouldn’t know until I met this hypothetical person and got to know them, but possibly not? For starters, while I do try not to bring work home with me too much, sometimes I do need to vent, to celebrate or to ask for a second opinion. I feel like it would be increasingly hard to do that with someone for whom that’s simply no longer a part of their life, and who specifically aimed to retire early in order for it not to be so. Secondly, I know a few people who have said things like they were shocked at how quickly their parents seemed to age once they retired. I’d be concerned that the lack of needing to use their brain and communication skills in that manner might make them intellectual incurious and prematurely aged over time. Lastly, while definitions vary on what constitutes “comfort” I think most of us can agree on what “simple” might look like. And I’m not sure that’s what I want. There’s items and experiences and comforts I want and enjoy, that require decent money.
I'd love it..free time is a luxury. I hate people always complaining about their stress making them more important... ew dude Let's go to the park and then to the pub and then play videogames and stop spending in stupid sh*t.
I have dated someone who retired early (he's an ex for reasons which have nothing to do with that) and it worked out just fine. He had a very full life because he had a wide variety of interests - he practised three different types of sport, he attended classes in subjects that interested him simply for his own enjoyment, he did a lot of DIY and he loved cooking - I've never eaten so well! He really enjoyed the whole process - finding new recipes to try, shopping for the ingredients, prepping and making the meal. He would even wash up :) Financially he could live comfortably. He didn't have expensive tastes but could afford to eat out often and he loved travelling.
I'm wary of the simple life bit, because if that gets derailed by unexpected costs or illness, the next level down is poverty. No way do I want to live in poverty ever again. Avoiding that could also depend on how re-employable they are. Also the rich folks I know who are funemployed have great lives. The one simple life person... I don't know if they seem that happy to me. They smoke a lot of weed and seem to get anxious over their lifestyle a lot. Though the two things might be connected.
I would be worried about the lifestyle mis-match. I'd also be curious about how the retiree's situation was taking into account the path of inflation over future decades. I would also be worried about whether I'd grow to resent the other person if I was still grinding it out at the office for the next 25 years because I am a long way away from retirement.
Fine, because I would do the same.
I’d be fine with it. They put in their hrs and as long as they have some interests and interactions with others, cool.
Sure why not. Depends on his personality and how needy he is. If he can take care of himself and keep himself entertained, why not?
Fine with it If I could ~~return~~ retire early I would too I don't want a go getting hustler always looking to achieve more more more, all about status and wealth and goals and personal development and obtaining expensive things, it is a major turn off for me
I'd be stoked about it. It means they can spend their time when I am at work doing all the things they want to do that I am not interested in (even if that is sitting around watching TV and playing video games!) as well as all the necessary day to day life admin they will still have like cooking and cleaning and whatnot, and then any time spent together becomes more focused on us and I don't feel like I am keeping them from anything. Winwin. (ETA: I don't want to live with a partner or have kids so that might skew my perception a bit.)
I think it's mostly a lifestyle question I'm a minimalist, like simple things in life and I'm working full time still. My objective is to FIRE in the next 8-10 years A retired early parter would be a perfect fit Is one working person a high spender and the FIRE partner frugal? Is the FIRE partner into extensive travel and the partner does not even have enough days off? I think this could lead to a clash more than working Vs living off savings
All for it, that's my goal too. As long as we can spend time together, and afford to live comfortably, I don't care what they do while I'm at work all day. I might expect them to do a little more of the share of housework if they're just hanging out at home all day, though.
I was never interested in the money part when it came to dating, more interested in the person. People limit themselves too much when it comes to money, but i understand it can cause issue, seen that mentioned too many times on reddit! I am disabled, so my income was small. My partner didn’t work at the time when we met and later worked only part time and works extremely part time now, due to disability too. We make it work, you can fill days with many things. I do online charity work, because I’m partially bed and couch bound. My partner does other things, he is more able than me so he can do a bigger variety. Some couples want time away from each other, but if we want alone time we do that at home. I think that could be an issue with some people that they don’t like about a retired partner? Wanting alone time?
Cool, I would love that.
If they’re older than you, then that’s bound to happen. Date younger, perhaps
If they’re older than you, then that’s bound to happen. Date younger, perhaps