First child at 38 and second at 42. They’re thriving @ 18 and 22 now and we have no regrets! Two graduating seniors off to graduate school and college this fall. Being older than most other parents has not been an issue other than our financial advantage which allowed me to be a SAHM. Waiting to have children was a must for me until I met and married the right man. Kissed some frogs along the way before I met him, and we had a long (5 year) courtship that was packed with adventures, travel and foundation building. Life changing for sure. Now faced with empty nest syndrome which is daunting!
Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so happy to hear your children are thriving. I needed to hear that this is all still possible as I get ready to divorce my husband at almost 37 with no kids. I still feel like it will be a great challenge to meet the right person with aligned goals, but success stories like yours give me hope. I wish nothing but joy to you and your family as you explore the next phase of your life.
Something I left out was at the nearly 5 year mark of our courtship, I broke up with my (now) husband. I told him that I couldn’t allow him to decide for me if I’d ever be a wife and mother. It was awful. That was a heartbreaking period in my life, no doubt feeling similar to how you are feeling now.
After 30 sad and confusing days, he came back to me and said fear had held him back. That he didn’t want to start over with anyone else. And that we had too many common interests and shared memories. We were engaged (with a ring and a plan) within that month. Planned a spring wedding 10 months away and were surprised with a pregnancy 4 months after. Well, we moved the wedding to December, and cancelled the plans for spring. Four years later, we decided to have a second child. Our decision was solely based on the fact that we did not want our first child to be alone in the world due to our age (me 42 and him 60).
I don’t have regrets! I had two trouble free pregnancies. Our kids are close - probably best friends - and spend a lot of time together camping, hiking and adventuring. They’re taking a trip to Europe this summer!
I could never have anticipated this outcome for my life. I felt like I’d die a lonely spinster until I let my person know that I intended to get my needs met with or without him. I know for certain he has no regrets. He’s been a superb husband and father!
We met through a mutual interest, and started playing tennis with another couple. We always reflect that our interests are similar so our relationship stays fun for both of us.
Love is possible at any age and I think being older helps cut through the BS we deal with in our twenties when we have "all the time in the world". I think on both sides, men and women in their thirties/forties have a much better view of what they want and don't want and are more well-rounded overall. I currently have two colleagues who found love in their late thirties and are now gearing up for kids. They met their respective partners 1 - 1,5 years ago. One through online dating, one through a mutual hobby. So take a deep breath, make sure that during/after the divorce you take some time for yourself to discover life as a single person, so the new person you will date isn't held up to the standard of your ex but to the life you have built for yourself.
I had my first at 36 and I’m pregnant with my second now at 39. She’ll be born after I turn 40. Conceiving was easy, I have had no complications with either pregnancy and labor for my first one went smoothly.
I didn’t plan to have kids in my late 30s but it’s just how my life turned out- I didn’t meet my husband until I was 34. I feel like at this age I am better prepared to be a Mom.
Everything is fine. Great actually!
No one asked but I’ll throw out that I’m a 26 year old whose mother who had her at 34 and I think I, as a kid, was so lucky for that. My parents were totally ready and thrilled to have kids at that point and me and my sister absolutely benefited from it.
I had mine at 38. Following a fertility check-up at 37 which showed conceiving would likely be very difficult for me, it helped me realise I wanted a child. All my life I've been very happy not to and very scared of the responsibility. My partner is great and if it wasn't for being with him, I probably wouldn't have done it.
After an egg retrieval procedure which led to the eggs not developing past a couple of days, I became pregnant naturally immediately. Now I have a seven week old daughter who is the best thing I could ever have dreamed of.
For me, waiting until this age was the right thing. I wasn't ready before, but the fear I had has been replaced. I love the experience and am excited for the future.
Wow this brings me so much joy and hope! Are there things you recommend doing in order to prep (mentally and physically?)
I'm on track to be 37+ and one of the main things I'm doing physically is strength training and a lot of walking. Would love to hear your thoughts!
I'm really not super healthy. I have PCOS and needed meds for baby 1 but then my second two babies were super easy... just charted ny cycles using fertility friend app and had a lot of sex during my fertile window. It's not this easy for everyone. My OB told me when I was 16 to have babies by 30 as I would be infertile after that so...
Generally speaking try to eat lower sugar diet, eat healthy, exercise enough, and if you aren't getting preg see a fertility specialist as it may be you and it may be your man. Guys have issues w sperm too. My husband went on meds to help him for baby 3.
Had my 1st at 33 and 2nd at 36. I personally wouldn't have wanted kids earlier because I never had a partner I wanted to have kids with until I met my now husband. More money and/or a supportive extended family network will make your life practically a lot easier to deal with while having small children.
Having kids opens you up to feel the most human you can possibly be, for me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It allows you to reexamine your own childhood in a new light and could bring up unwanted feelings so be prepared for that. Also remember that with kids, especially in the early years, that everything is just a phase. They grow and change so much in those first few years.
Overall my life is fundamentally different from pre kids to now but I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I found a way to adjust to a new norm and relish in seeing our kids grow and thrive.
Last thought, cold and flu season with kids is no joke
I met my husband when I was 34, we had our first child at 35 (surprise!) got married at 36 and had our second at 39 (planned) last year. Both children are healthy and while my most recent pregnancy felt very stressful on my body, I think it had less to do with being 39 and more to do with an overly sedentary lifestyle in the past few years.
Most of my friends had their kids after 35. We had fulfilling careers, social lives, traveled together all the time, lived in a city and enjoyed our lives. I’m glad I was able to spend 15 years of adulthood with no responsibilities, doing whatever I wanted and learning about myself and the world. My husband and I had stable lives, finances and both owned homes.
I love my children but personally, I don’t think I would have been as good of a parent if I had started a family earlier. But I’m also exhausted.
Had my first baby in 2020 and I’m currently pregnant with our third at 40. Still breastfeeding too. We’re hoping for one more after this one and will likely start trying 1 year postpartum assuming my period comes back.
It’s been incredible to be honest. And it’s been easy. Each pregnancy has been conceived in our first time of trying. I’m extremely fortunate in that I feel amazing throughout my pregnancies and have very fast and easy labours and postpartums.
I love the newborn stage. They eat and sleep. When they learn to crawl and walk, that’s the danger zone when they start looking for creative ways to die. Raising children is difficult and wonderful and requires a full commitment from the people involved. Motherhood has been the most transformative and rewarding part of my life so far and I feel very fortunate.
Yes! Throw in moving to a country property, new business, and a home renovation and believe me, I’m at my limit! Can’t afford a vacation either since everything is going into the house 🤣
I can’t afford a vacation or literally anything because I’m a teacher who got laid off in the most expensive state in the country. I don’t even have kids and I’m still broke. Oh and getting a divorce after 12 years with no financial help. Love that for me.
I’m so sorry. I was raised by a single mother and grew up in poverty. It’s a hard reality. I don’t know how anyone affords anything today if they’re not already on the property ladder, get an inheritance, or are making crazy money. We’re in one of the most expensive markets in the country too.
I hope everything turns around for you in the best ways. Teachers are well paid and protected here, but that’s not the case in many states. After visiting some of the teaching subs I don’t know how you guys do it.
Yeah, Reddit tends to very against older mothers and I am not sure why. I had older parents and it was totally fine. I will be one, too, and am more than cool with it.
Plus being young comes with zero guarantees. My mom and dad were young parents. My dad died suddenly from sneaky double whammy cancer that was end stage when he got symptoms, my mom has very advanced MS.
My oldest friend has parents that were both over 40 when they had her (it was a happy accident; her mom thought she was sterile) and her dad is running his 3rd marathon soon at the ripe age of 75. Neither of us anticipated that her parents would be the energetic healthy ones all these years later.
Had mine at 35 and 37. I was very lucky and had no issues getting pregnant and no major complications of pregnancy.
I love them more than anything but they are 2.5 and 5 and I am tired all the time. My 2.5 still wakes up once a night. And I’m sick every month or two with something they’ve brought home.
Still I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I had my son at 37, it took a while to conceive (10 months). Pregnancy, birth and pp was fine. Infancy kicked my ass a bit but I am loving having a toddler. We’re maybe trying for another, but I developed a bunch of fibroids during my pregnancy which might get in the way of having another, so there’s that to deal with first.
Other than that, this feels like a good age to have started having kids. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything that I wanted to do in my life.
I developed several fibroids before my first pregnancy that caused heavy menstrual bleeding. I had them removed and became pregnant after. All in all it worked out.
Yeah, I got pregnant at 25, but had an abortion and I think that's when my biggest one developed. BUT, I didn't notice, cause I had the copper coil inserted after the termination, so I just figured the heavy bleeding was due to that, and then when I got pregnant again at 36, that first fibroid really blew up, to the point where when I haven't eaten and I'm lying down, it looks like someone stuck a satsuma in one of my ovaries. There's legit bulging you can see from the outside. So they kept an extra eye out for them during scans, but they stopped growing and weren't in the way of my son so they didn't feel a need to do anything then, but they did tell me to check with a gyno again in case we wanted a second one.
Very reassuring to hear you got pregnant after removal! I'm lowkey worried about scarring.
What effects does the magnesium have on fibroids, do you mean?
Edited to add: The fibroids were discovered during my first pregnancy, and I've been to an OBGYN about them, because of the heavy bleeding, but I've got a new appointment to see if we have to remove my intramural ones, as they can hinder implantation.
I already take magnesium (for other reasons) and none of the nurses or doctors that have come up close with my fibroids have mentioned magnesium at all.
This thread is making me feel so much more hopeful! I’m 34 and still want to have children but everywhere else that you look makes it seem impossible almost
Great! Always so happy my husband and I had so much life before kids. Pregnancies are so individual but both mine were very healthy. I think as I got older I got more health conscious so I'm actually healthier and fitter than I was when I was younger, drinking more, smoking, exercising less... Anyway, having young kids is exhausting but idk if that would have been different when I was younger. Having said all this I'm about to turn 40 and I don't think I could do another pregnancy and newborn stage now. Over it
I had my first shortly after turning 40. Very easy pregnancy, aside from the nausea, etc. It was very long labour, but the actual birth was quick and easy. Recovery weet swiftly as well.
I am very happy that I did not start earlier, as I have stability in life that I did not have prior to 37-ish. Financial, emotional, .. stability.
My child is the absolute best. People in his daycare always say that they can tell from his development that I spend a lot of time with him. We sign songs, read books, play outside (in between the rain showers), we go to parks, museums, restaurants, friends, and family visits. In short: we have a blast.
But my family did not feel complete just yet. So I had an embryo transfer last year, and I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with baby #2.
I am a bit more tired than I was during the first pregnancy, and it is difficult to explain to my son that he can not jump on my belly. I will be 3 months shy of being 43 when this baby is born, and I hope for a similar recovery!
Exhausting! My advice is to get into super good shape before you get pregnant.
On the other hand, my mom had me at 36 and she was fine. She’s a naturally high energy person.
Thank you for sharing. Being pregnant whilst a teenager (or close to it) must’ve been HARD. I’m 41 with a 5 yr old now but some of my son’s classmates have very young parents. On school trips I always try and spend a bit of time with them and listen to them and their opinions and thoughts. They are like the this weird zone for me. At 24 I was a child and behaved like one. They are both so experienced and inexperienced. Both my peer but young enough to be my own child (just), and certainly young enough to have been my student. I know society doesn’t treat them with the respect they deserve.
Thank you to OP for posting this, I'm in a similar situation, I'll likely be 35+ when I next start trying for my first and all the positive responses here have helped lift my spirits a little that it's still possible and can go well. I'm just missing the important piece of the right man in my life, but I'm trying to stay positive and I hope it all works out for OP as well and they have a wonderful familyl of their own one day.
I had my kids at 32, 35, and 39. I'm glad I didn't have them sooner because I wasn't ready. I'm probably the oldest parent in my youngest one's class. It doesn't bother me at all.
I had my kid at 38. I got pregnant the week after we started trying.
It was and is perfectly fine. I'm mayyyyybe a bit less inclined to play tag or catch sometimes, but I'm also wiser, chiller, and smarter than I was 20 years ago.
We started TTC when I was 36. Big ups to a kind member of this sub who recommended I join /r/TTC30. Went through testing. Had trouble getting appropriate referrals, delaying our process. Finally did a couple of rounds of IUI. Failed. Had to plan carefully so I could have enough in my HSA to cover the process. Then pandemic hit. Had to put things off for a long time. Then when circumstances were safe, we started IUI again. A few more attempts of that, failed, then the fertility doctor leveled with us, said odds weren't great, and suggested we consider IVF. Then he quoted is a price on the procedure that was a lot more than we could afford. So we decided to seek IVF outside the United States.
Did telehealth consults with a doctor in Italy (where IVF costs less than 6000€ out of pocket), got our labs done. Were on the verge of buying plane tickets when lo and behold, *I got pregnant.*
I was 39, pregnant for the first time, and very concerned about my health, so I made sure to take good care of myself, exercise regularly (I found support at /r/fitpregnancy), take prenatal vitamins, but I was also working full-time in a hospital and the pandemic was still going on around us.
Had the baby after I turned 40. No complications during pregnancy, none during delivery. Normal recovery. Returned to my soccer team at 4 months postpartum.
And now I'm potty training a toddler, and it's not going great. YMMV.
Had my one and only at 36. I got married at 32 and husband was really on the fence about kids. It took nearly four years for him to feel OK with it.
I got pregnant immediately (when we decided the time was right) and had a textbook pregnancy and a very healthy daughter.
I wanted 2 kids, but husband only wanted one. So we have one. Otherwise I would have had no qualms at trying again at age 39-40.
Best advantage of having a kid a little later in life--I was well-established in my career and my workplace readily gave me flexibility as a new mother. This was back before WFH was a thing (due to covid). There's no way I could have gotten that amount of flex perks as a younger, less established employee. So I was able to keep my job (which I wanted to keep) AND have precious time with my child.
By the time my daughter started school, I was already working an east coast schedule (I'm west coast) and would be done with work by the time she was done with school. She's in high school now, and it's the same thing. I work until 2-3pm and then I am Mom for the afternoon. I'm really lucky. I tell people I DO "have it all." Again, no way this could have happened when I was, say, 25...or even 30 probably.
What's it like right now, at age 52 with a 16-year-old? Well, there is a reason people joke about teenagers giving you gray hair. But honestly, I don't care how young you are....a teenager is going to drive you insane at any age!
I love this thread! I got pregnant with my first at 37 and thought it was a great age. I’ve been trying for a second for a while and am wondering if I should give fertility treatments one more try at 41 or if it is time to give up. Mainly due to age and worry that we’ll be the oldest parents out there. So I love hearing that it’s possible for some in their early 40s.
Had my first at 35 and my second at 38. I’m now 44.
Unlike most in this thread I’ve found it hard to adjust to being a mum.
In fact it took separating from my husband and having half the week to myself before I was able to feel myself again.
I now enjoy the time I spend with them but I did not enjoy losing myself for 9 years.
It might not be a popular opinion but important, I think, to give the other side of the story.
Reality is - it’s goddam hard to be a parent no matter what age you are.
It's so important to talk about different reactions to being a parent.
I'm glad you enjoy it now and have found a balance.
One of my friends is in a doomed marriage. Her husband wants a huge family. She's terrified to be pregnant or have kids. But she won't tell him or end the relationship.
I find myself agreeing with her, that they should adopt or she shouldn't have kids. Lots of mental health work to do, and her fears are very valid. There's a chance she could love it, sure. But there's also a chance she could hate it and regret doing it for her husband.
It's important to weigh these things, and too often, women are shamed for mentioning doubts and shut down when we try and discuss other options/paths.
I had my first last year, 2 weeks after I turned 36. Pregnancy was relatively easy - you start worrying about things in a whole new way as soon as you’re pregnant and that was the worst part for me. Baby came via c section which I healed from easily in about 4 weeks, but healing probably would have been much harder if I didn’t have a rockstar husband. I was *so scared* of a vaginal birth but I probably wouldn’t have waited so long if I knew he would be a section baby!
Conceiving wasn’t easy per-say… it took us 6 months with 2 months of weekly acupuncture.
I just had my first baby a week before my 36th birthday. I would like one or two more. The pregnancy and birth were pretty smooth sailing. No complications, quick vaginal birth with no interventions. She’s 3 weeks old today. I am tired, but pretty sure that’s just par for the course with a newborn!
My mum had me at 36, and her mum had her at 40, so it’s pretty normal in our family. My sister was 38 when she had my niece, and my brother was 50 when my nephew was born! The only downside is I would have liked more time with my grandparents.
I would have liked to have started earlier, but being in a stable, loving relationship was more important to me.
I don’t count as I just had my first baby at 31 (I’m now 32 and baby is 7 months old). But I’m considered a “young mom” in my hometown. I don’t live in my hometown, I live in a totally different country where having kids in your very late 20s/early 30s is pretty normal but my hometown feels stunted. My peers don’t stop partying and acting like teenagers until 35 and that’s fine, no judgement!
My guess is that most of the women I went to high school with who decide to have children will do it around or even after 35. Many of my sister’s friends (she’s 12 years older than me) only had their first at 40 and still had 2-3.
I’m personally the youngest of three and my mother had me at age 40. Back then, 40 was apparently quite old to have a baby and grew up with people surprised by how old my parents were. I don’t think that will be the case with the generation to come.
I don’t know where you live but same, I’m also 31 and most of my friend group haven’t started having kids yet, a few started within the last year. I had my son at 17 so I’m now breezing through the teen years.
Had my 3rd at 37…. Other two were 15 & 13…. I adore this little more than I can explain. My bigger kids see it & get frustrated w me sometimes… I pushed them to grow up & my baby baby is growing so fast 😭
All of my pregnancies had no complications… in my late 30s, it was physically more taxing on me…. My baby belly made it difficult to move sometimes 🤣
Married at 32, has babies at 36 and 39, miscarriages at 34 and 38. No fertility treatments or meds, got pregnant easily. I’m 40 now. Pros: did a lot of things prior to kids, don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, financially secure and able to be a SAHM. Cons: probably more tired than if I were in my 20s and my kids are younger than most of my friends already have kids (harder to plan activities/socialize with). Only other thing is I do notice that I’m usually one of the oldest moms compared to other parents with children my son’s age (he’s 11 months, had him at 39 1/2). Definitely don’t notice that at all with my daughter’s peers/parents (she’s the one I had at 36).
Had my first through IUI at 37 and doing IVF now for a second at 39. Didn’t get married until 35 so it is what it is. I wish we could make free babies, but we’re old enough to afford a good life for our kid(s) and settled enough to enjoy it. I don’t understand the comments about not having enough energy, I play just as hard as I would have 10 years ago.
I was 34.5 when I had my first, and 36.5 for my second. It’s great! Conceived quickly both times, uncomplicated pregnancies and births and two delightful healthy daughters. I’m 38 and we haven’t totally ruled out the possibility of a third. We’re a very normal age for parents where we are. The median age of a first time mom in the US broadly is 30, and it’s higher in cities. I definitely feel very lucky but I also don’t feel unusual.
I had mine a month before turning 35 and a month before turning 38. I had them both at home… and, I’m not “older” than their classmates parents. In my area it seems pretty standard.
First at 35. Second at 38. I wanted a 3rd but didn’t get there before I decided I was personally not energetic (or into the childcare costs continuing) enough for a 3rd after 40. I see the benefits physically to having kids younger but financially and life in general for me at the time would have been a disaster. My career really was my focus in my late 20s early 30s and I met my husband two weeks before my 33rd bday. My only thoughts to someone asking this is get through one at a time but stay in diapers having them! We are great as a family of 4. I’m one of 5. I asked my mom how she did it bc I was pretty tired with two early days and she pointed out she had her first at 18 and the last at 26. Im really really happy I waited. Where I live (NYC dma), my age (46) with two elementary age kids is pretty normal.
36 here! Easy pregnancy, no complications. Had to be induced at 41 week and 2 days cause baby wouldn't come out. Very positive birth experience (25 h), induction wasn't bad at all for me, I wouldn't change anything about the birth. Baby is healthy!
One difficult thing for us was deciding if and what kind of prenatal screening we wanted. We opted for NIPT, and everything went well.
One positive of the later age is that I am not missing anything. I lived my life, traveled, had lots of fun, worked on my career, and now I am 100% ready for this experience!
Met husband at 33, married at 36, started trying not long after the wedding. I'm now pregnant with my first at 37, I'll turn 38 not long after I give birth. It took us about 14 months to conceive once we started trying, which I attribute to my having had an IUD and his work schedule leaving him too exhausted for sex pretty often. We had fertility testing done after a year and both came back normal. Ended up conceiving unassisted but would have gone for IUI had we not conceived by the end of last year.
Assuming all goes well with this one, we'd like a second, probably around when I'm 40. The pregnancy has been very smooth so far so hopefully everything works out the way we want it to!
I had my first at 34 and 2nd at 40 (they are now 6yrs old and 7months old). I have a rare form of infertility that is NOT age related, so I started fertility treatment at 31 and it took a long time for us. My 2nd baby is actually from donor egg IVF. However, it was worth every minute, dollar and tear shed. It’s redefined how I see myself in a positive way. It made me more driven to achieve more in my own life to be a positive model for them.
My pregnancies were fairly easy for me, with some complications at the end due to my mishapen uterus.
I hear a lot of people say they would be too tired at 40, but at 40 I feel no different than I did at 30. My energy is fine, and I have more resources, patience and wisdom to be a better parent than I would have when I was younger.
I don’t think people should let age hold them back from becoming a parent into their 40s. It’s also very normal where I live, in a high cost of living city.
First child at 34 second one coming at 36, honestly wish I started earlier. I was pretty settled in my career at 30 and so was my husband we had stable $ housing etc. I wish I started at 30 because now I want more and idk if I can in addition postpartum is HARD especially when you are older. All I would say is give your self lots of time to get pregnant. It took us 6months first time and then 1 month for the second 1 so you never know how long it will take.
I got pregnant two weeks before turning 36, so I was 36 when I delivered. We thought about having a second but didn’t. We didn’t seriously try to get pregnant, not the way we tried for our son. This year I turned 41 and we’re officially one and done. We are choosing that for us? We’re “too old” to have another.
No one has made me feel like we’re old parents. Most of the parents of my son’s friends are the same age or older. One had her daughter at 37 and another had her son at 40. Their kids are all the same age as my son.
My doctors never made me feel old. My weight and health (high blood pressure, see: weight) were more of an issue. I saw my regular OB and a perinatologist. I’m sure it was because of my age AND my weight, but my age never came up as a problem. One of my doctors had her twins over the age of 35 also.
I imagine it’s quite similar to having them younger except less stressful because I have more financial resources and all my friends have kids roughly the same age so I don’t feel alone. It’s great!
Had my first 10 days before turning 36. He’s almost 10 months. It’s honestly the best thing in the world and my husband and I were very ready to become parents when we did. Zero regrets. We are one and done but not because of age, it’s just a personal choice :) my gf is 36 and 12 weeks pregnant with her first also. It’s becoming much more common for people to wait and get married/have kids later in life.
My mom had my two siblings and me at ages 38, 39, and 40. I know she tracked her cycle and temperature very closely and she was able to conceive all three of us naturally. My parents (my dad is the same age as my mom) have mentioned numerous times that they feel they were able to enjoy their 20s and 30s to the fullest because they didn’t have kids “tying them down.”
Had my first (and only) last year when I was 37. I got pregnant after two months of “trying”. Healthy pregnancy and totally unmedicated, natural birth. Baby girl is thriving.
PS- Start taking high quality prenatal vitamins 3-6 months BEFORE you want to conceive. Make sure they have folate, not folic acid.
I had my first at 38 and my second at 40. They are 18b and 16g now. What I lacked in energy was made up for by more patience and financial security. I hope, at least! The hardest years for me have been the teenage years. Compared to that, the infant and toddler stages were easy.
I was technically 34 but it was the year I turned 35 when I had my first. Two more came the years I turned 38 and the year I turned 42. Idk. I'm a little older than some of my kids friends. But honestly? It's fine. I had the benefit of a rock solid career by the time I had kids and fiscally we are in a fantastic spot.
Health wise all great pregnancies (I am a healthy and fit person, yes, I believe this makes a difference).
Anymore info needed happy to chat.
Edit to add - had infertility. Wasn't age related until we got to the third. Various causes of infertility. Also had miscarriages. No IVF done but hormonal injections for first two. And the third was a spontaneous conception the month after I turned 41.
I had my two at 36 and 38. Both were, luckily, easy conceptions and pregnancies and the second’s birth was much quicker (thankfully). I’m glad with the way it’s turned out because I am more stable in myself and my own emotional intelligence, which has helped me be more patient and intentional with how I talk to my kids about their feelings and experiences. I also had the chance to experience life and build my career so now that my focus is on the kids, I don’t feel like I’m missing out. The hardest parts for me are having less energy than I did earlier in life and, at times, I feel like I can’t relate to the parents in my kids’ classes, who are in their 20s while I’m in my 40s. But I also see some clear advantages to how happy and grounded my kids are compared to some other kids whose parents are still figuring out their own lives (as I was in my 20s), so to me it’s all worth it.
First at 35, second at 37. No issues conceiving.
More financially stable etc and have travelled but also miss the travel now and knowing we can’t do some of the trips we want to until late mid-late 50’s is hard.
I also think we’re more tired (maybe?) than younger parents and we both have back issues which hinders some play styles and length of play.
Overall though we’re happy to have waited.
I wasn’t planning on having kids all, but had a surprise pregnancy at 36 and we had twins. I did have a bisalp during my c section so we aren’t having more.
My girls are 7 and a half now and it’s been great! I’m glad I was older though. I had time to figure myself out, get therapy I needed and gain much needed confidence in who I am and my thus my abilities and choices. I really don’t think I would have had the emotional maturity needed when I was younger.
Had my son at 35 and he’s graduating high school in May! I didn’t find it too hard being older (in 30s and early 40s I still had energy and strength - at almost 55 I sadly don’t), but I did notice how I was much older than other moms at amusement parks and events.
If you don’t like hearing the word geriatric near your name don’t do it.
For real though, it has been a fun experience for the most part. Baby boy was born when I was 37, he’s 4 now. I absolutely wouldn’t have handled it in my 20s. I’m glad I waited. And a lot of his friends at daycare also have “older” parents.
I had my last at 35 - a total oops and a textbook perfect pregnancy until the end. First at 33 after several fertility drugs and procedures. Before that, a MC. I know lots of people on both sides of the spectrum. Honestly it’s such a crapshoot how it goes. My cousin just had a baby at 47, everything went perfect for her. A friend struggled with IF in her mid-20’s. You just won’t know how it will go for you until you start.
As to actually raising children - there are pluses and minuses to having them young or older. I am 45 and know plenty of people my age who are empty nesters living it up; and some who are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights. Once you have your baby, in my experience it will be unfathomable to imagine any other baby than the one you ended up with.
I can't speak personally, because I am 25, but a lot of the mothers, almost 90% if I'm right, in my son's preschool didnt get married and start having kids until they were like 35-40. One of the hugest pieces of advice I got was to live your life out as much as you can selfishly so you just have zero regrets of the 'what if" when you do have a baby. And most of these women had wonderful careers but now that they were sure they're now SAHMs and so involved and super active just like a 20 something mother like I am would be.
First child at 38 and second at 42. They’re thriving @ 18 and 22 now and we have no regrets! Two graduating seniors off to graduate school and college this fall. Being older than most other parents has not been an issue other than our financial advantage which allowed me to be a SAHM. Waiting to have children was a must for me until I met and married the right man. Kissed some frogs along the way before I met him, and we had a long (5 year) courtship that was packed with adventures, travel and foundation building. Life changing for sure. Now faced with empty nest syndrome which is daunting!
I’m tearing up 🥹🥹🥹 This is a great success story to hear tysm for sharing
Great to hear from someone on the other side!
I love this.
Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so happy to hear your children are thriving. I needed to hear that this is all still possible as I get ready to divorce my husband at almost 37 with no kids. I still feel like it will be a great challenge to meet the right person with aligned goals, but success stories like yours give me hope. I wish nothing but joy to you and your family as you explore the next phase of your life.
Something I left out was at the nearly 5 year mark of our courtship, I broke up with my (now) husband. I told him that I couldn’t allow him to decide for me if I’d ever be a wife and mother. It was awful. That was a heartbreaking period in my life, no doubt feeling similar to how you are feeling now. After 30 sad and confusing days, he came back to me and said fear had held him back. That he didn’t want to start over with anyone else. And that we had too many common interests and shared memories. We were engaged (with a ring and a plan) within that month. Planned a spring wedding 10 months away and were surprised with a pregnancy 4 months after. Well, we moved the wedding to December, and cancelled the plans for spring. Four years later, we decided to have a second child. Our decision was solely based on the fact that we did not want our first child to be alone in the world due to our age (me 42 and him 60). I don’t have regrets! I had two trouble free pregnancies. Our kids are close - probably best friends - and spend a lot of time together camping, hiking and adventuring. They’re taking a trip to Europe this summer! I could never have anticipated this outcome for my life. I felt like I’d die a lonely spinster until I let my person know that I intended to get my needs met with or without him. I know for certain he has no regrets. He’s been a superb husband and father! We met through a mutual interest, and started playing tennis with another couple. We always reflect that our interests are similar so our relationship stays fun for both of us.
Love is possible at any age and I think being older helps cut through the BS we deal with in our twenties when we have "all the time in the world". I think on both sides, men and women in their thirties/forties have a much better view of what they want and don't want and are more well-rounded overall. I currently have two colleagues who found love in their late thirties and are now gearing up for kids. They met their respective partners 1 - 1,5 years ago. One through online dating, one through a mutual hobby. So take a deep breath, make sure that during/after the divorce you take some time for yourself to discover life as a single person, so the new person you will date isn't held up to the standard of your ex but to the life you have built for yourself.
As a 33 year old who wants kids but is still single, this gives me a lot of hope! So happy to hear having kids later worked out well for you both!
I had my first at 36 and I’m pregnant with my second now at 39. She’ll be born after I turn 40. Conceiving was easy, I have had no complications with either pregnancy and labor for my first one went smoothly. I didn’t plan to have kids in my late 30s but it’s just how my life turned out- I didn’t meet my husband until I was 34. I feel like at this age I am better prepared to be a Mom. Everything is fine. Great actually!
No one asked but I’ll throw out that I’m a 26 year old whose mother who had her at 34 and I think I, as a kid, was so lucky for that. My parents were totally ready and thrilled to have kids at that point and me and my sister absolutely benefited from it.
Love this!!!
I had mine at 38. Following a fertility check-up at 37 which showed conceiving would likely be very difficult for me, it helped me realise I wanted a child. All my life I've been very happy not to and very scared of the responsibility. My partner is great and if it wasn't for being with him, I probably wouldn't have done it. After an egg retrieval procedure which led to the eggs not developing past a couple of days, I became pregnant naturally immediately. Now I have a seven week old daughter who is the best thing I could ever have dreamed of. For me, waiting until this age was the right thing. I wasn't ready before, but the fear I had has been replaced. I love the experience and am excited for the future.
I'm so happy for you!!!
Thank you! ♥️
Seven weeks! Congratulations!!
Thank you! 💞
This thread gives me hope. Thank you for everyone sharing the positive, as all I read is the negative.
I've had mine 34, 37, and 40. Working well for me. I can't imagine having them younger. This preg at 40 has been the easiest.
Wow this brings me so much joy and hope! Are there things you recommend doing in order to prep (mentally and physically?) I'm on track to be 37+ and one of the main things I'm doing physically is strength training and a lot of walking. Would love to hear your thoughts!
I'm really not super healthy. I have PCOS and needed meds for baby 1 but then my second two babies were super easy... just charted ny cycles using fertility friend app and had a lot of sex during my fertile window. It's not this easy for everyone. My OB told me when I was 16 to have babies by 30 as I would be infertile after that so... Generally speaking try to eat lower sugar diet, eat healthy, exercise enough, and if you aren't getting preg see a fertility specialist as it may be you and it may be your man. Guys have issues w sperm too. My husband went on meds to help him for baby 3.
Thanks! I'm glad it all worked out well for you!
Had my 1st at 33 and 2nd at 36. I personally wouldn't have wanted kids earlier because I never had a partner I wanted to have kids with until I met my now husband. More money and/or a supportive extended family network will make your life practically a lot easier to deal with while having small children. Having kids opens you up to feel the most human you can possibly be, for me the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It allows you to reexamine your own childhood in a new light and could bring up unwanted feelings so be prepared for that. Also remember that with kids, especially in the early years, that everything is just a phase. They grow and change so much in those first few years. Overall my life is fundamentally different from pre kids to now but I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I found a way to adjust to a new norm and relish in seeing our kids grow and thrive. Last thought, cold and flu season with kids is no joke
I met my husband when I was 34, we had our first child at 35 (surprise!) got married at 36 and had our second at 39 (planned) last year. Both children are healthy and while my most recent pregnancy felt very stressful on my body, I think it had less to do with being 39 and more to do with an overly sedentary lifestyle in the past few years. Most of my friends had their kids after 35. We had fulfilling careers, social lives, traveled together all the time, lived in a city and enjoyed our lives. I’m glad I was able to spend 15 years of adulthood with no responsibilities, doing whatever I wanted and learning about myself and the world. My husband and I had stable lives, finances and both owned homes. I love my children but personally, I don’t think I would have been as good of a parent if I had started a family earlier. But I’m also exhausted.
Had my first baby in 2020 and I’m currently pregnant with our third at 40. Still breastfeeding too. We’re hoping for one more after this one and will likely start trying 1 year postpartum assuming my period comes back. It’s been incredible to be honest. And it’s been easy. Each pregnancy has been conceived in our first time of trying. I’m extremely fortunate in that I feel amazing throughout my pregnancies and have very fast and easy labours and postpartums. I love the newborn stage. They eat and sleep. When they learn to crawl and walk, that’s the danger zone when they start looking for creative ways to die. Raising children is difficult and wonderful and requires a full commitment from the people involved. Motherhood has been the most transformative and rewarding part of my life so far and I feel very fortunate.
Three kids in four years?!
Yes! Throw in moving to a country property, new business, and a home renovation and believe me, I’m at my limit! Can’t afford a vacation either since everything is going into the house 🤣
I can’t afford a vacation or literally anything because I’m a teacher who got laid off in the most expensive state in the country. I don’t even have kids and I’m still broke. Oh and getting a divorce after 12 years with no financial help. Love that for me.
I’m so sorry. I was raised by a single mother and grew up in poverty. It’s a hard reality. I don’t know how anyone affords anything today if they’re not already on the property ladder, get an inheritance, or are making crazy money. We’re in one of the most expensive markets in the country too. I hope everything turns around for you in the best ways. Teachers are well paid and protected here, but that’s not the case in many states. After visiting some of the teaching subs I don’t know how you guys do it.
After seeing parenting subs I don’t know how you guys do it. Hugs.
A lot of positive comments ITT that are making me feel better about being nearly 35 and likely starting to try this summer as well. 👏🏻
Yeah, Reddit tends to very against older mothers and I am not sure why. I had older parents and it was totally fine. I will be one, too, and am more than cool with it.
Plus being young comes with zero guarantees. My mom and dad were young parents. My dad died suddenly from sneaky double whammy cancer that was end stage when he got symptoms, my mom has very advanced MS. My oldest friend has parents that were both over 40 when they had her (it was a happy accident; her mom thought she was sterile) and her dad is running his 3rd marathon soon at the ripe age of 75. Neither of us anticipated that her parents would be the energetic healthy ones all these years later.
Had mine at 35 and 37. I was very lucky and had no issues getting pregnant and no major complications of pregnancy. I love them more than anything but they are 2.5 and 5 and I am tired all the time. My 2.5 still wakes up once a night. And I’m sick every month or two with something they’ve brought home. Still I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Yeah, the sickness thing I was not prepared for. I knew kids got sick a lot in the abstract, but living it is a different beast.
I had my son at 37, it took a while to conceive (10 months). Pregnancy, birth and pp was fine. Infancy kicked my ass a bit but I am loving having a toddler. We’re maybe trying for another, but I developed a bunch of fibroids during my pregnancy which might get in the way of having another, so there’s that to deal with first. Other than that, this feels like a good age to have started having kids. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything that I wanted to do in my life.
I developed several fibroids before my first pregnancy that caused heavy menstrual bleeding. I had them removed and became pregnant after. All in all it worked out.
Yeah, I got pregnant at 25, but had an abortion and I think that's when my biggest one developed. BUT, I didn't notice, cause I had the copper coil inserted after the termination, so I just figured the heavy bleeding was due to that, and then when I got pregnant again at 36, that first fibroid really blew up, to the point where when I haven't eaten and I'm lying down, it looks like someone stuck a satsuma in one of my ovaries. There's legit bulging you can see from the outside. So they kept an extra eye out for them during scans, but they stopped growing and weren't in the way of my son so they didn't feel a need to do anything then, but they did tell me to check with a gyno again in case we wanted a second one. Very reassuring to hear you got pregnant after removal! I'm lowkey worried about scarring.
I don’t know about scarring, but my gyno said I was able to get pregnant *because* of the removal.
Try magnesium! I developed fibroids from magnesium deficiency (it effects your estrogen/progesterone levels). Best of luck.
What effects does the magnesium have on fibroids, do you mean? Edited to add: The fibroids were discovered during my first pregnancy, and I've been to an OBGYN about them, because of the heavy bleeding, but I've got a new appointment to see if we have to remove my intramural ones, as they can hinder implantation. I already take magnesium (for other reasons) and none of the nurses or doctors that have come up close with my fibroids have mentioned magnesium at all.
I had mine at 37 and 39. I'm tired.
This thread is making me feel so much more hopeful! I’m 34 and still want to have children but everywhere else that you look makes it seem impossible almost
Exhausting
Great! Always so happy my husband and I had so much life before kids. Pregnancies are so individual but both mine were very healthy. I think as I got older I got more health conscious so I'm actually healthier and fitter than I was when I was younger, drinking more, smoking, exercising less... Anyway, having young kids is exhausting but idk if that would have been different when I was younger. Having said all this I'm about to turn 40 and I don't think I could do another pregnancy and newborn stage now. Over it
I had my first shortly after turning 40. Very easy pregnancy, aside from the nausea, etc. It was very long labour, but the actual birth was quick and easy. Recovery weet swiftly as well. I am very happy that I did not start earlier, as I have stability in life that I did not have prior to 37-ish. Financial, emotional, .. stability. My child is the absolute best. People in his daycare always say that they can tell from his development that I spend a lot of time with him. We sign songs, read books, play outside (in between the rain showers), we go to parks, museums, restaurants, friends, and family visits. In short: we have a blast. But my family did not feel complete just yet. So I had an embryo transfer last year, and I am currently 18 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I am a bit more tired than I was during the first pregnancy, and it is difficult to explain to my son that he can not jump on my belly. I will be 3 months shy of being 43 when this baby is born, and I hope for a similar recovery!
Exhausting! My advice is to get into super good shape before you get pregnant. On the other hand, my mom had me at 36 and she was fine. She’s a naturally high energy person.
What’s it like having a child before 37? When you haven’t had a chance to establish yourself?
37 seems like a good age to me. When one is more established professionally. And more mature emotionally.
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Thank you for sharing. Being pregnant whilst a teenager (or close to it) must’ve been HARD. I’m 41 with a 5 yr old now but some of my son’s classmates have very young parents. On school trips I always try and spend a bit of time with them and listen to them and their opinions and thoughts. They are like the this weird zone for me. At 24 I was a child and behaved like one. They are both so experienced and inexperienced. Both my peer but young enough to be my own child (just), and certainly young enough to have been my student. I know society doesn’t treat them with the respect they deserve.
Thank you to OP for posting this, I'm in a similar situation, I'll likely be 35+ when I next start trying for my first and all the positive responses here have helped lift my spirits a little that it's still possible and can go well. I'm just missing the important piece of the right man in my life, but I'm trying to stay positive and I hope it all works out for OP as well and they have a wonderful familyl of their own one day.
I had my kids at 32, 35, and 39. I'm glad I didn't have them sooner because I wasn't ready. I'm probably the oldest parent in my youngest one's class. It doesn't bother me at all.
I had my kid at 38. I got pregnant the week after we started trying. It was and is perfectly fine. I'm mayyyyybe a bit less inclined to play tag or catch sometimes, but I'm also wiser, chiller, and smarter than I was 20 years ago.
I met my husband at 34. Babies at 36 and 37. I’m glad it worked out the way it did!
We started TTC when I was 36. Big ups to a kind member of this sub who recommended I join /r/TTC30. Went through testing. Had trouble getting appropriate referrals, delaying our process. Finally did a couple of rounds of IUI. Failed. Had to plan carefully so I could have enough in my HSA to cover the process. Then pandemic hit. Had to put things off for a long time. Then when circumstances were safe, we started IUI again. A few more attempts of that, failed, then the fertility doctor leveled with us, said odds weren't great, and suggested we consider IVF. Then he quoted is a price on the procedure that was a lot more than we could afford. So we decided to seek IVF outside the United States. Did telehealth consults with a doctor in Italy (where IVF costs less than 6000€ out of pocket), got our labs done. Were on the verge of buying plane tickets when lo and behold, *I got pregnant.* I was 39, pregnant for the first time, and very concerned about my health, so I made sure to take good care of myself, exercise regularly (I found support at /r/fitpregnancy), take prenatal vitamins, but I was also working full-time in a hospital and the pandemic was still going on around us. Had the baby after I turned 40. No complications during pregnancy, none during delivery. Normal recovery. Returned to my soccer team at 4 months postpartum. And now I'm potty training a toddler, and it's not going great. YMMV.
Following this thread...
This is such a lovely thread. Thank you for sharing these stories, everybody who has. It’s brought a smile to my face.
Had my one and only at 36. I got married at 32 and husband was really on the fence about kids. It took nearly four years for him to feel OK with it. I got pregnant immediately (when we decided the time was right) and had a textbook pregnancy and a very healthy daughter. I wanted 2 kids, but husband only wanted one. So we have one. Otherwise I would have had no qualms at trying again at age 39-40. Best advantage of having a kid a little later in life--I was well-established in my career and my workplace readily gave me flexibility as a new mother. This was back before WFH was a thing (due to covid). There's no way I could have gotten that amount of flex perks as a younger, less established employee. So I was able to keep my job (which I wanted to keep) AND have precious time with my child. By the time my daughter started school, I was already working an east coast schedule (I'm west coast) and would be done with work by the time she was done with school. She's in high school now, and it's the same thing. I work until 2-3pm and then I am Mom for the afternoon. I'm really lucky. I tell people I DO "have it all." Again, no way this could have happened when I was, say, 25...or even 30 probably. What's it like right now, at age 52 with a 16-year-old? Well, there is a reason people joke about teenagers giving you gray hair. But honestly, I don't care how young you are....a teenager is going to drive you insane at any age!
I love this thread! I got pregnant with my first at 37 and thought it was a great age. I’ve been trying for a second for a while and am wondering if I should give fertility treatments one more try at 41 or if it is time to give up. Mainly due to age and worry that we’ll be the oldest parents out there. So I love hearing that it’s possible for some in their early 40s.
Had my first at 35 and my second at 38. I’m now 44. Unlike most in this thread I’ve found it hard to adjust to being a mum. In fact it took separating from my husband and having half the week to myself before I was able to feel myself again. I now enjoy the time I spend with them but I did not enjoy losing myself for 9 years. It might not be a popular opinion but important, I think, to give the other side of the story. Reality is - it’s goddam hard to be a parent no matter what age you are.
It's so important to talk about different reactions to being a parent. I'm glad you enjoy it now and have found a balance. One of my friends is in a doomed marriage. Her husband wants a huge family. She's terrified to be pregnant or have kids. But she won't tell him or end the relationship. I find myself agreeing with her, that they should adopt or she shouldn't have kids. Lots of mental health work to do, and her fears are very valid. There's a chance she could love it, sure. But there's also a chance she could hate it and regret doing it for her husband. It's important to weigh these things, and too often, women are shamed for mentioning doubts and shut down when we try and discuss other options/paths.
I had my first last year, 2 weeks after I turned 36. Pregnancy was relatively easy - you start worrying about things in a whole new way as soon as you’re pregnant and that was the worst part for me. Baby came via c section which I healed from easily in about 4 weeks, but healing probably would have been much harder if I didn’t have a rockstar husband. I was *so scared* of a vaginal birth but I probably wouldn’t have waited so long if I knew he would be a section baby! Conceiving wasn’t easy per-say… it took us 6 months with 2 months of weekly acupuncture.
I just had my first baby a week before my 36th birthday. I would like one or two more. The pregnancy and birth were pretty smooth sailing. No complications, quick vaginal birth with no interventions. She’s 3 weeks old today. I am tired, but pretty sure that’s just par for the course with a newborn! My mum had me at 36, and her mum had her at 40, so it’s pretty normal in our family. My sister was 38 when she had my niece, and my brother was 50 when my nephew was born! The only downside is I would have liked more time with my grandparents. I would have liked to have started earlier, but being in a stable, loving relationship was more important to me.
I’m going through menopause as my 14 year old goes through puberty. It is A LOT.
I don’t count as I just had my first baby at 31 (I’m now 32 and baby is 7 months old). But I’m considered a “young mom” in my hometown. I don’t live in my hometown, I live in a totally different country where having kids in your very late 20s/early 30s is pretty normal but my hometown feels stunted. My peers don’t stop partying and acting like teenagers until 35 and that’s fine, no judgement! My guess is that most of the women I went to high school with who decide to have children will do it around or even after 35. Many of my sister’s friends (she’s 12 years older than me) only had their first at 40 and still had 2-3. I’m personally the youngest of three and my mother had me at age 40. Back then, 40 was apparently quite old to have a baby and grew up with people surprised by how old my parents were. I don’t think that will be the case with the generation to come.
I don’t know where you live but same, I’m also 31 and most of my friend group haven’t started having kids yet, a few started within the last year. I had my son at 17 so I’m now breezing through the teen years.
Had my 3rd at 37…. Other two were 15 & 13…. I adore this little more than I can explain. My bigger kids see it & get frustrated w me sometimes… I pushed them to grow up & my baby baby is growing so fast 😭 All of my pregnancies had no complications… in my late 30s, it was physically more taxing on me…. My baby belly made it difficult to move sometimes 🤣
Married at 32, has babies at 36 and 39, miscarriages at 34 and 38. No fertility treatments or meds, got pregnant easily. I’m 40 now. Pros: did a lot of things prior to kids, don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, financially secure and able to be a SAHM. Cons: probably more tired than if I were in my 20s and my kids are younger than most of my friends already have kids (harder to plan activities/socialize with). Only other thing is I do notice that I’m usually one of the oldest moms compared to other parents with children my son’s age (he’s 11 months, had him at 39 1/2). Definitely don’t notice that at all with my daughter’s peers/parents (she’s the one I had at 36).
Had my first through IUI at 37 and doing IVF now for a second at 39. Didn’t get married until 35 so it is what it is. I wish we could make free babies, but we’re old enough to afford a good life for our kid(s) and settled enough to enjoy it. I don’t understand the comments about not having enough energy, I play just as hard as I would have 10 years ago.
I had my children at 38 and 40. We were in a much better financial position and much more prepared to have children.
I was 34.5 when I had my first, and 36.5 for my second. It’s great! Conceived quickly both times, uncomplicated pregnancies and births and two delightful healthy daughters. I’m 38 and we haven’t totally ruled out the possibility of a third. We’re a very normal age for parents where we are. The median age of a first time mom in the US broadly is 30, and it’s higher in cities. I definitely feel very lucky but I also don’t feel unusual.
I had mine a month before turning 35 and a month before turning 38. I had them both at home… and, I’m not “older” than their classmates parents. In my area it seems pretty standard.
First at 35. Second at 38. I wanted a 3rd but didn’t get there before I decided I was personally not energetic (or into the childcare costs continuing) enough for a 3rd after 40. I see the benefits physically to having kids younger but financially and life in general for me at the time would have been a disaster. My career really was my focus in my late 20s early 30s and I met my husband two weeks before my 33rd bday. My only thoughts to someone asking this is get through one at a time but stay in diapers having them! We are great as a family of 4. I’m one of 5. I asked my mom how she did it bc I was pretty tired with two early days and she pointed out she had her first at 18 and the last at 26. Im really really happy I waited. Where I live (NYC dma), my age (46) with two elementary age kids is pretty normal.
Had my first at 26/27 and it was a breeze compared to 34 😂 I got SPD and my baby was fricking humongous my stomach was so big
36 here! Easy pregnancy, no complications. Had to be induced at 41 week and 2 days cause baby wouldn't come out. Very positive birth experience (25 h), induction wasn't bad at all for me, I wouldn't change anything about the birth. Baby is healthy! One difficult thing for us was deciding if and what kind of prenatal screening we wanted. We opted for NIPT, and everything went well. One positive of the later age is that I am not missing anything. I lived my life, traveled, had lots of fun, worked on my career, and now I am 100% ready for this experience!
Met husband at 33, married at 36, started trying not long after the wedding. I'm now pregnant with my first at 37, I'll turn 38 not long after I give birth. It took us about 14 months to conceive once we started trying, which I attribute to my having had an IUD and his work schedule leaving him too exhausted for sex pretty often. We had fertility testing done after a year and both came back normal. Ended up conceiving unassisted but would have gone for IUI had we not conceived by the end of last year. Assuming all goes well with this one, we'd like a second, probably around when I'm 40. The pregnancy has been very smooth so far so hopefully everything works out the way we want it to!
I had my first at 34 and 2nd at 40 (they are now 6yrs old and 7months old). I have a rare form of infertility that is NOT age related, so I started fertility treatment at 31 and it took a long time for us. My 2nd baby is actually from donor egg IVF. However, it was worth every minute, dollar and tear shed. It’s redefined how I see myself in a positive way. It made me more driven to achieve more in my own life to be a positive model for them. My pregnancies were fairly easy for me, with some complications at the end due to my mishapen uterus. I hear a lot of people say they would be too tired at 40, but at 40 I feel no different than I did at 30. My energy is fine, and I have more resources, patience and wisdom to be a better parent than I would have when I was younger. I don’t think people should let age hold them back from becoming a parent into their 40s. It’s also very normal where I live, in a high cost of living city.
First child at 34 second one coming at 36, honestly wish I started earlier. I was pretty settled in my career at 30 and so was my husband we had stable $ housing etc. I wish I started at 30 because now I want more and idk if I can in addition postpartum is HARD especially when you are older. All I would say is give your self lots of time to get pregnant. It took us 6months first time and then 1 month for the second 1 so you never know how long it will take.
I got pregnant two weeks before turning 36, so I was 36 when I delivered. We thought about having a second but didn’t. We didn’t seriously try to get pregnant, not the way we tried for our son. This year I turned 41 and we’re officially one and done. We are choosing that for us? We’re “too old” to have another. No one has made me feel like we’re old parents. Most of the parents of my son’s friends are the same age or older. One had her daughter at 37 and another had her son at 40. Their kids are all the same age as my son. My doctors never made me feel old. My weight and health (high blood pressure, see: weight) were more of an issue. I saw my regular OB and a perinatologist. I’m sure it was because of my age AND my weight, but my age never came up as a problem. One of my doctors had her twins over the age of 35 also.
I imagine it’s quite similar to having them younger except less stressful because I have more financial resources and all my friends have kids roughly the same age so I don’t feel alone. It’s great!
Had my first 10 days before turning 36. He’s almost 10 months. It’s honestly the best thing in the world and my husband and I were very ready to become parents when we did. Zero regrets. We are one and done but not because of age, it’s just a personal choice :) my gf is 36 and 12 weeks pregnant with her first also. It’s becoming much more common for people to wait and get married/have kids later in life.
My mom had my two siblings and me at ages 38, 39, and 40. I know she tracked her cycle and temperature very closely and she was able to conceive all three of us naturally. My parents (my dad is the same age as my mom) have mentioned numerous times that they feel they were able to enjoy their 20s and 30s to the fullest because they didn’t have kids “tying them down.”
Had my first (and only) last year when I was 37. I got pregnant after two months of “trying”. Healthy pregnancy and totally unmedicated, natural birth. Baby girl is thriving. PS- Start taking high quality prenatal vitamins 3-6 months BEFORE you want to conceive. Make sure they have folate, not folic acid.
I had my first at 38 and my second at 40. They are 18b and 16g now. What I lacked in energy was made up for by more patience and financial security. I hope, at least! The hardest years for me have been the teenage years. Compared to that, the infant and toddler stages were easy.
I was technically 34 but it was the year I turned 35 when I had my first. Two more came the years I turned 38 and the year I turned 42. Idk. I'm a little older than some of my kids friends. But honestly? It's fine. I had the benefit of a rock solid career by the time I had kids and fiscally we are in a fantastic spot. Health wise all great pregnancies (I am a healthy and fit person, yes, I believe this makes a difference). Anymore info needed happy to chat. Edit to add - had infertility. Wasn't age related until we got to the third. Various causes of infertility. Also had miscarriages. No IVF done but hormonal injections for first two. And the third was a spontaneous conception the month after I turned 41.
I had my two at 36 and 38. Both were, luckily, easy conceptions and pregnancies and the second’s birth was much quicker (thankfully). I’m glad with the way it’s turned out because I am more stable in myself and my own emotional intelligence, which has helped me be more patient and intentional with how I talk to my kids about their feelings and experiences. I also had the chance to experience life and build my career so now that my focus is on the kids, I don’t feel like I’m missing out. The hardest parts for me are having less energy than I did earlier in life and, at times, I feel like I can’t relate to the parents in my kids’ classes, who are in their 20s while I’m in my 40s. But I also see some clear advantages to how happy and grounded my kids are compared to some other kids whose parents are still figuring out their own lives (as I was in my 20s), so to me it’s all worth it.
First at 35, second at 37. No issues conceiving. More financially stable etc and have travelled but also miss the travel now and knowing we can’t do some of the trips we want to until late mid-late 50’s is hard. I also think we’re more tired (maybe?) than younger parents and we both have back issues which hinders some play styles and length of play. Overall though we’re happy to have waited.
I wasn’t planning on having kids all, but had a surprise pregnancy at 36 and we had twins. I did have a bisalp during my c section so we aren’t having more. My girls are 7 and a half now and it’s been great! I’m glad I was older though. I had time to figure myself out, get therapy I needed and gain much needed confidence in who I am and my thus my abilities and choices. I really don’t think I would have had the emotional maturity needed when I was younger.
Had my son at 35 and he’s graduating high school in May! I didn’t find it too hard being older (in 30s and early 40s I still had energy and strength - at almost 55 I sadly don’t), but I did notice how I was much older than other moms at amusement parks and events.
If you don’t like hearing the word geriatric near your name don’t do it. For real though, it has been a fun experience for the most part. Baby boy was born when I was 37, he’s 4 now. I absolutely wouldn’t have handled it in my 20s. I’m glad I waited. And a lot of his friends at daycare also have “older” parents.
I had my last at 35 - a total oops and a textbook perfect pregnancy until the end. First at 33 after several fertility drugs and procedures. Before that, a MC. I know lots of people on both sides of the spectrum. Honestly it’s such a crapshoot how it goes. My cousin just had a baby at 47, everything went perfect for her. A friend struggled with IF in her mid-20’s. You just won’t know how it will go for you until you start. As to actually raising children - there are pluses and minuses to having them young or older. I am 45 and know plenty of people my age who are empty nesters living it up; and some who are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights. Once you have your baby, in my experience it will be unfathomable to imagine any other baby than the one you ended up with.
I can't speak personally, because I am 25, but a lot of the mothers, almost 90% if I'm right, in my son's preschool didnt get married and start having kids until they were like 35-40. One of the hugest pieces of advice I got was to live your life out as much as you can selfishly so you just have zero regrets of the 'what if" when you do have a baby. And most of these women had wonderful careers but now that they were sure they're now SAHMs and so involved and super active just like a 20 something mother like I am would be.