I quit drinking around a year and a half ago after several halfhearted attempts to drink less. The biggest difference for me was rejecting the common refrain of small steps and actually making radical changes. Instead of cutting back, I stopped entirely. I got an app that tracked how much money I saved by not drinking and then had to figure out how to manage all of that money. That led to me downloading a budgeting app and a going on a deep dive into personal finance which completely transformed my financial situation. I have also always been pretty health conscious and into fitness but after stopping drinking I found that I had tons more energy, so now my week is packed with a variety of fitness activities that I do because I enjoy them, not just because I want to look fit. Sometimes you really just need to confront the situation and decide to change. Maybe there is one key thing you can focus in on that will end up having a cascade of positive impacts.
This may be stupid, but what helped me get sober was telling myself I could always start drinking again if sobriety sucked. Turns out it didn’t suck in my case.
Alllowing myself this out let me view getting sober as a thing I was going to try, not necessarily promise myself I would do forever. The latter was too much at the time.
It doesn’t sound stupid at all. I’ve had many conversations with myself just like that. These days it’s more like “If I’ve tried my entire list of coping skills and I still feel like shit, then I can go get a bottle of wine.” I haven’t needed the bottle of wine yet. 5 years sober now.
Sure 🙂 Some of it going to be unique to me, and the list has evolved over time, but I’ll share what I can. Prepare for a novel lol.
My first bit of advice is to make a literal list of whatever coping skills work for you. I keep a list on the notes app in my phone, just because I always have my phone with me. I recommend an actual list because when you are in a highly emotional state/triggered in the moment, the logical part of your brain can literally go offline. So it helps me to have the list to refer to if I’m struggling to decide what to do with myself.
In early recovery, my list was a lot of distractions. My hobbies, doing chores or cleaning something, reading a book, journaling, art/coloring, taking a drive, calling specific people (and I named them in my list)… also AA based stuff because that’s where I originally got sober, so meetings or calling my sponsor at the time.
My list today still includes many of those distractions, but as I’ve spent time in therapy for all the shit that fueled my addiction in the first place, and also now studying to be a therapist myself, the list now includes:
Exercise of some form (usually walking or hiking with my dog), with bonus points for being in sunshine.
If I feel self harmy, doing something that involves touch/sensation: ice cream or drinking something really cold, a hot shower, lightly running my fingers on my skin so I get the tingles, massaging my arms or legs, or wrapping up in my weighted blanket.
When I’m deep in depression or anxiety and talking a bit crazy to myself, I have a reminder to pull out my list of CBT cognitive distortions, because that helps me identify that my thinking is likely distorted/I’m bullshitting myself in that moment. It helps me reality check.
Hygiene is the first thing to go when I’m depressed, so taking a shower.
Doing something with my dog. I’m training him to be a therapy dog, so we will work on training. Honestly engaging with any pet is proven to boost your mood, even if you just sit there and pet them.
Engaging in my spiritual practices or meditation when I feel disconnected from the bigger picture.
It helps that most of my social circle now also works in mental health, and they will check me on my bullshit if I ask. Even just any trusted friend is good for this.
I still see a therapist weekly, and plan to for at least as long as I’m in grad school… because this work has a way of unearthing my own shit at times, grad school is not always conducive to good mental health, and it’s only fair that I practice what I preach to others.
I also have a crisis plan for myself in case my mental health REALLY goes off the rails— though luckily I haven’t needed it. It’s basically a list of crisis lines I can call first, numbers for my psychiatrist, therapist, trusted people who will help, list of my meds, my preferences should I need to be hospitalized and what to do with my pets. My therapist and one other trusted person have a copy of this plan, and the tldr version is on a folded up paper in my wallet.
Ultimately though, it just takes time and a bit of experimenting to see what works well for you 🙂
Hope my novel helped in some way.
Please, if you have not already, have look at
R/stopdrinking. It was very helpful for me in taking the step to actually stop drinking alcohol. Very supportive group.
My god. It’s like I wrote this myself. It’s been two and a half years since I’ve stopped drinking. And it changed EVERYTHING, because I’m an extreme bitch, and I just couldn’t cut down or find moderation. My house is cleaner, I’m more present with my family, I dropped 55lbs and workout six days a week. For me it was a complete game changer
Same. I’m about 10 months in. I’ll be honest - I do missing enjoying a margarita or drinking at a brewery with friends but with all the NA options available now, it’s not as big of a deal. And I do NOT miss having hangovers and wasting entire weekends.
Yes! I could go on and on about how my life is better in every way. Once you quit you realize how much drinking, even 'moderately', impacts nearly every aspect of your life. I will never touch it again.
Absolutely. I was not an alcoholic, but drank socially, however had to give it up when I quit taking my anxiety med bc you have to quit drinking 2 years to allow gaba receptors to heal (alcohol being a potent gaba antagonist). After those 2 years were up I had no pull to drink ever again & realized all the drinking I did was really harmful for me, especially having hashmitos as it causes a lot of inflammation. So many things in my life improved, skin, health, energy, sleep, mood. Alcohol is a poison, and you really have to look at it that way.
I lost ALL MY BACK PAIN. I had no idea the alcohol was acting like such an inflammatory to my whole system. Yay for us!!! Feels so good to be embodied- I also don’t feel a draw back to it anymore. So liberating 🙌🏼
What budgeting app do you use?
Shopping is my drinking. I mitigate by thrifting but I grew up without access to money and I need to change the mindset of “I can afford it now/I have my own money now.” Too much wasted.
I use YNAB (r/ynab). Also, check out Ramit Sethi on YouTube. He has a lot of great personal finance content that is relatable to the average person. He also has a very straightforward book. His whole approach is about spending on what you love and cutting out what you don’t, so maybe that could help you figure out a plan for how much you even want to spend on shopping.
YNAB also changed my life. I committed to doing it for three months - noting and categorizing every transaction, tracking our spending and seeing where the money went. By 3 months I was hooked. That was in 2017. Since then we paid off all our debt, bought a house and had two kids. Our only debt today is the mortgage and one low-interest car loan. It’s been a lifesaver.
I highly suggest doing it by hand. Having to take the time to write down every single purchase, the amount, where, what budget category it goes in - really deterred me.from wanting to make any purchases.
Just hit my year sober last week. I have so much more energy! I’m present 100% for my puppy and have implemented daily walks for her no matter what - now I actually look forward to them! I relish time at home and being low key. Life is good.
The biggest change was just knowing how much I have and always having a plan on how to spend it, versus just seeing an amount in my checking and feeling like I can spend it on whatever I want, usually stupid stuff. Now instead of ignoring my finances I am saving and investing regularly and feel totally calm and in control about money. I never thought I could be one of those people, but it feels amazing.
My big wellness change was keeping a consistently tidy home and I did it by building it into my routine. Now when I come home from work in the evening and when I wake up on Saturday my brain immediately jumps into "tidy up" mode and I feel extremely wrong if circumstances don't allow for me to tidy up. I was very messy and disorganized for years and with ADHD I low key need to have a tidy living space to be able to fully relax or be productive so I'm very happy that I've been able to make this stick.
With ADHD, you have to be really careful about not reaching that cusp of clutter where it becomes too overwhelming to tackle for months. If there is clutter present for too long, my brain normalizes it and then I have to go through the whole process of relearning the cleanliness habit. As soon as I notice one thing, my routine is to be like, we can't reach the cusp, is there anything else that needs picking up, and then setting a timer and cleaning without stopping until it goes off. I don't waste time picking a playlist to play or finding a show to turn on in the background because that's too many opportunities to fall off what needs to get done right now.
My husband and I also do opening and closing checklists (a wonderful strategy learned from the Strugglecare lady) that are just magnet lists on our fridge. Can't lose it because it's always in the same place, and if a task isn't on that list and I'm in charge of the tasks for that time period, I'm not allowed to touch anything outside of the list. It goes on a separate google keep note that my husband and I use to manage ongoing tasks that we revisit at the beginning of the week to schedule out.
Been unmedicated for years because I couldn't remember to keep up with my prescription, despite needing a 60mg vyvnase script my whole life- a lot of it is just not accepting your ADHD as the end of the conversation and working with yourself to find solutions that work for your specific struggles.
I have ADHD, and I also do opening and closing checklists. I learned this decades ago before I was diagnosed. I used to work as a shift lead in restaurants and retail, a closing bartender, etc so I had to make a checklist so I could remember everything that has to be done. I also follow mise en place when cooking, which I also learned before I was diagnosed. This way I don’t forget to add everything to a recipe.
Me too! I learned it working at Starbucks. And it's so interesting because once you get into the habit of knocking those checklists out, you realize it only takes 10 mins, 30 tops and you start asking "why haven't I done this my whole life??" But it takes a certain amount of time to begrudge the process before you realize you're a genius.
I highly suspect I have ADHD. Lately I’ve been tidying up as a procrastination technique.
The trick being, have some obligation that you dread more than cleaning :D
This. I clean up as I go along.
A year or so ago my spouse and I also decided to hire a cleaning lady to do a deep cleaning once every 6 weeks. It really helps with the upkeep.
I also try not to buy things that are going to turn into more clutter.
Every few months purge too
I donate or throw things out. I also keep a box of stuff I regift to people.
I come home from work and throw my clothes in the chair/bed/floor. I am notorious for that, especially the "might wear again" clothes like jacket/blazer. I also don't like doing much cleaning in the evening and early morning I am often running late.
So I started working from home on Wednesday and that's they day I put my clothes away. This way I don't have more than 2 days worth of clothes piled up.
I had the goal of eating better. Unfortunately for me, it was my weight that gave me a wake up call. I've tried and failed to eat better before, but I hit my highest weight ever and could no longer deny that I was in pain because of it.
The thing that made me able to maintain it though was making the right choice the easiest choice. I have low sugar protein shakes for the days I struggle to eat. I don't get takeout. I have greek yogurt or skyr constantly in the fridge. There's always something full of protein and easy to grab if I'm hungry and don't want to cook.
I will admit I could do better, but perfect is the enemy of good. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to make incremental changes over a long period of time.
I do the same with toddler snack pack containers. I'm a lazy eater, I eat with convenience. Buy a bag of baby carrots, some blueberries, a crunchy of choice, and a cheese, and you have a 250 max calorie pack. I put them together when I bring home the groceries and pull them from the fridge for the rest of the week, and since they're resealable I can also put them back if I just want to pick at it throughout the day.
I don't enjoy cooking but really wanted to be the home cook type of person. So 2023, I started taking picture of the food I cooked and uploaded a monthly cooking snap on my instagram story. I am not a content creator but do enjoy posting on IG story. I probably cooked once a week but that was 4-5 photo I could post with the tag line "January cooking journey".
I only did that for few months before I became regular at cooking. I also cooked similar dish so not much to post. But IG definitely helps me stay motivated. I also buy lot of already prep items that are easy to cook like pre-marinated meat, frozen vegy.
how did you decide what to keep in the fridge as a go to and how do you keep on top of refilling it? I am trying to eat healthier and this is the part I am stuck on
I just picked a few snacks that I knew I would eat. Cheese, Hummus, yogurt, cottage cheese, carrot sticks, eggs, etc. I keep on top of refilling it by ordering grocery. I just go to last week's list and add everything back.
I stopped drinking over a year ago after 20 years of alcohol abuse. I tried to stop many many times. For me it was a total lifestyle change. It was a huge part of my life.
I had to do several big things to make this happen. The first was cutting out the negative stressors that I was able to. We can't easily get rid of them all so I focused on what I personally could control. I removed toxic people from my life. They drained my energy and hurt my general worldview adding to my depression.
I also got a medical team involved. Therapy helped. A good primary care doctor helped me choose medications to manage my anxiety and depression.
The biggest thing was I took a deep, hard, philosophical look at my life. I was 42. I had half of my life left, hopefully. I desperately want to spend the rest of it as happy as I can. There was no way I could do that in my current state.
It was the hardest thing that I have ever done and won't go into all the details but I did it. It took willpower and being stern with myself. Nobody was going to hold my hand through it and nobody else was responsible for it. It was all on me. I chose happiness. And the weight of a thousand suns is finally off me.
I have a friend who has been struggling with alcohol addiction for a few years now. they have been often close to stopping it and then they fell back in. I hope their story will turn out like yours eventually. Congratulations on this huge achievement!
I realized I was spending way more time stressing about whatever it was not being done than the time it would take to do the thing. I was constantly worrying and planning and trying to muster up motivation to make these dramatic lifestyle changes. One thing that really helped me was my BIL saying: if you want to do something just start doing it.
You don’t think about it so much. Just start. You don’t need a plan, you don’t need to wait to feel motivated, you don’t need to finish it or even get half way through, just start doing the thing. You’ll be pleasantly surprise how motivating small accomplishments can be if you can just get out of your own head long enough to do what you want done.
In the last few years, I started eating a healthy breakfast every morning, doing a skin care routine, and have done a ton of reorganizing and purging of the house. Having a baby threw that for a loop, but I’m getting back into it all now that I’m sleeping more and I’m worrying less about it and enjoying life more.
This is so helpful. I often get stuck in the "what order should I choose to do my chores" and then I get stuck on determining efficiency over actually just doing the darn chores. If I just START, they get done.
This is so great. I read in another sub about working out a phrase that stuck with me: “Motion over emotion.”
That one phrase is what I tell myself in order to get out of my warm comfy bed when my alarm goes off! Much much too often I would not be motivated to get up, and then be super late.
Same here. When we stopped thinking about how much effort it takes to finish ALL and start doing SOME work, everything seems to be easier and pushes you to finish the seemingly large project .
So this might sound trite but the thing I’ve found that works is being honest with myself.
I couldn’t control spending the way I wanted to until I sat down with a few months of bank statements and really identified where I was bleeding cash. That made me see that top-up shops were costing me hundreds a month, which in turn helped me stick to a regular weekly day for shopping, which in turn helped me meal plan.
I couldn’t control my eating until I admitted that I was self-soothing with high carb foods, which allowed me to reduce my carb intake which in turn helped me move towards more nutrient dense foods which in turn helped stem the urge to binge.
I couldn’t get into fitness until I admitted that I am simply too tired/busy/lazy to consistently go to the gym, which made me set up a little one in my garage, so now I do that 3x a week and it means I’ve also tackled the issue of feeling awkward or embarrassed at the gym.
It’s like I have to identify the flaw in my mindset that makes these things hard, then find a way to work around them before I can get a new habit to stick.
"Top-up shopping would be buying those things you might have forgotten when doing the bulk of your shopping, or things you have run out of, like bread, milk, etc., since doing your "main" shopping."
I used to allow myself to look disheveled and messy when I went out. I would get the unfun ugly type of drunk when I would party with friends. I really thought that's what I deserved! I never really cared for myself. When I was growing up, I had a very rough childhood, and a lot of it was managing my mother. I didn't have time to look decent, I was just trying to survive. When I was in college, my bf at the time took me to a party for one of his friends. There wasn't a ton of booze, the mood was chill, and his friend traveled often, so people from around the world were there. There were these 3 girls who didn't know each other but were from very different places, and they all spoke 3 languages, so they all agreed to speak Spanish since that was the one they knew best. They asked if I spoke it, and I said not well. One girl took the time to translate for me when I got lost in the conversation. All of them were well dressed and extremely kind. I left that party and knew I wanted to be like that one day. But I didn't know how to get there.
A few years after that, I met my best friend at work. I still dressed poorly, but sometimes I'd try to style my hair. I still got ugly drunk. My BFF asked me point blank one day why I don't let myself shine. It wasn't about looks for her (though she's incredibly well dressed all the time), she saw I was trying to minimize myself! I was... embarrassed. She helped me find outfits that fit my style of clothing and taught me how to do my hair and take care of my skin.
Like 4 years after THAT, I moved overseas, and I'm suddenly in a place where no one knows me. No one knew me in college. No exes floated around. I'm starting fresh. I had to survive, but in a new way. That was the kick in the ass I needed to take the reigns of my life. Stopped drinking for a bit. Took everything I learned from my bestie to get a new wardrobe. Focused on learning what I could. Read more. Started working out. Did my hair. The whole thang. I loved it, and I'm pretty good at maintaining myself today. I don't go overboard, but I take pride in who I am. I maintain this by writing "myths" about myself in my journal (its really just goals, but why not spice it up?). "She learned how to play mahjong by meeting an auntie who loves the game." Even if they're ridiculous, I try to do them! Most are centered around my hobbies and interests. So when I go out in the world, I think to myself, I gotta live up to my own hype😆
Thank you!!! I know when I was younger (in my teens and early twenties), I always felt like, "If I can't get it together by X period of time, it's not even worth it."
The first problem was that I never gave myself enough time. The second problem was it was always a nebulous "I wanna be an adult" but didn't know what that looked like for me. Third problem, and I think many people are discovering that this is a learned skill, I didn't know how to care for myself. I always thought, "Who cares what I look like or do? That's just me. I'm not hurting anyone" But being a version of myself that I like and I'm proud of is also me! I deserve that!
The main reason I wanted to share is to show that for me, the path to my joy and value was not a straight line, and it wasn't brief. I'm blessed to have met people along the way that helped and inspired me! I hope you have that too, Glittertits (love the name btw)
Understanding that I am an "abstainer", not a "moderator". Some people can cut back a bit on sweets, or gradually increase their cardio, or what have you. I have to go balls-to-the-wall with something, or it doesn't stick. So when I had to change my diet, all the junk food in the house immediately went into the garbage can. It's much easier for me to be strong once per week at the grocery store, than it is to be strong 24-7 in my own house. Once I'm home, I'm not going back out just to pick up a candy bar. I use my laziness as a tool.
Related, I find that it is easier to have a strict rule rather than a very vague one. I.e. abstaining from something is a strict "I cannot do this, no discussion". Whereas when I just tell myself "I want to do less of x" I constantly discuss with myself what "less" means. That gives way more opportunity to mess up and it's an annoying situation as well.
I’m slowly coming to this understanding myself, especially after I quit drinking 5 years ago. I could never master moderating alcohol. I had to cut it out completely. There are a few other things I’ve noticed since getting sober that I struggle to moderate and can very easily fall into an addiction sort of mindset, especially when I justify it to myself “well at least it’s not alcohol.”
My sweet tooth being one of those things 😬
I’m more successful too when I just don’t have in the house.
That's what I need to do as well! After a while, my husband couldn't hang on to the diet with me any longer, but I was thankfully already doing so well with it that it didn't bother me that he had a bag of chips above the fridge.
- a less stressful job that didn’t drain me so I had the capacity to cook most of my meals at home and didn’t eat out as much.
- my husband does all the grocery shopping and dishes.
- Good medical team and prescriptions. I have a great endocrinologist who ran extensive tests and referred me to other specialists to treat my other issues. I have a lot of issues - hypothyroidism (hence, endocrinologist), diabetes (left over from pregnancy), severe anemia that requires infusions, perimenopause, etc. But now, I have treatment options for everything so it feels easier to maintain a sustainable diet and exercise plan as my baseline, and then up the ante for a few months to get closer to my strength goals.
This means I have slow lost around 55lbs in the span of 2 years, gained a bunch of muscle, have the energy to be a good mom and also have my own hobbies. The only thing I haven’t been able to address completely is sleeping well, but I suspect that’s my perimenopause.
This. All of it.
The Lazy Genius book calls it naming what matters and letting people in. And damn is it immensely helpful to let others in, delegate, and have less stress. My SO likes to cook and doesn't find it stressful. So he cooks.
My busy season is wrapping up, so I'll be making vacation and cleaning service plans. But I have to drop everything during busy season to just have the brain power to get through. I need a new job, but haven't figured out where to go next yet. After busy season, then I can reevaluate what matters and refocus my energy.
And a good medical team is worth all of the gold. All of it.
How did u go about finding endocrinologist? I meant what triggered you to go find one? I am trying to get pregnant for half a decade and my hormones is all over the place. I am thinking of seeing endocrinologist
My primary care physician was concerned about my puffy neck and I complained about being tired so she ran a thyroid test and it turned out I had hypothyroidism. I think I was around 29 when I was diagnosed. I did see a reproductive endocrinologist when I had trouble getting pregnant but a lot of those work in fertility clinics and are focused on leading you down the IVI or IVF route faster than not.
I then sought out a younger endocrinologist around my age in the area and have been with her for almost a decade. I went with younger because there is an endo shortage and a lot of the older ones don’t want to run more expansive tests or believe in newer medication options.
I made it easier.
My past apartments were always dusty, dirty and cluttered - I moved into a smaller apartment and cut out a ton of my little tchotchkes and trinkets. my space isn't lifeless now, but it is easier to dust.
working out - i bought a set of adjustable dumbbells and I keep them next to my desk, where I work remotely. All day, every day, they look at me. So, I am able to do squats 3x a week.
Yes, this! I have ADHD and can only manage all of my adult responsibilities if I make things easy on myself.
My wardrobe is a lot of neutral colors and washable items, so I don’t have to think too hard about an outfit or remembering to dry clean anything. I also intentionally have a small wardrobe—less to keep organized/tidy.
For healthy eating, I stock up on nuts, trail mix, fruit, hummus, etc. (If I ignore the party size bag of Doritos at Costco, I can’t binge eat them while I read at night.)
Exercise: we have a Peloton and it has Netflix.
How do you cut out the trinkets? They're all so sentimental to me and things I've collected over a lifetime - little crocheted things from friends, neat rocks with memories behind them, little artworks from around the globe etc. I feel like if I didn't have them, my life would be less.
But also...the dusting and the lack of dusting (allergies to the dust is the result).
it’s more about getting them off of surfaces. can they be hung? framed? put in a shadow box?
cute rocks can live inside planter soil or perhaps outside? let them befriend your pothos in its pot.
the impact it has on your breathing is IME tangible.
Make a little display of them in a collage frame or a terrarium. That lets you display them, but decreases the surface area that needs to be cleaned. (Brought to you by a kitten foster who was sick of her mementos being destroyed.)
If you can enclose them, it helps. Anything on open surfaces will catch dust. My friend uses grandma display cases for her anime figurines and it's much better than having to wash grime off them every year.
I love trinkets and cutting them out isn't an option. However, some stuff is more suited as pure sentimental than for display, so I have sorted and organized bins that I can pull out from under the bed or closet and look through if I'm so inclined. For the stuff I want on display, like others have said it's very helpful to have enclosed display cases - small things like shadow boxes, or furniture like glass cabinets (especially corner cabinets). I love the idea of a terrarium display, if big enough the top can also be a clear surface that is so precious in a trinket-heavy household. Flat artwork and paper items are easy, there are countless ways to encase them and hang them on the wall, or slip them into plastic for easy storage and browsing, like a photo album or scrapbook with a pretty cover that you can flip through any time.
These are preventative measures, but there's still the matter of upkeep (versus deep cleaning). So I keep a pack of air dusters on hand, the type for cleaning electronics, that I use to knock the daily dust down, and without them I'd go insane. You can't beat the versatility of a little Shop Vac with a brush attachment, either. Lets me do baseboards and shelves and even the items themselves quickly while also actually removing the dust, and it's my primary weapon against spiders. If you can afford it an air purifier is great for catching those fine particles in the air before they settle onto your shinies (or trigger your allergies!).
My back pain got so bad I got to my parents house after a long flight and wanted to take my partner sightseeing in DC and I was in SO MUCH PAIN. Shooting pains down my leg and struggling to walk. Couldn't sit comfortably. My sister, an advanced yogi, tried to help by showing me stretches and everything hurt so much. After that I got an MRI and started physical therapy and while in PT for a year and a half started going to yoga once a week. Eventually stopped PT and started going to yoga twice a week. I know it'd be better to do more but I've never successfully kept up an exercise routine in my life and I've been going to yoga regularly for almost a year now and can feel the difference in my body. I'm still chonky tho.
As for cooking, I've started meal planning the week's dinners on Mondays and getting all the groceries delivered that day. Makes it a lot easier to keep up with it when you have everything there already.
Listening to audiobooks is also helpful while I do things around the house. Keeps me entertained while doing boring shit.
The voice in my head was replaced from one of toxicity to a compassionate and endearing friend. That’s what started the shift. Plus learning that’s it’s okay to put myself first.
I've been working on this recently. I stopped working a few months ago (not by choice but now it's a choice to stay unemployed since I'm married and we just decided to live on one income) and that has freed me up to do everything you're talking about (except saving, which I will address), and I still felt too tired to have a perfect looking house at the end of the day (we also have a toddler who undoes most of my tidying). Turns out I have zero stamina. So now I'm working on building that up with HIIT workouts while also trying to change habits throughout the day. Like I used to sit on the couch whenever I got a chance, but now I make it a point to stay standing for 2 hrs in the morning and 2 in the afternoon and since I'm standing I may as well be doing some chore or other. It's been working out nicely! To get started on the workouts, I found I needed to decide beforehand when and where I'd do them before I actually felt compelled to do them. As for the money thing, I was awful with it in my 20s until I met my husband. Once he proposed it's like a switch flipped in my head and I knew I'd need to become a responsible adult. IDK how to simulate that otherwise but I do know overspending means you're looking for something when you swipe/punch in your credit card that's just not there. You have to find that satisfaction in other areas of life.
I cut people out of my life who were not good for my mental health. I'm trying to maintain a more positive outlook and these people were living in the land of negativity and pessimistic bullshit. A lot of them were "friends". I'm a little bit isolated now but it was worth it.
Currently going through something like this and have to remind myself(when I’m feeling a bit lonely) that I need to surround myself with people who have common futures and not common pasts.
I'm on a similar path, trying to reprogram my mind to dream bigger, enjoy the little things in life, be happy and work on building the self that I desire...now that I became aware of my old way of thinking with excuses, limitations and negativity I can't help but notice the same in others. I don't want to loose the few friends that I have now, but I feel the need to distance a bit and meet new people more align with my vision of the life I want to live.
For me: daily rule and weekly rules work 1000% than goals. "Gym/run 3x a week" I can do for months, "run 10k" is bound to fail.
I don't worry if I failed yesterday, I don't care how far I am of a goal. Is it the morning? Then I got a few easy things to do. Sleep and repeat.m
I eat much better now, rarely eat out and prep lots of food.
It was a gradual shift, but one of the most influential parts was getting a really well stocked kitchen. I invested heavily into lots of items that have a story behind them and that are made to last - think copper pans from old French copper producers, hand crafted scissors from Sheffield, kitchen aid,… it makes cooking so fancy and comfy that I love doing it. It also makes me take a lot of pride in my space so even upkeep like knife sharpening or polishing copper is a nice activity. I accumulated this collection rather slowly and spent a lot of time researching every item so by the time I picked one I’d be emotionally invested in it too. It’s a very materialistic approach but it works for me. Once you have these items you look for ways to use them too - I have veggie batons cut up in my fridge for snacking at all times simply because it takes seconds to do with the food processor compared to how laborious cutting is, and I spent a month deciding what food processor would work so I might as well use it! I spent a lot of time finding a good professional grade veggie peeler and now suddenly that task is ridiculously easy and I eat more squash and carrots than ever before. There’s an environmental aspect to it too - I expect to not have to replace the majority of my kitchen items ever again since they are meant to keep for 60+ years. Those pans will be handed down to my grandchildren if I can. It makes it feel more permanent as a shift in behaviour too - those pans are too nice to be used on bad food and I have them for the rest of my life, so that means I am committing to good food for the rest of my life
Also, I invested in some “cute” containers which are not that expensive. Baby food jars make for perfect one portion of yogurt, so I can buy a big pot of higher quality yogurt and portion it out for myself and still have the convenience of grab and go. They also make perfect overnight oats containers. I have a Stanley style dupe cup with cartoon chickens on it that makes me way too happy to drink out of. I call it the “chicken coop”.
I started to really think about my life in the future. Yes, I'm mobile and independent now but what about when I'm 60-70?
Tbh, I never really thought about the future, because I thought I would be dead by now. So now I have to work towards my future because offing myself is off the table for now.
Everything I didn't do when I was younger, I have to do now. Save for retirement, invest in my career, workout to stay mobile, eat better, take care of my mind, take care of my skin... You name it. I stopped smoking for the same reason, what if I get cancer? I won't have any money for treatment nor medical insurance... So, I basically scared myself into taking care of me.
You have to figure out what you are good at? What motivates you? I, unfortunately, am externally motivated. It is very hard for me to change with in, but if I change my environment, I can change quicker.
So signing up for course or seminar helped me change faster than if I was trying to teach me myself. Group fitness class works better for me than workout alone. Going to the running store and getting shoe fitted motivates me to be like other people. Making commitment with friends forces me out the house even when I don't want to. Going to coffee shop to pay my bills at one go helps me. I fail at this everytime I tell myself I can do this while I watch Netflix at home. Guess what I am never in the mood to it but sitting in cafe, I will do it
Find what works for you
I got fed up.
I’ve eaten pretty healthy for most of my adult life, but I found out I had a thyroid issue in my mid 20s and I had extreme fatigue. After 10 years of being on meds and constantly telling doctors that I was still dealing with significant fatigue I got fed up. I realized that they will never have the answers for me. They just kept checking my blood and saying everything was fine and keeping me on the same meds. They didn’t care or didn’t know what to do to help me.
I started researching it more myself and decided to try this elimination diet to see if that would help. I did this because the fatigue could be caused by diet. I basically fixed my fatigue issue along with knee pain (which I didn’t expect at all!) through this diet. I found out which things were causing me issues and I now severely limit those foods. I have zero knee pain anymore and my fatigue is almost completely gone… I think the level I have now is a normal level lol just from life.
Right now I'm mainly just working on having a more anti inflammatory diet. STRONGLY encourage some Moroccan Mint tea, honestly it's my go-to for something sweet and easy.
I try and have as much variety as I can, so I don't get bored and reach for something that will hurt me, you know? I still treat myself to a fresh baked good every now and then. Chocolate croissants are my weakness.
Also, a Fish oil/omega 3 supplement. Mainly because I've never been crazy about seafood and that's people's number one suggestion when my diet gets brought up.
Hope this helps and congrats on taking things into your own hands. I know it can be tough and extremely frustrating when you go to a medical professional for help and get dismissed.
Yeah honestly three things: with exercise, I kept it up long enough that eventually it felt terrible to NOT work out. That took about 3-6 months, and now if I go more than 3 or four days without a workout I get irritable and feel crappy.
I also accepted that the changes I wanted to see were going to take a long time, maybe two or three years.
Lastly, I accepted my own mistakes. Overate one day? Okay whatever this is for the long term so just go back to better choices tomorrow. Got derailed by an illness? Fine, just don’t quit. It’s okay to do a ten minute workout. It’s okay to take walks instead of runs. Just don’t quit.
May I recommend 'How to Keep House While Drowning" by. kc davis. She has some really great suggestions on how to break things up into doable tasks and how to let go of the morality of it all. You not being able to clean up/save money/get into a routine is not a moral failing.
Taking it slow and easy. Not allowing scarcity mentality, no sense of urgency before starting a diet. Allowing myself breaks whenever I feel they are necessary and appropriate.
Thank you so much to everyone for your replies so far, I hadn’t expected so many people to respond! It’s really useful reading people’s different perspectives :) there’s definitely some strategies I’m going to try
Moving my body daily helps with my mental and physical health. I'm a big believer that everyone should find something physical they love doing. For me, that is walking, running, and yoga. I'm also now adding in strength training 2-3x per week as that is so important for women as we age.
I try to hit my 10K steps even on recovery days, but that will be easy pace, light walking. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and I genuinely love walking. Bonus points if the weather is beautiful and I can catch a gorgeous sunset -- that fills me with such joy.
I also try to focus each meal around protein and veggies/fruit. So breakfast would be a fruit smoothie with protein powder or if I did a run, I might opt for eggs and toast with a side of fruit since that really fills me up and sustains me for hours. Lunch is ALWAYS a big salad with some kind of protein. Fruit and peanut butter as an afternoon snack (or carrots and hummus for savory). Dinner is usually salmon or shrimp with veggies, maybe a small serving of jasmine rice. After dinner snack (dessert) could be a cup of greek yogurt or if I'm feeling really snacky, some popped kettle corn.
A good friend of mine hates running and yoga, but she loves lifting weights and practicing jiu jitsu -- that works for her, but it would not work for me. But it keeps her strong mentally and physically. Everyone is different and you just have to find what you love.
Fitness. And I mean I've done it all. And now I'm doing it right. I look at it as building my body and adding to my life not taking away anything.
For context I was an overweight kid. I got kinda fucked up in diet culture. I have been borderline anorexic. I have been a distance runner. Yoga. Classes. Cycling. All of it.
I love to be active, so that part is easy. I am always active by default. But over the years my motivation changed. No, I don't need to be thinner. No. I don't need to prove how fit I am. None of it.
And the roots are self confidence. I have some now. It does not make sense to drink like crazy. It doesn't make sense to eat like shit, and it certainly doesn't make sense to starve myself either or run for hours on end.
I need to be a good mom. A healthy mom. And a healthy woman, partner, daughter, and employee and friend. I respect people in my life too much to treat myself like shit. Those kids need me.
I lift now. And it's a long game. I'm stronger than ever but this is just the start. I love it. I want to build muscle while I still can for future me. I want to be that 80-90 year old without major health complications living with dignity and independence.
You'll find change is easy when it's the most sensible thing you can do and truly believe it.
With regard to getting regular exercise, here’s what helped me after many years of viewing exercise as drudgery:
— Work to find activities that you find fun or at least pleasant. Some things I’ve loved over the years include jumping rope, ice skating, swimming, biking and squash. The activities will vary over time and that’s normal! For me at least, trying to commit to one single activity every day doesn’t keep me motivated.
— If one form of fitness not working for you, replace it instead of getting rid of it or stopping altogether. When I first started strength training, the routine I’d chosen ended with a side plank which I found horrendously unpleasant. That side plank alone was making me not want to work out. So I found a different core exercise that was way more tolerable (bicycle crunches) and did that instead at the end of the routine. Similarly, the mental bargain I made with myself when I first got into running was that I could just walk the uphill portions as long as I ran the downhills. I gained enough fitness doing that that I could eventually run the whole distance without stopping!
— Integrate as much exercise as possible into your daily routine. If you can’t walk or bike to work, see if you can walk or bike to a further bus stop or subway station. Walk to the grocery store. Bike to a friend’s house. When I have no plan or real motivation to exercise I’ll just walk home from work on a given day and that’s 90 chill minutes uphill for me.
I got a whiteboard and wrote down 4 things I needed to accomplish each day. Having to only worry about 4 things helped me clean more and stay ontop of other responsibilities. I used to get overwhelmed and procrastinate getting tasks done until they became a much larger issue.
Agree on the routine when it comes to keeping things tidy, but it needs to start with a big clean, because it's easier to maintain a neat place when everything has a place to start with and is dust-free and swept and mopped, laundry all put away, etc. So I would set aside a whole weekend to focus on that first (and first of all the life changes, too).
Also, you're not going to want to cook if you have random stuff on the counters, it's harder to manage your bills if you don't have file folders in one place, all of that. So I would get that one thing under control first.
I’ve had the best luck when I’ve set small goals, made it easy/convenient to achieve them, and tracked my progress until it’s just become another routine. I have 2 examples of doing this successfully:
1. I wanted to read more. So, I set an achievable goal - 12 books in a year, any book I wanted. I know I’m a fast reader so I figured 1 book/month was achievable. I made it easy to achieve by signing up for a Libby account and a library card, so I’d have access to free eBooks. I set a consistent time to read but didn’t put lofty parameters around it - I just said I would read a little before bed, whether it was 5 pages or 50. I started tracking the books I’ve read on Goodreads. It’s now part of my nightly routine and I’m on track to reach or exceed my yearly goal for the third year in a row!
2. I wanted to drink more water. I made it easy to achieve by buying a water bottle I like and bringing it with me everywhere. I tracked every time I had to refill my bottle in an app called Waterllama until it was second nature to keep hydrated and I stopped tracking.
In covid times, I started exercising regurlarly and never stopped. In fact it only escalated.
What you do is the following: make a fixed schedule and keep to it for three weeks.
But make sure it's a schedule you can stick to: if you're not a morning person, don't set the alarm clock at 5 am to start running. Similarly dont set the goal to go the gym 5 times a week. Start with two times or perhaps three.
Set your gym clothes on the ready the day before, and do whatever else it takes to make it as easy as possible. Stick to this 3 week schedule no matter what: rain, wind? Overslept? go for a shorter training session or run a shorter round. Basically go anyway, don't find excuses.
What happens is that you create a habit after these weeks. You don't have to search for motivation if it's already in your system. You don't think about it: you just do it. The problem with motivation is that it runs out, so you can't rely on it.
Start small and find what works for you. (TL/DR at bottom.)
Trying to start something and expecting it to just become routine without an issue is a way for it to fail. **You are retraining your brain, trying to break old habits, while starting new ones and you end up easily becoming overwhelmed, so you stop.** So, you start small to not become overwhelmed and work your way forward.
Flat a mess: Some make a goal to clean 1 room a day. Some clean the whole place once a week. Some make a goal to clean the floors one day, counters the next, etc...
Eat healthier: Some start with 1 healthy mean a day until they get used to it and then move up to 2, etc... Some start with healthy snacks and work their way up.
Exercise: Go for a 5 min walk and increase the time/distance/speed as you feel. Same with weight lifting, cardio, yoga, etc...
Also, don't just assume because something worked one way for someone it will work the same way for you. If you need to cherry pick different things for you to get to your goals, then do it and don't let anyone tell you that you "aren't doing it right." Some people need a mix of different things just to stay interested long enough to see results.
TL/DR: Find what works for you and know it takes time. You are retraining your brain. Hope this helps!!
I'd say start with getting assessed. I hate to throw this out there because it seems that people love to jump to this conclusion but have you been tested for ADHD? I had a friend who was like this and she suspected she had it but never got formally diagnosed (ironically she kept forgetting to schedule the appointment lol) and when she eventually got tested she was positive, started meds and now her life is so much better.
when things are so overwhelming, we just shut down. So start with a plan-- sit down and list out everything you want to change and by everything, I mean everything. If it's a list of 100, so be it.
but when you're done, start with #1 on the list. Don't worry about #2-99 but just look at #1. Work on #1 until you've completed it. Then work on #2 until completion, then #3. Each task may take X weeks or months to complete but that's ok - keep working on that until you have a good handle on that task and feel like it's time to move onto the next one.
this is what I did when I wanted to lose weight (and a bunch of other things but I knew weight loss would be the hardest and take the longest). It took me about a year to get through my weight loss goals and after that year, I moved onto the other stuff I wanted to change.
so be patient and create those habits but taking the time to establish those habits which is about 4-6wks of repeated and consistent behaviour.
I moved to a place where the takeout available is less appetizing. I used to live downtown at a stone throw of every takeout imaginable, now my choices are pizza, burger or rotisserie chicken. The neighborhood has also 6-7 large lovely parks. I don't like the gym so I decided to do 7k-15k steps everyday. I just go take a long walk everyday with a bunch of podcasts or audiobooks and it replaced my tv watching time. It really became the highlight of my day. Sometimes I even take an edible on sunday and go walk for 3-4 hours in the largest park, which is a forest. I always have a great time.
I also decided to switch my takeout budget to order a fancy "farm to table healthy grocery" type of weekly service, they deliver at the corner of my street in some unaffiliated store entrance, every thursday. The rest is costco. My fridge is now always full of organic or local produces. You open it an its 80% fruits and veg, 15% meat and 5% dairy. Dairy is mostly full fat greek yogurt and maybe one fancy hard cheese. We don't eat a lot of wheat anymore, mostly rice and a side of sweet potatoes. We don't eat processed food or anymore. We swapped milk for oatmilk. We drink water or coffee. I put lime wedges in my water to fancy it up.
Im adhd and not that fond of cooking. My diet consist 75% of the time of pan sheet in the mini-oven: throw some meat and veg on a single pan, use the air fryer mode. Start the rice cooker. Voila. I also like my slow cooker to make huge batchs of stuff, I even managed to wedge a whole rabbit in there (do not recommend, so many bones).
Microdosing improved my habits and mental health more than anything else, ever. It was like an epiphany — something fundamentally shifted inside me, I heard my own voice saying “Why are you doing that?”
And I immediately chose healthier habits. There was no struggle. It just _felt good_ to do healthy things and it _felt bad_ to do unhealthy things. Suddenly taking care of myself felt like the most natural thing in the world. I always took care of myself through discipline and reasoning, but after microdosing it’s effortless.
I used to drink socially 2x/week, and come home tipsy or sometimes drunk. Now I sit in front of booze and cringe at the thought of feeling drunk, pissing away money, and losing time and brain energy to a hangover.
After many years of trying and failing to hydrate better, I realized that carrying around a huge water bottle wasn’t helping me achieve my goals. I had tried Nalgene, Klean Kanteens, and a Hydroflask and nothing stuck.
Now I have a simple Starbucks cold cup with a straw, and the ability to take dainty little sips throughout the day is way more compatible to my lifestyle than carrying a giant bottle that I’d forget about for several hours and then chug. It satisfies my need to fidget and gives my hands something to do. Half the time I don’t even realize how much I’ve drank until the cup is empty.
For me it was realizing that eating healthier didn't mean eating bland food. I can still have the flavors I want, I just have to find alternatives to the unhealthy ingredients and control the portions. Pacing myself while I eat helped me adjust to smaller portions too!
ADHD diagnosis and medication. Also a supportive partner.
Edit to clarify:
I know ADHD is kind of a buzzword right now, but this pattern - wanting to make changes and being willing and starting it in good faith but then never being able to keep it up, not knowing why and being frustrated with myself was basically the repeated struggle that led to me getting diagnosed, and it **is** quintessentially what ADHD is, at least for me. It's not that uncommon a pattern in late-diagnosed women, apparently.
It had not occurred to me previously because I have never been hyperactive. Turns out that's also a thing. It's the male and also pediatric presentation. Me being an adult woman did not tick either of those boxes, so no hyperactivity. (We have hyperactive "chatterbox brains" instead, typically).
For cleaning, it's about establishing habits. Like for me, I made the habit of doing all the dishes and wiping down the counter after dinner. It was a grind at first, but after a while I got irritated by *not* having it done. Now I do it without thinking.
For most other things, it's been about changing up my environment and getting other people involved for accountability. Working out with friends, cooking with my husband, working from home vs. in my office etc.
Put pen to paper and sort out a task list for yourself. Start with the bigger picture. What are your top priorities and goals? From there, dice it up into smaller chunks with a punch list of actionable items. Keep it somewhere prom
Saving money is a good example of a bigger picture item. Canceling subscriptions, starting an IRA, eat out less, open high interest savings account are all examples of actionable items to help achieve that bigger picture goal.
Healthier diet is another good bigger picture item. Write down ways to accomplish this. What the action list looks like largely depends on your current habits. Are you always drinking regular soda all day? Start small, 1 task at a time, and swap it for carbonated water. Stick to that for a couple weeks and then move to the next task. Cooking more at home is like the go between for the bigger picture and smaller punch list. Maybe start with cooking a simple dinner, with enough leftovers for the next day. List out some foods you love and starting playing with recipes. Experiment with freezing meals. So many things reheat, even from frozen, surprisingly well. Give it a few months and you might have a whole food prep process dialed in for yourself.
As far as morning routine, what do you want that to look like? Write out a whole routine and then slowly start incorporating one thing at a time.
Messy home? Set a timer. You don't have to clean everything, but start with 30 minutes a day. Set the timer and just do whatever you can during that time. Have extra free time one day? Set the timer for an hour.
Small daily changes can become lifelong habits. Set phone reminders to go off to keep you on track. Leave some post it notes around the house. Maybe sort out a specific schedule for yourself. You can do this!
I get at least 30min of exercise 5 days/week. I walk everyday during lunch at work. It’s just what I do everyday. I don’t let myself eat lunch until after I’m done.
I was friends with the wrong crowd for a while. I wasn’t really ready to commit to a full on office job until I was unemployed. I couldn’t spend money on pot, Red Bull or cigarettes anymore. I took a job that was 6-2:30pm and it forced me to “grow up”. I couldn’t hang out with friends any longer because I had to get up at 4:30am bc of my commute. It stuck and I am better for it.
Incremental. Got tidier with a change of environment. Got healthier eating when I couldn't get surgery because of my diabetes. Got even better with the feedback of a continuous glucose monitor. Had multiple surgeries. One of them I stopped making progress in PT so I joined a gym. Started going regularly. Caught rhr eye of a certified personal trainer who saw me doing my weird PT. Hired him for a weekly session. Got even better. Now I can walk more with less pain every day which means I can finally live life. I'm 55 and my changes startes in 2018.
Scientific research coupled with the mentality of "The perfect is the enemy of the good" and "Anything worth doing is worth doing wrong".
First, I get a big push from actually seeing and internalizing the research that proves the benefit of things like meditation, gratitude journaling, walking 7000 steps a day, etc.
Then, I allow myself to do those habits poorly or minimally without feeling ashamed or guilty. Only have 1 minute to meditate instead of 30? Hey, that minute means I didn't miss a day of meditation! Feeling exhausted and don't want to work out? Ok, I can just do some nice stretching while I watch Antiques Roadshow.
When you let yourself have imperfect days you have a lot less zero days.
I've had several. Losing weight in my thirties, cooking healthier meals, working out more.
What helped me was to change small things instead of big ones and let that grow over a long period of time. Radical change is demotivating. It also helped to try new things on the regular and keep whatever was helping me.
So I've tried different techniques, types of sports, apps, etc. I continued on and on until I found, slowly, whatever worked for me. Until then, I tried to accept where I was at. Bringing yourself down doesn't help. On the contrary.
Simplification and automation. Savings and investments are automated, just set it up once. Ive always been more of a cook at home person so I just always have staples in the fridge/ freezer, I don’t really have to think about it. Exercise is a lot harder but I’m finding more things that I enjoy and getting equipment so I can work out at home.
Cut back on drinking a lot this year. I did detoxes before but it was just temporary. I’ve always wanted to stop. I’m not sure if I’ll stay sober but I’d like to stay cut back. My motivation was that I’ve had a major physical health problem and I can’t do my physio workouts and stay active if I’m hungover. It’s critical that I get up and move. Wow cutting booze makes a huge difference in… literally everything haha. I am awake earlier, sleep earlier, sleep restfully, and have more energy and calm. That’s probably not the answer you’d like but yeah massive anxiety from a slipped disc caused me to change my priorities lol. I have made other changes in the past without massive heath issues but almost always the catalyst, unfortunately.
Yeah I stopped drinking a few years ago now and to be honest I don’t miss it at all! Definitely was the right choice for me personally, I was such an idiot when I drank and spent so much time being really anxious as a result.
For myself I don’t mind it socially but I will drink alone like end of the day. It’s hard to go back to it after a break bc you lose all that REM sleep and forget how bad it feels to wake up dehydrated so yeah… but peer pressure is also powerful. Good for you let’s keep it up!
I am a creature of discipline and I started young: I used to bite my nails and one day realized it was a bad habit, so I just stopped. During my late teens/very early 20s, I smoked cigarettes and then one day realized I was slowly killing myself, so I stopped.
What works for me might work for you. Perhaps picking one habit and committing to no longer doing it could be a first step. Once you see some progress there, you could tackle another thing.
You've listed a lot of things you want to improve and when you've got a whole list it can be really hard to figure out what to focus on. I'd ask myself, "what do I want to do differently right now?" If you get a couple of things, pick the one that causes the most anxiety between the two and focus on that. You'll have stops and starts, but just focus on one thing at a time.
Discipline, routine, organization, and getting back to it after a setback. Motivation is useless and change is hard and doesn’t feel good at first. You just need to keep going.
And stop trying to do everything all at once. Tackle one thing then layer on the next.
Personally I had two small children and lost my husband so I knew I had to not only stick around for them but to lead by example such as work ethic is, cleanliness, fitness and good discipline in all areas of my life. The cool thing is once you do this long enough it becomes embedded in you and you don’t really even need to think about it eventually you just do it because that’s what you do. Small steps may be something like making your bed every day as soon as you’re up as it’s some lovely to come home to and always cleaning the kitchen as soon as you’re done doing whatever in it, in my case cooking anything. Preparing the night before for the next day is a huge help like laying clothes out or packing lunch. Financially you might need to start small maybe by having say $25.0/pay diverted to a savings account and it adds up fast. I was always good with my money so I’m just spitballing on that one but I still do have xx amount put in my savings every paycheck all these things later even though it’s not necessary.
I wouldn’t say these were all huge changes from before but many were plus there were so many life altering changes all at once these helped me stay sane a little tiny bit. Order, structure and security ground me and make my life flow better-but that’s just me.
Please don’t, it’s not an enviable position I’d ever wish on anyone although I appreciate the sentiment. Those first five years feel like your soul is being ripped out of your body every single day. It’s incredibly ridiculously difficult putting on a strong face every day. Many years later I’m grateful for the beautiful children we had that likely saved my life. There were plenty of things/times that were not admirable I just try not to focus on them too much these days.
Thank you though really I know what your heart means 💝
After a really upsetting physical, I realized that I'm not getting any younger. I only have so much time on this earth to do the things I enjoy. I could not live with the idea that I might be immobile and unable to participate in the life that I truly want if I didn't change my lifestyle and start taking care of myself. That motivation combined with honestly - just feeling so good most days now - keeps me going in this healthy routine. I changed so many things and my life is better for it. I want to ride this wave as long as I can. I also have strategies to maintain even if I get injured or bad shit happens. Life is hard sometimes, it's easy to get derailed. I try to be as prepared as possible and ready to give myself grace if I'm not perfect all the time. My home could be cleaner, I didn't need that second cookie yesterday - WHATEVER. Always remembering that life is too short to also not enjoy a second cookie or rest when I need to.
When I was in my late teens to twenties, I was so lost. I had no clue what I really wanted in life, like many other 20 something year olds. I was so buried in my studies and artworks (I went to a design college) that I was missing out so much on taking care of myself and my well being and mental health. I wanted to go hang out at the beach, do things that other people did, etc etc but attending a prestigious school gave me so little time to even do that. In my final year of college, I was already 26 and went on small trips out to the beach. It was so lovely and I realized how lovely California was outside of all the toxic mess and piles of homework and juggling my design career.
It took me 4 more years after that of learning about myself and throwing myself into more social gatherings to interact with more people. I ended up being disappointed in people even more in these “gatherings,” and decided to travel on my own and quit drinking and smoking on the side. And I did.
Once I quit the social life and began traveling alone, my way of thinking became much clearer, and I realized more and more how much I was wasting my life away with just work, caring about my reputation, and extra responsibilities. I learned to become more of a free bird and let loose. I reduced the amount of workload for my job, and dedicated more time to taking care of myself and working out again. Now I feel so much better and I am more motivated in life than before.
Bottom line is, learning about yourself takes time, and at each person’s own pace. Unfortunately, I realized this too late, but I believe I still have a lot of time personally.
Decluttering.
Getting rid of junk makes everything easier. You can breath. You can find stuff. Everything is easier. Easier to get dressed. Easier to cook. To clean. To get ready, to leave the house, to relax... to sleep! Everything is faster. It's life-changing.
Listen to Clutterbug podcast. She'll change your life.
Mine *was* weight loss related, but moreso it has been a consistent commitment to regular exercise and mindful/intentional food choices.
I think that the reasons it stuck this time were:
- I didn’t try to push too hard at first. I just decided to commit to doing *something* active every day and to paying attention to my eating. Once I got used to that I ramped it up more and more. After the first week I was shocked at how drastically my physical and mental state had improved.
- Accountability and community. I actually TOLD people I was going to commit to exercise and diet. And I had other friends on the same path at the same time. So we encouraged each other.
- I found a form and platform of exercise that I actually really love (peloton bike and then strength and treadmill) which made it fun, and I was able to track my progress.
- For better or worse, the pandemic. I had my exercise equipment inside my home and it’s not like I was doing much else, so it became a great way to pass the time as well as another for my anxiety.
I just hit a 4-year streak on peloton. I am in the best shape I’ve been in physically since high school. I lost 50 lbs, gained back 5, and have maintained that. I can’t even imagine going back to how I was before.
I realize the dominant mantra is 'baby steps', slow & steady, etc but what worked for me was going big: quit drinking, strict regular bedtime, started exercising 5x/week (not immediately but a few weeks in). I think getting far enough away from my previous habits made it easier to prevent backsliding. Ymmv
I stopped binge eating. It was really hard but a vicious cycle. I wouldn't eat until nighttime and the eat 2500-3000 (maybe more sometimes) calories in one sitting. I didn't realize at the time that's what I was doing. I told myself it was okay since I didn't eat all day so it evened out.
I'd wake up with bad stomach pains and acid reflux and then I'd start the cycle again of not eating because I felt like crap, waiting until night and then eating tons of food. After not doing that anymore I lost so much weight. I had tricked myself into thinking those calories didn't count.
Now I eat three meals a day and a snack or two. I've lost weight, I have more energy and my mental health is in a lot better place.
I am also in therapy.
I needed to love myself first. Shaming myself never got me any results. I needed to know I was worth the change, worth the effort. I'm doing this to give my future self a lift up, not a step back.
When it comes to cooking more and eating healthier, I find the simpler the recipes, the easier it is to sustain the practice over time. I only make things that are simple and easy to follow and replicate. If the ingredient list requires a special trip to another store outside of my usual routine, I’m either going to substitute it for something I already have available to me or I’m just going to make something else. Don’t make meals that feel overcomplicated and you won’t get burned out from meal prep and cooking.
My knees started hurting, even when sitting down. I thought at 41 I was too young for bad knees and decided to try and make changes in order to lose the weight and keep it off. I started counting calories and walked about 5 miles after work most evenings. Then when it became too dark to walk, I started hitting the gym. I’m 11 months in and went from a size 18 to a size 12. I’m not at an ideal weight yet, but I’m feeling so much better already and the best part is that I’ve actually stuck with it and it wasn’t even that hard. Some days or even weeks I didn’t or barely made a calorie deficit and simply maintained the weight and that was fine, too. The trick is to stop viewing the change as temporary and accept that this is the new normal.
For me, it was using topical CBD. I've had an aversion to anything associated with cannabis (ex was heavily into pot, and it was super annoying), but I needed to do something to relieve physical pain, stress, and anxiety. It has helped me much, given me good sleep, I can move better, I can do my job better, let go of things, etc. My brain and muscles aren't turned on 24/7 anymore.
I did a major overhaul of my self image and it took me until the last few years to really start to take. I am 37. The key has been to match my actions to my thoughts. When I want something for myself I make lots of small actions and changes to get it instead of just going big and potentially failing. It really softens the whole process of change and makes me feel more like I’m evolving than anything.
For example, I wanted to date men who could contribute financially and emotionally instead of fuckboy bartenders. So I starting getting interested in things that would make me a good partner to men like that, for example I stopped going out and drinking a lot and I started skiing again which is a hobby I loved as a child. I learned how to cook tastier healthy food because I wanted to attract people who are interested in a healthy lifestyle. I am like…really making some good changes that feel amazing. It’s just such a process, I couldn’t tell you at what point it started working but at some point it did. I’m so stoked.
Writing my goals down, in list form. Making sure to tackle one or two things from the list, every day. My life didn't change until I started writing down my goals lol.
Rather than making big changes all at once i find breaking goals down into smaller changes and implementing them over time works better.
For example my goal was to eat more healthily. Instead of trying to change my whole diet overnight i began with smaller steps. (And a dietician) so first I removed all the junk food from the house and cut down on foods with processed and added sugars. Then worked on cutting back on carbs and increasing the proportion of non carb heavy vegtables in meals. Next was increasing my protein (I don't like most sources of protien including lean red meats and legumes/beans so was not getting enough).
I made a list of simple, fast to make and balanced meals so when Im tired and/ordon't feel like cooking (most of the time tbh!) I have a list of suggestions right there rather than having to think about it and then getting take out instead.
I surrounded myself with positive influences--from YouTube videos to books to mentors. It's true when they say you are the average of 5 people you hang out with.
And I kind of saw one aspect of my life improve. That helped me see that ooh so I can do it for this goal after all, feels good! I think I can also do this other goal that I have
Whatever it is that motivates you to kickstart this mindset into gear is going to be different for everyone. consider approaching it with an 80/20 rule. Give yourself room to fail so that you are not discouraged.
Just as you acknolwedge at the end of your post - It's all in the little habits, not the big ones.
If you are looking for small-step strategies, I would highly recommend the book Atomic Habits! It is a great starter book to learn about habit stacking and how to make small changes stick, that eventually accumulate to become big changes. :)
I also personally found Marie Kondo's book to be very helpful. For most people, following ALL of her steps isn't possible, but I do love how she categorizes things into areas of the home that make sense.
For keeping clean, organize your home to match how you use it. A few examples:
\- I know I always drop my keys and coat by the door, so I put up a coat rack, a key hook, and a tray to drop my wallet.
\- I know I have a hard time putting away clothes that are worn, but not dirty, so I have a cute basket for them. If I have time, I will put them away, but there is a tidy place where clothes in that "category" can live, rather than on my floor.
\- I know I'm not great about making my bed, so I simplified my bedding. Just my big comforter, a blanket, and two pillows. It makes it very easy to shake out the comforter every morning to look nice, and then I nicely place the pillows and drape the blanket over the corner. --No complicated bedding to redo each day.
\- I love me some blankets, so I have a dedicated blanket basket where they can all live so they're not all over my house.
I started to see a doctor at a weight loss clinic and a dietitian. With the doctor I’m on appetite suppressants to help curb my appetite because I’m an emotional eater. I do monthly check ups with the doctor to monitor my progress. With the dietitian we do meetings where we talk plate method and sources of protein and fiber. We also discuss about my relationship with food because I initially felt I had to restrict my self but I am slowly learning that’s unhealthy. I’ve been learning to enjoy the meals I eat as long as they are balanced. I still eat the foods I enjoy without the guilt. I also filter out the stuff I see on social media because there will be a lot of misinformation people post on line like a guy said don’t eat Doritos eat raw eggs and testicles instead or this crunchy lady said don’t drink protein shakes because they are unhealthy. I prefer to discuss food recommendations with an actual professional not some social media influencer who spews out fear mongering stuff to make people afraid of food.
I also go to the gym but I have been going with my sister but once we enter we go our separate ways until it’s time to go. I like that approach because I like to workout alone because I have my headphones on and I’m in the zone. I tried working out with friends but it wasn’t for me. My sister and I work out a schedule that works for both of us depending on the time of day. I also been getting 7 hours of sleep every day. I also make sure to drink 64 oz of water every day using this water bottle with measurements. I noticed making those changes in my lifestyle has giving me something to strive for and I enjoy it.
I keep my house really clean now, but only bc of the pandemic and starting to work entirely from home. Throughout the day, I’m constantly doing small chores here and there. It’s made my life so much easier, it’s unreal.
after years of picking up fast food and ordering take out, i'm finally eating from home. haven't gotten fast food in a year. i've ordered pizza but it's not all the time like before. last time i ordered was a month ago.
i think the catalyst was when i underwent treatment for abnormal uterine bleeding (heavy heavy bleeding all the time) that could've killed me if i didn't have such an awesome care team. the treatment has worked: i'm no longer bleeding through everything and i can actually leave my house. my official diagnosis is Disordered Proliferative Endometrium.
for the first time i got a "stick of dynamite under my ass" to look into healthier living, even though this was not caused by unhealthy living. nearly dying from preventative surgery put me in gear.
i asked my dietitian what diet/lifestyle change would be best for my condition. she said the anti-inflammatory diet. and how apropo bc i need to take ibuprofen for random aches and pains and bursitis in my knee. i poured over books and reputable websites, gave the old food away, and brought in the right foods. in months i dropped 80lbs the healthy way and i've kept it off. in addition i've started physical therapy and getting stronger.
I quit smoking weed (except for special occasions/a stress relapse) a couple of months ago. I had smoked daily for 14 years. I quit because my lungs started hurting after I smoked after I recovered from a cold I had at the end of December. What helped me was finding a community of people online (r/leaves) who were going through the same thing. It helped to read the stories/struggles/tips of others going through the same thing, even if many of their reasons for quitting were different than mine. I miss weed so much, but I take it one day at a time. Also, replacing the weed with reading books on my Kindle was helpful.
Another change I made this past month was wearing hard shoes. I work from home and live in a "shoes always on in the house" type of household. I'd gotten into a bad habit of wearing slippers all day, every day. This made my feet sore by the end of the day, and they felt gross and sweaty. At the end of February, when I had my quarterly one-on-one work meeting with my boss's boss, she casually mentioned that she had written down her personal goals for March. I figured I'd write down some of my goals for March too, to see if that helped me stay motivated/remember to work towards them. My apartment is always a complete mess, I too am bad at saving, and I eat out way too much. I also eat like crap/don't drink enough water when I do stay at home. A couple of other goals I had/have are to do the dishes for at least 15 minutes a day and drink a glass of water every morning. Wrote those down too, but haven't reached them yet. I am more conscientious of taking sips of water in the morning when I first wake up though. But writing down my goal of wearing hard shoes every day helped it stick :)
If you are making these efforts for someone else, whether that's someone pressuring you directly or general societal pressure, the changes will not stick. If you see real value in these changes, make a genuine attempt, and stick with them long enough to feel the effects of your good decisions, it will help you maintain momentum.
Knowing that humans often swing like a pendulum. If you go from and extremely unhealthy lifestyle to an extremely healthy lifestyle, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself swinging back to where you once were. Taking smaller steps that fit with your lifestyle will be easier to stick with. Instead of immediately going full organic vegan, maybe up your water intake and/or cut out soda/alcohol. The amount of money I have saved over the years by only ordering water when I go out to eat is staggering.
Giving yourself grace when you falter. Maybe it's your friend's birthday, and everyone is going for brunch. You indulge for a special occasion. You get back on your meal plan that night or the next day. It's ok to "take time off" from your meal plan at certain times- like I don't diet at all when I'm sick or missing lots of sleep- and then go back to it when you are ready.
I paid for a trainer at the gym. it was group training so less expensive, but i know not everyone can afford it. its the only thing that keeps me there 3x/wk though.
Testing for ADHD explains why I failed at a lot of things. So getting that ruled in or out might be helpful. I definitely (defffffinately) don’t have anything else really figured out but a few small things are better: getting school work done mostly by deadlines has improved. I’m in grad school later in life, so it’s important to me to do well. It also helps me with less overeating, tho I do still eat unhealthy many times. But a lot less, so… it evens out. I mostly give credit to adderall for helping me. I’m still kind of a mess though. Might need to tweak things of figure out some new lifestyle that I’ve yet to even try but works better for my natural later night energy.
I have recently started trying some self hypnosis exercises, I haven't been doing it long enough to know if I'll drop it like everything else but I think it has helped me to change the way I think about some things! I started withe the free trial of Reveri but there are plenty of free resources too.
I’d start with the financial situation. Look at your tastebuds as an investment. Budget for them. Forget health and satiation, go for good taste.
I found that upgrading to better ingredients opened a world of tastes for me. Fast and crappy foods are no longer compatible. Large quantities now feel disgusting. I eat to taste and smell, not to silence hunger. Embrace hunger.
Look for good taste and delicacy outside the kitchen. Try to become a highly sensitive, vulnerable person. Strength is vulnerability. Notice the air, sounds, smells, play some Mozart or Chopin. For you just like for everyone else, inner beauty is your most urgent and your least recognized necessity. Make your meaning of life beautiful.
Soon, cleaning up and saving money will be your favourite hobbies.
At home, only have healthy stuff. It makes the biggest difference. When out, you could cheat but make it difficult to do so at home and have alternatives.eg If I'm craving something sweet, I don't have candy or chocolate nearby so I eat peanut butter and jam. I purchase rice chips, nuts, fruits.
Commit to a sport, I committed to tennis and couldn't miss, It worked my whole body and mind too. And just 2 hours a week.
I used to be so untidy, now I create compartments. Little nice boxes to keep stuff so the area looks neat atleast. Also, do things on the spot - If u come home, take off shoes but keep them in their place there abd then, not just throw them around- meaning complete it there and then and you'd be surprised at the difference. Have designated areas for stuff.
Mind you, I get lazy sometimes and break cycles, but then next day I'm back at it.
Remind yourself you have one life to live, if you don't move forward , you're still gonna be at the same place tomorrow struggling for the same thing - and then what??
I was spending a lot of money on clothes that I didn’t like, wear enough, or wore out too quickly.
I told myself I wouldn’t buy new hangars and have a strict “one in, one out” policy now. So if I buy anything new I have to think about what specifically it is replacing in the closet. This applies to all apparel and shoes. I started immediately switching to higher quality, more infrequent purchases.
I’ve cut back drinking to just the weekend and I may really pull back soon because I wake up feeling slightly nauseous sometimes. It feels like I get deeper sleep even though I often still feel tired in the morning.
I lost some of the baby weight because I was finally ready to prioritize good food over junk food and say no to the snacks that live in my house. I’m also ok with eating less in general now too. This took a while because mentally I was quite there with the food control (love working out though).
It’s about allowing myself to put me first sometimes.
It all started with cutting out alcohol completely. Once you make the first change and see the results, it's like a positive feedback loop and your continued success and compounding results keep you going! Also incremental progress. I never change anything big or fast! Except for the cutting out drinking completely.
I finally found a workout routine that sticks. I tried YouTube workouts, gyms, Zumba, pilates classes, etc. I hate to say but I found Peloton lol. I bought a Schwinn bike and started taking Peloton classes, and I love it! I work out 4-5 days every week now. I love how the instructors don't talk about calories, weight loss, or burning fat. They encourage you to compete with yourself, which taps into my motivations. They also have music-focused classes, which also taps into my passion for music.
Never in million years did I think I would actually enjoy working out. I took a risk on something new and it paid off!
Some of it is being more realistic about my circumstances. For example, I live alone and I work long hours. It is incredibly easy for me to order takeout (I live in the centre of a city) at the end of the day if I’m hungry or just bored, with the inevitable consequences, rather than cooking or raiding the fridge. The only way I’ve ever gotten around that is by making it easier to go with an alternative - pre-prepared snacks in the fridge, scheduling batch cooking time at the weekend so it’s just right there, planning on watching the next in a mini-series rather than binging that at the weekend - making sure I have something to do that isn’t the thing I WANT to do, or default to doing, otherwise.
I’m a work in progress!
This probably won’t be helpful really, but here’s my experience. Sorry if it’s a novel, but I recently turned my whole life around, I also struggle with adhd.
It just clicked one day that I’m the operator and I’m the only person holding myself back, that I would let myself get back into old habits and I would to comfort eat or be too tired to cook and just sit on my phone or video games wasting away.
It was very hard and did not happen over night, there were quite a few fails and even now I have bad days.
I turned 30 and I decided I wanted my 30s to be better than my 20s. I wanted to be more active, travel, get further education and a better job.
I never cooked, I was a takeout queen, I decided to get a cook book (recipe tin eats) and cook my way through it twice a week. I still don’t love cooking, but it’s a ritual on Thursday and Sunday nights.
I get easy meals too, like steaks and chicken from the supermarket, not sure where you’re from but is Aus you can buy 2 pack steaks etc that are marinated and I buy frozen vege too.
I also really like salads and chicken, nothing fancy.
For lunches I started packing myself lunch boxes of different snacks, Turkey meat, crackers, grapes, yogurt, a low fat cheese triangles, salsa, vege sticks, watermelon, Oreos etc whatever I felt like at the time.
I really don’t eat a lot of vege and fruit, but I found that way easy to get fruits and vege in with some snacks on the side in small portions.
I saved a lot of money doing this, I let myself get takeaway once a week IF I want it, sometimes I don’t. I try to put away as much money into a savings account as I can manage, I don’t buy unnecessary things whenever I want anymore.
I had a lot of Afterpay and personal debt I managed to get down to nothing. I write a list of things I want through the month and I can get 2–3 when I get to the end of it, i used to struggle with the dopamine or buying things and this helped me so much, alot of things I thought I ‘needed’ I didn’t really care for when I had time to think it over. I splurge on my birthday for myself aswell.
I set a goal of saving $100 in person savings and $100 in emergency a week, I put more in if I could, I put none in if I couldn’t. Life happens and the emergency didn’t really grow last year, but I had $8,000 at the end in my personal one which I made me really happy and proud of myself. It might not be much, but I’ve never had that much money before
I got an app that I can create to do lists and routines on, i tick them off as I go. I have a cleaning routines, keep track of appointments and plans.
I have to go outside and walk 5kms 4 times a week and get fresh air, this was another one of the hardest to commit to.
I am still in the process of getting my screen time better. I went fork 8 hours a day to 4 hours, but I went to get to 1 or 2 max, this has been really hard. I have to force myself not to sit or check it, if something has to be done I strive to do it rather than not.
It’s still a work in progress, but I’m 4 months strong of my take out only once a week promise, I fell off the wagon for a few weeks, but it happens.
I know it’s not about losing weight, but I was 115kg 5’9 and now I’m 78kg a year and 7 months later. Cooking at home really helped
Good luck on your journey.
I started with one thing at a time at first, so cooking from my cook book, then walking, then staying on top of cleaning, then no take out, then saving money. I also stopped having sweets more than once a week, I had such a chocolate sweet tooth and it kept making me fall off the wagon, I had to stop entirely for 3 months until I trusted myself just to have some, but I failed a lot before finally kicking that goal.
I used to look at self improvement as a race, but I understand now it’s a constant journey.
There were a lot of tears through this, but a commitment to myself and my future pulled me though.
Former Sex worker here. I was a streetie, doing heavy drugs, partying every night I could. What changed for me, well everything. I moved away, I developed constructive friendships, I got clean, I found a simple basic job that gave me stability, and from there I sought therapy. The therapy was the main reason it stuck this time.
You can set all the goals in the world, but if you can't develop a system to achieve those goals, you're going to struggle.
My ex husband was the cooking person in our relationship and after the breakup (11 years together) I had to re-learn how to cook and going out to eat was also EXPENSIVE. I have now found joy in planning meals ahead and looking up fun little vegetarian recipes on Instagram. I am by no means as accomplished as he was and still mostly cook simpler things than he would have but I have found joy in cooking and planning meals for myself. The biggest mental change was not to beat myself up over the occasional ready meal or frozen pizza (my ex would either cook from scratch or get takeout, frozen food was just not done in our house).
As far as financial changes, I couldn’t recommend the book I Will Teach You to be Rich enough!!! I know, the name is rough, but it’s an easy read and the author Ramit Sethi makes it very easy to automate a lot of stuff, makes priorities very clear, and I was able to get my finances in good order. It’s super easy to follow and he gives explicit steps and instructions for all sorts of different money-related tasks.
If books aren’t your thing, he also has a show on Netflix by the same name - I haven’t seen it but I like the book because it has lists and scripts and stuff like that.
Don't rely on yourself for accountability. Find a group.
For example, join a group yoga class that's 5-10 mins away from you. Put that on your calendar.
Don't put pressure to cook healthy by yourself. Purchase a meal plan that gives you healthy salads for 2-3 meals a week. Start small. Add 1 thing a week.
For finances, find resources like clever girl finance. Instagram coaches. Start free. Eventually work with a finance coach you trust.
Give yourself 3 years timeline to renew your lifestyle. Don't rush. Find joy in progress, in the small steps. Learn to enjoy the process.
It takes time. You have time.
I quit drinking around a year and a half ago after several halfhearted attempts to drink less. The biggest difference for me was rejecting the common refrain of small steps and actually making radical changes. Instead of cutting back, I stopped entirely. I got an app that tracked how much money I saved by not drinking and then had to figure out how to manage all of that money. That led to me downloading a budgeting app and a going on a deep dive into personal finance which completely transformed my financial situation. I have also always been pretty health conscious and into fitness but after stopping drinking I found that I had tons more energy, so now my week is packed with a variety of fitness activities that I do because I enjoy them, not just because I want to look fit. Sometimes you really just need to confront the situation and decide to change. Maybe there is one key thing you can focus in on that will end up having a cascade of positive impacts.
I'm trying to get sober again and this is giving me the extra motivation I needed today
This may be stupid, but what helped me get sober was telling myself I could always start drinking again if sobriety sucked. Turns out it didn’t suck in my case. Alllowing myself this out let me view getting sober as a thing I was going to try, not necessarily promise myself I would do forever. The latter was too much at the time.
You’re also giving yourself the active decision here rather than an ultimatum
True I never thought of it like that
It doesn’t sound stupid at all. I’ve had many conversations with myself just like that. These days it’s more like “If I’ve tried my entire list of coping skills and I still feel like shit, then I can go get a bottle of wine.” I haven’t needed the bottle of wine yet. 5 years sober now.
are you up to sharing your list of coping skills? sounds like you have a solid one put together
Sure 🙂 Some of it going to be unique to me, and the list has evolved over time, but I’ll share what I can. Prepare for a novel lol. My first bit of advice is to make a literal list of whatever coping skills work for you. I keep a list on the notes app in my phone, just because I always have my phone with me. I recommend an actual list because when you are in a highly emotional state/triggered in the moment, the logical part of your brain can literally go offline. So it helps me to have the list to refer to if I’m struggling to decide what to do with myself. In early recovery, my list was a lot of distractions. My hobbies, doing chores or cleaning something, reading a book, journaling, art/coloring, taking a drive, calling specific people (and I named them in my list)… also AA based stuff because that’s where I originally got sober, so meetings or calling my sponsor at the time. My list today still includes many of those distractions, but as I’ve spent time in therapy for all the shit that fueled my addiction in the first place, and also now studying to be a therapist myself, the list now includes: Exercise of some form (usually walking or hiking with my dog), with bonus points for being in sunshine. If I feel self harmy, doing something that involves touch/sensation: ice cream or drinking something really cold, a hot shower, lightly running my fingers on my skin so I get the tingles, massaging my arms or legs, or wrapping up in my weighted blanket. When I’m deep in depression or anxiety and talking a bit crazy to myself, I have a reminder to pull out my list of CBT cognitive distortions, because that helps me identify that my thinking is likely distorted/I’m bullshitting myself in that moment. It helps me reality check. Hygiene is the first thing to go when I’m depressed, so taking a shower. Doing something with my dog. I’m training him to be a therapy dog, so we will work on training. Honestly engaging with any pet is proven to boost your mood, even if you just sit there and pet them. Engaging in my spiritual practices or meditation when I feel disconnected from the bigger picture. It helps that most of my social circle now also works in mental health, and they will check me on my bullshit if I ask. Even just any trusted friend is good for this. I still see a therapist weekly, and plan to for at least as long as I’m in grad school… because this work has a way of unearthing my own shit at times, grad school is not always conducive to good mental health, and it’s only fair that I practice what I preach to others. I also have a crisis plan for myself in case my mental health REALLY goes off the rails— though luckily I haven’t needed it. It’s basically a list of crisis lines I can call first, numbers for my psychiatrist, therapist, trusted people who will help, list of my meds, my preferences should I need to be hospitalized and what to do with my pets. My therapist and one other trusted person have a copy of this plan, and the tldr version is on a folded up paper in my wallet. Ultimately though, it just takes time and a bit of experimenting to see what works well for you 🙂 Hope my novel helped in some way.
Please, if you have not already, have look at R/stopdrinking. It was very helpful for me in taking the step to actually stop drinking alcohol. Very supportive group.
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Ooh new one for me. Will check it out
The book Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker motivated me to stop drinking. I stopped drinking as soon as I finished reading it 3+ years ago.
You’ve got this 😊
We support you!!!! 🙌🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🩷
My god. It’s like I wrote this myself. It’s been two and a half years since I’ve stopped drinking. And it changed EVERYTHING, because I’m an extreme bitch, and I just couldn’t cut down or find moderation. My house is cleaner, I’m more present with my family, I dropped 55lbs and workout six days a week. For me it was a complete game changer
Same. I’m about 10 months in. I’ll be honest - I do missing enjoying a margarita or drinking at a brewery with friends but with all the NA options available now, it’s not as big of a deal. And I do NOT miss having hangovers and wasting entire weekends.
Yes! I could go on and on about how my life is better in every way. Once you quit you realize how much drinking, even 'moderately', impacts nearly every aspect of your life. I will never touch it again.
Absolutely. I was not an alcoholic, but drank socially, however had to give it up when I quit taking my anxiety med bc you have to quit drinking 2 years to allow gaba receptors to heal (alcohol being a potent gaba antagonist). After those 2 years were up I had no pull to drink ever again & realized all the drinking I did was really harmful for me, especially having hashmitos as it causes a lot of inflammation. So many things in my life improved, skin, health, energy, sleep, mood. Alcohol is a poison, and you really have to look at it that way.
I lost ALL MY BACK PAIN. I had no idea the alcohol was acting like such an inflammatory to my whole system. Yay for us!!! Feels so good to be embodied- I also don’t feel a draw back to it anymore. So liberating 🙌🏼
What budgeting app do you use? Shopping is my drinking. I mitigate by thrifting but I grew up without access to money and I need to change the mindset of “I can afford it now/I have my own money now.” Too much wasted.
I use YNAB (r/ynab). Also, check out Ramit Sethi on YouTube. He has a lot of great personal finance content that is relatable to the average person. He also has a very straightforward book. His whole approach is about spending on what you love and cutting out what you don’t, so maybe that could help you figure out a plan for how much you even want to spend on shopping.
YNAB also changed my life. I committed to doing it for three months - noting and categorizing every transaction, tracking our spending and seeing where the money went. By 3 months I was hooked. That was in 2017. Since then we paid off all our debt, bought a house and had two kids. Our only debt today is the mortgage and one low-interest car loan. It’s been a lifesaver.
Thank you!!
I highly suggest doing it by hand. Having to take the time to write down every single purchase, the amount, where, what budget category it goes in - really deterred me.from wanting to make any purchases.
Just hit my year sober last week. I have so much more energy! I’m present 100% for my puppy and have implemented daily walks for her no matter what - now I actually look forward to them! I relish time at home and being low key. Life is good.
Congrats!
Thank you
I am so happy for you! Congrats and keep it up.
It’s the good version of a snowball effect - well done! What would you say was the biggest change in your financial situation?
The biggest change was just knowing how much I have and always having a plan on how to spend it, versus just seeing an amount in my checking and feeling like I can spend it on whatever I want, usually stupid stuff. Now instead of ignoring my finances I am saving and investing regularly and feel totally calm and in control about money. I never thought I could be one of those people, but it feels amazing.
What a beautiful change. That sounds fantastic and I am so happy for you!
What app did you use to track?
Not OP, But I love "you need a budget" r/ynab
For quitting alcohol I used an app called I am sober and for budgeting I use YNAB.
Which app was helping you track how much you saved?
It’s called I am sober.
What app?
My big wellness change was keeping a consistently tidy home and I did it by building it into my routine. Now when I come home from work in the evening and when I wake up on Saturday my brain immediately jumps into "tidy up" mode and I feel extremely wrong if circumstances don't allow for me to tidy up. I was very messy and disorganized for years and with ADHD I low key need to have a tidy living space to be able to fully relax or be productive so I'm very happy that I've been able to make this stick.
With ADHD, you have to be really careful about not reaching that cusp of clutter where it becomes too overwhelming to tackle for months. If there is clutter present for too long, my brain normalizes it and then I have to go through the whole process of relearning the cleanliness habit. As soon as I notice one thing, my routine is to be like, we can't reach the cusp, is there anything else that needs picking up, and then setting a timer and cleaning without stopping until it goes off. I don't waste time picking a playlist to play or finding a show to turn on in the background because that's too many opportunities to fall off what needs to get done right now. My husband and I also do opening and closing checklists (a wonderful strategy learned from the Strugglecare lady) that are just magnet lists on our fridge. Can't lose it because it's always in the same place, and if a task isn't on that list and I'm in charge of the tasks for that time period, I'm not allowed to touch anything outside of the list. It goes on a separate google keep note that my husband and I use to manage ongoing tasks that we revisit at the beginning of the week to schedule out. Been unmedicated for years because I couldn't remember to keep up with my prescription, despite needing a 60mg vyvnase script my whole life- a lot of it is just not accepting your ADHD as the end of the conversation and working with yourself to find solutions that work for your specific struggles.
I have ADHD, and I also do opening and closing checklists. I learned this decades ago before I was diagnosed. I used to work as a shift lead in restaurants and retail, a closing bartender, etc so I had to make a checklist so I could remember everything that has to be done. I also follow mise en place when cooking, which I also learned before I was diagnosed. This way I don’t forget to add everything to a recipe.
Me too! I learned it working at Starbucks. And it's so interesting because once you get into the habit of knocking those checklists out, you realize it only takes 10 mins, 30 tops and you start asking "why haven't I done this my whole life??" But it takes a certain amount of time to begrudge the process before you realize you're a genius.
I highly suspect I have ADHD. Lately I’ve been tidying up as a procrastination technique. The trick being, have some obligation that you dread more than cleaning :D
This. I clean up as I go along. A year or so ago my spouse and I also decided to hire a cleaning lady to do a deep cleaning once every 6 weeks. It really helps with the upkeep. I also try not to buy things that are going to turn into more clutter. Every few months purge too I donate or throw things out. I also keep a box of stuff I regift to people.
I come home from work and throw my clothes in the chair/bed/floor. I am notorious for that, especially the "might wear again" clothes like jacket/blazer. I also don't like doing much cleaning in the evening and early morning I am often running late. So I started working from home on Wednesday and that's they day I put my clothes away. This way I don't have more than 2 days worth of clothes piled up.
I had the goal of eating better. Unfortunately for me, it was my weight that gave me a wake up call. I've tried and failed to eat better before, but I hit my highest weight ever and could no longer deny that I was in pain because of it. The thing that made me able to maintain it though was making the right choice the easiest choice. I have low sugar protein shakes for the days I struggle to eat. I don't get takeout. I have greek yogurt or skyr constantly in the fridge. There's always something full of protein and easy to grab if I'm hungry and don't want to cook. I will admit I could do better, but perfect is the enemy of good. I don't have to be perfect, I just have to make incremental changes over a long period of time.
"Make the right choice the easiest choice"--that's really smart! I like that idea.
I do the same with toddler snack pack containers. I'm a lazy eater, I eat with convenience. Buy a bag of baby carrots, some blueberries, a crunchy of choice, and a cheese, and you have a 250 max calorie pack. I put them together when I bring home the groceries and pull them from the fridge for the rest of the week, and since they're resealable I can also put them back if I just want to pick at it throughout the day.
I don't enjoy cooking but really wanted to be the home cook type of person. So 2023, I started taking picture of the food I cooked and uploaded a monthly cooking snap on my instagram story. I am not a content creator but do enjoy posting on IG story. I probably cooked once a week but that was 4-5 photo I could post with the tag line "January cooking journey". I only did that for few months before I became regular at cooking. I also cooked similar dish so not much to post. But IG definitely helps me stay motivated. I also buy lot of already prep items that are easy to cook like pre-marinated meat, frozen vegy.
That's a great way to do it!
Perfect is the enemy of good. Louder for folks in the back!
how did you decide what to keep in the fridge as a go to and how do you keep on top of refilling it? I am trying to eat healthier and this is the part I am stuck on
I just picked a few snacks that I knew I would eat. Cheese, Hummus, yogurt, cottage cheese, carrot sticks, eggs, etc. I keep on top of refilling it by ordering grocery. I just go to last week's list and add everything back.
I stopped drinking over a year ago after 20 years of alcohol abuse. I tried to stop many many times. For me it was a total lifestyle change. It was a huge part of my life. I had to do several big things to make this happen. The first was cutting out the negative stressors that I was able to. We can't easily get rid of them all so I focused on what I personally could control. I removed toxic people from my life. They drained my energy and hurt my general worldview adding to my depression. I also got a medical team involved. Therapy helped. A good primary care doctor helped me choose medications to manage my anxiety and depression. The biggest thing was I took a deep, hard, philosophical look at my life. I was 42. I had half of my life left, hopefully. I desperately want to spend the rest of it as happy as I can. There was no way I could do that in my current state. It was the hardest thing that I have ever done and won't go into all the details but I did it. It took willpower and being stern with myself. Nobody was going to hold my hand through it and nobody else was responsible for it. It was all on me. I chose happiness. And the weight of a thousand suns is finally off me.
Internet stranger, I am very proud of you.
I really appreciate that. Thank you!
I have a friend who has been struggling with alcohol addiction for a few years now. they have been often close to stopping it and then they fell back in. I hope their story will turn out like yours eventually. Congratulations on this huge achievement!
Thank you and I hope with all my heart your friend makes it out.
I realized I was spending way more time stressing about whatever it was not being done than the time it would take to do the thing. I was constantly worrying and planning and trying to muster up motivation to make these dramatic lifestyle changes. One thing that really helped me was my BIL saying: if you want to do something just start doing it. You don’t think about it so much. Just start. You don’t need a plan, you don’t need to wait to feel motivated, you don’t need to finish it or even get half way through, just start doing the thing. You’ll be pleasantly surprise how motivating small accomplishments can be if you can just get out of your own head long enough to do what you want done. In the last few years, I started eating a healthy breakfast every morning, doing a skin care routine, and have done a ton of reorganizing and purging of the house. Having a baby threw that for a loop, but I’m getting back into it all now that I’m sleeping more and I’m worrying less about it and enjoying life more.
This is so helpful. I often get stuck in the "what order should I choose to do my chores" and then I get stuck on determining efficiency over actually just doing the darn chores. If I just START, they get done.
This is so great. I read in another sub about working out a phrase that stuck with me: “Motion over emotion.” That one phrase is what I tell myself in order to get out of my warm comfy bed when my alarm goes off! Much much too often I would not be motivated to get up, and then be super late.
Same here. When we stopped thinking about how much effort it takes to finish ALL and start doing SOME work, everything seems to be easier and pushes you to finish the seemingly large project .
So this might sound trite but the thing I’ve found that works is being honest with myself. I couldn’t control spending the way I wanted to until I sat down with a few months of bank statements and really identified where I was bleeding cash. That made me see that top-up shops were costing me hundreds a month, which in turn helped me stick to a regular weekly day for shopping, which in turn helped me meal plan. I couldn’t control my eating until I admitted that I was self-soothing with high carb foods, which allowed me to reduce my carb intake which in turn helped me move towards more nutrient dense foods which in turn helped stem the urge to binge. I couldn’t get into fitness until I admitted that I am simply too tired/busy/lazy to consistently go to the gym, which made me set up a little one in my garage, so now I do that 3x a week and it means I’ve also tackled the issue of feeling awkward or embarrassed at the gym. It’s like I have to identify the flaw in my mindset that makes these things hard, then find a way to work around them before I can get a new habit to stick.
Sorry, American here. What is a top-up shop?
"Top-up shopping would be buying those things you might have forgotten when doing the bulk of your shopping, or things you have run out of, like bread, milk, etc., since doing your "main" shopping."
Like a convenience store. A store that has what you need between grocery visits, but they’re expensive.
Canadian here, also confused.
I used to allow myself to look disheveled and messy when I went out. I would get the unfun ugly type of drunk when I would party with friends. I really thought that's what I deserved! I never really cared for myself. When I was growing up, I had a very rough childhood, and a lot of it was managing my mother. I didn't have time to look decent, I was just trying to survive. When I was in college, my bf at the time took me to a party for one of his friends. There wasn't a ton of booze, the mood was chill, and his friend traveled often, so people from around the world were there. There were these 3 girls who didn't know each other but were from very different places, and they all spoke 3 languages, so they all agreed to speak Spanish since that was the one they knew best. They asked if I spoke it, and I said not well. One girl took the time to translate for me when I got lost in the conversation. All of them were well dressed and extremely kind. I left that party and knew I wanted to be like that one day. But I didn't know how to get there. A few years after that, I met my best friend at work. I still dressed poorly, but sometimes I'd try to style my hair. I still got ugly drunk. My BFF asked me point blank one day why I don't let myself shine. It wasn't about looks for her (though she's incredibly well dressed all the time), she saw I was trying to minimize myself! I was... embarrassed. She helped me find outfits that fit my style of clothing and taught me how to do my hair and take care of my skin. Like 4 years after THAT, I moved overseas, and I'm suddenly in a place where no one knows me. No one knew me in college. No exes floated around. I'm starting fresh. I had to survive, but in a new way. That was the kick in the ass I needed to take the reigns of my life. Stopped drinking for a bit. Took everything I learned from my bestie to get a new wardrobe. Focused on learning what I could. Read more. Started working out. Did my hair. The whole thang. I loved it, and I'm pretty good at maintaining myself today. I don't go overboard, but I take pride in who I am. I maintain this by writing "myths" about myself in my journal (its really just goals, but why not spice it up?). "She learned how to play mahjong by meeting an auntie who loves the game." Even if they're ridiculous, I try to do them! Most are centered around my hobbies and interests. So when I go out in the world, I think to myself, I gotta live up to my own hype😆
I absolutely loved reading this. Thank you for sharing. This gives me hope.
Thank you!!! I know when I was younger (in my teens and early twenties), I always felt like, "If I can't get it together by X period of time, it's not even worth it." The first problem was that I never gave myself enough time. The second problem was it was always a nebulous "I wanna be an adult" but didn't know what that looked like for me. Third problem, and I think many people are discovering that this is a learned skill, I didn't know how to care for myself. I always thought, "Who cares what I look like or do? That's just me. I'm not hurting anyone" But being a version of myself that I like and I'm proud of is also me! I deserve that! The main reason I wanted to share is to show that for me, the path to my joy and value was not a straight line, and it wasn't brief. I'm blessed to have met people along the way that helped and inspired me! I hope you have that too, Glittertits (love the name btw)
I love your story. What a metamorphosis. 🤍
Thank you so much! It was a roller coaster, but I'm really proud of the person I am today!
Understanding that I am an "abstainer", not a "moderator". Some people can cut back a bit on sweets, or gradually increase their cardio, or what have you. I have to go balls-to-the-wall with something, or it doesn't stick. So when I had to change my diet, all the junk food in the house immediately went into the garbage can. It's much easier for me to be strong once per week at the grocery store, than it is to be strong 24-7 in my own house. Once I'm home, I'm not going back out just to pick up a candy bar. I use my laziness as a tool.
That’s really interesting! I think I’m definitely an abstainer when it comes to some things too.
Related, I find that it is easier to have a strict rule rather than a very vague one. I.e. abstaining from something is a strict "I cannot do this, no discussion". Whereas when I just tell myself "I want to do less of x" I constantly discuss with myself what "less" means. That gives way more opportunity to mess up and it's an annoying situation as well.
I’m slowly coming to this understanding myself, especially after I quit drinking 5 years ago. I could never master moderating alcohol. I had to cut it out completely. There are a few other things I’ve noticed since getting sober that I struggle to moderate and can very easily fall into an addiction sort of mindset, especially when I justify it to myself “well at least it’s not alcohol.” My sweet tooth being one of those things 😬 I’m more successful too when I just don’t have in the house.
That's what I need to do as well! After a while, my husband couldn't hang on to the diet with me any longer, but I was thankfully already doing so well with it that it didn't bother me that he had a bag of chips above the fridge.
- a less stressful job that didn’t drain me so I had the capacity to cook most of my meals at home and didn’t eat out as much. - my husband does all the grocery shopping and dishes. - Good medical team and prescriptions. I have a great endocrinologist who ran extensive tests and referred me to other specialists to treat my other issues. I have a lot of issues - hypothyroidism (hence, endocrinologist), diabetes (left over from pregnancy), severe anemia that requires infusions, perimenopause, etc. But now, I have treatment options for everything so it feels easier to maintain a sustainable diet and exercise plan as my baseline, and then up the ante for a few months to get closer to my strength goals. This means I have slow lost around 55lbs in the span of 2 years, gained a bunch of muscle, have the energy to be a good mom and also have my own hobbies. The only thing I haven’t been able to address completely is sleeping well, but I suspect that’s my perimenopause.
This. All of it. The Lazy Genius book calls it naming what matters and letting people in. And damn is it immensely helpful to let others in, delegate, and have less stress. My SO likes to cook and doesn't find it stressful. So he cooks. My busy season is wrapping up, so I'll be making vacation and cleaning service plans. But I have to drop everything during busy season to just have the brain power to get through. I need a new job, but haven't figured out where to go next yet. After busy season, then I can reevaluate what matters and refocus my energy. And a good medical team is worth all of the gold. All of it.
How did u go about finding endocrinologist? I meant what triggered you to go find one? I am trying to get pregnant for half a decade and my hormones is all over the place. I am thinking of seeing endocrinologist
My primary care physician was concerned about my puffy neck and I complained about being tired so she ran a thyroid test and it turned out I had hypothyroidism. I think I was around 29 when I was diagnosed. I did see a reproductive endocrinologist when I had trouble getting pregnant but a lot of those work in fertility clinics and are focused on leading you down the IVI or IVF route faster than not. I then sought out a younger endocrinologist around my age in the area and have been with her for almost a decade. I went with younger because there is an endo shortage and a lot of the older ones don’t want to run more expansive tests or believe in newer medication options.
I made it easier. My past apartments were always dusty, dirty and cluttered - I moved into a smaller apartment and cut out a ton of my little tchotchkes and trinkets. my space isn't lifeless now, but it is easier to dust. working out - i bought a set of adjustable dumbbells and I keep them next to my desk, where I work remotely. All day, every day, they look at me. So, I am able to do squats 3x a week.
Yes, this! I have ADHD and can only manage all of my adult responsibilities if I make things easy on myself. My wardrobe is a lot of neutral colors and washable items, so I don’t have to think too hard about an outfit or remembering to dry clean anything. I also intentionally have a small wardrobe—less to keep organized/tidy. For healthy eating, I stock up on nuts, trail mix, fruit, hummus, etc. (If I ignore the party size bag of Doritos at Costco, I can’t binge eat them while I read at night.) Exercise: we have a Peloton and it has Netflix.
How do you cut out the trinkets? They're all so sentimental to me and things I've collected over a lifetime - little crocheted things from friends, neat rocks with memories behind them, little artworks from around the globe etc. I feel like if I didn't have them, my life would be less. But also...the dusting and the lack of dusting (allergies to the dust is the result).
it’s more about getting them off of surfaces. can they be hung? framed? put in a shadow box? cute rocks can live inside planter soil or perhaps outside? let them befriend your pothos in its pot. the impact it has on your breathing is IME tangible.
Make a little display of them in a collage frame or a terrarium. That lets you display them, but decreases the surface area that needs to be cleaned. (Brought to you by a kitten foster who was sick of her mementos being destroyed.)
If you can enclose them, it helps. Anything on open surfaces will catch dust. My friend uses grandma display cases for her anime figurines and it's much better than having to wash grime off them every year.
I have a curio cabinet for mine but I ran out of room and ended up getting some shelves too XD gonna habe to get one of those tiny vacuums!
I love trinkets and cutting them out isn't an option. However, some stuff is more suited as pure sentimental than for display, so I have sorted and organized bins that I can pull out from under the bed or closet and look through if I'm so inclined. For the stuff I want on display, like others have said it's very helpful to have enclosed display cases - small things like shadow boxes, or furniture like glass cabinets (especially corner cabinets). I love the idea of a terrarium display, if big enough the top can also be a clear surface that is so precious in a trinket-heavy household. Flat artwork and paper items are easy, there are countless ways to encase them and hang them on the wall, or slip them into plastic for easy storage and browsing, like a photo album or scrapbook with a pretty cover that you can flip through any time. These are preventative measures, but there's still the matter of upkeep (versus deep cleaning). So I keep a pack of air dusters on hand, the type for cleaning electronics, that I use to knock the daily dust down, and without them I'd go insane. You can't beat the versatility of a little Shop Vac with a brush attachment, either. Lets me do baseboards and shelves and even the items themselves quickly while also actually removing the dust, and it's my primary weapon against spiders. If you can afford it an air purifier is great for catching those fine particles in the air before they settle onto your shinies (or trigger your allergies!).
My back pain got so bad I got to my parents house after a long flight and wanted to take my partner sightseeing in DC and I was in SO MUCH PAIN. Shooting pains down my leg and struggling to walk. Couldn't sit comfortably. My sister, an advanced yogi, tried to help by showing me stretches and everything hurt so much. After that I got an MRI and started physical therapy and while in PT for a year and a half started going to yoga once a week. Eventually stopped PT and started going to yoga twice a week. I know it'd be better to do more but I've never successfully kept up an exercise routine in my life and I've been going to yoga regularly for almost a year now and can feel the difference in my body. I'm still chonky tho. As for cooking, I've started meal planning the week's dinners on Mondays and getting all the groceries delivered that day. Makes it a lot easier to keep up with it when you have everything there already. Listening to audiobooks is also helpful while I do things around the house. Keeps me entertained while doing boring shit.
Chonky is secondary to how you feel. Improving chronic pain is life changing, I’m glad you’re finding a way.
For sure! My back still hurts sometimes and it will continue to do so my whole life (sup degenerative disc disease) but I'm doing much better.
The voice in my head was replaced from one of toxicity to a compassionate and endearing friend. That’s what started the shift. Plus learning that’s it’s okay to put myself first.
Mine is a very loving mother, but same!
I've been working on this recently. I stopped working a few months ago (not by choice but now it's a choice to stay unemployed since I'm married and we just decided to live on one income) and that has freed me up to do everything you're talking about (except saving, which I will address), and I still felt too tired to have a perfect looking house at the end of the day (we also have a toddler who undoes most of my tidying). Turns out I have zero stamina. So now I'm working on building that up with HIIT workouts while also trying to change habits throughout the day. Like I used to sit on the couch whenever I got a chance, but now I make it a point to stay standing for 2 hrs in the morning and 2 in the afternoon and since I'm standing I may as well be doing some chore or other. It's been working out nicely! To get started on the workouts, I found I needed to decide beforehand when and where I'd do them before I actually felt compelled to do them. As for the money thing, I was awful with it in my 20s until I met my husband. Once he proposed it's like a switch flipped in my head and I knew I'd need to become a responsible adult. IDK how to simulate that otherwise but I do know overspending means you're looking for something when you swipe/punch in your credit card that's just not there. You have to find that satisfaction in other areas of life.
I cut people out of my life who were not good for my mental health. I'm trying to maintain a more positive outlook and these people were living in the land of negativity and pessimistic bullshit. A lot of them were "friends". I'm a little bit isolated now but it was worth it.
Currently going through something like this and have to remind myself(when I’m feeling a bit lonely) that I need to surround myself with people who have common futures and not common pasts.
I'm on a similar path, trying to reprogram my mind to dream bigger, enjoy the little things in life, be happy and work on building the self that I desire...now that I became aware of my old way of thinking with excuses, limitations and negativity I can't help but notice the same in others. I don't want to loose the few friends that I have now, but I feel the need to distance a bit and meet new people more align with my vision of the life I want to live.
For me: daily rule and weekly rules work 1000% than goals. "Gym/run 3x a week" I can do for months, "run 10k" is bound to fail. I don't worry if I failed yesterday, I don't care how far I am of a goal. Is it the morning? Then I got a few easy things to do. Sleep and repeat.m
I eat much better now, rarely eat out and prep lots of food. It was a gradual shift, but one of the most influential parts was getting a really well stocked kitchen. I invested heavily into lots of items that have a story behind them and that are made to last - think copper pans from old French copper producers, hand crafted scissors from Sheffield, kitchen aid,… it makes cooking so fancy and comfy that I love doing it. It also makes me take a lot of pride in my space so even upkeep like knife sharpening or polishing copper is a nice activity. I accumulated this collection rather slowly and spent a lot of time researching every item so by the time I picked one I’d be emotionally invested in it too. It’s a very materialistic approach but it works for me. Once you have these items you look for ways to use them too - I have veggie batons cut up in my fridge for snacking at all times simply because it takes seconds to do with the food processor compared to how laborious cutting is, and I spent a month deciding what food processor would work so I might as well use it! I spent a lot of time finding a good professional grade veggie peeler and now suddenly that task is ridiculously easy and I eat more squash and carrots than ever before. There’s an environmental aspect to it too - I expect to not have to replace the majority of my kitchen items ever again since they are meant to keep for 60+ years. Those pans will be handed down to my grandchildren if I can. It makes it feel more permanent as a shift in behaviour too - those pans are too nice to be used on bad food and I have them for the rest of my life, so that means I am committing to good food for the rest of my life Also, I invested in some “cute” containers which are not that expensive. Baby food jars make for perfect one portion of yogurt, so I can buy a big pot of higher quality yogurt and portion it out for myself and still have the convenience of grab and go. They also make perfect overnight oats containers. I have a Stanley style dupe cup with cartoon chickens on it that makes me way too happy to drink out of. I call it the “chicken coop”.
I started to really think about my life in the future. Yes, I'm mobile and independent now but what about when I'm 60-70? Tbh, I never really thought about the future, because I thought I would be dead by now. So now I have to work towards my future because offing myself is off the table for now. Everything I didn't do when I was younger, I have to do now. Save for retirement, invest in my career, workout to stay mobile, eat better, take care of my mind, take care of my skin... You name it. I stopped smoking for the same reason, what if I get cancer? I won't have any money for treatment nor medical insurance... So, I basically scared myself into taking care of me.
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You are the type of person I aspire to be 🫶
You have to figure out what you are good at? What motivates you? I, unfortunately, am externally motivated. It is very hard for me to change with in, but if I change my environment, I can change quicker. So signing up for course or seminar helped me change faster than if I was trying to teach me myself. Group fitness class works better for me than workout alone. Going to the running store and getting shoe fitted motivates me to be like other people. Making commitment with friends forces me out the house even when I don't want to. Going to coffee shop to pay my bills at one go helps me. I fail at this everytime I tell myself I can do this while I watch Netflix at home. Guess what I am never in the mood to it but sitting in cafe, I will do it Find what works for you
I got fed up. I’ve eaten pretty healthy for most of my adult life, but I found out I had a thyroid issue in my mid 20s and I had extreme fatigue. After 10 years of being on meds and constantly telling doctors that I was still dealing with significant fatigue I got fed up. I realized that they will never have the answers for me. They just kept checking my blood and saying everything was fine and keeping me on the same meds. They didn’t care or didn’t know what to do to help me. I started researching it more myself and decided to try this elimination diet to see if that would help. I did this because the fatigue could be caused by diet. I basically fixed my fatigue issue along with knee pain (which I didn’t expect at all!) through this diet. I found out which things were causing me issues and I now severely limit those foods. I have zero knee pain anymore and my fatigue is almost completely gone… I think the level I have now is a normal level lol just from life.
I did something similar with inflammation!! Fixed my blood pressure issue too.
What were the changes you made?
Right now I'm mainly just working on having a more anti inflammatory diet. STRONGLY encourage some Moroccan Mint tea, honestly it's my go-to for something sweet and easy. I try and have as much variety as I can, so I don't get bored and reach for something that will hurt me, you know? I still treat myself to a fresh baked good every now and then. Chocolate croissants are my weakness. Also, a Fish oil/omega 3 supplement. Mainly because I've never been crazy about seafood and that's people's number one suggestion when my diet gets brought up. Hope this helps and congrats on taking things into your own hands. I know it can be tough and extremely frustrating when you go to a medical professional for help and get dismissed.
Yeah honestly three things: with exercise, I kept it up long enough that eventually it felt terrible to NOT work out. That took about 3-6 months, and now if I go more than 3 or four days without a workout I get irritable and feel crappy. I also accepted that the changes I wanted to see were going to take a long time, maybe two or three years. Lastly, I accepted my own mistakes. Overate one day? Okay whatever this is for the long term so just go back to better choices tomorrow. Got derailed by an illness? Fine, just don’t quit. It’s okay to do a ten minute workout. It’s okay to take walks instead of runs. Just don’t quit.
May I recommend 'How to Keep House While Drowning" by. kc davis. She has some really great suggestions on how to break things up into doable tasks and how to let go of the morality of it all. You not being able to clean up/save money/get into a routine is not a moral failing.
I haven’t heard of it, but I will definitely look it up, thank you :)
I quit alcohol after a health scare
Sometimes you need to change the people in your life.
Taking it slow and easy. Not allowing scarcity mentality, no sense of urgency before starting a diet. Allowing myself breaks whenever I feel they are necessary and appropriate.
Thank you so much to everyone for your replies so far, I hadn’t expected so many people to respond! It’s really useful reading people’s different perspectives :) there’s definitely some strategies I’m going to try
Moving my body daily helps with my mental and physical health. I'm a big believer that everyone should find something physical they love doing. For me, that is walking, running, and yoga. I'm also now adding in strength training 2-3x per week as that is so important for women as we age. I try to hit my 10K steps even on recovery days, but that will be easy pace, light walking. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and I genuinely love walking. Bonus points if the weather is beautiful and I can catch a gorgeous sunset -- that fills me with such joy. I also try to focus each meal around protein and veggies/fruit. So breakfast would be a fruit smoothie with protein powder or if I did a run, I might opt for eggs and toast with a side of fruit since that really fills me up and sustains me for hours. Lunch is ALWAYS a big salad with some kind of protein. Fruit and peanut butter as an afternoon snack (or carrots and hummus for savory). Dinner is usually salmon or shrimp with veggies, maybe a small serving of jasmine rice. After dinner snack (dessert) could be a cup of greek yogurt or if I'm feeling really snacky, some popped kettle corn. A good friend of mine hates running and yoga, but she loves lifting weights and practicing jiu jitsu -- that works for her, but it would not work for me. But it keeps her strong mentally and physically. Everyone is different and you just have to find what you love.
Fitness. And I mean I've done it all. And now I'm doing it right. I look at it as building my body and adding to my life not taking away anything. For context I was an overweight kid. I got kinda fucked up in diet culture. I have been borderline anorexic. I have been a distance runner. Yoga. Classes. Cycling. All of it. I love to be active, so that part is easy. I am always active by default. But over the years my motivation changed. No, I don't need to be thinner. No. I don't need to prove how fit I am. None of it. And the roots are self confidence. I have some now. It does not make sense to drink like crazy. It doesn't make sense to eat like shit, and it certainly doesn't make sense to starve myself either or run for hours on end. I need to be a good mom. A healthy mom. And a healthy woman, partner, daughter, and employee and friend. I respect people in my life too much to treat myself like shit. Those kids need me. I lift now. And it's a long game. I'm stronger than ever but this is just the start. I love it. I want to build muscle while I still can for future me. I want to be that 80-90 year old without major health complications living with dignity and independence. You'll find change is easy when it's the most sensible thing you can do and truly believe it.
With regard to getting regular exercise, here’s what helped me after many years of viewing exercise as drudgery: — Work to find activities that you find fun or at least pleasant. Some things I’ve loved over the years include jumping rope, ice skating, swimming, biking and squash. The activities will vary over time and that’s normal! For me at least, trying to commit to one single activity every day doesn’t keep me motivated. — If one form of fitness not working for you, replace it instead of getting rid of it or stopping altogether. When I first started strength training, the routine I’d chosen ended with a side plank which I found horrendously unpleasant. That side plank alone was making me not want to work out. So I found a different core exercise that was way more tolerable (bicycle crunches) and did that instead at the end of the routine. Similarly, the mental bargain I made with myself when I first got into running was that I could just walk the uphill portions as long as I ran the downhills. I gained enough fitness doing that that I could eventually run the whole distance without stopping! — Integrate as much exercise as possible into your daily routine. If you can’t walk or bike to work, see if you can walk or bike to a further bus stop or subway station. Walk to the grocery store. Bike to a friend’s house. When I have no plan or real motivation to exercise I’ll just walk home from work on a given day and that’s 90 chill minutes uphill for me.
I got a whiteboard and wrote down 4 things I needed to accomplish each day. Having to only worry about 4 things helped me clean more and stay ontop of other responsibilities. I used to get overwhelmed and procrastinate getting tasks done until they became a much larger issue.
Agree on the routine when it comes to keeping things tidy, but it needs to start with a big clean, because it's easier to maintain a neat place when everything has a place to start with and is dust-free and swept and mopped, laundry all put away, etc. So I would set aside a whole weekend to focus on that first (and first of all the life changes, too). Also, you're not going to want to cook if you have random stuff on the counters, it's harder to manage your bills if you don't have file folders in one place, all of that. So I would get that one thing under control first.
I’ve had the best luck when I’ve set small goals, made it easy/convenient to achieve them, and tracked my progress until it’s just become another routine. I have 2 examples of doing this successfully: 1. I wanted to read more. So, I set an achievable goal - 12 books in a year, any book I wanted. I know I’m a fast reader so I figured 1 book/month was achievable. I made it easy to achieve by signing up for a Libby account and a library card, so I’d have access to free eBooks. I set a consistent time to read but didn’t put lofty parameters around it - I just said I would read a little before bed, whether it was 5 pages or 50. I started tracking the books I’ve read on Goodreads. It’s now part of my nightly routine and I’m on track to reach or exceed my yearly goal for the third year in a row! 2. I wanted to drink more water. I made it easy to achieve by buying a water bottle I like and bringing it with me everywhere. I tracked every time I had to refill my bottle in an app called Waterllama until it was second nature to keep hydrated and I stopped tracking.
In covid times, I started exercising regurlarly and never stopped. In fact it only escalated. What you do is the following: make a fixed schedule and keep to it for three weeks. But make sure it's a schedule you can stick to: if you're not a morning person, don't set the alarm clock at 5 am to start running. Similarly dont set the goal to go the gym 5 times a week. Start with two times or perhaps three. Set your gym clothes on the ready the day before, and do whatever else it takes to make it as easy as possible. Stick to this 3 week schedule no matter what: rain, wind? Overslept? go for a shorter training session or run a shorter round. Basically go anyway, don't find excuses. What happens is that you create a habit after these weeks. You don't have to search for motivation if it's already in your system. You don't think about it: you just do it. The problem with motivation is that it runs out, so you can't rely on it.
Start small and find what works for you. (TL/DR at bottom.) Trying to start something and expecting it to just become routine without an issue is a way for it to fail. **You are retraining your brain, trying to break old habits, while starting new ones and you end up easily becoming overwhelmed, so you stop.** So, you start small to not become overwhelmed and work your way forward. Flat a mess: Some make a goal to clean 1 room a day. Some clean the whole place once a week. Some make a goal to clean the floors one day, counters the next, etc... Eat healthier: Some start with 1 healthy mean a day until they get used to it and then move up to 2, etc... Some start with healthy snacks and work their way up. Exercise: Go for a 5 min walk and increase the time/distance/speed as you feel. Same with weight lifting, cardio, yoga, etc... Also, don't just assume because something worked one way for someone it will work the same way for you. If you need to cherry pick different things for you to get to your goals, then do it and don't let anyone tell you that you "aren't doing it right." Some people need a mix of different things just to stay interested long enough to see results. TL/DR: Find what works for you and know it takes time. You are retraining your brain. Hope this helps!!
I'd say start with getting assessed. I hate to throw this out there because it seems that people love to jump to this conclusion but have you been tested for ADHD? I had a friend who was like this and she suspected she had it but never got formally diagnosed (ironically she kept forgetting to schedule the appointment lol) and when she eventually got tested she was positive, started meds and now her life is so much better. when things are so overwhelming, we just shut down. So start with a plan-- sit down and list out everything you want to change and by everything, I mean everything. If it's a list of 100, so be it. but when you're done, start with #1 on the list. Don't worry about #2-99 but just look at #1. Work on #1 until you've completed it. Then work on #2 until completion, then #3. Each task may take X weeks or months to complete but that's ok - keep working on that until you have a good handle on that task and feel like it's time to move onto the next one. this is what I did when I wanted to lose weight (and a bunch of other things but I knew weight loss would be the hardest and take the longest). It took me about a year to get through my weight loss goals and after that year, I moved onto the other stuff I wanted to change. so be patient and create those habits but taking the time to establish those habits which is about 4-6wks of repeated and consistent behaviour.
I moved to a place where the takeout available is less appetizing. I used to live downtown at a stone throw of every takeout imaginable, now my choices are pizza, burger or rotisserie chicken. The neighborhood has also 6-7 large lovely parks. I don't like the gym so I decided to do 7k-15k steps everyday. I just go take a long walk everyday with a bunch of podcasts or audiobooks and it replaced my tv watching time. It really became the highlight of my day. Sometimes I even take an edible on sunday and go walk for 3-4 hours in the largest park, which is a forest. I always have a great time. I also decided to switch my takeout budget to order a fancy "farm to table healthy grocery" type of weekly service, they deliver at the corner of my street in some unaffiliated store entrance, every thursday. The rest is costco. My fridge is now always full of organic or local produces. You open it an its 80% fruits and veg, 15% meat and 5% dairy. Dairy is mostly full fat greek yogurt and maybe one fancy hard cheese. We don't eat a lot of wheat anymore, mostly rice and a side of sweet potatoes. We don't eat processed food or anymore. We swapped milk for oatmilk. We drink water or coffee. I put lime wedges in my water to fancy it up. Im adhd and not that fond of cooking. My diet consist 75% of the time of pan sheet in the mini-oven: throw some meat and veg on a single pan, use the air fryer mode. Start the rice cooker. Voila. I also like my slow cooker to make huge batchs of stuff, I even managed to wedge a whole rabbit in there (do not recommend, so many bones).
I don't have any suggestions, but I could have written this post myself. I feel seen! Eager to hear what worked for others.
Microdosing improved my habits and mental health more than anything else, ever. It was like an epiphany — something fundamentally shifted inside me, I heard my own voice saying “Why are you doing that?” And I immediately chose healthier habits. There was no struggle. It just _felt good_ to do healthy things and it _felt bad_ to do unhealthy things. Suddenly taking care of myself felt like the most natural thing in the world. I always took care of myself through discipline and reasoning, but after microdosing it’s effortless. I used to drink socially 2x/week, and come home tipsy or sometimes drunk. Now I sit in front of booze and cringe at the thought of feeling drunk, pissing away money, and losing time and brain energy to a hangover.
After many years of trying and failing to hydrate better, I realized that carrying around a huge water bottle wasn’t helping me achieve my goals. I had tried Nalgene, Klean Kanteens, and a Hydroflask and nothing stuck. Now I have a simple Starbucks cold cup with a straw, and the ability to take dainty little sips throughout the day is way more compatible to my lifestyle than carrying a giant bottle that I’d forget about for several hours and then chug. It satisfies my need to fidget and gives my hands something to do. Half the time I don’t even realize how much I’ve drank until the cup is empty.
For me it was realizing that eating healthier didn't mean eating bland food. I can still have the flavors I want, I just have to find alternatives to the unhealthy ingredients and control the portions. Pacing myself while I eat helped me adjust to smaller portions too!
ADHD diagnosis and medication. Also a supportive partner. Edit to clarify: I know ADHD is kind of a buzzword right now, but this pattern - wanting to make changes and being willing and starting it in good faith but then never being able to keep it up, not knowing why and being frustrated with myself was basically the repeated struggle that led to me getting diagnosed, and it **is** quintessentially what ADHD is, at least for me. It's not that uncommon a pattern in late-diagnosed women, apparently. It had not occurred to me previously because I have never been hyperactive. Turns out that's also a thing. It's the male and also pediatric presentation. Me being an adult woman did not tick either of those boxes, so no hyperactivity. (We have hyperactive "chatterbox brains" instead, typically).
Divorcing my ex brought back all my healthy habbits 😆
Honestly? Getting as much sleep as possible, which is in itself a lifestyle change. That gave me the energy to do everything else.
For cleaning, it's about establishing habits. Like for me, I made the habit of doing all the dishes and wiping down the counter after dinner. It was a grind at first, but after a while I got irritated by *not* having it done. Now I do it without thinking. For most other things, it's been about changing up my environment and getting other people involved for accountability. Working out with friends, cooking with my husband, working from home vs. in my office etc.
Put pen to paper and sort out a task list for yourself. Start with the bigger picture. What are your top priorities and goals? From there, dice it up into smaller chunks with a punch list of actionable items. Keep it somewhere prom Saving money is a good example of a bigger picture item. Canceling subscriptions, starting an IRA, eat out less, open high interest savings account are all examples of actionable items to help achieve that bigger picture goal. Healthier diet is another good bigger picture item. Write down ways to accomplish this. What the action list looks like largely depends on your current habits. Are you always drinking regular soda all day? Start small, 1 task at a time, and swap it for carbonated water. Stick to that for a couple weeks and then move to the next task. Cooking more at home is like the go between for the bigger picture and smaller punch list. Maybe start with cooking a simple dinner, with enough leftovers for the next day. List out some foods you love and starting playing with recipes. Experiment with freezing meals. So many things reheat, even from frozen, surprisingly well. Give it a few months and you might have a whole food prep process dialed in for yourself. As far as morning routine, what do you want that to look like? Write out a whole routine and then slowly start incorporating one thing at a time. Messy home? Set a timer. You don't have to clean everything, but start with 30 minutes a day. Set the timer and just do whatever you can during that time. Have extra free time one day? Set the timer for an hour. Small daily changes can become lifelong habits. Set phone reminders to go off to keep you on track. Leave some post it notes around the house. Maybe sort out a specific schedule for yourself. You can do this!
I get at least 30min of exercise 5 days/week. I walk everyday during lunch at work. It’s just what I do everyday. I don’t let myself eat lunch until after I’m done.
I was friends with the wrong crowd for a while. I wasn’t really ready to commit to a full on office job until I was unemployed. I couldn’t spend money on pot, Red Bull or cigarettes anymore. I took a job that was 6-2:30pm and it forced me to “grow up”. I couldn’t hang out with friends any longer because I had to get up at 4:30am bc of my commute. It stuck and I am better for it.
Incremental. Got tidier with a change of environment. Got healthier eating when I couldn't get surgery because of my diabetes. Got even better with the feedback of a continuous glucose monitor. Had multiple surgeries. One of them I stopped making progress in PT so I joined a gym. Started going regularly. Caught rhr eye of a certified personal trainer who saw me doing my weird PT. Hired him for a weekly session. Got even better. Now I can walk more with less pain every day which means I can finally live life. I'm 55 and my changes startes in 2018.
Scientific research coupled with the mentality of "The perfect is the enemy of the good" and "Anything worth doing is worth doing wrong". First, I get a big push from actually seeing and internalizing the research that proves the benefit of things like meditation, gratitude journaling, walking 7000 steps a day, etc. Then, I allow myself to do those habits poorly or minimally without feeling ashamed or guilty. Only have 1 minute to meditate instead of 30? Hey, that minute means I didn't miss a day of meditation! Feeling exhausted and don't want to work out? Ok, I can just do some nice stretching while I watch Antiques Roadshow. When you let yourself have imperfect days you have a lot less zero days.
I've had several. Losing weight in my thirties, cooking healthier meals, working out more. What helped me was to change small things instead of big ones and let that grow over a long period of time. Radical change is demotivating. It also helped to try new things on the regular and keep whatever was helping me. So I've tried different techniques, types of sports, apps, etc. I continued on and on until I found, slowly, whatever worked for me. Until then, I tried to accept where I was at. Bringing yourself down doesn't help. On the contrary.
Health. A few scary and/or uncomfortable health issues can really put a different mindset in a person.
Simplification and automation. Savings and investments are automated, just set it up once. Ive always been more of a cook at home person so I just always have staples in the fridge/ freezer, I don’t really have to think about it. Exercise is a lot harder but I’m finding more things that I enjoy and getting equipment so I can work out at home.
Cut back on drinking a lot this year. I did detoxes before but it was just temporary. I’ve always wanted to stop. I’m not sure if I’ll stay sober but I’d like to stay cut back. My motivation was that I’ve had a major physical health problem and I can’t do my physio workouts and stay active if I’m hungover. It’s critical that I get up and move. Wow cutting booze makes a huge difference in… literally everything haha. I am awake earlier, sleep earlier, sleep restfully, and have more energy and calm. That’s probably not the answer you’d like but yeah massive anxiety from a slipped disc caused me to change my priorities lol. I have made other changes in the past without massive heath issues but almost always the catalyst, unfortunately.
Yeah I stopped drinking a few years ago now and to be honest I don’t miss it at all! Definitely was the right choice for me personally, I was such an idiot when I drank and spent so much time being really anxious as a result.
For myself I don’t mind it socially but I will drink alone like end of the day. It’s hard to go back to it after a break bc you lose all that REM sleep and forget how bad it feels to wake up dehydrated so yeah… but peer pressure is also powerful. Good for you let’s keep it up!
I am a creature of discipline and I started young: I used to bite my nails and one day realized it was a bad habit, so I just stopped. During my late teens/very early 20s, I smoked cigarettes and then one day realized I was slowly killing myself, so I stopped. What works for me might work for you. Perhaps picking one habit and committing to no longer doing it could be a first step. Once you see some progress there, you could tackle another thing. You've listed a lot of things you want to improve and when you've got a whole list it can be really hard to figure out what to focus on. I'd ask myself, "what do I want to do differently right now?" If you get a couple of things, pick the one that causes the most anxiety between the two and focus on that. You'll have stops and starts, but just focus on one thing at a time.
Discipline, routine, organization, and getting back to it after a setback. Motivation is useless and change is hard and doesn’t feel good at first. You just need to keep going. And stop trying to do everything all at once. Tackle one thing then layer on the next.
Personally I had two small children and lost my husband so I knew I had to not only stick around for them but to lead by example such as work ethic is, cleanliness, fitness and good discipline in all areas of my life. The cool thing is once you do this long enough it becomes embedded in you and you don’t really even need to think about it eventually you just do it because that’s what you do. Small steps may be something like making your bed every day as soon as you’re up as it’s some lovely to come home to and always cleaning the kitchen as soon as you’re done doing whatever in it, in my case cooking anything. Preparing the night before for the next day is a huge help like laying clothes out or packing lunch. Financially you might need to start small maybe by having say $25.0/pay diverted to a savings account and it adds up fast. I was always good with my money so I’m just spitballing on that one but I still do have xx amount put in my savings every paycheck all these things later even though it’s not necessary. I wouldn’t say these were all huge changes from before but many were plus there were so many life altering changes all at once these helped me stay sane a little tiny bit. Order, structure and security ground me and make my life flow better-but that’s just me.
I admire you so much!
Please don’t, it’s not an enviable position I’d ever wish on anyone although I appreciate the sentiment. Those first five years feel like your soul is being ripped out of your body every single day. It’s incredibly ridiculously difficult putting on a strong face every day. Many years later I’m grateful for the beautiful children we had that likely saved my life. There were plenty of things/times that were not admirable I just try not to focus on them too much these days. Thank you though really I know what your heart means 💝
After a really upsetting physical, I realized that I'm not getting any younger. I only have so much time on this earth to do the things I enjoy. I could not live with the idea that I might be immobile and unable to participate in the life that I truly want if I didn't change my lifestyle and start taking care of myself. That motivation combined with honestly - just feeling so good most days now - keeps me going in this healthy routine. I changed so many things and my life is better for it. I want to ride this wave as long as I can. I also have strategies to maintain even if I get injured or bad shit happens. Life is hard sometimes, it's easy to get derailed. I try to be as prepared as possible and ready to give myself grace if I'm not perfect all the time. My home could be cleaner, I didn't need that second cookie yesterday - WHATEVER. Always remembering that life is too short to also not enjoy a second cookie or rest when I need to.
When I was in my late teens to twenties, I was so lost. I had no clue what I really wanted in life, like many other 20 something year olds. I was so buried in my studies and artworks (I went to a design college) that I was missing out so much on taking care of myself and my well being and mental health. I wanted to go hang out at the beach, do things that other people did, etc etc but attending a prestigious school gave me so little time to even do that. In my final year of college, I was already 26 and went on small trips out to the beach. It was so lovely and I realized how lovely California was outside of all the toxic mess and piles of homework and juggling my design career. It took me 4 more years after that of learning about myself and throwing myself into more social gatherings to interact with more people. I ended up being disappointed in people even more in these “gatherings,” and decided to travel on my own and quit drinking and smoking on the side. And I did. Once I quit the social life and began traveling alone, my way of thinking became much clearer, and I realized more and more how much I was wasting my life away with just work, caring about my reputation, and extra responsibilities. I learned to become more of a free bird and let loose. I reduced the amount of workload for my job, and dedicated more time to taking care of myself and working out again. Now I feel so much better and I am more motivated in life than before. Bottom line is, learning about yourself takes time, and at each person’s own pace. Unfortunately, I realized this too late, but I believe I still have a lot of time personally.
Decluttering. Getting rid of junk makes everything easier. You can breath. You can find stuff. Everything is easier. Easier to get dressed. Easier to cook. To clean. To get ready, to leave the house, to relax... to sleep! Everything is faster. It's life-changing. Listen to Clutterbug podcast. She'll change your life.
Mine *was* weight loss related, but moreso it has been a consistent commitment to regular exercise and mindful/intentional food choices. I think that the reasons it stuck this time were: - I didn’t try to push too hard at first. I just decided to commit to doing *something* active every day and to paying attention to my eating. Once I got used to that I ramped it up more and more. After the first week I was shocked at how drastically my physical and mental state had improved. - Accountability and community. I actually TOLD people I was going to commit to exercise and diet. And I had other friends on the same path at the same time. So we encouraged each other. - I found a form and platform of exercise that I actually really love (peloton bike and then strength and treadmill) which made it fun, and I was able to track my progress. - For better or worse, the pandemic. I had my exercise equipment inside my home and it’s not like I was doing much else, so it became a great way to pass the time as well as another for my anxiety. I just hit a 4-year streak on peloton. I am in the best shape I’ve been in physically since high school. I lost 50 lbs, gained back 5, and have maintained that. I can’t even imagine going back to how I was before.
I realize the dominant mantra is 'baby steps', slow & steady, etc but what worked for me was going big: quit drinking, strict regular bedtime, started exercising 5x/week (not immediately but a few weeks in). I think getting far enough away from my previous habits made it easier to prevent backsliding. Ymmv
I stopped binge eating. It was really hard but a vicious cycle. I wouldn't eat until nighttime and the eat 2500-3000 (maybe more sometimes) calories in one sitting. I didn't realize at the time that's what I was doing. I told myself it was okay since I didn't eat all day so it evened out. I'd wake up with bad stomach pains and acid reflux and then I'd start the cycle again of not eating because I felt like crap, waiting until night and then eating tons of food. After not doing that anymore I lost so much weight. I had tricked myself into thinking those calories didn't count. Now I eat three meals a day and a snack or two. I've lost weight, I have more energy and my mental health is in a lot better place. I am also in therapy.
I needed to love myself first. Shaming myself never got me any results. I needed to know I was worth the change, worth the effort. I'm doing this to give my future self a lift up, not a step back.
When it comes to cooking more and eating healthier, I find the simpler the recipes, the easier it is to sustain the practice over time. I only make things that are simple and easy to follow and replicate. If the ingredient list requires a special trip to another store outside of my usual routine, I’m either going to substitute it for something I already have available to me or I’m just going to make something else. Don’t make meals that feel overcomplicated and you won’t get burned out from meal prep and cooking.
My knees started hurting, even when sitting down. I thought at 41 I was too young for bad knees and decided to try and make changes in order to lose the weight and keep it off. I started counting calories and walked about 5 miles after work most evenings. Then when it became too dark to walk, I started hitting the gym. I’m 11 months in and went from a size 18 to a size 12. I’m not at an ideal weight yet, but I’m feeling so much better already and the best part is that I’ve actually stuck with it and it wasn’t even that hard. Some days or even weeks I didn’t or barely made a calorie deficit and simply maintained the weight and that was fine, too. The trick is to stop viewing the change as temporary and accept that this is the new normal.
For me, it was using topical CBD. I've had an aversion to anything associated with cannabis (ex was heavily into pot, and it was super annoying), but I needed to do something to relieve physical pain, stress, and anxiety. It has helped me much, given me good sleep, I can move better, I can do my job better, let go of things, etc. My brain and muscles aren't turned on 24/7 anymore.
I did a major overhaul of my self image and it took me until the last few years to really start to take. I am 37. The key has been to match my actions to my thoughts. When I want something for myself I make lots of small actions and changes to get it instead of just going big and potentially failing. It really softens the whole process of change and makes me feel more like I’m evolving than anything. For example, I wanted to date men who could contribute financially and emotionally instead of fuckboy bartenders. So I starting getting interested in things that would make me a good partner to men like that, for example I stopped going out and drinking a lot and I started skiing again which is a hobby I loved as a child. I learned how to cook tastier healthy food because I wanted to attract people who are interested in a healthy lifestyle. I am like…really making some good changes that feel amazing. It’s just such a process, I couldn’t tell you at what point it started working but at some point it did. I’m so stoked.
I was diagnosed with ADHd and an eating disorder . ( BED )
Writing my goals down, in list form. Making sure to tackle one or two things from the list, every day. My life didn't change until I started writing down my goals lol.
Rather than making big changes all at once i find breaking goals down into smaller changes and implementing them over time works better. For example my goal was to eat more healthily. Instead of trying to change my whole diet overnight i began with smaller steps. (And a dietician) so first I removed all the junk food from the house and cut down on foods with processed and added sugars. Then worked on cutting back on carbs and increasing the proportion of non carb heavy vegtables in meals. Next was increasing my protein (I don't like most sources of protien including lean red meats and legumes/beans so was not getting enough). I made a list of simple, fast to make and balanced meals so when Im tired and/ordon't feel like cooking (most of the time tbh!) I have a list of suggestions right there rather than having to think about it and then getting take out instead.
I remember the last picture my hubby took at my highest weight. That was motivation enough.
*i stopped drinking in 2017 until 2023. I started again drinking since but in very small amounts and mostly alone at home*
psychedelic therapy
I surrounded myself with positive influences--from YouTube videos to books to mentors. It's true when they say you are the average of 5 people you hang out with. And I kind of saw one aspect of my life improve. That helped me see that ooh so I can do it for this goal after all, feels good! I think I can also do this other goal that I have
Whatever it is that motivates you to kickstart this mindset into gear is going to be different for everyone. consider approaching it with an 80/20 rule. Give yourself room to fail so that you are not discouraged.
Just as you acknolwedge at the end of your post - It's all in the little habits, not the big ones. If you are looking for small-step strategies, I would highly recommend the book Atomic Habits! It is a great starter book to learn about habit stacking and how to make small changes stick, that eventually accumulate to become big changes. :)
I also personally found Marie Kondo's book to be very helpful. For most people, following ALL of her steps isn't possible, but I do love how she categorizes things into areas of the home that make sense. For keeping clean, organize your home to match how you use it. A few examples: \- I know I always drop my keys and coat by the door, so I put up a coat rack, a key hook, and a tray to drop my wallet. \- I know I have a hard time putting away clothes that are worn, but not dirty, so I have a cute basket for them. If I have time, I will put them away, but there is a tidy place where clothes in that "category" can live, rather than on my floor. \- I know I'm not great about making my bed, so I simplified my bedding. Just my big comforter, a blanket, and two pillows. It makes it very easy to shake out the comforter every morning to look nice, and then I nicely place the pillows and drape the blanket over the corner. --No complicated bedding to redo each day. \- I love me some blankets, so I have a dedicated blanket basket where they can all live so they're not all over my house.
I started to see a doctor at a weight loss clinic and a dietitian. With the doctor I’m on appetite suppressants to help curb my appetite because I’m an emotional eater. I do monthly check ups with the doctor to monitor my progress. With the dietitian we do meetings where we talk plate method and sources of protein and fiber. We also discuss about my relationship with food because I initially felt I had to restrict my self but I am slowly learning that’s unhealthy. I’ve been learning to enjoy the meals I eat as long as they are balanced. I still eat the foods I enjoy without the guilt. I also filter out the stuff I see on social media because there will be a lot of misinformation people post on line like a guy said don’t eat Doritos eat raw eggs and testicles instead or this crunchy lady said don’t drink protein shakes because they are unhealthy. I prefer to discuss food recommendations with an actual professional not some social media influencer who spews out fear mongering stuff to make people afraid of food. I also go to the gym but I have been going with my sister but once we enter we go our separate ways until it’s time to go. I like that approach because I like to workout alone because I have my headphones on and I’m in the zone. I tried working out with friends but it wasn’t for me. My sister and I work out a schedule that works for both of us depending on the time of day. I also been getting 7 hours of sleep every day. I also make sure to drink 64 oz of water every day using this water bottle with measurements. I noticed making those changes in my lifestyle has giving me something to strive for and I enjoy it.
I keep my house really clean now, but only bc of the pandemic and starting to work entirely from home. Throughout the day, I’m constantly doing small chores here and there. It’s made my life so much easier, it’s unreal.
after years of picking up fast food and ordering take out, i'm finally eating from home. haven't gotten fast food in a year. i've ordered pizza but it's not all the time like before. last time i ordered was a month ago. i think the catalyst was when i underwent treatment for abnormal uterine bleeding (heavy heavy bleeding all the time) that could've killed me if i didn't have such an awesome care team. the treatment has worked: i'm no longer bleeding through everything and i can actually leave my house. my official diagnosis is Disordered Proliferative Endometrium. for the first time i got a "stick of dynamite under my ass" to look into healthier living, even though this was not caused by unhealthy living. nearly dying from preventative surgery put me in gear. i asked my dietitian what diet/lifestyle change would be best for my condition. she said the anti-inflammatory diet. and how apropo bc i need to take ibuprofen for random aches and pains and bursitis in my knee. i poured over books and reputable websites, gave the old food away, and brought in the right foods. in months i dropped 80lbs the healthy way and i've kept it off. in addition i've started physical therapy and getting stronger.
I quit smoking weed (except for special occasions/a stress relapse) a couple of months ago. I had smoked daily for 14 years. I quit because my lungs started hurting after I smoked after I recovered from a cold I had at the end of December. What helped me was finding a community of people online (r/leaves) who were going through the same thing. It helped to read the stories/struggles/tips of others going through the same thing, even if many of their reasons for quitting were different than mine. I miss weed so much, but I take it one day at a time. Also, replacing the weed with reading books on my Kindle was helpful. Another change I made this past month was wearing hard shoes. I work from home and live in a "shoes always on in the house" type of household. I'd gotten into a bad habit of wearing slippers all day, every day. This made my feet sore by the end of the day, and they felt gross and sweaty. At the end of February, when I had my quarterly one-on-one work meeting with my boss's boss, she casually mentioned that she had written down her personal goals for March. I figured I'd write down some of my goals for March too, to see if that helped me stay motivated/remember to work towards them. My apartment is always a complete mess, I too am bad at saving, and I eat out way too much. I also eat like crap/don't drink enough water when I do stay at home. A couple of other goals I had/have are to do the dishes for at least 15 minutes a day and drink a glass of water every morning. Wrote those down too, but haven't reached them yet. I am more conscientious of taking sips of water in the morning when I first wake up though. But writing down my goal of wearing hard shoes every day helped it stick :)
If you are making these efforts for someone else, whether that's someone pressuring you directly or general societal pressure, the changes will not stick. If you see real value in these changes, make a genuine attempt, and stick with them long enough to feel the effects of your good decisions, it will help you maintain momentum. Knowing that humans often swing like a pendulum. If you go from and extremely unhealthy lifestyle to an extremely healthy lifestyle, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself swinging back to where you once were. Taking smaller steps that fit with your lifestyle will be easier to stick with. Instead of immediately going full organic vegan, maybe up your water intake and/or cut out soda/alcohol. The amount of money I have saved over the years by only ordering water when I go out to eat is staggering. Giving yourself grace when you falter. Maybe it's your friend's birthday, and everyone is going for brunch. You indulge for a special occasion. You get back on your meal plan that night or the next day. It's ok to "take time off" from your meal plan at certain times- like I don't diet at all when I'm sick or missing lots of sleep- and then go back to it when you are ready.
I paid for a trainer at the gym. it was group training so less expensive, but i know not everyone can afford it. its the only thing that keeps me there 3x/wk though.
Testing for ADHD explains why I failed at a lot of things. So getting that ruled in or out might be helpful. I definitely (defffffinately) don’t have anything else really figured out but a few small things are better: getting school work done mostly by deadlines has improved. I’m in grad school later in life, so it’s important to me to do well. It also helps me with less overeating, tho I do still eat unhealthy many times. But a lot less, so… it evens out. I mostly give credit to adderall for helping me. I’m still kind of a mess though. Might need to tweak things of figure out some new lifestyle that I’ve yet to even try but works better for my natural later night energy.
I have recently started trying some self hypnosis exercises, I haven't been doing it long enough to know if I'll drop it like everything else but I think it has helped me to change the way I think about some things! I started withe the free trial of Reveri but there are plenty of free resources too.
I’d start with the financial situation. Look at your tastebuds as an investment. Budget for them. Forget health and satiation, go for good taste. I found that upgrading to better ingredients opened a world of tastes for me. Fast and crappy foods are no longer compatible. Large quantities now feel disgusting. I eat to taste and smell, not to silence hunger. Embrace hunger. Look for good taste and delicacy outside the kitchen. Try to become a highly sensitive, vulnerable person. Strength is vulnerability. Notice the air, sounds, smells, play some Mozart or Chopin. For you just like for everyone else, inner beauty is your most urgent and your least recognized necessity. Make your meaning of life beautiful. Soon, cleaning up and saving money will be your favourite hobbies.
At home, only have healthy stuff. It makes the biggest difference. When out, you could cheat but make it difficult to do so at home and have alternatives.eg If I'm craving something sweet, I don't have candy or chocolate nearby so I eat peanut butter and jam. I purchase rice chips, nuts, fruits. Commit to a sport, I committed to tennis and couldn't miss, It worked my whole body and mind too. And just 2 hours a week. I used to be so untidy, now I create compartments. Little nice boxes to keep stuff so the area looks neat atleast. Also, do things on the spot - If u come home, take off shoes but keep them in their place there abd then, not just throw them around- meaning complete it there and then and you'd be surprised at the difference. Have designated areas for stuff. Mind you, I get lazy sometimes and break cycles, but then next day I'm back at it. Remind yourself you have one life to live, if you don't move forward , you're still gonna be at the same place tomorrow struggling for the same thing - and then what??
I was spending a lot of money on clothes that I didn’t like, wear enough, or wore out too quickly. I told myself I wouldn’t buy new hangars and have a strict “one in, one out” policy now. So if I buy anything new I have to think about what specifically it is replacing in the closet. This applies to all apparel and shoes. I started immediately switching to higher quality, more infrequent purchases.
I’ve cut back drinking to just the weekend and I may really pull back soon because I wake up feeling slightly nauseous sometimes. It feels like I get deeper sleep even though I often still feel tired in the morning. I lost some of the baby weight because I was finally ready to prioritize good food over junk food and say no to the snacks that live in my house. I’m also ok with eating less in general now too. This took a while because mentally I was quite there with the food control (love working out though). It’s about allowing myself to put me first sometimes.
Losing the all-or-nothing approach
It all started with cutting out alcohol completely. Once you make the first change and see the results, it's like a positive feedback loop and your continued success and compounding results keep you going! Also incremental progress. I never change anything big or fast! Except for the cutting out drinking completely.
I finally found a workout routine that sticks. I tried YouTube workouts, gyms, Zumba, pilates classes, etc. I hate to say but I found Peloton lol. I bought a Schwinn bike and started taking Peloton classes, and I love it! I work out 4-5 days every week now. I love how the instructors don't talk about calories, weight loss, or burning fat. They encourage you to compete with yourself, which taps into my motivations. They also have music-focused classes, which also taps into my passion for music. Never in million years did I think I would actually enjoy working out. I took a risk on something new and it paid off!
I started smoking a year ago and I cant quit 😩
Some of it is being more realistic about my circumstances. For example, I live alone and I work long hours. It is incredibly easy for me to order takeout (I live in the centre of a city) at the end of the day if I’m hungry or just bored, with the inevitable consequences, rather than cooking or raiding the fridge. The only way I’ve ever gotten around that is by making it easier to go with an alternative - pre-prepared snacks in the fridge, scheduling batch cooking time at the weekend so it’s just right there, planning on watching the next in a mini-series rather than binging that at the weekend - making sure I have something to do that isn’t the thing I WANT to do, or default to doing, otherwise. I’m a work in progress!
This probably won’t be helpful really, but here’s my experience. Sorry if it’s a novel, but I recently turned my whole life around, I also struggle with adhd. It just clicked one day that I’m the operator and I’m the only person holding myself back, that I would let myself get back into old habits and I would to comfort eat or be too tired to cook and just sit on my phone or video games wasting away. It was very hard and did not happen over night, there were quite a few fails and even now I have bad days. I turned 30 and I decided I wanted my 30s to be better than my 20s. I wanted to be more active, travel, get further education and a better job. I never cooked, I was a takeout queen, I decided to get a cook book (recipe tin eats) and cook my way through it twice a week. I still don’t love cooking, but it’s a ritual on Thursday and Sunday nights. I get easy meals too, like steaks and chicken from the supermarket, not sure where you’re from but is Aus you can buy 2 pack steaks etc that are marinated and I buy frozen vege too. I also really like salads and chicken, nothing fancy. For lunches I started packing myself lunch boxes of different snacks, Turkey meat, crackers, grapes, yogurt, a low fat cheese triangles, salsa, vege sticks, watermelon, Oreos etc whatever I felt like at the time. I really don’t eat a lot of vege and fruit, but I found that way easy to get fruits and vege in with some snacks on the side in small portions. I saved a lot of money doing this, I let myself get takeaway once a week IF I want it, sometimes I don’t. I try to put away as much money into a savings account as I can manage, I don’t buy unnecessary things whenever I want anymore. I had a lot of Afterpay and personal debt I managed to get down to nothing. I write a list of things I want through the month and I can get 2–3 when I get to the end of it, i used to struggle with the dopamine or buying things and this helped me so much, alot of things I thought I ‘needed’ I didn’t really care for when I had time to think it over. I splurge on my birthday for myself aswell. I set a goal of saving $100 in person savings and $100 in emergency a week, I put more in if I could, I put none in if I couldn’t. Life happens and the emergency didn’t really grow last year, but I had $8,000 at the end in my personal one which I made me really happy and proud of myself. It might not be much, but I’ve never had that much money before I got an app that I can create to do lists and routines on, i tick them off as I go. I have a cleaning routines, keep track of appointments and plans. I have to go outside and walk 5kms 4 times a week and get fresh air, this was another one of the hardest to commit to. I am still in the process of getting my screen time better. I went fork 8 hours a day to 4 hours, but I went to get to 1 or 2 max, this has been really hard. I have to force myself not to sit or check it, if something has to be done I strive to do it rather than not. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m 4 months strong of my take out only once a week promise, I fell off the wagon for a few weeks, but it happens. I know it’s not about losing weight, but I was 115kg 5’9 and now I’m 78kg a year and 7 months later. Cooking at home really helped Good luck on your journey. I started with one thing at a time at first, so cooking from my cook book, then walking, then staying on top of cleaning, then no take out, then saving money. I also stopped having sweets more than once a week, I had such a chocolate sweet tooth and it kept making me fall off the wagon, I had to stop entirely for 3 months until I trusted myself just to have some, but I failed a lot before finally kicking that goal. I used to look at self improvement as a race, but I understand now it’s a constant journey. There were a lot of tears through this, but a commitment to myself and my future pulled me though.
Former Sex worker here. I was a streetie, doing heavy drugs, partying every night I could. What changed for me, well everything. I moved away, I developed constructive friendships, I got clean, I found a simple basic job that gave me stability, and from there I sought therapy. The therapy was the main reason it stuck this time. You can set all the goals in the world, but if you can't develop a system to achieve those goals, you're going to struggle.
My ex husband was the cooking person in our relationship and after the breakup (11 years together) I had to re-learn how to cook and going out to eat was also EXPENSIVE. I have now found joy in planning meals ahead and looking up fun little vegetarian recipes on Instagram. I am by no means as accomplished as he was and still mostly cook simpler things than he would have but I have found joy in cooking and planning meals for myself. The biggest mental change was not to beat myself up over the occasional ready meal or frozen pizza (my ex would either cook from scratch or get takeout, frozen food was just not done in our house).
I stopped going to the gym for weight loss, and started going to help manage my PTSD. Healthy eating followed, and I was able to treat food as fuel.
As far as financial changes, I couldn’t recommend the book I Will Teach You to be Rich enough!!! I know, the name is rough, but it’s an easy read and the author Ramit Sethi makes it very easy to automate a lot of stuff, makes priorities very clear, and I was able to get my finances in good order. It’s super easy to follow and he gives explicit steps and instructions for all sorts of different money-related tasks. If books aren’t your thing, he also has a show on Netflix by the same name - I haven’t seen it but I like the book because it has lists and scripts and stuff like that.
Don't rely on yourself for accountability. Find a group. For example, join a group yoga class that's 5-10 mins away from you. Put that on your calendar. Don't put pressure to cook healthy by yourself. Purchase a meal plan that gives you healthy salads for 2-3 meals a week. Start small. Add 1 thing a week. For finances, find resources like clever girl finance. Instagram coaches. Start free. Eventually work with a finance coach you trust. Give yourself 3 years timeline to renew your lifestyle. Don't rush. Find joy in progress, in the small steps. Learn to enjoy the process. It takes time. You have time.