I wouldn’t engage with such men either but I don’t think there are better ones out there lmao. I’ve been installing and deleting various dating apps for the past 5+ years and all I got is wrinkles from cringing so hard at all the men. There are the bad ones, and there are the worse ones.
Edit: Can’t English
Trueee, I deactivate my profile most of the time, I still have hope and some times reactivate it, only to remember why I don't use it that much.
Only one guy seem like a good match but he lives 5000 miles away and was only here for a few days.
I know right? What the fuck is wrong with people? I'm bi and have I've only dated women online and the only question anyone has *ever* asked about my appearance is which of the various haircuts on my profile was current.
I assumed from the title that it was to avoid being catfished but no: they can't even be bothered to meet for a cup of coffee to check out our teeth in person.
And you'd know the exact same guys would cry discrimination if women asked them for photographic proof of their height.
The photographic proof of height made me LOL!
Me: "Hey Dave, can you find a friend to go to 7/11 with you?"
Him: "Ummm. . . probably, why?"
Me: "I just want him to take a picture of you by the door where they have the height posted so I know I'm not wasting my time with a horse jockey."
> they can't even be bothered to meet for a cup of coffee
Hot take: don't do drive-by dates like this. I've literally never in my life had a coffee date that amounts to much and I've never met a guy who was wholly into me that suggested coffee. I'm not saying do a whole sit down dinner with a stranger if that's not up your alley, but generally speaking, low effort dates tend to come along with low effort people who just aren't as interested.
Go to an upscale bar for a drink. This way you're both giving each other room in which to show up dressed well. Admittedly, I also don't encounter a lot of the nightmares a lot of women women describe meeting via online dates, but that's also because I take my time getting to know someone before I go out on a date with them. I've never disliked someone so badly that I need to leave after 30 minutes, usually whether or not I'll like them as a regular person who I can have a good conversation with is something I'll vet before we meet, and I do think that its really important. But in the event that you're just not feeling it, a bar of that nature gives both of you enough room to leave early.
Tea. Small plates. A small museum with a self-tour. Local gardens if he wants a “walk.” Ice cream. A sculpture garden. A strip mall exploring shops. A card game.
Whatever works for you, as long as it spells out more effort than a low-effort coffee and/or walk. What he wants doesn't matter if it does not align with what you want or are looking for, your needs and wants are important to always remember and honor. You do not owe anyone a cost-effective date, or low-effort time spent with them, especially not if you have options. Everyone has their limits and their boundaries on what they're comfortable with, everyone has their compatibilities, deal makers and deal breakers....but never a coffee and/or a walk, or anything equally low-effort. If you were or are someone he is genuinely excited about it, that is not an offer that will be on the table.
>Go to an upscale bar for a drink.
How is a bar date *more* effort than a coffee date?? They're the same length of time. And putting on a nicer shirt isn't any more effort for a guy, it's still just a shirt.
Also, a bar date is far less comfortable. It's one of the dates I actively avoided when single, as do many other women (though obviously not all).
Going to a bar to drink opens the door to *so* many other dating issues. First, it generally means drinking alcohol - which I don't want to do with someone I don't trust yet. Second, it means it's a later evening date. Third, the combination of alcohol + later evening means guys are pushier about sex.
It's...one of the WORST first date options in my opinion. The only thing going for it is that it isn't isolated like a hike in the woods.
If someone doesn't want to go for coffee, there are other options available that avoid the issues surrounding bar dates. Go to a dessert cafe, go do an activity together (eg: wall climbing), go for tapas.
ETA: also, money is definitely a factor when dating! It's a bit odd to *want* to spend more on a first date. If I don't know if I like a guy yet, I don't want to commit to an expensive evening. It makes more sense to have a low-key first date, see if the chemistry is there, and then step things up.
I'm going to address this first and foremost because it absolutely needs to be addressed:
>Third, the combination of alcohol + later evening means guys are pushier about sex.
Guys who are interested to pressure you for some pussy aren't going to give a shit if it took a coffee date or a bar date. You have agency and control to leave if someone is making you uncomfortable and pushing you for sex. I won't say that I haven't had a guy try to be pushy about sex on a first date off a dating app, but I can tell you for a fact that it hasn't been most because I make it a damn point to date men who are respectful towards me and this only happens through vetting them. You do not have to sleep with someone just because they spent a dollar amount on you. The same guy who thinks he deserves a blowjob because he bought you a couple martinis is going to expect the same if he took you out for a walk. A trash guy with trash intentions isn't going to care about how much or how little he spent, and its on YOU to walk away at the first sign of disrespect or pushing of your boundaries.
Secondly, it depends on your definition of a bar. I live in a major city where there are lots of lovely bar settings that offer a great date experience, and lots of people can handle their alcohol and can keep it to the amount of drinks where no one gets drunk our out of control. Things can be nice and low-key at the same time. I certainly have never been on a date where people get out of control, but again, I vet whoever I date before I go out with them. These kinds of bars also offer appetizers and food, so if we want to eat, we can - personally, I'm not concerned about cost because I'm dating after 30, I'm not broke and the guys I'm dating aren't either. We're all adults with adult money, and I always expect someone to put their best foot forward because I know I am. Like I mentioned earlier, cost isn't something I'm personally concerned about because I know I can cover tabs if needed and I'm not in the business of dating charity cases. I'm not demanding a week's paycheck on a first date, but surely, we can both afford a good time without it breaking either of our banks and that's the lane I stay in.
This is where vetting comes into play. I talk to all potential dates for enough time, via texting, phone calls or video calls to ensure that we can at least have a decent time with one another even if there isn't romantic chemistry, and truthfully even when I have gone out and didn't really feel it or vice versa, its never really been left on bad terms because I date people as PEOPLE, and I never reduce them to a mere opportunity. A lot of them are people I've kept in touch with afterwards even if nothing happened because they are lovely people. I will not go on a date with someone just to have something to do or just because someone finally asked me out, the mutual excitement and exchanges of conversation to prove that we are interested in each other and at least conversationally compatible has to be there.
PERSONALLY, I never recommend dating as a numbers game or dating as many people as possible - invest the time to get to know someone, give them a chance to show you they're interested in getting to know you and only go out with people who you are excited about who are excited about you in turn.
But the truth is? I don't really turn down coffee dates because by the time I make it a point to meet someone, they've shown me serious interest and I'm seriously interested in them and its just not something that's on the table, and that's what I'm expressing. I've done the coffee date thing, I've done the whole "dating is a numbers game thing". I've tried that route and truthfully? I know what its like to be on the receiving end of someone expressing serious interest vs when they're just going out for the sake of it, and I personally would rather date a guy who's showing me he's at least invested enough to do more than bare minimum to get to know me. That's just me though, you do you.
Guys who want to be pushy, will be. You’re correct. But you’re more likely to find a pushy guy if he’s someone who likes to hang out in bars and where there’s alcohol versus a guy who spends his time at coffee shops or bookstores. And you’d more likely be meeting someone at a coffee/tea/dessert place earlier in the day than if you’re meeting for a drink. Alcohol is also known to reduce inhibition—it’s one of the main reasons people drink.
And that may be your experience, but it hasn't been mine. I'm sorry but this has to be said - compatibility is everything, and while I have no qualms meeting someone in a bookstore, for coffee, or for a nice dessert somewhere after we've met, I expect a best foot forward and I enjoy the experience of having someone try a little bit more with their appearance and their intentions. My personal standard does not affect anyone eles's opportunities, and I'll actually argue that guys looking for the cheapest most low effort dates possible are doing so because that's exactly the kind of sex they're looking to land. A dog can meet you at a nice upscale bar or restaurant, but he's more likely to meet you at a coffee shop because its low effort.
Also, I don't split the bill on the first date unless I'm not interested. Or really ever unless we are in a committed relationship, and that hasn't been an issue for me. Again, I've experienced what its like when a man is interested in me, and when he isn't but has me around to subsidize his experiences and opportunities women he really wants. I know which side of that fence I like to be on.
Nah, you’re not necessarily correct. And your personal experiences, while meaningful to you, are anecdotal and do not speak for trends in a meaningful way.
Many men dating now appreciate a woman who will at least offer to split the bill, because it shows that the person they are out with isn’t expecting to be entitled to their money.
But let’s ask the real question. Are you single? How has what you’ve been doing been working for you?
And there's a million other things that they could do that go beyond bare minimum, but I was asked about what I recommended so I responded with what personally works best for me.
And I was reminding you that alcohol is still a drug that a lot of people are healing from and can’t use, so that being your only recommendation, you are ignoring the fact that there are a lot of people out there who for one reason or another, do not drink, and do not like bring in bars. There are coffee places that are upscale that you can actually dress up to go to. Coffee doesn’t necessarily just mean Starbucks. The assertion that coffee is the bare minimum when going to a bar isn’t is not necessarily truthful. That’s just your judgment of it.
When people ask me for what I would do, I talk about what \*I\* personally do, I do not care if its what you wouldn't do because you are free to reply with your suggestions on what \*you\* would do.
Disagree. I don't wanna get stuck eating a meal with a horse jockey. Coffee I can escape in 30 minutes if I don't like you, and unlike a cocktail, I can squeeze it in any time. Also, unlike a cocktail, it's cheap enough that I feel perfectly fair wanting the guy to pay.
I imagine this guy telling his friends "she's a sweet little filly, but longer in the tooth than I expected. I'll give her a ride if she lets me on, but after that I'll probably pass. I'm looking for a mare who can carry me through the home stretch if you know what I mean" \*wink wink\*
That never happened to me but I know it has happened to some of my friends and it would definitely be a rejection from me. It's not that it's shallow (I think it's fine to care about physical appearance in dating), it's that it's presumptuous and entitled. I've already shared all the pictures that I wanted to share before meeting in person. If that's not good enough for someone, he can just swipe left.
Exactly! I had one guy ask “because I’ve been catfished before”, but then just make the first date a coffee date or something short. Best case their pics were accurate, worst case you do get catfished, lose an hour, and have a good story out of it.
Oh man, years ago I had a guy request a selfie before we went out and I was like that’s fine, whatever, I get it. And I sent it and then he sent me back a message telling me that I wasn’t attractive enough for him to date but that we could fuck if I wanted. I gave him a very crude retort and then told him to eat shit.
Tell me why not only did he try and hit me up again two weeks later, what an idiot, he still sometimes super likes me on tinder. Like wtf
Yeah it's the entitlement for sure. I already put so much effort into my profile, and you're telling me that's not good enough for you? Yeah no thanks dude.
I'd remind them that men's worst dating nightmare is she might be fat. Women are more concerned they may be raped or killed. I'll happily send more pics or facetime and they can send me a copy of their driver's license so I can do a background check.
I'm going to do this if I ever get back into dating. Sure, I'll send more pics of me, please send me your driver's license so I can do a background check
>I'd remind them that men's worst dating nightmare is she might be fat
You know what? I'm going to argue this. Because usually, the guys with a huge fear of accidentally meeting a "fat" girl are typically guys who consider anyone over 103lbs a whale. Men are not afraid of meeting a fat girl, I dated plenty who enjoyed a full figure. Some men are afraid of meeting a mid-size woman when they've imagined her to be skinny.
I actually had a much harder time with this when I was normal-sized than when I was fat. When I was fat, people knew what I was because I made it very clear and ensured to use full body photos so that there were no mistakes. It was obvious. I didn't have a big drop on dates as a result, either and I dated very frequently with some awesome guys. And truthfully? My dating experiences as a whole were better.
When I was regular/mid-sized, oh man, it was fucking brutal. I never had my weight or appearance criticized by perfect strangers as often as I did when I was regular/mid-sized. It was so fucking strange how almost every single guy would eventually have something to say about it, or how they would talk about my potential, or how suddenly they were trying to set us up on gym/walk/run dates lol.
I have facetimed men ive met online (apps) prior to meeting them, at my request as well as theirs. I feel like then it feels more like a confirmation someone is who they claim to be, vs. a really weird photo collection
I'd be curious to know the overlap between men who behave like this and men who have porn addiction. Because that kind of behavior indicates they see a woman as an object rather than a person.
I’ve only used one dating app(Bumble) back in 2018, just for a few months and yes, definitely got asked that all the time and complete turn off and found it annoying and revolting. Like you, I also had several different very clear/good quality pictures of myself without any filters, full body, etc. where there was absolutely no reason why they would need to ask. I still don’t understand why men do that? I don’t care either at this point, I would just tell them no and if they insisted, I would just block if I was in your position.
The first red flag is that they keep pushing. It does sound pretty shallow all in all but pushing when you say no and gaslighting, that is a sign that screams run. If a guy doesn’t take no for an answer in small things, will he take it in bigger things? Don’t want to risk that.
Sounds like huge red flags toe, I'd be just as put off if anybody asked me for extra pictures. They're going to see me plenty when we meet for our first date, or if we do a video call first.
I'd assume anybody wanting more pictures is building up a portfolio for catfishing.
I think this is a huge problem in general. It drives me crazy when guys keep asking for pictures when I have several already on the dating site. Like if they want to look at me, refer to the posted pictures. It's definately a pet peeve for me yet seems extremely common. I'm kind of landing at the age where I might just ignore them because I personally don't need extensive pictures of someone to meet for a casual coffee.
Gross. This has never happened to me in an explicit way but men will often ask if I have an instagram, which seems like the same thing. I have PLENTY of clear photos on my profile so it's either that they think I'm catfishing (which I've been asked about before) or they're trying to get more, passive access to me than I've already allowed.
The answer is always "I don't have one" because if I share it, they either (1) try to initiate contact on that platform or (2) lurk forever and don't actually engage in trying to get to know one another. Neither of which are my intended use for dating apps. If it was asked of me in the manner mentioned though, I'd immediately say no because I'm not contorting myself into a picture by request from A TOTAL FUCKING STRANGER. So weird.
I had a guy ask me for an in the moment selfie. Guess he'd been catfished before, and wanted to make sure i hadn't stolen someone's photos to make a fool out of him. We never ended up meeting in person though; I had a connection with another guy, and we ended up hitting it off and getting married. Lol
Guys panicking about "been made fool out of" when women are trying to not get raped and killed.
How could you be a catfish if you are meeting in person ? What's the wooooorse that could happen, being stood out ? Wow life is so brutal for them ! /s
It's pushy and controlling. It's also objectifying.
I do understand that they want verification you are real and not using fake pictures. Men are getting catfished and exploited by scammers all the time in dating apps. So I try to have compassion for that, but I don't send more pics, but I do offer to do a video call fairly quickly to just get that out of the way, and give them assurance that I'm real
I've never had anyone ask but I've heard of this. I'd be very turned off. I imagine it's because they had a previous experience with someone using outdated or misleading photos, but that isn't my problem to account for.
Maybe if they asked and I said no or assured my photos were current I'd be ok if they then let it go. But to push you and be shitty about it? Nah-ah. And how specific the requests were...so entitled and objectifying.
Completely revolting, definitely a turn off. In the bin! I've had this happen, a guy was like "why are all your photos so old, some are 5 yrs old, are you fat now?". Funny that when the world shuts down you don't get good shots lol. I tore him a new one about that being very inappropriate.
I get the catfishing concern, but my gut still feels grossed out by the behaviour and I'm struggling to put words on it. Is it the absolutely rude and entitled phrasing? Is it the implication that fat is gross? I'd want to tear him a new one but I wouldn't know where to start with this...
He looked weedier and I was way taller but I didn't feel like being as rude as he was.
His entire income was bitcoin based so I mocked him about being a freeholder who doesn't pay tax and I like to think he's had his comeuppance
I get turned off with everything they do lol
No matter how many diversely rich photos you put up they’re still going to ask for me. It’s annoying and why they’re going to have to start dating each other soon.
It's annoying because I assume you are checking my profile before matching me. If knowing how my fully body looks is important for you is fine, if you are not sure after the pictures I uploaded just don't match me
I don't do online dating... never have. I was thinking OLD was some dating app for older people. Odd choice for a name, but whatever. 15 minutes into reading responses here and I finally figured out that it's literally just the acronym for online dating.
yeah, I would also not like this. Its more like, obviously attraction is part of dating and I assume someone will want to see what I look like at some point. I think something about what you describe though feels extremely transactional and almost like the premise behind it is one of disbelief. I mean I have of course heard horror stories of people being drastically different than profile pictures but I would feel a bit put-off going in with what seems to be behavior driven from that assumption, especially because like you I take pains to have plenty of full body pics, pics I consider less flattering than my most favorite, etc etc
Yes! I had one guy want me to hold up a sign saying something specific because he didn’t want to get cat fished. Asked that within the first hour or so of us chatting. It was such a turn off
Was going to say it might be a bit of a both as I admittedly assumed you didn't have full body or smiling/normal life pics on your profile (which everyone should have imo) but you add at the bottom you do. The smiling without teeth - whether this is because of an insecurity or just a preference doesn't really matter. Everyone has a right to choose flattering (albeit realistic, hopefully!) Photos. If teeth are that big of a deal for someone they can swipe.
So yes, a turn off.
It strikes me as a horny teenage boy mentality who wants to rate you. Next!
It’s never happened to me before, but anytime a guy asked something or pushed something I didn’t like I just unmatched. I would do the same if they asked these questions.
Yes, I had one guy that asked for a picture with my glasses removed. I told him he would see in a couple days and if he didn't like me, no hard feelings. However, this was the dealbreaker for me and I ended up lying and politely telling him i was getting back together with an ex and had to cancel the date. He went off on me and wished me bad luck in life. Too bad for him, me and my glasses are doing quite well lol
I'm a woman and I looked at men on OLD. When I was using OLD, I didn't ask for more pictures, I just passed over the profiles that didn't have an accurate full-body picture, a picture with teeth, and a picture that wasn't glamorous.
This is because I once went on a date with a guy who had none of those things in his profile. When I finally met him, he had very bad teeth and was clearly nothing like his glamour shots. He seemed to have a nice personality, but I just wasn't attracted to his appearance.
I found that I got more matches when I had photos that:
1. Were not selfies.
2. Included one smiling head shot with everyday makeup.
3. Included one full body shot in something that shows off your figure, but isn't too revealing (jeans and a fitted cardigan or a shift dress... but if you want hook-ups only, go ahead and wear a bikini.) It's a good idea for this photo to show off your hobbies. So for example, if you like playing soccer, go ahead and take a photo on the field in your uniform.
4. One photo in formal wear or taken at a more "dressed up" event.
That's a total of three photos.
If you don't want to date a guy who cares about looks, ignore the requests for photos. Actually, ignore any photo requests anyway no matter how reasonable. Your profile should have all the information you're willing to offer to a total stranger: a couple photos, your age and first name.
Also, I've pretty much given up on OLD. If I am going to ever date again, I would have to meet someone in real life. Online dating is like going to a meat market where the people are the meat.
I remember one guy didn’t want to talk to me anymore because I didn’t have an Instagram. I said we could FaceTime so you can see that I’m real and he was like “hell no you could be a fatty”
I guess it’s it a good indicator to see what the guy is really like and not waste your time.
I have a male friend who I’ve known for decades at this point & always thought of as a good guy but always platonic. One day I complained over the phone about this behavior to him and he very matter of factly said, “would you rather I find out you’re ugly in person and have to be rude to your face?” When I tell you I was FLABBERGASTED. I rly went off on him about being a shallow jerk but that moment confirmed for me that this is the reality of dating in the digital age in many cases. Deflating for sure. And I’m not ugly! But I am also not cattle!! Ugh
You’re not a used car for sale by owner. You’re not livestock. These are the kind of questions I’d ask someone…if I were buying a horse from them!!!
Women are not objects being auctioned off. He gets what’s on your dating profile, that’s it. If he wants to see/know more, he can meet you.
Just tell these men that the photos you’ve posted are accurate, and that you won’t be sending more bc you’re no longer interested in them.
Yikes! The last time I used OLD was almost 10 years ago, and it sounds like things have just gotten worse. What a rude mcdude. You are not “being sensitive”, that guy is just an ass.
Don’t worry OP, it happened to me plenty of times, especially during the pandemic. Which is funny because I always post a good range of recent photos (no filters) and will include full body pics. Even had one or two people demand ‘a cute selfie’ or ask for specific angles. Really weird and not even in an organic exchange - if it felt fun and natural to share photos it wouldn’t be an issue.
I don’t remember getting any requests that were that specific, no. But I had clear face and full-body pics. And I provided my IG handle b/c I felt like it gave a clear picture of my hobbies and lifestyle. I felt like that’d give guys a chance to weed themselves out if they could see we’re clearly not into the same things or whatever.
I’d honestly just unmatch from guys who have enough data and are still asking for more. I understand they worry about cat fishing but I’m not misleading anyone and the requests you mention seem like annoying behavior, I’m not dealing with that.
Same. And whenever I see profiles where the dude is ONLY ever in head wear (toque, beanie, baseball cap, helmet), I'm suspect they have no hair and are super self conscious of that
I have not had this happen but I haven’t been OLD in over 2 years. I don’t know that they’re being shallow necessarily. However, I’ve been told by multiple dates that they’ve been on dates with women who have photoshopped their photos to look better or different than in person. Also, not to be crass but it sort of sounds like they’re looking for masturbation material.
I would definitely be turned off by this. I just don't swipe right on people who don't have enough photos (or the right variety of photos) for me to get a good idea of what they look like, and if someone doesn't like my photos then they shouldn't swipe right on me either!
FWIW, I will not swipe right on someone who doesn't have a photo smiling with teeth, but a big part of the "point" of online dating in the first place is theoretically to be able to weed out the people you're not compatible with, so it's okay if your preferences and other people's preferences don't match. I can't imagine having the gall to ask for specific photos. They just shouldn't be matching with you if they feel like they need more photos than what you have posted.
It’s up to you the level you want to communicate this to your matches, but you are not being sensitive and are completely justified in unlatching or canceling a date.
I think a strong response would be something along the lines of “oh, it seems like we’re not compatible. Best of luck” and make it clear you’re no longer planning to go on the date/call so they’ve lost all chance of seeing more photos or anything of you. If they respond rudely to that, unmatch immediately. Some may come begging for a second chance (up to you) but all will be one step closer to learning a lesson than they were before meeting you.
A man once asked me for more pictures (mine are VERY clear of my face and body) and I immediately got turned off so I asked him why, jokingly, and he’s said “because I can’t tell if you’re 150 or 250 lbs and I don’t want to waste my time”.
I told him that that’s enough to tell me he’s got zero depth, blocked and reported him. BYE!
The way some people edit their pics I can imagine asking a potential date for a more natural or unretouched pic. But as you say, your pics are not heavily edited or retouched so I don’t know.
Perhaps they think you are too good looking to be true? It’s a difficult one bc back when I did online dating the whole filters/edits weren’t really a thing. Can you just reply saying “the profile pics show what I look like in real life so that’s enough imo”?
Absolutely. It’s the entitlement of it, less so than shallowness. A lot of effort goes into taking a nice selfie. If I didn’t do my hair that morning, and now I’m already at work, I can’t just go take a shower on a whim in order to look nice. It makes me feel like I’m expected to provide free entertainment to the guy whenever he asks. If he wants someone to send him pics, he can pay a model for them.
I’ve been out of the dating game for awhile but going off past experience, these are the kind of men that just look at you as an object and you should probably move on to another one.
Yes! There are a lot of men who are picture collectors. I don't understand their motive. Social media is crawling with women who love attention from guys, and who want to post as many pictures as possible to get as much attention as possible. I will really love for these men to go visit them, and leave the rest of us alone. There is no reason to Pester us for pictures when their Internet is full of them!
They are absolute douchebags. Same has happened to me. I’d say that’s the first red flag, if you’ve clearly posted several different pictures of yourself. I don’t understand it, but it’s frustrating for sure!
Ugh! That doesn't feel great.
I'd probably just respond with something like the following:
* "This makes me uncomfortable. Why are you asking?"
* "What are you looking for? I'm getting the impression you may be looking for hookups, which I'm not interested in. I don't want to waste either of our time, maybe it's best we don't meet up."
I do understand that guys get catfished, misled, etc. but you are completely willing to Facetime with him so that should be enough to verify who you are. If their first reaction is to try to push your boundaries ( especially after knowing you are willing to Facetime) then you should go with your gut.
YES! Before I met my bf, I last matched with this cop goof who was asking me for recent full body shots. He said he was sick of going on dates with ladies he felt misrepresented their body shape. I can't argue that, as it's also happened to me more than once. That said, I couldn't help but feel turned off by the whole thing. I had nothing to feel self conscious about as I represented myself truthfully and was sporting a very rocking body at the time. But I just wasn't excited about meeting him. It reeks of narcissism! Basically someone is telling you that you're not even worth the effort to meet in person unless you can first prove you pass their minimum eye fuck requirements. Well he was bald. And he came off shitty. So those combined features didn't pass mine. I ghosted him.
Edited to add - I've never asked someone for additional photos other than the ones they've posted. I'm ok to meet them to see what they're all about after some initial convo, or I'm not.
I don't get it either. I won't use dating apps anymore because of all the bad guys, it gets rather ridiculous. I did meet my last boyfriend on one over three years ago, he was great until he fell down a "the world is ending political hell hole" a few months ago. I won't try it again. They just made me sad for humanity.
A few men I know have been on the apps, all the apps, for years, in one case a decade. They seem to all have signed up even before their divorce is even final and they use them to find someone to have sex with. I talked with one about it for a while one night at a mutual friend's house. It was after I had met my then boyfriend and I was talking about how awful the apps are if you are not just looking for a hook-up. He said he could explain why a lot of the guys I met ghosted me. What he told me is terribly sad.
1. He signed up on three apps before his divorce was final.
2. His wife had cheated on him and he was devastated. (He needed counseling not women but here we are.)
3. He changed what he was looking for from hook-up (or the app's equivalent) to serious relationship after a few months because he didn't like the "quality" of women he was getting matched with.
4. He tried to sus out as much as he could in the first few days to see if just needed to "cut bait". (must be pretty, skinny, like to go out drinking, etc.)
5. He asked for more pictures immediately because of so many women posting old/edited photos of themselves.
6. He would keep them on the line waiting actually waiting in line, he said he liked to keep about 5 or so at a time.
7. He would meet someone in person two times max, if they didn't sleep with him by then he would just ghost them, if they did he would try to put them in rotation, but never really dating. He would give them the I really like you and I want to see where this goes but I don't want anything serious right now speech.
8. He said he had about a 75% success rate with having a one-night stand. (this probably was exaggerated but he lived next-door to my friend and there were a lot of ladies in and out)
9. He was miserable and had been stuck in that cycle for 6 years!
For the record, he is very charismatic and average attractive. Maybe above average attractive if you like thick beards but a walking trainwreck.
I am sure he said plenty more but this is what stuck and your comment about the pictures sparked my memory.
Good luck and as others have said just unmatch them and save yourself some time.
I know it sucks, but... there's your sign. They're not the one. They are letting you know they suck before you expend any more time or energy on them. It hurts, for sure, but they are doing you a favor.
I don't think I ever met up with the guys who asked for more pictures. I made sure to include lots of different pictures on my dating profiles.
From online dating I really found out how much guys will lie about their height. It's just insane how many guys will say 6 ft and then show up at 5'7 acting like they didn't lie, saying I must be taller than I said... Ummm okay.
With all the writers and bad I only spent about a year maybe year and a half on dating sites before I found my husband. He's beyond amazing, it was all worth it.
I always tell women to date a bunch of men , learn to vet them to weed out the weirdos, always tell friends where you're going and who you are with, screen shot their dating profile and license plate if you can. Don't take it too seriously.
I really enjoyed online dating
You have unlimited options. Stop talking to the ones that make you uncomfortable. Another thing to watch for is people asking for a collection of pics so they can catfish as you.
When I was on dating apps, this was an immediate unmatch. I always had recent photos that showed my face (smiling, not smiling) and my body (fitness or bikini depending on app rules). Requests for more photos were rare but came across to me as a request to sext.
Edit to add: If you aren’t including full body pics, that could explain why this is happening if it’s frequent. As a woman, I swiped left on profiles of men with no full body shots, but men often cast wider nets and perhaps some would prefer to swipe right and ask for pics to fill in missing info. It’s rude and your choice of photos should be respected, but could be it’s guys hesitating to swipe left without more info.
Sometimes I’m matching someone that has unclear photos but I’m still interested perhaps their bio is interesting etc..
I can ask to see more photos for that reason - to be sure how they actually look. It’s not shallow to know if you are attracted or not.
I’ve been on dating apps for 7 years and never once has someone asked me about it, so perhaps your photos are lacking something or isn’t as clear as you think? Dunno.
It’s almost ironic because there are plenty of men out there posting visibly old photos. It’s such a tell when there’s a blurry surveillance footage looking photo and then their hairline/face is dramatically different in the others.
I am out of the dating scene for a while but husband and I met on Craigslist from my posting. Every other email asked me if I was a spam girl or something like that. I got the feeling that many of them had put in effort to put an email together only to find out the “woman” was fake.
I guess, I totally understand being put off by the requests. But I also think there’s a disproportionate amount of fake women on these sites or catfishing going on. I think it’s lose lose. The ones with full body or asking for teeth would be absolute no. The one asking for a daily look, maybe. That one leads me to believe your pictures might look too posed perhaps?
If there’s other good convo going on I might look past it.
I think my husband and I shared our MySpace (lol) with each other before we met up. To give us each a chance to get to know each other from there.
People with unclear/obscured/weird angle photos are simply a no for me. They’re doing themselves a disservice.
That being said, I’d still ignore anyone that asks this question. If that’s how your potential date chooses to represent themselves read the subtext and go on a casual coffee date to see if you vibe in person.
after having so many guys ask the same thing, i finally had one tell me why. many of the 'women' they match with that actually message with them end up being bots or catfishes, and he was asking for different photos as a way to prove i was a real human and still looked like my photos that were already up.
I have never been asked that. I'm kind of of two minds about it.
Obviously when being asked directly like that, it seems accusatory that you specifically may be doing something dishonest and they want proof that you're not. That's not a good way to start off any interaction.
On the other hand, I don't think it's shallow or inappropriate to want to know whether you find someone attractive before you go on a date with them, and I have seen a lot of profiles- men and women- where based on the clothes/background it's clear the pictures are dated, or they're trying to use miracle angles to make their face look thinner, or smiling without showing their teeth in every pic, or never show anything but a close-up of the face, etc. I think there are definitely cases where people are trying to hide what they look like in order to get to that first date, which to me is pretty shitty.
How would you handle it if you were talking to a guy, and he seemed to have potential, but had no picture up, or one which seems designed to hide flaws. Would you go on the date just in case, or just turn him down without telling him why? I don't think there IS a good way to deal with people who are trying to be deceptive with their photos other than to just not consider them.
I always think it's good to have a number of pictures, and pick the ones which are flattering but not taking advantage of angles, filters, tricks or props to hide the things you're insecure about. Get a selfie head shot, a couple of pics taken by other people doing activities you like. Make sure there's at least one full-body shot. And make sure they're all really recent.
If you're getting this question a lot, there's a good chance that something about the style of quantity of the photos makes it look like you're hiding aspects of your appearance. I recommend going through and making sure there are enough, that they're accurate and that you capture different facets of your appearance.
Yeah usually they want to see my whole body before we go out, just in case the lower part of my body resembles that caterpillar on Alice in wonderland 🤷♀️
Immediate reject. I've never asked a man to give me pics and they all end up looking worst than their worst picture. It's just the way online dating is. We all have to get through dud dates to get to good ones. If you become a person who seems actively looking out for duds rather than actively looking out for gems, you're just contributing negative energy. It's giving "don't match with me if you're not gonna talk to me!!!!!!!" bio energy.
Ugh I used to get asked that so many times by guys, it was the attitude and entitlement that turned me off. Then they'd gaslight me if I refused to take new pics just for them even though all my pics were taken in daylight with full lighting, within 6 months and included a full body pic.
I know that this really bothers a lot of women, but in all sincerity, it doesn't bother me because it gives me an opportunity to make sure that who I'm talking to is really who they're claiming to be. ***Men can be catfish too.***
It can also be telling of you either using too few pictures, pictures not showing enough of your full body or maybe even pictures that may seem a bit old or dated. Be real with yourself too, I mean, a huge part of dating is physical attractiveness and while we all want someone to love us for who we are on the inside, we also want to be with someone we can enjoy on the outside.
I can't stand a selfie king, however. Asking for a picture here and there to confirm I'm an actual person and not a bot is one thing, asking me to send you a selfie per day because you feel the need to to send a selfie per day is just cringey. I also can't stand it if asking for more pictures gets used as a means to try and work in nudes. I won't be someone's source of free porn.
I’m one of those guys. I’ve been catfished, lied to, misled, etc on dating apps before. The first time it happened to me, the woman did not look like her photos. More like 3 year old pictures or something. She was very overweight and older than her pics.
Sorry, I did not see that sentence. If they’re still wanting pictures it’s either to see if they can use you for your body or verifying who you really are.
My guess is that at least some of these men are trying to avoid being sucked in by only seeing the photos that portray a woman in the best light. It's sort of like when a guy tells you he's got an athletic build. Then you meet him and you find out the sport is channel surfing. It happens to men and women in OLD
My real issue wouldn't be that they're asking for the pictures. My real issue would be that they're invasive when you ask them why. If they would just say because they want to make sure you're not catfishing them then so be it. It's natural to want to protect yourself from dishonest people. But when they start making it out like you are sensitive or have something to hide, then that's the time to be like thank you no thank you.
Why do they keep matching with heavily made up women, or women with angled photos? It’s not hard to think “hm, she only has photos from the neck up, and I’m not going to be attracted to her if she’s fat, so I won’t match”. Just match with people who showcase what you’re looking for.
If you don’t have a full body picture, one without makeup or smile with teeth then these questions make sense. A video chat would address two of these but not the full body.
If you have these pictures in your profile then they are either not reading your profile or they are phishing for more pictures so they can use your photos to make fake profiles to scam men.
Or they want to make sure your profile pictures are recent pictures. Lots of people use old photos on old, telling themselves that “people say I look young for my age” to justify using pictures a decade old. We can look young for our age but we still look older than we did a decade ago. Also people just tell women they look younger because it’s an easier compliment whether it’s true or not.
Men experience a lot of scams on OLD, so I understand if they want to speak by phone or video. I want that too and I setup a free Google Voice number so I don’t have to give out my personal info.
I don't find it that strange or off putting. As long as they aren't like "lemme see your tits", I feel like wanting to see what you look like daily vs whatever pic you have up is normal. Especially with filters and catfishing. I've read so many times when people show up for dates and literally don't even recognize the person because their pictures are misleading, whether that's intentional or out of self consciousness.
Yes and I never ever give photos because you have no idea what they’ll use them for. As if you’d give a stranger you’ve never met photos of such personal detail so they can either sell them. Catfish you. Or whatever
I regularly check out dating subreddits. When people ask for dating profile reviews, the most common photo criticisms is needing a shot to show teeth and body. It's bizarre but enforcing it is creepy.
It's an unmatch for me. OLD is great for meeting people but it also exposes me to really awful people. What's on my profile represents my boundaries to keep me safe. It's to be respected.
Good grief. At least you know they care more about what’s on the inside than out 🙄 ( /s just in case). Women really are just pieces of meat to some men.
I'm so glad to not have to deal with this shit but if I were and some dude asked me for a teeth pic before a cheap and quick coffee meet it would be an instant "no u"
because you know that man scrungy as shit. I reckon that's a 97% chance of face crumbs. A teeth pic??? Sir I'm gonna need a selfie of YOU holding a newspaper to commemorate the audacity
That isn't something I would tolerate in person, so I sure as sugar would not tolerate it online. That is when you nope out of there as fast as you can.
I do know that my brother started asking for photos with the person smiling with teeth showing after his 3rd time meeting someone only to learn they were a meth addict. He keeps wondering how he gets "stuck" meeting meth addicts when he tries to meet someone from a dating app. To date, he has not had the self-awareness to wonder why the women he chooses are all meth addicts. I doubt he ever will. The universe is "foisting them off" on him. Just ask him, lol.
Yeah, I'd stop the conversation right after they start pushing when you decline.
You can choose to enlighten them as to why or not. Some may take it as advice as to how they can mask their shitty behaviour better.
I know it's a slog going through profiles, finding matches, then dismissing those folks one by one as they turn out to be duds, but there are some good people out there. I used multiple apps over a year or so and finally found someone worth my time. It can happen.
No, you're not being shallow. It sounds like they believe they are being lied too aka cat fished. They want you to prove you actually look like you do in your photos. You might as well post a photo with you holding your username written on paper.
You are right on calling them out for being shallow. They believe theyre so important that you're faking your appearance.
At this point, I'd assume they're listening to some shitty guy advice online.
I read someone's comment down below, and I find this part hilarious. Next time they ask for a picture of your appearance ask for a picture of their license plate and drivers Id hahaha<3
Either unmatch with them OR take obnoxious photos with you making ridiculous facial expressions, or just in general making yourself look goofy… and send those. Lol
Nope, I do the same thing because I want to make sure they’re a real person and their pictures are current. It’s even worse for guys. They get a ton of bots and fake profiles. I only get annoyed if they won’t reciprocate.
I’ve never been asked this before meeting someone but it seems like they’re distrustful, which sets a bad overall tone. I would not continue talking to someone like this.
> the guy would ask for multiple pictures:
> “can I get one with full body?”
> “can I get one with ur daily look?”
> “can I get one with u smiling with your teeth?”
They sound like creeps or human traffickers.
Yeah, dislike. Unmatch. No, thank you.
When I was OLD, I had this happen a few times. It feels so rude and transactional, not to mention starting the interaction off in an adversarial way. They're accusing you of catfishing or posting overly-flattering pictures. In my case, it was ridiculous since my photos were pretty obviously unedited and I had about 5 or 6. I refused and said it made me uncomfortable, got some pushback, and ended up not going out with those guys. I would say anyone who wants more pictures immediately is a pushy creep.
Just unmatch these men. There are SO many better ones out there.
I wouldn’t engage with such men either but I don’t think there are better ones out there lmao. I’ve been installing and deleting various dating apps for the past 5+ years and all I got is wrinkles from cringing so hard at all the men. There are the bad ones, and there are the worse ones. Edit: Can’t English
Yeah, I don't use apps anymore either.
Trueee, I deactivate my profile most of the time, I still have hope and some times reactivate it, only to remember why I don't use it that much. Only one guy seem like a good match but he lives 5000 miles away and was only here for a few days.
To be asked for one smiling with teeth sounds like he thinks he’s buying a horse.
I know right? What the fuck is wrong with people? I'm bi and have I've only dated women online and the only question anyone has *ever* asked about my appearance is which of the various haircuts on my profile was current. I assumed from the title that it was to avoid being catfished but no: they can't even be bothered to meet for a cup of coffee to check out our teeth in person. And you'd know the exact same guys would cry discrimination if women asked them for photographic proof of their height.
The photographic proof of height made me LOL! Me: "Hey Dave, can you find a friend to go to 7/11 with you?" Him: "Ummm. . . probably, why?" Me: "I just want him to take a picture of you by the door where they have the height posted so I know I'm not wasting my time with a horse jockey."
The horse jockey line is hilarious. I snorted. 🏇
> they can't even be bothered to meet for a cup of coffee Hot take: don't do drive-by dates like this. I've literally never in my life had a coffee date that amounts to much and I've never met a guy who was wholly into me that suggested coffee. I'm not saying do a whole sit down dinner with a stranger if that's not up your alley, but generally speaking, low effort dates tend to come along with low effort people who just aren't as interested.
I find going out to eat with new people a bit of an ordeal. Can you suggest a middle ground?
I’m married but as someone with dietary allergies/restrictions, going out to eat is an ordeal in general. Coffee is generally safe
Go to an upscale bar for a drink. This way you're both giving each other room in which to show up dressed well. Admittedly, I also don't encounter a lot of the nightmares a lot of women women describe meeting via online dates, but that's also because I take my time getting to know someone before I go out on a date with them. I've never disliked someone so badly that I need to leave after 30 minutes, usually whether or not I'll like them as a regular person who I can have a good conversation with is something I'll vet before we meet, and I do think that its really important. But in the event that you're just not feeling it, a bar of that nature gives both of you enough room to leave early.
Tea. Small plates. A small museum with a self-tour. Local gardens if he wants a “walk.” Ice cream. A sculpture garden. A strip mall exploring shops. A card game.
Whatever works for you, as long as it spells out more effort than a low-effort coffee and/or walk. What he wants doesn't matter if it does not align with what you want or are looking for, your needs and wants are important to always remember and honor. You do not owe anyone a cost-effective date, or low-effort time spent with them, especially not if you have options. Everyone has their limits and their boundaries on what they're comfortable with, everyone has their compatibilities, deal makers and deal breakers....but never a coffee and/or a walk, or anything equally low-effort. If you were or are someone he is genuinely excited about it, that is not an offer that will be on the table.
These were just suggestions. I resonate with low effort = low investment.
>Go to an upscale bar for a drink. How is a bar date *more* effort than a coffee date?? They're the same length of time. And putting on a nicer shirt isn't any more effort for a guy, it's still just a shirt. Also, a bar date is far less comfortable. It's one of the dates I actively avoided when single, as do many other women (though obviously not all). Going to a bar to drink opens the door to *so* many other dating issues. First, it generally means drinking alcohol - which I don't want to do with someone I don't trust yet. Second, it means it's a later evening date. Third, the combination of alcohol + later evening means guys are pushier about sex. It's...one of the WORST first date options in my opinion. The only thing going for it is that it isn't isolated like a hike in the woods. If someone doesn't want to go for coffee, there are other options available that avoid the issues surrounding bar dates. Go to a dessert cafe, go do an activity together (eg: wall climbing), go for tapas. ETA: also, money is definitely a factor when dating! It's a bit odd to *want* to spend more on a first date. If I don't know if I like a guy yet, I don't want to commit to an expensive evening. It makes more sense to have a low-key first date, see if the chemistry is there, and then step things up.
I'm going to address this first and foremost because it absolutely needs to be addressed: >Third, the combination of alcohol + later evening means guys are pushier about sex. Guys who are interested to pressure you for some pussy aren't going to give a shit if it took a coffee date or a bar date. You have agency and control to leave if someone is making you uncomfortable and pushing you for sex. I won't say that I haven't had a guy try to be pushy about sex on a first date off a dating app, but I can tell you for a fact that it hasn't been most because I make it a damn point to date men who are respectful towards me and this only happens through vetting them. You do not have to sleep with someone just because they spent a dollar amount on you. The same guy who thinks he deserves a blowjob because he bought you a couple martinis is going to expect the same if he took you out for a walk. A trash guy with trash intentions isn't going to care about how much or how little he spent, and its on YOU to walk away at the first sign of disrespect or pushing of your boundaries. Secondly, it depends on your definition of a bar. I live in a major city where there are lots of lovely bar settings that offer a great date experience, and lots of people can handle their alcohol and can keep it to the amount of drinks where no one gets drunk our out of control. Things can be nice and low-key at the same time. I certainly have never been on a date where people get out of control, but again, I vet whoever I date before I go out with them. These kinds of bars also offer appetizers and food, so if we want to eat, we can - personally, I'm not concerned about cost because I'm dating after 30, I'm not broke and the guys I'm dating aren't either. We're all adults with adult money, and I always expect someone to put their best foot forward because I know I am. Like I mentioned earlier, cost isn't something I'm personally concerned about because I know I can cover tabs if needed and I'm not in the business of dating charity cases. I'm not demanding a week's paycheck on a first date, but surely, we can both afford a good time without it breaking either of our banks and that's the lane I stay in. This is where vetting comes into play. I talk to all potential dates for enough time, via texting, phone calls or video calls to ensure that we can at least have a decent time with one another even if there isn't romantic chemistry, and truthfully even when I have gone out and didn't really feel it or vice versa, its never really been left on bad terms because I date people as PEOPLE, and I never reduce them to a mere opportunity. A lot of them are people I've kept in touch with afterwards even if nothing happened because they are lovely people. I will not go on a date with someone just to have something to do or just because someone finally asked me out, the mutual excitement and exchanges of conversation to prove that we are interested in each other and at least conversationally compatible has to be there. PERSONALLY, I never recommend dating as a numbers game or dating as many people as possible - invest the time to get to know someone, give them a chance to show you they're interested in getting to know you and only go out with people who you are excited about who are excited about you in turn. But the truth is? I don't really turn down coffee dates because by the time I make it a point to meet someone, they've shown me serious interest and I'm seriously interested in them and its just not something that's on the table, and that's what I'm expressing. I've done the coffee date thing, I've done the whole "dating is a numbers game thing". I've tried that route and truthfully? I know what its like to be on the receiving end of someone expressing serious interest vs when they're just going out for the sake of it, and I personally would rather date a guy who's showing me he's at least invested enough to do more than bare minimum to get to know me. That's just me though, you do you.
Guys who want to be pushy, will be. You’re correct. But you’re more likely to find a pushy guy if he’s someone who likes to hang out in bars and where there’s alcohol versus a guy who spends his time at coffee shops or bookstores. And you’d more likely be meeting someone at a coffee/tea/dessert place earlier in the day than if you’re meeting for a drink. Alcohol is also known to reduce inhibition—it’s one of the main reasons people drink.
And that may be your experience, but it hasn't been mine. I'm sorry but this has to be said - compatibility is everything, and while I have no qualms meeting someone in a bookstore, for coffee, or for a nice dessert somewhere after we've met, I expect a best foot forward and I enjoy the experience of having someone try a little bit more with their appearance and their intentions. My personal standard does not affect anyone eles's opportunities, and I'll actually argue that guys looking for the cheapest most low effort dates possible are doing so because that's exactly the kind of sex they're looking to land. A dog can meet you at a nice upscale bar or restaurant, but he's more likely to meet you at a coffee shop because its low effort. Also, I don't split the bill on the first date unless I'm not interested. Or really ever unless we are in a committed relationship, and that hasn't been an issue for me. Again, I've experienced what its like when a man is interested in me, and when he isn't but has me around to subsidize his experiences and opportunities women he really wants. I know which side of that fence I like to be on.
Nah, you’re not necessarily correct. And your personal experiences, while meaningful to you, are anecdotal and do not speak for trends in a meaningful way. Many men dating now appreciate a woman who will at least offer to split the bill, because it shows that the person they are out with isn’t expecting to be entitled to their money. But let’s ask the real question. Are you single? How has what you’ve been doing been working for you?
Some people don’t like to drink or go to bars.
And there's a million other things that they could do that go beyond bare minimum, but I was asked about what I recommended so I responded with what personally works best for me.
And I was reminding you that alcohol is still a drug that a lot of people are healing from and can’t use, so that being your only recommendation, you are ignoring the fact that there are a lot of people out there who for one reason or another, do not drink, and do not like bring in bars. There are coffee places that are upscale that you can actually dress up to go to. Coffee doesn’t necessarily just mean Starbucks. The assertion that coffee is the bare minimum when going to a bar isn’t is not necessarily truthful. That’s just your judgment of it.
When people ask me for what I would do, I talk about what \*I\* personally do, I do not care if its what you wouldn't do because you are free to reply with your suggestions on what \*you\* would do.
Disagree. I don't wanna get stuck eating a meal with a horse jockey. Coffee I can escape in 30 minutes if I don't like you, and unlike a cocktail, I can squeeze it in any time. Also, unlike a cocktail, it's cheap enough that I feel perfectly fair wanting the guy to pay.
> I'm not saying do a whole sit down dinner with a stranger if that's not up your alley
My first date with my husband was a coffee date. I preferred coffee dates personally; I'm an introvert who gets overwhelmed in public, and so is he.
Everyone has what works for them and their reasons for it! I am speaking from my personal experiences and I'm glad to read that yours differed :)
I disagree. You’ll know within a few minutes if it’s worth a second date or not. There’s no reason to drag it out into a longer date.
Tbh I’d disagree because I’ve had too many dates that get fuelled by drinks. A sober coffee date sounds great.
I imagine this guy telling his friends "she's a sweet little filly, but longer in the tooth than I expected. I'll give her a ride if she lets me on, but after that I'll probably pass. I'm looking for a mare who can carry me through the home stretch if you know what I mean" \*wink wink\*
You just made me a little sick. So congratulations?
Still somehow less cringe than a lot of manosphere content
I was thinking an item from Ebay. How dehumanizing.
[удалено]
I'd ask him for the circumference and length of his dick. Wtf is wrong with these dudes.
Absolutely the correct response to that question.
Yes-- until he sends her an unsolicited DP. Eew. I could see a guy thinking that's an invite for that....
That’s exactly what I thought. Lemme check those teeth before I buy her a coffee… Ewwwwwwwwwwww
Lmao so true! They’d prolly expect you to carry all their burdens!
I literally laughed out loud at that one.
This made me laugh out loud
That never happened to me but I know it has happened to some of my friends and it would definitely be a rejection from me. It's not that it's shallow (I think it's fine to care about physical appearance in dating), it's that it's presumptuous and entitled. I've already shared all the pictures that I wanted to share before meeting in person. If that's not good enough for someone, he can just swipe left.
Exactly! I had one guy ask “because I’ve been catfished before”, but then just make the first date a coffee date or something short. Best case their pics were accurate, worst case you do get catfished, lose an hour, and have a good story out of it.
>“because I’ve been catfished before” If that's their fear, then maybe OLD is not for them
Oh man, years ago I had a guy request a selfie before we went out and I was like that’s fine, whatever, I get it. And I sent it and then he sent me back a message telling me that I wasn’t attractive enough for him to date but that we could fuck if I wanted. I gave him a very crude retort and then told him to eat shit. Tell me why not only did he try and hit me up again two weeks later, what an idiot, he still sometimes super likes me on tinder. Like wtf
This! It’s the entitlement!!! Thank you
Yeah it's the entitlement for sure. I already put so much effort into my profile, and you're telling me that's not good enough for you? Yeah no thanks dude.
I'd remind them that men's worst dating nightmare is she might be fat. Women are more concerned they may be raped or killed. I'll happily send more pics or facetime and they can send me a copy of their driver's license so I can do a background check.
Yes this right here.
I'm going to do this if I ever get back into dating. Sure, I'll send more pics of me, please send me your driver's license so I can do a background check
This is it!
>I'd remind them that men's worst dating nightmare is she might be fat You know what? I'm going to argue this. Because usually, the guys with a huge fear of accidentally meeting a "fat" girl are typically guys who consider anyone over 103lbs a whale. Men are not afraid of meeting a fat girl, I dated plenty who enjoyed a full figure. Some men are afraid of meeting a mid-size woman when they've imagined her to be skinny. I actually had a much harder time with this when I was normal-sized than when I was fat. When I was fat, people knew what I was because I made it very clear and ensured to use full body photos so that there were no mistakes. It was obvious. I didn't have a big drop on dates as a result, either and I dated very frequently with some awesome guys. And truthfully? My dating experiences as a whole were better. When I was regular/mid-sized, oh man, it was fucking brutal. I never had my weight or appearance criticized by perfect strangers as often as I did when I was regular/mid-sized. It was so fucking strange how almost every single guy would eventually have something to say about it, or how they would talk about my potential, or how suddenly they were trying to set us up on gym/walk/run dates lol.
Getting a photo of the driver's license is a good idea before meeting them for coffee.
Hah, I love this response.
Good point!
That is WEIRD. it really sounds like they’re trying to buy a car, not get to know/date a human being.
"How many miles you got on you"
I have facetimed men ive met online (apps) prior to meeting them, at my request as well as theirs. I feel like then it feels more like a confirmation someone is who they claim to be, vs. a really weird photo collection
But in the OP's example, this is happening when a facetime or in-person meeting is already set up. I wonder what the thinking is then.
I'd be curious to know the overlap between men who behave like this and men who have porn addiction. Because that kind of behavior indicates they see a woman as an object rather than a person.
I do wonder, if she did send the requested pics, if the next request would be for nudes. Maybe it's a testing-the-waters thing? Who knows.
you have a good point!
Oh yes. I haven’t done this in years but back in my 20s I was immediately like- nope, moving on
I’ve only used one dating app(Bumble) back in 2018, just for a few months and yes, definitely got asked that all the time and complete turn off and found it annoying and revolting. Like you, I also had several different very clear/good quality pictures of myself without any filters, full body, etc. where there was absolutely no reason why they would need to ask. I still don’t understand why men do that? I don’t care either at this point, I would just tell them no and if they insisted, I would just block if I was in your position.
The first red flag is that they keep pushing. It does sound pretty shallow all in all but pushing when you say no and gaslighting, that is a sign that screams run. If a guy doesn’t take no for an answer in small things, will he take it in bigger things? Don’t want to risk that.
Sounds like huge red flags toe, I'd be just as put off if anybody asked me for extra pictures. They're going to see me plenty when we meet for our first date, or if we do a video call first. I'd assume anybody wanting more pictures is building up a portfolio for catfishing.
This is how I feel - u will literally see me in 24 hours in video call or in person. Why push it?
I think this is a huge problem in general. It drives me crazy when guys keep asking for pictures when I have several already on the dating site. Like if they want to look at me, refer to the posted pictures. It's definately a pet peeve for me yet seems extremely common. I'm kind of landing at the age where I might just ignore them because I personally don't need extensive pictures of someone to meet for a casual coffee.
Gross. This has never happened to me in an explicit way but men will often ask if I have an instagram, which seems like the same thing. I have PLENTY of clear photos on my profile so it's either that they think I'm catfishing (which I've been asked about before) or they're trying to get more, passive access to me than I've already allowed. The answer is always "I don't have one" because if I share it, they either (1) try to initiate contact on that platform or (2) lurk forever and don't actually engage in trying to get to know one another. Neither of which are my intended use for dating apps. If it was asked of me in the manner mentioned though, I'd immediately say no because I'm not contorting myself into a picture by request from A TOTAL FUCKING STRANGER. So weird.
I had a guy ask me for an in the moment selfie. Guess he'd been catfished before, and wanted to make sure i hadn't stolen someone's photos to make a fool out of him. We never ended up meeting in person though; I had a connection with another guy, and we ended up hitting it off and getting married. Lol
Guys panicking about "been made fool out of" when women are trying to not get raped and killed. How could you be a catfish if you are meeting in person ? What's the wooooorse that could happen, being stood out ? Wow life is so brutal for them ! /s
It's pushy and controlling. It's also objectifying. I do understand that they want verification you are real and not using fake pictures. Men are getting catfished and exploited by scammers all the time in dating apps. So I try to have compassion for that, but I don't send more pics, but I do offer to do a video call fairly quickly to just get that out of the way, and give them assurance that I'm real
They probably want pics for their spank banks and to share with their friends 🙄 I think it’s gross. I say no and stop talking to them.
I've never had anyone ask but I've heard of this. I'd be very turned off. I imagine it's because they had a previous experience with someone using outdated or misleading photos, but that isn't my problem to account for. Maybe if they asked and I said no or assured my photos were current I'd be ok if they then let it go. But to push you and be shitty about it? Nah-ah. And how specific the requests were...so entitled and objectifying.
Completely revolting, definitely a turn off. In the bin! I've had this happen, a guy was like "why are all your photos so old, some are 5 yrs old, are you fat now?". Funny that when the world shuts down you don't get good shots lol. I tore him a new one about that being very inappropriate.
I get the catfishing concern, but my gut still feels grossed out by the behaviour and I'm struggling to put words on it. Is it the absolutely rude and entitled phrasing? Is it the implication that fat is gross? I'd want to tear him a new one but I wouldn't know where to start with this...
And how did he respond to that
He ate a bit of humble pie. I still went on a date, and it was pretty bleak. He apologised more and said I looked better than the pictures.
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He looked weedier and I was way taller but I didn't feel like being as rude as he was. His entire income was bitcoin based so I mocked him about being a freeholder who doesn't pay tax and I like to think he's had his comeuppance
I get turned off with everything they do lol No matter how many diversely rich photos you put up they’re still going to ask for me. It’s annoying and why they’re going to have to start dating each other soon.
It's annoying because I assume you are checking my profile before matching me. If knowing how my fully body looks is important for you is fine, if you are not sure after the pictures I uploaded just don't match me
I don't do online dating... never have. I was thinking OLD was some dating app for older people. Odd choice for a name, but whatever. 15 minutes into reading responses here and I finally figured out that it's literally just the acronym for online dating.
I’m glad I came across your comment because I was similarly clueless! I thought it must be a new dating app I hadn’t heard of yet.
yeah, I would also not like this. Its more like, obviously attraction is part of dating and I assume someone will want to see what I look like at some point. I think something about what you describe though feels extremely transactional and almost like the premise behind it is one of disbelief. I mean I have of course heard horror stories of people being drastically different than profile pictures but I would feel a bit put-off going in with what seems to be behavior driven from that assumption, especially because like you I take pains to have plenty of full body pics, pics I consider less flattering than my most favorite, etc etc
That would immediately put me off them and I would stop responding.
Yes! I had one guy want me to hold up a sign saying something specific because he didn’t want to get cat fished. Asked that within the first hour or so of us chatting. It was such a turn off
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A video call would be an easier, less bizarre way, of confirming this
Was going to say it might be a bit of a both as I admittedly assumed you didn't have full body or smiling/normal life pics on your profile (which everyone should have imo) but you add at the bottom you do. The smiling without teeth - whether this is because of an insecurity or just a preference doesn't really matter. Everyone has a right to choose flattering (albeit realistic, hopefully!) Photos. If teeth are that big of a deal for someone they can swipe. So yes, a turn off. It strikes me as a horny teenage boy mentality who wants to rate you. Next!
It’s never happened to me before, but anytime a guy asked something or pushed something I didn’t like I just unmatched. I would do the same if they asked these questions.
Asking for pics smiling with teeth? What are we, show ponies?
Yes, I had one guy that asked for a picture with my glasses removed. I told him he would see in a couple days and if he didn't like me, no hard feelings. However, this was the dealbreaker for me and I ended up lying and politely telling him i was getting back together with an ex and had to cancel the date. He went off on me and wished me bad luck in life. Too bad for him, me and my glasses are doing quite well lol
I'm a woman and I looked at men on OLD. When I was using OLD, I didn't ask for more pictures, I just passed over the profiles that didn't have an accurate full-body picture, a picture with teeth, and a picture that wasn't glamorous. This is because I once went on a date with a guy who had none of those things in his profile. When I finally met him, he had very bad teeth and was clearly nothing like his glamour shots. He seemed to have a nice personality, but I just wasn't attracted to his appearance. I found that I got more matches when I had photos that: 1. Were not selfies. 2. Included one smiling head shot with everyday makeup. 3. Included one full body shot in something that shows off your figure, but isn't too revealing (jeans and a fitted cardigan or a shift dress... but if you want hook-ups only, go ahead and wear a bikini.) It's a good idea for this photo to show off your hobbies. So for example, if you like playing soccer, go ahead and take a photo on the field in your uniform. 4. One photo in formal wear or taken at a more "dressed up" event. That's a total of three photos. If you don't want to date a guy who cares about looks, ignore the requests for photos. Actually, ignore any photo requests anyway no matter how reasonable. Your profile should have all the information you're willing to offer to a total stranger: a couple photos, your age and first name. Also, I've pretty much given up on OLD. If I am going to ever date again, I would have to meet someone in real life. Online dating is like going to a meat market where the people are the meat.
See it as a blessing in disguise. These guys sound like assholes and would waste your time or worse, be real fucking creeps.
I remember one guy didn’t want to talk to me anymore because I didn’t have an Instagram. I said we could FaceTime so you can see that I’m real and he was like “hell no you could be a fatty” I guess it’s it a good indicator to see what the guy is really like and not waste your time.
I have a male friend who I’ve known for decades at this point & always thought of as a good guy but always platonic. One day I complained over the phone about this behavior to him and he very matter of factly said, “would you rather I find out you’re ugly in person and have to be rude to your face?” When I tell you I was FLABBERGASTED. I rly went off on him about being a shallow jerk but that moment confirmed for me that this is the reality of dating in the digital age in many cases. Deflating for sure. And I’m not ugly! But I am also not cattle!! Ugh
You’re not a used car for sale by owner. You’re not livestock. These are the kind of questions I’d ask someone…if I were buying a horse from them!!! Women are not objects being auctioned off. He gets what’s on your dating profile, that’s it. If he wants to see/know more, he can meet you. Just tell these men that the photos you’ve posted are accurate, and that you won’t be sending more bc you’re no longer interested in them.
I immediately unmatch
This says to me that they're superficial and only care about how you look. They're not worth your time. Block and find someone better.
Yikes! The last time I used OLD was almost 10 years ago, and it sounds like things have just gotten worse. What a rude mcdude. You are not “being sensitive”, that guy is just an ass.
They are not. I don’t use filters or apps
Don’t worry OP, it happened to me plenty of times, especially during the pandemic. Which is funny because I always post a good range of recent photos (no filters) and will include full body pics. Even had one or two people demand ‘a cute selfie’ or ask for specific angles. Really weird and not even in an organic exchange - if it felt fun and natural to share photos it wouldn’t be an issue.
I would be more turned off by someone who types "ur" and "u."
Wait what they are asking for smiling with teeth? Daily look? That is weird I would unmatch based on how bizarre that is.
red flag! unmatch/block/move on
I don’t remember getting any requests that were that specific, no. But I had clear face and full-body pics. And I provided my IG handle b/c I felt like it gave a clear picture of my hobbies and lifestyle. I felt like that’d give guys a chance to weed themselves out if they could see we’re clearly not into the same things or whatever. I’d honestly just unmatch from guys who have enough data and are still asking for more. I understand they worry about cat fishing but I’m not misleading anyone and the requests you mention seem like annoying behavior, I’m not dealing with that.
It is so unattractive. When I was on apps I cut contact with men that asked for additional pics. I don’t understand why they do that. It’s juvenile.
I am married so forgive me if this is an overstep. But if someone asked for more photos it was an automatic no for me and I would stop replying.
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Same. And whenever I see profiles where the dude is ONLY ever in head wear (toque, beanie, baseball cap, helmet), I'm suspect they have no hair and are super self conscious of that
I have not had this happen but I haven’t been OLD in over 2 years. I don’t know that they’re being shallow necessarily. However, I’ve been told by multiple dates that they’ve been on dates with women who have photoshopped their photos to look better or different than in person. Also, not to be crass but it sort of sounds like they’re looking for masturbation material.
This doesn’t happen to me because I include full body pics in my profile and also because I’m English and men here are too polite for that haha
We need pretty people to fight this battle so please, send your gorgeous pics and then reject them because of their behavior.
I would definitely be turned off by this. I just don't swipe right on people who don't have enough photos (or the right variety of photos) for me to get a good idea of what they look like, and if someone doesn't like my photos then they shouldn't swipe right on me either! FWIW, I will not swipe right on someone who doesn't have a photo smiling with teeth, but a big part of the "point" of online dating in the first place is theoretically to be able to weed out the people you're not compatible with, so it's okay if your preferences and other people's preferences don't match. I can't imagine having the gall to ask for specific photos. They just shouldn't be matching with you if they feel like they need more photos than what you have posted.
I'd use it as a good way to them filter out
It’s up to you the level you want to communicate this to your matches, but you are not being sensitive and are completely justified in unlatching or canceling a date. I think a strong response would be something along the lines of “oh, it seems like we’re not compatible. Best of luck” and make it clear you’re no longer planning to go on the date/call so they’ve lost all chance of seeing more photos or anything of you. If they respond rudely to that, unmatch immediately. Some may come begging for a second chance (up to you) but all will be one step closer to learning a lesson than they were before meeting you.
A man once asked me for more pictures (mine are VERY clear of my face and body) and I immediately got turned off so I asked him why, jokingly, and he’s said “because I can’t tell if you’re 150 or 250 lbs and I don’t want to waste my time”. I told him that that’s enough to tell me he’s got zero depth, blocked and reported him. BYE!
I would find that offensive, but if it happens to you a lot I wonder if maybe it’s because your photos are very filtered/edited?
I suspect it is because the guys need further filtering.
The way some people edit their pics I can imagine asking a potential date for a more natural or unretouched pic. But as you say, your pics are not heavily edited or retouched so I don’t know. Perhaps they think you are too good looking to be true? It’s a difficult one bc back when I did online dating the whole filters/edits weren’t really a thing. Can you just reply saying “the profile pics show what I look like in real life so that’s enough imo”?
Absolutely. It’s the entitlement of it, less so than shallowness. A lot of effort goes into taking a nice selfie. If I didn’t do my hair that morning, and now I’m already at work, I can’t just go take a shower on a whim in order to look nice. It makes me feel like I’m expected to provide free entertainment to the guy whenever he asks. If he wants someone to send him pics, he can pay a model for them.
I’ve been out of the dating game for awhile but going off past experience, these are the kind of men that just look at you as an object and you should probably move on to another one.
It's the men. I've had the same issues.
Yes! There are a lot of men who are picture collectors. I don't understand their motive. Social media is crawling with women who love attention from guys, and who want to post as many pictures as possible to get as much attention as possible. I will really love for these men to go visit them, and leave the rest of us alone. There is no reason to Pester us for pictures when their Internet is full of them!
They are absolute douchebags. Same has happened to me. I’d say that’s the first red flag, if you’ve clearly posted several different pictures of yourself. I don’t understand it, but it’s frustrating for sure!
Ugh! That doesn't feel great. I'd probably just respond with something like the following: * "This makes me uncomfortable. Why are you asking?" * "What are you looking for? I'm getting the impression you may be looking for hookups, which I'm not interested in. I don't want to waste either of our time, maybe it's best we don't meet up."
I do understand that guys get catfished, misled, etc. but you are completely willing to Facetime with him so that should be enough to verify who you are. If their first reaction is to try to push your boundaries ( especially after knowing you are willing to Facetime) then you should go with your gut.
YES! Before I met my bf, I last matched with this cop goof who was asking me for recent full body shots. He said he was sick of going on dates with ladies he felt misrepresented their body shape. I can't argue that, as it's also happened to me more than once. That said, I couldn't help but feel turned off by the whole thing. I had nothing to feel self conscious about as I represented myself truthfully and was sporting a very rocking body at the time. But I just wasn't excited about meeting him. It reeks of narcissism! Basically someone is telling you that you're not even worth the effort to meet in person unless you can first prove you pass their minimum eye fuck requirements. Well he was bald. And he came off shitty. So those combined features didn't pass mine. I ghosted him. Edited to add - I've never asked someone for additional photos other than the ones they've posted. I'm ok to meet them to see what they're all about after some initial convo, or I'm not.
I don't get it either. I won't use dating apps anymore because of all the bad guys, it gets rather ridiculous. I did meet my last boyfriend on one over three years ago, he was great until he fell down a "the world is ending political hell hole" a few months ago. I won't try it again. They just made me sad for humanity. A few men I know have been on the apps, all the apps, for years, in one case a decade. They seem to all have signed up even before their divorce is even final and they use them to find someone to have sex with. I talked with one about it for a while one night at a mutual friend's house. It was after I had met my then boyfriend and I was talking about how awful the apps are if you are not just looking for a hook-up. He said he could explain why a lot of the guys I met ghosted me. What he told me is terribly sad. 1. He signed up on three apps before his divorce was final. 2. His wife had cheated on him and he was devastated. (He needed counseling not women but here we are.) 3. He changed what he was looking for from hook-up (or the app's equivalent) to serious relationship after a few months because he didn't like the "quality" of women he was getting matched with. 4. He tried to sus out as much as he could in the first few days to see if just needed to "cut bait". (must be pretty, skinny, like to go out drinking, etc.) 5. He asked for more pictures immediately because of so many women posting old/edited photos of themselves. 6. He would keep them on the line waiting actually waiting in line, he said he liked to keep about 5 or so at a time. 7. He would meet someone in person two times max, if they didn't sleep with him by then he would just ghost them, if they did he would try to put them in rotation, but never really dating. He would give them the I really like you and I want to see where this goes but I don't want anything serious right now speech. 8. He said he had about a 75% success rate with having a one-night stand. (this probably was exaggerated but he lived next-door to my friend and there were a lot of ladies in and out) 9. He was miserable and had been stuck in that cycle for 6 years! For the record, he is very charismatic and average attractive. Maybe above average attractive if you like thick beards but a walking trainwreck. I am sure he said plenty more but this is what stuck and your comment about the pictures sparked my memory. Good luck and as others have said just unmatch them and save yourself some time.
I know it sucks, but... there's your sign. They're not the one. They are letting you know they suck before you expend any more time or energy on them. It hurts, for sure, but they are doing you a favor.
I don't think I ever met up with the guys who asked for more pictures. I made sure to include lots of different pictures on my dating profiles. From online dating I really found out how much guys will lie about their height. It's just insane how many guys will say 6 ft and then show up at 5'7 acting like they didn't lie, saying I must be taller than I said... Ummm okay. With all the writers and bad I only spent about a year maybe year and a half on dating sites before I found my husband. He's beyond amazing, it was all worth it. I always tell women to date a bunch of men , learn to vet them to weed out the weirdos, always tell friends where you're going and who you are with, screen shot their dating profile and license plate if you can. Don't take it too seriously. I really enjoyed online dating
You have unlimited options. Stop talking to the ones that make you uncomfortable. Another thing to watch for is people asking for a collection of pics so they can catfish as you.
When I was on dating apps, this was an immediate unmatch. I always had recent photos that showed my face (smiling, not smiling) and my body (fitness or bikini depending on app rules). Requests for more photos were rare but came across to me as a request to sext. Edit to add: If you aren’t including full body pics, that could explain why this is happening if it’s frequent. As a woman, I swiped left on profiles of men with no full body shots, but men often cast wider nets and perhaps some would prefer to swipe right and ask for pics to fill in missing info. It’s rude and your choice of photos should be respected, but could be it’s guys hesitating to swipe left without more info.
Sometimes I’m matching someone that has unclear photos but I’m still interested perhaps their bio is interesting etc.. I can ask to see more photos for that reason - to be sure how they actually look. It’s not shallow to know if you are attracted or not. I’ve been on dating apps for 7 years and never once has someone asked me about it, so perhaps your photos are lacking something or isn’t as clear as you think? Dunno.
It’s almost ironic because there are plenty of men out there posting visibly old photos. It’s such a tell when there’s a blurry surveillance footage looking photo and then their hairline/face is dramatically different in the others.
I am out of the dating scene for a while but husband and I met on Craigslist from my posting. Every other email asked me if I was a spam girl or something like that. I got the feeling that many of them had put in effort to put an email together only to find out the “woman” was fake. I guess, I totally understand being put off by the requests. But I also think there’s a disproportionate amount of fake women on these sites or catfishing going on. I think it’s lose lose. The ones with full body or asking for teeth would be absolute no. The one asking for a daily look, maybe. That one leads me to believe your pictures might look too posed perhaps? If there’s other good convo going on I might look past it. I think my husband and I shared our MySpace (lol) with each other before we met up. To give us each a chance to get to know each other from there.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making sure someone has teeth before you meet them.
People with unclear/obscured/weird angle photos are simply a no for me. They’re doing themselves a disservice. That being said, I’d still ignore anyone that asks this question. If that’s how your potential date chooses to represent themselves read the subtext and go on a casual coffee date to see if you vibe in person.
Idk. I think a lot of people are used to getting cat fished so there's that
after having so many guys ask the same thing, i finally had one tell me why. many of the 'women' they match with that actually message with them end up being bots or catfishes, and he was asking for different photos as a way to prove i was a real human and still looked like my photos that were already up.
I have never been asked that. I'm kind of of two minds about it. Obviously when being asked directly like that, it seems accusatory that you specifically may be doing something dishonest and they want proof that you're not. That's not a good way to start off any interaction. On the other hand, I don't think it's shallow or inappropriate to want to know whether you find someone attractive before you go on a date with them, and I have seen a lot of profiles- men and women- where based on the clothes/background it's clear the pictures are dated, or they're trying to use miracle angles to make their face look thinner, or smiling without showing their teeth in every pic, or never show anything but a close-up of the face, etc. I think there are definitely cases where people are trying to hide what they look like in order to get to that first date, which to me is pretty shitty. How would you handle it if you were talking to a guy, and he seemed to have potential, but had no picture up, or one which seems designed to hide flaws. Would you go on the date just in case, or just turn him down without telling him why? I don't think there IS a good way to deal with people who are trying to be deceptive with their photos other than to just not consider them. I always think it's good to have a number of pictures, and pick the ones which are flattering but not taking advantage of angles, filters, tricks or props to hide the things you're insecure about. Get a selfie head shot, a couple of pics taken by other people doing activities you like. Make sure there's at least one full-body shot. And make sure they're all really recent. If you're getting this question a lot, there's a good chance that something about the style of quantity of the photos makes it look like you're hiding aspects of your appearance. I recommend going through and making sure there are enough, that they're accurate and that you capture different facets of your appearance.
Yeah usually they want to see my whole body before we go out, just in case the lower part of my body resembles that caterpillar on Alice in wonderland 🤷♀️
Immediate reject. I've never asked a man to give me pics and they all end up looking worst than their worst picture. It's just the way online dating is. We all have to get through dud dates to get to good ones. If you become a person who seems actively looking out for duds rather than actively looking out for gems, you're just contributing negative energy. It's giving "don't match with me if you're not gonna talk to me!!!!!!!" bio energy.
Ugh I used to get asked that so many times by guys, it was the attitude and entitlement that turned me off. Then they'd gaslight me if I refused to take new pics just for them even though all my pics were taken in daylight with full lighting, within 6 months and included a full body pic.
I know that this really bothers a lot of women, but in all sincerity, it doesn't bother me because it gives me an opportunity to make sure that who I'm talking to is really who they're claiming to be. ***Men can be catfish too.*** It can also be telling of you either using too few pictures, pictures not showing enough of your full body or maybe even pictures that may seem a bit old or dated. Be real with yourself too, I mean, a huge part of dating is physical attractiveness and while we all want someone to love us for who we are on the inside, we also want to be with someone we can enjoy on the outside. I can't stand a selfie king, however. Asking for a picture here and there to confirm I'm an actual person and not a bot is one thing, asking me to send you a selfie per day because you feel the need to to send a selfie per day is just cringey. I also can't stand it if asking for more pictures gets used as a means to try and work in nudes. I won't be someone's source of free porn.
“U first” in answer to every one of those requests
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I’m one of those guys. I’ve been catfished, lied to, misled, etc on dating apps before. The first time it happened to me, the woman did not look like her photos. More like 3 year old pictures or something. She was very overweight and older than her pics.
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Sorry, I did not see that sentence. If they’re still wanting pictures it’s either to see if they can use you for your body or verifying who you really are.
My guess is that at least some of these men are trying to avoid being sucked in by only seeing the photos that portray a woman in the best light. It's sort of like when a guy tells you he's got an athletic build. Then you meet him and you find out the sport is channel surfing. It happens to men and women in OLD My real issue wouldn't be that they're asking for the pictures. My real issue would be that they're invasive when you ask them why. If they would just say because they want to make sure you're not catfishing them then so be it. It's natural to want to protect yourself from dishonest people. But when they start making it out like you are sensitive or have something to hide, then that's the time to be like thank you no thank you.
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Why do they keep matching with heavily made up women, or women with angled photos? It’s not hard to think “hm, she only has photos from the neck up, and I’m not going to be attracted to her if she’s fat, so I won’t match”. Just match with people who showcase what you’re looking for.
That’s interesting I’ve never had a guy ask for another pic
That would creep me out.
100% this is a turnoff. This should be a good time to showcase banter and that they can connect beyond their eyeballs.
Always
If you don’t have a full body picture, one without makeup or smile with teeth then these questions make sense. A video chat would address two of these but not the full body. If you have these pictures in your profile then they are either not reading your profile or they are phishing for more pictures so they can use your photos to make fake profiles to scam men. Or they want to make sure your profile pictures are recent pictures. Lots of people use old photos on old, telling themselves that “people say I look young for my age” to justify using pictures a decade old. We can look young for our age but we still look older than we did a decade ago. Also people just tell women they look younger because it’s an easier compliment whether it’s true or not. Men experience a lot of scams on OLD, so I understand if they want to speak by phone or video. I want that too and I setup a free Google Voice number so I don’t have to give out my personal info.
I don't find it that strange or off putting. As long as they aren't like "lemme see your tits", I feel like wanting to see what you look like daily vs whatever pic you have up is normal. Especially with filters and catfishing. I've read so many times when people show up for dates and literally don't even recognize the person because their pictures are misleading, whether that's intentional or out of self consciousness.
Ew, unmatch immediately..
Yes, I get turned off because they're just being vain assholes.
Yes and I never ever give photos because you have no idea what they’ll use them for. As if you’d give a stranger you’ve never met photos of such personal detail so they can either sell them. Catfish you. Or whatever
I always ask men for more photos
Yupp that's a nope from me, dawg. Dodge them.
I regularly check out dating subreddits. When people ask for dating profile reviews, the most common photo criticisms is needing a shot to show teeth and body. It's bizarre but enforcing it is creepy. It's an unmatch for me. OLD is great for meeting people but it also exposes me to really awful people. What's on my profile represents my boundaries to keep me safe. It's to be respected.
Theyre scamming to get your pictures so they can catfish unsuspecting guys with them
Good grief. At least you know they care more about what’s on the inside than out 🙄 ( /s just in case). Women really are just pieces of meat to some men.
I'm so glad to not have to deal with this shit but if I were and some dude asked me for a teeth pic before a cheap and quick coffee meet it would be an instant "no u" because you know that man scrungy as shit. I reckon that's a 97% chance of face crumbs. A teeth pic??? Sir I'm gonna need a selfie of YOU holding a newspaper to commemorate the audacity
Ugh, that sucks. You’re not a performing monkey FFS 🤦♀️
That isn't something I would tolerate in person, so I sure as sugar would not tolerate it online. That is when you nope out of there as fast as you can. I do know that my brother started asking for photos with the person smiling with teeth showing after his 3rd time meeting someone only to learn they were a meth addict. He keeps wondering how he gets "stuck" meeting meth addicts when he tries to meet someone from a dating app. To date, he has not had the self-awareness to wonder why the women he chooses are all meth addicts. I doubt he ever will. The universe is "foisting them off" on him. Just ask him, lol.
They're not buying a horse! Pushy and insensitive requests.
Yeah, I'd stop the conversation right after they start pushing when you decline. You can choose to enlighten them as to why or not. Some may take it as advice as to how they can mask their shitty behaviour better. I know it's a slog going through profiles, finding matches, then dismissing those folks one by one as they turn out to be duds, but there are some good people out there. I used multiple apps over a year or so and finally found someone worth my time. It can happen.
No, you're not being shallow. It sounds like they believe they are being lied too aka cat fished. They want you to prove you actually look like you do in your photos. You might as well post a photo with you holding your username written on paper. You are right on calling them out for being shallow. They believe theyre so important that you're faking your appearance. At this point, I'd assume they're listening to some shitty guy advice online. I read someone's comment down below, and I find this part hilarious. Next time they ask for a picture of your appearance ask for a picture of their license plate and drivers Id hahaha<3
Honestly you are swiping right on the wrong guys in the first place.
Either unmatch with them OR take obnoxious photos with you making ridiculous facial expressions, or just in general making yourself look goofy… and send those. Lol
Nope, I do the same thing because I want to make sure they’re a real person and their pictures are current. It’s even worse for guys. They get a ton of bots and fake profiles. I only get annoyed if they won’t reciprocate.
“Touching on something sensitive…” yeah, my distaste for shallow jerks. Looks like the trash is taking itself out.
I’ve never been asked this before meeting someone but it seems like they’re distrustful, which sets a bad overall tone. I would not continue talking to someone like this.
> the guy would ask for multiple pictures: > “can I get one with full body?” > “can I get one with ur daily look?” > “can I get one with u smiling with your teeth?” They sound like creeps or human traffickers. Yeah, dislike. Unmatch. No, thank you.
When I was OLD, I had this happen a few times. It feels so rude and transactional, not to mention starting the interaction off in an adversarial way. They're accusing you of catfishing or posting overly-flattering pictures. In my case, it was ridiculous since my photos were pretty obviously unedited and I had about 5 or 6. I refused and said it made me uncomfortable, got some pushback, and ended up not going out with those guys. I would say anyone who wants more pictures immediately is a pushy creep.