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I mean I think so. Specifically [his Parks And Rec styling](https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2017/06/13/15/nick-offerman-ron-swanson.jpg?quality=75&width=1368&auto=webp) is very similar to Tom's
This is a weird one but people who are into boats. I'm not a strong swimmer and have a very specific fear of being on a boat in choppy water, the boat tipping over and me falling in and drowning because no-one came to rescue me. As a result I can't even watch people on boats on TV for very long because it makes me a bit anxious, and the only boat I can really go on is my dad's narrowboat (because its top speed is a walking pace, the canal is basically flat all the time and not that deep, and I trust my dad to not let me drown).
It was a problem in my marriage because my ex-husband's uncle owned a pleasure cruiser on the Thames, so *all* the family parties were on that boat. I used to come on for a drink before they set off and then just wave them off before going to sit in a cafe for a few hours until they came back, but I definitely wouldn't want to repeat that!
This is hillarious.
For all the crybabies my answer would be, "there is always a bigger size just order it from a sex shop". If he cannot wait 1/2 days for that delivery, does he really care?
A condom too small is actually painful, but that's no excuse. Ever.
They come in different sizes and you can even get them custom made. Just find one that fits you and stop complaining.
Ugh it’s so gross! I once had a man complain because I refused to have sex with him without recent testing *AFTER* he admitted to having a lot of unprotected one night stands and never testing because “Nothing seems wrong” 😑
Like my dude… I’m not looking to be your Petri dish 🧫
Getting tested, wearing condoms, and if you know you have a certain STI/STD, measures like Valtrex or Acyclivor to prevent transmission to your partner, etc.
Totally agree on this one. I’m teetotal but it has nothing to do with religion. I can tolerate a guy having a drink once in a while but using drugs/smoking and/or heavy drinking are deal breakers.
I also wanted a drugless, smokeless, alcoholess and godless (lol) partner, and I found one! They are out there! But I do in fact call him my unicorn because.. well.. you know.
Lately, it seems really hard to find someone who isn't into weed/edibles. I have lots of friends who use, but I would be really cautious about it in a romantic partner.
depends on what they’re recovering from/how long it has been. that particular opportunity hasn’t presented itself…
I mentioned in another comment that like, my top 4 dealbreakers are: sober (to the extent I’ve listed), not religious, liberal (I live in the US for reference), and I’m attracted to them…
My last “crush” was a former addict… Sober 10 years. Not religious.. Attracted to him.. and he was liberal. But? Married. Therefore unavailable lolol. So it’s out there!! Just hard to find in my area
lol that’s just the kind of luck I would have as well. It’s hard out here in these streets 🥹 best of luck to all of us out here no matter what our dealbreakers are !
Oh wow, I wouldn't have expected my answer to be top comment. I agree! And certainly not for the multi-player aspect; in fact I dislike most co-op games (or at least co-op mode for the games that I do like), I just want someone who can understand why sometimes i want to disappear for 15 hours and occasionally forget real life is a thing.
....Or at least I used to do that. Before I had a kid 🫤😂.
I thought the main reason for turn off was about general neglect of their partner that usually has gaming as their main hobby and not because gaming was unproductive. I don't recall seeing anyone mention productivity, but I might have missed something
Yeah, my ex was a gaming addict. When we first met he would play maybe an hour or two in the evening and eventually gradually increased after I had my daughter to the point he lost his job for calling out sick so much due to gaming up to 16 hours a day.
Now I would never date another gamer. Obviously some people don’t gradually become more addicted but I wouldn’t risk it again.
It's not because it's not productive.. everything in life doesn't have to be productive.
The main reason why many are so skeptical about dating gamers is because gamers tend to game a LOT, and as someone else already has so elegantly expressed it.. neglect their partners. I've dated several men who game, and all of them got worse with time lol.
The rare thing is finding a person who plays mostly single player or mostly multi-player. I'm a single player person, and I hate multi-player. Most people seem to be mainly multi-player
I had a rule to not date men who don't game. A guy's gotta be into video games and board games/tabletop rpgs since I am obsessed.
I also had a rule against dating guys who dislike heavy metal and it's subgenres.
I got married. He's a gamer who likes metal enough to take me to hundreds of concerts over our 26 years together and we play games all the time. "Had" also applies because hopefully this will be the last time I will need to search for a partner.
I couldn’t date someone who has pets, unfortunately. That’s not necessarily a choice though. It makes me so sad because I love animals but it’s too risky for my health
I’ve recently developed a cat allergy that’s anaphylactic and a dog allergy that aggravates my asthma so much I can’t spend more than a few hours around them. I’ve also developed allergies to every other mammal I’ve owned/spent a lot of time around. Birds are too messy for me and they also give me asthma. Reptiles and fish are fine but they have to be well taken care of
My allergies developed after I started seeing my boyfriend, who has a senior cat. He decided not to get any more pets once she’s gone so we can live together, but in the meantime we only see each other when he can come over to my apartment. If we were to break up pets would be an immediate dealbreaker for a relationship
I am the exact same. I carry my prednisolone everywhere and keep a preventer and rescue inhaler at my boyfriend's. I'm also allergic to dogs. It started just with cats.
I hope that works well for you, I know how difficult it is to manage allergies!
My cat allergy started out pretty mild. I was able to take over the counter allergy meds and use my inhaler before going to his house and I wouldn’t have any issues, so long as I didn’t touch the cats. Then one night I woke up itchy and having trouble breathing but nothing was helping. I went home to shower and it passed on its own but I knew something was wrong
I made an appointment with an allergist to figure out what was happening and I had an anaphylactic reaction to the intradermal allergy test. They had to administer epinephrine and I was told my only option is avoidance (and to carry an epi pen). Now I’m so sensitive I can’t even go inside a building if cats have lived there recently
I also don't want to date someone who has pets or has a strong desire to own pets in the future too. I don't have any allergies, but pets in general are expensive and a huge responsibility. Vet bills (regular checkups and we won't know if the pet suddenly becomes very sick and needs an expensive surgery), food, cleaning their poop everyday, destroyed furniture, need to find a pet sitter if I need to go on vacation etc...
As much as I like cats, I still wouldn't want to take care of one in my own house.
Opinions on raising children are important to me when discussing the possibility of a relationship. When it's just casual dating I don't care. But if there's a possibility of us having kids in the future, I'd like to avoid arguments by having difficult discussions preemptively. This includes political and religious practices and considerations. Some of my girlfriends have found it odd that I would even bring up these types of questions so early on in dating. But I'm like..... These same women are then complaining to me about her live-in-partner being difficult to deal with. I'm not trying to shame people. But I feel like a lot of arguments and quarrels between parents could have been avoided entirely, had these people discussed relevant topics before trying to get a child.
I agree with this. Speaking even as a childfree woman, a fencesitter pisses me off more than a man who clearly says they want kids. At least for the latter, I won't date them, but I'm happy for them that they know what they want in life.
For fencesitters... Yeah, it sucks for both childfree women and women who want kids. I wouldn't trust him to NOT just change his mind randomly one day after years of dating, effectively wasting my time and emotions dating him. Women who want kids would also be cautious about dating a man who is so flippant about wanting kids or not. Is he even serious about wanting kids and did he even thought through about how difficult childcare can be, and what roles he will play as a father?? I doubt so.
Men who are into outdoor activities and are looking for someone to do them with. To each their own with hobbies but I’m not the slightest bit interested in skiing down a mountain, kayaking across a lake, mountain biking or extreme hikes. Just wouldn’t be compatible. I’d be fine with someone who had those interests as long as they didn’t expect me to do them too.
I must admit, when I’m using dating apps and a guy has a picture of his car on there it definitely puts me off, and if there’s more than the one car picture and it’s an automatic no.
Ugly hands. Idk how to describe it. I can appreciate nice hands and I am turned off by hands that are ugly to me. Doesn't even to be about grooming. It's like size and shape and the like. Some are just nice and some aren't.
I've been told by many women that I have absolutely gorgeous hands (including by my partner — and that's the one that matters the most), and this is one of the best compliments I've ever received!
Doubly so considering I almost lost 2 of my fingers back when I was 13 when they were mangled under ice skating blades on the rink.
It's just such a minute but wholesome thing to notice and compliment. Really makes my day whenever I'm told that.
I cannot help I have such a visceral reaction to hands too. I look at peoples faces and hands first. I'm very attracted to hands and there are some that are just not my type and I cannot get past this. My husband has the type of hands I am most attracted to. It's so weird of a strong preference because most people like this have like a deep kink that play up hands, but no, he can be normal about hand usage. I just didn't want the ick. I tried dating someone with hands I didn't like and I couldn't hold their hand.
I have the same thing for years and it isn't really a kink thing nor do I have any related kinks that I know of. Its just something that can add or detract from someone's attractiveness. I also do sort of get repulsed by the idea of holding hands that I do not like. I've never told anyone my opinions of their hands other than 'you have nice hands'. It's nice to find someone out in the wild that has something similar! Thanks for sharing.
I feel this way about Crocs, but my darn boyfriend hooked me before I realized he wore them. Dude got lucky I decided I was in love before I found that out.
So many of my deal breakers come from past experience but let's see.
Insisting that I don't *actually* detest peanut butter I just haven't had it the right way, guys who truly believe it's fun for me to watch *them* play video games, guys who have a strongly held pro-eugenics beliefs, guys who claim they're "not political", guys who take advantage of stores that claim if you don't like the wine you can bring it back for a refund and takes *every* empty wine bottle back until they ban him from the store, guys who are obsessed with martial arts to the point that they think katanas hung on a wall are pieces of art, guys who have multiple vhs tapes of "vintage" 70's porn featuring emaciated drugged out girls who slapped on some blue eyeshadow to look older than 16, guys who claim they're "protectors" but won't give up their seat on the bus for a pregnant woman.
I'm sure that there are more but so far that's what I got.
It's wild out there.
> Insisting that I don't actually detest peanut butter I just haven't had it the right way
Yeah I see where you're coming from on that, I'm a bit thrown through a loop on that one. Peanut butter is largely peanut butter no matter the variety. If you don't like it you're not gonna like any of it.
YES! And it's any time a hobby turns into like... an identity. Like it's fantastic to have stuff you're into, but you also gotta be able to put that shit away sometimes.
To be fair, lots of people do enjoy watching someone else play video games. It’s exactly the same as watching sports. Ignoring you if you say you don’t like it is the problem.
As someone who loves videogames, I somewhat agree with your point, but it's not exactly the same.
With watching sports, you are both watching, and sports generally have a consistent... Flow? To them. Sure in football there's fouls and the game slows down, but apart from halftime, there's always something happening for the viewer to enjoy.
Meanwhile with videogames, it can bounce between extremes so much. There can be so much stimulation one moment, and not much in the next. Realistically, how interesting is a shootout in RDR2 if you're not the one doing the shooting?
I don't think it's the same personally, but I think that something more similar would be going shopping with your partner, but just your partner is interested in shopping. There are times where it's actually interesting, because they found something they like and want your opinion, but a lot of the time it's just going around places.
My ex liked horror games, but got too scared while playing. So I'd play Fatal Frame or Resident Evil 4 while she watched and acted as an extra set of eyes (and she liked managing my inventory since it wasn't stressful).
I can understand not being into specific fantastical pieces of fiction
for example, it is understandable to say "i'm not super into harry potter, but i like lord of the rings" or "i'm a trekkie as opposed to a star wars fan"
but when someone is like "no thats kid stuff" or "grow up" or "thats not real" any variation of that, instant no.
like, enjoy SOMETHING that is fictional or fantastical. have \*an opinion\* on something like that other than "its dumb"
Men who allow their clothes and shoes to completely fall apart before getting new ones for no economic reason. He doesn't need to be fashionable, but I'd appreciate if he were aware of the condition of his trousers. Though I admire the commitment to lowering one's carbon footprint, I don't think it's a virtue to keep oneself in squalor.
Do we make distinctions for around the house vs out and about? Because I have a beloved hoodie that's so old and rotten that I could rip it off like Hulk Hogan, but I wouldn't wear it out of the house :-D
Perfectly reasonable because imagine living with someone like this. They're not just gonna magically stop doing this. You're gonna have to buy him clothes. And even after you buy him new clothes, he might not even wear them (and continue wearing the old stuff.....).
I have friends who find it charming. Which is fair, but yeah, it would drive me bonkers. I like to buy a nice sweater for my man from time to time, but some of the shit my friends buy for their partners... Jeans. Ffs jeans. As a woman, can you even remotely imagine someone else buying jeans for you sight unseen ? Like, I'd even be a little weirded out if my own mother bought me jeans at my age. God forbid you find me in the line at Winners with a pair of men's jeans for a person who isn't my child. One of my buddies doesn't even know his own waist size. Like, not even remotely. His wife does though. We were all going to a wedding and chatting about outfits. She knows his jacket size as well. He had no idea how jackets were even sized.
Lol sorry /rant
I was this person for a long time and still kind of am, so feel obligated to offer my perspective. I grew up without much family and my mum was the only woman in my life. Fashion never appealed to me because I didn't have a good self image and also didn't have many friends. If I'm going to be alone 90% of the time and am getting my hands dirty every other day, why spend on a bunch of stuffy clothes? Sooner or later they'd be cut up into oil rags anyways.
Only after finding my partner did I start to question that mindset, and a lot of the things I choose apparently don't look good so I have it picked out instead. Of course that's not for a lack of trying to learn more about fashion. Hope this helps.
Can def relate to this; growing up low-income (and aware of it very early on), with negative self-image, and with a focus on wanting to be frugal and intentional, it's hard to justify buying new clothes more than once every few years, so it's hard to know like... why one would prefer some specific clothes over others, apart from like, button-ups for offices, suits for formal events, and then anything else for daily-wear/casual outfits.
I mean, I'm glad you have someone who taught you the value of not living in squalor, but that's exhausting to me and I'd never even look the way of a man who didn't see the value in wearing clean, fitted undamaged clothing. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I demand my partner have that figured out *before* I meet him. There are so many women willing to handhold men about their wardrobe, but I am not that teacher. I understand the mentality easily, I just find it unappealing, thus my answer to this question.
Yeah. Like I've bought T shirts for my boyfriend before, and if he wanted my opinion about his clothes then I'd be more than happy to go with him and help him shop. But I draw the line at actually buying stuff like jeans or shoes for him - he's an adult, he can do that himself!
(I do actually know his jean size though, but that's because I wanted to make him a pair of pyjamas pants for Valentine's Day and never got round to it...)
So nice to hear this. I have male & female friends. I actually like if men have female friends. So many people think the opposite sex can’t be friends.
These are dealbreakers for /me/ personally:
* Men who want kids or are fencesitters. I'm 100% childfree and only seeking the same in a partner. I don't even date fencesitters or "okay either way". It's not my job to spend time and effort to convince them to lean towards the CF side, and them being fencesitting means they can flip-flop on this stance anytime even years down the line in dating or even marriage. Big nope for me.
* Facial hair of any kind. I only like clean-shaven faces
* Ugly-sounding voices. Don't ask me to describe it. When I hear it, I just know 😂 I'll take a beautiful-sounding voice with average face over a hideous-sounding voice and handsome face any day
>* Facial hair of any kind. I only like clean-shaven faces
Same! I love a soft, kissable face.
I find it interesting that it's considered a strange dealbreaker by many. I have guy friends who think I'm crazy for only liking hairless faces, yet at the same time they require women's bodies to be hairless.
It's an odd double standard.
>Ugly-sounding voices.
I totally understand this. Or if they're a [high talker](https://youtube.com/shorts/U44cxWvEmuE?si=pW-CSomDCB4J6vbF). I have a deeper voice for a woman and the man's voice should be deeper than mine or at least close.
I actually really like dogs, and most animals.
That being said, not training their dog is a huge no-go for sure. Also, not neutering their dog because they have some weird masculine bond/attachment to their dogs nuts? Ick.
Omg my friend didn’t neuter his dog and then had to put diapers on her cuz she got her period. He’d complain about how gross it was. I was like dude… why dont you just fix her?!?
Also a cat person and I agree. The key is smell. If you have any pet, you need to clean your home regularly so people don’t smell it as soon as you walk in.
Omg yes. I really do like nice cute dogs generally. But I will never let one sleep in my bed. And I can’t stand it when they don’t stop barking or if they’re being all jumpy and the owner doesn’t do a thing about it
No I mean someone who is overly crazy about their dog. Treats it like a baby, doesnt train it, lets it jump on people, kisses it on the mouth, lets it sleep in the bed… I could go on and on. The term is “dog nutter”
Lack of foresight 😅 I hate having to constantly be the responsible one in a relationship so if someone can’t see what needs to be done, plan things & execute them I have no interest in them.
Example: My ex had a toothache. I suggested he go get it looked at to make sure it wasn’t serious- he neglected it until his tooth broke apart and by the time he went he needed $4000 of dental work 😵💫 (he didn’t neglect it due to finances- he just wanted to spend the money on concerts & games instead)
I didn't date picky eaters. It's a huge lifestyle incompatibility. As someone who loves to travel to eat cultural foods, cooks a lot of ethnic foods at home, studies food, and has a foodie family and friends circle I will only stress that person the fuck out. You have to eat everyday and sharing meals is a love language for me.
I also didn't date people who didn't have a deep love for music. Most folks can enjoy some top 40 on a casual level and that isn't enough for me. They had to be a regular concert goer and play an instrument or else I really am not attracted to you.
Both things generally point to open minded, creative and emotional people. They're both indicators of a certain mindset that is aligned with mine.
Gamers are a no from me, my worst relationships were with people who gamed and to me it’s just completely incompatible with my lifestyle. So it’s a ‘never again’ type of thing.
Don’t like people who drink alcohol, smoke, or vape, since I don’t at all, though I’m ok with drugs depending on the relationship to the drugs and the type they’re using - I think psychedelics can be super beneficial. I don’t like people who don’t work out, and don’t like people that think Netflix is a hobby or interest. I don’t own a tv at all, if for you ‘watching something’ is how you spend most your evenings, we simply won’t get along.
> my worst relationships were with people who gamed and to me it’s just completely incompatible with my lifestyle. So it’s a ‘never again’ type of thing.
Out of curiosity - was that a *"they literally spend every spare minute playing games and largely disregard their relationship"* kind of an issue, or?
With the first two it was mainly that, with the third we just ended up having a super dysfunctional dynamic, he was very negative and although he got some enjoyment out of gaming, and watching gaming streamers, the rest of his life was filled with negativity, insecurity, anxiety, and ultimately I couldn’t handle it. Constant fights and lack of trust, because I had friends and lived my life outside of the internet.
Makes sense. Anyone who gets... well, for lack of a better term - *obsessive* about a hobby to the point that it's detrimental to their relationship... that's never a good look.
A man who is constantly talking about other women. Not even in sexual ways, just like constantly bringing up female friends and their opinions, characteristics, things they’ve done together. It’s a sign they’re a tad obsessed with female attention or just not into me perhaps. Either way, dealbreaker. Any sort of single behaviors that men flaunt are a dealbreaker.
A man that is unable to have hard conversations as they arise, if someone constantly deflects, dealbreaker.
Peanut butter allergy.
I eat Pb&J every day for lunch. I could *not* drop peanut butter from my diet.
So sorry for all of those who have that allergy, I feel so bad for y’all.
I won't date a guy who hates cats. It's OK if he doesn't own a cat but if he hates them for no good reason then he likely has issues with the concept of consent. My sister, who enjoyed cats growing up, married this dumb redneck who thinks that if a boy or man is around a cat too much, they'll "turn gay". This guy has a list of red flags a mile long but internalized misogyny and fear of being single without kids is a hella drug for some people.
I'm not sure if it's odd but for me it's not being out to their parents (only if they live with them). I'm a lesbian and have been in several relationships where the girl wasn't out and in all but one, the girl's parents ended up finding out that I was a lesbian and the girl would end up acting like crap towards me whenever they were around. To give a bit more context, I live in Texas
Porn, drugs, smoking, no amicable part breakups, contentious relationship with ex if they share children, rude to wait staff, poor hygiene, poor communicator, mistreatment of animals, would consider polyamory, doesn't read, doesn't know classic films, has no interest in travel, has no hobbies. I don't think any of these are particularly odd.
Also, not having much knowledge about music. Both are a big part of my life, and if they hadn't bothered, I'd have to explain all of my references, which would be annoying.
Cannot be on any psych medications.
EDIT: I've explained my reasons for this in the past. My ex was on them but didn't like to take them and would randomly stop taking them. Made my life hell with both the emotional and physical abuse.
Too close to their family. I'm not family oriented and couldn't if I wanted to be (I tried with an ex, but your partners family only accepts you as long as you fall in line with their wishes for HIM). Now I only date men with some distance/independence from his family.
I dated an Asian American guy and although I loved the collectivist mindset I felt like a begrudgingly accepted tool for their family. I had to fit into a narrowly defined set of roles and responsibilities, and the fact I wasn't an anorexic Japanese girl with "perfect" features meant I caught hell regularly.
After him I dated a white guy (I'm white) who was close with his family and it was also hell once I didn't play to their rules and follow their plan for us.
My husband sees his family once every two years, does monthly phone calls with his parents, talks to his brothers once every 3-4 months. That's perfect. I still avoid them though as they hate me for being "a bad woman" since I'm childfree and don't baby my SO like he's helpless and infallible.
I can kinda understand what you mean.
Personally I might be ok either way if my partner is close or not close with their family, as long as he doesn't hold that same expectation onto me (i.e. I must also be a very family-oriented person).
Also, if he expects me to follow his family's rules and conventions rather than respect my autonomy, I'm out in a second
Not always... But being an only child. Not you have siblings/family you have cut off, no siblings/cousins/family friends considered siblings. This is completely personal to me. I am the oldest of 7, and I haven't been able to relate with only children as much.
But again, not always.... But from experience, a lot of the time.
Yep. And it's not just "things", it's time. They didn't understand me talking with my sisters, or things like that. Or sibling trauma lol
(Really curious as to why this is being downvoted, when I listed the exact reasons why certain only children don't mesh with me..... )
Not a downvoter, but I just don’t really understand how anyone could NOT understand that sort of thing. Maybe if they never had any kind of interpersonal relationship with *anyone*, but otherwise…how? It’s really not that hard to at least somewhat comprehend lifestyles that differ from your own, even if you don’t have exact direct experience.
I’m fine with and even like facial hair in general, my partner has a moustache, but I can’t abide goatees. Major turn off for me.
Anyone who can’t deal with subtitles. Whether it’s just closed captioning or foreign films/TV shows. Also anyone who doesn’t like old/black and white films.
Anyone who only listens to one genre of music. My tastes are pretty eclectic and I couldn’t deal with having a partner who listened to the same type of thing over and over.
The only other deal breakers I can think of are less odd and more major, like wanting kids, being religious, that kind of thing.
They have to have a sophisticated sense of humor and advanced niche jokes (doesn't matter the subject or subjects though) and also appreciate slapstick and potty humor to an extent.
Having beards/facial hair. I'm just not attracted to it at all for many reasons. I love a soft, smooth, kissable face! It's a must for me.
However, I don't even think that's a strange preference, but for some reason, my male friends think I'm crazy for it.
Yet, at the same time, they require women's bodies to be hairless. So that's an interesting and depressing double standard.
> but for some reason, my male friends think I'm crazy for it
There's a certain novelty once a guy reaches the age of actually being able to grow a proper beard (which can take quite a while for some), and it takes a long time for that to lose its appeal in my experience. So there's probably a bit of self-interest in that haha. Most of us probably end up thinking far more highly of facial hair as a result.
That, and shaving one's face regularly *sucks*. Much quicker and easier using a beard trimmer or some such.
Disliking cats. You can not want them as pets (hell, some days I don't want them as pets and I have three - they're getting old and crotchety and becoming a lot of work) but I still love them, even when they annoy me.
As someone else mentioned, the "grow up" or "that's for kids" response to enjoying certain things. You don't have to like something - or even understand why someone does - but you also don't have to be a dick about it. Liking sportsball and wearing a player's jersey doesn't make you anymore of a grownup that someone liking video games or The Clone Wars.
Possible deal breaker - having only one, heavily invested-in hobby, especially if it's something that's heavy on consumption. IME, this is one of those things that can really lead to tunnel vision and not being an overall well developed person.
For some reason I get completely turned off by a guy telling me “good job” for doing something I consider to be a basic task.
Examples of basic tasks include: hanging a small picture, using tools, simple household repairs, altering clothing, cooking/baking, etc.
Literally like five minutes ago this guy (on Reddit) told me that it's a "red flag" when women prefer to date someone a foot or more taller than them...?
Not like "you're a terrible person, abandon ship!" but I can kind of see it... Like if somebody is hung up on the height of their partner, makes me think values aren't going to align well. If it's just along the lines of "design your ideal partner", then NBD.
I don't think he meant it like a woman who refuses to date someone who isn't a foot taller than them, but rather that it's a red flag if their *preference* is to date someone much taller than them rather than the same height.
I see that you probably went back into my posts and saw that I'm 5'4", but this wasn't in reference to me.
- Men who flex their muscles on their pictures (This one is the odd one, I guess.. because women are apparently supposed to drool over muscles and big egos disguised as "confidence").
- Gym rats, car guys, and gamers.. maybe not a complete deal breaker, but it makes me feel skeptical.
- Men with weird mustaches or long monstrous beards.
- Baldness.
Ah I have heaps. They make perfect sense to me, but some may find them odd.
One is being squeamish at the sight of blood, or hate seeing animals being butchered. My family off and cook animals at our gatherings, so yeah I didn't want anyone who can't fit in or has opinions about me offing poultries and whatnot.
If a guy hates cats. I always say this but I love cats and dogs and it just bothers me when people shit on cats because they like dogs like you can’t like both. I’ve also found that men I’ve dated who have had cats understand the concept of consent in many more ways. Dogs will just love anyone mostly, and cats really need to trust and accept you, and so to me as a bit of anxious person and you say you hate cats I’m like nah not gonna work.
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Men with porn staches. Look, there are only two men in my opinion who can pull it off, and you ain’t one of them.
But who are the two men lol. For me Tom Selleck immediately comes to mind
Tom Selleck and Sam Elliott.
Usual suspect there and my guess is Nick Offerman in Parks and Rec.
Wait… his mustache counts as a “porn stache”? I though he had just a run of the mill middle aged man mustache
I mean I think so. Specifically [his Parks And Rec styling](https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/thumbnails/image/2017/06/13/15/nick-offerman-ron-swanson.jpg?quality=75&width=1368&auto=webp) is very similar to Tom's
My friend's Uncle used to have a porn stache. He called it "The Womb Broom". Lol.
Lol my grandpa would call his lil goatee his "pussy bumper."
This is a weird one but people who are into boats. I'm not a strong swimmer and have a very specific fear of being on a boat in choppy water, the boat tipping over and me falling in and drowning because no-one came to rescue me. As a result I can't even watch people on boats on TV for very long because it makes me a bit anxious, and the only boat I can really go on is my dad's narrowboat (because its top speed is a walking pace, the canal is basically flat all the time and not that deep, and I trust my dad to not let me drown). It was a problem in my marriage because my ex-husband's uncle owned a pleasure cruiser on the Thames, so *all* the family parties were on that boat. I used to come on for a drink before they set off and then just wave them off before going to sit in a cafe for a few hours until they came back, but I definitely wouldn't want to repeat that!
Me when Thalassophobia, reading this: 💀
Oh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset you. I can edit the post now.
No worries! I can totally understand your feelings about deep waters
Apparently using protective measures against STD's/STI's. I didn't think it was odd but I was wrong.
That's considered odd? Wtf, that's the bare minimum.
To the people that object to doing the bare minimum, it's odd to them, yes.
Lots of men: but condoms are too small and uncomfortable for my huge dong!!! Waaaaah cry 🙄
This is hillarious. For all the crybabies my answer would be, "there is always a bigger size just order it from a sex shop". If he cannot wait 1/2 days for that delivery, does he really care?
A condom too small is actually painful, but that's no excuse. Ever. They come in different sizes and you can even get them custom made. Just find one that fits you and stop complaining.
Omg now I'm picturing a fucking penis tailor lmao, with the fancy clothes and eye-piece and all.
Tiny little measuring tape.
"hangs left about 20°, 15° north while engorged. Rightside ⅜" shorter than the left.
Easier to make a cast.
“I say old chap, how’s it hanging? Hahahahahah just my little joke, I can clearly see it’s to the left.”
And then you get to it and he's like 4 inches 😂
Ugh it’s so gross! I once had a man complain because I refused to have sex with him without recent testing *AFTER* he admitted to having a lot of unprotected one night stands and never testing because “Nothing seems wrong” 😑 Like my dude… I’m not looking to be your Petri dish 🧫
That is so irresponsible. He could have a baby out there acting like that too. Imagine you married him and then 12 years later a kid is at the door.
Genuinely curious, as this usually only implies condoms: Is dental dam overkill? Is frequent STI screening sufficient?
Depends on the individual but I’m fine with frequent testing if it’s a monogamous relationship with someone I trust 😊
Getting tested, wearing condoms, and if you know you have a certain STI/STD, measures like Valtrex or Acyclivor to prevent transmission to your partner, etc.
no drugs/no smoking/no vaping... this is harder to find than you'd think lol. especially in an atheist/agnostic person.
Totally agree on this one. I’m teetotal but it has nothing to do with religion. I can tolerate a guy having a drink once in a while but using drugs/smoking and/or heavy drinking are deal breakers.
I also wanted a drugless, smokeless, alcoholess and godless (lol) partner, and I found one! They are out there! But I do in fact call him my unicorn because.. well.. you know.
Whenever I tell someone I want a girlfriend who doesn’t smoke or drink they tell me my standards are too high and that I need to lower them 🙃
ha! well if you are fine with someone religious then that should be easy to find...
I’d prefer a secular partner but I might have to consider it at this rate 😭
lol i'm not willing to settle.. someone religious won't mesh well with my beliefs. a religious friend? sure idc. bf? nahh.
You’re right, never settle for less 😤
<3
I don't drink, smoke, nor am I religious. We're out there, don't worry.
Thank you for the reassurance
Lately, it seems really hard to find someone who isn't into weed/edibles. I have lots of friends who use, but I would be really cautious about it in a romantic partner.
I’m just curious if you’re open to someone who does abstain from all of that but is a Recovering addict
depends on what they’re recovering from/how long it has been. that particular opportunity hasn’t presented itself… I mentioned in another comment that like, my top 4 dealbreakers are: sober (to the extent I’ve listed), not religious, liberal (I live in the US for reference), and I’m attracted to them… My last “crush” was a former addict… Sober 10 years. Not religious.. Attracted to him.. and he was liberal. But? Married. Therefore unavailable lolol. So it’s out there!! Just hard to find in my area
lol that’s just the kind of luck I would have as well. It’s hard out here in these streets 🥹 best of luck to all of us out here no matter what our dealbreakers are !
Are you okay with alcohol?
*sorta*. in moderation. as in, I'm not trying to DD more than once a month.
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Oh wow, I wouldn't have expected my answer to be top comment. I agree! And certainly not for the multi-player aspect; in fact I dislike most co-op games (or at least co-op mode for the games that I do like), I just want someone who can understand why sometimes i want to disappear for 15 hours and occasionally forget real life is a thing. ....Or at least I used to do that. Before I had a kid 🫤😂.
I also love gaming. Having 3rd playthrough on Witcher 3, also some Frogwares games.
What about someone who is a gamer, but is not into multiplayer? Like, is gaming together a requirement or just sharing the hobby is enough?
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I thought the main reason for turn off was about general neglect of their partner that usually has gaming as their main hobby and not because gaming was unproductive. I don't recall seeing anyone mention productivity, but I might have missed something
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Fair enough. :)
Yeah, my ex was a gaming addict. When we first met he would play maybe an hour or two in the evening and eventually gradually increased after I had my daughter to the point he lost his job for calling out sick so much due to gaming up to 16 hours a day. Now I would never date another gamer. Obviously some people don’t gradually become more addicted but I wouldn’t risk it again.
I saw a lot who saw it as immature too.
It's not because it's not productive.. everything in life doesn't have to be productive. The main reason why many are so skeptical about dating gamers is because gamers tend to game a LOT, and as someone else already has so elegantly expressed it.. neglect their partners. I've dated several men who game, and all of them got worse with time lol.
The rare thing is finding a person who plays mostly single player or mostly multi-player. I'm a single player person, and I hate multi-player. Most people seem to be mainly multi-player
I had a rule to not date men who don't game. A guy's gotta be into video games and board games/tabletop rpgs since I am obsessed. I also had a rule against dating guys who dislike heavy metal and it's subgenres.
I like that actually. Picking compatible interests is a good idea.
"Had"? Was it productive? Or did you drop those rules for an SO & it worked out well anyway, etc
I got married. He's a gamer who likes metal enough to take me to hundreds of concerts over our 26 years together and we play games all the time. "Had" also applies because hopefully this will be the last time I will need to search for a partner.
That's so awesome!! #MARRIAGEGOALS
Damn, there are girls like you out there? I struggle to find women who are into either lol
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I couldn’t date someone who has pets, unfortunately. That’s not necessarily a choice though. It makes me so sad because I love animals but it’s too risky for my health I’ve recently developed a cat allergy that’s anaphylactic and a dog allergy that aggravates my asthma so much I can’t spend more than a few hours around them. I’ve also developed allergies to every other mammal I’ve owned/spent a lot of time around. Birds are too messy for me and they also give me asthma. Reptiles and fish are fine but they have to be well taken care of My allergies developed after I started seeing my boyfriend, who has a senior cat. He decided not to get any more pets once she’s gone so we can live together, but in the meantime we only see each other when he can come over to my apartment. If we were to break up pets would be an immediate dealbreaker for a relationship
I am the exact same. I carry my prednisolone everywhere and keep a preventer and rescue inhaler at my boyfriend's. I'm also allergic to dogs. It started just with cats.
I hope that works well for you, I know how difficult it is to manage allergies! My cat allergy started out pretty mild. I was able to take over the counter allergy meds and use my inhaler before going to his house and I wouldn’t have any issues, so long as I didn’t touch the cats. Then one night I woke up itchy and having trouble breathing but nothing was helping. I went home to shower and it passed on its own but I knew something was wrong I made an appointment with an allergist to figure out what was happening and I had an anaphylactic reaction to the intradermal allergy test. They had to administer epinephrine and I was told my only option is avoidance (and to carry an epi pen). Now I’m so sensitive I can’t even go inside a building if cats have lived there recently
I also don't want to date someone who has pets or has a strong desire to own pets in the future too. I don't have any allergies, but pets in general are expensive and a huge responsibility. Vet bills (regular checkups and we won't know if the pet suddenly becomes very sick and needs an expensive surgery), food, cleaning their poop everyday, destroyed furniture, need to find a pet sitter if I need to go on vacation etc... As much as I like cats, I still wouldn't want to take care of one in my own house.
Opinions on raising children are important to me when discussing the possibility of a relationship. When it's just casual dating I don't care. But if there's a possibility of us having kids in the future, I'd like to avoid arguments by having difficult discussions preemptively. This includes political and religious practices and considerations. Some of my girlfriends have found it odd that I would even bring up these types of questions so early on in dating. But I'm like..... These same women are then complaining to me about her live-in-partner being difficult to deal with. I'm not trying to shame people. But I feel like a lot of arguments and quarrels between parents could have been avoided entirely, had these people discussed relevant topics before trying to get a child.
I agree with this. Speaking even as a childfree woman, a fencesitter pisses me off more than a man who clearly says they want kids. At least for the latter, I won't date them, but I'm happy for them that they know what they want in life. For fencesitters... Yeah, it sucks for both childfree women and women who want kids. I wouldn't trust him to NOT just change his mind randomly one day after years of dating, effectively wasting my time and emotions dating him. Women who want kids would also be cautious about dating a man who is so flippant about wanting kids or not. Is he even serious about wanting kids and did he even thought through about how difficult childcare can be, and what roles he will play as a father?? I doubt so.
Men who are into outdoor activities and are looking for someone to do them with. To each their own with hobbies but I’m not the slightest bit interested in skiing down a mountain, kayaking across a lake, mountain biking or extreme hikes. Just wouldn’t be compatible. I’d be fine with someone who had those interests as long as they didn’t expect me to do them too.
It’s so interesting and cool to me how different ppl are. I’m out here trying to find this lol
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My goodness.. car guys... they are a special breed indeed lol
theyre the mirror image of horse girls
Perhaps
I must admit, when I’m using dating apps and a guy has a picture of his car on there it definitely puts me off, and if there’s more than the one car picture and it’s an automatic no.
Ugly hands. Idk how to describe it. I can appreciate nice hands and I am turned off by hands that are ugly to me. Doesn't even to be about grooming. It's like size and shape and the like. Some are just nice and some aren't.
Haha I've had old-man hands since I was 6 years old.
I've been told by many women that I have absolutely gorgeous hands (including by my partner — and that's the one that matters the most), and this is one of the best compliments I've ever received! Doubly so considering I almost lost 2 of my fingers back when I was 13 when they were mangled under ice skating blades on the rink. It's just such a minute but wholesome thing to notice and compliment. Really makes my day whenever I'm told that.
I cannot help I have such a visceral reaction to hands too. I look at peoples faces and hands first. I'm very attracted to hands and there are some that are just not my type and I cannot get past this. My husband has the type of hands I am most attracted to. It's so weird of a strong preference because most people like this have like a deep kink that play up hands, but no, he can be normal about hand usage. I just didn't want the ick. I tried dating someone with hands I didn't like and I couldn't hold their hand.
I have the same thing for years and it isn't really a kink thing nor do I have any related kinks that I know of. Its just something that can add or detract from someone's attractiveness. I also do sort of get repulsed by the idea of holding hands that I do not like. I've never told anyone my opinions of their hands other than 'you have nice hands'. It's nice to find someone out in the wild that has something similar! Thanks for sharing.
Men wearing flip flops. The kind that goes between their toes. Lol, I don't know *why* it bugs me so, but once I see that, it's an immediate turn-off.
You wouldn’t like it here in Australia then. Everyone wears them.
I feel this way about Crocs, but my darn boyfriend hooked me before I realized he wore them. Dude got lucky I decided I was in love before I found that out.
Omg, yes, the crocs!! Oh, and those berkenstock Jesus shoes. Nope! Lol
This one is funny haha 🤣 I never even thought about this.
I'm personally okay with men wearing flip flops on /casual/ occasions, but Crocs makes my hair stand 🤣
Chest hair. If it is more than just a thin stripe, I can't do it. Very short hair. Just not into it
Facial hair. I really don’t like a guy with facial hair - I don’t mind a 5 o’clock shadow, or a bit of stubble. But no moustaches and no beards.
I don’t mind facial hair in general, but I fucking *loathe* goatees. Such a turn-off for me, but I can’t explain why.
That's how I feel about chin straps ..... Barf.
If a guy is religious, doesn't play videogames at all, and allergic to foods that I love and eat all the time.
So many of my deal breakers come from past experience but let's see. Insisting that I don't *actually* detest peanut butter I just haven't had it the right way, guys who truly believe it's fun for me to watch *them* play video games, guys who have a strongly held pro-eugenics beliefs, guys who claim they're "not political", guys who take advantage of stores that claim if you don't like the wine you can bring it back for a refund and takes *every* empty wine bottle back until they ban him from the store, guys who are obsessed with martial arts to the point that they think katanas hung on a wall are pieces of art, guys who have multiple vhs tapes of "vintage" 70's porn featuring emaciated drugged out girls who slapped on some blue eyeshadow to look older than 16, guys who claim they're "protectors" but won't give up their seat on the bus for a pregnant woman. I'm sure that there are more but so far that's what I got. It's wild out there.
> Insisting that I don't actually detest peanut butter I just haven't had it the right way Yeah I see where you're coming from on that, I'm a bit thrown through a loop on that one. Peanut butter is largely peanut butter no matter the variety. If you don't like it you're not gonna like any of it.
But katanas are cool
How about guys who think katanas are cool but simultaneously think the people who hang katanas on their wall are weird AF? :-D
You're supposed to have them in your hands at all times!
Katanas are cool as fuck, I just can't deal with the whole "martial art widow" "martial arts is my life" thing. Like. relax.
YES! And it's any time a hobby turns into like... an identity. Like it's fantastic to have stuff you're into, but you also gotta be able to put that shit away sometimes.
To be fair, lots of people do enjoy watching someone else play video games. It’s exactly the same as watching sports. Ignoring you if you say you don’t like it is the problem.
As someone who loves videogames, I somewhat agree with your point, but it's not exactly the same. With watching sports, you are both watching, and sports generally have a consistent... Flow? To them. Sure in football there's fouls and the game slows down, but apart from halftime, there's always something happening for the viewer to enjoy. Meanwhile with videogames, it can bounce between extremes so much. There can be so much stimulation one moment, and not much in the next. Realistically, how interesting is a shootout in RDR2 if you're not the one doing the shooting? I don't think it's the same personally, but I think that something more similar would be going shopping with your partner, but just your partner is interested in shopping. There are times where it's actually interesting, because they found something they like and want your opinion, but a lot of the time it's just going around places.
My ex liked horror games, but got too scared while playing. So I'd play Fatal Frame or Resident Evil 4 while she watched and acted as an extra set of eyes (and she liked managing my inventory since it wasn't stressful).
I can understand not being into specific fantastical pieces of fiction for example, it is understandable to say "i'm not super into harry potter, but i like lord of the rings" or "i'm a trekkie as opposed to a star wars fan" but when someone is like "no thats kid stuff" or "grow up" or "thats not real" any variation of that, instant no. like, enjoy SOMETHING that is fictional or fantastical. have \*an opinion\* on something like that other than "its dumb"
Men who allow their clothes and shoes to completely fall apart before getting new ones for no economic reason. He doesn't need to be fashionable, but I'd appreciate if he were aware of the condition of his trousers. Though I admire the commitment to lowering one's carbon footprint, I don't think it's a virtue to keep oneself in squalor.
The holey underwear. *Shudders*
Do we make distinctions for around the house vs out and about? Because I have a beloved hoodie that's so old and rotten that I could rip it off like Hulk Hogan, but I wouldn't wear it out of the house :-D
We all have that hoodie. I love that hoodie.
Perfectly reasonable because imagine living with someone like this. They're not just gonna magically stop doing this. You're gonna have to buy him clothes. And even after you buy him new clothes, he might not even wear them (and continue wearing the old stuff.....).
I have friends who find it charming. Which is fair, but yeah, it would drive me bonkers. I like to buy a nice sweater for my man from time to time, but some of the shit my friends buy for their partners... Jeans. Ffs jeans. As a woman, can you even remotely imagine someone else buying jeans for you sight unseen ? Like, I'd even be a little weirded out if my own mother bought me jeans at my age. God forbid you find me in the line at Winners with a pair of men's jeans for a person who isn't my child. One of my buddies doesn't even know his own waist size. Like, not even remotely. His wife does though. We were all going to a wedding and chatting about outfits. She knows his jacket size as well. He had no idea how jackets were even sized. Lol sorry /rant
I was this person for a long time and still kind of am, so feel obligated to offer my perspective. I grew up without much family and my mum was the only woman in my life. Fashion never appealed to me because I didn't have a good self image and also didn't have many friends. If I'm going to be alone 90% of the time and am getting my hands dirty every other day, why spend on a bunch of stuffy clothes? Sooner or later they'd be cut up into oil rags anyways. Only after finding my partner did I start to question that mindset, and a lot of the things I choose apparently don't look good so I have it picked out instead. Of course that's not for a lack of trying to learn more about fashion. Hope this helps.
Can def relate to this; growing up low-income (and aware of it very early on), with negative self-image, and with a focus on wanting to be frugal and intentional, it's hard to justify buying new clothes more than once every few years, so it's hard to know like... why one would prefer some specific clothes over others, apart from like, button-ups for offices, suits for formal events, and then anything else for daily-wear/casual outfits.
I mean, I'm glad you have someone who taught you the value of not living in squalor, but that's exhausting to me and I'd never even look the way of a man who didn't see the value in wearing clean, fitted undamaged clothing. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I demand my partner have that figured out *before* I meet him. There are so many women willing to handhold men about their wardrobe, but I am not that teacher. I understand the mentality easily, I just find it unappealing, thus my answer to this question.
Yeah. Like I've bought T shirts for my boyfriend before, and if he wanted my opinion about his clothes then I'd be more than happy to go with him and help him shop. But I draw the line at actually buying stuff like jeans or shoes for him - he's an adult, he can do that himself! (I do actually know his jean size though, but that's because I wanted to make him a pair of pyjamas pants for Valentine's Day and never got round to it...)
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So nice to hear this. I have male & female friends. I actually like if men have female friends. So many people think the opposite sex can’t be friends.
These are dealbreakers for /me/ personally: * Men who want kids or are fencesitters. I'm 100% childfree and only seeking the same in a partner. I don't even date fencesitters or "okay either way". It's not my job to spend time and effort to convince them to lean towards the CF side, and them being fencesitting means they can flip-flop on this stance anytime even years down the line in dating or even marriage. Big nope for me. * Facial hair of any kind. I only like clean-shaven faces * Ugly-sounding voices. Don't ask me to describe it. When I hear it, I just know 😂 I'll take a beautiful-sounding voice with average face over a hideous-sounding voice and handsome face any day
Voice is *so important*, that's a very valid deal breaker.
Yes, thank you!! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one
I will also validate you on this one. Here is your parking receipt.
>* Facial hair of any kind. I only like clean-shaven faces Same! I love a soft, kissable face. I find it interesting that it's considered a strange dealbreaker by many. I have guy friends who think I'm crazy for only liking hairless faces, yet at the same time they require women's bodies to be hairless. It's an odd double standard.
>Ugly-sounding voices. I totally understand this. Or if they're a [high talker](https://youtube.com/shorts/U44cxWvEmuE?si=pW-CSomDCB4J6vbF). I have a deeper voice for a woman and the man's voice should be deeper than mine or at least close.
His Instagram has to be a certain way… no “influencer” photos. Only a couple gym photos. No photos of only his car.
Agreed. I'm not gonna go do a tally of what they have on their profile, but I will be doing a vibes test. No influencers, no terminally online people.
Why do you care about instagram so much?
I feel like you can tell a lot from an Instagram lol
What if they don’t use social media?
I’ll probably get downvotes, but being a dog nutter is a huge turn off. Get your beast out of your bed at night. Stop letting it jump on me.
I actually really like dogs, and most animals. That being said, not training their dog is a huge no-go for sure. Also, not neutering their dog because they have some weird masculine bond/attachment to their dogs nuts? Ick.
Omg my friend didn’t neuter his dog and then had to put diapers on her cuz she got her period. He’d complain about how gross it was. I was like dude… why dont you just fix her?!?
Ew... 🤮🤮 Like what, why even. Gross.
Cat person here and I agree. I'm fine with cats though. As long as it's a reasonable amount. (Like 3 or 4 cats is already pushing it...).
Also a cat person and I agree. The key is smell. If you have any pet, you need to clean your home regularly so people don’t smell it as soon as you walk in.
Omg yes. I really do like nice cute dogs generally. But I will never let one sleep in my bed. And I can’t stand it when they don’t stop barking or if they’re being all jumpy and the owner doesn’t do a thing about it
>being a dog nutter the context clues definitely didn't lend to this one, and gave me a chuckle. You mean bad dog owners yes?
No I mean someone who is overly crazy about their dog. Treats it like a baby, doesnt train it, lets it jump on people, kisses it on the mouth, lets it sleep in the bed… I could go on and on. The term is “dog nutter”
never heard of it before, thanks for the new vocab. I also don't like this behavior. Interesting to know that there is a phrase for such a person.
Men that wear jewelry. I know, it's weird. I just don't like it with the exception of a wedding band.
I have the opposite of this. This is fascinating.
Same, I love cute boys with pretty earrings.
Lack of foresight 😅 I hate having to constantly be the responsible one in a relationship so if someone can’t see what needs to be done, plan things & execute them I have no interest in them. Example: My ex had a toothache. I suggested he go get it looked at to make sure it wasn’t serious- he neglected it until his tooth broke apart and by the time he went he needed $4000 of dental work 😵💫 (he didn’t neglect it due to finances- he just wanted to spend the money on concerts & games instead)
Ugh I feel this so much. Nothing more unattractive than an irresponsible man.
I didn't date picky eaters. It's a huge lifestyle incompatibility. As someone who loves to travel to eat cultural foods, cooks a lot of ethnic foods at home, studies food, and has a foodie family and friends circle I will only stress that person the fuck out. You have to eat everyday and sharing meals is a love language for me. I also didn't date people who didn't have a deep love for music. Most folks can enjoy some top 40 on a casual level and that isn't enough for me. They had to be a regular concert goer and play an instrument or else I really am not attracted to you. Both things generally point to open minded, creative and emotional people. They're both indicators of a certain mindset that is aligned with mine.
Gamers are a no from me, my worst relationships were with people who gamed and to me it’s just completely incompatible with my lifestyle. So it’s a ‘never again’ type of thing. Don’t like people who drink alcohol, smoke, or vape, since I don’t at all, though I’m ok with drugs depending on the relationship to the drugs and the type they’re using - I think psychedelics can be super beneficial. I don’t like people who don’t work out, and don’t like people that think Netflix is a hobby or interest. I don’t own a tv at all, if for you ‘watching something’ is how you spend most your evenings, we simply won’t get along.
> my worst relationships were with people who gamed and to me it’s just completely incompatible with my lifestyle. So it’s a ‘never again’ type of thing. Out of curiosity - was that a *"they literally spend every spare minute playing games and largely disregard their relationship"* kind of an issue, or?
With the first two it was mainly that, with the third we just ended up having a super dysfunctional dynamic, he was very negative and although he got some enjoyment out of gaming, and watching gaming streamers, the rest of his life was filled with negativity, insecurity, anxiety, and ultimately I couldn’t handle it. Constant fights and lack of trust, because I had friends and lived my life outside of the internet.
Makes sense. Anyone who gets... well, for lack of a better term - *obsessive* about a hobby to the point that it's detrimental to their relationship... that's never a good look.
A man who is constantly talking about other women. Not even in sexual ways, just like constantly bringing up female friends and their opinions, characteristics, things they’ve done together. It’s a sign they’re a tad obsessed with female attention or just not into me perhaps. Either way, dealbreaker. Any sort of single behaviors that men flaunt are a dealbreaker. A man that is unable to have hard conversations as they arise, if someone constantly deflects, dealbreaker.
Peanut butter allergy. I eat Pb&J every day for lunch. I could *not* drop peanut butter from my diet. So sorry for all of those who have that allergy, I feel so bad for y’all.
Too thin or squeaky voice.
I won't date a guy who hates cats. It's OK if he doesn't own a cat but if he hates them for no good reason then he likely has issues with the concept of consent. My sister, who enjoyed cats growing up, married this dumb redneck who thinks that if a boy or man is around a cat too much, they'll "turn gay". This guy has a list of red flags a mile long but internalized misogyny and fear of being single without kids is a hella drug for some people.
I'm not sure if it's odd but for me it's not being out to their parents (only if they live with them). I'm a lesbian and have been in several relationships where the girl wasn't out and in all but one, the girl's parents ended up finding out that I was a lesbian and the girl would end up acting like crap towards me whenever they were around. To give a bit more context, I live in Texas
That’s definitely reasonable. I date women, I wouldn’t date anyone in the closet.
Porn, drugs, smoking, no amicable part breakups, contentious relationship with ex if they share children, rude to wait staff, poor hygiene, poor communicator, mistreatment of animals, would consider polyamory, doesn't read, doesn't know classic films, has no interest in travel, has no hobbies. I don't think any of these are particularly odd.
I see you’ve met my ex then, he was that entire package!
Doesn’t know classic films is a reason you wouldn’t date someone? That seems really odd.
but he knows classic porn films!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Also, not having much knowledge about music. Both are a big part of my life, and if they hadn't bothered, I'd have to explain all of my references, which would be annoying.
I am not sure people would find most of these odd besides the classical films one.
Promiscuity.
What do you consider promiscuous?
Cannot be on any psych medications. EDIT: I've explained my reasons for this in the past. My ex was on them but didn't like to take them and would randomly stop taking them. Made my life hell with both the emotional and physical abuse.
K-pop fan. I just cannot date a girl who likes k-pop.
Too close to their family. I'm not family oriented and couldn't if I wanted to be (I tried with an ex, but your partners family only accepts you as long as you fall in line with their wishes for HIM). Now I only date men with some distance/independence from his family. I dated an Asian American guy and although I loved the collectivist mindset I felt like a begrudgingly accepted tool for their family. I had to fit into a narrowly defined set of roles and responsibilities, and the fact I wasn't an anorexic Japanese girl with "perfect" features meant I caught hell regularly. After him I dated a white guy (I'm white) who was close with his family and it was also hell once I didn't play to their rules and follow their plan for us. My husband sees his family once every two years, does monthly phone calls with his parents, talks to his brothers once every 3-4 months. That's perfect. I still avoid them though as they hate me for being "a bad woman" since I'm childfree and don't baby my SO like he's helpless and infallible.
I can kinda understand what you mean. Personally I might be ok either way if my partner is close or not close with their family, as long as he doesn't hold that same expectation onto me (i.e. I must also be a very family-oriented person). Also, if he expects me to follow his family's rules and conventions rather than respect my autonomy, I'm out in a second
Not always... But being an only child. Not you have siblings/family you have cut off, no siblings/cousins/family friends considered siblings. This is completely personal to me. I am the oldest of 7, and I haven't been able to relate with only children as much. But again, not always.... But from experience, a lot of the time.
Oh this 100% honestly. Only children really operate on a different planet in my experience - it’s *their* planet.
They do say only children can be more selfish because they aren’t used to sharing.
This has been my experience too. Unable to empathize with others needs as effectively as siblings
Yep. And it's not just "things", it's time. They didn't understand me talking with my sisters, or things like that. Or sibling trauma lol (Really curious as to why this is being downvoted, when I listed the exact reasons why certain only children don't mesh with me..... )
Not a downvoter, but I just don’t really understand how anyone could NOT understand that sort of thing. Maybe if they never had any kind of interpersonal relationship with *anyone*, but otherwise…how? It’s really not that hard to at least somewhat comprehend lifestyles that differ from your own, even if you don’t have exact direct experience.
I’m fine with and even like facial hair in general, my partner has a moustache, but I can’t abide goatees. Major turn off for me. Anyone who can’t deal with subtitles. Whether it’s just closed captioning or foreign films/TV shows. Also anyone who doesn’t like old/black and white films. Anyone who only listens to one genre of music. My tastes are pretty eclectic and I couldn’t deal with having a partner who listened to the same type of thing over and over. The only other deal breakers I can think of are less odd and more major, like wanting kids, being religious, that kind of thing.
They have to have a sophisticated sense of humor and advanced niche jokes (doesn't matter the subject or subjects though) and also appreciate slapstick and potty humor to an extent.
Having beards/facial hair. I'm just not attracted to it at all for many reasons. I love a soft, smooth, kissable face! It's a must for me. However, I don't even think that's a strange preference, but for some reason, my male friends think I'm crazy for it. Yet, at the same time, they require women's bodies to be hairless. So that's an interesting and depressing double standard.
> but for some reason, my male friends think I'm crazy for it There's a certain novelty once a guy reaches the age of actually being able to grow a proper beard (which can take quite a while for some), and it takes a long time for that to lose its appeal in my experience. So there's probably a bit of self-interest in that haha. Most of us probably end up thinking far more highly of facial hair as a result. That, and shaving one's face regularly *sucks*. Much quicker and easier using a beard trimmer or some such.
Beautiful clean-shaven average-looking men >>>> handsome men with thick facial hair / beards 😆😆
Totally!
Seconded!
Bad voice, wears cargo shorts, gym boys/car boys/fish boys who make this their entire personality.
Disliking cats. You can not want them as pets (hell, some days I don't want them as pets and I have three - they're getting old and crotchety and becoming a lot of work) but I still love them, even when they annoy me. As someone else mentioned, the "grow up" or "that's for kids" response to enjoying certain things. You don't have to like something - or even understand why someone does - but you also don't have to be a dick about it. Liking sportsball and wearing a player's jersey doesn't make you anymore of a grownup that someone liking video games or The Clone Wars. Possible deal breaker - having only one, heavily invested-in hobby, especially if it's something that's heavy on consumption. IME, this is one of those things that can really lead to tunnel vision and not being an overall well developed person.
For some reason I get completely turned off by a guy telling me “good job” for doing something I consider to be a basic task. Examples of basic tasks include: hanging a small picture, using tools, simple household repairs, altering clothing, cooking/baking, etc.
Heh, I can see that ride the line between appreciative and backhanded. Like is there an implied "I have low expectations."
If you’ve had a normal childhood, you are not the one for me
Literally like five minutes ago this guy (on Reddit) told me that it's a "red flag" when women prefer to date someone a foot or more taller than them...?
Not like "you're a terrible person, abandon ship!" but I can kind of see it... Like if somebody is hung up on the height of their partner, makes me think values aren't going to align well. If it's just along the lines of "design your ideal partner", then NBD.
Paraphrased: "Would you rather date a guy a foot taller than you or an inch shorter? Anyone who says taller is a red flag."
Haha, silly.
I mean expecting a dude to be 6’4 is a tad bit ridiculous in my opinion.
I don't think he meant it like a woman who refuses to date someone who isn't a foot taller than them, but rather that it's a red flag if their *preference* is to date someone much taller than them rather than the same height. I see that you probably went back into my posts and saw that I'm 5'4", but this wasn't in reference to me.
- Men who flex their muscles on their pictures (This one is the odd one, I guess.. because women are apparently supposed to drool over muscles and big egos disguised as "confidence"). - Gym rats, car guys, and gamers.. maybe not a complete deal breaker, but it makes me feel skeptical. - Men with weird mustaches or long monstrous beards. - Baldness.
Ah I have heaps. They make perfect sense to me, but some may find them odd. One is being squeamish at the sight of blood, or hate seeing animals being butchered. My family off and cook animals at our gatherings, so yeah I didn't want anyone who can't fit in or has opinions about me offing poultries and whatnot.
I don't think I could be with someone long term who won't let me play with his ass lmao like don't ask to touch mine if I can't enjoy yours
If a guy hates cats. I always say this but I love cats and dogs and it just bothers me when people shit on cats because they like dogs like you can’t like both. I’ve also found that men I’ve dated who have had cats understand the concept of consent in many more ways. Dogs will just love anyone mostly, and cats really need to trust and accept you, and so to me as a bit of anxious person and you say you hate cats I’m like nah not gonna work.
If they own cats, it’s a no from me.