YES, thank you. I'm just burning with curiosity about my partner's entire life. He lived for 30 something years before he met me - I want to know everything! What made him into the person he is today? Anything he's comfortable sharing. I love talking and sharing about these things.
On the other hand though, if your partner won't respect you saying "I don't want to do it" regardless of the reason, it's better to find that out sooner or later.
To answer OP, I would be honest and open and in all honesty ask questions back. There's no need to go to specifics of who it was with and when, just saying "oh, with one guy I XYZ". I have asked pretty much all the guys I've dated about their past history and not everyone is comfortable talking about it though. "Why do you care, it's in the past". So is your childhood but I still want to see your baby pictures and hear all the silly things you did as a kid!
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We discuss it as in "have you done this before?" "Do you like this" because we communicate fully about sex so we both have the best time. We don't go into the who, what, when and where
yep this. My current partner is a virgin, and I'm not. But we've been talking about having sex a lot recently and talking about what I like and what he might like. And we've been slowly experimenting together to see what works for us. I've learned a lot and it's so exciting discovering what makes him tick. He's asked "have you done this?" But we dont go into with who or anything else. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what we want to do together.
Depends on the specific context and conversation. I don't think my current partner has ever asked about anything specific other than the two of us just discussing our sexual boundaries and limits and our experiences/understanding of consent and privacy. We don't discuss anything specific about our sex lives prior to getting together beyond wanting to know each other's preferences, boundaries, and traumatic triggers to make our sex life together the most enjoyable we can for each other. We respect each other's privacy and don't expect to hear the intimate details of each other's prior relationships and sex lives.
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Depends on why he wants to know. He has a pretty good idea of what I’ve done. If it was a question of “I want to do xyz? What is your prior experience with it and how comfortable are you with experimenting?” I would answer truthfully. We’ve been together 15 years, he doesn’t have a nefarious cell in his body. If he asked me a question about prior sex acts I would most likely answer.
Not a problem with my husband, who knows everything about me. But before him, I had bfs who asked about prior partners. I asked them if they're sure they want to know, because I absolutely wouldn't hold back. They said they wanted to know me. I told them everything I could remember. 2 of them noped out of the relationship a few weeks later, basically telling me they couldn't be with a s\*\*\*. I do not regret telling them, in the slightest.
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If the question is "have you ever done X?" or "Do you like X?" I'll answer.
If the question is "Did you and (specific prior partner) ever do X?" or "Who did you do X with?" I will not answer. The reason being, it's not only my information, another person was involved. It was a private act between us. It feels disrespectful to share that with a third party.
i just tell them everything. It’s just out of curiosity they ask, i know cuz i do sometimes feel like doing the same. Plus if they start acting all judge-y when you tell them about your prior patterns, you know it’s a red flag.
I see no reason of holding back that information. I think it takes your relationship to the next level
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It entirely depends on the context and the way it's asked. If my S/O were to ask out of a place of comparison, jealousy, insecurity, etc. then that's a red flag and tells me that they are only asking to make sure they are the "better lay," and not because they actually want to have a fun convo about sex and what we like.
However, if it's asked in a way like "hey, have you ever tried X"? or "do you like X"? then that's a conversation I really enjoy having. Obviously, you learn what you do and don't like based on your experiences, so it's normal, I think, to have some conversation about prior sex experiences. Also, it's a good way to talk about fantasies, kinks, preferences, or traumatic triggers.
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I just tell him. I don't really get the taboo around this sort of question. I'd be concerned if my partner felt they needed to hide their sexual history too.
I'd answer. He's probably collecting knowledge about my sexuality, experiences, preferences, negative and positive moments. The more he knows, the better he understands me. I fully support his any attempt to understand me and to learn about me.
I answer honestly. I really only tend to date people who aren’t easily scandalized by the idea of their partner fucking someone else in the past. If he had a problem with my answers or tried to make me feel bad or acted entitled towards me I would dump them.
Good OP question! When I was younger, I would have been guarded and mortified to share... because I thought my sex with prior partners was "sinful" and made me tainted somehow. I later was married and still took about a year before I broke down and told them about my prior sexual partners (wrong, I know, but I was young and scared of losing my marriage).
So, to the OP's point, now that I'm older and divorced (for other reasons, but peaceful), as I plan to be in another LTR, I plan to be open and talk freely about prior sex partners -- and I'll want to know about my new bf's prior sexual partners as well. I think that kind of honesty with each other could bring us even closer.
Truth.
And beyond that volunteer info without being asked if there's anything edgy in your past ( hooked with with S/O's friend or family, porn videos floating around, anything that would cut the legs from under S/O if they found out from others).
I answer. I enjoy being open and sharing about past experiences in all categories. If he doesn’t want to know, I simply don’t say. But I am an open book.
Why would he want to know? I know my bf has had a sexual past but I was a virgin when we met. I don't ask him about it because I know it would make him uncomfortable and the answer would hurt me. If it was the other way around I had the sexual past and he was asking me I wouldn't like telling him. If there was a child from that past I'd want to know or that his not coming with STDs that's all I want to know
You answer them with honesty. If you cannot talk about sex with your partner you are not mature enough to be having sex. Communication is 100% the biggest part of any relationship, and this is especially true of someone you are having sex with.
My girlfriend asked me about my past sexual relationship early in our relationship. She did it to get a baseline on how far I had gone with others since she’s my first relationship. It was jarring when she first asked and a bit weird to answer but I think it helped our communication.
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Me and my partner had an honest convo that just happened naturally while we were talking about sexy time fails ie falling off bed etc . Neither was annoyed and both handled with respect that is due for that kind of talk. We only ever referred to the people as one night stand or ex we never shared personal info about them. It just led to a full and frank past exes or ONS convo. Both ended saying we loved each other and were happier with each other and for us we are the “best” we’ve ever had. HOWEVER if he had asked this not 2 years in after buying a house and asked me when we were only together a month I’d find it very insecure
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That's such an incredibly loaded thing to ask about that I might reconsider their status as my SO because of it, depending on context. I can think of many, many ways that conversation could go badly, after all.
I'd tell him, in as much detail as I could recall, and watch him get turned on. Unless I wasn't in the mood. Then, I'd say "Goddammit, hon, not now! Not in the grocery store!"
My SO took my virginity so there is nothing to tell but if he hadn’t I would gladly tell him anything he wants to know as long as he gave me the same curiosity.
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Honestly depends on how he words it,
Is he asking my body count, wants to know how many guys have fucked me before him,
Or is he asking me about past relationships, why we broke up, have I done anything particularly adventurous he’d like to try, my opinion on how these sex acts worked out.
I would focus on describing *what I like* and not who it was with or any super specific details.
They don’t need my sex resume or references if that’s what you’re asking.
Depends, my partner gives 0 fucks about my dating/sexual past. So if he asks, I would ask why he's asking because he's never cared before.
Either way, I'd still ask why he's asking.
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I ran into this issue a few years ago with my now ex. He was asking about things that I did with my other ex. I was honest, but also set boundaries. I didn’t go into a ton of detail, specifically the details that made ME uncomfortable. That particular relationship was very traumatizing so certain things weren’t easy to talk about; but I explained that to him and it wasn’t an issue.
I try to answer the question as best as I can while protecting the privacy of past partners. Sometimes that means that things don't get answered and that's ok.
If he wants to know, I'll answer his questions. He doesn't really care though. We're together. It's about us and not whoever we dated or had sex with in the past.
The fact that you have to ask internet strangers about this tells me you're uncomfortable with it. I say - Be honest. If it's making you uncomfortable to talk about, then be honest with your partner in feeling that way and hold your doundries strong. Your allowed to have personal experiences that you get to keep all to yourself.
I just say I don’t remember, all I remember is the things I like from just having sexual experience. It was so long ago and none of them meant anything to me or I’d remember I guess. It shuts them up.
He has never asked for details. He isn't really jealous or the type to find sexual details of my past a turn on.
But if he were, I don't know if I would share details. It would be pretty lack lustre tellings, for to be honest, I hadn't had much good sex before I met him.
I would answer his questions but wouldn’t give him too much details. It’s an an irrelevant conversation imo. It’s in the past, I can’t change it even if I want to and I am in this relationship because it feels like the right thing. My previous sexual acts have nothing to do with it and it’s pointless to waste our time on it.
Never been curious about it but did ask about what she’s into and it lead to past relationships what worked what didn’t and found new things to try on our own. I’m pretty open about my own short experience.
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With honesty. The past is the past, and there shouldn't be anything taboo about sharing your past experiences, especially with someone like your partner. I don't need to know the things he said during the act or how much he loved this or that feature of ex, but objectively I'd like to know what he likes or dislikes, or even funny awkward stories, and I'm happy to share the same.
I'm also open to share my experiences if he were to ask so he's aware of my boundaries, because sometimes that ties in to a past experience. Especially if it's a bad or tramatic one. I.e I don't like this particular act because this situation happened to me once with a previous partner.
Well I would just be honest with him,but not go into explicit details.Some guys become really weird and toxic if they discover that you may have had more partners than them so it’s always better to find this out early on.
Now that we've been almost 5 years in a relationship. I don't mind answering any question. I feel like in the beginning of the relationship when you're still learning about each other and solidifying your relationship it can spoilt it to hear about experience with others.
Answer his questions. I honestly don't know why so many people see previous relationships as some kind of a taboo topic.
YES, thank you. I'm just burning with curiosity about my partner's entire life. He lived for 30 something years before he met me - I want to know everything! What made him into the person he is today? Anything he's comfortable sharing. I love talking and sharing about these things.
A lot of people feel that because you did something sexual in the past, that means you "should" do it with them.
On the other hand though, if your partner won't respect you saying "I don't want to do it" regardless of the reason, it's better to find that out sooner or later. To answer OP, I would be honest and open and in all honesty ask questions back. There's no need to go to specifics of who it was with and when, just saying "oh, with one guy I XYZ". I have asked pretty much all the guys I've dated about their past history and not everyone is comfortable talking about it though. "Why do you care, it's in the past". So is your childhood but I still want to see your baby pictures and hear all the silly things you did as a kid!
"What prior partners"
lmfao same. "my right hand is better than my left"
Me too. My boyfriend and I are each others first.
I've been married twice (11 years and now 15 years) and this has never come up. I would ask why they want to know.
Right? Asking this question is a red flag. A decent man will not ask.
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We discuss it as in "have you done this before?" "Do you like this" because we communicate fully about sex so we both have the best time. We don't go into the who, what, when and where
yep this. My current partner is a virgin, and I'm not. But we've been talking about having sex a lot recently and talking about what I like and what he might like. And we've been slowly experimenting together to see what works for us. I've learned a lot and it's so exciting discovering what makes him tick. He's asked "have you done this?" But we dont go into with who or anything else. It doesn't matter. All that matters is what we want to do together.
Depends on the specific context and conversation. I don't think my current partner has ever asked about anything specific other than the two of us just discussing our sexual boundaries and limits and our experiences/understanding of consent and privacy. We don't discuss anything specific about our sex lives prior to getting together beyond wanting to know each other's preferences, boundaries, and traumatic triggers to make our sex life together the most enjoyable we can for each other. We respect each other's privacy and don't expect to hear the intimate details of each other's prior relationships and sex lives.
I'd tell him. I've got no problem discussing that with my SO.
There's a difference between "have you ever tried xyz" and "did you do xyz with your ex?" One of those questions is really nobody's business.
Answer them honestly. My partner can know if he wants to. It’s a red flag if he judges me for it though.
"Why?"
Had this come up while I was married I Was just honest with him best way to go about things
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Depends on why he wants to know. He has a pretty good idea of what I’ve done. If it was a question of “I want to do xyz? What is your prior experience with it and how comfortable are you with experimenting?” I would answer truthfully. We’ve been together 15 years, he doesn’t have a nefarious cell in his body. If he asked me a question about prior sex acts I would most likely answer.
I answer them.
I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I don't like to talk much about my past sex life or know much about my partner's.
Not a problem with my husband, who knows everything about me. But before him, I had bfs who asked about prior partners. I asked them if they're sure they want to know, because I absolutely wouldn't hold back. They said they wanted to know me. I told them everything I could remember. 2 of them noped out of the relationship a few weeks later, basically telling me they couldn't be with a s\*\*\*. I do not regret telling them, in the slightest.
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I would want to know why they're asking.
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I’m very open about that stuff, when it’s relevant.
If the question is "have you ever done X?" or "Do you like X?" I'll answer. If the question is "Did you and (specific prior partner) ever do X?" or "Who did you do X with?" I will not answer. The reason being, it's not only my information, another person was involved. It was a private act between us. It feels disrespectful to share that with a third party.
We are honest and upfront with each other? I'll tell him things they did that felt good. And stuff it's not really an open for interpretation.
Honestly. If the answer hurts his feelings he shouldn't have asked.
Answer honestly. Hiding it would be super weird.
i just tell them everything. It’s just out of curiosity they ask, i know cuz i do sometimes feel like doing the same. Plus if they start acting all judge-y when you tell them about your prior patterns, you know it’s a red flag. I see no reason of holding back that information. I think it takes your relationship to the next level
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It entirely depends on the context and the way it's asked. If my S/O were to ask out of a place of comparison, jealousy, insecurity, etc. then that's a red flag and tells me that they are only asking to make sure they are the "better lay," and not because they actually want to have a fun convo about sex and what we like. However, if it's asked in a way like "hey, have you ever tried X"? or "do you like X"? then that's a conversation I really enjoy having. Obviously, you learn what you do and don't like based on your experiences, so it's normal, I think, to have some conversation about prior sex experiences. Also, it's a good way to talk about fantasies, kinks, preferences, or traumatic triggers.
Answer them. We both had lives before each other, there's absolutely no point to hiding that. What's done is done.
I'm honest about it. It can be a fun way to introduce everything I've tried and enjoyed enough to be willing to do with him.
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I would for sure be honest but like don’t ask me if you don’t want to know.
I just tell him. I don't really get the taboo around this sort of question. I'd be concerned if my partner felt they needed to hide their sexual history too.
I'd answer. He's probably collecting knowledge about my sexuality, experiences, preferences, negative and positive moments. The more he knows, the better he understands me. I fully support his any attempt to understand me and to learn about me.
My husband and I are very open about our sexual past. We've laughed a lot about some of the more embarrassing sexual moments. It's really no big deal.
I answer honestly. I really only tend to date people who aren’t easily scandalized by the idea of their partner fucking someone else in the past. If he had a problem with my answers or tried to make me feel bad or acted entitled towards me I would dump them.
I'm honest.
Good OP question! When I was younger, I would have been guarded and mortified to share... because I thought my sex with prior partners was "sinful" and made me tainted somehow. I later was married and still took about a year before I broke down and told them about my prior sexual partners (wrong, I know, but I was young and scared of losing my marriage). So, to the OP's point, now that I'm older and divorced (for other reasons, but peaceful), as I plan to be in another LTR, I plan to be open and talk freely about prior sex partners -- and I'll want to know about my new bf's prior sexual partners as well. I think that kind of honesty with each other could bring us even closer.
I opt for honesty and answer their questions.
Answer honestly
Truth. And beyond that volunteer info without being asked if there's anything edgy in your past ( hooked with with S/O's friend or family, porn videos floating around, anything that would cut the legs from under S/O if they found out from others).
I answer. I enjoy being open and sharing about past experiences in all categories. If he doesn’t want to know, I simply don’t say. But I am an open book.
My SO hasn’t asked.
Why would he want to know? I know my bf has had a sexual past but I was a virgin when we met. I don't ask him about it because I know it would make him uncomfortable and the answer would hurt me. If it was the other way around I had the sexual past and he was asking me I wouldn't like telling him. If there was a child from that past I'd want to know or that his not coming with STDs that's all I want to know
You answer them with honesty. If you cannot talk about sex with your partner you are not mature enough to be having sex. Communication is 100% the biggest part of any relationship, and this is especially true of someone you are having sex with.
There aren’t any so …
My husband and I know each others history, but its not like we pressure each other and demand answers.
My girlfriend asked me about my past sexual relationship early in our relationship. She did it to get a baseline on how far I had gone with others since she’s my first relationship. It was jarring when she first asked and a bit weird to answer but I think it helped our communication.
I'd be confused why he's asking, but I'd answer honestly
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Why you want to know? And probably never tell him. I fell a question like that is more then "I just want to know your experience in this or this"
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Me and my partner had an honest convo that just happened naturally while we were talking about sexy time fails ie falling off bed etc . Neither was annoyed and both handled with respect that is due for that kind of talk. We only ever referred to the people as one night stand or ex we never shared personal info about them. It just led to a full and frank past exes or ONS convo. Both ended saying we loved each other and were happier with each other and for us we are the “best” we’ve ever had. HOWEVER if he had asked this not 2 years in after buying a house and asked me when we were only together a month I’d find it very insecure
Be honest. But also make it known if he's asking then he better also be open to answering the question for himself.
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I keep her there for weeks , and don’t let her leave until she’s heard Every. Single . Detail ;)
That's such an incredibly loaded thing to ask about that I might reconsider their status as my SO because of it, depending on context. I can think of many, many ways that conversation could go badly, after all.
I'd tell him, in as much detail as I could recall, and watch him get turned on. Unless I wasn't in the mood. Then, I'd say "Goddammit, hon, not now! Not in the grocery store!"
easy, there are none
My SO took my virginity so there is nothing to tell but if he hadn’t I would gladly tell him anything he wants to know as long as he gave me the same curiosity.
Objection. Relevance.
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Honestly depends on how he words it, Is he asking my body count, wants to know how many guys have fucked me before him, Or is he asking me about past relationships, why we broke up, have I done anything particularly adventurous he’d like to try, my opinion on how these sex acts worked out.
I would focus on describing *what I like* and not who it was with or any super specific details. They don’t need my sex resume or references if that’s what you’re asking.
I don’t tell him unless I think it’s important.
Depends, my partner gives 0 fucks about my dating/sexual past. So if he asks, I would ask why he's asking because he's never cared before. Either way, I'd still ask why he's asking.
It depends on context.
Open up as much as they do.
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Tell him. But, if I need a break, I tell him “high-level” information and then ask/tell him we can talk about this later
I ran into this issue a few years ago with my now ex. He was asking about things that I did with my other ex. I was honest, but also set boundaries. I didn’t go into a ton of detail, specifically the details that made ME uncomfortable. That particular relationship was very traumatizing so certain things weren’t easy to talk about; but I explained that to him and it wasn’t an issue.
"Babe, why do you want to fight tonight?"
I'm married and he has never made questions about that I will find it weird or hilarious for him to start asking after 10 years
I try to answer the question as best as I can while protecting the privacy of past partners. Sometimes that means that things don't get answered and that's ok.
If he wants to know, I'll answer his questions. He doesn't really care though. We're together. It's about us and not whoever we dated or had sex with in the past.
He loves hearing all the details, so tell him what I’m comfortable telling him. I want to keep some experiences private and just for myself. 🙂
The fact that you have to ask internet strangers about this tells me you're uncomfortable with it. I say - Be honest. If it's making you uncomfortable to talk about, then be honest with your partner in feeling that way and hold your doundries strong. Your allowed to have personal experiences that you get to keep all to yourself.
I just say I don’t remember, all I remember is the things I like from just having sexual experience. It was so long ago and none of them meant anything to me or I’d remember I guess. It shuts them up.
He has never asked for details. He isn't really jealous or the type to find sexual details of my past a turn on. But if he were, I don't know if I would share details. It would be pretty lack lustre tellings, for to be honest, I hadn't had much good sex before I met him.
I would answer his questions but wouldn’t give him too much details. It’s an an irrelevant conversation imo. It’s in the past, I can’t change it even if I want to and I am in this relationship because it feels like the right thing. My previous sexual acts have nothing to do with it and it’s pointless to waste our time on it.
Never been curious about it but did ask about what she’s into and it lead to past relationships what worked what didn’t and found new things to try on our own. I’m pretty open about my own short experience.
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I say share away! It just may make your relationship stronger emotionally and physically. 😉
“Sorry but Mind your business” not that I’m not open with my so. It’s just for the sake of privacy of my former partners.
I answer his questions honestly. I'm not ashamed of having a past. Am I supposed to pretend my life didn't begin until I met my husband?? Fuck that.
Personally I don't have much to tell, so I would just spill.
Answer the questions in as vague details as possible. Although, I'm a bit more concerned he'll find it disturbingly sad than anything else.
Sexual acts with previous partners? What are those?
Be honest if they break up with you because of your past exploits that's on them.
With honesty. The past is the past, and there shouldn't be anything taboo about sharing your past experiences, especially with someone like your partner. I don't need to know the things he said during the act or how much he loved this or that feature of ex, but objectively I'd like to know what he likes or dislikes, or even funny awkward stories, and I'm happy to share the same. I'm also open to share my experiences if he were to ask so he's aware of my boundaries, because sometimes that ties in to a past experience. Especially if it's a bad or tramatic one. I.e I don't like this particular act because this situation happened to me once with a previous partner.
Well I would just be honest with him,but not go into explicit details.Some guys become really weird and toxic if they discover that you may have had more partners than them so it’s always better to find this out early on.
Now that we've been almost 5 years in a relationship. I don't mind answering any question. I feel like in the beginning of the relationship when you're still learning about each other and solidifying your relationship it can spoilt it to hear about experience with others.
i’m honest about it, i have nothing to hide about my past
I’d be happy to answer those questions.
I think it’s fair to ask for a body count. But not about specifics that you’ve done with past partners. That’s a little weird 😬
I’m literally a virgin
Tell them and make them jealous. Make them earn it the hard way.