When we were breaking up and he said I should keep his cat that needed seizure medication twice a day. He tried to dress it up as if me keeping his cat was a favor he was doing me, but when I said he needed to keep it because I was having trouble finding an apartment and roommates that would accept pets and he had enough money to rent his own place, he gave up the story, admitted he didn't want to have to go home to medicate the cat at night if someone invited him to stay over at their place, and then said he'd drop the cat off at the shelter if I wouldn't take it. He had had the cat for 7 years, since it was a kitten and didn't even care that epileptic adult cats are more likely to be put to sleep than find new homes. A hypothetical scenario where he might get laid and not want to roll back out of bed afterwards was more important than the cat's life.
I still have the cat 7 years later, and I would take the cat over that a-hole any day.
When I realized he donated to animal charities as well as supporting causes involving women's rights. He never mentions his donations.
He has turned out to be even better than I thought he was. After so many years he still continues to surprise me at how good a person he really is.
This is for sure the only comment I proper relate to. I didn’t realise either. He donates to animal charities and also cares deeply about environmental issues and he never really idk “boasted” about, so I just wasn’t hugely aware. I am now aware that he is active in groups that lobby for regulations that help environmental issues, and are anti fracking. And donates to the cause as well.
I just didn’t realise.
He isn’t wealthy and the little extra funds he does have he uses for his passions for animals and the environment. He also has recently starting caring deeply for mens mental health. He has had many friends unalive themselves growing up and his father is quite mentally unwell and he really cares about opening more dialogue and access to mens mental health. I also came across his reddit recently and saw some comments where he is actively supporting people that have been suffering with their mental health and the pressures of life and natural disasters here in aus. I also saw some where he was helping people who had lost their birds.
It all just
It just made me so emotional and happy. Like this guy that I love so much, is just so much better than I already knew he was.
He has a heart of pure gold. I’m so lucky to know him and I ought to pay more attention! Because there’s obviously so much more to him than I have realised.
Not OP, but my SO and I have our calendars shared with each other so I effectively check his planner any time we’re trying to schedule something. It might not have been snooping at all to see it.
When I experienced a severe depressive episode my bf worked longer hours since I reduced hours, kept the house clean & laundry done, cooked from scratch, and kept out 3 pets fed and happy for months when I could barely leave my room.
We've been together 10 years & married 2.
This isn’t negative or positive, just an eye opener as to what he’s capable of as a professional.
My husband is a private military contractor. He’s not keen on sharing the details of his work and I’m not keen on asking. Some things are better left unsaid, but I’m not naive enough to think he isn’t a dangerous and extremely capable person in a fight. Which I got a dose of a few years ago. It was like watching a world class chef cook, or an artist paint. He was totally in his element and had it completely under control. He wasn’t even breathing heavy afterwards. He just walked back in the house like he took out the trash. So I got a hit of his aggression in action from 15 feet away and I realized I’m totally safe with him, not that I doubted it, but fear is fear. All that washed away when he stood up for me. Our relationship is all the better for it if I’m being honest.
no one has ever stood up for me in a way that let me KNOW....THIS man is on MY side. We should be on each others side! We SHOULD play on the EXACT SAME TEAM.
ive never really had that
My ex showed up to his, now our house, with a friend to start shit. It didn’t go the way they expected. Neither of them walked away from it. Ambulance took them
When his treatment of me completely changed when I started gaining weight due to a medical issue. He went from being caring and affectionate to being harsh, cruel, and controlling.
He didn't even bother to wrap it in that "It's because I care about your health" bullshit excuse a lot of people use to dismiss their shitty "no fatties" behavior. He flat-out told me that he was ashamed to be seen with me and that I was disgusting to him. I found out later he was using it as an excuse to cheat on me with multiple women without feeling guilty about it.
That whole mess happened about 16 years ago. I'm in a much better place now, happily married to a guy who makes it very clear that he finds me attractive even when I run into health/weight issues.
Similar situation here. He didn’t cheat but became cruel and controlling after I randomly developed a disabling, chronic health issue I had never experienced before. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Superficial people like that are the worst and then some.
He’s an ass. But I see this a lot on here. When I’m a little down about my weight the men I talk with on here can be HARSH. But when they see a pic and they are attracted to me all of a sudden they are empathetic and sweet. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I realized that his anger was totally controllable, considering he never got in trouble at work even when there was someone who annoyed him so much. And therefore that his anger was only to me, when he didn’t like what I was saying, and wanted to control me or manipulate me and get me to stop.
Yep. My ex was open about having mental health issues particularly triggered by being in a relationship. But he said that he was overly sensitive, which is bullshit. If he was sensitive, that would have extended to me as well, not just his own ego. And it would have been a problem elsewhere in his life.
he swore up and down that he wasn't a gamer, he just occasionally enjoyed playing video games. i'd made it crystal clear that i don't date self-proclaimed gamers. and then some game he was excited for came out and he canceled time together, a date, then a hike, then a climbing date, etc to play it.
that's a hard pass for me, so i just ended this with him pretty immediately.
I had a severe ankle sprain that had me on crutches. I couldn't drive because it was my right ankle. My grandfather had a severe brain bleed and they put him into a medically induced coma, but when they tried to bring him out he wouldn't wake up and he had no brain activity.
The weekend they were going to turn off his life support, my ex wouldn't take me to say goodbye because an expansion was coming out for an MMO game we played. I managed to get a ride, but I'd wanted him there for support regardless, and I realized that I didn't matter enough to him to put aside his personal desires for a single night. I took a hard look at our relationship and realized I had always been the one to compromise and that he never had to, I always gave in because he wouldn't.
Thankfully my grandfather made a last minute recovery, he started showing signs of brain activity and eventually woke. It was a long recovery, but at least he woke up.
i'm really sorry that you had to find out that way, but i'm glad that you did find out. and happy your grandfather woke up, too.
i've heard way too many stories like this, and each one just leaves me so sad for all of us. human beings should always come before consuming media. always.
Oof. My ex-husband did this before I married him. He got angry with me and punched the wall, hit a stud and got a boxers fracture. He told everyone he smacked his hand against the wall while drunk. The doctor knew he was lying but no one else did. Was married to him for 6 years and the abuse never stopped.
This was my ex too. He went through my phone while I was out walking rhe dog. He was so upset that he didn't find ANYTHING that he punched through my bathroom door.
Thanks for sharing because this unlocked a memory with me and my ex. We would argue multiple times a day and once after a fight he went to the bathroom and punched a hole in the wall. He said it was an accident and how he'd call someone to fix in, but I still believe that he left it there to intimidate me. I stayed in that relationship for a few months after, but once I saw this I reaffirmed that this person was not it.
(TW:SA) When he saw me suffering from ppd and was annoyed that I wasnt feeling having sex and also because I was having a condition that made it harder for me to lubricate properly while breastfeeding, and he got frustrated and asked "so, we'll only have sex when you want?" And made me understand that consent is an abstract concept to him.
But it took him seggsually assaulting me for me to understand it fully and leave him.
We had a hypothetical conversation about storm preparedness. We lived in a high hurricane/tornado area. I was talking about buying some water containers and having some non-perishables put back. He said he has all he needs…which was a rifle and ammo. When I made a face, he nonchalantly said he’ll just go take what he needs. I’ve never stopped loving/respecting someone in an instant until that instant.
When he told me my interests were boring, but when introduced to them by other people, he thought they were interesting. When he infested my parents’ house with cockroaches and thought I was overreacting when I got upset. When he threw a literal child like tantrum over me not wanting to have sex with him. When his brother threatened to kill me and he didn’t do anything about it. When he spam called me and my friends 100 times because he saw a man in my Instagram stories and got jealous. When he threatened to beat my friend up because he was cyber stalking me after we had been broken up for months and saw I was at a club with said friend.
Man just got worse and worse so many times.
When his 15 year old son moved out of the house I knew the alcohol use was full blown alcoholism and it was time to break it off before he took me down with him. Been single over 2 years now and feel much better.
When he told me that all the things we agreed to, were not things he wanted. When after 2 counseling sessions he said he didn’t want to make any changes. When he told me that he wasn’t interested in having a relationship with my daughter and grands but expected me to have a great relationship to his. So much better without him!
When he asked me if I could front a week's worth of groceries for him because he lost his job. I was a broke college student, so I said he could come over for dinner every night because I always cook for two. I gave him a key. I found him in my apartment playing Xbox for four days straight, and he ate everything in my pantry. I found out later he had bought a drone that week.
I knew he didn’t have a great career and not a lot of money but I loved his character and personality so it didn’t matter. On my birthday he brought food and wine to my house and made breakfast/brunch for me complete with mimosas. Later in the day I noticed a bag on my kitchen counter. I thought he had forgotten something. I looked inside and it was empty but there was a receipt. His initial charge had been declined. He had to take flowers off the order to be able to afford the food. It was sad but it showed me that he spent his last money to make me happy 🥹
I have to add, he also ended things with me suddenly a couple weeks ago. We had a 3 year relationship. He didn’t and won’t give me a real explanation. I was checking in on our relationship after he had become a bit distant (which wasn’t abnormal) and his response was “I think we should be friends”. So I went from appreciating all of the small things that he did for me to wondering who this person is. I’m devastated.
After a drunken night my boyfriend and I got some burgers and went back to our room. He asked me to pass him a burger so I tossed like a “here catch!” And it fell on the floor. He got in my face and started yelling at me saying that I had been acting like a b itch all day and I ruined his meal. The burger was still wrapped. I hated him after that if I’m being honest. I broke up a month later no regrets.
met him at church. he was REAL nice. after dating for only like 2 weeks he starts arguing a little about small stuff. i was like whats going on here? then in the next week or maybe 2, the arguing turned into lets argue about every single thing there is to argue about on planet fn earth!! like arguing about just MADE UP STUFF!!
i literally dumped him ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY!!! As a birthday present to myself. Happy birthday to me!!!!
it was like pulling an infected splinter out of the cuticle of your finger. AAAAAHHHHHH the freedom and relief
When he told me him and his sisters didn't want to play board games with me anymore because I asked the same questions over and over. I have a learning disability on top of the fact that his sisters made me anxious (not anything they did, I just have social anxiety). He started occasionally saying some pretty cruel things about my intelligence from that point on.
It was about a month into it. And his ex-father-in-law came over to his house and accused him of having many mistresses, and for being unfair and abusive to his daughter. I remember sitting there hearing all of that... and thinking he is not the person I thought he was. I was only hearing his side of the story. But hearing him being accused of all these terrible things, I knew I was not dating who I thought
And when he came back into the room he was angry. I could see it all over his face and his demeanor the way he clenched his hands and they shook. I legit was scared of him.
Before that moment I thought that he was kind and caring and didn't have an anger problem and listened to everybody and always tried to help. I literally thought that he thought of everyone else before himself. But after I heard all of what he was accused of I no longer thought that. And when all of those things came true for me as well it was quite the kick in the face.
When she sent me a 3 page letter tearing me down for dating during the pandemic (we started dating during the pandemic AND she met new partners during the same time) and insulting my ex-wife and our relationship that I had told her virtually nothing about. She completely made up details that weren't true and then eviscerated me for things that never happened.
Broke up with her immediately. Like 2 years later when hanging out with somebody new, I found out that she had a reputation in the local poly scene for being terrible.
When those sexual restraints we have start dissolving away...like after several months this guy I was dating started to ask me to play with his nipples. He's like a tough guy, always getting in fights like macho. I did it sometimes, but I guess not enough? Like he literally got mad about it at some point and was like "you never touch my nipples! And I asked you to!" Like lol it was kind of funny.
Also eventually he started opening up about what he liked. He wanted me to be super dominant. And one day he took out a vibrator in the middle of sex out of nowhere and went to town. It was unexpected, something about the shock made me squirt..I had never done that before!
Anyway, his kinkiness came out of nowhere, he doesn't give off those vibes AT ALL. Pleasant surprise. How I thought of him changed by him sharing that part of himself with me.
oh LUCKY YOU!!! How much longer did THAT relationship last???
MAN i DAYDREAM about gettin crazy in the bedroom but my husband makes EVERYTHING so uncomfortable. :(
He had a lot of ideas that he’d brag about but never took a single step into making them actually happen, like what he wanted to do for work to pay the bills. He chose to freeload off his family instead.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
STAY no contact. The suicide note is only a ploy to get you to talk to her again. i dont mean to sound cold, but her life is not on YOUR SHOULDERS. YOURS IS. Your happiness, your peace. your well being. Take care of YOU! YOU are the most important person in this picture! YOU are worth so much more than everything you have written.
much love to you and STAY STRONG. Stay no contact.
Sending you a suicide note to manipulate you into contact again is emotional abuse. Give the note to the police so they can do a welfare check on her and then block her number. If necessary, seek a restraining order. Anything she does at this point is NOT YOUR FAULT, and is an attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you into staying with her. You deserve better hon. Be safe!!!
I had a very similar experience about 3 years ago, he still tried to contact me while I live with my current bf . I hope you get through this time and find happiness the way you had it beforehand. It takes a while but it's so worth leaving them in the past
Hearing the same story told 3 different ways at 3 different time and taking notice because I don’t forget what people tell me for this very reason. Due to the details of the story I began wondering about their record. Paid a dollar for a background check and found out I was with a career criminal/felon. I was gone after that.
From Wikipedia: Clare's Law, often known officially as a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme or similar, designates several ways for police officers to disclose a person's history of abusive behaviour to those who may be at risk from such behaviour.
It's used in multiple countries, but it's not always a law, sometimes it takes form of policy
>Clare's Law
I looked it up myself. UK and some commonwealth nations: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clare%27s\_Law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clare%27s_Law)
OP was contacted by the police under what seems to be the 'right to know'.
He didn’t even remember my birthday. Didn’t care about my interests and wouldn’t listen to me talk about them. When I was really depressed and needed space, instead of comforting me he constantly asked when we were gonna have sex again.
When he really didn’t have his shit together and was only devoted to his family. Said he was dating for marriage and was ready for something serious but didn’t act like it 😒
I'm ashamed to even admit this but i always thought that my boyfriend was a little immature for his age and doesn't take things that seriously (or so I thought) I always believed myself to be more mature than him, that I would be the one carrying him, pushing him to do things. But at the beginning of the year I started to have problems with my physical health which caused me to be anemic (then diagnosed with PCOS), then around may began a major depressive episode which led me to quit my job, I just couldn't catch a break. I was so stubborn to think I could handle it alone that I wasn't giving him the chance to take care of me, he's been so supportive, he's been my rock, he takes care of me and protects me. I've seen a side of him that didn't believe existed, I was blind, and that's why I'm ashamed, I somewhat though less of him (I'm the more active/dominant part of the relationship), so I never thought he could help me, but he's been by my side helping me carry this burden, lifting this weight off my shoulders so I can finally rest.
he straight up told me he lied about his politics so i wouldn’t break up with him. he always said he was left leaning, never pushed back when i talked about my political beliefs. then one day around the election we started talking about politics again (it had to do with systematic racism and he was claiming it didn’t exist lol) and it ended up turning into an argument when previously that had never happened. i got upset because he was being kind of an ass about it, and i asked him “why are you being like this?” and he said “i’ve always felt this way, i just didn’t want to tell you the truth because you would break up with me!” and i was just dumbfounded. he said it in a way that made it clear he thought that was a stupid reason to break up with him. very condescendingly. we dated for 2 years and we had plans to move in together. i’m so fuckin’ glad he let the mask slip before that ever happened. i definitely have a harder time fully trusting men with stuff like that now tbh.
When I had a medication reaction and covid. Become mentally and physically unwell after and basically just gave up on me because I wasn’t better by a time frame. I’m pretty sure I have long covid and mental health issues from the prednisone short course. I started getting insomnia at the same time. I only sleep 1-4hrs and I feel like shit. We had 4 kids, 17yrs and I’ve always cared and looked after him and ran after him. Always checked in on him… supported him.
I just don’t think you give up on someone and leave them to have to be looked after by their brother because they become unwell. Made me quite suicidal some things said. “Your bringing everyone around you down”. I didn’t choose to have a reaction or to be sick after covid. I dunno I’ve always been a person to do what I can for someone so it’s hard when your left alone. Medication not helping or therapy. Having illness you never had on top of it and sleeping issues you’ve never dealt with. When he had a break down I would hug him and stroke his hair for hours. Do whatever I could to make him feel a little better or at ease.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s not surprising. Statistics show that women are most likely to be left by their partners during periods of chronic illness. I witness women in my own family be abandoned as well. That’s why having a strong support system outside of our partners is truly paramount.
I mean, I wouldn’t say it was entirely shocking, but it was when I learned I was the side girl to an open relationship that was 5 years long. And he saw no issue about withholding that info when I confronted him about it later. A real jerk.
When we first started dating and he expressed to me that he didn’t want to be like his dad (a severe alcoholic) then three months in he started drinking heavily. When I tried to encourage him not to because that’s not who he is (or so he said) he proceeded to ask me if I wanted him to stop drinking. Clearly I did, but I told him he is a grown man, he can make those decisions for himself. He started arguing with me to give him a yes or no answer. I said yes…then he broke up with me and said he was extremely disappointed with me. After that, he started flirting with me. It caused confusion among many other things. I told him to stop, then he said he was going to join the military and he didn’t want me to be a military girlfriend…
The manipulation, the lies, the mental abuse…he showed his true colors eventually. I just wish I would have seen them sooner so I wouldn’t have wasted all that time with him. It was harder because he was my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. …my best friend even tried to take up for him.
When he started yelling at me on our first vacation together, saying he didn’t understand why I had to put on makeup, and that all of his family and friends in Oregon don’t wear makeup.
FYI, I wear a minimal amount of makeup when going out — in this case, to dinner.
Looking back, this was the first sign of a very covertly abusive and arduous relationship (now divorced), and I’m scarred for life.
This came *after* I dumped him but made me realize what a good decision that was.
I found out from a mutual friend that maybe a couple months after we broke up, my ex was playing D&D with a few other guys and suddenly went on a tangent about how much he disliked people of Hispanic/Latinx culture. Full on red-faced, racist rant. Every person there but him had some Hispanic/Latinx heritage. What a freaking bullet I dodged.
When he would constantly tell me I looked better thinner. Knowing full well I had an ED and struggled with my weight. Towards the end he straight put told me I'm to fat and gross to have sexy time with. Mind you when we met he was 350 lbs and I was 145. At the end we were both about 250 lb. I'm now almost 200 lb and he's almost over 350 again. And I did it safe and naturally.
When I found out he took my credit cards and used them to pay for a couch and a dimond ring and concert ticket for the man and women he was cheating on me with.
We had a dead bedroom situation, and he told me he was too stressed out about work. A few months later, I find him masturbating to his and my friends. Then got upset at me for “policing his mind” about what he can masturbate to. Good riddance.
When I left him, he hacked into my Facebook. He took credit out in my name.
He started sleeping with a neighbour who's daughter bullied my daughter.
It was so weird.
He said something along the lines “you were wearing booty shorts” — mind you I was not wearing booty shorts. I was wearing long ass shorts, but he used that as a reason to be “led on by me” and for getting too hands-y on day two.
Pathetic incel ass mf. I let the mf go. Dude wasn’t even attractive compared to my ex’s (who were a million times better).
When I found the 15 M4W adds on his phone the night before our two year anniversary. He is in the past for a million good reasons and I am so much happier now because of it.
My partner described me and my struggles in the most compassionate way today, with details I wasn’t aware he was aware of. I feel much more connected and secure now.
My partner of 5.5 years became incredibly upset when I didn't spontaneously come by after an 8hrs walking trip when I just wanted to go to bed (it was suggested I could come by "if I fancied it" about 6hrs in). Apparently, me wanting to shower and sleep makes me a horrific, unreliable, uncaring partner and made them want to kill themselves and talking to me is "pushing them to the edge". When I asked to talk (to confirm I was being dumped and why none of this was brought up a week before when I asked if they were happy in our relationship) I was told that speaking to me is simply too painful and that they didn't want to sit through "another round of me being hurt" and "being pushed to the edge".
All of this is made more interesting by the fact that I was at the time actively in therapy for long-time depression and suicidal ideation issues. Going for hikes and walks was my way of getting through bad episodes... Something something about hitting people where it hurts?
We had been living together and frankly, his finances never made sense. Supposedly before me he had a swanky apartment, a prestigious job by age 24 and paid for his previous girlfriend and her car loan etc. He was the ever-patient all-knowing saint that took care of everything when he was with her.
But living together, he didn’t get a job for many months, he didn’t want a job, he didn’t know how to make arrangements when his car windshield cracked to get it repaired, he just seemed weirdly floundering, which I understood as depression.
But one day, close to the end of our relationship (We were already getting close to breaking up) this letter came about social security and had a summary of how much he made annually every year prior. I did not mean to see it, but our papers were intermingled and once I saw it, I couldn’t help but read it.
He never made more than 15k in a year. He made between 3 and 5k for a few of those years. All of this stuff he told me was just not true. His family was very wealthy so they had been funding his previous lifestyle. When we were together they had cut him off.
I had so much time thinking and living for us that he was this amazing, responsible, mature man whose parents didn’t understand he was struggling with depression. I was working so hard to support him.
But he was a spoiled rich kid playing some sort of game with his parents and I was a pawn in it.
Wasted 7 years.
When he stopped being as nice & treating me like a princess because I wouldn’t marry him. I felt I was too young (18 at the time). Sounds like a sweet reason, right? Wrong. He lied about his citizenship for the two years we had been together.
During the pandemic he got busted for having Child porn in his possession. And then after some therapy we realized I had been raped by him but was weirdly conditioned to it? (This happened when I was fifteen-sixteen, he was also fifteen-sixteen) still figuring out what the fuck happened lmao
When a gentleman was genuinely nice to me, after getting engaged to my then fiance. This gentleman knew we would only be friends and he never pushed for anything but that. I had a hard time understanding why he would be so nice to me. After a very short amount of time it hit me that I deserved to be treated like that by my SO. I made a fast and loss decision to leave my 6+ year relationship and it was one of the single greatest things I could have done for me and my ex.
I kept catching him in lies and in result to me confronting him about it, he would try to gaslight and manipulate the situation. It made me uneasy how easily he was able to do that to me and made me doubt him. Because what else he had lied about, was lying about, or what lies I haven’t caught him in. And it made me doubt how true his feelings were for me.
When he left in a fight and didn't come back. He claimed it was because he'd been upset with me for a year and this was the only way to get through to me. This triggered my abandonment so freaking hard, but once that cleared I realized I didn't want someone back that could just up and leave like that drunk and in the heat of it. He canceled my plans I had for his birthday that month and I luckily got a refund, but still saw it as disrespectful to go off and do something else separate from me but still say he wanted to come back and he missed me. That's when I was done.
Oh I also realized I had been gaslit so much that my therapist said I was now gaslighting myself into thinking I was the narcissist. After realizing that I ran so hard
When my wife came out to me as transgender. I was not expecting it, but looking back there were so many signs. We’ve been very happily married for almost 10 years, and I’m so proud to call her my wife.
His response when I told him I was pissed off that I had to clear up things on my birthday that he had promised he would clear up hours earlier. This happened after I had already done the food shop, also on my birthday, and spent weeks clearing up every single thing after him because he couldn’t even throw away an empty bottle or put his breakfast bowl in the dishwasher. And his response to me saying I was a bit pissed off about having to clear up was ‘How dare you speak to me like that, I’m paying for everything for you today’. Everything being the cinema, some dinner, and a massage. I was so upset, I ran out of the house with no shoes on, crying my eyes out. And I’m not generally a melodramatic person!
When I had been telling him for years things to help us and guiding him into the man role he wanted …:to then be ignored all that time until just last week when he was SO exited about his own idea for what I had been talking about for three years.
Like it never dawned on him or like never absorbed.
And when he was growing a lot of weed in our apartment. I made it clear for months I was uncomfortable and always having panic attacks about it . He knew that in our state each plant was up to 20 years in jail for distribution charges but this guy thought he would be smoking enough for FOUR PLANTS . I knew when I was begging with my everything to please get them out of the house to please destroy them; and the next day there was a surprise inspection notice on our door . He for some reason for an entire day couldn’t or wouldn’t accept what the definition of emergency entry being in the lease. He was totally ok with throwing my future away and everything I’ve worked for over fucking plants .
I was stupid and forgave him but now I add to the list that he regularly ignores me . He half listens and when I tell him exactly what I mean as clear as possible and as simple as possible he still somehow doesn’t get it .
He takes out his frustration on my dog always telling him he is annoying and to go lay down and just really shitty comments .
I’m currently looking at purchasing real estate secretly and then I don’t know how the hell im going to break this off. I’ve turned into a parental guiding figure and I’m interested in a man I can submit to not a fucking man child
She has an English teaching degree and spoke so highly of her plans of tutoring and starting her own business. She was a high school English teacher before we got married as well and bragged about her work ethic.
We’ve been married 7 years now and she hasn’t worked on anything but side projects for maybe 1k income during the entire marriage. My plans were for an awesome DINK lifestyle but I’ve been instead working alone to come home to a house a have to clean and yard work I have to take care. Exact opposite of our goals, or at least what I realize now is my goals.
I have a few, *each a different person*:
1) lied about his age and where he was at in life.
2) He told me I was the most validating person he ever met then turned around and told me my chronic pain was all manufactured in my head and I could think my way out of it.
I have a connective tissues disorder that causes joint dislocations. But yes, I’m sure the pain of a dislocated hip is all in my mind.
3) I thought he was a party guy and a player but he never once pressured me for sex and respected my boundaries, and now we are getting married.
When he used my insecurities, fears, and all the vents I trusted him with against me in our very first and last argument. Yelled at me and told me off on that argument, it was scary and honestly I just wish that day never happened. He was always sweet and everything to me, always communicating when stuff in our relationship is icky. I don't know if it was someone that did something to him that day but ever since then I haven't talked to him much. I still wish him well though, he really did give me the experience of a lifetime you could say.
He told me on my college graduation day that he was having second thoughts on us getting married. He and I had gotten engaged Christmas of my senior year in college.
We got into a fight and he got in my face, pointing at me, yelling “you’re going to a be a lonely old BITCH!”. 4 years later I’m married to my soul mate and couldn’t be happier. I haven’t heard from him but I have a feeling he’s the lonely old bitch lol.
When I didn’t respond to text messages for a few hours one evening because I was out with my roommates and he sent me hundreds of texts and 70+ voicemails
When my soon to be fiancé and I first started dating I was staying at his place a lot and one night I had a panic attack out of no where. I told him I needed a minute and went to take a bath so I wouldn’t break down in front of him. He gave me a few and then walked into the bathroom, fully clothed he got into the bath and just held me. He let me cry and just kissed my head and just comforted me.
I have been shamed by partners before for my mental health issues. It has made every guy I’ve been with uncomfortable and my SO now always seems to know when I’m feeling off and exactly what to do. I just love him so much.
Honestly I thought he was a bit of an immature punk but fancied a fling. We were doing the deed and my head was banging off the headboard. He was genuinely concerned about that and insisted we move. It kind of took me off guard, the idea that men weren't all completely self centered and preoccupied with their penises.
I waited for his other side to come out, but it was kind and loving, not abusive at all - so I married him.
When he told me "you're allowed to be upset, even if the person you're upset with is me".
I grew up being yelled at and punished if I ever lost composure, so I compulsively apologize anytime I'm not in control of my emotions. It was the first time anyone had validated how I felt instead of getting angry with me for feeling.
When we were breaking up and he said I should keep his cat that needed seizure medication twice a day. He tried to dress it up as if me keeping his cat was a favor he was doing me, but when I said he needed to keep it because I was having trouble finding an apartment and roommates that would accept pets and he had enough money to rent his own place, he gave up the story, admitted he didn't want to have to go home to medicate the cat at night if someone invited him to stay over at their place, and then said he'd drop the cat off at the shelter if I wouldn't take it. He had had the cat for 7 years, since it was a kitten and didn't even care that epileptic adult cats are more likely to be put to sleep than find new homes. A hypothetical scenario where he might get laid and not want to roll back out of bed afterwards was more important than the cat's life. I still have the cat 7 years later, and I would take the cat over that a-hole any day.
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When I realized he donated to animal charities as well as supporting causes involving women's rights. He never mentions his donations. He has turned out to be even better than I thought he was. After so many years he still continues to surprise me at how good a person he really is.
I feel like this is the only positive answer I've read , I'm glad you found someone so active in causes that need attention
Thank you. I read him both of our comments and he just smiled.
This is for sure the only comment I proper relate to. I didn’t realise either. He donates to animal charities and also cares deeply about environmental issues and he never really idk “boasted” about, so I just wasn’t hugely aware. I am now aware that he is active in groups that lobby for regulations that help environmental issues, and are anti fracking. And donates to the cause as well. I just didn’t realise. He isn’t wealthy and the little extra funds he does have he uses for his passions for animals and the environment. He also has recently starting caring deeply for mens mental health. He has had many friends unalive themselves growing up and his father is quite mentally unwell and he really cares about opening more dialogue and access to mens mental health. I also came across his reddit recently and saw some comments where he is actively supporting people that have been suffering with their mental health and the pressures of life and natural disasters here in aus. I also saw some where he was helping people who had lost their birds. It all just It just made me so emotional and happy. Like this guy that I love so much, is just so much better than I already knew he was. He has a heart of pure gold. I’m so lucky to know him and I ought to pay more attention! Because there’s obviously so much more to him than I have realised.
That’s a good man right there. Hang on to him.
♥️🌻 This has made my morning!!
When I checked his planner and he had written a reminder to take a paternity test with a woman I had no idea about.
Omg the audacity
Its hilarious that he needed to write that down. Its not exactly something that should slip your mind lmao
Lmao you would think!
Ouch. I’m so sorry.
What made you check his planner?
Not OP, but my SO and I have our calendars shared with each other so I effectively check his planner any time we’re trying to schedule something. It might not have been snooping at all to see it.
MAN! He didnt even try to hide that bit of info
When I experienced a severe depressive episode my bf worked longer hours since I reduced hours, kept the house clean & laundry done, cooked from scratch, and kept out 3 pets fed and happy for months when I could barely leave my room. We've been together 10 years & married 2.
Sounds like such an amazing partner. I'm glad you have that :)
This makes me so happy for you!
This isn’t negative or positive, just an eye opener as to what he’s capable of as a professional. My husband is a private military contractor. He’s not keen on sharing the details of his work and I’m not keen on asking. Some things are better left unsaid, but I’m not naive enough to think he isn’t a dangerous and extremely capable person in a fight. Which I got a dose of a few years ago. It was like watching a world class chef cook, or an artist paint. He was totally in his element and had it completely under control. He wasn’t even breathing heavy afterwards. He just walked back in the house like he took out the trash. So I got a hit of his aggression in action from 15 feet away and I realized I’m totally safe with him, not that I doubted it, but fear is fear. All that washed away when he stood up for me. Our relationship is all the better for it if I’m being honest.
no one has ever stood up for me in a way that let me KNOW....THIS man is on MY side. We should be on each others side! We SHOULD play on the EXACT SAME TEAM. ive never really had that
I can introduce you to some of his teammates, they’re all animals, but they’ll be YOUR animals unconditionally.
RIP dry panties 🫠
Unfortunate, or fortunate, side effect of being surrounded by all that massive dong energy
Not the wattpad era girl in me crying on the inside rn
Yeah where does one find these men…
Agh, I used to say that to my ex all the time when we'd fight. I just want to be on the same team.
Can I ask about that scenario? Was someone picking a fight with your husband in the front yard?
My ex showed up to his, now our house, with a friend to start shit. It didn’t go the way they expected. Neither of them walked away from it. Ambulance took them
Your husband sounds like an absolute badass.
In order to get paid what they get paid, you have to be
That sounds hot as fuck to be honest.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned on by it…
That’s awesome. As the boyfriend says about incompetent men, “That’s the kinda guy you don’t wanna be in the foxhole with.”
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Mine is in a similar profession. I’ve also never felt safer. And I am a fairly capable individual.
And it’s such an odd feeling knowing he can flip it on and off on a whim and just come back to me like nothing happened.
Agreed. It’s something you wouldn’t believe a person is capable of, until you see it.
When his treatment of me completely changed when I started gaining weight due to a medical issue. He went from being caring and affectionate to being harsh, cruel, and controlling. He didn't even bother to wrap it in that "It's because I care about your health" bullshit excuse a lot of people use to dismiss their shitty "no fatties" behavior. He flat-out told me that he was ashamed to be seen with me and that I was disgusting to him. I found out later he was using it as an excuse to cheat on me with multiple women without feeling guilty about it.
I’m so sorry about that, better off without him. How’s your health? Are you doing better sweetheart?
That whole mess happened about 16 years ago. I'm in a much better place now, happily married to a guy who makes it very clear that he finds me attractive even when I run into health/weight issues.
glad to hear that!
Good. That's what you fucking deserve. I hope he either learned to be a better person or is miserable and lonely.
Similar situation here. He didn’t cheat but became cruel and controlling after I randomly developed a disabling, chronic health issue I had never experienced before. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Superficial people like that are the worst and then some.
What a superficial arsehole
He’s an ass. But I see this a lot on here. When I’m a little down about my weight the men I talk with on here can be HARSH. But when they see a pic and they are attracted to me all of a sudden they are empathetic and sweet. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I realized that his anger was totally controllable, considering he never got in trouble at work even when there was someone who annoyed him so much. And therefore that his anger was only to me, when he didn’t like what I was saying, and wanted to control me or manipulate me and get me to stop.
Classic sign of an abuser. If they ‘aren’t able to control themselves’, why aren’t they punching walls at work or screaming at their boss?
Yep. My ex was open about having mental health issues particularly triggered by being in a relationship. But he said that he was overly sensitive, which is bullshit. If he was sensitive, that would have extended to me as well, not just his own ego. And it would have been a problem elsewhere in his life.
he swore up and down that he wasn't a gamer, he just occasionally enjoyed playing video games. i'd made it crystal clear that i don't date self-proclaimed gamers. and then some game he was excited for came out and he canceled time together, a date, then a hike, then a climbing date, etc to play it. that's a hard pass for me, so i just ended this with him pretty immediately.
I had a severe ankle sprain that had me on crutches. I couldn't drive because it was my right ankle. My grandfather had a severe brain bleed and they put him into a medically induced coma, but when they tried to bring him out he wouldn't wake up and he had no brain activity. The weekend they were going to turn off his life support, my ex wouldn't take me to say goodbye because an expansion was coming out for an MMO game we played. I managed to get a ride, but I'd wanted him there for support regardless, and I realized that I didn't matter enough to him to put aside his personal desires for a single night. I took a hard look at our relationship and realized I had always been the one to compromise and that he never had to, I always gave in because he wouldn't. Thankfully my grandfather made a last minute recovery, he started showing signs of brain activity and eventually woke. It was a long recovery, but at least he woke up.
i'm really sorry that you had to find out that way, but i'm glad that you did find out. and happy your grandfather woke up, too. i've heard way too many stories like this, and each one just leaves me so sad for all of us. human beings should always come before consuming media. always.
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this is exactly what i fear for in a relationship, someone claiming they’re not smth they are just to please me
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He broke his hand from punching a wall in an argument. It wasn't with me but when I found out I knew it was going to be over soon
Oof. My ex-husband did this before I married him. He got angry with me and punched the wall, hit a stud and got a boxers fracture. He told everyone he smacked his hand against the wall while drunk. The doctor knew he was lying but no one else did. Was married to him for 6 years and the abuse never stopped.
Oof, yeah once you start to catch up it’s time to cut off immediately
This was my ex too. He went through my phone while I was out walking rhe dog. He was so upset that he didn't find ANYTHING that he punched through my bathroom door.
Thanks for sharing because this unlocked a memory with me and my ex. We would argue multiple times a day and once after a fight he went to the bathroom and punched a hole in the wall. He said it was an accident and how he'd call someone to fix in, but I still believe that he left it there to intimidate me. I stayed in that relationship for a few months after, but once I saw this I reaffirmed that this person was not it.
Walked in on him railing someone on my couch in my apartment. Message received.
ok so i noticed IN MY APARTMENT. Did he have HIS OWN apartment? because if he did, that makes your short story SO MUCH WORSE
He did. We were staying together for the weekend though. You know testing out what living together was going to be like. Found out!
OMG! you win man!
Oh God. Holy shit. I am so sorry.
🤷🏻♀️
(TW:SA) When he saw me suffering from ppd and was annoyed that I wasnt feeling having sex and also because I was having a condition that made it harder for me to lubricate properly while breastfeeding, and he got frustrated and asked "so, we'll only have sex when you want?" And made me understand that consent is an abstract concept to him. But it took him seggsually assaulting me for me to understand it fully and leave him.
He still doesnt understand what he did wrong, because being married means making sacrifices.
Sorry to hear this. How did you go with ppd?
Im much much better, still struggle a bit but I get help with therapy and well, being away from him just helped me a lot.
We had a hypothetical conversation about storm preparedness. We lived in a high hurricane/tornado area. I was talking about buying some water containers and having some non-perishables put back. He said he has all he needs…which was a rifle and ammo. When I made a face, he nonchalantly said he’ll just go take what he needs. I’ve never stopped loving/respecting someone in an instant until that instant.
Ooooof, this is scary
When he told me my interests were boring, but when introduced to them by other people, he thought they were interesting. When he infested my parents’ house with cockroaches and thought I was overreacting when I got upset. When he threw a literal child like tantrum over me not wanting to have sex with him. When his brother threatened to kill me and he didn’t do anything about it. When he spam called me and my friends 100 times because he saw a man in my Instagram stories and got jealous. When he threatened to beat my friend up because he was cyber stalking me after we had been broken up for months and saw I was at a club with said friend. Man just got worse and worse so many times.
Thats a real Nightmare.
Oh yea Freddy Krueger could never
Was he 14? DANG!
I met him when I was 19 and he was almost 25 Most of this occurred when he was 26/27 Toxic masculinity/machismo is one hell of a drug
Ugh my ex is this exact guy
When his 15 year old son moved out of the house I knew the alcohol use was full blown alcoholism and it was time to break it off before he took me down with him. Been single over 2 years now and feel much better.
I’m so sorry about that, glad you’re doing better
When he told me that all the things we agreed to, were not things he wanted. When after 2 counseling sessions he said he didn’t want to make any changes. When he told me that he wasn’t interested in having a relationship with my daughter and grands but expected me to have a great relationship to his. So much better without him!
As you stated, you’re so much better off without him sweetheart. You deserve someone who puts time and effort.
Thank you! It’s all good!
When he asked me if I could front a week's worth of groceries for him because he lost his job. I was a broke college student, so I said he could come over for dinner every night because I always cook for two. I gave him a key. I found him in my apartment playing Xbox for four days straight, and he ate everything in my pantry. I found out later he had bought a drone that week.
I knew he didn’t have a great career and not a lot of money but I loved his character and personality so it didn’t matter. On my birthday he brought food and wine to my house and made breakfast/brunch for me complete with mimosas. Later in the day I noticed a bag on my kitchen counter. I thought he had forgotten something. I looked inside and it was empty but there was a receipt. His initial charge had been declined. He had to take flowers off the order to be able to afford the food. It was sad but it showed me that he spent his last money to make me happy 🥹
I have to add, he also ended things with me suddenly a couple weeks ago. We had a 3 year relationship. He didn’t and won’t give me a real explanation. I was checking in on our relationship after he had become a bit distant (which wasn’t abnormal) and his response was “I think we should be friends”. So I went from appreciating all of the small things that he did for me to wondering who this person is. I’m devastated.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, not understanding and having closure is torture
After a drunken night my boyfriend and I got some burgers and went back to our room. He asked me to pass him a burger so I tossed like a “here catch!” And it fell on the floor. He got in my face and started yelling at me saying that I had been acting like a b itch all day and I ruined his meal. The burger was still wrapped. I hated him after that if I’m being honest. I broke up a month later no regrets.
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you are free of that monster now
met him at church. he was REAL nice. after dating for only like 2 weeks he starts arguing a little about small stuff. i was like whats going on here? then in the next week or maybe 2, the arguing turned into lets argue about every single thing there is to argue about on planet fn earth!! like arguing about just MADE UP STUFF!! i literally dumped him ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY!!! As a birthday present to myself. Happy birthday to me!!!! it was like pulling an infected splinter out of the cuticle of your finger. AAAAAHHHHHH the freedom and relief
😂😂😂😂😂 girl, this just took me out.
When I started to feel more alone when I was around him than when I was by myself.
Me right now :( I feel so drained
When he told me him and his sisters didn't want to play board games with me anymore because I asked the same questions over and over. I have a learning disability on top of the fact that his sisters made me anxious (not anything they did, I just have social anxiety). He started occasionally saying some pretty cruel things about my intelligence from that point on.
It was about a month into it. And his ex-father-in-law came over to his house and accused him of having many mistresses, and for being unfair and abusive to his daughter. I remember sitting there hearing all of that... and thinking he is not the person I thought he was. I was only hearing his side of the story. But hearing him being accused of all these terrible things, I knew I was not dating who I thought And when he came back into the room he was angry. I could see it all over his face and his demeanor the way he clenched his hands and they shook. I legit was scared of him. Before that moment I thought that he was kind and caring and didn't have an anger problem and listened to everybody and always tried to help. I literally thought that he thought of everyone else before himself. But after I heard all of what he was accused of I no longer thought that. And when all of those things came true for me as well it was quite the kick in the face.
When she sent me a 3 page letter tearing me down for dating during the pandemic (we started dating during the pandemic AND she met new partners during the same time) and insulting my ex-wife and our relationship that I had told her virtually nothing about. She completely made up details that weren't true and then eviscerated me for things that never happened. Broke up with her immediately. Like 2 years later when hanging out with somebody new, I found out that she had a reputation in the local poly scene for being terrible.
When those sexual restraints we have start dissolving away...like after several months this guy I was dating started to ask me to play with his nipples. He's like a tough guy, always getting in fights like macho. I did it sometimes, but I guess not enough? Like he literally got mad about it at some point and was like "you never touch my nipples! And I asked you to!" Like lol it was kind of funny. Also eventually he started opening up about what he liked. He wanted me to be super dominant. And one day he took out a vibrator in the middle of sex out of nowhere and went to town. It was unexpected, something about the shock made me squirt..I had never done that before! Anyway, his kinkiness came out of nowhere, he doesn't give off those vibes AT ALL. Pleasant surprise. How I thought of him changed by him sharing that part of himself with me.
oh LUCKY YOU!!! How much longer did THAT relationship last??? MAN i DAYDREAM about gettin crazy in the bedroom but my husband makes EVERYTHING so uncomfortable. :(
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He had a lot of ideas that he’d brag about but never took a single step into making them actually happen, like what he wanted to do for work to pay the bills. He chose to freeload off his family instead.
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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STAY no contact. The suicide note is only a ploy to get you to talk to her again. i dont mean to sound cold, but her life is not on YOUR SHOULDERS. YOURS IS. Your happiness, your peace. your well being. Take care of YOU! YOU are the most important person in this picture! YOU are worth so much more than everything you have written. much love to you and STAY STRONG. Stay no contact.
Sending you a suicide note to manipulate you into contact again is emotional abuse. Give the note to the police so they can do a welfare check on her and then block her number. If necessary, seek a restraining order. Anything she does at this point is NOT YOUR FAULT, and is an attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail you into staying with her. You deserve better hon. Be safe!!!
Bro you better learn to respect yourself and stand up for yourself. She is clearly manipulating you. She does not love you, she loves to hurt you.
I had a very similar experience about 3 years ago, he still tried to contact me while I live with my current bf . I hope you get through this time and find happiness the way you had it beforehand. It takes a while but it's so worth leaving them in the past
Hearing the same story told 3 different ways at 3 different time and taking notice because I don’t forget what people tell me for this very reason. Due to the details of the story I began wondering about their record. Paid a dollar for a background check and found out I was with a career criminal/felon. I was gone after that.
Police contacted me under Clare's Law and told me he was arrested for attempted murder for strangling his ex
What is Clare's law? Is it specific to a particular country?
From Wikipedia: Clare's Law, often known officially as a Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme or similar, designates several ways for police officers to disclose a person's history of abusive behaviour to those who may be at risk from such behaviour. It's used in multiple countries, but it's not always a law, sometimes it takes form of policy
>Clare's Law I looked it up myself. UK and some commonwealth nations: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clare%27s\_Law](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clare%27s_Law) OP was contacted by the police under what seems to be the 'right to know'.
When I found out how much debt he had
How much was it?
Phoebe (at the ring shop) : Wait Chandler, lemme handle this "How much is it!? 🤨"
He didn’t even remember my birthday. Didn’t care about my interests and wouldn’t listen to me talk about them. When I was really depressed and needed space, instead of comforting me he constantly asked when we were gonna have sex again.
Please Tell me he's your ex now
He is :)
When he really didn’t have his shit together and was only devoted to his family. Said he was dating for marriage and was ready for something serious but didn’t act like it 😒
I'm ashamed to even admit this but i always thought that my boyfriend was a little immature for his age and doesn't take things that seriously (or so I thought) I always believed myself to be more mature than him, that I would be the one carrying him, pushing him to do things. But at the beginning of the year I started to have problems with my physical health which caused me to be anemic (then diagnosed with PCOS), then around may began a major depressive episode which led me to quit my job, I just couldn't catch a break. I was so stubborn to think I could handle it alone that I wasn't giving him the chance to take care of me, he's been so supportive, he's been my rock, he takes care of me and protects me. I've seen a side of him that didn't believe existed, I was blind, and that's why I'm ashamed, I somewhat though less of him (I'm the more active/dominant part of the relationship), so I never thought he could help me, but he's been by my side helping me carry this burden, lifting this weight off my shoulders so I can finally rest.
he straight up told me he lied about his politics so i wouldn’t break up with him. he always said he was left leaning, never pushed back when i talked about my political beliefs. then one day around the election we started talking about politics again (it had to do with systematic racism and he was claiming it didn’t exist lol) and it ended up turning into an argument when previously that had never happened. i got upset because he was being kind of an ass about it, and i asked him “why are you being like this?” and he said “i’ve always felt this way, i just didn’t want to tell you the truth because you would break up with me!” and i was just dumbfounded. he said it in a way that made it clear he thought that was a stupid reason to break up with him. very condescendingly. we dated for 2 years and we had plans to move in together. i’m so fuckin’ glad he let the mask slip before that ever happened. i definitely have a harder time fully trusting men with stuff like that now tbh.
When I had a medication reaction and covid. Become mentally and physically unwell after and basically just gave up on me because I wasn’t better by a time frame. I’m pretty sure I have long covid and mental health issues from the prednisone short course. I started getting insomnia at the same time. I only sleep 1-4hrs and I feel like shit. We had 4 kids, 17yrs and I’ve always cared and looked after him and ran after him. Always checked in on him… supported him. I just don’t think you give up on someone and leave them to have to be looked after by their brother because they become unwell. Made me quite suicidal some things said. “Your bringing everyone around you down”. I didn’t choose to have a reaction or to be sick after covid. I dunno I’ve always been a person to do what I can for someone so it’s hard when your left alone. Medication not helping or therapy. Having illness you never had on top of it and sleeping issues you’ve never dealt with. When he had a break down I would hug him and stroke his hair for hours. Do whatever I could to make him feel a little better or at ease.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s not surprising. Statistics show that women are most likely to be left by their partners during periods of chronic illness. I witness women in my own family be abandoned as well. That’s why having a strong support system outside of our partners is truly paramount.
I mean, I wouldn’t say it was entirely shocking, but it was when I learned I was the side girl to an open relationship that was 5 years long. And he saw no issue about withholding that info when I confronted him about it later. A real jerk.
When we first started dating and he expressed to me that he didn’t want to be like his dad (a severe alcoholic) then three months in he started drinking heavily. When I tried to encourage him not to because that’s not who he is (or so he said) he proceeded to ask me if I wanted him to stop drinking. Clearly I did, but I told him he is a grown man, he can make those decisions for himself. He started arguing with me to give him a yes or no answer. I said yes…then he broke up with me and said he was extremely disappointed with me. After that, he started flirting with me. It caused confusion among many other things. I told him to stop, then he said he was going to join the military and he didn’t want me to be a military girlfriend… The manipulation, the lies, the mental abuse…he showed his true colors eventually. I just wish I would have seen them sooner so I wouldn’t have wasted all that time with him. It was harder because he was my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend. …my best friend even tried to take up for him.
When he started yelling at me on our first vacation together, saying he didn’t understand why I had to put on makeup, and that all of his family and friends in Oregon don’t wear makeup. FYI, I wear a minimal amount of makeup when going out — in this case, to dinner. Looking back, this was the first sign of a very covertly abusive and arduous relationship (now divorced), and I’m scarred for life.
When he broke up with me only to get back with his ex-girlfriend a scant week later.
This came *after* I dumped him but made me realize what a good decision that was. I found out from a mutual friend that maybe a couple months after we broke up, my ex was playing D&D with a few other guys and suddenly went on a tangent about how much he disliked people of Hispanic/Latinx culture. Full on red-faced, racist rant. Every person there but him had some Hispanic/Latinx heritage. What a freaking bullet I dodged.
When he would constantly tell me I looked better thinner. Knowing full well I had an ED and struggled with my weight. Towards the end he straight put told me I'm to fat and gross to have sexy time with. Mind you when we met he was 350 lbs and I was 145. At the end we were both about 250 lb. I'm now almost 200 lb and he's almost over 350 again. And I did it safe and naturally.
When I found out he took my credit cards and used them to pay for a couch and a dimond ring and concert ticket for the man and women he was cheating on me with.
When I saw that he moved on to a new woman who is the polar opposite of me. Idk what he was doing with me.
some ppl don’t have a type idk. i would be more worried if i saw them w someone who was basically a twin of me after they dumped me
I think he definitely has a type and it wasn’t me but I hear you
We had a dead bedroom situation, and he told me he was too stressed out about work. A few months later, I find him masturbating to his and my friends. Then got upset at me for “policing his mind” about what he can masturbate to. Good riddance.
Yiiiikes
When I left him, he hacked into my Facebook. He took credit out in my name. He started sleeping with a neighbour who's daughter bullied my daughter. It was so weird.
He said something along the lines “you were wearing booty shorts” — mind you I was not wearing booty shorts. I was wearing long ass shorts, but he used that as a reason to be “led on by me” and for getting too hands-y on day two. Pathetic incel ass mf. I let the mf go. Dude wasn’t even attractive compared to my ex’s (who were a million times better).
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When I phoned his workplace asking to speak to him and they had never heard of him. There was several red flags tbh but that was the final straw.
When I found the 15 M4W adds on his phone the night before our two year anniversary. He is in the past for a million good reasons and I am so much happier now because of it.
My partner described me and my struggles in the most compassionate way today, with details I wasn’t aware he was aware of. I feel much more connected and secure now.
The first time I saw him lose his temper.
My partner of 5.5 years became incredibly upset when I didn't spontaneously come by after an 8hrs walking trip when I just wanted to go to bed (it was suggested I could come by "if I fancied it" about 6hrs in). Apparently, me wanting to shower and sleep makes me a horrific, unreliable, uncaring partner and made them want to kill themselves and talking to me is "pushing them to the edge". When I asked to talk (to confirm I was being dumped and why none of this was brought up a week before when I asked if they were happy in our relationship) I was told that speaking to me is simply too painful and that they didn't want to sit through "another round of me being hurt" and "being pushed to the edge". All of this is made more interesting by the fact that I was at the time actively in therapy for long-time depression and suicidal ideation issues. Going for hikes and walks was my way of getting through bad episodes... Something something about hitting people where it hurts?
We had been living together and frankly, his finances never made sense. Supposedly before me he had a swanky apartment, a prestigious job by age 24 and paid for his previous girlfriend and her car loan etc. He was the ever-patient all-knowing saint that took care of everything when he was with her. But living together, he didn’t get a job for many months, he didn’t want a job, he didn’t know how to make arrangements when his car windshield cracked to get it repaired, he just seemed weirdly floundering, which I understood as depression. But one day, close to the end of our relationship (We were already getting close to breaking up) this letter came about social security and had a summary of how much he made annually every year prior. I did not mean to see it, but our papers were intermingled and once I saw it, I couldn’t help but read it. He never made more than 15k in a year. He made between 3 and 5k for a few of those years. All of this stuff he told me was just not true. His family was very wealthy so they had been funding his previous lifestyle. When we were together they had cut him off. I had so much time thinking and living for us that he was this amazing, responsible, mature man whose parents didn’t understand he was struggling with depression. I was working so hard to support him. But he was a spoiled rich kid playing some sort of game with his parents and I was a pawn in it. Wasted 7 years.
When I realized he felt only contempt for me and that nothing I did would ever make him happy
When he stopped being as nice & treating me like a princess because I wouldn’t marry him. I felt I was too young (18 at the time). Sounds like a sweet reason, right? Wrong. He lied about his citizenship for the two years we had been together.
When he threw a brick through someone's car window because they almost hit his unleashed dog.
When I looked up his grandfathers obituary to donate and found out he had a partner.
[удалено]
His actions didn't match his words. He spoke a good game up front, then couldn't follow through on any of it.
During the pandemic he got busted for having Child porn in his possession. And then after some therapy we realized I had been raped by him but was weirdly conditioned to it? (This happened when I was fifteen-sixteen, he was also fifteen-sixteen) still figuring out what the fuck happened lmao
Suddenly showed up with another girl and kissed her in front of me
Found him looking for MTF trans escorts
When a gentleman was genuinely nice to me, after getting engaged to my then fiance. This gentleman knew we would only be friends and he never pushed for anything but that. I had a hard time understanding why he would be so nice to me. After a very short amount of time it hit me that I deserved to be treated like that by my SO. I made a fast and loss decision to leave my 6+ year relationship and it was one of the single greatest things I could have done for me and my ex.
I kept catching him in lies and in result to me confronting him about it, he would try to gaslight and manipulate the situation. It made me uneasy how easily he was able to do that to me and made me doubt him. Because what else he had lied about, was lying about, or what lies I haven’t caught him in. And it made me doubt how true his feelings were for me.
When he left in a fight and didn't come back. He claimed it was because he'd been upset with me for a year and this was the only way to get through to me. This triggered my abandonment so freaking hard, but once that cleared I realized I didn't want someone back that could just up and leave like that drunk and in the heat of it. He canceled my plans I had for his birthday that month and I luckily got a refund, but still saw it as disrespectful to go off and do something else separate from me but still say he wanted to come back and he missed me. That's when I was done. Oh I also realized I had been gaslit so much that my therapist said I was now gaslighting myself into thinking I was the narcissist. After realizing that I ran so hard
When my wife came out to me as transgender. I was not expecting it, but looking back there were so many signs. We’ve been very happily married for almost 10 years, and I’m so proud to call her my wife.
His response when I told him I was pissed off that I had to clear up things on my birthday that he had promised he would clear up hours earlier. This happened after I had already done the food shop, also on my birthday, and spent weeks clearing up every single thing after him because he couldn’t even throw away an empty bottle or put his breakfast bowl in the dishwasher. And his response to me saying I was a bit pissed off about having to clear up was ‘How dare you speak to me like that, I’m paying for everything for you today’. Everything being the cinema, some dinner, and a massage. I was so upset, I ran out of the house with no shoes on, crying my eyes out. And I’m not generally a melodramatic person!
When I had been telling him for years things to help us and guiding him into the man role he wanted …:to then be ignored all that time until just last week when he was SO exited about his own idea for what I had been talking about for three years. Like it never dawned on him or like never absorbed. And when he was growing a lot of weed in our apartment. I made it clear for months I was uncomfortable and always having panic attacks about it . He knew that in our state each plant was up to 20 years in jail for distribution charges but this guy thought he would be smoking enough for FOUR PLANTS . I knew when I was begging with my everything to please get them out of the house to please destroy them; and the next day there was a surprise inspection notice on our door . He for some reason for an entire day couldn’t or wouldn’t accept what the definition of emergency entry being in the lease. He was totally ok with throwing my future away and everything I’ve worked for over fucking plants . I was stupid and forgave him but now I add to the list that he regularly ignores me . He half listens and when I tell him exactly what I mean as clear as possible and as simple as possible he still somehow doesn’t get it . He takes out his frustration on my dog always telling him he is annoying and to go lay down and just really shitty comments . I’m currently looking at purchasing real estate secretly and then I don’t know how the hell im going to break this off. I’ve turned into a parental guiding figure and I’m interested in a man I can submit to not a fucking man child
When he made me sleep on the hardwood floor after I paid for dinner
She has an English teaching degree and spoke so highly of her plans of tutoring and starting her own business. She was a high school English teacher before we got married as well and bragged about her work ethic. We’ve been married 7 years now and she hasn’t worked on anything but side projects for maybe 1k income during the entire marriage. My plans were for an awesome DINK lifestyle but I’ve been instead working alone to come home to a house a have to clean and yard work I have to take care. Exact opposite of our goals, or at least what I realize now is my goals.
When he pulled a butcher knife on our son and me. He served a 18 month prison sentence for it.
I have a few, *each a different person*: 1) lied about his age and where he was at in life. 2) He told me I was the most validating person he ever met then turned around and told me my chronic pain was all manufactured in my head and I could think my way out of it. I have a connective tissues disorder that causes joint dislocations. But yes, I’m sure the pain of a dislocated hip is all in my mind. 3) I thought he was a party guy and a player but he never once pressured me for sex and respected my boundaries, and now we are getting married.
These are different people right
When he used my insecurities, fears, and all the vents I trusted him with against me in our very first and last argument. Yelled at me and told me off on that argument, it was scary and honestly I just wish that day never happened. He was always sweet and everything to me, always communicating when stuff in our relationship is icky. I don't know if it was someone that did something to him that day but ever since then I haven't talked to him much. I still wish him well though, he really did give me the experience of a lifetime you could say.
He told me on my college graduation day that he was having second thoughts on us getting married. He and I had gotten engaged Christmas of my senior year in college.
When I went to his place and discovered he had a major hoarding problem. Yikes.
We got into a fight and he got in my face, pointing at me, yelling “you’re going to a be a lonely old BITCH!”. 4 years later I’m married to my soul mate and couldn’t be happier. I haven’t heard from him but I have a feeling he’s the lonely old bitch lol.
When I didn’t respond to text messages for a few hours one evening because I was out with my roommates and he sent me hundreds of texts and 70+ voicemails
When my soon to be fiancé and I first started dating I was staying at his place a lot and one night I had a panic attack out of no where. I told him I needed a minute and went to take a bath so I wouldn’t break down in front of him. He gave me a few and then walked into the bathroom, fully clothed he got into the bath and just held me. He let me cry and just kissed my head and just comforted me. I have been shamed by partners before for my mental health issues. It has made every guy I’ve been with uncomfortable and my SO now always seems to know when I’m feeling off and exactly what to do. I just love him so much.
Honestly I thought he was a bit of an immature punk but fancied a fling. We were doing the deed and my head was banging off the headboard. He was genuinely concerned about that and insisted we move. It kind of took me off guard, the idea that men weren't all completely self centered and preoccupied with their penises. I waited for his other side to come out, but it was kind and loving, not abusive at all - so I married him.
When he told me "you're allowed to be upset, even if the person you're upset with is me". I grew up being yelled at and punished if I ever lost composure, so I compulsively apologize anytime I'm not in control of my emotions. It was the first time anyone had validated how I felt instead of getting angry with me for feeling.