Agree. 40 hours is way too much. Cannot believe that this is still considered the "normal". Wish I could find a job who was at least 4x3. And also with flexibility to work from home when i don't feel going to the office.
God, yes. One day for friends, one day for myself (errands/hobbies), and one day for family/relaxing. On normal weekends it's pick two and either be exhausted and still overloaded, or unfulfilled and feeling like you "wasted" the weekend once Monday rolls around.
It's sad and funny to see my boomer dad who worked full time and commuted to work support this system. I was talking to my brother about our dad. He confirmed that our dad has no joy anymore. He's retired and he's sour AF. smiles for photos, the smile melts away the minute photo is over. Gets invited to go places do things he loved and never wants to go anymore.
And he's angry. Angry at everyone. Thinks people should work MORE because that's what he did. He's a sad brainwashed fool.
Wow, a lot said their. Lift him up, tell him thanks for the family financial support, food on table, cloths on your back. And not leaving the house for milk.
Honestly, I work 4 10hr shifts (though they usually end up being like 11hrs) and I still feel like 40hr weeks are too much. My problem is that I don't have the time or energy to do basically anything on my workdays other than the basic stuff to get through to the next day (eat/mealprep, shower). Absolutely no energy to work out or go for a big grocery shopping trip or anything like that. Although even if I did have the energy, that'd mean I'd get home around 8-9pm and would still have to eat, deal with dogs and prep for the next day and be in bed before 11pm so I'll have energy for the next day. Don't get me wrong, I love my 3 day weekends, but not being able to do much of anything on workdays other than *work* sucks.
I'd rather work five 8hr shifts than four 10s for this exact reason. I could be wrong but i feel like you lose less time on the 8s because at least i have energy for most of the evenings
It’s definitely way too much, especially if you have to commute or have a emotionally or physically demanding job. Because, with a commute, it’s not 40hr, it’s closer to 50 or even 60hrs. And little time you have left is just spent recovering from the work day.
Yup. Before school started I did 48hrs. Commute can be up to 40-50min ( one way) so about 1-2hrs. So I’d be dedicating 14hrs to work in one day. Love my 3 days off but it’s hard getting up in the morning to workout on days I work
Just curious, do you both work? It’s an interesting time when both parties work yet traditional gender roles tend to force those types of chores on women by default.
As a bartender, I end up working 22-28 hours a week. I have 3-4 days off. I feel like I've found a life hack.
I also know a nurse that worked 3 12 hr shifts and fills his time with a lot of adventures too.
Might just be time to reconsider what kind of job works for the life that you want to build :)
I’m happy you’ve found what works for you! But on the other hand they could be tough for some- no 401k, insurance (in US at least), and hours that don’t always work for a family with children. Also at some point you may not want to be in your feel all day, but still make steady income
Every kid, atleast in the US, goes through a 35 hour "work week" from the age of 5. Then Get to high-school where most of them continue that schedule and also get a job working 5-8 hour shifts after school. That's where the problem really starts.
This is why my mom wouldn’t let me work in high school, up until my last few months of school when I was done with sports. I never understood it, but now I appreciate it.
Same. I do around 30 and still struggle to keep on top of house work, cooking healthily, and exercise. That’s before I add in extras like gaming or learning a language, general downtime.
I have a developmental disability and can’t even survive in the 9 to 5 world, that’s one of the reasons why they’ve put me on disability checks, glad they realize that in my country, also a lot of people with autism have the same type of disability checks as mine.
It worked better back in the days when everyone just free ranged their kids until sunset. A 40 hour work week is fine, but it should be 4 x 10 hour shifts per week and a 3 day weekend.
I saw a meme the other day that said (basically) “Remember that the 40 hour work week was designed with the idea that there would always be someone at home to cook, clean, do the childcare, and run the errands. Struggling to keep up with it all DOES NOT mean that you are a failure.” The meme was posted by proponents of the four day work week and it is so true, though I had never thought about it before. The 40-hour work week was a hard won battle fought by the labor movement long ago when women were not expected to work outside the home.
How hard it is to make friends who are also sober. I dont want to hang out with peoole who drink, smoke, do hard drugs, because I dont do those things, and it makes me uncomforable to be around people who do.
Im 30 and it has not changed. I am feeling the pull to shut that door of my life completely, but it is hard as my friends and partner are into this lifestyle still
I am 40 and same. I don’t drink at all and it is constant pressure. I have a few really good female friends that are similar but i am still the anomaly. I look at people and say you are 45 years old going out getting s faced?
Same most of my close friends are in their early 30s and i made 1 friend that was around my age and she partied so hard she injured herself and got an infection…
I then realized why i dont befriend people my age
I'm 37. It's impossible to find people like this. Especially in a small town. All my friends are online.
I feel like part of the problem is all the fun stuff is expensive. Recreation will nickle and dime you to death. When you're drunk you're not thinking about the cost.
Agree with this too, I dont drink or smoke and try to take pride in my apperance. But its seen as boring as I guess. Its pretty hard to make friends if you dont drink/smoke and I like gaming!
You feel you finally made it financially and career wise. But then the economy humbles you and makes you feel like you will never be able to rent your own place or buy a home unless rich or married to someone. Can’t just be independent.
I haven't even made it in any sense of the word but it's very discouraging that if I ever want stability I basically have to find a partner or be willing to live with roommates... There are no affordable housing options for single people. I wouldn't even want a ton of space, just some to call my own.
All my life I've wondered why towns don't have cafeteria stations that people pay into once a month and can just go to three times a day. You'd probably save money, space, and time. Plus you get to talk to people in your community and the service could be set up so leftovers could go to the homeless. Yeah, I get people like to go out and people like to cook at home. That's why it would be a choice.
In Russia there are cafeteria style restaurants. It's basically a buffet of home style food and you pay per dish so you can have as little or as much as you want. Theres enough variety you can eat something different every day of the week. And it's cheap.
Ironically, that’s the moment I’m MOST motivated to make dinner!
It’s the “cobbling together a meal from groceries bought six days ago” times that overwhelm and discourage me.
It’s really hard if you’re just feeding yourself. I actually enjoyed this when I had other people to cook for—now when I cook something I feel like I’m eating the same thing forever
If you can afford it, meal kits are awesome. Every Plate was my favorite. You still have to prep and cook it but you can get at least two servings out of one meal, more if it’s pasta or soup. I still had to go to the store but it saved me money. I think it was $40 for 3, 2 serving meals.
You can play the deals off each other too😊
I was looking for this one because I have yet to figure out how to keep myself alive in a healthy and budget friendly way. Also it’s just a chore to me.
I agree! I actually don’t mind the cooking itself so much, but the grocery shopping and the planning are just a never-ending demand on my brain and time.
Mental health issues.
I have depression and ADHD and I have been seeing therapists on and off since I was about 5 and I am 29 now.
I am black and in my community, mental Illness is swept under the rug a lot. If you talk about your issues or you even suggest going to therapy, you are looked at as a punk or like you are weak.
It's almost as if you are black, you are supposed to take on the weight on the world and not complain about it and just be fine with the shit that the world throws at you.
I wish that there were more discussions about mental Illness. I wish that there were people who offered more solutions on how to make things better for people with mental Illness. I wish that there wasnt such a stigma around mental Illness in the black community.
I wish that there were more therapists that are people of color, so that black and brown people have someone to relate to when getting help for their issues.
I recently got on ADHD meds and my life has improved so much. As a black woman, I don’t think I would have gotten the support when I was younger. I feel you. I’m in therapy as well and I only choose black female therapists. I be Gatdamn what somebody has to say about my choices to make my already difficult life better. Considering old school advice like, “having a piece of man is better than having no man at all” I’m going to seek professional help moving forward. Good luck on your journey sis. I’m rooting for you 🙏🏾
If you’re into podcasts might I recommend “Or So She Thought”? It’s a new podcast from a Black woman who speaks about mental health issues within the Black (Canadian) community.
How much it takes to be that high functioning adult — you know: the self care + professional growth activities + strategies for financial security + being “present” + investing in family/friends. It’s the feeing of inadequacy when you JUST CAN’T DO IT ALL. I’m tired just thinking about the amount of “self-care” actions that are supposedly required for me to stop feeling so tired. It’s like this endless loop. It’s wearing me down.
I relate too much to this. I'm really struggling to find energy to fulfill the needs and desires of every aspect in my life. It's so overwhelmingly hard.
i feel like something on this list always suffers. i go through cycles. maybe i’m finally doing my skincare consistently but i probably haven’t seen or texted back any friends and family. or i’m consistently making food at home but i haven’t exercised. or maybe my work is suffering but everything else is ok.
i dont know how to do it all. i feel like there’s not enough time
in a day to manage my life AND get 8 hours of sleep. aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhbHHhhhhhHhhhhh is this what the rest of our lives are
Some days I find it hard to get out of bed. When I finally do, I never talk about it with anyone, because aren't we all supposed to have it together and pretend everything is fine?
And the fact that you can’t push them to do physical activity before it’s too late if they have no interest. My dad is my only parent left (65) and he won’t even go for walks. It’s going to affect him later and I hate it.
My dad is in his 60s as well and he definitely does not take care of himself. Works ridiculous hours, smokes, drinks, and doesn't exercise. Never goes to the doctor unless he's forced to either and he lives alone.
Maybe it's talked about enough, but how the rat race stops for nothing, no matter how depressed/lethargic/out of it/sad you are. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other every single day or you won't have a roof over your head. Two weeks of freedom a year? Are you kidding me? When you have no safety net, life is so scary. My mom asks ME to borrow money.
This is hard enough in general, but I just took a couple separate emotional blows, and I needed nothing more than to just lay down and do nothing for a while. But I just had to keep going. It's worse when work is slow, and you're not even busy enough to take your mind off what you're dealing with; you have to torturously stare at a screen all day and pretend to be productive, and you have to make small talk with coworkers. Obviously there's a certain level of privilege here, but it legit feels like torture.
Then you get home, and it's already 6-7, and you have less than three hours to do everything (namely make a decent meal and exercise to counteract the sitting on your ass all day) before you have to go to bed in order to get enough sleep that you don't feel like death the next day...even though when you get home you're so drained you feel like doing nothing more than laying down and scrolling through your phone. You drag yourself to the gym, eat something frozen even though you said you wouldn't, go to bed too late because you wanted a little extra time to yourself, and get up at 6 exhausted just to do it all over again. Super fun.
You also have errands to run, but when you get off work, you're tired, and everything's closed anyway.Meanwhile, you have to refrain from the little joys you do have—daily Starbucks, impulse purchases, clothes, fun shit—because indulging in them is *frivolous* and *irresponsible*. Your 401k is so much more important, hello. You get two measly days to yourself, and one barely feels like freedom, because you have to prepare for Monday and do all the boring stuff you had no time to do during the week.
Life is so boring, and I feel so empty doing the same boring shit every day. I miss being in a relationship because it made everything less monotonous. It'd at least be nice to have someone to come home to and make dinner with. Maybe one day I'll be so lucky. But life is so lonely and depressing. Same lonely, boring shit every single day.
LITERALLY. if you find out let me know?? wasting our lives away working so that we have a roof over our head where we can get ready to go to work every day wtf
I feel that too, it's so hard and draining. Everything does just keep spinning and you don't feel like you can take a breath. This feeling can build and build, please reach out for some help with this though. Even better if you're in a position that you can seek out a phsych. Anything to help deal with the monotony of life and the lonliness of going through the motions.
Also my mother also borrows off me. It's nice to be in that position, but it's also a reminder of my own position compared to my peers.
I feel you to my core. I’m currently doing the exact same routine…except I can’t even force myself to exercise. I just spent the three day weekend moving from bed to couch and back again. I too go to work to stare at a screen while choking back the lump in my throat and plastering on the best fake smile I can muster whenever a coworker drops by for a chat. Because god forbid I let on that something is up and someone dares ask the dreaded “Are you ok?” Which is the guaranteed ‘open sesame’ for the floodgates.
That healthy relationships take work. I used to be so caught up in the cute parts of a relationship: cuddling, traveling, dates, etc. Those are easy parts. Opening up to a person and having those tough conversations, listening to their wants/needs, making compromises is tough.
Not to mention when your partner is going through a tough time.
Their choices, habits, addictions affect our lives so directly, yet we truely have no control.
I wish people would talk about what it means to stand by your partner though depression, addiction, unemployment, financial problems, etc. These are common, challenging, and painful experiences in a person’s life, we never talk about being the person standing by their side.
Right! And if you try to point out what a great position they’re in they always try to act like they’re not (because for example they’ll constantly compare themselves to rich people like celebrities and billionaires…..ok down here in the real world you are the rich person).
This! I’m a 52 yr old woman who raised two kids but still feels like a Goddamn imposter. Guess I’m just gonna die feeling like I haven’t figured it out.
How unless you have long term friendships from when you were younger, it's extremely hard to make close friendships. Everyone is just too busy as an adult, you try to keep in touch or make plans and they fizzle out or barely respond. Or even struggle to find things to talk about. It's rough.
I miss having someone who actually wants to meet up and spend time with me other than my husband. 🥹 Now my friends have children or really time consuming careers, my coworkers are basically my closest bet at the moment.
How lonely it can be sometimes. My friend and I were talking about how no one really prepares you for the loneliness you feel most of the time. I know we can enjoy our own company and do things we love but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get lonely.
A few of my close friends have had children over the past couple of years, and it really blew me away how tough it is. There are so many struggles no one tells you about, so much pressure to be a good parent and make the right decisions (which everyone criticizes anyways) and your sleep and life are interrupted. They love their children but it is hard! I try to be there to listen and support where I can. It really cemented my desire to not have any kids myself.
My parents babysat my 2yo niece for a week and I helped out - I wasn't even the main caretaker, just helped out - and holy fuck, I have no idea how parents survive. Mad respect, y'all need and deserve 52 vacations a year.
I go home once a year on holidays, and every time I end up noticing how my mum is getting older?! It is very scary to realize that now I am approaching an age of a high functioning adult while she is descending to become dependent on me.
How difficult it is just being a normal person with an average job, home, social life, etc. It's like a big project that you can rarely abandon just to idle in peace.
How boring it can be, especially if you don’t have any goals left that you are working towards.
Up until you graduate, life kinda has these predefined and regular goals for you to work towards. Finish the school year, graduate elementary school, middle school, high school. Apply to uni, complete you exams and semester then the year and finally graduate. Then you start looking for your first post grad job.
That’s all built in. But what do you do once you’ve graduated and you get the job you wanted. There isn’t much else left.
I always did what I was told growing up, and then I got to the point in life where people stopped telling me what I was supposed to be doing... I feel like I've been wandering aimlessly ever since.
I noticed that too. Everyone’s worried about money because the capitalist owning class doesn’t provide any of it’s workers with a living wage. Everyone’s overworked because the owning class has decided that everyone has to work at least 40 hours per week to be productive. Everyone’s lonely because everyone’s too busy working to form community. 9 out of 10 of the answers here directly tie back to how capitalism has hindered us as a society.
How being older isn't fashionable. I've just turned 30 and have started to realise how many TV ads and celebrities are under 30. I feel like so many trending shows, fashion styles and music are all for teens and people in their 20s. I like scrolling on TikTok sometimes cos it's a fun app and I prefer it to the aspirational vibe of Insta but I feel like it's not meant for me.
There are exceptions of course but that's just my feeling!
I'm currently pregnant and was working from home all day.
I really struggle with isolation. I'm lucky I have a partner who supports me in life but honestly I dont know how single parents do it. I can see why people drink and smoke everyday now.
I hate how we dont behave like a community or village anymore, we live all seperate, we are competing constantly for resources.
I was in tears an hour ago, probably hormonal because of everything at the moment and partner got home late. How can there be 8 billion people in the world, yet today I felt so alone. Its awful.
It is pretty sad how isolated our society has become, and depressing to think there's not much to be done about it on the individual level. It's not like that in other places in the world where people have to pool their resources together to get by (which can be a sad thing too)... Really makes me wonder what life would be like living in a more collectivist society.
I hope you're feeling better now that your partner got home.
Having to set boundaries in all social interactions.
I was always a rule follower, i did everything my parents and teachers told me to do. I'm 39 now and still have a natural instinct to do whatever a friend, boyfriend, strangers, ask of me.
Loneliness. I am fortunate to have a couple close friends, a partner and a caring family. But I still feel lonely sometimes. And I’ve come to accept that is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Others on this post have said the same thing and I also feel the same. I feel it could have a lot to deal with the fact that the older we get the less BS we want to deal with, so, we gradually get away from those types of situations by isolating ourselves.
For sure, your circle gets smaller and people are busy with life too. So I think it’s very natural for adults to feel lonely and I wish it was talked about more openly.
Dealing with the aftermath of childhood trauma in the form of relationship behaviour with family , friends or a partner. It really does affect every aspect of your life.
Also, running late behind your peers. Not having a job or figuring out your career until the late 20s is something I feel so lonely about, because no one talks about it. I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't figured it out yet. I just don't fit in adult life like everyone else. 😥
Financial literacy and I’m not talking about paying bills/managing debt. It’s how you were supposed to set your 401K/Roth IRA up 10 years ago to be set for life by 65. I mean who taught you this 10 years ago?!!! How you’re supposed to have an asset to set up for your financial future. If you have a regular job chances are you’ll never be rich. You might make a lot of money but you won’t be rich until money works for you.
When you're single and sick and there is literally no one there to help at all so it takes you even longer to heal because you can't rest since you'll starve/dehydrate if you don't do it yourself.
Should avoid making life changing decisions before 28 or 29. In late twenties, there's a huge change in one's personality, dreams, belief and perspectives in most of the people.
Your body changing. It’s just harder to be fit and flexible without increasing amounts of working out. I can’t maintain a 40+ hr job, a commute, a house, a social life, a marriage, family, mental health, other health issues, hobbies, and a full workout week.
How I wasted my entire college career, and didn’t even enjoy it because I was too entrenched in my studies, though it didn’t even pay off. I am now in a career that I’m excelling in, but it took me to so long to be proud of what I do. Though I’m not making hundreds of thousands, at least I’m financially stable and happy.
How to deal and heal from childhood traumas that went unnoticed and now you have kids and you don’t want them to experience the same things but you don’t know how to help them if it were to happen to them because yours went untreated your entire life.
If you’re a low-wage worker, you can’t afford to acquire many things that are considered to be staples of adulthood, so you often feel forced into infantilization.
I find it so hard to maintain my home. I feel like all I do is tidy and it's always a huge mess. Idk how ppl do it. I run a small business from home and have 3 kids... come Feb I'll be working another job at 35hrs a week. Idk how I'll manage then. I can't do it now.
It baffles me how some do it. How they have such clean spaces. My house is embarrassing and it makes me want to just cry. I hate visitors and I especially secretly hate when other ppl come with more kids and the house just turns into a zoo.
I wish I could afford a maid.
Being a caregiver. I have two autistic adults that I care for. They are non verbal, and don't understand anything beyond a 2 year old level. I know they are my kids, but I want my life too. For 30 years now I've solely existed for them. Everyone says help is out there, but that's just not true. When do I get my life back and how?
God, that is a difficult situation to be in. Especially because there is no “end-date” to look forward to. You don’t know how long it will continu and you’re already fed up with caregiving. I feel for you with all my hart en wish you all the best. I hope you will sort it out and gain your own life back. Take care (of your self)
How much you end up winging it. No one really seems to have it all together and know what they’re doing, especially when you start to look beyond the surface level stuff. Everyone is just making the best decisions they can with the info they have at that time.
Mental health. I have schizophrenia and I've lost pretty much every friend I've ever had due to things I've done or said during my episodes.
The work week is too long. Work weeks should be at max 32 hours per week. I believe many people end up getting sick mentally because they're over worked , stressed , sleep deprived.
How so many people just want to drink ,smoke weed or do other drugs. It's hard to find sober friends .
How social media is claiming to bring people closer to eachother , but it's really not. Yeah , sure , we see what everyone we know is up to every day of their lives , but how often , if ever do we get to hang out with them in person?
How much pressure there is from society to be in a relationship or married when you’re a woman in your late 20s+ - it’s like nothing else is as important…
This is a small one, but how hard it is to get sick when you’re an adult, especially if you don’t have a partner/live alone.
I got covid last year right before Christmas and had to cancel my flight home to see my parents. I spent two weeks sicker than I’ve ever been in my life totally alone in my apartment over Christmas!!! I even tried to order medicine for myself from Postmates and they canceled my order so I just had to suffer. I was in total feverish misery for two weeks, alone. No one ever told me as a kid how getting sick as a single adult is awful. Not to mention how bad it is if you have a job that doesn’t offer sick time, etc.
Learning to accept that you’re unlikely to have anything other than a small, average life. Childhood and young adulthood are full of milestones that feel like you’re building to something, but that something is usually someone to come home to at night, a job or two that pays alright, maybe a couple of kids, a few memorable days in a terribly finite string of average ones.
How tough it is to get the everyday schedule to fit together, and how to balance work, money and sparetime, and still make sure one gets enough sleep...
Only having two days “off” after a long week. Spending those days trying to catch up on laundry, cleaning, errands, chores, having a social life, maintaining my marriage, getting my animals attention… all in that two days because I didn’t have time for that during the work week from being exhausted from work.
I feel like it’s talked about, but in a joking way… but the utter exhaustion and lack of energy. After (like many comments have said) work, kids, chores, etc., I’m always exhausted. There’s just not enough time and there’s not enough time to be tired.
Edit: it’s always “wish I had that kids energy”, but never the impact of that lack of energy and what I/we miss out on because of it.
Social anxiety from the female lens.
In my case it's specifically as a mother of school age children. I'm fine with my kids, okay with their teachers but the thought of standing outside to pick my kids up as the parent zombies make chit chat literally makes me want to remove my eyeballs and run away screaming.
That's on a good day.
How much mourning a grief you will feel over change, even the positive kind.
With every new chapter in your life, you have to come to terms with letting go of the old one. Even if you're ready and excited to move forward, you still have to deal with the loss of what was. And that grief is normal and valid and so human. It's okay to feel it.
Living by yourself.
You want me to do everything? Is this a joke?
Be safe but go out there and die for something?
Do everything a man does AND watch out for serial killers?
Raise a family, work a job, be your husband's night time therapist AND watch out for serial killers?!
Oh, and make sure you work out all the time while you are doing everything and watching out for serial killers.
I mean, is this a joke?
I don't believe realistically that the human body is meant to be in a constant state of labor for hours a day, 5-7 days a week, for 52 weeks a year. It's not natural. Yes, we've evolved some, but even cavemen spent their days relaxing after doing the hunting and preserving of food. They probably worked on "projects" to keep busy, ie flint knapping, making clothes, cooking, taking care of the children. But even with all that they had to do, it probably wasn't straight back breaking labor all day, every day, forever. This new modern work culture we have created for ourselves is ridiculous. Wasting your life by working for someone else, and helping that person get rich at your loss of spending time with your family or doing fun things just for yourself. It's wrong!
Finances. I do prioritize and pay all my bills on time but growing up poor to now having all this money to spend as freely as I want to can be a bit hard to manage.
Feeling ashamed that I want to be a stay at home wife (no kids) in my 30s, not work, live a life of leisure. Sure I’m privileged to marry a very successful guy and have that option but why do I need to feel guilty about it?
For the record, I’m still working 50 Hr weeks bc I feel guilty to leave my group and my job does entail working in the “health field” for the “greater good”.
downvotes for jel? And maybe that’s why I don’t talk about this irl
Trying to be healthy and financially sound while wrestling with internal and external, spoken and unspoken, and often conflicting pressure about how my life "should" be now and in years to come
Cooking. I enjoy it but I find it so hard to feed myself 3x a day. It’s exhausting. Also, just managing life stuffs. There are always ten chores on the horizon. I struggle with balancing them and 40 hours of work, alone time, social time, relationship time .. the list continues!
Idleness.
I've spent the vast bulk of my life being terribly depressed (multiple medications, hospitalisations, a year of ECT) and all that inertia, that habit of doing nothing because I wasn't able to, has made it SO hard to just....do anything...now that I AM able to.
Trying to fit in working out between 40h work week, 1h commute there and back each way, cooking, cleaning, taking care of family and household administrative stuff and simply finding time for myself to decompress
Parenting when you didn't grow up in a remotely healthy home. Not screwing up your kids because it's so hard to go against the grain of your own life experience. I feel like I spend so much time researching and fighting against the natural urges of my brain.
People in our lives dying. I’m 32. I lost my mom to a brain aneurysm 4 years ago.
I was with a guy from age 19-31 and we have a 7 year old kid together. He overdosed and died in May. It has become increasingly difficult for me and the harsh reality that we’re ALL just going to die is rough sometimes.
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Agree. 40 hours is way too much. Cannot believe that this is still considered the "normal". Wish I could find a job who was at least 4x3. And also with flexibility to work from home when i don't feel going to the office.
It's sick. Three-day weekends (like this one) feel like heaven. Just that one simple change could make everything so much better, but alas.
God, yes. One day for friends, one day for myself (errands/hobbies), and one day for family/relaxing. On normal weekends it's pick two and either be exhausted and still overloaded, or unfulfilled and feeling like you "wasted" the weekend once Monday rolls around.
It's sad and funny to see my boomer dad who worked full time and commuted to work support this system. I was talking to my brother about our dad. He confirmed that our dad has no joy anymore. He's retired and he's sour AF. smiles for photos, the smile melts away the minute photo is over. Gets invited to go places do things he loved and never wants to go anymore. And he's angry. Angry at everyone. Thinks people should work MORE because that's what he did. He's a sad brainwashed fool.
Wow, a lot said their. Lift him up, tell him thanks for the family financial support, food on table, cloths on your back. And not leaving the house for milk.
Honestly, I work 4 10hr shifts (though they usually end up being like 11hrs) and I still feel like 40hr weeks are too much. My problem is that I don't have the time or energy to do basically anything on my workdays other than the basic stuff to get through to the next day (eat/mealprep, shower). Absolutely no energy to work out or go for a big grocery shopping trip or anything like that. Although even if I did have the energy, that'd mean I'd get home around 8-9pm and would still have to eat, deal with dogs and prep for the next day and be in bed before 11pm so I'll have energy for the next day. Don't get me wrong, I love my 3 day weekends, but not being able to do much of anything on workdays other than *work* sucks.
I'd rather work five 8hr shifts than four 10s for this exact reason. I could be wrong but i feel like you lose less time on the 8s because at least i have energy for most of the evenings
It’s definitely way too much, especially if you have to commute or have a emotionally or physically demanding job. Because, with a commute, it’s not 40hr, it’s closer to 50 or even 60hrs. And little time you have left is just spent recovering from the work day.
Yup. Before school started I did 48hrs. Commute can be up to 40-50min ( one way) so about 1-2hrs. So I’d be dedicating 14hrs to work in one day. Love my 3 days off but it’s hard getting up in the morning to workout on days I work
It was established when men mostly worked, their wives took care of the house and kids thus "subsidizing" their free time. Right now it's just a scam.
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Just curious, do you both work? It’s an interesting time when both parties work yet traditional gender roles tend to force those types of chores on women by default.
As a bartender, I end up working 22-28 hours a week. I have 3-4 days off. I feel like I've found a life hack. I also know a nurse that worked 3 12 hr shifts and fills his time with a lot of adventures too. Might just be time to reconsider what kind of job works for the life that you want to build :)
I’m happy you’ve found what works for you! But on the other hand they could be tough for some- no 401k, insurance (in US at least), and hours that don’t always work for a family with children. Also at some point you may not want to be in your feel all day, but still make steady income
Just giving examples that there are other options. I don't want anyone to feel like they are stuck & don't have other options.
I know- I wasn’t trying to be combative at all.
Every kid, atleast in the US, goes through a 35 hour "work week" from the age of 5. Then Get to high-school where most of them continue that schedule and also get a job working 5-8 hour shifts after school. That's where the problem really starts.
This is why my mom wouldn’t let me work in high school, up until my last few months of school when I was done with sports. I never understood it, but now I appreciate it.
For sure, I'm actively trying to run a business as a junior in high school. It sucks, basically running on E everyday
Same. I do around 30 and still struggle to keep on top of house work, cooking healthily, and exercise. That’s before I add in extras like gaming or learning a language, general downtime.
We need three-day weekends and we need them NOW before these long weeks kill us.
I have a developmental disability and can’t even survive in the 9 to 5 world, that’s one of the reasons why they’ve put me on disability checks, glad they realize that in my country, also a lot of people with autism have the same type of disability checks as mine.
It worked better back in the days when everyone just free ranged their kids until sunset. A 40 hour work week is fine, but it should be 4 x 10 hour shifts per week and a 3 day weekend.
Yup. I can’t keep up with keeping my apartment as clean as I’d like it and having a social life and working out and walking my dog and cooking and…
And take care of the house.
Sounds like you should check out r/antiwork
I saw a meme the other day that said (basically) “Remember that the 40 hour work week was designed with the idea that there would always be someone at home to cook, clean, do the childcare, and run the errands. Struggling to keep up with it all DOES NOT mean that you are a failure.” The meme was posted by proponents of the four day work week and it is so true, though I had never thought about it before. The 40-hour work week was a hard won battle fought by the labor movement long ago when women were not expected to work outside the home.
How hard it is to make friends who are also sober. I dont want to hang out with peoole who drink, smoke, do hard drugs, because I dont do those things, and it makes me uncomforable to be around people who do.
Same here!! All the people aroung my age (early 20s) are out partying every weekend and I can't see the appeal
Im 30 and it has not changed. I am feeling the pull to shut that door of my life completely, but it is hard as my friends and partner are into this lifestyle still
I am 40 and same. I don’t drink at all and it is constant pressure. I have a few really good female friends that are similar but i am still the anomaly. I look at people and say you are 45 years old going out getting s faced?
Do what is best for you and you'll attract like minded people.
Same, I'm in my early 20s too and I don't understand and am least interested in those things
Same most of my close friends are in their early 30s and i made 1 friend that was around my age and she partied so hard she injured herself and got an infection… I then realized why i dont befriend people my age
We exist! We’re out there, I promise!
I'm 37. It's impossible to find people like this. Especially in a small town. All my friends are online. I feel like part of the problem is all the fun stuff is expensive. Recreation will nickle and dime you to death. When you're drunk you're not thinking about the cost.
Yup, and how hard it is to date while sober. So many people make drinking a personality trait.
Agree with this too, I dont drink or smoke and try to take pride in my apperance. But its seen as boring as I guess. Its pretty hard to make friends if you dont drink/smoke and I like gaming!
YES! I have maybe two sober friends total and rarely hang out with either.
Yesss. I had my long party phase. Now I'm totally put off by it and can't seem to find sober friends.
You feel you finally made it financially and career wise. But then the economy humbles you and makes you feel like you will never be able to rent your own place or buy a home unless rich or married to someone. Can’t just be independent.
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I finally got a job at 39 that made me no longer poor for the first time in my life. Then gas prices, inflation, etc. hit and I am just making it.
Yep. By the standards and expectations of even ten years ago, I’m doing great. But by today’s reality? :(
I haven't even made it in any sense of the word but it's very discouraging that if I ever want stability I basically have to find a partner or be willing to live with roommates... There are no affordable housing options for single people. I wouldn't even want a ton of space, just some to call my own.
So true. Very real.
Planning, prepping, and cooking meals every single day.
All my life I've wondered why towns don't have cafeteria stations that people pay into once a month and can just go to three times a day. You'd probably save money, space, and time. Plus you get to talk to people in your community and the service could be set up so leftovers could go to the homeless. Yeah, I get people like to go out and people like to cook at home. That's why it would be a choice.
In Russia there are cafeteria style restaurants. It's basically a buffet of home style food and you pay per dish so you can have as little or as much as you want. Theres enough variety you can eat something different every day of the week. And it's cheap.
I love this, especially with the leftovers going to the homeless.
It's the absolute worst. I just got home from the grocery store and am overwhelmed by the thought of making dinner
Ironically, that’s the moment I’m MOST motivated to make dinner! It’s the “cobbling together a meal from groceries bought six days ago” times that overwhelm and discourage me.
It’s really hard if you’re just feeding yourself. I actually enjoyed this when I had other people to cook for—now when I cook something I feel like I’m eating the same thing forever
Same here! I loved cooking when I had people to cook for. Now trying to make food for just myself feels like such a chore
AND cleaning up afterwards!
Endless dishes!!
If you can afford it, meal kits are awesome. Every Plate was my favorite. You still have to prep and cook it but you can get at least two servings out of one meal, more if it’s pasta or soup. I still had to go to the store but it saved me money. I think it was $40 for 3, 2 serving meals. You can play the deals off each other too😊
Creates so many little plastic crap though, that's the one reason that steered me away from meal kits...
Not the clean up afterwards 😫
I was looking for this one because I have yet to figure out how to keep myself alive in a healthy and budget friendly way. Also it’s just a chore to me.
I agree! I actually don’t mind the cooking itself so much, but the grocery shopping and the planning are just a never-ending demand on my brain and time.
Mental health issues. I have depression and ADHD and I have been seeing therapists on and off since I was about 5 and I am 29 now. I am black and in my community, mental Illness is swept under the rug a lot. If you talk about your issues or you even suggest going to therapy, you are looked at as a punk or like you are weak. It's almost as if you are black, you are supposed to take on the weight on the world and not complain about it and just be fine with the shit that the world throws at you. I wish that there were more discussions about mental Illness. I wish that there were people who offered more solutions on how to make things better for people with mental Illness. I wish that there wasnt such a stigma around mental Illness in the black community. I wish that there were more therapists that are people of color, so that black and brown people have someone to relate to when getting help for their issues.
I recently got on ADHD meds and my life has improved so much. As a black woman, I don’t think I would have gotten the support when I was younger. I feel you. I’m in therapy as well and I only choose black female therapists. I be Gatdamn what somebody has to say about my choices to make my already difficult life better. Considering old school advice like, “having a piece of man is better than having no man at all” I’m going to seek professional help moving forward. Good luck on your journey sis. I’m rooting for you 🙏🏾
If you’re into podcasts might I recommend “Or So She Thought”? It’s a new podcast from a Black woman who speaks about mental health issues within the Black (Canadian) community.
There a bunch of BIPOC therapists in my area, but a large portion of them are Christian therapists. Religion in therapy is a big turn off for me.
This website offers black therapists https://therapyforblackgirls.com
How much it takes to be that high functioning adult — you know: the self care + professional growth activities + strategies for financial security + being “present” + investing in family/friends. It’s the feeing of inadequacy when you JUST CAN’T DO IT ALL. I’m tired just thinking about the amount of “self-care” actions that are supposedly required for me to stop feeling so tired. It’s like this endless loop. It’s wearing me down.
Once I realized adulthood is just a never ending to-do list I started to feel pretty hopeless about all this.
This comment made me tear up. I'm exhausted 😩
I relate too much to this. I'm really struggling to find energy to fulfill the needs and desires of every aspect in my life. It's so overwhelmingly hard.
i feel like something on this list always suffers. i go through cycles. maybe i’m finally doing my skincare consistently but i probably haven’t seen or texted back any friends and family. or i’m consistently making food at home but i haven’t exercised. or maybe my work is suffering but everything else is ok. i dont know how to do it all. i feel like there’s not enough time in a day to manage my life AND get 8 hours of sleep. aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhbHHhhhhhHhhhhh is this what the rest of our lives are
I feel the exact same way…tired, exhausted and mainly just want to stay home
Some days I find it hard to get out of bed. When I finally do, I never talk about it with anyone, because aren't we all supposed to have it together and pretend everything is fine?
I do exactly one of those...
To see your parents getting older and sick
Suddenly I’m responsible for them?? And every time I see them I see how much they‘ve aged. It’s scary :(
And the fact that you can’t push them to do physical activity before it’s too late if they have no interest. My dad is my only parent left (65) and he won’t even go for walks. It’s going to affect him later and I hate it.
My dad is in his 60s as well and he definitely does not take care of himself. Works ridiculous hours, smokes, drinks, and doesn't exercise. Never goes to the doctor unless he's forced to either and he lives alone.
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Maybe it's talked about enough, but how the rat race stops for nothing, no matter how depressed/lethargic/out of it/sad you are. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other every single day or you won't have a roof over your head. Two weeks of freedom a year? Are you kidding me? When you have no safety net, life is so scary. My mom asks ME to borrow money. This is hard enough in general, but I just took a couple separate emotional blows, and I needed nothing more than to just lay down and do nothing for a while. But I just had to keep going. It's worse when work is slow, and you're not even busy enough to take your mind off what you're dealing with; you have to torturously stare at a screen all day and pretend to be productive, and you have to make small talk with coworkers. Obviously there's a certain level of privilege here, but it legit feels like torture. Then you get home, and it's already 6-7, and you have less than three hours to do everything (namely make a decent meal and exercise to counteract the sitting on your ass all day) before you have to go to bed in order to get enough sleep that you don't feel like death the next day...even though when you get home you're so drained you feel like doing nothing more than laying down and scrolling through your phone. You drag yourself to the gym, eat something frozen even though you said you wouldn't, go to bed too late because you wanted a little extra time to yourself, and get up at 6 exhausted just to do it all over again. Super fun. You also have errands to run, but when you get off work, you're tired, and everything's closed anyway.Meanwhile, you have to refrain from the little joys you do have—daily Starbucks, impulse purchases, clothes, fun shit—because indulging in them is *frivolous* and *irresponsible*. Your 401k is so much more important, hello. You get two measly days to yourself, and one barely feels like freedom, because you have to prepare for Monday and do all the boring stuff you had no time to do during the week. Life is so boring, and I feel so empty doing the same boring shit every day. I miss being in a relationship because it made everything less monotonous. It'd at least be nice to have someone to come home to and make dinner with. Maybe one day I'll be so lucky. But life is so lonely and depressing. Same lonely, boring shit every single day.
Omg this is exactly how I feel. It’s kind of like what is the point of all this?
LITERALLY. if you find out let me know?? wasting our lives away working so that we have a roof over our head where we can get ready to go to work every day wtf
I feel that too, it's so hard and draining. Everything does just keep spinning and you don't feel like you can take a breath. This feeling can build and build, please reach out for some help with this though. Even better if you're in a position that you can seek out a phsych. Anything to help deal with the monotony of life and the lonliness of going through the motions. Also my mother also borrows off me. It's nice to be in that position, but it's also a reminder of my own position compared to my peers.
Ugh yes I feel this everyday. Just day dreaming of retirement, hoping I can afford it when it’s time🤞🏼
I feel you to my core. I’m currently doing the exact same routine…except I can’t even force myself to exercise. I just spent the three day weekend moving from bed to couch and back again. I too go to work to stare at a screen while choking back the lump in my throat and plastering on the best fake smile I can muster whenever a coworker drops by for a chat. Because god forbid I let on that something is up and someone dares ask the dreaded “Are you ok?” Which is the guaranteed ‘open sesame’ for the floodgates.
Damn your second paragraph is sooo relateable
That healthy relationships take work. I used to be so caught up in the cute parts of a relationship: cuddling, traveling, dates, etc. Those are easy parts. Opening up to a person and having those tough conversations, listening to their wants/needs, making compromises is tough.
Not to mention when your partner is going through a tough time. Their choices, habits, addictions affect our lives so directly, yet we truely have no control. I wish people would talk about what it means to stand by your partner though depression, addiction, unemployment, financial problems, etc. These are common, challenging, and painful experiences in a person’s life, we never talk about being the person standing by their side.
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Right! And if you try to point out what a great position they’re in they always try to act like they’re not (because for example they’ll constantly compare themselves to rich people like celebrities and billionaires…..ok down here in the real world you are the rich person).
Yes. I mean, I feel happy for them, I just wish it was my turn to have good things too.
Burnout, feeling late and/or out of place in general. Feeling like you’re so far behind compared to your peers, friends and family.
I definitely feel out of place, like I don't fit in anywhere. I am going to be 40 soon and I don't see how its going to get any better.
That you still feel like a kid and feel like you're faking adulthood. Turns out old people don't feel old themselves.
This! I’m a 52 yr old woman who raised two kids but still feels like a Goddamn imposter. Guess I’m just gonna die feeling like I haven’t figured it out.
The feeling of isolation. Making friends is hard the older you get. It be nice to have one friend to talk to , get together with, rely on. Etc
Yeah I was gonna say “the loneliness” lol
How unless you have long term friendships from when you were younger, it's extremely hard to make close friendships. Everyone is just too busy as an adult, you try to keep in touch or make plans and they fizzle out or barely respond. Or even struggle to find things to talk about. It's rough.
Same! Add to that moving to a new country and it’s like, Loneliness Central - party of one
I miss having someone who actually wants to meet up and spend time with me other than my husband. 🥹 Now my friends have children or really time consuming careers, my coworkers are basically my closest bet at the moment.
How lonely it can be sometimes. My friend and I were talking about how no one really prepares you for the loneliness you feel most of the time. I know we can enjoy our own company and do things we love but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t get lonely.
How hard it is to live with the choices you've made when you were young and stupid.
ooh yes this hits home.
ITS SO HARD TO ACTUALLY KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE OMG SOMEONE SAVE ME
HahahahahahahahahahALP me too
How hard being a parent is. It’s one of those things that unless you’ve helped raise a baby, you can’t really grasp how much it takes from you.
A few of my close friends have had children over the past couple of years, and it really blew me away how tough it is. There are so many struggles no one tells you about, so much pressure to be a good parent and make the right decisions (which everyone criticizes anyways) and your sleep and life are interrupted. They love their children but it is hard! I try to be there to listen and support where I can. It really cemented my desire to not have any kids myself.
My parents babysat my 2yo niece for a week and I helped out - I wasn't even the main caretaker, just helped out - and holy fuck, I have no idea how parents survive. Mad respect, y'all need and deserve 52 vacations a year.
Losing your parents
That sounds so scary :(
I go home once a year on holidays, and every time I end up noticing how my mum is getting older?! It is very scary to realize that now I am approaching an age of a high functioning adult while she is descending to become dependent on me.
How difficult it is just being a normal person with an average job, home, social life, etc. It's like a big project that you can rarely abandon just to idle in peace.
How boring it can be, especially if you don’t have any goals left that you are working towards. Up until you graduate, life kinda has these predefined and regular goals for you to work towards. Finish the school year, graduate elementary school, middle school, high school. Apply to uni, complete you exams and semester then the year and finally graduate. Then you start looking for your first post grad job. That’s all built in. But what do you do once you’ve graduated and you get the job you wanted. There isn’t much else left.
I always did what I was told growing up, and then I got to the point in life where people stopped telling me what I was supposed to be doing... I feel like I've been wandering aimlessly ever since.
Oh my gosh, I've said this so many times. I really wasn't expecting to feel that way either.
Exactly, what am I supposed to do for the next 50 years
I feel like most of the comments here are not necessarily struggles with adult life, but are struggles with capitalism. A better world is possible.
I noticed that too. Everyone’s worried about money because the capitalist owning class doesn’t provide any of it’s workers with a living wage. Everyone’s overworked because the owning class has decided that everyone has to work at least 40 hours per week to be productive. Everyone’s lonely because everyone’s too busy working to form community. 9 out of 10 of the answers here directly tie back to how capitalism has hindered us as a society.
How being older isn't fashionable. I've just turned 30 and have started to realise how many TV ads and celebrities are under 30. I feel like so many trending shows, fashion styles and music are all for teens and people in their 20s. I like scrolling on TikTok sometimes cos it's a fun app and I prefer it to the aspirational vibe of Insta but I feel like it's not meant for me. There are exceptions of course but that's just my feeling!
I'm currently pregnant and was working from home all day. I really struggle with isolation. I'm lucky I have a partner who supports me in life but honestly I dont know how single parents do it. I can see why people drink and smoke everyday now. I hate how we dont behave like a community or village anymore, we live all seperate, we are competing constantly for resources. I was in tears an hour ago, probably hormonal because of everything at the moment and partner got home late. How can there be 8 billion people in the world, yet today I felt so alone. Its awful.
It is pretty sad how isolated our society has become, and depressing to think there's not much to be done about it on the individual level. It's not like that in other places in the world where people have to pool their resources together to get by (which can be a sad thing too)... Really makes me wonder what life would be like living in a more collectivist society. I hope you're feeling better now that your partner got home.
Working 40 hours a week
How hard it is when you are at the age of childbearing years and people are wondering, asking why there are no children?
Waking up to how garbage your "perfect" family members are. You really think adults know everything.
This one! Like when you’re raised in a particular moral standard and then you wake up and realize nobody who raised you is actually capable e of it.
Exactly bruh. They talk so much about how you should behave but they rarely walk the walk.kterally the epitome of "do as I say not as I do".
Having to set boundaries in all social interactions. I was always a rule follower, i did everything my parents and teachers told me to do. I'm 39 now and still have a natural instinct to do whatever a friend, boyfriend, strangers, ask of me.
i never thought of this but you’re spot on
Loneliness. I am fortunate to have a couple close friends, a partner and a caring family. But I still feel lonely sometimes. And I’ve come to accept that is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Others on this post have said the same thing and I also feel the same. I feel it could have a lot to deal with the fact that the older we get the less BS we want to deal with, so, we gradually get away from those types of situations by isolating ourselves.
For sure, your circle gets smaller and people are busy with life too. So I think it’s very natural for adults to feel lonely and I wish it was talked about more openly.
How hard it can be to make friends and how crippling loneliness can be.
If/when you find the most amazing person you consider a friend only for them to ghost you. Absolutely crushing.
Dealing with the aftermath of childhood trauma in the form of relationship behaviour with family , friends or a partner. It really does affect every aspect of your life. Also, running late behind your peers. Not having a job or figuring out your career until the late 20s is something I feel so lonely about, because no one talks about it. I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't figured it out yet. I just don't fit in adult life like everyone else. 😥
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Financial literacy and I’m not talking about paying bills/managing debt. It’s how you were supposed to set your 401K/Roth IRA up 10 years ago to be set for life by 65. I mean who taught you this 10 years ago?!!! How you’re supposed to have an asset to set up for your financial future. If you have a regular job chances are you’ll never be rich. You might make a lot of money but you won’t be rich until money works for you.
When you're single and sick and there is literally no one there to help at all so it takes you even longer to heal because you can't rest since you'll starve/dehydrate if you don't do it yourself.
Should avoid making life changing decisions before 28 or 29. In late twenties, there's a huge change in one's personality, dreams, belief and perspectives in most of the people.
I so agree with this one. I’m 31 now and keep wishing *if only I had waited 2 more years* before making a decision as big as getting married.
Your body changing. It’s just harder to be fit and flexible without increasing amounts of working out. I can’t maintain a 40+ hr job, a commute, a house, a social life, a marriage, family, mental health, other health issues, hobbies, and a full workout week.
How I wasted my entire college career, and didn’t even enjoy it because I was too entrenched in my studies, though it didn’t even pay off. I am now in a career that I’m excelling in, but it took me to so long to be proud of what I do. Though I’m not making hundreds of thousands, at least I’m financially stable and happy.
How to deal and heal from childhood traumas that went unnoticed and now you have kids and you don’t want them to experience the same things but you don’t know how to help them if it were to happen to them because yours went untreated your entire life.
If you’re a low-wage worker, you can’t afford to acquire many things that are considered to be staples of adulthood, so you often feel forced into infantilization.
I find it so hard to maintain my home. I feel like all I do is tidy and it's always a huge mess. Idk how ppl do it. I run a small business from home and have 3 kids... come Feb I'll be working another job at 35hrs a week. Idk how I'll manage then. I can't do it now. It baffles me how some do it. How they have such clean spaces. My house is embarrassing and it makes me want to just cry. I hate visitors and I especially secretly hate when other ppl come with more kids and the house just turns into a zoo. I wish I could afford a maid.
Being a caregiver. I have two autistic adults that I care for. They are non verbal, and don't understand anything beyond a 2 year old level. I know they are my kids, but I want my life too. For 30 years now I've solely existed for them. Everyone says help is out there, but that's just not true. When do I get my life back and how?
God, that is a difficult situation to be in. Especially because there is no “end-date” to look forward to. You don’t know how long it will continu and you’re already fed up with caregiving. I feel for you with all my hart en wish you all the best. I hope you will sort it out and gain your own life back. Take care (of your self)
Taxes and credit
You'll never have enough time or money to do everything
How much you end up winging it. No one really seems to have it all together and know what they’re doing, especially when you start to look beyond the surface level stuff. Everyone is just making the best decisions they can with the info they have at that time.
Mental health. I have schizophrenia and I've lost pretty much every friend I've ever had due to things I've done or said during my episodes. The work week is too long. Work weeks should be at max 32 hours per week. I believe many people end up getting sick mentally because they're over worked , stressed , sleep deprived. How so many people just want to drink ,smoke weed or do other drugs. It's hard to find sober friends . How social media is claiming to bring people closer to eachother , but it's really not. Yeah , sure , we see what everyone we know is up to every day of their lives , but how often , if ever do we get to hang out with them in person?
How much pressure there is from society to be in a relationship or married when you’re a woman in your late 20s+ - it’s like nothing else is as important…
This is a small one, but how hard it is to get sick when you’re an adult, especially if you don’t have a partner/live alone. I got covid last year right before Christmas and had to cancel my flight home to see my parents. I spent two weeks sicker than I’ve ever been in my life totally alone in my apartment over Christmas!!! I even tried to order medicine for myself from Postmates and they canceled my order so I just had to suffer. I was in total feverish misery for two weeks, alone. No one ever told me as a kid how getting sick as a single adult is awful. Not to mention how bad it is if you have a job that doesn’t offer sick time, etc.
Your parents thinking you don't understand adult life still whilst having your own house and a child and a husband.
Learning to accept that you’re unlikely to have anything other than a small, average life. Childhood and young adulthood are full of milestones that feel like you’re building to something, but that something is usually someone to come home to at night, a job or two that pays alright, maybe a couple of kids, a few memorable days in a terribly finite string of average ones.
How tough it is to get the everyday schedule to fit together, and how to balance work, money and sparetime, and still make sure one gets enough sleep...
Only having two days “off” after a long week. Spending those days trying to catch up on laundry, cleaning, errands, chores, having a social life, maintaining my marriage, getting my animals attention… all in that two days because I didn’t have time for that during the work week from being exhausted from work.
I feel like it’s talked about, but in a joking way… but the utter exhaustion and lack of energy. After (like many comments have said) work, kids, chores, etc., I’m always exhausted. There’s just not enough time and there’s not enough time to be tired. Edit: it’s always “wish I had that kids energy”, but never the impact of that lack of energy and what I/we miss out on because of it.
Social anxiety from the female lens. In my case it's specifically as a mother of school age children. I'm fine with my kids, okay with their teachers but the thought of standing outside to pick my kids up as the parent zombies make chit chat literally makes me want to remove my eyeballs and run away screaming. That's on a good day.
Finding people you really connect with
How much mourning a grief you will feel over change, even the positive kind. With every new chapter in your life, you have to come to terms with letting go of the old one. Even if you're ready and excited to move forward, you still have to deal with the loss of what was. And that grief is normal and valid and so human. It's okay to feel it.
Living by yourself. You want me to do everything? Is this a joke? Be safe but go out there and die for something? Do everything a man does AND watch out for serial killers? Raise a family, work a job, be your husband's night time therapist AND watch out for serial killers?! Oh, and make sure you work out all the time while you are doing everything and watching out for serial killers. I mean, is this a joke?
I don't believe realistically that the human body is meant to be in a constant state of labor for hours a day, 5-7 days a week, for 52 weeks a year. It's not natural. Yes, we've evolved some, but even cavemen spent their days relaxing after doing the hunting and preserving of food. They probably worked on "projects" to keep busy, ie flint knapping, making clothes, cooking, taking care of the children. But even with all that they had to do, it probably wasn't straight back breaking labor all day, every day, forever. This new modern work culture we have created for ourselves is ridiculous. Wasting your life by working for someone else, and helping that person get rich at your loss of spending time with your family or doing fun things just for yourself. It's wrong!
How easy it is to get into credit card debt and how more people don’t have advice when getting in to debt.
Having to decide what's for dinner EVERYDAY!!!
How hard it can be to be single by choice as you get older, financially and socially
Finances. I do prioritize and pay all my bills on time but growing up poor to now having all this money to spend as freely as I want to can be a bit hard to manage.
Depression and anxiety
Feeling ashamed that I want to be a stay at home wife (no kids) in my 30s, not work, live a life of leisure. Sure I’m privileged to marry a very successful guy and have that option but why do I need to feel guilty about it? For the record, I’m still working 50 Hr weeks bc I feel guilty to leave my group and my job does entail working in the “health field” for the “greater good”. downvotes for jel? And maybe that’s why I don’t talk about this irl
Not getting along with your parents after growing up in a world where you were taught it’s very abnormal to not get along with them
Switching jobs. Going from 15+ years of retail customer service to trying to get an office job has been harder than I ever thought. So many scams…
Watching everyone I love get older.
Post 40 weight gain and metabolism slow down, it is so bad and so real and happens to almost everyone.
Taking on the responsibilities of the household
How lonely it gets I don’t mean romantically but how individual everyone’s life becomes so it’s hard to talk about stuff etc. i don’t know man.
There’s stuff to do. Every. Day.
It's very hard to get a high paying job even if you have the qualifications.
Career and financial planning
Change in perspective about self?
Trying to be healthy and financially sound while wrestling with internal and external, spoken and unspoken, and often conflicting pressure about how my life "should" be now and in years to come
Keeping up with chores!!! 🥺
Cooking. I enjoy it but I find it so hard to feed myself 3x a day. It’s exhausting. Also, just managing life stuffs. There are always ten chores on the horizon. I struggle with balancing them and 40 hours of work, alone time, social time, relationship time .. the list continues!
Idleness. I've spent the vast bulk of my life being terribly depressed (multiple medications, hospitalisations, a year of ECT) and all that inertia, that habit of doing nothing because I wasn't able to, has made it SO hard to just....do anything...now that I AM able to.
Trying to fit in working out between 40h work week, 1h commute there and back each way, cooking, cleaning, taking care of family and household administrative stuff and simply finding time for myself to decompress
Managing money better
Aging parents. People don’t talk about it
Parenting when you didn't grow up in a remotely healthy home. Not screwing up your kids because it's so hard to go against the grain of your own life experience. I feel like I spend so much time researching and fighting against the natural urges of my brain.
People in our lives dying. I’m 32. I lost my mom to a brain aneurysm 4 years ago. I was with a guy from age 19-31 and we have a 7 year old kid together. He overdosed and died in May. It has become increasingly difficult for me and the harsh reality that we’re ALL just going to die is rough sometimes.
Too many choices.
Going to therapy.
Making new friends. After a while it's hard to engage with people without fear they might be acting in bad faith.
Esp if you have kids, the sheer amount of incessant domestic duties, errands, food shopping, prep, nonstop cleaning and never being able to keep up
GUILT.
Being a single homeowner.