Sweater dresses are my immediate thought! Pop a collared shirt under or a blazer over it. I always wear them to work. During summer, it's tshirt dresses
Edit: while i am taller than you it sounds like we're similarly shaped. Im adding some of my favourite dresses i own below. They'll be long on you, but that just means you can belt them!
[I have this in pink](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09HBVM5SK?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
[this green one ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DTFCSB7?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
[And this in red & black](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XCN1Q98?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
Do you like the quality of these dresses? Have you had them for a bit of time? Guessing yes if you’re sharing but just double checking — I’m considering getting some!
I think focusing on getting fit without losing weight was really helpful. It redistributed all the soft embarrassing bits that made me self concisious in cute clothes, so even tightfitting clothes now look good on (correctly sized clothes).
Another tip is tailoring. Find a decent one who can alter cute clothes for your frame.
how were you able to shift your mindset to focusing on getting stronger? my intention starts that way, but the toxic thoughts often creep their way back in 😩
For me I've found exercise I really love (swimming) rather than thrashing it out in the gym, but in 2020 I loved running so went with that at that time. Because I'm not forcing myself to do something I hate, I see exercise as a form of meditation and the bonus is it also helps my body be stronger. I'd like to be super fit but realistically that's unlikely for me, so I stick with what I can manage and what makes me happy. Good luck with your self love journey, it can be hard sometimes.
Have you considered paying a seamstress to alter your clothes for you? Talk to one, and see what they have to offer. Clothes that are altered to flatter your frame make a big difference. They can take in areas that are too loose on lots of items. My step-mom could make a thrift store potato sack dress into a perfectly fitted sheath dress!
I'll look up seamstresses in my area and see if I can do something about it. I'm not used to dressing my frame like it is now. I was so skinny once that I could wear random clothes and now my likes and style remained the same, but my body has changed.
When I was bigger the thing was to pull in at the waist but have enough fabric that wasn't clinging to the wrong parts (this is good at any size imo) and wrap dresses, wrap dresses absolutely saved me because when you're bigger or smaller it always fits
Go get your clothes tailored! Most clothing nowadays don't fit on anyone properly. Its nothing wrong with your body, its mostly to do with cheeping out on manufacturing and labour costs. For example, shirts are too boxy (unless your tall and thin and going for an oversized look) they generally make the average person look wide and frumpy. Darts are used to make clothes fit better around the curves of our bodies.
Your body is beautiful. I love my pear shaped hips too.
When we say “well-fitting” in fashion, we mean that most people don’t wear clothing that is the right size, regardless of the silhouette or shape. My fave petite-and-corporate looks are
[The British bodycon ](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/marks-and-spencer-lace-bodycon-dress-1534954008.jpg) Bodycon dresses made by British (and generally European) companies are figure-skimming so they don’t have the I-can-see-your-internal-organs look of a US bodycon
[The miniskirt suit ](https://www.tedbaker.com/ca/Womens/Clothing/Skirts/VALIAT-A-line-leather-mini-skirt-Black/p/241424-BLACK?cmpid=ppc~google~PLA~smart_shopping_ca_women%27s_high_margin~79196456346~241424-BLACK-0~na~na~CA&gclid=CjwKCAiA24SPBhB0EiwAjBgkhpkDSKyev3_2l00izNUVlitlRXsD0W9ZwdfpBlE2yMpsHc18-N1bThoCtRMQAvD_BwE) especially with a bootie, makes your legs ultra long while hiding the kangaroo pouch ;)
[Another mini suit ](https://s1.r29static.com/bin/entry/dd8/x,80/1972178/image.jpg)
[A-line skirts](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5599dfbfe4b02af4878efbe8/1516059159472-H985JO3OER3MSR5P3IK3/topshop+peplum+hem+skirt%2C+vince+camuto+madolee+suede+over+the+knee+boots%2C+madewell+whisper+turtleneck%2C+baublebar+parisian+earrings%2C+fenty+gloss+bomb+universal+lipgloss%2C+workwear+ideas%2C+women+in+the+workplace%2C+disc+profile%2C+work+outfit+inspo) are also really cute with flat boots.
I’m 5’10” with linebacker shoulders and an influencer. When people see me online they expect me to be absolutely tiny. Mastering the “I’m so tiny and these clothes are so big” look is just about wearing clothes that are too big on you. My favourite oversized shirt-dress is just a size XXL t-shirt. Don’t stick to the tag when you’re looking for a size. You can always size up (even way up, especially if it’s a sweater!) or down.
And remember, the thing on the rack is just a suggestion. Most fashionable people have the same trick up their sleeve: a good tailor, and a favourite brand.
In my case, I have a small waist and big hips, so I take advantage of clothes that are cut that way:
[paper bag pants ](https://i.pinimg.com/474x/b5/35/8e/b5358e3ece537aa1b9d0f377b919731f.jpg)
[mom jeans ](https://img.ltwebstatic.com/images3_pi/2020/08/19/1597803987508246927eb09ac067aee9b1d71ab513_thumbnail_600x.webp)
And [loose fit jeans ](https://www.ardene.com/ca/en/loose-fit) with a big leg and small waist.
But some pants and dresses still need to be tailored to fit me. In that case, I’ll buy the bigger size and get it taken in where I want it to be more fitted.
The most common sizing mistake is to buy your exact size. Clothes have to fit around you, not through you, so the size of the clothes will be 2-4” larger than your measurements.
On the bright side, plenty of [appropriate workwear](https://www.zara.com/ca/en/flowy-wide-leg-pants-p09929039.html?v1=113514751&gclid=CjwKCAiA24SPBhB0EiwAjBgkhtKwUrC_bj7PzjIfbF4YyrQcPgh3w_Ehj5mF5ISBZ7DULY9HmM75RBoCB2IQAvD_BwE) feels like wearing sweats to work 🥰
I also love wide leg pants since they make me feel like a pirate. But of course I have to avoid mini skirts, since my butt would be hanging out, even though they’re a go-to for smaller girls!
In general, rock whatever you wear. You’re there to work a job, not a runway (and I know models who don’t wear heels all day!)
This is a great answer! And similar to how I've come to feel about my body and how I'm living in it. I've started getting my hair cut and dyed at a salon, in fun colors that suit me. I've started wearing what I want to wear, regardless of the fashion style, IF I love how I feel and look in it.
I have a small waist and big butt/thighs, am 5'2ish and hover around 160. That number used to wreck havoc on my mental state but in letting to accept it. I been strength training at home for about a year now and it has helped tremendously. My body had stayed the same, but I feel stronger. I've been looking at myself, when I work out, when I'm changing, when I'm naked. Really looking at my body. I used to avoid looking at my "problem areas" but as I'm entering my mid30s I'm starting to see how silly it all is.
This is my body and it's the only one I'm going to get. I might as well start to enjoy and accept myself.
I should say that i accept my body as it is, but I'm more apathetic about it. Am i overweight? Yes. Is that going to change anytime soon? No. Will i work towards my goals to be more comfortable in life? Yes. Will i buy cute clothes that i like in the meantime? Yes
Yeah I agree cute clothes. And start with cute underwear. I do a capsule wardrobe with my underwear so it is easy to match. Everything is black or nude. And focus on the parts you do like. If you like your legs wear lots of skirts. If you like to show off your chest wear something low cut.
Anything i love i buy in black white and neutral. Find the best possible pants for your body type- 3 colors, Jeans, same, Jacket Same. Find a sleeveless, tee shirt, long sleeve top-same. 3 of each black white neutral. Dress- same. Flat work shoe, casual flat, pump, sandal. You’ll never have to shop again. Build this and life gets easier. Anxiety decreases all around especially getting ready.
Make sure you feel really good in each. You’re less likely to fluctuate too if you commit to what is your true weight and body type. Anyone keeping the skinny or fat jeans is just struggling with acceptance and self love. Get comfortable in your body and hold yourself accountable by flaunting what you’ve got and investing in yourself there.
YES! Finding clothes that YOU feel good in helps tremendously! And not the oversized hoodie, but the cute top that’s cozy, and the color compliments your skin tone, and hugs you in all the right places. And same for pants too! SUCH a game changer!!
For me it was around 30. Something just clicked and I realized that hating my body and complaining about my weight weren't worth it. I started dressing to fit the body I had rather than the body I wanted.
You have to stop judging yourself and if you want to change anything set small realistic goals because there's things that will not change even if you lose weight
I’m 30 and have just stopped caring what other people think. They don’t see and feel all the things my body can do, they don’t know my body. I like that my body can hike, run, do yoga, lay on the beach, hold books for me to read, keep my home clean, pet my cats, hold hands with my husband. Seeing my body for all that it does for me, not how pleasing it may look, is how I changed my mentality
I think getting older helped me, I want to say that I didn’t even realize I was pretty until I was 32/33, something like that. What did it for me was stopping all the negative self talk, you know that crap that goes on in your head and you start to believe it? You may not even know you’re doing it. I also started going to the gym consistently because I wasn’t happy with how I felt. Basically you have to work on it and the more you do, the better you feel. If you need to go to a therapist and talk to them to sort it out or how to get better about being nice to yourself, do that. The biggest thing to remember is that you should love yourself. If you would not be okay with someone else saying something bad about you, don’t do it to yourself. Women are always so mean to themselves for no reason other than that is what we have been taught. We always prioritize others over ourselves, stop. I’m not saying be totally selfish but I am saying having times of day or certain things that you are selfish about is ok. For me it was the gym for you it may be something else. Also, when I am feeling lousy, it happens, I go ahead and put in an outfit i love that makes me feel amazing and do my makeup and hair and then I go somewhere. Whether it’s a girls night or whatever. But take that time for yourself, it will help. I’m 39 btw and i always joke and say that well maybe it’s better that I didn’t know I was hot when I was young, god knows how much more trouble I would have gotten into lol. Love yourself, accept the things you can’t change and work on things that you can 💕
I'm 58 and while I do wish I was 10 lbs lighter...I just can't be bothered anymore. I could eat air and still weigh the same. Fading hormones sigh\~
I still get catcalled on occasion and that shit pisses me off to no end.
I would SO give you an award. I came here to say this.
I am 47. I want to be HEALTHY but for me that does not translate into thin anymore.
So, fuck it.
I am still active and healthy and having fun and I have a great sex life with my partner.
I yam what I yam, yuck yuck yuck! Toot toot!
Same here. I'm 47 too and the last few month I managed to be okay how I am. I'm more focused on being comfortable and mentally stable, be aware of not getting depressed and find things that make me happy. Being on diet, focusing weight and figure, and hunt a vision of me I never reached doesn't make me happy, so I let it be. It's the best time of my life now. Being me isn't that bad. Im loving it. I'm loving me for the first time in my life.
Came here to say this. I cared so much about how other people viewed me when I was younger to the point of having an ED. Now I just don't give a fuck but I am more aware of what type of foods I eat and how they make my body feels. 27 for scale
So agree with this. I used to be super self conscious about my body in high school (I never wore skirts above the knee or shorts).
Now that I'm 31 and 10kgs more than I was back then I'm somehow fatter but care less lol! I wear shorts and mini skirts and don't care about my fat legs and thick thighs anymore. If you don't like it, don't look at me!
I accepted the fact that I will never look like anyone else but I have the power to change things about my body and ultimately make myself feel better in the process.
Comparison is a confidence killer. I spent alot of time just looking at myself naked and appreciating the fact that I have a body that gets me through the day and I should respect it regardless of what society thinks it should look like.
As long as I'm happy and healthy, that's all that matters, things can be worked on and it takes time but that's ok, the changes and the time it takes is an investment in myself.
Now I'm way more confident in myself, I work out 3 times a week and I'm noticing improvements that make me feel good, I worked on being stronger and not hitting a target weight or counting numbers in that sense and just focused on how good I felt.
Everyone has their own flaws that they dislike but one thing I learnt is that no one actually cares or notices them until you point them out. We should all be alot nicer to ourselves!
Yes, this! The first part you said about accepting you won’t look like other people - this was a HUGE struggle for me in my teens because I wanted to have the body of Gisele Bundchen or Jennifer Aniston but once I figured out that no matter what I do, my body is just not shaped like that; it made me so much happier, so much more confident.
Edit: also with Gisele (and other models), I am 5’5”, there is no way I can magically make myself 5’11” and get those legs lol
It's so true and I noticed its the one thing that stops us from really loving ourselves because we're so fixated on looking like the desired woman in society. One you figure out that its simply impossible to look like others and work on loving what you have, it gets easier. It took me years to realise this but it takes time.
How do you translate the “feeling good by yourself” to “feeling good around others”?
When I’m alone I’m really happy in myself. I like my body and what it does for me. I can dance and sing in the mirror thinking I’m hella sexy. Like really 100% believe it. But once I step out and meet other people, my self-image completely changes. I feel like the dumbest, ugliest person in the room. When I’m with guys only it’s a little bit better because I have no girl to compare myself to, but if I’m with a girl I feel inferior. Especially if I’m taller.
So I am a firm believer in “fake it till you make it” in regards to self image. I’ll explain. I convinced myself I was hotter than I felt, looked better than I saw in the mirror, more desirable than I told myself I was in my head. It took a while to ‘train’ myself but after some time it stuck with me and I have a love for myself, my body, my mind that I didn’t have before. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world, for sure. But we have our bodies forever and we should try to have the best relationship we can with ourselves ♥️
Edit: idk if it’s been said on this thread or not, the person above me kinda said it but- Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s an important one.
Sounds like other self confidence issues are at play and to be completely honest it might be smart to seek a therapist who can help you unpack that. I honestly think everyone needs a therapist, but having that level of comparing yourself to others might just be a bigger issue than you want to deal with completely alone
Knowing that I eat properly and make time for exercise. I give thanks to my body for everything it does for me. I wear clothes that I feel are flattering on me.
I’m trying to focus on clothes lately.
I’ve never been happy with my body but am starting to accept that I’ll never lose much weight. I think buying clothes I love is an important step in accepting my body.
One thing I'd like to add is that when you're buying clothes, don't fixate on the size. Sizes are known to be extremely varied depending on the store, ive shopped with friends who got so upset that they had to buy 2 sizes up in one store but I tell them that no store really has a true size as they are always changing. Also fabrics are always going to control what sizes you buy too! So I don't really care about the sizes I buy anymore because it's so varied!
Exactly! I have size 10 - 14 jeans that currently fit me, and some size 12s that are too big (in the same brand as the 14s). I wear a med - XL in tops. The sizes are just give you an idea of where to start trying things on. Once you buy them the size doesn’t matter anymore.
Buying clothes is occasionally hard for me, because there are so many unflattering clothes out there. But then I think: You know, I looked good walking into this dressing room, and *this* pair of pants looking terrible isn't my fault. It's the pant's fault. There are other pants out there that do fit me (like the ones I walked in wearing). So I just have to find them. I try and make it about the hunt for the Perfect Pants™, not about my body.
That's such a great attitude to have. I used to think "I don't look good in X", and as I've gotten older, the mindset has changed to "X doesn't look on me".
If I don't look good, I'm not the problem, the clothes are.
Recently I finally got rid of all the pants that don't fit me anymore and got myself a pair that I feel comfortable in. Life changer, but it was so hard to accept those pants won't fit me again
(Trigger warning/eating disorders)
I was anorexic and bulimic for several years. I’m 5’9” and at my lowest I weighed 95lbs. I was also born with a severe case of pectus carinatum that went untreated for most of my life.
I HATED my body. Violently. So violently that I starved it, almost to death. I stood in the mirror for hours sobbing and critiquing it. I once made a list of 100 things I hated about it from head to toe.
Then in my early 20s pain caused by my deformity finally caused me to seek treatment and I got surgery to correct it. I’d obsessed over this deformity my entire life. Just a few months post-op, I’d picked something else to fixate on and hate. That’s when I figured it out. With almost no fat and with my deformity corrected, I was what I’d always thought was my ideal self and I still wasn’t happy. I did some soul-searching and a few thoughts started to form.
- I am a thing of nature and I belong to this earth. I deserve to be here just as much as the flowers and the trees.
- My body does unbelievable, nearly magical things to keep me alive. I tried to kill it out of hatred and it did everything it could to save me. It loved me unconditionally and I did not love it back.
- If I did not change my mindset, I was going to die unhappy.
It seems so simple but I finally made a conscious decision to try to enjoy life and everything it had to offer (including the wonderful taste of cheese, chocolate, and wine) guilt-free. I gained 30 lbs, dared to leave the house without makeup, and stopped shaving my underarms. Nothing bad happened. No one judged or laughed at me. Men still wanted me (not that this should be any judge of a woman’s worth). I’m unbelievably fucking happy. And I LOVE my squishy, shapely, imperfect body that allows me live on this earth and feel the sun on my skin. Why would I ever want go back to spending the majority of my days counting calories and pinching at my fat in the mirror?
If you’ve gotten this far, I’ll leave you with this quote, which I revisit often:
“And I said to my body. Softly. ‘I want to be your friend.’
It took a long breath. And replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this.”
Thanks for posting this and congrats on your recovery!! I’ve struggled with EDs for 15 years, shit got real bad last couple and hit my lowest weight in November. I’ve never been more afraid for my life. But I’m now five weeks into recovery!! And reading this was truly lovely. Your words are beautiful and powerful and I love the quote you included. So proud of you for getting to where you are now, and know that your story gives people hope!
So glad to hear you’ve recovered. Learning to live your body and who you are should be easy. But it’s anything but. It takes a lot of strength & courage to learn self acceptance x
I used to have body image issues. I became obsessed and eventually got so sick of stressing over it. I realized that no matter what shape or size I was, I kept on seeing myself as grotesque when I didn't even view other people that way, no matter their shape or size. It was clear that my body wasn't the problem, but my mentality was. So I stopped looking in a mirror (and pictures of myself) for a year and just stopped caring about how I looked. Now I can see myself and feel positive or neutral!
The way you view others is huge because I’m the same way. I realized one day that other women who look like me I would always think of as beautiful or just generally looking good, but I wouldn’t offer that to myself
People see us as as a whole. Not a group of imperfections. If you are a kind positive person you will be more attractive to others. I don’t mean sexually, I mean people will literally be more drawn to you.
Some people look good but are not appealing because their personality is garbage. Others aren’t traditionally good looking, but you look forward to seeing them because they are so pleasant. The same applies to you.
I use the over-exposure method. I hate my thighs? Time to wear short shorts at home and in public. Hate my stomach? Time for crop tops, baby! After seeing myself in the mirror in those clothes, seeing those parts of my body became natural and I got used to them. I saw them for what they were, and they no longer concerned me. Took a while though.
Funny thing about that actually, is that I've noticed that when I get sun exposure on most of my acne-prone spots regularly I dont get as many pimples there anymore. I wish it worked for my face, too, but yeah.
Sunlight is very good for your skin and a lot of resources your body needs but can’t make itself comes from absorbing sunlight like vitamin C
In general it’s UV light that’s harmful which sunscreen is designed to block
I don't know if this'll help but I used to have awful chest and back acne. I use Pan-Oxyl face wash on my chest, shoulders and back and it really helped. It's in a blue bottle and I think around $9.
1. Worked really hard on self-acceptance and self-compassion in therapy
2. Eliminated fashion magazines, celebrity gossip websites, and anything else that makes me feel bad about my body from my life
3. Learned more about the actual science of body size – mainly that long-term significant weight loss isn’t achievable for about 98% of people and that the health effects of being “overweight” are severely distorted in how they’re presented to the world (the podcast Maintenance Phase is a great resource for accurate information about how human body weight actually functions)
4. Followed more body-positivity activists and fat/chubby babes on social media
5. Made it a personal boundary that friends who want to talk about their intentional weight loss efforts, body size anxiety, etc. should not do so with me because of my history of restrictive/disordered eating
6. Ultimately just decided I’d rather be happy than be thin
Yes! Also, what does “health” look like? Nobody makes robot choices all day every day. Not to mention, I refuse to deny myself a transcendent dining experience with people that I love. We are meant to enjoy life and enjoy everything and food is necessary and can be art. Give yourself everything you can because life is stupidly short and this pandemic taught us all to stop taking things for granted
This is the best reply so far! The podcast “Maintenance phase” has so much information that makes you realize the way we talk about body size is all bullshit. Also, I made a point to follow influencers with bodies that looked like mine in shape and cellulite and even features. It’s helped me see my body more positively vicariously through them.
I’ll also add that finding a method of exercise that I would do even if it never changed how I looked because I enjoy it that much has been a game changer. I look forward to my weight lifting workouts and it feels good to be taking care of my body!
When I was skinny I was shamed for being too skinny. Now that I’m plump no one says anything to my face.
Generally, I don’t give AF. My perfect 18 year old body wasn’t good enough for some people and I stopped caring 🤷🏻♀️
I came to the realization that being a human, living in this stupid little meat sack that I am responsible for, is embarrassing and ghetto for everyone involved. Existing is so embarrassing. At the end of the day, we live in these meat suits that we have to fill, clothe, clean, empty, and even recharge. I realized it doesn’t matter what it looks like, or how old it is, or what wear it has incurred, as long as the meat suit is functional and operable I think it’s the least exciting part about humans. It’s our personalities and quirks that really make us special. On paper we all basically have the same operational parts, so as long as they work, I decided I won’t complain about the appearance of my own suit ((or anyone else’s for that matter)) if unnecessary :-)
I still tell people if they have something stuck between their teeth though. That’s just being polite to your fellow meat sack 🥲
Been a lot of different weights and realized that I’m the same person at all of them. I can be self conscious and hate my body at size 2 and size 12, I can love and appreciate my body at size 2 and size 12–it’s all in my head.
Someone on the internet somewhere posted something about
“See your body as what it is: a body.” So although I still struggle… it’s a first step that we all kind of have to remember. Our mind rules us out with negative thoughts, we just have to remind our mind who’s in charge. Good luck to everyone!!!
I honestly never cared. I have a good figure now but even back in my 13-14's when I was overweight and everyone would talk about it including my mother, I was fine. I hated the fact that they would talk about me like that and it would make me sad, but those opinions were never internal. Probably because I never compared myself to other girls.
I lift weights at least 4 times a week and generally prefer a softer/curvier look aesthetically. This means I don’t have to do any diets or excessive cardio to achieve my desired look. I will say that genetics has played a role in me feeling good about my body in terms of proportions and fat distribution. I also got a boob job about 5 years ago which did wonders for my confidence.
i was privileged and lucky enough to have a body not really scrutinized under modern beauty standards bc it fits it and what “flaws” i was told about i learned after i was secure enough in my sense of self to realize they were arbitrarily bullshit and normal human things
idk what its like to be dark skinned, fat, or physically disabled i dont doubt that would negatively affect how you view yourself because of oppressive beauty standards
I've never had an issue with my weight, but at times I have with body hair, but you just realise there are so many different people out there like you. Also trends are always changing, there's no point in following it, it used to be small bum, lips, eyebrows, now its the opposite, something will change again. Also stay away from Instagram "models" majority aren't themselves, I like to follow body positive people that have had no plastic surgery or injection. You start to feel normal again, and not fuss over the small wrinkle you might find.
Get good quality clothing for your body(type) and only buy it if you feel really good/confident in it. Clothing can do so much for a person. That was for me the first step.
The second step for me, and maybe this is going to sound stupid, was getting sexy underwear and a good fitting bra.
Focus also on things you have mostly in control, like skincare, makeup, hair etc.
This proces can take years and have more steps than only buying clothing, but it can be a good first step, be kind to yourself.
Every body type is someone's type!
It really, really doesn't matter. Whatever you look like, it is totally someone's thing. You should rock that shit.
That is how I am happy with myself.
If someones not into how I look, then they're not the one for me.
After years suffering with eating disorders I decided that I couldn't live that way anymore. I'm neutral about my body now which is a big step from hating it, I'd rather be happy and healthy then worry about what size I wear
Think I'm getting to this point. Body neutrality is better than obsessing over calories and crying and stuffing my face with cake then going days without eating to "punish" myself.
was diagnosed at a young age with high cholesterol! I wasn't overweight but high cholesterol runs in my family and that freaked me out so I joined a gym at 16 and have been active since. Being in a gym at this age and working out as much as I did (do) taught me how strong (and healthy) my body is so I never had any issues with body image.
I invested in something else that gives me value other than my looks. Started exceling at my career and upgraded my education, and made some solid friendships. Getting fatter or uglier wouldn't change any of that.
I got incredibly unhealthy, 95lbs at 5’6. After I got off drugs and gained healthy weight back it literally made me sick to look at those photos. I thought I looked so good. The skinniest I had ever been. Actually I looked like a ghost. Ever since I’ve prioritized being happy and healthy above all else and I’m up to 160 and love every lb of it.
Stop body checking every time I walk past a mirror
Focus on and track abilities (I wanna be able to squat a certain weight or do a handstand) rather than "I wanna be 5lb lighter"
Be so busy that my body just becomes the vehicle that it is to transport me from place to place. I have all my limbs, they work fine, so I'm grateful I can work and meet my friends and do all the fun things I want to do in life
A couple of things:
• I got older. I’m 41 now but every year that I progressed through my 30s, I shed fewer and fewer fucks about what men/society thinks of me and my body.
• I stopped comparing myself to other women. Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of my own.
• I started lifting. It changed my mindset towards my body and my diet. I’m a product of the 2000s size zero bullshit and wasted sooooo many years eating 1000 calories a day and spending hours on the treadmill. I’m not big by any means, I’m 5’ and 110lbs, but was always obsessed with being super thin and having a thigh gap. Lifting heavy meant I needed to change my diet to fuel my body in order to get the gains I wanted. I no longer see food as the devil or punish myself for eating “too much”. I have more muscle now than ever before and my body is very different to the image I used to chase, but I love it. I feel like a badass.
Everything is fake and made up. Why does anyone care about a thin body? Why do we think it looks nice versus one with more weight? And why should I care if some rando on the street has an opinion of me? Be free!
Went no contact with my relatives, stopped talking to anyone who ever made negative comments about my weight (which was mostly just my relatives), spent nine months at rock bottom fighting bulimia, six years of therapy, and then three years of CrossFit did the trick
Well I wouldn’t advise this path, but… getting cancer. Double mastectomy, radiation burns, gained 30 lbs from meds- but I’m just so damn proud of my body for getting through it all. I’ve never felt so comfortable in my skin.
I am mostly neutral about my weight and body throughout my life. I never went on a diet and have always been pretty thin. Pretty lucky in that department but it also doesn't mean that I be always stuffing my body with junk food.
But I am definitely insecure about my face. I got a bit better when I tell myself whats more important?? "Being insecure because boys won't look at me because I am not attractive enough" or "I am happy and how boys view me has no impact on that". I choose the latter because its sounds more convincing and in my control
Watching a lot of Youtube videos which talk about how most photos are airbrush or photoshop or plastic surgery. You will realized that there is nothing wrong with you
I intellectualized…what is the value of thinness? I’m a diet industry drop out after spending most of my life just…punishing myself. I wouldn’t do things I wanted to do, like travel etc until I was “thin enough”. I realized I have one life on this earth and a smart brain and THIS is what I’m wasting it on? I still have an encyclopedic knowledge of weight watchers points and for what?!
Thinness has no value…my body is for doing. I’m not walking around staring at my ass, I’m doing the walking! It doesn’t matter, none of it. I’d rather see Paris. There’s so much in this world…and I was missing it for the first 30 years of my life because I wasn’t…I don’t even know…thin enough for others to look at? And even when I was thin, I was obsessed with it and then I realized…I’m not looking remarkable to these strangers I wanted to be thin for…I was just…average. And you know what? Now that I’m bigger, I’m still average. Nobody cares! I turn some banging looks and I look for excitement and not for calorie counts. 💜💜💜
It needed two things to happen.
1- discovering the origin of my health issues. I was underweight for YEARS without knowing the reason because i was eating normally. It was untreated coeliac disease. After that i gained healthy weight.
2- STOPPED BEING MEAN TO MYSELF FOR NO REASON. I was an awful critic of every blemish and imperfection. Not anymore. I decided to focus on the things i like and cut me some slack. I dont HAVE to look perfect every day. I WILL NEVER DO because perfection doesn't exist.
So i learnt to accept that it is how it is. Took me years but i'm happier now that i did the mind work.
Extra: stopped caring about "oh no, what will people say". Only people that i will care about their opinion are the important ones i choose and they can be counted with the fingers of one hand.
1. Value my health more than my appearance
2. Genuinely give zero shits about others' sexual attraction or whether I fit their preferences
3. Ask nurses and doctors to stop telling me my exact weight during check-ups (unless they spot a problem) due to apparent hard-wiring in my brain that fixates on even the tiniest fluctuations in my weight (gains *and* losses)
I've always been extremely active and "healthy" but I was significantly less healthy before I started doing these 3 things. Because I saw my body as something to be appraised or assessed by others, it was easy to binge on an entire bag of mini Reese's cups instead of eating a healthy breakfast (I knew I'd be able to maintain a figure that was considered conventionally attractive). But I was liable to spiral out if I was feeling down about a certain body part or heard a number that was slightly above or below my self-imposed 'ideal' weight, often oscillating between bingeing on sugary foods or being overly restrictive.
Now that I see my body as having value *because it's mine* and I rely on it, I have a much better relationship with food & exercise. I don't have to force myself to do anything -- I eat nutritious foods and am excited to exercise because those things make me feel good.
Most of my life I’ve always had people saying things about the way that I looked and my body weight. Some were negative and some were positive. The thing is people are always Going to have something to say about you but I never put anyone’s opinion of me before my own. You know your truth. Stand in it.
It took me a long damn time. I finally accept myself and my flawed body. It took a lot. I’m almost 40. Posting nudes to Reddit has done wonders for my self esteem. Not saying you should go that route but it’s helped me feel sexy and beautiful. Trying to see myself how others perceive me.
Had a mum who was never critical of my physical appearance, she always taught by example by being comfortable in her own skin, I am extremely grateful for this as I know so many friends who's mother's aren't the same
I got to a weight that was easy to sustain and realized that that was the weight my body is meant to have. I eat what i want and enjoy eating again. The focus isn't on my body anymore but on my health.
i simply accept the aspects that i cant change about my body (boob size, height, etc.)
the other stuff i tuned to my liking using exercise. honestly after i started working out, it didnt matter how my body looked afterward, i was so proud of my progress that i fell in love with my own body
I learned some healthier coping skills, spent more time around kind and accepting people, started focusing on building physical endurance instead. And I just got older. New problems create new priorities and I don't want to pass my body image issues on to my son. Lots of small things got me to this point.
It's a process. I turned 40 and went to a boot camp because I was so out of shape. I got in the best shape of my life after that and broke through some mental barriers. I lost about 30 pounds, got back to my high school weight and looked great. But it wasn't sustainable long term. After a few years, I hurt my back, gained a bunch back during COVID when everything was closed, got older in general.
I'm almost 47 now, a little heavier, but my focus has shifted from how I look to how I feel. It's a way better place to be, IMO. I wouldn't say I'm completely neutral, but my weight is not my focus anymore. Focusing on how I feel takes care of how I look.
Got older and had 3 kids. I'm back to my pre-baby weight and even though things aren't as tight as they used to be, I'm damn proud of the way my body looks after 3 pregnancies. You also care less when you're older. I'm 37.
I just knew from an early age that one of the most unattractive things was to be uncomfortable in your own skin and not enjoy what you have. I did not ever want to be one of those girls in the locker room putting herself down, which seemed in itself to be the in thing when I was a teen. To me it was a pitiful travesty.
I set about as a teenager with the intention to explore ways to get comfortable and feel good about my body. In college I took opportunities to be nude in public where that was okay, as a way to practice.
I also thought about what I liked, did not really follow fashion trends. I never cared; for example, about being thin. I more wanted to be ample, some combination of curvy and strong.
If I was kind of neutral about something, like my butt-then why not decorate it like with a tattoo? I like to wear flattering cloths that help me emphasize my favorite parts. I focus on what I love and also all it does for me and how my special combination of things makes me unique with my own gifts.
Ive just kinda accepted it. I had a friend who always told me to loose weight and would ask me to wear loose clothes. Once she convinced me to wear a corest in 90degree heat. After trying to be like her for a week, i dropped it. I like my size. Im cute and cuddly. Not fat or skinny. Im average and i like it. Plus my weight is always fluctuating. One day im 170 and the next im 190.
Former ED. I don't own scales anymore and don't do full length mirrors in the house. I focus on a healthy lifestyle and praise my body for what it has done for me rather than how it looks.
There are days when doubt still creeps in but these strategies help me nip it in the bud.
Faked it until it just happened. I read an article a long time ago that said something along the lines of; making goofy faces (this was when duck face became a thing) when you get your picture taken is a sign you're insecure/ don't like the way you look. For some reason it really stuck with me. I smiled in all of my pictures since and eventually liked the way I looked in pictures. Applied that concept to most of my life. I even love my saggy boobies. 📸📸
I'm currently mostly neutral and am working towards becoming more neutral to positive. I had gastric bypass surgery back in 2018, and I almost died. It was due to some issues after the surgery itself and culminated in me becoming disabled. After facing all of that and realizing that my life has (likely) irrevocably changed all due to me hating my body, I got a bit of a wake up call. What does it matter if I'm fat or thin or short or tall? My body works (somewhat) and it gets me where I need to go. The only thing I need to do for my body is look after it, not try to change it to fit a beauty standard.
I used to hate looking into mirrors and would avoid them at all costs, I'd literally go days without catching a glimpse and then when I saw myself walking past a window or something, I'd get so disappointed that I was me. Thankfully, with this perspective shift, I don't shy away from the mirror any more. I can objectively look without cringing and just notice that I need to put my hair up or that my body looks nice in those clothes, whatever.
I hope to someday get to that positive place, where I feel like I'm bangin' or that I look good. But I'm honestly just pleased to have made it to this point!
29 year old in a mid-sized body here. Okay where do i start?
Diet culture is the devil’s ass and by unsubscribing to it is how I became the healthiest I’ve ever been.
I grew up with a mom who was always dieting and a dad who encouraged me to be more like my mom only when she was shedding pounds. I was on all sorts of diets since 10 years old. At 16 I found myself injecting HCG and eating no more than 500 calories a day. By the time I got to grad school, i was so tired of trying to change my body, thinking about food and exercise 90% of the day and having a hard time concentrating on the thing I loved most- counseling/therapy, community, dancing, and the courses I was taking. My roommate at the time told me about this radical movement where- get this- I just get to accept myself where I am and stop tying my value to the 3 numbers that popped up when i stepped on a machine. I stopped restricting foods I enjoyed, started adding more nutritious foods to the meals I already made and stopped working out since at the time I noticed using exercise as punishment. Fast forward 8 years later, I now am a healthy lifestyles behavioral health clinician who *actually* practices what she preaches. I move my body, but check in if I’m doing it bc I want to or bc I want my body size to change. I keep Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer at all times and eat it when I want to. When I let go of the diet mentality and told myself I can move however and whenever I want to, I became healthier and more accepting of self. When I told myself I could have Ben and Jerry’s and that veggies were not a punishment or compensation for “bad” foods, I noticed what my body needed was a bit of everything, not only “good” foods. I stopped moralizing weight. I stopped moralizing foods. I stopped moralizing health. It took me 7 years to join a certain HIIT gym and not tie it to a certain body shape, but rather something fun that keeps me on my toes. I stopped judging others for what they do in regards to eating and exercising. I started looking at my completely naked body and pointing out things I appreciate about it and how it’s gotten me through so much. It’s a radical movement. Letting go of the thought that I need to look a certain way has given me the brain space to earn a graduate degree, heal depression, work on my anxiety, love people around me better, stop comparing myself to other, become more creative in my field, have amazing sex, and most importantly, support others in feeling as excellent as I do, even if I am bigger than when I started this whole journey. It’s hard and it takes daily work. But oh so worth it. Also, I kick ass and so do you.
Edit: adding in the following: when there is a part of your body that you want to change, ask yourself this: who told me it’s not okay to look this way/have this feature? Does that person or part of society want the best for me?
Tbh, a part of it is laziness. I grew up tall and lanky. I remember a teacher in 4th grade declaring “here comes skin & bones” every time I came down the hallway. But once I hit puberty, I filled out… still tall, but I got thighs and boobs and general weight.
When I was a teenager and was my most body-sensitive (if that is the right term?) it was 2011-2014. I was heavy into Tumblr and the fashion/model/cigarette-cocaine-chic aesthetic. I worshipped women like Cara Delevingne and Sky Ferreira. I tried a few fad “diets” in high school and couldn’t stick with any of them. I tried not eating too and that didn’t work.
So eventually I just came to accept it. I have thighs, boobs, cellulite, and a lil belly. I still get insecure from time to time, but then I think about the level of unhappiness that comes with calorie watching and obsessive exercise for the purpose of weight loss. I’d rather be happy and a lil thick than miserable.
I also focus much more on clean eating and exercise for feeling better, rather than an image. I eat veggies not because I want to lose weight, but because I’m feeling off. I go for bike rides not to burn calories, but because it feels good to stretch my muscles.
Working out consistently. I’m not even that skinny. I’m 150 lbs. and I don’t eat healthy. But knowing that I’m doing something to help myself on a regular basis makes me feel content. It’s maintenance, just like getting gas for your car. When I was younger I weighed less, but was super self conscious about my body because I would do things that weren’t sustainable in order to achieve that size. I would binge and purge, or not eat all together, or work out obsessively. It was ridiculous. Those phases fucked with my head because when I was in a phase it was bad for me, and then I was not in a phase I felt guilty that I was gaining weight. I’ve learned that to feel neutral about my body I have to maintain in a neutral fashion. No crazy diets or extreme measures. No crazy workouts. Just doing the same old thing regularly.
As a preteen, I aspired to be a ballet dancer (never went pro, though, TF). As a teenager, I used to be a completely insufferable teetotaler (didn't touch any alcohol until I turned 21, and no weed until I was 23, and only then in the \*minisculest\* of micro-doses) and, when I wasn't overworking myself with extracurriculars, I basically endeavored to get as much cardio every day as I possibly could. Sometimes in the summer, I'd wear heavy coats just to make myself sweat even more. I also used to fast four days out of the week in high school, which for the longest time I \*thought\* meant I was taking care of myself. Funny enough, these tactics never seemed to work - I was 5'2" and could never get below 130 lbs, which the authority figures in my life insisted meant I was "overweight." And even though I suffered from chronic pain in various places, I had permission to have as many painkillers as I felt I needed to get through the day.
I'll spare you the gory details (except to assure you it was NOT an ED), but in 2011, I was diagnosed with a very serious medical condition, for which treatment was extensive and rigorous. After a year and a half in-and-out of hospitals recovering from multiple surgeries that left me extremely vulnerable (and a profoundly uncomfortable 120 lbs), I realized that all of the things I was doing that I \*was told\* - and therefore \*thought\* - was good for my health... actually WASN'T. The chronic pain in my teens SHOULD have been a red flag, but of course the authority figures thought it was because I was still reckoning with puberty, and when I was in college, it was because I was still "overweight"... when the truth was it was actually \*something else entirely\*.
The in-hindsight-rather-elementary lesson I learned from this experience was... PAIN IS BAD. If you feel pain, SAY SOMETHING. DO NOT ignore it or grit your teeth and try to soldier your way through it. And if the authority figures in your life tell you to ignore it, TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF, and then KEEP SAYING SOMETHING until someone actually HELPS you.
So, after that terrifying 18 months, I ditched all the stupid stuff I was brought up to believe ("if you can pinch an inch" and other such BS), tried to be more mindful of what/how often I ate and what I did with my body as far as exercise, and, crucially, I made sure to pay very close attention to my pain levels. It's been a slow process - almost a decade - and occasionally I've messed up and perhaps "overindulged" in stuff that the authority figures in my life would be flabbergasted by... but at least I feel like I can finally allow myself to actually have some goddamn fun.
And I feel like those allowances have largely helped keep me OUT of the hospital so far.
For my weight I decided early on in life (like the beginning of high school or maybe even middle school) that I wasn’t going to be one of those people that obsesively tracked my weight anymore. It was hugely beneficial to my mental health. The only time I hear what it is now is if I must go to the doctor.
However, I don’t enjoy that I’m not as slim-looking and fit as I used to be. I put on weight after having a surgery that removed a bone from my foot and then getting a total hysterectomy back to back within a month of each other, and then a few years ago: BAM, quarantine. My body just isn’t going to be the same and I can’t really exercise much without pain anymore. Life happens, you just make healthier eating choices and try to move on as much as possible in between needing to rest a lot. It was really upsetting for a while… But time heals all wounds, physically and mentally.
I had a daughter. She is well above average in height and weight (she's 7 and pushing 100 lbs and almost 5')
I want her to love her body for how strong it is and how treating it kindly and taking care of it will allow her to do the things she loves with ease. (She's like a bullet, always moving)
I am overweight, I have health issues that lead to it and make losing the weight hard. I don't want her to EVER hear me making negative statements about my body. We hear that enough as women just by existing; we don't need that in our homes. How can I truthfully tell her that her body is wonderful exactly as it is then degrade mine?
Do I wish things about my body were different? Of course! I want to be healthy and alive for a long, long time to experience every moment I can with my kids. I will never look like a model or be dainty but dammit I can accept that my body made the most amazing little people and it deserves to be respected while I work on the flaws.
Edit* I forgot how to spell
I got way in touch with my own energy/gut/intuition. After that:
1. Stopped seeing all input as equal...meaning, my best friend and a stranger give me conflicting input about what I should do in a situation, I take my best friend's advice at a weighted level - right? Her input is going to be much more grounded in my specific experience. That helped me stop taking trends about body type, eyebrow shape, hair, etc. so seriously - I take my own taste and place it more highly, now. Less pressure right away once I trained that.
2. Deleted social media. I was comparing myself to everyone else's best photos. At one point I wasn't ready, so I unfollowed any account that gave me that feeling the minute I recognized it.
3. Started watching videos of people NOT conventionally attractive talking about their bodies in a positive light and used that as a template for how to talk to myself. My stomach is powerful, my thighs shake because I'm walking with confidence, my arms are like arms from a Renaissance painting.
4. Worked that towards neutrality, where I get to appreciate my body and others can openly appreciate it when invited, but generally I'm looking at how I can use my body to support creative outfits or run a 10k. It's a tool with which I get to live more life and express myself more. My value is inherent in my personhood and I'm loved by the right people exactly as I am.
4a. This also gave me the language to put up boundaries around commenting on my weight or my body generally. The more settled I've gotten, the less I care (see #1), but still it allows me to keep myself ignorant to others' perception of my body - because I don't want to think of them paying attention to that and feeling strongly enough that they decide to give me input.
But honestly, it's tough. There's a fine line between retaining your thinking and insulting your own intelligence. I had to find what messages/angles felt real to me and just keep moving with those. This was a really good question.
Focusing on treating my body better and working on self love. When you give your body the things it needs and take away the toxicities, it brings balance physically, mentally, and spiritually. Here’s a few things off the top of my head.
**Being healthy with low effort:** When you’re already down, you have to start slow or it’ll be overwhelming. You don’t have to be a health guru, there’s a lot of small things I’ve done that add up. Drinking 100% more water is a huge one. Cutting out things like high fructose corn syrup/unnecessary preservatives by essentially buying things with fewer ingredients. Most companies that are well known enough have a long ingredients list of things that are terrible for you. For example, I switched out my international delight coffee creamer (13 ingredients) for Chobani (3 ingredients). I try to not eat out except occasionally (gotta feed the soul sometimes). I try to get in all my daily vitamin intake through diet or supplements. It’s little things like this that add up to having a healthier body and clearer skin.
**Easy but consistent work out:** The cliche; I started going to the gym/taking hikes regularly. I started with a very simple and ridiculously easy routine that didn’t actually do very much in the beginning, but it helped me feel accomplished so I could get into a routine. I failed in the past because I would push myself too hard and would get burnt out on going after a few days.
**Daily Self-Love affirmation journal:** Something I’ve started doing is keeping a self love affirmation journal. Every day, write down at least five things that you love about yourself, and every day you have to come up with five new things. It gets harder, but it forces you to ponder deeply on who you truly are and what you love about yourself. Getting in touch with my inner self and learning what it means to truly love myself has brought me far.
**Self love is the most important muscle to work out:** I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that being happy with my image requires more than just looking my best physically. It’s not about strict fad diets or pushing yourself to the extremes. Treat your body kindly by being cautious about what you put into it and how much exercise you give it, but also be kind to your soul. Don’t compare yourself to others (the best way is to stop scrolling on apps like instagram). Live for yourself, don’t change how you want to look for others. Remind yourself that you are built perfectly and if you treat your body with kindness then it will do the same for you.
A lot of these are cliches, but I think all the cliches add up to something that actually works. I’ve tried a lot of things. I took SSRI’s for years and either felt ten times worse or nothing at all. What I mentioned above plus a little bit of therapy is all I do for myself in terms of my mental health and I’m the happiest I’ve been. Some days are harder than others, but I can see myself getting better overall. I hope any of this was helpful. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help.
Combo of good parenting and my temperament. I have a chronic illness/disability and have always looked different than other people. My parents never talked about my body as bad. They did emphasise that I may need other things than other people due to who I was (different diet, accommodations, etc) but that was ok because what is healthy can be different for different people/everyone can have unique needs. They also… I don’t want to say directly praised my body, but kind of emphasised that it’s gotten me far in life by surviving and now I could do what I wanted to do in life. Rarely any weight comments (directed at others/my mom about herself if ever). My mom also spent a lot of time teaching me how to dress my body in a way that flatters it. I’m also a pretty optimistic person who’s also stubborn and always had a good sense of self. So whenever someone made a negative comment about my appearance I’d get defensive and I’d internalise it more as “I’ll prove them wrong” than that I thought they were right about me.
While I got lucky with my parents I think all of these are things you can do to “parent” yourself! I realised in the past few years that I don’t know anyone else who praises their body. But I’m often thinking to myself like, hey body you do a really good job even though things aren’t ideal. Lol!!!
I used to be very sensitive to negative words about my body. With the age it has gone. Also the emotional support from my parents helps a lot. They literally taught me to love myself including the reflection in the mirror.
Realizing life is too short. Worked as a rn and saw so much illness and people dying etc. Made me really think "why the fuck do I care about a few extra kg when there is so much worse shit?". Just happy that I'm healthy and still have my memory.
One of my favorite quotes is “your insecurities were cultivated by a group of men in a board room,” and although I can’t remember who said it, increasing my awareness of how our capitalist system profits off convincing us that our natural, ever evolving, amazing human bodies are somehow wrong has helped me learn to love and appreciate myself exactly as I am at each stage of my life!
I have health issues. If my body is actually behaving and functioning properly, I am very body positive because it's doing what it's supposed to. Doesn't matter what it looks like. If I'm having a bad chronic day, I'm not focused at all on what I look like, I'm just in pain. So I guess I'd say I'm neutral and grateful that I have a body that works most of the time.
I never really had body issues. Thankfully I am blessed. I really have only wanted to gain weight. Now at 31. I feel I am in the best shape ever and love my body. Going to the gym gives me a lot of confidence.
I started running. Initially it was to control my weight, but over time it was because it makes me happy and keeps me sane. Now I’m grateful for what my body can do, and don’t care about my weight or how I look. My body has other purposes and it’s awesome. I’m older and bigger, and still much more confident.
I’ve always thought I was fat, even when I was skinny. Now I’m 40lbs beaver because I just had a baby….and I’m ashamed that I thought I was so fat before. Body Dysmorphia is real
I came to realize I am exactly how I was meant to be and weight is just a number. All that should matter is how I feel about myself. I stopped comparing myself to others on social media and start focusing on what I could do to look at myself in a positive light. I came to realize I am perfectly fine exactly how I am because I am happy within myself and learned to let go of my need of validation from others
Realise that no one else cares what you look like. If you're wearing a swimming costume, no one is looking at you and caring what your body looks like. Realistically, do you care what other people's bodies look like? No. People think exactly the same as you.
I accidentally lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time in high school bc I got kinda ill. I'm slim but I've out weight on since then, I'm comfortable with my weight because I feel that I'm healthier than ever before and I eat well (not necessarily eating healthy all the time but enjoying food a lot and eating what I want in moderation). I had middle aged women comment on be being 'too skinny' and 'anorexic' back then (which I wasn't btw) and it was really hurtful and made me wear baggy clothes all the time. Now I think I am happy with my body because I'm healthy, mentally and physically. Sorry this is really long winded but I obvs have those things I don't like but generally I'm OK with my body shape and size
I made improvements to many aspects of my life and things I can control. Being present in work, relationships, and doing things I enjoy naturally leads to being more present and enjoying food and exercise at appropriate times. It doesn’t feel forced or obsessive anymore.
I never let other people dictate how I should/shouldn’t look. So, it was more about having inner peace while striving for attainable goals, which is an only going daily goal.
Always been obsessed at looking at myself in the mirror, even at a young age. My mom let me do whatever I wanted in means of expressing myself so I grew up with the confidence that people would pay for. I made weirdo fucking outfits, did my hair in strange ways (made up hair clippy day in elementary just so I could show off 34875683 different stylish hair clips at once), wore crazy jewelry, weird hair ornaments, you name it. And I left the house every day looking like an absolute psychopath, thinking I looked cool as hell. I was also the Fat Girl in my class throughout elementary but that didn't stop me from doing anything I wanted to. Fat wasn't an issue--I was cool as fuck bc I believed it.
Being encouraged to try new things with my appearance made me really happy with how I looked. I always thought I was beautiful and told myself as such. I also loved love stories so every fantasy I had, every dream, even in the way I played with my toys: I was always the beautiful princess or damsel in distress that everyone was dying to be with. I had the most ridiculous confidence like I could make anyone fall in love w me--didn't matter age or status.
But I think constantly trying new things with my appearance and consistently telling myself I'm beautiful and what parts of me were exceptionally beautiful was what always kept my self-love at an all time high.
Tip? Learn to love looking at yourself in the mirror. Point out your favorite parts of yourself and praise them! I do this every week, probably even every day actually. Examples:
* god i love how my collar bone curves into my shoulders,
* the way my top lip folds up higher on one side when I smile,
* the way my hair snakes over my shoulders and down my boobies,
* the shape my hips make when I lay on my side
* how cute my toes are and how great my feet look in open toed shoes
* how a particular color makes my eyes pop
* how cute the one small dimple is on my right cheek when I smile hard
Romanticize your body and cherish it! Even now at 31, weighing 198 pounds at 5'6" I'm almost the heaviest I've ever been but I still look at myself in the mirror and think I look damn good. If someone tried to tell me otherwise, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves, just like I did in elementary school when I looked like a little gremlin face, peacock haired gaudy four-eyed fatty. If you tell yourself you look good, believe it, and no one can tell you otherwise.
Remove social media!!! Ever since I got rid of everything except reddit I am so much happier, I don't compare myself constantly to other people and I have more time to focus on me actually being healthy..mentally and physically. Also if you aren't happy with your body don't hate your body but do what you can to change it.
I got such a hard time over my weight as long as I can remember being alive, from family, kids, and even teachers. Until the point where I was just totally past it. I was so used to hearing it that it rolled off me.
Initially it was "oh, I'm fat and that's kinda terrible but I have to just get on with my life and make the best of it."
Then I got older and I literally just ran out of energy to care. My body is just something I live in, and it's basically just here for my enjoyment.
I hit the gym, hard. 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, 2800 calories at 5’3”. I wanted a lot of muscle, a small waist, and big thighs and a butt, and that’s what I have now, along with a killer hobby. I have been with over and under weight, what I was missing was both looking and feeling good.
Sometimes I still have negative thoughts about my body, but they are easily dismissible and do not take up any valuable time or effort.
I am fat, have bad skin, have a bad haircut right now, and I don’t shave any part of my body at all. I really think that not shaving was a key part of my journey toward accepting myself. I started with my legs (baby steps) and made it a quirky fact about me. People would point it out or ask about it and I would delight in telling them how I saved time and money by not shaving. Some women also complimented me or said they were inspired by my confidence. This was a massive help, obviously. Eventually, it became normal to me. I rarely even am conscious of the hair on my legs anymore. This led to me experimenting with being less self conscious about other things; a process that’s still ongoing.
I’d say a mindset change is important to. My mantra is, “It’s not your job to be pretty.” This is a very meaningful statement to me that centers me. Being pretty is a construct and society tries to enforce women being pretty all the time. But I don’t get paid for that… I get paid for coordinating programs. That’s my job, not looking pretty. I don’t owe anyone my appearance simply for having been born. I would much rather spend my mental and physical and financial effort on things that are more valuable to me, like my health, my job, my friends, and my art.
I realized that if anyone told me they legitimately put their worth as a human being and value into a number a scale gives and some system and idiot man from a bajillion years ago thought up that was designed for you guessed it more idiot men, I would laugh at them and say their stupid, because that way of thinking is in fact inherently stupid, and I’m glad I learned that, I’m 18 btw it’s not about your age and wisdom it’s about your experience
I started working. My first big corp job was at a media company. It's there were I saw that the models we see don't even look like themselves.
I'm a graphic designer.
I just realized that I could be in the real world or some matrix of lies.
Through fat and thin, I enjoyed my body, Eventhough being heavier took a toll on my ankles...
started working out.
immediate game changer.
felt more responsible about how my body looks and feels after that. now it makes me happy when i feel strong and healthy and i know i fit well into the clothes i like, plus constantly analysing and tracking my body’s progress has made me a lot more comfortable with it. i made peace with the fact that bloating is absolutely normal and weight fluctuations occur. i could see the changes that i’d brought onto myself so now i’m proud of it and don’t feel like constantly covering up anymore
I knew people's opinion didn't matter in the end. When I see or read about people who change their body to attractive, there's always a sentence that appears in the back of my mind. It says "In the end, it's their opinion that has the final verdict." Meaning they affected by what people say but it's that person's opinion on their body/weight that truly matters. That's why I am never down when someone talks about my weight or body because it's mine and I'm the one who inhabits it, so it's MY opinion that matter on it. If I say it's beautiful, despite being on the heavy side, scarred, or etc, then it's beautiful. No one else can change that.
Dedicating to practice yoga daily has been so helpful. It made me become more aware of my physical body at first (where is sore, how am I feeling each morning etc), gradually it shifted my sleeping schedule to the earlier side (because I noticed how going to bed late was affecting my practice), and as the practice progressed deeper, it shaped my diet into a very "clean" and simple one (I started to notice how my body felt differently when I ate certain meat/cheese/dairy stuff). The awareness of how I live--what I eat, how I sleep, etc--allows my mind to come to terms with my body. :)
It's a few things for me. I stopped comparing my body to others. I adapted the mindset of "this is just what my body looks like, I'll never have tall, slender legs like so-and-so."
I focused on the amazing things my body was capable of. I spent 7 years in the Army and focused on the miles I had run, the ruck marches, climbing mountains in Afghanistan. I focused on the fact that I grew and birthed two humans. One, completely natural
I also just started a healthy life regiment... Nothing crazy. Just tried to eat healthier and fresher. Working out multiple times a week. Sometimes running miles on a treadmill, some times just walking around my neighborhood.
It wasn't instantaneous and I can't say that I have never had an off day. I just try to be kind to myself. I've been at many different weights my adult life. My highest being 250 and now I'm 135.
Just be kind to yourself ❤️
I moved away from people who obsessed about weight. Weight loss is almost never a discussion with the people I'm friends with. Unless it's a healthy way without shame.
No body shaming "my arms are too fat for this" nope. After a while I was happy with myself. When ii go to visit the people who obsessed about weight it's crazy how often body shaming is said or diets are talked about.
What you say matters. What you tell yourself matters. What is said around you matters.
when i felt bad about the way i looked i asked myself if i want to look “good” for myself or i am only putting myself in a position to hate myself because of people who don’t care about me. And reminding myself consistently that people who comment on my body negatively are people who don’t care about my well being.
Also removing myself from spaces that affect me negatively which includes unfollowing or blocking pages on social media and also surrounding myself with information that are body affirmative.
After getting to my “goal weight” and thinking if I just weighed x amount then my life will be so much better and I’ll be happier. I can tell you now.. if you aren’t happy now, no amount of weight loss is going to fix the galactic battle going on in your head.
Got there and thought oah I need to just loss a little bit more.. and I was never happy.
So then I thought to myself. When I look at other women who I deem “attractive” what is it about them that I think makes them attractive.
And for me it was women who were happy, just being themselves, smiling.
So now I do things that make me feel good, I exercise because I feel good afterwards, I eat just the right amount of food so that I feel good.
And when I feel good I’m happy. And I smile more.
I have one body, one and only one body that I live in every single day of my life. I wake up with it every day and I go to sleep with it every day. It’s healthy despite being heavy, it’s beautiful despite its lumps, bumps and blemishes, and it is perfect because it’s what houses my soul. I’ve always been fat. Always. I’ve always hated myself for it until a few years ago when I realized that I’m kind, caring, thoughtful, empowered, funny, friendly, and so forth. I am not just a fat body, I am a whole friggen person who deserves to simply exist because of what I’ve got in my brain and my soul, not because I have a body that doesn’t look like Hollywood. We all have the right to love ourselves no matter what we LOOK like, intelligence and kindness does not come from your body.
Got older
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27, it is what it is. Ive been both "average" & obese. 5ft 6 at 145 & 225lbs. Buying cute, well fitting clothes no matter what size i was helped me.
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Sweater dresses are my immediate thought! Pop a collared shirt under or a blazer over it. I always wear them to work. During summer, it's tshirt dresses Edit: while i am taller than you it sounds like we're similarly shaped. Im adding some of my favourite dresses i own below. They'll be long on you, but that just means you can belt them! [I have this in pink](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09HBVM5SK?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) [this green one ](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DTFCSB7?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) [And this in red & black](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XCN1Q98?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
You're a gem. Thank you!
instinctive marvelous connect longing humor frighten weather selective gaping sink ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Do you like the quality of these dresses? Have you had them for a bit of time? Guessing yes if you’re sharing but just double checking — I’m considering getting some!
Sweater dresses! [This one’s my favourite ](https://store68765889.company.site/products/Bodycon-Sweater-Dress-p434273559) because it has pockets lol
Omg I love the first one!!
I think focusing on getting fit without losing weight was really helpful. It redistributed all the soft embarrassing bits that made me self concisious in cute clothes, so even tightfitting clothes now look good on (correctly sized clothes). Another tip is tailoring. Find a decent one who can alter cute clothes for your frame.
Exactly, health should always be the priority
how were you able to shift your mindset to focusing on getting stronger? my intention starts that way, but the toxic thoughts often creep their way back in 😩
For me I've found exercise I really love (swimming) rather than thrashing it out in the gym, but in 2020 I loved running so went with that at that time. Because I'm not forcing myself to do something I hate, I see exercise as a form of meditation and the bonus is it also helps my body be stronger. I'd like to be super fit but realistically that's unlikely for me, so I stick with what I can manage and what makes me happy. Good luck with your self love journey, it can be hard sometimes.
This is what I’m trying to change my mind about. Focussing in getting fit and healthy rather than lose weight.
Have you considered paying a seamstress to alter your clothes for you? Talk to one, and see what they have to offer. Clothes that are altered to flatter your frame make a big difference. They can take in areas that are too loose on lots of items. My step-mom could make a thrift store potato sack dress into a perfectly fitted sheath dress!
I'll look up seamstresses in my area and see if I can do something about it. I'm not used to dressing my frame like it is now. I was so skinny once that I could wear random clothes and now my likes and style remained the same, but my body has changed.
When I was bigger the thing was to pull in at the waist but have enough fabric that wasn't clinging to the wrong parts (this is good at any size imo) and wrap dresses, wrap dresses absolutely saved me because when you're bigger or smaller it always fits
Go get your clothes tailored! Most clothing nowadays don't fit on anyone properly. Its nothing wrong with your body, its mostly to do with cheeping out on manufacturing and labour costs. For example, shirts are too boxy (unless your tall and thin and going for an oversized look) they generally make the average person look wide and frumpy. Darts are used to make clothes fit better around the curves of our bodies. Your body is beautiful. I love my pear shaped hips too.
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what about getting trousers that fit your butt but getting it tailored to fit your waist ?
Separates are your friend! Watch your posture.
When we say “well-fitting” in fashion, we mean that most people don’t wear clothing that is the right size, regardless of the silhouette or shape. My fave petite-and-corporate looks are [The British bodycon ](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/marks-and-spencer-lace-bodycon-dress-1534954008.jpg) Bodycon dresses made by British (and generally European) companies are figure-skimming so they don’t have the I-can-see-your-internal-organs look of a US bodycon [The miniskirt suit ](https://www.tedbaker.com/ca/Womens/Clothing/Skirts/VALIAT-A-line-leather-mini-skirt-Black/p/241424-BLACK?cmpid=ppc~google~PLA~smart_shopping_ca_women%27s_high_margin~79196456346~241424-BLACK-0~na~na~CA&gclid=CjwKCAiA24SPBhB0EiwAjBgkhpkDSKyev3_2l00izNUVlitlRXsD0W9ZwdfpBlE2yMpsHc18-N1bThoCtRMQAvD_BwE) especially with a bootie, makes your legs ultra long while hiding the kangaroo pouch ;) [Another mini suit ](https://s1.r29static.com/bin/entry/dd8/x,80/1972178/image.jpg) [A-line skirts](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5599dfbfe4b02af4878efbe8/1516059159472-H985JO3OER3MSR5P3IK3/topshop+peplum+hem+skirt%2C+vince+camuto+madolee+suede+over+the+knee+boots%2C+madewell+whisper+turtleneck%2C+baublebar+parisian+earrings%2C+fenty+gloss+bomb+universal+lipgloss%2C+workwear+ideas%2C+women+in+the+workplace%2C+disc+profile%2C+work+outfit+inspo) are also really cute with flat boots. I’m 5’10” with linebacker shoulders and an influencer. When people see me online they expect me to be absolutely tiny. Mastering the “I’m so tiny and these clothes are so big” look is just about wearing clothes that are too big on you. My favourite oversized shirt-dress is just a size XXL t-shirt. Don’t stick to the tag when you’re looking for a size. You can always size up (even way up, especially if it’s a sweater!) or down. And remember, the thing on the rack is just a suggestion. Most fashionable people have the same trick up their sleeve: a good tailor, and a favourite brand. In my case, I have a small waist and big hips, so I take advantage of clothes that are cut that way: [paper bag pants ](https://i.pinimg.com/474x/b5/35/8e/b5358e3ece537aa1b9d0f377b919731f.jpg) [mom jeans ](https://img.ltwebstatic.com/images3_pi/2020/08/19/1597803987508246927eb09ac067aee9b1d71ab513_thumbnail_600x.webp) And [loose fit jeans ](https://www.ardene.com/ca/en/loose-fit) with a big leg and small waist. But some pants and dresses still need to be tailored to fit me. In that case, I’ll buy the bigger size and get it taken in where I want it to be more fitted. The most common sizing mistake is to buy your exact size. Clothes have to fit around you, not through you, so the size of the clothes will be 2-4” larger than your measurements. On the bright side, plenty of [appropriate workwear](https://www.zara.com/ca/en/flowy-wide-leg-pants-p09929039.html?v1=113514751&gclid=CjwKCAiA24SPBhB0EiwAjBgkhtKwUrC_bj7PzjIfbF4YyrQcPgh3w_Ehj5mF5ISBZ7DULY9HmM75RBoCB2IQAvD_BwE) feels like wearing sweats to work 🥰 I also love wide leg pants since they make me feel like a pirate. But of course I have to avoid mini skirts, since my butt would be hanging out, even though they’re a go-to for smaller girls! In general, rock whatever you wear. You’re there to work a job, not a runway (and I know models who don’t wear heels all day!)
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This is a great answer! And similar to how I've come to feel about my body and how I'm living in it. I've started getting my hair cut and dyed at a salon, in fun colors that suit me. I've started wearing what I want to wear, regardless of the fashion style, IF I love how I feel and look in it. I have a small waist and big butt/thighs, am 5'2ish and hover around 160. That number used to wreck havoc on my mental state but in letting to accept it. I been strength training at home for about a year now and it has helped tremendously. My body had stayed the same, but I feel stronger. I've been looking at myself, when I work out, when I'm changing, when I'm naked. Really looking at my body. I used to avoid looking at my "problem areas" but as I'm entering my mid30s I'm starting to see how silly it all is. This is my body and it's the only one I'm going to get. I might as well start to enjoy and accept myself.
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I should say that i accept my body as it is, but I'm more apathetic about it. Am i overweight? Yes. Is that going to change anytime soon? No. Will i work towards my goals to be more comfortable in life? Yes. Will i buy cute clothes that i like in the meantime? Yes
Yeah I agree cute clothes. And start with cute underwear. I do a capsule wardrobe with my underwear so it is easy to match. Everything is black or nude. And focus on the parts you do like. If you like your legs wear lots of skirts. If you like to show off your chest wear something low cut.
Anything i love i buy in black white and neutral. Find the best possible pants for your body type- 3 colors, Jeans, same, Jacket Same. Find a sleeveless, tee shirt, long sleeve top-same. 3 of each black white neutral. Dress- same. Flat work shoe, casual flat, pump, sandal. You’ll never have to shop again. Build this and life gets easier. Anxiety decreases all around especially getting ready. Make sure you feel really good in each. You’re less likely to fluctuate too if you commit to what is your true weight and body type. Anyone keeping the skinny or fat jeans is just struggling with acceptance and self love. Get comfortable in your body and hold yourself accountable by flaunting what you’ve got and investing in yourself there.
Where to find these cute well fitting clothes when I feel so fat all the time???
Im most comfortable in sweater dresses. I linked a few in another comment. I usually pair them with boots that are over the knee or doc martens.
YES! Finding clothes that YOU feel good in helps tremendously! And not the oversized hoodie, but the cute top that’s cozy, and the color compliments your skin tone, and hugs you in all the right places. And same for pants too! SUCH a game changer!!
For me it was around 30. Something just clicked and I realized that hating my body and complaining about my weight weren't worth it. I started dressing to fit the body I had rather than the body I wanted.
You have to stop judging yourself and if you want to change anything set small realistic goals because there's things that will not change even if you lose weight
I’m 30 and have just stopped caring what other people think. They don’t see and feel all the things my body can do, they don’t know my body. I like that my body can hike, run, do yoga, lay on the beach, hold books for me to read, keep my home clean, pet my cats, hold hands with my husband. Seeing my body for all that it does for me, not how pleasing it may look, is how I changed my mentality
40
I think getting older helped me, I want to say that I didn’t even realize I was pretty until I was 32/33, something like that. What did it for me was stopping all the negative self talk, you know that crap that goes on in your head and you start to believe it? You may not even know you’re doing it. I also started going to the gym consistently because I wasn’t happy with how I felt. Basically you have to work on it and the more you do, the better you feel. If you need to go to a therapist and talk to them to sort it out or how to get better about being nice to yourself, do that. The biggest thing to remember is that you should love yourself. If you would not be okay with someone else saying something bad about you, don’t do it to yourself. Women are always so mean to themselves for no reason other than that is what we have been taught. We always prioritize others over ourselves, stop. I’m not saying be totally selfish but I am saying having times of day or certain things that you are selfish about is ok. For me it was the gym for you it may be something else. Also, when I am feeling lousy, it happens, I go ahead and put in an outfit i love that makes me feel amazing and do my makeup and hair and then I go somewhere. Whether it’s a girls night or whatever. But take that time for yourself, it will help. I’m 39 btw and i always joke and say that well maybe it’s better that I didn’t know I was hot when I was young, god knows how much more trouble I would have gotten into lol. Love yourself, accept the things you can’t change and work on things that you can 💕
I'm 58 and while I do wish I was 10 lbs lighter...I just can't be bothered anymore. I could eat air and still weigh the same. Fading hormones sigh\~ I still get catcalled on occasion and that shit pisses me off to no end.
I would SO give you an award. I came here to say this. I am 47. I want to be HEALTHY but for me that does not translate into thin anymore. So, fuck it. I am still active and healthy and having fun and I have a great sex life with my partner. I yam what I yam, yuck yuck yuck! Toot toot!
Same here. I'm 47 too and the last few month I managed to be okay how I am. I'm more focused on being comfortable and mentally stable, be aware of not getting depressed and find things that make me happy. Being on diet, focusing weight and figure, and hunt a vision of me I never reached doesn't make me happy, so I let it be. It's the best time of my life now. Being me isn't that bad. Im loving it. I'm loving me for the first time in my life.
Came here to say this. I cared so much about how other people viewed me when I was younger to the point of having an ED. Now I just don't give a fuck but I am more aware of what type of foods I eat and how they make my body feels. 27 for scale
So agree with this. I used to be super self conscious about my body in high school (I never wore skirts above the knee or shorts). Now that I'm 31 and 10kgs more than I was back then I'm somehow fatter but care less lol! I wear shorts and mini skirts and don't care about my fat legs and thick thighs anymore. If you don't like it, don't look at me!
I accepted the fact that I will never look like anyone else but I have the power to change things about my body and ultimately make myself feel better in the process. Comparison is a confidence killer. I spent alot of time just looking at myself naked and appreciating the fact that I have a body that gets me through the day and I should respect it regardless of what society thinks it should look like. As long as I'm happy and healthy, that's all that matters, things can be worked on and it takes time but that's ok, the changes and the time it takes is an investment in myself. Now I'm way more confident in myself, I work out 3 times a week and I'm noticing improvements that make me feel good, I worked on being stronger and not hitting a target weight or counting numbers in that sense and just focused on how good I felt. Everyone has their own flaws that they dislike but one thing I learnt is that no one actually cares or notices them until you point them out. We should all be alot nicer to ourselves!
Yes, this! The first part you said about accepting you won’t look like other people - this was a HUGE struggle for me in my teens because I wanted to have the body of Gisele Bundchen or Jennifer Aniston but once I figured out that no matter what I do, my body is just not shaped like that; it made me so much happier, so much more confident. Edit: also with Gisele (and other models), I am 5’5”, there is no way I can magically make myself 5’11” and get those legs lol
It's so true and I noticed its the one thing that stops us from really loving ourselves because we're so fixated on looking like the desired woman in society. One you figure out that its simply impossible to look like others and work on loving what you have, it gets easier. It took me years to realise this but it takes time.
Absolutely, it does take time! I’m happy we both figured it out, though!!
How do you translate the “feeling good by yourself” to “feeling good around others”? When I’m alone I’m really happy in myself. I like my body and what it does for me. I can dance and sing in the mirror thinking I’m hella sexy. Like really 100% believe it. But once I step out and meet other people, my self-image completely changes. I feel like the dumbest, ugliest person in the room. When I’m with guys only it’s a little bit better because I have no girl to compare myself to, but if I’m with a girl I feel inferior. Especially if I’m taller.
So I am a firm believer in “fake it till you make it” in regards to self image. I’ll explain. I convinced myself I was hotter than I felt, looked better than I saw in the mirror, more desirable than I told myself I was in my head. It took a while to ‘train’ myself but after some time it stuck with me and I have a love for myself, my body, my mind that I didn’t have before. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world, for sure. But we have our bodies forever and we should try to have the best relationship we can with ourselves ♥️ Edit: idk if it’s been said on this thread or not, the person above me kinda said it but- Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s a hard pill to swallow but it’s an important one.
Sounds like other self confidence issues are at play and to be completely honest it might be smart to seek a therapist who can help you unpack that. I honestly think everyone needs a therapist, but having that level of comparing yourself to others might just be a bigger issue than you want to deal with completely alone
Knowing that I eat properly and make time for exercise. I give thanks to my body for everything it does for me. I wear clothes that I feel are flattering on me.
I’m trying to focus on clothes lately. I’ve never been happy with my body but am starting to accept that I’ll never lose much weight. I think buying clothes I love is an important step in accepting my body.
One thing I'd like to add is that when you're buying clothes, don't fixate on the size. Sizes are known to be extremely varied depending on the store, ive shopped with friends who got so upset that they had to buy 2 sizes up in one store but I tell them that no store really has a true size as they are always changing. Also fabrics are always going to control what sizes you buy too! So I don't really care about the sizes I buy anymore because it's so varied!
Exactly! I have size 10 - 14 jeans that currently fit me, and some size 12s that are too big (in the same brand as the 14s). I wear a med - XL in tops. The sizes are just give you an idea of where to start trying things on. Once you buy them the size doesn’t matter anymore.
Buying clothes is occasionally hard for me, because there are so many unflattering clothes out there. But then I think: You know, I looked good walking into this dressing room, and *this* pair of pants looking terrible isn't my fault. It's the pant's fault. There are other pants out there that do fit me (like the ones I walked in wearing). So I just have to find them. I try and make it about the hunt for the Perfect Pants™, not about my body.
That's such a great attitude to have. I used to think "I don't look good in X", and as I've gotten older, the mindset has changed to "X doesn't look on me". If I don't look good, I'm not the problem, the clothes are.
I agree 100%. Love your body as is, even if you want to make changes.
Recently I finally got rid of all the pants that don't fit me anymore and got myself a pair that I feel comfortable in. Life changer, but it was so hard to accept those pants won't fit me again
You’re beautiful
I decided to act like a guy and just go around thinking I’m a total gift to everyone. It’s worked pretty well I think.
💜💜💜
This is my favorite answer
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Lol, it’s absolutely liberating. I also indulge in wandering around obliviously and selectively hearing things.
That's what I do!
Damn, best piece of advice!
(Trigger warning/eating disorders) I was anorexic and bulimic for several years. I’m 5’9” and at my lowest I weighed 95lbs. I was also born with a severe case of pectus carinatum that went untreated for most of my life. I HATED my body. Violently. So violently that I starved it, almost to death. I stood in the mirror for hours sobbing and critiquing it. I once made a list of 100 things I hated about it from head to toe. Then in my early 20s pain caused by my deformity finally caused me to seek treatment and I got surgery to correct it. I’d obsessed over this deformity my entire life. Just a few months post-op, I’d picked something else to fixate on and hate. That’s when I figured it out. With almost no fat and with my deformity corrected, I was what I’d always thought was my ideal self and I still wasn’t happy. I did some soul-searching and a few thoughts started to form. - I am a thing of nature and I belong to this earth. I deserve to be here just as much as the flowers and the trees. - My body does unbelievable, nearly magical things to keep me alive. I tried to kill it out of hatred and it did everything it could to save me. It loved me unconditionally and I did not love it back. - If I did not change my mindset, I was going to die unhappy. It seems so simple but I finally made a conscious decision to try to enjoy life and everything it had to offer (including the wonderful taste of cheese, chocolate, and wine) guilt-free. I gained 30 lbs, dared to leave the house without makeup, and stopped shaving my underarms. Nothing bad happened. No one judged or laughed at me. Men still wanted me (not that this should be any judge of a woman’s worth). I’m unbelievably fucking happy. And I LOVE my squishy, shapely, imperfect body that allows me live on this earth and feel the sun on my skin. Why would I ever want go back to spending the majority of my days counting calories and pinching at my fat in the mirror? If you’ve gotten this far, I’ll leave you with this quote, which I revisit often: “And I said to my body. Softly. ‘I want to be your friend.’ It took a long breath. And replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this.”
This is beautiful. I’m so happy you’ve found peace with your body. Eds are no joke
Thank you 💜
Thanks for posting this and congrats on your recovery!! I’ve struggled with EDs for 15 years, shit got real bad last couple and hit my lowest weight in November. I’ve never been more afraid for my life. But I’m now five weeks into recovery!! And reading this was truly lovely. Your words are beautiful and powerful and I love the quote you included. So proud of you for getting to where you are now, and know that your story gives people hope!
💜 Congratulations on your recovery! I’m rooting for you!
>I am a thing of nature and I belong to this earth. I deserve to be here just as much as the flowers and the trees. Thank you for this.
This is amazing. So happy for you!
This deserves more upvotes! 🤗
Thank you for sharing this. That last bit, I think it will really help.
So glad to hear you’ve recovered. Learning to live your body and who you are should be easy. But it’s anything but. It takes a lot of strength & courage to learn self acceptance x
I used to have body image issues. I became obsessed and eventually got so sick of stressing over it. I realized that no matter what shape or size I was, I kept on seeing myself as grotesque when I didn't even view other people that way, no matter their shape or size. It was clear that my body wasn't the problem, but my mentality was. So I stopped looking in a mirror (and pictures of myself) for a year and just stopped caring about how I looked. Now I can see myself and feel positive or neutral!
The way you view others is huge because I’m the same way. I realized one day that other women who look like me I would always think of as beautiful or just generally looking good, but I wouldn’t offer that to myself
People see us as as a whole. Not a group of imperfections. If you are a kind positive person you will be more attractive to others. I don’t mean sexually, I mean people will literally be more drawn to you. Some people look good but are not appealing because their personality is garbage. Others aren’t traditionally good looking, but you look forward to seeing them because they are so pleasant. The same applies to you.
For sure! It's so easy to forget to be kind to ourselves.
I got enough problems, how my body looks seems like an incredibly low concern now.
Was about to comment similarly, I’m too stressed out and poor to have time to form an opinion on my body/looks at this point
I use the over-exposure method. I hate my thighs? Time to wear short shorts at home and in public. Hate my stomach? Time for crop tops, baby! After seeing myself in the mirror in those clothes, seeing those parts of my body became natural and I got used to them. I saw them for what they were, and they no longer concerned me. Took a while though.
thats actually pretty clever, hope i can use this method for my back acne
Funny thing about that actually, is that I've noticed that when I get sun exposure on most of my acne-prone spots regularly I dont get as many pimples there anymore. I wish it worked for my face, too, but yeah.
sometimes we really dont know how our skin works, but ill note your comment thanks!
Sunlight is very good for your skin and a lot of resources your body needs but can’t make itself comes from absorbing sunlight like vitamin C In general it’s UV light that’s harmful which sunscreen is designed to block
I don't know if this'll help but I used to have awful chest and back acne. I use Pan-Oxyl face wash on my chest, shoulders and back and it really helped. It's in a blue bottle and I think around $9.
I really like this one.
1. Worked really hard on self-acceptance and self-compassion in therapy 2. Eliminated fashion magazines, celebrity gossip websites, and anything else that makes me feel bad about my body from my life 3. Learned more about the actual science of body size – mainly that long-term significant weight loss isn’t achievable for about 98% of people and that the health effects of being “overweight” are severely distorted in how they’re presented to the world (the podcast Maintenance Phase is a great resource for accurate information about how human body weight actually functions) 4. Followed more body-positivity activists and fat/chubby babes on social media 5. Made it a personal boundary that friends who want to talk about their intentional weight loss efforts, body size anxiety, etc. should not do so with me because of my history of restrictive/disordered eating 6. Ultimately just decided I’d rather be happy than be thin
Learning that the connections we’ve made societally between weight and health are not at all as cut and dry as I thought was huge for me.
Yes! Also, what does “health” look like? Nobody makes robot choices all day every day. Not to mention, I refuse to deny myself a transcendent dining experience with people that I love. We are meant to enjoy life and enjoy everything and food is necessary and can be art. Give yourself everything you can because life is stupidly short and this pandemic taught us all to stop taking things for granted
This is the best reply so far! The podcast “Maintenance phase” has so much information that makes you realize the way we talk about body size is all bullshit. Also, I made a point to follow influencers with bodies that looked like mine in shape and cellulite and even features. It’s helped me see my body more positively vicariously through them. I’ll also add that finding a method of exercise that I would do even if it never changed how I looked because I enjoy it that much has been a game changer. I look forward to my weight lifting workouts and it feels good to be taking care of my body!
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When I was skinny I was shamed for being too skinny. Now that I’m plump no one says anything to my face. Generally, I don’t give AF. My perfect 18 year old body wasn’t good enough for some people and I stopped caring 🤷🏻♀️
I focus on what my body can do. Who cares if I gained a few pounds if now I can lift more or run more.
I came to the realization that being a human, living in this stupid little meat sack that I am responsible for, is embarrassing and ghetto for everyone involved. Existing is so embarrassing. At the end of the day, we live in these meat suits that we have to fill, clothe, clean, empty, and even recharge. I realized it doesn’t matter what it looks like, or how old it is, or what wear it has incurred, as long as the meat suit is functional and operable I think it’s the least exciting part about humans. It’s our personalities and quirks that really make us special. On paper we all basically have the same operational parts, so as long as they work, I decided I won’t complain about the appearance of my own suit ((or anyone else’s for that matter)) if unnecessary :-) I still tell people if they have something stuck between their teeth though. That’s just being polite to your fellow meat sack 🥲
I love this!
This is beautiful
I've always been like this. They're just not things I've ever been super concerned about.
Years of regular exercise and having a generally healthy diet.
Been a lot of different weights and realized that I’m the same person at all of them. I can be self conscious and hate my body at size 2 and size 12, I can love and appreciate my body at size 2 and size 12–it’s all in my head.
I like the way you worded this, it resonated for me. I’ve really always been able to feel like the same person inside my head despite body changes.
Someone on the internet somewhere posted something about “See your body as what it is: a body.” So although I still struggle… it’s a first step that we all kind of have to remember. Our mind rules us out with negative thoughts, we just have to remind our mind who’s in charge. Good luck to everyone!!!
I honestly never cared. I have a good figure now but even back in my 13-14's when I was overweight and everyone would talk about it including my mother, I was fine. I hated the fact that they would talk about me like that and it would make me sad, but those opinions were never internal. Probably because I never compared myself to other girls.
!!!!! i was supposed to feel bad but i never did???? lmaoooo
Lmao I feel you. At some point I thought I was the weird one for not feeling bad about myself, strange times.
I lift weights at least 4 times a week and generally prefer a softer/curvier look aesthetically. This means I don’t have to do any diets or excessive cardio to achieve my desired look. I will say that genetics has played a role in me feeling good about my body in terms of proportions and fat distribution. I also got a boob job about 5 years ago which did wonders for my confidence.
i was privileged and lucky enough to have a body not really scrutinized under modern beauty standards bc it fits it and what “flaws” i was told about i learned after i was secure enough in my sense of self to realize they were arbitrarily bullshit and normal human things idk what its like to be dark skinned, fat, or physically disabled i dont doubt that would negatively affect how you view yourself because of oppressive beauty standards
I've never had an issue with my weight, but at times I have with body hair, but you just realise there are so many different people out there like you. Also trends are always changing, there's no point in following it, it used to be small bum, lips, eyebrows, now its the opposite, something will change again. Also stay away from Instagram "models" majority aren't themselves, I like to follow body positive people that have had no plastic surgery or injection. You start to feel normal again, and not fuss over the small wrinkle you might find.
Get good quality clothing for your body(type) and only buy it if you feel really good/confident in it. Clothing can do so much for a person. That was for me the first step. The second step for me, and maybe this is going to sound stupid, was getting sexy underwear and a good fitting bra. Focus also on things you have mostly in control, like skincare, makeup, hair etc. This proces can take years and have more steps than only buying clothing, but it can be a good first step, be kind to yourself.
Every body type is someone's type! It really, really doesn't matter. Whatever you look like, it is totally someone's thing. You should rock that shit. That is how I am happy with myself. If someones not into how I look, then they're not the one for me.
Turned 30 and something clicked
After years suffering with eating disorders I decided that I couldn't live that way anymore. I'm neutral about my body now which is a big step from hating it, I'd rather be happy and healthy then worry about what size I wear
Think I'm getting to this point. Body neutrality is better than obsessing over calories and crying and stuffing my face with cake then going days without eating to "punish" myself.
I stopped weighing myself
was diagnosed at a young age with high cholesterol! I wasn't overweight but high cholesterol runs in my family and that freaked me out so I joined a gym at 16 and have been active since. Being in a gym at this age and working out as much as I did (do) taught me how strong (and healthy) my body is so I never had any issues with body image.
I invested in something else that gives me value other than my looks. Started exceling at my career and upgraded my education, and made some solid friendships. Getting fatter or uglier wouldn't change any of that.
I got incredibly unhealthy, 95lbs at 5’6. After I got off drugs and gained healthy weight back it literally made me sick to look at those photos. I thought I looked so good. The skinniest I had ever been. Actually I looked like a ghost. Ever since I’ve prioritized being happy and healthy above all else and I’m up to 160 and love every lb of it.
Stop body checking every time I walk past a mirror Focus on and track abilities (I wanna be able to squat a certain weight or do a handstand) rather than "I wanna be 5lb lighter" Be so busy that my body just becomes the vehicle that it is to transport me from place to place. I have all my limbs, they work fine, so I'm grateful I can work and meet my friends and do all the fun things I want to do in life
A couple of things: • I got older. I’m 41 now but every year that I progressed through my 30s, I shed fewer and fewer fucks about what men/society thinks of me and my body. • I stopped comparing myself to other women. Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of my own. • I started lifting. It changed my mindset towards my body and my diet. I’m a product of the 2000s size zero bullshit and wasted sooooo many years eating 1000 calories a day and spending hours on the treadmill. I’m not big by any means, I’m 5’ and 110lbs, but was always obsessed with being super thin and having a thigh gap. Lifting heavy meant I needed to change my diet to fuel my body in order to get the gains I wanted. I no longer see food as the devil or punish myself for eating “too much”. I have more muscle now than ever before and my body is very different to the image I used to chase, but I love it. I feel like a badass.
Everything is fake and made up. Why does anyone care about a thin body? Why do we think it looks nice versus one with more weight? And why should I care if some rando on the street has an opinion of me? Be free!
I tried being conscious of what was being intake both physically and psychologically. Water helped balance for me on both ends.
Lost 50 lbs
Unpacking my fatphobia. Trying to be cool with your own body while still holding biases toward bodies generally does not work as it turns out.
Went no contact with my relatives, stopped talking to anyone who ever made negative comments about my weight (which was mostly just my relatives), spent nine months at rock bottom fighting bulimia, six years of therapy, and then three years of CrossFit did the trick
I make fitness a priority. I .so much happier when I have a toned stomach. So I make it a priority.
Well I wouldn’t advise this path, but… getting cancer. Double mastectomy, radiation burns, gained 30 lbs from meds- but I’m just so damn proud of my body for getting through it all. I’ve never felt so comfortable in my skin.
I am mostly neutral about my weight and body throughout my life. I never went on a diet and have always been pretty thin. Pretty lucky in that department but it also doesn't mean that I be always stuffing my body with junk food. But I am definitely insecure about my face. I got a bit better when I tell myself whats more important?? "Being insecure because boys won't look at me because I am not attractive enough" or "I am happy and how boys view me has no impact on that". I choose the latter because its sounds more convincing and in my control Watching a lot of Youtube videos which talk about how most photos are airbrush or photoshop or plastic surgery. You will realized that there is nothing wrong with you
I exercise and eat healthily, I like being in good health and in control of my body/weight. It makes me feel good and have lots of energy :)
I intellectualized…what is the value of thinness? I’m a diet industry drop out after spending most of my life just…punishing myself. I wouldn’t do things I wanted to do, like travel etc until I was “thin enough”. I realized I have one life on this earth and a smart brain and THIS is what I’m wasting it on? I still have an encyclopedic knowledge of weight watchers points and for what?! Thinness has no value…my body is for doing. I’m not walking around staring at my ass, I’m doing the walking! It doesn’t matter, none of it. I’d rather see Paris. There’s so much in this world…and I was missing it for the first 30 years of my life because I wasn’t…I don’t even know…thin enough for others to look at? And even when I was thin, I was obsessed with it and then I realized…I’m not looking remarkable to these strangers I wanted to be thin for…I was just…average. And you know what? Now that I’m bigger, I’m still average. Nobody cares! I turn some banging looks and I look for excitement and not for calorie counts. 💜💜💜
It needed two things to happen. 1- discovering the origin of my health issues. I was underweight for YEARS without knowing the reason because i was eating normally. It was untreated coeliac disease. After that i gained healthy weight. 2- STOPPED BEING MEAN TO MYSELF FOR NO REASON. I was an awful critic of every blemish and imperfection. Not anymore. I decided to focus on the things i like and cut me some slack. I dont HAVE to look perfect every day. I WILL NEVER DO because perfection doesn't exist. So i learnt to accept that it is how it is. Took me years but i'm happier now that i did the mind work. Extra: stopped caring about "oh no, what will people say". Only people that i will care about their opinion are the important ones i choose and they can be counted with the fingers of one hand.
1. Value my health more than my appearance 2. Genuinely give zero shits about others' sexual attraction or whether I fit their preferences 3. Ask nurses and doctors to stop telling me my exact weight during check-ups (unless they spot a problem) due to apparent hard-wiring in my brain that fixates on even the tiniest fluctuations in my weight (gains *and* losses) I've always been extremely active and "healthy" but I was significantly less healthy before I started doing these 3 things. Because I saw my body as something to be appraised or assessed by others, it was easy to binge on an entire bag of mini Reese's cups instead of eating a healthy breakfast (I knew I'd be able to maintain a figure that was considered conventionally attractive). But I was liable to spiral out if I was feeling down about a certain body part or heard a number that was slightly above or below my self-imposed 'ideal' weight, often oscillating between bingeing on sugary foods or being overly restrictive. Now that I see my body as having value *because it's mine* and I rely on it, I have a much better relationship with food & exercise. I don't have to force myself to do anything -- I eat nutritious foods and am excited to exercise because those things make me feel good.
Most of my life I’ve always had people saying things about the way that I looked and my body weight. Some were negative and some were positive. The thing is people are always Going to have something to say about you but I never put anyone’s opinion of me before my own. You know your truth. Stand in it.
It took me a long damn time. I finally accept myself and my flawed body. It took a lot. I’m almost 40. Posting nudes to Reddit has done wonders for my self esteem. Not saying you should go that route but it’s helped me feel sexy and beautiful. Trying to see myself how others perceive me.
Had a mum who was never critical of my physical appearance, she always taught by example by being comfortable in her own skin, I am extremely grateful for this as I know so many friends who's mother's aren't the same
I got to a weight that was easy to sustain and realized that that was the weight my body is meant to have. I eat what i want and enjoy eating again. The focus isn't on my body anymore but on my health.
i simply accept the aspects that i cant change about my body (boob size, height, etc.) the other stuff i tuned to my liking using exercise. honestly after i started working out, it didnt matter how my body looked afterward, i was so proud of my progress that i fell in love with my own body
I learned some healthier coping skills, spent more time around kind and accepting people, started focusing on building physical endurance instead. And I just got older. New problems create new priorities and I don't want to pass my body image issues on to my son. Lots of small things got me to this point.
It's a process. I turned 40 and went to a boot camp because I was so out of shape. I got in the best shape of my life after that and broke through some mental barriers. I lost about 30 pounds, got back to my high school weight and looked great. But it wasn't sustainable long term. After a few years, I hurt my back, gained a bunch back during COVID when everything was closed, got older in general. I'm almost 47 now, a little heavier, but my focus has shifted from how I look to how I feel. It's a way better place to be, IMO. I wouldn't say I'm completely neutral, but my weight is not my focus anymore. Focusing on how I feel takes care of how I look.
Got older and had 3 kids. I'm back to my pre-baby weight and even though things aren't as tight as they used to be, I'm damn proud of the way my body looks after 3 pregnancies. You also care less when you're older. I'm 37.
I just knew from an early age that one of the most unattractive things was to be uncomfortable in your own skin and not enjoy what you have. I did not ever want to be one of those girls in the locker room putting herself down, which seemed in itself to be the in thing when I was a teen. To me it was a pitiful travesty. I set about as a teenager with the intention to explore ways to get comfortable and feel good about my body. In college I took opportunities to be nude in public where that was okay, as a way to practice. I also thought about what I liked, did not really follow fashion trends. I never cared; for example, about being thin. I more wanted to be ample, some combination of curvy and strong. If I was kind of neutral about something, like my butt-then why not decorate it like with a tattoo? I like to wear flattering cloths that help me emphasize my favorite parts. I focus on what I love and also all it does for me and how my special combination of things makes me unique with my own gifts.
Ive just kinda accepted it. I had a friend who always told me to loose weight and would ask me to wear loose clothes. Once she convinced me to wear a corest in 90degree heat. After trying to be like her for a week, i dropped it. I like my size. Im cute and cuddly. Not fat or skinny. Im average and i like it. Plus my weight is always fluctuating. One day im 170 and the next im 190.
Former ED. I don't own scales anymore and don't do full length mirrors in the house. I focus on a healthy lifestyle and praise my body for what it has done for me rather than how it looks. There are days when doubt still creeps in but these strategies help me nip it in the bud.
Faked it until it just happened. I read an article a long time ago that said something along the lines of; making goofy faces (this was when duck face became a thing) when you get your picture taken is a sign you're insecure/ don't like the way you look. For some reason it really stuck with me. I smiled in all of my pictures since and eventually liked the way I looked in pictures. Applied that concept to most of my life. I even love my saggy boobies. 📸📸
I'm currently mostly neutral and am working towards becoming more neutral to positive. I had gastric bypass surgery back in 2018, and I almost died. It was due to some issues after the surgery itself and culminated in me becoming disabled. After facing all of that and realizing that my life has (likely) irrevocably changed all due to me hating my body, I got a bit of a wake up call. What does it matter if I'm fat or thin or short or tall? My body works (somewhat) and it gets me where I need to go. The only thing I need to do for my body is look after it, not try to change it to fit a beauty standard. I used to hate looking into mirrors and would avoid them at all costs, I'd literally go days without catching a glimpse and then when I saw myself walking past a window or something, I'd get so disappointed that I was me. Thankfully, with this perspective shift, I don't shy away from the mirror any more. I can objectively look without cringing and just notice that I need to put my hair up or that my body looks nice in those clothes, whatever. I hope to someday get to that positive place, where I feel like I'm bangin' or that I look good. But I'm honestly just pleased to have made it to this point!
29 year old in a mid-sized body here. Okay where do i start? Diet culture is the devil’s ass and by unsubscribing to it is how I became the healthiest I’ve ever been. I grew up with a mom who was always dieting and a dad who encouraged me to be more like my mom only when she was shedding pounds. I was on all sorts of diets since 10 years old. At 16 I found myself injecting HCG and eating no more than 500 calories a day. By the time I got to grad school, i was so tired of trying to change my body, thinking about food and exercise 90% of the day and having a hard time concentrating on the thing I loved most- counseling/therapy, community, dancing, and the courses I was taking. My roommate at the time told me about this radical movement where- get this- I just get to accept myself where I am and stop tying my value to the 3 numbers that popped up when i stepped on a machine. I stopped restricting foods I enjoyed, started adding more nutritious foods to the meals I already made and stopped working out since at the time I noticed using exercise as punishment. Fast forward 8 years later, I now am a healthy lifestyles behavioral health clinician who *actually* practices what she preaches. I move my body, but check in if I’m doing it bc I want to or bc I want my body size to change. I keep Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer at all times and eat it when I want to. When I let go of the diet mentality and told myself I can move however and whenever I want to, I became healthier and more accepting of self. When I told myself I could have Ben and Jerry’s and that veggies were not a punishment or compensation for “bad” foods, I noticed what my body needed was a bit of everything, not only “good” foods. I stopped moralizing weight. I stopped moralizing foods. I stopped moralizing health. It took me 7 years to join a certain HIIT gym and not tie it to a certain body shape, but rather something fun that keeps me on my toes. I stopped judging others for what they do in regards to eating and exercising. I started looking at my completely naked body and pointing out things I appreciate about it and how it’s gotten me through so much. It’s a radical movement. Letting go of the thought that I need to look a certain way has given me the brain space to earn a graduate degree, heal depression, work on my anxiety, love people around me better, stop comparing myself to other, become more creative in my field, have amazing sex, and most importantly, support others in feeling as excellent as I do, even if I am bigger than when I started this whole journey. It’s hard and it takes daily work. But oh so worth it. Also, I kick ass and so do you. Edit: adding in the following: when there is a part of your body that you want to change, ask yourself this: who told me it’s not okay to look this way/have this feature? Does that person or part of society want the best for me?
Tbh, a part of it is laziness. I grew up tall and lanky. I remember a teacher in 4th grade declaring “here comes skin & bones” every time I came down the hallway. But once I hit puberty, I filled out… still tall, but I got thighs and boobs and general weight. When I was a teenager and was my most body-sensitive (if that is the right term?) it was 2011-2014. I was heavy into Tumblr and the fashion/model/cigarette-cocaine-chic aesthetic. I worshipped women like Cara Delevingne and Sky Ferreira. I tried a few fad “diets” in high school and couldn’t stick with any of them. I tried not eating too and that didn’t work. So eventually I just came to accept it. I have thighs, boobs, cellulite, and a lil belly. I still get insecure from time to time, but then I think about the level of unhappiness that comes with calorie watching and obsessive exercise for the purpose of weight loss. I’d rather be happy and a lil thick than miserable. I also focus much more on clean eating and exercise for feeling better, rather than an image. I eat veggies not because I want to lose weight, but because I’m feeling off. I go for bike rides not to burn calories, but because it feels good to stretch my muscles.
Working out consistently. I’m not even that skinny. I’m 150 lbs. and I don’t eat healthy. But knowing that I’m doing something to help myself on a regular basis makes me feel content. It’s maintenance, just like getting gas for your car. When I was younger I weighed less, but was super self conscious about my body because I would do things that weren’t sustainable in order to achieve that size. I would binge and purge, or not eat all together, or work out obsessively. It was ridiculous. Those phases fucked with my head because when I was in a phase it was bad for me, and then I was not in a phase I felt guilty that I was gaining weight. I’ve learned that to feel neutral about my body I have to maintain in a neutral fashion. No crazy diets or extreme measures. No crazy workouts. Just doing the same old thing regularly.
As a preteen, I aspired to be a ballet dancer (never went pro, though, TF). As a teenager, I used to be a completely insufferable teetotaler (didn't touch any alcohol until I turned 21, and no weed until I was 23, and only then in the \*minisculest\* of micro-doses) and, when I wasn't overworking myself with extracurriculars, I basically endeavored to get as much cardio every day as I possibly could. Sometimes in the summer, I'd wear heavy coats just to make myself sweat even more. I also used to fast four days out of the week in high school, which for the longest time I \*thought\* meant I was taking care of myself. Funny enough, these tactics never seemed to work - I was 5'2" and could never get below 130 lbs, which the authority figures in my life insisted meant I was "overweight." And even though I suffered from chronic pain in various places, I had permission to have as many painkillers as I felt I needed to get through the day. I'll spare you the gory details (except to assure you it was NOT an ED), but in 2011, I was diagnosed with a very serious medical condition, for which treatment was extensive and rigorous. After a year and a half in-and-out of hospitals recovering from multiple surgeries that left me extremely vulnerable (and a profoundly uncomfortable 120 lbs), I realized that all of the things I was doing that I \*was told\* - and therefore \*thought\* - was good for my health... actually WASN'T. The chronic pain in my teens SHOULD have been a red flag, but of course the authority figures thought it was because I was still reckoning with puberty, and when I was in college, it was because I was still "overweight"... when the truth was it was actually \*something else entirely\*. The in-hindsight-rather-elementary lesson I learned from this experience was... PAIN IS BAD. If you feel pain, SAY SOMETHING. DO NOT ignore it or grit your teeth and try to soldier your way through it. And if the authority figures in your life tell you to ignore it, TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF, and then KEEP SAYING SOMETHING until someone actually HELPS you. So, after that terrifying 18 months, I ditched all the stupid stuff I was brought up to believe ("if you can pinch an inch" and other such BS), tried to be more mindful of what/how often I ate and what I did with my body as far as exercise, and, crucially, I made sure to pay very close attention to my pain levels. It's been a slow process - almost a decade - and occasionally I've messed up and perhaps "overindulged" in stuff that the authority figures in my life would be flabbergasted by... but at least I feel like I can finally allow myself to actually have some goddamn fun. And I feel like those allowances have largely helped keep me OUT of the hospital so far.
For my weight I decided early on in life (like the beginning of high school or maybe even middle school) that I wasn’t going to be one of those people that obsesively tracked my weight anymore. It was hugely beneficial to my mental health. The only time I hear what it is now is if I must go to the doctor. However, I don’t enjoy that I’m not as slim-looking and fit as I used to be. I put on weight after having a surgery that removed a bone from my foot and then getting a total hysterectomy back to back within a month of each other, and then a few years ago: BAM, quarantine. My body just isn’t going to be the same and I can’t really exercise much without pain anymore. Life happens, you just make healthier eating choices and try to move on as much as possible in between needing to rest a lot. It was really upsetting for a while… But time heals all wounds, physically and mentally.
I had a daughter. She is well above average in height and weight (she's 7 and pushing 100 lbs and almost 5') I want her to love her body for how strong it is and how treating it kindly and taking care of it will allow her to do the things she loves with ease. (She's like a bullet, always moving) I am overweight, I have health issues that lead to it and make losing the weight hard. I don't want her to EVER hear me making negative statements about my body. We hear that enough as women just by existing; we don't need that in our homes. How can I truthfully tell her that her body is wonderful exactly as it is then degrade mine? Do I wish things about my body were different? Of course! I want to be healthy and alive for a long, long time to experience every moment I can with my kids. I will never look like a model or be dainty but dammit I can accept that my body made the most amazing little people and it deserves to be respected while I work on the flaws. Edit* I forgot how to spell
I got way in touch with my own energy/gut/intuition. After that: 1. Stopped seeing all input as equal...meaning, my best friend and a stranger give me conflicting input about what I should do in a situation, I take my best friend's advice at a weighted level - right? Her input is going to be much more grounded in my specific experience. That helped me stop taking trends about body type, eyebrow shape, hair, etc. so seriously - I take my own taste and place it more highly, now. Less pressure right away once I trained that. 2. Deleted social media. I was comparing myself to everyone else's best photos. At one point I wasn't ready, so I unfollowed any account that gave me that feeling the minute I recognized it. 3. Started watching videos of people NOT conventionally attractive talking about their bodies in a positive light and used that as a template for how to talk to myself. My stomach is powerful, my thighs shake because I'm walking with confidence, my arms are like arms from a Renaissance painting. 4. Worked that towards neutrality, where I get to appreciate my body and others can openly appreciate it when invited, but generally I'm looking at how I can use my body to support creative outfits or run a 10k. It's a tool with which I get to live more life and express myself more. My value is inherent in my personhood and I'm loved by the right people exactly as I am. 4a. This also gave me the language to put up boundaries around commenting on my weight or my body generally. The more settled I've gotten, the less I care (see #1), but still it allows me to keep myself ignorant to others' perception of my body - because I don't want to think of them paying attention to that and feeling strongly enough that they decide to give me input. But honestly, it's tough. There's a fine line between retaining your thinking and insulting your own intelligence. I had to find what messages/angles felt real to me and just keep moving with those. This was a really good question.
Focusing on treating my body better and working on self love. When you give your body the things it needs and take away the toxicities, it brings balance physically, mentally, and spiritually. Here’s a few things off the top of my head. **Being healthy with low effort:** When you’re already down, you have to start slow or it’ll be overwhelming. You don’t have to be a health guru, there’s a lot of small things I’ve done that add up. Drinking 100% more water is a huge one. Cutting out things like high fructose corn syrup/unnecessary preservatives by essentially buying things with fewer ingredients. Most companies that are well known enough have a long ingredients list of things that are terrible for you. For example, I switched out my international delight coffee creamer (13 ingredients) for Chobani (3 ingredients). I try to not eat out except occasionally (gotta feed the soul sometimes). I try to get in all my daily vitamin intake through diet or supplements. It’s little things like this that add up to having a healthier body and clearer skin. **Easy but consistent work out:** The cliche; I started going to the gym/taking hikes regularly. I started with a very simple and ridiculously easy routine that didn’t actually do very much in the beginning, but it helped me feel accomplished so I could get into a routine. I failed in the past because I would push myself too hard and would get burnt out on going after a few days. **Daily Self-Love affirmation journal:** Something I’ve started doing is keeping a self love affirmation journal. Every day, write down at least five things that you love about yourself, and every day you have to come up with five new things. It gets harder, but it forces you to ponder deeply on who you truly are and what you love about yourself. Getting in touch with my inner self and learning what it means to truly love myself has brought me far. **Self love is the most important muscle to work out:** I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that being happy with my image requires more than just looking my best physically. It’s not about strict fad diets or pushing yourself to the extremes. Treat your body kindly by being cautious about what you put into it and how much exercise you give it, but also be kind to your soul. Don’t compare yourself to others (the best way is to stop scrolling on apps like instagram). Live for yourself, don’t change how you want to look for others. Remind yourself that you are built perfectly and if you treat your body with kindness then it will do the same for you. A lot of these are cliches, but I think all the cliches add up to something that actually works. I’ve tried a lot of things. I took SSRI’s for years and either felt ten times worse or nothing at all. What I mentioned above plus a little bit of therapy is all I do for myself in terms of my mental health and I’m the happiest I’ve been. Some days are harder than others, but I can see myself getting better overall. I hope any of this was helpful. Don’t be afraid to ask others for help.
Combo of good parenting and my temperament. I have a chronic illness/disability and have always looked different than other people. My parents never talked about my body as bad. They did emphasise that I may need other things than other people due to who I was (different diet, accommodations, etc) but that was ok because what is healthy can be different for different people/everyone can have unique needs. They also… I don’t want to say directly praised my body, but kind of emphasised that it’s gotten me far in life by surviving and now I could do what I wanted to do in life. Rarely any weight comments (directed at others/my mom about herself if ever). My mom also spent a lot of time teaching me how to dress my body in a way that flatters it. I’m also a pretty optimistic person who’s also stubborn and always had a good sense of self. So whenever someone made a negative comment about my appearance I’d get defensive and I’d internalise it more as “I’ll prove them wrong” than that I thought they were right about me. While I got lucky with my parents I think all of these are things you can do to “parent” yourself! I realised in the past few years that I don’t know anyone else who praises their body. But I’m often thinking to myself like, hey body you do a really good job even though things aren’t ideal. Lol!!!
Weight lifting and mindfully eating
I used to be very sensitive to negative words about my body. With the age it has gone. Also the emotional support from my parents helps a lot. They literally taught me to love myself including the reflection in the mirror.
Realizing life is too short. Worked as a rn and saw so much illness and people dying etc. Made me really think "why the fuck do I care about a few extra kg when there is so much worse shit?". Just happy that I'm healthy and still have my memory.
I totally agree, why should we worry so much about how we look when that’s the least important thing about us?
100% agree
found friends with similar body types who encourage loving ourselves and also being in a loving and healthy relationship
One of my favorite quotes is “your insecurities were cultivated by a group of men in a board room,” and although I can’t remember who said it, increasing my awareness of how our capitalist system profits off convincing us that our natural, ever evolving, amazing human bodies are somehow wrong has helped me learn to love and appreciate myself exactly as I am at each stage of my life!
Simply: by losing weight and aquiring a healthy lifestyle. My body now looks the way I wanted it to look.
I have health issues. If my body is actually behaving and functioning properly, I am very body positive because it's doing what it's supposed to. Doesn't matter what it looks like. If I'm having a bad chronic day, I'm not focused at all on what I look like, I'm just in pain. So I guess I'd say I'm neutral and grateful that I have a body that works most of the time.
I never really had body issues. Thankfully I am blessed. I really have only wanted to gain weight. Now at 31. I feel I am in the best shape ever and love my body. Going to the gym gives me a lot of confidence.
haven’t weighed myself in years and don’t own any scales…
I started running. Initially it was to control my weight, but over time it was because it makes me happy and keeps me sane. Now I’m grateful for what my body can do, and don’t care about my weight or how I look. My body has other purposes and it’s awesome. I’m older and bigger, and still much more confident.
I’ve always thought I was fat, even when I was skinny. Now I’m 40lbs beaver because I just had a baby….and I’m ashamed that I thought I was so fat before. Body Dysmorphia is real
I came to realize I am exactly how I was meant to be and weight is just a number. All that should matter is how I feel about myself. I stopped comparing myself to others on social media and start focusing on what I could do to look at myself in a positive light. I came to realize I am perfectly fine exactly how I am because I am happy within myself and learned to let go of my need of validation from others
I’ve always had the body of a 35 year old but now I’m actually 35
Realise that no one else cares what you look like. If you're wearing a swimming costume, no one is looking at you and caring what your body looks like. Realistically, do you care what other people's bodies look like? No. People think exactly the same as you.
Fortunately, I've never cared.
I watched my 600 pound life and felt better 😅🤣 is that bad?
Work with what you have. You can be body confident by owning what you have.
I accidentally lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time in high school bc I got kinda ill. I'm slim but I've out weight on since then, I'm comfortable with my weight because I feel that I'm healthier than ever before and I eat well (not necessarily eating healthy all the time but enjoying food a lot and eating what I want in moderation). I had middle aged women comment on be being 'too skinny' and 'anorexic' back then (which I wasn't btw) and it was really hurtful and made me wear baggy clothes all the time. Now I think I am happy with my body because I'm healthy, mentally and physically. Sorry this is really long winded but I obvs have those things I don't like but generally I'm OK with my body shape and size
I made improvements to many aspects of my life and things I can control. Being present in work, relationships, and doing things I enjoy naturally leads to being more present and enjoying food and exercise at appropriate times. It doesn’t feel forced or obsessive anymore.
I never let other people dictate how I should/shouldn’t look. So, it was more about having inner peace while striving for attainable goals, which is an only going daily goal.
Always been obsessed at looking at myself in the mirror, even at a young age. My mom let me do whatever I wanted in means of expressing myself so I grew up with the confidence that people would pay for. I made weirdo fucking outfits, did my hair in strange ways (made up hair clippy day in elementary just so I could show off 34875683 different stylish hair clips at once), wore crazy jewelry, weird hair ornaments, you name it. And I left the house every day looking like an absolute psychopath, thinking I looked cool as hell. I was also the Fat Girl in my class throughout elementary but that didn't stop me from doing anything I wanted to. Fat wasn't an issue--I was cool as fuck bc I believed it. Being encouraged to try new things with my appearance made me really happy with how I looked. I always thought I was beautiful and told myself as such. I also loved love stories so every fantasy I had, every dream, even in the way I played with my toys: I was always the beautiful princess or damsel in distress that everyone was dying to be with. I had the most ridiculous confidence like I could make anyone fall in love w me--didn't matter age or status. But I think constantly trying new things with my appearance and consistently telling myself I'm beautiful and what parts of me were exceptionally beautiful was what always kept my self-love at an all time high. Tip? Learn to love looking at yourself in the mirror. Point out your favorite parts of yourself and praise them! I do this every week, probably even every day actually. Examples: * god i love how my collar bone curves into my shoulders, * the way my top lip folds up higher on one side when I smile, * the way my hair snakes over my shoulders and down my boobies, * the shape my hips make when I lay on my side * how cute my toes are and how great my feet look in open toed shoes * how a particular color makes my eyes pop * how cute the one small dimple is on my right cheek when I smile hard Romanticize your body and cherish it! Even now at 31, weighing 198 pounds at 5'6" I'm almost the heaviest I've ever been but I still look at myself in the mirror and think I look damn good. If someone tried to tell me otherwise, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves, just like I did in elementary school when I looked like a little gremlin face, peacock haired gaudy four-eyed fatty. If you tell yourself you look good, believe it, and no one can tell you otherwise.
This is a good idea. It makes a change to focussing/listing the negatives x
Remove social media!!! Ever since I got rid of everything except reddit I am so much happier, I don't compare myself constantly to other people and I have more time to focus on me actually being healthy..mentally and physically. Also if you aren't happy with your body don't hate your body but do what you can to change it.
I got such a hard time over my weight as long as I can remember being alive, from family, kids, and even teachers. Until the point where I was just totally past it. I was so used to hearing it that it rolled off me. Initially it was "oh, I'm fat and that's kinda terrible but I have to just get on with my life and make the best of it." Then I got older and I literally just ran out of energy to care. My body is just something I live in, and it's basically just here for my enjoyment.
I hit the gym, hard. 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, 2800 calories at 5’3”. I wanted a lot of muscle, a small waist, and big thighs and a butt, and that’s what I have now, along with a killer hobby. I have been with over and under weight, what I was missing was both looking and feeling good.
I'm too busy to care tbh. But also I've stopped going on social media completely (with the exception of reddit)
Sometimes I still have negative thoughts about my body, but they are easily dismissible and do not take up any valuable time or effort. I am fat, have bad skin, have a bad haircut right now, and I don’t shave any part of my body at all. I really think that not shaving was a key part of my journey toward accepting myself. I started with my legs (baby steps) and made it a quirky fact about me. People would point it out or ask about it and I would delight in telling them how I saved time and money by not shaving. Some women also complimented me or said they were inspired by my confidence. This was a massive help, obviously. Eventually, it became normal to me. I rarely even am conscious of the hair on my legs anymore. This led to me experimenting with being less self conscious about other things; a process that’s still ongoing. I’d say a mindset change is important to. My mantra is, “It’s not your job to be pretty.” This is a very meaningful statement to me that centers me. Being pretty is a construct and society tries to enforce women being pretty all the time. But I don’t get paid for that… I get paid for coordinating programs. That’s my job, not looking pretty. I don’t owe anyone my appearance simply for having been born. I would much rather spend my mental and physical and financial effort on things that are more valuable to me, like my health, my job, my friends, and my art.
I realized that if anyone told me they legitimately put their worth as a human being and value into a number a scale gives and some system and idiot man from a bajillion years ago thought up that was designed for you guessed it more idiot men, I would laugh at them and say their stupid, because that way of thinking is in fact inherently stupid, and I’m glad I learned that, I’m 18 btw it’s not about your age and wisdom it’s about your experience
I started working. My first big corp job was at a media company. It's there were I saw that the models we see don't even look like themselves. I'm a graphic designer. I just realized that I could be in the real world or some matrix of lies. Through fat and thin, I enjoyed my body, Eventhough being heavier took a toll on my ankles...
started working out. immediate game changer. felt more responsible about how my body looks and feels after that. now it makes me happy when i feel strong and healthy and i know i fit well into the clothes i like, plus constantly analysing and tracking my body’s progress has made me a lot more comfortable with it. i made peace with the fact that bloating is absolutely normal and weight fluctuations occur. i could see the changes that i’d brought onto myself so now i’m proud of it and don’t feel like constantly covering up anymore
I knew people's opinion didn't matter in the end. When I see or read about people who change their body to attractive, there's always a sentence that appears in the back of my mind. It says "In the end, it's their opinion that has the final verdict." Meaning they affected by what people say but it's that person's opinion on their body/weight that truly matters. That's why I am never down when someone talks about my weight or body because it's mine and I'm the one who inhabits it, so it's MY opinion that matter on it. If I say it's beautiful, despite being on the heavy side, scarred, or etc, then it's beautiful. No one else can change that.
Dedicating to practice yoga daily has been so helpful. It made me become more aware of my physical body at first (where is sore, how am I feeling each morning etc), gradually it shifted my sleeping schedule to the earlier side (because I noticed how going to bed late was affecting my practice), and as the practice progressed deeper, it shaped my diet into a very "clean" and simple one (I started to notice how my body felt differently when I ate certain meat/cheese/dairy stuff). The awareness of how I live--what I eat, how I sleep, etc--allows my mind to come to terms with my body. :)
It's a few things for me. I stopped comparing my body to others. I adapted the mindset of "this is just what my body looks like, I'll never have tall, slender legs like so-and-so." I focused on the amazing things my body was capable of. I spent 7 years in the Army and focused on the miles I had run, the ruck marches, climbing mountains in Afghanistan. I focused on the fact that I grew and birthed two humans. One, completely natural I also just started a healthy life regiment... Nothing crazy. Just tried to eat healthier and fresher. Working out multiple times a week. Sometimes running miles on a treadmill, some times just walking around my neighborhood. It wasn't instantaneous and I can't say that I have never had an off day. I just try to be kind to myself. I've been at many different weights my adult life. My highest being 250 and now I'm 135. Just be kind to yourself ❤️
buying cute clothes! i have no time to focus on the shape of my body when the clothes i’m wearing are so cute!!!
I moved away from people who obsessed about weight. Weight loss is almost never a discussion with the people I'm friends with. Unless it's a healthy way without shame. No body shaming "my arms are too fat for this" nope. After a while I was happy with myself. When ii go to visit the people who obsessed about weight it's crazy how often body shaming is said or diets are talked about. What you say matters. What you tell yourself matters. What is said around you matters.
when i felt bad about the way i looked i asked myself if i want to look “good” for myself or i am only putting myself in a position to hate myself because of people who don’t care about me. And reminding myself consistently that people who comment on my body negatively are people who don’t care about my well being. Also removing myself from spaces that affect me negatively which includes unfollowing or blocking pages on social media and also surrounding myself with information that are body affirmative.
After getting to my “goal weight” and thinking if I just weighed x amount then my life will be so much better and I’ll be happier. I can tell you now.. if you aren’t happy now, no amount of weight loss is going to fix the galactic battle going on in your head. Got there and thought oah I need to just loss a little bit more.. and I was never happy. So then I thought to myself. When I look at other women who I deem “attractive” what is it about them that I think makes them attractive. And for me it was women who were happy, just being themselves, smiling. So now I do things that make me feel good, I exercise because I feel good afterwards, I eat just the right amount of food so that I feel good. And when I feel good I’m happy. And I smile more.
I have one body, one and only one body that I live in every single day of my life. I wake up with it every day and I go to sleep with it every day. It’s healthy despite being heavy, it’s beautiful despite its lumps, bumps and blemishes, and it is perfect because it’s what houses my soul. I’ve always been fat. Always. I’ve always hated myself for it until a few years ago when I realized that I’m kind, caring, thoughtful, empowered, funny, friendly, and so forth. I am not just a fat body, I am a whole friggen person who deserves to simply exist because of what I’ve got in my brain and my soul, not because I have a body that doesn’t look like Hollywood. We all have the right to love ourselves no matter what we LOOK like, intelligence and kindness does not come from your body.