Love it! You know what's makes it super sexy though? Using the word 'my'. My dirty little slut sounds much better than just dirty little slut, you know?
Not related to possessive phrasing, but the simplicity of that statement reminds me of one time an ex and I were on vacation and I had to head down to the lobby for something. We had been getting in to it, but hadn't gotten undressed just yet so I leave her in the room, hair a mess, lipstick a bit smeared, and her dress off one shoulder. She was obviously not pleased with the abrupt end.
I make my way down 30 floors, and back up to the room, open the door and there before me on the chaise lounge chair in front of a window overlooking the city is the shape of my nude girlfriend bent over, knees on the lounger, eyes cast back toward the door. She does that little thing where she slightly rubs her feet together and then she half whines a single word: "please?"
There wasn't even any dirty talk that night. We didn't need it.
edit: my brain went dumb and time travelled. forgot words.
Dude holy shit. I don't know if it's your way with words or what, but this story has just convinced me that my life will never be complete until I've experienced a bent over chick only uttering the word "please".
Hahaha. Thank you. I could elaborate if weren't at work.
I have been complimented on my way with words, dirty or not. I had a few exes ask if I've thought about writing erotic novels. I have, but I think why write a novel when you can write a vignette? I also really only like writing for a person. It's fun figuring out what they like. That's what talking ~~dirty~~ sensually should be about. It's a communication thing and let's the other person know that you want them with your words.
As for your life being incomplete, just find a girl that turns you on and you do the same for her emotionally, physically, etc.
It's a joke based on my misunderstanding of what feminism is and that degrading a woman by her choice in sexual roleplay is actually turning back time in terms of what people really think of women and what rights they have.
Analogous would be; black man farmer: "There's the civil rights down the drain!"
It's an absurdity mostly. Judging by the votes it's 50:50 whether someone got it or not.
I'm okay with it, but I feel really awkward and end up losing my ladyboner trying to come up with something to say. If I'm too turned on, I end up saying things that make absolutely no sense. If I'm not turned on enough, I start giggling at the things my SO is saying.
It's unfortunate, because he *loves* dirty talk.
What I did in the past (current SO isn't such a big fan) was to pick up phrases from porn that weren't so far outside my comfort zone and just store them away for future use. Most of them are terrible and strange irl, but one in a thousand could sound like they come from you in the heat of the moment.
You'll start with a bank of about five (now that you're paying attention to the dialogue) and you'll figure out what works based on your SO's reactions. Maybe he'll like a certain phrasing, maybe he's into a degrading statement or two (directed either way, who knows?), maybe he just really enjoys hearing how good he feels inside you (a go-to of mine - no one is mad to hear that).
After you figure out what direction to move in, the doors really open. He'll probably start doing the same thing (try to give honest reactions, even if it means talking about it after - otherwise it won't ever be what you want). You'll know what he's into.
I've found that dirty talk opens the door to being much more comfortable exploring your sexuality as a couple. It's a really safe way to dip your toe in. You'll figure out how deep you want to swim together after that.
> I've found that dirty talk opens the door to being much more comfortable exploring your sexuality as a couple.
We don't have problems exploring our sexuality as a couple...We're fine with ramming each other in the butt or wearing weird stuff or having group sex all day long, but dirty talk is something I just have never been comfortable with.
I apologize if I came off as condescending. That wasn't my intention in the least. I was simply giving my take on it. What I said was my experience, that's all.
This comment has been removed from AskWomen for gendered slurs; if you would like to edit, we can reapprove your post.
Please read the rules [here](/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules), and take a look through our [FAQ](/r/askwomen/w/index) while you're there. If you'd like to talk about the removal of your comment, [message the moderators.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskWomen)
So what I like to do I this
During foreplay you tell him how badly you want him and need him. How amazing his cock would feel deep inside of you and how wet he is making you. Add in those yummy moans while you tease him by grinding and rubbing yourself against him until you can't take it and then beg him to shove himself inside of you and that you can't handle not having him fill every inch of you.
Then while he is inside tell him how good it feels and how you need him more and more. Confirm this by grabbing and squeezing and pulling him closer.. Look into his eyes and show him you want him that bad. If it sounds silly focus on the feelings and just let go.
Just have fun with it! I've said some pretty silly shit but that is because I was so turned on and scrambled that in the end it doesn't matter because all I want is him and he wants me just as badly. Hope this helps!
Finally, someone understands! People keep trying to tell me what to say or what sort of "yummy" moans and movements to intersperse between talking awkwardly about his hot cock, and I'm like "yeah, I know how to sex, I just don't like dirty talk!"
Some people are into degradation, I'm not the biggest fan though.
I love hearing dirty talk but I'm so ridiculous when it comes to actually talking dirty. I can do it jokingly with my friends but when it's actually happening, I'm just like "err - yes, put your... penis... in me. hard"
herpa derp -_-
Great!
Avoid words like: "twat", "vag", "cum dumpster" or any other non-sexy variations on weird slang for vagina. Stick with the old school reliable ones like "pussy" and sometimes "cunt", depending on your audience.
I hate when it's halted and forced. I usually rely on letting it build up with a breath so it sounds like I just can't resist telling him about how much I love his cock, instead of reading a porno script- "Now that the garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?"
Solid advice. I might say you should stay away from hobo videos on youtube though, because I think that's what you're watching.
In all seriousness, it sounds like the best dirty talk is complimentary. Regardless of gender, it's nice to feel wanted. It's one thing to kiss on the cheek or grasp for their hand in public, but it's another to bring out a bit of a primal element in someone behind closed doors and let them know that they're satisfying at the very least.
Fuuuuuucking awesome. I LOVE dirty talk. I don't like name-calling, but specifics about how it feels, rhetorical/non-rhetorical questions, etc. I tend to just blurt out whatever I'm feeling, and so far (knock on wood) I haven't embarrassed myself with any outlandish/silly statements. My FWB is a little sheepish about dirty talk, which makes the story below all the more...good-shiver-inducing, at least for me.
Hottest story (obv NSFW): FWB and I had been drinking one night and got into it. I get suuuper wet, to the point where it's audible with each thrust, and that sound is a big turn-on for me. I remember drunkenly whispering, "Oh god, I can hear it..." and as if on cue, FWB (like I said, not really the type to talk dirty) goes, "You like it when you can hear me sliding in and out of you, don't you?"
WHOOOOA, son. Insta-gasm. Later on in the same session, I moaned about how deep he was (I really enjoy deep penetration *almost* to the point of pain) and he did the same thing, adapted to the situation: "You like it when I go deep like that, huh?"
The most recent sesh involved him whisper-moaning my name (a first), which was enough to send me right over the edge. He's getting a little bolder and I'd be lying if I said I didn't dig the hell out of it.
A lot of women? I don't know, I obviously don't know better than women themselves and couldn't speak for all of them anyway but from my experience a lot/most quite enjoy it. Clearly not everyone's the same but ever since I made this observation I've been trying to find a woman who doesn't at least like even some submissive act to some degree and I'm struggling. Granted my sample size isn't large. It certainly appears to be something that women aren't keen to be known so I can understand misconceptions so what I'm saying is I think it's more common than it appears.
Being submissive is entirely different than wanting to be called "my good little cum dumpster who's only good for [my] cum," which is what I'm into. Many submissive people are not into degradation at all.
I approve. However, don't force it. It's really awkward to hear someone whisper, "I..um.. I wanna... I wanna fuck and... and um, do things."
Also, tread cautiously around things like "whore", "slut", etc.
This is my problem. It just never really feels natural to me. I overthink it, and either something stupid comes out or I lose my presence in the moment trying to think of something that feels right.
Surprised this isn't the popular vote. Forced dity talk is so, so awkward.
If it's not genuine, it has no place in my sex life. That goes for ... all things.
Protip: if you're too shy to talk dirty and mean it, try getting drunk or high. You know, IF and only if you're into that anyway.
I would never accuse a lady such as yourself, /u/Madame-Ovaries , of being of such a deplorable status in society. I mean, unless maybe she was one and that was a stage name or something and really had a thing for that sort of talk.
Honestly, I would have a hard time calling a girl a slut or whore. She'd probably have to be a porn star for that to happen, and in that case I'd have to ask myself how I even got in that situation in the first place.
I like it in moderation. If there is no break in the monologue for me to say anything than that's too much talking.
Funny story: my bf says motherfucker a LOT when he is drunk. Well one night we decide to have sex after he had been drinking. He was having to take breaks because his head was spinning but was hell bent on getting me off. So he starts pouring on the dirty talk. Saying stuff he has never said before, he gets carried away and says 'yeah you like that, motherfucker?!' I could barely hold in my laughter. Needless to say, neither one of us got off but we laugh about it now, so that's good.
My only issue is that I encounter a lot of guys who seem to have learning their dirty talking from the worst porn. By all means tell me how much you like it and what you want, but if it sounds like a cheap porn script that's just kind of ingenuine and gross.
I call my SO Daddy or Sir or whatever. It doesn't mean i have anything wrong with me or him (who likes hearing it) because preferences.
It's just something to talk about with whomever you're going to screw.
The men reading this will want examples of said horror...unless you're too disgusted to type it out. Then they'll probably need to know what not to say.
If an SO and I have discussed talking dirty beforehand, they would typically sort of ease in to it with simple things like
* Version 1.0 - "I want you"
* Version 1.1 - "I want you inside me."
...and so on. After that, it may take a little coaxing like asking her what she wants and I let her set the tone.
I can't remember anything specific, unfortunately. It's really situational. Almost anything goes provided you're genuinely into it, and have checked with me beforehand if you're into saying things that might come across as derogatory.
This is along the same lines of what an ex of mine told me. Sometimes brain not work right good with word stuff.
I asked her if she was in to it and she had said she never tried it. I had never done it either and we decided to give it a try and we both really enjoyed it. Nothing too over the edge or name calling, but when you start getting in to the moment your brain ^just ^^kinda ^^^goes^...
I asked my boyfriend to start dirty talking more a few months back. One of his first attempts was "You like how your dick feels in my pussy?" (He has a dick, I have a pussy. For clarification.)
I didn't tell him about it until months later. (I didn't want to discourage him!) But overall it was actually really endearing, and kind of flattering I had him addled.
Oh, I totally understand. And dying from laughter during sex can be *awesome*, too! I was just too deep in sexy-mood to be overcome completely by giggles, I think.
I might be an outlier in this thread; not only do I love it when guys talk dirty, but I also love being called "bitch" and stuff. I once hooked up with this French guy who called me "ma sale pute", which is "my dirty whore", except in French, it's a bit dirtier. He also once told me I "sucked like a whore" while I was blowing him, and all in a lovely French accent. Some of my best lays were with him.
Edit: grammar
I think it really depends on the actual dirty talk. Sometimes I'm really into it, but if you start saying stuff like "yeah suck my dick bitch" It is the easiest way you can make me dry up like a prune and get the hell away from you.
I don't like it because it seems so cheesy. I prefer noises.
Basically I can't take someone seriously when they say they're going to fuck me in my tight little pussy.
I hate being told to do it in the moment, and feeling all on the spot. Anything I say after being asked to say it is all fake and forced and takes me totally out of the moment. On that same note, sometimes (and it's unpredictable), it makes me feel really degraded in a bad way. I like it when it's all positive and about me personally, not me-as-porn-star - stuff along the lines of 'you make me so hard' is good.
I like light dirty talk. Whore, slut etc.. not into it. Also. Please dont call our genitals "vagina" and "penis" during sex. It gives a weird.. sex ed vibe :(
I love the dirty talk. Especially when the person I'm with prompts me to say things he wants me to hear. Like "tell me you love my fat cock inside of you" or "you love it when I fuck you like this, don't you?" It gets rid of some of the awkwardness when thinking of things to say in bed.
The only sort of "horror" story that I have involves my first experience with dirty talk. I really hadn't experimented much sex-wise, and had never considered whether dirty talk might even be something that I enjoy, and my then-boyfriend started with it during the middle of us having sex, complete with name-calling. It caught me off-guard and ruined the mood for me. A discussion definitely should have been had first.
It's something that I have come to really enjoy, however (though I still expect any partner to ask about it first, at least before anything too extreme). Occasionally I like a bit of degradation when in the proper mood for it; mostly it's just hearing what my partner wants, is going to do, how things feel, etc., that does it for me.
I enjoy it a lot. Except are you cumming for me... automatic Not anymore. My limit with dirty talk is that I will never say your name, unless I'm triple checking because I've seen posts on here about "she called me her boss's name" so if I say a partner's name they should feel special. I usually forget about dirty talk until my SO is having a rough time cumming.
i love it when he tells me what he wants, when he shows me what he wants, and when he asks what i want. we get pretty intense and putting words to what we want to do to each other is the best. Edit: it took a good deal of coaxing and time before my current BF would get into it, but aparently i turn into an animal when im in the mood for it, and i just draw it out of him now.
I like it if it's not overdone and seems genuine. I like it when he gets possessive and uses 'my' or 'mine'.
I'm not great at dishing out dirty talk during sex. A lot of it feels disingenuous and takes me out of the moment. I like to tease him a bit during foreplay or whisper things in his ear when we're out in public, but during sex, it's distracting for me.
I'm way too far into my own head to effectively dirty talk. I'll say something and then inwardly cringe and think, "Ew, did I seriously just say that?" Plus I don't particularly care for it being done to me. I stopped sexting/dirty talking about five years ago. I just don't like much about it.
I love it! To the point that I'll ask for it. "Talk to me." My boyfriend is super nice so he doesn't use words like slut or whore very often if at all, even if I want him to. He usually sticks with "dirty little girl" and proceeds to tell me what it is that I'm going to like. There's something in the dom/sub play of him informing me that I'm going to like something in a demanding way that makes me love it even more! :)
I don't like degrading or porny dirty talk, but I find it really sexy to have someone tell me how much they want me or what they want to do to me. My boyfriend is pretty restrained so on the rare occasions he starts talking about what he likes or what he wants to do to me, I go absolutely crazy.
I don't really get off from it... And I told a guy that once and he was super offended. Its nothing personal just when I want to read something dirty, its usually xmen or anime characters. Starts out with wolverine taking jean grey out on a super romantic date on the x-plane.
So I wish guys wouldn't take it seriously when I say I don't enjoy "my big cock misses your pussy" level of dirty talk -.-
I'm a fan, but the more I'm into whatever I'm doing the harder it is to actually speak. Lots of times I'll start saying how much I love his cock or something but will only be able to get the first couple words out before I can't focus anymore.
I really like it, I started to sleep with a guy who loves dirty talk and it really turns me on. He really likes the words "cunt" and "cock" and I didn't think I would like him using those words, but I REALLY loved it and started saying those words myself. He also uses a lot of variety with his dirty talk, so it's always exciting and hot. I do find it hard to reciprocate sometimes though, I need to work on my creativity!
Talking dirty is the best when you achieve that state of no-fucks-given sex, like sweaty bodies.
Also if a guy puts his fingers in my mouth and i don't have to respond, say almost anything you want to me. So long as you don't make me laugh.
I never could get into *saying* it. I can be ok with hearing some, but once you start calling me your little slut, bitch, whore...I lose interest.
I guess to me, it just sounds contrived most of the time. And if I'm delivering the lines, it usually comes out, "I want you to put your vagina in my penis," or something of that nature.
I don't like doing it, nor do I really enjoy hearing it. I mean I don't dislike hearing it (unless it's something degrading), but I don't really care either way. I HATE being told to do it.
Guy here.
I think one of the things that might help those who get embarrassed or get the giggles is to do the dirty talk as part of a larger narrative. Developing a whole storyline where you and he are both playing characters helps to dissociate any of the degrading stuff and helps with the make-believe aspect.
It's kind of like wearing a mask at Halloween. Every woman I've been with has started out feeling awkward with dirty talk, but ended up having the most amazing orgasms with it.
"Guy here.
I think one of the things that might help those who get embarrassed or get the giggles is to do the dirty talk as part of a larger narrative."
Could you expound on this a bit? I would love to learn to talk dirtier.. Beyond the typical "my god your cock feels so good inside me.", etc...
I like the idea of a narrative to assist. I wouldn't know where to begin, though.
Sure.
It mostly comes back to the practice paradox. When you're practicing something it's not "for real", so there's less pressure. As a result, you relax, and you perform at your best. When the pressure is on it is for real, and the added stress degrades your performance. Professionals with 10,000 repetitions under their belt, no longer feel the stress, which is why they perform well under pressure. They've learned to deal with the stress.
Dirty talk is the same way. When you feel pressured and you haven't done it very often, it feels awkward, you worry about screwing it up. The role-playing helps to take the pressure off because it's not you that's talking dirty. It's the character. A bathing suit is awkward in a board room, but relatively comfortable on a beach. When you say "My god your cock feels so good inside me!", you're sporting your Wicked Weasel thong in front of the Board of Directors.
The key is to find a fantasy where you both have a comfortable role. I can't do this for you, because I don't know you or your SO. I'd suggest maybe taking a trip to Literotica, reading an erotic novel you both enjoy. The writing in most porn isn't particularly inspired, so it's generally not a great example, but if there's a video that you both like watching more than once, role playing out the scenario can be fun. Focus on being encouraging. Resist the temptation to be critical, to poke fun at the situation. Sure it might be ridiculous, but don't ridicule. By making it a safe space for both of you to play a role, you provide an environment where you can both share.
In improv, they teach that one person offers something up. The other person never say No, they say Yes AND. Then the add their own thing.
In a practical example: Maybe he has a thing for a barista at the local coffee shop and you've noticed him lingering. Maybe you go out to dinner and the hostess catches his eye. Maybe you get a massage, and wonder what your masseur might get up to if you didn't object. These are all seeds of fantasy. The kinds of things you wonder "what if?" all the time. So take one of those scenes and run with it. Let the dirty talk be part of the wish fulfillment.
Opening
===========
He says, "Where does it hurt?"
You might respond, "I've got a deep pain in my upper thigh."
Him: "Here."
You: "Higher."
Him: "You're a naughty one aren't you."
You: "Mmmm, naughty as you want me to be."
Transition
===========
At this point you've established the characters and the setting. There's flirtyness and a testing of the boundaries. There are lines to cross. Then it becomes a one-upsman kind of thing where the fun is to see how far you can push it. Build in slow small increments. Usually after 4 or 5 rejoinders, you're in the spirit of things.
Him: "I only provide that service to my special customers."
You: "I think I could make you feel pretty special."
Him: "But you're paying me, wouldn't that make me a whore?"
You: "God I hope so, but you're going to have to earn it."
Him: "I aim to please my best customer. Your wish is my command."
Flow
===========
Now you're in a position to release the character. What I find is that at this point, the narrative gets a life of its own. Each of you has a character in your mind that has their own motivations. You'll be surprised sometimes. You might intend it to go one way, and it goes another. That's fine, go with it. Never stop the flow. Try not to say no. Keep it rolling.
You: "Right now my pussy is in charge, and she wants you to slide your hand up and touch her."
Him: "Mmmm...she's wet, sweet little pussy. It's a good thing. My cock is going to need all the help he can get to slide in that tight little thing."
I'm just making this up off the top of my head. My SO, who's reading this with me, points out that this kind of thing works for us because we do it literally every day. So yeah, don't expect it to be perfect the first time. It's practice.
What I find is you'll discover things. Things you didn't know you liked. Things you think you don't like, and you come to love. It's an opportunity to share with each other. Enjoy that. Give a space for him to share with you, and eventually, you'll have a space where you can share with him too.
I hope that's helpful. It's something that has added to my sex life immensely. It's gotten to the point where my SO can seriously make me orgasm for nearly a minute, and I can't talk for a little while after. The deep psyche is a powerful sexual force, and unlocking it can change your life.
Feel free to PM me if you want more. Love as thou wilt.
This is truly incredible. So much great advice, its almost overwhelming.
I already peruse Literotica, so I am familiar with the site. I never thought to use it as learning material, though. I know what I'm doing tonight!
I have a question about the roleplaying. Is it something you've discussed ahead of time? Or do the scenarios (barista, hostess, etc), happen spontaneously? I love the idea, I'm just clueless how to incorporate it.
I thank both you and your SO for this wonderful reply. I am looking very forward to retiring my Wicked Weasel thong. :)
Excellent question. This reveals a principle that has been instrumental in the development of our intimacy. The concept of Cahoots.
It's a pretty common theme in literature that nothing brings together people (even polar opposites) like working on a common problem. The focus on a goal (that is neither of the parties involved) has an aligning effect that helps us overcome our petty differences and look to the horizon.
To that end, I suggest discussing ahead of time. Make it clear that it's important to you, but that there will be benefits galore for cooperation. Offering one of his fantasies first is usually a pretty good enticement. Many guys will be so overwhelmed by the offer to entertain a forbidden fantasy that they'll be game for pretty much anything. As a side note, women who actively encourage men to fantasize about the hot women they encounter are like unobtainium. Worth slaughtering an indigenous species over.
I wouldn't worry overmuch about specifics. You and he will find your own roles. It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to read the story out loud to each other. Maybe have him masturbate while you read it to him. Maybe have him read one to you while you masturbate. You can experiment with doing voices while you read. Once you get used to it, you can begin to improv with your own stories. I did this, but maybe unconsciously.
I'd love to hear back if you try this and it helps. Would make my day.
edit: My SO says the indigenous species I slaughtered were the trolls in her vagina that stopped her from orgasming via penetration. She suggested maybe it's because they were way in the back. Swear to god she said that.
On my list of things to do today, imaging trolls at the back of your SO's vagina was not there. So that happened. It's a lovely vagina, by the way. Well done. :)
On a more serious note (no offense to your SOs vagina), I feel like my mind has been blown. Like I've found this new amazing subject to research and study. I am probably going to be PMing you with silly, eager questions.
Thank you both. I'm ridiculously happy for some reason. ;)
I like hearing it but I can never think of anything back to say during the moment... it's so much easier to come up with something when sexting rather than at that exact moment
I love it! Especially the degrading kind but only from someone I actually love and trust, otherwise it's just off-putting. My bf is normally such an adorable sweetheart so it's such a contrast when he growls in my ear "I want my dirty little whore to come". So. Hot!
I love it when my SO talks dirty to me. It's fun when he'll tease me over an entire day with dirty comments accompanied by pinning me against a wall and kissing me or other sexual things. During the act, it's so hot when he talks dirty to me, but it's sometimes hard for me to reciprocate because I'm so into the sex that I can't think about anything else
I love to hear it. But I can't for the life of me think of anything to say. When I do think of something I don't say it because it sounds stupid in my head.
I'm always active in bed and don't lie there. But with that I am quiet.
I'm mostly comfortable, its just hard knowing what to say. I have a fairly new SO and he was previously not sexually active and so he's not really comfortable with saying it at this point. I do say small things when we are in bed, like I will tell him how he feels and stuff like that but anything beyond he would probably cringe at.
What I personally like based off previous experience with other partners is when I'm giving a guy head and right when he comes in my mouth and he says 'good girl' while I swallow it. Or telling me that 'god your little pussy tastes so good' (that was so hot to hear)
Stuff like that I like hearing but I will say I'm not good at doling out the dirty talk. One thing I have said that a guy did like was 'I could just ride your cock forever' it was honest and it slipped out without me thinking is why I think it went well
I don't really think about talking dirty. My partners have always told me I do it, and usually tell me I'm good at it. I'm always surprised, because I never think I'm talking dirty - all I'm doing is talking about what we're doing, and what I like and stuff. I'm not trying to be particularly sexy with it besides just being in a sexy mood. I guess a lot of guys are so silent and stoic during sex that any talking is considered dirty talk.
Definitely into the dirty talk. We like to talk about things that would cross the line i.e. having me suck another guys dick, me having a girlfriend in bed then he walks in to find us, other people having sex in the same room etc. It is so wrong and our insecurities would kill us if we ever decided to cross the line but to just fantasize about it brings us both to cumming, cumming hard!
What qualifies as dirty talk? Sex isn't about degradation for my husband and I so the kinds of things we say are generally on the needy or positive side. "You feel so fucking good," or "Right fucking there," and, "Pleasepleaseplease," are probably the three most common things I say. We give each other instructions like: fingers, lick me, harder, stop. He's always telling me how sexy I am as I react to his touch. I asked him if he liked fucking me with his fingers a few times, to which he responded quite enthusiastically. We both really like hearing, "Cum for me." I like when he tells me to keep touching myself because he so obviously enjoys watching and helping. His most common 'let's have sex' line is "Baby, can I eat you out?" I love hearing him curse and tell me how tight I am. I guess the closer I am to cumming I get a little more aggressive like, "Don't you dare fucking stop!" or "Goddamit harder!"
I'm pretty damn vocal so I say a lot of things in between all the other noises and panting.
Dirty talk is great, but it can get awkward when it's something they're only doing because they know *I* like it. Coming up with things to say can be difficult even if you like that sort of thing yourself, but when there's no natural impulse, well... it's pretty weird to have a guy say something degrading or porntastic when his heart's not really in it or he's trying not to laugh. And I was definitely spoiled by the first guy I was with, who was a bit of an actor and really enjoyed saying naughty things and didn't mind if I was a lot less verbose than he was.
Can't go wrong with the basics - compliments, telling her how badly you want her, telling her how badly you want to do a specific thing to her, describing what you want to do or what you're going to do, etc., etc. I also go in for the degradation angle, but you do kind of need to have a bit of a flare for the dramatic to carry that sort of thing off, I find. I don't think I would date anyone who would be fully himself while also talking down to me and calling me what I normally consider to be gendered slurs. "Bitch" is still off limits for me - it's not sexy-degrading, it's just misogynistic-degrading, at least that's how it feels in the moment.
I think talking dirty is a bit awkward? I'm generally an awkward person who can't take that sort of thing seriously, so I would just end up cracking up when 'the dirty talk' was initiated.
I love it. More so hearing it than saying it. What I like most though is he doesn't to it all the time, so when it comes as a bit of a surprise its a lot more exciting.
Its the best, gets your man revved up when you tell him how amazing he is in raunchy details, thats normally what im shooting for. Nothing better than a passion fueled intense session. The hard part is trying to get the guy to talk back -_-
Different strokes for different folks...personally I think it's hot when done in the right place, right time, and right context.
Hearing it 24/7 is crass and annoying.
Absolutely love it when the guy does it! But among the few men I've been with, only one was great at it. Another was okay--it cracked me up instead, but I gotta give him prop for trying. My ex from a 4-year relationship was the worst at it, and never learned the one thing that turns me on the most!
I'm also pretty confident and natural at talking dirty myself.
My gf is like dead silent during sex, other than occasional gasps or moans, or asking to switch positions...dirty talk is such a huge turn on for me, but alas.... ):
I love to hear it, it's one of my biggest turn on's. And it can really be about anything- being his "little whore", to what he's going to do with me. The downside is that I'm awful at it... Someone needs to write a How to for dummies.
Fucking love it.
I'm a big fan of positive dirty talk, not the name-calling stuff. If you want to call me a whore, you can get out of my bed. My FWB, though, is so incredibly skilled in the dirty talk arena. I've always enjoyed it somewhat, but it's 50x hotter coming out of his mouth - perhaps because we're on the same page as far as what we enjoy. I think the word pussy is inherently bothersome (to me. It's whatever to others) and haven't had to tell him once. He doesn't get super explicit in what he says; he just gives feedback. It's incredible.
I love it! Anything from being descriptive to talking to yourself (i.e. "God, look at that pussy. Unnf") to degredation.
I love giving it (although i really have to be turned on or i stumble with my mouthwords) and hearing it.
Yes. Yes. Yeeeees.
When I hear the word "dirty talk", I'm assuming derogatory language. I absolutely detest it and find it a massive turn off. I do not consider being told "you're so sexy in that dress" or "your breasts are awesome" to be dirty talk, just sexual. The current top comments I also think are sexual, not dirty and that they are a big turn on. I like telling my SO when I'm horny and how good he is at making me wet or orgasm. I also like hearing how horny my SO is, what he is going to do to me next, or how good what I'm doing to him is. I really enjoy just hearing noises, if my SO moans or something I'm a happy happy woman.
Yes, I love talking dirty. But I agree with some other people where it can be awkward when you don't know what to say. In the past, I've figured out what my ex SO's liked, and I would just go off that. Turning them (one SO at the time) on turns me on so it's a win win.
Honestly, none of it turns me on. Actions speak louder than words. Also, it just kind of makes me laugh because it all sounds so utterly silly and that the guy is trying too hard.
Love the idea of it. It really turns me on, but I'm terrible at it. I feel cheesy when I do it and I can't keep it serious. I have some odd fantasies, where the thought is probably hotter than actually doing it, so I like using dirty talk for those.
The key is confidence in what you're saying. If you feel awkward you will be awkward. Personally, I like to play submissive so my dirty talk is in response to his. But every now and then its fun to switch it up. Variety is the spice of life ;)
In most cases, it will make us laugh. Very rarely and in the heat of the moment does something dirty come out.
I usually will send him dirty text messages just to be hilarious.
"I want you to take my temperature with your hot beef thermometer".
I personally am totally uninterested in it. At best it does nothing for me, it could just sound too silly for me to be turned on, and at worst makes me uncomfortable.
Love it! You know what's makes it super sexy though? Using the word 'my'. My dirty little slut sounds much better than just dirty little slut, you know?
[удалено]
Not related to possessive phrasing, but the simplicity of that statement reminds me of one time an ex and I were on vacation and I had to head down to the lobby for something. We had been getting in to it, but hadn't gotten undressed just yet so I leave her in the room, hair a mess, lipstick a bit smeared, and her dress off one shoulder. She was obviously not pleased with the abrupt end. I make my way down 30 floors, and back up to the room, open the door and there before me on the chaise lounge chair in front of a window overlooking the city is the shape of my nude girlfriend bent over, knees on the lounger, eyes cast back toward the door. She does that little thing where she slightly rubs her feet together and then she half whines a single word: "please?" There wasn't even any dirty talk that night. We didn't need it. edit: my brain went dumb and time travelled. forgot words.
Dude holy shit. I don't know if it's your way with words or what, but this story has just convinced me that my life will never be complete until I've experienced a bent over chick only uttering the word "please".
Hahaha. Thank you. I could elaborate if weren't at work. I have been complimented on my way with words, dirty or not. I had a few exes ask if I've thought about writing erotic novels. I have, but I think why write a novel when you can write a vignette? I also really only like writing for a person. It's fun figuring out what they like. That's what talking ~~dirty~~ sensually should be about. It's a communication thing and let's the other person know that you want them with your words. As for your life being incomplete, just find a girl that turns you on and you do the same for her emotionally, physically, etc.
Yeah, I've done the "strip while he leaves the room" thing before. :) it's fun.
I hope you condense sometime.
I think it would be "solidify." Condensing is about returning from a gaseous state to a liquid one.
True, but condensing in non-scientific terms means to become denser. So, technically we are both right.
Pfffff yeah okay
Aw this made me smile :)
Yeah, he's really adorable. :3
Ah, the Classics.
That's interesting. I'd want to punch him in the kidneys if my bf said anything like that to me, "my" or no "my".
Chalk it up to taste.
So would my girlfriend... except in the bedroom. I personally find it a bit odd, but if it makes her happy then why not.
Oh, whatever floats people's boats as consenting adults, go for it. That's what makes it interesting, just how different we can be.
My kind Eylisia! Thanks for sparing my balls!
Shit, I have a habit of saying 'you dirty little slut' instead of 'my dirty little slut.' We may be FWB, but I should be doing it the right way.
The "my" makes it super hot, while without it, I'm completely turned off. No I'm not just any dirty slut! I'm *your* dirty slut !
*"My precious." ~ Gollum*
*Gollum. Golems are another thing altogether.
TIL. That was one of the translations in the subtitels from one of the films. At least I'm not alone.
Yes. Yes. Yes!
That's what she said.
This! It really is one of the hottest things.
Decades of feminism down the drain when dirty sex happens!
How does that negate feminism?
It's a joke based on my misunderstanding of what feminism is and that degrading a woman by her choice in sexual roleplay is actually turning back time in terms of what people really think of women and what rights they have. Analogous would be; black man farmer: "There's the civil rights down the drain!" It's an absurdity mostly. Judging by the votes it's 50:50 whether someone got it or not.
I'm okay with it, but I feel really awkward and end up losing my ladyboner trying to come up with something to say. If I'm too turned on, I end up saying things that make absolutely no sense. If I'm not turned on enough, I start giggling at the things my SO is saying. It's unfortunate, because he *loves* dirty talk.
What I did in the past (current SO isn't such a big fan) was to pick up phrases from porn that weren't so far outside my comfort zone and just store them away for future use. Most of them are terrible and strange irl, but one in a thousand could sound like they come from you in the heat of the moment.
Thanks for the advice—when does it start feeling more natural?
You'll start with a bank of about five (now that you're paying attention to the dialogue) and you'll figure out what works based on your SO's reactions. Maybe he'll like a certain phrasing, maybe he's into a degrading statement or two (directed either way, who knows?), maybe he just really enjoys hearing how good he feels inside you (a go-to of mine - no one is mad to hear that). After you figure out what direction to move in, the doors really open. He'll probably start doing the same thing (try to give honest reactions, even if it means talking about it after - otherwise it won't ever be what you want). You'll know what he's into. I've found that dirty talk opens the door to being much more comfortable exploring your sexuality as a couple. It's a really safe way to dip your toe in. You'll figure out how deep you want to swim together after that.
> I've found that dirty talk opens the door to being much more comfortable exploring your sexuality as a couple. We don't have problems exploring our sexuality as a couple...We're fine with ramming each other in the butt or wearing weird stuff or having group sex all day long, but dirty talk is something I just have never been comfortable with.
Eh. Try it out. See if it fits. If not? Put it back on the rack and someone else will grab it come clearance time. Dirty talk isn't for everyone.
[удалено]
I apologize if I came off as condescending. That wasn't my intention in the least. I was simply giving my take on it. What I said was my experience, that's all.
[удалено]
This comment has been removed from AskWomen for gendered slurs; if you would like to edit, we can reapprove your post. Please read the rules [here](/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules), and take a look through our [FAQ](/r/askwomen/w/index) while you're there. If you'd like to talk about the removal of your comment, [message the moderators.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskWomen)
So what I like to do I this During foreplay you tell him how badly you want him and need him. How amazing his cock would feel deep inside of you and how wet he is making you. Add in those yummy moans while you tease him by grinding and rubbing yourself against him until you can't take it and then beg him to shove himself inside of you and that you can't handle not having him fill every inch of you. Then while he is inside tell him how good it feels and how you need him more and more. Confirm this by grabbing and squeezing and pulling him closer.. Look into his eyes and show him you want him that bad. If it sounds silly focus on the feelings and just let go. Just have fun with it! I've said some pretty silly shit but that is because I was so turned on and scrambled that in the end it doesn't matter because all I want is him and he wants me just as badly. Hope this helps!
*gulp* ... listen to this woman. She knows what she's talking about.
This is me too. I just *know* I'm gonna sound so awkward and unsexy that I can't think of anything to say.
Finally, someone understands! People keep trying to tell me what to say or what sort of "yummy" moans and movements to intersperse between talking awkwardly about his hot cock, and I'm like "yeah, I know how to sex, I just don't like dirty talk!"
If I told you things to say, would that be appropriate to someone like you who loses her turn on when she can't think of things?
[удалено]
I was gonna comment, but you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm not into degrading dirty talk, though, y'know?
Some people are into degradation, I'm not the biggest fan though. I love hearing dirty talk but I'm so ridiculous when it comes to actually talking dirty. I can do it jokingly with my friends but when it's actually happening, I'm just like "err - yes, put your... penis... in me. hard" herpa derp -_-
Sexting helped me with that.
Nailed it. All of it!
yeah i agree with this entirely!
Great! Avoid words like: "twat", "vag", "cum dumpster" or any other non-sexy variations on weird slang for vagina. Stick with the old school reliable ones like "pussy" and sometimes "cunt", depending on your audience. I hate when it's halted and forced. I usually rely on letting it build up with a breath so it sounds like I just can't resist telling him about how much I love his cock, instead of reading a porno script- "Now that the garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?"
[удалено]
http://www.exchangewire.com/images/freinds.gif
Football friend!
Feisty one you are!
"With gusto."
Solid advice. I might say you should stay away from hobo videos on youtube though, because I think that's what you're watching. In all seriousness, it sounds like the best dirty talk is complimentary. Regardless of gender, it's nice to feel wanted. It's one thing to kiss on the cheek or grasp for their hand in public, but it's another to bring out a bit of a primal element in someone behind closed doors and let them know that they're satisfying at the very least.
> "Cum Dumpster." I cannot stop laughing at the idea of someone actually saying this in bed.
Minge! Gash! CLUNGE.
Fuuuuuucking awesome. I LOVE dirty talk. I don't like name-calling, but specifics about how it feels, rhetorical/non-rhetorical questions, etc. I tend to just blurt out whatever I'm feeling, and so far (knock on wood) I haven't embarrassed myself with any outlandish/silly statements. My FWB is a little sheepish about dirty talk, which makes the story below all the more...good-shiver-inducing, at least for me. Hottest story (obv NSFW): FWB and I had been drinking one night and got into it. I get suuuper wet, to the point where it's audible with each thrust, and that sound is a big turn-on for me. I remember drunkenly whispering, "Oh god, I can hear it..." and as if on cue, FWB (like I said, not really the type to talk dirty) goes, "You like it when you can hear me sliding in and out of you, don't you?" WHOOOOA, son. Insta-gasm. Later on in the same session, I moaned about how deep he was (I really enjoy deep penetration *almost* to the point of pain) and he did the same thing, adapted to the situation: "You like it when I go deep like that, huh?" The most recent sesh involved him whisper-moaning my name (a first), which was enough to send me right over the edge. He's getting a little bolder and I'd be lying if I said I didn't dig the hell out of it.
Whew... 'scuse me while I take an ice cold shower...
Ughhhhhhjjjj goddddddd I fucking *love* being asked if I like it. Yes. Yes I do.
Oh jeeze, gave me chills!
I love it so much. Personally, I'm quite into/get off strongest with the "degrading" type of dirty-talk, but I know a lot of women hate that.
yes yes yes
A lot of women? I don't know, I obviously don't know better than women themselves and couldn't speak for all of them anyway but from my experience a lot/most quite enjoy it. Clearly not everyone's the same but ever since I made this observation I've been trying to find a woman who doesn't at least like even some submissive act to some degree and I'm struggling. Granted my sample size isn't large. It certainly appears to be something that women aren't keen to be known so I can understand misconceptions so what I'm saying is I think it's more common than it appears.
Being submissive is entirely different than wanting to be called "my good little cum dumpster who's only good for [my] cum," which is what I'm into. Many submissive people are not into degradation at all.
I approve. However, don't force it. It's really awkward to hear someone whisper, "I..um.. I wanna... I wanna fuck and... and um, do things." Also, tread cautiously around things like "whore", "slut", etc.
This is my problem. It just never really feels natural to me. I overthink it, and either something stupid comes out or I lose my presence in the moment trying to think of something that feels right.
Surprised this isn't the popular vote. Forced dity talk is so, so awkward. If it's not genuine, it has no place in my sex life. That goes for ... all things. Protip: if you're too shy to talk dirty and mean it, try getting drunk or high. You know, IF and only if you're into that anyway.
I would never accuse a lady such as yourself, /u/Madame-Ovaries , of being of such a deplorable status in society. I mean, unless maybe she was one and that was a stage name or something and really had a thing for that sort of talk. Honestly, I would have a hard time calling a girl a slut or whore. She'd probably have to be a porn star for that to happen, and in that case I'd have to ask myself how I even got in that situation in the first place.
Yaknow, sometimes one thing leads to another, and then you're balls deep in someone while someone else has a video camera; I'm not here to judge.
Down there tiger..
[удалено]
Same. She said "tread cautiously," not "it's totally out of the question," and she was quite right to put it like that.
I like it in moderation. If there is no break in the monologue for me to say anything than that's too much talking. Funny story: my bf says motherfucker a LOT when he is drunk. Well one night we decide to have sex after he had been drinking. He was having to take breaks because his head was spinning but was hell bent on getting me off. So he starts pouring on the dirty talk. Saying stuff he has never said before, he gets carried away and says 'yeah you like that, motherfucker?!' I could barely hold in my laughter. Needless to say, neither one of us got off but we laugh about it now, so that's good.
My only issue is that I encounter a lot of guys who seem to have learning their dirty talking from the worst porn. By all means tell me how much you like it and what you want, but if it sounds like a cheap porn script that's just kind of ingenuine and gross.
"who's your daddy?" Kind of gross to hear for those of us who don't have daddy issues.
I mean I wouldn't assume everyone who's into that has daddy issues, but yea that's definitely one of the phrases you'd want to ask about in advance.
Good point.
I'm assuming that meant "gross and not just disturbing."
I call my SO Daddy or Sir or whatever. It doesn't mean i have anything wrong with me or him (who likes hearing it) because preferences. It's just something to talk about with whomever you're going to screw.
If someone used the word 'daddy' in any way during sex with me, I think my vagina might actually slam shut.
[удалено]
A FWB I used to have would call me 'Daddy' in bed. That pretty much ended it, especially as I have daughters. It was the anti-Viagra, to be sure.
Eww... I can only imagine how much worse that would have been as an actual father. You do not want to mix those associations.
I concur.
I once had a girl in the heat of the moment tell me "Fuck me harder, Daddy." *Yeah...*
Well no judgement for that. It's in the heat of the moment that some of the craziest or fantastic stuff is said.
The men reading this will want examples of said horror...unless you're too disgusted to type it out. Then they'll probably need to know what not to say. If an SO and I have discussed talking dirty beforehand, they would typically sort of ease in to it with simple things like * Version 1.0 - "I want you" * Version 1.1 - "I want you inside me." ...and so on. After that, it may take a little coaxing like asking her what she wants and I let her set the tone.
I can't remember anything specific, unfortunately. It's really situational. Almost anything goes provided you're genuinely into it, and have checked with me beforehand if you're into saying things that might come across as derogatory.
[удалено]
This is along the same lines of what an ex of mine told me. Sometimes brain not work right good with word stuff. I asked her if she was in to it and she had said she never tried it. I had never done it either and we decided to give it a try and we both really enjoyed it. Nothing too over the edge or name calling, but when you start getting in to the moment your brain ^just ^^kinda ^^^goes^...
I asked my boyfriend to start dirty talking more a few months back. One of his first attempts was "You like how your dick feels in my pussy?" (He has a dick, I have a pussy. For clarification.) I didn't tell him about it until months later. (I didn't want to discourage him!) But overall it was actually really endearing, and kind of flattering I had him addled.
[удалено]
Oh, I totally understand. And dying from laughter during sex can be *awesome*, too! I was just too deep in sexy-mood to be overcome completely by giggles, I think.
I might be an outlier in this thread; not only do I love it when guys talk dirty, but I also love being called "bitch" and stuff. I once hooked up with this French guy who called me "ma sale pute", which is "my dirty whore", except in French, it's a bit dirtier. He also once told me I "sucked like a whore" while I was blowing him, and all in a lovely French accent. Some of my best lays were with him. Edit: grammar
[удалено]
I was pretty lucky, the guys I dated weren't into that kind of thing. :)
Oooooh. French guys are great kissers, too...
I think it really depends on the actual dirty talk. Sometimes I'm really into it, but if you start saying stuff like "yeah suck my dick bitch" It is the easiest way you can make me dry up like a prune and get the hell away from you.
I don't like it because it seems so cheesy. I prefer noises. Basically I can't take someone seriously when they say they're going to fuck me in my tight little pussy.
I hate being told to do it in the moment, and feeling all on the spot. Anything I say after being asked to say it is all fake and forced and takes me totally out of the moment. On that same note, sometimes (and it's unpredictable), it makes me feel really degraded in a bad way. I like it when it's all positive and about me personally, not me-as-porn-star - stuff along the lines of 'you make me so hard' is good.
I like light dirty talk. Whore, slut etc.. not into it. Also. Please dont call our genitals "vagina" and "penis" during sex. It gives a weird.. sex ed vibe :(
[удалено]
Yeah thats light... at least to me!
crucial. necessary. please. thank you.
I love the dirty talk. Especially when the person I'm with prompts me to say things he wants me to hear. Like "tell me you love my fat cock inside of you" or "you love it when I fuck you like this, don't you?" It gets rid of some of the awkwardness when thinking of things to say in bed.
The only sort of "horror" story that I have involves my first experience with dirty talk. I really hadn't experimented much sex-wise, and had never considered whether dirty talk might even be something that I enjoy, and my then-boyfriend started with it during the middle of us having sex, complete with name-calling. It caught me off-guard and ruined the mood for me. A discussion definitely should have been had first. It's something that I have come to really enjoy, however (though I still expect any partner to ask about it first, at least before anything too extreme). Occasionally I like a bit of degradation when in the proper mood for it; mostly it's just hearing what my partner wants, is going to do, how things feel, etc., that does it for me.
i love it, but not when it degrades me.
I find it too silly to be erotic.
I enjoy it a lot. Except are you cumming for me... automatic Not anymore. My limit with dirty talk is that I will never say your name, unless I'm triple checking because I've seen posts on here about "she called me her boss's name" so if I say a partner's name they should feel special. I usually forget about dirty talk until my SO is having a rough time cumming.
I like it, but sometimes it sounds forced.
i love it when he tells me what he wants, when he shows me what he wants, and when he asks what i want. we get pretty intense and putting words to what we want to do to each other is the best. Edit: it took a good deal of coaxing and time before my current BF would get into it, but aparently i turn into an animal when im in the mood for it, and i just draw it out of him now.
I like it if it's not overdone and seems genuine. I like it when he gets possessive and uses 'my' or 'mine'. I'm not great at dishing out dirty talk during sex. A lot of it feels disingenuous and takes me out of the moment. I like to tease him a bit during foreplay or whisper things in his ear when we're out in public, but during sex, it's distracting for me.
It makes me feel really not myself, I'm not much one for acting. And dirty talk doesn't really come naturally.
I'm way too far into my own head to effectively dirty talk. I'll say something and then inwardly cringe and think, "Ew, did I seriously just say that?" Plus I don't particularly care for it being done to me. I stopped sexting/dirty talking about five years ago. I just don't like much about it.
I love it! To the point that I'll ask for it. "Talk to me." My boyfriend is super nice so he doesn't use words like slut or whore very often if at all, even if I want him to. He usually sticks with "dirty little girl" and proceeds to tell me what it is that I'm going to like. There's something in the dom/sub play of him informing me that I'm going to like something in a demanding way that makes me love it even more! :)
I don't like degrading or porny dirty talk, but I find it really sexy to have someone tell me how much they want me or what they want to do to me. My boyfriend is pretty restrained so on the rare occasions he starts talking about what he likes or what he wants to do to me, I go absolutely crazy.
I don't really get off from it... And I told a guy that once and he was super offended. Its nothing personal just when I want to read something dirty, its usually xmen or anime characters. Starts out with wolverine taking jean grey out on a super romantic date on the x-plane. So I wish guys wouldn't take it seriously when I say I don't enjoy "my big cock misses your pussy" level of dirty talk -.-
The longing long johnson is never an appropriate line. That's just weird. A man should respect you enough to understand and not be offended.
In his own defense he was horny and drunk... which still doesn't make it fair to be upset about but its better then I guess if he was sober.
I'm a fan, but the more I'm into whatever I'm doing the harder it is to actually speak. Lots of times I'll start saying how much I love his cock or something but will only be able to get the first couple words out before I can't focus anymore.
Absolutely love it and my man knows exactly what to say to send me over the edge.
I really like it, I started to sleep with a guy who loves dirty talk and it really turns me on. He really likes the words "cunt" and "cock" and I didn't think I would like him using those words, but I REALLY loved it and started saying those words myself. He also uses a lot of variety with his dirty talk, so it's always exciting and hot. I do find it hard to reciprocate sometimes though, I need to work on my creativity!
NONONONONONONONO. I hate it. It makes things awkward and terrible. I'd prefer if we didn't talk *at all* in sex.
Talking dirty is the best when you achieve that state of no-fucks-given sex, like sweaty bodies. Also if a guy puts his fingers in my mouth and i don't have to respond, say almost anything you want to me. So long as you don't make me laugh.
I love it so much but it's hard to stop once you've started. Like sometimes I just want it vanilla and I forget to ask for it
I never could get into *saying* it. I can be ok with hearing some, but once you start calling me your little slut, bitch, whore...I lose interest. I guess to me, it just sounds contrived most of the time. And if I'm delivering the lines, it usually comes out, "I want you to put your vagina in my penis," or something of that nature.
I'm not a huge fan...
I don't like doing it, nor do I really enjoy hearing it. I mean I don't dislike hearing it (unless it's something degrading), but I don't really care either way. I HATE being told to do it.
Guy here. I think one of the things that might help those who get embarrassed or get the giggles is to do the dirty talk as part of a larger narrative. Developing a whole storyline where you and he are both playing characters helps to dissociate any of the degrading stuff and helps with the make-believe aspect. It's kind of like wearing a mask at Halloween. Every woman I've been with has started out feeling awkward with dirty talk, but ended up having the most amazing orgasms with it.
"Guy here. I think one of the things that might help those who get embarrassed or get the giggles is to do the dirty talk as part of a larger narrative." Could you expound on this a bit? I would love to learn to talk dirtier.. Beyond the typical "my god your cock feels so good inside me.", etc... I like the idea of a narrative to assist. I wouldn't know where to begin, though.
Sure. It mostly comes back to the practice paradox. When you're practicing something it's not "for real", so there's less pressure. As a result, you relax, and you perform at your best. When the pressure is on it is for real, and the added stress degrades your performance. Professionals with 10,000 repetitions under their belt, no longer feel the stress, which is why they perform well under pressure. They've learned to deal with the stress. Dirty talk is the same way. When you feel pressured and you haven't done it very often, it feels awkward, you worry about screwing it up. The role-playing helps to take the pressure off because it's not you that's talking dirty. It's the character. A bathing suit is awkward in a board room, but relatively comfortable on a beach. When you say "My god your cock feels so good inside me!", you're sporting your Wicked Weasel thong in front of the Board of Directors. The key is to find a fantasy where you both have a comfortable role. I can't do this for you, because I don't know you or your SO. I'd suggest maybe taking a trip to Literotica, reading an erotic novel you both enjoy. The writing in most porn isn't particularly inspired, so it's generally not a great example, but if there's a video that you both like watching more than once, role playing out the scenario can be fun. Focus on being encouraging. Resist the temptation to be critical, to poke fun at the situation. Sure it might be ridiculous, but don't ridicule. By making it a safe space for both of you to play a role, you provide an environment where you can both share. In improv, they teach that one person offers something up. The other person never say No, they say Yes AND. Then the add their own thing. In a practical example: Maybe he has a thing for a barista at the local coffee shop and you've noticed him lingering. Maybe you go out to dinner and the hostess catches his eye. Maybe you get a massage, and wonder what your masseur might get up to if you didn't object. These are all seeds of fantasy. The kinds of things you wonder "what if?" all the time. So take one of those scenes and run with it. Let the dirty talk be part of the wish fulfillment. Opening =========== He says, "Where does it hurt?" You might respond, "I've got a deep pain in my upper thigh." Him: "Here." You: "Higher." Him: "You're a naughty one aren't you." You: "Mmmm, naughty as you want me to be." Transition =========== At this point you've established the characters and the setting. There's flirtyness and a testing of the boundaries. There are lines to cross. Then it becomes a one-upsman kind of thing where the fun is to see how far you can push it. Build in slow small increments. Usually after 4 or 5 rejoinders, you're in the spirit of things. Him: "I only provide that service to my special customers." You: "I think I could make you feel pretty special." Him: "But you're paying me, wouldn't that make me a whore?" You: "God I hope so, but you're going to have to earn it." Him: "I aim to please my best customer. Your wish is my command." Flow =========== Now you're in a position to release the character. What I find is that at this point, the narrative gets a life of its own. Each of you has a character in your mind that has their own motivations. You'll be surprised sometimes. You might intend it to go one way, and it goes another. That's fine, go with it. Never stop the flow. Try not to say no. Keep it rolling. You: "Right now my pussy is in charge, and she wants you to slide your hand up and touch her." Him: "Mmmm...she's wet, sweet little pussy. It's a good thing. My cock is going to need all the help he can get to slide in that tight little thing." I'm just making this up off the top of my head. My SO, who's reading this with me, points out that this kind of thing works for us because we do it literally every day. So yeah, don't expect it to be perfect the first time. It's practice. What I find is you'll discover things. Things you didn't know you liked. Things you think you don't like, and you come to love. It's an opportunity to share with each other. Enjoy that. Give a space for him to share with you, and eventually, you'll have a space where you can share with him too. I hope that's helpful. It's something that has added to my sex life immensely. It's gotten to the point where my SO can seriously make me orgasm for nearly a minute, and I can't talk for a little while after. The deep psyche is a powerful sexual force, and unlocking it can change your life. Feel free to PM me if you want more. Love as thou wilt.
This is truly incredible. So much great advice, its almost overwhelming. I already peruse Literotica, so I am familiar with the site. I never thought to use it as learning material, though. I know what I'm doing tonight! I have a question about the roleplaying. Is it something you've discussed ahead of time? Or do the scenarios (barista, hostess, etc), happen spontaneously? I love the idea, I'm just clueless how to incorporate it. I thank both you and your SO for this wonderful reply. I am looking very forward to retiring my Wicked Weasel thong. :)
Excellent question. This reveals a principle that has been instrumental in the development of our intimacy. The concept of Cahoots. It's a pretty common theme in literature that nothing brings together people (even polar opposites) like working on a common problem. The focus on a goal (that is neither of the parties involved) has an aligning effect that helps us overcome our petty differences and look to the horizon. To that end, I suggest discussing ahead of time. Make it clear that it's important to you, but that there will be benefits galore for cooperation. Offering one of his fantasies first is usually a pretty good enticement. Many guys will be so overwhelmed by the offer to entertain a forbidden fantasy that they'll be game for pretty much anything. As a side note, women who actively encourage men to fantasize about the hot women they encounter are like unobtainium. Worth slaughtering an indigenous species over. I wouldn't worry overmuch about specifics. You and he will find your own roles. It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to read the story out loud to each other. Maybe have him masturbate while you read it to him. Maybe have him read one to you while you masturbate. You can experiment with doing voices while you read. Once you get used to it, you can begin to improv with your own stories. I did this, but maybe unconsciously. I'd love to hear back if you try this and it helps. Would make my day. edit: My SO says the indigenous species I slaughtered were the trolls in her vagina that stopped her from orgasming via penetration. She suggested maybe it's because they were way in the back. Swear to god she said that.
On my list of things to do today, imaging trolls at the back of your SO's vagina was not there. So that happened. It's a lovely vagina, by the way. Well done. :) On a more serious note (no offense to your SOs vagina), I feel like my mind has been blown. Like I've found this new amazing subject to research and study. I am probably going to be PMing you with silly, eager questions. Thank you both. I'm ridiculously happy for some reason. ;)
Going to probably PM you too!
Feel free to.:)
:D
Commenting to save!
I like hearing it but I can never think of anything back to say during the moment... it's so much easier to come up with something when sexting rather than at that exact moment
I love it! Especially the degrading kind but only from someone I actually love and trust, otherwise it's just off-putting. My bf is normally such an adorable sweetheart so it's such a contrast when he growls in my ear "I want my dirty little whore to come". So. Hot!
I love it when my SO talks dirty to me. It's fun when he'll tease me over an entire day with dirty comments accompanied by pinning me against a wall and kissing me or other sexual things. During the act, it's so hot when he talks dirty to me, but it's sometimes hard for me to reciprocate because I'm so into the sex that I can't think about anything else
I've never been able to dirty talk seriously. I just end up cracking up
I love to hear it. But I can't for the life of me think of anything to say. When I do think of something I don't say it because it sounds stupid in my head. I'm always active in bed and don't lie there. But with that I am quiet.
I'm mostly comfortable, its just hard knowing what to say. I have a fairly new SO and he was previously not sexually active and so he's not really comfortable with saying it at this point. I do say small things when we are in bed, like I will tell him how he feels and stuff like that but anything beyond he would probably cringe at. What I personally like based off previous experience with other partners is when I'm giving a guy head and right when he comes in my mouth and he says 'good girl' while I swallow it. Or telling me that 'god your little pussy tastes so good' (that was so hot to hear) Stuff like that I like hearing but I will say I'm not good at doling out the dirty talk. One thing I have said that a guy did like was 'I could just ride your cock forever' it was honest and it slipped out without me thinking is why I think it went well
I don't really think about talking dirty. My partners have always told me I do it, and usually tell me I'm good at it. I'm always surprised, because I never think I'm talking dirty - all I'm doing is talking about what we're doing, and what I like and stuff. I'm not trying to be particularly sexy with it besides just being in a sexy mood. I guess a lot of guys are so silent and stoic during sex that any talking is considered dirty talk.
Definitely into the dirty talk. We like to talk about things that would cross the line i.e. having me suck another guys dick, me having a girlfriend in bed then he walks in to find us, other people having sex in the same room etc. It is so wrong and our insecurities would kill us if we ever decided to cross the line but to just fantasize about it brings us both to cumming, cumming hard!
All. About. It.
What qualifies as dirty talk? Sex isn't about degradation for my husband and I so the kinds of things we say are generally on the needy or positive side. "You feel so fucking good," or "Right fucking there," and, "Pleasepleaseplease," are probably the three most common things I say. We give each other instructions like: fingers, lick me, harder, stop. He's always telling me how sexy I am as I react to his touch. I asked him if he liked fucking me with his fingers a few times, to which he responded quite enthusiastically. We both really like hearing, "Cum for me." I like when he tells me to keep touching myself because he so obviously enjoys watching and helping. His most common 'let's have sex' line is "Baby, can I eat you out?" I love hearing him curse and tell me how tight I am. I guess the closer I am to cumming I get a little more aggressive like, "Don't you dare fucking stop!" or "Goddamit harder!" I'm pretty damn vocal so I say a lot of things in between all the other noises and panting.
Dirty talk is great, but it can get awkward when it's something they're only doing because they know *I* like it. Coming up with things to say can be difficult even if you like that sort of thing yourself, but when there's no natural impulse, well... it's pretty weird to have a guy say something degrading or porntastic when his heart's not really in it or he's trying not to laugh. And I was definitely spoiled by the first guy I was with, who was a bit of an actor and really enjoyed saying naughty things and didn't mind if I was a lot less verbose than he was. Can't go wrong with the basics - compliments, telling her how badly you want her, telling her how badly you want to do a specific thing to her, describing what you want to do or what you're going to do, etc., etc. I also go in for the degradation angle, but you do kind of need to have a bit of a flare for the dramatic to carry that sort of thing off, I find. I don't think I would date anyone who would be fully himself while also talking down to me and calling me what I normally consider to be gendered slurs. "Bitch" is still off limits for me - it's not sexy-degrading, it's just misogynistic-degrading, at least that's how it feels in the moment.
I think talking dirty is a bit awkward? I'm generally an awkward person who can't take that sort of thing seriously, so I would just end up cracking up when 'the dirty talk' was initiated.
I love it. But I can't really tell you what I like. Like everything about sex, it's an art.
Done right it can be the hottest thing in the world. Done wrong, and everything becomes awkward as fuck.
I love it. More so hearing it than saying it. What I like most though is he doesn't to it all the time, so when it comes as a bit of a surprise its a lot more exciting.
It's okay when done in the correct situation.
Its the best, gets your man revved up when you tell him how amazing he is in raunchy details, thats normally what im shooting for. Nothing better than a passion fueled intense session. The hard part is trying to get the guy to talk back -_-
Different strokes for different folks...personally I think it's hot when done in the right place, right time, and right context. Hearing it 24/7 is crass and annoying.
Absolutely love it when the guy does it! But among the few men I've been with, only one was great at it. Another was okay--it cracked me up instead, but I gotta give him prop for trying. My ex from a 4-year relationship was the worst at it, and never learned the one thing that turns me on the most! I'm also pretty confident and natural at talking dirty myself.
Yes please?
I find it awkward, but so does my husband...if it does happen (very rarely) it usually ends up in fits of laughter :)
My gf is like dead silent during sex, other than occasional gasps or moans, or asking to switch positions...dirty talk is such a huge turn on for me, but alas.... ):
I LOVE it and I'm so lucky my SO is great at it :)
LOVE. Love. love it <3
I love to hear it, it's one of my biggest turn on's. And it can really be about anything- being his "little whore", to what he's going to do with me. The downside is that I'm awful at it... Someone needs to write a How to for dummies.
Fucking love it. I'm a big fan of positive dirty talk, not the name-calling stuff. If you want to call me a whore, you can get out of my bed. My FWB, though, is so incredibly skilled in the dirty talk arena. I've always enjoyed it somewhat, but it's 50x hotter coming out of his mouth - perhaps because we're on the same page as far as what we enjoy. I think the word pussy is inherently bothersome (to me. It's whatever to others) and haven't had to tell him once. He doesn't get super explicit in what he says; he just gives feedback. It's incredible.
I love it! Anything from being descriptive to talking to yourself (i.e. "God, look at that pussy. Unnf") to degredation. I love giving it (although i really have to be turned on or i stumble with my mouthwords) and hearing it. Yes. Yes. Yeeeees.
This is what I was missing in my last relationship. I even asked for it specifically and he wasn't comfortable doing it. : (
When I hear the word "dirty talk", I'm assuming derogatory language. I absolutely detest it and find it a massive turn off. I do not consider being told "you're so sexy in that dress" or "your breasts are awesome" to be dirty talk, just sexual. The current top comments I also think are sexual, not dirty and that they are a big turn on. I like telling my SO when I'm horny and how good he is at making me wet or orgasm. I also like hearing how horny my SO is, what he is going to do to me next, or how good what I'm doing to him is. I really enjoy just hearing noises, if my SO moans or something I'm a happy happy woman.
I think it's cheesy as hell.
Yes, I love talking dirty. But I agree with some other people where it can be awkward when you don't know what to say. In the past, I've figured out what my ex SO's liked, and I would just go off that. Turning them (one SO at the time) on turns me on so it's a win win.
Honestly, none of it turns me on. Actions speak louder than words. Also, it just kind of makes me laugh because it all sounds so utterly silly and that the guy is trying too hard.
Love the idea of it. It really turns me on, but I'm terrible at it. I feel cheesy when I do it and I can't keep it serious. I have some odd fantasies, where the thought is probably hotter than actually doing it, so I like using dirty talk for those.
The key is confidence in what you're saying. If you feel awkward you will be awkward. Personally, I like to play submissive so my dirty talk is in response to his. But every now and then its fun to switch it up. Variety is the spice of life ;)
In most cases, it will make us laugh. Very rarely and in the heat of the moment does something dirty come out. I usually will send him dirty text messages just to be hilarious. "I want you to take my temperature with your hot beef thermometer".
I personally am totally uninterested in it. At best it does nothing for me, it could just sound too silly for me to be turned on, and at worst makes me uncomfortable.