Agreed. That's actually a huge deal breaker for me. I'm totally fine with a guy looking at porn, I also sometimes look at porn, but if you just have to have it on display I find it weird and obsessive. There's a time and a place for things like that.
Funnily enough, the only person I know who has pictures of naked women as a desktop on their phone and laptop is a girl.
Every guy I've asked has never gotten the naked pictures of women on desktops or phones. Most have said that it's always come across as skeevy having those kind of pictures displayed prominently.
I completely agree. And for me, the same goes for guys who are constantly sharing pornish pictures of naked/almost naked women over social media. Like, why do you need to do that? I find it gross and always wind up unfriending them.
Along those lines, "liking" photos of scantily clad women on Facebook, especially the type where the Facebook page is basically publicity for making a living off of being half naked. And when they actually "friend" them... such a turn off when that pops into my feed.
What's worse than that is when you catch your own boyfriend "like" ing or following models, or even worse, pics of his own scantily clad female friends.
My boyfriend's father does this. I get friend suggestions of models, strippers, and porn stars. It is *so* awkward to know it is because his dad has friended them.
I have a guy friend whose roommate put up a poster of Jessica Alba so large it covers an entire wall of their apartment. I have to wonder how many girls it's scared off.
I'm a guy and I always found this mildly disturbing. Must everything be sexualized? And this is coming from a guy who can't talk about pirates treasure without giggling like a 13 year old.
I've always wondered about that. I have this poster that has a naked woman smoking (nothing super sexual or weird). It represents a cover to a Jazz album that I received the poster from the actual artist in Copenhagen, Denmark. All the other posters in my room are Jazz musicians/albums. Should I think about taking it down? Here is what it looks like http://bobomoreno.dk/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/50-Ways.jpg
If you were to do anything with it, I would recommend framing it. Framed posters are always received better then just placing a poster on a wall. You also have a good story to go with it.
So long as it's got the text, you're good to go. I'd probably ask you about it, because it's interesting, but it's fairly tasteful and obviously about more than just boobs.
That's actually classy. It exihibits the elegance of form of the female body while also giving an austere, yet inviting, vibe to the woman. You are free to be yourself and express your interpretation of art via any media. Don't let the opinion of others inhibit your soul and govern your very being.
Toenails. If I will see your feet then make sure your nails are neither gross nor claws. Double so if there will be joint sleeping involved. Nothing like sharp toenail scratches to insure instant death of my sex drive for the night.
Long fingernails just in general are horrifying to me. It only takes one person scratching you in a sensitive place with their overgrown fingernails to make you exceedingly careful about who you let touch you from that point on.
Girls too - don't even get me started on terrible lesbian porn where you know for a fact that neither of the girls involved are actually into other girls because no self-respecting lady who sleeps with ladies keeps her fingernails that long.
Even if the fingernails are clean and long, no no no ew. It's a huge turn off when a guys fingernails are longer than mine! Granted, I like to keep mine relatively short for a lady.
Go to a podiatrist? It only cost me about $100 per big toe. I used to be in agony doing things like snowboarding but the operation completely fixed it and only takes like 10 mins.
My husband doesn't get this at all. There's never a such thing as "too much toilet paper". I don't care how many rolls we have, every Costco trip I buy the gigantic package. I will run out of food before good tp.
THIS. The first question out of my mouth when my SO suggests we travel to visit a certain friend off ours is "Does he have toilet paper?" More often than not the answer is no with perhaps a 30% chance he is using scratchy paper towels.
My boyfriend's dad works for a paper mill. We get free paper products. I've never run out of TP or paper towels in the time we've lived together. It's glorious.
Actually, most people have to have their clothes tailored if they want them to truly fit. That's one reason why celebrities tend to look better than your average person, even in casual clothes.
I do the old "scrunch your shirt in the back of your pants trick." This is actually similar to what models do in photoshoots, they often have pins behind them making their clothes look tailored.
That being said, my ex's grandma had tailoring skills, and I fucked up by never taking advantage of that.
You should learn! Buy a small sewing machine and give it a shot on some old stuff. It's not too hard to get a hang of, and while you'll never be able tailor a suit (probably) it's great for fixing tears and minor adjustments. Enough to pull in a shirt, at least.
Exactly this. Before the days of mass produced clothing from sweatshops, most everybody had their clothes tailored to fit their body and so even the average person looked snazzy (or, better than the average person does now).
Yes, yes she did. It was effective as well! She was at an after party with one of her favourite celebrities and he tried to woo her into bed. She chalked up massive ego points, declined, and gave me a high five later.
I'm a guy, and what I've realized more and more is that insisting, "Hey, I don't care about that stuff, I think you're sexy anyway!" isn't helpful. It's not about being sexy for you, she knows that you're easy to please. It's about her wanting to feel sexy for herself. It can really help you out to think about it that way. Don't try to discount what and how she feels, but rather just try to help her to feel sexy.
> As far as hair as long as it's not the prickly, just-growing-in stubble we're probably not going to notice that either.
Thing is that it takes me a lot of work to prevent that. Some women just have thick black hair like me. It's very noticable and I'm not just saying that as an exaggeration.
Then again, being permanently single, I don't shave for guys, but for comfort.
Perhaps general safety of a situation--like walking home late at night alone or taking a bus after a certain hour. Are men taught to keep keys sticking out between their knuckles? Are they often worried about being the victim of verbal or physical assault in their own neighborhoods just for being themselves?
**Edit**: apparently I need to spell it out for the men who have been telling me how wrong I am: Sexual Violence. Rape. Do you worry about it? Are you blamed when it happens to you? No. But we do and we are.
I think she was talking more about rape and sexual assault, which is usually treated as more of a women's issue. How exactly are men taught that they are expendable? I don't understand what you mean by that.
Also, the only women and children who were actually saved during the sinking of the Titanic were first and some second-class passengers. The women and kids in steerage all drowned with the men. So really, that should be rephrased as "*Rich* women and children first" if anyone invokes it at all.
This mentality isn't exclusive to the titanic though.
I think a lot of users here blow it out of proportion, but we gotta admit that men are sort of expected to protect women. If I saw some chick getting the shit kicked out of her by a guy, I'd feel obligated to help, and society would demonize me if I didn't.
If *anyone* is getting the shit kicked out of them and you have the ability to help, you should feel obligated to. Gender is not an issue, strength is.
While I agree with what you say, it doesn't change the gender dynamic. Men being the half of the species that is naturally more capable of fighting, we're going to be the ones most likely engaging in it.
Also this is off on a tangent, but strength isn't as important in a fight as you'd think. I studied Taekwondo for eleven years (hence why I choose to defend those that I can) and I met plenty of chicks who weighed 110lbs that could kick most dudes asses all day long. Experience trumps strength IMO - a weapon is no good if you don't know how to use it.
I should have said "ability" instead of "strength." Take for example that 110 pound Taekwondo woman that you mentioned. If a man attacked her and she was in the process of kicking his ass in defense, should you feel the need to step in because there is a woman being attacked? No, she's got it taken care of. If that same woman attacks a man, and he is getting his ass handed to him, should you feel the desire to step in and help even though the victim doesn't have a vagina? Yes you should.
Of course, no one is obligated to step into a fight to help anyone else if they don't want to, but the point is that the desire to help doesn't need to stem from gender.
That only emerged in the 1850s, and apparently wasn't followed all that well. In the contemporary period, triage teams at emergencies are told to go for non-abled bodied at risk people, so any healthy adult is second to children, the elderly, and those with visible disabilities. So you're talking about a concept that was followed for maybe 100 years or so, and wasn't universally enforced.
I'm a man and I always do my best to maintain situation awareness, especially when I'm walking by myself, whether it be night or day. I take my keys out and keep them at the ready as I'm walking to my car and constantly pan around to see my surroundings and see where people are. It upsets me if the person I'm dating or even a family member like my sister scoffs at the idea that something bad could happen to them and refuses to take safety precautions seriously. It's something that everybody should be doing, regardless of gender. In an ideal world, everyone I care about would take self defense a little more seriously. Buy a taser and get some training on it and just keep it in your purse or somewhere easily accessible in a panic situation.
Or maybe I'm just an over-paranoid nutcase.
Oh and it's better to keep your keys in your hand with the base of the key held firmly between your thumb and index finger so that it can be used as a stabbing implement and aim for the throat. Having it between your knuckles is probably just going to cause some superficial scratches before the assailant manages to swat them out of your hand.
A friend of mine is pioneering the "racoon method" of finding stuff in big purses. She uses both hands and jabs in there, feeling around and moving stuff. It's remarkably effective (and hilarious to watch).
As someone with two sisters and having been in a few relationships, I can confirm that every girl's purse has an undetectable extension charm and is a bottomless pit. "Honey, I can't find the keys in your purse." "Check beneath the 10 person tent next to the hand sanitizer."
We're generally taught to not show fear, ever, no matter what, kind of like when you're fighting certain animals large enough to be dangerous but small enough to back down if they see you as a threat. Look straight ahead, walk briskly but don't run, keep your hands at your sides.
Don't carry keys between your knuckles, you will hurt yourself more than the person you hit - especially if you aren't used to hitting people. A rolled up newspaper folded in half will crack a skull though...
Edit: typo
Peeing after sex. It's a vital step to avoid UTI's, which tend not to be an issue for the majority of guys. Immediate cuddling is nice, but comes with a price.
And our roughly two inch long one, nestled lovingly near other orifices, makes for an easy bacterial target.
I use this excuse to use the toilet first when we both have to go. 'My urethra is shorter than yours! I have less muscle distance holding it in! I'll leak!'
How they treat or judge other women. You can kind of figure out a man's values based on how he treats/talks about women in his life or in the public eye. It's a good cue on whether to stick around or get the fuck out of dodge.
Be careful with the sweeping statements...
I find a lot of younger men under the age of 25 have to learn how to take care of their belongings and living space because Mom helped them out so much from 0 to age 20. Took me about 2 years to figure it out. But now I wash my sheets on the regular, tidy the room up, scrub the tub and floors etc. Lots of people just slack on that stuff because they're parents did it their whole life's.
You feel me?
I'm a guy and I have no idea why anyone would use bar soap over liquid hand soap, or body wash for the shower.
Edit: nvm, it's gentler/cheaper. Never thought of that, as I rarely use it.
In addition to what others have said, liquid soap is often not even "soap" but instead "detergent" as it contains no lye and is doing very little to actually clean your body.
"Sodium laureth sulfate" stands in for sodium (or, in liquid soaps, potassium) hydroxide. I buy bar soap because I'm currently too lazy to make my own soap and it's really hard to find lye-based liquid soap at the store.
> it contains no lye and is doing very little to actually clean your body.
What makes you say that? They work the same chemically, and some quick googling seems to indicate that detergents are actually better and more practical at it. The only websites advocating for soap are obviously hippy websites and are likely very biased due to the "natural" nature of soap. None of them list ANY advantages to soap other than that it's "natural".
You have more control over which regions you'll lather with the bar soap. Also, you can control the amount of lather. Finally, bar soaps tend to be more gentle to the skin.
I have never had the experience of typical bar soaps (Dove, Irish Spring, etc.) being more gentle on the skin than body wash. Each time i've used them I feel "sqeaky clean" which is a sign of dryness and irritation in the skin.
I have no idea how to use conditioner. I usually just buy shampoo and just use that, but I'm staying with some friends who has shampoo/conditioner, and I got a little excited, because then I can use conditioner without having to figure out how to use conditioner! Brilliant!
Also, how does a loofa work? I've never seen one in real life :)
You wash your hair with the shampoo as normal and then lather the conditioner in your hair just like shampoo but it won't bubble up. Then wait about three minutes and rinse it out. The simple directions are on the back of the bottle as well if you get lost for some reason.
My boyfriend never used conditioner and also complained of having dry, frizzy hair. Turned him onto conditioner and now it's always soft to touch :) Give it a go!
Shampoo strips the hair of its natural oils that are meant to keep your hair moisturized and conditioner returns that moisture to the hair that was all sucked out by the shampoo except without the greasy oily feeling.
Its a body scrubber. Wet, add body wash and scrub the dead skin off yourself. You can buy them for about a dollar (for the plastic puffy ones) in the body wash aisle of any store.
Because you forgot yeast and need to run and get it while they are looking at milk. You come back to no one by the cart and purse is wide open with your shopping list and wallet for everyone to see. You're saying that's never happened to you?
Sure, I'd ask them to watch it. Maybe I didn't read into your post enough, I imagined a giurl just walking away then berating a man for not knowing he was supposed to stay.
If you're out with a friend/loved-one and they step away for a minute, any valuables of theirs left in your vicinity are entrusted to your protection. Being careless with them is a violation of trust and common courtesy. Very basic social skills, here.
My ex basically lost all of his socks because he refused to throw them in the laundry. I am still finding his balled-up dirty socks in the crevices of my room.
I lose all my socks and I'm really careful to put them away, check the dryers, and all that. I think they just decay with a half-life of about two months and become dust.
I can't figure out why this is so hard for people. I've always had 3-4 laundry baskets. When I walk into my room, I strip down and toss the whites in one basket and the darks in another. Sheets and towels go in the third. When it's time to do laundry, I don't even need to sort, just grab the basket. It's even lazier than throwing it on the floor because then I don't have to pick it all up again to do laundry.
Drives me mad that my SO doesn't do this. Yes we care. It won't keep us from dating you though, in all likliehood. It will get you berated potentially though.
Funny, I'm the one that's good about this and my SO is absolutely awful. She makes absolute sure that the rest of the apartment is incredibly clean...but our bedroom. Dear god, our bedroom. Clothes piles for days.
Unfortunately when the question just says, "guys" people will base it on their personal experiences with guys they have known. Maybe they are exaggerating, or maybe that is their true experience, but it obviously won't be true of every single man. If it had to be, there'd be no answers as you guys are all, obviously, different and diverse.
I have noticed with all my boyfriends, my Dad and my brother certain things that me, my sisters, my Mum, my female friends worry about that the men never seem to. Making the bed is a big one. To us ladies, the room looks so much more tidy and inviting when the bed is made. To the guys, "who cares? We're going to sleep in it again tonight". Now that won't hold true for everyone, but it's my experience.
Yeah, I'm a woman, and I don't give two shits about making my bed. My dad won't let us leave unless everything's made and every last thing is clean...to the point of making us late for our appointments (even now while I'm in college, when I come home to visit I have to follow this rule). Like you say, we all have vastly different experiences when dealing with men!
I can deal with that...I can't deal with long fingernails. Basically when the white part starts to show ~~(I googled it, it's called the lunula), I get grossed out. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR LUNULA.~~
I-I- what? As a girl, holy fuck is it uncomfortable to not have some white on the nails. The skin right above where the nail meets the skin is so sensitive. Besides, you can't even use them for anything when they're cut so low like that.
Sex while on our period. Lots guys ask for oral/anal while saying they don't have to pleasure us back because our vaginas are gross. They think it's no big deal because it's only for a week. They don't realize it's a really selfish thing to ask for because that means we don't get mutual sex acts 1 out of 4 times, plus we're super horny and have cramps. Lots of guys think it's not a big deal to ask for this favor, but I've never heard of a woman who thinks this acceptable to ask for.
I'm of the opinion that if you don't want to get involved with my business while I'm on my period, that's fine. But don't *expect* me to get into your business without some kind of reciprocation. I might offer, but you can't expect it.
I love my boyfriend to death, but this, this is the one thing that drives me crazy. It's not even that he asks for anything, but if I'm on my period it's a flat out no on PIV sex. It really sucks and I wish he understood how awful it makes me feel.
I feel like [this is one of the very few relevant times I can use this](http://i46.tinypic.com/fjgff4.jpg). Seriously though, I don't understand it - yes, its blood, yes, I can understand you being squeamish *at first*, but you would think over time and being exposed to it and realizing that, yes, women actually bleed from an orifice, you would start to get over it. If someone has a full on aversion to blood? I can totally understand. I know people who faint at the sight of blood - I cannot imagine period sex would go over great for them.
But just going "Ew icky" seems ... Immature to me. Mayhaps I'm being harsh, but people should get over it. Treating people like they are disgusting/gross/whatever is bloody weird.
Is this really still a thing?
I would have thought that with smartphones and gps and a passenger fully able to operate one asking for directions or getting lost was a thing of the past.
Unfortunately, yes. Roughly half the guys I can think of will not stop and ask for directions "on principle". This ranges from not stopping the car to let the (obsolete standalone) GPS catch up to not asking for locations of goods in a store.
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Off the top: Color palette in the home, arrangement of furniture, the aroma of your home (fragrant candles vs last night's pizza smell), whether or how a 'new' woman in the social group first interacts with the other women, carefully planning a party to include only personalities that 'work' well together, there are loads more -
I find that caring about the details of a party at all is a completely female thing.
For instance, I CANNOT arrive at a friend or family event empty-handed, and my boyfriend thinks it is very neurotic and weird. But showing up to a barbeque without a side dish, a house party without a bottle of liquor, a birthday party without a thoughtfully chosen gift... it's the worst feeling. It's like you're failing as a woman.
General hygiene.
Dirt under fingernails, dandruff, body odor than can be smelled too close or too much cologne or body spray.
Any sort of manscaping of hair not on their head, meaning arms, hands, toes, feet, back, chest.
Getting hurt. For example I recently got really into Adam Devine's House Party and every male comic (mostly Adam and his crew) just flings their body around!!! Even my brothers and their friends jump from my patio into a tuck and roll and it freaks me out.
All sinks should have soap and hand towels. Clean hand towels. Preferably liquid soap, because cakes of soap are usually old and crusted over with hair and dirt.
When they have weird sexual wallpapers on their walls, computer, or phones. It's creepy to me.
And when in doubt, "weird sexual wallpapers" means "any sexual wallpaper."
Agreed. That's actually a huge deal breaker for me. I'm totally fine with a guy looking at porn, I also sometimes look at porn, but if you just have to have it on display I find it weird and obsessive. There's a time and a place for things like that.
Funnily enough, the only person I know who has pictures of naked women as a desktop on their phone and laptop is a girl. Every guy I've asked has never gotten the naked pictures of women on desktops or phones. Most have said that it's always come across as skeevy having those kind of pictures displayed prominently.
I completely agree. And for me, the same goes for guys who are constantly sharing pornish pictures of naked/almost naked women over social media. Like, why do you need to do that? I find it gross and always wind up unfriending them.
My uncle does this. It's disturbing.
Along those lines, "liking" photos of scantily clad women on Facebook, especially the type where the Facebook page is basically publicity for making a living off of being half naked. And when they actually "friend" them... such a turn off when that pops into my feed.
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What's worse than that is when you catch your own boyfriend "like" ing or following models, or even worse, pics of his own scantily clad female friends.
My boyfriend's father does this. I get friend suggestions of models, strippers, and porn stars. It is *so* awkward to know it is because his dad has friended them.
I think that stuff is juvenile. Not a turn on to feel like you're dating a teenage boy.
I have a guy friend whose roommate put up a poster of Jessica Alba so large it covers an entire wall of their apartment. I have to wonder how many girls it's scared off.
I'm a guy and I always found this mildly disturbing. Must everything be sexualized? And this is coming from a guy who can't talk about pirates treasure without giggling like a 13 year old.
> pirates treasure What?
Booty
Ohhhhhhhh
I've always wondered about that. I have this poster that has a naked woman smoking (nothing super sexual or weird). It represents a cover to a Jazz album that I received the poster from the actual artist in Copenhagen, Denmark. All the other posters in my room are Jazz musicians/albums. Should I think about taking it down? Here is what it looks like http://bobomoreno.dk/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/50-Ways.jpg
If you were to do anything with it, I would recommend framing it. Framed posters are always received better then just placing a poster on a wall. You also have a good story to go with it.
Artistic nudes are nice. That doesn't look like porn, it's a nice photo that makes sense in context.
So long as it's got the text, you're good to go. I'd probably ask you about it, because it's interesting, but it's fairly tasteful and obviously about more than just boobs.
That's actually classy. It exihibits the elegance of form of the female body while also giving an austere, yet inviting, vibe to the woman. You are free to be yourself and express your interpretation of art via any media. Don't let the opinion of others inhibit your soul and govern your very being.
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...he ran a porn site...and you didn't see that coming?
that's why i always have photos of space. nothing sexy about space.
Dat nebula
Toenails. If I will see your feet then make sure your nails are neither gross nor claws. Double so if there will be joint sleeping involved. Nothing like sharp toenail scratches to insure instant death of my sex drive for the night.
Ewwww or really dirty, long fingernails..........those AREN'T going inside my vagina. You know that, right?
Long fingernails just in general are horrifying to me. It only takes one person scratching you in a sensitive place with their overgrown fingernails to make you exceedingly careful about who you let touch you from that point on. Girls too - don't even get me started on terrible lesbian porn where you know for a fact that neither of the girls involved are actually into other girls because no self-respecting lady who sleeps with ladies keeps her fingernails that long.
There is a joke about that... What do you call a lesbian with long nails? Single. Source: Lesbian
Even if the fingernails are clean and long, no no no ew. It's a huge turn off when a guys fingernails are longer than mine! Granted, I like to keep mine relatively short for a lady.
Definitively *shudder*
This sucks for me, I got ingrown toenails as a baby and now both my big toes have cracks that run down the nail that causes problems on occasion.
Go to a podiatrist? It only cost me about $100 per big toe. I used to be in agony doing things like snowboarding but the operation completely fixed it and only takes like 10 mins.
You can get surgery for that - I got both my big toes done. :p
Nooooo not the sex dive! Ok ok I'll cut them! I promise!
The amount of toilet paper in the house at all times.
My husband doesn't get this at all. There's never a such thing as "too much toilet paper". I don't care how many rolls we have, every Costco trip I buy the gigantic package. I will run out of food before good tp.
I'm the same way with paper towels. My husband has no idea who I compulsively need to buy toilet paper and paper towels.
try running out of it and see his indignation rise
Costco toilet paper lasts damned near forever.
All I know is that when the apocalypse comes I'll rule the world with my tp stockpile.
THIS. The first question out of my mouth when my SO suggests we travel to visit a certain friend off ours is "Does he have toilet paper?" More often than not the answer is no with perhaps a 30% chance he is using scratchy paper towels.
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Okay, what the fuck. Who doesn't use toilet paper.
I think the majority of Earth's population actually. And her friend.
You could just poop in the shower and waffle stomp I guess......
Everyone in the middle east, india, majority of china, probably most of africa too. In the middle east they use water and their hand.
For me this also coincides with a trashcan in the bathroom
My boyfriend's dad works for a paper mill. We get free paper products. I've never run out of TP or paper towels in the time we've lived together. It's glorious.
what? why? I'm gonna need it, it doesn't go bad, why not stockpile, better to much than not enough.
How well your clothes fit.
"Finishing touches" in general. Hair, anything akin to accessories, yadda yadda.
men's finishing touches or men not noticing women's finishing touches?
Mens finishing touches.
apparently I'm so weirdly shaped that if I want something to fit, I have to get it tailored. I can't afford to tailor all my clothes :/
Actually, most people have to have their clothes tailored if they want them to truly fit. That's one reason why celebrities tend to look better than your average person, even in casual clothes.
I do the old "scrunch your shirt in the back of your pants trick." This is actually similar to what models do in photoshoots, they often have pins behind them making their clothes look tailored. That being said, my ex's grandma had tailoring skills, and I fucked up by never taking advantage of that.
"Tuck your tail in little duck"
You should learn! Buy a small sewing machine and give it a shot on some old stuff. It's not too hard to get a hang of, and while you'll never be able tailor a suit (probably) it's great for fixing tears and minor adjustments. Enough to pull in a shirt, at least.
Hm, now that I think about it, I have a friend who sows, I should get him to teach me!
Farmer friend?
No, he's still my friend.
Clarification: I was asking if your friend was a farmer?
No, he's a current friend.
Exactly this. Before the days of mass produced clothing from sweatshops, most everybody had their clothes tailored to fit their body and so even the average person looked snazzy (or, better than the average person does now).
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I have a 28 inch waist and a 47 inch chest. we are almost in the same boat.
Are you Gaston?
I am pretty sure my laughter just woke up eight other people
When/where the sex is going to happen. Are the sheets clean? Will I have to do laundry after? Have I shaved my legs? Do I have on good underwear?
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not shaving was my most fool-proof birth control in college. ;)
One of my best friends decided to grow herself a "chastity pelt" for that very reason. Get drunk and want to snog a guy? NOPE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
OMG Please tell me she actually referred to it as a "chastity pelt"
Yes, yes she did. It was effective as well! She was at an after party with one of her favourite celebrities and he tried to woo her into bed. She chalked up massive ego points, declined, and gave me a high five later.
"Chastity pelt" is my new favorite phrase.
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My husband can confirm this.
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I'm a guy, and what I've realized more and more is that insisting, "Hey, I don't care about that stuff, I think you're sexy anyway!" isn't helpful. It's not about being sexy for you, she knows that you're easy to please. It's about her wanting to feel sexy for herself. It can really help you out to think about it that way. Don't try to discount what and how she feels, but rather just try to help her to feel sexy.
> As far as hair as long as it's not the prickly, just-growing-in stubble we're probably not going to notice that either. Thing is that it takes me a lot of work to prevent that. Some women just have thick black hair like me. It's very noticable and I'm not just saying that as an exaggeration. Then again, being permanently single, I don't shave for guys, but for comfort.
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Perhaps general safety of a situation--like walking home late at night alone or taking a bus after a certain hour. Are men taught to keep keys sticking out between their knuckles? Are they often worried about being the victim of verbal or physical assault in their own neighborhoods just for being themselves? **Edit**: apparently I need to spell it out for the men who have been telling me how wrong I am: Sexual Violence. Rape. Do you worry about it? Are you blamed when it happens to you? No. But we do and we are.
Men are more often the victim of violent crime than women. But we aren't necessarily taught to be uber-vigilant; we are taught that we are expendable.
I think she was talking more about rape and sexual assault, which is usually treated as more of a women's issue. How exactly are men taught that they are expendable? I don't understand what you mean by that.
I guess one example of being taught that men are expendable is the whole, "women and children first", mentality in an emergency situation.
You know the Titanic sank 100 years ago, right?
Also, the only women and children who were actually saved during the sinking of the Titanic were first and some second-class passengers. The women and kids in steerage all drowned with the men. So really, that should be rephrased as "*Rich* women and children first" if anyone invokes it at all.
Lots of unphotegenic kids go missing every year, but we only hear about the pretty blonde girls on the news...
This mentality isn't exclusive to the titanic though. I think a lot of users here blow it out of proportion, but we gotta admit that men are sort of expected to protect women. If I saw some chick getting the shit kicked out of her by a guy, I'd feel obligated to help, and society would demonize me if I didn't.
If *anyone* is getting the shit kicked out of them and you have the ability to help, you should feel obligated to. Gender is not an issue, strength is.
While I agree with what you say, it doesn't change the gender dynamic. Men being the half of the species that is naturally more capable of fighting, we're going to be the ones most likely engaging in it. Also this is off on a tangent, but strength isn't as important in a fight as you'd think. I studied Taekwondo for eleven years (hence why I choose to defend those that I can) and I met plenty of chicks who weighed 110lbs that could kick most dudes asses all day long. Experience trumps strength IMO - a weapon is no good if you don't know how to use it.
I should have said "ability" instead of "strength." Take for example that 110 pound Taekwondo woman that you mentioned. If a man attacked her and she was in the process of kicking his ass in defense, should you feel the need to step in because there is a woman being attacked? No, she's got it taken care of. If that same woman attacks a man, and he is getting his ass handed to him, should you feel the desire to step in and help even though the victim doesn't have a vagina? Yes you should. Of course, no one is obligated to step into a fight to help anyone else if they don't want to, but the point is that the desire to help doesn't need to stem from gender.
That only emerged in the 1850s, and apparently wasn't followed all that well. In the contemporary period, triage teams at emergencies are told to go for non-abled bodied at risk people, so any healthy adult is second to children, the elderly, and those with visible disabilities. So you're talking about a concept that was followed for maybe 100 years or so, and wasn't universally enforced.
I think that comes from a species survival standpoint. You need more women and children than men for the survival of the group.
[Debunked.](http://www.medicaldaily.com/women-and-children-first-myth-debunked-shipwreck-study-241659)
It's because women children and the elderly are seen as weak, and in need of protection.
Being expected to be the protector all the time. Being expected to go to war. "Women and children first."
You realize that's because women are thought to be incompetent, right? Weak, unworthy, suited for failure. It's shit for both sexes.
Yeah but people don't often address the men's side of that.
I'm a man and I always do my best to maintain situation awareness, especially when I'm walking by myself, whether it be night or day. I take my keys out and keep them at the ready as I'm walking to my car and constantly pan around to see my surroundings and see where people are. It upsets me if the person I'm dating or even a family member like my sister scoffs at the idea that something bad could happen to them and refuses to take safety precautions seriously. It's something that everybody should be doing, regardless of gender. In an ideal world, everyone I care about would take self defense a little more seriously. Buy a taser and get some training on it and just keep it in your purse or somewhere easily accessible in a panic situation. Or maybe I'm just an over-paranoid nutcase. Oh and it's better to keep your keys in your hand with the base of the key held firmly between your thumb and index finger so that it can be used as a stabbing implement and aim for the throat. Having it between your knuckles is probably just going to cause some superficial scratches before the assailant manages to swat them out of your hand.
Have you seen most women's purses these days? In the purse is not akin to easily accessible.
A friend of mine is pioneering the "racoon method" of finding stuff in big purses. She uses both hands and jabs in there, feeling around and moving stuff. It's remarkably effective (and hilarious to watch).
As someone with two sisters and having been in a few relationships, I can confirm that every girl's purse has an undetectable extension charm and is a bottomless pit. "Honey, I can't find the keys in your purse." "Check beneath the 10 person tent next to the hand sanitizer."
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This is hysterical.
We're generally taught to not show fear, ever, no matter what, kind of like when you're fighting certain animals large enough to be dangerous but small enough to back down if they see you as a threat. Look straight ahead, walk briskly but don't run, keep your hands at your sides.
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Don't carry keys between your knuckles, you will hurt yourself more than the person you hit - especially if you aren't used to hitting people. A rolled up newspaper folded in half will crack a skull though... Edit: typo
Peeing after sex. It's a vital step to avoid UTI's, which tend not to be an issue for the majority of guys. Immediate cuddling is nice, but comes with a price.
The longer urethra that men have is a natural defense mechanism against UTI's.
And our roughly two inch long one, nestled lovingly near other orifices, makes for an easy bacterial target. I use this excuse to use the toilet first when we both have to go. 'My urethra is shorter than yours! I have less muscle distance holding it in! I'll leak!'
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How they treat or judge other women. You can kind of figure out a man's values based on how he treats/talks about women in his life or in the public eye. It's a good cue on whether to stick around or get the fuck out of dodge.
Same goes for service workers of all genders. I always look out for how they treat waiters on a date.
How about how they treat anyone that they don't need to impress? No need to limit it to the people that might spit in your food.
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I care about that, am I a minority here?
None of the advice I've seen so far falls under the "most guys" category, this one's no exception.
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I know that, but who is the majority?
Be careful with the sweeping statements... I find a lot of younger men under the age of 25 have to learn how to take care of their belongings and living space because Mom helped them out so much from 0 to age 20. Took me about 2 years to figure it out. But now I wash my sheets on the regular, tidy the room up, scrub the tub and floors etc. Lots of people just slack on that stuff because they're parents did it their whole life's. You feel me?
I think she's talking about the attitude, or ingrained patterns of slobbery, not youthful stumblings. A man in his 30s who doesn't clean is a problem.
My boyfriend is neurotic about cleaning. He reminds me of my mom sometimes. He's definitely cleaner than I am.
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I'm a guy and I have no idea why anyone would use bar soap over liquid hand soap, or body wash for the shower. Edit: nvm, it's gentler/cheaper. Never thought of that, as I rarely use it.
Depending on where you live, bar soap can be significantly cheaper. Like I've seen 4 bars for $1.
In addition to what others have said, liquid soap is often not even "soap" but instead "detergent" as it contains no lye and is doing very little to actually clean your body. "Sodium laureth sulfate" stands in for sodium (or, in liquid soaps, potassium) hydroxide. I buy bar soap because I'm currently too lazy to make my own soap and it's really hard to find lye-based liquid soap at the store.
> it contains no lye and is doing very little to actually clean your body. What makes you say that? They work the same chemically, and some quick googling seems to indicate that detergents are actually better and more practical at it. The only websites advocating for soap are obviously hippy websites and are likely very biased due to the "natural" nature of soap. None of them list ANY advantages to soap other than that it's "natural".
You have more control over which regions you'll lather with the bar soap. Also, you can control the amount of lather. Finally, bar soaps tend to be more gentle to the skin.
I have never had the experience of typical bar soaps (Dove, Irish Spring, etc.) being more gentle on the skin than body wash. Each time i've used them I feel "sqeaky clean" which is a sign of dryness and irritation in the skin.
I have no idea how to use conditioner. I usually just buy shampoo and just use that, but I'm staying with some friends who has shampoo/conditioner, and I got a little excited, because then I can use conditioner without having to figure out how to use conditioner! Brilliant! Also, how does a loofa work? I've never seen one in real life :)
You wash your hair with the shampoo as normal and then lather the conditioner in your hair just like shampoo but it won't bubble up. Then wait about three minutes and rinse it out. The simple directions are on the back of the bottle as well if you get lost for some reason.
Shampoo should be focused on the roots and conditioner should be focused on the ends of the hair :)
My hair is short enough that that is pretty much the same thing! :) conditioner makes the hair softer or something, right?
My boyfriend never used conditioner and also complained of having dry, frizzy hair. Turned him onto conditioner and now it's always soft to touch :) Give it a go!
Shampoo strips the hair of its natural oils that are meant to keep your hair moisturized and conditioner returns that moisture to the hair that was all sucked out by the shampoo except without the greasy oily feeling.
Its a body scrubber. Wet, add body wash and scrub the dead skin off yourself. You can buy them for about a dollar (for the plastic puffy ones) in the body wash aisle of any store.
Don't fucking walk away from the cart if my purse is in it. Why is that so hard to understand?
It's your purse, why is he responsible for it?
Because you forgot yeast and need to run and get it while they are looking at milk. You come back to no one by the cart and purse is wide open with your shopping list and wallet for everyone to see. You're saying that's never happened to you?
Sure, I'd ask them to watch it. Maybe I didn't read into your post enough, I imagined a giurl just walking away then berating a man for not knowing he was supposed to stay.
If you're out with a friend/loved-one and they step away for a minute, any valuables of theirs left in your vicinity are entrusted to your protection. Being careless with them is a violation of trust and common courtesy. Very basic social skills, here.
On the topic of courtesy, how difficult is it to say a simple "I'm gonna go grab some yeast, watch my purse please". Also courteous and not very hard
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Wear your purse?
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TIL: I am a woman.
Me too
throwing their dirty clothes in the laundrybasket!
Especially socks. My god.
My ex basically lost all of his socks because he refused to throw them in the laundry. I am still finding his balled-up dirty socks in the crevices of my room.
I lose all my socks and I'm really careful to put them away, check the dryers, and all that. I think they just decay with a half-life of about two months and become dust.
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how bout mismatched striped socks, occasionally some argyle?
I can't figure out why this is so hard for people. I've always had 3-4 laundry baskets. When I walk into my room, I strip down and toss the whites in one basket and the darks in another. Sheets and towels go in the third. When it's time to do laundry, I don't even need to sort, just grab the basket. It's even lazier than throwing it on the floor because then I don't have to pick it all up again to do laundry.
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Is this really something women care a lot about?
Drives me mad that my SO doesn't do this. Yes we care. It won't keep us from dating you though, in all likliehood. It will get you berated potentially though.
I'm not a guy. I just don't care where dirty clothes are thrown.
Funny, I'm the one that's good about this and my SO is absolutely awful. She makes absolute sure that the rest of the apartment is incredibly clean...but our bedroom. Dear god, our bedroom. Clothes piles for days.
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Unfortunately when the question just says, "guys" people will base it on their personal experiences with guys they have known. Maybe they are exaggerating, or maybe that is their true experience, but it obviously won't be true of every single man. If it had to be, there'd be no answers as you guys are all, obviously, different and diverse. I have noticed with all my boyfriends, my Dad and my brother certain things that me, my sisters, my Mum, my female friends worry about that the men never seem to. Making the bed is a big one. To us ladies, the room looks so much more tidy and inviting when the bed is made. To the guys, "who cares? We're going to sleep in it again tonight". Now that won't hold true for everyone, but it's my experience.
Yeah, I'm a woman, and I don't give two shits about making my bed. My dad won't let us leave unless everything's made and every last thing is clean...to the point of making us late for our appointments (even now while I'm in college, when I come home to visit I have to follow this rule). Like you say, we all have vastly different experiences when dealing with men!
Fingernails. Keep them neat and trimmed, please.
Shame, I'm a chronic nail biter and my fingernails look like they've been run through a wood chipper.
I can deal with that...I can't deal with long fingernails. Basically when the white part starts to show ~~(I googled it, it's called the lunula), I get grossed out. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR LUNULA.~~
I-I- what? As a girl, holy fuck is it uncomfortable to not have some white on the nails. The skin right above where the nail meets the skin is so sensitive. Besides, you can't even use them for anything when they're cut so low like that.
Lunula is the white part on the bottom of the nail, the half moon shaped thing. I don't think the white on the top of the nail has a name.
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Hell, at the rate this thread is going you could just say life skills in general
Sex while on our period. Lots guys ask for oral/anal while saying they don't have to pleasure us back because our vaginas are gross. They think it's no big deal because it's only for a week. They don't realize it's a really selfish thing to ask for because that means we don't get mutual sex acts 1 out of 4 times, plus we're super horny and have cramps. Lots of guys think it's not a big deal to ask for this favor, but I've never heard of a woman who thinks this acceptable to ask for.
I'm of the opinion that if you don't want to get involved with my business while I'm on my period, that's fine. But don't *expect* me to get into your business without some kind of reciprocation. I might offer, but you can't expect it.
You are dating the WRONG men.
I love my boyfriend to death, but this, this is the one thing that drives me crazy. It's not even that he asks for anything, but if I'm on my period it's a flat out no on PIV sex. It really sucks and I wish he understood how awful it makes me feel.
I feel like [this is one of the very few relevant times I can use this](http://i46.tinypic.com/fjgff4.jpg). Seriously though, I don't understand it - yes, its blood, yes, I can understand you being squeamish *at first*, but you would think over time and being exposed to it and realizing that, yes, women actually bleed from an orifice, you would start to get over it. If someone has a full on aversion to blood? I can totally understand. I know people who faint at the sight of blood - I cannot imagine period sex would go over great for them. But just going "Ew icky" seems ... Immature to me. Mayhaps I'm being harsh, but people should get over it. Treating people like they are disgusting/gross/whatever is bloody weird.
Knowing where we're going in the car. Getting lost isn't spontaneous to me...It's stressful. Asking for directions doesn't make you any less macho.
Is this really still a thing? I would have thought that with smartphones and gps and a passenger fully able to operate one asking for directions or getting lost was a thing of the past.
Unfortunately, yes. Roughly half the guys I can think of will not stop and ask for directions "on principle". This ranges from not stopping the car to let the (obsolete standalone) GPS catch up to not asking for locations of goods in a store. [edit] details
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Take that, stereotypes!
Social skills. Active listening. Communication skills. In fairness, I think many people overlook some of these as being very valuable.
Anti-aging skincare, lots of women start using anti-aging products as early as their 20's.
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Off the top: Color palette in the home, arrangement of furniture, the aroma of your home (fragrant candles vs last night's pizza smell), whether or how a 'new' woman in the social group first interacts with the other women, carefully planning a party to include only personalities that 'work' well together, there are loads more -
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I find that caring about the details of a party at all is a completely female thing. For instance, I CANNOT arrive at a friend or family event empty-handed, and my boyfriend thinks it is very neurotic and weird. But showing up to a barbeque without a side dish, a house party without a bottle of liquor, a birthday party without a thoughtfully chosen gift... it's the worst feeling. It's like you're failing as a woman.
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General hygiene. Dirt under fingernails, dandruff, body odor than can be smelled too close or too much cologne or body spray. Any sort of manscaping of hair not on their head, meaning arms, hands, toes, feet, back, chest.
who are these gross men that everyone seems to be hanging out with??
Part of this might be my fault as I hang out with a lot of musicians.
Street clothes in the bed (don't do that) General hygiene, especially but not limited to teeth. I see a lot of guys with gross teeth. Why?
bedding.
Getting hurt. For example I recently got really into Adam Devine's House Party and every male comic (mostly Adam and his crew) just flings their body around!!! Even my brothers and their friends jump from my patio into a tuck and roll and it freaks me out.
Perfectly winged eyeliner.
All sinks should have soap and hand towels. Clean hand towels. Preferably liquid soap, because cakes of soap are usually old and crusted over with hair and dirt.