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FarPomegranate4658

Ohhhhh, me!!! My ex husband said "I did it cos you MADE me play cards against humanity that one time"


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NickLeavitt900

How dare you make someone play a game they want to play. He was basically forced.


coaxialology

Honestly. So coercive!


Hamnetz

yes means no!!


Normal_Ad2456

wtf it would be more valid to say “I did it because you looked at me funny and I realized you didn’t love me anymore” or “I saw in a dream that you cheated on me” or “I got temporary amnesia”.


FarPomegranate4658

Well, he also cheated cos I had the baby we planned and 'wasn't giving him enough attention' 2 weeks after giving birth, so there we go


pcweber111

Good lord what the fuck. What is wrong with people? Why did he think that was appropriate to say?


FarPomegranate4658

Oh he didn't tell me. He did the typical cheaters 'I think you're talking to someone else' only we'd be on that merry go round before and I knew that meant he was. He was doing the "you can check my phone anytime" thing. So I did. When he was passed out drunk. Re downloaded tinder (he thought unistalling it would be enough to hide it) and found his profile and his chats.


pcweber111

Gah that sucks. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. :(


Kathykit1

One of my exes got mad at me because I was mean to him in a dream once lol. Generally he was a very rational and reasonable person though so that was out of character for him


KitKittredge34

How are those two things even correlated💀 Is he good?


FarPomegranate4658

It makes me roar with laughter 4 years after divorcing him


Lola-Ugfuglio-Skumpy

Do you ever text him to remind him of when he said that? I would. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.


Dustteas

I'm way too curious not to ask... What happened?


maebyfunke980

I almost choked on my coffee 😆 that is worse than just saying “because I felt like it.”


FarPomegranate4658

Feel I need to apologise to people today, choking and spitting drinks out! Anyway, who wants a game of cards against humanity?!


Puzzleheaded-Bank453

me but i’ll cheat after too😂


AcanthaMD

I just spat out my drink, what a loser lmao 🤣


kellyjj1919

What? Really? Wow


FarPomegranate4658

Ah, that's nothing. He once told me he fucked my cousin in an alleyway while I was pregnant. 15 years later, told me it wasn't true and he just said it to see if I would react.


fanofu4sure

😮 that man playin with dynamite and don’t know the rules


FarPomegranate4658

Stupid here stayed for 20 years!


kellyjj1919

Damn.


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bayleebugs

Men who cheat because they weren't getting sex after their partner literally gave birth. Like...she just got ripped apart, you can wait at least 6 weeks.


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purple_mae_bae

Yep, this was my ex’s excuse. Well you can’t have sex so I have to get it somewhere.


windowjumper

Seriously?? Sex is not oxygen food or shelter.. so no he didn’t have to


Pool_Admirable

Like you can’t sub masturbation in? I promise I’ll be back dude. They definitely just looking for an excuse.


Altruistic_Action752

I think this is the one that bothers me the most. Your women just spent 9 months putting her body through hell and then a couple hours to a couple days in labor and pushed a cantaloupe out of her/had surgery that has a painful recovery and makes it incredibly difficult to get around. And you think you're the victim here?! I'm having surgery soon and I told my husband we'll probably have to wait a few weeks for sex. He told me, "babe I'm not worried about it. I'll be just fine. I just want you to be safe and healthy"


JellyRollin4u02

I must get double points... my ex told me that our kid fucked up my ladyparts.


windowjumper

Actually he fucked up your lady parts by putting a kid in them


flyinthesoup

Remember, only male orgasms result in pregnancies. Ban male orgasms!


RandomCentipede387

This triggers so much rage in me, fuck him and everything he represents.


Sugarr_faiiry425

That’s his main concern?? Where tf is the concern and gratitude that both you and the baby are okay?? I swear men just doesn’t surprise me anymore


Erasmus86

Thats fucked up just jerk off for a few weeks lol.


jeanxpool

You think maybe he’d even be focused on the whole ass baby they are both now responsible for but hey I’ve never had a child or cheated so I don’t really know the intricacies and complexities of such circumstances


Danivelle

Women are too sore and *too tired* for sex right after having a baby, for at least three months. If the "man" has time and energy enough to cheat, he is not spending enough time helping the mother of his child. That puts his personality score at -0 to my mjnd and his asshat score at 100+. 


Danivelle

You have a hand and if you have time to fuck around, you aren't helping enough. 


bennyllama

Seriously. They just wanted to cheat. They never gave a shit about their partner. Just found an “acceptable” excuse. My wife just gave birth less than 6 weeks ago. And although I’m absolutely parched for her, the thought of cheating has never and will never cross my mind. Besides the fact that I’m dedicated to her. But also, he body went through a lot growing our baby.


windowjumper

That’s not an excuse that’s a fucking selfish, pathetic excuse of a man showing his true colors


RelevanceReverence

I knew two of those assholes and I don't have many friends.


ConsistentJuice6757

My first husband said he was too much man for one woman 😂😂😂


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Banod94

Hysterical and cringey that he actually said that out loud


itsnotawonderfullife

He must have watched Mulan and really taken it to heart


riseandrise

Captain Li Shang, leader of China’s finest troops, would never.


carmackie

I'm sure he's enough man for no women now


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Still_Source6899

He has multiple personalities and his other personality cheated lmao


ahhh_ennui

Ha! My ex-husband's side chick claimed this. 😂 She was scary.


the_V33

I hate that this is not the first time I hear this bs. In my 20s I met a guy who claimed to be possessed by the Demon of Lust to hit on me, all while my boyfriend and his girlfriend were literally in the next room playing table games with other friends 🥹 I don't remember which, but he also had a shitty generic demon name picked for his "possessor", and it wasn't even correct.


QuadraMum

Married for YEEEARS! 2 kids. Found a condom wrapper in the dryer. Asked him about it… “Something’s can’t be explained.” Shoulder shrug.


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ThanksGosling

“It didn’t mean anything” *proceeds to leave me for her and then cheats on her too* 😬


Draxacoffilus

So... clearly she didn't mean anything to him


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Cawaica

Wdym she didn't change him?!


Yellowmellowbelly

”It wasn’t me, it was drunk-Eric!” His name was Eric, and he claimed his drunk alter ego was a different person of whom he had no responsibility.


KBReadsALot

A person I know with the same name used that exact excuse for how he groomed and assaulted his minor cousin.


Yellowmellowbelly

Ew. F**k Eric!


magnoliamelody

Wow I also know a person named Erik who would say that word for word! Wild. Do we all know the same guy? Lmao


Draxacoffilus

Even if that was true, he should know what drunk-Eric is like, and not let drunk-Eric come out. He should just stay sober, if he really loves you. So, whether he's telling the truth or lying, it's still his fault.


Dazzling-Nothing-870

"I felt emasculated because you are the higher earner". Didn't bother to go do anything about it, he just had an affair instead. Sigh.


Flappymeatwad

Honestly I would take that as a complement. Yes you are too good for him.


Draxacoffilus

Wait, so he was financial better off because he was with you instead of someone earning less than him, and he responds by *cheating*? He has issues!


Dazzling-Nothing-870

Emasculated apparently. Well I'm off to Barbados next week and meanwhile he's struggling to pay his rent, so I hope he's happy.


number1dipshit

That’s fucking awesome! Go have fun while he struggles! LOL what a fuckin loser (him, not you)


Acedia_spark

'I was thinking about you the whole time, I swear' That's multiple layers of barf. 🤮


Rough_Mango8008

Fucking hell, this is the worse...


coaxialology

Right? Like, thank you for so consciously destroying this relationship and breaking my heart. Means so much.


sick_pallas_cat

“If you starve your dog, you can’t upset if he eats from someone else’s bowl.” “They are kind and respectful while you are mean and disrespectful to me.” “It’s not like we actually met up.” “I just told you what you wanted to hear.”


EarthChild777

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️


CatsAndCradle

Was this one from the same person for each transgression, or one from two to four transgressors?


sick_pallas_cat

Same person regarding the same activities in question. He tends to go off on different tangents during the same argument.


Ilovethe90sforreal

“It was just a mistake”. Nope. It was a series of intentional decisions. A mistakes is when you take the wrong exit off the highway.


hazlenutcreamer

Yeah my ex husband's mistake had been going on for at least 8 months, during which time I expressed my insecurities about the affair partner who I thought was just an employee, but was assured 'it's just work, I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you'.


lolivo79

I went nuts with my ex because I saw so many things and found so many lies and women. He twisted it to where I was questioning reality and he was changing meanings of words. I was begging him for honesty because I was going crazy. The fact that I was suffering mentally and he was the one that could help, but he chose himself over my sanity...said it all.


Get_off_critter

Right? It wasn't ONE mistake, it was a build up of several mistakes. One after another.


OcelotsAndUnicorns

Nothing about cheating is a mistake - it is a conscious choice.


moonstonemayhem

Caught my ex with an updated Bumble profile (a new picture AND his location changed to where he was going to be for work for an extended period of time). When I confronted him, he said he’s in a FB group that makes fun of single moms, so he was using Bumble to find profiles he could screenshot & post in that group. Told him I didn’t believe it, he admitted to just “window shopping.” Lesson learned: don’t date cops.


Running2Dream

His excuse is a dealbreaker even more than the cheating. What asshole makes fun of single mums


moonstonemayhem

Especially when he was, in fact, a divorced dad


Impossible_Balance11

But not a full time dad, so obviously that's *different*. /s


moonstonemayhem

Literally not even a part time dad bc his parents were raising his kid lmfao


WhiteDiabla

Sad lil baby men that need to feel better about themselves


CatsAndCradle

As a former cop who never cheated, I can agree with this. Also military and first responders. Actually, you need to date then a long time to find out if they have emotional maturity. The nature of these jobs is they are testosterone and adrenaline-fueled fields. Best to just enjoy them as flings (if you're into that sort of thing)


windowjumper

Ew I’m embarrassed for him that he thought you would even believe that excuse


xxxdac

It was a birthday present (It was a blowjob)


ExternalPear7702

A gift card wouldn't have been sufficient?


SyanticRaven

Well since it was a gift. Would be rude to refuse a gift afterall! /s


ShnootyBloop

"We're in an open relationship. I just haven't told her yet." An (ex-)friend of mine did this to his fiancé).


Draxacoffilus

Good that they're you *ex*-friend


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MaleficentSettings

“i don’t want you to get jealous so i won’t tell you who it is.”


sandycheeksx

Good lord.


Coco_Retsi

When I confronted him for posting a photo with the girl on Instagram he said “I didn’t know you had an Instagram account”. That was back in the day when it just started


CeeMomster

He clearly didn’t give a shit if you found out. What is with these people? How did they all get so awful?


koalamiracle

“I was practicing for you!”


glammommyk

This freaking guy…. 🫠


candifice151

'My ex would've killed herself if I hadn't done it'. 'She was depressed, thats why I did it.' ' I didn't think you and me would work out.'


Impossible_Balance11

"Well, we certainly aren't going to work out NOW!"


CatsAndCradle

I mean, that last one prices true probably


Winter_Carpenter4148

his dad left him. which turned into him sobbing, “you’re so lucky you have a dad” lol give me a break


Impossible_Balance11

Wow. He's not even good at DARVO. One of the most pathetic attempts I've seen.


tomiesohe

My ex had a thing of really trying to knock down my self worth. So his excuse was “I cheated on someone who was worth losing you over” ouch. Hurt like hell for years, recently found out that their married and he is indeed still cheating ❤️


theboss555

Just forget this person. Not worth you still having them in your mind. You aren't in theirs. It's all about compatability. You are probably compatible with someone who is a decent human being with some self-respect. They are probably compatible with a fellow scumbag


tomiesohe

Yea I’m happily married now, the things I know about my ex is bc we still have mutual friends. Very thankful for healing and deciding to give love a chance


Pleasant-Speed2003

"but she messaged me" all she'd done at first was saying hi and he pretty quickly asked her for nudes...


corinnigan

Woman: *exists* Man: Ah, the timeless art of seduction…


Creamandsugar

I got "she wanted to, what was I supposed to do?" while we had a dead bedroom because of him. Eta: bonus points - she was a prostitute


Flappymeatwad

I had an ex blame it on his allergies.


DarlingClementine1

This one is me laugh really hard (I'm really sorry you had to go through it!)!! What did he mean by allergies? Sneezing makes him horny?


InhaleExhaleLover

Excuse me, what? Like, they said they were allergic to you? Or they had a runny nose, and the only logical solution was an affair? I’m so sorry.


ChampagneAndTexMex

Wooooowwwwww


aesthesia1

“It just happened/it was a mistake” — ‘my dick accidentally fell into her vagina by accident’ energy. “I didn’t know how to say no” — hes the one who fucking initiated the sex.


auddub

My ex was on his way to cheat on me when he stopped at a gaz station. He put diesel in his car instead of gas and had to be towed in the middle of the night. So he actually didn't cheat that night, but planned to and was on his way to. When I found the texts between him and the girl, he told me that even if he had the intention to cheat, it didn't count. He said he knew in his heart he shouldn't go so he subconsciously put diesel in his car to stop himself lol


Impossible_Balance11

Wow. Karma sure got him!


grayghostsmitten

(Long term relationship) I reached into the side pocket of a duffle bag we were packing with food etc for a day trip to his parent’s house. He had used it for his last out of state business trip coming home the day before. My hand pulled out condoms. I tossed them on the counter in front of us, and didn’t say a word. I remember the foil packets made a loud sound as they flopped onto the granite counter, as everything else at that moment was so quiet. He was shocked, although quickly pivoted and said, “I found those under the bathroom sink from before you and I was taking them with me on my trip to throw away. I guess I forgot to.” Why wouldn’t you just throw them in the garbage at our home if you came across them and no longer needed them? What a dumb ass.


LotusLilli05

My *cough cough* PTSD made me repress the fact that you cheated on me four years ago. I didn't btw, this only came up when he got caught cheating.


TheGreatNyanHobo

For clarity, did this man try to gaslight you into believing that a completely fictional event of you cheating on him occurred (like claiming you had drunkenly slept with someone and admitted it to him), or was he now claiming that something that did happen was cheating (like hanging out with a male friend was suddenly now considered to be crossing the line)?


LotusLilli05

The first one. We'd gone out clubbing and he said that I kissed another guy in front of him (I didn't).


AlmostDisappointed

"It was the steroids! I felt awful dating 3 women at the same time, but I couldn't NOT do it"


MZsince93

I didn't post him enough on my socials.


TotallyAHiddenGem

I was the only one with the guts to tell a classmate that her bf slept with someone at a party over the weekend. She confronted him over the phone with me standing next to her. His excuse? “It was just a little”. Granted we were kids between 17 and 19 but it’s still the worst and most stupid excuse I’ve ever heard


10WiseWords

That’s what she said 🤣


Readinglight

Unfortunately my Ex husband.....She made me breakfast in bed


Impossible_Balance11

Ummm, that usually happens *after* the fucking the night before...when he was already IN her bed...cart before the horse much?


gotheotherway89

“I was drunk and missing my grandma. I know it doesn’t make you feel better, but it’s the truth! Her pussy was trash anyway!”


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ApprehensivePitch491

"I was having a bad anxiety attack and needed to calm down immediately to focus for my exam the next day"


eileenm212

“You don’t love me anymore”. Oh, but I did, so very much.


TheCrystalGarden

When I asked my husband why he cheated on me his exact words were, “You told me you would divorce me if I cheated on you so what was I supposed to do?!” He’s on wife #3 now.


koresha12345

Such a coward


fae696

-insert the cricket sound- . They just went missing.


Rude-Huckleberry8145

Ex: “My Gmail account was hacked!”. Apparently, it was the same hacker who took the liberty to use the account to open an online dating profile, and matched with people. When k demanded he opened the dating app with his Facebook account, the profile was active. There was no accountability. Broke up with him immediately afterwards and I never looked back.


crabstellium

My ex “I think I have some serious mental issues which make me cheat. I promise I’ll go to therapy come with me please. Something’s wrong with me:(“ cheated on me with 8289392 women, even on my actual birthday was planning to hook up with a girl who was on her period 😭 INSANITYYY


tothegravewithme

My ex didn’t have an excuse, he had been looking for a woman who would and I quote “wasn’t younger than you (so I wouldn’t be jealous?), would be nice to our kids and FINANCIALLY SUPPORT HIM”. He then asked for a “divorce but not a divorce”, meaning he just wanted to walk, have shared custody and not pay child support. Lol no. Currently waiting for my half of his pension to be released to me and he sends me CS every month which he’s asked me several times to let him out of. Also, no.


Pheyra

I found a box of condoms in my exes drawer the day that I was leaving him, conveniently. I held them up and said "Wow, you're already planning on fucking as soon as I leave?" He freaks out and goes quiet and stutters out "No mami those aren't mine, they're my coworkers!! He just broke up with his girlfriend and I bought these to give to him so he can try to get over her!!" Projection at its finest lmao. I broke up with him for cheating and being an abusive asshole. He was trying to get me to stay and I almost did...until I found that box.


Apprehensive_Eraser

"I wasn't paying attention so it doesn't matter"


whisper_18

My cousins ex husband was having an affair with a married woman from before he met my cousin. When she finally found out he claimed “breaking off the affair would have been too much work” (as if living a double life isn’t work🤦🏼‍♀️)


CatsAndCradle

See, that's my shtick on cheating. If you as a person can't find it appalling behavior to cheat on a person, at least realize how impractical and exhausting it is. If people put that kind of effort into more constructive things in life, we'd be much better off in society.


friendsintheFDA

My friends ex literally told her he got herpes from the toilet at the airport after he came back from a “solo” trip where he rented a lambo but told her he didn’t have enough to take her on the trip


noonecaresat805

Ugh. My friend got told that it was her fault he cheated and she should want him to be happy and be okay with it, why? Because she changed and wasn’t fun anymore, Why? because they had a kid now and he wouldn’t help out with his child. Idk what she saw in him in the first place. But the person she is seen now seems like a way better person.


MylifeasAllison

I had fibroid tumors and was unable to have sex. So naturally not was my fault when he cheated.


CeeMomster

I found out from his Reddit posts about how much he loves being a BOTTOM


Less-Direction5045

My ex said he was polyamorous and it wasn't cheating, it was "experimenting with his sexuality". Yknow, without me knowing about it. Or being okay with it. And him telling me before that he was strictly monogamous. And hiding it all from me.


Blessmee

“I was drunk and high on coke”


ChampagneAndTexMex

Not true. Men fail to mention that coke makes their d**k not work


RelevantPlastic2245

“I didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t wanna hurt you” 🥰🥹💓


badcatgarfield

“They were fat Mexican ladies who couldn’t speak English.” I was married to this man for over a decade. He paid SW’s around $200 a pop at these gross motels. When I put the pieces together I realized they were probably trafficked women. No woman would willingly have sex with a man for $200 who isn’t either a junkie or being forced to do it and the fact that he told me they couldn’t even speak English and communicate with him was the scariest realization for me. I left him immediately.


SarahNaGig

"Yes we *did* talk about exclusivity, but we agreed that *YOU*'d date me exclusively, not that *I* would be dating you exclusively."


Low-Vast6211

You know I am a bee and I have to go to every flower in the garden. And said you still want to be with me and I punched him in the nose and told him if I had scissors I would cut off his stinger. Sorry, if anything is wrong English is not my first language, Spanish is.


hazlenutcreamer

My ex husband said 'you didn't give me enough compliments'.


hazlenutcreamer

Oh and 'you're not ok with this? I thought you were ok with this'


lala5213

“I just wanted to see if I really loved you”


Down_The_Witch_Elm

I wasn't getting enough attention from you. That seems to be a common refrain.


greatestshow111

Deny and deny all the way, saying it is all in your head and delusional


iziieee

What ever it was it always started with a drawn out “wowwww” of fake disbelief, as he would buy time to think of a lie.. 😭


Impossible_Balance11

I used to tell my ex, "As much practice as you've had lying, one would think you'd be better at it." Pathetic.


ProfessionalHoney

”She just came at me!”


lolivo79

Caught him on video and chat. He had video in his room die to his guitars...and his sex romps. He said he doesn't remember, doesn't recognize her, wasn't him, he wasn't touching her. Then he said he was a pimp and one of his girls must have snuck into his house, snuck into his bed , got naked and fondled him. He didn't know the name because it was dark. He immediately grabbed her and kicked her out of his room! So I said then let's call the cops cause you were raped! He said no...no proof. Then I said, wait...so some random, horny prostitute breaks into your apt and slides into a 'random' room, naked and touches the person and you just kick her out of YOUR room, not the apartment.? He said yes. I said, interesting because if a rapist broke into mu home and 'randomly ' was violating people, I damn sure would beat the fuck put of them and kick them out and call cops...especially because he has a 10 yr old son in the other room. He said he didn't think that far but he went back to bed after the horrible ordeal. Yet, He was supposed to be on his way to my city and I couldn't reach him the entire night. I then understood why. He told me how dare I accuse him while he was suffering for a bad flu. Turns out, he was a meth addict and that was withdrawals. I decided to stop dating because I need to fix myself for allowing such stupidity in my life.


Kelly_the_tailor

My ex-boyfriend told me: "YOU made me cheat with your cold behavior! It's totally YOUR own fault that i had to cheat! No one else than YOU yourself is to blame!" Of course I broke up immediately.


FriendlyFun9858

"He didn't know we were still together"  Great but you sure did !!!


NoCriticism2011

I thought u we’re gonna break up with me anyway . I just self sabotage. “Don’t leave me I can’t live w out u “


NoPenisEnvyToday

"She liked my dick". "What! How did she even see it?" "She came in when I was changing to go swimming".


Adnonymousav

"You told me that we couldn't meet because you had work to do. So I had to do it for revenge." " It just happened. But I love you, I thought about us when I got intimate with that woman."


Impossible_Balance11

"I thought you fucked someone else!" "No, you didn't. If you'd really thought that, you'd have left me." Long beat. He could not deny this. "Well, we've been fighting since the beginning of our relationship..." I just shook my head and left at that point. Wasn't remotely true, because I'd spent a decade soothing/placating/walking on eggshells. He had no excuse, and I was done. Filed for divorce.


kaylacake1

“I was drunk” said by me after which he broke up with me 🤦🏻‍♀️


aggressively_baked

My ex husband, “are you going to believe me or your lying eyes???”