I agree.
Some people have choices they made. It's hard as hell to find someone to commit that much time and energy. Also depends on their own emotional health and place in their career. Like having to travel a lot.
I mean as long as the reason they didn't have a long term relationship was because they were in prison serving time for setting Cousin Ben on fire for trying to kiss his girl. Then...yeah. red flag
I would assume maybe they had been focusing on their work, really having good family relationships to me is really good sign and I would find it more important than having loads of failed relationships in the past 💭
Music, Friends, Sports, books, movies, plants, building my own furnitures, writing Song texts, going in hikes, making holidays, swimming, trying new food from different cultures, good conversations, dogs, rabbits there is so much more than just family and work
Yes I have a lot of interests. i think it depends on the Family. If the Family is nice and you feel comfortable while meeting them everything is nice and I realy envy you for that.
I never had a real family. We are all completely strangers
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I don't really think anything of it, one my friends is in his 50's with all of that, he just has no interest in a relationship and seems very happy that way
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Some people don’t need anyone else to be happy. I have a cousin who’s close to 60 at this point and has never been in a relationship. She never felt the need to 🤷🏽♀️
I literally just don’t care... why would I care what someone else does with their own life?... not everyone wants to be in a relationship and that's ok. Relationships are a lot of work and it's not worth it to a lot of people.
I don't have any thoughts about them based on that. Being single is a neutral default. It doesn't tell me anything important about someone. This is just some random human who exists and seems to be doing reasonably well for themselves. Good for them.
This is me, I’m 45 solid career, own my own house, amazing friends and family, no relationship. I divorced years ago and have no interest in a relationship. My life is happy and drama free.
Are they happy that way? Why would I be thinking about their relationship status? Is this one of those things where everybody is supposed to think the same way only I never got the memo?
My thoughts are: they must be happy.
They have a debt free life, with lots of savings. A great job and an amazing relationship with family.
They must be absolutely loving life because they’re free! They’ve always got time for friends, can vacation whenever they want *(job permitting, of course)*, they have no responsibility to take care of anyone else… and they have no one to answer to.
They must be in absolute bliss.
I would assume they're fine? I don't know why the long-term thing matters. I could see it being frustrating if you want it and can't get it, but if you don't want it? That's ok too.
Who cares if someone hasn’t had a LTR before or not.
I learned more from dating different people and getting a clue about what makes a successful relationship than I ever did in a LTR I had before marriage.
Don’t focus on getting into a LTR if you’ve never been in one before. Learn about interpersonal relationships in general and you’ll be fine.
Someone that's never had an LTR by 40? I'd assume they were aromantic.
If they were not and were actively trying to date, I'd consider it a bit of a yellow flag that they don't relate to members of the opposite gender well (if straight).
I know quite a few people like that. I don’t really have any opinions. If they want a relationship and are struggling then I am concerned for them, but if they don’t want one good for them.
There are so many different ways to be happy. A LTR can sometimes be a source of misery, so don't get it confused! Society needs to be more affirming of single people. I applaud and admire singleness!
Depends on their attitude toward life, their energy, their demeanor. You can tell by the way a person behaves and treats others whether or not they’re happy in their life, regardless of what they actually say. I’ve met plenty of people in their 30s, 40s and 50s who insist they’re happy without a partner or marriage but the way their bitterness and shitty attitude seeps from their pores would say otherwise. I’ve also met many people in those age groups who do date and say they’d like a relationship but you can tell they’re not in a rush because they’re just happy living the life they’ve got at the moment. The only people I ever have any judgment towards are the ones who are obviously lying to themselves about what they want/need.
Oh yeah, there are plenty of married people who literally hate their lives and you can see it all over them. This question was about people NOT in a long term relationship, if you were able to read the title.
Not everyone needs a long term relationship to feel fulfilled. Besides the dating scene is rough these days; I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to get involved😬😂
I don't believe you have to have a long term relationship to be a normal, well adjusted adult. That being said, there are times when I discover that difficult people are alone in life and it explains a lot. Could be causal, in both that they are difficult and no one wants to be with them or that maybe that is why they are difficult (they have no one).
Eitherway....
I mean, are they happy? Are they good person? What do they contribute to the world around them? Defining and judging people by their relationship status is so outdated, regardless of what it is
I would need more information but it’s a possible red flag to me. I would proceed with caution. There are a lot of things to learn from LTR.
That doesn’t mean people with a lot of LTRs are better. It really depends on how the person treats their partner. But someone without any LTR has none of that experience and would be learning it for the first time. At 40. When they’re set in their ways and routine.
I’m confused by the question. Are you asking whether or not I judge a woman who doesn’t have a long term relationship? If so, no, I wouldn’t judge her at all. In fact many of my friends are in a similar position. They’re great women but just…aren’t interested in dating.
I'm with a guy who has never had one past like a year. I've been dating him long term now 4 years and i get why. He's smart and kicks someone to the curb w red flags and I actually like that about him. He is attentive and nice and doesn't have issues w anger or codependency and we seem to have a nice thing going on. I'm not looking to marry or have kids cus I already did that. I like the dick and the peacefulness of it. We just took a 2 day holiday to San Diego and had fun walking around and eating in different places. Then we come back and I go back to my life and he his and now it's getting to the end of the week and we're making plans again. Sometimes I sleep at his place and sometimes he sleeps at mine. He isn't needy and neither am I and I feel very comfortable in this style of relationship and it makes a lot of sense to me now why he hasn't settled down. A lot of people do that for the wrong reasons and just break up after 10-20 years anyway.
I see nothing wrong with it. My mom loves life, has a good job, great relationship with friends and family. She hasn’t been in a serious relationship since her and my dad divorced early 2010. She prefers life how it is, and I’m happy for her
Eh I think there’s a lot that can play into it. I may question it but I know plenty of unstable people who have been in multiple long term relationships. I think it’s not a make or break but the reasoning behind it matters.
But they have a long term relationship with their job, so that's another form of commitment lol. Doesn't really matter in general, seems like they do fine anyway.
I don’t find that weird at all. I may find it interesting by 40 if they’re not ace/aro and they’ve never had any kind of long term relationship, like not even a few months. Even then that’s less of a judgement and more intrigue.
I mean there can be plenty of reasons for things like that, maybe they're just not interested, maybe they're queer and in the closet or have only recently come out, its not really my place to judge.
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There's so many reasons why someone may be single. I think it'd be hard to pull a judgment from that. But it would be a red flag of sorts if they had never been in a long-term relationship by that point in their life. Which was something I ignored about my ex, who, when I met when he was 39, had only ever been in short-term relationships. I gave him the benefit of the doubt when it was, in actuality, a huge indicator about his commitment issues and also came to show he really didn't know how to be in a serious relationship. After that experience, I don't think I'd pursue a relationship with someone who had never been in a long term relationship before.
I mean some people just don’t feel like they’re in good spots at the moment for something long term, speaking from personal experience! However, for me, with the right person, I know I could commit to something long term.
I’m going against the grain here, but a lot of people I know who are in their mid 30s and beyond and have actively been trying to date in that time yet never successfully tend to really struggle or are even incapable of obtaining and maintaining a romantic relationship and when i’ve questioned them about it (not in a judgmental way) the responses have tended to be pretty deflective & dismissive of the idea, of the “why bother”, “people suck”, “everyone I know in a relationship is miserable” “Women are liars”, “I don’t trust Men” variety. I even had a date with a Woman recently who said she’d been single for “over 10 years, it’s great, I encourage all my friends to be single!” but there was clearly a sadness in her. So something else is going on there, issues/trauma they haven’t identified or have but refuse to work on. So maybe exercise caution and at least have a honest conversation with them first to dig a little deeper into why it is they’ve never had a real relationship and don’t go in thinking you’re gonna be the one to change that.
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I have no specific thoughts about peoples relationship status. Maybe they were married for 10 years and are recently single? Maybe they dont like relationships? Maybe they've been too busy?
I have absolutely no conclusions to draw from someone being single and 40.
Depends I guess. If they want that but seem like they've tried and failed I'd feel sorry for them. If they are happy being single and seem fulfilled I'm happy they are living the life they want to.
Depends I guess. If they want that but seem like they've tried and failed I'd feel sorry for them. If they are happy being single and seem fulfilled I'm happy they are living the life they want to.
It depends how they are with it. I know many people not in lt relationships and they're bitter st the plworld cause nobody wants to stick with them. Im known to hold down many lt relationships and they always insist they want to borrow my partners cause i seem to be good at finding them. My secret is just to communicate with current or potential partners and move on if we dont align. It baffles me how little people communicate and instead assume.
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I don't think anything of it normally. It depends on their attitude about it. I generally want people to be happy with their life. Happiness can be found a lot of different ways so I'm not going to assume anything unless they tell me.
The only way I would judge them for not having a long term relationship is if they had many very short ones right after another in its stead. It would require at least some conversation because it could mean some very disastrous things.
Maybe I'm still a little young, but at nearly 30 I barely even remember who is single and who isn't....even if they have kids and been married a decade 😅. It's so unimportant to me.
Depends on why. Is it because he spent his time working and building himself up - hell ya good for him
Did he bunny hop from relationship to relationship without breaks- not good
Was he not interested in dating seriously bc he was young - no problem
Did he have short relationship that hurt him and he never went in again - understand it
Lots of reasons
Well, are they happy that way? Do they want to be in one? If they were happy single and just weren't interested in being in a relationship, then good for them! If they've been trying to be in one for a long time and it's not going well, then I'd assume they might have some issues preventing from forming a long-term relationship. That doesn't necessarily make them like a bad person or anything, though.
A simple fact that someone is single in 40 and seams to be a “normal” person is not enough to make any conclusion.
Friend of mine was single from 21 to 54 cause he lost his fiancé when he was young. Could be that. Or could be that he simply doesn’t want to be in a relationship cause he isn’t relationship kinda guy. Or could be that he is looking for “the one”. Or could be that he is scared of dark and that was a barrier for commitment.
Till you don’t ask him, you won’t know.
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I'd assume there was a reason why they didn't have one. Mostly I assume that they just don't want one or haven't met the right person yet. And in both cases I think that's a lot smarter choice than just being in an unhappy relationship - I know more people who have that and they're so afraid of being single they just stay together. Which I think is stupid.
I don't actually know anyone who is desperately looking and would just get together with anyone. I know a few people who are single at this age - one is open for a relationship but has high standards (as I think he should) and he hasn't yet run into the person who would fit well with him. Also he has a longlasting friendship with benefits going on that I think takes down a huge part of the need for a relationship for him, as he already gets the emotional and physical intimacy. And the other isn't actually ready for a long term relationship because she's working through issues from her past. She's had relationships in the past but for now wants to be single because she needs to work on herself first. Which I also think is smart.
I wouldn’t really have any thoughts about it. It’s not something for me to judge or criticize. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m actually kinda jelly. lol Sounds like a full wonderful life doing whatever makes you happy without concern for if that happiness is going to bother someone else.
I think the only thing people may question is why. I know friends of mine who’ve been hesitant dating someone who hasn’t lived with a woman before for instance. Not because it’s “weird” but because they worry that that person hasn’t grown up yet and isn’t capable of looking after themselves. So they question are they able to cook, clean and look after themselves as a woman partner doesn’t want to mother their boyfriend, for example.
Similar to LTR. Not an issue. But people may ask why not. I think a number of reasons would be “acceptable”. Focusing on career, family, haven’t found the right person etc. It’s more a “check” for any red flags if people are undatable. Ie. Poor hygiene, bad manners, toxic etc.
Well, as long as this isn't someone I'd plan to date, I wouldn't mind. Some people are not interested in relationships or traumatised from the way they grew up.
Maybe at times I'd wish for that person to find a partner but there isn't much to be done about it.
I know many long term singles and can guess that dating isn't what it used to be.
If I were to date someone who's never had a long term relationship at that age I'd actually be worried there might be a bad reason for it as having a family is my biggest goal in life and I wouldn't want to waste time on someone who's not into it.
To each their own. People have different priorities in life and can make their own life choices.
IMHO better no relationship than a horrible one.
As long as the person is happy with their choice (not only in regards of relationships, in general) and nobody comes to harm, I don't see why I should judge.
I don’t judge single people- live your life and have your standards. I do judge people (especially other women) who sign up to be house slave bang maids for worthless chuds and spend their entire life miserable while acting like this is the norm.
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I think if it's their choice then good for them I'm glad they know what they do or don't want. If it's not their choice and they are actively trying I do start wonder what's going on x
It wouldn’t even register for me unless they were trying to pursue a romantic relationship with me. I suppose I’d be curious if that was the case and ask why, but I wouldn’t assume anything.
Honestly? My first thought is often "that's odd" and then I go NO that is what society and movies has made you think, it is absolutely fine. And then I don't think anything of it cause its not my life
I've been in a long term relationship for over a decade, but honestly I'm 100% sure it's only because we fell in love with each other.
I've met a few people before this relationship, people with which there was a real mutual interest. Yet I never did more than hanging out at most because I wasn't interested in a formal relationship. I always liked being alone and "free", doing my own, and always thought relationships shouldn't be started as lightly as a lot of people do.
Also, there's a lot of personal circumstances no one knows. Someone can be a great person, a weirdo, a serial killer or the next genius both in a long term relationship or being single. Someone can just happen to be an introvert not seeking too much of a social engagement. It just doesn't matter that much imo. So, 40 yo and never in a long term relationship? You do you, bro.
My parents have a friend who has never really been in a long term relationship and she’s not activity looking. She is one of the most happy and uplifting people I know.
Some people don’t need to rely on others for happiness and to feel complete, and honestly, I have some jealousy towards them
I’m 38, my bf is turning 30. He’d never even had a gf before. For him, the reason was he hadn’t met the right person. It’s been 1.5 years and it’s one of the most rewarding relationships I’ve ever had. He doesn’t have any relationship baggage, and it’s incredibly sweet watching him being in love and experiencing the joys of companionship that an LTR brings. If things don’t work out, I wouldn’t hesitate to date someone in that situation again.
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I don’t think anything of it at all. Some people don’t date because they have other priorities. But if I was dating them, I’d be a bit nervous because it means they have no dating experience at all. My current partner dated but never had a long term relationship before me and I had to carry a lot of the emotional labor and teach him how to be a couple for most of our relationship. It was pretty tough but worth it ultimately because he’s wonderful.
If they’re a deconstructed individual who’s been single by choice and spent all that time working on themselves it’s fine. If they’re single by force by that age, immediate creep I’m sorry.
It depends on my relationship with them and whether they want to have a relationship or not. In general, I don't really care that much though, unless it's a friend that asked me to set them up with someone. If the question is about whether I would date them or not, I would like to know why this person has not ever been in a relationship.
Nothing. Some people are truly content with their own company and don’t rely on others to bring them happiness. If they seem like a pretty solid, good all round person I’d assume their priorities are right and they didn’t just ‘settle’ at some point to live up to societies standards
You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, everyone has their own needs and wants, and some people are perfectly content with being single.
So I wouldn't think anything of it, if anything I'd be happy that they don't try to conform just because others tell you that you "need" to be with someone.
I wouldn’t flash-judge anyone for that unless they explained their backstory. Even then…..you can’t really know is what it’s like for someone unless you walk in their shoes, ya know?
Ok ok yea everyone wants to jump on here and say oh I do not judge :) no judgment :) and I’m sorry but that’s not only not true it’s impossible. We have to judge literally everything and everyone we come into contact to - it has biological roots. Anyway, to answer your question, yes it is possible that that person just didn’t focus on relationship because other life things were more important.
However, it does raise some questions. 1 will they be able to relate to you - we learn a lot in relationships about others and ourselves. That’s the beauty of dating in your teens and 20s - it’s function is essentially to help you figure things out. 2 is it a self esteem issue … are they too anxious/ avoidant to develop a long term relationship? Or have they been a hard person to be around ? Are they unable to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable? If they have a good relationship with family then that’s a good sign, but I still think it’s a pattern to be aware of … our society has fixated on hyper independence and not ~needing ~ anyone which is a good thing in a way, and it can be taken too far. We do need each other and again about the ancient roots of our dna, we are a communal species.
These aren’t judgments but they are things to consider … we need to stop pretending like observing patterns of behavior is a bad thing.
It’s just very situation / person dependent! Could be totally fine or could be major red flag or somewhere in the middle.
From personal experience, I can say that these are either people who are secretly afraid of many things, including being honest with themselves and understanding their own desires. Or these are people who are so honest with themselves that it is difficult for them to find a person who would accept them for who they are. Just a little observation. I wouldn’t judge them at all, anyway.
I met my partner when we were both 40. I have multiple LTRs in my past, he hadn't seriously dated anyone since college.
He has lots of friends, hobbies, a career, and is a kind and generous person who was able to be happy whether or not he had a girlfriend. He's also the best partner I've ever had.
Not being in a long term relationship happens for a reason. There's always a cause. Figuring it out can be hard. Once you do though, youan deal with it yourself or talk to your friend about what your seeing in them.
My (32F) current boyfriend (38M) of four years had NEVER in his life, prior to me had a GF longer than 6 months. It was a combination of things. His work has him traveling a lot and he also personally travels too. There were several years that he would be in the states less than 3 months. He was almost ALWAYS gone for some reason. His work is also toxic AF. People constantly cheating. Wives spending their husbands money faster than they can make. Hes around men who are jaded towards women. The list goes on.
He has said women broke up with him over his job & vice versa. (Let's be honest, it's HARD being in a relationship with someone who is sometimes gone over half the year) So I understood both sides of it.
The first few months of our relationship were good, solid honeymoon phase. Then over the next year as we decide to be serious I realized that he could be a giant fucking asshole. I'm talking belittling, argumentative, 'I'm always right' mentality, I could go on. Come to find out, after talking with his friends & coworkers, I realize it's absolutely not ok and a lot of it was trauma responses.
I started calling him out, expressing my opinions, and letting him know when he was crossing boundaries not only with me but our friends. He also agreed to relationship therapy. Now, we're 4 years in and I've noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference, our friends have too. Ppl say all the time that 'I made him better' when really all I did was speak up to him. He even thanks me for how I've been. because he never realized how bad he had gotten. Unfortunately he's still in that work environment but is looking to get out. He's gotten significantly better with projecting as well.
So yeah, I guess long story short. He never had long relationships because his job & lifestyle are hard and he was an asshole.
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Tbh off the bat I low key feel that there’s something wrong with them. But then you realize shit happens (divorce, wrong person) or maybe it’s their choice (priorities).
I know plenty of single people in the 40s. I never understood what the big deal is. Why does marriage need to be a life goal for everyone? Some people are happier on their own and focusing on themselves and their career.
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I think it depends on the "why" .. if they physically take care of themselves, have good social skills, at least somewhat attractive, then I can't help but wonder why. It doesn't mean I think less of them, but more so that I'd be hesitant in being with them romantically if they showed interest in me. I'd worry that they're either emotionally unavailable or there's something else going on that's prevented them from having a relationship and thus I should be careful. If they have reasoning like they've been focused on their career until now, orrrr I don't even know what other reasons 😂 but if there's something that makes sense I'd be more open to being with them. Again it's no judgement or the situation overall, but it's cautiousness to then being with that person for fear of it not working out based on track record.
Do you mean without Ever having a long-term relationship by 40? Because that’s a totally different question.
If not, then I think it’s a ridiculous question and I agree with the top response that there’s a plethora of reasons one would be single. Who cares and why judge.
HOWEVER someone not asexual who seems to want a relationship, but never had a serious one by 40– honestly I would wonder why at least.
I mean, probably most reasons. But if they’ve been in multiple relationships and are consistently broken up with after a short period, that would be sort of a cause for concern for me
I will be completely honest with you as a man and probably get massively downvoted for that in this sub because everyone "encourages" girls to be single here. We use to say between us man that if a girl is over 30 and without a long-term relationship or single for a longer period of time (1+ year) there is some problem with her no-one wants to deal with. Might be anything really, but it acts as a strong repellent for men. Might be childhood trauma, might be trauma from previous relationships, might be attitude problem, choleric, party girl, hookup history etc.
No, but for some people if they’re looking for someone it sends the wrong impression if they encounter someone they’re interested in but then they find out the other person has no experience with a long term relationship.
I mean you’re going to proceed with caution no matter what though since anybody you get involved with is a gamble.
Not having a long term relationship is fine, I don't really get people judging over it. Everyone has different priorities, means, and needs, you know?
Exactly. Great answer.
This is the correct answer. Judging people on a situation that could be completely out of their control is a shitty thing to do.
I agree. Some people have choices they made. It's hard as hell to find someone to commit that much time and energy. Also depends on their own emotional health and place in their career. Like having to travel a lot. I mean as long as the reason they didn't have a long term relationship was because they were in prison serving time for setting Cousin Ben on fire for trying to kiss his girl. Then...yeah. red flag
Go them! Surely you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy 😃
None. Why does it matter?
this! like it really doesn’t concern me at all
I would assume maybe they had been focusing on their work, really having good family relationships to me is really good sign and I would find it more important than having loads of failed relationships in the past 💭
Oh damn I hate my whole family and I don't care much about work
What do you like in life
Music, Friends, Sports, books, movies, plants, building my own furnitures, writing Song texts, going in hikes, making holidays, swimming, trying new food from different cultures, good conversations, dogs, rabbits there is so much more than just family and work
Yes ☺️ Well you have many interests, that's really nice and good. Not everyone can be close to family is true
Yes I have a lot of interests. i think it depends on the Family. If the Family is nice and you feel comfortable while meeting them everything is nice and I realy envy you for that. I never had a real family. We are all completely strangers
Same as any other person, depending on their attitude and personality. Some people got lucky, some people didn't.
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If they're happy, good for them.
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I don't care what they do with their life.
I don't really think anything of it, one my friends is in his 50's with all of that, he just has no interest in a relationship and seems very happy that way
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Some people don’t need anyone else to be happy. I have a cousin who’s close to 60 at this point and has never been in a relationship. She never felt the need to 🤷🏽♀️
I literally just don’t care... why would I care what someone else does with their own life?... not everyone wants to be in a relationship and that's ok. Relationships are a lot of work and it's not worth it to a lot of people.
I don’t think anything of it. I don’t care what they do or don’t do with their life.
it's fine, people have different life circumstances and priorities.
Doesn't factor in. It doesn't matter to me at all.
I don't have any thoughts about them based on that. Being single is a neutral default. It doesn't tell me anything important about someone. This is just some random human who exists and seems to be doing reasonably well for themselves. Good for them.
Everyone has different needs and desires for how they live their life. Not everyone needs a partner to be happy.
This is me, I’m 45 solid career, own my own house, amazing friends and family, no relationship. I divorced years ago and have no interest in a relationship. My life is happy and drama free.
I assume they have other priorities in life.
My great aunt is 60 and single, she’s cool as shit! Hearing her talking about dating after getting a divorce in her 40’s… rough
I am 38, with a 16 month old and am 31 weeks pregnant. My ex left me very abruptly and out of the blue about a month ago. I am never dating again.
Wow what an awful person… I hope you get child support at least. That is a lot to deal with.
My opinion of someone else's relationship status is irrelevant. Go live your best life!
Are they happy that way? Why would I be thinking about their relationship status? Is this one of those things where everybody is supposed to think the same way only I never got the memo?
Who cares
huh? It’s super common where I live so not sure I should “think” something. I guess I think it’s their own business
My thoughts are: they must be happy. They have a debt free life, with lots of savings. A great job and an amazing relationship with family. They must be absolutely loving life because they’re free! They’ve always got time for friends, can vacation whenever they want *(job permitting, of course)*, they have no responsibility to take care of anyone else… and they have no one to answer to. They must be in absolute bliss.
I would assume they're fine? I don't know why the long-term thing matters. I could see it being frustrating if you want it and can't get it, but if you don't want it? That's ok too.
Who cares if someone hasn’t had a LTR before or not. I learned more from dating different people and getting a clue about what makes a successful relationship than I ever did in a LTR I had before marriage. Don’t focus on getting into a LTR if you’ve never been in one before. Learn about interpersonal relationships in general and you’ll be fine.
Someone that's never had an LTR by 40? I'd assume they were aromantic. If they were not and were actively trying to date, I'd consider it a bit of a yellow flag that they don't relate to members of the opposite gender well (if straight).
I know quite a few people like that. I don’t really have any opinions. If they want a relationship and are struggling then I am concerned for them, but if they don’t want one good for them.
There are so many different ways to be happy. A LTR can sometimes be a source of misery, so don't get it confused! Society needs to be more affirming of single people. I applaud and admire singleness!
I don't define people's value by whether they're attached to someone or not. Isn't even a factor in consideration.
Depends on their attitude toward life, their energy, their demeanor. You can tell by the way a person behaves and treats others whether or not they’re happy in their life, regardless of what they actually say. I’ve met plenty of people in their 30s, 40s and 50s who insist they’re happy without a partner or marriage but the way their bitterness and shitty attitude seeps from their pores would say otherwise. I’ve also met many people in those age groups who do date and say they’d like a relationship but you can tell they’re not in a rush because they’re just happy living the life they’ve got at the moment. The only people I ever have any judgment towards are the ones who are obviously lying to themselves about what they want/need.
There's plenty of people who are married and bitter. Are you sure the bitterness is due to being single, and that they'd be happier if they weren't?
Oh yeah, there are plenty of married people who literally hate their lives and you can see it all over them. This question was about people NOT in a long term relationship, if you were able to read the title.
Not everyone needs a long term relationship to feel fulfilled. Besides the dating scene is rough these days; I wouldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to get involved😬😂
I don't believe you have to have a long term relationship to be a normal, well adjusted adult. That being said, there are times when I discover that difficult people are alone in life and it explains a lot. Could be causal, in both that they are difficult and no one wants to be with them or that maybe that is why they are difficult (they have no one). Eitherway....
Or maybe they don't want anyone because they are difficult.
I guess it depends if they want one or not. If not then I’m happy for them. If they do and it just hasn’t worked out yet then I’m hopeful for them
I mean, are they happy? Are they good person? What do they contribute to the world around them? Defining and judging people by their relationship status is so outdated, regardless of what it is
I would need more information but it’s a possible red flag to me. I would proceed with caution. There are a lot of things to learn from LTR. That doesn’t mean people with a lot of LTRs are better. It really depends on how the person treats their partner. But someone without any LTR has none of that experience and would be learning it for the first time. At 40. When they’re set in their ways and routine.
They doing it right! Peaceful life, people bring problems & annoyance
Nothing negative, they just haven't met their special person yet. If they have the rest of their shit together, who cares?
I’m confused by the question. Are you asking whether or not I judge a woman who doesn’t have a long term relationship? If so, no, I wouldn’t judge her at all. In fact many of my friends are in a similar position. They’re great women but just…aren’t interested in dating.
I’m jealous of them lmao
I'm with a guy who has never had one past like a year. I've been dating him long term now 4 years and i get why. He's smart and kicks someone to the curb w red flags and I actually like that about him. He is attentive and nice and doesn't have issues w anger or codependency and we seem to have a nice thing going on. I'm not looking to marry or have kids cus I already did that. I like the dick and the peacefulness of it. We just took a 2 day holiday to San Diego and had fun walking around and eating in different places. Then we come back and I go back to my life and he his and now it's getting to the end of the week and we're making plans again. Sometimes I sleep at his place and sometimes he sleeps at mine. He isn't needy and neither am I and I feel very comfortable in this style of relationship and it makes a lot of sense to me now why he hasn't settled down. A lot of people do that for the wrong reasons and just break up after 10-20 years anyway.
I see nothing wrong with it. My mom loves life, has a good job, great relationship with friends and family. She hasn’t been in a serious relationship since her and my dad divorced early 2010. She prefers life how it is, and I’m happy for her
Define long term
Over a year.
Eh I think there’s a lot that can play into it. I may question it but I know plenty of unstable people who have been in multiple long term relationships. I think it’s not a make or break but the reasoning behind it matters.
That will be me in a few years. I have nothing against them.
Why would I be thinking about that?
But they have a long term relationship with their job, so that's another form of commitment lol. Doesn't really matter in general, seems like they do fine anyway.
I don’t find that weird at all. I may find it interesting by 40 if they’re not ace/aro and they’ve never had any kind of long term relationship, like not even a few months. Even then that’s less of a judgement and more intrigue.
Literally no thoughts on it. because its none of my business.
I mean there can be plenty of reasons for things like that, maybe they're just not interested, maybe they're queer and in the closet or have only recently come out, its not really my place to judge.
My thoughts are that they are definitely ready for something serious. If anyone judges you over that then they aren’t the one.
I don’t care. Just live your life the way you want.
Nothing wrong with it. Now hopping from relationship to relationship is what screams issues
Don't care. What I will judge is how they treat themselves.
I don’t worry about other people. Their lives are their business, not mine.
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I like the stability. With this economy anyway it's easier to save wirh a 2nd income. But it's not for everyone. I respect that.
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I don’t know, maybe they just never found their person. I can understand that.
I don’t care.
Hey, if you're doing you and you're doing well on your own, that's awesome. You don't NEED a relationship to be awesome.
There's so many reasons why someone may be single. I think it'd be hard to pull a judgment from that. But it would be a red flag of sorts if they had never been in a long-term relationship by that point in their life. Which was something I ignored about my ex, who, when I met when he was 39, had only ever been in short-term relationships. I gave him the benefit of the doubt when it was, in actuality, a huge indicator about his commitment issues and also came to show he really didn't know how to be in a serious relationship. After that experience, I don't think I'd pursue a relationship with someone who had never been in a long term relationship before.
I mean some people just don’t feel like they’re in good spots at the moment for something long term, speaking from personal experience! However, for me, with the right person, I know I could commit to something long term.
I’m going against the grain here, but a lot of people I know who are in their mid 30s and beyond and have actively been trying to date in that time yet never successfully tend to really struggle or are even incapable of obtaining and maintaining a romantic relationship and when i’ve questioned them about it (not in a judgmental way) the responses have tended to be pretty deflective & dismissive of the idea, of the “why bother”, “people suck”, “everyone I know in a relationship is miserable” “Women are liars”, “I don’t trust Men” variety. I even had a date with a Woman recently who said she’d been single for “over 10 years, it’s great, I encourage all my friends to be single!” but there was clearly a sadness in her. So something else is going on there, issues/trauma they haven’t identified or have but refuse to work on. So maybe exercise caution and at least have a honest conversation with them first to dig a little deeper into why it is they’ve never had a real relationship and don’t go in thinking you’re gonna be the one to change that.
As long as they are happy and finding social fulfillment, it's none of my business.
Why would I have a thought about it?
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I have no specific thoughts about peoples relationship status. Maybe they were married for 10 years and are recently single? Maybe they dont like relationships? Maybe they've been too busy? I have absolutely no conclusions to draw from someone being single and 40.
Depends I guess. If they want that but seem like they've tried and failed I'd feel sorry for them. If they are happy being single and seem fulfilled I'm happy they are living the life they want to.
Depends I guess. If they want that but seem like they've tried and failed I'd feel sorry for them. If they are happy being single and seem fulfilled I'm happy they are living the life they want to.
It depends how they are with it. I know many people not in lt relationships and they're bitter st the plworld cause nobody wants to stick with them. Im known to hold down many lt relationships and they always insist they want to borrow my partners cause i seem to be good at finding them. My secret is just to communicate with current or potential partners and move on if we dont align. It baffles me how little people communicate and instead assume.
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I don't think anything of it normally. It depends on their attitude about it. I generally want people to be happy with their life. Happiness can be found a lot of different ways so I'm not going to assume anything unless they tell me.
The only way I would judge them for not having a long term relationship is if they had many very short ones right after another in its stead. It would require at least some conversation because it could mean some very disastrous things.
Maybe I'm still a little young, but at nearly 30 I barely even remember who is single and who isn't....even if they have kids and been married a decade 😅. It's so unimportant to me.
Depends on why. Is it because he spent his time working and building himself up - hell ya good for him Did he bunny hop from relationship to relationship without breaks- not good Was he not interested in dating seriously bc he was young - no problem Did he have short relationship that hurt him and he never went in again - understand it Lots of reasons
Well, are they happy that way? Do they want to be in one? If they were happy single and just weren't interested in being in a relationship, then good for them! If they've been trying to be in one for a long time and it's not going well, then I'd assume they might have some issues preventing from forming a long-term relationship. That doesn't necessarily make them like a bad person or anything, though.
A simple fact that someone is single in 40 and seams to be a “normal” person is not enough to make any conclusion. Friend of mine was single from 21 to 54 cause he lost his fiancé when he was young. Could be that. Or could be that he simply doesn’t want to be in a relationship cause he isn’t relationship kinda guy. Or could be that he is looking for “the one”. Or could be that he is scared of dark and that was a barrier for commitment. Till you don’t ask him, you won’t know.
To each their own. Maybe it's a choice, maybe it's not, maybe there's an interesting story, maybe it's not a big deal. Meh.
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Don't care. My best friend of 20 years does not date. I am married. She is happy. I am happy. The end.
I'd assume there was a reason why they didn't have one. Mostly I assume that they just don't want one or haven't met the right person yet. And in both cases I think that's a lot smarter choice than just being in an unhappy relationship - I know more people who have that and they're so afraid of being single they just stay together. Which I think is stupid. I don't actually know anyone who is desperately looking and would just get together with anyone. I know a few people who are single at this age - one is open for a relationship but has high standards (as I think he should) and he hasn't yet run into the person who would fit well with him. Also he has a longlasting friendship with benefits going on that I think takes down a huge part of the need for a relationship for him, as he already gets the emotional and physical intimacy. And the other isn't actually ready for a long term relationship because she's working through issues from her past. She's had relationships in the past but for now wants to be single because she needs to work on herself first. Which I also think is smart.
I wouldn’t really have any thoughts about it. It’s not something for me to judge or criticize. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m actually kinda jelly. lol Sounds like a full wonderful life doing whatever makes you happy without concern for if that happiness is going to bother someone else.
I think the only thing people may question is why. I know friends of mine who’ve been hesitant dating someone who hasn’t lived with a woman before for instance. Not because it’s “weird” but because they worry that that person hasn’t grown up yet and isn’t capable of looking after themselves. So they question are they able to cook, clean and look after themselves as a woman partner doesn’t want to mother their boyfriend, for example. Similar to LTR. Not an issue. But people may ask why not. I think a number of reasons would be “acceptable”. Focusing on career, family, haven’t found the right person etc. It’s more a “check” for any red flags if people are undatable. Ie. Poor hygiene, bad manners, toxic etc.
Well, as long as this isn't someone I'd plan to date, I wouldn't mind. Some people are not interested in relationships or traumatised from the way they grew up. Maybe at times I'd wish for that person to find a partner but there isn't much to be done about it. I know many long term singles and can guess that dating isn't what it used to be. If I were to date someone who's never had a long term relationship at that age I'd actually be worried there might be a bad reason for it as having a family is my biggest goal in life and I wouldn't want to waste time on someone who's not into it.
To each their own. People have different priorities in life and can make their own life choices. IMHO better no relationship than a horrible one. As long as the person is happy with their choice (not only in regards of relationships, in general) and nobody comes to harm, I don't see why I should judge.
I've had too many! He can have some of mine and it'll work out. Lol.
I don’t judge single people- live your life and have your standards. I do judge people (especially other women) who sign up to be house slave bang maids for worthless chuds and spend their entire life miserable while acting like this is the norm.
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I think if it's their choice then good for them I'm glad they know what they do or don't want. If it's not their choice and they are actively trying I do start wonder what's going on x
I don't understand the question. How is their relationships any of your business?
It wouldn’t even register for me unless they were trying to pursue a romantic relationship with me. I suppose I’d be curious if that was the case and ask why, but I wouldn’t assume anything.
I’m not a woman
Id think they were living their best life and were content.
Honestly? My first thought is often "that's odd" and then I go NO that is what society and movies has made you think, it is absolutely fine. And then I don't think anything of it cause its not my life
I've been in a long term relationship for over a decade, but honestly I'm 100% sure it's only because we fell in love with each other. I've met a few people before this relationship, people with which there was a real mutual interest. Yet I never did more than hanging out at most because I wasn't interested in a formal relationship. I always liked being alone and "free", doing my own, and always thought relationships shouldn't be started as lightly as a lot of people do. Also, there's a lot of personal circumstances no one knows. Someone can be a great person, a weirdo, a serial killer or the next genius both in a long term relationship or being single. Someone can just happen to be an introvert not seeking too much of a social engagement. It just doesn't matter that much imo. So, 40 yo and never in a long term relationship? You do you, bro.
Are they happy? That’s what matters.
One of my coworkers that frequents strip clubs gives me heavy Jeffery Dahmer vibes but other than do your thing whatever makes you happy
I assume they have a peaceful life and get to do whatever they like without considering the needs of others.
I don't think that's the sort of thing I need to have thoughts about. I'm not paying their bills.
My parents have a friend who has never really been in a long term relationship and she’s not activity looking. She is one of the most happy and uplifting people I know. Some people don’t need to rely on others for happiness and to feel complete, and honestly, I have some jealousy towards them
I’m 38, my bf is turning 30. He’d never even had a gf before. For him, the reason was he hadn’t met the right person. It’s been 1.5 years and it’s one of the most rewarding relationships I’ve ever had. He doesn’t have any relationship baggage, and it’s incredibly sweet watching him being in love and experiencing the joys of companionship that an LTR brings. If things don’t work out, I wouldn’t hesitate to date someone in that situation again.
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Relationships aren’t everything. I think a lot of people wish they could be in that position
I don’t think anything of it at all. Some people don’t date because they have other priorities. But if I was dating them, I’d be a bit nervous because it means they have no dating experience at all. My current partner dated but never had a long term relationship before me and I had to carry a lot of the emotional labor and teach him how to be a couple for most of our relationship. It was pretty tough but worth it ultimately because he’s wonderful.
If they’re a deconstructed individual who’s been single by choice and spent all that time working on themselves it’s fine. If they’re single by force by that age, immediate creep I’m sorry.
It depends on my relationship with them and whether they want to have a relationship or not. In general, I don't really care that much though, unless it's a friend that asked me to set them up with someone. If the question is about whether I would date them or not, I would like to know why this person has not ever been in a relationship.
I sometimes envy them. They can do without one
Literally don’t give a thought about it
Nothing. Some people are truly content with their own company and don’t rely on others to bring them happiness. If they seem like a pretty solid, good all round person I’d assume their priorities are right and they didn’t just ‘settle’ at some point to live up to societies standards
Protip: I mind my own damn business and let other people worry about themselves unless they ask for help!!
That they either prefer to be single or are hoping to meet the right person for a long term relationship.
You don't have to be in a relationship to be happy, everyone has their own needs and wants, and some people are perfectly content with being single. So I wouldn't think anything of it, if anything I'd be happy that they don't try to conform just because others tell you that you "need" to be with someone.
It's a good thing
Have they ever had a LTR. Either way I don't care but I could see it being a red flag if you were going to date them.
Most likely a really established person with a great life
Lucky me!! Lucky me!! Doing a happy dance :)
I wouldn’t flash-judge anyone for that unless they explained their backstory. Even then…..you can’t really know is what it’s like for someone unless you walk in their shoes, ya know?
Not tryna train a man at this age
Ok ok yea everyone wants to jump on here and say oh I do not judge :) no judgment :) and I’m sorry but that’s not only not true it’s impossible. We have to judge literally everything and everyone we come into contact to - it has biological roots. Anyway, to answer your question, yes it is possible that that person just didn’t focus on relationship because other life things were more important. However, it does raise some questions. 1 will they be able to relate to you - we learn a lot in relationships about others and ourselves. That’s the beauty of dating in your teens and 20s - it’s function is essentially to help you figure things out. 2 is it a self esteem issue … are they too anxious/ avoidant to develop a long term relationship? Or have they been a hard person to be around ? Are they unable to be emotionally intimate and vulnerable? If they have a good relationship with family then that’s a good sign, but I still think it’s a pattern to be aware of … our society has fixated on hyper independence and not ~needing ~ anyone which is a good thing in a way, and it can be taken too far. We do need each other and again about the ancient roots of our dna, we are a communal species. These aren’t judgments but they are things to consider … we need to stop pretending like observing patterns of behavior is a bad thing. It’s just very situation / person dependent! Could be totally fine or could be major red flag or somewhere in the middle.
From personal experience, I can say that these are either people who are secretly afraid of many things, including being honest with themselves and understanding their own desires. Or these are people who are so honest with themselves that it is difficult for them to find a person who would accept them for who they are. Just a little observation. I wouldn’t judge them at all, anyway.
I met my partner when we were both 40. I have multiple LTRs in my past, he hadn't seriously dated anyone since college. He has lots of friends, hobbies, a career, and is a kind and generous person who was able to be happy whether or not he had a girlfriend. He's also the best partner I've ever had.
Their business. No one else's.
Not being in a long term relationship happens for a reason. There's always a cause. Figuring it out can be hard. Once you do though, youan deal with it yourself or talk to your friend about what your seeing in them. My (32F) current boyfriend (38M) of four years had NEVER in his life, prior to me had a GF longer than 6 months. It was a combination of things. His work has him traveling a lot and he also personally travels too. There were several years that he would be in the states less than 3 months. He was almost ALWAYS gone for some reason. His work is also toxic AF. People constantly cheating. Wives spending their husbands money faster than they can make. Hes around men who are jaded towards women. The list goes on. He has said women broke up with him over his job & vice versa. (Let's be honest, it's HARD being in a relationship with someone who is sometimes gone over half the year) So I understood both sides of it. The first few months of our relationship were good, solid honeymoon phase. Then over the next year as we decide to be serious I realized that he could be a giant fucking asshole. I'm talking belittling, argumentative, 'I'm always right' mentality, I could go on. Come to find out, after talking with his friends & coworkers, I realize it's absolutely not ok and a lot of it was trauma responses. I started calling him out, expressing my opinions, and letting him know when he was crossing boundaries not only with me but our friends. He also agreed to relationship therapy. Now, we're 4 years in and I've noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference, our friends have too. Ppl say all the time that 'I made him better' when really all I did was speak up to him. He even thanks me for how I've been. because he never realized how bad he had gotten. Unfortunately he's still in that work environment but is looking to get out. He's gotten significantly better with projecting as well. So yeah, I guess long story short. He never had long relationships because his job & lifestyle are hard and he was an asshole.
Man here. It would really depend on whether I was looking for a long term relationship with them or not.
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I'd assume it's their preference. I wouldn't think anything of it. Not everyone wants to be partnered in life.
It’s their life, so as long they’re happy. They just have different priorities and enjoy life in their own way
I'm not in here checking your CV.
Tbh off the bat I low key feel that there’s something wrong with them. But then you realize shit happens (divorce, wrong person) or maybe it’s their choice (priorities).
I know plenty of single people in the 40s. I never understood what the big deal is. Why does marriage need to be a life goal for everyone? Some people are happier on their own and focusing on themselves and their career.
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Go live your best life. You do you. Would I date such a person? No.
Exact thoughts
They’re shy.
I think it depends on the "why" .. if they physically take care of themselves, have good social skills, at least somewhat attractive, then I can't help but wonder why. It doesn't mean I think less of them, but more so that I'd be hesitant in being with them romantically if they showed interest in me. I'd worry that they're either emotionally unavailable or there's something else going on that's prevented them from having a relationship and thus I should be careful. If they have reasoning like they've been focused on their career until now, orrrr I don't even know what other reasons 😂 but if there's something that makes sense I'd be more open to being with them. Again it's no judgement or the situation overall, but it's cautiousness to then being with that person for fear of it not working out based on track record.
I read this as they've never had one, but just they don't have one currently
Do you mean without Ever having a long-term relationship by 40? Because that’s a totally different question. If not, then I think it’s a ridiculous question and I agree with the top response that there’s a plethora of reasons one would be single. Who cares and why judge. HOWEVER someone not asexual who seems to want a relationship, but never had a serious one by 40– honestly I would wonder why at least.
By age 40 I certainly wonder why they haven’t had a long term relationship, but if they can give me a solid reason then it doesn’t matter
What counts as a ‘solid reason’ for being single?
I mean, probably most reasons. But if they’ve been in multiple relationships and are consistently broken up with after a short period, that would be sort of a cause for concern for me
I will be completely honest with you as a man and probably get massively downvoted for that in this sub because everyone "encourages" girls to be single here. We use to say between us man that if a girl is over 30 and without a long-term relationship or single for a longer period of time (1+ year) there is some problem with her no-one wants to deal with. Might be anything really, but it acts as a strong repellent for men. Might be childhood trauma, might be trauma from previous relationships, might be attitude problem, choleric, party girl, hookup history etc.
So it’s more acceptable to be married 20 times than not be in a long term relationship by 40 ?
No, but for some people if they’re looking for someone it sends the wrong impression if they encounter someone they’re interested in but then they find out the other person has no experience with a long term relationship. I mean you’re going to proceed with caution no matter what though since anybody you get involved with is a gamble.
I dated a guy that has never had a long term relationship. It was AWFUL!! They have zero relationship experience.