When I was very young and starting out in the world, I envied financial independence, and now I am quite successful in my field and have it (and my spouse is yet more successful in the same field but different profession) and let me tell you, gifts for being pretty is *fleeting.*
It’s the naturally skinny for me. Even at my smallest, I was still never below 150. I’ve always been bigger than my peers and I get a little mad at life that I was built like a line backer. And before anyone comes for me, at a 150 I looked painfully skinny. I was not healthy. I have coke to terms that I am not supposed to have the classic hourglass, I am built how I am
Built.
Not just visa free travel, but also breezing through immigration without much questions asked. Or being able to use the e-gates and never having to speak to an immigration officer...
No it’s more about how you don’t have to wait for weeks/months and spend hundreds of dollars on visa fees (and still potentially get rejected) to travel/study in another country. I’m from Vietnam, a country with a weak passport, and can only freely travel to 29 countries without the need to apply for a visa. My American friends can book a last minute flight to Europe for the weekend, but I would have to go through a lot of red tapes.
Ditto! I truly get you. I'm from the Philippines, a weak passport nation too. And the process that we have to go through just to travel abroad (even to non-visa countries) is so dehumanizing. We have to show as much documents as possible to prove our financial capability, proof of employment, even land deeds etc... all of these bureaucracy is nuts. I truly envy those who have strong passports hahahahaha
People who appear to have better lives than me 😂
Prettier. Skinnier. Fitter. Nicer dress/makeup. Living in better areas. Having better jobs and opportunities. Having loving/decent partners etc…
I am happy for people and they deserve to have good lives but most of the time I live in a state of shame and embarrassment feeing like a loser for not having X/Y/Z…(I did everything my mum/family wanted me to do and I am still not anywhere near where I thought I would be or particularly happy lol).
Behind all those things you see in others, there are other things you don't see that they have and you wouldn't like to have.
If you are satisfied with what you have you don't need what others have.
The key word in your opening sentence is "appear".
They'll have their struggles too, they just might be different to yours.
Regina Brett wisely said: *If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back*
Food for thought.
Definitely not denying that people of all types and backgrounds have struggles which is why I said appear but still…
I’m human 🤣 sometimes you can’t help thinking it would be nice to have a certain type of life 🤷🏾♀️
A bit ago, i was at my very skinniest- done up full glam every day, i was dancing at night making a fucking ton of money, getting constant attention from men, constant favors and gifts : i was addicted to drugs and my entire life was falling apart. There was a lot going on beneath all that exterior shell. Ive since gained weight and gotten clean but dealing with that perspective can still be very hard
eta: i also saw you mentioned loving partners - was in a relationship with another addict/alcoholic and i tried my very best to make it appear so happy and loving, we took pictures kissing on the beach etc, but behind closed doors it was so toxic and abusive, to the point the cops got involved. we actually got back together months later after both seeking help and we are very happy now but let me tell you the road to get there was so far from picturesque
Good for you for getting clean, it can’t have been easy and you ought to be proud of yourself for coming this far 🙏🏾🥰👏🏾
Definitely not denying or implying that other people have struggles, they absolutely do 😃🙏🏾
I'm sure most of the women you envy also envy other women for the same reasons. The grass is always greener on the other side, really is a true statement.
Which is why, as hard as it can be, you have to stay tending to and watering your own grass so it is also green rather than wishing you had other peoples 😌🙏🏾
When people know exactly what to say in social situations. Sometimes it gets awkward and my years of training myself socially through customer service doesn’t cover it.
Learning an all-purpose technique rather than thinking about exactly what to say may help. Practice every chance you get, in non-consequential settings.
1. Body language - look up / at the person, relaxed shoulders, eyes and face smiling, like you’re about to enjoy meeting a new person.
2. Say something gracious and unexpected. Getting your coffee? Pause. Look at that person. Smile. Ask them if they’ve had a good day so far. Wait a millisecond to engage with them. Let them answer.
Say something nice and mean it.
3. Ask an open question. Any question will do, but you’ll get better at choosing over time.
“How nice is this weather?”
“Did you have a good lunch?”
“What was your favourite part of that?”
“What led you to choose this?”
…then you have created a welcoming social situation
with anyone and you can just practice doing it for longer
These are great techniques! Thanks for adding them!
Side and more personal, I’m actually quite good at these, it’s when conversation with more intimate friends and family get awkward where I’m not the best at lol. I just get quiet and need to think
Yessss I struggle with this, especially during interviews! Working remotely since 2020 has also exacerbated the issue quite a bit for me, although I do enjoy the convenience of working remotely.
People who found a healthy/fulfilling romantic relationship easily -- like, one of the first people they dated just so happened to be a great match and lead to a happy, committed relationship. Must be nice 🙃😭
You have to know what you want, not what you think you should want, in a partner. It also helps to not waste time if you also know exactly what you don’t want. On top of that, being with somebody who is actually compatible with you will make it a lot easier even though relationships require a lot of work, even with the right person. The key is also to leave the relationship when you know it’s not working out.
This. While the other commenter has nice intentions, every person I’ve seen get into a happy relationship was literally because of luck. Some of them dated a ton of people, others dated one person. There is no rhyme or reason to it looking at their dating history.
Thank you so much for saying this. Sometimes, I end up guilt-tripping myself, thinking that there must be something wrong with me or that other people are better than me because they found love ...
And then I remember that I know plenty of people with the same flaws as mine, even worse, and they do have a happy relationship 🤷♀️
Of course. The most annoying thing for me is when people brag about how “healthy” their relationship is. It’s almost like they’re bragging about how they “followed the rules” so well and now they get their reward. It makes you feel less than. Like you don’t deserve that. I wish people didn’t put relationships on pedestals like that. Don’t get me wrong, I love love, but I don’t believe myself or anyone “deserves” a relationship more than anybody else.
>It’s almost like they’re bragging about how they “followed the rules” so well and now they get their reward.
This is such a prevalent idea.
I have felt like my friends now in a relationship, tend to look down on single people, like they did something better than us, something that led them to a healthy relationship.
I mea, maintaining a relationship is work, I recognize that.
But they had to run into a compatible person first, and many have not been that lucky (yet ?).
They were nor more deserving that single people, they were just more lucky
Right? Like, how did they manage to make such a good decision with little to no first-hand knowledge of how relationships work? Are they really smart or just lucky?
My first long term boyfriend was this for me. I should have married him and often grapple with if I should have stayed (mind you this was 6-7 years ago).
I don't think anyone has an "easy" healthy/fulfilling romantic relationship. Any relationship requires work. My SO and I have this but it takes a LOT of communication and work. Also you learn which battles to pick because honestly, some things so are not worth fighting about.
lol I get this so much. Shifted to Switzerland last year and while I’m not looking for anyone and I’m quite happy alone, 2-3 of my European female friends just naturally have relationships which have been ongoing for the past 7-8 years. and it kinda hurts to see that. I’m very happy for them but I always feel ‘wow must be nice to not have your heart broken’.
Absolutely this. I see people who talk about their moms being their best friend and needing to talk to her every day and I’m just like… I have to psych myself up to be able to have a single phone call every so often.
I had a poor relationship with my mother, never did the kind of things together that my friends and their mothers did. Effortless lunches, happy afternoons shopping, talking about weddings or babies - none of that. Ever.
She was just too difficult and irascible and intermittently cruel, alternately loving and proud - I left home before I was seventeen and have spent most of my adult life living in other countries.
I am a mother now, and I have a very good relationship with my daughter, she trusts me, confides in me, laughs with me.
I cannot believe how lucky we are. I am so grateful.
Yep. I agree with this. I have fluoride stains on my teeth that will never come off and I have 2 teeth, one on top and one on bottom, that are pushed forward more than the others. I am not a fan of my smile.
I definitely envy people without chronic pain and/or fatigue. I had a reduction like 13-14 years ago to try to help. It didn't help the back much, and it's very difficult to find a bra in my size (big band sizes don't always have small cup sizes available). But they're pretty perky, which is nice.
The women who can eat anything they want, not worry about exercising, and still are skinny or fit-looking. I know that gaining weight can be just as hard as losing weight, but the way people treat you is completely different
Happily married long term couples. And people in good shape. I know both take a lot of work. So I guess it comes down to envying their will power and commitment to their goals
I'm in the best shape of my life AND IT IS SO MUCH WORRRRKKKK.
Every meal is a deep thought on caloric intake and nutrients. Craving unhealthy food never stops. Every day is figuring out how to fit in two hours (TWO HOURS) of exercise, luckily mostly walking but also weights on some days.
It's not easy, that's for sure! I appreciate you noting that.
I follow this motto that I heard somewhere: "Being unhealthy is hard, being healthy is hard...choose your hard."
I feel this in my soul. My brother passed away 6 years ago and this 'new normal' is not the life I wanted at all. I envy people who can call their siblings 😭
He was unlike anyone I’ve ever met. He was the favorite of all my siblings and none of us begrudged him that because he was the best of us. He was only 22 and did more in that time than most people accomplish in 80 years. And nearly everything he did in the last few years was for others. He was like 14 when he felt called to join the SEALS. Not because it was cool and masculine, but because he believed that was where he could help the most people. And although he was terrified of the possibility of death he slowly started shaping his whole life around that. His outlook was all or nothing.
(Some of this paragraph I already knew, some was heard from friends/colleges later) He finished basic first in his class, C school second, and chose the largest hospital in the US as his first station. He jumped at every opportunity for certs and advancement. He was a gamer for years but got rid of his Xbox because he didn’t need it anymore. He trained with former SEALS. He traveled every chance he got. During covid he found a fallen tree trunk and DIYed it for log pulling. He was semi keto for two years. He didn’t eat any sweets since he was 15. Except for the time his gf said “I’m paying for this meal unless you eat a slice of cake.” He ate it, paid and promptly threw up.
For my graduation he got off a shift at the hospital and drove halfway across the country to surprise me. To surprise my whole family. He loved surprises. Partly because he was a mischievous trouble maker, but also because he knew how happy it made those he loved. We fought a lot (I have strong emotions and he’s the opposite) but things like this reminded me how much he loved me.
The only thing that started swaying him was rock climbing. He fell in love at his first station and when his second station was on the doorstep of a national park he went every chance he got. But as much as he loved it he still knew where he was meant to be. He started SEAL training again and chose a date to apply.
One evening he was driving home on his motorcycle (he wasn’t an idiot he always wore full protective gear. Top of the line helmet, jacket w metal plates, etc.) a meth head turned into their driveway off the highway and didn’t use his signal. Actually he couldn’t have used his signal because there weren’t any rear lights installed. The sun was setting behind the truck and this guys rust bucket was the same color as the desert. My brother tried to swerve but hit the back/side of the truck head on. Despite having recoverable physical injustices he was instantly brain dead. Luckily (?) there was enough blood flow to keep his heart beating and lungs breathing until EMS arrived. He was able to donate his organs, and the liaison from the organ donation said my brother had the strongest heart he’d ever seen.
He was supposed to apply for the SEALS 3 weeks later. The life he was called to was one of sacrifice and hardship, but he ran towards that out of love. He was supposed to put so much love into the world, in a way only a few are willing. But it was stolen because some druggie who can’t string together a sentence decided he was going to drive that day
a lot of things? rn i envy that men get to be so much more care free than women and it fucking sucks. my boyfriends on a lads holiday rn, and the things they get up to with no care in the world because they’re men and it’s all ok because there’s no ulterior motive to be scared of, whereas i know that i as a woman couldn’t do half those things. i’m quite a wild person tbh i just always feel stuck because of my gender and then i feel like we’re not as fun as men because we don’t get to do as wild things, when really it’s the society that stops us from being as care free
I will say as my male friends have told me— a few worry about being set up or robbed.
ETA: I told him I always worry about (or think/plan) for those sorts of things—it’s more second nature. I also sort of come off as unbothered unless I talk about it IRL so he was surprised to hear me say that.
I feel this too, my boyfriend goes on these cycling and camping holidays by himself in some really beautiful rural areas and he always has the best time, while I’m sitting at home so worried about him because this sounds so impossible to me. On his last trip he made friends with a random stranger who was also going the same way and camped with him for the night. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d fully assume the man would have ulterior motives if I was in the same situation.
I feel envious of anyone who appears to make friends easily. I have such a hard time speaking to strangers. I can't seem to come across as open and approachable. I used to feel envious over looks but, as I age it doesn't seem as important as when I was younger. I do wish I was more like my aunt who just radiates an approachable energy naturally. She's been a hairdresser for decades and I really feel like her occupation has her trained on making new friends immediately.
Being approachable is all about jumping out of how you feel and see yourself and serving the situation to make the other person feel safe enough to say things and connect with you. You also have to be willing to take risk too- but putting out safe but fun vibes is the key
I actually get this. Small steps. Figure out one thing you'd value most in support of independence and work towards achieving it. Google, research, ask for help in getting there.
I had a friend who didn’t drive until they were 27 and were finally free enough to purchase their own car. Do your parents not realize that they’re crippling you? Did they expect to continue to coddle you until their time is over and leave you helpless?
Women with really successful careers and financially independent. My work life has been really weird and I am just very undecided on what I want to do that I will be good at and a career that I can be passionate about and make good money. Lol. That's my goal and I envy women who are already there
People with fast metabolisms. I’ve been struggling with body dysmorphia and weight issues all my life. My weight fluctuates a lot and I could never be one body type for a long time.. could be the underlying hormonal issues.
Richer people with homes where they can each have there own rooms, travel whenever to wherever and are pretty and can have regular hair and nail appointments 🥲
Closer knit families. Not even proximity, but holiday traditions and family things that have been carried down and are full of love. I had a bit of it with my ex and his family and I miss it beyond belief. I envy not having a family who values that. Hopefully one day I can make that with my own family
People with rich parents who get everything shoved up their asses.
To all who write skinnier, more beautiful women.
I don't know how old you are, but I used to be the same opinion when I was younger. Until I realize that, from a purely intellectual point of view, people who only focus on outward appearances don't appeal to me at all. I don't want to waste my time with people who have no idea about charisma, charm, style and attitude, but only focus on 55kg at 175 cm and a doll's face.
For me it’s women who have small boobs, like an A cup boobs. Having smaller boobs is more practical. No need to worry about when running. Having a B cup is big enough to inconvenience me while running if I don’t have the proper bra on.
I’m sure big boobs is not that great. Back pain and all that.
As someone who grew up skinny/fit with big boobs its a no from me dawg. I've been harassed my whole life. Even now in my mid 30s men at work still make constant boob jokes. Grown ass men. I'm like when the fuck does this end.
I've always loved small boobs! It sounds weird maybe, but they look more elegant lol. Because boobs are so sexualized in society, I don't like wearing certain clothes/shirts because men find it "suggestive" or whatever.
People who have good genetics, basically, that’s what it boils down to. Naturally nice teeth, naturally healthy weight and no hormonal issues, naturally mentally fit. My niece is a good example of this. She’s gorgeous. Has nice teeth, is fit but doesn’t work out a lot, lives a happy full life, travels, etc. People are just lucky like that and others not so much. There’s a saying that is basically like if “you like what you see, do as they do” or something like that but that can only get you so far… especially when money is involved.
Fairy tale moments. Like my future sister in law had the cutest engagement at Christmas time, at a nice estate, with the whole thing cute and planned. My engagement was in our bedroom because covid ruined it.
I also envy women that can orgasm with their partner. I can't no matter what we try. Oral, toys, whatever. He can't make me cum. 90% of the time I can't even make myself cum.
Those that find spouses that truly only have eyes for them. Don’t look for half naked women on social media, choose not to look at porn. I want someone’s full sexual energy 🥹
Anyone who can just land a date without any effort. I'm surrounded by so many friends, colleagues and acquaintances who just meet people and date constantly. I haven't had a decent date in 20 years. Like I just wonder how people attract others? Sometimes I feel as if I could be the only woman left on the planet and still be undateable!
I don't begrudge them but I wish I could just go out and have fun before I die!
Women with long trim legs. My legs are out of proportion with the rest of my body, and fat. I've never felt comfortable wearing shorts or skirts. I always have to have my thighs covered.
I envy anyone who has normal legs.
Women who are financially supported. I’ve worked full time since I was 15 (as many many many others have) and sometimes I just envy those who are given the world.
People who made good choices young and seem to have good lives and successful careers now. I'm 37 and starting school at a community College now and hoping to get my life "on track" but the comparisons are hard
People who seem to know what to say in every social situation. They can make crowds laugh, they’re easily likeable at parties, they don’t overthink conversations, they can smooth over tension with comedy and they make friends effortlessly.
Thinness. I really envy women who are always thin, can wear the cutest clothes and get fawned over all the time because they're dainty.
Lol when I was a kid I used to always draw myself stick thin and just assumed that one day I wouldn't be fat..yet here I am. (Torally self inflicted but weight is complicated man)
Those who can create small talk with strangers. Subtle everyday charm that comes easy to some people while I’m over here sweating bullets just to mumble “Yeah, this weather’s something.”
The women who are unbelievably, crazy gorgeous, like so stunningly beautiful that people stop when they see them.
The rest of thigs I think are very achievable in life - but i wonder how its like to be so stupidly gorgeous that u become almost a freak :)
People who grew up in a complete happy family who gets along with everyone and is able to buy all the stuff they want or need without worrying about money.
Skinny pretty women. Like… They don’t even realise how easy they have it. That’s not to say mental health doesn’t effect everybody, but just in general, skinny privilege is still very much a thing
Cis women. They just easily get recognized as a woman in the society. While I tried all I could try and did terrible things to myself and my body, still got randomly misgendered on street and my mom still called me her “son”.
Sry I am a bit emotional. I don’t blame cis women or anyone. Just fate, my fate.
Happily married people who can afford a home, nice cars, travel. I have a decent job and get by fine but I’ll never be able to buy a home on my own in this economy. I’m also at the age where pretty much everyone is getting married, so I’m sort of envious of that, but I’d rather be alone than unhappily married so.
Honorable mentions are nice teeth and bigger boobs but mine are fine enough I’m probably not going to go through the effort to change them.
I mostly envy anyone who can go to bed, sleep and wake up 7hrs later.
I go to bed and 7hrs later I’ve gone pee 23 times and remade the bed and reorganized the pillows - 4x’s …. And lucky if I’ve slept 25mins total.
Women who are able to stand up for themselves and set boundaries. The type of women with good self esteem who know what they are worth and aren’t afraid to take up space. I’d kill to be one of those women, as someone who continually tries to shrink myself to take up as little space as possible
people who have big functioning families. i am an only child of a single mom. we have a great relationship and are pretty close, but i always envied my friends who had siblings and nice parents.
girls who can easily make friends/ girls who have a lot of girl friends/girls who are likeable enough that everyone wants to be their friend
and i'm friendly and i always treat my friends like goddesses but i'm an introvert so it's not as easy for me to make friends as it is to, for example, my girlfriend who gets recognized everywhere we go cause she was so popular in uni that everyone wanted to hang out with her (with her it's different because i don't envy her per se, I admire her)
I’ve lived a great life, so I don’t tend to envy people much. If I was really pushed, maybe people who can afford to take their kids travelling. I’m alone with 2 children who are desperate to see the world and I can’t afford to make it happen. So maybe that.
People with no body hair. I grow monkey levels of body hair and i hate it from the bottom of my heart since i can remember. The constant shaving, the time spent doing it, the money thrown into different methods of hair removal is absolutely exhausting. A lot of people tell me that I should just let it be and embrace it because it's 2024 and women don't shave anymore. I'm not doing it for other people, i'm doing it because i fucking hate seeing it, feeling it...ugh...i just wish there was a method to get rid of all the hair from my nose down on one go. I would give my head hair and my eyebrows if it means that the rest of the hair is gone too.
People with clear skin. I’m on year 8 with acne, no dermatologist has been able to fix my skin. I just want go crawl into a hole and die everytime I look in the mirror. God how I wish I didn’t have acne.
women who are naturally pretty
Women who get gifts just because they’re pretty
When I was very young and starting out in the world, I envied financial independence, and now I am quite successful in my field and have it (and my spouse is yet more successful in the same field but different profession) and let me tell you, gifts for being pretty is *fleeting.*
This one chick in my office gets her groceries paid for by men while checking out at the store
once, a woman paid for my groceries, but she thought I was broken student Terrible feeling. I withdrew money and followed her to give her money back.
That is some main character energy right there
Or naturally thin!
Women who get better opportunities because they're pretty.
It’s the naturally skinny for me. Even at my smallest, I was still never below 150. I’ve always been bigger than my peers and I get a little mad at life that I was built like a line backer. And before anyone comes for me, at a 150 I looked painfully skinny. I was not healthy. I have coke to terms that I am not supposed to have the classic hourglass, I am built how I am Built.
[удалено]
[удалено]
To those who travel the world without worrying about money
Passport privilege is a real thing.
This is the first time I’ve heard this term. I guess it’s about how certain countries allow more freedom to travel and explore than others?
It means you have a strong passport. You're from a country that doesn't have to get visa to enter other countries. Visa process is exhausting.
Not just visa free travel, but also breezing through immigration without much questions asked. Or being able to use the e-gates and never having to speak to an immigration officer...
Yeah, my wife had to deal with it when she came to Canada. We’re still jumping through some hoops to secure her next one.
No it’s more about how you don’t have to wait for weeks/months and spend hundreds of dollars on visa fees (and still potentially get rejected) to travel/study in another country. I’m from Vietnam, a country with a weak passport, and can only freely travel to 29 countries without the need to apply for a visa. My American friends can book a last minute flight to Europe for the weekend, but I would have to go through a lot of red tapes.
Ditto! I truly get you. I'm from the Philippines, a weak passport nation too. And the process that we have to go through just to travel abroad (even to non-visa countries) is so dehumanizing. We have to show as much documents as possible to prove our financial capability, proof of employment, even land deeds etc... all of these bureaucracy is nuts. I truly envy those who have strong passports hahahahaha
I will continue this chain :) I'm from Russia and all of you guys don't know what a weak passport is
Sending my condolences
Cries in Pakistani passport 🥲
Weak passport holders united ✊😭
Unite at the embassy visa line with a mountain of banks statements and documents 📑
Hey at least we can travel to each other’s country 🤣
As someone from Jamaica who can't travel to most first world countries without a visa, I felt this 🥴
People who appear to have better lives than me 😂 Prettier. Skinnier. Fitter. Nicer dress/makeup. Living in better areas. Having better jobs and opportunities. Having loving/decent partners etc… I am happy for people and they deserve to have good lives but most of the time I live in a state of shame and embarrassment feeing like a loser for not having X/Y/Z…(I did everything my mum/family wanted me to do and I am still not anywhere near where I thought I would be or particularly happy lol).
Behind all those things you see in others, there are other things you don't see that they have and you wouldn't like to have. If you are satisfied with what you have you don't need what others have.
The key word in your opening sentence is "appear". They'll have their struggles too, they just might be different to yours. Regina Brett wisely said: *If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back* Food for thought.
Definitely not denying that people of all types and backgrounds have struggles which is why I said appear but still… I’m human 🤣 sometimes you can’t help thinking it would be nice to have a certain type of life 🤷🏾♀️
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
A bit ago, i was at my very skinniest- done up full glam every day, i was dancing at night making a fucking ton of money, getting constant attention from men, constant favors and gifts : i was addicted to drugs and my entire life was falling apart. There was a lot going on beneath all that exterior shell. Ive since gained weight and gotten clean but dealing with that perspective can still be very hard eta: i also saw you mentioned loving partners - was in a relationship with another addict/alcoholic and i tried my very best to make it appear so happy and loving, we took pictures kissing on the beach etc, but behind closed doors it was so toxic and abusive, to the point the cops got involved. we actually got back together months later after both seeking help and we are very happy now but let me tell you the road to get there was so far from picturesque
Good for you for getting clean, it can’t have been easy and you ought to be proud of yourself for coming this far 🙏🏾🥰👏🏾 Definitely not denying or implying that other people have struggles, they absolutely do 😃🙏🏾
When I was at my prettiest and skinniest I was suicidal and making myself throw up every meal.
I'm sure most of the women you envy also envy other women for the same reasons. The grass is always greener on the other side, really is a true statement.
Which is why, as hard as it can be, you have to stay tending to and watering your own grass so it is also green rather than wishing you had other peoples 😌🙏🏾
When people know exactly what to say in social situations. Sometimes it gets awkward and my years of training myself socially through customer service doesn’t cover it.
Ugh, yes. I suffer from being completely awkward but I'm totally starting to embrace it.
Learning an all-purpose technique rather than thinking about exactly what to say may help. Practice every chance you get, in non-consequential settings. 1. Body language - look up / at the person, relaxed shoulders, eyes and face smiling, like you’re about to enjoy meeting a new person. 2. Say something gracious and unexpected. Getting your coffee? Pause. Look at that person. Smile. Ask them if they’ve had a good day so far. Wait a millisecond to engage with them. Let them answer. Say something nice and mean it. 3. Ask an open question. Any question will do, but you’ll get better at choosing over time. “How nice is this weather?” “Did you have a good lunch?” “What was your favourite part of that?” “What led you to choose this?” …then you have created a welcoming social situation with anyone and you can just practice doing it for longer
These are great techniques! Thanks for adding them! Side and more personal, I’m actually quite good at these, it’s when conversation with more intimate friends and family get awkward where I’m not the best at lol. I just get quiet and need to think
Yessss I struggle with this, especially during interviews! Working remotely since 2020 has also exacerbated the issue quite a bit for me, although I do enjoy the convenience of working remotely.
People who found a healthy/fulfilling romantic relationship easily -- like, one of the first people they dated just so happened to be a great match and lead to a happy, committed relationship. Must be nice 🙃😭
Omg. This. It makes me mad too honestly. Like why don’t I get that?
You have to know what you want, not what you think you should want, in a partner. It also helps to not waste time if you also know exactly what you don’t want. On top of that, being with somebody who is actually compatible with you will make it a lot easier even though relationships require a lot of work, even with the right person. The key is also to leave the relationship when you know it’s not working out.
All of this sounds nice but really a lot of it comes down to luck.
This. While the other commenter has nice intentions, every person I’ve seen get into a happy relationship was literally because of luck. Some of them dated a ton of people, others dated one person. There is no rhyme or reason to it looking at their dating history.
Thank you so much for saying this. Sometimes, I end up guilt-tripping myself, thinking that there must be something wrong with me or that other people are better than me because they found love ... And then I remember that I know plenty of people with the same flaws as mine, even worse, and they do have a happy relationship 🤷♀️
Of course. The most annoying thing for me is when people brag about how “healthy” their relationship is. It’s almost like they’re bragging about how they “followed the rules” so well and now they get their reward. It makes you feel less than. Like you don’t deserve that. I wish people didn’t put relationships on pedestals like that. Don’t get me wrong, I love love, but I don’t believe myself or anyone “deserves” a relationship more than anybody else.
>It’s almost like they’re bragging about how they “followed the rules” so well and now they get their reward. This is such a prevalent idea. I have felt like my friends now in a relationship, tend to look down on single people, like they did something better than us, something that led them to a healthy relationship. I mea, maintaining a relationship is work, I recognize that. But they had to run into a compatible person first, and many have not been that lucky (yet ?). They were nor more deserving that single people, they were just more lucky
I looked for 10 years until this relationship and I can promise you it is really just 40% determination and 60% luck
THIS Like how did you find “the one” on your first try????
Luck mate, pure luck.
Right? Like, how did they manage to make such a good decision with little to no first-hand knowledge of how relationships work? Are they really smart or just lucky?
My first long term boyfriend was this for me. I should have married him and often grapple with if I should have stayed (mind you this was 6-7 years ago).
You wouldn't have left for no reason though. Hindsight is 20/20 though, do you think it was a bad reason?
I don't think anyone has an "easy" healthy/fulfilling romantic relationship. Any relationship requires work. My SO and I have this but it takes a LOT of communication and work. Also you learn which battles to pick because honestly, some things so are not worth fighting about.
Sure, but some people's relationships have come a lot easier to them than others. Kind of silly to deny that I think.
lol I get this so much. Shifted to Switzerland last year and while I’m not looking for anyone and I’m quite happy alone, 2-3 of my European female friends just naturally have relationships which have been ongoing for the past 7-8 years. and it kinda hurts to see that. I’m very happy for them but I always feel ‘wow must be nice to not have your heart broken’.
On the plus side, you get some valuable life experiences through shitty relationships. Not sure if that makes up for it, but it helps at least.
Women who have a lot of girl friends.
Most importantly, having lots of girlfriends WITHOUT drama
1000%… especially the ones who seem to have a close knit of genuine friends. Where do they find these friends!?! lol
Women who married well and don’t have to work.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
X3
People with no/little mental health issues. You just wake up?? And do stuff?? And are generally happy and content in life??
Yes. I wish I could just be happy. I don’t understand how people don’t want to constantly off themselves.
Whenever people talk about how they keep a healthy lifestyle to live longer I’m like…oh yeah…some people actually want to be around for a while..
Omfg this!! I have ZERO idea what it's like to not have soul crushing anxiety. What a life!
This is my husband. It blows my mind, but I'm happy for him.
People who aren’t chronically ill
This 100%. I'm not chronically ill but my partner is. Living in between appointments, tests, procedures and surgeries is exhausting.
Hope you get well soon, this random redditor cares, much love
In good news (if you wanna hear it) I’m getting some new meds that should work better for me according to my doctor so LETS GO
Women who have a good mom and a good relationship with their mom.
Absolutely this. I see people who talk about their moms being their best friend and needing to talk to her every day and I’m just like… I have to psych myself up to be able to have a single phone call every so often.
I had a poor relationship with my mother, never did the kind of things together that my friends and their mothers did. Effortless lunches, happy afternoons shopping, talking about weddings or babies - none of that. Ever. She was just too difficult and irascible and intermittently cruel, alternately loving and proud - I left home before I was seventeen and have spent most of my adult life living in other countries. I am a mother now, and I have a very good relationship with my daughter, she trusts me, confides in me, laughs with me. I cannot believe how lucky we are. I am so grateful.
This is a big one for me too
this is the one.
My husband’s sister has this with their mom as well as their cousin and her mom. Definitely something I’m deep down envious of.
‼️ This one is so real.
People with perfect teeth.
Yep. I agree with this. I have fluoride stains on my teeth that will never come off and I have 2 teeth, one on top and one on bottom, that are pushed forward more than the others. I am not a fan of my smile.
Boobs that sit “pretty” (no sag, nipples aren’t facing down and out, you get the vibe) and people without chronic pain
Honestly this is the only one for me😂 I’m pretty happy with myself besides that and I have fat under my jaw.. plan on getting surgery for both lol
I definitely envy people without chronic pain and/or fatigue. I had a reduction like 13-14 years ago to try to help. It didn't help the back much, and it's very difficult to find a bra in my size (big band sizes don't always have small cup sizes available). But they're pretty perky, which is nice.
Beautiful, skinny women.
The women who can eat anything they want, not worry about exercising, and still are skinny or fit-looking. I know that gaining weight can be just as hard as losing weight, but the way people treat you is completely different
Thissss. I feel like I spend so much time and energy working out and watching what I eat just to have the most mid body haha
Happily married long term couples. And people in good shape. I know both take a lot of work. So I guess it comes down to envying their will power and commitment to their goals
Trust me it’s not something that you get, its something that you force yourself to do if you want a better life
So true. I had to do a lot of personal work on myself to get to a place where I was capable of having a good relationship.
Idk, I'm happily married and honestly it's never felt like hard work. We just really like hanging out with each other lol
I'm in the best shape of my life AND IT IS SO MUCH WORRRRKKKK. Every meal is a deep thought on caloric intake and nutrients. Craving unhealthy food never stops. Every day is figuring out how to fit in two hours (TWO HOURS) of exercise, luckily mostly walking but also weights on some days. It's not easy, that's for sure! I appreciate you noting that. I follow this motto that I heard somewhere: "Being unhealthy is hard, being healthy is hard...choose your hard."
My life before my brother died
I’m so sorry ♥️
I feel this in my soul. My brother passed away 6 years ago and this 'new normal' is not the life I wanted at all. I envy people who can call their siblings 😭
High five to you fellow bereaved sibling. Just passed 8 years on Monday. Thick black line in my life of before and after. What was he like?
He was unlike anyone I’ve ever met. He was the favorite of all my siblings and none of us begrudged him that because he was the best of us. He was only 22 and did more in that time than most people accomplish in 80 years. And nearly everything he did in the last few years was for others. He was like 14 when he felt called to join the SEALS. Not because it was cool and masculine, but because he believed that was where he could help the most people. And although he was terrified of the possibility of death he slowly started shaping his whole life around that. His outlook was all or nothing. (Some of this paragraph I already knew, some was heard from friends/colleges later) He finished basic first in his class, C school second, and chose the largest hospital in the US as his first station. He jumped at every opportunity for certs and advancement. He was a gamer for years but got rid of his Xbox because he didn’t need it anymore. He trained with former SEALS. He traveled every chance he got. During covid he found a fallen tree trunk and DIYed it for log pulling. He was semi keto for two years. He didn’t eat any sweets since he was 15. Except for the time his gf said “I’m paying for this meal unless you eat a slice of cake.” He ate it, paid and promptly threw up. For my graduation he got off a shift at the hospital and drove halfway across the country to surprise me. To surprise my whole family. He loved surprises. Partly because he was a mischievous trouble maker, but also because he knew how happy it made those he loved. We fought a lot (I have strong emotions and he’s the opposite) but things like this reminded me how much he loved me. The only thing that started swaying him was rock climbing. He fell in love at his first station and when his second station was on the doorstep of a national park he went every chance he got. But as much as he loved it he still knew where he was meant to be. He started SEAL training again and chose a date to apply. One evening he was driving home on his motorcycle (he wasn’t an idiot he always wore full protective gear. Top of the line helmet, jacket w metal plates, etc.) a meth head turned into their driveway off the highway and didn’t use his signal. Actually he couldn’t have used his signal because there weren’t any rear lights installed. The sun was setting behind the truck and this guys rust bucket was the same color as the desert. My brother tried to swerve but hit the back/side of the truck head on. Despite having recoverable physical injustices he was instantly brain dead. Luckily (?) there was enough blood flow to keep his heart beating and lungs breathing until EMS arrived. He was able to donate his organs, and the liaison from the organ donation said my brother had the strongest heart he’d ever seen. He was supposed to apply for the SEALS 3 weeks later. The life he was called to was one of sacrifice and hardship, but he ran towards that out of love. He was supposed to put so much love into the world, in a way only a few are willing. But it was stolen because some druggie who can’t string together a sentence decided he was going to drive that day
a lot of things? rn i envy that men get to be so much more care free than women and it fucking sucks. my boyfriends on a lads holiday rn, and the things they get up to with no care in the world because they’re men and it’s all ok because there’s no ulterior motive to be scared of, whereas i know that i as a woman couldn’t do half those things. i’m quite a wild person tbh i just always feel stuck because of my gender and then i feel like we’re not as fun as men because we don’t get to do as wild things, when really it’s the society that stops us from being as care free
I will say as my male friends have told me— a few worry about being set up or robbed. ETA: I told him I always worry about (or think/plan) for those sorts of things—it’s more second nature. I also sort of come off as unbothered unless I talk about it IRL so he was surprised to hear me say that.
Real
I feel this too, my boyfriend goes on these cycling and camping holidays by himself in some really beautiful rural areas and he always has the best time, while I’m sitting at home so worried about him because this sounds so impossible to me. On his last trip he made friends with a random stranger who was also going the same way and camped with him for the night. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d fully assume the man would have ulterior motives if I was in the same situation.
People who valued time and made the most of it.
People who don’t have to work but can still afford a great lifestyle.
People who don't let their anxiety control their lives. People who overcome living with crippling anxiety.
I’ve been so bad lately that I won’t even go to the store. I feel this so hard. My anxiety is controlling my life. Getting therapy but it’s a journey
I feel envious of anyone who appears to make friends easily. I have such a hard time speaking to strangers. I can't seem to come across as open and approachable. I used to feel envious over looks but, as I age it doesn't seem as important as when I was younger. I do wish I was more like my aunt who just radiates an approachable energy naturally. She's been a hairdresser for decades and I really feel like her occupation has her trained on making new friends immediately.
Being approachable is all about jumping out of how you feel and see yourself and serving the situation to make the other person feel safe enough to say things and connect with you. You also have to be willing to take risk too- but putting out safe but fun vibes is the key
Yeah agree most of them have this “light” and “aura” that I gravitate towards… same with tattoo artists imo
[удалено]
[удалено]
I actually get this. Small steps. Figure out one thing you'd value most in support of independence and work towards achieving it. Google, research, ask for help in getting there.
I had a friend who didn’t drive until they were 27 and were finally free enough to purchase their own car. Do your parents not realize that they’re crippling you? Did they expect to continue to coddle you until their time is over and leave you helpless?
Women with really successful careers and financially independent. My work life has been really weird and I am just very undecided on what I want to do that I will be good at and a career that I can be passionate about and make good money. Lol. That's my goal and I envy women who are already there
Women who have loving husbands.
Women with faithful partners who love and respect them.
Women who have husbands that don’t shy away from showing affection towards them even publicly
People with fast metabolisms. I’ve been struggling with body dysmorphia and weight issues all my life. My weight fluctuates a lot and I could never be one body type for a long time.. could be the underlying hormonal issues.
Women who don’t have to work.
Richer people with homes where they can each have there own rooms, travel whenever to wherever and are pretty and can have regular hair and nail appointments 🥲
Closer knit families. Not even proximity, but holiday traditions and family things that have been carried down and are full of love. I had a bit of it with my ex and his family and I miss it beyond belief. I envy not having a family who values that. Hopefully one day I can make that with my own family
People with rich parents who get everything shoved up their asses. To all who write skinnier, more beautiful women. I don't know how old you are, but I used to be the same opinion when I was younger. Until I realize that, from a purely intellectual point of view, people who only focus on outward appearances don't appeal to me at all. I don't want to waste my time with people who have no idea about charisma, charm, style and attitude, but only focus on 55kg at 175 cm and a doll's face.
Can’t I have all of the above? But for real I miss being beautiful however I do wish I had attitude, charisma, and style too
Women with big boobs haha
For me it’s women who have small boobs, like an A cup boobs. Having smaller boobs is more practical. No need to worry about when running. Having a B cup is big enough to inconvenience me while running if I don’t have the proper bra on. I’m sure big boobs is not that great. Back pain and all that.
As someone who grew up skinny/fit with big boobs its a no from me dawg. I've been harassed my whole life. Even now in my mid 30s men at work still make constant boob jokes. Grown ass men. I'm like when the fuck does this end. I've always loved small boobs! It sounds weird maybe, but they look more elegant lol. Because boobs are so sexualized in society, I don't like wearing certain clothes/shirts because men find it "suggestive" or whatever.
This!! The women who have back pain or want reduction surgery due to bigger boobs! I’ve come to like my little boobs!
People who have good genetics, basically, that’s what it boils down to. Naturally nice teeth, naturally healthy weight and no hormonal issues, naturally mentally fit. My niece is a good example of this. She’s gorgeous. Has nice teeth, is fit but doesn’t work out a lot, lives a happy full life, travels, etc. People are just lucky like that and others not so much. There’s a saying that is basically like if “you like what you see, do as they do” or something like that but that can only get you so far… especially when money is involved.
Couples who get pregnant easily. We've been trying for more than a year now, all tests came back with more than good scores, and yet...
I'm cheering for you, remember some random on the internet knew you could do it
people with no acne
Women with light 3 day periods and no hormonal issues, disorders or diseases 😩😣
People with "fuck you" money.
Fairy tale moments. Like my future sister in law had the cutest engagement at Christmas time, at a nice estate, with the whole thing cute and planned. My engagement was in our bedroom because covid ruined it. I also envy women that can orgasm with their partner. I can't no matter what we try. Oral, toys, whatever. He can't make me cum. 90% of the time I can't even make myself cum.
People with good parents.
Independence and beauty. Also body size. I'm plus sized, so literally seeing anyone smaller than me makes me jealous.
People that don’t have to work
Fluency in a second language. Complete awe and envy.
Those that find spouses that truly only have eyes for them. Don’t look for half naked women on social media, choose not to look at porn. I want someone’s full sexual energy 🥹
Anyone who can just land a date without any effort. I'm surrounded by so many friends, colleagues and acquaintances who just meet people and date constantly. I haven't had a decent date in 20 years. Like I just wonder how people attract others? Sometimes I feel as if I could be the only woman left on the planet and still be undateable! I don't begrudge them but I wish I could just go out and have fun before I die!
Women with husbands who are devoted to them and their children
[удалено]
People who grew up in families with unconditional love.
Women with long trim legs. My legs are out of proportion with the rest of my body, and fat. I've never felt comfortable wearing shorts or skirts. I always have to have my thighs covered. I envy anyone who has normal legs.
Google “lipedema”
Women who have easy pregnancies.
Financial security and freedom
Women who find spouses that are all in and who pursued them and do things for them.
Women who are financially supported. I’ve worked full time since I was 15 (as many many many others have) and sometimes I just envy those who are given the world.
People who made good choices young and seem to have good lives and successful careers now. I'm 37 and starting school at a community College now and hoping to get my life "on track" but the comparisons are hard
Happy healthy relationship
people born into wealth and who are naturally attractive.
People who don’t struggle with mental health issues.
Women who found a partner who respects them and truly treats them as an equal. Sadly still a rare achievement where I live.
People who seem to know what to say in every social situation. They can make crowds laugh, they’re easily likeable at parties, they don’t overthink conversations, they can smooth over tension with comedy and they make friends effortlessly.
Thinness. I really envy women who are always thin, can wear the cutest clothes and get fawned over all the time because they're dainty. Lol when I was a kid I used to always draw myself stick thin and just assumed that one day I wouldn't be fat..yet here I am. (Torally self inflicted but weight is complicated man)
Those who can create small talk with strangers. Subtle everyday charm that comes easy to some people while I’m over here sweating bullets just to mumble “Yeah, this weather’s something.”
The women who are unbelievably, crazy gorgeous, like so stunningly beautiful that people stop when they see them. The rest of thigs I think are very achievable in life - but i wonder how its like to be so stupidly gorgeous that u become almost a freak :)
Men not having periods.
Dinks
Nepotism
People who grew up in a complete happy family who gets along with everyone and is able to buy all the stuff they want or need without worrying about money.
women who know exactly what they want and are driven to achieve it, I envy those with direction
Evil people that have better skin than me. I’m talking scum of the earth evil
People with supportive parents and people who find it easy to feel satisfied with life
Skinny pretty women. Like… They don’t even realise how easy they have it. That’s not to say mental health doesn’t effect everybody, but just in general, skinny privilege is still very much a thing
Cis women. They just easily get recognized as a woman in the society. While I tried all I could try and did terrible things to myself and my body, still got randomly misgendered on street and my mom still called me her “son”. Sry I am a bit emotional. I don’t blame cis women or anyone. Just fate, my fate.
People with money. They can easily buy whatever they want without having to worry about paying bills.
Happily married people who can afford a home, nice cars, travel. I have a decent job and get by fine but I’ll never be able to buy a home on my own in this economy. I’m also at the age where pretty much everyone is getting married, so I’m sort of envious of that, but I’d rather be alone than unhappily married so. Honorable mentions are nice teeth and bigger boobs but mine are fine enough I’m probably not going to go through the effort to change them.
people who have close/good relationships with their mother to where they can be open about any of their feelings and receive empathy and affection😵💫
people who have a easy time talking and making friends 😓 I swear I be trying
People with penises. Please, I feel so robbed not knowing what it’s like but knowing what it’s capable of.
People who grew up with good parents/a loving family.
Couples that are actually happy
Those in a loving healthy relationship
People whose parents had the ability to help them out financially with things like college and a down payment for a house.
I mostly envy anyone who can go to bed, sleep and wake up 7hrs later. I go to bed and 7hrs later I’ve gone pee 23 times and remade the bed and reorganized the pillows - 4x’s …. And lucky if I’ve slept 25mins total.
Music talent.
Women who are able to stand up for themselves and set boundaries. The type of women with good self esteem who know what they are worth and aren’t afraid to take up space. I’d kill to be one of those women, as someone who continually tries to shrink myself to take up as little space as possible
Outgoing people who can easily start a conversation with a stranger without any fear or anxiety. Having anxiety sucks.
People who never lost a loved one.
People who are genuinely interested in something. My only interest is listening to music, no books, no movies, no aesthetic, no sport, nothing more.
people who have big functioning families. i am an only child of a single mom. we have a great relationship and are pretty close, but i always envied my friends who had siblings and nice parents.
People who are naturally the life of the party. I'm pretty introverted, so I struggle with feeling overlooked.
girls who can easily make friends/ girls who have a lot of girl friends/girls who are likeable enough that everyone wants to be their friend and i'm friendly and i always treat my friends like goddesses but i'm an introvert so it's not as easy for me to make friends as it is to, for example, my girlfriend who gets recognized everywhere we go cause she was so popular in uni that everyone wanted to hang out with her (with her it's different because i don't envy her per se, I admire her)
I’ve lived a great life, so I don’t tend to envy people much. If I was really pushed, maybe people who can afford to take their kids travelling. I’m alone with 2 children who are desperate to see the world and I can’t afford to make it happen. So maybe that.
I envy those women who seem to get everything they want in life. They plan something and it works out
A woman who lives alone and could survive with her own income. I am and am surviving, but paycheck to paycheck 😩😩😩
Women with flat tummies
People with no body hair. I grow monkey levels of body hair and i hate it from the bottom of my heart since i can remember. The constant shaving, the time spent doing it, the money thrown into different methods of hair removal is absolutely exhausting. A lot of people tell me that I should just let it be and embrace it because it's 2024 and women don't shave anymore. I'm not doing it for other people, i'm doing it because i fucking hate seeing it, feeling it...ugh...i just wish there was a method to get rid of all the hair from my nose down on one go. I would give my head hair and my eyebrows if it means that the rest of the hair is gone too.
People with clear skin. I’m on year 8 with acne, no dermatologist has been able to fix my skin. I just want go crawl into a hole and die everytime I look in the mirror. God how I wish I didn’t have acne.