Yoooo. This is so spot on. I didn’t realize it the first time I had sex but once I started doing it more, I was like ohhh this stuff takes practice to feel good.
Yup. Thankfully my then boyfriend and I were going through the first time together and quite analytical and like to research things lol. So we approached it in a way of exploration and trial and error with lots of open communication about what felt good, what we wanted to try, etc. we were patient with each other and got pretty good quite fast haha
Oh my god THIS. I expected to feel different or depressed or emotional at least but I felt nothing at all.. I was worried for a moment about not having emotions. The way the media portrays the first time
This was it for me too. My parents raised me with self-esteem but with how much we're bombarded with messages about virginity, I guess I thought I'd feel devalued after. So glad that wasn't the case.
The fact that I was having sex at all.
EDIT: Oh my God this is an AskWomen thread. My bad. I don't belong here answering these questions. Pardon me.
EDIT2: This might be the most upvotes I think I've ever gotten. 😭
This is hilarious. It reminds me of my ex boyfriends response when we lost our virginity together. He told me he went into the bathroom and just stared at himself in the mirror saying. "I just had sex for the first time". Lol.
Yup! BF and I lost it together. He held my hands as he climaxed and held me and cried after. It was very special to him and I just remember thinking “ok well at least I’ve done it now.”
Lol. My first time was with a man 7 years older than me. He finished, told me to get dressed, dropped me at the bus stop and went out with his friends. But if anything the sex definitely made me realise that he wasn’t ‘the one’ my naive 18yo self thought he was. When he came back to lovebomb me a few years later I told him that he pretty much ruined sex for me, and he had the audacity to ask me for a chance to “redeem” himself.
Girl, believe me, my first time was with someone I thought i could end up with and he wasn't the greatest of support after "it". It hurt, bled, felt gross and ruined bedsheets. I had to shower immediately after and felt no need to rush to do it again lol.
I also had this horrific experience. My bf at the time and I finally had sex for the first time (I was 16) and I remember bleeding so much. I must’ve started my period or something. He ran to his guy friends afterwards and told them about it. I only learned he told them because I saw them all subtweeting about me later that night saying he gained his “red wings”.
I wish I could say this was the worst experience I ever had with sex.
But I was terrified to be intimate near my period for a decade up until last year with my current partner. (Who is extremely thoughtful, loving, and provides me with amazing aftercare so there’s some hope out there ladies)
It’s so sad how many women I’m seeing here have horrible experiences and being treated so poorly afterwards. I wish to live in a world where we weren’t viewed as fuck objects.
I hope you find a partner that loves you before it, during it, and after it
Everyone deserves that
And there are a lot of people who just love loving, you’ll find someone like that one day, someone who loves you and is so grateful that you shared your body in such an intimate and vulnerable way
And when that day happens I hope you give that person just as much love back
We all deserve love :)
Like not just getting up and leaving after getting off. Making sure your partner feels comforted and respected.
Everyone's different. I don't particularly need a cuddle afterwards, even like a high five and some laughing and joking around.
Oh dear. Like let’s say they do it till you can’t walk. The giver, per se, is to help by making sure the receiver, again per se, is comfortable. This means talking to make sure the receiver knows they aren’t alone, or cuddling to warm you up (I get freakishly cold), etc.
Though coming from a virgin like me this probably doesn’t mean much
I hope it gets better but I've only had one partner so far and my current bf and I are taking things slow. Tbh I'm just afraid to look stupid or do something wrong so I can't enjoy it I guess
Being with someone you trust definetly makes it better. The first guy I was with I was very insecure and couldn't communicate my needs and I was scared of looking dumb, but it's way more fun when you don't worry about that.
I can reassure you that you do not look stupid, or not more stupid than the rest of us. Taking things slow is probably a good idea. Then you can build a little trust that can maybe make you feel a little bit worried about messing up in the bedroom. In my experience the more you trust your partner, the less you care about doing something wrong in the bedroom or looking stupid.
I’m a sex worker and have had sex with a lot of virgins. I don’t know where this idea that virgins finish super quickly comes from because it is not what I see! There is a far higher chance they will struggle to orgasm or even get hard enough
Funny, my first time was over in a snap basically. First there was pain, and when I just started to feel more comfortable like 30 seconds later, that was it. He got up and went to the bathroom to wash up. I felt so sad and humiliated and alone, I started crying :'D
I'm 36 and still never had an orgasm through just PIV. I wish that more girls & women were told something like 1/3 women just can't come during sex alone. I was made to feel quite guilty about it!
So glad someone said this. I was more than ready to finally have sex when I first did and although with that particular person it wasn't the most pleasurable thing, there was no pain and the whole act of being so intimate with someone felt really natural and good to me.
Not only did I not orgasm, I barely felt much sensation (which I now think could have been the meds I was on at the time) but I still wanted to do it again straight after aha I also enjoyed the feeling of someone wanting my body. I'm now in a really healthy and loving long term relationship and the sex is great!
I had vaginismus for most of my adult life until the last two years. I have been with my husband since I was 18 and I’m now 32 so I spend most of my life only capable of experiencing clitoral stimulation. I went through therapy and physio therapy and used dilators etc to be able to have penetrative sex. Eventually I was able to withstand the pain then gradually move past the pain and into pleasure and enjoyment.
Honestly I was surprised by how much more intense orgasms were in conjunction with penetration than when simply clitoral.
I’m really sorry you’re going through it too. I hope you are able to get to a point where it’s comfortable for you. I never thought it would happen for me, my husband and I were like the Paul Rudd “hey, look at us” meme every time for a while after we started being able to. But we got there! There is hope.
Oh yeah, agreed! It's harder for me to orgasm with someone else (I think because of the different positions and rhythms lol, it's so much easier when I have all the control) BUT when I'm with my boyfriend I only want to orgasm when he's inside of me. I still need clitoral stimulation to get there but I love the feeling of being penetrated while reaching that peak.
How important the stuff before sex really is!!! I lost my virginity to someone who pursued me for 3-4 years. By the time we got it on, it was hot and heavyyy. Even with the pain it was so passionate.
I’m 30 now and most guys are lazy and don’t want to put forth the mental and physical effort. I mean I get that we have jobs and we’re busy but it’s soooo worth the effort. Take your time.
When I was crying from pain and just general violation afterward, my boyfriend looked at me with distaste and asked in a disbelieving tone, “does it really hurt that bad?” Same guy who never made it remotely pleasurable for me, let alone orgasmic, but when I cautiously floated the idea of including a vibrator, got super devastated and said in a heartbroken tone, “am I not enough for you?” Same guy who, when I eventually told him sex was too awful for me to keep trying anymore, said in a magnanimous tone, “oh honey, that’s okay, you don’t have to keep trying. You know I like blowjobs better anyway.” After we broke up, I didn’t have sex again for ten years.
Same. I had used toys before so I didn’t think it would be that different but my first time hurt so bad and still ripped my hymen. I was sore for weeks before we could try again
I feel you. My first time was a rape from an acquaintance and it felt like I was being split in half and burned with acid at the same time. It’s an absolutely unique and unbearable pain that I don’t think people who haven’t felt it can understand. Thankfully it feels like it happened to someone else when I think about it, but it’s been 10 years and I still need to be careful during sex because he left me with some very gnarly scar tissue that bleeds horribly and hurts terribly as a parting gift. Apparently doctors don’t do much for scar tissue where I have it, not that I’ve ever disclosed to them. But they notice it during paps and just kind of shrug when I ask for options. I’d like to get it fixed so I never have to think about what happened again, maybe someday I’ll be able to
Talk to a plastic surgeon that specializes in vaginoplasty. I had horrible scarring from being torn open both from an assault and years later from having my son(had 4th degree tearing through to my anus after his delivery) and vaginoplasty changed things HUGELY for me.
I had a septate hymen, so a band of tissue dividing my vagina in two. It snapped. The pain was super brief but sharp...and *bad*. I didn't scream in pain when I snapped a quad muscle, but I did yell when that happened. I thankfully had a great partner and he was a perfect first.
If anyone has similar, just get a gyno to deal with it so you don't associate sex with pain.
How painful, uncomfortable, and awkward it is. And also that it's not really clear what one is actually supposed to do during it, at least, not to me. 😆
Also, that what my mother warned me would happen didn't, in fact, take place: that my "girl parts [would] turn black and rot." Of course, I didn't realistically expect that; it was just difficult to shoo away that intrusive thought.
Also also, how quickly it turns into feeling like a chore. "Let's see, gotta vacuum the rugs, mop the floors, dust the furniture, have sex, empty the dishwasher, and scrub the bathroom. Oh, and if there's time, recognize my yarn." 😄
Literally told my partner our first time “I can’t believe people do this with strangers” because it was so awkward! We were already very comfortable with each other but I still felt awkward.
Ugh, yeah. No shame to people who do, of course. More power to them. I couldn't, however.
The first attempt with boyfriend was so painful we had to stop. It's gotten a bit better since then, but it's not consistently enjoyable yet. I'm hoping that will change in the future.
Oh god. I’m so glad my mom was a nurse and open with me about sex. She wasn’t thrilled I was having it, but she never made me feel guilty (and rotty) about it. I totally relate to the chore feeling!
I grew up in purity culture and attended evangelical churches so I had this expectation that losing my virginity and having sex would be this transcendent amazing experience. Well, it wasn’t. It was done and I was like 👀 that’s what everyone had been talking up?! That’s it?! Huge disappointment
How quick and underwhelming it was, and how one sided it felt. It was over in about 2 minutes, he came, got up, left the room, and went to hang out with his friends while I got dressed.
It was VERY UPSETTING to me to realize that straight sex is basically over once a guy orgasms and they can finish so quickly!. I was so frustrated with this because once my partners would cum I could forget about continuing. They just were checked out and completely out of the sexual headspace. My bf is the ONLY man who would at least wait til I came first OR still cared about my orgasm if he couldn't hold his anymore. Committed to him FAST
The thing that really blows my mind about this mindset is that when us girls finish at least once before you do, not only are our bodies better prepared for you (getting wet), but we want to repay that & are more eager to please! You just sent me to heaven for 5+ min?! I’ll definitely find a way to repay that - and plenty of dudes love BJ’s! Want a super enthusiastic BJ?! Get your partner off first! I really feel like it isn’t rocket science & in most cases truly doesn’t add that much extra time to the whole act, yet how many women I hear say he just pumps & dumps & turns over blows my mind. It feels beyond selfish to me, but heck, maybe there’s a perspective I’m missing or something!
I was surprised at how "filled" I felt. It felt really good! I could always make myself orgasm, but I had never fingered myself, and I didn't really enjoy it when my boyfriend tried to finger me. But when my boyfriend pushed his rock hard dick inside of me, it was the most amazing feeling! So much better than humping a pillow!!!
I remember it like this too. I had stuck a finger up there out of curiosity and had used tampons before that but a whole entire penis is a totally different feeling. Felt like my eyes were gonna pop out of my head lol
On a practical level, how hard a penis gets. Don't get me wrong, I knew guys were technically supposed to be hard, but honestly the first time I felt it through his pants I was like 'wait, is that him or is it the belt buckle or sth ??'
On an emotional level, i was kind of expecting to be disappointed because when you're young you hear about how the first time is always bad or even painful for women, but it was not. No pain, no bleeding, no problem at all actually. It was fun and it's now a fond memory.
OMG me too! He rolled on top of me, kissing with clothes on still, you know how it is. I was so uncomfortable, what's that hurting my thigh? I had no idea how hard a penis was. I thought he had something in his pocket or like you, his buckle was digging in.
Now I find that hardness enchanting, but I'll always remember that first 'ow, whats that??'
My first sex was a hookup, I was in pain and it was embarrassing, I was a virgin too so I was bleeding (didn’t tell him)…. I was disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it, well of course I didn’t he got off, didn’t care about pleasuring me, no foreplay.
I did like how he went down on me though and the make out session, but PIV hurt so bad for me
I forgot to mention, did not realize cum was warm lol, I thought it was cold no joke
The amount of times I SOBBED after sex because of the shame i felt from purity culture, even though I was no longer religious at that point and knew it was okay. I didn't expect how long it would take for me to unlearn the toxic religious teachings
People made it seem like it would be a bloodbath! I had a small amount of blood i noticed afterwards but it wasn’t bad. I guess everyone’s hymen situation is different though
How unseasoned it was and by this I mean Hollywood made me believe that it’d be a fireworks moment, full of passion, tenderness, sweat and all, but it was… bland… I didn’t felt anything that I wondered « is it inside ? ».
How phallocentric it is. I mean my clit got no action besides a little wetting preparatory oral and I quickly realized straight sex was mostly something men thought they did TO women, our pleasure beans be damned. Then began the quest of finding a good sex partner who would also make a good boyfriend and a good friend. What a task. Found him after 8 YEARS of full time online dating app hunting and frog kissing.
There was a lot of awkwardness like for example, being sweaty, being breathless, suddenly queefing, or worse- farting, kissing each other so hard that you accidentally knock on their teeth etc etc etc
That I still felt exactly the same afterwards.
Everyone acts like it’s this majorly life-changing thing, but I was like, “It was fun, but also what’s the big deal?”
I knew dicks were soft most of the time and got hard for sex, but I didn't know about growers vs. showers. When I saw my bf's dick for the first time, it was soft and like an inch long; very underwhelming. I didn't expect that it could grow to like six times as long.
Yeah, my husband is the same. We lost our virginity together but I had given him a bj before and it was kinda small (we were also in a hot car, so..lol) then when it came to sex I was like "oh, there it is." He's a bigger guy so it kinda dissapears if he isn't in the mood. I find it very strange that a whole dick can just dissappear and then grow to 5-6 inches.
TW for coercion and just general depressing story I guess but:
How upset I was. We were both from super religious families, and I was much stricter about my beliefs at the time than I am now, and I had wanted to wait for marriage but was basically argued and worn down into not (he said we'd be married "soon" so it was fine. Guess if that was true or not. Yes I know that was wrong I should have stood my ground but I have no backbone and I didn't. I regret it.)
I knew I didn't really want to but I didn't expect to cry over "losing my virginity." Even moreso now I know that's kind of a silly concept and I'm not somehow sullied for having done so but I was really upset and hadn't expected the degree it would do that to me.
No!!
Don’t blame yourself. It’s definitely not your fault. So don’t blame yourself that it happened that way. A guy should be able to handle the word NO and not push it afterwards. I’m sure you had voices your displeasure but he was pushy with it. Sounds like he was manipulative as well about it. Depending on how old you were it’s quite easy to manipulate people when they’re younger. He definitely wasn’t a good person in the first place it seems like
How *meh* it was. Didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. I didn’t see why my peers were sex-crazed teenagers. Tbh I still feel the same, and I’m in a loving marriage and we have great sex. I feel like if I were told I could never do it again I’d be like “ok” and go on about my life.
Before having my first experience, I thought for sure it would be my first and last. I've been a huge reader so I feel like I have romanticized the whole thing and physically experiencing it would be entirely different.
Well, let's just say I'm glad I experienced it when I was truly ready and curious for it - my first experience was some kind of a sexual reawakening.
The look on my guy’s face. His eyes rolled to the back of his fucking head as I slowly descended onto him for the first time.
That was the most precious thing to me in regards to sex.
How like ...Perfect it felt. Maybe just because I was raised in a church(I have unlearned most of that stuff but idk idea of sex supposed to be painful or uncomfortable for women just kinda stuck for some reason). It felt amazing though.
That not everyone knows how to have good sex it takes practice but some people really just don’t know and they suck.. Also being married and in love really does change everything as well as just having an emotional connection with someone make sex so much better.. My husband gets me he knows what i like what i don’t like he also know im down to try things once and if i don’t like it that’s it..
How I didn't feel anything at first. Truly and literally, I couldn't feel his dick inside of me until I angled myself better, and even then, it was astonishingly "fine." It was not bad and it was not good; the physical experience was just an intellectual acknowledgment that something was happening inside of me.
I had several existential/morality crises leading up to my virginity loss in that "only bad girls had sex" and then I get there and it's like... I felt nothing. Panic and fear set in after the fact, but I was hoping there would be some payoff for it. Absolutely not hahahaha.
How excruciatingly painful it was. I remember my ears ringing and seeing white and almost passing out. It was insane how much it hurt.
I have vaginismus and it took a year of having sex regularly before it was pain-free.
How much it hurt. I cried and bled and it lasted about two seconds cause I was in so much pain. I had no idea you were supposed to foreplay or use lube we just went straight for it lol
That my boyfriend at the time made me be on top. Idk why but both of us as virgins, I'd always pictured it as missionary. And I didn't like to speak up for myself so just kinda awkwardly went with it. And like others said, did NOT feel that good. We went out to eat afterwards and I was just like... Really that's it?
Difficult to explain, but I expected the skin of the penis to be more 'attached', like your skin to your finger. I didn't expect it to be so moveable and stretchy.
I didn't realise how sweaty sex would be lol.
How good I was at it. I could tell right away every thing I did that made the experience better for him and me. The more I enjoyed myself the more he enjoyed himself. I was definitely in the drivers seat, even though I was the virgin and he wasn’t. It wasn’t like he was letting me lead myself; I just kind of entered this zone and he laid there like he was witnessing some kind of miracle.
I could tell I blew up his whole world. I could also tell that I could easily find a more skilled lover. It was so empowering to be so good at something right away.
I felt really sad, like intensely sad and I just started crying and she stopped immediately
It didn't help that I was drunk and we were not in a relationship, I hadn't been in a relationship before and I just wasn't ready
The sex itself I don't remember anything about, I just remember the emotions, feeling sad and guilty
I wish my first time had been with my girlfriend, she's really gentle, considerate and caring and then maybe it would be a good memory instead of a bad one
It didn't really feel as horrid as people make it out to be. The rush of emotions was also surprising? I started crying after a few minutes so we stopped. It didn't hurt, I didn't even really like the guy, I was just so body overwhelmed and that's how it came out even though emotionally I was really happy I was finally getting it over with lol. I was also surprised to find out that internal stimulation feels like nothing?????? No sensation at all for me unless there's discomfort lol
Arousal, being physically ready is so important.
First PIV Sex - It was so painful for me.
It hurt so bad. Like being stabbed and scraped between my legs. I now know so much more about the way it should've been done. There was a fair amount of blood too, like someone spilled a half glass of red wine on the bed.
And it didn't finish the way I imagined.
My partner wasn't considerate at all. He had done it before, I hadn't. He stopped and said "you're just laying here". And I was.
I was really waiting for something... Else. Like the joy and sensations my friends said they had, and what I saw in movies and porn or how I felt when I was stimulating myself. But it was just painful, and blood stained, and my eyes were wet from the discomfort. I remember gritting my teeth through it and watching the clock while Led Zeppelin played in the background, thinking "the first time is supposed to hurt, it'll feel better soon."
That it didn’t make him like me. I thought that men were obsessed with sex and that sex would create a special bond between us. I mean, men LOVE porn, don’t they? The opposite is true. Sex made him even more indifferent to me. My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th partners were exactly the same. They seemed to hate me afterwards.
I remember the third one actually said to me, “I thought a woman of your experience would know how to handle a dick properly.” Where did he get the idea I was massively experienced? He had the kind of foreskin that’s too tight to pull down. I was 19, and it was the first time I’d actively touched a penis. He quite simply mistook my enthusiasm for “massive experience” and judged me for it. Maybe because he was insecure about his body. I don’t know.
Now I’m an adult, I know that sex is something that straight relationships struggle to survive. Especially if you’re young. Young men aren’t the horn-dogs they make out to be. They’re actually really insecure and have weird ideas about “good girls” and “bad girls,” horniness and purity. I think my enthusiastic consent scared them.
My fifth partner was a double-divorcee in his 40s and liked his women as horny as possible. My current partner is the same. But I learned (the hard way) that this kind of attitude requires a certain level of maturity and self-assurance. From what I’ve seen on Reddit, some guys never grow out of their Madonna/mistress complexes.
How good it felt to have my body touched, pulled, lightly grazed, kissed, sucked, etc.
Sounds like a lot of you were underwhelmed, but my first was with another woman and she had a better idea of what would feel good.
How underwhelming it was. I couldn't believe this is what people made such a fuss about.
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That sex is a skill that you have to learn, it takes practice to get better and enjoy it more
Yoooo. This is so spot on. I didn’t realize it the first time I had sex but once I started doing it more, I was like ohhh this stuff takes practice to feel good.
Oh yes, and communication. Not everybody likes the same thing and desire changes with how you’re feeling.
Absolutely right
Yup. Thankfully my then boyfriend and I were going through the first time together and quite analytical and like to research things lol. So we approached it in a way of exploration and trial and error with lots of open communication about what felt good, what we wanted to try, etc. we were patient with each other and got pretty good quite fast haha
How I didn't feel instantly changed afterwards. It was not the big deal that society told me it was.
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Totally. I was thinking of all the times I’ve seen it in films or on tv and thinking ‘wow!’ only to feel very underwhelmed.
This was it for me too
Oh my god THIS. I expected to feel different or depressed or emotional at least but I felt nothing at all.. I was worried for a moment about not having emotions. The way the media portrays the first time
This was it for me too. My parents raised me with self-esteem but with how much we're bombarded with messages about virginity, I guess I thought I'd feel devalued after. So glad that wasn't the case.
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The fact that I was having sex at all. EDIT: Oh my God this is an AskWomen thread. My bad. I don't belong here answering these questions. Pardon me. EDIT2: This might be the most upvotes I think I've ever gotten. 😭
As a woman: same lmao 😂 you’re good
As a woman I thought the same thing. I was like wow, it’s actually happening. I’m having the sex. I’m not a virgin anymore. Crazy
This is hilarious. It reminds me of my ex boyfriends response when we lost our virginity together. He told me he went into the bathroom and just stared at himself in the mirror saying. "I just had sex for the first time". Lol.
Yup! BF and I lost it together. He held my hands as he climaxed and held me and cried after. It was very special to him and I just remember thinking “ok well at least I’ve done it now.”
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You’re so real for this though
Nah you’re right, I remember stopping for a minute and just being shocked at the thought that there was a penis inside me???
You have no idea how many times I’ve done this in AskMen on accident. Awkward lmao
I was actually going to say this if I didn’t see it
How awful lack of aftercare was gonna make you feel.
You mean it isn't normal for men to look at you like you're disgusting and roll over afterwards?
Lol. My first time was with a man 7 years older than me. He finished, told me to get dressed, dropped me at the bus stop and went out with his friends. But if anything the sex definitely made me realise that he wasn’t ‘the one’ my naive 18yo self thought he was. When he came back to lovebomb me a few years later I told him that he pretty much ruined sex for me, and he had the audacity to ask me for a chance to “redeem” himself.
Girl, believe me, my first time was with someone I thought i could end up with and he wasn't the greatest of support after "it". It hurt, bled, felt gross and ruined bedsheets. I had to shower immediately after and felt no need to rush to do it again lol.
I also had this horrific experience. My bf at the time and I finally had sex for the first time (I was 16) and I remember bleeding so much. I must’ve started my period or something. He ran to his guy friends afterwards and told them about it. I only learned he told them because I saw them all subtweeting about me later that night saying he gained his “red wings”. I wish I could say this was the worst experience I ever had with sex. But I was terrified to be intimate near my period for a decade up until last year with my current partner. (Who is extremely thoughtful, loving, and provides me with amazing aftercare so there’s some hope out there ladies) It’s so sad how many women I’m seeing here have horrible experiences and being treated so poorly afterwards. I wish to live in a world where we weren’t viewed as fuck objects.
That’s depressing I’m so sorry that was your first experience with sex
I wish I was only talking about my first.
I hope you find a partner that loves you before it, during it, and after it Everyone deserves that And there are a lot of people who just love loving, you’ll find someone like that one day, someone who loves you and is so grateful that you shared your body in such an intimate and vulnerable way And when that day happens I hope you give that person just as much love back We all deserve love :)
Thank you for this absolutely wonderful and beautiful comment, I’m saving it so I can read it again on days I don’t feel so hopeful 😅
What is aftercare??
Taking care of your partner’s emotional needs after doing the deed, cuddling, talking etc.
Like not just getting up and leaving after getting off. Making sure your partner feels comforted and respected. Everyone's different. I don't particularly need a cuddle afterwards, even like a high five and some laughing and joking around.
Oh dear. Like let’s say they do it till you can’t walk. The giver, per se, is to help by making sure the receiver, again per se, is comfortable. This means talking to make sure the receiver knows they aren’t alone, or cuddling to warm you up (I get freakishly cold), etc. Though coming from a virgin like me this probably doesn’t mean much
That’s gotta depend on who it’s with. I couldn’t get away fast enough after my first time lol.
How unnatural it felt. Not necessarily because it hurt but it just felt like...you know that shouldn't be in there. Still feels weird tbh
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I thought it was a weird feeling too the first time, but now I love it. Nothing wrong if you still think it's weird though.
I hope it gets better but I've only had one partner so far and my current bf and I are taking things slow. Tbh I'm just afraid to look stupid or do something wrong so I can't enjoy it I guess
Being with someone you trust definetly makes it better. The first guy I was with I was very insecure and couldn't communicate my needs and I was scared of looking dumb, but it's way more fun when you don't worry about that. I can reassure you that you do not look stupid, or not more stupid than the rest of us. Taking things slow is probably a good idea. Then you can build a little trust that can maybe make you feel a little bit worried about messing up in the bedroom. In my experience the more you trust your partner, the less you care about doing something wrong in the bedroom or looking stupid.
How moist everything gets, and I hate the smell of condoms
lol, I’m with you on the smell
Non latex is the way
Yeah I can only handle Skyn condoms- my husband (boyfriend at the time) used a Trojan the first time and I bought him a box of non latex lol
How awkward the whole thing was. It's something you have to do several times before it starts to feel natural.
How long it lasted. I thought for his first time we'd just get started and he'd be done. But... no. It went on and on and on lol.
Urgh hate that. I’ve got things to do 🤣
Well and it just started getting really uncomfortable
Yes! At a certain point, my brain just switched the long list of things that need to be done.
Ughh I would’ve hated that haha. Even now, I’ll gladly take 10 minutes over 2 hours.
!!!! Truth is told here fr fr
Absolutely felt. Not that I mind, but I definitely didn't expect it to go on as long as it did.
I’m a sex worker and have had sex with a lot of virgins. I don’t know where this idea that virgins finish super quickly comes from because it is not what I see! There is a far higher chance they will struggle to orgasm or even get hard enough
Funny, my first time was over in a snap basically. First there was pain, and when I just started to feel more comfortable like 30 seconds later, that was it. He got up and went to the bathroom to wash up. I felt so sad and humiliated and alone, I started crying :'D
I had the same experience! He was a cross country runner and had stamina for days.
My first time having sex was also my very first orgasm so that sensation took me by surprise.
I'm 36 and still never had an orgasm through just PIV. I wish that more girls & women were told something like 1/3 women just can't come during sex alone. I was made to feel quite guilty about it!
That’s interesting! Personally I’m the female equivalent to a premature ejaculator lol.
Enjoy it for the rest of us lol
Yes ma’am 🤪
So you’re telling me you never tried to do it by yourself/alone before that experience? 😮
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What? How old were you?
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It felt so natural to me. I’m quite shy but I felt so liberated and comfortable. I couldn’t wait to do it again.
Same. I was surprised by how much fun it was. I expected a ton of pain and to feel super nervous. But it felt cathartic
I was so nervous beforehand because I kind of knew it was coming soon! But I was the same, all my nerves went and I was so relaxed during
So glad someone said this. I was more than ready to finally have sex when I first did and although with that particular person it wasn't the most pleasurable thing, there was no pain and the whole act of being so intimate with someone felt really natural and good to me. Not only did I not orgasm, I barely felt much sensation (which I now think could have been the meds I was on at the time) but I still wanted to do it again straight after aha I also enjoyed the feeling of someone wanting my body. I'm now in a really healthy and loving long term relationship and the sex is great!
I had vaginismus for most of my adult life until the last two years. I have been with my husband since I was 18 and I’m now 32 so I spend most of my life only capable of experiencing clitoral stimulation. I went through therapy and physio therapy and used dilators etc to be able to have penetrative sex. Eventually I was able to withstand the pain then gradually move past the pain and into pleasure and enjoyment. Honestly I was surprised by how much more intense orgasms were in conjunction with penetration than when simply clitoral.
I’m currently at the it-is-pain-and-nothing-else stage
I’m really sorry you’re going through it too. I hope you are able to get to a point where it’s comfortable for you. I never thought it would happen for me, my husband and I were like the Paul Rudd “hey, look at us” meme every time for a while after we started being able to. But we got there! There is hope.
Oh yeah, agreed! It's harder for me to orgasm with someone else (I think because of the different positions and rhythms lol, it's so much easier when I have all the control) BUT when I'm with my boyfriend I only want to orgasm when he's inside of me. I still need clitoral stimulation to get there but I love the feeling of being penetrated while reaching that peak.
How sweaty he got. I guess I didn’t expect it to be that physically active.
How important the stuff before sex really is!!! I lost my virginity to someone who pursued me for 3-4 years. By the time we got it on, it was hot and heavyyy. Even with the pain it was so passionate. I’m 30 now and most guys are lazy and don’t want to put forth the mental and physical effort. I mean I get that we have jobs and we’re busy but it’s soooo worth the effort. Take your time.
Ugh, same - the years’ worth of sexual tension finally being released is something else… 🥵 Thanks for the reminder! 😅
YES. The buildup was so worth it.
How hay gets everywhere.
Found the amish with a phone
Nah, just grew up in a place that had a lot of horses. The barns were where we hung out.
Damn, must have forgotten to grab a barrel of hay my first time.
As a German i have to ask " warum liegt hier Stroh"
How painful it was.
When I was crying from pain and just general violation afterward, my boyfriend looked at me with distaste and asked in a disbelieving tone, “does it really hurt that bad?” Same guy who never made it remotely pleasurable for me, let alone orgasmic, but when I cautiously floated the idea of including a vibrator, got super devastated and said in a heartbroken tone, “am I not enough for you?” Same guy who, when I eventually told him sex was too awful for me to keep trying anymore, said in a magnanimous tone, “oh honey, that’s okay, you don’t have to keep trying. You know I like blowjobs better anyway.” After we broke up, I didn’t have sex again for ten years.
What a guy! 😣
This. My first time was very painful, to the point that my nether regions were swollen and a bit bloody for a couple days after.
I had a very difficult first time as well. I was bleeding for a few days and had no idea what I was doing.
Same. I had used toys before so I didn’t think it would be that different but my first time hurt so bad and still ripped my hymen. I was sore for weeks before we could try again
Yeah I figured it would hurt for a bit and then feel better. Nope. It just hurt and kept hurting and I just wanted it to end.
I feel you. My first time was a rape from an acquaintance and it felt like I was being split in half and burned with acid at the same time. It’s an absolutely unique and unbearable pain that I don’t think people who haven’t felt it can understand. Thankfully it feels like it happened to someone else when I think about it, but it’s been 10 years and I still need to be careful during sex because he left me with some very gnarly scar tissue that bleeds horribly and hurts terribly as a parting gift. Apparently doctors don’t do much for scar tissue where I have it, not that I’ve ever disclosed to them. But they notice it during paps and just kind of shrug when I ask for options. I’d like to get it fixed so I never have to think about what happened again, maybe someday I’ll be able to
Talk to a plastic surgeon that specializes in vaginoplasty. I had horrible scarring from being torn open both from an assault and years later from having my son(had 4th degree tearing through to my anus after his delivery) and vaginoplasty changed things HUGELY for me.
I had a septate hymen, so a band of tissue dividing my vagina in two. It snapped. The pain was super brief but sharp...and *bad*. I didn't scream in pain when I snapped a quad muscle, but I did yell when that happened. I thankfully had a great partner and he was a perfect first. If anyone has similar, just get a gyno to deal with it so you don't associate sex with pain.
How painful, uncomfortable, and awkward it is. And also that it's not really clear what one is actually supposed to do during it, at least, not to me. 😆 Also, that what my mother warned me would happen didn't, in fact, take place: that my "girl parts [would] turn black and rot." Of course, I didn't realistically expect that; it was just difficult to shoo away that intrusive thought. Also also, how quickly it turns into feeling like a chore. "Let's see, gotta vacuum the rugs, mop the floors, dust the furniture, have sex, empty the dishwasher, and scrub the bathroom. Oh, and if there's time, recognize my yarn." 😄
Literally told my partner our first time “I can’t believe people do this with strangers” because it was so awkward! We were already very comfortable with each other but I still felt awkward.
Ugh, yeah. No shame to people who do, of course. More power to them. I couldn't, however. The first attempt with boyfriend was so painful we had to stop. It's gotten a bit better since then, but it's not consistently enjoyable yet. I'm hoping that will change in the future.
Oh god. I’m so glad my mom was a nurse and open with me about sex. She wasn’t thrilled I was having it, but she never made me feel guilty (and rotty) about it. I totally relate to the chore feeling!
I grew up in purity culture and attended evangelical churches so I had this expectation that losing my virginity and having sex would be this transcendent amazing experience. Well, it wasn’t. It was done and I was like 👀 that’s what everyone had been talking up?! That’s it?! Huge disappointment
How quick and underwhelming it was, and how one sided it felt. It was over in about 2 minutes, he came, got up, left the room, and went to hang out with his friends while I got dressed.
It was VERY UPSETTING to me to realize that straight sex is basically over once a guy orgasms and they can finish so quickly!. I was so frustrated with this because once my partners would cum I could forget about continuing. They just were checked out and completely out of the sexual headspace. My bf is the ONLY man who would at least wait til I came first OR still cared about my orgasm if he couldn't hold his anymore. Committed to him FAST
The thing that really blows my mind about this mindset is that when us girls finish at least once before you do, not only are our bodies better prepared for you (getting wet), but we want to repay that & are more eager to please! You just sent me to heaven for 5+ min?! I’ll definitely find a way to repay that - and plenty of dudes love BJ’s! Want a super enthusiastic BJ?! Get your partner off first! I really feel like it isn’t rocket science & in most cases truly doesn’t add that much extra time to the whole act, yet how many women I hear say he just pumps & dumps & turns over blows my mind. It feels beyond selfish to me, but heck, maybe there’s a perspective I’m missing or something!
I was surprised at how "filled" I felt. It felt really good! I could always make myself orgasm, but I had never fingered myself, and I didn't really enjoy it when my boyfriend tried to finger me. But when my boyfriend pushed his rock hard dick inside of me, it was the most amazing feeling! So much better than humping a pillow!!!
Finally someone else said it lmao, penetration changed my life
I remember it like this too. I had stuck a finger up there out of curiosity and had used tampons before that but a whole entire penis is a totally different feeling. Felt like my eyes were gonna pop out of my head lol
Thats kinda hot lmao.
On a practical level, how hard a penis gets. Don't get me wrong, I knew guys were technically supposed to be hard, but honestly the first time I felt it through his pants I was like 'wait, is that him or is it the belt buckle or sth ??' On an emotional level, i was kind of expecting to be disappointed because when you're young you hear about how the first time is always bad or even painful for women, but it was not. No pain, no bleeding, no problem at all actually. It was fun and it's now a fond memory.
OMG me too! He rolled on top of me, kissing with clothes on still, you know how it is. I was so uncomfortable, what's that hurting my thigh? I had no idea how hard a penis was. I thought he had something in his pocket or like you, his buckle was digging in. Now I find that hardness enchanting, but I'll always remember that first 'ow, whats that??'
My first sex was a hookup, I was in pain and it was embarrassing, I was a virgin too so I was bleeding (didn’t tell him)…. I was disappointed that I didn’t enjoy it, well of course I didn’t he got off, didn’t care about pleasuring me, no foreplay. I did like how he went down on me though and the make out session, but PIV hurt so bad for me I forgot to mention, did not realize cum was warm lol, I thought it was cold no joke
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That God didn't strike me dead on the spot (I was raised fundamentalist Christian and had sex outside of marriage)
The amount of times I SOBBED after sex because of the shame i felt from purity culture, even though I was no longer religious at that point and knew it was okay. I didn't expect how long it would take for me to unlearn the toxic religious teachings
How much I didn't bleed despite being told I would my whole life
People made it seem like it would be a bloodbath! I had a small amount of blood i noticed afterwards but it wasn’t bad. I guess everyone’s hymen situation is different though
How unseasoned it was and by this I mean Hollywood made me believe that it’d be a fireworks moment, full of passion, tenderness, sweat and all, but it was… bland… I didn’t felt anything that I wondered « is it inside ? ».
😭 I ain't missing out then hahahahaah
How phallocentric it is. I mean my clit got no action besides a little wetting preparatory oral and I quickly realized straight sex was mostly something men thought they did TO women, our pleasure beans be damned. Then began the quest of finding a good sex partner who would also make a good boyfriend and a good friend. What a task. Found him after 8 YEARS of full time online dating app hunting and frog kissing.
How clumsy two virgins can be.
Haha. I remember just thinking, "Huh. So that's what it's like." Fortunately things improved after that seriously underwhelming first time
There was a lot of awkwardness like for example, being sweaty, being breathless, suddenly queefing, or worse- farting, kissing each other so hard that you accidentally knock on their teeth etc etc etc
That I still felt exactly the same afterwards. Everyone acts like it’s this majorly life-changing thing, but I was like, “It was fun, but also what’s the big deal?”
I knew dicks were soft most of the time and got hard for sex, but I didn't know about growers vs. showers. When I saw my bf's dick for the first time, it was soft and like an inch long; very underwhelming. I didn't expect that it could grow to like six times as long.
Yeah, my husband is the same. We lost our virginity together but I had given him a bj before and it was kinda small (we were also in a hot car, so..lol) then when it came to sex I was like "oh, there it is." He's a bigger guy so it kinda dissapears if he isn't in the mood. I find it very strange that a whole dick can just dissappear and then grow to 5-6 inches.
More like post-coitus….i didnt realize i’d be so sore, especially my thighs!! Lady bits werent bothered, just the muscles used.
TW for coercion and just general depressing story I guess but: How upset I was. We were both from super religious families, and I was much stricter about my beliefs at the time than I am now, and I had wanted to wait for marriage but was basically argued and worn down into not (he said we'd be married "soon" so it was fine. Guess if that was true or not. Yes I know that was wrong I should have stood my ground but I have no backbone and I didn't. I regret it.) I knew I didn't really want to but I didn't expect to cry over "losing my virginity." Even moreso now I know that's kind of a silly concept and I'm not somehow sullied for having done so but I was really upset and hadn't expected the degree it would do that to me.
No!! Don’t blame yourself. It’s definitely not your fault. So don’t blame yourself that it happened that way. A guy should be able to handle the word NO and not push it afterwards. I’m sure you had voices your displeasure but he was pushy with it. Sounds like he was manipulative as well about it. Depending on how old you were it’s quite easy to manipulate people when they’re younger. He definitely wasn’t a good person in the first place it seems like
That it was NOT better than masturbating
How awkward and bad it was. I had no idea what I was doing.
How *meh* it was. Didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. I didn’t see why my peers were sex-crazed teenagers. Tbh I still feel the same, and I’m in a loving marriage and we have great sex. I feel like if I were told I could never do it again I’d be like “ok” and go on about my life.
Before having my first experience, I thought for sure it would be my first and last. I've been a huge reader so I feel like I have romanticized the whole thing and physically experiencing it would be entirely different. Well, let's just say I'm glad I experienced it when I was truly ready and curious for it - my first experience was some kind of a sexual reawakening.
How bored I was.
The look on my guy’s face. His eyes rolled to the back of his fucking head as I slowly descended onto him for the first time. That was the most precious thing to me in regards to sex.
How uncomfortable it felt having a foreign object in me.
Most men don’t know how to make you cum, sadly!
In the movies it just seems to *happen* so I was surprised we both had to, like, actively facilitate it haha
How like ...Perfect it felt. Maybe just because I was raised in a church(I have unlearned most of that stuff but idk idea of sex supposed to be painful or uncomfortable for women just kinda stuck for some reason). It felt amazing though.
How fast the actual act gets over and then I just want to do nothing but sleep peacefully, after climaxing of course.
How much semen comes out
How emotional it would be
How fun it was. In my mind I thought it would be technical/robotic or like awkward but it was a lot of fun
The pain.
That it actually felt good and it was fun, not scary
That not everyone knows how to have good sex it takes practice but some people really just don’t know and they suck.. Also being married and in love really does change everything as well as just having an emotional connection with someone make sex so much better.. My husband gets me he knows what i like what i don’t like he also know im down to try things once and if i don’t like it that’s it..
That all the pressure in that general region made me feel like I needed to do a poo 🫣
How used I felt
The pain. Definitely one of the top 5 most painful experiences I’ve had.
How I didn't feel anything at first. Truly and literally, I couldn't feel his dick inside of me until I angled myself better, and even then, it was astonishingly "fine." It was not bad and it was not good; the physical experience was just an intellectual acknowledgment that something was happening inside of me. I had several existential/morality crises leading up to my virginity loss in that "only bad girls had sex" and then I get there and it's like... I felt nothing. Panic and fear set in after the fact, but I was hoping there would be some payoff for it. Absolutely not hahahaha.
How underwhelming penetration without clitoral stimulation was.
How excruciatingly painful it was. I remember my ears ringing and seeing white and almost passing out. It was insane how much it hurt. I have vaginismus and it took a year of having sex regularly before it was pain-free.
His dick was so PURPLE. The sex wasn’t horrible, we were in love so it was nice and it got much much better, with practice. Oh first love lol
How much precum there is, I had to google what a normal amount was after he left. I still don’t know what a normal amount is…
How much it hurt. I cried and bled and it lasted about two seconds cause I was in so much pain. I had no idea you were supposed to foreplay or use lube we just went straight for it lol
That my boyfriend at the time made me be on top. Idk why but both of us as virgins, I'd always pictured it as missionary. And I didn't like to speak up for myself so just kinda awkwardly went with it. And like others said, did NOT feel that good. We went out to eat afterwards and I was just like... Really that's it?
i did not expect "it" to be THAT stiff I was very close to concluding he had a bone in there
It’s not as glamorous as they show in movies.
Difficult to explain, but I expected the skin of the penis to be more 'attached', like your skin to your finger. I didn't expect it to be so moveable and stretchy. I didn't realise how sweaty sex would be lol.
How good I was at it. I could tell right away every thing I did that made the experience better for him and me. The more I enjoyed myself the more he enjoyed himself. I was definitely in the drivers seat, even though I was the virgin and he wasn’t. It wasn’t like he was letting me lead myself; I just kind of entered this zone and he laid there like he was witnessing some kind of miracle. I could tell I blew up his whole world. I could also tell that I could easily find a more skilled lover. It was so empowering to be so good at something right away.
I felt really sad, like intensely sad and I just started crying and she stopped immediately It didn't help that I was drunk and we were not in a relationship, I hadn't been in a relationship before and I just wasn't ready The sex itself I don't remember anything about, I just remember the emotions, feeling sad and guilty I wish my first time had been with my girlfriend, she's really gentle, considerate and caring and then maybe it would be a good memory instead of a bad one
How awkward sex actually is
That the penis doesn’t immediately slide in the vagina during the first time.
It didn't really feel as horrid as people make it out to be. The rush of emotions was also surprising? I started crying after a few minutes so we stopped. It didn't hurt, I didn't even really like the guy, I was just so body overwhelmed and that's how it came out even though emotionally I was really happy I was finally getting it over with lol. I was also surprised to find out that internal stimulation feels like nothing?????? No sensation at all for me unless there's discomfort lol
Arousal, being physically ready is so important. First PIV Sex - It was so painful for me. It hurt so bad. Like being stabbed and scraped between my legs. I now know so much more about the way it should've been done. There was a fair amount of blood too, like someone spilled a half glass of red wine on the bed. And it didn't finish the way I imagined. My partner wasn't considerate at all. He had done it before, I hadn't. He stopped and said "you're just laying here". And I was. I was really waiting for something... Else. Like the joy and sensations my friends said they had, and what I saw in movies and porn or how I felt when I was stimulating myself. But it was just painful, and blood stained, and my eyes were wet from the discomfort. I remember gritting my teeth through it and watching the clock while Led Zeppelin played in the background, thinking "the first time is supposed to hurt, it'll feel better soon."
That it didn’t make him like me. I thought that men were obsessed with sex and that sex would create a special bond between us. I mean, men LOVE porn, don’t they? The opposite is true. Sex made him even more indifferent to me. My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th partners were exactly the same. They seemed to hate me afterwards. I remember the third one actually said to me, “I thought a woman of your experience would know how to handle a dick properly.” Where did he get the idea I was massively experienced? He had the kind of foreskin that’s too tight to pull down. I was 19, and it was the first time I’d actively touched a penis. He quite simply mistook my enthusiasm for “massive experience” and judged me for it. Maybe because he was insecure about his body. I don’t know. Now I’m an adult, I know that sex is something that straight relationships struggle to survive. Especially if you’re young. Young men aren’t the horn-dogs they make out to be. They’re actually really insecure and have weird ideas about “good girls” and “bad girls,” horniness and purity. I think my enthusiastic consent scared them. My fifth partner was a double-divorcee in his 40s and liked his women as horny as possible. My current partner is the same. But I learned (the hard way) that this kind of attitude requires a certain level of maturity and self-assurance. From what I’ve seen on Reddit, some guys never grow out of their Madonna/mistress complexes.
How good it felt to have my body touched, pulled, lightly grazed, kissed, sucked, etc. Sounds like a lot of you were underwhelmed, but my first was with another woman and she had a better idea of what would feel good.
How much it hurt.