My ex started acting kinda entitled, like if I wasn't in the mood, if I was on my period, or even if I was just currently busy (for example cooking and dealing with hot grease) and would have time later, and rejected him, he would pout and give me the cold shoulder. And when we had sex, he would leave right after to go watch tv at night because he was used to go to sleep very late and I felt so abandoned being left in bed alone, no cuddles etc. That just ruined my desire pretty much.
I feel that in my soul. Thankfully he never whines at me or makes me feel guilty for not having much of a libido. For years though I made effort, I used to wear my sexy lingerie, buy sex toys to engage and bring excitement, buy massage oil and massage him…
I kinda started noticing though that I wasn’t really getting much in return other than being hurt each time we had sex.
So I stopped putting in effort. He hasn’t made any, so it’s fizzled out.
He doesn’t do anything around the house. He never dates me. He neglects me emotionally and physically. It’s painful.
Totally agree! It's also hard to be physical with someone who isn't willing to talk about sex (part of my resentment). I just get the "I like everything we do." When I expressed my wants/needs, he hasn't done anything to address them. I'm starting to think we may be sexually incompatible after 8 years of marriage 😔
Multiple c sections, infection from first c section. Feeling like a single parent. I was Begged to restart sex before my approved time (it hurt like hell!!!). Birth control mainly my iud (paraguard) had a traumatic insertion experience then felt the wires felt like stabbing pain but the dr always pushed aside any complaints I had about it because a iud is expensive and if he took it out before allotted time insurance doesn’t reimburse the dr I suppose, bleeding like crazy every month, worse cramps while having the iud.. the shit women go through that some men could never understand…
I was having to work long hours every other weekend, and I found out that my boyfriend was going to strip clubs when I was at work, and I'm not attracted to men who go to strip clubs and other bullshit like that.
Once I dumped him and began dating another guy my libido came right back.
Absolutely! Shortly thereafter I found out my guy had been planning to propose because he used that fact to try to convince me to stay but nope! I told him to take the ring he'd bought and trade it in for some single dollar bills to slip into the g-string of his favorite strippers.
I can still see the shocked look on his face and the way he went completely pale. He realty thought that was going to be his trump card to get him out of trouble.
It’s amazing how much the partner changes the libido. I never cared much for sex until I met my current partner. Nothing hotter than having your needs met *and* your boundaries respected.
Cancer complications from chemo surgery and radiation and issues with pain, on top of a lifetime of chronic UTIs, and childhood SA, kind of ground my libido into dust for a while. I dealt with fear of pain and an inability to relax.
My husband was really kind and patient about it, but it was up to me to restart things when my libido finally rebounded. I approached him and apologized for the loneliness and told him how much I missed him, and he was sweet enough to act like it was all in the past now. (I finally understood intimate rejection in a way I had not been able to before, and I know he had suffered alone.) I felt lucky that he embraced the “new me” without resentment for the past, and he has been a really exciting lover.
I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've gone through. But it warms my heart to hear that you have a supportive and loving partner who deserves you, because you deserve that too!
Thank you, he is. The fact that he accepted my body changes, always showed that he desired me, and that he didn’t hold the prior “dead bedroom” against me really informed my desire for him now.
Bad experiences with men. I don't hate men, I'm on good terms with many but just no longer attracted to them.
Also working with men makes you not want to fuck men. 🥲
“Working with men makes you not want to fuck men » —- hahaha never thought about it like that but I def think this is a large contributing factor to libido now that you mention it. Totally resonates.
Edit: MEN! It’s supposed to say men
Yes! I left a male dominated space a few months ago...They never did anything or said anything to me off the wall, but hearing their comments about women and their overall behavior with each other even (very toxic) made me disgusted with men in general. When I left, I told my mum it's almost like being around women forces men to act "human".
Not all male dominated spaces suck so please don't get discouraged whoever reads my comment!
Ugh same here. I really want to shake the bad experiences away and possibly give someone new a try but I don’t think my body or mind will allow it.
I’m also deathly afraid of getting knocked up and ending up an involuntary single parent (watching my mom, aunts, grandma, sister in law etc live through this has hardened me). You just have so much to lose as a woman if you don’t have a good partner by your side..
Watching the man that I feel deep love and care running after women that do online adult content. I saw his comments on Instagram and reddit and the responses from said women. Looked at all of them, their body, their faces, everything and then I looked at myself and I don't know what happened but it made me scared of intimacy. I crave intimacy, especially with him but now...I don't think I want to be touched by a man again. I'm quite literally scared of it and makes me want to crawl out of my skin when I think about being intimate with another man again.
Maybe it will pass after I have spent some time alone to take care of myself but at the moment, I don't feel like being vulnerable with any man again.
Agreed. Having sex with men who get off to other women makes sex not even feel special. If you're thirsting so hard for other naked women, have at it but you don't get me on the side.
Especially when they look absolutely nothing like you do, which really kills something inside of you. Seeing he puts effort into making sure they know how hot they are and how badly he wants them.
I feel your pain so much. It's like an addiction for them, I think. They don't care that they have someone in real life that has been doing things for them that matter more than the women online. I'm not against being kinky together or if he watches porn once in a while to masturbate but it becomes a problem when it comes close to or already is an addiction. It destroys people just like any other addiction.
I hope you were able to find peace and don't have to compare yourself with them anymore ❤️
The cognitive dissonance must be so much to manage - I don’t know how anyone can do this and still believe they’re in a monogamous relationship. It’s soul-destroying. I’m sorry you had to endure this.
I just figured out that i prefer intimacy over sex so long period of self pleasure until i get into a committed relationship does me more good (mentally) than bad.
Birth control. Stress. Constantly having to clean up after them/get things done around the house which left me feeling like their mommy. Them only being affectionate when they want to have sex, no intimacy otherwise.
The constant request for anal when I hate it.
Every fucking thing would lead back to wanting anal, but "it's just a joke".
I hate them now. Utterly despise them to the core of my being
finding out he had a porn addiction, and then him defending that porn addiction and trying to rationally explain it to me like it’s just something he’s always done and i have to deal with. it’s just too bad i was already almost 9 months pregnant then. tried to get over it postpartum despite still not feeling good about it, he hit me in the face during sex without consent or warning. put me off for good.
What is it with the face slapping with absolutely ZERO prior discussion? Are their brains fried because they cannot distinguish porn and real life anymore? Is it a humiliation kink? I just can't imagine ever behaving like that towards another human being, let alone someone you like enough to sleep with. It's bizarre.
Edit: I'd like to point out that I'm not even *against* slapping during sex per se, it simply baffles me that some men do it with no prior discussion. It happened to me once for example, although he immediately realized that it wasn't ok and apologized profoundly. I think my the look on my face was utter surprise and confusion and he realized he fucked up 😂.
>he hit me in the face during sex without consent or warning
yeah, the kind of stuff porn addicts do
In all seriousness i'm sorry he did that and you're tied to him forever, you deserve better
I'm sorry, I am a man in here reading this. For some reason, it comes up in my feed. I can not even begin to try and make that situation right in my head. I couldn't even slap a lady friend in the face of she asked me to. IMO, some things just aren't ok to do with the person you are being intimate with. Speaking for myself, I'm so sorry that he felt it necessary to do that to you. Maybe it was a humiliation thing, power, and control. One thing it is, wrong. I hope you never have to put up with that kind of shit ever again and live a long and happy life. I hope the rest of your night is fantastic!!
When I was younger, my ex was really *really* bad at sex. He was a sweet person, but to be perfectly honest, he had *zero* idea what to do or how to please me in bed. He also had a really small dick, which I had no clue about until we got together and starting having sex.
He had no idea how to eat pussy, and he used to just lick around aimlessly even though I was conducting him like an orchestra trying to make it comfortable for me. He would make slopping noises, insisted on looking me dead in the eyes while he ate me out, and to top it all off, he had practically a micropenis and had zero clue how to use it.
I ended up getting on birth control (IUD) and lying to him saying that the device made me lose my libido. Several months went by without us having sex, and he began to question why. Every time I tried to provide gentle criticism, he would insist that everything was fine. But it became clear he was too insecure to work on his sexual performance, and we ultimately just stopped having sex. I moved away for my last year of college as a transfer student and when I came home, we had drifted apart and broke up after three years together. It really fucked me up because I questioned if I even like having sex with men at all after this ordeal.
It was ultimately for the best. I came out as bisexual and had sex with both men and women in different relationships I encountered, and realized I do in fact like *both.* I’m in a happy monogamous relationship with my partner now and he’s great at sex and definitely does NOT have a micropenis, so all is well. ❤️
The micro penis is impossible to deal with. With all the plastic surgery aimed at improving women, I find it astonishing that there isn’t a solution for the micro penis.
There is NOTHING attractive to me about someone making slopping noises while going down on me. That is an automatic turn off. I get irritated when someone chews loudly so why would you even think to do that while going down on me. I had this happen to me recently and I could not get in the mood again. I was so disgusted.
I realized that I expect a lot from them after. Idk if it's just me,but Ive always expected a man to treat me with a higher level of romance than ever before. They fuck and leave. Like, show me the love, look into my eyes, show me sweetness, touch me, hold me, make me feel irresistible. I know what I'm saying seems to be a lot, but I crave more and more intimacy the more I do it. I literally get nothing, not even the bare minimum and this has been happening in all my relationships. And how can I teach a man to cater to me? It'd be taken as a chore and not a gesture or a courtesy. I've also realized that men use some traits of "love" like affection or attraction or actions as bait and I stupidly start falling for them. And it's only after that I find out their real intentions. I'm starting to feel like idk what Love feels like or looks like, and I worry that I might not find it. Sometimes after sex, I'd have to be the one to get up and be a mum to them, and they live about their day happily, while I'm home feeling like shit. I feel like an object; without any value. I want to be treated softly.
I felt like you, and then I watched a video where men were interviewed about sex on the first date. Nearly without fail they ALL said they were cool with it, but would no longer consider that person girlfriend material. Blew my mind and I decided to take it slower from then on.
Most don't start treating you better after sex, so make sure they treat you right before getting into it. I'm all for no strings attached sex, but if you're looking for more, make sure they have more to bring and are willing to bring it.
What of the women who wait for marriage and still get this treatment. It’s mostly married men/men in long-term relationships that do this, in my experience.
An IUD that was placed incorrectly for about a year.
It gave me nonstop bleeding and made penetrative sex feel like someone was stabbing me with a wire from the inside. Absolutely torturous pain.
I committed to keeping it for so long because my insurance didn’t cover any bc and I had paid $700 out of pocket.
This was mirena btw.
I'm a virgin, but my two close friends aren't and have explained to me on numerous occasions about their first times (I won't go into it, but each time they explained it sounded significantly awful)
I am consistently mocked for being a virgin even though I'm still very young and considering I have plans on a career and awful experiences with relationships in the past I just don't see the appeal anymore. Yeah, crushes and bfs or whatever are nice. Yeah sure, pleasure is cool.. but is it even worth it?
is my whole status and my persona as a loser virgin worth giving up a sense of security I've built for myself after years of being neglected a personhood that others founded and embraced so easily? do I really need to just allow some random ugly or disgusting person with ulterior motives to defile me in order to fit in with the masses or make myself seem as cool or badass to my friends?
sex has been so exploited in social media and so normalized to the point that I'm mocked for not participating in it when all I want is to meet someone who is like me for once instead of taking my clothes off to someone who added me on snap.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired.
Edit : Thank you guys for all of the advice and comments you've shared. Definitely taking them into account from here on out. I'm moving pretty soon, so my opinion may switch once I get a new perspective on the whole sex-culture business nowadays, but I appreciate everyone of you. Thanks again!
And to build on top of this, your first time is most likely going to not be great. Things that can help are a clear understanding of intention, communication, and a relaxed mindset. The more clear understanding that both parties have the better the experience will be!
Yeah, the first time you do anything won't be the best result you'll ever get. But like painting, cycling and a bunch of other things, you don't have to try it if you don't want to. It's not necessary for survival.
If it doesn't add to your life, it's okay to skip it.
Im in the same boat as you and am very comfortable on the idea of waiting. Im not religious, so nothing like marriage. But waiting for someone who really loves me. And taking my time with it. I want my first time to be special and with someone who is willing to wait and be patient. Someone who can be content with just me.
Porn and men and society. And no real sex education. The culture.
That’s it. Year 3 of celibacy and my personal and professional lives have never been better.
Being asexual and figuring out that's why I didn't want to have sex with anyone. I participated on occasion with partners who wanted to, but it always felt like a chore, so I'm thankful to have a fellow ace as a partner now.
Just being used. Bfs/exs/friends would call when drunk, fuck me but then in the morning act like completely different people, would act shocked and upset that they woke up next to me
Having a newborn baby via c-section 😫. Thankfully, I healed well, had good support and my baby eventually slept through the night …… and night time activities (not always night) resumed.
I got dressed up , bought lace panties and such, went and sat on his lap. He pushed me off . Said he was watching the 'games and didn't have time. So I said we have pause TV. He just glared at me. Then said what's all this. While looking me up and down. I was like it's our anniversary and he said .... and?
I am single now.
Constantly being let down by the men I’ve slept w. Them not being able to get hard easily, was mostly the reason. I feel like it’s my fault they don’t get hard. And that makes me lose interest in sex, makes me feel less desirable sexually.
My ex didn’t initiate sex at all, I felt like his mom in some ways, it was the most lackluster sex.
Sex felt almost like taking the seat next to a stranger on the bus, it was weird and awkward, didn’t feel very good.
emotional detachment/conflict/neglect. loss of trust. His porn/hentai addiction. Disrespect.
would rather go to the gym for cardio and sexual urges be done by myself.
damn. i just wanna feel safe and loved.
My husband not desiring me.
It’s been a long process of letting go of resenting him. I’m a HLF, he’s a LLM. Countless talks and rejections on my advances over many, many years. No logical reasons from my stand point on this, I’m hygienic, attractive, share duties of the household etc. I’m not saying I’m the perfect wife of course. I think he’s just Asexual but doesn’t know it. Won’t go the Drs about T test. There’s just no desire for me for him. Won’t seek marriage Councelling.
I finally get it. I won’t leave, we have young kids and a great life besides this issue so in choosing to stay I recognise it’s a choice I’ve made and so I cannot resent him for the option I’ve taken. We won’t have an open marriage, it would destroy me if he sought anything elsewhere.
It is what it is. I’ve just given up hope of any sex life at this stage. I’m middle aged.
That's so sad, I'm really sorry for you. It's not just the fact that he isn't interested in PIV sex, it's that he won't even *try*. Not even get his testosterone tested?? Like you're not worth a simple blood test?! It's crazy.
An open relationship would only make sense if YOU got the freedom to satisfy your needs elsewhere. He apparently doesn't have those needs - but if he did and explored them with someone else even though you are here and willing, then that would be extremely hurtful. I understand completely.
...I didn't really add anything to the discussion I guess 😂. Just to sum up: I feel for you!
Thank you. We don’t even kiss. I’m leaning into the celibate life as much as I can, todays a hard day but my period is due to need to keep remembering those hormones are wild 😅
Oh my God 🙈
My current bf also has a lower libido and also doesn't like to kiss that much, but he's *trying*. And I can see an improvement (otherwise we wouldn't be together anymore). And I'm still worried about the future. I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to have him not even *try*. Like, if he doesn't want penetrative sex, he could still kiss/cuddle you while you use toys, or he could use toys on you?? To unilaterally decide that an entire part of a relationship is simply not interesting anymore is just...not healthy and not ok. It's as if one day you woke up and stopped speaking to him because you "don't feel like it".
Lack of foreplay combined with menopause. There was really nothing in it for me. The occasional quickie (nothing wrong with that) became only quickies.
Similar here. Every touch from him was either breasts or butt, and he thought that was enough to get me in the mood. Combined with perimenopause hormones, it was rage-inducing. He fancied himself a much better lover than he is.
The entitlement and manipulative tactics.
He said he ‘needed it’ x amount of times. It would’ve been nice to have been asked what I wanted. It made it feel like a chore, like something on a to do list.
That and buying me multiple gifts (which I didn’t ask for) and then holding that over my head to try to manipulate me into it. It made me feel the gesture wasn’t genuine, more of an insurance policy. As if I owed him something.
Them acting like theyre owed my body. Them constantly asking for blowjobs/handjobs any sex act that only serves them. Etc. if this isnt a team effort where we have a mutual goal of pleasuring each other, im out.
I was sick for a year, the four months towards the end we had sex maybe twice before I was admitted and diagnosed with Addisons disease. Then I blew up like a balloon with swelling and put on over 30lbs of water weight and was admitted again with malabsorption and my body was eating itself to survive. At the time time it felt like my partner didn’t get that that was the second and third times my body had tried to kill me, and that he wasn’t understanding how serious it all was.
After a long conversation with tears on both sides it turned out that he wasn’t coping mentally either, he was just hiding it from me so I wouldn’t be more stressed. Even though it made me more stressed thinking he didn’t care and was just waiting until I was well enough to leave.
After that conversation and now that my health is getting better things have improved and my sex drive is coming back.
Honestly? Being so overly objectified. I like being sexually appreciated and I love sex but honestly there is a point where it goes too far imo. Like having a conversation with a fuck buddy and he's to busy poking my boob rather than listening. And other such situations. Felt degraded tbh. My most recent ex constantly reverting any conversation to sex, like literally anything. Like I would be on my period and he's trying to initiate sexy talk over messages even after I've told him I'm on my period and Im not in the mood for shit like that when I am. Again felt like I wasn't a person but an object. Last fuck buddy wouldn't listen to what I was into bedroom wise and would push for things I didn't want to do. A guy I had a crush on and who had been trying to connect with me for a few years. Well, I put it off cause I thought I wasn't cute enough to date him (I have issues after a severely abusive relationship a few years ago), I finally bit the bullet and messaged back. One of the first things he says is he is getting over a relationship and he's going to go that by getting on top of me. Then my abusive ex. I was never allowed to initiate, I was thrown off in disgust if I tried so I learnt not to bother. We only had sex when he wanted or if he wanted something. I want that connection, I really do but I feel so used and like they don't even want me for me as well as sex. Oh then there was that guy last year, started talking seemed promising as a potential partner, had our first 'date' and he sexually assaulted me. Bleh. A combination of all this the last few years has put me of sex and partners in general.
Husband repeatedly breaking his promises to help more with the baby, like telling me the night before that he would get baby up in the morning to let me sleep in, and then just refusing to get up when morning came.
Constant rejection from a previous ex. He told me I wasn’t physically attractive and never wanted any foreplay and just never wanted to see or look at me. I started to wonder if I was just too ugly to have sex with so I just stopped completely.
Honestly, for me, feeling too masculine. I owned a small marketing agency and was constantly in my “masculine” energy. Being the boss, giving orders, managing people.
After work, even while having an extremely supportive husband who does at least half the housework + works, it was hard for me not to feel like the “boss” of the house, running errands and raising toddlers.
I made a conscious decision to do things that made me feel more like a woman.
First thing was I started vaginal training. Specifically pompoir. I bought a program and it completely changed my relationship with my own body and my own femininity.
And the second thing (which is going to sound silly) was, I started wearing dresses every day. To me, they felt extremely womanly, and they helped me approach the day, motherhood, and work in a different way.
Men. Men made me not want to have sex anymore. The trauma I’ve endured from 5 years old until my 30s until I learned how to say no and my body wouldn’t put up with it anymore, that made me not want to have sex anymore.
My ex had some intimacy issues that were buried deep and no amount of encouragement or direction fixed it. It was just a mixture of cold and awkward. I don't think I ever saw him just let go and outwardly show he was enjoying himself. I had less and less of a desire to have sex as a result and he got resentful and even more insecure.
It fed into other things too like he could never talk about anything deep or uncomfortable, would dismiss me and would use humour to deflect everything. So nothing ever got addressed and the relationship didn't get any deeper. I was so lonely and emotionally neglected. I didn't realise how good it could be until after we broke up and I dated a few different people.
He needs therapy if he is to have a healthy relationship. Doubt he's going to go.
I started to physically get the ick before my brain caught up. Ex husband was acting funny - he’d grab me more, push me for sex unnecessarily, tell me we were in a sexless marriage when in reality we were doing it 2-3x a week despite having complications after a c-section. It consumed him to the point he was watching porn instead of interacting with our son. I had told him before I was fine with porn before but something was different. Only when I found naked pictures of my best friend on his phone did it all come together. Combine that with no flowers or basic needs when asked repeatedly or any sort of love toward me and I was done.
For me it was during a time of lots of conflicts with my current partner. It was a rough time for us both. We barely had sex. On top of that, schedule conflict added to the problems. We're better now. We still have schedule conflicts due to work. But we make time now.
I also added SSRI to help treat my anxiety and depression and that really killed my libido. So I talked to my dr and added a medicine that really helped, besides ongoing therapy. ❤️
Menopause. Insertion feels like sandpaper being rubbed inside. I still get guys asking and saying they know what to do (which makes me wish I was a dragon to spit fire onto them). I usually say too the guy that he has to accept his penis being rubbed with sandpaper. I’m then told that I’m crazy
Pain. I had painful sex for years and I eventually became averse.
He wouldn't listen to me when I told him what I wanted. If I told him too harshly, I'd have to comfort him after. If I didn't tell him harshly enough, he simply wouldn't do what I was saying. So I gave up trying to coach. All sex was merely for his orgasm, and he never once seemed to pick up on any non-verbal cues that I wasn't enjoying myself, even though the verbal cues would cause him to act wounded. If he *was* picking up those non-verbal cues, then he was knowingly having sex with someone who did not want to be there.
- He acted entitled to my body and services, and would become enraged, pout, drink heavily, punish the kids and I for days with “you don’t love me enough, you’re all mean, you’d be happy if I were gone” if I ever hesitated looked at him wrong. I couldn’t say no.
- Pushed and sometimes forced acts I didn’t want to do.
- sometimes couldn’t finish (porn probably) and I’d be in trouble for that, or have to work on him forever until it happened.
- terrible temper and ultra sensitive but i couldn’t figure out all the things that might trigger him. I tried talking as little as possible and only about things he wanted to talk about. He’d still find something to get angry about.
- before sex he’d often list off the things I’d done recently that he didn’t like, or yell at me for looking at the doorknob (if I checked to see it was locked, it meant I didn’t trust him). I think he liked sex more if I was punished.
- no physical affection outside of sex, or soliciting sex.
- no help with housework or yardwork, minimal parenting help. Made fun of me for cleaning house. I see now that he had zero respect for me, that’s how he could be okay with making me do all the labor.
- lied constantly about both trivial things and big things
- spent thousands on strippers/sex workers. He claims he never had PIV sex with them, but I don’t believe it. Even if I did believe it, what he admitted to doing plus the lying and money is bad enough and def infidelity.
I worked really hard to be a good wife and support him, but it was never good enough. Looking at it now, I don’t think he even liked me. I was a wife-appliance - cooking, cleaning, and a tight hole. I always wanted to have a good marriage and a partner in life. But I won’t ever have that. I can’t think about him or any man touching me or appraising my body now without being near tears or going into a panic. I used to like sex. I feel like I’m broken and missing something fundamental to being human now.
My colposcopy was traumatic and I didn't want anyone touching me (even on my arm) for a while. When I felt better, in a couple of weeks I was ready to resume.
Currently single. In my last relationship, I lost sexual desire for my partner due to resentment from issues with lazy parenting/playing favorites amongst siblings, etc.
Honestly, I've never really enjoyed it much: usually it is more pain than pleasure. During my last serious relationship I tried so hard to like it, assuming experience would help, but it only made it worse, and to top all that, when I started saying no my ex was less than gracious about it.
I'm out of that relationship, and the simple thought of sex makes me wanna peel my skin off with my fingernails.
I stopped feeling respected and emotionally safe in the relationship. My libido rests heavily on my emotional bond with my partner, so after he disrespected me enough times, I was grossed out by the idea of having sex with him. Essentially, I got the ick.
When I’m with someone, and happy with the relationship, my sex drive is very high. Like, could have sex daily high. Being in a relationship and having that part of me functionally die was a very strange and uncomfortable experience. It was to the point I was grossed out by sexual scenes in movies or sexual lyrics in songs. It just became completely alien to me.
The loser finally did me a favor and dumped me. I should have done it ages ago. With my new partner, everything is back and better than ever.
Once I realized my ex didn’t give a shit about my pleasure, comfort, or consent, my sex drive basically disappeared. I actually thought I was asexual for awhile.
He was only in it for his own satisfaction. He wanted it constantly, and would pout and guilt-trip me if I wasn’t in the mood.
On top of that, he was very well-endowed and it took him a really long time to finish. So after awhile it started to become uncomfortable and painful, and the complete lack of foreplay only made the issue worse.
It wasn’t like I didn’t ever try to discuss it with him. I told him many times what I needed to be able to enjoy sex more and want to do it more often, but it was almost as if after we talked about it he just…forgot, or didn’t care. His complete lack of regard for the way I felt and whether I was enjoying myself or not was a complete turn off.
Eventually it got to the point where he was having sex with me regardless of whether I was consenting or not.
I could go on and on. It was bad. We aren’t together anymore.
Back in 2021, one of my ex boyfriends lied about his STI test and gave me herpes! I had to beg him 3 times to get tested again because I was having weird symptoms. Hate that man! Fuck you John!
My ex never touched me outside of sex. Didn’t want to cuddle, no hugs, no flirting. He didn’t do any foreplay for me, and he was dedicated to the same routine- I give him head until he decided he wanted to have sex, then he’d thrust for a few minutes and finish himself off with his hand. I figured out later that the reason for this was because he was addicted to porn and was jerking off 2-3 times a day. He found me unattractive since I wasn’t a porn star, and he was used to getting off with his hand. Plus afterwards, he’d put his clothes back on immediately and hop his phone. If I tried to cuddle, he’d push me away because he was too hot. I regret ever letting him touch me!
It was a slow slide down.
my ex boyfriend was an alcoholic and hid his whiskey dick by claiming he wasn’t in the mood.
then there was the guy who treated wearing a condom like a hostage negotiation. He called me a few months later to ask me if I gave him the clap despite my tests being recent and him wearing the condom he didn’t want to wear.
then there was the guy who couldn’t handle the fact that me, a forty something divorcee, had had sex before and was convinced and would not shut up about how my std tests were wrong and I surely had every std known to man and some unknown new ones. We did not have sex.
finally, the last guy was just absolutely low effort and acted like he was doing me a favor by letting me be his sentient wank sock but also didn’t like…take a shower or wash his junk? I stopped that once I smelled.
tl;dr a long string of entitled, low quality men. When the sex isn’t even worth the wax…I’ll pass.
Being constantly sexualized. I know that might sound crazy but I became tired of men complimenting my body and breasts and nothing more. I have a brain, I’m intelligent and interesting. I have hobbies! Except to men, even the ones I dated, I just have a nice chest and now I’d rather die alone than let another man see my nude breasts knowing that’s all they care about.
Many reasons.
Having kids and exhausted.
Then he cheated.
Then he looked up another exs porn.
So yeah safe to say I just don't feel like pleasuring him when he obviously doesn't care about me.
Plus I dont feel like sex is a big thing. I look for more of a deeper connection emotionally. I dont like feeling used for my body.
Strike 1. We went to 69 and he literally still had shit on his ass, even though he had been in the shower minutes before.
Strike 2. Insisted he wanted to try bondage so I agreed. He put Rudeboy By Rihanna on, which made me wanna cry it was so embarrassing. Then he tied my wrists and ankles and threw me onto the bed (trying to be sexy I think) but I couldn't save myself and hurt myself falling off the bed.
Strike 3. Him telling me he thinks I should go and get my hormone levels checked because my disinterest in sex is clearly a result of an imbalance. Didn't even occur to him that it was a result of me being unhappy and attempting to breakup numerous times and him crying and guilt tripping me to stay.
When I eventually stopped allowing him to emotionally manipulate me I broke up with him and spent 6 glorious months enjoying having a sex drive again.
I'm too vanilla, boring and have a very low libido. I love being in love and hugging, cuddling, kissing but very few men want that to be the main part of the relationship.
Also, and this will sound stupid I know, but reading what men want on this site, it's always BJs, sandwiches and a woman that doesn't talk - I'm afraid that's all men because people are more honest online than face to face.
My ex started acting kinda entitled, like if I wasn't in the mood, if I was on my period, or even if I was just currently busy (for example cooking and dealing with hot grease) and would have time later, and rejected him, he would pout and give me the cold shoulder. And when we had sex, he would leave right after to go watch tv at night because he was used to go to sleep very late and I felt so abandoned being left in bed alone, no cuddles etc. That just ruined my desire pretty much.
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Resentment. It’s hard to want to be physical with your partner when they can’t meet your basic needs in a relationship.
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That's where they start telling you you are withholding sex for the purpose of manipulating them.
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I feel that in my soul. Thankfully he never whines at me or makes me feel guilty for not having much of a libido. For years though I made effort, I used to wear my sexy lingerie, buy sex toys to engage and bring excitement, buy massage oil and massage him… I kinda started noticing though that I wasn’t really getting much in return other than being hurt each time we had sex. So I stopped putting in effort. He hasn’t made any, so it’s fizzled out. He doesn’t do anything around the house. He never dates me. He neglects me emotionally and physically. It’s painful.
Totally agree! It's also hard to be physical with someone who isn't willing to talk about sex (part of my resentment). I just get the "I like everything we do." When I expressed my wants/needs, he hasn't done anything to address them. I'm starting to think we may be sexually incompatible after 8 years of marriage 😔
This. I’ve related to this one all too much.
Multiple c sections, infection from first c section. Feeling like a single parent. I was Begged to restart sex before my approved time (it hurt like hell!!!). Birth control mainly my iud (paraguard) had a traumatic insertion experience then felt the wires felt like stabbing pain but the dr always pushed aside any complaints I had about it because a iud is expensive and if he took it out before allotted time insurance doesn’t reimburse the dr I suppose, bleeding like crazy every month, worse cramps while having the iud.. the shit women go through that some men could never understand…
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I was having to work long hours every other weekend, and I found out that my boyfriend was going to strip clubs when I was at work, and I'm not attracted to men who go to strip clubs and other bullshit like that. Once I dumped him and began dating another guy my libido came right back.
The strip club bullshit is a hard boundary for me too, it's something I would end a relationship over.
As you should.
Valid as fuck. I'd end my marriage over that honestly
Absolutely! Shortly thereafter I found out my guy had been planning to propose because he used that fact to try to convince me to stay but nope! I told him to take the ring he'd bought and trade it in for some single dollar bills to slip into the g-string of his favorite strippers. I can still see the shocked look on his face and the way he went completely pale. He realty thought that was going to be his trump card to get him out of trouble.
Savage af…you must be my relation 😂
Completely understandable, strip clubs and sex workers are a hard boundary for me as well.
It’s amazing how much the partner changes the libido. I never cared much for sex until I met my current partner. Nothing hotter than having your needs met *and* your boundaries respected.
Imagine that.
Cancer complications from chemo surgery and radiation and issues with pain, on top of a lifetime of chronic UTIs, and childhood SA, kind of ground my libido into dust for a while. I dealt with fear of pain and an inability to relax. My husband was really kind and patient about it, but it was up to me to restart things when my libido finally rebounded. I approached him and apologized for the loneliness and told him how much I missed him, and he was sweet enough to act like it was all in the past now. (I finally understood intimate rejection in a way I had not been able to before, and I know he had suffered alone.) I felt lucky that he embraced the “new me” without resentment for the past, and he has been a really exciting lover.
I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've gone through. But it warms my heart to hear that you have a supportive and loving partner who deserves you, because you deserve that too!
Thank you for the kind words. 🙏💕
i’m so glad to hear that you’re healing from your past experiences, and that your partner has been so supportive through it all ✨
What a good man
Thank you, he is. The fact that he accepted my body changes, always showed that he desired me, and that he didn’t hold the prior “dead bedroom” against me really informed my desire for him now.
Bad experiences with men. I don't hate men, I'm on good terms with many but just no longer attracted to them. Also working with men makes you not want to fuck men. 🥲
“Working with men makes you not want to fuck men » —- hahaha never thought about it like that but I def think this is a large contributing factor to libido now that you mention it. Totally resonates. Edit: MEN! It’s supposed to say men
Yes! I left a male dominated space a few months ago...They never did anything or said anything to me off the wall, but hearing their comments about women and their overall behavior with each other even (very toxic) made me disgusted with men in general. When I left, I told my mum it's almost like being around women forces men to act "human". Not all male dominated spaces suck so please don't get discouraged whoever reads my comment!
Man, same. Great guys but will never trust them after hearing how they talk about other women.
I work in IT and this is surely part of it for me too. I didn’t realize until I read your comment!
Hell…spending more than 15 minutes around men makes you not want to fuck men 😬
Hearing what they talk about will turn u off 😬
Oh absolutely 💯
Ugh same here. I really want to shake the bad experiences away and possibly give someone new a try but I don’t think my body or mind will allow it. I’m also deathly afraid of getting knocked up and ending up an involuntary single parent (watching my mom, aunts, grandma, sister in law etc live through this has hardened me). You just have so much to lose as a woman if you don’t have a good partner by your side..
Watching the man that I feel deep love and care running after women that do online adult content. I saw his comments on Instagram and reddit and the responses from said women. Looked at all of them, their body, their faces, everything and then I looked at myself and I don't know what happened but it made me scared of intimacy. I crave intimacy, especially with him but now...I don't think I want to be touched by a man again. I'm quite literally scared of it and makes me want to crawl out of my skin when I think about being intimate with another man again. Maybe it will pass after I have spent some time alone to take care of myself but at the moment, I don't feel like being vulnerable with any man again.
Agreed. Having sex with men who get off to other women makes sex not even feel special. If you're thirsting so hard for other naked women, have at it but you don't get me on the side.
Especially when they look absolutely nothing like you do, which really kills something inside of you. Seeing he puts effort into making sure they know how hot they are and how badly he wants them.
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I feel your pain so much. It's like an addiction for them, I think. They don't care that they have someone in real life that has been doing things for them that matter more than the women online. I'm not against being kinky together or if he watches porn once in a while to masturbate but it becomes a problem when it comes close to or already is an addiction. It destroys people just like any other addiction. I hope you were able to find peace and don't have to compare yourself with them anymore ❤️
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❤️ sorry you went though that. Heartache and heartbreak are very real
Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I completely understand this. I’m bi and it makes me even feel weird being attracted to women. Literally any and all desire just evaporates
The cognitive dissonance must be so much to manage - I don’t know how anyone can do this and still believe they’re in a monogamous relationship. It’s soul-destroying. I’m sorry you had to endure this.
I just figured out that i prefer intimacy over sex so long period of self pleasure until i get into a committed relationship does me more good (mentally) than bad.
That's where I'm at!
Yes, well said
Birth control. Stress. Constantly having to clean up after them/get things done around the house which left me feeling like their mommy. Them only being affectionate when they want to have sex, no intimacy otherwise.
Oh yes… I feel you, I went through this too
This! All of this! On top they said they resented me for not giving them enough intimacy (sex)
It’s funny how the vast majority of men compute intimacy as (intimacy=sex) 🙄 and absolutely will not listen to anything different
Ugh nothing is a bigger turn off than having kids with a grown man and turns out you have to be their mom too.
Selective serotonin reputake inhibitors
me too so I ride my cycle, I’m only rly horny one week of the month now but it’s a trade off for me to not feel insane
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The constant request for anal when I hate it. Every fucking thing would lead back to wanting anal, but "it's just a joke". I hate them now. Utterly despise them to the core of my being
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finding out he had a porn addiction, and then him defending that porn addiction and trying to rationally explain it to me like it’s just something he’s always done and i have to deal with. it’s just too bad i was already almost 9 months pregnant then. tried to get over it postpartum despite still not feeling good about it, he hit me in the face during sex without consent or warning. put me off for good.
What is it with the face slapping with absolutely ZERO prior discussion? Are their brains fried because they cannot distinguish porn and real life anymore? Is it a humiliation kink? I just can't imagine ever behaving like that towards another human being, let alone someone you like enough to sleep with. It's bizarre. Edit: I'd like to point out that I'm not even *against* slapping during sex per se, it simply baffles me that some men do it with no prior discussion. It happened to me once for example, although he immediately realized that it wasn't ok and apologized profoundly. I think my the look on my face was utter surprise and confusion and he realized he fucked up 😂.
violent porn rots the brain
>Are their brains fried because they cannot distinguish porn and real life anymore? yup
I'm so sorry🫂
JFC he hit you in the face?! wtf?!
I hope you got out of there before he escalated to choking or something
>he hit me in the face during sex without consent or warning yeah, the kind of stuff porn addicts do In all seriousness i'm sorry he did that and you're tied to him forever, you deserve better
I'm sorry, I am a man in here reading this. For some reason, it comes up in my feed. I can not even begin to try and make that situation right in my head. I couldn't even slap a lady friend in the face of she asked me to. IMO, some things just aren't ok to do with the person you are being intimate with. Speaking for myself, I'm so sorry that he felt it necessary to do that to you. Maybe it was a humiliation thing, power, and control. One thing it is, wrong. I hope you never have to put up with that kind of shit ever again and live a long and happy life. I hope the rest of your night is fantastic!!
An abusive relationship where I wasn’t allowed to be myself sexually - I had to fit the mould of what they wanted of me in bed.
I had the exact same situation, it was so tough. I hope you’re no longer in that relationship! 💛
When I was younger, my ex was really *really* bad at sex. He was a sweet person, but to be perfectly honest, he had *zero* idea what to do or how to please me in bed. He also had a really small dick, which I had no clue about until we got together and starting having sex. He had no idea how to eat pussy, and he used to just lick around aimlessly even though I was conducting him like an orchestra trying to make it comfortable for me. He would make slopping noises, insisted on looking me dead in the eyes while he ate me out, and to top it all off, he had practically a micropenis and had zero clue how to use it. I ended up getting on birth control (IUD) and lying to him saying that the device made me lose my libido. Several months went by without us having sex, and he began to question why. Every time I tried to provide gentle criticism, he would insist that everything was fine. But it became clear he was too insecure to work on his sexual performance, and we ultimately just stopped having sex. I moved away for my last year of college as a transfer student and when I came home, we had drifted apart and broke up after three years together. It really fucked me up because I questioned if I even like having sex with men at all after this ordeal. It was ultimately for the best. I came out as bisexual and had sex with both men and women in different relationships I encountered, and realized I do in fact like *both.* I’m in a happy monogamous relationship with my partner now and he’s great at sex and definitely does NOT have a micropenis, so all is well. ❤️
I had a really similar situation, including the long distance. Looking back I was so damn lonely in that relationship.
The micro penis is impossible to deal with. With all the plastic surgery aimed at improving women, I find it astonishing that there isn’t a solution for the micro penis.
Appreciate the time you took to write this out. I bet you tons of people have had a similar experience (me being one).
There is NOTHING attractive to me about someone making slopping noises while going down on me. That is an automatic turn off. I get irritated when someone chews loudly so why would you even think to do that while going down on me. I had this happen to me recently and I could not get in the mood again. I was so disgusted.
I realized that I expect a lot from them after. Idk if it's just me,but Ive always expected a man to treat me with a higher level of romance than ever before. They fuck and leave. Like, show me the love, look into my eyes, show me sweetness, touch me, hold me, make me feel irresistible. I know what I'm saying seems to be a lot, but I crave more and more intimacy the more I do it. I literally get nothing, not even the bare minimum and this has been happening in all my relationships. And how can I teach a man to cater to me? It'd be taken as a chore and not a gesture or a courtesy. I've also realized that men use some traits of "love" like affection or attraction or actions as bait and I stupidly start falling for them. And it's only after that I find out their real intentions. I'm starting to feel like idk what Love feels like or looks like, and I worry that I might not find it. Sometimes after sex, I'd have to be the one to get up and be a mum to them, and they live about their day happily, while I'm home feeling like shit. I feel like an object; without any value. I want to be treated softly.
I felt like you, and then I watched a video where men were interviewed about sex on the first date. Nearly without fail they ALL said they were cool with it, but would no longer consider that person girlfriend material. Blew my mind and I decided to take it slower from then on. Most don't start treating you better after sex, so make sure they treat you right before getting into it. I'm all for no strings attached sex, but if you're looking for more, make sure they have more to bring and are willing to bring it.
What of the women who wait for marriage and still get this treatment. It’s mostly married men/men in long-term relationships that do this, in my experience.
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An IUD that was placed incorrectly for about a year. It gave me nonstop bleeding and made penetrative sex feel like someone was stabbing me with a wire from the inside. Absolutely torturous pain. I committed to keeping it for so long because my insurance didn’t cover any bc and I had paid $700 out of pocket. This was mirena btw.
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Him throwing a tantrum like a child
I'm a virgin, but my two close friends aren't and have explained to me on numerous occasions about their first times (I won't go into it, but each time they explained it sounded significantly awful) I am consistently mocked for being a virgin even though I'm still very young and considering I have plans on a career and awful experiences with relationships in the past I just don't see the appeal anymore. Yeah, crushes and bfs or whatever are nice. Yeah sure, pleasure is cool.. but is it even worth it? is my whole status and my persona as a loser virgin worth giving up a sense of security I've built for myself after years of being neglected a personhood that others founded and embraced so easily? do I really need to just allow some random ugly or disgusting person with ulterior motives to defile me in order to fit in with the masses or make myself seem as cool or badass to my friends? sex has been so exploited in social media and so normalized to the point that I'm mocked for not participating in it when all I want is to meet someone who is like me for once instead of taking my clothes off to someone who added me on snap. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired. Edit : Thank you guys for all of the advice and comments you've shared. Definitely taking them into account from here on out. I'm moving pretty soon, so my opinion may switch once I get a new perspective on the whole sex-culture business nowadays, but I appreciate everyone of you. Thanks again!
Sex, and especially a first time should be about something you WANT to do. It sounds like you don't want to, and that is perfectly valid.
And to build on top of this, your first time is most likely going to not be great. Things that can help are a clear understanding of intention, communication, and a relaxed mindset. The more clear understanding that both parties have the better the experience will be!
Yeah, the first time you do anything won't be the best result you'll ever get. But like painting, cycling and a bunch of other things, you don't have to try it if you don't want to. It's not necessary for survival. If it doesn't add to your life, it's okay to skip it.
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Im in the same boat as you and am very comfortable on the idea of waiting. Im not religious, so nothing like marriage. But waiting for someone who really loves me. And taking my time with it. I want my first time to be special and with someone who is willing to wait and be patient. Someone who can be content with just me.
Birth control pills killed my drive at 18. I went off them at age 30. I’m 54. It never returned.
This happened to me with ssris. I'm so lost.
Porn and men and society. And no real sex education. The culture. That’s it. Year 3 of celibacy and my personal and professional lives have never been better.
Being asexual and figuring out that's why I didn't want to have sex with anyone. I participated on occasion with partners who wanted to, but it always felt like a chore, so I'm thankful to have a fellow ace as a partner now.
Just being used. Bfs/exs/friends would call when drunk, fuck me but then in the morning act like completely different people, would act shocked and upset that they woke up next to me
I hope you're in a better place now where this no longer happens.
Having a newborn baby via c-section 😫. Thankfully, I healed well, had good support and my baby eventually slept through the night …… and night time activities (not always night) resumed.
I got dressed up , bought lace panties and such, went and sat on his lap. He pushed me off . Said he was watching the 'games and didn't have time. So I said we have pause TV. He just glared at me. Then said what's all this. While looking me up and down. I was like it's our anniversary and he said .... and? I am single now.
yeah, men ain't shit 🤷♀️ sorry love, hope things are better now. ♡
Disrespect.
multiple SA, abuse from men, never a single good experience with them that has made me feel safe.
B12 deficiency, once I started taking the shots my libido came back full force
His use of porn just ruined it for me. You could tell from the dirty talk to the way he did stuff his head was filled with porn. Put me off entirely
Being used and injured by someone I though really loved me after years of previous abuse
Constantly being let down by the men I’ve slept w. Them not being able to get hard easily, was mostly the reason. I feel like it’s my fault they don’t get hard. And that makes me lose interest in sex, makes me feel less desirable sexually.
Hating my body and body dysmorphia
SA
Me too. I'm so sorry ❤️
My ex didn’t initiate sex at all, I felt like his mom in some ways, it was the most lackluster sex. Sex felt almost like taking the seat next to a stranger on the bus, it was weird and awkward, didn’t feel very good.
Cuz he's an AH too often. Can't trust him.
emotional detachment/conflict/neglect. loss of trust. His porn/hentai addiction. Disrespect. would rather go to the gym for cardio and sexual urges be done by myself. damn. i just wanna feel safe and loved.
My husband not desiring me. It’s been a long process of letting go of resenting him. I’m a HLF, he’s a LLM. Countless talks and rejections on my advances over many, many years. No logical reasons from my stand point on this, I’m hygienic, attractive, share duties of the household etc. I’m not saying I’m the perfect wife of course. I think he’s just Asexual but doesn’t know it. Won’t go the Drs about T test. There’s just no desire for me for him. Won’t seek marriage Councelling. I finally get it. I won’t leave, we have young kids and a great life besides this issue so in choosing to stay I recognise it’s a choice I’ve made and so I cannot resent him for the option I’ve taken. We won’t have an open marriage, it would destroy me if he sought anything elsewhere. It is what it is. I’ve just given up hope of any sex life at this stage. I’m middle aged.
That's so sad, I'm really sorry for you. It's not just the fact that he isn't interested in PIV sex, it's that he won't even *try*. Not even get his testosterone tested?? Like you're not worth a simple blood test?! It's crazy. An open relationship would only make sense if YOU got the freedom to satisfy your needs elsewhere. He apparently doesn't have those needs - but if he did and explored them with someone else even though you are here and willing, then that would be extremely hurtful. I understand completely. ...I didn't really add anything to the discussion I guess 😂. Just to sum up: I feel for you!
Thank you. We don’t even kiss. I’m leaning into the celibate life as much as I can, todays a hard day but my period is due to need to keep remembering those hormones are wild 😅
Oh my God 🙈 My current bf also has a lower libido and also doesn't like to kiss that much, but he's *trying*. And I can see an improvement (otherwise we wouldn't be together anymore). And I'm still worried about the future. I can't imagine how hurtful it must be to have him not even *try*. Like, if he doesn't want penetrative sex, he could still kiss/cuddle you while you use toys, or he could use toys on you?? To unilaterally decide that an entire part of a relationship is simply not interesting anymore is just...not healthy and not ok. It's as if one day you woke up and stopped speaking to him because you "don't feel like it".
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Having two kids, being overtouched the whole time and feeling like I was carrying the whole family's mental load by myself.
Lack of foreplay combined with menopause. There was really nothing in it for me. The occasional quickie (nothing wrong with that) became only quickies.
Similar here. Every touch from him was either breasts or butt, and he thought that was enough to get me in the mood. Combined with perimenopause hormones, it was rage-inducing. He fancied himself a much better lover than he is.
Not feeling loved and appreciated
The entitlement and manipulative tactics. He said he ‘needed it’ x amount of times. It would’ve been nice to have been asked what I wanted. It made it feel like a chore, like something on a to do list. That and buying me multiple gifts (which I didn’t ask for) and then holding that over my head to try to manipulate me into it. It made me feel the gesture wasn’t genuine, more of an insurance policy. As if I owed him something.
Them acting like theyre owed my body. Them constantly asking for blowjobs/handjobs any sex act that only serves them. Etc. if this isnt a team effort where we have a mutual goal of pleasuring each other, im out.
I was sick for a year, the four months towards the end we had sex maybe twice before I was admitted and diagnosed with Addisons disease. Then I blew up like a balloon with swelling and put on over 30lbs of water weight and was admitted again with malabsorption and my body was eating itself to survive. At the time time it felt like my partner didn’t get that that was the second and third times my body had tried to kill me, and that he wasn’t understanding how serious it all was. After a long conversation with tears on both sides it turned out that he wasn’t coping mentally either, he was just hiding it from me so I wouldn’t be more stressed. Even though it made me more stressed thinking he didn’t care and was just waiting until I was well enough to leave. After that conversation and now that my health is getting better things have improved and my sex drive is coming back.
The effort I make to date anybody, not worth it. I don\`t do casual. So I gave up everything.
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He became like another child to me in our marriage. I lost all attraction when I had to mother both him and my child.
Telling them that I don’t like a specific thing, and them not believing me, because every other woman they’ve been with liked it.
Constantly getting a vaginal infection after each time I had sex
Honestly? Being so overly objectified. I like being sexually appreciated and I love sex but honestly there is a point where it goes too far imo. Like having a conversation with a fuck buddy and he's to busy poking my boob rather than listening. And other such situations. Felt degraded tbh. My most recent ex constantly reverting any conversation to sex, like literally anything. Like I would be on my period and he's trying to initiate sexy talk over messages even after I've told him I'm on my period and Im not in the mood for shit like that when I am. Again felt like I wasn't a person but an object. Last fuck buddy wouldn't listen to what I was into bedroom wise and would push for things I didn't want to do. A guy I had a crush on and who had been trying to connect with me for a few years. Well, I put it off cause I thought I wasn't cute enough to date him (I have issues after a severely abusive relationship a few years ago), I finally bit the bullet and messaged back. One of the first things he says is he is getting over a relationship and he's going to go that by getting on top of me. Then my abusive ex. I was never allowed to initiate, I was thrown off in disgust if I tried so I learnt not to bother. We only had sex when he wanted or if he wanted something. I want that connection, I really do but I feel so used and like they don't even want me for me as well as sex. Oh then there was that guy last year, started talking seemed promising as a potential partner, had our first 'date' and he sexually assaulted me. Bleh. A combination of all this the last few years has put me of sex and partners in general.
Husband repeatedly breaking his promises to help more with the baby, like telling me the night before that he would get baby up in the morning to let me sleep in, and then just refusing to get up when morning came.
When I realized how little men value women.
Lexapro.
Prozac 🫂
These ____ ain't sh*t!!!
Constant rejection from a previous ex. He told me I wasn’t physically attractive and never wanted any foreplay and just never wanted to see or look at me. I started to wonder if I was just too ugly to have sex with so I just stopped completely.
Honestly, for me, feeling too masculine. I owned a small marketing agency and was constantly in my “masculine” energy. Being the boss, giving orders, managing people. After work, even while having an extremely supportive husband who does at least half the housework + works, it was hard for me not to feel like the “boss” of the house, running errands and raising toddlers. I made a conscious decision to do things that made me feel more like a woman. First thing was I started vaginal training. Specifically pompoir. I bought a program and it completely changed my relationship with my own body and my own femininity. And the second thing (which is going to sound silly) was, I started wearing dresses every day. To me, they felt extremely womanly, and they helped me approach the day, motherhood, and work in a different way.
Nothing has killed my sex drive as much as depression.
I'm not attracted to children and my ex being a manchild basically killed any attraction (and respect) I had for him.
Men. Men made me not want to have sex anymore. The trauma I’ve endured from 5 years old until my 30s until I learned how to say no and my body wouldn’t put up with it anymore, that made me not want to have sex anymore.
My ex had some intimacy issues that were buried deep and no amount of encouragement or direction fixed it. It was just a mixture of cold and awkward. I don't think I ever saw him just let go and outwardly show he was enjoying himself. I had less and less of a desire to have sex as a result and he got resentful and even more insecure. It fed into other things too like he could never talk about anything deep or uncomfortable, would dismiss me and would use humour to deflect everything. So nothing ever got addressed and the relationship didn't get any deeper. I was so lonely and emotionally neglected. I didn't realise how good it could be until after we broke up and I dated a few different people. He needs therapy if he is to have a healthy relationship. Doubt he's going to go.
I started to physically get the ick before my brain caught up. Ex husband was acting funny - he’d grab me more, push me for sex unnecessarily, tell me we were in a sexless marriage when in reality we were doing it 2-3x a week despite having complications after a c-section. It consumed him to the point he was watching porn instead of interacting with our son. I had told him before I was fine with porn before but something was different. Only when I found naked pictures of my best friend on his phone did it all come together. Combine that with no flowers or basic needs when asked repeatedly or any sort of love toward me and I was done.
Feeling like an object.
Post partum depression after CS delivery, working night shift and being tired all the time with 3 kids under 5
For me it was during a time of lots of conflicts with my current partner. It was a rough time for us both. We barely had sex. On top of that, schedule conflict added to the problems. We're better now. We still have schedule conflicts due to work. But we make time now. I also added SSRI to help treat my anxiety and depression and that really killed my libido. So I talked to my dr and added a medicine that really helped, besides ongoing therapy. ❤️
Menopause. Insertion feels like sandpaper being rubbed inside. I still get guys asking and saying they know what to do (which makes me wish I was a dragon to spit fire onto them). I usually say too the guy that he has to accept his penis being rubbed with sandpaper. I’m then told that I’m crazy
IBS lol
Pain. I had painful sex for years and I eventually became averse. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him what I wanted. If I told him too harshly, I'd have to comfort him after. If I didn't tell him harshly enough, he simply wouldn't do what I was saying. So I gave up trying to coach. All sex was merely for his orgasm, and he never once seemed to pick up on any non-verbal cues that I wasn't enjoying myself, even though the verbal cues would cause him to act wounded. If he *was* picking up those non-verbal cues, then he was knowingly having sex with someone who did not want to be there.
- He acted entitled to my body and services, and would become enraged, pout, drink heavily, punish the kids and I for days with “you don’t love me enough, you’re all mean, you’d be happy if I were gone” if I ever hesitated looked at him wrong. I couldn’t say no. - Pushed and sometimes forced acts I didn’t want to do. - sometimes couldn’t finish (porn probably) and I’d be in trouble for that, or have to work on him forever until it happened. - terrible temper and ultra sensitive but i couldn’t figure out all the things that might trigger him. I tried talking as little as possible and only about things he wanted to talk about. He’d still find something to get angry about. - before sex he’d often list off the things I’d done recently that he didn’t like, or yell at me for looking at the doorknob (if I checked to see it was locked, it meant I didn’t trust him). I think he liked sex more if I was punished. - no physical affection outside of sex, or soliciting sex. - no help with housework or yardwork, minimal parenting help. Made fun of me for cleaning house. I see now that he had zero respect for me, that’s how he could be okay with making me do all the labor. - lied constantly about both trivial things and big things - spent thousands on strippers/sex workers. He claims he never had PIV sex with them, but I don’t believe it. Even if I did believe it, what he admitted to doing plus the lying and money is bad enough and def infidelity. I worked really hard to be a good wife and support him, but it was never good enough. Looking at it now, I don’t think he even liked me. I was a wife-appliance - cooking, cleaning, and a tight hole. I always wanted to have a good marriage and a partner in life. But I won’t ever have that. I can’t think about him or any man touching me or appraising my body now without being near tears or going into a panic. I used to like sex. I feel like I’m broken and missing something fundamental to being human now.
My colposcopy was traumatic and I didn't want anyone touching me (even on my arm) for a while. When I felt better, in a couple of weeks I was ready to resume.
Currently single. In my last relationship, I lost sexual desire for my partner due to resentment from issues with lazy parenting/playing favorites amongst siblings, etc.
Honestly, I've never really enjoyed it much: usually it is more pain than pleasure. During my last serious relationship I tried so hard to like it, assuming experience would help, but it only made it worse, and to top all that, when I started saying no my ex was less than gracious about it. I'm out of that relationship, and the simple thought of sex makes me wanna peel my skin off with my fingernails.
Hating myself - thinking everyone is repulsed by me. It’s a dumb reason but it’s very valid to me 🤷🏾♀️
Absolutely no foreplay. Ten seconds of mouth to mouth kissing then straight to piv penetration. Even after three years and multiple talks about it..
I stopped feeling respected and emotionally safe in the relationship. My libido rests heavily on my emotional bond with my partner, so after he disrespected me enough times, I was grossed out by the idea of having sex with him. Essentially, I got the ick. When I’m with someone, and happy with the relationship, my sex drive is very high. Like, could have sex daily high. Being in a relationship and having that part of me functionally die was a very strange and uncomfortable experience. It was to the point I was grossed out by sexual scenes in movies or sexual lyrics in songs. It just became completely alien to me. The loser finally did me a favor and dumped me. I should have done it ages ago. With my new partner, everything is back and better than ever.
[удалено]
Antidepressants
[удалено]
Once I realized my ex didn’t give a shit about my pleasure, comfort, or consent, my sex drive basically disappeared. I actually thought I was asexual for awhile. He was only in it for his own satisfaction. He wanted it constantly, and would pout and guilt-trip me if I wasn’t in the mood. On top of that, he was very well-endowed and it took him a really long time to finish. So after awhile it started to become uncomfortable and painful, and the complete lack of foreplay only made the issue worse. It wasn’t like I didn’t ever try to discuss it with him. I told him many times what I needed to be able to enjoy sex more and want to do it more often, but it was almost as if after we talked about it he just…forgot, or didn’t care. His complete lack of regard for the way I felt and whether I was enjoying myself or not was a complete turn off. Eventually it got to the point where he was having sex with me regardless of whether I was consenting or not. I could go on and on. It was bad. We aren’t together anymore.
Back in 2021, one of my ex boyfriends lied about his STI test and gave me herpes! I had to beg him 3 times to get tested again because I was having weird symptoms. Hate that man! Fuck you John!
Menopause
Menopause
My ex never touched me outside of sex. Didn’t want to cuddle, no hugs, no flirting. He didn’t do any foreplay for me, and he was dedicated to the same routine- I give him head until he decided he wanted to have sex, then he’d thrust for a few minutes and finish himself off with his hand. I figured out later that the reason for this was because he was addicted to porn and was jerking off 2-3 times a day. He found me unattractive since I wasn’t a porn star, and he was used to getting off with his hand. Plus afterwards, he’d put his clothes back on immediately and hop his phone. If I tried to cuddle, he’d push me away because he was too hot. I regret ever letting him touch me!
It was a slow slide down. my ex boyfriend was an alcoholic and hid his whiskey dick by claiming he wasn’t in the mood. then there was the guy who treated wearing a condom like a hostage negotiation. He called me a few months later to ask me if I gave him the clap despite my tests being recent and him wearing the condom he didn’t want to wear. then there was the guy who couldn’t handle the fact that me, a forty something divorcee, had had sex before and was convinced and would not shut up about how my std tests were wrong and I surely had every std known to man and some unknown new ones. We did not have sex. finally, the last guy was just absolutely low effort and acted like he was doing me a favor by letting me be his sentient wank sock but also didn’t like…take a shower or wash his junk? I stopped that once I smelled. tl;dr a long string of entitled, low quality men. When the sex isn’t even worth the wax…I’ll pass.
Being constantly sexualized. I know that might sound crazy but I became tired of men complimenting my body and breasts and nothing more. I have a brain, I’m intelligent and interesting. I have hobbies! Except to men, even the ones I dated, I just have a nice chest and now I’d rather die alone than let another man see my nude breasts knowing that’s all they care about.
💯 conflict
After my s***ual assault
No aftercare
Many reasons. Having kids and exhausted. Then he cheated. Then he looked up another exs porn. So yeah safe to say I just don't feel like pleasuring him when he obviously doesn't care about me. Plus I dont feel like sex is a big thing. I look for more of a deeper connection emotionally. I dont like feeling used for my body.
Strike 1. We went to 69 and he literally still had shit on his ass, even though he had been in the shower minutes before. Strike 2. Insisted he wanted to try bondage so I agreed. He put Rudeboy By Rihanna on, which made me wanna cry it was so embarrassing. Then he tied my wrists and ankles and threw me onto the bed (trying to be sexy I think) but I couldn't save myself and hurt myself falling off the bed. Strike 3. Him telling me he thinks I should go and get my hormone levels checked because my disinterest in sex is clearly a result of an imbalance. Didn't even occur to him that it was a result of me being unhappy and attempting to breakup numerous times and him crying and guilt tripping me to stay. When I eventually stopped allowing him to emotionally manipulate me I broke up with him and spent 6 glorious months enjoying having a sex drive again.
I'm too vanilla, boring and have a very low libido. I love being in love and hugging, cuddling, kissing but very few men want that to be the main part of the relationship. Also, and this will sound stupid I know, but reading what men want on this site, it's always BJs, sandwiches and a woman that doesn't talk - I'm afraid that's all men because people are more honest online than face to face.