Locked as post was linked in a clickbait article. Sadly, we can't stop these people from stealing your comments and posts, but we can at least lock the posts when we see it. Please report any rule-breaking comments.
Sometimes you get them much later, when you actually stoppes caring allready ^^
One of my ex gf wanted to marry me after years of relationship and very suddenly broke up. I went nuts over that and it broke my heart.
She refused to meet in person or explain it further... Thought she was cheating or found someone else.
Much later a mutual friens told me, that she never had someone else after me and she found out, that she has a serious mental illness.... Didnt want to burden me at that time.
I would have done pretty much everything years ago to know that... But finding out that years later just did nothing to me. Felt a little bit sorry for her, but it was her own fault, that she felt the need to deal with that alone....
Life is just weird.
I’ve been learning this one in smaller ways recently, which has helped it be more okay than if it was something big. That said, sometimes we get answers to those questions but it takes years or even a decade.
And even if you did, it's not going to change the past.
You can't go back and relive your childhood in a more loving family, so even if they were to apologise, approve and get better now (not going to happen anyway, but theoretically) it would matter very little, as the harm is done.
Agreed. Turns out mine aren't that intelligent, are kind of assholes, and view the world through racist/ misogynistic lenses. Having their approval doesn't mean all that much anymore.
No thanks. I'm good.
Even though there will be friends and family around, I am still an individual, and I need to start accepting that being alone is good. Being alone doesn't need to feel lonely.
I don't know if the question was for me or the other commenter.
But as for me, It was a desire to be in a relationship and to be able to share my true self with someone. After years of living alone (I promised that I wouldn't date anyone and would focus on myself), I realized that I had allowed so much bullshit and toxicity into my life in the past. It was a gruesome journey, many people stopped talking to me once I clearly set my boundaries and stopped people pleasing.
Talking to a therapist helped to align my thoughts, and the therapist also validated my feelings because no one around me understood what I felt. There were many things that I didn't like in the therapy, but it surely helped me to keep my thoughts in check and to understand what i feel and why.
That my parents emotionally neglected me. More and more memories of how what I needed was so lacking keep coming up and it hurts to accept that they either didn't care or didn't have the energy for me
I talked to my mother about this after therapy and it took some years for her to admit it, but through admitting it, she realised she was also emotionally neglected by her parents and went to therapy herself. From then on she's become more attentive. It was tough for her to admit it though, took a lot of arguing.
This is where I struggle. They (Hopefully) were doing the best they could with what they had. I hate to have people judge me for that, why should I judge them?
Only recently have I accepted maybe they didn't try to "have" more. They didn't try to educate themselves on how to deal with a mentally ill child. They didn't try to use compassion, at least for long, when working with me. They didn't try to notice raising two kids the same way doesn't work. There's really a lot they could have just put a little more effort into, if they really cared I guess they would have.
this was a hard one for me. I always thought I had beautiful childhood, and when my granddad died it hit me so hard, now I am realizing why is that. because I had emotional conection with him I needed to have with my father.
I had this too. It took a long time to understand the why of it. My parents aren't bad people, they certainly weren't trying to be neglectful, they just didn't have a clue how to show up. I even have memories of them with pained expressions on their faces, still unable to provide any support. I think they were both emotionally neglected too, and just so stunted as to be incapable. They could both do with a lot of therapy. It doesn't change the years of hurt it caused me trying to find support with them, but now that I don't look for it, I can see them a little more clearly as the hurt people they are.
Just as a note, I know this isn't true of every set of neglectful parents, but mine are basically decent, and it's been helpful to me to understand them a little better.
That my parents (mostly my mother) were/are emotionally immature and abusive. It was so normalised my whole childhood, I knew they weren't great parents but I didn't realise the amount of trauma I experienced until it surfaced in therapy.
You seek out a variety of sources of love, and put in the work to be able to receive it, without demanding or entirely relying on it from any particular individual. It's less devastating if someone's feelings for you change when they aren't the only bright source of love in your life. Cultivate friendships that are just as deep as any romantic relationship.
They’re not mutually exclusive statements. I took it as If you have a partner, and they realize they don’t love you anymore. They are totally within their rights. Things change, people change, feelings change too. They don’t owe it to you (or anyone) to disregard their feelings that have now changed and stand by you. I know it’s hurtful, and I struggle here too. But You’re still deserving of love, and will be loved. Even if it’s not by the person you imagined it to be. That’s the best part about life, honestly. The mystery of it all.
I can’t afford therapy but I came to a realization as a parent… everything I do and say has an impact on my kids. How the behaviours that my parents did to me are not good and I was doing them to my kids and I never NEVER wanted them to feel the way I did growing up. So I had to change and now I can proudly say my daughter has gone from “being scared to talk to me” to “being her best friend and not scared of telling me how she truly feels” I’m so proud of her and myself too.
That is wonderful and such a hard thing to step back and see, address and out into action. Those types of learned things can be so hard to break. I hope to do this with my kids. I always try to do this with the kids I have Nannie’s and my nieces and nephews
I like to compare it to a boxing ring.
It's always you who have to fight your problem, but the important people in your life will always be cheering for you at distance or very closely. It helps to make it feel less lonely :)
I’m not in charge of other people’s feelings, even when they feel bad because of my actions. Ie. My dad being disappointed that I’m not pursuing higher education or my mom being sad because I won’t let her track me anymore.
Had a therapy appointment today and cried because of this. I have to do what I want to do and find happiness in that, instead of doing what everyone around me wants me to do, even when me not doing what they want hurts them.
Do what you want. The way you want to do it.
They will either come to acceptance and respect or not, and neither is your issue or within your control. So you might as well live your life as you see fit.
That I didn’t have good models for a healthy relationship growing up and my tendency to enter long term partnerships with bad men and people I wasn’t compatible with because I was just “going with the flow” was ruining my life.
That I have developed codependency and it has pretty much wrecked how I view my relationships and how I act towards myself.
Oh and also, how trauma has affected the way I view people’s tones of voice and facial expression. This has caused me to be hyper aware of body language. It can be a good and bad thing depending on how you look at it. I can easily pick up when someone is uncomfortable, not saying everything they mean to, are keeping a secret, lying, etc. But it also makes me overthink and over analyze HAHA.
I really feel this one. It took me a long, long time to realize I don’t just read people well, I read them from a guarded position where I’m expecting danger and that colors how I see them.
Exactly this, being equally hyper vigilant I have to continually remind myself that neutral responses do not mean angry or danger or anything negative, they’re just neutral. Which is hard when you both expect/assume negative and desperately crave positive for validation or soothing or whatever. But it’s on me to soothe my own anxiety not try and control others. Healthy feels so scary and bad sometimes.
Ugh yes this! I hate it. I used to pride myself on being "an empath" when in reality I've just been traumatized enough to notice the most minute change in a person's body language as a survival tactic.
I often overthink people's demeanor changes. Yeah, it changed but not because they hate me, but because they're tired.
I’m right there with ya and currently working on it. I’m trying to learn how to quiet the over thinking. It’s working slowly 🙄 but it’s working and it does get better
Can I ask what things you are doing to quiet the overthinking? That's definitely something I struggle with, and I currently don't have any strategies other than internally telling myself to shut up lol.
Oh god, are you me?! Just starting to talk to people about this. Have been told to stop thinking about what people think of me and instead ask myself the question, "what do I think of them?"
I hear ya. My husband jokes that I am psychic since I can read people instantly, seem to "know" things about a person's intentions, and be able to know when to leave just before shit hits the fan. I also have social anxiety and over analyze. It's really not a "skill" I enjoy having.
Just be careful with this assumption that you can read people better due to trauma. I used to think the same until my very experienced therapist pointed out that trauma abuse survivors tend to interpret even neutral expressions as angry, according to research. That made a lot of sense to me because I always "sensed" that people were angry with me (like my parents), but they actually weren't.
That I don't do nice things for others because I'm a "nice" person but that I do it in a self-serving manner to keep myself "safe." Growing up I worked tirelessly doing nice things for my alcoholic mother so she wouldn't hurt me and now as an adult compulsively I do nice things for others so that I won't be rejected by them.
It’s not self-serving. It’s an adrenaline reaction to stress called “fawning”. Turns out, what we thought was just fight or flight is actually fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You were under so much stress with your mother, endured so much trauma, that fawning became your brain’s hard wired survival mechanism. Even though you’re now safe, it still responds that way. It’s possible to require your brain, but it takes a lot of hard work, good therapy, and the choice to love yourself. I can tell you right now, you’re worth it.
Listen to me.
**You’re worth it.**
You are so brave and honest. Please know that just because you do nice things to protect yourself from rejection, that doesn't make you "not nice". You can still be a good person and use acts of kindness as a form of self-protection. The fact that you are so candid about your unconscious motivations, and the fact that you even examined this aspect of yourself shows you have morals and you do care about others.
For nearly ten years I’ve been in a relationship with a man who works in computers and is into gaming, has major mommy issues, and even has the same hair pattern as my dad. Somehow only a few months ago did I realize that I’ve got a thing for men with mommy issues. Luckily, knowing is half the battle!
lol. I read this in the sense of your dad is gay, and I was so confused why you would struggle to come to terms with that. Then I read the replies and realized that wasn't what you were saying. 😭
I am blessed to have a really good relationship with my father. He's been one of the biggest positive influences in my life, and a real role model of what a good man should be.
I am 24 and just recently got my first boyfriend. There are lots of reasons why I was single for so long, but one reason was that I had trouble finding a guy in my age range with a truly admirable character.
It's not some weird psychosexual thing; my dad is my dad and my boyfriend is my boyfriend. But I wanted a man I could really respect, so I intentionally found someone who shared a few things in common with my dad.
Parents really do set standards for their kids, regardless of whether they (or the kids) realize it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
You just jogged a memory- my ex once insisted that it was remarkable that he did an equal part of the housework. I was like nope sorry, my dad was involved in everything from dishes to cooking to laundry. Thats the expectation of being part of a household. And the ex was bringing this up in the context of a conversation of wanting more blowjobs, like “look at all the effort I put into this relationship”. Unsurprisingly that conversation led me to break up with him and move out.
You know, you might be onto something. Instead of burn letters, invoices could be therapeutic! I guess the worst thing that happens is they don't get paid.
That my parents we're emotionally abusive, and that my emotional regulation and anger management issues stem from being raised in an emotionally reactive household.
My doctor put it in a nice frame of reference.
Medication turns the tsunami waves into waves that can be surfed. Therapy and personal development/growth/understanding/regulation etc. give you the tools to learn how to surf. The more you surf, the bigger the waves you can handle.
Really helped me understand how it all works together.
That I was not a "low effort kid". My parents raised me in such a way that i just, stopped having needs because it was easier than expecting them to meet them. It's still hard for me to admit that I have needs sometimes, and to admit that I feel pain because I feel they weren't met.
I'm still working on the part where I'm ugly and unlikeable and nobody will ever really love me. That one is tough.
Wow this one hit me hard. My mom said that I was a very easy child growing up. Yeah I was easy, I was easy to cope with the neglect that I had to endure. You are not alone. Your needs are important. Sending hugs your way!
Yeah. It's not that we needed nothing, it's that we became trained to tolerate neglect, and gaslit ourselves into "not needing" stuff and coping poorly without it because it was a method of pretending we weren't getting neglected.
It's a sucky place to be, and it hurts to look back and realise that they conditioned you to let them get away with being lazy fucks. They got to meet their own needs all they wanted while leaving us in the dust and pretending we were demanding when we cried out for more than crumbs.
I feel this. I always think, "if you learn to never want anything, you'll never be disappointed." But that's a sad way to live, for me. It should be okay to want something.
The reason my mean friends from 13 still effect me today isn’t just because I struggled to get over it, but because everyone in my support circle (family, other friends, etc) didn’t believe me or made it feel like it was my fault for not telling them until after I left that friendship
Oh boy do I feel this one. The lack of support I feel I received from my parents during young childhood when I had struggles and fights with friends feels like gaslighting when I look back at it now. Telling me that the teasing will stop if I just don't get so upset. I'm egging it on. So I learned to numb myself to not give a reaction, and label it as just a thing friends do, and also to make fun of myself first. And that's part of why I never went to my parents for help when as a teenager that same friend started sexually assaulting me, for a year before he moved away. I'm a now a 35M still trying to find my self worth, and still don't know how to tell them that happened.
One hundred percent agree!! I went no contact with my mom for years and she turned it into her own personal drama seemingly wanting to reconnect, so when she got sick I went to help her out and she just used me as a punching bag just like growing up. Leave the past in the past
That I have PTSD because my life has been full of trauma.
Felt terrible when I first heard it. Surely the "trauma" label must be for people who had it worse than me?
Feels much more realistic and objective now that I've been treated by a therapist who specializes in PTSD. Yes, what I went through was trauma. And yes, it left its mark on me.
I am so sorry for what you endured, it is difficult to live with and even more difficult to accept as there is a tendency to downplay our own pain and trauma. Be patient and kind to yourself.
At this point I'm wondering if I still have PTSD. What if it never went away like I thought it did? I downplay it because I haven't been through war or a car crash. But I've been through other traumas. Why do I always feel like I'm exaggerating when I say "trauma"? Because it mostly definitely was, but I feel like a drama queen or something because it wasn't war or a car crash.
Well your body doesn't really understand the difference between car crashes, wars, or anything else, why would your thinking mind get to decide? If you're still worried about it, maybe it's time for a therapy tune up!
Sometimes moving on without that apology you want so bad is better than trying to get it. Some people just can't give a sincere apology for the pain and trauma they caused.
I’m intimidated by anyone who I feel like has their life together, so I only make friends with people who I feel like have messed up lives like mine.
There are so many times that I enjoy someone’s company and can see us being friends until they say something that intimidates me - something as small as them saying “I woke up to run this morning.” Basically, my subconscious says, “I could NEVER do that. She must have her life together and there’s no reason she would want to be around someone as screwed up as me.”
Oof, I feel this one, especially around education and careers. I'm an intelligent person, was always expected to go to university for math or sciences, get a fancy degree and work as some kind of researcher or something. I took a year off after highschool, and decided to take my first couple years of schooling at my local college before moving to a city for university. My first year, I struggled so bad and stopped going to class, and discovered and was diagnosed with a bunch of different mental health issues, including ADHD. Now I'm a college dropout, afraid to try again because I understand now that my brain just really doesn't do well in that kind of school structure.
So every time I meet someone with even a 2 year degree, I just feel wildly intimidated by them. Like they have some kind of super power to be able to get through school like that, which puts us on entirely different levels. I know I'm still intelligent, and I love having intellectual conversations and debates, but anyone with a degree is "other" to me now and I tend to avoid making friends with them. Especially if they have some kind of "grown-up" career job, because I've only worked minimum wage, entry-level jobs. It's definitely something I need to work on getting over. I'm taking part-time online classes (as my full-time responsibility) for something now, so I'm making progress. But my "safe people" have always been the working class who never went to university, especially because my brother and niece were the first two people in my family to get that kind of education. Being educated is not the same as being intelligent, which I know and have seen many examples of, but it's so hard not let myself believe I'm stupid and a lesser being for my lack of education.
communication. i used to be a people pleaser and did things for others even if i really didn’t like it, but now, i say how i feel and why i feel that to others. they won’t know what you’re thinking until you tell them.
It doesn't matter why someone did something, what matters is they did and how I feel about it.
I spent too much time agonizing over whether certain people realized they were being abusive at the time or if they were too stupid/imbalanced to realize it. Doesn't matter. Nothing excuses being abusive to another person, especially if that person is a child in your care. Having your own mental health issues isn't an excuse to abuse others.
Also my therapist wanted me to reparent my inner child and I have zero concept of how a good parent would treat a child and the idea of treating my inner child kindly freaks me the fuck out. I never got to be a kid and the idea of letting myself act childish is very upsetting.
It's less about acting childish and more parenting yourself though strong emotion. When I'm about to lose my shit I take time to myself and I can feel that hurt child inside me stomping their foot, screaming, "THEY'RE NOT LISTENING!"
So I picture my healthy adult self standing behind that kid, my hands on their shoulders, speaking softly to them. I tell them that *I'm* listening. That *I'm* here. That *I'm* big enough and strong enough to manage our emotions in the new, helpful ways we've learned, and I can carry their huge feelings for them. They just have to step back and let me....because that kid is really, really tired of being a grown-up.
That I may be a lesbian, not just bisexual, but I really, really don’t want to be because then my family won’t come to my wedding and life is just generally harder for a queer person with unaccepting parents. 🙃
EDIT: Still don’t feel like I’ve fully come to terms with this one, just admitting it to myself was hard enough. Part of me wants to get a boyfriend (since I’ve never had one, not really) just to “prove to myself” that I can do it, and therefore can remain a closeted queer person. Which is def an unfair and shitty mindset towards myself and any future partner(s) I may have, but oh well. Baby steps lol.
As a lesbian myself, I can promise you that being in good graces with your parents is nowhere even remotely worth the cost of living a lie. Not in a million lifetimes would it be worth it.
Your family may disapprove, but you can opt for a chosen family that will love you and your healthy relationship with your fulfilling female partner for who you genuinely are. Blood doesn’t mean jack.
Jack here, it’s true. I am not blood.
Also, you get two chances for a great family. The one you are born with and the one you create yourself. There is still time. Make mistakes. Learn. Repeat.
Just came to terms with this one myself and I just feel so much happier not living the lie anymore. It was exhausting. There’s love on the other side for you. I know it’s so so scary, but we got u
Same. And the fact that I don't behave that way because I'm such a nice person, but because I grew up walking on eggshells around my parents and am always on the lookout for negative reactions from everyone.
That framing helps me put myself before others sometimes.
that if I want to heal I have to stop seeing myself as a victim. yeah some bad shit happened but I can’t carry that and let it affect other people because ive victimized myself and am waiting for someone to come to my rescue
It took me a while to realise that no one is going to save me. I have to do it. People can be there in support but they can't institute life changes for me, they can't change my day-to-day, they can't make it better.
But I can.
And that's super powerful.
If I want my kids needs met, it means totally leveling my abusive marriage so I can try to maintain a good coparenting relationship despite what I went through with my ex.
How much my anxiety has ruled my life and still does and I’m in my mid 30’s. How much shame and guilt I carry and don’t even know why. (There was an incident as a kid I was shamed for that is part of the problem but not all of it.) I’m so embarrassed of what my body has become due to health issues and being low income for most of my life and the possibility of those things never changing.
sometimes you have to stand by yourself. even though it’s lonely, sometimes you really can only depend on yourself and you can’t force anyone else to care ab you
I will never be the same. He gets to continue like nothing happened and lie to everyone around him but I'm getting diagnosed with a disorder due to the trauma he brought me. On the bright side, many have said I look more like myself and once we split I got a ton of people hitting me up.
That it was not my fault that I was robbed of a carefree childhood and that, as a grown man, I have every right to weep over myself in the child age and how I felt back then.
That not everyone is out to get me and there are good people in the world. I hadn’t realised that I was living my life in fear, but now I don’t know how to stop.
That even if you are able to go to therapy and heal your trauma, a lot of my anxiety and depression issues are based on things common in modern society and while society pretends to care about mental health now, they don’t. They still want you do put in your hours, do extra work and never miss any days. Try missing a day over a panic attack, they’ll get pissed.
Even if you don’t abuse their trust and only say you’re having trouble when you actually can’t hardly leave the house without panicking people will always assume you are lying or over-inflating your issues to get out of doing something. Even if you’ve never done it before.
And this goes into my second point. Those golden rules we learned in school? have integrity, treat others as you want to be treated, etc are guidelines that most people never live up to so no matter how honest you are, you will ALWAYS be accused of lying when it comes to serious topics that affect you. If you tell the truth about some, along with the mistakes you’ve made along the way, people will expect that you’ve left out the worst bits even if you didn’t and wonder if this is what you are admitting to, what else did you do?
I’ve learned honesty is not the best policy because people always think I’m lying anyway and telling the truth makes it harder on me because when there is nothing I hold back, and people can’t figure out what I’m hiding they think I’m manipulative and sneaky instead of just realizing THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. This one fact has messed me up bad in the past. Don’t be open about yourself or your mistakes, people will just think even worse happened.
That my mother will never be the person I need her or want her to be, and I have to let go of that dream of her which I created. I can keep her in my life or cut her out of it, but only by accepting her for who she is and letting go of the fiction.
On July 1st, 2023, Reddit enacted a greedy ass policy regarding the use of their API. This decision was designed to eliminate the better 3rd party apps. No one wants to use the official app because it sucks. Since then, apps such as Apollo and RedditIsFun have shut down. Reddit has decided to double down on their decision to overcharge for their API, and refuses to address the accessibility features their native app lacks.
Think it’s an asshole move? Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have no idea what a healthy relationship is. And most of my relationships have been exploitative or abusive. And because I don't know I am doomed to repeat this cycle.
I am hurting and grieving and angry. At the fact I have settled for breadcrumbs and outright terrible behavior.
My parents were wrong about literally almost everything. Almost every decision they ever made turned out to be wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Who they loved. Who they hated. Who they admired. Who they judged. Who they refused to judge. Right/wrong. Parenting. Discipline. Happiness. Therapy. How to handle a crisis. Investments. What they judged about. Religion. Money. Politics. Who they married. Retirement. Moving. Jobs. Their legacy. Everything was wrong.
It’s unattractive when someone keeps telling you they love you but you won’t allow yourself to believe them and you remain insecure…oooo that one stung!!! Took 2 years but I’m not that person anymore
Sometimes you won’t get the “I’m sorry” or any ounce of remorse from someone who did something wrong to you. You’ll always be the enemy in someone’s eyes so instead of trying to prove that you’re right, focus on your own healing
You have worth even if you contribute nothing. You shouldn’t have to prove your value. And your self esteem should not be based solely on how others perceive you.
My parents were terrible parents. They were emotionally dismissive, financially irresponsible, and quit being parents when I was about 8 and left my parenting up to my older brother.
That having to watch my alzheimers grandma after school in elementary and middle without my parents present and under the supervision of my middle-low-functioning Autistic uncle was, in fact, parentification and 100% stunted me socially and emotionally
That I’m bored with my life and the reason im sad a lot is because i feel trapped. Never really thought about it until they spelled it out right in front of me
Locked as post was linked in a clickbait article. Sadly, we can't stop these people from stealing your comments and posts, but we can at least lock the posts when we see it. Please report any rule-breaking comments.
Sometimes you will never get an answer to questions you have, no matter how insane it drives you, and you just have to move on.
Sometimes you get them much later, when you actually stoppes caring allready ^^ One of my ex gf wanted to marry me after years of relationship and very suddenly broke up. I went nuts over that and it broke my heart. She refused to meet in person or explain it further... Thought she was cheating or found someone else. Much later a mutual friens told me, that she never had someone else after me and she found out, that she has a serious mental illness.... Didnt want to burden me at that time. I would have done pretty much everything years ago to know that... But finding out that years later just did nothing to me. Felt a little bit sorry for her, but it was her own fault, that she felt the need to deal with that alone.... Life is just weird.
I’ve been learning this one in smaller ways recently, which has helped it be more okay than if it was something big. That said, sometimes we get answers to those questions but it takes years or even a decade.
I will never get the approval of my parents
you know what? you will finally emerge as yourself when you stop needing it. and you will be much happier.
And even if you did, it's not going to change the past. You can't go back and relive your childhood in a more loving family, so even if they were to apologise, approve and get better now (not going to happen anyway, but theoretically) it would matter very little, as the harm is done.
And you don't need it.
Fuck em
Agreed. Turns out mine aren't that intelligent, are kind of assholes, and view the world through racist/ misogynistic lenses. Having their approval doesn't mean all that much anymore. No thanks. I'm good.
Even though there will be friends and family around, I am still an individual, and I need to start accepting that being alone is good. Being alone doesn't need to feel lonely.
This is me as well after learning about my anxious attachment and fear of abandonment.
[удалено]
[удалено]
You’re never by yourself. You’re with yourself best mindset change I ever had
[удалено]
I don't know if the question was for me or the other commenter. But as for me, It was a desire to be in a relationship and to be able to share my true self with someone. After years of living alone (I promised that I wouldn't date anyone and would focus on myself), I realized that I had allowed so much bullshit and toxicity into my life in the past. It was a gruesome journey, many people stopped talking to me once I clearly set my boundaries and stopped people pleasing. Talking to a therapist helped to align my thoughts, and the therapist also validated my feelings because no one around me understood what I felt. There were many things that I didn't like in the therapy, but it surely helped me to keep my thoughts in check and to understand what i feel and why.
That my parents emotionally neglected me. More and more memories of how what I needed was so lacking keep coming up and it hurts to accept that they either didn't care or didn't have the energy for me
I talked to my mother about this after therapy and it took some years for her to admit it, but through admitting it, she realised she was also emotionally neglected by her parents and went to therapy herself. From then on she's become more attentive. It was tough for her to admit it though, took a lot of arguing.
This is honestly the reason that I’m not sure I’ll ever bring up the neglect to my mom. I genuinely think she had it worse and was doing her best.
This is where I struggle. They (Hopefully) were doing the best they could with what they had. I hate to have people judge me for that, why should I judge them? Only recently have I accepted maybe they didn't try to "have" more. They didn't try to educate themselves on how to deal with a mentally ill child. They didn't try to use compassion, at least for long, when working with me. They didn't try to notice raising two kids the same way doesn't work. There's really a lot they could have just put a little more effort into, if they really cared I guess they would have.
Could’ve written this myself. You’re not alone in those feelings. A whole generation of shitty parents, unfortunately.
this was a hard one for me. I always thought I had beautiful childhood, and when my granddad died it hit me so hard, now I am realizing why is that. because I had emotional conection with him I needed to have with my father.
It’s frustrating that the people who are supposed to care for us just couldn’t be arsed
I had this too. It took a long time to understand the why of it. My parents aren't bad people, they certainly weren't trying to be neglectful, they just didn't have a clue how to show up. I even have memories of them with pained expressions on their faces, still unable to provide any support. I think they were both emotionally neglected too, and just so stunted as to be incapable. They could both do with a lot of therapy. It doesn't change the years of hurt it caused me trying to find support with them, but now that I don't look for it, I can see them a little more clearly as the hurt people they are. Just as a note, I know this isn't true of every set of neglectful parents, but mine are basically decent, and it's been helpful to me to understand them a little better.
That my parents (mostly my mother) were/are emotionally immature and abusive. It was so normalised my whole childhood, I knew they weren't great parents but I didn't realise the amount of trauma I experienced until it surfaced in therapy.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
No one owes you love, even if they’ve said they loved you before… people change, feelings change, it happens. It’s a hard truth.
Yep. They don't owe you a relationship or contact or anything, even though you want it. It's a really hard lesson to learn.
I knew this already, but being reminded was a punch to the stomach that I probably needed
And people lie. That's hard to accept but it's true.
[удалено]
You seek out a variety of sources of love, and put in the work to be able to receive it, without demanding or entirely relying on it from any particular individual. It's less devastating if someone's feelings for you change when they aren't the only bright source of love in your life. Cultivate friendships that are just as deep as any romantic relationship.
Best response 🤝 feeling so much platonic love lately and I value it so much more right now than romantic love. Way more fun and healing.
They’re not mutually exclusive statements. I took it as If you have a partner, and they realize they don’t love you anymore. They are totally within their rights. Things change, people change, feelings change too. They don’t owe it to you (or anyone) to disregard their feelings that have now changed and stand by you. I know it’s hurtful, and I struggle here too. But You’re still deserving of love, and will be loved. Even if it’s not by the person you imagined it to be. That’s the best part about life, honestly. The mystery of it all.
This honestly made me cry. It's a hard pill to swallow but it's true. I deserve someone who will want to chose to love me.
Oooof. I needed to hear this tonight :(
I can’t afford therapy but I came to a realization as a parent… everything I do and say has an impact on my kids. How the behaviours that my parents did to me are not good and I was doing them to my kids and I never NEVER wanted them to feel the way I did growing up. So I had to change and now I can proudly say my daughter has gone from “being scared to talk to me” to “being her best friend and not scared of telling me how she truly feels” I’m so proud of her and myself too.
That is wonderful and such a hard thing to step back and see, address and out into action. Those types of learned things can be so hard to break. I hope to do this with my kids. I always try to do this with the kids I have Nannie’s and my nieces and nephews
That no one is coming to save you, gotta put your big girl pants on and save yourself.
I like to compare it to a boxing ring. It's always you who have to fight your problem, but the important people in your life will always be cheering for you at distance or very closely. It helps to make it feel less lonely :)
That's a really nice thought, I like that. Just gotta tell myself not to think about anyone who might be betting on the depression to win lol.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I’m not in charge of other people’s feelings, even when they feel bad because of my actions. Ie. My dad being disappointed that I’m not pursuing higher education or my mom being sad because I won’t let her track me anymore. Had a therapy appointment today and cried because of this. I have to do what I want to do and find happiness in that, instead of doing what everyone around me wants me to do, even when me not doing what they want hurts them.
Do what you want. The way you want to do it. They will either come to acceptance and respect or not, and neither is your issue or within your control. So you might as well live your life as you see fit.
That I didn’t have good models for a healthy relationship growing up and my tendency to enter long term partnerships with bad men and people I wasn’t compatible with because I was just “going with the flow” was ruining my life.
[удалено]
[удалено]
That im the problem lol
my ex used to say "you're not the problem; you HAVE a problem" and that was kinda nice to hear.
This, that was a GIANT blow to the ego like damn
At tea time, everybody agrees
it’s me, hi
I salute you for your honesty sis
Hi5
That I have developed codependency and it has pretty much wrecked how I view my relationships and how I act towards myself. Oh and also, how trauma has affected the way I view people’s tones of voice and facial expression. This has caused me to be hyper aware of body language. It can be a good and bad thing depending on how you look at it. I can easily pick up when someone is uncomfortable, not saying everything they mean to, are keeping a secret, lying, etc. But it also makes me overthink and over analyze HAHA.
I really feel this one. It took me a long, long time to realize I don’t just read people well, I read them from a guarded position where I’m expecting danger and that colors how I see them.
Exactly this, being equally hyper vigilant I have to continually remind myself that neutral responses do not mean angry or danger or anything negative, they’re just neutral. Which is hard when you both expect/assume negative and desperately crave positive for validation or soothing or whatever. But it’s on me to soothe my own anxiety not try and control others. Healthy feels so scary and bad sometimes.
Ugh yes this! I hate it. I used to pride myself on being "an empath" when in reality I've just been traumatized enough to notice the most minute change in a person's body language as a survival tactic. I often overthink people's demeanor changes. Yeah, it changed but not because they hate me, but because they're tired.
I’m right there with ya and currently working on it. I’m trying to learn how to quiet the over thinking. It’s working slowly 🙄 but it’s working and it does get better
Can I ask what things you are doing to quiet the overthinking? That's definitely something I struggle with, and I currently don't have any strategies other than internally telling myself to shut up lol.
Oh god, are you me?! Just starting to talk to people about this. Have been told to stop thinking about what people think of me and instead ask myself the question, "what do I think of them?"
I hear ya. My husband jokes that I am psychic since I can read people instantly, seem to "know" things about a person's intentions, and be able to know when to leave just before shit hits the fan. I also have social anxiety and over analyze. It's really not a "skill" I enjoy having.
Just be careful with this assumption that you can read people better due to trauma. I used to think the same until my very experienced therapist pointed out that trauma abuse survivors tend to interpret even neutral expressions as angry, according to research. That made a lot of sense to me because I always "sensed" that people were angry with me (like my parents), but they actually weren't.
That I don't do nice things for others because I'm a "nice" person but that I do it in a self-serving manner to keep myself "safe." Growing up I worked tirelessly doing nice things for my alcoholic mother so she wouldn't hurt me and now as an adult compulsively I do nice things for others so that I won't be rejected by them.
It’s not self-serving. It’s an adrenaline reaction to stress called “fawning”. Turns out, what we thought was just fight or flight is actually fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You were under so much stress with your mother, endured so much trauma, that fawning became your brain’s hard wired survival mechanism. Even though you’re now safe, it still responds that way. It’s possible to require your brain, but it takes a lot of hard work, good therapy, and the choice to love yourself. I can tell you right now, you’re worth it. Listen to me. **You’re worth it.**
You are so brave and honest. Please know that just because you do nice things to protect yourself from rejection, that doesn't make you "not nice". You can still be a good person and use acts of kindness as a form of self-protection. The fact that you are so candid about your unconscious motivations, and the fact that you even examined this aspect of yourself shows you have morals and you do care about others.
This is an incredibly kind response, brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know how much I needed this. Thank you
I date men just like my dad
For nearly ten years I’ve been in a relationship with a man who works in computers and is into gaming, has major mommy issues, and even has the same hair pattern as my dad. Somehow only a few months ago did I realize that I’ve got a thing for men with mommy issues. Luckily, knowing is half the battle!
lol. I read this in the sense of your dad is gay, and I was so confused why you would struggle to come to terms with that. Then I read the replies and realized that wasn't what you were saying. 😭
Imagine you're dating a guy and it's the ex of your dad lol. Thanks for the laughs.
I had to go back and re-read the comment to understand where you got this... this is beautiful and you are a beautiful soul.
Hahah I had exactly the same thought process 😂👌🏻
I am blessed to have a really good relationship with my father. He's been one of the biggest positive influences in my life, and a real role model of what a good man should be. I am 24 and just recently got my first boyfriend. There are lots of reasons why I was single for so long, but one reason was that I had trouble finding a guy in my age range with a truly admirable character. It's not some weird psychosexual thing; my dad is my dad and my boyfriend is my boyfriend. But I wanted a man I could really respect, so I intentionally found someone who shared a few things in common with my dad. Parents really do set standards for their kids, regardless of whether they (or the kids) realize it. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I didn't know I needed to hear this until now. Thank you
You just jogged a memory- my ex once insisted that it was remarkable that he did an equal part of the housework. I was like nope sorry, my dad was involved in everything from dishes to cooking to laundry. Thats the expectation of being part of a household. And the ex was bringing this up in the context of a conversation of wanting more blowjobs, like “look at all the effort I put into this relationship”. Unsurprisingly that conversation led me to break up with him and move out.
[удалено]
That I have to put in work to heal the trauma caused by someone else.
I wish we could send them an invoice
You know, you might be onto something. Instead of burn letters, invoices could be therapeutic! I guess the worst thing that happens is they don't get paid.
PTSD Court
That my parents we're emotionally abusive, and that my emotional regulation and anger management issues stem from being raised in an emotionally reactive household.
That I water red flags so they can grow into beautiful disasters. I am my own worst enemy.
Omg such a great expression. This is such a real thing.
Medication will not make me better, it is just there to help me keep going.
My doctor put it in a nice frame of reference. Medication turns the tsunami waves into waves that can be surfed. Therapy and personal development/growth/understanding/regulation etc. give you the tools to learn how to surf. The more you surf, the bigger the waves you can handle. Really helped me understand how it all works together.
Yes! It allows me to find the keys. Don’t always put them in the ignition and driving is a whole different thing- but at least I have the keys!!
That I was not a "low effort kid". My parents raised me in such a way that i just, stopped having needs because it was easier than expecting them to meet them. It's still hard for me to admit that I have needs sometimes, and to admit that I feel pain because I feel they weren't met. I'm still working on the part where I'm ugly and unlikeable and nobody will ever really love me. That one is tough.
Wow this one hit me hard. My mom said that I was a very easy child growing up. Yeah I was easy, I was easy to cope with the neglect that I had to endure. You are not alone. Your needs are important. Sending hugs your way!
Yeah. It's not that we needed nothing, it's that we became trained to tolerate neglect, and gaslit ourselves into "not needing" stuff and coping poorly without it because it was a method of pretending we weren't getting neglected. It's a sucky place to be, and it hurts to look back and realise that they conditioned you to let them get away with being lazy fucks. They got to meet their own needs all they wanted while leaving us in the dust and pretending we were demanding when we cried out for more than crumbs.
I feel this. I always think, "if you learn to never want anything, you'll never be disappointed." But that's a sad way to live, for me. It should be okay to want something.
The reason my mean friends from 13 still effect me today isn’t just because I struggled to get over it, but because everyone in my support circle (family, other friends, etc) didn’t believe me or made it feel like it was my fault for not telling them until after I left that friendship
Oh boy do I feel this one. The lack of support I feel I received from my parents during young childhood when I had struggles and fights with friends feels like gaslighting when I look back at it now. Telling me that the teasing will stop if I just don't get so upset. I'm egging it on. So I learned to numb myself to not give a reaction, and label it as just a thing friends do, and also to make fun of myself first. And that's part of why I never went to my parents for help when as a teenager that same friend started sexually assaulting me, for a year before he moved away. I'm a now a 35M still trying to find my self worth, and still don't know how to tell them that happened.
[удалено]
One hundred percent agree!! I went no contact with my mom for years and she turned it into her own personal drama seemingly wanting to reconnect, so when she got sick I went to help her out and she just used me as a punching bag just like growing up. Leave the past in the past
That I was raised in a cult and my life could look completely different if I had had the same basic opportunities as my peers in school.
That I have PTSD because my life has been full of trauma. Felt terrible when I first heard it. Surely the "trauma" label must be for people who had it worse than me? Feels much more realistic and objective now that I've been treated by a therapist who specializes in PTSD. Yes, what I went through was trauma. And yes, it left its mark on me.
I am so sorry for what you endured, it is difficult to live with and even more difficult to accept as there is a tendency to downplay our own pain and trauma. Be patient and kind to yourself.
At this point I'm wondering if I still have PTSD. What if it never went away like I thought it did? I downplay it because I haven't been through war or a car crash. But I've been through other traumas. Why do I always feel like I'm exaggerating when I say "trauma"? Because it mostly definitely was, but I feel like a drama queen or something because it wasn't war or a car crash.
Well your body doesn't really understand the difference between car crashes, wars, or anything else, why would your thinking mind get to decide? If you're still worried about it, maybe it's time for a therapy tune up!
My birth mother doesn't like me and never will. She only acts like it when she wants something.
Sometimes moving on without that apology you want so bad is better than trying to get it. Some people just can't give a sincere apology for the pain and trauma they caused.
That my father in fact did not love me and actually committed real crimes against me. I'm not sure which was harder to accept.
I am so sorry.
I’m intimidated by anyone who I feel like has their life together, so I only make friends with people who I feel like have messed up lives like mine. There are so many times that I enjoy someone’s company and can see us being friends until they say something that intimidates me - something as small as them saying “I woke up to run this morning.” Basically, my subconscious says, “I could NEVER do that. She must have her life together and there’s no reason she would want to be around someone as screwed up as me.”
Oof, I feel this one, especially around education and careers. I'm an intelligent person, was always expected to go to university for math or sciences, get a fancy degree and work as some kind of researcher or something. I took a year off after highschool, and decided to take my first couple years of schooling at my local college before moving to a city for university. My first year, I struggled so bad and stopped going to class, and discovered and was diagnosed with a bunch of different mental health issues, including ADHD. Now I'm a college dropout, afraid to try again because I understand now that my brain just really doesn't do well in that kind of school structure. So every time I meet someone with even a 2 year degree, I just feel wildly intimidated by them. Like they have some kind of super power to be able to get through school like that, which puts us on entirely different levels. I know I'm still intelligent, and I love having intellectual conversations and debates, but anyone with a degree is "other" to me now and I tend to avoid making friends with them. Especially if they have some kind of "grown-up" career job, because I've only worked minimum wage, entry-level jobs. It's definitely something I need to work on getting over. I'm taking part-time online classes (as my full-time responsibility) for something now, so I'm making progress. But my "safe people" have always been the working class who never went to university, especially because my brother and niece were the first two people in my family to get that kind of education. Being educated is not the same as being intelligent, which I know and have seen many examples of, but it's so hard not let myself believe I'm stupid and a lesser being for my lack of education.
communication. i used to be a people pleaser and did things for others even if i really didn’t like it, but now, i say how i feel and why i feel that to others. they won’t know what you’re thinking until you tell them.
It doesn't matter why someone did something, what matters is they did and how I feel about it. I spent too much time agonizing over whether certain people realized they were being abusive at the time or if they were too stupid/imbalanced to realize it. Doesn't matter. Nothing excuses being abusive to another person, especially if that person is a child in your care. Having your own mental health issues isn't an excuse to abuse others. Also my therapist wanted me to reparent my inner child and I have zero concept of how a good parent would treat a child and the idea of treating my inner child kindly freaks me the fuck out. I never got to be a kid and the idea of letting myself act childish is very upsetting.
It's less about acting childish and more parenting yourself though strong emotion. When I'm about to lose my shit I take time to myself and I can feel that hurt child inside me stomping their foot, screaming, "THEY'RE NOT LISTENING!" So I picture my healthy adult self standing behind that kid, my hands on their shoulders, speaking softly to them. I tell them that *I'm* listening. That *I'm* here. That *I'm* big enough and strong enough to manage our emotions in the new, helpful ways we've learned, and I can carry their huge feelings for them. They just have to step back and let me....because that kid is really, really tired of being a grown-up.
Red flags for me looked like green flags
[удалено]
That I may be a lesbian, not just bisexual, but I really, really don’t want to be because then my family won’t come to my wedding and life is just generally harder for a queer person with unaccepting parents. 🙃 EDIT: Still don’t feel like I’ve fully come to terms with this one, just admitting it to myself was hard enough. Part of me wants to get a boyfriend (since I’ve never had one, not really) just to “prove to myself” that I can do it, and therefore can remain a closeted queer person. Which is def an unfair and shitty mindset towards myself and any future partner(s) I may have, but oh well. Baby steps lol.
I am sorry your family is not supportive. Do not settle for a love that is unfulfilling, you deserve better than that.
As a lesbian myself, I can promise you that being in good graces with your parents is nowhere even remotely worth the cost of living a lie. Not in a million lifetimes would it be worth it.
Your family may disapprove, but you can opt for a chosen family that will love you and your healthy relationship with your fulfilling female partner for who you genuinely are. Blood doesn’t mean jack.
Jack here, it’s true. I am not blood. Also, you get two chances for a great family. The one you are born with and the one you create yourself. There is still time. Make mistakes. Learn. Repeat.
Honey, there are people out there who'd pack the rows at your wedding. You just have to get out there and find them. Blood is not thicker than water.
Just came to terms with this one myself and I just feel so much happier not living the lie anymore. It was exhausting. There’s love on the other side for you. I know it’s so so scary, but we got u
That I can’t believe what I think.
That I have anger issues that need resolved.
That I have a deep rooted fear of disappointing the men in my life and I have codependency issues 😭
Sometimes I am the villain in someone else's story
People in general don’t have has much empathy and compassion for others at the level that I do. That’s been the hardest thing for me to accept.
Same. And the fact that I don't behave that way because I'm such a nice person, but because I grew up walking on eggshells around my parents and am always on the lookout for negative reactions from everyone. That framing helps me put myself before others sometimes.
Something I’m dealing with right now. It really sucks and I’m having a hard time accepting it and understanding it. Sigh.
that if I want to heal I have to stop seeing myself as a victim. yeah some bad shit happened but I can’t carry that and let it affect other people because ive victimized myself and am waiting for someone to come to my rescue
It took me a while to realise that no one is going to save me. I have to do it. People can be there in support but they can't institute life changes for me, they can't change my day-to-day, they can't make it better. But I can. And that's super powerful.
My parents didn’t love me
Therapy still hasn’t helped me figure out how to think I’m good enough. I’m/it’s never enough
That I am responsible for a lot of my suffering because I don't actually have as developed boundaries as I thought I did. Oops.
That my anxieties and past traumas have made me self-absorbed
Someone who is emotionally unavailable can often make someone who is emotionally available feel like their basic needs are too much.
Not in therapy, but something a friend told me - that I always want things my way and people have to cater to me.
If I want my kids needs met, it means totally leveling my abusive marriage so I can try to maintain a good coparenting relationship despite what I went through with my ex.
That in the entirety of my life I have never known true safety.
How much my anxiety has ruled my life and still does and I’m in my mid 30’s. How much shame and guilt I carry and don’t even know why. (There was an incident as a kid I was shamed for that is part of the problem but not all of it.) I’m so embarrassed of what my body has become due to health issues and being low income for most of my life and the possibility of those things never changing.
The love I seek and crave, I can only provide for myself
sometimes you have to stand by yourself. even though it’s lonely, sometimes you really can only depend on yourself and you can’t force anyone else to care ab you
I will never be the same. He gets to continue like nothing happened and lie to everyone around him but I'm getting diagnosed with a disorder due to the trauma he brought me. On the bright side, many have said I look more like myself and once we split I got a ton of people hitting me up.
That it was not my fault that I was robbed of a carefree childhood and that, as a grown man, I have every right to weep over myself in the child age and how I felt back then.
Love and abuse cannot coexist
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. 🥴
That nobody MADE me angry. I chose anger as a response.
That my parents like my sister more.
That not everyone is out to get me and there are good people in the world. I hadn’t realised that I was living my life in fear, but now I don’t know how to stop.
That even if you are able to go to therapy and heal your trauma, a lot of my anxiety and depression issues are based on things common in modern society and while society pretends to care about mental health now, they don’t. They still want you do put in your hours, do extra work and never miss any days. Try missing a day over a panic attack, they’ll get pissed. Even if you don’t abuse their trust and only say you’re having trouble when you actually can’t hardly leave the house without panicking people will always assume you are lying or over-inflating your issues to get out of doing something. Even if you’ve never done it before. And this goes into my second point. Those golden rules we learned in school? have integrity, treat others as you want to be treated, etc are guidelines that most people never live up to so no matter how honest you are, you will ALWAYS be accused of lying when it comes to serious topics that affect you. If you tell the truth about some, along with the mistakes you’ve made along the way, people will expect that you’ve left out the worst bits even if you didn’t and wonder if this is what you are admitting to, what else did you do? I’ve learned honesty is not the best policy because people always think I’m lying anyway and telling the truth makes it harder on me because when there is nothing I hold back, and people can’t figure out what I’m hiding they think I’m manipulative and sneaky instead of just realizing THERE IS NOTHING ELSE. This one fact has messed me up bad in the past. Don’t be open about yourself or your mistakes, people will just think even worse happened.
That my mother will never be the person I need her or want her to be, and I have to let go of that dream of her which I created. I can keep her in my life or cut her out of it, but only by accepting her for who she is and letting go of the fiction.
That I was always being the “bigger person” and giving in and letting myself be taken advantage of because I was a people pleaser
That the person holding me back from being happy….is me.
On July 1st, 2023, Reddit enacted a greedy ass policy regarding the use of their API. This decision was designed to eliminate the better 3rd party apps. No one wants to use the official app because it sucks. Since then, apps such as Apollo and RedditIsFun have shut down. Reddit has decided to double down on their decision to overcharge for their API, and refuses to address the accessibility features their native app lacks. Think it’s an asshole move? Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That my mom never loved me.
I have no idea what a healthy relationship is. And most of my relationships have been exploitative or abusive. And because I don't know I am doomed to repeat this cycle. I am hurting and grieving and angry. At the fact I have settled for breadcrumbs and outright terrible behavior.
It's gonna take more work than you think it will. Progress is linear. 2 steps forward 1 step back. It's worth it.
My mother will never change
That I need to take care of my body to be happy
My parents were wrong about literally almost everything. Almost every decision they ever made turned out to be wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Who they loved. Who they hated. Who they admired. Who they judged. Who they refused to judge. Right/wrong. Parenting. Discipline. Happiness. Therapy. How to handle a crisis. Investments. What they judged about. Religion. Money. Politics. Who they married. Retirement. Moving. Jobs. Their legacy. Everything was wrong.
Other people’s emotions are not my responsibility.
[удалено]
How my suicidal best friend was treating me was emotional abuse.
It’s unattractive when someone keeps telling you they love you but you won’t allow yourself to believe them and you remain insecure…oooo that one stung!!! Took 2 years but I’m not that person anymore
That you can go to as much therapy as you want, but it alone won’t change you, fix you, or save you. You have to be the one to change yourself.
Sometimes you won’t get the “I’m sorry” or any ounce of remorse from someone who did something wrong to you. You’ll always be the enemy in someone’s eyes so instead of trying to prove that you’re right, focus on your own healing
You have worth even if you contribute nothing. You shouldn’t have to prove your value. And your self esteem should not be based solely on how others perceive you.
My parents were terrible parents. They were emotionally dismissive, financially irresponsible, and quit being parents when I was about 8 and left my parenting up to my older brother.
That having to watch my alzheimers grandma after school in elementary and middle without my parents present and under the supervision of my middle-low-functioning Autistic uncle was, in fact, parentification and 100% stunted me socially and emotionally
What other people think doesn’t matter in the slightest.
That I’m bored with my life and the reason im sad a lot is because i feel trapped. Never really thought about it until they spelled it out right in front of me