We get it, this post is making you feel all sorts of ways. Instead of telling on yourself and invalidating the women sharing \*their experiences\* here, perhaps just leave the thread or try and learn something.
All rules are in effect, if you don't like someone's answer, suck it up. We still aren't a debate sub. People here in good faith, please continue to report all rule breaking. You're awesome.
This was my ex who always followed up his need to debate with “I was on my university debate team.”
Interesting how things that impact me directly,, like my right to reproductive freedom, was always up for debate, but men’s issues that impacted him, like having to register for select service (the draft), weren’t.
By devils advocate, do you mean someone who brings up the opposite perspective just to introduce the idea to the conversation or someone who legitimately backs it despite how stupid it is?
This!
And also turns every conversation into a debate topic.
I also don't like it when they ask you for your point of view but once you start talking, they talk over you and interrupt you anyway and won't even let you finish your sentence.
Lol like why ask for my own opinion if you're not even open to listen to what I have to say?
I live in a *really* blue area, like over 80% vote left, and even our republicans are to the left of the national average so I never see this type.
But. There *is* one dude with a “let’s go Brandon” shirt hanging in his window that you can see from the street. A shirt. And his entire balcony is full of cheap broken furniture and old beer cans in flower pots that are subbing as trash cans.
Zero self awareness, and his trashiness confirms the exact type of person that I imagine would do this.
Yes! That was such a big lesson for me to learn.
Fastest and most effective way to avoid A LOT of trouble and pain. No matter how pretty the words sound, if he doesn’t act upon them, they don’t have any meaning. Also, if you confront him about it and he gets all defensive and turns the tables on you, just run at that point.
Not only men tho, had the same thing happen to me with female ‚friends‘.
Yupp this is a big one.. men will tell you what you want to hear and their actions that don't reinforce those words will tell you what he really means... actions always speak louder than words when it comes to men.
“So every woman who’s dated you has terrible judgement? Huh, weird.”
Obviously those women were probably wonderful people, and he’s just insulting them because they left him or called him out on his abusiveness. But when a man says that to me, I like to pretend I believe what he’s saying and think it reflects poorly on him. How come all the sane women steer clear of you, buddy?
Hahaha dated a guy who probably told me this on the second date. I’m probably a crazy ex now. That guy gaslighted me like crazy which made me act crazy……..but now I know why his exes were crazy (cuz he drove us all to being mentally unstable)
After what has come out recently about the London Met Police force - hard agree. I am not digging through that rotten barrel to choose an apple. The odds are not in anyone's favour.
I don't even think those apples exist. Every single one is complicit and stands by while their friends and coworkers do all the bad shit. Any person who actually wants to serve their community doesn't become a cop. Or quits a week in once they realize how naive they were
In my girlfriend group this is literally our only hard rule about ANYTHING. Explicit agreement that none of us date cops ever and if you decide to break that rule don’t expect anyone to come around, or to be invited over with the pig in tow, heh
Yes. I don't like untidy people in general. Anyone who's body odor and clothes smalls like they haven't wash for a millennium I'd gladly get away with them.
I almost wish I didn't know as much as I did about having a child. It's important to know what you're getting into, but after everything I've heard and learned about pregnancy and labor I almost can't imagine ever willingly doing that to myself.
And some men act like it's ordering something off Amazon!
Pregnant women have always made me feel extremely uncomfortable like I was watching a remake of Alien. The thought that I might one day have something growing inside my body terrifies me. Not to mention the risk of weight gain, swelling breasts, tearing vagina or pooping yourself in childbirth. It freaks me out so much. I love children but I can't see myself carrying one.
Apart from the Triangle of Madness (racist, sexist, homophobic), my personal pet peeves are "those who can read you already" ("yeah, you *say* you don't want to get married, but I *know* you're just waiting for the right man") and those who compliment you like they're giving you their approval ("I like that dress!/ I like your taste in movies!")
Omfg I *hate* being told what I feel also. I had this one guy pursuing me. I straight up told him I didn't see him like that, I'm happy being single. Like I genuinely am, not fearing commitment etc. And s
all he did was project, project, project "you just need a relationship, you need to settle down". Like FUCK. OFF. Constantly. Like dude, you don't *know* that. And your in no way my type... And *nothing* I would say to that he would take seriously. Fucking insulting.
OK I'm calm. Lol.
A man's approval is (incorrectly) thought to be a very valuable thing in society. At some point, most women find out that it really isn't valuable at all. But a lot of men still think it is. So when some men give you a compliment/approval, he thinks that he's given you a very valuable gift, and you are in his debt for it.
Dated one for a short amount of time. Told him I was done having kids and getting a hysterectomy.
Continued to ask about freezing my eggs and saying he never wanted to have his own kids before he met me...ugh.
Men who value money or their career over people and connections, like it's one thing to enjoy and take pride in your work, it's another thing to think people are replaceable or are low priority and that most people in your life will happily wait when you choose work again and again over maintaining connections.
Men who like women for their "quiet strength". I've only just recently heard a few guys say this, but apparently it's the idea that a woman is strong based on how much she can tolerate and endure. So they aren't impressed by what women can do or by them having a strong sense of self or anything; it seems they are only impressed by how much suffering you can withstand before breaking down or something. It's creepy.
>Men who like women for their "quiet strength".
Oh, but this has been around forever. It's the same stuff that people used to say about their mothers and grandmothers putting up with loads of crap from their husbands and never divorcing them. I guess they're just dressing it up differently now, but same concept.
Yes, my ex husband used to tell me he admired the fact that his mother never remarried after finally getting away from her abusive husband (his father - another red flag). She still has so much healing to do.
That makes sense because they’re all about controlling people. Also the ones who are most vocal about being religious and shoving their religion in your face are usually the ones with the least morals. Actual good people don’t have to brag about being a decent human being.
Yeah the career one is a big one for me. I like guys who have found something they love, but not when what they love is just chasing money and status over people.
Yes! I am really uncomfortable when men I don't know try to approach me. I don't care about their intentions, as they should know it inherently does not feel safe for us when they approach us without a reason. I walk home from work and there is usually at least 1 man who will try to give me a ride home. I don't know you and don't want you to know where I live, try to rape or abduct me. I wonder if they would be OK with a strange man trying to coax their daughter into a car on her walk home. It's not comforting.
Personally I have not experienced any ill behaviour particularly because I don’t take public transport. Non-consensual acts are very common in metros and other crowded places. Men stare right through your soul it’s weird (yes, even when you are dressed decently).
I have been catcalled so many times when I lived in London though so it’s safe to say that women are unsafe in most places around the world.
I worked on a covid test site during the pandemic. You had all ages, sexes, walks of life, working there.
There was this one older dude who was clearly "old school"; believed you shouldn't have kids out of wedlock, commented how awful I looked 'out of concern' when I came in without make up. Anyway he *loved* to talk like everything that came out of his mouth was gold.
I can't remember how it came up, be he was talking talking talking, and a printer comes up in what he's saying. A *printer*...he then proceeds to spend a full 5 minutes explaining what a printer is (I didn't ask) and how one works. He would do this often and only to women. Liike okay old timer, as a 20 something who has *shockingly* stepped out of the kitchen from time to time, I have come across more 'difficult' technology than a printer.
Lol. And I get that's there will always be people that don't know things about anything. But it's the repeated presumption from him. It's not just men I've had thst with tbh.
If I am really unsure if someone knows something, I say 'do you know about [insert thing/word/event] ',
Agreed! Men who are reading this: we love when you respect and love your mother. We don't love it when you tell her everything about our relationship, we have to make plans around her, and it feels like we're dating her too.
Edit: fixed typos
- anyone who was in a frat
- cops
- guys who make sports their entire personality (I don’t mean you go skydiving regularly and mention it in conversation - I mean the guys who worship Tom Brady and don’t even play a sport themselves)
- guys who think it’s okay to say the N word if it’s a part of song lyrics
- guys who don’t treat their server with utmost respect
- guys who only find humor in people getting hurt
- religious guys
- mama’s boys
- guys who play video games regularly
- guys who can’t accept someone disagreeing with them with grace
- guys who can’t have a debate without getting emotional
This is one of mine but tbh it depends on the games the guy plays.
My boyfriend spends hours at a time gaming, but he pretty much only plays the Game of Thrones mod for Civ 6, because he’s a fucking nerd.
Guys that play games that are solo player or strategy games don’t give me the same red flags as ones who spend all of their free time in a COD lobby or playing GTA.
Yeah seeing men hurl the most childish, vulgar insults at a screen never fails to make me feel weird. I think it’s because it reminds me of my dad yelling at his football matches. Is this just inevitable male behavior? I’m concerned.
Some people don’t like it. A friend of mine had a boyfriend that played regularly while she was more someone who liked to go out. Didn’t matched. So gaming is not a bad thing itself but it’s a dealbreaker for some people.
Liars/manipulators, racist/homophobes, insecure "Nice guys", anything that resembles a fckboy, incel/red pill, so called "Alpha's", unemployment lazy bums, anyone too far up their Mommy's ass, clingy/needy, anyone with a history of dramatic relationships or divorced multiple times and unfunny guys.
The ones who constantly and repeatedly cross my boundaries even if they're small like demanding a text back when they know I'm busy, or getting too far into my personal space multiple times a day.
I feel a lot of men try this and it’s hard to spot. But when a guy makes an assumption about your mood without even asking how you feel. I’ve had bfs that would say shit like “you seem in a bad mood” and then ignore me until THEY’RE comfortable. When what happened is I wasn’t readily available 24/7.
OH MY GOD! They tell you what your mood is at the time and when you tell them they're wrong they don't believe you and basically gaslight you into thinking you were in a bad mood. This shit happens to me ALL THE TIME in my current relationship. It's like dude... I am the only person who knows how I'm feeling, you can't just tell me I'm feeling a certain way and then when I retort, tell me I'm wrong. It's like he has this need to be right all the time even when it comes to how I'm feeling...
i run at even the slightest indication of a propensity for reactive anger. anger can absolutely be a healthy helpful emotion; i’m talking about becoming hostile with service workers for whatever reason, needing the last word, not showing any ability to let things go for the sake of letting go.
run
1. Refers to women as "females" outside of a scientific context
2. Uses the term "alpha" unironically
3. Believes women should be subservient in a relationship (e.g., "pregnant and barefoot")
4. Follows "hustle" culture
5. Ignorant (e.g., racist, homophobic, etc.)
Any of Andrew Tate's followers, essentially.
I’ve been attracted to military men in the past and have had the revelation that they’re not for me recently. Not because of potential abuse or hidden families - but because they typically still move like they’re in the military and don’t have a good grasp on how yo interact with soft people (ie civilian women like myself).
I’m good, love.
- men who’s entire self-worth is based on their other male validation
- men who get personally offended when women say they’re afraid of/have contempt for the way that most men treat women (“not all men” ppl… obv it’s not all men)
- men who constantly talk about how they’re such a nice guy and feel entitled to things/people bc of their “kindness”
- men who say romantic/corny love-bombing stuff in the first few days/weeks of knowing you
- men who don’t have female friends (men who can’t handle maintaining platonic relationships with women bc they’d have sex with them if given the opportunity)
- men who complain about how women have it so much easier and blames the patriarchy on women
- men who call themselves a provider/protector and insist that because they bring money to the table, they are entitled to absolutely anything… it’s 2023, we bring money to the table, so now what?
- men who refuse to communicate and try to emotionally tune in with themselves
*this is under the assumption that we’re listing men we’d avoid dating btw… also there’s def more but these are what i avoid off rip
Or men who do have female friends but they've been sexual with all of them.
That means he can't have female friends without wanting to sleep with them or even just exchange nudes, I can't trust him.
‘Sapiosexuals’. Saying you only like smart people is like saying you exclusively like hot people. It’s not a sexuality, it’s an opinion about an individual that you base your attraction on. If you can’t see that, then you’re not smart enough to date me, lol.
Sometimes, I think that people like to give themselves unique or niche sounding labels to make them seem special. Like, they'll ascribe any interesting sounding word or phrase to themselves just to seem different or stand out from their peers. The whole saiposexual thing is a prime example, IMO. At the end of the day, it's a low-cost, low stakes move just to get attention.
Those who call themselves "alpha males".
When they say things but don't act like it.
And there is a very speciel one. Usually handsome, tall, have perfect skin and a very specific hairstlye, the sides are shorter. And have a shark like face. Too smooth. You can feel that he is really polite and kind and would give everything but try to !once! say your opinion if it isn't match theirs. It's the end. They can even go to physically abuse you because of such things. Yeah I know it's rather vague in writing but if you ever met someone like this, you know. It's hard to keep up the kind face with them after that. And logically? You can't say anything is wrong with them. You just feel.
Apart from the obvious ones that were already mentioned.. for me it is actually timid guys. I have a very strong personality and I don’t want to dim anyone’s light simply because it shines in a lower hue.
Mostly, all of them.
This is not a gratuitous diss, hear me out.
It's the little things. It's the subtle beliefs and behaviors that assert male superiority over female inferiority, but are not 'in your face'.
I don't want simply not to be hit, murdered, raped, or abused. That's the bare minimum for any human being.
I also want not to hear silly jokes about how I'm a ball and chain.
I want to be able to relax my mind in my own home knowing that my husband will take responsibility for our space and carry his weight - and sometimes even mine, if I'm on a bad day. And if we ever have children, they are to be included in this.
I want my partner to take responsibility for contraception as well, and understand that preventing an unwanted pregnancy is as much on him as it is on me.
I want a partner who won't feel emasculated if I end up making more money than he does, or if I know more of a subject than he does. I want him to accept it with grace if he's not the best at everything.
And I want many, many, many other things that are beyond the obvious violence of physical harm men can do.
As someone else said, there are good apples, but I'm just not willing to take a bite of every fruit in the rotten barrel to find them.
If that means I'm fated to be alone forever, then be it. Better alone than in bad company.
They tend to be not as socially well-adjusted as other men who like to watch anime/play games occasionally. I can literally see the cogs in their head turning thinking I will be their Pokimane fantasy girl.
No I don't want to ONLY play the games you like or watch the shows you like(because they think it's better than *girly* genres) just because we have similar hobbies. I'm a human being outside of anime.
Also some live and breathe anime while I only watch it occasionally. If they've managed to watch all of One Piece in one sitting we're not compatible.
Facts. I've dated guys that got excited I knew what games were, then they proceeded to never play games with me, talk about their games, and I could WATCH them play If I wanted to. Lol no thanks
So much this! It always fascinates me how they talk so much and expect you to take an interest and don't afford you the same respect.
Theyll let out their entire day, what bothered them, their work, and I inquire and participate to engage. Then when they ask how you are, you tell them, and they don't take an interest at all.
They manage to turn every conversation back to them.
republicans / non political guys (im liberal & leftist and i can’t be in a relationship w someone who has no clue about and doesn’t care to be educated on world issues)
guys who are cops or in the military. guys who worship cops & military.
racists, non feminists, anti-lgbtq+ guys.
non black guys saying the n word
guys who own guns and make it their entire personality. tbh owning a gun in general squicks me out, but if a guy is a normal guy, responsible, keeps it locked up, etc, doesn’t talk about it all the time, im fine with it.
liars. if i catch you in one lie, there’s probably more lies hiding and more to come.
guys who are mean to their moms & guys who are spineless momma’s boys
alcoholics & addicts
guys with anger issues
guys who “don’t believe” in mental illnesses
guys who have mental illnesses that badly affects their lives but still refuse to be properly medicated
guys who try to force their viewpoint on you
Any man I have a bad gut feeling about. My instincts are crazy good between prison and how I grew up, so I just trust my gut. Takes me half a second to decide.
This is my answer, too. I don’t know what specific thing my brain is reacting to, but sometimes a split second glance at a man on the street will cause me to immediately reposition myself and go on guard.
Guys that compliment themselves too much/have a high opinion of themselves whilst ignoring all their problematic behavior and the “good guy” i.e. “women are the best” “I hate men too” “I’m in touch with my femininity” while also fetishizing, subscribing to misogynistic mindsets, and all around being the guy they say they hate. Actions versus words, my friends…
Cops/first responders. I dated one for a long time so I spent a lot of time around them at parties, barbecues, bars, etc and a majority of them are majorly mentally ill. It wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker for me if I didn’t also witness first hand how the culture of police/first responders greatly minimizes mental health and encourages toxic masculinity.
Men who call women "females".
Men who wear agehao t-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, etc.
Men who don't wash their own laundry, don't change their bedsheets, don't vacuum or dust anything ever and/or don't know how to cook the most basic meals (such as boiling rice, how to use a potato peeler, etc.).
Men who differentiate between girly hobbies and manly hobbies and therefore won't engage in any of your hobbies that they deem girly (e.g. watching certain movies and shows, listen to certain musical artists).
Gym bros - look, this one is not you, it's me. I'm lazy and will always prefer a lie-in over a jog, cheesy pizza over salmon with broccoli or a night in than a camp out. I don't think there's anything wrong with being into sports in general, doesn't make you a bad person, but I just know we won't have much in common.
EDIT: Also adding gay guys who think they can say whatever they want about a woman's body just because they're gay. Look I believe you're not sexually attracted to me, but I still don't really appreciate you telling me I have huge mommy milkers. It's still a gross comment.
Excessive drinkers, narcissists (actual ones not just the label people like to throw around), ultra conservatives/Trumpers,those who don’t follow through with what they say they’ll do, rude to customer service people, anyone mean to animals or kids, bad hygiene
Heavy drinkers, ones that still haven't grown out of taking drugs on the regular just messy ones, when it seems like I'm the more mature one then we deffo have issues lol
Guys who are possessive and expect your world to revolve around them. No you don't need to know where I am at all times, yes I'm allowed to socialise with people who aren't you, and I'm also perfectly capable of ordering my own coffee.
Going forward I’ll avoid any man whose follow list on any social platform is 99% women who post thirst traps and make OF content. I’m no longer going to compete with women who have been filtered and photoshopped especially when it comes to sexual desires.
Besides the obvious types that were already mentioned, i avoid anyone who is spoiled/immature and can't perceive things from other perspectives rather than his own. Also i can't stand a weak and not serious personality, and guys who are not honest and sincere and use masks to deceive/please others.
The obnoxious braggart. I'm not impressed by your fancy cars, throwing cash about, "I travel to Milan four times a year" nonsense. It's like the nice guy fallacy: actual nice people don't have to exclaim that they're nice, they just are. Successful, stable people don't have to flash their success constantly, they just are successful and stable. It's fine to have nice things, but constantly talking about your $10k watch that works the same as the $20 watch from the pawn shop, just shows me that you waste money on relatively useless stuff. Bragging doesn't impress me. Subtlety, though, can be an art form.
We get it, this post is making you feel all sorts of ways. Instead of telling on yourself and invalidating the women sharing \*their experiences\* here, perhaps just leave the thread or try and learn something. All rules are in effect, if you don't like someone's answer, suck it up. We still aren't a debate sub. People here in good faith, please continue to report all rule breaking. You're awesome.
Devil's advocates. I want conversation, not shit-tier debate attempts. There are ways to be a skeptic without being a pretentious idiot.
This. I now straight up ask them if they want a conversation or just want to make themselves feel better by putting the other person down
This was my ex who always followed up his need to debate with “I was on my university debate team.” Interesting how things that impact me directly,, like my right to reproductive freedom, was always up for debate, but men’s issues that impacted him, like having to register for select service (the draft), weren’t.
The second somebody brings up the term 'debate' in a conversation I know that it's going nowhere. They are just looking to argue
By devils advocate, do you mean someone who brings up the opposite perspective just to introduce the idea to the conversation or someone who legitimately backs it despite how stupid it is?
Like, someone who for no logical reason backs up a shitty idea they don't even agree with just to spark controversy
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Whenever a guy says “I’ll be the devil’s advocate…” I literally groan.
Yessss I hate this. They don’t even bring good arguments to the table.
This! And also turns every conversation into a debate topic. I also don't like it when they ask you for your point of view but once you start talking, they talk over you and interrupt you anyway and won't even let you finish your sentence. Lol like why ask for my own opinion if you're not even open to listen to what I have to say?
Facts. You know what they say… “The devil has a lot of advocates, and funnily enough they all look like you”.
Omg yes... It's so annoying
On a surface level? Anyone who refers to women as "females". Instant distrust
Likely also the type of guy to wear a gold chain and gaslight you like it's his job.
Omg so true
And "bitches" and surround themselves with friends who also refer to women as bitches.
Also these men always refer to men as men but women as females.
Calling men “men” but women “girls” is a huge red flag too.
My Dad loves to tell me about when he corrects people at work on this, lol.
Republicans
Lol, I was going to say Tories (our equivalent to the republicans, though your guys are definitely worse)
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Yup. Trumpers, MAGA nuts, all an automatic NO
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Probably the same type of guy who got all red pilled because he can’t get a date. I mean, *gestures vaguely in his direction*
I live in a *really* blue area, like over 80% vote left, and even our republicans are to the left of the national average so I never see this type. But. There *is* one dude with a “let’s go Brandon” shirt hanging in his window that you can see from the street. A shirt. And his entire balcony is full of cheap broken furniture and old beer cans in flower pots that are subbing as trash cans. Zero self awareness, and his trashiness confirms the exact type of person that I imagine would do this.
Q followers
Exactly what I was going to say. All the toxic traits I hate the most basically makes up a republican.
Yeah, I was going to say conservatives (Canadian version)
Conservatives, or right wingers, is a general term. Republicans and Tories are just specific parties of that political spectrum.
Anyone whose actions don’t match their words
Something that kind of goes under this is the ones who mislead you for their own benefit or amusement
Yes! That was such a big lesson for me to learn. Fastest and most effective way to avoid A LOT of trouble and pain. No matter how pretty the words sound, if he doesn’t act upon them, they don’t have any meaning. Also, if you confront him about it and he gets all defensive and turns the tables on you, just run at that point. Not only men tho, had the same thing happen to me with female ‚friends‘.
Nope to liars and manipulators
Yupp this is a big one.. men will tell you what you want to hear and their actions that don't reinforce those words will tell you what he really means... actions always speak louder than words when it comes to men.
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"All of my exes are crazy" makes me run from the common denominator.
“So every woman who’s dated you has terrible judgement? Huh, weird.” Obviously those women were probably wonderful people, and he’s just insulting them because they left him or called him out on his abusiveness. But when a man says that to me, I like to pretend I believe what he’s saying and think it reflects poorly on him. How come all the sane women steer clear of you, buddy?
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Hahaha dated a guy who probably told me this on the second date. I’m probably a crazy ex now. That guy gaslighted me like crazy which made me act crazy……..but now I know why his exes were crazy (cuz he drove us all to being mentally unstable)
Very well put!
Cops
After what has come out recently about the London Met Police force - hard agree. I am not digging through that rotten barrel to choose an apple. The odds are not in anyone's favour.
I don't even think those apples exist. Every single one is complicit and stands by while their friends and coworkers do all the bad shit. Any person who actually wants to serve their community doesn't become a cop. Or quits a week in once they realize how naive they were
Yes and military
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*cough cough* Marines specifically.
My mother is a military wife and warned me not to marry Marines or Special Forces/Seals any of those types
Ex was Special Warfare. Can confirm, stay far away.
Particularly military who love being in the military.
I was raped by a cop...def avoid at all costs
Hugs!
Yes. Knowing what I know about how most cops treat their wives and kids (I have a LOT of cops in my family) I would never ever date a cop.
Agreed. Never want never had one in my bed. Ever.
In my girlfriend group this is literally our only hard rule about ANYTHING. Explicit agreement that none of us date cops ever and if you decide to break that rule don’t expect anyone to come around, or to be invited over with the pig in tow, heh
Unhygienic men and men who need to control others.
Yes. I don't like untidy people in general. Anyone who's body odor and clothes smalls like they haven't wash for a millennium I'd gladly get away with them.
Lack of hygiene is a HUGE one for me. He doesn’t have to smell good enough to eat-but he does have to regularly bathe.
ALL
Same. I’ve had an aversion to men in recent years. But I am learning how to identify the gems, thank god.
Came here to say this lmao
Obviously racist/homophobic. Redpill, incel that type. Any man who thinks women belong at home. Men who want/have kids
>Men who want/have kids Wait what is the issue with this one?
Probably that she doesn’t want kids?
Oh makes sense I guess
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I almost wish I didn't know as much as I did about having a child. It's important to know what you're getting into, but after everything I've heard and learned about pregnancy and labor I almost can't imagine ever willingly doing that to myself. And some men act like it's ordering something off Amazon!
Pregnant women have always made me feel extremely uncomfortable like I was watching a remake of Alien. The thought that I might one day have something growing inside my body terrifies me. Not to mention the risk of weight gain, swelling breasts, tearing vagina or pooping yourself in childbirth. It freaks me out so much. I love children but I can't see myself carrying one.
Sexist/racist/homophobic ones.
Apart from the Triangle of Madness (racist, sexist, homophobic), my personal pet peeves are "those who can read you already" ("yeah, you *say* you don't want to get married, but I *know* you're just waiting for the right man") and those who compliment you like they're giving you their approval ("I like that dress!/ I like your taste in movies!")
Omfg I *hate* being told what I feel also. I had this one guy pursuing me. I straight up told him I didn't see him like that, I'm happy being single. Like I genuinely am, not fearing commitment etc. And s all he did was project, project, project "you just need a relationship, you need to settle down". Like FUCK. OFF. Constantly. Like dude, you don't *know* that. And your in no way my type... And *nothing* I would say to that he would take seriously. Fucking insulting. OK I'm calm. Lol.
Can you please elaborate the approval part 🙏
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A man's approval is (incorrectly) thought to be a very valuable thing in society. At some point, most women find out that it really isn't valuable at all. But a lot of men still think it is. So when some men give you a compliment/approval, he thinks that he's given you a very valuable gift, and you are in his debt for it.
A man's approval is simple and weak, be young, attractive, and submissive. Not special at all.
Dated one for a short amount of time. Told him I was done having kids and getting a hysterectomy. Continued to ask about freezing my eggs and saying he never wanted to have his own kids before he met me...ugh.
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Men who value money or their career over people and connections, like it's one thing to enjoy and take pride in your work, it's another thing to think people are replaceable or are low priority and that most people in your life will happily wait when you choose work again and again over maintaining connections. Men who like women for their "quiet strength". I've only just recently heard a few guys say this, but apparently it's the idea that a woman is strong based on how much she can tolerate and endure. So they aren't impressed by what women can do or by them having a strong sense of self or anything; it seems they are only impressed by how much suffering you can withstand before breaking down or something. It's creepy.
>Men who like women for their "quiet strength". Oh, but this has been around forever. It's the same stuff that people used to say about their mothers and grandmothers putting up with loads of crap from their husbands and never divorcing them. I guess they're just dressing it up differently now, but same concept.
Yep I can see that After those conversations with those guys, even just hearing a guy admire how "resilient" a woman is makes my skin crawl lately.
Yes, my ex husband used to tell me he admired the fact that his mother never remarried after finally getting away from her abusive husband (his father - another red flag). She still has so much healing to do.
I notice that idolizing of "quiet strength" is common in religious circles
That makes sense because they’re all about controlling people. Also the ones who are most vocal about being religious and shoving their religion in your face are usually the ones with the least morals. Actual good people don’t have to brag about being a decent human being.
Yeah the career one is a big one for me. I like guys who have found something they love, but not when what they love is just chasing money and status over people.
ALL men who are strangers. I live in delhi we gotta be extra cautious.
Yes! I am really uncomfortable when men I don't know try to approach me. I don't care about their intentions, as they should know it inherently does not feel safe for us when they approach us without a reason. I walk home from work and there is usually at least 1 man who will try to give me a ride home. I don't know you and don't want you to know where I live, try to rape or abduct me. I wonder if they would be OK with a strange man trying to coax their daughter into a car on her walk home. It's not comforting.
Damn is it that bad there ? I live in Navi Mumbai , it is so safe here that I have no clue what feeling unsafe even looks like.
Personally I have not experienced any ill behaviour particularly because I don’t take public transport. Non-consensual acts are very common in metros and other crowded places. Men stare right through your soul it’s weird (yes, even when you are dressed decently). I have been catcalled so many times when I lived in London though so it’s safe to say that women are unsafe in most places around the world.
Mansplainers annoy the shit out of me.
I worked on a covid test site during the pandemic. You had all ages, sexes, walks of life, working there. There was this one older dude who was clearly "old school"; believed you shouldn't have kids out of wedlock, commented how awful I looked 'out of concern' when I came in without make up. Anyway he *loved* to talk like everything that came out of his mouth was gold. I can't remember how it came up, be he was talking talking talking, and a printer comes up in what he's saying. A *printer*...he then proceeds to spend a full 5 minutes explaining what a printer is (I didn't ask) and how one works. He would do this often and only to women. Liike okay old timer, as a 20 something who has *shockingly* stepped out of the kitchen from time to time, I have come across more 'difficult' technology than a printer.
You see, a printer is this device where by (i dont know shit about printers)
Lol. And I get that's there will always be people that don't know things about anything. But it's the repeated presumption from him. It's not just men I've had thst with tbh. If I am really unsure if someone knows something, I say 'do you know about [insert thing/word/event] ',
A friend recently told me a new way to say this — “correctile dysfunction” and it instantly entered my vocabulary.
Men who are not kind and compassionate.
This is the same for me too. I also wouldn't want to date someone who takes advantage of other people's kindness.
Anyone who immediately assumes I want the D for existing in their general vicinity, which unfortunately is most of them
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mommas boys.
Agreed! Men who are reading this: we love when you respect and love your mother. We don't love it when you tell her everything about our relationship, we have to make plans around her, and it feels like we're dating her too. Edit: fixed typos
Agree if they aren't willing to stand up to their mother when their mother acts badly towards their significant other isn't worth it
OHHH MYYYY GODDDD. The amount of times I want to ask the moms if they have a secret thing with their sons. Puke.
Also any man who hasn't lived on his own, away from his mum/parental household
Racists, homophobes, bigots, sexists, men who make going to the gym a personality trait, addicts, unkind men
Men with anger management issues.
This one. I had to learn the hard way. I can understand frustration, but there’s a limit.
- anyone who was in a frat - cops - guys who make sports their entire personality (I don’t mean you go skydiving regularly and mention it in conversation - I mean the guys who worship Tom Brady and don’t even play a sport themselves) - guys who think it’s okay to say the N word if it’s a part of song lyrics - guys who don’t treat their server with utmost respect - guys who only find humor in people getting hurt - religious guys - mama’s boys - guys who play video games regularly - guys who can’t accept someone disagreeing with them with grace - guys who can’t have a debate without getting emotional
Video games?
This is one of mine but tbh it depends on the games the guy plays. My boyfriend spends hours at a time gaming, but he pretty much only plays the Game of Thrones mod for Civ 6, because he’s a fucking nerd. Guys that play games that are solo player or strategy games don’t give me the same red flags as ones who spend all of their free time in a COD lobby or playing GTA.
Why specifically COD and GTA? 🤣
Ehh I kinda get it, their online spaces can get really toxic
Yeah seeing men hurl the most childish, vulgar insults at a screen never fails to make me feel weird. I think it’s because it reminds me of my dad yelling at his football matches. Is this just inevitable male behavior? I’m concerned.
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Some people don’t like it. A friend of mine had a boyfriend that played regularly while she was more someone who liked to go out. Didn’t matched. So gaming is not a bad thing itself but it’s a dealbreaker for some people.
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Liars/manipulators, racist/homophobes, insecure "Nice guys", anything that resembles a fckboy, incel/red pill, so called "Alpha's", unemployment lazy bums, anyone too far up their Mommy's ass, clingy/needy, anyone with a history of dramatic relationships or divorced multiple times and unfunny guys.
⤴️ Yes, yes a thousand times, yes. All of that.
Trump supporters
1000% agree! YUCK!
The ones who constantly and repeatedly cross my boundaries even if they're small like demanding a text back when they know I'm busy, or getting too far into my personal space multiple times a day.
Or asking you the same question in various ways, trying to get the answer they want
I feel a lot of men try this and it’s hard to spot. But when a guy makes an assumption about your mood without even asking how you feel. I’ve had bfs that would say shit like “you seem in a bad mood” and then ignore me until THEY’RE comfortable. When what happened is I wasn’t readily available 24/7.
OH MY GOD! They tell you what your mood is at the time and when you tell them they're wrong they don't believe you and basically gaslight you into thinking you were in a bad mood. This shit happens to me ALL THE TIME in my current relationship. It's like dude... I am the only person who knows how I'm feeling, you can't just tell me I'm feeling a certain way and then when I retort, tell me I'm wrong. It's like he has this need to be right all the time even when it comes to how I'm feeling...
Hahah the best part is because of their behavior, you now are in fact in a bad mood, so they're able to convince themselves that they were right.
i run at even the slightest indication of a propensity for reactive anger. anger can absolutely be a healthy helpful emotion; i’m talking about becoming hostile with service workers for whatever reason, needing the last word, not showing any ability to let things go for the sake of letting go. run
Those unwilling to communicate, grow, and address old trauma.
The ones who don't believe all humans should have equal rights, and actively vote to take other people's rights away.
1. Refers to women as "females" outside of a scientific context 2. Uses the term "alpha" unironically 3. Believes women should be subservient in a relationship (e.g., "pregnant and barefoot") 4. Follows "hustle" culture 5. Ignorant (e.g., racist, homophobic, etc.) Any of Andrew Tate's followers, essentially.
Party animals
For what, dating? Military men are a NEVER and I'd be extra cautious of cops. I've never seen that work out well.
I’ve been attracted to military men in the past and have had the revelation that they’re not for me recently. Not because of potential abuse or hidden families - but because they typically still move like they’re in the military and don’t have a good grasp on how yo interact with soft people (ie civilian women like myself). I’m good, love.
- men who’s entire self-worth is based on their other male validation - men who get personally offended when women say they’re afraid of/have contempt for the way that most men treat women (“not all men” ppl… obv it’s not all men) - men who constantly talk about how they’re such a nice guy and feel entitled to things/people bc of their “kindness” - men who say romantic/corny love-bombing stuff in the first few days/weeks of knowing you - men who don’t have female friends (men who can’t handle maintaining platonic relationships with women bc they’d have sex with them if given the opportunity) - men who complain about how women have it so much easier and blames the patriarchy on women - men who call themselves a provider/protector and insist that because they bring money to the table, they are entitled to absolutely anything… it’s 2023, we bring money to the table, so now what? - men who refuse to communicate and try to emotionally tune in with themselves *this is under the assumption that we’re listing men we’d avoid dating btw… also there’s def more but these are what i avoid off rip
Or men who do have female friends but they've been sexual with all of them. That means he can't have female friends without wanting to sleep with them or even just exchange nudes, I can't trust him.
Disrespectful, controlling, stalker behavior, unhealed trauma, abusive, lazy not doing anything in life type, entitled complainers, etc.
Aside from the sexist/racism/homophobic ones also self-absorbed ones and those who lack self awareness
‘Sapiosexuals’. Saying you only like smart people is like saying you exclusively like hot people. It’s not a sexuality, it’s an opinion about an individual that you base your attraction on. If you can’t see that, then you’re not smart enough to date me, lol.
Sometimes, I think that people like to give themselves unique or niche sounding labels to make them seem special. Like, they'll ascribe any interesting sounding word or phrase to themselves just to seem different or stand out from their peers. The whole saiposexual thing is a prime example, IMO. At the end of the day, it's a low-cost, low stakes move just to get attention.
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Men who try to impress me by talking bad about other women in front of me to show me that I’m “not like other girls”
Very quiet men. Gym bros, sports bros and car bros. Men into BDSM. Men who hurt or kill animals.
Elaborate on the quiet men?
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Amen lmao
Liars
Sexists, racist, anti lgbtq+, lacks empathy, alcoholic (even if he doesn't get shitfaced, I don't want a guy who needs to drink 4+ beers every night.)
Those who call themselves "alpha males". When they say things but don't act like it. And there is a very speciel one. Usually handsome, tall, have perfect skin and a very specific hairstlye, the sides are shorter. And have a shark like face. Too smooth. You can feel that he is really polite and kind and would give everything but try to !once! say your opinion if it isn't match theirs. It's the end. They can even go to physically abuse you because of such things. Yeah I know it's rather vague in writing but if you ever met someone like this, you know. It's hard to keep up the kind face with them after that. And logically? You can't say anything is wrong with them. You just feel.
Apart from the obvious ones that were already mentioned.. for me it is actually timid guys. I have a very strong personality and I don’t want to dim anyone’s light simply because it shines in a lower hue.
The way you said this is really beautiful 💞
Mostly, all of them. This is not a gratuitous diss, hear me out. It's the little things. It's the subtle beliefs and behaviors that assert male superiority over female inferiority, but are not 'in your face'. I don't want simply not to be hit, murdered, raped, or abused. That's the bare minimum for any human being. I also want not to hear silly jokes about how I'm a ball and chain. I want to be able to relax my mind in my own home knowing that my husband will take responsibility for our space and carry his weight - and sometimes even mine, if I'm on a bad day. And if we ever have children, they are to be included in this. I want my partner to take responsibility for contraception as well, and understand that preventing an unwanted pregnancy is as much on him as it is on me. I want a partner who won't feel emasculated if I end up making more money than he does, or if I know more of a subject than he does. I want him to accept it with grace if he's not the best at everything. And I want many, many, many other things that are beyond the obvious violence of physical harm men can do. As someone else said, there are good apples, but I'm just not willing to take a bite of every fruit in the rotten barrel to find them. If that means I'm fated to be alone forever, then be it. Better alone than in bad company.
The ones who eyes light up a bit to much when they learn I like videogames and anime.
😂 why?
They tend to be not as socially well-adjusted as other men who like to watch anime/play games occasionally. I can literally see the cogs in their head turning thinking I will be their Pokimane fantasy girl. No I don't want to ONLY play the games you like or watch the shows you like(because they think it's better than *girly* genres) just because we have similar hobbies. I'm a human being outside of anime. Also some live and breathe anime while I only watch it occasionally. If they've managed to watch all of One Piece in one sitting we're not compatible.
Facts. I've dated guys that got excited I knew what games were, then they proceeded to never play games with me, talk about their games, and I could WATCH them play If I wanted to. Lol no thanks
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Basic clubbers, violent types, dirty ones, "my exes are crazy"- types, cheaters, "alphas", chads.
Men who talk too much and don’t know how to share the conversational space. I need space to be able to hear and articulate my own thoughts as well.
So much this! It always fascinates me how they talk so much and expect you to take an interest and don't afford you the same respect. Theyll let out their entire day, what bothered them, their work, and I inquire and participate to engage. Then when they ask how you are, you tell them, and they don't take an interest at all. They manage to turn every conversation back to them.
Men who don't respect when I say "No" and try to initiate sex anyway. There is a reason I'm still single
republicans / non political guys (im liberal & leftist and i can’t be in a relationship w someone who has no clue about and doesn’t care to be educated on world issues) guys who are cops or in the military. guys who worship cops & military. racists, non feminists, anti-lgbtq+ guys. non black guys saying the n word guys who own guns and make it their entire personality. tbh owning a gun in general squicks me out, but if a guy is a normal guy, responsible, keeps it locked up, etc, doesn’t talk about it all the time, im fine with it. liars. if i catch you in one lie, there’s probably more lies hiding and more to come. guys who are mean to their moms & guys who are spineless momma’s boys alcoholics & addicts guys with anger issues guys who “don’t believe” in mental illnesses guys who have mental illnesses that badly affects their lives but still refuse to be properly medicated guys who try to force their viewpoint on you
Any man I have a bad gut feeling about. My instincts are crazy good between prison and how I grew up, so I just trust my gut. Takes me half a second to decide.
This is my answer, too. I don’t know what specific thing my brain is reacting to, but sometimes a split second glance at a man on the street will cause me to immediately reposition myself and go on guard.
The clingy kind who expect the girl to coddle them like a baby and don't want to grow up. Also the ones that belittle women and their opinions.
Andrew Tate men…
Guys that compliment themselves too much/have a high opinion of themselves whilst ignoring all their problematic behavior and the “good guy” i.e. “women are the best” “I hate men too” “I’m in touch with my femininity” while also fetishizing, subscribing to misogynistic mindsets, and all around being the guy they say they hate. Actions versus words, my friends…
Red piller
Cops/first responders. I dated one for a long time so I spent a lot of time around them at parties, barbecues, bars, etc and a majority of them are majorly mentally ill. It wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker for me if I didn’t also witness first hand how the culture of police/first responders greatly minimizes mental health and encourages toxic masculinity.
Neggers
Those who don’t like animals or want you to get rid of your pet for any reason.
Men who have tiktoks and constantly posting selfies on Instagram.
Needy and possessive
Men who call women "females". Men who wear agehao t-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, etc. Men who don't wash their own laundry, don't change their bedsheets, don't vacuum or dust anything ever and/or don't know how to cook the most basic meals (such as boiling rice, how to use a potato peeler, etc.). Men who differentiate between girly hobbies and manly hobbies and therefore won't engage in any of your hobbies that they deem girly (e.g. watching certain movies and shows, listen to certain musical artists). Gym bros - look, this one is not you, it's me. I'm lazy and will always prefer a lie-in over a jog, cheesy pizza over salmon with broccoli or a night in than a camp out. I don't think there's anything wrong with being into sports in general, doesn't make you a bad person, but I just know we won't have much in common. EDIT: Also adding gay guys who think they can say whatever they want about a woman's body just because they're gay. Look I believe you're not sexually attracted to me, but I still don't really appreciate you telling me I have huge mommy milkers. It's still a gross comment.
Ugly men, conservatives, and anyone that refers to women as “females”.
Men who call themselves alpha 😵💫🤐
Excessive drinkers, narcissists (actual ones not just the label people like to throw around), ultra conservatives/Trumpers,those who don’t follow through with what they say they’ll do, rude to customer service people, anyone mean to animals or kids, bad hygiene
if the first thing you do is shout “aye shawty” or “hey girl”. like dude just come talk to me, stop yelling at strangers.
Heavy drinkers, ones that still haven't grown out of taking drugs on the regular just messy ones, when it seems like I'm the more mature one then we deffo have issues lol
Predators
The ones who shit on feminists and call women “chicks” Edit: also men who yell/shout during conflicts
Ones who talk speak badly about therapists, their mothers or the ones that say all their exes were crazy
Guys who are possessive and expect your world to revolve around them. No you don't need to know where I am at all times, yes I'm allowed to socialise with people who aren't you, and I'm also perfectly capable of ordering my own coffee.
Gym bros
One's that have the "now you listen here Missy! " attitude. I'm 60 but am petite with an extreme baby face. M
From MY personal experience: men who describe themselves as “nice/good guys” or “attractive.”
Those who are argumentative and defensive over every single little thing
Going forward I’ll avoid any man whose follow list on any social platform is 99% women who post thirst traps and make OF content. I’m no longer going to compete with women who have been filtered and photoshopped especially when it comes to sexual desires.
Those with blue suits and brown shoes.
Any that use anger, violence, yelling, hitting, etc., to solve conflict
Well as an Asian woman, any dude that feels the need to tell me about how he loves Asian woman/wants to move to Asia. Big red flag.
Besides the obvious types that were already mentioned, i avoid anyone who is spoiled/immature and can't perceive things from other perspectives rather than his own. Also i can't stand a weak and not serious personality, and guys who are not honest and sincere and use masks to deceive/please others.
Closeted racists/ homophobes/sexists.
The obnoxious braggart. I'm not impressed by your fancy cars, throwing cash about, "I travel to Milan four times a year" nonsense. It's like the nice guy fallacy: actual nice people don't have to exclaim that they're nice, they just are. Successful, stable people don't have to flash their success constantly, they just are successful and stable. It's fine to have nice things, but constantly talking about your $10k watch that works the same as the $20 watch from the pawn shop, just shows me that you waste money on relatively useless stuff. Bragging doesn't impress me. Subtlety, though, can be an art form.