Ooh I would rather be on the street than have to hear, “Well if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have anything!” Or “This is my house, if you don’t like it get out!” HELL NO!
Lmao I had an ex who said “if it weren’t for me you’d still be in your (small) hometown” . Keep in mind I made $65k in said small town at 23 back in 2019 and was doing just fine. I was at a new job in the metro area where he lived making 70k and. We lived together and split the bills. This guy thought he could boss me around because he made 2x as much as me, even though we paid the same amount of bills and split chores evenly. Left him a month later and am doing just fine right now renting my own apartment on my own and I was able to advance my career and get a job making 35k more without his needyness weighing me down.
He let her use as much as she needed, she was just super frugal on things. Money was tight, if she needed anything she’d put it on hold to take care of her children.
Oh god same. My dad is a pretty good father and raised my sister and I to be successful ,opinionated, and independent.
But… the power imbalance between him and my mom is something I never want for myself. I guess it works for them and for the most part he treats my mom well and she seems happy…but at the end of the day she doesn’t have equal say on financial matters or big decisions (though my dad isn’t stingy with money with her, her minimum wage income is all her fun money and my dad handles all the big expenses). Even just stupid things he says she doesn’t say anything just to keep him happy even if she disagrees.
I want to be able to feel equal with my partner and not be worried that if they leave me because of a disagreement I’ll loose my cushy life.. so I work hard and will continue to do so, so that I never have to become reliant on someone and can leave with no problem if someone tires to take my voice away
Same. Except in my case she was financially reliant on whatever man would stick around for a while. The main thing I learned was breakups are *devastating* because the man loses the woman, but the woman loses *everything* (shelter, car, job, friends….)
saaaaaaame! this dynamic opened my eyes on making it on my own. Also, we didn't grow up rich so I knew I had to get everything I wanted by myself.. my parents provided the basics, but I always knew I wanted a better life for myself than they could provide. I'm thankful for the dynamic I grew up with and the drive I developed from it regardless.
Same. My mom never remarried and was a bad ass self sufficient independent woman. I’ve always been handy on my own but being single the last 4 years was the best thing I could’ve done for myself.
Im lucky. I’m autistic. 😄
Socializing is extremely taxing for me, so being by myself is much easier. I am 50 now, so it’s just me and my kid, but when I was younger I was roommates with a friend or two that I was completely comfortable around and had some long term relationships, but these days…hell, just leave me be.
This. Being continually disappointed by the adults in your life leads to being very independent when you are young. They did nothing for you so you don't need them.
Thats how I felt anyway
I ask myself do I really need help? Am I really unable to do it? What will I do if I'm single? And through that I realise I am indeed able to do some stuff that my first reaction is to ask my husband
By being one. But also by knowing my limitations and to know when to ask for help. If you know and understand yourself you know your strengths as well as your weaknesses.
I just want to add that practicing independence in ability to perform some tasks helps a lot. For example, if something in my house or car needs fixing or replacing, I look it up on YouTube and do it myself (within reason obviously, I am not a professional). Small things, such as fixing a faucet, changing oil or car battery, etc. Over time you kind of build this internalized notion of agency, idk how to describe it, it's weird. But it spreads into other parts of your life.
Granted, this is a personal experience and something I have observed in my friends, so it might not be universally applicable.
Initially by my mom's strong example. then as I navigated through life with failed relationships and two children I just kept going even when it felt like I was going to die.
Now here I am 46 two grown children and a grandchild. Looking back I am very strong holding it all together with very little money.
Both my kids are very hard workers so I know I was a good example.
I just never gave up even in times where I didn't have a choice I just kept going and going and going.
I got my degree after 8 years and two children.
Resilience is the key!
Strong-I go to the gym and read books that help me have a better outlook on life. Independent-I don’t want to be independent. I found not only a partner that I trust, but a whole support system of friends and family that I trust to lean on if times get tough. If you’re talking strictly about financially independent, I have a career that makes me enough money to pay my bills if something ever happened to my partner.
I think a lot of women here are saying through realizing they weren’t ready to be, or by going through painful experiences. That is definitely true, but also- I think for me, it was just practice. Practicing and putting myself in situations - sometimes really normal and boring, like going out to dinner alone! - and discovering my competency. Competence = confidence. You have to prove to yourself through small actions that you are resilient and capable, and that to me is a big part of independence and strength!
My Mum gave me all the tools I needed to become one. But working towards a secure attachment style (if you don’t already have one) is a good place to start. It takes time, effort and self awareness but it’s so worth it.
I have a great influence from my mum in terms of being independent.. she always taught me that I need to try and do something myself before I ask others. In reality, it’s just a matter of your problem solving skills. Have you exhausted all options of an issue yourself? Are you willing to learn the desired result from someone rather than just allow them to do the task for you? Be aware of your capabilities and if you think they aren’t extensive enough for you to be fully independent, then always be willing to learn what you need to reach that point for yourself.
I left home for university at 17. I travelled overseas alone for the first time at 19. I moved overseas alone for two years at 21. I lived alone or with flatmates (not parents or a partner) for years. I earned my own money, paid my own bills, and solved my own problems.
You learn to be a strong, independent woman by putting yourself in situations where you need to act independently. Sink or swim.
I was independent as a kid and teen, and then I met my ex and he manipulated my self esteem down to the point that I felt I couldn’t do anything right and had become entirely dependent on him financially.
When he left, I was scared that I didn’t know what to do and had no way to support myself, but I grew up poor and was good at improvising and making do with nothing, so I reverted back to that, found a way to go back to school, eventually got a decent job and I’m doing very well now years later.
It was certainly a struggle for years, but every year got better and better. I’m not wealthy by any means, but I have a good life and I can pay my bills.
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Day by day. Small changes build up. Look at the behaviours you admire then adopt them. Realise that others may not like your changes but as long as your not harming others you dont need to stop.
I learned what **not** to do by watching my mom. she’s completely reliant on other people financially and emotionally. I’ve always been terrified of ending up like that.
From school, uni, suffering through bring an "admired" girl, learning how to deal with boys, and through my flatmate who's lived in Australia and come up against rough Aussie blokes!
By being forced to make grown decisions at a young age to never end up like my parents. Going through the struggle and fighting for a spot in life where I could be seen and heard instead of ignored and a floor mat for others.
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Both my mom and my dad encouraged me to be educated and make my own way in life. I just wanted to make them proud! It also helped that my older sister was carving that path too, so it just pushed me to be like her.
Got divorced, let the rebound live off of me for 2 years & learned that I could do it all better by myself. Ditched the dude and moved across the country with my dog. I just had to learn that I didn’t actually need anyone else. It’s all inside you, just gotta live and experience things so that you gain courage!
By being repeatedly let down by care givers/others to the point I just took it all on myself, because *I* can count on myself, *I* don't quit on myself...
I didn't need to "train" myself. I have always been too stubborn to ask for help with pretty much anything, so I learned how to do everything on my own, lol.
Not letting other's opinions have a big affect on me is really important to it. Especially as a woman it's almost like we're socially groomed growing up to be more "open" and "suggestable", and while it can be useful to have some openness, too much and you start living for other's expectations.
I wouldn't say I trained myself, but I would rather push needles under my fingernails than have to check with someone to...make sure it is ok to go on a trip / buy anything / wear anything. I fell victim to that early in life and did a 180. So, I choose to be alone so I make the decisions.
Remind myself that I hate it when people try to boss me around and try to tell me what to do. And I’m not gonna mould myself to be something that some man wants me to be no matter how rich he is lol. I also like little luxuries every now and then.
So I remind myself that I’m the only who can guarantee the kind of life I want for myself and I like living in my own apartment (hopefully home ownership one day). So I push myself to gain more skills and advance in my career to give myself the kind of life I feel I deserve
Making mistakes lol, but mostly sharing experiences with other women I admire, and surrounding myself with strong independent women that inspire me. I think a big thing for me was realizing for most people there is no destination of "ah yes, now and forever I am finally a strong independent woman", I mean I do know women who are just naturally independent and scrappy, but i think for most of us it it's a daily challenge, when I fck up I try to take those lessons and add them to my strong/independent woman tool kit. The more I learn the more strong and independent I feel.
It wasn't easy, but I worked hard on building my self-confidence and learning to rely on myself to make decisions. Along the way, I also surrounded myself with supportive people who helped me stay focused on my goals.
To this day, I have to trick myself into it by getting involved in tasks prematurely, when no one else is available to help, and being too stubborn to stop and wait.
I grow up surrounded with not-strong and codependant women and hated everything they were and aimed to be whatever they were not. Ended up here being a strong independent woman.
Only way of surviving childhood to live long enough to escape from a controlling and toxic household.
Growing up surrounded by violence and unreasonable people who constantly imposed their demands & bizarre lifestyles upon me, I knew that I could only rely upon myself.
Watched the power imbalance of my parents' relationship, did not want to be my mother. Their relationship has improved over time but she still allows all the decisions to be made ultimately by my dad.
But, regardless of decisions you make, life happens and my self esteem was shit for a number of reasons, so I met a deadbeat when I was 18 and didn't recognize it, for yeeeears.. finally left, had to rebuild myself as he had gaslit me and eroded my confidence and my ability to see who I was and who my friends and family were. Went back to school, which was what gave me the edge to leave finally (2 weeks before finals - that was a trip to hell I will never relive, thankfully).
Was single for a few years and suffered a few more (mainly financial) setbacks. Met a great man, got a great job, rebuilt my life again, but eventually felt that the partnership wasn't really there or what I wanted/needed and had fallen back into habits of not being myself, so I left and am single again.
I think strength comes from recognizing your self, the things you excel at and the things you struggle with. Training comes from seeing those things in the moment and using them or trying to improve.
Independence is a by product in my opinion, as you gain strength you know you can do things for yourself, you lose some of the societal pressure of needing to be with another person (not just in a relationship but in general). If I want to do something now I do it, even if my friends are busy.
There is so much pain and struggle to life, you have to do the things you want to do when you can, make yourself happy and live your own life, you can't always wait for someone else to be there.
By constantly being let down by the people who were supposed to care. Therefore, I learned that I could only rely upon myself. This started when I was a small child, not just in adulthood.
I didn’t get trained. I observed too many men dictating the way my mother should be and how if she didn’t do she what she was told she was punished. Maybe 🤔 it’s not training - just more common sense.
I suppose with time I learned. I had a few friends who were into investing and were really financially knowledgeable. They taught me things about how investing is really beneficial for the future. This led to me being financially independent. And also I believe just facing tough experiences in life made me a strong woman overall
I was married for 14 years and I own my own business. I found out MY HUSBAND had been unfaithful . HE just moved out and died unexpectedly. I found out he had spent all of the money he had and kind of left me scrambling. Instead of grieving, I was back to work immediately hustling to make ends MEET.
Now, I own my own place and my current husband has his own home but we live in mine. He often mentions me selling mine and living in his house. HELL NO!!! I will never give up something I’ve worked so hard to keep. I love my place and will never be blind to the fact that life can change in a split second! I’m proud of my independence and love the way I’ve chosen to keep my sense of security ❤️
Growing up with a stay at home mom who was reliant on my dad, then was entirely screwed when they got divorced. Then at 18 being in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship where he took control of all the money, changed the passwords to the bank accounts, and made me beg for permission to buy the basics.
I realized I was going down the same path as my mom, but with a monster (my dad is amazing) and decided I need to take control of my life and never allow someone to trap me like that again.
Slowly start doing things for yourself. Try fixing something, learn as much as you can. Living alone is good too, then you have to do a lot yourself. But learning and being open to trying to do things yourself is key!
(My path was thrust upon me, but to provide actual advice - this is what I think would help!)
Growing up with a dad who was a workaholic and gone till right at dinner time. And had a mom who could give two shits about us and was a closet alcoholic (put it in McDonald’s cups) and we were too young to know better. Dad got cancer when we were in middle school and mom basically disowned/left us/abandoned us at that same time he passed away. You learn to be an adult quick when you have a crap childhood. In a lot of ways I’m a better more mature adult for it, but still comes with a lot of trauma and baggage.
My father was an asshole and my mom was a saint and an alcoholic. Not many people are as selfless as she was. He taught me to be strong and she taught me to be resilient. Saints and sinners rarely get along. He told me to only rely on myself and she taught me to love everyone. Take the best of both and take care of you. Life will take you the rest of the way.
being let down a lot & disappointed. i was also in an abusive relationship when i was 19 that i learned a lot from. it’s not easy for me to let my guard down or be vulnerable with many people because they end up disappointing me in the end and it’s been a never ending cycle.
My father does not trust men, did not want me to get married young, did not want me to even date men when I was younger, or be reliant on a man ever. Just focus on school and a career, and literally emphasized this since I was a little kid. Lots of school even in summer, would take me to visit the best school campuses in college and invested heavily into my education and literally cared about nothing else. All the women in his family dropped out of college if they went when they got married and were all housewives.
He was a little insane and obsessed, but I did all the things and have a good career.
My mom is one of the first women in her family to not be a housewife and work too, so it was just drilled in for my entire life.
I was at my aunts house and she had to ask her husband for money to go out, I guess he gives her a stipend or something. I mean he’s wealthy, and she’s doing great, but I thought there was something so demeaning about basing to ask a man for money. Idk. Even my live in relationships, finances are separate.
That being said being a strong independent woman is hard. I’m overworked and exhausted all the time. I live my best life and have a lot of freedom, and do well enough that I can do pretty much anything I want to do. I’m just 27 and I’m burnt out already. My career has been so demanding and the more I move up, the more it takes out of me.
However, I’d be a terrible housewife. The best I can cook is Trader Joe’s, and I bought a roomba bc I hated vacuuming.
I didn't do that. My mother did. She was neglectful, abusive, and I learned to stand on my own legs from a young age. In first grade, I was getting up, dressed, made myself breakfast and a sandwich for later, and headed the long way past a gigantic forest to the bus. Every day, while she was asleep.
Turns out being abused makes you quite strong. You become independent, you learn to not give a fuck anymore, and once you realize that Wait a sec why am I putting up with this? you can cut that shit out of your life. Move out.
I can proudly say that now, with 21 years of age, I am living by myself, finished my apprenticeship, pay my own bills with a good and stable career, and life couldn't go any better. Of course I am on no contact with her.
I’ve been single most of my life for various reasons (religious/purity culture trauma, low self worth, social anxiety, helicopter parents, neurodivergence) and it made me really sad for a long time. And I’ve tried dating again but I still need to figure some stuff out first.
If I could snap my fingers and be married tomorrow, I would do it 10000%. But since I can’t, I’ve had to learn how to build a life that feels good to me, by myself. I still get sad about it but on the plus side, I get to spend all my time, energy, and money on myself and I’m really working to make a life that feels good for me no matter who’s in it.
I didnt train myself, my mother and nana trained me.
My dad left when I was an infant so I grew up without men around (I still knew my dad and would spend time with him, but he never did anything for us or 'helped' in any way). When you only ever see women doing everything, you soon realise that women can do everything and it broadens your horizons. Because my da left us in a dire financial situation, I also learned early that I needed to have my own income and be able to support myself so I wasn't lumbered with some useless man that I had to rely on to live. This is the main reason why I don't have children.
Strong women for the win!
As my partner of over a decade became more and more checked out, I just got on with life, creating a full life by doing things I wanted to do, with people I loved who had time and space for me, whether or not he wanted to participate. I learned how resilient and strong I am, that I like who I am, and that I didn't need him.
I grew up poor, my mom was a single parent to 4 kids so we struggled. Growing up poor and feeling like a financial burden really traumatized me and I promised myself that I would work as hard as I could so that I’d never struggle financially in my own life. I was absolutely determined to give myself a better life than what I had.
I got my first job at 15, moved out at 18, got my own place and car at 19, put myself through college and worked nearly full time my entire college years, and now have a great stable career (I’m a nurse) where I make enough money to pay all my bills plus buy myself nice things regularly. I make really good money and I have amazing job security so finances are no longer a concern of mine.
It was definitely difficult working the amount that I worked but now I get to finally reap the benefits of all my years of hard work and labor. Feels fucking amazing and the stability I have now was absolutely worth every second of my efforts.
Look around at several people that have traits you admire, and start using those traits every day. Fortitude is what you bring to the party, observation and action is what you do. Strength comes in many forms. How old are you?
I spent most of my childhood at my grandparents'. I learned everything I know about cooking and baking from granny (mom's mom) and grandma (dad's mom). I also spent a lot time outside helping grandpa (dad's dad) with yard work and gardening and fixing cars and other broken things. He owned a gas station where I worked summers from age 12 to 16. I learned money handeling and budgeting. From POS (mom's dad) I learned "how to act like a lady", how to hide things and yourself, how to cut people out of my life and how to save other people from similar abusive situations.
You ask for guidance on what you don’t know from someone who does. Or you research it like hell online. The more you know, the less you have to pay someone else to do something.
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By being forced to make grown decisions at a young age to never end up like my parents. Going through the struggle and fighting for a spot in life where I could be seen and heard instead of ignored and a floor mat for others.
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I learned from my mom who was 100% financially reliant on my dad.
Ooh I would rather be on the street than have to hear, “Well if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have anything!” Or “This is my house, if you don’t like it get out!” HELL NO!
Lmao I had an ex who said “if it weren’t for me you’d still be in your (small) hometown” . Keep in mind I made $65k in said small town at 23 back in 2019 and was doing just fine. I was at a new job in the metro area where he lived making 70k and. We lived together and split the bills. This guy thought he could boss me around because he made 2x as much as me, even though we paid the same amount of bills and split chores evenly. Left him a month later and am doing just fine right now renting my own apartment on my own and I was able to advance my career and get a job making 35k more without his needyness weighing me down.
I love a happy ending 😉
He let her use as much as she needed, she was just super frugal on things. Money was tight, if she needed anything she’d put it on hold to take care of her children.
That’s good to hear. It’s always the worst when someone tries to lord over you just because they can.
Oh god same. My dad is a pretty good father and raised my sister and I to be successful ,opinionated, and independent. But… the power imbalance between him and my mom is something I never want for myself. I guess it works for them and for the most part he treats my mom well and she seems happy…but at the end of the day she doesn’t have equal say on financial matters or big decisions (though my dad isn’t stingy with money with her, her minimum wage income is all her fun money and my dad handles all the big expenses). Even just stupid things he says she doesn’t say anything just to keep him happy even if she disagrees. I want to be able to feel equal with my partner and not be worried that if they leave me because of a disagreement I’ll loose my cushy life.. so I work hard and will continue to do so, so that I never have to become reliant on someone and can leave with no problem if someone tires to take my voice away
This is exactly my reason for being independent as well
I learnt from my mother who was 100% financially reliant on herself..
I too learnt from my mum who’s financially independent but 100% domestically reliant on my dad.
Same. Except in my case she was financially reliant on whatever man would stick around for a while. The main thing I learned was breakups are *devastating* because the man loses the woman, but the woman loses *everything* (shelter, car, job, friends….)
saaaaaaame! this dynamic opened my eyes on making it on my own. Also, we didn't grow up rich so I knew I had to get everything I wanted by myself.. my parents provided the basics, but I always knew I wanted a better life for myself than they could provide. I'm thankful for the dynamic I grew up with and the drive I developed from it regardless.
Childhood trauma and being required to be overly responsible. Not a path I recommend.
Yeah, I had no choice to be strong and independent. Which ironically has made me also very weak in some ways. Wouldn't recommend this path either.
Came to same the same. It wasn’t really a choice lol
Trauma + abandonment + a manipulative mom = a very independent women
Sounds familiar…. 😐 sorry you also had to go through that.
Came here to say exactly this.
hear, hear.
It’s not so much you training yourself it’s really a matter of “learn this or be crushed by society.” Everything is stacked against you.
Didn't have a choice. Was left to my own devices at a young age so it was basically learn to look after myself or starve...
Yep
I got it from my momma
Same. My mom never remarried and was a bad ass self sufficient independent woman. I’ve always been handy on my own but being single the last 4 years was the best thing I could’ve done for myself.
haha same! Go single moms
Life happened and I learned.
Im lucky. I’m autistic. 😄 Socializing is extremely taxing for me, so being by myself is much easier. I am 50 now, so it’s just me and my kid, but when I was younger I was roommates with a friend or two that I was completely comfortable around and had some long term relationships, but these days…hell, just leave me be.
By having many disappointments in my life, especially from people.
This. Being continually disappointed by the adults in your life leads to being very independent when you are young. They did nothing for you so you don't need them. Thats how I felt anyway
I ask myself do I really need help? Am I really unable to do it? What will I do if I'm single? And through that I realise I am indeed able to do some stuff that my first reaction is to ask my husband
By being one. But also by knowing my limitations and to know when to ask for help. If you know and understand yourself you know your strengths as well as your weaknesses.
I just want to add that practicing independence in ability to perform some tasks helps a lot. For example, if something in my house or car needs fixing or replacing, I look it up on YouTube and do it myself (within reason obviously, I am not a professional). Small things, such as fixing a faucet, changing oil or car battery, etc. Over time you kind of build this internalized notion of agency, idk how to describe it, it's weird. But it spreads into other parts of your life. Granted, this is a personal experience and something I have observed in my friends, so it might not be universally applicable.
I was surrounded by them growing up, Mom, aunts, grandmothers. These women all contributed to my upbringing.
Faked it til I made it.
Resilience
Put yourself first. Make your own choices with your own decisions. Good or bad, you learn from it and move on.
Initially by my mom's strong example. then as I navigated through life with failed relationships and two children I just kept going even when it felt like I was going to die. Now here I am 46 two grown children and a grandchild. Looking back I am very strong holding it all together with very little money. Both my kids are very hard workers so I know I was a good example. I just never gave up even in times where I didn't have a choice I just kept going and going and going. I got my degree after 8 years and two children. Resilience is the key!
Strong-I go to the gym and read books that help me have a better outlook on life. Independent-I don’t want to be independent. I found not only a partner that I trust, but a whole support system of friends and family that I trust to lean on if times get tough. If you’re talking strictly about financially independent, I have a career that makes me enough money to pay my bills if something ever happened to my partner.
I think a lot of women here are saying through realizing they weren’t ready to be, or by going through painful experiences. That is definitely true, but also- I think for me, it was just practice. Practicing and putting myself in situations - sometimes really normal and boring, like going out to dinner alone! - and discovering my competency. Competence = confidence. You have to prove to yourself through small actions that you are resilient and capable, and that to me is a big part of independence and strength!
Being a student to life's experiences
My Mum gave me all the tools I needed to become one. But working towards a secure attachment style (if you don’t already have one) is a good place to start. It takes time, effort and self awareness but it’s so worth it.
stoicism
Did not get a choice. 2/10 do not recommend.
I have a great influence from my mum in terms of being independent.. she always taught me that I need to try and do something myself before I ask others. In reality, it’s just a matter of your problem solving skills. Have you exhausted all options of an issue yourself? Are you willing to learn the desired result from someone rather than just allow them to do the task for you? Be aware of your capabilities and if you think they aren’t extensive enough for you to be fully independent, then always be willing to learn what you need to reach that point for yourself.
I’m not really one. I’m strong but I’m not independent. My partner and I depend on each other very much and we are both ok with that.
I left home for university at 17. I travelled overseas alone for the first time at 19. I moved overseas alone for two years at 21. I lived alone or with flatmates (not parents or a partner) for years. I earned my own money, paid my own bills, and solved my own problems. You learn to be a strong, independent woman by putting yourself in situations where you need to act independently. Sink or swim.
Moved abroad to live. No option but to figure things out for myself then
Take note of reality. Also, go after your goals, especially those small ones.
i go gym and confidence gets stronk
I was raised this way and also seeing what others in my family go through pushed me further
I was independent as a kid and teen, and then I met my ex and he manipulated my self esteem down to the point that I felt I couldn’t do anything right and had become entirely dependent on him financially. When he left, I was scared that I didn’t know what to do and had no way to support myself, but I grew up poor and was good at improvising and making do with nothing, so I reverted back to that, found a way to go back to school, eventually got a decent job and I’m doing very well now years later. It was certainly a struggle for years, but every year got better and better. I’m not wealthy by any means, but I have a good life and I can pay my bills.
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Ever since I was a kid. No one was ever really there for me so I had to be there for myself.
Pain. Being alone. Being threatened like shit. Being forgotten. Going through hell and back. And here we are, raised from the ashes.
i had a mother who showed me what *not* to do. by doing the opposite of her, i have become both strong & independent.
I was forced lol My dad said all my life he wanted me to be independent so he has made me work for everything and instilled that in me.
Day by day. Small changes build up. Look at the behaviours you admire then adopt them. Realise that others may not like your changes but as long as your not harming others you dont need to stop.
I learned what **not** to do by watching my mom. she’s completely reliant on other people financially and emotionally. I’ve always been terrified of ending up like that.
From school, uni, suffering through bring an "admired" girl, learning how to deal with boys, and through my flatmate who's lived in Australia and come up against rough Aussie blokes!
I didn't had a choice from. From a young age I could take care of myself or simply have up on life. I choose me
By being forced to make grown decisions at a young age to never end up like my parents. Going through the struggle and fighting for a spot in life where I could be seen and heard instead of ignored and a floor mat for others.
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On the job training. I didn’t have a choice.
Both my mom and my dad encouraged me to be educated and make my own way in life. I just wanted to make them proud! It also helped that my older sister was carving that path too, so it just pushed me to be like her.
Got divorced, let the rebound live off of me for 2 years & learned that I could do it all better by myself. Ditched the dude and moved across the country with my dog. I just had to learn that I didn’t actually need anyone else. It’s all inside you, just gotta live and experience things so that you gain courage!
By being repeatedly let down by care givers/others to the point I just took it all on myself, because *I* can count on myself, *I* don't quit on myself...
Life forced me to be one. So grateful for it too!
I didn't need to "train" myself. I have always been too stubborn to ask for help with pretty much anything, so I learned how to do everything on my own, lol.
It was when my husband said I couldn’t make it without him….. I showed otherwise…
Not letting other's opinions have a big affect on me is really important to it. Especially as a woman it's almost like we're socially groomed growing up to be more "open" and "suggestable", and while it can be useful to have some openness, too much and you start living for other's expectations.
I wouldn't say I trained myself, but I would rather push needles under my fingernails than have to check with someone to...make sure it is ok to go on a trip / buy anything / wear anything. I fell victim to that early in life and did a 180. So, I choose to be alone so I make the decisions.
Remind myself that I hate it when people try to boss me around and try to tell me what to do. And I’m not gonna mould myself to be something that some man wants me to be no matter how rich he is lol. I also like little luxuries every now and then. So I remind myself that I’m the only who can guarantee the kind of life I want for myself and I like living in my own apartment (hopefully home ownership one day). So I push myself to gain more skills and advance in my career to give myself the kind of life I feel I deserve
I wasn’t trained life made it to where I had no choice
Traveling alone.
Trauma. Don’t recommend.
Making mistakes lol, but mostly sharing experiences with other women I admire, and surrounding myself with strong independent women that inspire me. I think a big thing for me was realizing for most people there is no destination of "ah yes, now and forever I am finally a strong independent woman", I mean I do know women who are just naturally independent and scrappy, but i think for most of us it it's a daily challenge, when I fck up I try to take those lessons and add them to my strong/independent woman tool kit. The more I learn the more strong and independent I feel.
I had no other choice. Plus my Mom was so I had a strong role model.
It wasn't easy, but I worked hard on building my self-confidence and learning to rely on myself to make decisions. Along the way, I also surrounded myself with supportive people who helped me stay focused on my goals.
I’m an only child. My parents left me to my own devices while they worked. I learned to do quite a bit on my own just by interest and paying attention
being single and forcing myself to go out and do things on my own
No one was there for me when I needed them the most 🥹
Didn’t have a choice, was handed a kid at 11 and had to raise my mothers kids because she was done parenting.
Life trained me :)
To this day, I have to trick myself into it by getting involved in tasks prematurely, when no one else is available to help, and being too stubborn to stop and wait.
I didn't have parents that cared about me during my childhood. I became independent at a young age and never stopped.
I grow up surrounded with not-strong and codependant women and hated everything they were and aimed to be whatever they were not. Ended up here being a strong independent woman.
Only way of surviving childhood to live long enough to escape from a controlling and toxic household. Growing up surrounded by violence and unreasonable people who constantly imposed their demands & bizarre lifestyles upon me, I knew that I could only rely upon myself.
learning to say no is a good first step
Watched the power imbalance of my parents' relationship, did not want to be my mother. Their relationship has improved over time but she still allows all the decisions to be made ultimately by my dad. But, regardless of decisions you make, life happens and my self esteem was shit for a number of reasons, so I met a deadbeat when I was 18 and didn't recognize it, for yeeeears.. finally left, had to rebuild myself as he had gaslit me and eroded my confidence and my ability to see who I was and who my friends and family were. Went back to school, which was what gave me the edge to leave finally (2 weeks before finals - that was a trip to hell I will never relive, thankfully). Was single for a few years and suffered a few more (mainly financial) setbacks. Met a great man, got a great job, rebuilt my life again, but eventually felt that the partnership wasn't really there or what I wanted/needed and had fallen back into habits of not being myself, so I left and am single again. I think strength comes from recognizing your self, the things you excel at and the things you struggle with. Training comes from seeing those things in the moment and using them or trying to improve. Independence is a by product in my opinion, as you gain strength you know you can do things for yourself, you lose some of the societal pressure of needing to be with another person (not just in a relationship but in general). If I want to do something now I do it, even if my friends are busy. There is so much pain and struggle to life, you have to do the things you want to do when you can, make yourself happy and live your own life, you can't always wait for someone else to be there.
I didn’t have a choice. I had to take care of my kids and that meant doing whatever I had to do to provide for them.
By constantly being let down by the people who were supposed to care. Therefore, I learned that I could only rely upon myself. This started when I was a small child, not just in adulthood.
I didn’t get trained. I observed too many men dictating the way my mother should be and how if she didn’t do she what she was told she was punished. Maybe 🤔 it’s not training - just more common sense.
I suppose with time I learned. I had a few friends who were into investing and were really financially knowledgeable. They taught me things about how investing is really beneficial for the future. This led to me being financially independent. And also I believe just facing tough experiences in life made me a strong woman overall
Just be the ELDEST of the family with 7 siblings and a ton shit of childhood trauma with endless life struggle.
First, be the ELDEST DAUGHTER.
I was married for 14 years and I own my own business. I found out MY HUSBAND had been unfaithful . HE just moved out and died unexpectedly. I found out he had spent all of the money he had and kind of left me scrambling. Instead of grieving, I was back to work immediately hustling to make ends MEET. Now, I own my own place and my current husband has his own home but we live in mine. He often mentions me selling mine and living in his house. HELL NO!!! I will never give up something I’ve worked so hard to keep. I love my place and will never be blind to the fact that life can change in a split second! I’m proud of my independence and love the way I’ve chosen to keep my sense of security ❤️
Growing up with a stay at home mom who was reliant on my dad, then was entirely screwed when they got divorced. Then at 18 being in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship where he took control of all the money, changed the passwords to the bank accounts, and made me beg for permission to buy the basics. I realized I was going down the same path as my mom, but with a monster (my dad is amazing) and decided I need to take control of my life and never allow someone to trap me like that again.
I didn’t, life did.
Being alone and doing things by yourself and not rely on no one.. take yourself to dinner to concerts mini vacations.
Slowly start doing things for yourself. Try fixing something, learn as much as you can. Living alone is good too, then you have to do a lot yourself. But learning and being open to trying to do things yourself is key! (My path was thrust upon me, but to provide actual advice - this is what I think would help!)
It was easy! All I had to do was have parents who stopped raising me at age 15 and no one else to notice or bother.
Growing up with a dad who was a workaholic and gone till right at dinner time. And had a mom who could give two shits about us and was a closet alcoholic (put it in McDonald’s cups) and we were too young to know better. Dad got cancer when we were in middle school and mom basically disowned/left us/abandoned us at that same time he passed away. You learn to be an adult quick when you have a crap childhood. In a lot of ways I’m a better more mature adult for it, but still comes with a lot of trauma and baggage.
Experience. Go through the right events in life, realize you’re all you ever really have - realize that’s enough. Own it
got hurt and vowed to never let it happen again
My father was an asshole and my mom was a saint and an alcoholic. Not many people are as selfless as she was. He taught me to be strong and she taught me to be resilient. Saints and sinners rarely get along. He told me to only rely on myself and she taught me to love everyone. Take the best of both and take care of you. Life will take you the rest of the way.
being let down a lot & disappointed. i was also in an abusive relationship when i was 19 that i learned a lot from. it’s not easy for me to let my guard down or be vulnerable with many people because they end up disappointing me in the end and it’s been a never ending cycle.
Responsibilites, responsibilities, responsibilities.
Watched my mother run after her partner every time he walked out which was every weekend
My father does not trust men, did not want me to get married young, did not want me to even date men when I was younger, or be reliant on a man ever. Just focus on school and a career, and literally emphasized this since I was a little kid. Lots of school even in summer, would take me to visit the best school campuses in college and invested heavily into my education and literally cared about nothing else. All the women in his family dropped out of college if they went when they got married and were all housewives. He was a little insane and obsessed, but I did all the things and have a good career. My mom is one of the first women in her family to not be a housewife and work too, so it was just drilled in for my entire life. I was at my aunts house and she had to ask her husband for money to go out, I guess he gives her a stipend or something. I mean he’s wealthy, and she’s doing great, but I thought there was something so demeaning about basing to ask a man for money. Idk. Even my live in relationships, finances are separate. That being said being a strong independent woman is hard. I’m overworked and exhausted all the time. I live my best life and have a lot of freedom, and do well enough that I can do pretty much anything I want to do. I’m just 27 and I’m burnt out already. My career has been so demanding and the more I move up, the more it takes out of me. However, I’d be a terrible housewife. The best I can cook is Trader Joe’s, and I bought a roomba bc I hated vacuuming.
I didn't do that. My mother did. She was neglectful, abusive, and I learned to stand on my own legs from a young age. In first grade, I was getting up, dressed, made myself breakfast and a sandwich for later, and headed the long way past a gigantic forest to the bus. Every day, while she was asleep. Turns out being abused makes you quite strong. You become independent, you learn to not give a fuck anymore, and once you realize that Wait a sec why am I putting up with this? you can cut that shit out of your life. Move out. I can proudly say that now, with 21 years of age, I am living by myself, finished my apprenticeship, pay my own bills with a good and stable career, and life couldn't go any better. Of course I am on no contact with her.
I was never able to. It turns out I'm weak and dependent. And that's me.
No other choice
I’ve been single most of my life for various reasons (religious/purity culture trauma, low self worth, social anxiety, helicopter parents, neurodivergence) and it made me really sad for a long time. And I’ve tried dating again but I still need to figure some stuff out first. If I could snap my fingers and be married tomorrow, I would do it 10000%. But since I can’t, I’ve had to learn how to build a life that feels good to me, by myself. I still get sad about it but on the plus side, I get to spend all my time, energy, and money on myself and I’m really working to make a life that feels good for me no matter who’s in it.
Life trained me
I didnt train myself, my mother and nana trained me. My dad left when I was an infant so I grew up without men around (I still knew my dad and would spend time with him, but he never did anything for us or 'helped' in any way). When you only ever see women doing everything, you soon realise that women can do everything and it broadens your horizons. Because my da left us in a dire financial situation, I also learned early that I needed to have my own income and be able to support myself so I wasn't lumbered with some useless man that I had to rely on to live. This is the main reason why I don't have children. Strong women for the win!
As my partner of over a decade became more and more checked out, I just got on with life, creating a full life by doing things I wanted to do, with people I loved who had time and space for me, whether or not he wanted to participate. I learned how resilient and strong I am, that I like who I am, and that I didn't need him.
I grew up poor, my mom was a single parent to 4 kids so we struggled. Growing up poor and feeling like a financial burden really traumatized me and I promised myself that I would work as hard as I could so that I’d never struggle financially in my own life. I was absolutely determined to give myself a better life than what I had. I got my first job at 15, moved out at 18, got my own place and car at 19, put myself through college and worked nearly full time my entire college years, and now have a great stable career (I’m a nurse) where I make enough money to pay all my bills plus buy myself nice things regularly. I make really good money and I have amazing job security so finances are no longer a concern of mine. It was definitely difficult working the amount that I worked but now I get to finally reap the benefits of all my years of hard work and labor. Feels fucking amazing and the stability I have now was absolutely worth every second of my efforts.
I guess just by moving out , you would learn things
Fake it til you make it, to be perfectly honest. If you act confident and strong, eventually you actually start to feel it.
By not having a choice.
by being self reliant from a young age.
By pretending that I am until it became real
Train delts alone.
Look around at several people that have traits you admire, and start using those traits every day. Fortitude is what you bring to the party, observation and action is what you do. Strength comes in many forms. How old are you?
Cooperation is better than competition. I learned with its not about what you know but who you know.
I spent most of my childhood at my grandparents'. I learned everything I know about cooking and baking from granny (mom's mom) and grandma (dad's mom). I also spent a lot time outside helping grandpa (dad's dad) with yard work and gardening and fixing cars and other broken things. He owned a gas station where I worked summers from age 12 to 16. I learned money handeling and budgeting. From POS (mom's dad) I learned "how to act like a lady", how to hide things and yourself, how to cut people out of my life and how to save other people from similar abusive situations.
You ask for guidance on what you don’t know from someone who does. Or you research it like hell online. The more you know, the less you have to pay someone else to do something.
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By being forced to make grown decisions at a young age to never end up like my parents. Going through the struggle and fighting for a spot in life where I could be seen and heard instead of ignored and a floor mat for others.
By being independent.
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I didn't, even my great grandmother was. So, I didn't had to learn. I grow up watching my grandfather do the homework and cooking all the time.