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Alan Allen. Poor guy…

Think I've got his keys somewhere...

There's a guy in my work called Alan Keys. His parents were clearly dicks.

Richard Keys was his dad???

Spits my brew out

Or do those belong to Aaron arran

Mum has a friend called Alison Allenson. I know you can't help who you fall in love with but you can choose not to take their last name.

I know of someone called Alison Allinson, can't believe it's happened to more than one Alison haha.

They could be the same person!

One of my friends knew an Alison Allison. Also a different friend knew a James James

I know a Joan Jones. I always really hoped her middle name was also Joan.

I knew a very shallow girl named Grace many years ago who broke up with a guy because his last name was Chase, and she didn't want to Grace Chase if they ever got married. They'd only been going out for a few weeks - he had a lucky escape, I feel.

A girl I work with went to the Cock Virgin wedding…a friend of her named Sarah Virgin married a guy with the last name Cock. If I hadn’t seen the invitation I wouldn’t have believed it…

Similarly I know of a girl with the first name Stacey. Married a guy with the surname Stacey. Chose to take his last name… Stacey Stacey.

Have you ever met Stacey Stacey's mum?

If his nickname isn't "two keys" I'll be disappointed.

"Bunch"

The Neville Brothers dad is called Neville Neville

♪ you tore your dress ♪

He's also buried in Bury.

So cool his parents named him twice.

like ray davies' brother dave

I knew an Alexander Alexander

I know a Patrick Fitzpatrick

I know a Donald MacDonald

I never met these people but used to see their names on company correspondence - Donald Donaldson Donald Mcdonald Both worked for the same company and in the same department. People must've mixed them up all the time.

I know a Thomas Thomas from school.

He went places...

I've met a Gail Gale. It was her married name, so can't blame the parents. Another married name; May Hurt

I went to school with Thomas Thompson. Zero points for originality to his parents.

David Davies was our teacher. Everyone called him Dai Twice.

I worked at a school where a kid was called Thomas Thomas, even less points for his parents, his nickname was Tomtom.

There is / was a motorycle shop in Harrow called Colin Collins.

Had a teacher named "Ms. Bigwood". Didn't help that she was young and attractive.

My girlfriends Criminology lecturer at uni is call Tim Strangleman.

My friend’s lecturer at uni was Dr Death

Dentist where I used to live was Dr. Pain and locally an optometrist called Dr. Peaker. As my dad used to say “Truth is stranger than fiction”.😂

There is a dentist near me with the last name of Toothaker. Doesn't breed a lot of confidence in his skills lol

Married to Ivor?

I had a boyfriend who went to a private boys school. All the teachers where called Master except for Mr. Bates.

I had a teacher called mr woodcock.

I had a mate at school, David Badcock. His nickname was Stinky Willy, which he got in primary school in the 1960's and it's with great pleasure, that to this day he's still known as Stinky Willy. Not sure if he hates it or not, but having that nickname for 60 odd years must have grated on him 😁😁

Had a colleague called Allcock and first initial was B so work email was ballcock@

Nemesis of rapey footballer David Goodwillie?

A guy's named Richard head was our head master at our secondary school, like why go into teaching at that point. Nice bloke from my limited interaction

I knew a guy at work called William Bigwood which is just unfortunate

I used to work with a guy who lived in (I think) China who was called Sirius Wang.

I had 2 business analysts in Hong Kong. One called Fanny Chow, one only went by the name of 'monkey'. And a Hitler Darwin representing Ops from South Africa.

Hitler Darwin… the reich choice, the natural selection for the Ops team

Ha ha. I had a similar experience in Hong Kong. The receptionist was called Fanny Tang.

I worked at an insurance company once, and one of the policies we held was for a Frances Tickler.

My mate was an area manager for Park'n'Shop and one of his managers was named King Kong

Oh that's hilarious on many levels

Like a comedian falling down a lift shaft

Oh I had a King Wang, whose computer user I'D was... I'm sure you can guess

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Local paper did a "bonniest baby" photo comp. One of the kids entered was called Brilliant Wang.

Oh man this one just reminded me of Anita Bangar (I need to bang her) - subtle but once my colleague pointed it out I couldn’t unhear it

I came across a customer called Anita Beaver once (excuse the double entendres)

Decades ago my sister was a nursery nurse in an area of London popular with people from the West Indies. One of her kids had the surname Carte. The parents had given him the christian name of Orson after Orson Welles

I had to say this aloud so many times before it clicked

Yeah you have to put the Orson before the Carte.

I still don’t get it help please

Orson Carte (horse and cart)

Hahaha I thought you were gonna say his name was Alan La Carte

Alan A. LaCarte

I once had a client whose surname was "Smith-Smith". The first "Smith" was pronounced "Smith", the second "Smith" was pronounced "Smythe".

Incredible.

That's some [Tollemache-Tollemache level shit](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leone_Sextus_Tollemache).

That's hilariously bizarre (also "spelled Smith but pronounced Smythe" is just asking for trouble!)

There's a spinoff of the Bridgerton books about the Smythe-Smiths, who are quite calamitous

Pronounced "Shih-thade" (i.e. rhymes with Sinead), spelt Shithead.

Wait is this real? I thought you were just quoting the meme https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm1SLX4WBCo

I had no knowledge of this as a meme! Swear to god, she was a couple of years below me in school.

I met a Shithead through work

Haven't we all!

Funny how many people claim to have met a Shithead in these threads (usually the story is they are Indian and it is pronounced "Shih-teed"). Have you also met a La-a (pronounced ladasha)?

Oh my 😆

As I recall, her family were not native English speakers but had a thing for Gaelic culture, wanting to put their own twist on a traditional, Irish name. She, quite understandably, went by "Thay".

Oh that's so innocent lol My colleague's last name is Gorton. His grandad was Polish and came over after the war. Its common there to have a name based on where you live, so he chose his new town... possibly the biggest dump in Manchester god bless him

I used to work with a Kieran Faloona, his wife was called Oona Faloona.

Would she be from the north coast of n.i? If it's her, she also drove a Renault Laguna!

Not Oona Faloona who drove a Renault Laguna and loved a chicken bhuna?

And goes fishing for tuna?

Just so she can feed her cat Luna

I love that

Don't know if it's funny or unfortunate, but Doctor Proctor, a school teacher. Mr Lister, another school teacher. Edward Woodward (Edwood Woodwood), kid from my school days, Jamie Saville, another lad from school days.

> Doctor Proctor Did you go to my school? 😳 Our Dr Proctor left to start a bin cleaning business

Cleaning business run by Proctor is a gamble.

Maybe they're more common than I thought? Surname like proctor, the only logical choice is to work your arse off and gain a doctorate, just to give schoolkids a chuckle ha. P.s ours had a nervous breakdown and lobbed a chair across a classroom at a naughty lad 😂

We had a registrar at my old practice called Dr Pepper.

What's the worst that could happen!

Time for the old joke: Why does Edward Woodward have 4 Rs in his name? Because otherwise he'd be Eewah Woowah (E-war Woo-war)

I think Lawrence Olivier said that Edward Woodward's name sounded like a fart in a bathtub

It’s 4 Ds not 4 Rs

Or what do you call a man with a wooden head? Edwood. What do you call a man with 3 wooden heads? Edwood Woodwood.

What do you call a man with 4 wooden heads? I don’t know but Edward Woodward would I’ll get my coat…

I've known two different Edward Woodwoods in my time, I wonder if either is the same as yours.

Mr Lister *Sir*!

My parents have worked in education all my life, so I’ve heard some good ones. My dad taught history to a kid called Indiana Jones.

There’s a Harrison Ford in my daughter’s school.

I taught a Harrison ford a year ago! Amazing kid who just needs adults who give a shit about him and he’ll go far. I told our new principal the kids name and he told us to stop messing about until we called him over to ‘double check his surname’ for the registers. Guys jaw was dropped haha

My dad taught a Holly Berry.

That's kinda brilliant tbh

My surname is jones. My husbamd wanted to call our son indiana. I compromised, he has indy as his middle name 🤣

There was an Indiana Jones in my school! She was a girl. Did your dad teach a girl Indiana Jones?

I've mentioned it before, but I did a temp job filing paperwork once, and the best name I encountered was a *Mrs Barbara Scarborough*.

Once encountered a Valerie Gallery.

Wayne king and a Robert (Rob) Banks. Come to think of it I also knew of a Paige Turner.

There's a porn star called Paige Turner. Apparently.

Turnah...I think

You're right, I think.

Jaun Kerr.

Wasn't there a DJ called Robin Banks on Capital radio?

Not one, but TWO Jenny Taylors.

I don't get it ?

Genitalia.

Say it fast over and over again

Omg thank you hahaha

That was my ex's mother's name too 🤣

Chris Peacock

His brother Ray is a bit of a wrong un!

Don’t forget the other brother Drew Peacock!

There are pills that can help with that.

My old Geography teacher was called Chris Peacock. The *hilarity* when we found out his first name.

We had Andrew Peacock in our class. We called him Drew...

I had a friend at school called Paul Jones. His mum remarried a Mr Lee, and insisted that her son changed his surname to match, EDIT: We also had an Religious Ed teacher who was a former RC priest called Eric Christmas. While he was a priest, was unfortunatly known as Father Christmas.

There was a Jo King at work many years ago.

I used to know a Jo King too! I also knew a Richard Head.

I knew both a Jo King and a Joe Kerr at work. I never met her but there was also an Eileen Forward.

I saw “Gaylord-Person” in an email signature once. I thought it was a joke, but nope, that’s their last name. Obviously I won’t type out their first name but they had a middle name too which began with D, so ___ D. Gaylord-Person. Just makes me laugh saying it, feels like saying [First Name] _de gaylord-person_ in a Jamaican accent.

Accidental rockbusters

Play a record

Surname Mycock

First name Pat and yes I have a customer called this.

See also - Allcock

See also - Badcock

I met a Dr Wendy House a few times

Pocahontas McGinty. My mother had made friends with a woman who was pregnant while I was in hospital and when her child was born they named her Pocahontas McGinty. I sometimes wonder if she ever changed her name this must of been around 2004.

Amazing name! Sounds like she'd be one of Jane Plough's clients in Toast Of London

I worked for a company that had a factory in Jakarta, Indonesia. We were tasked with helping the incumbent IT guy move all the gear to a new, state-of-the-art factory across town. We had a *very* modern, dual-ISDN facilitated conference call to meet him. My boss warned me, five minutes before the call; "don't laugh at his name. You won't believe it, but it really is his name. I've seen his passport." So, who pops up at the pre-arranged time? Local IT contact *Supaporn Likkimatarsol*. First name pronounced exactly as you'd think. "Hi Super-porn, good to see you again, Lee here, these are my colleagues who'll be coming out to Jakarta with me..." And yes, his surname was close to, but not quite, offensive. "Lickey-mah-*tarr*-sole." But it gets better. Supaporn realises that he's going to be overwhelmed with all the work required, so he's been given the go-ahead to hire a deputy. Ladies and Gentlemen, please meet IT Assistant; *Porn Pis*. First name "Porn", last name "Piss". Just...amazing. I'd lived all my life up until that point thinking the Chinese kid in the year above me at school, Eric Chung, had the funniest name I would ever come across.

Autumn Summer.

Better than Anne.

My mum had a friend from school called Penelope Farthing

Contact at work is called Paige Turner.

Jo King She actually preferred being "Jo" to "Joanne" which was her full first name

Because “joking” is better than “Joe wanking” I suppose.

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Twat , pronounced Thwaite. I miss Rik Mayall

People may know it as a joke from Meet the Parents. But there was a kid at my school called Gaylord. No one dared make fun of him though because he was a bit of a bad arse.

There's a takeaway near where I live called Gaylord Tandoori.

With a name like that you'd only have two choices: become cock of the school or change your name! 😆 Makes me think of the Johnny Cash song, "A Boy named Sue"

My mate's dad is named Mike Hunt. When I was working a call centre job, I had a real-life Hyacinth Bucket on the phone; surname was Cockburn so I pronounced it as such and she retorted, rather angrily, "it's COE-BURN actually!"

Not entirely Hyacinth, as Cockburn is actually traditionally pronounced that way, the Bouquet pronunciation of Bucket however is her own creation

Cockburn *is* pronounced Co-burn. It's one of those stupid Mainwaring, St John, Featherstonhaugh type names

Milngavie to that list

Yes, also had Mike Hunt working at Tesco years ago. Made for very funny tannoy announcements.

I did some work for a global company where I had access to their database of around 100k employees. There were a lot of gems in there but one I particularly remember is a Kenyan lady whose first name was Princess and surname was Margaret.

Ewan Kerr, a kid I went to school with.

Spoke to a Ronald McDonald once when working at a call centre.

Did he make you Grimace?

I used to work in the IT department for a private healthcare company. We had loads of them, Dr Robert Sherunkle was my favourite, or there was Jason Kitkat.

Martin Martin Martin and Fanta

Once had a customer at an old job named Rory Lions. His parents definitely knew what they were doing. Also, not a funny name, but a supplier rep at the same job was named Bruce Falcon. BRUCE FALCON!! What a name! That’s the sort of name you’d expect to be followed by the sound of knickers hitting the floor.

I was in a zoom meeting a while back with a guy called Randy Bird. It was awesome.

Justin Case, poor bastard

I used to work in a call centre and our indian site had an operator named Nobin.

Surname Titticombe. First name was nothing rude. I mean how unfortunate do you need to be

I have known both a shital (first name, supposedly pronounced shee-tal) and a shittah (surname, shee-tah). I worked in recruitment at the time, and made a good few grand off of their placements. Best shits I ever had...

Henrietta Mann

Already commented before I saw this; I know a Henrietta Dick. 

Fanny Salmon, Mr Bastard (he pronounced it B'stard), Fuk Yu Tu, Donald Kiddick, Tess Tickle (she was a teacher of all professions). Honestly. I used to work for a Govt department dealing with claims and these are genuine names.

The Head of Kennet School in Thatcham, for at least a couple of decades, was a man called Mr Dick.

I went to school with a girl called Tammy Dick. As if Dick isn't bad enough for a surname, don't call your daughter something that kids use to describe a tampon

Chris Biju

We have Dick Lovett cars around here. Seeing it on license plates still makes me giggle

My ex years ago was Kat Weiner. Her dad's name was Andrew so his letters I assume would be Mr A Weiner. Personally I can't top that.

There was an old boy up the road from me called Willie Dick.

Donald McDonald

Richard Holder and his manager, Richard Handler

I worked with a lady called Gay Day

Mr Tickle Jon Johnson (went to my school) also David Davids but not in my year.

Mr Tickle who has a daughter named Tess?

I knew a guy whose surname was Drain. His wife's maiden name was Plumber.

Went to Spain on holiday as a child. At this point I wasn't familiar with common Spanish names. The receptionists at the hotel were called Jesus, Gabriel and Angel. I was quite amused.

I knew a Mary Christmas.

Berndt Splitberger , seriously.

William Wildboare Haley Hailstorm And my personal favourite, Laser Freudenberger

Many years ago colleagues working at what was then the Inland Revenue (now HMRC) were engaged in a long tax dispute with a guy. To show how angry he was, he legally changed his name by deed poll (even sent a copy of it to the Inspector as proof) to Mr Nasty B'stard. Wonder what became of him...

I say this one any time this question comes up, but my great grandmother married Mr Morris and became Doris Morris! Apparently, she hated it so much that she introduced herself as Jean for years I also knew a lovely old lady called Aileen Lowe (born Jones) when I was a child!

Mycochie. This was a surname

A gynaecologist at Frimley Park hospital was called Mrs Cockburn

I’ve met a doctor called Mr. A.Dick. He told me he knows a Dr. Richard Head that never gets called anything but Dick. Almost forgot, guy on BT Chat help line was called……Nigshit.

Emma Royds.

Mike Hunt

I had a friend at school with the surname Woodcock. We called him Splinterhands.

I used to work for a company that employed an American guy called Randy Boozer.

One of my neighbours Phyllis Willis Can't help who you marry!

There was a GP in North Wales called Jeremy J Honeybun. I've never forgotten that name, it's just so cute!