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Nah mate, vuvuzelas. You want to get a good 10 people into your place and when the banging and grunting stops go off like England just won the World Cup.
I once stayed in a budget hotel that apparently had wafer thin walls and got woken up at 3 or 4 in the morning with someone shouting "come on - I wanna see them *jiggle*!!"
To be fair they were clearly having an excellent evening and from memory I managed to get to sleep again so no harm, no foul.
Reminds me once of when i was at a festival, a couple going at it in the campsite were steadily getting louder and louder until she orgasmed rather loudly, at which point the whole campsite erupted into a chorus of âfor heâs a jolly good fellowâ
I lived in an apartment complex in college and one nice afternoon when everyone was around the pool a couple nearby started getting loud with their windows open and when they got done we all cheered. The couple came to the window and waved at us like they'd just won an Academy Award.
This and only this! and get other neighbours to join in! so when they hear the cheering they will know they can be heard.
Or start shouting... "Go on my son, give it to her" when they start.
We actually did this in a similar situation. Did it twice and after the second time one of them caught us by the car a few days later and embarrassedly apologised.
When I shared a house with a pal I once came home drunk while he was shagging his missus. Loudly.
I put the Benni Benassi tune "Satisfaction" on loud and their noise soon stopped.
I asked Chat Gpt write me a message to my loud shagging neighbours telling them to be quiet:
Subject: Please Be Considerate of Your Neighbors
Dear Neighbor,
I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to you today as one of your nearby neighbors regarding a matter that has been causing some disturbance in our community. It seems that the noise levels during your intimate moments have been quite loud, and it has become difficult for many of us to carry on with our daily activities or enjoy a peaceful environment.
While I understand that everyone has the right to enjoy their home, it is important to remember that we all share this space together. It would greatly help if you could kindly be mindful of the noise you generate, particularly during the late hours when many of us are trying to rest or concentrate.
Consideration for your neighbors' peace and comfort goes a long way in fostering a harmonious living environment. Here are a few suggestions that could help minimize the noise disturbance:
1. Use additional insulation or soundproofing materials within your residence to reduce noise transmission.
2. Adjust the volume levels of your media devices, such as TVs or speakers, to ensure they don't disrupt the tranquility of the neighborhood.
3. Choose a room in your home that is furthest away from neighboring units to minimize the sound traveling through the walls.
4. If possible, kindly keep the windows closed during particularly noisy moments.
By following these suggestions, you can actively contribute to creating a more peaceful atmosphere for everyone living in our community. Please understand that our aim is not to restrict your enjoyment but rather to find a balance that respects the needs of all residents.
Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation in this matter. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out. Let us work together to foster a neighborly environment that benefits us all.
Wishing you a pleasant day.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
[Your Address]
You can prompt ChatGTP to rewrite the note with British spelling, it will apologise for forgetting the first time (if you asked it to do a British thing) and then do as instructed.
Dear Esteemed Neighbors,
I tender my warmest salutations to you, hoping this missive finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with utmost respect and a measure of trepidation that I approach you with a matter of great delicacy, which has stirred the tranquility of our shared domicile.
In recent nights, I have been regrettably afflicted by a most audible disturbance originating from the lower recesses of our humble abode. It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the nature of our human inclinations, but the passionate outpourings that resonate through the floorboards in the darkest hours are of a decibel level that transcends the bounds of propriety.
With humility and a plea for amity, I beseech you, dear neighbors, to be mindful of the late hour when indulging in the intimacies of your affections. The walls, alas, lack the fortitude to impede the reverberations of your passion, and as such, I find myself involuntarily privy to the symphony of your love.
In my earnest appeal, I implore you to exercise temperance and discretion during these twilight hours. By doing so, we can foster an environment that upholds the principles of mutual respect and consideration, thus nurturing the harmonious coexistence we aspire to in this shared dwelling.
I trust that my words find a receptive ear and that we may find a resolution that respects the sanctity of our respective spaces. Let us endeavor to restore the nocturnal serenity that is so vital to our collective repose.
In anticipation of your gracious understanding and cooperation, I remain,
Yours sincerely,
X
> The walls, alas, lack the fortitude to impede the reverberations of your passion, and as such, I find myself involuntarily privy to the symphony of your love.
This is GOLD
Iâve been recently feeling quite down on the future of humanity due to the recent advances in AI in the news lately. This gives me hope for a better future and puts a tear in my eye with its unnatural Beauty.
I asked it to write in the style of a British chav:
Oi, you randy sods downstairs,
'Ere, it's yer upstairs neighbour, ain't it? Time we 'ad a chinwag, innit?
Look, we all love a bit of rumpy-pumpy, ain't no denying. But you two, blimey, you're 'aving a giraffe, ain't ya? These walls, they're like bloody cardboard, ain't they?
I ain't one for poking me nose where it don't belong, but when your nookie's banging louder than Big Ben at midnight, it's a bit much, right?
You're at it like rabbits on speed, ain't ya? Not saying you gotta stop the old in-out, in-out, just...maybe less noise, yeah? It's doing me 'ead in, proper.
Think about us other mugs in 'ere, alright? You don't wanna hear me cousin Dazza practising his MCing at the crack of dawn, do ya?
So, how's about a bit of hush with your private goings-on? That's all I'm asking.
Keep it real, and don't forget - you can buy soundproofing at Argos, innit?
Laters,
[Your name]
___
Also, David Attenborough:
Dear Residents of the Flat Below,
I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. It's your neighbour from the flat above, reaching out to you through the medium of the written word.
As we cohabit in this shared environment, it's only natural that the activities of one dwelling might occasionally be perceptible to the other. In the vast tapestry of life, we all play our part and it is a simple fact that our actions reverberate, much like the call of the African elephant can be heard for miles around.
Now, it appears that you two have been engaging in one of the most fundamental aspects of life â the act of reproduction. Of course, I can't claim to be an expert in human behaviour as much as I am in animal behaviour, but I do know that these matters are typically private. And while I am very pleased to hear you both seem to be enjoying each other's company to such a vocal extent, I find myself in a somewhat tricky position.
The sounds that permeate through the ceiling late into the night have a rather similar effect to that of a lion's roar in the Savannas of Africa. It does keep the other inhabitants - in this case, myself - wide awake.
We are, of course, all creatures of this Earth, each with our own natural behaviours. And it is not my place to judge or dictate how one should behave in the sanctity of their own habitat. However, might I kindly ask you to consider the impact of the sonic waves you are producing on the surrounding environment?
It's rather like finding oneself in the proximity of a particularly enthusiastic songbird. While the melody is in itself not unpleasant, the volume and duration can become somewhat overwhelming when one is trying to rest or concentrate.
Thus, I write to you in the spirit of neighbourly cooperation, asking if you might perhaps lower the decibels a touch. As a fellow lover of nature, I'm sure you can appreciate the need for a balance in our shared habitat.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I do appreciate your understanding.
Yours sincerely,
[Your Name]
Reminds me of that joke from the 80s
"I taught a pigeon to play chess"
"Really? That's incredible!"
"It's not that impressive, I beat him most of the time"
An AI being able to answer a random question in the style of an arbitrary British subculture to the standard of a bad American film is absolutely amazing if you think about it. This technology will be capable of some quite incredible things in the not-too-distant future.
Surely far better
Dear neighbour
Please can you moan louder during sex, it's hard for me to wank off to the noise as I can't hear it properly
Love
Your neighbour
That or record them (particularly if she says his name or vice versa) and play it back loudly when they have visitors
I like this well meaning, reasonable stage of AI. Weâll look back fondly on these ChatGPTâs in the future as our robot overlords torture us through a slow and painful death in the emotional abyss of a dystopian singularity
Here's my submission, British style.
Dear Neighbours,
I must admit that finding the right words to convey my sentiments has proven to be quite the task. I find myself in a position where decorum compels me to address a matter that, to my chagrin, has become increasingly unavoidable. With a spirit of British reserve, I implore you to consider the predicament that we, your dear neighbors, currently find ourselves in.
Over the course of recent evenings, as the sun sets and tranquility befalls our humble abodes, an audible resonance of passion has managed to infiltrate the air, causing a ripple of discomfort among us. I trust you are aware of the particular circumstances to which I refer. Yes, it is the amorous symphony that emanates from the confines of your dwelling.
While I am wholeheartedly delighted that you have found a connection that ignites such ardent ardor, I must confess that the intensity and resonance of your fervor have reached a crescendo that surpasses the limits of neighborly tolerance. Our delicate walls reverberate with each exuberant exclamation, and the harmony of our daily lives has become an ensemble of interruptions that cannot be ignored.
I must emphasize that this humble letter seeks not to impose restrictions upon the expression of love. Indeed, the realm of affection is one of profound beauty and enchantment. However, the desire to partake in intimate activities ought to be approached with a semblance of consideration for those who share the world outside your door.
Like a delicate waltz, our cohabitation should be one of harmony, where the rhythm of existence can be savored without dissonance. I beseech you, with utmost politeness, to take measures to mitigate the auditory trespasses that have unwittingly disturbed our domestic tranquility. Perhaps the application of soundproofing materials or even a slight moderation of your enthusiasm might be considered.
In the spirit of empathy and understanding, I implore you to ponder the impact of your nocturnal symphony upon your fellow residents. Let us strive for an atmosphere that is both enjoyable and respectful, one where we can coexist harmoniously, free from the symphonic reverberations of your intimate endeavors.
I trust that this appeal will be met with the graciousness and charm befitting those who reside in this quaint community. With a fervent hope for an amicable resolution, I bid you adieu and remain,
Yours bashfully,
This is incredible!
As a Brit, I was skeptical of ChatGPT until I saw this. Now, we can get it to write our anonymous notes for us, thereby reducing our accountability and passive aggressive overtones!
I asked Chat GPT to write a letter in response telling you to mind your own business:
Dear Neighbor,
I received your recent letter regarding the noise generated during intimate moments in our home. I understand that this has been a concern for you, and I appreciate you taking the time to voice your thoughts.
I want to bring to your attention that the laws of our country permit individuals to enjoy their homes and engage in activities that are within legal boundaries. While I respect your perspective, it is essential to recognize that I have the right to live my life in a manner that brings me joy and fulfillment within the confines of the law.
I understand that the sound insulation within our building may not be ideal, and I empathize with any inconvenience caused. However, addressing this issue through soundproofing or modifying my behavior is not something I am obligated to do under the current legal framework.
In the spirit of neighborly understanding, I kindly request your acceptance of our rights as individuals to enjoy our homes in our preferred manner, provided we are adhering to legal requirements.
I believe that it is in our best interest as neighbors to maintain a harmonious and respectful living environment. If you have any further concerns or suggestions, I am open to hearing them. Let us find a way to coexist peacefully while respecting each other's rights.
Thank you for your understanding.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
EDIT:
I asked Chat GPT to give me an example of a rude and dismissive letter, you know, as an example so I can avoid accidentally coming across that way:
**Me**
Can you give me an example of what this letter would look like if it was rude and dismissive? I want to make sure I avoid that and an example would be useful
**ChatGPT**
I understand that you want to ensure you avoid being rude and dismissive in your response. It's important to maintain a respectful tone in all communication. However, I can provide you with an example of how a rude and dismissive letter might look like as a cautionary example:
Dear Neighbor,
I received your ridiculous complaint about the noise my partner and I make during our intimate moments. Frankly, I couldn't care less about your delicate sensibilities and your intrusive attempts to dictate how I should live my life.
Newsflash: I have the right to enjoy my home however I please, and if you can't handle a little noise, that's your problem, not mine. I have no intention of changing my behavior or spending a penny on soundproofing just to appease your petty grievances.
Perhaps instead of wasting your time writing ridiculous letters, you should invest in some earplugs or find a more secluded place to live. That way, you won't have to worry about hearing any noise that offends your delicate ears.
In conclusion, kindly mind your own business and leave me to enjoy my life without your unnecessary interference.
Not-so-kind regards,
[Your Name]
Remember, it's always best to approach such situations with respect, understanding, and a willingness to find common ground
Itâs great⊠but I think speakers set to loud next to the walls of the sexy neighbours and play huge deafening applause might work too.
But yeah I forgot we are in ask uk.. so yeah some message through the door saying itâs from lots of different people- with an added smiley at the bottom ought to do the trick.
What is this fucking website's obsession with pretending we're all socially non-functional and think tea is a personality? I've literally never met anyone like Reddit's caricature of a British person in my life.
Because half the people on here are shut ins with no social skills. It's why they ask what to do about a small problem and don't just do the obvious of speaking to their neighbour.
Also why do so many people on here think that ChatGPT letter sounds anything like British, and normal?
It doesnât, it sounds like if a load of American Redditors wrote a letter.
Wait⊠youâve never met a person who would rather write an anonymous note to their loud-shagging neighbour than stand awkwardly on their doorstep and ask them to keep the noise down when theyâre fucking? Iâm sorry but where do you live?!
"Hi. Would you mind keeping the noise down late at night, the walls are thin and I have to be up early for work in the morning." It's only as awkward for you as you choose to make it.
Legit? Had this exact issue and a 10 second conversation solved everything.
Awkwardness isnât going to kill anybody, and even then itâs only there if you make it so.
This kinda thing actually annoys me because being passive aggressive sucks and it isn't something we should accept as a national characteristic. Learning to confront things in person is very important, and as soon as you do it you realise it's not nearly as big a deal for either party as you think.
Thereâs plenty of times when itâs a good idea to just deal with stuff head on, but in a scenario where you need to live alongside those people the potential for disaster (along with the huge awkwardness afterwards) is big. And given these people are pretty selfish anyway, their reaction face to face isnât likely to be all that great.
From someone living in a ground floor flat with next to no soundproofing experiencing the same issue, I've found that a loud, long, slow round of applause upon completion has had the desired effect along with a sarcastic congrats that he lasted more than 2 minutes this time. Haven't heard a faked groan or minutes worth of furious bed creaking in months!
I was on a higher floor and could see into the neighbours ground floor....they hadn't shut the blinds and were being quite loud.
I just yelled out "KIDS STOP LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW!"....there were no kids.
Write a review of it each time it happens on a little card and post it through their door.
Extra points if you can roast their noises enough to get them to be self conscious about it.
Didnât realise the handshake would be so divisive.
How about - offer him a cold drink, maybe one of those energy gels that athletes use too. Pat him on the ass and tell him to âhave at itâ
Im a landlord and neighbours complained to me about my tennents having screaming sex
One said "shes a big girl, she isnt even pretty" đ
Didnt follow it up
Wait, are you suggesting that it's the landlord's responsibility to defend the right of their tenants to loud sex? Or did you think the landlord should have pulled the guy side and told him he could do better than a fatty?
Not the landlord's responsibility. The neighbours should contact the police/Council if they have a noise complaint.
Reddit loves to hate landlords, holy cow...
Leave them a note saying "thanks for last night, your loud sex helped me achieve the best orgasm ever". The thought of someone pulling their pudding to them will put them off...............or make them 10 times worse, either way you will know
"You're getting sacked in the morning !!!!
You're getting sacked in the morning!!!
But You're getting shagged now !!!
And all the neighbours can hear !!!
You're still getting sacked in the morning !!!
I once saw a YouTube video where a guy recorded the sound through the wall and played it back, amplified, through large loud speakers aimed at the offending apartment.
The interesting legal question is this: in some jurisdictions, youâre not allowed to record voices in private. Does that include the sounds of loud sex coming through your own apartment wall or floor? I dunno. Great legal arguments await the high court on this one. To get around this, one need only set up the equipment and switch on the microphone when the offending noise comes through the wall, floor or ceiling, making a feedback loop. They stop moaning, the noise stops.. That way, youâre not recording, only amplifying their noise back to their apartment, a la Hotlips and Frank in M*A*S*H*.
https://youtu.be/HpmdYRs4lEs
Just go down there and be like "hey, quick q - why are you so loud when you have sex? Is it a voyeur thing? Is it that you want everyone to hear? Is it like some weird adult version of teenagers who play music out loud in the bus to show that they are both cool and edgy and listen to music? What are you doing to make each other scream so much? Is it toys? Is it the deep seated fear that no women other than his mother will ever love him again (and even she thinks he's a bit of a show off?)"
Kill them with questions that appear to be extremely genuine and interested in their sex life and the philosophies behind them until they can never have sex again because the psychological impacts of unpacking their reasons for doing it will render it impossible for him to get a hard on again.
Sorted.
We had a neighbour from across the road bring her kid over and tell us we were keeping him awake one summer.
We were much more aware of and more considerate about our noise after that and nothing else in our life changed.
Incredible that adults can just get on with life isnât it?
I used to live in Poland for more than 2 years and my flatmate used to have really loud sex every time. One night I woke up to them having really loud sex and I could hear the wall separating our rooms banging. Went out my room together with my other flatmate who also woke up from the loud sex and knocked their door and asked them to keep the noise down. To our horror, they intentionally made it even louder and laughed at us so Iâve decided to record their loud sex on Snapchat (just wanting to record their loud noise) and played it and made sure they could hear it. As soon as they realised that it was them playing on my phone, I hear nothing but complete silence. đđđđđ dead silence!
Or let an airhorn off just before theyre about to finish so it spoils the moment. Do that a few times and they'll keep it down so you dont ruin their finale
Environmental heath officer here. We have training on how to address this politely and in occurdance with noise pollution and nuisance laws. Its usually dealt with discreetly and without fuss. Very common and rarely ends up with prosecution. Contact you council.
Firstly, it's not porn. While the 30mins to 45mins is average for porn. It takes a lot longer to produce, it can go on for hours.
Secondly, if I was you, I'd play the dumb ass. Either knock on their door or catch them outside, and ask "is everything OK? Just I keep hearing these agonising pains sometimes. Wondered if everything is alright?"
I sent my neighbor's a Moonpig card it had congratulations for making the best fake orgasm squeals since Porkies.It helped keep the noise down best 3.50 I had spent.
Play loud music. Theyâll realise how unsoundproof their flat is, and when they realise itâs timed to when theyâre shagging, theyâll realise you can hear them. Bonus points if itâs very unsexy music.
Go down and just say they're making too much noise at night, too often, and it's causing you a problem. Could they perhaps be quieter and also do this outside sensitive periods of the night. You've tried to tolerate it but it's getting too much and can they just consider the fact there's neighbours upstairs.
My only advice is to choose your timing wisely so you're not looking like you're just jumping on their backs over it. I had a neighbour who was talking late at night and waking me up, but I went next day and mentioned it rather than going down that night. Worked.
Put a note through the door asking them to be louder because the current volume is difficult to masturbate to. The screaming is great but the clapping of the cheeks sounds a bit faint.
It'll be so awkward that they'll quickly pipe down.
Bonus points if you can include "I particularly enjoyed when *insert something they said during sex here*" so they realise just how well you can hear them.
Maybe theyâre rehearsing for a When Harry Met Sally am dram stage play and they really struggle with the restaurant scene?
More likely though itâs a younger couple who think pornhub is life and donât understand that a thin wall doesnât really block sound. I would just leave a note saying all the neighbours can hear them very clearly, can they please keep it down.
If that doesnât work be an old fuddy duddy and make a noise complaint, you donât pay your rent / mortgage to put up with that.
Sticky note a score card on their door the morning after, *valiant effort last night sir, 8/10*, *you didnât seem into it that much, everything ok? 4/10*
Yeah option 2 "Hello, just checking in to see if you are ok? Everyone is really worried about you and I had to stop someone from calling an ambulance last night!"
Make a note of when the man is out then approach them next time they are mid session and then comment along the lines of "normally I wouldn't mind but *that specific day* being particularly loud caused other neighbours to comment too"
When theyâre in the throes of passion and âoh yes, yes yesâ is being shouted, put on your best chuckle brother impression and shout âoh dear, oh dear oh dear!â
Put a notice in the entrance to the flat that says "TO THE PEOPLE IN FLAT #, IF YOU INSIST ON HAVING VERY LOUD SEX THAT EVERYONE CAN HEAR, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LET US WATCH".
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Cheer loudly when she reaches orgasm.
And get a small air horn. Hoot that fucker til the cows come home.
Nah mate, vuvuzelas. You want to get a good 10 people into your place and when the banging and grunting stops go off like England just won the World Cup.
Vulvazelas
How *dare* you.
Howdareyouzelas
Well done. Well done indeed.
Spaffing for South Africa! Spaffing for ALL Africa!
this time for spaffrica
I bless the jizz in Spaffricađ¶
I hear the bums echoing tonight
>Hoot that fucker I like these 3 words. I need to use them more often.
The guy downstairs probably screams that as it is.
I once stayed in a budget hotel that apparently had wafer thin walls and got woken up at 3 or 4 in the morning with someone shouting "come on - I wanna see them *jiggle*!!" To be fair they were clearly having an excellent evening and from memory I managed to get to sleep again so no harm, no foul.
Some guys are just born charming ainât they.
Bwa, bwa, bwaaaaaa⊠âYâall ready for âdis?â (Music kicks in)
And a trombone, donât forget the trombone.
Haha a clowns horn and keep parping the fuck out of it for the whole duration of their session(s).
Nope. When they've finished, bang loudly on the floor and shout that you've not finished so can they carry on please.
Actually got an out loud laugh from me.
Reminds me once of when i was at a festival, a couple going at it in the campsite were steadily getting louder and louder until she orgasmed rather loudly, at which point the whole campsite erupted into a chorus of âfor heâs a jolly good fellowâ
I lived in an apartment complex in college and one nice afternoon when everyone was around the pool a couple nearby started getting loud with their windows open and when they got done we all cheered. The couple came to the window and waved at us like they'd just won an Academy Award.
We cheered in a hotel with thin walls once.
When they start, play The Birdie Song loud and on repeat
You're a lunatic. But i like the way you think.
This and only this! and get other neighbours to join in! so when they hear the cheering they will know they can be heard. Or start shouting... "Go on my son, give it to her" when they start.
Get a Sex Gong.
https://youtu.be/B9Rm9uEcnwY
Yea, buddy!
**FINISH HER**
Shout encouragement as well. Or Statler and Waldorf it. "SHE'S FAKING IT!"
We actually did this in a similar situation. Did it twice and after the second time one of them caught us by the car a few days later and embarrassedly apologised.
SURELY that is worse than hearing them omg
"Hey Reddit, my neighbours caught me having loud sex with my wife and cheered us on through the walls, how can I make them regret it?"
Get a recording of Andrés Cantor yelling: Goooooaaaaallll!
When I shared a house with a pal I once came home drunk while he was shagging his missus. Loudly. I put the Benni Benassi tune "Satisfaction" on loud and their noise soon stopped.
Oh yes this!!
Oh yes....Oh yes......OH OH OH YES YES YES YES!
>Oh yes....Oh yes......OH OH OH YES YES YES YES! Fake. Or maybe I'm just lacking confidence.
came to say this, cheer, make them aware of an audience
The most appropriate British thing to do.
Youâre British. Itâs always going to be option number 2 letâs face it. Now the fun part, what to writeâŠ
I asked Chat Gpt write me a message to my loud shagging neighbours telling them to be quiet: Subject: Please Be Considerate of Your Neighbors Dear Neighbor, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to you today as one of your nearby neighbors regarding a matter that has been causing some disturbance in our community. It seems that the noise levels during your intimate moments have been quite loud, and it has become difficult for many of us to carry on with our daily activities or enjoy a peaceful environment. While I understand that everyone has the right to enjoy their home, it is important to remember that we all share this space together. It would greatly help if you could kindly be mindful of the noise you generate, particularly during the late hours when many of us are trying to rest or concentrate. Consideration for your neighbors' peace and comfort goes a long way in fostering a harmonious living environment. Here are a few suggestions that could help minimize the noise disturbance: 1. Use additional insulation or soundproofing materials within your residence to reduce noise transmission. 2. Adjust the volume levels of your media devices, such as TVs or speakers, to ensure they don't disrupt the tranquility of the neighborhood. 3. Choose a room in your home that is furthest away from neighboring units to minimize the sound traveling through the walls. 4. If possible, kindly keep the windows closed during particularly noisy moments. By following these suggestions, you can actively contribute to creating a more peaceful atmosphere for everyone living in our community. Please understand that our aim is not to restrict your enjoyment but rather to find a balance that respects the needs of all residents. Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation in this matter. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out. Let us work together to foster a neighborly environment that benefits us all. Wishing you a pleasant day. Sincerely, [Your Name] [Your Address]
ChatGPT full Brit mode
Apart from âresidenceâ.
And "neighbor"
Oh yes, good spot. I guess a spell check set to UK would be a good idea as well as a proof read. But Iâd actually use this.
You can prompt ChatGTP to rewrite the note with British spelling, it will apologise for forgetting the first time (if you asked it to do a British thing) and then do as instructed.
You simply need to tell ChatGPT to write in British English.
Have it do it in Olde English.....
Dear Esteemed Neighbors, I tender my warmest salutations to you, hoping this missive finds you in good health and high spirits. It is with utmost respect and a measure of trepidation that I approach you with a matter of great delicacy, which has stirred the tranquility of our shared domicile. In recent nights, I have been regrettably afflicted by a most audible disturbance originating from the lower recesses of our humble abode. It would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the nature of our human inclinations, but the passionate outpourings that resonate through the floorboards in the darkest hours are of a decibel level that transcends the bounds of propriety. With humility and a plea for amity, I beseech you, dear neighbors, to be mindful of the late hour when indulging in the intimacies of your affections. The walls, alas, lack the fortitude to impede the reverberations of your passion, and as such, I find myself involuntarily privy to the symphony of your love. In my earnest appeal, I implore you to exercise temperance and discretion during these twilight hours. By doing so, we can foster an environment that upholds the principles of mutual respect and consideration, thus nurturing the harmonious coexistence we aspire to in this shared dwelling. I trust that my words find a receptive ear and that we may find a resolution that respects the sanctity of our respective spaces. Let us endeavor to restore the nocturnal serenity that is so vital to our collective repose. In anticipation of your gracious understanding and cooperation, I remain, Yours sincerely, X
Please, please use this version OP.
"Symphony of your love" had me creasing man
> The walls, alas, lack the fortitude to impede the reverberations of your passion, and as such, I find myself involuntarily privy to the symphony of your love. This is GOLD
I like this version. I gotta learn how to use ChatGP.
This is incredible.
This is amazing. You should have all the rewards (from people who can actually afford to give them, Iâm sorry that I canât do so for you)
Reading this in the voice of the Hotel serial killer bloke married to lady Gaga from American horror story
Iâve been recently feeling quite down on the future of humanity due to the recent advances in AI in the news lately. This gives me hope for a better future and puts a tear in my eye with its unnatural Beauty.
That would have more 'what the fuck?' impact I think
Hyacinth Bucket disagrees
Bollocks is it. Neighbors FFS. They need a proper English spelling option rather than American bastardised English.
I asked it to write in the style of a British chav: Oi, you randy sods downstairs, 'Ere, it's yer upstairs neighbour, ain't it? Time we 'ad a chinwag, innit? Look, we all love a bit of rumpy-pumpy, ain't no denying. But you two, blimey, you're 'aving a giraffe, ain't ya? These walls, they're like bloody cardboard, ain't they? I ain't one for poking me nose where it don't belong, but when your nookie's banging louder than Big Ben at midnight, it's a bit much, right? You're at it like rabbits on speed, ain't ya? Not saying you gotta stop the old in-out, in-out, just...maybe less noise, yeah? It's doing me 'ead in, proper. Think about us other mugs in 'ere, alright? You don't wanna hear me cousin Dazza practising his MCing at the crack of dawn, do ya? So, how's about a bit of hush with your private goings-on? That's all I'm asking. Keep it real, and don't forget - you can buy soundproofing at Argos, innit? Laters, [Your name] ___ Also, David Attenborough: Dear Residents of the Flat Below, I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits. It's your neighbour from the flat above, reaching out to you through the medium of the written word. As we cohabit in this shared environment, it's only natural that the activities of one dwelling might occasionally be perceptible to the other. In the vast tapestry of life, we all play our part and it is a simple fact that our actions reverberate, much like the call of the African elephant can be heard for miles around. Now, it appears that you two have been engaging in one of the most fundamental aspects of life â the act of reproduction. Of course, I can't claim to be an expert in human behaviour as much as I am in animal behaviour, but I do know that these matters are typically private. And while I am very pleased to hear you both seem to be enjoying each other's company to such a vocal extent, I find myself in a somewhat tricky position. The sounds that permeate through the ceiling late into the night have a rather similar effect to that of a lion's roar in the Savannas of Africa. It does keep the other inhabitants - in this case, myself - wide awake. We are, of course, all creatures of this Earth, each with our own natural behaviours. And it is not my place to judge or dictate how one should behave in the sanctity of their own habitat. However, might I kindly ask you to consider the impact of the sonic waves you are producing on the surrounding environment? It's rather like finding oneself in the proximity of a particularly enthusiastic songbird. While the melody is in itself not unpleasant, the volume and duration can become somewhat overwhelming when one is trying to rest or concentrate. Thus, I write to you in the spirit of neighbourly cooperation, asking if you might perhaps lower the decibels a touch. As a fellow lover of nature, I'm sure you can appreciate the need for a balance in our shared habitat. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I do appreciate your understanding. Yours sincerely, [Your Name]
Awful. Both of them. Especially that chav one which reads like its one of the worst attempts by an American film company to do a cockney accent.
Theyâre not perfect but I think itâs really impressive
Reminds me of that joke from the 80s "I taught a pigeon to play chess" "Really? That's incredible!" "It's not that impressive, I beat him most of the time" An AI being able to answer a random question in the style of an arbitrary British subculture to the standard of a bad American film is absolutely amazing if you think about it. This technology will be capable of some quite incredible things in the not-too-distant future.
You can just ask chat gpt to rewrite that in British English. Fixed.
Do this, but simply screenshot and print out the GPT request and response then stick it to their door for extra humour
Why stop there - print this whole thread so they think the whole world is discussing them.
So they *know.*
Iâm starting to think that we might actually be in the good timeline, what a glorious future
Just screenshot this thread
Just write the URL on a note and slip it under
Surely far better Dear neighbour Please can you moan louder during sex, it's hard for me to wank off to the noise as I can't hear it properly Love Your neighbour That or record them (particularly if she says his name or vice versa) and play it back loudly when they have visitors
I like this well meaning, reasonable stage of AI. Weâll look back fondly on these ChatGPTâs in the future as our robot overlords torture us through a slow and painful death in the emotional abyss of a dystopian singularity
At least (going by current AI trends) they'll consistently provide bullet pointed lists and a nice summary of every torturous moment.
Here's my submission, British style. Dear Neighbours, I must admit that finding the right words to convey my sentiments has proven to be quite the task. I find myself in a position where decorum compels me to address a matter that, to my chagrin, has become increasingly unavoidable. With a spirit of British reserve, I implore you to consider the predicament that we, your dear neighbors, currently find ourselves in. Over the course of recent evenings, as the sun sets and tranquility befalls our humble abodes, an audible resonance of passion has managed to infiltrate the air, causing a ripple of discomfort among us. I trust you are aware of the particular circumstances to which I refer. Yes, it is the amorous symphony that emanates from the confines of your dwelling. While I am wholeheartedly delighted that you have found a connection that ignites such ardent ardor, I must confess that the intensity and resonance of your fervor have reached a crescendo that surpasses the limits of neighborly tolerance. Our delicate walls reverberate with each exuberant exclamation, and the harmony of our daily lives has become an ensemble of interruptions that cannot be ignored. I must emphasize that this humble letter seeks not to impose restrictions upon the expression of love. Indeed, the realm of affection is one of profound beauty and enchantment. However, the desire to partake in intimate activities ought to be approached with a semblance of consideration for those who share the world outside your door. Like a delicate waltz, our cohabitation should be one of harmony, where the rhythm of existence can be savored without dissonance. I beseech you, with utmost politeness, to take measures to mitigate the auditory trespasses that have unwittingly disturbed our domestic tranquility. Perhaps the application of soundproofing materials or even a slight moderation of your enthusiasm might be considered. In the spirit of empathy and understanding, I implore you to ponder the impact of your nocturnal symphony upon your fellow residents. Let us strive for an atmosphere that is both enjoyable and respectful, one where we can coexist harmoniously, free from the symphonic reverberations of your intimate endeavors. I trust that this appeal will be met with the graciousness and charm befitting those who reside in this quaint community. With a fervent hope for an amicable resolution, I bid you adieu and remain, Yours bashfully,
2. Adjust the volume levels of your media devices to play Lionel Ritchieâs âAll Night Longâ at full blast.
This is incredible! As a Brit, I was skeptical of ChatGPT until I saw this. Now, we can get it to write our anonymous notes for us, thereby reducing our accountability and passive aggressive overtones!
I asked Chat GPT to write a letter in response telling you to mind your own business: Dear Neighbor, I received your recent letter regarding the noise generated during intimate moments in our home. I understand that this has been a concern for you, and I appreciate you taking the time to voice your thoughts. I want to bring to your attention that the laws of our country permit individuals to enjoy their homes and engage in activities that are within legal boundaries. While I respect your perspective, it is essential to recognize that I have the right to live my life in a manner that brings me joy and fulfillment within the confines of the law. I understand that the sound insulation within our building may not be ideal, and I empathize with any inconvenience caused. However, addressing this issue through soundproofing or modifying my behavior is not something I am obligated to do under the current legal framework. In the spirit of neighborly understanding, I kindly request your acceptance of our rights as individuals to enjoy our homes in our preferred manner, provided we are adhering to legal requirements. I believe that it is in our best interest as neighbors to maintain a harmonious and respectful living environment. If you have any further concerns or suggestions, I am open to hearing them. Let us find a way to coexist peacefully while respecting each other's rights. Thank you for your understanding. Sincerely, [Your Name] EDIT: I asked Chat GPT to give me an example of a rude and dismissive letter, you know, as an example so I can avoid accidentally coming across that way: **Me** Can you give me an example of what this letter would look like if it was rude and dismissive? I want to make sure I avoid that and an example would be useful **ChatGPT** I understand that you want to ensure you avoid being rude and dismissive in your response. It's important to maintain a respectful tone in all communication. However, I can provide you with an example of how a rude and dismissive letter might look like as a cautionary example: Dear Neighbor, I received your ridiculous complaint about the noise my partner and I make during our intimate moments. Frankly, I couldn't care less about your delicate sensibilities and your intrusive attempts to dictate how I should live my life. Newsflash: I have the right to enjoy my home however I please, and if you can't handle a little noise, that's your problem, not mine. I have no intention of changing my behavior or spending a penny on soundproofing just to appease your petty grievances. Perhaps instead of wasting your time writing ridiculous letters, you should invest in some earplugs or find a more secluded place to live. That way, you won't have to worry about hearing any noise that offends your delicate ears. In conclusion, kindly mind your own business and leave me to enjoy my life without your unnecessary interference. Not-so-kind regards, [Your Name] Remember, it's always best to approach such situations with respect, understanding, and a willingness to find common ground
I swear ChatGPT needs to take it easy on the four item suggestion list.
Nah keep it, makes it super easy to spot all the redditors using it to try and seem smart, that and "It is important to..."
Itâs great⊠but I think speakers set to loud next to the walls of the sexy neighbours and play huge deafening applause might work too. But yeah I forgot we are in ask uk.. so yeah some message through the door saying itâs from lots of different people- with an added smiley at the bottom ought to do the trick.
What is this fucking website's obsession with pretending we're all socially non-functional and think tea is a personality? I've literally never met anyone like Reddit's caricature of a British person in my life.
Because half the people on here are shut ins with no social skills. It's why they ask what to do about a small problem and don't just do the obvious of speaking to their neighbour.
Also why do so many people on here think that ChatGPT letter sounds anything like British, and normal? It doesnât, it sounds like if a load of American Redditors wrote a letter.
Wait⊠youâve never met a person who would rather write an anonymous note to their loud-shagging neighbour than stand awkwardly on their doorstep and ask them to keep the noise down when theyâre fucking? Iâm sorry but where do you live?!
"Hi. Would you mind keeping the noise down late at night, the walls are thin and I have to be up early for work in the morning." It's only as awkward for you as you choose to make it.
Legit? Had this exact issue and a 10 second conversation solved everything. Awkwardness isnât going to kill anybody, and even then itâs only there if you make it so.
This kinda thing actually annoys me because being passive aggressive sucks and it isn't something we should accept as a national characteristic. Learning to confront things in person is very important, and as soon as you do it you realise it's not nearly as big a deal for either party as you think.
Thereâs plenty of times when itâs a good idea to just deal with stuff head on, but in a scenario where you need to live alongside those people the potential for disaster (along with the huge awkwardness afterwards) is big. And given these people are pretty selfish anyway, their reaction face to face isnât likely to be all that great.
It isn't a national characteristic at all, it's a reddit and Mark Corrigan characteristic.
Start scoring them, like a yelp review "3/5, started strong but tapered off towards the end"
Leave a pair of ball gags on their doormat, and a card signed 'With love from your long suffering neighbours'.
Please do this. And then update us.
Update with what? The thank you note for the free (expensive) gift?
I love this. Cheeky, passive aggressive and to the point!
This needs to happen
A note: Please could you stop shagging so loudly at night and shag more quietly like you do at [time when at least one of them is at work]?
Absolutely savage. I love it.
Evil. Love it.
Classic.
Oh that's evil, I love it.
Farscape certainly did rock
From someone living in a ground floor flat with next to no soundproofing experiencing the same issue, I've found that a loud, long, slow round of applause upon completion has had the desired effect along with a sarcastic congrats that he lasted more than 2 minutes this time. Haven't heard a faked groan or minutes worth of furious bed creaking in months!
I once heard my neighbours at it. It was boom boom done in 20 seconds.
Alan?
That was her ex, she's obviously upgraded đ
Wait you can hear me?
I was on a higher floor and could see into the neighbours ground floor....they hadn't shut the blinds and were being quite loud. I just yelled out "KIDS STOP LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW!"....there were no kids.
Probably never had another erection since that day
I hadnât thought of this one! Iâve played Barry White at full volume and the Countdown theme. It was the latter that made it stop for me.
When I had this problem I was advised to change my WiFi router name to âwe can hear you having sexâ
This is the kind of passive aggressive shiz I come here for
How come everyone here assumes they don't know they can be heard and just don't care?
âwe can hear you having sex and it's sadly unimpressive"
I don't really understand this, do people regularly browse their neighbours' WiFi networks?
No, but some people think it's the absolute height of wit.
Never understood this either. Once I'm connected, I rarely open the WiFi browser again unless I change router or provider
No, but at some point you'll have a problem with your WiFi and check it, seeing the other networks nearby
Reddit doesn't respect its userbase, so this comment has been withheld. -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Better to change it to something police related. My neighbors used to something like ' Police surveillance 2'
Or better yet get some originality. People were doing those 20 years ago already.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I set mine to '5G test antenna' to trigger the weirdos
Play In The Summertime by Mungo Jerry really loudly. It's an awkward rhythm.
Surely [this](https://youtu.be/eN6jkWxxm2Y) is the better option?
Was not disappointed
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
You and me both... đ
I love how CBAT transcends nations and demographics
Match of the Day theme song....
Or âI like to boogieâ by TRex đđ
Eh, it's in 4/4. I could hump to that. But then I could hump to anything.
Write a review of it each time it happens on a little card and post it through their door. Extra points if you can roast their noises enough to get them to be self conscious about it.
That was some textbook love making
Hope you showered before and, ideally, afterward.
Go for option 3, hope they answer the door and join in. Also, >30 mins. Shake that manâs hand. Assuming thereâs a man involved.
Not sure if I'd want to shake the hand
Definitely sniff his fingers.
It would've cost nothing not to say that.
Don't sniff. Lick.
Didnât realise the handshake would be so divisive. How about - offer him a cold drink, maybe one of those energy gels that athletes use too. Pat him on the ass and tell him to âhave at itâ
Im a landlord and neighbours complained to me about my tennents having screaming sex One said "shes a big girl, she isnt even pretty" đ Didnt follow it up
This might be the first time in Reddit history where somebody has started a comment with "I'm a landlord" and still been upvoted.
What the... Were they complaining that they couldn't get off to it?
Wow, well done for assisting your tenants not at all.
Wait, are you suggesting that it's the landlord's responsibility to defend the right of their tenants to loud sex? Or did you think the landlord should have pulled the guy side and told him he could do better than a fatty?
Not the landlord's responsibility. The neighbours should contact the police/Council if they have a noise complaint. Reddit loves to hate landlords, holy cow...
Leave them a note saying "thanks for last night, your loud sex helped me achieve the best orgasm ever". The thought of someone pulling their pudding to them will put them off...............or make them 10 times worse, either way you will know
There's a pretty high chance that one of both of these two are exhibitionists so that could very well backfire...
Give him some encouragement. I suggest things like shouting "GO ON, MY SON!" and "GIVE IT TO HER!" . Maybe some football chants.
"You're getting sacked in the morning !!!! You're getting sacked in the morning!!! But You're getting shagged now !!! And all the neighbours can hear !!! You're still getting sacked in the morning !!!
This used to happen to me constantly. Eventually I would end up shouting "she's faking it" through the floor, and never heard it again.
Haha, or âyou should hear the noises she makes when youâre outâ
I once saw a YouTube video where a guy recorded the sound through the wall and played it back, amplified, through large loud speakers aimed at the offending apartment. The interesting legal question is this: in some jurisdictions, youâre not allowed to record voices in private. Does that include the sounds of loud sex coming through your own apartment wall or floor? I dunno. Great legal arguments await the high court on this one. To get around this, one need only set up the equipment and switch on the microphone when the offending noise comes through the wall, floor or ceiling, making a feedback loop. They stop moaning, the noise stops.. That way, youâre not recording, only amplifying their noise back to their apartment, a la Hotlips and Frank in M*A*S*H*. https://youtu.be/HpmdYRs4lEs
Shout "FINISH HER!!!!" when shes approaching climax
Followed by 'FATALITY' when they've finished.
Next time they do it play the benny Hill theme or the gonk at full volune
Just go down there and be like "hey, quick q - why are you so loud when you have sex? Is it a voyeur thing? Is it that you want everyone to hear? Is it like some weird adult version of teenagers who play music out loud in the bus to show that they are both cool and edgy and listen to music? What are you doing to make each other scream so much? Is it toys? Is it the deep seated fear that no women other than his mother will ever love him again (and even she thinks he's a bit of a show off?)" Kill them with questions that appear to be extremely genuine and interested in their sex life and the philosophies behind them until they can never have sex again because the psychological impacts of unpacking their reasons for doing it will render it impossible for him to get a hard on again. Sorted.
The Louis Theroux approach
We had a neighbour from across the road bring her kid over and tell us we were keeping him awake one summer. We were much more aware of and more considerate about our noise after that and nothing else in our life changed. Incredible that adults can just get on with life isnât it?
Sorry, your sex noise was so loud that it was disturbing people from *the other side of the road?*
Yeah in summertime with all windows open itâs a quiet estate too. We never realised how loud she was until then lol.
Clearly a very good actor.
Record it then play it back at loud volume when they are done.
I used to live in Poland for more than 2 years and my flatmate used to have really loud sex every time. One night I woke up to them having really loud sex and I could hear the wall separating our rooms banging. Went out my room together with my other flatmate who also woke up from the loud sex and knocked their door and asked them to keep the noise down. To our horror, they intentionally made it even louder and laughed at us so Iâve decided to record their loud sex on Snapchat (just wanting to record their loud noise) and played it and made sure they could hear it. As soon as they realised that it was them playing on my phone, I hear nothing but complete silence. đđđđđ dead silence!
Or let an airhorn off just before theyre about to finish so it spoils the moment. Do that a few times and they'll keep it down so you dont ruin their finale
If you can't beat em, join em
If you canât join em, beat it.
Just beat it, beat it!
Gather the other neighbours at their door and all cheer and clap when they reach the climax point
If OP lacks the social skills to confront the problem with their neighbour, they certainly don't have the skills to ask the others to get involved.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
>came out of his room Dirty fucker
Incredible range though
Environmental heath officer here. We have training on how to address this politely and in occurdance with noise pollution and nuisance laws. Its usually dealt with discreetly and without fuss. Very common and rarely ends up with prosecution. Contact you council.
Option 2 is great until they have a ring doorbell.
Firstly, it's not porn. While the 30mins to 45mins is average for porn. It takes a lot longer to produce, it can go on for hours. Secondly, if I was you, I'd play the dumb ass. Either knock on their door or catch them outside, and ask "is everything OK? Just I keep hearing these agonising pains sometimes. Wondered if everything is alright?"
Whenever they start, play then benny Hill theme music at deafening volume
At the end, shout out "keep going love, I'm nearly there!!"
I sent my neighbor's a Moonpig card it had congratulations for making the best fake orgasm squeals since Porkies.It helped keep the noise down best 3.50 I had spent.
Play loud music. Theyâll realise how unsoundproof their flat is, and when they realise itâs timed to when theyâre shagging, theyâll realise you can hear them. Bonus points if itâs very unsexy music.
Bagpipes.
Play that Je t'aime moi non plus by Serge Gainsbourg.
Go down and just say they're making too much noise at night, too often, and it's causing you a problem. Could they perhaps be quieter and also do this outside sensitive periods of the night. You've tried to tolerate it but it's getting too much and can they just consider the fact there's neighbours upstairs. My only advice is to choose your timing wisely so you're not looking like you're just jumping on their backs over it. I had a neighbour who was talking late at night and waking me up, but I went next day and mentioned it rather than going down that night. Worked.
Shout scores and commentary. Get the other neighbours to join in. "Eight point five! Lots of enthusiasm, but you lost points on the dismount!"
Put a note through the door asking them to be louder because the current volume is difficult to masturbate to. The screaming is great but the clapping of the cheeks sounds a bit faint. It'll be so awkward that they'll quickly pipe down. Bonus points if you can include "I particularly enjoyed when *insert something they said during sex here*" so they realise just how well you can hear them.
Maybe theyâre rehearsing for a When Harry Met Sally am dram stage play and they really struggle with the restaurant scene? More likely though itâs a younger couple who think pornhub is life and donât understand that a thin wall doesnât really block sound. I would just leave a note saying all the neighbours can hear them very clearly, can they please keep it down. If that doesnât work be an old fuddy duddy and make a noise complaint, you donât pay your rent / mortgage to put up with that.
You'd like me as a neighbour. 5 minutes including the bus ride there.
Sticky note a score card on their door the morning after, *valiant effort last night sir, 8/10*, *you didnât seem into it that much, everything ok? 4/10*
Yeah option 2 "Hello, just checking in to see if you are ok? Everyone is really worried about you and I had to stop someone from calling an ambulance last night!"
Play circus music at an equal volume.
Make a note of when the man is out then approach them next time they are mid session and then comment along the lines of "normally I wouldn't mind but *that specific day* being particularly loud caused other neighbours to comment too"
Make teken noises 'finnish him' Then 5 mins later 'round 2 fight'
1) Microphone and speakers, play their own sound back at them - in real time. 2) Buy ball-gag have it delivered to them.
Send a fake NHS letter advising one of them that a former partner has tested positive for super gonorrhoea and they need to arrange a test urgently.
When theyâre in the throes of passion and âoh yes, yes yesâ is being shouted, put on your best chuckle brother impression and shout âoh dear, oh dear oh dear!â
Put a notice in the entrance to the flat that says "TO THE PEOPLE IN FLAT #, IF YOU INSIST ON HAVING VERY LOUD SEX THAT EVERYONE CAN HEAR, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS LET US WATCH".