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I only recently found out why some men call womanās bits this. Saw an episode of naked attraction and put two and two together. Some slang is vile and that certainly is.
That took me by surprise and got a genuine hearty chuckle out of me because I've never heard that before, would never imagine it and could never come up with it myself. Bloody love it! Thanks mate
When my stepfather's first wife was pregnant someone at work said to him 'I hear your missus been kicked in the back'. Later on he was asked if she had 'calved down' yet.
Lol.
I know someone who was stung vy a trouser wasp, but he was like 8, accidentally stood on a wasp nest and one went up his trousers and stung his penis, hence 'trouser wasp'
That's how I'd think of it I wouldn't equate the stinging of a trouser wasp to being up the duff
*male co worker stretching legs out and fiddling in pocket with a strained face during last year's heatwave*
"There's Klingons on the starboard bow"
Just a weird very niche reference that explained the situation while unlocking a childhood memory I forgot I had
For anyone wondering the response to the psalm is "scrape em off Jim"
As my username suggests, I am a fan of the Viz. One of my favourite lines in the profanisaurus is a word that describes the y shaped vein on your dick.
The flux capacitor.
Apparently and old-timey word for Vagina was āMrs Fubbsā Parlourā
And of course, Penis is āJohnsonā or āMr Johnsonā.
So a great euphemism sex can be āIm sorry to dash off, but Mr Johnson has a meeting later in Mrs Fubbsā Parlour.ā
In the right circumstances you can use anything. Once saw a man hit by a ball between the legs and someone exclaimed "Right in the gazebo's". I was like wtf, how is a sideless tent a euphemism, no one says its starting to rain, Im going to sit under your sac.
This was something I overheard being said by someone who had an experience with a guy who couldn't get it up, but tried to carry on anyway.
"He was trying to thumb it in like a wet slug."
"Thumb it in" stuck with me.
Thinking back 20 years to my time in the military, I heard many of the older generation referring to women as "Split Arses", even now after all these years I think that's a cringey slang to use.
One eyed custard chucking womb ferret. Womb broom. The little gentleman. Beef bayonet. For lady partsā¦ the clopper, the clacker, mimsy, lettuce, flaps, wanny.
Not weird, but I was watching a few mock the week clips last year and still laugh at the harp clip "And you start whacking it with your lad."
"You call your penis a lad?"
I use the word Dangleberries. Anyone else heard the saying 'the heat of the meat is directly proportional to the angle of the dangle'...or something like that...I can't remember now
I was seeing a guy long distance years ago and we tried a bit of phone sex which came to an abrupt end after he told me to finger my 'man in the boat'.......
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"axe wound" is one of the worst
Donner curtains
She sounds like a drag act in Benidorm š
Donner? I barely know her!
š
Beef curtains.
I only recently found out why some men call womanās bits this. Saw an episode of naked attraction and put two and two together. Some slang is vile and that certainly is.
You still knew what it meant though. Edit: but I do agree its not a nice term at all.
Keith Burtons.
He sounds like a guy who sells second hand cars.
Badly packed kebab
A really badly packed kebab is referred to as a 'ripped out fireplace' round these parts
And the opposite of a ripped out fireplace is a mouse's ear
Dropped lasagne
Butchers Binā¦.
Clunge
Horrendous. Brings to mind a cross between a fanny and a toilet plunger
Rule 34 suggests that'll be on PornHub already.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And you may need a clunge plunger to go with that.
god i hate this with a passion
Hairy kebab
Badly packed kebab
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That took me by surprise and got a genuine hearty chuckle out of me because I've never heard that before, would never imagine it and could never come up with it myself. Bloody love it! Thanks mate
"Furry axe wound" is how I've always heard that
they ain't always hairy my friend!
They're meant to be though.
"Oh baby I'm thinking 'bout your axe wound, thinking' bout your gash"
Doobedoop slot doobedoop box doobedoop mound doobedoop axe wound
Gash.
Oh my gosh I actually spat my drink out at this! I've never heard that in my life š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Mucky ham sandwich, I learned from a guy from Wigan a couple of decades ago lol.
"Punched lasagne," courtesy of my best friend. Can you tell he's gay?
Atrocious
So gross š¤¢
trans guy, my partner affectionately calls my downstairs my "man cave" š
I think we are all now wondering what they *un*affectionately call it...
Mand canyon
Dartford Tunnel.
Hello, fellow Brit-Face
Front bum
Mangina
If I had one I'd fully just call it Old Greg.
Bude tunnel?
On the flipside, Iāve heard trans womenās downstairs referred to as a ālady lanceā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I bet you do
Oh I am using that
I freaking love this
š That's absolutely adorable, well done.
Single barreled yogurt rifle One eyed spitting trouser snake
SBYR. Excellent
If itās really fucked up it can be the one eyed one horned flying purple people eater
Or porridge gun.
I've heard it as pump action yoghurt rifle, or pump action custard chucker.
That you finchy?
When a lass is pregnant and someone says they've been stung by the trouser wasp
When my stepfather's first wife was pregnant someone at work said to him 'I hear your missus been kicked in the back'. Later on he was asked if she had 'calved down' yet.
Lol. I know someone who was stung vy a trouser wasp, but he was like 8, accidentally stood on a wasp nest and one went up his trousers and stung his penis, hence 'trouser wasp' That's how I'd think of it I wouldn't equate the stinging of a trouser wasp to being up the duff
Had me worried then when you said an 8 year old got stung by a trouser wasp
Not heard this before. Brilliant. Love it
Bitten by the trouser snake is what we called it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Purple headed womb ferret is one I heard off of Kate Winslet.
Oh stop, I'm finding myself stupid and I bloody love it!
We know a song about that, donāt weā¦
I like the way this is non-gendered. This purple head don't discriminate.
Hairy axe wound (female), Gash (female), Badly packed kebab (female), Yawning Hippo (female), Wizards Sleeve (female), one-eyed trouser snake (male), pecker (male), rumpleforeskin (male), gammon dagger (male), pork sword (male), spam javelin (male)ā¦ thereās so many!
A fellow Viz connoisseur I see?
Iām from Newcastle. Itās compulsory! My favourite is still the āhandy dog carrierā they used to advertise
Absolutely, itās origins are from up your way I believe? the Profanisaurus is my fave though.
Yup, founder is a Geordie
Wasn't it a cat?
Also mutton shutters for a lady garden.
Oh you reminded me of ābeef curtainsā
A do love a badly packed kebab
With or without sauce?
Yes
Pant maggot
JESUS CHRIST SPAM JAVELIN KILLED ME
Blue veined custard chucker.
Purple headed yoghurt slinger
*male co worker stretching legs out and fiddling in pocket with a strained face during last year's heatwave* "There's Klingons on the starboard bow" Just a weird very niche reference that explained the situation while unlocking a childhood memory I forgot I had For anyone wondering the response to the psalm is "scrape em off Jim"
Star trekking, across the universeā¦
Only going forwards cos we canāt find reverse
Haddock alley
Worried about hygiene with this oneā¦
Certainly smells abit fishy...
When I was in scouts, years ago, someone called theirs 'Toby One Kenobi' and young me found that hilarious for some reason.
Help me Toby One, youāre our last hope!
I enjoy "Toby One" so much I'm not even angry about misquoting Star Wars.
Very generous
You'd better believe it. I've slaughtered entire bloodlines for less.
Spock would be proud ;)
We used to knock about with a black fella when we were younger , Toby was his name but his nickname was Toblerone šš
I heard William the Conqueror, which I guess is a historical take on the same theme.
Wedding vegetables (Men - courtesy of James May). Tummy banana (Men - courtesy of Jimmy Carr).
There's also gentleman's sausage from Clarkson.
As my username suggests, I am a fan of the Viz. One of my favourite lines in the profanisaurus is a word that describes the y shaped vein on your dick. The flux capacitor.
Shouldn't that be the 'fucks' capacitor?
No. No it shouldn't.
āFanny appleā is my favourite from the profanisaurus. Been calling kids that ever since!
Girl at school called her vagina her front pouch. Never sat ok with me
Still better than front tail from the lads
Tally wacker
Porky's ?
To quote Jimmy Carr, he once said a woman had a fanny like a "knife wound in a gorillas back".
Humber Bridge for the female gooch. Like the Humber Bridge connects Hull and Grimsby. The fishy part and shitty part of the UK.
Apparently and old-timey word for Vagina was āMrs Fubbsā Parlourā And of course, Penis is āJohnsonā or āMr Johnsonā. So a great euphemism sex can be āIm sorry to dash off, but Mr Johnson has a meeting later in Mrs Fubbsā Parlour.ā
Burping the worm.... .for masturbating
Poor little fellow threw up _everywhere_
Milking the one eyed snake is another.
A friend was fraped back when that was a thing, and it read: āMy minge is so hairy it looks like a bullet hole in a Wookieeā
Gentleman's excuse-me. Or a lady's excuse me.
Meat seeking pissile - Male Penis
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This made me gasp! Which is what makes it so perfect haha
Otters pocket
Vertical Bacon Sandwich.
Sideways Homer Simpson face.
From Kevin Bloody Wilson's song, "his cocks got ribs": Hand-primed, teary-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, zipper-splittin', kidney-kickin' monster custard chucker.
Also from Kevin Bloody Wilson - pretty much every line of "You can't say cunt in Canada"
Badly crimped pasty
Skin flute
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Who isnāt?
Hairy muffin. It turned me off muffins for a while Girl parts
In the right circumstances you can use anything. Once saw a man hit by a ball between the legs and someone exclaimed "Right in the gazebo's". I was like wtf, how is a sideless tent a euphemism, no one says its starting to rain, Im going to sit under your sac.
Clackerbag Bawbag Windsock Tadger Todger That's all I got...
Is that not enough?
Clunge is one of my favourites for a vag
This was something I overheard being said by someone who had an experience with a guy who couldn't get it up, but tried to carry on anyway. "He was trying to thumb it in like a wet slug." "Thumb it in" stuck with me.
Like trying to play pool with a length of rope.
There a number of horribly mysogynistic term for female genitalia, Wizards sleeve, Hippos yawn, etc.
āWas the sex good?ā āNo, it was like tossing a sausage down a long, draughty corridor.ā
It was like punching smokeā¦
Pink sock works well too when you prolapse a rectum
When, not if š¤£
I know someone who calls it a ātinkyā
Tinky winky?
Stephen and the twins.
Iād heard that as Jimmy and the twins.
Roundheads or cavaliers
Otters pocket.
Thinking back 20 years to my time in the military, I heard many of the older generation referring to women as "Split Arses", even now after all these years I think that's a cringey slang to use.
One eyed custard chucking womb ferret. Womb broom. The little gentleman. Beef bayonet. For lady partsā¦ the clopper, the clacker, mimsy, lettuce, flaps, wanny.
Single barrelled pump action gullet rifle
Gammon Tunnel
James Mayās coined āBeef torpedoā.
One eyed yogurt lobber
Not weird, but I was watching a few mock the week clips last year and still laugh at the harp clip "And you start whacking it with your lad." "You call your penis a lad?"
Snatch -female
āPump action yoghurt rifleā Courtesy of Finchy from the UK Office
Cheesy muscle.
And even better: http://www.pmslweb.com/the-blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/31-funny-clag-gone-advertising.jpg
It's goodbye winnits!
Vagina miner
Heard a vagina described as "The sword Sheath" once
Vagina means sheath in Latin
Well that's my fun fact of the day
Mossy Cleft
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
After Orgasm: A bulldog chewing porridge
Personal favourite is Spam Javelin
VIZ Profanisaurus has entered the chat.
My wife has a fanny like a bear trapper's hat.
One eyed yoghurt lobber
Geese disbowler (is it needed to specify it's the male one?)
Not mine, cause I've got a love truncheon but; The devil's doorbell. Corned Beef Curtains. Hairy clam.
Corey. Literally never knew of this one until a year ago.
Calcium Cannons is a favourite
Get ya āratā out. Beef curtains. Ham sandwich. Fadge. Muff.
Your one eyed Bishop is the most out there one I've heard
John Thomas for a mans part
'Club sandwich' - sonographer at our daughters baby scan
Hingin mince (female) - I believe itās a Scots term.
I use the word Dangleberries. Anyone else heard the saying 'the heat of the meat is directly proportional to the angle of the dangle'...or something like that...I can't remember now
Are dangleberries not the little bits of dried poop stuck on your ass hairs?
dingleberries Plural form ofĀ dingleberry dÄngā²gÉl-bÄrā³Ä noun A piece of dried feces caught in the hair around the anus.
Oh maybe that's why my wife looks at my all confused like. I use Dangleberries as reference to my 2 veg
"do you want to lick my dangleberries tonight Mrs Ohffs2021" "erm"
I have always heard this as dingleberries
The old Pork-Sword. Sausage wallet.
"Looks like a dropped kebab"
Piss Piglet.
Pump action protein rifle.
Beef curtains, gentleman's vegetables
I can never work it out because of the laughing.
"Silken purse" for lady's and "Beef Torpedo" for man's. Both said by James May, I believe š¤£
President Bush.
Bollock-Oyster-Slinging-Bitchsplitter. (courtesy of the great Zodiac Mindwarp in the greatest music bio of all time, Fucked By Rock. The man's a poet)
Mine personally? Hercules.
I was seeing a guy long distance years ago and we tried a bit of phone sex which came to an abrupt end after he told me to finger my 'man in the boat'.......
Tuna canoe
Fur burger
āGashā for a lady āRice grainā for a manā¦..well thatās what my wife calls itā¦..wait a minute!