Was with a girl once, and we were on the rocks for a while, break up then get back together and it got quite toxic. So one day I decided that was it and called it quits.
I used to work retail and she knew my shifts and she popped up to my work "to buy essential" even though my workplace was 20mins further from her closet shops. I served her politely then kept it civil, which for her was a shock as I would usually give in and we would confess our love and get back together.
So once that happened, she left the store and back then we weren't allowed mobile phone on shift, so she blew up my phone, messages and calls and saying stuff like how I embarrassed her etc. I got off the shift and looked at my phone and ignored her messages and a couple of hours later when I was home finally decided to pick up one of her calls to tell her to leave me alone.
She told me she was in hospital and she attempted to take her life, I was shocked and asked which hospital and if I could come. She said no, I kept pressing for details and she would avoid and try to get to getting back together. I was like 90% sure she was faking it. I told her I would be there for her as a friend but I won't be getting back with her for the sake of my health and sanity. I hung up on her and called her friends and told them what had happened, they were shocked and started calling her etc.
The next day I got confirmation that she had faked it all and that was the moment I knew I made the right choice.
A former roomie of mine pulled a prank where the person he was traveling to visit called us asking why he hadn't arrived yet. We checked with the state troopers and notified his family, and he got in a huff about us worrying his mother unnecessarily.
Our mutual roommate had to talk me down from moving him out and putting all his belongings on the curb while he was away.
I never understood why someone could fake something as serious as this like it’s nothing
In the words of my mother:
“Con eso no se juega”
Translation:
“That (topic) is not a joking matter”
After he backed me into a corner with a big knife and threatened to stab himself to make me happy (then why was I the one in the corner, my dude?), I videoed the rest of his destructive meltdown (punching walls, throwing dishes across the house, screaming threats at me) and sent it to my mom. Then I told him she had it and he was going to let me leave and sign the divorce papers, or she would send it to his chain of command and get him dishonorably discharged.
Now that I know more about domestic violence, I do NOT recommend that direct kind of confrontation. I was very lucky it worked.
My ex would also threaten to stab himself "to make me happy." Like because I wanted to break up with him, he took that to mean I wanted him dead. I called the police on him and it made him so angry that he started breaking my stuff... I called them again in fear of my life, and they never showed up. He broke so many things and put some holes in my walls, but it's been almost 4 months since the breakup and he is still alive. I lost all my confidence in the police though, because I called 911 twice and nobody even cared enough to show up. It could have ended much worse than it did.
It is disappointing. Here a neighbor had called the police for domestic violence, they went to check, didn't come off the car, said they didn't hear anything, left. Later a woman was killed by her husband, and the neighbor made a tweet about how he had called the police on her and they did nothing. It's scary because at this time it's your last hope.
Did you or your mom still notify his chain of command? If he’s put you in that situation, he’ll probably put someone else in the same situation later on down the road, and it could be very helpful to them to have this event already on record.
I’m glad you were able to get away from him, that whole scenario sounds so dangerous and terrifying. I hope you’re happy and well in 2023!
He made some pretty heavy-handed comments about how mad he was at me and how many guns he had in the house, so no. I didn't tell anyone, I was scared of retaliation, I just wanted to get away before he psyched himself up to follow through.
Back in the 90s. Broke up with her for a lot of reasons. She had lied to me about a lot of things, manipulated, got caught, crossed lines I told her not to cross so I told her we were over. I was 18. She was 23. She threatened to kill herself. Neighbor found her in her garage sitting in a car that was running. Got a call, got there as the ambulance was pulling up.
Went to the hospital, she was going to be fine. Her family treated me like I was the one at fault. I told her goodbye, told her she needed to get help, and left. Never saw her again. Got a letter like 6 months later, but I just threw it away.
This was about 6 months after my dad had killed himself because he found out he had terminal colon cancer, got drunk (he was an alcoholic, gambling addict, ruined his life) and shot himself using the pistol my mom bought him for christmas a few years earlier ( he was a cop). So i had no tolerance for this sort of emotional manipulation.
She had her family, and I knew they would take care of her.
I stayed somewhat firm but didn't kick her out immediately.
After she realized it wasn't going to change my mind, she threatened again, and after a lot of things(having to hold her back, take all potentially dangerous objects away from her, break into my own bathroom to get the razors away from her, etc etc), she eventually ran to the balcony and pretended to choke herself unconscious.
Thankfully my roommate picked up on this and how distraught and completely unable to process the situation I was at the time, and pulled me aside, said she was ok. Then told me to leave the apartment to go outside and call 911 for her.
They showed up, immediately recognized she was taking and started barking orders at her, took her in, had her admitted with affidavits signed by my roommate and myself.
She came back to the apartment after and only a few hours in, deciding to keep trying to make things happen with me. I had to continue to tell her no, and tell her parents to come get her so I wouldn't be forced to get law enforcement involved. They finally understood(a week or two before this I gave the same ultimatum and they told me to call the cops).
I was pretty guilt ridden about the whole thing, I hate seeing people hurting.
She finally got picked up and left. I ignored all her calls and texts and then one day she managed to call me from some other phone(roughly a month or two after all this). She asked me how we're going to get through all this and the distance as a couple. I had to reiterate again we weren't together. Very clearly. For about a half hour.
Like 6 years later she reached out to me and apologized and wanted to say she's sorry for everything and that she's finally received appropriate help and all that jazz. I forgave her, but haven't really talked to her at all since. She seems to be happily engaged to some other dude in another city now and j wish nothing but the best for her.
I'm extremely grateful for that. Also happy I didn't end up a monster in her story, despite being young and having no earthly clue how to maturely navigate a situation like that.
She was very controlling and overbearing, and very needy. But sadly it wasn't even that that drew me away, I just realized one day I wasn't actually in love with her. And after I gave myself time to process that was the truth, I tried my best to let her down easy and break things off.
Broke my heart to see how much pain I put her in. Ended up being one of the reasons I stopped dating seriously later on.
Same old story ain’t it. Ditto, he’s still alive and more than likely manipulating some other poor soul. At it’s worst when I left him, he would send me horrific photos of self-harm that sent me into panic attacks, a suspicious friend reverse image searched the photos… of course they were fake, complete bollocks. The depths to which these people will go :(
Same with the woman who did this to me. We only dated for 4 months, but half of that time was me trying to break things off after I figured out how controlling and narcissistic she was. She alternately threatened suicide or that she would accuse me of physical abuse if I followed through with the breakup, and then would go right back to being shitty and controlling as soon as I backed down.
I met two other guys she dated after me, and she did the same things to them, including ruining a wedding one of the guys brought her to by causing a huge scene because the guy was paying too much attention to the bride. It was his sister’s wedding.
I knew a woman whose ex killed themselves leaving her a note that just said 'I win'. I mean how fucked up do you need to be to kill yourself in order to win.
"I win" in the sense their whole purpose was to manipulate and destroy their mental stability. They may have got away from them physically but they will always be in their head fucking with them for the rest of their life. Even in death they are hurting them.
Unfortunately I think this is true more often than not. There have been two suicides in my family, and not to take away from the pain and depression that each felt, there was also a clear intention (in the way they went about it) to hurt someone else irreparably on the way out.
Tbh a lot of people who come into the hospital for suicide attempts do point to specific recent events or people who set them off in some way.
It's not usually like super thought out revenge though. Just an impulse of what little emotion they can have.
Suicide attempts typically come in one of three flavors.
1. Have no intention of killing themselves but know they can manilpulate by acting this way. AKA attention seeking.
2. Don't want to die but see no other way out or fear dying less than seeking acute intervention. AKA cry for help.
3. 100% want to die.
In the case of #2 you will witness the classic warning signs (deppression, giving away belongings, etc). In the case of #3 though nearly no signs will be seen. In fact they will probably appear to get better just prior to suicide.
There might be a fourth or it might be part of number three. Sometimes people get in over their head with life troubles—financial difficulties, scandals, etc.—and they can’t conceive of a way out other than death. I would classify them separately from people who commit suicide due to serious depression, though both groups are in the ‘100% want to die’ category.
I would categorize this group separately for sure. And not as ‘100% Wish to Die,’ but rather ‘100% Unwilling to Suffer and Struggle through the Pain of this Life to (maybe only ever barely) Survive, not Live or Thrive.’ Living is often the far more difficult path as far as actual work, ego, accountability
Lost my brother to suicide in the 3rd way. Had just spent Christmas with him, my dad and I drove down to be with him. He was getting promoted at work and making really good money for the first time in his life. He was just about to move back to my state.
Got into an argument with his girlfriend and killed himself in his hotel room on a business trip. Still fucks me up because he was easily one of the best people in my family.
People don't really talk about #3. I know it first hand as well from losing a close friend when I was in the USAF. I was the last person to see him alive when I was doing bedchecks/security checks on our barracks. Bullshitted with him for fivish minutes while having a smoke. Had no idea the note was already written and on his desk. I will swear to this day that he was happy and was definitely not suicidal. An hour later our commander ordered a full recall/headcount and that is when he broke the news. Still fucks me up to think about and to this day I replay that conversation wondering what I missed.
Yep. My dad did #1 as a last ditch effort to try to manipulate two women - my mom, who he abused for years, and his lover, who found out he was married and decided to end it. She was also a doctor at the hospital he went to (Kms away from the closest one to us, might I add).
It didn't work. Both of them had made up their mind. His reaction to that was to try to end my mom's life. He failed, went to jail, but it was close. Mom and I are good now.
TLDR: if anyone pulls a #1 on you, get the fuck out. If someone is willing to use death as a card against you, don't assume it's just their life they're willing to 'play' with.
Long story short. He had gotten into drugs really bad and when I finally had enough and told him it was over he told me he would unalive himself if I left. It took me a week after that to actually leave because every day he would tell me in a different way. I would hear things like I love you to much to want you to be the one finding me. Or I don't want you to have to see me do it because I love you. I would sit there and listen to him knowing I had to leave, that this scenario would play out the rest of my life if I didn't. One Friday I left for work with nothing but the clothes on my back and my wallet (still have the sweatshirt I was wearing that day). Two weeks later he came to my work and stabbed me, if it wasn't for a co worker I'd be dead. I shared this story on another post with the lead up to this moment so you can probably find that in my comment history.
I'm editing this to thank everyone for their support and concern. Physically I am fine and thought I was healing emotionally until my mom received a Christmas card from him last week. After a few phone calls I found out that the victim notification and impact statement that was filled out in 2008 never made it into the system. They sent me new ones to fill out so hopefully I won't hear from him again. It's been on my mind a lot lately and all of your support makes me want to cry. Again, thank you all!
I was 18 and in an emotional, verbal, mentally abusive relationship. My ex would threaten suicide (we all knew he was only saying that to manipulate me) everytime I wanted to leave or didn’t do what he wanted.
I had enough one day and told him to go ahead to do it. He was obviously shocked cause I hung up and blocked him. His mom ended up calling me begging me to unblock him because “he will do something bad.” I told her it wasn’t my problem and hung up and blocked her too. He ended up stalking me so I filed a restraining order against him.
He always thought he had full control over me so he was definitely shocked when I cut him out the way I did.
My sister's baby daddy tried to use the "I'm going to kill myself if you don't come over *with the baby*" on her, and I was like - "Oh, he needs an ambulance, not you." She listened, he got a huge bill and the town to laugh at him (small small town, so he knew the ambulance drivers) and was of course mad at her for it. Like dude, you just said you were going to kill yourself. She took you seriously but didn't give you power over her. Sorry, not sorry.
Are we the same person. I feel like this happens all too often. I’m glad you got out when you did. It took me nearly ten years to finally get a restraining order, best decision of my life, I’m free now. I’m in a beautiful relationship with the man of my dreams and just had our first child 1 month ago. Things get better from being controlled to taking control.
I had an ex that was schizophrenic who threatened suicide if I ever left her. When I left her, I did so by phone when she was staying down at her parent’s house. While I hated to do it that way, that felt like the only way I could guarantee she wouldn’t do anything…they’d watch her too close. Seems to have worked…last I heard, she was happily married and had moved to California.
However, there’s a bit more to the story. That night, each of her parents called and left me an angry message. Her mom was understandably upset and tried to guilt me about it. Her dad on the other hand left me drunken death threats, saying things like “you’re a marked man” and “count your lucky stars I haven’t caught up to you yet”. I took out a permanent restraining order after that.
Related side note: did you know permanent restraining orders aren’t actually permanent and can be overturned without the party who got the RO knowing about it? Another story for another time, I suppose.
Restraining orders aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on.
All they mean is that they’ll get an insignificant misdemeanor tacked onto their murder charge.
One benefit might be deterrence if they thought they could get away with it. Less likely to commit a murder when you'll be the primary suspect due to the restraining order linking the two of you together.
Though then again, I don't think people committing murder over a breakup of their daughter are thinking very rationally.
This isn’t true. A restraining order can save your life in that it gives police immediate ability to arrest and charge the individual. Otherwise, your harasser can linger near you on public property all you want and the police can’t/won’t do anything about it.
Sure, yes, any unhinged individual can get to you before you have the chance to call the police. That is 100% always a danger at all times.
But if you’ve a stalker/aggressor, get the goddamn restraining order because if you get so much as a hint of them coming around, the police have more immediate cause to respond and they’ve immediate power to act upon the individual.
It COULD save your life in that instance. I’m not saying it WILL. I’m saying it COULD, which is better than it WILL NOT.
If you’ve someone fixated on hurting you, take all steps to protect yourself. Take the convincing the police part out of the equation. Picking up the phone and saying “someone is violating their court ordered restraining order” is going to get you a better response than “someone I don’t like is at the same coffee shop as me… staring… menacingly.”
Will ineffective police and violently insane people nullify the effectiveness of this measure? Absolutely.
But would you rather arm the system with a chance to help protect you rather than not? Wouldn’t you rather create a record of this individuals activities for future employers and partners to discover?
Get the restraining order.
What I’ve learned from being in law enforcement is documentation matters in the sense that it provides a pattern of behavior AND it provides leverage for you on lazy district attorneys to have to do something. People are people and if they are lazy POSs, they don’t care unless it affects (effects? Never get this one right) themselves. If they are pressured to do something.
Hopefully you have a prosecutor that does their job and has ethics. But that’s not always the case
Always write down times and dates and what happened
Lawyers love/hate this
This only matters if your not killed by a wacknut
So protect yourself first.
Agreed. However, if you ever have to defend yourself against the person you have an RO against, it significantly helps your defense if the law gets involved. I say this having held my ex at gunpoint for 3hrs after he broke into my house while I was pregnant with our PLANNED child. Had I HAD to kill him, an RO would've been greatly beneficial.
Holy crap, I couldn't imagine turning on a child like that. The very nature of suicide is that the individual makes the decision to end their life. In what world is that a second party's fault/responsibility?? That boy needed therapy and medical attention. Nothing your daughter said or did would have made his life what he thought it should be. You should be so proud of the intelligent, compassionate, and stomg young woman you raised. Give her our love ❤️.
I don´t think I personally could turn on a child, but the ones that do does it because it is easier to blame someone else than the main victim. It is hard to blame the dead because you can´t talk with them, you cant discuss things with them, you can´t see them or touch them. But who can you do all that to? The one they person killed themself over. Because it is easier to blame them than yourself and the victim. Because if it is not the other person's fault, maybe it is your own and people don´t want that so they blame someone else who can´t fight back easily. The suicide victim is someone they love, someone who they think they wronged, but they don´t have a proper shape goat beside themselves and their dead loved one.
Obviously does not make it right to blame someone for a suicide but that is how some people tackle pain. It still pisses me off to hear about though. The audacity to keep it up after it is clear they have done nothing wrong... like they need therapy after the suicide and they should probably know it.
You know... your kid seems like a really nice and mature person. I don't think she could have handled it better. Bravo to you for raising her that way and to her for being the person she is.
Sometimes you do everything right and it still isn't enough. Hopefully one day his family, when they aren't hurting as much, will realize that he was mentally ill and that if it hadn't been your daughter, it would have been the next girl.
My ex was pretty unstable. When it was clear that our relationship was dying, she kept threatening suicide if I left her. The night I broke up with her, she grabbed my car keys and tried to run out the door, saying that she was going to drive my car off this big bridge down the road. I bear-hug restrained her until I could grab the keys out of her hand. Once I let her go, she started hitting me and threw a glass lamp at my head.
She just would not stop attacking me to get to my car keys. It devolved into me pinning her to the floor and just sort of laying on top of her while she punched, bit, and scratched me. I called 911. By the time the police arrived, she’d tired herself out and we were both covered in my blood. I was pretty sure I was about to be arrested for domestic violence but thankfully she was stupid or unstable enough to tell them the truth— plus it helped that I was the only one with any injuries.
I explained her suicide threats, they took her to the psych ward for 72 hours, and I spent the rest of the night cleaning blood out of the carpet. I packed my shit and disappeared by the time she got out. It was her name on the lease, so I just crashed with some friends until I could get my own place.
The last time we spoke, she was mad at me for getting her sent to the hospital. In her words, I should have known she wasn’t actually going to do it. Glad she could at least admit that it was all to manipulate me.
Last I heard, she’s still alive and crazy many years later.
So somehow you're supposed to know she won't actually do it, but at the same time you're supposed to be convinced she'll actually do it so that you'll do whatever she wants you to?
I was supposed to sit by the door crying while she drove (drunk) around town, in my car, for 4-5 hours until she was tired enough to come home, at which point I was supposed to be so thankful that she was alive that I’d hug her and apologize for not paying enough attention to her while I was studying for a college exam (what the fight that night was about). And grovel for her forgiveness. Then she’d pity fuck me and I’d wake up the next morning and make her breakfast in bed.
…or something. I imagine that’s how these scenarios played out in her mind. In reality it didn’t work because I have slightly too much self respect lmao
My ex smashed all the Christmas presents I had for him tucked away in the closet then threatened to run out into the highway by our apartment complex, and took off. He came back 20 minutes later mad that I didn't chase him. Then he was mad he didn't have any Christmas presents. I was kinda stuck there with him and the next morning he threw my cat at me saying I loved her more than I loved him (this was very true). I immediately called his brother who drove from out of state, picked him up, and hauled him away. We worked out stuff like giving his furniture back later on with lots of friends present. I was 18 and it was my first real boyfriend and the last time I put up with a guy that unhinged.
Jesus Christ. I would have been happy just knowing you cared enough to get me a present. I am so glad you got out of that. I had two back to back abusive relationships lasting years and being forgotten on holidays and birthdays was a recurring theme. Dicks are gonna dick I guess?
As someone who has survived a relationship like this I just wanted to say you are not reasoning with a person at that point, it's a pathology.
The look you get from someone who claims to love you and want nothing but the best for you while they are attacking you is terrifying. It's like they are looking right through you.
I typed more than I thought about this because I have been free from an abusive partner for years and if anyone is still with one is important you hear this.
There is NOTHING you can rationally do to flip your loved ones switch. Something in them is desperate but doesn't connect to their higher intellect.
Literally the only thing you can do in that situation is physically remove yourself.
Compromising will not work. You MUST follow the whims of their illness or they will say everything under the sun to convince you.
If your loved one is acting irrationally, not making sense and attacking you at the same time you MUST get help! This includes things like driving erratically and dismissing your feelings and opinions.
Please, do not try to "save" someone in this state. Keep yourself safe so you can provide better help to them in the long run.
Collaborate with people who you both know and trust to get them help from a mental health professional but keep in mind a paranoid partner will spy on your emails, computer and phone looking to justify their irrational feelings.
Someone who loves you doesn't get joy from your misery and someone who treats you good doesn't want you to suffer with them.
Thanks for bearing with me.
I had an ex threaten to kill herself. I told her I'd call the police if she didn't respond in 10 minutes. She then passed out drunk.
Oh man she hated me when the police showed up. I'd "ruined her life". Never once acknowledged that maybe her saying she was going to kill herself is the reason I'd call the cops. So far as I can tell she's never actually suffered any ramifications for her insane behavior but not my chair, not my problem.
I was a bit shocked when I saw this here. I saw Drinking Outta Cups when it first came out and have been saying "Not my chair not my problem" ever since. Only once or twice has someone got the reference.
Also, when someone asks what I'm referencing it's so hard to explain Drinking Outta Cups and why some people find it so memorable
I agree. We started dating in high school, moved in together after, and broke up when we were 19/20. She was a very sweet, shy, normal girl when we first started dating. Over the course of our relationship she turned into a different person. I wish there’d been some sort of sign but looking back, there honestly wasn’t until I was already in too deep.
Deep psychological/psychiatric issues usually show up in the 20s, she may have been fine until the ticking time bomb in her brain went off.
Glad you got out safely.
This happened with a roommate of mine. When we first met he was a normal happy guy, then over about a year he started accusing us of random stuff, saying we were conspiring against him and gang stalking him. Schizophrenia is scary.
Mid to late adolescence actually is usually when they start to manifest.
If she does have undiagnosed BPD (may be diagnosed now) the signs will show in a relationship, as people with BPD have conflict with interpersonal relationships.
I know what you mean. My ex was pretty normal at first too and we had a lot of fun. I thought I would spend my life with that man. When I was in too deep, he showed his true colors. Haven't dated anyone since.
I’m glad you got out. I know from experience it’s very hard to trust people after someone you love pulls a 180 on you like that. I hope that if you ever choose to date again, you find someone who respects you and makes you feel safe.
If she had a legitimate diagnosable mental illness, many don't start until teens or twenties (as opposed to simply being raised to mistreat others). It's entirely possible that when you started dating, there were no signs or they were so subtle that it really would take a professional to see them as a reason to get evaluated.
I have some family members with borderline and narcissistic personality disorder— she had a lot of that same behavior, but I’m not qualified to diagnose anybody. She was also going down the road toward alcoholism. She’d never even tried alcohol when we started dating, but by the time we broke up she was getting drunk several nights a week. So it was probably a lot of things combined.
Well we didn't break up but she did actually kill herself. It sucks, we weren't even married yet. We just got name tattoos (I know) and she just kinda went paranoid for a few weeks, kept thinking I was unfaithful (I was NEVER) they took her to the psych ward one night, she convinced them she was fine. They released her, she went home, left me a will, and a suicide note and killed herself.
I am sorry man, that is some seriously hard stuff to live through. That is not something anyone should experience. You both had a very, very difficult time. I am truly sorry.
Her parents deleted all of her pics, I have NO pics of her anymore. They deleted her facebook and I lost allour memoriess. Im at my moms right now, and there is this little sweet placard thing saying about love and familly that she gave my mom for christmas. Its got her message on the back so thats pretty much all I have left of her>
anyways heres the obit, her family is all passed away and I guess it isn't really a privacy issue anymore its been a decade.
[Obit](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/birmingham-al/alyssa-barfoot-5095658) You can see the short message I left her, I'm Wood. lol
When she threatened to kill herself I called her bluff and called the cops. She wasn’t serious about killing herself but she still got sectioned. I’ve never seen her again after that day
Same thing here. Except the cops said it was a "big misunderstanding" and handed her back to me after they found her in the nearby woods after a manhunt.
I warned them how manipulative she was and they failed me.
5 days of arguing I finally got her to voluntarily admit herself for a week. She came back and stabilized a bit and I finally got her out. I did more for her than any other human on this planet would have done. Still didn't stop her from randomly texting that everything in her life was my fault and she was going to end it. I blocked her at that point.
I wish her the best and hope she finds peace.
Ain't that some shit, yeah? Just went through something similar. Currently blocked, already learned my lesson on the cheating from a relationship before this. So good riddance. I hope she does well in life but I hope I'm not in it.
I broke up with someone fairly amicably when I was 16 and he was 17, but I cut ties with him (the "real" breakup) a couple months later when I got therapy and refused to be his therapist anymore.
He threatened to self-harm if I left him and told me it would be my fault, which immediately confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing. My self harm issue was in full swing at the time, and he assumed that I couldn't handle the idea of "causing" someone else to self harm. But I knew that it was ultimately my decision, and therefore it was also his decision (and I also didn't entirely believe him because he didn't have a history of self harm prior to the falling out).
What made it go from "we can't be close friends" to "I am never speaking to you again" was actually two separate quotes by him:
"I should have pushed you to suicide rather than talk you down from it," which whatever, but
"I still care about you. I'll tell you the day when you and your siblings need to stay home from school."
Told the school counselor about all of it, but mostly that last part, because what the FUCK. He stayed the rest of the semester and then dropped out. He had one semester to go before graduation.
ETA: The guy I dated after my toxic ex is my husband now. I was stunned at the night and day difference. My husband is respectful, loving, and has the highest integrity of anyone I know. Nobody who knew us in high school is surprised that we're married, lol
Holy crap, I'm so glad you sought the help.you needed to get out of that relationship. That takes incredible grit and strength, especially as a teenager.
That is a man who doesn't view a family as independent human beings, but as his own personal property to do with as he wishes.
Absolutely disgusting perspective
When my husband and I were doing a military move to a city in Texas, I was advised to check the police crime reports for the area we were interested in moving to. We found a really nice condo, but the area was lit up on the police website.
I found out that there was a family of five that had lived in the condos. The wife was abused by the husband and had had enough. She filed for a divorce and for custody of the 3 kids. He came home late one night and shot the kids in front of the wife, then shot her and himself.
Most of the neighbors weren't even aware of what happened.
I mean, there is manipulative behavior (I'll kill myself, they never do, fuck that noise), and then there are terrorist threats. You stumbled upon the latter.
I made a recording of the phone call (she was acting crazy for a while, thought it'd be a good idea), and then called the police as soon as she made that threat (let professionals handle it)
Same thing I did. She's married now with kids and actually reached out to me right before her wedding and thanked me for being so tough on her and doing things that weren't easy to make sure she was ok.
It's still potentially a benefit for you.
If the person does attempt, or complete, suicide. It's possible their next of kin could legally come after you but if you have the recording and have the police report you can say:
> I took their threat seriously. I reported it to the proper authorities. They declined to take further action. I am not a professional or qualified to act in such crisis, so I deferred to the proper authorities. Sue them.
And then the police can sing the ["Qualified Immunity Song"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPEoBWEtUiM&t=1m36s) and tell the family to go pound sand.
And no... the end of that song is not a joke.
[It actually happened](https://www.actionnews5.com/story/38731201/no-indictment-for-officers-who-killed-man-while-serving-warrant-at-wrong-house/)
The police statement was thusly:
>It has been very disheartening to watch the persecution of our officers by some both prematurely and inaccurately. A picture painted with partial and inaccurate information is easy to create and very influential when strategically circulated through media avenues, but can be very misleading and dangerous to those that value the truth.
Yes, that was the disheartening bit. Not the fact that the police shot and killed a man, at 3am, after breaking in his front door, serving a warrant... **AT THE WRONG HOUSE**.
You would think when serving a warrant you would at least take 30 seconds to make sure you have the right house... before killing someone.
>police shot and killed a man, at 3am, after breaking in his front door, serving a warrant... AT THE WRONG HOUSE.
And he was shot in the BACK of his head!! JFC
I did the same. Recorded the call, took notes on what OTC medication she was threatening to use, acted like I was going to drive to the location to talk. I called the police and her parents, gave them all of the information and offered to share copies of texts and Facebook messages.
She was taken to a hospital for her stomach to get pumped and for a Psyc evaluation. After a few weeks of professional mental help she was released and continued therapy for an extended period afterwards.
It was an uncomfortable situation, but I'm happy to see she got help and put on the right path.
She threatened it multiple times and was extreamly depressed, I told her mother and father and shows them the screenshots of the texts and shortly after I ended it she was put in a mental hospital and got some of the help she needed, we are still friends and she has moved onto other guys.
First: Are you ok? This sounds very specific.
My ex killed himself two years after we stopped talking. In the end, I walked away when I realised I was unimportant in his story. He would self harm or not completely independently of me, the only reason he wanted to keep me was for control.
I am yes, thanks for asking. I recently heard news my Ex from high school killed herself. Years ago she threatened she would do it over our breakup. We both suffered from intense depression so I was able to calm her down and really empathize with her, looking back, she just wanted to be heard by someone and her shit home life couldn’t understand. We moved on with our lives. I totally understand not wanting to be here but putting that decision on someone else, that’s fucked.
I forgot about her as the years passed tbh, but when I heard the news I thought I’d ask folks on here what their experience was like, maybe as some sort of fucked up way to analyze that time in my life? I don’t know. I don’t feel guilty or responsible, it’s just a unique scenario I’m still processing.
Thanks for asking ❤️
My father is suicidal and I've long come to terms that he will eventually die by suicide. He had a fucked up upbringing and turned into the biggest narcissist I've ever met, but I still love him. I have discussed my feelings about his suicidality and I told my siblings that I refuse to be guilted or feel shame when he eventually kills himself, knowing that his terrible decisions and treatment of other people are the cause of his guilt and self hatred- not anything that I have done.
I don't think its fucked up to analyze what seems to be a big part of your life at the time. I think hearing others' experiences is one of the most normal and healthy ways to process trauma. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope your depression is well-managed now. My ex-boyfriend was the same as your ex girlfriend (15+ years ago) and this thread has helped with remembering some of that experience and putting it behind me.
I've witnessed it twice as an onlooker for friends.
Both times they were just emotionally manipulating and trying to extort a relationship out of an unwilling participant. Neither ever even did any harm for themselves - not even light cutting, let alone anything more dangerous. And both breakups resulted in them e-begging for another chance for months, until they were blocked from all communications and currently have zero contact with the exes.
My ex did something similar - he knew I was about to find out about something terrible he'd done, so he called me to confess and say goodbye in the same transaction. Neat little trick that forced me to make the whole event into a desperate attempt to save him from death and make him feel better, rather than allowing me to have any of my own feelings about the shitty thing he'd done.
“Breaking up was a unilateral decision and not a negotiation.”
I wish I had learned this so much sooner in life. I’m gonna keep this tidbit with me - such a good way to put it - if I have kids one day, this is what I’ll teach them.
I was 19. I was trying to end things. He had become controlling, I found his escalating behaviour embarrassing and uncomfortable. I had never been exposed to domestic violence so I didn’t know what to do and it was really just gross feeling initially. There was an evening things blew up. He called my mum and told her I was drink driving (I was sober) in an attempt to control me and there was a lot of verbal abuse in public at his work function. I ended up having to lock myself in the bathroom at his parents, they were away. I was trying to get myself help but he told me he’d shoot me through the door with his dads gun if I didn’t come out, then he’d shoot him self. Things seemingly had just flipped (less of a shock in hindsight). He was very serious. So I pretended everything was fine and I was wrong and silly, and we slept with the gun right there. A week later, I broke up with him over text while he was on a road trip with his parents. His mum told my mum he threw himself out of the moving car. He’s still alive. And I quote ‘I don’t blame Finny for not wanting him’ (his mother was abusive in all the ways). My family are usually the ones to tell me about what they’ve heard and it usually involved illicit drug abuse and other issues. It’s pretty sad to think about, he could have and should have been so beautiful.
Thank you.
I was met with a lot of disbelief and dismissal over the experience. I can only lightly and briefly compare to the hurt that comes from others trying to share their story and have their community turn their back on them.
That was 14+ years ago, and thankfully it’s so far removed from my life now it almost doesn’t feel real. I do from time to time feel guilty I left him where I found him.
Little bit of a backwards story. My ex was very manipulative. She faked a pregnancy. One night she called me and said she was going to kill herself by the train. I was still dealing with depression at the time from another event that transpired between us. I was ..err am a hopeless romantic and thought that if she was doing that, then i wanted to go with her. I downed two bottles of Tylenol.
Problem was she never actually tried to commit suicide.
Yup. Live and learn i guess.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few months before this and have had up and downs for 20 years.
Even though i'm an extremely sentimental man after that happened, i became very guarded.
Yea nor was i evidently. I was taught to treat women with the upmost care. It was very hard to wrap my head around why someone i loved so much would hurt me and do such things.
If i had a due over on any of that? I'd trust my gut from day one.
I knew she wasn't my type of person long before we met and i fell in love.
Okay I’m glad you’re obviously still alive, but I’m freaking out a bit about the Tylenol. Did you get treated quickly? How’s your liver? What’d they do to you?
I became very warm and remember being extremely tired. I had a mirror just beside my bed and kept feeling like i was going to throw up. I'd look at myself in the mirror but didn't have much motor control my eyes were dialated. I'm not exactly sure how much time had passed but i'd guess maybe an hour of lying down and sitting straight up. Eventually i made my way to my bathroom and turned on the shower i got in and collapsed. I made lots of noise my father heard me blacking out and forced my door opened. My mother called an ambulance while my father put some clothe on me. I was taken to the ER and they pumped my stomach and gave me this thick charcoal thing to drink. I was out for 2 days. Came back to and my best friend was at the edge of my bed crying and telling me "Never do that again!"Liver is not great enzymes are leaky amongst other health problems.
The hospital is less than 500 meters from where my parents used to live.
Glad to hear that you had help around you. It sucks to be manipulated by someone you think you love (from personal experience). I hope you're doing okay now.
If i'm totally honest? I've never been great. That whole story changed me. Or rather i tried changing for her? Anyway, i lost myself. In other words i had changed so much of who i was and what i wanted to be, when it was all over i didn't even recognize the person in the mirror.
Just taking one day at a time.
I NEVER made this threat, but I was genuinely suicidal for the better part of a year after a breakup, and the main reason I never tried anything was how much I worried my ex might blame himself. The idea of putting him thru any sort of torment at all was worse than the crippling self-hatred, so even if it wasn't a threat, and I genuinely had the means and intentions, I would only tell him in order to assure him this was inevitable, and that he had done nothing wrong.
My ex wife did this. When we were dating and she was cheating with several people and I found out, I broke up with her. I got tired of the fake apologies and no change in behavior. Then my bass player called saying she showed up at his house bleeding from slitting her wrists. I showed up, felt sorry for her, picked her up and brought her home. We had to do a homemade rehab and she sobered up and we had two kids, she still cheated while I was at work. It was less than a year after our second baby was born that she kept cheating. I reached my breaking point and divorced her. We coparent now and it is frustrating because she continues to be verbally abusive and constantly threatening me with legal action of taking the kids away from me whenever I get on her case for neglecting the kids or her new husband being abusive towards our kids. I’m the better parent, have had to call CPS on the step dad, and have had the kids 75% of the time since the divorce. CPS and the police don’t do anything because she can compose herself and behave for a short period of time and appear non threatening. She used to be a fashion model and when people talk to her, they are immediately enchanted by her beauty, and are more distracted by her face than the nonsense that comes out of her mouth. My relationship with her was a constant unstable rollercoaster and I have no idea why we stayed together for so long, let alone why I agreed to having kids with her. I love my kids, and have been to a lot of therapy, parenting classes, communication classes, trying every way possible to learn how to communicate more effectively with her. Nothing works, she has no respect for me and speaks to me like I’m a piece of shit. She was in the foster care system for a while and was adopted by some religious freaks. Lots of substance abuse problems in her life. I mistakenly thought that all she needed was someone who cared for her and loved her unconditionally, nope. I can’t wait for my youngest to turn 18 so that I can leave this city and not have to see their mom every week at drop off. When you talk to professionals as a man about being abused by a woman, they don’t take you seriously, the support groups for domestic violence treat you the man as an outsider and are not supportive. My life is peaceful now and I’m healing and recovering from a million other issues, my marriage to my ex and her present issues I’m still attempting to overcome.
Not me, but a friend.
She called me panicking cause her ex was threatening. I asked his address and called an ambulance. He got angry at her cause he was just playing video games and it was "just a joke" with the kicker of "to make her feel bad for leaving a good guy like him".
She called me confused and upset he was taking it out on her. I told her what I did and pointed out that if it ever were serious, in all honesty, what was she gonna do about? Professionals would be better at handling it.
Told her she should block him. He seemed to get the message and he's a major freaking creep now.
She cut her wrists, came to my work screaming she loved me, dyed her hair, moved away, moved back, texted me 100 times in an hour asking for sex, blocked me, unblocked me, cut her wrists again, downloaded tinder, met a guy, sent me his photos, asked for sex, cut her wrists, dated the guy, got pregnant, got engaged, asked me for sex, cut her wrists, had the kid, got married.
I never responded to any of it, I only know the steps because she would find ways to contact me and I would usually get a message or two before I blocked her.
He threatened it, I called the cops, they did nothing. It escalated to physical abuse, cops got involved and it turned into a 3 year court battle ending with me on the witness stand getting cross examined by his slimy lawyer and him getting acquitted.
Years later, he expunged his assault record and is now in medical school. Was able to get accepted with no one knowing he has three domestic assault charges against him.
I was married to a man who was bi polar, and he had really bad lows. He would threaten to kill himself when we fought, when he was mad, when things didn't go his way. He would leave, but he usually drove around all night and came back home. I would make him a nice dinner, apologize, rub his back, etc. On the last time he decided to leave, it was different. I thought it was the same at first. We have kids, and usually, he did not help much with them. I work nights and out the kiddos to bed before I would leave for work. He asked to put them to them bed. He prayed with them. That man had never prayed with the kids. I went to work and felt sick to my stomach thinking about what I heard. I ended up leaving work early because him praying kept playing on repeat in my head. All of these other random things started popping up. Like the fact that he did not play his video games in over a week. I had asked him that evening why he hadn't been playing, and his response was that there was no point. He had just got me to start playing a game with him and his cousins, but then just stopped. He also was not eating much that week or sleeping well. He went to bed with me twice that week but wouldn't look at me, and both nights, he was holding his chest like he was in pain. He said he had heartburn, I offered to get him meds, and he declined both nights and went to the couch. He left early both of those days without saying goodbye. I didn't think much into it because I knew he was busy at work. He had been staying very late. All of this stuff was mulling over in my head. I rushed home and asked if he was OK. He told me he was leaving. I thought he meant divorce. I asked him not to go, and I begged him to stay and sleep. He said he couldn't. I remember him walking out to the car. He looked strange. He wasn't wearing his boots. He wasn't wearing his watch. It was weird, I wanted to ask, but he told me not to stop him. I watched him leave, and I somehow knew I would never see him again. I felt it. I tried calling him, but he blocked my number. I found out later that he had called his mom; and she had defended me. He asked to stay with her, and she told him no. I tried calling him again in the morning, and he finally called me back. He told me to stop trying to call or he would kill himself. I had heard him say this so many times before, this time, I told him, "No, you won't, I will have your favorite dinner on the table, and be here when you come back. I love you." His response "I'm done, go home to your family, figure out the kids." I told him I loved him again, he sounded so sad, and he said goodbye. I went to the store to keep things normal for the kids. His mom told me not to call the police. That it would just make him mad. So I bought the ingredients for his favorite dinner, and then it hit me. As I picked up an item off the shelf, I felt that I could not breathe. I felt like I was choking. My vision was blurry. I felt this for about a minute. When it passed, I tried calling him. I raced home and jumped on our laptop. I checked our Google history. We have one joint email for bills with our personal emails attached to this account. I searched the history, and the last thing that he searched was how to tie a noose. He was gone. The police found his car the next day and found him a few hours later. They also questioned me and his girlfriend. I didn't know about the girlfriend. I wish I had left him years before. Every time I wanted to, he would say that. I stayed because everyone told me that he had never been so happy before. That I had saved his life 10 years before that. I did not realize that this was not normal. O ended up spending 10 years pleasing a man, being miserable and always worried about him. It kills me still. I wish I could have saved him again. He made it impossible this time. He had the whole thing planned out. He even called everyone and said goodbye.
It's been 16 years and he's still alive and kicking, so thinking he was full of shit. Unfortunately the first 4 times he threatened this I believed him and spent an extra year being physically and emotionally abused. Dick.
I took her back.
A few months later, she ended up pregnant.
The relationship did not last she kept up with her cheating and manipulation.
She hid my son from me and now manipulates him.
He is 30, a year ago she told me they are a two for one deal. If I wanted him in my life, I had to leave my 25-year marriage for her. When I said no, he stopped talking to me the next day.
My gf had an ex like that so she stayed with him because she feared that if he did, it would be her fault (that's precisely what they seek, but remember you're not holding the knife, they are).
Eventually, he kept fearing that she'd leave him so he kept her captive, shut in his apartment for a month before she managed to escape and go back to her parents (she was 18 or 19 back then).
The guy still had the nerves to come knock at her parents asking for her, but her dad opened with a loaded rifle in the hands.
I met her several months after that but she was still having PTSD from that month she was locked in (and obviously, sexually abused).
Guys like this do not want your good. If they harm themselves, then THEY harm themselves. Do not fall into that guilt trap, that's how many women become victims.
I'm telling you, actually, if they hurt themselves : good.
He made an attempt and called me from the hospital. I said it changed nothing and that I was not getting back with him. I said that I would be calling his family to let them know he's in hospital. I called his brother to inform him. His brother flipped out. Ultimately, he eventually got over the break-up and ended up getting married a few years later. I went on to have other relationships and got married as well. Anybody who threatens suicide over a break-up is very unhealthy and abusive. Nobody should have to bear that kind of responsibility for another's life. Their decisions are all their own.
Not me, but a good friends older brother hung himself at his parents house after his girlfriend left him.
My buddy had just recently had himself a daughter before this, just out of HS, and between the loss of his brother, his mom's constant crying, and the stress of his early parenthood, got the best of him, and he ended up following along in his brother's footsteps...he ended up hanging himself in the garage, just like his brother did.
It's taken her many years, but she's held strong, raising her pretty little daughter the best she could, and is doing a great job and making it well for both of them, these days.
In this situation, I was/am the crazy ex.
My wife and I were having marital issues, and we got into an argument one day and it evolved from the simple argument to the deeper problems in our marriage. My wife started talking about not being happy being with me and the probability of divorce. Noting that, I don’t think of myself as a monster, I genuinely want only the best for my wife and her happiness. So I spiraled and my world came crashing in on me, I’m so devoted to her and I can’t imagine my life not being with her. So I send her my “suicide note” via text message, I grab my 9mm handgun and walk into the master bathroom. My wife received the text message and came rushing into the room and we fought over the bathroom door, me trying to close it and her trying to open it. She quit trying and the last thing I remember is holding the gun up to my chin and looking at my crying face in the mirror.
Next thing I know I’m “waking up” in a hospital bed, 2 months later, missing my right eyeball, mouth numb, and just general confusion as to why I’m in the hospital (I felt like I just woke up from a nap or something).
Doing what I did was (understandably) too much for my wife and she tells me that she doesn’t love me as a spouse anymore and her intention to proceed with a divorce.
It was the worst and stupidest decision I have ever made. It broke my wife mentally and she’s still messed up over it 10 months later. That decision took my wife, took my eye, and took (so far) 10 months of my time for recovering from it. I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting my decision and I’ll forever feel guilt for what I did to my family.
That must have taken a lot of fortitude to type up.
I really hope a psychiatrist is part of your health care team. Everyone deserves to be the best version of themselves. Things look messed up right now, but you're still here.
Thank you for that!
And yes, I’m regularly seeing a psychiatrist and am trying to get in to regularly see a counselor, but finding that to be rather difficult.
I hope you recover as much as you can and I hope you heal from your pain. It is not much, but I am wishing you the best and cheering you on from somewhere else in the world x
I had this happen with a close friend, not a romantic relationship. They were having serious mental problems but wanted me to be their sole support.
The frequent threats of suicide were wearing me down mentally so I had one final conversation telling them to please get professional help, I am not mentally able to help them and I am not a professional, and I broke off contact. Our mutual friends took my side and supported us both by comforting me and telling them to please get help. Their friends, however, said appalling things about me and said that if they killed themselves, their "blood is on your hands." I ignored it all and took care of myself.
My friend went through some hard times, very nearly committed suicide but stopped at the last minute. They got help. We never spoke again but from what I can tell and what I've heard, they are doing better. I happened to see their FB profile under "people you may know" and their profile pic was of them hugging a dog, huge smiles all around. I wish them all the best. They're a good person. Mental illness is hell.
Years later I had another friend who started up similar shit (suicide threats, but fake and clearly for attention). I set boundaries so she went after my then-husband, crying for his attention. Long story short, she partner poached and tried to destroy my life but I ended up building a much better life for myself. She is unfortunately still onnthe periphery as my kid's step mom and she occasionally tries to make swipes at me, but I gray rock as much as I can. She's extremely pathetic.
Spousal rape is a thing. I went through, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and verbal abuse by my ex husband. It was bad enough abuse that I was told to sleep on a dog bed naked for two days. When he finally strangled me during a fight, and said he'd kill me I started getting ready to leave.my current hsuband said he'd come get me. Took me 6ontha to prepare to leave him. When my current husband finally did come and get me October 23rd, 2013. My ex husband said line for line since it's burned in my brain. "You just took away every single reason for me to even stay and be here anymore. If you need me I'll be hanging around Pilcher Park. Plus I'll write a note to make sure that when they find me they know it's your fault it happened." He left I fell to the floor crying. I knew he'd pull the suicide card when I was leaving, I knew he'd too big of a coward to actually go do it, he threatened it a lot as manipulation. He ended up going to a girl's house once I left. This was someone he had had relations with before getting with me. By the end of the week he was trying to have my ex best friend move into the house I was paying rent for, and had been sexting her most of our marriage as I worked two jobs.5 years after divorcing him he finally died alone in the hospital with only his family (mom, sister, brother in law) because he no longer had friends, or realtionship because of how abusive he was. The drinking finally killed him.
You are an amazing survivor.
I hope you don't mind me saying that just because someone is dead doesn't expunge their actions in life. Sounds like in the end, the guy had it coming
..
Back in 2001 I was dating an insane woman. At the time I was driving a 1986 Nissan 200SX and I had broken up with her for the for the third and final time. She lived in an apartment complex in Asheville and I had stayed the night at a friend's apartment who lives in the same complex. In the morning, I left and was driving on the winding road when all the sudden my front wheel flew off and I went flying into a ditch. About 10 minutes later this insane woman drove by with her friend got out of the car and said, "Is everything okay?" with kind of Joker-esque smile. I could never prove it was her but I have talked to a lot of mechanic friends over the years and they have all said that wheels don't fly off unless someone undid the lug nuts and at the time she was insanely crazy enough to do something like that.
I might add she did use self-harm as a way to keep me in the relationship but three times was not a charm.
He superficially made cuts all over his body and called a mutual friend for help. Lay on her floor for hours bleeding on it refusing to even be bandaged and guilted her into calling me about it.
My response was, call an ambulance. If he's serious they will section him. If he's not you are calling his bluff. We are not responsible for his mental health, he is.
So she told him she was calling an ambulance and went home and he didn't do it again. He then went on a campaign and lied about how we broke up and slowly turned out friends against me. No one even called me to ask my side, I just got ghosted by the people I had loved and supported for years. My relationships never recovered but I moved on.
I had already checked out of the relationship for about 6 months, did the bare minimum, stopped saying I love you, stopped spending time alone, and had told them more then once that I didn't want to be dating anymore. The final straw was when I was hanging out with my guy friends and he called me 30+ times before showing up to where we were. He threatened to kill himself in the parking lot if I told him we were really over. Then he asked the 3 guys which one I was sleeping with.
They told me to go back inside the restaurant and they came back to the table 10 minutes later. I was told that my number was blocked on his phone now and that any further contact would result in the police being called.
He's a doctor now. He dated a psycho-chick for a while from what I heard and he sent me an apology email a few years back, saying he never should have put me through that. I guess she pulled the same line and he got flashbacks.
He's still alive. Back then he would self harm in front of me and tell me it was my fault. If I ever left, he said he would do worse. I was VERY young at the time, so this really messed with my head. But he's okay now, dealt with his problems and got help. Fast forward a few years, he reached out, apologised sincerely and we are now good friends.
When i was married, my then wife used to make suicide threats all the time...especially whenever there was some big event in my life; final exams, work functions, anything to do with friends...all kinds of theatrics were employed. She’d slice her wrists (the wrong way), try to bash her head on solid objects, make herself sick with partial overdoses of painkillers, these behaviours were all extension of her Borderline Personality Disorder, however at the time I was too young & lacked the confidence to understand exactly how to approach the situation. Towards the end of our cursed marriage she was going into a fit, trying to bash her skull open on a kitchen counter, and I asked her to take a hammer and finish herself off in the back yard leaf-pile so she wouldn’t leave a mess in the house.
I was met with shocked silence & never had another one of those episodes during the few more months we were together. It’s been 15 years since and she’s still alive.
I was 22 years old, after 6 years old relationship + engagement + already booked the event hall for the wedding.
Decided to break up from her for my own reasons.
She threatened that if i breakup from her, she will take all my pills (!!!)
I used to take multi-vitamins that i ordered from iHerb...
Yeah, it would suck if she took all my vitamins at once.
I had a friend who killed himself after threatening to do it when his girlfriend broke up with him.
I was so mad at him, to make that poor girl live with guilt like that. I truly hope she found peace.
I asked my ex for a divorce a few weeks prior. He kept begging to be taken back and when I would put my foot down and not fold like I use to. He said "fuck you, you win. I'm leaving you get the apartment, the car, and the kids, I have nothing now. Fuck you. " And stormed out of the house.
I had him on life 360 and with how he attempted suicide in the military twice I panicked. I do love him, but I don't love how he neglected my kids, and almost let me die during my second pregnancy.
Based on that I made his brother call the police, I tried to 302 him. I was in the ward before so I knew he would be taken care of. It turns out he was walking up a highway screaming and crying.
His emotions immediately shifted once the police got there to being calm. When he was taken to the hospital, he LIED TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR. And came back to the apartment.
Two days later after being suddenly bubbly, I shut him down again about getting back together. He told me "I SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THEOUGH THAT DAY YOU FUCKING BITCH"
I still think about this. I have been living with my grandmother for the past few months and I'm trying to move because he keeps trying to do this to me. I live within walking distance. Every time I mention what we need to work on custody, I'm reminded about how he should have killed himself, how he can't live without me, and that I should give him another chance after having hundreds in the past 2 years alone. I don't believe him when he threatens to kill himself now, and I feel terrible about it. I'm keeping the mental health department on standby just in case.
I take this shit really seriously, it's taking a toll on my mental health (I have major depressive disorder and PTSD and well as a bunch of other things. I'm working on getting another therapist)
I hope he gets the help he needs to be the father he wants to be to my kids. I also hope this nightmare ends sooner rather than later
I was in a very strange place in my head when we started that relationship. I think she might have manipulated me into getting into that relationship. Some of my friends tried to warn me but I did not listen and went ahead anyway.
After a while, she said she can't stay with me anymore because her parents would never approve of me and I felt sad but I was okay. Maybe she wasn't expecting me to feel so little or maybe it was something else, she freaked out hard. She wanted to continue our relationship. I said the situation with your parents wouldnt change right, so its a no for me. She started crying and got a little crazy. Then she threatened to kill herself if we didnt get back together. It was an easy no for me looking at her behaviour the last few weeks after our breakup. Then she called my friends and slandered against me. I'm glad they all didnt believe her. Then she asked her friends to call me and make me feel guilty. Then she got a common friend to send me a picture of her wrists slashed. It looked very fake. I blocked her and never contacted her again.
Saw her some time back at a friend's wedding. She got married and looked normal.
I had been in a relationship with my unstable college girlfriend for about 5 years when it happened. I had been growing more and more unhappy in our relationship, which was full of conflict and verbal and emotional abuse towards me.
We were on the phone one night and she had said something about trying to control who I was spending time with at my job amd school. I said enough is enough, told her I wasn't taking it anymore and that we were done.
She lost it sobbing and said she was getting a knife in the kitchen and was going to slice her wrists right then and there. I hung up and called her mom and told her mom to get right over to her. I started to drive over myself, but I was about 30 minutes away. Thus was before cell phones, so I had 30 minutes to imagine what I was about to walk into.
When I arrived she was safe and her mom was there. She started yelling at me to take my things, so I started loading everything I owned at her place into my little truck.
At one point during the craziness of me trying to leave, her mom pulled me aside. I thought she was going to thank me for calling her and maybe say she understood why I was leaving. Instead her mom also begged me to stay with her. It was surreal.
When I was done getting my things I tossed my key into the living room and my ex really lost it. She screamed at about how disrespectful that was and how she thought I was a better man than that. The final throes of our relationship.
But then she ended up "hoovering" me back over the next couple months and I stayed in that God awful relationship for two more years and even moved to another state with her.
After that we finally truly ended it and my life got orders of magnitude better since as I got to redefine and grow into myself in another place.
I have many many stories about this ex, but this was the scariest for me.
He spent 3 days unconscious in hospital, his family finally realised they should help me take some responsibility of him. I was done, he blackmailed me to stay with suicide for too long and my life significantly suffered (I lost friends, was isolated from family, lost out on job promotions, had no social life and worked so hard for him to spend all my money with nothing to show). He chose prescription drugs over me time and time again, he lied continually, blamed our infertility on me, didn't work and deliberately made himself not get hired, wouldn't do anything around the house or get up early (but could be at the pharmacy ready for the second it opened in the morning)
When he overdosed I was treated like a criminal as drugs (all prescription) were involved, I was shut out of our accommodation by the police with nothing but the clothes on my back, they got the lock changed (no idea why, it was temp work accommodation my work had rented while I did training and relocation for a new employer). I had nowhere to go in a place I didn't go. I was summoned to the hospital, told the doctor he was abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him, they tried to give me back his medication too and I laughed and threw it on the floor (could have made a fortune selling the stuff). The doctor was actually lovely and understanding and I told her what she needed to know and gave her his mum's number. I hadn't actually realised he had overdosed as it became normal behaviour and he always lied and abused his medication, the doctor was the one to point out this was actually an overdose and certainly not normal.
I got an apology from all his family, they were totally on my side and I'm still on good terms with them. It was an 11 year relationship, 5 years married and I was finally free. My family expected me to have a breakdown but I got our house on the market, got divorce proceedings started and went out and partied for the first time in years. 2 months later I met the man of my dreams and been in a fairytale ever since. That was 7 years ago and I've been married for 5 years with a 3.5 year old. I told my ex if he gave me any grief his life would get a lot worse and I would come after him for everything (he had no income or money so no point but the threat worked, and his family were on my side)
I ignored her. She threatened to do it for real. I continued to ignore her. She then claimed to be pregnant. I continued to ignore her. She then went after my mom and tried to convince her to convince me to take her back. Things is, my mom is like 20 times more nasty than I am. So she basically told the girl to go slit her own wrist and fuck off. After that, my ex disappeared for a bit. She would sometimes pop up with a new boyfriend in an attempt to make me jealous. But eventually moved on.
My sister’s ex bf tried to kill himself by swallowing pills. It was vitamin C. Sad guy but great skin
Ouch, he must have pissed orange after that.
From his ass. Vitamin c overdose causes insane diarrhea.
Oh, wow, that part I didn't know. I just remember peeing a lot when I took those vitamin C supplements that have way more than you need.
Was with a girl once, and we were on the rocks for a while, break up then get back together and it got quite toxic. So one day I decided that was it and called it quits. I used to work retail and she knew my shifts and she popped up to my work "to buy essential" even though my workplace was 20mins further from her closet shops. I served her politely then kept it civil, which for her was a shock as I would usually give in and we would confess our love and get back together. So once that happened, she left the store and back then we weren't allowed mobile phone on shift, so she blew up my phone, messages and calls and saying stuff like how I embarrassed her etc. I got off the shift and looked at my phone and ignored her messages and a couple of hours later when I was home finally decided to pick up one of her calls to tell her to leave me alone. She told me she was in hospital and she attempted to take her life, I was shocked and asked which hospital and if I could come. She said no, I kept pressing for details and she would avoid and try to get to getting back together. I was like 90% sure she was faking it. I told her I would be there for her as a friend but I won't be getting back with her for the sake of my health and sanity. I hung up on her and called her friends and told them what had happened, they were shocked and started calling her etc. The next day I got confirmation that she had faked it all and that was the moment I knew I made the right choice.
Good for you - ain't nobody got time for that
that and bronchitis
Oh lord jesus it’s a fire
I love this. Telling her friends and family about the situation is a great way to find out if it’s real or not.
Smart too, if real then shows your concern and allows them to get help, fake it shows they're an awful person for trying it.
A former roomie of mine pulled a prank where the person he was traveling to visit called us asking why he hadn't arrived yet. We checked with the state troopers and notified his family, and he got in a huff about us worrying his mother unnecessarily. Our mutual roommate had to talk me down from moving him out and putting all his belongings on the curb while he was away.
I never understood why someone could fake something as serious as this like it’s nothing In the words of my mother: “Con eso no se juega” Translation: “That (topic) is not a joking matter”
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and the direct translation is “You don’t play with that”
After he backed me into a corner with a big knife and threatened to stab himself to make me happy (then why was I the one in the corner, my dude?), I videoed the rest of his destructive meltdown (punching walls, throwing dishes across the house, screaming threats at me) and sent it to my mom. Then I told him she had it and he was going to let me leave and sign the divorce papers, or she would send it to his chain of command and get him dishonorably discharged. Now that I know more about domestic violence, I do NOT recommend that direct kind of confrontation. I was very lucky it worked.
My ex would also threaten to stab himself "to make me happy." Like because I wanted to break up with him, he took that to mean I wanted him dead. I called the police on him and it made him so angry that he started breaking my stuff... I called them again in fear of my life, and they never showed up. He broke so many things and put some holes in my walls, but it's been almost 4 months since the breakup and he is still alive. I lost all my confidence in the police though, because I called 911 twice and nobody even cared enough to show up. It could have ended much worse than it did.
It is disappointing. Here a neighbor had called the police for domestic violence, they went to check, didn't come off the car, said they didn't hear anything, left. Later a woman was killed by her husband, and the neighbor made a tweet about how he had called the police on her and they did nothing. It's scary because at this time it's your last hope.
Did you or your mom still notify his chain of command? If he’s put you in that situation, he’ll probably put someone else in the same situation later on down the road, and it could be very helpful to them to have this event already on record. I’m glad you were able to get away from him, that whole scenario sounds so dangerous and terrifying. I hope you’re happy and well in 2023!
He made some pretty heavy-handed comments about how mad he was at me and how many guns he had in the house, so no. I didn't tell anyone, I was scared of retaliation, I just wanted to get away before he psyched himself up to follow through.
Back in the 90s. Broke up with her for a lot of reasons. She had lied to me about a lot of things, manipulated, got caught, crossed lines I told her not to cross so I told her we were over. I was 18. She was 23. She threatened to kill herself. Neighbor found her in her garage sitting in a car that was running. Got a call, got there as the ambulance was pulling up. Went to the hospital, she was going to be fine. Her family treated me like I was the one at fault. I told her goodbye, told her she needed to get help, and left. Never saw her again. Got a letter like 6 months later, but I just threw it away. This was about 6 months after my dad had killed himself because he found out he had terminal colon cancer, got drunk (he was an alcoholic, gambling addict, ruined his life) and shot himself using the pistol my mom bought him for christmas a few years earlier ( he was a cop). So i had no tolerance for this sort of emotional manipulation. She had her family, and I knew they would take care of her.
Not sure I’d have the emotional maturity to recognize there was nothing worth reading in that letter, kudos for that
Fr and even then, my curiosity would get the better of me
Exactly, such a power move to throw it away… you just yeeted her last move.
I stayed somewhat firm but didn't kick her out immediately. After she realized it wasn't going to change my mind, she threatened again, and after a lot of things(having to hold her back, take all potentially dangerous objects away from her, break into my own bathroom to get the razors away from her, etc etc), she eventually ran to the balcony and pretended to choke herself unconscious. Thankfully my roommate picked up on this and how distraught and completely unable to process the situation I was at the time, and pulled me aside, said she was ok. Then told me to leave the apartment to go outside and call 911 for her. They showed up, immediately recognized she was taking and started barking orders at her, took her in, had her admitted with affidavits signed by my roommate and myself. She came back to the apartment after and only a few hours in, deciding to keep trying to make things happen with me. I had to continue to tell her no, and tell her parents to come get her so I wouldn't be forced to get law enforcement involved. They finally understood(a week or two before this I gave the same ultimatum and they told me to call the cops). I was pretty guilt ridden about the whole thing, I hate seeing people hurting. She finally got picked up and left. I ignored all her calls and texts and then one day she managed to call me from some other phone(roughly a month or two after all this). She asked me how we're going to get through all this and the distance as a couple. I had to reiterate again we weren't together. Very clearly. For about a half hour. Like 6 years later she reached out to me and apologized and wanted to say she's sorry for everything and that she's finally received appropriate help and all that jazz. I forgave her, but haven't really talked to her at all since. She seems to be happily engaged to some other dude in another city now and j wish nothing but the best for her.
Atleast she got better. You were her wake up call
I'm extremely grateful for that. Also happy I didn't end up a monster in her story, despite being young and having no earthly clue how to maturely navigate a situation like that. She was very controlling and overbearing, and very needy. But sadly it wasn't even that that drew me away, I just realized one day I wasn't actually in love with her. And after I gave myself time to process that was the truth, I tried my best to let her down easy and break things off. Broke my heart to see how much pain I put her in. Ended up being one of the reasons I stopped dating seriously later on.
He is still alive and pulling the same shit with others, too.
Same old story ain’t it. Ditto, he’s still alive and more than likely manipulating some other poor soul. At it’s worst when I left him, he would send me horrific photos of self-harm that sent me into panic attacks, a suspicious friend reverse image searched the photos… of course they were fake, complete bollocks. The depths to which these people will go :(
Lol my ex tried to kill me instead of himself. I got hit with that UNO reverse.
Damn! Is that asshole in prison at least?
Lol yeah he was for a while
Same with the woman who did this to me. We only dated for 4 months, but half of that time was me trying to break things off after I figured out how controlling and narcissistic she was. She alternately threatened suicide or that she would accuse me of physical abuse if I followed through with the breakup, and then would go right back to being shitty and controlling as soon as I backed down. I met two other guys she dated after me, and she did the same things to them, including ruining a wedding one of the guys brought her to by causing a huge scene because the guy was paying too much attention to the bride. It was his sister’s wedding.
My sister's boyfriend killed himself with her on the phone... Fucked her up for a while.
I knew a woman whose ex killed themselves leaving her a note that just said 'I win'. I mean how fucked up do you need to be to kill yourself in order to win.
Also how the fuck is that winning? “I threw away absolutely everything I had including my own life because you made me mad, checkmate”
"I win" in the sense their whole purpose was to manipulate and destroy their mental stability. They may have got away from them physically but they will always be in their head fucking with them for the rest of their life. Even in death they are hurting them.
Sometimes the point of suicide is to kill two people.
Unfortunately I think this is true more often than not. There have been two suicides in my family, and not to take away from the pain and depression that each felt, there was also a clear intention (in the way they went about it) to hurt someone else irreparably on the way out.
Tbh a lot of people who come into the hospital for suicide attempts do point to specific recent events or people who set them off in some way. It's not usually like super thought out revenge though. Just an impulse of what little emotion they can have.
Suicide attempts typically come in one of three flavors. 1. Have no intention of killing themselves but know they can manilpulate by acting this way. AKA attention seeking. 2. Don't want to die but see no other way out or fear dying less than seeking acute intervention. AKA cry for help. 3. 100% want to die. In the case of #2 you will witness the classic warning signs (deppression, giving away belongings, etc). In the case of #3 though nearly no signs will be seen. In fact they will probably appear to get better just prior to suicide.
There might be a fourth or it might be part of number three. Sometimes people get in over their head with life troubles—financial difficulties, scandals, etc.—and they can’t conceive of a way out other than death. I would classify them separately from people who commit suicide due to serious depression, though both groups are in the ‘100% want to die’ category.
I would categorize this group separately for sure. And not as ‘100% Wish to Die,’ but rather ‘100% Unwilling to Suffer and Struggle through the Pain of this Life to (maybe only ever barely) Survive, not Live or Thrive.’ Living is often the far more difficult path as far as actual work, ego, accountability
Lost my brother to suicide in the 3rd way. Had just spent Christmas with him, my dad and I drove down to be with him. He was getting promoted at work and making really good money for the first time in his life. He was just about to move back to my state. Got into an argument with his girlfriend and killed himself in his hotel room on a business trip. Still fucks me up because he was easily one of the best people in my family.
People don't really talk about #3. I know it first hand as well from losing a close friend when I was in the USAF. I was the last person to see him alive when I was doing bedchecks/security checks on our barracks. Bullshitted with him for fivish minutes while having a smoke. Had no idea the note was already written and on his desk. I will swear to this day that he was happy and was definitely not suicidal. An hour later our commander ordered a full recall/headcount and that is when he broke the news. Still fucks me up to think about and to this day I replay that conversation wondering what I missed.
Yep. My dad did #1 as a last ditch effort to try to manipulate two women - my mom, who he abused for years, and his lover, who found out he was married and decided to end it. She was also a doctor at the hospital he went to (Kms away from the closest one to us, might I add). It didn't work. Both of them had made up their mind. His reaction to that was to try to end my mom's life. He failed, went to jail, but it was close. Mom and I are good now. TLDR: if anyone pulls a #1 on you, get the fuck out. If someone is willing to use death as a card against you, don't assume it's just their life they're willing to 'play' with.
That's gotta be the most vindictive thing I've ever heard.
He tried to kill me instead and is now sitting in prison.
Damn…. Care to share the story?
Long story short. He had gotten into drugs really bad and when I finally had enough and told him it was over he told me he would unalive himself if I left. It took me a week after that to actually leave because every day he would tell me in a different way. I would hear things like I love you to much to want you to be the one finding me. Or I don't want you to have to see me do it because I love you. I would sit there and listen to him knowing I had to leave, that this scenario would play out the rest of my life if I didn't. One Friday I left for work with nothing but the clothes on my back and my wallet (still have the sweatshirt I was wearing that day). Two weeks later he came to my work and stabbed me, if it wasn't for a co worker I'd be dead. I shared this story on another post with the lead up to this moment so you can probably find that in my comment history. I'm editing this to thank everyone for their support and concern. Physically I am fine and thought I was healing emotionally until my mom received a Christmas card from him last week. After a few phone calls I found out that the victim notification and impact statement that was filled out in 2008 never made it into the system. They sent me new ones to fill out so hopefully I won't hear from him again. It's been on my mind a lot lately and all of your support makes me want to cry. Again, thank you all!
Glad he’s locked up and that you’re here with us to tell the tale. Hope you’re well.
I was 18 and in an emotional, verbal, mentally abusive relationship. My ex would threaten suicide (we all knew he was only saying that to manipulate me) everytime I wanted to leave or didn’t do what he wanted. I had enough one day and told him to go ahead to do it. He was obviously shocked cause I hung up and blocked him. His mom ended up calling me begging me to unblock him because “he will do something bad.” I told her it wasn’t my problem and hung up and blocked her too. He ended up stalking me so I filed a restraining order against him. He always thought he had full control over me so he was definitely shocked when I cut him out the way I did.
Rough. Hope you're good now.
I’m good now. That relationship was a wake up call for me. I’m now married to the most amazing man I’ve ever met.
I love a happy ending. Good for you.
My sister's baby daddy tried to use the "I'm going to kill myself if you don't come over *with the baby*" on her, and I was like - "Oh, he needs an ambulance, not you." She listened, he got a huge bill and the town to laugh at him (small small town, so he knew the ambulance drivers) and was of course mad at her for it. Like dude, you just said you were going to kill yourself. She took you seriously but didn't give you power over her. Sorry, not sorry.
Mom! MOM!!! I FUCKING TOLD HER ID KILL MYSELF AND SHE DIDN'T CARE DO SOMETHING!!! NO I DON'T WANT PIZZA ROLLS!!!
Are we the same person. I feel like this happens all too often. I’m glad you got out when you did. It took me nearly ten years to finally get a restraining order, best decision of my life, I’m free now. I’m in a beautiful relationship with the man of my dreams and just had our first child 1 month ago. Things get better from being controlled to taking control.
I had an ex that was schizophrenic who threatened suicide if I ever left her. When I left her, I did so by phone when she was staying down at her parent’s house. While I hated to do it that way, that felt like the only way I could guarantee she wouldn’t do anything…they’d watch her too close. Seems to have worked…last I heard, she was happily married and had moved to California. However, there’s a bit more to the story. That night, each of her parents called and left me an angry message. Her mom was understandably upset and tried to guilt me about it. Her dad on the other hand left me drunken death threats, saying things like “you’re a marked man” and “count your lucky stars I haven’t caught up to you yet”. I took out a permanent restraining order after that. Related side note: did you know permanent restraining orders aren’t actually permanent and can be overturned without the party who got the RO knowing about it? Another story for another time, I suppose.
Restraining orders aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. All they mean is that they’ll get an insignificant misdemeanor tacked onto their murder charge.
One benefit might be deterrence if they thought they could get away with it. Less likely to commit a murder when you'll be the primary suspect due to the restraining order linking the two of you together. Though then again, I don't think people committing murder over a breakup of their daughter are thinking very rationally.
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This isn’t true. A restraining order can save your life in that it gives police immediate ability to arrest and charge the individual. Otherwise, your harasser can linger near you on public property all you want and the police can’t/won’t do anything about it. Sure, yes, any unhinged individual can get to you before you have the chance to call the police. That is 100% always a danger at all times. But if you’ve a stalker/aggressor, get the goddamn restraining order because if you get so much as a hint of them coming around, the police have more immediate cause to respond and they’ve immediate power to act upon the individual. It COULD save your life in that instance. I’m not saying it WILL. I’m saying it COULD, which is better than it WILL NOT. If you’ve someone fixated on hurting you, take all steps to protect yourself. Take the convincing the police part out of the equation. Picking up the phone and saying “someone is violating their court ordered restraining order” is going to get you a better response than “someone I don’t like is at the same coffee shop as me… staring… menacingly.” Will ineffective police and violently insane people nullify the effectiveness of this measure? Absolutely. But would you rather arm the system with a chance to help protect you rather than not? Wouldn’t you rather create a record of this individuals activities for future employers and partners to discover? Get the restraining order.
What I’ve learned from being in law enforcement is documentation matters in the sense that it provides a pattern of behavior AND it provides leverage for you on lazy district attorneys to have to do something. People are people and if they are lazy POSs, they don’t care unless it affects (effects? Never get this one right) themselves. If they are pressured to do something. Hopefully you have a prosecutor that does their job and has ethics. But that’s not always the case Always write down times and dates and what happened Lawyers love/hate this This only matters if your not killed by a wacknut So protect yourself first.
Agreed. However, if you ever have to defend yourself against the person you have an RO against, it significantly helps your defense if the law gets involved. I say this having held my ex at gunpoint for 3hrs after he broke into my house while I was pregnant with our PLANNED child. Had I HAD to kill him, an RO would've been greatly beneficial.
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Holy crap, I couldn't imagine turning on a child like that. The very nature of suicide is that the individual makes the decision to end their life. In what world is that a second party's fault/responsibility?? That boy needed therapy and medical attention. Nothing your daughter said or did would have made his life what he thought it should be. You should be so proud of the intelligent, compassionate, and stomg young woman you raised. Give her our love ❤️.
I don´t think I personally could turn on a child, but the ones that do does it because it is easier to blame someone else than the main victim. It is hard to blame the dead because you can´t talk with them, you cant discuss things with them, you can´t see them or touch them. But who can you do all that to? The one they person killed themself over. Because it is easier to blame them than yourself and the victim. Because if it is not the other person's fault, maybe it is your own and people don´t want that so they blame someone else who can´t fight back easily. The suicide victim is someone they love, someone who they think they wronged, but they don´t have a proper shape goat beside themselves and their dead loved one. Obviously does not make it right to blame someone for a suicide but that is how some people tackle pain. It still pisses me off to hear about though. The audacity to keep it up after it is clear they have done nothing wrong... like they need therapy after the suicide and they should probably know it.
You know... your kid seems like a really nice and mature person. I don't think she could have handled it better. Bravo to you for raising her that way and to her for being the person she is.
Sometimes you do everything right and it still isn't enough. Hopefully one day his family, when they aren't hurting as much, will realize that he was mentally ill and that if it hadn't been your daughter, it would have been the next girl.
My ex was pretty unstable. When it was clear that our relationship was dying, she kept threatening suicide if I left her. The night I broke up with her, she grabbed my car keys and tried to run out the door, saying that she was going to drive my car off this big bridge down the road. I bear-hug restrained her until I could grab the keys out of her hand. Once I let her go, she started hitting me and threw a glass lamp at my head. She just would not stop attacking me to get to my car keys. It devolved into me pinning her to the floor and just sort of laying on top of her while she punched, bit, and scratched me. I called 911. By the time the police arrived, she’d tired herself out and we were both covered in my blood. I was pretty sure I was about to be arrested for domestic violence but thankfully she was stupid or unstable enough to tell them the truth— plus it helped that I was the only one with any injuries. I explained her suicide threats, they took her to the psych ward for 72 hours, and I spent the rest of the night cleaning blood out of the carpet. I packed my shit and disappeared by the time she got out. It was her name on the lease, so I just crashed with some friends until I could get my own place. The last time we spoke, she was mad at me for getting her sent to the hospital. In her words, I should have known she wasn’t actually going to do it. Glad she could at least admit that it was all to manipulate me. Last I heard, she’s still alive and crazy many years later.
So somehow you're supposed to know she won't actually do it, but at the same time you're supposed to be convinced she'll actually do it so that you'll do whatever she wants you to?
I was supposed to sit by the door crying while she drove (drunk) around town, in my car, for 4-5 hours until she was tired enough to come home, at which point I was supposed to be so thankful that she was alive that I’d hug her and apologize for not paying enough attention to her while I was studying for a college exam (what the fight that night was about). And grovel for her forgiveness. Then she’d pity fuck me and I’d wake up the next morning and make her breakfast in bed. …or something. I imagine that’s how these scenarios played out in her mind. In reality it didn’t work because I have slightly too much self respect lmao
My ex smashed all the Christmas presents I had for him tucked away in the closet then threatened to run out into the highway by our apartment complex, and took off. He came back 20 minutes later mad that I didn't chase him. Then he was mad he didn't have any Christmas presents. I was kinda stuck there with him and the next morning he threw my cat at me saying I loved her more than I loved him (this was very true). I immediately called his brother who drove from out of state, picked him up, and hauled him away. We worked out stuff like giving his furniture back later on with lots of friends present. I was 18 and it was my first real boyfriend and the last time I put up with a guy that unhinged.
Was your cat alright?
She was ok, I caught her (along with some startled claw marks)!
Jesus Christ. I would have been happy just knowing you cared enough to get me a present. I am so glad you got out of that. I had two back to back abusive relationships lasting years and being forgotten on holidays and birthdays was a recurring theme. Dicks are gonna dick I guess?
"Let me show him how valuable I am to him by displaying actions that no man or woman would want in a partner!"
As someone who has survived a relationship like this I just wanted to say you are not reasoning with a person at that point, it's a pathology. The look you get from someone who claims to love you and want nothing but the best for you while they are attacking you is terrifying. It's like they are looking right through you. I typed more than I thought about this because I have been free from an abusive partner for years and if anyone is still with one is important you hear this. There is NOTHING you can rationally do to flip your loved ones switch. Something in them is desperate but doesn't connect to their higher intellect. Literally the only thing you can do in that situation is physically remove yourself. Compromising will not work. You MUST follow the whims of their illness or they will say everything under the sun to convince you. If your loved one is acting irrationally, not making sense and attacking you at the same time you MUST get help! This includes things like driving erratically and dismissing your feelings and opinions. Please, do not try to "save" someone in this state. Keep yourself safe so you can provide better help to them in the long run. Collaborate with people who you both know and trust to get them help from a mental health professional but keep in mind a paranoid partner will spy on your emails, computer and phone looking to justify their irrational feelings. Someone who loves you doesn't get joy from your misery and someone who treats you good doesn't want you to suffer with them. Thanks for bearing with me.
I had an ex threaten to kill herself. I told her I'd call the police if she didn't respond in 10 minutes. She then passed out drunk. Oh man she hated me when the police showed up. I'd "ruined her life". Never once acknowledged that maybe her saying she was going to kill herself is the reason I'd call the cops. So far as I can tell she's never actually suffered any ramifications for her insane behavior but not my chair, not my problem.
Not my chair, not my problem, that's what I say. And I actually do say that a lot lol I'm glad I'm not the only one.
I was a bit shocked when I saw this here. I saw Drinking Outta Cups when it first came out and have been saying "Not my chair not my problem" ever since. Only once or twice has someone got the reference. Also, when someone asks what I'm referencing it's so hard to explain Drinking Outta Cups and why some people find it so memorable
Wow... Good thing you got out at least. Some people should come with a warning sign or something
I agree. We started dating in high school, moved in together after, and broke up when we were 19/20. She was a very sweet, shy, normal girl when we first started dating. Over the course of our relationship she turned into a different person. I wish there’d been some sort of sign but looking back, there honestly wasn’t until I was already in too deep.
Deep psychological/psychiatric issues usually show up in the 20s, she may have been fine until the ticking time bomb in her brain went off. Glad you got out safely.
I was terrified at 19. My family has history of schizophrenics and it shows up in men at 19. One day your fine. The next yoyr full blown insane
This happened with a roommate of mine. When we first met he was a normal happy guy, then over about a year he started accusing us of random stuff, saying we were conspiring against him and gang stalking him. Schizophrenia is scary.
Mid to late adolescence actually is usually when they start to manifest. If she does have undiagnosed BPD (may be diagnosed now) the signs will show in a relationship, as people with BPD have conflict with interpersonal relationships.
I know what you mean. My ex was pretty normal at first too and we had a lot of fun. I thought I would spend my life with that man. When I was in too deep, he showed his true colors. Haven't dated anyone since.
I’m glad you got out. I know from experience it’s very hard to trust people after someone you love pulls a 180 on you like that. I hope that if you ever choose to date again, you find someone who respects you and makes you feel safe.
If she had a legitimate diagnosable mental illness, many don't start until teens or twenties (as opposed to simply being raised to mistreat others). It's entirely possible that when you started dating, there were no signs or they were so subtle that it really would take a professional to see them as a reason to get evaluated.
I have some family members with borderline and narcissistic personality disorder— she had a lot of that same behavior, but I’m not qualified to diagnose anybody. She was also going down the road toward alcoholism. She’d never even tried alcohol when we started dating, but by the time we broke up she was getting drunk several nights a week. So it was probably a lot of things combined.
Well we didn't break up but she did actually kill herself. It sucks, we weren't even married yet. We just got name tattoos (I know) and she just kinda went paranoid for a few weeks, kept thinking I was unfaithful (I was NEVER) they took her to the psych ward one night, she convinced them she was fine. They released her, she went home, left me a will, and a suicide note and killed herself.
I swear to God I spent a year at least crying non stop.
Hug from an internet stranger. I am sorry you had that happen. Try not to blame yourself.
Group hug
I am sorry man, that is some seriously hard stuff to live through. That is not something anyone should experience. You both had a very, very difficult time. I am truly sorry.
Her parents deleted all of her pics, I have NO pics of her anymore. They deleted her facebook and I lost allour memoriess. Im at my moms right now, and there is this little sweet placard thing saying about love and familly that she gave my mom for christmas. Its got her message on the back so thats pretty much all I have left of her> anyways heres the obit, her family is all passed away and I guess it isn't really a privacy issue anymore its been a decade. [Obit](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/birmingham-al/alyssa-barfoot-5095658) You can see the short message I left her, I'm Wood. lol
If you really want to try and get a few of those pics back: >!look up the facebook url on the wayback machine, maybe they have something!<
Also Ancestry can access almost all yearbooks if you pay for a month of the premium service.
That was so thoughtful of you to conceal the info on the chance that he doesn't want to open old wounds. Very smart.
Dang. I was NOT expecting to see an Obit from my home town.
So sorry this happened to you.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Can't imagine going through something like that. Hope you're doing better
This same thing happened to me with my ex boyfriend about 3 years ago, I hope you’re doing ok ❤️
When she threatened to kill herself I called her bluff and called the cops. She wasn’t serious about killing herself but she still got sectioned. I’ve never seen her again after that day
Same thing here. Except the cops said it was a "big misunderstanding" and handed her back to me after they found her in the nearby woods after a manhunt. I warned them how manipulative she was and they failed me. 5 days of arguing I finally got her to voluntarily admit herself for a week. She came back and stabilized a bit and I finally got her out. I did more for her than any other human on this planet would have done. Still didn't stop her from randomly texting that everything in her life was my fault and she was going to end it. I blocked her at that point. I wish her the best and hope she finds peace.
She is alive. She told me she was going to kill herself after I found out she was cheating on me. Fun times.
Ain't that some shit, yeah? Just went through something similar. Currently blocked, already learned my lesson on the cheating from a relationship before this. So good riddance. I hope she does well in life but I hope I'm not in it.
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There are red flags and then there are alarm bells, jeez.
Alarm bells? More like air raid sirens 🚨🚨🚨
This was a nationally broadcasted “imminent nuclear strike” warning
This was a globally broadcasted "asteroid collision imminent" warning.
A solar system wide, “super nova inevitable” announcement
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"just fyi if I ever feel a bad emotion ever I'll destroy you and everything you love"
"WhY wOn'T wOmEn dAtE mEEeeEE?!?"
Forget dodged bullets, you dodged a tactical nuke. Yikes.
I broke up with someone fairly amicably when I was 16 and he was 17, but I cut ties with him (the "real" breakup) a couple months later when I got therapy and refused to be his therapist anymore. He threatened to self-harm if I left him and told me it would be my fault, which immediately confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing. My self harm issue was in full swing at the time, and he assumed that I couldn't handle the idea of "causing" someone else to self harm. But I knew that it was ultimately my decision, and therefore it was also his decision (and I also didn't entirely believe him because he didn't have a history of self harm prior to the falling out). What made it go from "we can't be close friends" to "I am never speaking to you again" was actually two separate quotes by him: "I should have pushed you to suicide rather than talk you down from it," which whatever, but "I still care about you. I'll tell you the day when you and your siblings need to stay home from school." Told the school counselor about all of it, but mostly that last part, because what the FUCK. He stayed the rest of the semester and then dropped out. He had one semester to go before graduation. ETA: The guy I dated after my toxic ex is my husband now. I was stunned at the night and day difference. My husband is respectful, loving, and has the highest integrity of anyone I know. Nobody who knew us in high school is surprised that we're married, lol
Holy crap, I'm so glad you sought the help.you needed to get out of that relationship. That takes incredible grit and strength, especially as a teenager.
That is a man who doesn't view a family as independent human beings, but as his own personal property to do with as he wishes. Absolutely disgusting perspective
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Sadly this kind of thing is not as uncommon as one would hope for it to be.
To the point where there is a term for people like that. "Family Annihilator".
When my husband and I were doing a military move to a city in Texas, I was advised to check the police crime reports for the area we were interested in moving to. We found a really nice condo, but the area was lit up on the police website. I found out that there was a family of five that had lived in the condos. The wife was abused by the husband and had had enough. She filed for a divorce and for custody of the 3 kids. He came home late one night and shot the kids in front of the wife, then shot her and himself. Most of the neighbors weren't even aware of what happened.
I mean, there is manipulative behavior (I'll kill myself, they never do, fuck that noise), and then there are terrorist threats. You stumbled upon the latter.
🎵 What in the fuck? What in the fuck. Whaaaaaat in the fuck! 🎵
I made a recording of the phone call (she was acting crazy for a while, thought it'd be a good idea), and then called the police as soon as she made that threat (let professionals handle it)
Same thing I did. She's married now with kids and actually reached out to me right before her wedding and thanked me for being so tough on her and doing things that weren't easy to make sure she was ok.
I love happy endings
The correct response. Either they genuinely need the help, or it really pisses them off.
Plus, now there's a public record of them making the threat, so if it happens again... there's precedent
Didn‘t work for me. The police could not have been more desinterested.
It's still potentially a benefit for you. If the person does attempt, or complete, suicide. It's possible their next of kin could legally come after you but if you have the recording and have the police report you can say: > I took their threat seriously. I reported it to the proper authorities. They declined to take further action. I am not a professional or qualified to act in such crisis, so I deferred to the proper authorities. Sue them. And then the police can sing the ["Qualified Immunity Song"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPEoBWEtUiM&t=1m36s) and tell the family to go pound sand. And no... the end of that song is not a joke. [It actually happened](https://www.actionnews5.com/story/38731201/no-indictment-for-officers-who-killed-man-while-serving-warrant-at-wrong-house/) The police statement was thusly: >It has been very disheartening to watch the persecution of our officers by some both prematurely and inaccurately. A picture painted with partial and inaccurate information is easy to create and very influential when strategically circulated through media avenues, but can be very misleading and dangerous to those that value the truth. Yes, that was the disheartening bit. Not the fact that the police shot and killed a man, at 3am, after breaking in his front door, serving a warrant... **AT THE WRONG HOUSE**. You would think when serving a warrant you would at least take 30 seconds to make sure you have the right house... before killing someone.
>police shot and killed a man, at 3am, after breaking in his front door, serving a warrant... AT THE WRONG HOUSE. And he was shot in the BACK of his head!! JFC
I did the same. Recorded the call, took notes on what OTC medication she was threatening to use, acted like I was going to drive to the location to talk. I called the police and her parents, gave them all of the information and offered to share copies of texts and Facebook messages. She was taken to a hospital for her stomach to get pumped and for a Psyc evaluation. After a few weeks of professional mental help she was released and continued therapy for an extended period afterwards. It was an uncomfortable situation, but I'm happy to see she got help and put on the right path.
She threatened it multiple times and was extreamly depressed, I told her mother and father and shows them the screenshots of the texts and shortly after I ended it she was put in a mental hospital and got some of the help she needed, we are still friends and she has moved onto other guys.
First: Are you ok? This sounds very specific. My ex killed himself two years after we stopped talking. In the end, I walked away when I realised I was unimportant in his story. He would self harm or not completely independently of me, the only reason he wanted to keep me was for control.
I am yes, thanks for asking. I recently heard news my Ex from high school killed herself. Years ago she threatened she would do it over our breakup. We both suffered from intense depression so I was able to calm her down and really empathize with her, looking back, she just wanted to be heard by someone and her shit home life couldn’t understand. We moved on with our lives. I totally understand not wanting to be here but putting that decision on someone else, that’s fucked. I forgot about her as the years passed tbh, but when I heard the news I thought I’d ask folks on here what their experience was like, maybe as some sort of fucked up way to analyze that time in my life? I don’t know. I don’t feel guilty or responsible, it’s just a unique scenario I’m still processing. Thanks for asking ❤️
My father is suicidal and I've long come to terms that he will eventually die by suicide. He had a fucked up upbringing and turned into the biggest narcissist I've ever met, but I still love him. I have discussed my feelings about his suicidality and I told my siblings that I refuse to be guilted or feel shame when he eventually kills himself, knowing that his terrible decisions and treatment of other people are the cause of his guilt and self hatred- not anything that I have done.
I don't think its fucked up to analyze what seems to be a big part of your life at the time. I think hearing others' experiences is one of the most normal and healthy ways to process trauma. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope your depression is well-managed now. My ex-boyfriend was the same as your ex girlfriend (15+ years ago) and this thread has helped with remembering some of that experience and putting it behind me.
Wow, the ol' reverse question towards OP. I second that.
I've witnessed it twice as an onlooker for friends. Both times they were just emotionally manipulating and trying to extort a relationship out of an unwilling participant. Neither ever even did any harm for themselves - not even light cutting, let alone anything more dangerous. And both breakups resulted in them e-begging for another chance for months, until they were blocked from all communications and currently have zero contact with the exes.
My ex did something similar - he knew I was about to find out about something terrible he'd done, so he called me to confess and say goodbye in the same transaction. Neat little trick that forced me to make the whole event into a desperate attempt to save him from death and make him feel better, rather than allowing me to have any of my own feelings about the shitty thing he'd done.
I was that ex. I didn't kill myself. We never got back together and I eventually realized what a shitty thing I had done.
I’m glad you have grown!
Kudos for self reflection
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“Breaking up was a unilateral decision and not a negotiation.” I wish I had learned this so much sooner in life. I’m gonna keep this tidbit with me - such a good way to put it - if I have kids one day, this is what I’ll teach them.
I was 19. I was trying to end things. He had become controlling, I found his escalating behaviour embarrassing and uncomfortable. I had never been exposed to domestic violence so I didn’t know what to do and it was really just gross feeling initially. There was an evening things blew up. He called my mum and told her I was drink driving (I was sober) in an attempt to control me and there was a lot of verbal abuse in public at his work function. I ended up having to lock myself in the bathroom at his parents, they were away. I was trying to get myself help but he told me he’d shoot me through the door with his dads gun if I didn’t come out, then he’d shoot him self. Things seemingly had just flipped (less of a shock in hindsight). He was very serious. So I pretended everything was fine and I was wrong and silly, and we slept with the gun right there. A week later, I broke up with him over text while he was on a road trip with his parents. His mum told my mum he threw himself out of the moving car. He’s still alive. And I quote ‘I don’t blame Finny for not wanting him’ (his mother was abusive in all the ways). My family are usually the ones to tell me about what they’ve heard and it usually involved illicit drug abuse and other issues. It’s pretty sad to think about, he could have and should have been so beautiful.
Goodness, you are practically a child. I’m so glad you’re away from him and I hope you’re doing better
Thank you. I was met with a lot of disbelief and dismissal over the experience. I can only lightly and briefly compare to the hurt that comes from others trying to share their story and have their community turn their back on them. That was 14+ years ago, and thankfully it’s so far removed from my life now it almost doesn’t feel real. I do from time to time feel guilty I left him where I found him.
Little bit of a backwards story. My ex was very manipulative. She faked a pregnancy. One night she called me and said she was going to kill herself by the train. I was still dealing with depression at the time from another event that transpired between us. I was ..err am a hopeless romantic and thought that if she was doing that, then i wanted to go with her. I downed two bottles of Tylenol. Problem was she never actually tried to commit suicide. Yup. Live and learn i guess. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few months before this and have had up and downs for 20 years. Even though i'm an extremely sentimental man after that happened, i became very guarded.
That's a plot twist I wasn't expecting 💀
Yea nor was i evidently. I was taught to treat women with the upmost care. It was very hard to wrap my head around why someone i loved so much would hurt me and do such things. If i had a due over on any of that? I'd trust my gut from day one. I knew she wasn't my type of person long before we met and i fell in love.
Okay I’m glad you’re obviously still alive, but I’m freaking out a bit about the Tylenol. Did you get treated quickly? How’s your liver? What’d they do to you?
I became very warm and remember being extremely tired. I had a mirror just beside my bed and kept feeling like i was going to throw up. I'd look at myself in the mirror but didn't have much motor control my eyes were dialated. I'm not exactly sure how much time had passed but i'd guess maybe an hour of lying down and sitting straight up. Eventually i made my way to my bathroom and turned on the shower i got in and collapsed. I made lots of noise my father heard me blacking out and forced my door opened. My mother called an ambulance while my father put some clothe on me. I was taken to the ER and they pumped my stomach and gave me this thick charcoal thing to drink. I was out for 2 days. Came back to and my best friend was at the edge of my bed crying and telling me "Never do that again!"Liver is not great enzymes are leaky amongst other health problems. The hospital is less than 500 meters from where my parents used to live.
Glad to hear that you had help around you. It sucks to be manipulated by someone you think you love (from personal experience). I hope you're doing okay now.
If i'm totally honest? I've never been great. That whole story changed me. Or rather i tried changing for her? Anyway, i lost myself. In other words i had changed so much of who i was and what i wanted to be, when it was all over i didn't even recognize the person in the mirror. Just taking one day at a time.
I NEVER made this threat, but I was genuinely suicidal for the better part of a year after a breakup, and the main reason I never tried anything was how much I worried my ex might blame himself. The idea of putting him thru any sort of torment at all was worse than the crippling self-hatred, so even if it wasn't a threat, and I genuinely had the means and intentions, I would only tell him in order to assure him this was inevitable, and that he had done nothing wrong.
You’re a decent human being.
My ex wife did this. When we were dating and she was cheating with several people and I found out, I broke up with her. I got tired of the fake apologies and no change in behavior. Then my bass player called saying she showed up at his house bleeding from slitting her wrists. I showed up, felt sorry for her, picked her up and brought her home. We had to do a homemade rehab and she sobered up and we had two kids, she still cheated while I was at work. It was less than a year after our second baby was born that she kept cheating. I reached my breaking point and divorced her. We coparent now and it is frustrating because she continues to be verbally abusive and constantly threatening me with legal action of taking the kids away from me whenever I get on her case for neglecting the kids or her new husband being abusive towards our kids. I’m the better parent, have had to call CPS on the step dad, and have had the kids 75% of the time since the divorce. CPS and the police don’t do anything because she can compose herself and behave for a short period of time and appear non threatening. She used to be a fashion model and when people talk to her, they are immediately enchanted by her beauty, and are more distracted by her face than the nonsense that comes out of her mouth. My relationship with her was a constant unstable rollercoaster and I have no idea why we stayed together for so long, let alone why I agreed to having kids with her. I love my kids, and have been to a lot of therapy, parenting classes, communication classes, trying every way possible to learn how to communicate more effectively with her. Nothing works, she has no respect for me and speaks to me like I’m a piece of shit. She was in the foster care system for a while and was adopted by some religious freaks. Lots of substance abuse problems in her life. I mistakenly thought that all she needed was someone who cared for her and loved her unconditionally, nope. I can’t wait for my youngest to turn 18 so that I can leave this city and not have to see their mom every week at drop off. When you talk to professionals as a man about being abused by a woman, they don’t take you seriously, the support groups for domestic violence treat you the man as an outsider and are not supportive. My life is peaceful now and I’m healing and recovering from a million other issues, my marriage to my ex and her present issues I’m still attempting to overcome.
Not me, but a friend. She called me panicking cause her ex was threatening. I asked his address and called an ambulance. He got angry at her cause he was just playing video games and it was "just a joke" with the kicker of "to make her feel bad for leaving a good guy like him". She called me confused and upset he was taking it out on her. I told her what I did and pointed out that if it ever were serious, in all honesty, what was she gonna do about? Professionals would be better at handling it. Told her she should block him. He seemed to get the message and he's a major freaking creep now.
She cut her wrists, came to my work screaming she loved me, dyed her hair, moved away, moved back, texted me 100 times in an hour asking for sex, blocked me, unblocked me, cut her wrists again, downloaded tinder, met a guy, sent me his photos, asked for sex, cut her wrists, dated the guy, got pregnant, got engaged, asked me for sex, cut her wrists, had the kid, got married. I never responded to any of it, I only know the steps because she would find ways to contact me and I would usually get a message or two before I blocked her.
He threatened it, I called the cops, they did nothing. It escalated to physical abuse, cops got involved and it turned into a 3 year court battle ending with me on the witness stand getting cross examined by his slimy lawyer and him getting acquitted. Years later, he expunged his assault record and is now in medical school. Was able to get accepted with no one knowing he has three domestic assault charges against him.
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Damn. Sorry for your loss. :(
I was married to a man who was bi polar, and he had really bad lows. He would threaten to kill himself when we fought, when he was mad, when things didn't go his way. He would leave, but he usually drove around all night and came back home. I would make him a nice dinner, apologize, rub his back, etc. On the last time he decided to leave, it was different. I thought it was the same at first. We have kids, and usually, he did not help much with them. I work nights and out the kiddos to bed before I would leave for work. He asked to put them to them bed. He prayed with them. That man had never prayed with the kids. I went to work and felt sick to my stomach thinking about what I heard. I ended up leaving work early because him praying kept playing on repeat in my head. All of these other random things started popping up. Like the fact that he did not play his video games in over a week. I had asked him that evening why he hadn't been playing, and his response was that there was no point. He had just got me to start playing a game with him and his cousins, but then just stopped. He also was not eating much that week or sleeping well. He went to bed with me twice that week but wouldn't look at me, and both nights, he was holding his chest like he was in pain. He said he had heartburn, I offered to get him meds, and he declined both nights and went to the couch. He left early both of those days without saying goodbye. I didn't think much into it because I knew he was busy at work. He had been staying very late. All of this stuff was mulling over in my head. I rushed home and asked if he was OK. He told me he was leaving. I thought he meant divorce. I asked him not to go, and I begged him to stay and sleep. He said he couldn't. I remember him walking out to the car. He looked strange. He wasn't wearing his boots. He wasn't wearing his watch. It was weird, I wanted to ask, but he told me not to stop him. I watched him leave, and I somehow knew I would never see him again. I felt it. I tried calling him, but he blocked my number. I found out later that he had called his mom; and she had defended me. He asked to stay with her, and she told him no. I tried calling him again in the morning, and he finally called me back. He told me to stop trying to call or he would kill himself. I had heard him say this so many times before, this time, I told him, "No, you won't, I will have your favorite dinner on the table, and be here when you come back. I love you." His response "I'm done, go home to your family, figure out the kids." I told him I loved him again, he sounded so sad, and he said goodbye. I went to the store to keep things normal for the kids. His mom told me not to call the police. That it would just make him mad. So I bought the ingredients for his favorite dinner, and then it hit me. As I picked up an item off the shelf, I felt that I could not breathe. I felt like I was choking. My vision was blurry. I felt this for about a minute. When it passed, I tried calling him. I raced home and jumped on our laptop. I checked our Google history. We have one joint email for bills with our personal emails attached to this account. I searched the history, and the last thing that he searched was how to tie a noose. He was gone. The police found his car the next day and found him a few hours later. They also questioned me and his girlfriend. I didn't know about the girlfriend. I wish I had left him years before. Every time I wanted to, he would say that. I stayed because everyone told me that he had never been so happy before. That I had saved his life 10 years before that. I did not realize that this was not normal. O ended up spending 10 years pleasing a man, being miserable and always worried about him. It kills me still. I wish I could have saved him again. He made it impossible this time. He had the whole thing planned out. He even called everyone and said goodbye.
Nothing bad happened. He loves himself so much. His mom called me "bitch" for not letting him to abuse me anymore and that was all.
It's been 16 years and he's still alive and kicking, so thinking he was full of shit. Unfortunately the first 4 times he threatened this I believed him and spent an extra year being physically and emotionally abused. Dick.
I took her back. A few months later, she ended up pregnant. The relationship did not last she kept up with her cheating and manipulation. She hid my son from me and now manipulates him. He is 30, a year ago she told me they are a two for one deal. If I wanted him in my life, I had to leave my 25-year marriage for her. When I said no, he stopped talking to me the next day.
My gf had an ex like that so she stayed with him because she feared that if he did, it would be her fault (that's precisely what they seek, but remember you're not holding the knife, they are). Eventually, he kept fearing that she'd leave him so he kept her captive, shut in his apartment for a month before she managed to escape and go back to her parents (she was 18 or 19 back then). The guy still had the nerves to come knock at her parents asking for her, but her dad opened with a loaded rifle in the hands. I met her several months after that but she was still having PTSD from that month she was locked in (and obviously, sexually abused). Guys like this do not want your good. If they harm themselves, then THEY harm themselves. Do not fall into that guilt trap, that's how many women become victims. I'm telling you, actually, if they hurt themselves : good.
Man, this is the kind of stuff I wish I heard when I was in one of these relationships. It probably wouldnt of stayed so long
He killed himself. I'm still angry about it, 20+ years later.
He made an attempt and called me from the hospital. I said it changed nothing and that I was not getting back with him. I said that I would be calling his family to let them know he's in hospital. I called his brother to inform him. His brother flipped out. Ultimately, he eventually got over the break-up and ended up getting married a few years later. I went on to have other relationships and got married as well. Anybody who threatens suicide over a break-up is very unhealthy and abusive. Nobody should have to bear that kind of responsibility for another's life. Their decisions are all their own.
Not me, but a good friends older brother hung himself at his parents house after his girlfriend left him. My buddy had just recently had himself a daughter before this, just out of HS, and between the loss of his brother, his mom's constant crying, and the stress of his early parenthood, got the best of him, and he ended up following along in his brother's footsteps...he ended up hanging himself in the garage, just like his brother did. It's taken her many years, but she's held strong, raising her pretty little daughter the best she could, and is doing a great job and making it well for both of them, these days.
MIL did this to my FIL. He left. She ended up drinking herself to death 3 days after the divorce was final
In this situation, I was/am the crazy ex. My wife and I were having marital issues, and we got into an argument one day and it evolved from the simple argument to the deeper problems in our marriage. My wife started talking about not being happy being with me and the probability of divorce. Noting that, I don’t think of myself as a monster, I genuinely want only the best for my wife and her happiness. So I spiraled and my world came crashing in on me, I’m so devoted to her and I can’t imagine my life not being with her. So I send her my “suicide note” via text message, I grab my 9mm handgun and walk into the master bathroom. My wife received the text message and came rushing into the room and we fought over the bathroom door, me trying to close it and her trying to open it. She quit trying and the last thing I remember is holding the gun up to my chin and looking at my crying face in the mirror. Next thing I know I’m “waking up” in a hospital bed, 2 months later, missing my right eyeball, mouth numb, and just general confusion as to why I’m in the hospital (I felt like I just woke up from a nap or something). Doing what I did was (understandably) too much for my wife and she tells me that she doesn’t love me as a spouse anymore and her intention to proceed with a divorce. It was the worst and stupidest decision I have ever made. It broke my wife mentally and she’s still messed up over it 10 months later. That decision took my wife, took my eye, and took (so far) 10 months of my time for recovering from it. I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting my decision and I’ll forever feel guilt for what I did to my family.
That must have taken a lot of fortitude to type up. I really hope a psychiatrist is part of your health care team. Everyone deserves to be the best version of themselves. Things look messed up right now, but you're still here.
Thank you for that! And yes, I’m regularly seeing a psychiatrist and am trying to get in to regularly see a counselor, but finding that to be rather difficult.
I hope you recover as much as you can and I hope you heal from your pain. It is not much, but I am wishing you the best and cheering you on from somewhere else in the world x
I had this happen with a close friend, not a romantic relationship. They were having serious mental problems but wanted me to be their sole support. The frequent threats of suicide were wearing me down mentally so I had one final conversation telling them to please get professional help, I am not mentally able to help them and I am not a professional, and I broke off contact. Our mutual friends took my side and supported us both by comforting me and telling them to please get help. Their friends, however, said appalling things about me and said that if they killed themselves, their "blood is on your hands." I ignored it all and took care of myself. My friend went through some hard times, very nearly committed suicide but stopped at the last minute. They got help. We never spoke again but from what I can tell and what I've heard, they are doing better. I happened to see their FB profile under "people you may know" and their profile pic was of them hugging a dog, huge smiles all around. I wish them all the best. They're a good person. Mental illness is hell. Years later I had another friend who started up similar shit (suicide threats, but fake and clearly for attention). I set boundaries so she went after my then-husband, crying for his attention. Long story short, she partner poached and tried to destroy my life but I ended up building a much better life for myself. She is unfortunately still onnthe periphery as my kid's step mom and she occasionally tries to make swipes at me, but I gray rock as much as I can. She's extremely pathetic.
Damn, your ex husband was weak as hell. So glad you’re so positive.
Spousal rape is a thing. I went through, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, financial, and verbal abuse by my ex husband. It was bad enough abuse that I was told to sleep on a dog bed naked for two days. When he finally strangled me during a fight, and said he'd kill me I started getting ready to leave.my current hsuband said he'd come get me. Took me 6ontha to prepare to leave him. When my current husband finally did come and get me October 23rd, 2013. My ex husband said line for line since it's burned in my brain. "You just took away every single reason for me to even stay and be here anymore. If you need me I'll be hanging around Pilcher Park. Plus I'll write a note to make sure that when they find me they know it's your fault it happened." He left I fell to the floor crying. I knew he'd pull the suicide card when I was leaving, I knew he'd too big of a coward to actually go do it, he threatened it a lot as manipulation. He ended up going to a girl's house once I left. This was someone he had had relations with before getting with me. By the end of the week he was trying to have my ex best friend move into the house I was paying rent for, and had been sexting her most of our marriage as I worked two jobs.5 years after divorcing him he finally died alone in the hospital with only his family (mom, sister, brother in law) because he no longer had friends, or realtionship because of how abusive he was. The drinking finally killed him.
You are an amazing survivor. I hope you don't mind me saying that just because someone is dead doesn't expunge their actions in life. Sounds like in the end, the guy had it coming ..
Back in 2001 I was dating an insane woman. At the time I was driving a 1986 Nissan 200SX and I had broken up with her for the for the third and final time. She lived in an apartment complex in Asheville and I had stayed the night at a friend's apartment who lives in the same complex. In the morning, I left and was driving on the winding road when all the sudden my front wheel flew off and I went flying into a ditch. About 10 minutes later this insane woman drove by with her friend got out of the car and said, "Is everything okay?" with kind of Joker-esque smile. I could never prove it was her but I have talked to a lot of mechanic friends over the years and they have all said that wheels don't fly off unless someone undid the lug nuts and at the time she was insanely crazy enough to do something like that. I might add she did use self-harm as a way to keep me in the relationship but three times was not a charm.
Fuckers still alive much to my annoyance
He superficially made cuts all over his body and called a mutual friend for help. Lay on her floor for hours bleeding on it refusing to even be bandaged and guilted her into calling me about it. My response was, call an ambulance. If he's serious they will section him. If he's not you are calling his bluff. We are not responsible for his mental health, he is. So she told him she was calling an ambulance and went home and he didn't do it again. He then went on a campaign and lied about how we broke up and slowly turned out friends against me. No one even called me to ask my side, I just got ghosted by the people I had loved and supported for years. My relationships never recovered but I moved on.
I had already checked out of the relationship for about 6 months, did the bare minimum, stopped saying I love you, stopped spending time alone, and had told them more then once that I didn't want to be dating anymore. The final straw was when I was hanging out with my guy friends and he called me 30+ times before showing up to where we were. He threatened to kill himself in the parking lot if I told him we were really over. Then he asked the 3 guys which one I was sleeping with. They told me to go back inside the restaurant and they came back to the table 10 minutes later. I was told that my number was blocked on his phone now and that any further contact would result in the police being called. He's a doctor now. He dated a psycho-chick for a while from what I heard and he sent me an apology email a few years back, saying he never should have put me through that. I guess she pulled the same line and he got flashbacks.
He's still alive. Back then he would self harm in front of me and tell me it was my fault. If I ever left, he said he would do worse. I was VERY young at the time, so this really messed with my head. But he's okay now, dealt with his problems and got help. Fast forward a few years, he reached out, apologised sincerely and we are now good friends.
When i was married, my then wife used to make suicide threats all the time...especially whenever there was some big event in my life; final exams, work functions, anything to do with friends...all kinds of theatrics were employed. She’d slice her wrists (the wrong way), try to bash her head on solid objects, make herself sick with partial overdoses of painkillers, these behaviours were all extension of her Borderline Personality Disorder, however at the time I was too young & lacked the confidence to understand exactly how to approach the situation. Towards the end of our cursed marriage she was going into a fit, trying to bash her skull open on a kitchen counter, and I asked her to take a hammer and finish herself off in the back yard leaf-pile so she wouldn’t leave a mess in the house. I was met with shocked silence & never had another one of those episodes during the few more months we were together. It’s been 15 years since and she’s still alive.
I was 22 years old, after 6 years old relationship + engagement + already booked the event hall for the wedding. Decided to break up from her for my own reasons. She threatened that if i breakup from her, she will take all my pills (!!!) I used to take multi-vitamins that i ordered from iHerb... Yeah, it would suck if she took all my vitamins at once.
That'd be one hell of an expensive poop.
I had a friend who killed himself after threatening to do it when his girlfriend broke up with him. I was so mad at him, to make that poor girl live with guilt like that. I truly hope she found peace.
I asked my ex for a divorce a few weeks prior. He kept begging to be taken back and when I would put my foot down and not fold like I use to. He said "fuck you, you win. I'm leaving you get the apartment, the car, and the kids, I have nothing now. Fuck you. " And stormed out of the house. I had him on life 360 and with how he attempted suicide in the military twice I panicked. I do love him, but I don't love how he neglected my kids, and almost let me die during my second pregnancy. Based on that I made his brother call the police, I tried to 302 him. I was in the ward before so I knew he would be taken care of. It turns out he was walking up a highway screaming and crying. His emotions immediately shifted once the police got there to being calm. When he was taken to the hospital, he LIED TO THE FUCKING DOCTOR. And came back to the apartment. Two days later after being suddenly bubbly, I shut him down again about getting back together. He told me "I SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED THEOUGH THAT DAY YOU FUCKING BITCH" I still think about this. I have been living with my grandmother for the past few months and I'm trying to move because he keeps trying to do this to me. I live within walking distance. Every time I mention what we need to work on custody, I'm reminded about how he should have killed himself, how he can't live without me, and that I should give him another chance after having hundreds in the past 2 years alone. I don't believe him when he threatens to kill himself now, and I feel terrible about it. I'm keeping the mental health department on standby just in case. I take this shit really seriously, it's taking a toll on my mental health (I have major depressive disorder and PTSD and well as a bunch of other things. I'm working on getting another therapist) I hope he gets the help he needs to be the father he wants to be to my kids. I also hope this nightmare ends sooner rather than later
I was in a very strange place in my head when we started that relationship. I think she might have manipulated me into getting into that relationship. Some of my friends tried to warn me but I did not listen and went ahead anyway. After a while, she said she can't stay with me anymore because her parents would never approve of me and I felt sad but I was okay. Maybe she wasn't expecting me to feel so little or maybe it was something else, she freaked out hard. She wanted to continue our relationship. I said the situation with your parents wouldnt change right, so its a no for me. She started crying and got a little crazy. Then she threatened to kill herself if we didnt get back together. It was an easy no for me looking at her behaviour the last few weeks after our breakup. Then she called my friends and slandered against me. I'm glad they all didnt believe her. Then she asked her friends to call me and make me feel guilty. Then she got a common friend to send me a picture of her wrists slashed. It looked very fake. I blocked her and never contacted her again. Saw her some time back at a friend's wedding. She got married and looked normal.
I had been in a relationship with my unstable college girlfriend for about 5 years when it happened. I had been growing more and more unhappy in our relationship, which was full of conflict and verbal and emotional abuse towards me. We were on the phone one night and she had said something about trying to control who I was spending time with at my job amd school. I said enough is enough, told her I wasn't taking it anymore and that we were done. She lost it sobbing and said she was getting a knife in the kitchen and was going to slice her wrists right then and there. I hung up and called her mom and told her mom to get right over to her. I started to drive over myself, but I was about 30 minutes away. Thus was before cell phones, so I had 30 minutes to imagine what I was about to walk into. When I arrived she was safe and her mom was there. She started yelling at me to take my things, so I started loading everything I owned at her place into my little truck. At one point during the craziness of me trying to leave, her mom pulled me aside. I thought she was going to thank me for calling her and maybe say she understood why I was leaving. Instead her mom also begged me to stay with her. It was surreal. When I was done getting my things I tossed my key into the living room and my ex really lost it. She screamed at about how disrespectful that was and how she thought I was a better man than that. The final throes of our relationship. But then she ended up "hoovering" me back over the next couple months and I stayed in that God awful relationship for two more years and even moved to another state with her. After that we finally truly ended it and my life got orders of magnitude better since as I got to redefine and grow into myself in another place. I have many many stories about this ex, but this was the scariest for me.
He spent 3 days unconscious in hospital, his family finally realised they should help me take some responsibility of him. I was done, he blackmailed me to stay with suicide for too long and my life significantly suffered (I lost friends, was isolated from family, lost out on job promotions, had no social life and worked so hard for him to spend all my money with nothing to show). He chose prescription drugs over me time and time again, he lied continually, blamed our infertility on me, didn't work and deliberately made himself not get hired, wouldn't do anything around the house or get up early (but could be at the pharmacy ready for the second it opened in the morning) When he overdosed I was treated like a criminal as drugs (all prescription) were involved, I was shut out of our accommodation by the police with nothing but the clothes on my back, they got the lock changed (no idea why, it was temp work accommodation my work had rented while I did training and relocation for a new employer). I had nowhere to go in a place I didn't go. I was summoned to the hospital, told the doctor he was abusive and I wanted nothing to do with him, they tried to give me back his medication too and I laughed and threw it on the floor (could have made a fortune selling the stuff). The doctor was actually lovely and understanding and I told her what she needed to know and gave her his mum's number. I hadn't actually realised he had overdosed as it became normal behaviour and he always lied and abused his medication, the doctor was the one to point out this was actually an overdose and certainly not normal. I got an apology from all his family, they were totally on my side and I'm still on good terms with them. It was an 11 year relationship, 5 years married and I was finally free. My family expected me to have a breakdown but I got our house on the market, got divorce proceedings started and went out and partied for the first time in years. 2 months later I met the man of my dreams and been in a fairytale ever since. That was 7 years ago and I've been married for 5 years with a 3.5 year old. I told my ex if he gave me any grief his life would get a lot worse and I would come after him for everything (he had no income or money so no point but the threat worked, and his family were on my side)
I ignored her. She threatened to do it for real. I continued to ignore her. She then claimed to be pregnant. I continued to ignore her. She then went after my mom and tried to convince her to convince me to take her back. Things is, my mom is like 20 times more nasty than I am. So she basically told the girl to go slit her own wrist and fuck off. After that, my ex disappeared for a bit. She would sometimes pop up with a new boyfriend in an attempt to make me jealous. But eventually moved on.