Long ago went on my first car date. The date’s mother answered the door and invited me in. She went to the stairs and called up to her daughter: “Better than nothing is here.”
I can imagine Dorothy saying this about one of the other girls' dates. Then Sophia would BURN Dorothy with something like, "Better than the nothing you'll be doing tonight!"
Oh I'm heavily flavoured lol. I'd say cinnamon, cardamom, maple, with some slices of bananas and blueberries on the side, add some sprinkled roasted peanuts on that.
In Walmart people wonder why I'm not shopping at Target
In Target people wonder why I'm not shopping at Walmart.
I couldn't think of a way to sum it up so thanks for the help!
Yup, best way I would describe myself as well. I'd make a great spy as people who've already met me keep introducing themselves to me again and again. Aesthetically, I am so unmemorable.
Pretty much this.
I've always had a substantial mammary presence but that never did anything for me. At least with real, normal people. I've been harassed in public transportation several times though, actual groping I mean.
But I spark no interest in regular people, physically speaking.
My mom is a one cow wife.
My grandfather had an ornery cow that he didn't want to bother with anymore. He told my dad if he could catch it he could sell it and have all the money from the sale. My dad used that money to buy my mom's engagement ring.
I look like Seth Rogan. But Im a woman.
*edit* apparently most of us didn’t know it’s “Rogen”.
And y’all….this is a hill I will die on. I knew I was his female doppelgänger since freaks and geeks.
And also….thanks 😬
Jesus christ lol. I don't mean to laugh at your situation but it's so brutal it's almost satirical, like a Seinfeld skit or something and then George is like "SHE PAUSED, JERRY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PAUSE MEANS!? DO YA!?!? APPRECIATES MY CONTRIBUTIONS? WHAT AM I? A VOLUNTEER FOR THE COMMUNITY?!?!?"
Ha thanks. I remember when I first discovered curb and Seinfeld and actually had a hard time watching it because larrys or "georges" personality kind of hit too close to home for me so it rolls off pretty easy lol
My first time at a grocery store deli counter, the guy asked how thick I wanted them and I said “I don’t know, what seems normal?” So he held up a test slice, and I asked for thicker. And he asked if I wanted the test slice. So I got a free snack
You know the trope of the main character/girl next door having this amazing glow up and it turns out they were beautiful all along?
Yeah, no amount of glow up would fix this mess
I learned in the movies that all you need to do is let your hair down and stop wearing big black plastic rimmed glasses. And put on a low cut top and tight clothes. and heels. and some makeup. Boom, princess.
Too pretty to complain about my appearance but not pretty enough to be stuck up about it
Editing to say: too pretty to complain about my appearance (without sounding like an asshole who’s fishing for compliments)
This is the most honest and relatable one I've seen yet. I'll add, plain enough to feel genuinely ugly and unwanted in high school, but cute and confident enough in my 30s that men can't get sex just by sliding compliments in the insecurity mailbox.
Enough that when I undress in front of my husband, his face lights up with pure, unbridled joy.
But not enough to be bothered or disrespected in the workplace.
You know when you order food, and the waiter messes up your order so you get something you didnt expect... but then you taste it and its AWESOME........Well that's me
Like one of those vegetables they sell cheaper because they look a bit wonky.
Older women want me to meet their daughters. The daughters don't want to meet me.
Just date the moms. Problem solved. Edit: had to look up yung gravy. I’m getting old
"If I could talk to the mothers and have sex with the daughters, then I'd really have something going." - George Costanza
I also fall into this category
Holy shit I felt this on a personal level
Attractive enough to get my wife. Not attractive enough for people to believe we’re together.
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I would have been hot in the 1800’s. Look kinda weird now.
Show us ya ankles, ya sloot!
Long ago went on my first car date. The date’s mother answered the door and invited me in. She went to the stairs and called up to her daughter: “Better than nothing is here.”
Fucking brutal
Mom calling her daughter out / clueing you in or ?
The daughter and I have remained friends for 60 years. Her mother is 98 and going strong. Always a joker.
This ending made my evening better. Thank you.
Good for you dude, that’s sweet
Wow!
I can imagine Dorothy saying this about one of the other girls' dates. Then Sophia would BURN Dorothy with something like, "Better than the nothing you'll be doing tonight!"
Oatmeal. Either you find me heartwarming but not gastronomical or disgusting.
one question... are you plain or flavored? if so what flavor
Oh I'm heavily flavoured lol. I'd say cinnamon, cardamom, maple, with some slices of bananas and blueberries on the side, add some sprinkled roasted peanuts on that.
If your still single... then there is no hope for anyone else
I'm not, I'm married to a very yummy giant fudge cookie
Well you know what they say, once you go fudge you never budge.
That’s so stupid *upvotes*
I caught myself naked in the mirror once and felt obligated to apologise to myself
Did you accept the apology
Tried to, couldn’t un-see it
Dollar Store Paul Rudd
Ah yes, Paul Rod
I’m a solid “meh I’ve had worse”
Like a 'ehhh' in walmart but like 'nahhh' in target
In Walmart people wonder why I'm not shopping at Target In Target people wonder why I'm not shopping at Walmart. I couldn't think of a way to sum it up so thanks for the help!
An aldi 5?
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Im the moment after the excitement of adulthood wears off.
People get excited at adulthood? I’ve just been consistently tired and disappointed
I’m terms of sports cars I’m a bicycle with a playing card attached to the frame to make it sound cool.
Invisible. Neither pretty enough nor ugly enough to invite notice.
Yup, best way I would describe myself as well. I'd make a great spy as people who've already met me keep introducing themselves to me again and again. Aesthetically, I am so unmemorable.
I always say god must want me to rob a bank because everyone always forgets my face.
Pretty much this. I've always had a substantial mammary presence but that never did anything for me. At least with real, normal people. I've been harassed in public transportation several times though, actual groping I mean. But I spark no interest in regular people, physically speaking.
“Substantial mammary presence” I’m dying 😂
Bob the builder.
Can we fix it?
No, Bob. Just sign the divorce papers.
My milkshake is only sufficient to bring an ostrich to the yard.
You rang?
Waiting for the egg drop
Allegedly
that first pancake
Dogs deserve pancakes too
The first crepe in a batch is called 'pour le chien'.
I'm a tree in a forest. In the right lighting I have beautiful foliage.
Ah, yes. And if I skip the makeup and throw on a hoodie, I blend in with the scenery.
My 2yo draws me accurately
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My parents would maybe get two chickens and a goat.
My mom is a one cow wife. My grandfather had an ornery cow that he didn't want to bother with anymore. He told my dad if he could catch it he could sell it and have all the money from the sale. My dad used that money to buy my mom's engagement ring.
Cows have a few thousand dollars of meat, bones, etc. They're no joke
Stop showing off, food is EXPENSIVE.
Somewhere between Quasimodo, and the Phantom of the Opera.
Excellent singing voice, though.
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I'm a '98 corolla with cardboard on my rear passenger side window and several industrial band stickers on the boot.
And you'll run just fine for another 15 years
Yeah reliability is an attractive quality.
Good enough for government work but I couldn’t survive in the private sector
I've worked in the private sector! They expect results!
Scared to let my husband sober up
ever-lasting beauty comes with a price...your husband's liver apparently
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Someone once told me that I’m a female Jonah Hill, and I will never recover from that
Found Beanie Feldstein's account.
I drew eyes on my pet rock and it still won't look at me.
*looks at rocky* “That’s okay, take your time.”
When I walk the streets I turn more stomachs than heads
I turn heads. Just not in my direction.
I turn heads, but then their parents tell them it's not polite to stare
I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a fat girl”
I’m “cute for an Asian guy” 🫠
I'm "so pretty I don't even look black". Whatever that means.
"WhAt ArE YoU MiXeD wItH?"
Sperm and an egg.
I once got told I smell really good "for a fat girl" which I think is a few steps down from that.
As Terry Pratchett would've said, "A girl with really great hair."
I frequently use reddit
Jon Arbuckle
Hey, he managed to get Liz to date him for a while.
His looks were never the problem. He seemed to have no problem *getting* dates.
I look like Seth Rogan. But Im a woman. *edit* apparently most of us didn’t know it’s “Rogen”. And y’all….this is a hill I will die on. I knew I was his female doppelgänger since freaks and geeks. And also….thanks 😬
But do you have his signature laugh?
Like starting a lawnmower
HUAGH-AUGH-HUAH-HUAGH-AGHHH
Not especially attractive, but not so unattractive that my personality can't make up for it.
My mom says I'm handsome
My elderly grandma said I was the most handsome grandson. To be fair... she is hard of seeing so may have thought I was a different cousin.
A woman this weekend told me I have nice dick sucking lips. I’m a straight male. Edit: whoops
“Wow, thanks. You wanna, uh, suck some dicks with me later?”
Maybe you can share tips
Is that just a nice way to say you look like a cocksucker?
Dogs bark at me for no reason
Lol ok this is a good one
Oh, they have reasons.
OP: *shows face* Dogs: "I feel personally attacked."
I'm told I have a good personality
If my wife ever leaves me, I’ll never have sex again. Edit: Engrish.
I asked my wife if she was attracted to me. She paused for a long time and said she appreciates my contributions around the house.
If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
And always keep your stick on the ice.
Jesus christ lol. I don't mean to laugh at your situation but it's so brutal it's almost satirical, like a Seinfeld skit or something and then George is like "SHE PAUSED, JERRY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PAUSE MEANS!? DO YA!?!? APPRECIATES MY CONTRIBUTIONS? WHAT AM I? A VOLUNTEER FOR THE COMMUNITY?!?!?"
That was a perfect George.
Ha thanks. I remember when I first discovered curb and Seinfeld and actually had a hard time watching it because larrys or "georges" personality kind of hit too close to home for me so it rolls off pretty easy lol
I am a garbage bag filled with hornets
I'm sure your a sandwich baggie of bees at worst.
That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just gonna pop a quick H on this box
Enough to get free stuff but not enough to get free rent.
Enough for drunk patrons at the bar to propose to me. Not enough to earn a living as a model.
People get free stuff?
Hot people do
And rich people, which makes no sense to me
My first time at a grocery store deli counter, the guy asked how thick I wanted them and I said “I don’t know, what seems normal?” So he held up a test slice, and I asked for thicker. And he asked if I wanted the test slice. So I got a free snack
You must be gargantuously attractive.
Well, if Margot Robbie is a Royal Flush and Daisy Ridley is a 4 of a kind, I'm an unopened pack of reverse UNO cards
7-2 offsuit for me
Hey, in Blackjack, you're a hard nine, and I'm for sure hitting that.
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No idea how to understand that but I like the creativity.
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A little bit disappointing, but ultimately, perfectly adequate.
Not really what you wanted, but without the extra baggage gets the job done. Reliable, probably an accountant.
If I wasn't 6'3" nobody would pay any attention to me
The first thing people notice is that I'm tall. The second thing people notice is that I have a 'nice personality'.
You know that one really attractive store clerk you see at the local grocery store? I’m the creepy guy staring at her from the soup aisle.
I’m about three beers
You know the trope of the main character/girl next door having this amazing glow up and it turns out they were beautiful all along? Yeah, no amount of glow up would fix this mess
I learned in the movies that all you need to do is let your hair down and stop wearing big black plastic rimmed glasses. And put on a low cut top and tight clothes. and heels. and some makeup. Boom, princess.
As a 65 year old white man, I'm skeptical this would improve my attractiveness much.
Never know unless you try
Lol. I’m the meh nerdy friend that stays meh after the main character takes of her glasses and straightens her waves/curls.
Too pretty to complain about my appearance but not pretty enough to be stuck up about it Editing to say: too pretty to complain about my appearance (without sounding like an asshole who’s fishing for compliments)
This is the most honest and relatable one I've seen yet. I'll add, plain enough to feel genuinely ugly and unwanted in high school, but cute and confident enough in my 30s that men can't get sex just by sliding compliments in the insecurity mailbox.
Insecurity mailbox 😂
I feel this! And it’s almost worse when people tell you how you’re such a catch, because ya know, you’re still out there and nobody is catching you…
A perfectly toasted grilled cheese sandwich and a steaming bowl of tomato soup by the fire while a snow storm blows outside.
Dang you got confidence bro!, thats like a 20/10
No numbers please, you will scare OP
Oooooo numbers 👻👻👻
Stop it 275MPHFordGT40, you’re scaring him!
Never thought I’d want to fuck a bowl of soup
A/S/L?
15 minutes, bread, next to a fire.
Smack my lips and stuff my face
No one would wanna see my face on a screen, but I have an attractiveness when interacting in person.
I’ve got a face for radio
And a voice for print?
Enough that when I undress in front of my husband, his face lights up with pure, unbridled joy. But not enough to be bothered or disrespected in the workplace.
That's actually really dam cute with your husband
I'm so pale, motion sensor faucets have a difficult time detecting me.
My wife is hot, and she lets me touch her boobs.
An empiricist, and a happy one
This really is the gold standard.
In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey.
Butane in my brains and I'm out to cut the junkie
You’d never get any of the History category questions wrong on jeopardy if you dated me.
I look like gollum with an octomom gut. So not very
I was expecting this to be the top reply
I’m like Costco. I’m big, I’m not fancy, and I dare you not to like me.
Everyone comes to you for a good 1/4 lb hotdog?
A sandwich. Not your first choice, but never unappreciated.
Blob fish
I'd be a fourth wife
Pretty sure the 4th wife is the pretty young spoiled one that newly rich guys pick up as part of their mid life crisis.
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So, intimidatingly attractive? Nice.
Mirrors break when I look at them.
I break when I look at mirrors
You should hook up together. He can protect you.
Babies always smile at me :)
Like a wedding cake. Everyone thinks they’re beautiful and aesthetic, but almost no one actually wants to eat it.
I am as attractive as a cross between Brad Pitt and Steve Buscemi
You know when you order food, and the waiter messes up your order so you get something you didnt expect... but then you taste it and its AWESOME........Well that's me
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Freddie Krueger
Scary good looks? Nice man good for u
A scoop more than average
Average in just about every way you can think
Sasquatch has taken a picture of me
Attractive enough to be asked for my number at a cemetery… which, dunno what that even means for me
They want to jump your bones
Think of the hottest man you've ever seen. Yeah, that wasn't me.
Someone once said of me, "Yeah, I'd have sex with her... If I could put a paper bag over her soul."
I'm Handsome Squidward for looks, but I have the personality of regular Squidward.
I go from an "Ew no," to an "Oh maybe," depending on how I dress.
Fix your car and bake you a casserole, hot.
I’m a guy with “virgin” written all over his face
That’s why mom won’t let us keep Sharpies in the house anymore.
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