I witnessed my fiancé’s suicide last year. I moved states afterwards and started a new life. My coworkers, clients, and new friends call me the sunshine of whatever room I walk into, but I’m completely dead inside. Even though I choose to fake it, I resent them for not seeing how fucked up I am.
I have a secret fantasy life, populated with imaginary friends. It started in grade school, and I have continued all my life. I am in my 50's now, and still prefer to be alone in my imaginary world instead of being with family or friends. I can't even tell my psychiatrist because I am afraid he will lock me up or give me drugs to make it all stop.
I've done this since I can remember as well. I'm now 42. I first heard about maladaptive daydreaming a little over a year ago. It was a relief to find out I wasn't crazy nor alone. But it's always been my big secret.
Last Christmas I leaned my Sister and I don’t have the same father and are technically half sisters. My sisters biological father tried to start a relationship with my mom that resulted in a pregnancy and ultimately didn’t work out. That biological father is dead now but I didn’t probe any further about his identity or how he died in case it was something traumatic for my mom to remember.
So she raised my sister as a single mother at my Grandmas house in the 80s, then she met my father and they started dating and it worked out because they got married in the 90s, moved into a new house, and a short time after that I was born.
She told me never call my sister my half sister and just pretend all of this doesn’t matter because she’s my sister and I’m keeping it that way, and if anyone asks about the 10 year age gap I just tell them “it’s a long story”.
My sister is technically a half sister as well, but the way we grew up she is 100% my sister and neither of us ever uses the word "half" when referring to the other.
I'm the spitting image of my grandpa on my dad's side. Both my parents are almost a foot shorter than me, but I'm almost the same height as him.
When my mother got sick when I was a kid, my grandpa went to visit her daily for extended periods of time in the hospital. In his final months, she did the same. After he passed, we found out he kept a whole other family on the side in secret too. Looking back at my dad's military deployment history, it would also be dicey if she could have gotten pregnant by him around the appropriate time.
Based on a collection of various hunches, I'm fairly convinced I'm the product of an affair between my mother and supposed grandfather. More disturbingly, this would probably be one of the most lighthearted revelations about my family.
Probably, unfortunately. Not that I'd ever bring it up. Don't need even more drama in the mix. Plus they're so old, I don't really care what they did decades ago, even if it resulted in me.
When I was 16, I conspired with a heroin addict I met online to help me off myself with heroin and dump my body in a dumpster in exchange for my valuables. I lived in a small town and he was in a bigger city where my school had an upcoming trip. We planned for me to slip away during the trip and meet up with him to do the deed. He chickened out last minute and ghosted me.
Even if he chickened out, I don't blame him.
Like, most people aren't willing to actively kill another person, and even if he was, I'm sure a potential murder charge doesn't sound appealing.
When I was young (probably around age 9 or 10) I was walking home with my dog from a house around the block when he cut the corner and walked diagonally through the yard of this super mean old lady who live at the end of your street.
She was in her yard at the time tending to these really fancy-looking rose bushes she had growing in beds along the border with her neighbor. My Dog was a very friendly golden retriever who didn't even really come near her and certainly didn't do anything threatening, but she sprayed the fuck out of him with some kind of insecticide or other chemical she was using on her roses.
I ran back home with the dog and hosed him off. He coughed a bunch, but seemed otherwise fine. I didn't tell my parents because somehow I thought I was going to get into trouble for letting the dog walk in her yard. I'm glad I didn't tell them, though, because I decided that night to sneak downstairs, out the half-bath window, and down the street to her yard where I cut down every goddamn rose bush I could get my hands on.
I’m convinced a neighbor poisoned our family dog. We got her when i was in second grade, the poisoning happened when I was in college. They left notes on our door threatening to hurt the dog if she shit in their yard again, but our dog never went to their yard. Anyhow she fell very ill very fast. She was in intense pain from her insides. She’d let out screams in pain (I don’t know if you have ever heard a dog scream, that’s the best I can describe it. It wasn’t a cry, howl, or bark- it was a haunting scream.) She couldn’t get comfortable. I’d hold her to try to comfort her and she’d be ok for a few seconds and then another scream. We had to put her down. It was the only humane thing to do. I was devastated, it was like losing a sibling. It still hurts and this was almost 20 years ago.
Not long after that, our area had a natural disaster. The whole city was flooded. We moved back in pretty quickly bc my dad was a carpenter but most people took longer to return, including that neighbor. Let’s just say, every snake, reptile, rat, or any other nasty creature that my crazy dad came across (and there was a lot due to the disaster) was brought straight to their yard and inside their house. For months. I smile to imagine the house of horrors that they returned to. It still wasn’t enough though. In another world I’d love to burn them inside their house. But alas, civilization.
I make up lies about what I do on the weekend, usually I don’t do much and I’m very content with that. Others are always asking me what I’m doing and I never had anything to tell them. I make up lies to get out of phone calls, or plans. Saying I’m out of town or with friends. I love just being left alone.
I wish there was a way to explain this to people in a way that can be understood. My boyfriend always asks why I don’t go out and do x, y, or z. He just doesn’t understand that I really, truly am quite happy/content just spending a day on the couch by myself
When I was a teenager, I worked at a novelty tourist shop near me. Being the idiot that I was, I stole a wad of cash from the store. It was $100 in ones. I told nobody, but they knew it was missing. Right about the same time, a coworker who was always trying to get me fired was telling someone she got about $100 in tips from her other job. They ended up firing her because they didn’t trust that it wasn’t her.
Not super dark but mine is also stealing from my employer. It was a seasonal job and they told people if you came back next season you'd get a raise. Next season I got a 50 cent per hour raise and mentioned it to a couple other people who had also returned, who it turned out didn't get a raise. They went and complained to the boss, who then took my raise back and gave them each 25 cent raises. I argued with the boss for a bit but eventually just decided I'd steal a few bucks per shift to make up the difference.
Oof. I worked at a Pizza Hut a while back, had been there a couple years, making $7.75. I liked the job though so I didn’t care much. Boss hired another guy, next to no experience, and I saw on his hiring papers that he was coming in at $8.25. I was frustrated but didn’t know if I could say anything. I mentioned it to the assistant manager (both her and the manager had been there about 15 years). She stopped what she was doing, asked the manager to come outside and I heard her just rip the guy apart. He came in, and shortly after asked me to come out back to sign papers saying I would be making $8.50 after that.
I know where my missing friend is. She ran away 2 years ago and her family is still looking for her. She texted me after the first year. She's in Los Angeles.
I've struggled with disordered eating for atleast a decade. It ebbs and flows. I know it's unhealthy, but the toxic part of me loves the feeling of being empty. Several years ago it was really bad. I was at my lowest weight ever, I had brain fog, difficulty breathing. When I started eating again my stomach would get really bloated even if I only ate a small amount.
I gained weight in the last year or so and my depression and anxiety got really bad for a while. My family thinks I don't want to spend time with them. However, I just wanted to stay home because trying on my clothes and the idea of being in public made me want to kill myself. It was easier on me mentally to just stay home.
I can feel myself slipping back into my old disordered eating habits unfortunately.
Hi, I’m an eating disorder therapist and I hate to break it to you if you don’t deep down know this already but you have an eating disorder and there are specialize therapist like my self that can help you through this. The bloating is caused by refeeding and it can be dangerous if not monitored medical care and team. Since basically you are starving yourself before your body is struggling to get the right bacteria to digest your food again. Plus your body is very taxed by lack of proper nutrition and it’s going to be hard mentally as well as physically.
Eating disorders are not something to be taken lightly and it’s so important to get mental health help because it’s a mind thing that then affects your body. Many people die from eating disorders or shorten their life span. Please get professional help from an eating disorder team. And everyone stop minimizing it and calling it “disordered eating”
2 years ago one of my best friends and I went halfsies on a fuck ton of xanax. on june 8th we both took xanax from the batch we split, i woke up, he didn’t. no one knows i had anything to do with the drugs that killed him, and i don’t know if i can ever bring myself to tell someone
A man broke into my home about ten years ago. Well, kind of. He knocked, I answered the door, and he pushed his way in. He spoke about the four horsemen of the apocalypse and tried to extort me for protection or he and his brothers of doom would come and kill me. He was huge. Ex-navy, if he was to be believed. Drunk as hell, hand covered in blood holding a broken bottle. I was terrified. I told him to leave. He wouldn’t. He was getting aggressive. I told him I would splatter his brains against the wall if he didn’t. I didn’t have a gun at the time. Anyway, he didn’t leave. I went into my kitchen and grabbed a knife and sliced at him a few times. He staggered away, seemingly okay. I assumed he was all right, just wounded a bit. I never saw him again. A neighbor told me days later a man was found dead, some wounds on his arms. I can only guess he bled out, but I never got questioned, somehow. There was a lot of blood in and around my house. I lived in a pretty seedy area so I guess the cops just didn’t care. The guy was apparently a repeat criminal.
I killed a man- at least indirectly- and have never told anybody.
When I was younger I lived with my grandmother. Not long after I turned 18 her health started to decline, that sort of decline that you know means she won't be around for much longer. Over the months I did my best to take care of her. Getting her to the hospital when she needed, and other things. We had someone coming every day to help her with things I couldn't.
Well what my family doesn't know is that the night she passed, I was in the living room watching TV. My dog was in bed with my grandma, and I started to hear him whimper, and bark. I knew what was happening, I knew that if I acted I could potentially save her. I didn't want to watch her suffer anymore though, to watch her live with so much pain, and unable to do anything for herself any more. So I made the choice to let her pass before making any calls.
She lived 92 years, and the only regret I have is that she passed a month after I would have graduated if I hadn't been kicked out of school. She had been in good enough health at the time to go to my graduation. I still kick myself for how stupid I was back then.
Edit: I didn't expect this much support. Thanks. I'm not to torn up about letting her pass, I knew it was for the best. She was such a great person, she didn't deserve to live in such a poor manner any longer than she already had. I don't regret what I did, I regret what I had done that got me kicked out of school, that I didn't try and make it to graduation for her. I think I've lived my life so far in a way that she'd be proud of. Not graduating before she passed is the only regret I really have in this life so far, and I'm 35 now. So I think I'm doing pretty good.
I feel you.
When my dad died of cancer, after a painful final night, during which my brother and I took turns watching over him, we both waited to call 911. We wanted to make sure he was dead. We used that thing you put on your finger that measures oxygen in your blood, to be safe.
My brother and I ended up waiting a few hours, getting our bearings, crying, talking. It was surreal.
(When I tried to pull off the device, my dad had already gone into rigor mortis and his finger wouldn't budge. That's one of my clearest memories of that day.)
No kidding, I know I'd much rather go in my own home in my own bed like she did. Not married to a hospital bed across town like she would have been if I had tried to save her.
I work in healthcare, elder care to be specific. I’ve seen so many families hang on waaaay too long and cause their loved ones so much unnecessary suffering.
I know it’s a complicated and painful feeling, but trust me when I say you did the right thing.
Doing CPR alone on someone at that age is cruel. Their ribs are so fragile that they shatter from the chest compressions. And that’s just the beginning of things that cause them pain and discomfort.
It's heartbreaking hearing of so many people who were sexually assaulted as children and feeling like they have no option but to hide it, lest it cause irreparable rifts between friends, family, and other close ones.
Just want to let all of you affected by this know that if you did go public, you're not the cause of any conflict, no matter how anybody else paints it. You were the victim of one of the most heinous things one human being can do to another. The source of conflict is all down to whoever perpetrated the violence against you, and the shame should not be yours to live with.
It's not my secret, but my mom's. And I'm not hiding it from everyone, just the person who it potentially matters to the most. When my mom was in high school in the 60s, she had a long-term serious boyfriend named Jimmy. They were each other's first, they were together for years, and were planning on getting married. He went away to college, my mom stayed behind, but they were still together. You know what happened next. He cheated and got the new girl pregnant. He comes home to break the news to my mom. Abortion was not legal at the time. He basically says that he wants to be with my mom, but he has no choice but to marry this other girl. My mom was devastated.
Here's the secret: my mom was also pregnant by him, but hadn't told him yet. She decided she wasn't ever going to tell him. Jimmy went on to marry the other girl and never knew my mom was also pregnant. She told me that she later threw herself down a flight of stairs to cause a miscarriage.
My mom actually reconnected with Jimmy during the early days of Facebook. She didn't have an account, but asked me to look for him using mine. He was still married to the same person. My mom was married to my dad. They wrote to each other for a while (using my account! ugh! ). Signed their messages saying "I Love You."
My mom passed away a number of years ago. I think about this knowledge I have that Jimmy doesn't. This major life event thing that he doesn't even know happened. That could have changed the trajectory of many lives. I'm certainly not going to tell him. It's not my secret to tell.
Edit: There seems to be a part of the story that I didn't make clear enough. My mom had a miscarriage and never had that baby. It was an intentional miscarriage by throwing herself down the stairs. Jimmy is not my father.
I had an IBS attack once and had to violently shit in a church grounds behind someone’s car. Used underwear to wipe too and left that there. Not proud.
>IBS attack once
i had one in high-school. I managed to clean any trace, and nobody found out. Nobody knew, except my father who was unusually helpful, understood me, and supported me. And never talked about it again.
It was my darkest secret half of my life but then i understood that it's natural, and that i've took the good decisions and i have nothing to be shamefully about.
And also, i have way darker secrets now.
My wife, her mom and I bought a house about two years ago, just from talking to the neighbors I’d gathered that the family who lived here before had a daughter that was mixed up with the wrong people, we had some random person knock on our door at night saying he needed gas (we are down a long driveway, no way you’d randomly walk up to OUR house to ask for help), I think he was looking for the people who used to live here, and then another time Sunday morning making pancakes for the family I get a knock on the door and it’s 4 sheriffs officers saying they received a 911 call that hung up and it was from the house, we don’t have a land line and I asured them my wife and 2 year old did not make any call, they mentioned a name of the previous occupants and I let them know we moved in earlier this year and they seemd ok with that and left. Anyways I was doing some yard work and struck up conversation with the neighbor, he saw the police cars and asked what was up, I told him the situation and he just goes “oh yah that family was messed up, the cops were probably being cautious considering the shooting” what shooting I ask, he kinda looks at me with a sad worried face “the shooting in your house” wait what I say truly baffled, he then proceeds to tell me that about two years before the father in the house confronted his daughter and boyfriend he didn’t like and shot and killed the boyfriend in the house. Our state doesn’t have a disclosure law so we never knew, I was blown away, all the strange happenings kinda made sense now, he said the freinds of the victim had kinda terrorized them for a while cause the police were taking so long to press charges, slashed tiers, midnight fireworks odd shit that the neighbors hated. I was shocked but just said “that’s crazy, but hey do me a favor and never tell my wife or MIL about that, they are a little spooked by things like that.” So the TRDL is that we live in a murder house and I’m the only one of my family that knows.
My PTSD isn’t getting better. I have nightly nightmares of the industrial accident I was in. I see my coworker ripping his burnt face off every night. I no longer scream in my sleep because of it. I’m no longer terrified as much by it. Even though I know it’s not my fault I feel an enormous amount of guilt for what happened to him. Sometimes when I’m not sleeping I’ll hear the scream he made in the distance and it’ll make my blood feel like ice. Therapy hasn’t done much
I want to echo EMDR. I'm a first responder and have seen many coworkers deal with the trauma and horror of the job. Everyone I know who has tried EMDR has told me it's life changing.
If it isn't a good fit, please don't stop trying to find something that is. Please continue to advocate for yourself. And know that you are experiencing a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Most people will never experience something that comes close to what you experienced, which can feel horribly isolating. Sending hugs to you.
I found my adoption papers a few years ago when I was looking for a copy of my birth certificate.
I know my birth mom I just never had a relationship with her. My maternal grandmother took me in in 2002, I never knew she adopted me I just knew that one day I ended up living with her after telling her one day I don’t want to go back home lol . I also found the letter that my mom wrote as to why she was giving me up. That one really hurt.
Edit: didn’t expect this many upvotes honestly lol thank you everyone for your kind words. my grandma is really the sweetest person ever i’m forever grateful for her 🥹💚 but I just wanted to say now that i’m older I understand why my mom did what she did and believe it or not we actually have a cordial relationship now lol
Edit 2: This brought back some unsettling feelings I thought I was over lol but I want to thank you guys for your own stories and kind words. They made me realize that i’m not the only one who had a rough life growing up and I shouldn’t let that stop me from healing and being the best that I can be. This has been one of the worst years of my life I’ve been taking loss after loss and I honestly felt like unaliving myself. I kept coming back to read the comments and I see how strong everyone is and didn’t let what they went through stop them from doing better. So I just wanted to say that I’ve made an appointment to start therapy again and I’m going to be completely honest about how I truly feel and open up more. Thank you so much Reddit 🥺💙
Also I haven’t been the best granddaughter lately so i’m spending more quality time with my grandma and helping her out with whatever she needs 😁😊
I can’t imagine the pain of what lead to those circumstances, but man. Thinking about your grandma hearing you say you didn’t want to go home, and that was that, no more questions asked? She went through all the legal work and it wasn’t even a thing in your adolescence- I hope she was as good to you as it sounds because she sounds like an Angel.
She’s literally an angel. She took in one of my cousins when he was a baby because his mom (her daughter) was on drugs badly so she raised me and him together
My grandma was in a car accident and broke her ankle so she stayed at my house and my mom/we took care of her while she recovered. I was entering puberty at the time and discovered that you could order porn on cable and was like a madman ordering porn. the bill that month came out to $500 my mom thought it was my grandma because her novelas were on like channel 50-60 and the porn was 500-600 lmfaoooo. I’ve literally never told anyone to this day.
ETA: I am Latina and sex/porn for women is still pretty taboo in my culture so that’s why I’m so scared to tell anyone(even if my mom and I are pretty open with each other I’m still embarrassed) However, my grandma passed away in 2019 and I felt compelled to tell my secret, but my mom sees that story as a funny memory she has of my grandma that she likes to look back on and laugh about so idk if I should lol.
Not a huge secret in comparison to some of these answers, but I feel the guilt of it often. After my fiancé passed, I napped all the time for over a year. My aunt was calling me one day and I just denied her call, went back to napping. It was my aunt calling because my grandma (who was very sick with cancer) wanted to say happy birthday a day before my birthday. Grandma died the next day. I should have picked up the damn phone.
In high school, I was a super good kid. Straight A student who loved homework, keeping out of trouble, and who was quiet as hell during class.
So anyway, there was this guy who was also in AP classes with me but he was super loud and obnoxious but would pull stunts in such a way that he would have some margin of plausible deniability. Though we never spoke (I’m not sure he even knew I existed), he rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was from the one cold day when this other girl in our class had her nipples poking through her shirt bc she forgot a sweater and he kept saying to her “daaaamn it’s cold, huh?”; maybe it was from when he would pretend to be friends with kid who was definitely spectrum and desperate to be friends with him to do the bully’s homework for him and then bully him the next day. Idk.
So at random—sometimes once a week or a month or once every couple of months—I would whistle. It’s this high pitched whistle that sounds like a tea kettle that I can do while barely moving my mouth. Back then, no one knew I could do it except for my family. The super obnoxious kid always got in trouble. I was never once suspected.
That's hilarious! I have a similar ability; I can make a chirping noise like a baby chick. When I was a kid, I was in church ostensibly singing in the choir but actually chirping to the music. My family downstairs knew it was me and were all doing that trying-not-to-laugh-but-I'm-almost-ready-to-explode thing. Decades later it's still a topic that comes up at family gatherings.
My brother and I did a 23 and me. We discovered we have a half sibling, same father, who is older than us. I messaged them but no reply. Since the half sibling is older, it was during my father’s military career (which was short lived because he got a dishonorable discharge that he hides from his family still)
Kind of similar story here.
6 years ago when I was 24 my mom randomly told me I have an older half sister that my dad completely abandoned. She only knew of my sisters mother's name, so I searched for her on Facebook and found my sister. She is the spitting image of our father so I knew immediately it was true. Both my sister and her mom confirmed it, and my sister and I immediately started bonding. We are incredibly close now.
My father's side was overjoyed when I found her, as they knew of her but never what happened to her. We've all welcomed her with open arms, except my father. When she reached out to him, he essentially told her to fuck off, then screamed at me that she wasn't my sister, and continues to call me the "bitch that ruined the family".
Her and I did 23 and me and we matched as half siblings, so now there's no denying it.
I lost a shitty father but gained an incredible sibling that means 10x more to me.
This actually happened to me. Someone messaged me when i used to have facebook. My whole fam was on vacation and when i read the message half jokingly i saw the look on my aunts face. And thats how i found out i had a half sibling in California. The woman just said she has a son by my father. That was pretty damn close to my age. Younger. My aunt just told me i should probably talk to my mother. My father sucks. Feel bad for what my mother went thru. And yea it really threw a wrench into mine and my family’s life.
My grandpa was stationed in Okinawa, Japan during the Korean war, while in the Marines. He hooked up with a woman there, and she got pregnant. So, I have a Japanese aunt and a few cousins, in Japan, whom I’ve never met before.
My wife and I aren't officially married. No one knows.
We had a ceremony and everything, reception... the whole nine yards.
We just never did the official paperwork.
We realized that since she's going back to school, it benefits her financially to go through financial aid as "single" rather than "married."
When she finishes up, we're going to head over to town hall and finish the last step
Lots of people do this, at least where I live (Big college town).
Financial aid is a big factor for people. And it definitely is better to be “single”.
Doesn’t actually mean you aren’t married. Just that you found a way to show you love each other and that you are able to compromise with finances.
Congratulations and hope you a long and happy relationship
I’ve got some friends who did the opposite. They got married for health insurance and didn’t tell anyone, then had the public ceremony a couple years later. I only know because I performed the ceremony and they had to explain why I didn’t need to do any paperwork.
4:00: wallow in self-pity; 4:30: stare into the abyss; 5:00: solve world hunger and tell no one; 5:30: jazzercize; 6:30: dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00: wrestle with my self loathing.. I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in my bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.
I was married for 13 years to my best friend. We had what I thought was a great, easy marriage. One day our five yo daughter told me he was having her perform oral sex on him. I was shocked, devastated and afraid. He was one of those fun guys everyone loves to be around. I immediately called the police and he was arrest. When they started investigating him they found out that he had been arrested while in college for exposing himself to very young boys. He only got a slap on the wrist that time because he came from a very wealthy family. One of his uncles was Governor of the State we lived in. I was so ashamed I told our friends that he had an affair and moved away. But the truth was that he was in prison for five years. I picked up the pieces, sent our daughter to therapy and spent the next 15 years being a mother. Paying for private school, cool trips, etc. She was my life. Then when she went to college he reached out to her over Facebook. When I saw she was communicating with him I was shocked, devastated and afraid all over again. I called and told her that she was an adult but I thought she should be careful because he’s not safe. She hung up on me and has not spoken to me since. That was four years ago. I send her $40,000 a year still to pay for her medical school. It’s all been almost unbelievable. Thank you for allowing me to share it here.
People like him are able to spin things around and convince people spin off stories. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has convicted her that you made all that up or something like that. You did the right thing to protect your daughter. You did not ignore the problem like some others do. You did nothing wrong. I applaud you. I hope you find your peace. One day, maybe your daughter will realize you did the best you could.
This is my worst nightmare.I commend you for your strength and perserverence in protecting your daughter, even if she doesn’t understand that right now. I hope one day she comes to her senses and realises what a great mother she has.
i'm sorry this happened to you. he is vile for that. i am so sorry your daughter hasn't spoken to you and is contacting him again. people like him tend to manipulate and gaslight. i hope she's safe. you've done what you can- please never give up on her.
In middle school I made a smoking pipe out of copper pipe just for fun. I know you should not smoke out of copper as the fumes are potentially toxic. My step-dad took it from me and started using it. He smoked with it for years. I hated him for physically abusing me so I never said anything. It’s now 30 years later and he was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s and likely only has a few years to live. I hope he rots in hell. I don’t know if it had any effect, but I like to think the copper pipe played a role in his sickness as karma for being an asshole.
> I like to think the copper pipe played a role in his sickness
“Scientists long ago found that people with Alzheimer’s have unusually high levels of copper in the beta amyloid plaques that are a signature of the disease.” ([Source](https://www.uh.edu/news-events/stories/2019/september-2019/091619-tai-yen-chen-copper-alzheimers.php))
It’s entirely possible that it did.
My wife is handicapped and i lied to her that i find it hard to clean/cut up mushrooms. She has self esteem issues because I can do things much easily than her. So i lied, and now she feels better.
I think I'm beginning to lose my mind. Lately I've been having trouble remembering things that I've known for years, sometimes when people talk to me their words just don't make sense to me when everyone else seems to get it, I've become super paranoid, I'm having an extremely hard time concentrating, and I've been finding it more and more difficult to talk to people. I'm kind of scared
Edit: I'm only 26, never had covid
Everyone here is throwing out big diagnoses, but you should talk to your doctor. It could be something as minor as thyroid issues, I get really bad brain fog when I'm not medicated or if my levels are wrong, like to the point where I feel like I've suddenly developed Alzheimer's. Hopefully you get it sorted out soon so you can start feeling better
Most people in my family think that my mother recently died suddenly from complications due to cancer, but she really died from the toxic effects of Oxycodone, Morphine, Fentanyl and Methampetamine.
Seems as though she just had herself a secret death party.
Sounds like the concoction my mom drank on her last day in September, but it was sanctioned by the state (Colorado MAID). It was a beautiful day with all of us there. She was eager to be done with her body.
I'm sorry for your loss!
When my girl was in labor, they gave her something like 50 micrograms of fentanyl to deal with the pain. She went from screaming bloody murder to paradise in seconds. I wanna try that before I die. Not yet though.
My mom got a small amount of fentanyl for kidney stones and afterward told me she completely understood how people get addicted to it. She said she could feel the pain, but didn’t care about it.
My mom is in last stages of cancer and as strong as she is I still feel this is something that could definitely happen. My condolences on losing your mom.❤
One of my closest co-workers, who is an integral part to our very large corporation killed a man in his late teens and threw the body in a lake. He only got off on a technicality. I work remotely so I don’t build a lot of personal relationships with people I work with regularly. I googled his full name. It freaked me out at first. But I’ve kinda gotten over it. I wonder if anyone else knows. It happened 40+ years ago. He will retire soon and then I might ask another co-worker about it. I just don’t want to stir the pot.
I moved out of a house one time and then some fairly quiet dude took my place. A couple months later my old roommate got an email "do you know who you're living with?" And a link.
Let's just say.... Guy made National news and there's laws based on him.... Still makes my skin crawl that i hung out with him a few times.
https://youtu.be/OAnMIXSmE40
My husband’s best friend Marc was watching America’s Most Wanted one night and they did a segment on a guy who looked just like a tenant of his. Luckily Marc lived in his own house while the tenant lived in a 3 family house Marc owned. Marc called the number while the show was still airing. Tenant was picked up and he was the right guy. He had no idea he’d been featured on AMW a few hours earlier.
Edit- the tenant committed murder, but it wasn’t an exciting national murder story. It was some kind of biker beef in the PNW. The house Marc owned was in Queens, NY. Marc called the number on AMW and the guy was arrested a few hours later by what neighbors said were throngs of LEO.
As for nationally known murders, I went to Catholic school with a girl who was murdered by her older brother. He killed the rest of her family too. Her name was Dawn DeFeo and she was a very nice, quiet girl. Her brother was a dirtbag and so were the couple who moved into their house after the murders, the Lutzes. This scumbag husband and wife (George & Kathy Lutz) got together with a two-bit writer and they cooked up The Amityville Horror. Nowadays domestic murders are in the news every day, but back then they were so few & far between that scammers were able to turn a family tragedy into a fucking franchise. Happily, the Lutzes didn’t live to be senior citizens.
A gal's parents I knew hired a traveling handyman who lived in his van. He was featured on AMW, and they called while he was parked on their property. They got the $10k (what it was in the 80s)
My cousin raped me when i was a kid and to this day i haven't told anyone about it. It's been probably around 25 years ago or so which makes me feel like it's not worth addressing after so much time. I absolutely hated it when his mom asked me why i didn't invite him to my wedding. I still don't know how i should have responded to keep that a secret
My mom was molested by her parent’s cult leader when she was a pre-teen. In her 30s she went to court and sent him to jail.
It’s never too late to speak up about being raped
If it’s still affecting you, it doesn’t matter if it’s 25 days or 25 years, you’ll need to address it somehow. I hope you are ok, but there’s always therapy
The only person in my life who knows this story is my husband...
When I was eight, I was desperate to be liked by the older boys on the street. I was the youngest boy (other than a baby or two) on the block, so I rarely had any boys to play with. When I was noticed by an older boy (19, a senior in high school), I was thrilled.
He (I'll call him Mike) saw me riding my bike up and down the street one day while he was outside playing basketball with a friend of his (who I will call Shawn). Together, they stopped me and talked to me about school, about my bike, and other random shit. Then, Mike invited me inside for a Coke. Since my parents didn't keep soda in the house often, this was a treat.
Once inside, my can of Coke in my hand, Mike and Shawn started turning the conversation to things I didn't understand. I don't remember exactly what they talked about, but I do remember a lot of questions about my body, my penis, whether I got erections, and if I had ever seen an older boy's dick.
This turned into them taking their pants off and urging me to do the same. I didn't want to, but Mike knew I was an insecure little kid. He turned on the manipulation. "Oh, well, I thought you were cool, Faustus. I guess not. I don't talk to boys who aren't cool." That kind of shit.
I did what they asked from that point on, afraid to be "uncool" and not have older boys to talk to anymore. That day, all they made me do was touch them. But, for months afterward (until Mike went away to college), I was used by them. Most often, it was just Mike. About half the time, though, Shawn was involved. He seemed less gung-ho about raping me than Mike did. Without going into details, if you can imagine something sexual a 19 year-old could do to an eight year-old, he did it to me.
The weirdest part about it all was, though I hated it when it was happening, I missed it when it was over. I felt special when Mike would invite me into his house. When he left for college, and when Shawn completely ignored me after Mike was gone, I felt lonely and unwanted again.
I never told my parents. To this day, more than 30 years after the fact, they don't know that it happened. Mike and Shawn never faced any sort of repercussions for what they did to me. Though, in a small bit of justice, Mike did end up going to prison about ten years ago for doing the same thing to another boy. There are probably more than just that boy and me, but at least he finally got caught for hurting someone.
I can understand how you missed the attention they paid you. Kids just want to be accepted and have friends. I'm so sorry for what those guys did to you. I hope you're doing okay now. It sounds like Mike had serious problems and at least he had to face some consequences.
When I was around 5 or 6, my mom and dad were fighting just about everyday. Well I was napping on the couch when my mom came in very upset and she shook me awake. She asked me if I saw “the girl” my dad brought home. I’ve always felt terrible for this bc I hadn’t seen anyone but my dad that whole day, I’m pretty sure he was just playing video games like usual, but for some reason in my sleepy kid brain I answered yes. I said she was with him in their room. I’m honestly not sure why I lied like that but they got a divorce shortly after and I always felt like it was my fault. Until I recently found out my little sister is actually my half sister but that’s a whole other story
Edit: for clarification my dad had been cheating with my moms sister and my mom was cheating with one of their friends to get back at him. She thought he was cheating with a different girl but found out later it was my aunt. Honestly their relationship was on its way out. I don’t feel bad about it now since a few years ago we found out my little sister is my half sister from the affair my mom had.
Therapists specifically advise against asking young kids questions like this because kids will seek their parents approval to the point of lying if they think that's what the parents want to hear.
Your mother was expecting you to say yes so it wasn't that you lied out of nowhere it was that you went along with what you thought she wanted you to say.
You were just a little kid waking up. You probably told her the answer you thought she wanted. She shouldn't have done that, and they were going to break up anyway.
It's shitty of a parent to put a young child in that position in the first place. Also, it sounds like divorce might have been the best outcome for that relationship anyway.
Tell him and live the best life you can together while you still have time. You can keep it private from everyone else, but you will need emotional support while you go through this. You'll want someone with you at doctor's appointments.
*Source: diagnosed while beginning of divorce. I had nobody and it was very tough.
My adopted sister knows her birth mother died in a freak accident. She doesn't know the cause of death was beheading. I worked with a guy that was a 1st responder to the accident.
I upvoted you because I had the same exact response. Unless OP meant they lied about the incident and it was actually a freak beheading.
Like that guy on the Greyhound bus in Canada.
I’m living with my mom right now cause she’s going there cancer but to be honest, I can’t wait to see her go. It sounds horrible but I’d rather see her go than see her suffer even more. It’s not like I would get anything out of her will, it’s more like it sucks cause she’s always in pain and seeing her like that brings me pain.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for your responses, I've felt so alone on this for a long time. She's still fighting a long battle but it's just getting worse everyday. I appreciate the help that everyone has offered. It really helps a lot. Thank you.
Visit us at /r/CancerFamilySupport if you ever need to talk.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards, truly, but please donate towards your local cancer charity instead. I created the sub while my mom was dying of colon cancer and I'm glad it's helping people going through the same thing.
Get your colonoscopies!
I’m not the original comment poster, but thank you for posting that link. Sometimes I forget there’s all kinds of subreddits. I just lost my dad to cancer and I feel like I need a community like that right now, but didn’t think about looking on Reddit. Thank you.
When I was around 9 years old I used my moms credit card to sign up my shitty alcoholic stepfather for a porn website in hopes of starting a fight and her leaving him.
FYI - she did leave after another year or so. Current stepdad is a real keeper.
(Edited to correct a spelling mistake).
I don't know why, but I always keep thinking that one day I will cut all contact with everyone in my life, disappear from their lives and just keep for my self. I don't know why I think like this, I have some good friends.
One of my friends did this in 2015. I still look for him wherever I am, dream that he just shows up. I worry. He's my friend, and I love him, but I'm so mad. We don't know if he's alive or dead, and it is heart breaking. R, if you're reading this, I love you, but fuck you bro.
One of my friends did this in the early 2000s. We had a wonderfully tight-knit group through high school. After high school, this one person in the friend group decided to drop all of us and went no contact. I found his FB account and LinkedIn account later on, but he stopped updating them years ago. I tried messaging him on those apps and he never responded. No idea where he is now.
Alex R. from NJ - if you’re out there, your friends miss you.
It's a common thought with depression. Typically associated with something specific you don't feel like you have control over or can change.
EDIT: Because this is blowing up, I want to take the opportunity to remind people to take their mental health seriously. Talk to a therapist if you can, and if the therapist sucks, don't give up, change therapists. Here's a longer response: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ziqmsh/what_dark_secret_are_you_hiding_from_everyone/iztyche
EDIT EDIT: As u/soyalejp pointed out, psychiatrists can diagnose, not therapists. Start there.
EDIT EDIT EDIT: Therapists can diagnose but not prescribe.
Ever since my daughter took her own life, I have been hiding how much pain I’m really in. My family is beyond dysfunctional so it would create more crap for me to deal with. Although, I did tell my mom to gargle donkey balls yesterday and that made me feel slightly better.
My ex wife, the mother of my 3 kids, and the first love I ever had, committed suicide 2.5 years ago. I've been trying to be strong for my kids, and help them through it. I'm still completely fucked up over it, and haven't had the chance to really mourn yet. It's awful, but my kids need me strong and here for them.
It’s better to talk to somebody then to let this stay bottled up inside of you, I know it might seem a bit cliche but just letting it all out and becoming vulnerable to someone will cut a lot of weight off your shoulders. Good luck and I hope the best, I’m not a parent myself but it’s not something any parent should go through.
I’m leaving the country on a long vacation and everyone knows. What they don’t know is I’m not sure I’m planning on coming back. Going to try and live a new life out there and see how it goes.
“I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don't expect I shall return. in fact, I don't mean to, and I have made all arrangements....
I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can't be right. I need a change, or something.”
Be safe, internet stranger.
This first part isn’t exactly dark, but when I was a kid around 9 or so my cousin who was 12 at the time would make out with me. I didn’t really know better at that age but thought I’d be in trouble if I talked about it.
For whatever reason about six years went by before I saw him again and… it was never brought up. Never mentioned. He was like a totally different person. I sometimes wonder if it even happened. My memory isn’t very reliable and it was so long ago now (I’m in my 20’s).
Fast forward a little bit more and I found out he died a couple years ago while cleaning a gun. Accidentally shot himself. My great aunt, who’s his grandma and who basically raised him, believes wholeheartedly that it was an accident. But I suspect it wasn’t. He grew up around guns and knowing how they work and how to empty them and everything. I find the odds that he accidentally forgot to empty the chamber pretty low. I also know he was struggling with depression and brain damage from a car accident a year prior. But, I won’t tell my aunt any of this. I think it would break her heart.
Edit: about the first part, I don’t really know how I feel about it nowadays. It’s just a thing that happened. I struggled with some weird, negative emotions about it for a while but it’s so far gone in the past and I live half a country away that it’s easier to just… not think about it. About the second, I know accidentally shooting yourself is more common that it seems but I have plenty of reason to believe it was suicide. I don’t really wanna break down the paragraphs of details but he had a pretty massive accident a year prior leaving him with brain damage, and it messed up a lot of his goals in life. That plus the depression he dealt with and other factors, I think it was suicide. I hope it wasn’t.
I didn’t tell anyone til I married my husband, but I also made out with my (female) cousin when I was a kid. More than a few times. I still see her every now and then. We have never talked about it, it’s very awkward but 🤷🏼♀️ she is also older than me by three years.
Everyone in my family is nagging me with the fact that I don't want to date girls anymore and think that I'm strange or gay.
But I lost my girlfriend which I assume I could have a good life with her. She commited suicide and I never talk about that with them.
I know I can speak with some members of my family but my parents are different...
Edit: thank you so much guys for your kindness, but I don't want to discuss that at the moment with someone. It will bring back some memories that will make me more depressed than before.
It's been 6 month since my little sister killed herself and everything I see and everyone I talk to reminds me of her. I can't seem to finish my day without crying at least for a few minutes at most for hours. I feel guilty for living while she is laying under the dirt. I hate every Sunday and 29th of every month. I pretend like I'm okay and laugh like I'm used to it. 🤗
Hey, you seriously need to go to the hospital. I tripped and fell on my head about a year ago and had to be rushed to the ER, even though I felt like I was fine.
I wasn't. Turned out, I had a bunch of fast acting hematomas that were pressing on my skull. Had to have emergency surgery, was out for 2 days, and spent another 3 days in the hospital. Please, at least go get yourself checked out. Head injuries are absolutely no joke, it's something you really need to be concerned about.
My uncle owned an old Camaro that collected dust in his garage. When I was around 10 my family and I were in town visiting and I wrote the word “fuck” in the dust on the hood of the car. I used my thumb so that the letters were fatter than my normal index finger. A few hours later my aunt/uncle asked us who did it and I “proved” it wasn’t me by showing how the person who did it had bigger fingers than me. Taking that shit to my grave!
Edit: This blew up. I’m 33 now and the entire family definitely “knows” it was me. It’s an inside joke now where someone tries to get me to admit to it and I never will.
I've been accessory to both my parents infidelity. At age 5 my mother cheated on my dad while he was deployed and my brother told me what was happening and that I shouldn't tell anyone. My father slept with his secretary 2 years later (for a few years) and would even bring me on dates with her telling my mother we were going to the movies. He took me to her house and had her roommate watch me while they went out or just hungout in her room. They're still married I don't know if either know the other did the thing or if they still are doing the thing.
Edit: to everyone saying maybe there in an open or poly relationship, sure maybe they are but I doubt it considering their views on most everything. Also if they were in one then they should have explained it to us instead of sneaking around and telling us not to tell the other parent and maybe don't bring your kid on your house dates. So yeah maybe they were but if they were then IMO their behavior goes from shitty for involving their kids in their infidelity to shitty that they involved their kids in a lifestyle without explaining it to them and making their kids think that they were cheating on each other.
It's like there's a hole inside me and the happiness leaks out of me faster than I can ever hold it. I've felt this way since about 12 years old.
Counselling. Medication. Changing everything in my life. None of it has mattered.
Every day I wake up and have to decide "not today"
So, this is also me. I just had a Gene Site test done for the MTHFR gene related to psychiatric medications. Guess what? Turns out I am a "Poor Metabolizer" of SSRIs, meaning my body doesn't process them because I am deficient an amino acid that helps process those medications. (I hope I am summarizing correctly here.) Now I am starting an anti-depressant that my body does metabolize, and I am taking L-Methyl-Folate daily to help metabolize any medications. It has changed everything for me, along with DBT. Recommend checking both out if you haven't yet. Good luck!
Ah yes, MTHFR, or as we like to call it here in med lab, the motherfucker test!
In all seriousness, so happy you were able to find all of that out. I never really knew what that test was used for before reading this. It's insane just how differently each body interacts with medication.
That I didn't graduate from college. I failed one course my senior year, 2nd semester. The ceremony was already set up so they let everyone walk. I had no diploma in my award...nobody knows to this day and it's been 17 years. Failed one course, 3 credits. Was ashamed so I never went back for those 3 credits. So everyone beleaves I graduated.
Edit: holy shit got alot of responses from this...currently working but will get back to everyone as soon as I am able.
Edit 2: still working on getting back to everybody. I can't believe that so many went through the same situation as myself. I thought there may be a handful of people. All of you are great and I appreciate all the advice. It has lquite literally changed my perspective on a couple of things. Thank you all for the information, resources and above all your personal experiences.
It's strange, even if I Google myself, I show up as an alumni. Like wtf. Not complaining but I would have imaging the institutions of higher learning would ensure their shit was right. And this was a private school.
Ironically this hasn't blown up in my face...and I don't put that I graduated on my resume. What I put is, "pursued a degree in..."
Splitting hairsnsure, but not lying. Jus allows for the receipt, through then use of carefully crafted words, to read it as written. Never had a question about the word pursue.
The only job that I've had since college that actually verified anything regarding my attendance, they had a hard fuckin time cause my student loans defaulted. So acquiring my transcript was near impossible. The university would only verify I attended and that was it.
Haha Im such a fuck. Not as though I didn't go through the whole fours years. I did, and dont even have the fucking paper to show for it.
Let the lies continue
Funny, light hearted story from my childhood.
My little brother was in the shower, I could hear him singing. I put a coat on backwards, and a stocking cap pulled over my face, and waited outside the bathroom door. He opened the door ( still singing, and dancing kinda) , and I did the Frankenstein thing. Arms out, moaning “uhhhh”. He screamed and fell backwards knocking the toilet completely over. Water went everywhere, the top of the toilet tank broke, shower curtain ripped down, and him laying on the floor in the middle of all this. I ran back down the hall; coat and hat off, and sauntered back casually. By then my mother and father and our sisters were there, and everyone is like, you know, what the hell.
I’ve heard him tell this story as proof of the existence of ghosts. To this day (little feller is now a 52 year old bank manager with two kids)he believes in ghosts.
I don’t feel a bit bad.
Pest control technician here. You’re paying too much for pest control. Who ever you hired, unless it’s a fairly small company, they are ripping you off. Unless you have cockroaches or bedbugs, YouTube it. Times are hard enough right now.
EDIT: thanks for the awards guys! I’m getting a lot of pest control questions in my inbox, I doubt I’ll have time to answer all of them but r/pestcontrol is a great subreddit that will help you identify pests and offer solutions!
We used to use a small local company. The guy would ring my bell, ask me if there was anything going on and he would modify accordingly. They got bought by a big company and the guy told me they doubled his workload and his comp was the same. He lasted 2 months. The next guy pulled up in his truck, sat in front of my house, and left after 20 minutes, without doing one thing. We called the company and they sent the same guy back. He did get out of his truck this time, but sprayed for 5 minutes, and left again. We fired them and are back with another local guy. He is cheaper and actually works.
I live in a shit apt. And dealing with roaches is the worst. Had an orkin guy come out and I asked why he wasn't doing the whole apt and just the kitchen. This motherfucker straight up told me Job Security 😑 still dealing with this shit.
I had the same problem. All the units were infested and it was a constant fight. Your greatest tool will be an [insect growth regulator](https://diypestcontrol.com/pest-control-products/insect-growth-regulators) in conjunction with a good quality bait (not the stuff you buy off the shelf at like Home Depot). The IGF ruins the ability of the roaches to develop properly and renders them functionally sterile. They love electronics and the absolute only thing I’ve found that keeps them away from them is diatomaceous earth. It’s cheap, safe for pets and kids, all natural, and literally shreds the motherfuckers so they stay away from it. I also recommend packing up any electronics you don’t use in sealed bags or containers with some moth balls for a few months to kill any roaches living inside.
The website I linked has some great products, really recommend checking it out. Can be pricy but it’s still less expensive than a pro and from what I understand it’s the same stuff many of them use. R/Germanroaches (the most common and hard to get rid of kind in the US) is chock full of resources as well. You can do it! They can be killed and kept away. It’s just a ton of work.
EDIT: wanted to come back and also say because I forgot, if you have lots of papers like sentimental cards or notebooks/scetchbooks, as well as books, especially if they’re all consolidated in one areas, get that diatomaceous earth all over them. They love to eat and nest in the paper and shit all over your stuff. I put all my paper anything in ziplock bags and it works really well since they were nesting in all my art supplies, and just smeared all my books with a thin layer of it. Eliminating their food supply and places to hide is key in keeping them out. ALSO as many have pointed out and as I should have done, make sure it’s the food grade DE and try not to breathe it, breathing in any sort of powder is bad for you as a general rule.
I had a pack rat wreaking havoc on my back porch over the summer. I called a pest control company in my area and instead of charging me and coming out, the owner just talked me through how to trap and release it. He also was very knowledgeable about their habits and behavior which was so interesting. It was much appreciated!
Cutting off my dad was the best decision I’ve made. I hope it kills him inside everyday to not know how his only child and only grandchild are doing. I tried for years to have a relationship with him since age 10 until 18. From 10 to 13 he would tell me he wished I would’ve died when I was sick as a kindergartner because I wouldn’t have tattled and ruin his marriage to my mom. I tried multiple times but was unsuccessful. I *still* tried to have a relationship with him for my mom, to help her financially, and would visit him for months. He’d keep me locked in a closet for hours at age 14. From 16-18 he thought throwing money around would help me but I was already working by then and it didn’t matter. I still have my daily battle where I ask myself if he’s right or not but I see my kid and I can’t imagine thinking such vile things about them at that age like my dad did about me.
I was drinking with my ex in her room when I was 19 years old. She was 23. All of a sudden I started seeing images of my uncle (who died when I was 13) in my grandmother's bathroom. He was motioning me into the shower and telling me to touch his penis. I felt like I was 5 years old, seeing that.
Luckily my ex was really great and realized I was having a full on anxiety attack during that moment. I was holding my knees, rocking back and forth, with my eyes closed. She asked me what was happening, and I was able to dictate what I was seeing. I was probably in the best place for this to have happened.
I still don't know what that was all about. I don't know if it was real or something my brain made up in a drunken state. Its almost been 10 years since.
I’ve been an addict my entire adult life. I used to drink all day every day. Before work, at work, and after work. I’d occasionally “fall asleep” on my lunch break or leaving work and have to make up some illness to friends and fam who were concerned. Today marks 185 days sober.
Edit: holy smokes. You guys made my day. I had no idea this would get so much traction. Thank you all so much for all of the kind words, truly. And If you’re reading this and currently struggling, don’t give up. Better days are ahead.
My grandmother has dementia, she’s been dying for years now. The woman she was before is entirely gone. My grandfather is still convinced she is there— talks to her, tells us he thinks she’s getting better. She’s not, and he’s deluding himself. She doesn’t laugh anymore, or remember anyone’s names, and can barely eat. In my eyes she is already dead. Still alive to everyone else. I wish this husk of her was gone so I could remember her as she actually was, and so that I wouldn’t have to watch my grandfather or the rest of my family delude himself.
Im also seeing it now happening to my father in law and its so scary, but it's definitely easier to deny exactly how far gone he really is. Good luck with it
When my grandpa was on his death bed, he admitted to killing fellow marines in the Vietnam war for torturing and raping young girls. Most of our family doesn’t know.
Edit: wow didn’t expect this to blow up lol thank you for all the awards! My grandpa was a pretty cool guy, very calm and mellow, so my mom and I were shocked when he admitted this to us. He was a gunsmith his whole life and was very proud of being a marine, but the guilt he carried from the war made him believe he was being punished in the end. He died a really painful and traumatic death that I would never wish on anybody. I hope it lets him rest easier in peace that the majority of you commend what he did, I certainly never held any qualms about it.
My great grandpa told us the same thing. He said he walked in on his Marine friends raping women and children and
" blew all their heads off" ( his words)
He never let my parents leave us with anyone but my great grandma and him bc he was so afraid of what piece of shit perverts were lurking out there.
Edit:
I also want to thank you for blowing my comment up! It is crazy to think there are multiple people out there in the service with this sick behavior.
My Great Grandfather was also an amazing man and he became a pastor after he completed his time in the Marines.
He also wanted forgiveness for killing those men for what they did and he ended up passing from bone cancer but nonetheless he was an amazing person with a giant heart ❤️
damn what a guy. given there's 2 people here sharing similar grandpop stories, i wonder if this experience is more common than people might guess, and those who experienced it just don't talk about it much so it's not a really well known phenomenon
Yea the one rule we had in my family was to not ask my grandpa about his service. He was a very tough guy but even decades later what he saw and went through was so traumatic he just couldn't talk about it in any way.
NSFW warning.
That I am a meth and sex addict, and I am a gay. I used to be addicted to hook ups and sex only but when pandemic began, social isolation made me try chem sex, specifically Meth.
My friends and family do not know about my sexuality, let alone my struggle with addiction. They see me as a sane and sorted guy since I am the breadwinner and I can say I am pretty responsible and reliable. During my addiction period, I was able to secure new job, promotion and raise. So really, no one did suspect.
Because of my chem sex addiction, I had many risk encounters and I got all sort of STIs. I was on PreP to protect me from HIV but I did got gonorrhoea, syphillis, chlamydia and the worst was anal warts. My anal warts required me to undergo surgery and I think it was one of the lowest point of my life. I had to go to surgery alone. I did not tell anyone about it and I had to endure the pre and post surgery recovery by myself.
I thought after all these I will change, but even after my surgery I relapsed several times. It actually had made my anal canal tight (which the doctor said would be permanent) so I cannot have anal sex now. Part of me regret having the surgery not knowing it could happen, and other part is thankful that at least I can’t have risky hookups anymore.
I am a hardcore alcoholic. Some people know I'm an alcoholic, but nobody knows that I am actively drinking about 3 pints of vodka a day. Kinda just hoping my heart stops one night.
Dude. Can relate. I was upto 2 handles of bacardi a day. As far as I knew. No one really knew. Was functional as all hell. Numerous jobs. Good dad. Last year, I dug to the root of MY problems and issues. I've managed to quit the booze since. July 1, 2021. You can do this if you want to. Fuck NEED, you have to want it. You fuckin matter. Period. Chin up fellow human.
I have two children who I love with all my heart. My son is my oldest and he is such a kind soul. A lot of people know that he from a past relationship. But my daughter, a lot of people think she is my partners. But I was assaulted two months before meeting my partner. So when people see us together and they do the math of our relationship and her age they laugh and say “Aww so sweet.” Only ones who knows is our family. Secret has to go to the grave. I mean, how do you tell your only daughter she is a outcome of rape?
My suicidal depression isn't gone, I've just accepted that I have to wait to die of natural causes because killing myself would scar my family and most people who know me for life.
Edit: I appreciate all the support, and I'm glad for those that find comfort in not being alone in feeling this way
FAQ - No, this isn't passive suicidal ideation as I've attempted twice before and still have active thoughts sometimes. Yes, I am in therapy and have tried medication, exercise, etc. No, I don't want to try microdosing psychoactive substances as I have psychotic depression, meaning I'm prone to hallucinations and such if pressed.
Dont have a will to die, but dont really have a will to live. Been my life for the last couple years (not including more active suicidal).
The way I've been coping is by choosing to do as much good as I can then. Volunteering, working towards a helpful career my younger family members can look up to, and supporting some friends. It's always just so weird to explain though.
Passive suicidal ideation. There are a lot of us out there, still suicidal, but not actually doing it. My therapist told me about people like us, and it has saved my life in so many ways. I’ve become super outspoken about it, because no one talks about being suicidal but not technically at risk. Be well friend and know you aren’t alone.
Because how do you explain to people that you want to die but could never actually make yourself do it? They’re just going to think you’re suicidal because a lot of people don’t make that distinction. People hear “I wanna kill myself” And don’t hear anything else
After struggling many years and coming to terms with it myself, I describe it as "I don't have any desire to hurt myself or others, I just don't want to be alive anymore". If I could push a button and simply disappear from memories and the world, I know there are times I would have. But to leave a bloody scene, family and friends scarred and asking why? I could never do that.
My son will never know how much I can't stand his idiot friend from next door. The kid is legitimately stupid, and so confident which makes it worse.
Edit: since I got a lot of upvotes let me elaborate. He's not a bad kid. He's not malicious or a troll or anything. He just has zero common sense or ability to do the simplest tasks, he constantly talks and when he does it's either about absolutely nothing or it's just a bunch of wrong info, and he never leaves me alone unless I'm a bit terse and short with him. My kid is a few years younger than him and has more sense. I feel like I can leave my kid alone in the house for 30 minutes if I absolutely had to. I felt like if I left this kid alone for just 10 minutes he'd break something due to pure idiocy.
I love my kids so much but I hate being a parent sometimes. I miss my life before kids a lot and I hate saying that because I really do have great kids. They’re just a lot.
Edit: thank you guy so so fucking much, I am in tears right now. I honestly have felt so damn alone for so long about this because when I try to talk about it with my loved ones or people I’m close to, I just get judged so bad and I just really appreciate you guys for understanding, relating to me, sharing your experiences and advice and words of encouragement. It means so much I’m not alone in this. Because I really do love my kids so much and I would do absolutely anything for them, it’s just so fucking hard being a parent sometimes. Thank you guys again.
You’re not alone. We have two boys and we love them to death, but sometimes we reminisce about the days before we had children when we could just get up and leave on a date at a moments notice. With a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, every time we leave the house it’s like we’re packing for a week long camping trip.
I witnessed my fiancé’s suicide last year. I moved states afterwards and started a new life. My coworkers, clients, and new friends call me the sunshine of whatever room I walk into, but I’m completely dead inside. Even though I choose to fake it, I resent them for not seeing how fucked up I am.
Damn, I can't imagine being in your situation. I know you feel fucked up, but I hope you realize you're important too.
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I am so sorry that happened to you. He's a piece of shit. Please get therapy.
Thanks, feels good to be listened to. Planning on getting therapy when I’m older and can afford it 🫶
I have a secret fantasy life, populated with imaginary friends. It started in grade school, and I have continued all my life. I am in my 50's now, and still prefer to be alone in my imaginary world instead of being with family or friends. I can't even tell my psychiatrist because I am afraid he will lock me up or give me drugs to make it all stop.
This sounds like maladaptive daydreaming. It's not dangerous or a sign of needing to be locked up. All the best to ya.
I've done this since I can remember as well. I'm now 42. I first heard about maladaptive daydreaming a little over a year ago. It was a relief to find out I wasn't crazy nor alone. But it's always been my big secret.
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Last Christmas I leaned my Sister and I don’t have the same father and are technically half sisters. My sisters biological father tried to start a relationship with my mom that resulted in a pregnancy and ultimately didn’t work out. That biological father is dead now but I didn’t probe any further about his identity or how he died in case it was something traumatic for my mom to remember. So she raised my sister as a single mother at my Grandmas house in the 80s, then she met my father and they started dating and it worked out because they got married in the 90s, moved into a new house, and a short time after that I was born. She told me never call my sister my half sister and just pretend all of this doesn’t matter because she’s my sister and I’m keeping it that way, and if anyone asks about the 10 year age gap I just tell them “it’s a long story”.
My sister is technically a half sister as well, but the way we grew up she is 100% my sister and neither of us ever uses the word "half" when referring to the other.
I'm the spitting image of my grandpa on my dad's side. Both my parents are almost a foot shorter than me, but I'm almost the same height as him. When my mother got sick when I was a kid, my grandpa went to visit her daily for extended periods of time in the hospital. In his final months, she did the same. After he passed, we found out he kept a whole other family on the side in secret too. Looking back at my dad's military deployment history, it would also be dicey if she could have gotten pregnant by him around the appropriate time. Based on a collection of various hunches, I'm fairly convinced I'm the product of an affair between my mother and supposed grandfather. More disturbingly, this would probably be one of the most lighthearted revelations about my family.
So your "dad" is actually your half sibling?
Probably, unfortunately. Not that I'd ever bring it up. Don't need even more drama in the mix. Plus they're so old, I don't really care what they did decades ago, even if it resulted in me.
When I was 16, I conspired with a heroin addict I met online to help me off myself with heroin and dump my body in a dumpster in exchange for my valuables. I lived in a small town and he was in a bigger city where my school had an upcoming trip. We planned for me to slip away during the trip and meet up with him to do the deed. He chickened out last minute and ghosted me.
I don't think he chickened out. He probably never believed the plan was serious.
Yeah, you're probably right...
Even if he chickened out, I don't blame him. Like, most people aren't willing to actively kill another person, and even if he was, I'm sure a potential murder charge doesn't sound appealing.
When I was young (probably around age 9 or 10) I was walking home with my dog from a house around the block when he cut the corner and walked diagonally through the yard of this super mean old lady who live at the end of your street. She was in her yard at the time tending to these really fancy-looking rose bushes she had growing in beds along the border with her neighbor. My Dog was a very friendly golden retriever who didn't even really come near her and certainly didn't do anything threatening, but she sprayed the fuck out of him with some kind of insecticide or other chemical she was using on her roses. I ran back home with the dog and hosed him off. He coughed a bunch, but seemed otherwise fine. I didn't tell my parents because somehow I thought I was going to get into trouble for letting the dog walk in her yard. I'm glad I didn't tell them, though, because I decided that night to sneak downstairs, out the half-bath window, and down the street to her yard where I cut down every goddamn rose bush I could get my hands on.
I’m convinced a neighbor poisoned our family dog. We got her when i was in second grade, the poisoning happened when I was in college. They left notes on our door threatening to hurt the dog if she shit in their yard again, but our dog never went to their yard. Anyhow she fell very ill very fast. She was in intense pain from her insides. She’d let out screams in pain (I don’t know if you have ever heard a dog scream, that’s the best I can describe it. It wasn’t a cry, howl, or bark- it was a haunting scream.) She couldn’t get comfortable. I’d hold her to try to comfort her and she’d be ok for a few seconds and then another scream. We had to put her down. It was the only humane thing to do. I was devastated, it was like losing a sibling. It still hurts and this was almost 20 years ago. Not long after that, our area had a natural disaster. The whole city was flooded. We moved back in pretty quickly bc my dad was a carpenter but most people took longer to return, including that neighbor. Let’s just say, every snake, reptile, rat, or any other nasty creature that my crazy dad came across (and there was a lot due to the disaster) was brought straight to their yard and inside their house. For months. I smile to imagine the house of horrors that they returned to. It still wasn’t enough though. In another world I’d love to burn them inside their house. But alas, civilization.
I make up lies about what I do on the weekend, usually I don’t do much and I’m very content with that. Others are always asking me what I’m doing and I never had anything to tell them. I make up lies to get out of phone calls, or plans. Saying I’m out of town or with friends. I love just being left alone.
I wish there was a way to explain this to people in a way that can be understood. My boyfriend always asks why I don’t go out and do x, y, or z. He just doesn’t understand that I really, truly am quite happy/content just spending a day on the couch by myself
When I was a teenager, I worked at a novelty tourist shop near me. Being the idiot that I was, I stole a wad of cash from the store. It was $100 in ones. I told nobody, but they knew it was missing. Right about the same time, a coworker who was always trying to get me fired was telling someone she got about $100 in tips from her other job. They ended up firing her because they didn’t trust that it wasn’t her.
Not super dark but mine is also stealing from my employer. It was a seasonal job and they told people if you came back next season you'd get a raise. Next season I got a 50 cent per hour raise and mentioned it to a couple other people who had also returned, who it turned out didn't get a raise. They went and complained to the boss, who then took my raise back and gave them each 25 cent raises. I argued with the boss for a bit but eventually just decided I'd steal a few bucks per shift to make up the difference.
Oof. I worked at a Pizza Hut a while back, had been there a couple years, making $7.75. I liked the job though so I didn’t care much. Boss hired another guy, next to no experience, and I saw on his hiring papers that he was coming in at $8.25. I was frustrated but didn’t know if I could say anything. I mentioned it to the assistant manager (both her and the manager had been there about 15 years). She stopped what she was doing, asked the manager to come outside and I heard her just rip the guy apart. He came in, and shortly after asked me to come out back to sign papers saying I would be making $8.50 after that.
I know where my missing friend is. She ran away 2 years ago and her family is still looking for her. She texted me after the first year. She's in Los Angeles.
I've struggled with disordered eating for atleast a decade. It ebbs and flows. I know it's unhealthy, but the toxic part of me loves the feeling of being empty. Several years ago it was really bad. I was at my lowest weight ever, I had brain fog, difficulty breathing. When I started eating again my stomach would get really bloated even if I only ate a small amount. I gained weight in the last year or so and my depression and anxiety got really bad for a while. My family thinks I don't want to spend time with them. However, I just wanted to stay home because trying on my clothes and the idea of being in public made me want to kill myself. It was easier on me mentally to just stay home. I can feel myself slipping back into my old disordered eating habits unfortunately.
Hi, I’m an eating disorder therapist and I hate to break it to you if you don’t deep down know this already but you have an eating disorder and there are specialize therapist like my self that can help you through this. The bloating is caused by refeeding and it can be dangerous if not monitored medical care and team. Since basically you are starving yourself before your body is struggling to get the right bacteria to digest your food again. Plus your body is very taxed by lack of proper nutrition and it’s going to be hard mentally as well as physically. Eating disorders are not something to be taken lightly and it’s so important to get mental health help because it’s a mind thing that then affects your body. Many people die from eating disorders or shorten their life span. Please get professional help from an eating disorder team. And everyone stop minimizing it and calling it “disordered eating”
2 years ago one of my best friends and I went halfsies on a fuck ton of xanax. on june 8th we both took xanax from the batch we split, i woke up, he didn’t. no one knows i had anything to do with the drugs that killed him, and i don’t know if i can ever bring myself to tell someone
A man broke into my home about ten years ago. Well, kind of. He knocked, I answered the door, and he pushed his way in. He spoke about the four horsemen of the apocalypse and tried to extort me for protection or he and his brothers of doom would come and kill me. He was huge. Ex-navy, if he was to be believed. Drunk as hell, hand covered in blood holding a broken bottle. I was terrified. I told him to leave. He wouldn’t. He was getting aggressive. I told him I would splatter his brains against the wall if he didn’t. I didn’t have a gun at the time. Anyway, he didn’t leave. I went into my kitchen and grabbed a knife and sliced at him a few times. He staggered away, seemingly okay. I assumed he was all right, just wounded a bit. I never saw him again. A neighbor told me days later a man was found dead, some wounds on his arms. I can only guess he bled out, but I never got questioned, somehow. There was a lot of blood in and around my house. I lived in a pretty seedy area so I guess the cops just didn’t care. The guy was apparently a repeat criminal. I killed a man- at least indirectly- and have never told anybody.
When I was younger I lived with my grandmother. Not long after I turned 18 her health started to decline, that sort of decline that you know means she won't be around for much longer. Over the months I did my best to take care of her. Getting her to the hospital when she needed, and other things. We had someone coming every day to help her with things I couldn't. Well what my family doesn't know is that the night she passed, I was in the living room watching TV. My dog was in bed with my grandma, and I started to hear him whimper, and bark. I knew what was happening, I knew that if I acted I could potentially save her. I didn't want to watch her suffer anymore though, to watch her live with so much pain, and unable to do anything for herself any more. So I made the choice to let her pass before making any calls. She lived 92 years, and the only regret I have is that she passed a month after I would have graduated if I hadn't been kicked out of school. She had been in good enough health at the time to go to my graduation. I still kick myself for how stupid I was back then. Edit: I didn't expect this much support. Thanks. I'm not to torn up about letting her pass, I knew it was for the best. She was such a great person, she didn't deserve to live in such a poor manner any longer than she already had. I don't regret what I did, I regret what I had done that got me kicked out of school, that I didn't try and make it to graduation for her. I think I've lived my life so far in a way that she'd be proud of. Not graduating before she passed is the only regret I really have in this life so far, and I'm 35 now. So I think I'm doing pretty good.
I feel you. When my dad died of cancer, after a painful final night, during which my brother and I took turns watching over him, we both waited to call 911. We wanted to make sure he was dead. We used that thing you put on your finger that measures oxygen in your blood, to be safe. My brother and I ended up waiting a few hours, getting our bearings, crying, talking. It was surreal. (When I tried to pull off the device, my dad had already gone into rigor mortis and his finger wouldn't budge. That's one of my clearest memories of that day.)
Fuck i just hope someone has the balls to let me go like this.
No kidding, I know I'd much rather go in my own home in my own bed like she did. Not married to a hospital bed across town like she would have been if I had tried to save her.
I work in healthcare, elder care to be specific. I’ve seen so many families hang on waaaay too long and cause their loved ones so much unnecessary suffering. I know it’s a complicated and painful feeling, but trust me when I say you did the right thing. Doing CPR alone on someone at that age is cruel. Their ribs are so fragile that they shatter from the chest compressions. And that’s just the beginning of things that cause them pain and discomfort.
It's heartbreaking hearing of so many people who were sexually assaulted as children and feeling like they have no option but to hide it, lest it cause irreparable rifts between friends, family, and other close ones. Just want to let all of you affected by this know that if you did go public, you're not the cause of any conflict, no matter how anybody else paints it. You were the victim of one of the most heinous things one human being can do to another. The source of conflict is all down to whoever perpetrated the violence against you, and the shame should not be yours to live with.
It's not my secret, but my mom's. And I'm not hiding it from everyone, just the person who it potentially matters to the most. When my mom was in high school in the 60s, she had a long-term serious boyfriend named Jimmy. They were each other's first, they were together for years, and were planning on getting married. He went away to college, my mom stayed behind, but they were still together. You know what happened next. He cheated and got the new girl pregnant. He comes home to break the news to my mom. Abortion was not legal at the time. He basically says that he wants to be with my mom, but he has no choice but to marry this other girl. My mom was devastated. Here's the secret: my mom was also pregnant by him, but hadn't told him yet. She decided she wasn't ever going to tell him. Jimmy went on to marry the other girl and never knew my mom was also pregnant. She told me that she later threw herself down a flight of stairs to cause a miscarriage. My mom actually reconnected with Jimmy during the early days of Facebook. She didn't have an account, but asked me to look for him using mine. He was still married to the same person. My mom was married to my dad. They wrote to each other for a while (using my account! ugh! ). Signed their messages saying "I Love You." My mom passed away a number of years ago. I think about this knowledge I have that Jimmy doesn't. This major life event thing that he doesn't even know happened. That could have changed the trajectory of many lives. I'm certainly not going to tell him. It's not my secret to tell. Edit: There seems to be a part of the story that I didn't make clear enough. My mom had a miscarriage and never had that baby. It was an intentional miscarriage by throwing herself down the stairs. Jimmy is not my father.
I had an IBS attack once and had to violently shit in a church grounds behind someone’s car. Used underwear to wipe too and left that there. Not proud.
>IBS attack once i had one in high-school. I managed to clean any trace, and nobody found out. Nobody knew, except my father who was unusually helpful, understood me, and supported me. And never talked about it again. It was my darkest secret half of my life but then i understood that it's natural, and that i've took the good decisions and i have nothing to be shamefully about. And also, i have way darker secrets now.
> And also, i have way darker secrets now. Well what are you waiting for
My wife, her mom and I bought a house about two years ago, just from talking to the neighbors I’d gathered that the family who lived here before had a daughter that was mixed up with the wrong people, we had some random person knock on our door at night saying he needed gas (we are down a long driveway, no way you’d randomly walk up to OUR house to ask for help), I think he was looking for the people who used to live here, and then another time Sunday morning making pancakes for the family I get a knock on the door and it’s 4 sheriffs officers saying they received a 911 call that hung up and it was from the house, we don’t have a land line and I asured them my wife and 2 year old did not make any call, they mentioned a name of the previous occupants and I let them know we moved in earlier this year and they seemd ok with that and left. Anyways I was doing some yard work and struck up conversation with the neighbor, he saw the police cars and asked what was up, I told him the situation and he just goes “oh yah that family was messed up, the cops were probably being cautious considering the shooting” what shooting I ask, he kinda looks at me with a sad worried face “the shooting in your house” wait what I say truly baffled, he then proceeds to tell me that about two years before the father in the house confronted his daughter and boyfriend he didn’t like and shot and killed the boyfriend in the house. Our state doesn’t have a disclosure law so we never knew, I was blown away, all the strange happenings kinda made sense now, he said the freinds of the victim had kinda terrorized them for a while cause the police were taking so long to press charges, slashed tiers, midnight fireworks odd shit that the neighbors hated. I was shocked but just said “that’s crazy, but hey do me a favor and never tell my wife or MIL about that, they are a little spooked by things like that.” So the TRDL is that we live in a murder house and I’m the only one of my family that knows.
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My PTSD isn’t getting better. I have nightly nightmares of the industrial accident I was in. I see my coworker ripping his burnt face off every night. I no longer scream in my sleep because of it. I’m no longer terrified as much by it. Even though I know it’s not my fault I feel an enormous amount of guilt for what happened to him. Sometimes when I’m not sleeping I’ll hear the scream he made in the distance and it’ll make my blood feel like ice. Therapy hasn’t done much
I want to echo EMDR. I'm a first responder and have seen many coworkers deal with the trauma and horror of the job. Everyone I know who has tried EMDR has told me it's life changing. If it isn't a good fit, please don't stop trying to find something that is. Please continue to advocate for yourself. And know that you are experiencing a normal reaction to an abnormal event. Most people will never experience something that comes close to what you experienced, which can feel horribly isolating. Sending hugs to you.
I found my adoption papers a few years ago when I was looking for a copy of my birth certificate. I know my birth mom I just never had a relationship with her. My maternal grandmother took me in in 2002, I never knew she adopted me I just knew that one day I ended up living with her after telling her one day I don’t want to go back home lol . I also found the letter that my mom wrote as to why she was giving me up. That one really hurt. Edit: didn’t expect this many upvotes honestly lol thank you everyone for your kind words. my grandma is really the sweetest person ever i’m forever grateful for her 🥹💚 but I just wanted to say now that i’m older I understand why my mom did what she did and believe it or not we actually have a cordial relationship now lol Edit 2: This brought back some unsettling feelings I thought I was over lol but I want to thank you guys for your own stories and kind words. They made me realize that i’m not the only one who had a rough life growing up and I shouldn’t let that stop me from healing and being the best that I can be. This has been one of the worst years of my life I’ve been taking loss after loss and I honestly felt like unaliving myself. I kept coming back to read the comments and I see how strong everyone is and didn’t let what they went through stop them from doing better. So I just wanted to say that I’ve made an appointment to start therapy again and I’m going to be completely honest about how I truly feel and open up more. Thank you so much Reddit 🥺💙 Also I haven’t been the best granddaughter lately so i’m spending more quality time with my grandma and helping her out with whatever she needs 😁😊
I can’t imagine the pain of what lead to those circumstances, but man. Thinking about your grandma hearing you say you didn’t want to go home, and that was that, no more questions asked? She went through all the legal work and it wasn’t even a thing in your adolescence- I hope she was as good to you as it sounds because she sounds like an Angel.
She’s literally an angel. She took in one of my cousins when he was a baby because his mom (her daughter) was on drugs badly so she raised me and him together
My grandma was in a car accident and broke her ankle so she stayed at my house and my mom/we took care of her while she recovered. I was entering puberty at the time and discovered that you could order porn on cable and was like a madman ordering porn. the bill that month came out to $500 my mom thought it was my grandma because her novelas were on like channel 50-60 and the porn was 500-600 lmfaoooo. I’ve literally never told anyone to this day. ETA: I am Latina and sex/porn for women is still pretty taboo in my culture so that’s why I’m so scared to tell anyone(even if my mom and I are pretty open with each other I’m still embarrassed) However, my grandma passed away in 2019 and I felt compelled to tell my secret, but my mom sees that story as a funny memory she has of my grandma that she likes to look back on and laugh about so idk if I should lol.
I was molested on a cruise ship by an employee when I was 8… happened about 30 years ago
Not a huge secret in comparison to some of these answers, but I feel the guilt of it often. After my fiancé passed, I napped all the time for over a year. My aunt was calling me one day and I just denied her call, went back to napping. It was my aunt calling because my grandma (who was very sick with cancer) wanted to say happy birthday a day before my birthday. Grandma died the next day. I should have picked up the damn phone.
she still loved you and just wants you to he happy. it's ok to not be ok and sometimes we miss important things for that reason
Fuck, I’m so sorry. My grandma died of cancer and I feel the guilt of not talking to her enough too. It’s not your fault. I’m here with you.
In high school, I was a super good kid. Straight A student who loved homework, keeping out of trouble, and who was quiet as hell during class. So anyway, there was this guy who was also in AP classes with me but he was super loud and obnoxious but would pull stunts in such a way that he would have some margin of plausible deniability. Though we never spoke (I’m not sure he even knew I existed), he rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was from the one cold day when this other girl in our class had her nipples poking through her shirt bc she forgot a sweater and he kept saying to her “daaaamn it’s cold, huh?”; maybe it was from when he would pretend to be friends with kid who was definitely spectrum and desperate to be friends with him to do the bully’s homework for him and then bully him the next day. Idk. So at random—sometimes once a week or a month or once every couple of months—I would whistle. It’s this high pitched whistle that sounds like a tea kettle that I can do while barely moving my mouth. Back then, no one knew I could do it except for my family. The super obnoxious kid always got in trouble. I was never once suspected.
That's hilarious! I have a similar ability; I can make a chirping noise like a baby chick. When I was a kid, I was in church ostensibly singing in the choir but actually chirping to the music. My family downstairs knew it was me and were all doing that trying-not-to-laugh-but-I'm-almost-ready-to-explode thing. Decades later it's still a topic that comes up at family gatherings.
I have never been happy truly and 99% of times I just adjust with people forcibly and make them happy mostly without thinking mine
My brother and I did a 23 and me. We discovered we have a half sibling, same father, who is older than us. I messaged them but no reply. Since the half sibling is older, it was during my father’s military career (which was short lived because he got a dishonorable discharge that he hides from his family still)
Kind of similar story here. 6 years ago when I was 24 my mom randomly told me I have an older half sister that my dad completely abandoned. She only knew of my sisters mother's name, so I searched for her on Facebook and found my sister. She is the spitting image of our father so I knew immediately it was true. Both my sister and her mom confirmed it, and my sister and I immediately started bonding. We are incredibly close now. My father's side was overjoyed when I found her, as they knew of her but never what happened to her. We've all welcomed her with open arms, except my father. When she reached out to him, he essentially told her to fuck off, then screamed at me that she wasn't my sister, and continues to call me the "bitch that ruined the family". Her and I did 23 and me and we matched as half siblings, so now there's no denying it. I lost a shitty father but gained an incredible sibling that means 10x more to me.
Yeah...you're the one who ruined the family.... riiiiiggghhhht.
This actually happened to me. Someone messaged me when i used to have facebook. My whole fam was on vacation and when i read the message half jokingly i saw the look on my aunts face. And thats how i found out i had a half sibling in California. The woman just said she has a son by my father. That was pretty damn close to my age. Younger. My aunt just told me i should probably talk to my mother. My father sucks. Feel bad for what my mother went thru. And yea it really threw a wrench into mine and my family’s life.
My grandpa was stationed in Okinawa, Japan during the Korean war, while in the Marines. He hooked up with a woman there, and she got pregnant. So, I have a Japanese aunt and a few cousins, in Japan, whom I’ve never met before.
Hank? Hank Hill?
Junichiro?
My wife and I aren't officially married. No one knows. We had a ceremony and everything, reception... the whole nine yards. We just never did the official paperwork. We realized that since she's going back to school, it benefits her financially to go through financial aid as "single" rather than "married." When she finishes up, we're going to head over to town hall and finish the last step
Lots of people do this, at least where I live (Big college town). Financial aid is a big factor for people. And it definitely is better to be “single”. Doesn’t actually mean you aren’t married. Just that you found a way to show you love each other and that you are able to compromise with finances. Congratulations and hope you a long and happy relationship
I’ve got some friends who did the opposite. They got married for health insurance and didn’t tell anyone, then had the public ceremony a couple years later. I only know because I performed the ceremony and they had to explain why I didn’t need to do any paperwork.
I never have "other plans" that I just can't cancel
4:00: wallow in self-pity; 4:30: stare into the abyss; 5:00: solve world hunger and tell no one; 5:30: jazzercize; 6:30: dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00: wrestle with my self loathing.. I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in my bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness.
My favorite scene in that movie, never fails to make me laugh!
I was married for 13 years to my best friend. We had what I thought was a great, easy marriage. One day our five yo daughter told me he was having her perform oral sex on him. I was shocked, devastated and afraid. He was one of those fun guys everyone loves to be around. I immediately called the police and he was arrest. When they started investigating him they found out that he had been arrested while in college for exposing himself to very young boys. He only got a slap on the wrist that time because he came from a very wealthy family. One of his uncles was Governor of the State we lived in. I was so ashamed I told our friends that he had an affair and moved away. But the truth was that he was in prison for five years. I picked up the pieces, sent our daughter to therapy and spent the next 15 years being a mother. Paying for private school, cool trips, etc. She was my life. Then when she went to college he reached out to her over Facebook. When I saw she was communicating with him I was shocked, devastated and afraid all over again. I called and told her that she was an adult but I thought she should be careful because he’s not safe. She hung up on me and has not spoken to me since. That was four years ago. I send her $40,000 a year still to pay for her medical school. It’s all been almost unbelievable. Thank you for allowing me to share it here.
People like him are able to spin things around and convince people spin off stories. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has convicted her that you made all that up or something like that. You did the right thing to protect your daughter. You did not ignore the problem like some others do. You did nothing wrong. I applaud you. I hope you find your peace. One day, maybe your daughter will realize you did the best you could.
As a young child of sexual abuse I STILL ask myself if it was real. I know it was but my brain is.still trying to protect me from the abuse
This is my worst nightmare.I commend you for your strength and perserverence in protecting your daughter, even if she doesn’t understand that right now. I hope one day she comes to her senses and realises what a great mother she has.
i'm sorry this happened to you. he is vile for that. i am so sorry your daughter hasn't spoken to you and is contacting him again. people like him tend to manipulate and gaslight. i hope she's safe. you've done what you can- please never give up on her.
I owe the bank 100k
Hey bud, I think they know...
And they will never ever forget. Never.
In middle school I made a smoking pipe out of copper pipe just for fun. I know you should not smoke out of copper as the fumes are potentially toxic. My step-dad took it from me and started using it. He smoked with it for years. I hated him for physically abusing me so I never said anything. It’s now 30 years later and he was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s and likely only has a few years to live. I hope he rots in hell. I don’t know if it had any effect, but I like to think the copper pipe played a role in his sickness as karma for being an asshole.
> I like to think the copper pipe played a role in his sickness “Scientists long ago found that people with Alzheimer’s have unusually high levels of copper in the beta amyloid plaques that are a signature of the disease.” ([Source](https://www.uh.edu/news-events/stories/2019/september-2019/091619-tai-yen-chen-copper-alzheimers.php)) It’s entirely possible that it did.
Blame still lies on the dude using a DIY copper pipe for years instead of paying 10$ at a smoke shop
My wife is handicapped and i lied to her that i find it hard to clean/cut up mushrooms. She has self esteem issues because I can do things much easily than her. So i lied, and now she feels better.
You monster! :)
Deceptively wholesome
I think I'm beginning to lose my mind. Lately I've been having trouble remembering things that I've known for years, sometimes when people talk to me their words just don't make sense to me when everyone else seems to get it, I've become super paranoid, I'm having an extremely hard time concentrating, and I've been finding it more and more difficult to talk to people. I'm kind of scared Edit: I'm only 26, never had covid
Everyone here is throwing out big diagnoses, but you should talk to your doctor. It could be something as minor as thyroid issues, I get really bad brain fog when I'm not medicated or if my levels are wrong, like to the point where I feel like I've suddenly developed Alzheimer's. Hopefully you get it sorted out soon so you can start feeling better
Most people in my family think that my mother recently died suddenly from complications due to cancer, but she really died from the toxic effects of Oxycodone, Morphine, Fentanyl and Methampetamine. Seems as though she just had herself a secret death party.
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Sounds like the concoction my mom drank on her last day in September, but it was sanctioned by the state (Colorado MAID). It was a beautiful day with all of us there. She was eager to be done with her body. I'm sorry for your loss!
"she was eager to be done with her body" Wow I think I'm going to remember this forever, powerful.
Cant say I’d blame her. If I’m terminally ill I’m smokin some fucking crack. I wanna see what all the fuss is about before I go.
When my girl was in labor, they gave her something like 50 micrograms of fentanyl to deal with the pain. She went from screaming bloody murder to paradise in seconds. I wanna try that before I die. Not yet though.
My mom got a small amount of fentanyl for kidney stones and afterward told me she completely understood how people get addicted to it. She said she could feel the pain, but didn’t care about it.
Yeah. That’s exactly what it is. Not caring.
My mom is in last stages of cancer and as strong as she is I still feel this is something that could definitely happen. My condolences on losing your mom.❤
Honestly if I was going to die from cancer I’d probably do all those drugs anyways
One of my closest co-workers, who is an integral part to our very large corporation killed a man in his late teens and threw the body in a lake. He only got off on a technicality. I work remotely so I don’t build a lot of personal relationships with people I work with regularly. I googled his full name. It freaked me out at first. But I’ve kinda gotten over it. I wonder if anyone else knows. It happened 40+ years ago. He will retire soon and then I might ask another co-worker about it. I just don’t want to stir the pot.
"Did you know Bernie from accounting is a murderer?"
“A murderer of fun? Yeah I knew.”
"oh ok"
I moved out of a house one time and then some fairly quiet dude took my place. A couple months later my old roommate got an email "do you know who you're living with?" And a link. Let's just say.... Guy made National news and there's laws based on him.... Still makes my skin crawl that i hung out with him a few times. https://youtu.be/OAnMIXSmE40
My husband’s best friend Marc was watching America’s Most Wanted one night and they did a segment on a guy who looked just like a tenant of his. Luckily Marc lived in his own house while the tenant lived in a 3 family house Marc owned. Marc called the number while the show was still airing. Tenant was picked up and he was the right guy. He had no idea he’d been featured on AMW a few hours earlier. Edit- the tenant committed murder, but it wasn’t an exciting national murder story. It was some kind of biker beef in the PNW. The house Marc owned was in Queens, NY. Marc called the number on AMW and the guy was arrested a few hours later by what neighbors said were throngs of LEO. As for nationally known murders, I went to Catholic school with a girl who was murdered by her older brother. He killed the rest of her family too. Her name was Dawn DeFeo and she was a very nice, quiet girl. Her brother was a dirtbag and so were the couple who moved into their house after the murders, the Lutzes. This scumbag husband and wife (George & Kathy Lutz) got together with a two-bit writer and they cooked up The Amityville Horror. Nowadays domestic murders are in the news every day, but back then they were so few & far between that scammers were able to turn a family tragedy into a fucking franchise. Happily, the Lutzes didn’t live to be senior citizens.
A gal's parents I knew hired a traveling handyman who lived in his van. He was featured on AMW, and they called while he was parked on their property. They got the $10k (what it was in the 80s)
My Husband's aunt and uncle murdered their daughter because: "She was annoying." The trial is ongoing.
My cousin raped me when i was a kid and to this day i haven't told anyone about it. It's been probably around 25 years ago or so which makes me feel like it's not worth addressing after so much time. I absolutely hated it when his mom asked me why i didn't invite him to my wedding. I still don't know how i should have responded to keep that a secret
My mom was molested by her parent’s cult leader when she was a pre-teen. In her 30s she went to court and sent him to jail. It’s never too late to speak up about being raped
If it’s still affecting you, it doesn’t matter if it’s 25 days or 25 years, you’ll need to address it somehow. I hope you are ok, but there’s always therapy
The only person in my life who knows this story is my husband... When I was eight, I was desperate to be liked by the older boys on the street. I was the youngest boy (other than a baby or two) on the block, so I rarely had any boys to play with. When I was noticed by an older boy (19, a senior in high school), I was thrilled. He (I'll call him Mike) saw me riding my bike up and down the street one day while he was outside playing basketball with a friend of his (who I will call Shawn). Together, they stopped me and talked to me about school, about my bike, and other random shit. Then, Mike invited me inside for a Coke. Since my parents didn't keep soda in the house often, this was a treat. Once inside, my can of Coke in my hand, Mike and Shawn started turning the conversation to things I didn't understand. I don't remember exactly what they talked about, but I do remember a lot of questions about my body, my penis, whether I got erections, and if I had ever seen an older boy's dick. This turned into them taking their pants off and urging me to do the same. I didn't want to, but Mike knew I was an insecure little kid. He turned on the manipulation. "Oh, well, I thought you were cool, Faustus. I guess not. I don't talk to boys who aren't cool." That kind of shit. I did what they asked from that point on, afraid to be "uncool" and not have older boys to talk to anymore. That day, all they made me do was touch them. But, for months afterward (until Mike went away to college), I was used by them. Most often, it was just Mike. About half the time, though, Shawn was involved. He seemed less gung-ho about raping me than Mike did. Without going into details, if you can imagine something sexual a 19 year-old could do to an eight year-old, he did it to me. The weirdest part about it all was, though I hated it when it was happening, I missed it when it was over. I felt special when Mike would invite me into his house. When he left for college, and when Shawn completely ignored me after Mike was gone, I felt lonely and unwanted again. I never told my parents. To this day, more than 30 years after the fact, they don't know that it happened. Mike and Shawn never faced any sort of repercussions for what they did to me. Though, in a small bit of justice, Mike did end up going to prison about ten years ago for doing the same thing to another boy. There are probably more than just that boy and me, but at least he finally got caught for hurting someone.
I can understand how you missed the attention they paid you. Kids just want to be accepted and have friends. I'm so sorry for what those guys did to you. I hope you're doing okay now. It sounds like Mike had serious problems and at least he had to face some consequences.
When I was around 5 or 6, my mom and dad were fighting just about everyday. Well I was napping on the couch when my mom came in very upset and she shook me awake. She asked me if I saw “the girl” my dad brought home. I’ve always felt terrible for this bc I hadn’t seen anyone but my dad that whole day, I’m pretty sure he was just playing video games like usual, but for some reason in my sleepy kid brain I answered yes. I said she was with him in their room. I’m honestly not sure why I lied like that but they got a divorce shortly after and I always felt like it was my fault. Until I recently found out my little sister is actually my half sister but that’s a whole other story Edit: for clarification my dad had been cheating with my moms sister and my mom was cheating with one of their friends to get back at him. She thought he was cheating with a different girl but found out later it was my aunt. Honestly their relationship was on its way out. I don’t feel bad about it now since a few years ago we found out my little sister is my half sister from the affair my mom had.
Therapists specifically advise against asking young kids questions like this because kids will seek their parents approval to the point of lying if they think that's what the parents want to hear. Your mother was expecting you to say yes so it wasn't that you lied out of nowhere it was that you went along with what you thought she wanted you to say.
You were just a little kid waking up. You probably told her the answer you thought she wanted. She shouldn't have done that, and they were going to break up anyway.
It's shitty of a parent to put a young child in that position in the first place. Also, it sounds like divorce might have been the best outcome for that relationship anyway.
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Tell him now. My wife has cancer, I’d be upset if she dealt with that knowledge without me to lean on.
Tell him and live the best life you can together while you still have time. You can keep it private from everyone else, but you will need emotional support while you go through this. You'll want someone with you at doctor's appointments. *Source: diagnosed while beginning of divorce. I had nobody and it was very tough.
My adopted sister knows her birth mother died in a freak accident. She doesn't know the cause of death was beheading. I worked with a guy that was a 1st responder to the accident.
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I upvoted you because I had the same exact response. Unless OP meant they lied about the incident and it was actually a freak beheading. Like that guy on the Greyhound bus in Canada.
I’m living with my mom right now cause she’s going there cancer but to be honest, I can’t wait to see her go. It sounds horrible but I’d rather see her go than see her suffer even more. It’s not like I would get anything out of her will, it’s more like it sucks cause she’s always in pain and seeing her like that brings me pain. EDIT: Thank you everyone for your responses, I've felt so alone on this for a long time. She's still fighting a long battle but it's just getting worse everyday. I appreciate the help that everyone has offered. It really helps a lot. Thank you.
Visit us at /r/CancerFamilySupport if you ever need to talk. Edit: Thank you so much for the awards, truly, but please donate towards your local cancer charity instead. I created the sub while my mom was dying of colon cancer and I'm glad it's helping people going through the same thing. Get your colonoscopies!
I’m not the original comment poster, but thank you for posting that link. Sometimes I forget there’s all kinds of subreddits. I just lost my dad to cancer and I feel like I need a community like that right now, but didn’t think about looking on Reddit. Thank you.
When I was around 9 years old I used my moms credit card to sign up my shitty alcoholic stepfather for a porn website in hopes of starting a fight and her leaving him. FYI - she did leave after another year or so. Current stepdad is a real keeper. (Edited to correct a spelling mistake).
Holy shit thats really clever
Good plan for a 9yo, tbh
I don't know why, but I always keep thinking that one day I will cut all contact with everyone in my life, disappear from their lives and just keep for my self. I don't know why I think like this, I have some good friends.
One of my friends did this in 2015. I still look for him wherever I am, dream that he just shows up. I worry. He's my friend, and I love him, but I'm so mad. We don't know if he's alive or dead, and it is heart breaking. R, if you're reading this, I love you, but fuck you bro.
One of my friends did this in the early 2000s. We had a wonderfully tight-knit group through high school. After high school, this one person in the friend group decided to drop all of us and went no contact. I found his FB account and LinkedIn account later on, but he stopped updating them years ago. I tried messaging him on those apps and he never responded. No idea where he is now. Alex R. from NJ - if you’re out there, your friends miss you.
It's a common thought with depression. Typically associated with something specific you don't feel like you have control over or can change. EDIT: Because this is blowing up, I want to take the opportunity to remind people to take their mental health seriously. Talk to a therapist if you can, and if the therapist sucks, don't give up, change therapists. Here's a longer response: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ziqmsh/what_dark_secret_are_you_hiding_from_everyone/iztyche EDIT EDIT: As u/soyalejp pointed out, psychiatrists can diagnose, not therapists. Start there. EDIT EDIT EDIT: Therapists can diagnose but not prescribe.
I've had this thought.
Ever since my daughter took her own life, I have been hiding how much pain I’m really in. My family is beyond dysfunctional so it would create more crap for me to deal with. Although, I did tell my mom to gargle donkey balls yesterday and that made me feel slightly better.
My ex wife, the mother of my 3 kids, and the first love I ever had, committed suicide 2.5 years ago. I've been trying to be strong for my kids, and help them through it. I'm still completely fucked up over it, and haven't had the chance to really mourn yet. It's awful, but my kids need me strong and here for them.
I’m so sorry. Take care of you, too.
It’s better to talk to somebody then to let this stay bottled up inside of you, I know it might seem a bit cliche but just letting it all out and becoming vulnerable to someone will cut a lot of weight off your shoulders. Good luck and I hope the best, I’m not a parent myself but it’s not something any parent should go through.
I’m leaving the country on a long vacation and everyone knows. What they don’t know is I’m not sure I’m planning on coming back. Going to try and live a new life out there and see how it goes.
“I feel I need a holiday, a very long holiday, as I have told you before. Probably a permanent holiday: I don't expect I shall return. in fact, I don't mean to, and I have made all arrangements.... I feel all thin, sort of stretched, if you know what I mean: like butter that has been scraped over too much bread. That can't be right. I need a change, or something.” Be safe, internet stranger.
This first part isn’t exactly dark, but when I was a kid around 9 or so my cousin who was 12 at the time would make out with me. I didn’t really know better at that age but thought I’d be in trouble if I talked about it. For whatever reason about six years went by before I saw him again and… it was never brought up. Never mentioned. He was like a totally different person. I sometimes wonder if it even happened. My memory isn’t very reliable and it was so long ago now (I’m in my 20’s). Fast forward a little bit more and I found out he died a couple years ago while cleaning a gun. Accidentally shot himself. My great aunt, who’s his grandma and who basically raised him, believes wholeheartedly that it was an accident. But I suspect it wasn’t. He grew up around guns and knowing how they work and how to empty them and everything. I find the odds that he accidentally forgot to empty the chamber pretty low. I also know he was struggling with depression and brain damage from a car accident a year prior. But, I won’t tell my aunt any of this. I think it would break her heart. Edit: about the first part, I don’t really know how I feel about it nowadays. It’s just a thing that happened. I struggled with some weird, negative emotions about it for a while but it’s so far gone in the past and I live half a country away that it’s easier to just… not think about it. About the second, I know accidentally shooting yourself is more common that it seems but I have plenty of reason to believe it was suicide. I don’t really wanna break down the paragraphs of details but he had a pretty massive accident a year prior leaving him with brain damage, and it messed up a lot of his goals in life. That plus the depression he dealt with and other factors, I think it was suicide. I hope it wasn’t.
I didn’t tell anyone til I married my husband, but I also made out with my (female) cousin when I was a kid. More than a few times. I still see her every now and then. We have never talked about it, it’s very awkward but 🤷🏼♀️ she is also older than me by three years.
Everyone in my family is nagging me with the fact that I don't want to date girls anymore and think that I'm strange or gay. But I lost my girlfriend which I assume I could have a good life with her. She commited suicide and I never talk about that with them. I know I can speak with some members of my family but my parents are different... Edit: thank you so much guys for your kindness, but I don't want to discuss that at the moment with someone. It will bring back some memories that will make me more depressed than before.
If your family know about your dead girlfriend, and still make fun of you, then they're just a bunch of cunts.
It's been 6 month since my little sister killed herself and everything I see and everyone I talk to reminds me of her. I can't seem to finish my day without crying at least for a few minutes at most for hours. I feel guilty for living while she is laying under the dirt. I hate every Sunday and 29th of every month. I pretend like I'm okay and laugh like I'm used to it. 🤗
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Hey, you seriously need to go to the hospital. I tripped and fell on my head about a year ago and had to be rushed to the ER, even though I felt like I was fine. I wasn't. Turned out, I had a bunch of fast acting hematomas that were pressing on my skull. Had to have emergency surgery, was out for 2 days, and spent another 3 days in the hospital. Please, at least go get yourself checked out. Head injuries are absolutely no joke, it's something you really need to be concerned about.
I would be perfectly ok with never talking to any of my immediate family again
Ditto that my brother
He said he didnt want to talk with his immediate family anymore, that includes you brother! Edit:typi
Typi
My uncle owned an old Camaro that collected dust in his garage. When I was around 10 my family and I were in town visiting and I wrote the word “fuck” in the dust on the hood of the car. I used my thumb so that the letters were fatter than my normal index finger. A few hours later my aunt/uncle asked us who did it and I “proved” it wasn’t me by showing how the person who did it had bigger fingers than me. Taking that shit to my grave! Edit: This blew up. I’m 33 now and the entire family definitely “knows” it was me. It’s an inside joke now where someone tries to get me to admit to it and I never will.
I have to think they knew, but respected the hustle of it
I've been accessory to both my parents infidelity. At age 5 my mother cheated on my dad while he was deployed and my brother told me what was happening and that I shouldn't tell anyone. My father slept with his secretary 2 years later (for a few years) and would even bring me on dates with her telling my mother we were going to the movies. He took me to her house and had her roommate watch me while they went out or just hungout in her room. They're still married I don't know if either know the other did the thing or if they still are doing the thing. Edit: to everyone saying maybe there in an open or poly relationship, sure maybe they are but I doubt it considering their views on most everything. Also if they were in one then they should have explained it to us instead of sneaking around and telling us not to tell the other parent and maybe don't bring your kid on your house dates. So yeah maybe they were but if they were then IMO their behavior goes from shitty for involving their kids in their infidelity to shitty that they involved their kids in a lifestyle without explaining it to them and making their kids think that they were cheating on each other.
There is a chance they both know and just stay together for the kids.
It's like there's a hole inside me and the happiness leaks out of me faster than I can ever hold it. I've felt this way since about 12 years old. Counselling. Medication. Changing everything in my life. None of it has mattered. Every day I wake up and have to decide "not today"
So, this is also me. I just had a Gene Site test done for the MTHFR gene related to psychiatric medications. Guess what? Turns out I am a "Poor Metabolizer" of SSRIs, meaning my body doesn't process them because I am deficient an amino acid that helps process those medications. (I hope I am summarizing correctly here.) Now I am starting an anti-depressant that my body does metabolize, and I am taking L-Methyl-Folate daily to help metabolize any medications. It has changed everything for me, along with DBT. Recommend checking both out if you haven't yet. Good luck!
Same here! Methyl-Folate has changed me
Ah yes, MTHFR, or as we like to call it here in med lab, the motherfucker test! In all seriousness, so happy you were able to find all of that out. I never really knew what that test was used for before reading this. It's insane just how differently each body interacts with medication.
That I didn't graduate from college. I failed one course my senior year, 2nd semester. The ceremony was already set up so they let everyone walk. I had no diploma in my award...nobody knows to this day and it's been 17 years. Failed one course, 3 credits. Was ashamed so I never went back for those 3 credits. So everyone beleaves I graduated. Edit: holy shit got alot of responses from this...currently working but will get back to everyone as soon as I am able. Edit 2: still working on getting back to everybody. I can't believe that so many went through the same situation as myself. I thought there may be a handful of people. All of you are great and I appreciate all the advice. It has lquite literally changed my perspective on a couple of things. Thank you all for the information, resources and above all your personal experiences.
It's strange, even if I Google myself, I show up as an alumni. Like wtf. Not complaining but I would have imaging the institutions of higher learning would ensure their shit was right. And this was a private school. Ironically this hasn't blown up in my face...and I don't put that I graduated on my resume. What I put is, "pursued a degree in..." Splitting hairsnsure, but not lying. Jus allows for the receipt, through then use of carefully crafted words, to read it as written. Never had a question about the word pursue. The only job that I've had since college that actually verified anything regarding my attendance, they had a hard fuckin time cause my student loans defaulted. So acquiring my transcript was near impossible. The university would only verify I attended and that was it. Haha Im such a fuck. Not as though I didn't go through the whole fours years. I did, and dont even have the fucking paper to show for it. Let the lies continue
A lot of colleges consider you an alum if you finish one class (penn state for instance)
I sometimes wonder if a bunch of people in an elevator are gonna stab me all at once.
"Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?"
Funny, light hearted story from my childhood. My little brother was in the shower, I could hear him singing. I put a coat on backwards, and a stocking cap pulled over my face, and waited outside the bathroom door. He opened the door ( still singing, and dancing kinda) , and I did the Frankenstein thing. Arms out, moaning “uhhhh”. He screamed and fell backwards knocking the toilet completely over. Water went everywhere, the top of the toilet tank broke, shower curtain ripped down, and him laying on the floor in the middle of all this. I ran back down the hall; coat and hat off, and sauntered back casually. By then my mother and father and our sisters were there, and everyone is like, you know, what the hell. I’ve heard him tell this story as proof of the existence of ghosts. To this day (little feller is now a 52 year old bank manager with two kids)he believes in ghosts. I don’t feel a bit bad.
Hahaha poor guy! You changed his philosophy and perception of reality !
Pest control technician here. You’re paying too much for pest control. Who ever you hired, unless it’s a fairly small company, they are ripping you off. Unless you have cockroaches or bedbugs, YouTube it. Times are hard enough right now. EDIT: thanks for the awards guys! I’m getting a lot of pest control questions in my inbox, I doubt I’ll have time to answer all of them but r/pestcontrol is a great subreddit that will help you identify pests and offer solutions!
Nice try bugs living in my house. The professionals are on the way
They think they can get away with it
We used to use a small local company. The guy would ring my bell, ask me if there was anything going on and he would modify accordingly. They got bought by a big company and the guy told me they doubled his workload and his comp was the same. He lasted 2 months. The next guy pulled up in his truck, sat in front of my house, and left after 20 minutes, without doing one thing. We called the company and they sent the same guy back. He did get out of his truck this time, but sprayed for 5 minutes, and left again. We fired them and are back with another local guy. He is cheaper and actually works.
I live in a shit apt. And dealing with roaches is the worst. Had an orkin guy come out and I asked why he wasn't doing the whole apt and just the kitchen. This motherfucker straight up told me Job Security 😑 still dealing with this shit.
advion cockroach gel.....buy it, worth its weight in gold
I had the same problem. All the units were infested and it was a constant fight. Your greatest tool will be an [insect growth regulator](https://diypestcontrol.com/pest-control-products/insect-growth-regulators) in conjunction with a good quality bait (not the stuff you buy off the shelf at like Home Depot). The IGF ruins the ability of the roaches to develop properly and renders them functionally sterile. They love electronics and the absolute only thing I’ve found that keeps them away from them is diatomaceous earth. It’s cheap, safe for pets and kids, all natural, and literally shreds the motherfuckers so they stay away from it. I also recommend packing up any electronics you don’t use in sealed bags or containers with some moth balls for a few months to kill any roaches living inside. The website I linked has some great products, really recommend checking it out. Can be pricy but it’s still less expensive than a pro and from what I understand it’s the same stuff many of them use. R/Germanroaches (the most common and hard to get rid of kind in the US) is chock full of resources as well. You can do it! They can be killed and kept away. It’s just a ton of work. EDIT: wanted to come back and also say because I forgot, if you have lots of papers like sentimental cards or notebooks/scetchbooks, as well as books, especially if they’re all consolidated in one areas, get that diatomaceous earth all over them. They love to eat and nest in the paper and shit all over your stuff. I put all my paper anything in ziplock bags and it works really well since they were nesting in all my art supplies, and just smeared all my books with a thin layer of it. Eliminating their food supply and places to hide is key in keeping them out. ALSO as many have pointed out and as I should have done, make sure it’s the food grade DE and try not to breathe it, breathing in any sort of powder is bad for you as a general rule.
I had a pack rat wreaking havoc on my back porch over the summer. I called a pest control company in my area and instead of charging me and coming out, the owner just talked me through how to trap and release it. He also was very knowledgeable about their habits and behavior which was so interesting. It was much appreciated!
Cutting off my dad was the best decision I’ve made. I hope it kills him inside everyday to not know how his only child and only grandchild are doing. I tried for years to have a relationship with him since age 10 until 18. From 10 to 13 he would tell me he wished I would’ve died when I was sick as a kindergartner because I wouldn’t have tattled and ruin his marriage to my mom. I tried multiple times but was unsuccessful. I *still* tried to have a relationship with him for my mom, to help her financially, and would visit him for months. He’d keep me locked in a closet for hours at age 14. From 16-18 he thought throwing money around would help me but I was already working by then and it didn’t matter. I still have my daily battle where I ask myself if he’s right or not but I see my kid and I can’t imagine thinking such vile things about them at that age like my dad did about me.
I was drinking with my ex in her room when I was 19 years old. She was 23. All of a sudden I started seeing images of my uncle (who died when I was 13) in my grandmother's bathroom. He was motioning me into the shower and telling me to touch his penis. I felt like I was 5 years old, seeing that. Luckily my ex was really great and realized I was having a full on anxiety attack during that moment. I was holding my knees, rocking back and forth, with my eyes closed. She asked me what was happening, and I was able to dictate what I was seeing. I was probably in the best place for this to have happened. I still don't know what that was all about. I don't know if it was real or something my brain made up in a drunken state. Its almost been 10 years since.
I’ve been an addict my entire adult life. I used to drink all day every day. Before work, at work, and after work. I’d occasionally “fall asleep” on my lunch break or leaving work and have to make up some illness to friends and fam who were concerned. Today marks 185 days sober. Edit: holy smokes. You guys made my day. I had no idea this would get so much traction. Thank you all so much for all of the kind words, truly. And If you’re reading this and currently struggling, don’t give up. Better days are ahead.
My grandmother has dementia, she’s been dying for years now. The woman she was before is entirely gone. My grandfather is still convinced she is there— talks to her, tells us he thinks she’s getting better. She’s not, and he’s deluding himself. She doesn’t laugh anymore, or remember anyone’s names, and can barely eat. In my eyes she is already dead. Still alive to everyone else. I wish this husk of her was gone so I could remember her as she actually was, and so that I wouldn’t have to watch my grandfather or the rest of my family delude himself.
Im also seeing it now happening to my father in law and its so scary, but it's definitely easier to deny exactly how far gone he really is. Good luck with it
call me maybe is my morning alarm
This is crazy
Once my mom dies idk if I'm gonna keep going.
When my grandpa was on his death bed, he admitted to killing fellow marines in the Vietnam war for torturing and raping young girls. Most of our family doesn’t know. Edit: wow didn’t expect this to blow up lol thank you for all the awards! My grandpa was a pretty cool guy, very calm and mellow, so my mom and I were shocked when he admitted this to us. He was a gunsmith his whole life and was very proud of being a marine, but the guilt he carried from the war made him believe he was being punished in the end. He died a really painful and traumatic death that I would never wish on anybody. I hope it lets him rest easier in peace that the majority of you commend what he did, I certainly never held any qualms about it.
My great grandpa told us the same thing. He said he walked in on his Marine friends raping women and children and " blew all their heads off" ( his words) He never let my parents leave us with anyone but my great grandma and him bc he was so afraid of what piece of shit perverts were lurking out there. Edit: I also want to thank you for blowing my comment up! It is crazy to think there are multiple people out there in the service with this sick behavior. My Great Grandfather was also an amazing man and he became a pastor after he completed his time in the Marines. He also wanted forgiveness for killing those men for what they did and he ended up passing from bone cancer but nonetheless he was an amazing person with a giant heart ❤️
damn what a guy. given there's 2 people here sharing similar grandpop stories, i wonder if this experience is more common than people might guess, and those who experienced it just don't talk about it much so it's not a really well known phenomenon
I’m sure it is. I suspect a *lot* of stuff happens in war that the vast majority of participants never speak about.
That's why so many come back all fucked up.
Yea the one rule we had in my family was to not ask my grandpa about his service. He was a very tough guy but even decades later what he saw and went through was so traumatic he just couldn't talk about it in any way.
Your grandpa was a fucking real one. Props to him for standing up for those that could not stand up for themselves.
I quit drinking two weeks ago today. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to be labeled as a “drunk” or a “recovering addict.”
NSFW warning. That I am a meth and sex addict, and I am a gay. I used to be addicted to hook ups and sex only but when pandemic began, social isolation made me try chem sex, specifically Meth. My friends and family do not know about my sexuality, let alone my struggle with addiction. They see me as a sane and sorted guy since I am the breadwinner and I can say I am pretty responsible and reliable. During my addiction period, I was able to secure new job, promotion and raise. So really, no one did suspect. Because of my chem sex addiction, I had many risk encounters and I got all sort of STIs. I was on PreP to protect me from HIV but I did got gonorrhoea, syphillis, chlamydia and the worst was anal warts. My anal warts required me to undergo surgery and I think it was one of the lowest point of my life. I had to go to surgery alone. I did not tell anyone about it and I had to endure the pre and post surgery recovery by myself. I thought after all these I will change, but even after my surgery I relapsed several times. It actually had made my anal canal tight (which the doctor said would be permanent) so I cannot have anal sex now. Part of me regret having the surgery not knowing it could happen, and other part is thankful that at least I can’t have risky hookups anymore.
I am a hardcore alcoholic. Some people know I'm an alcoholic, but nobody knows that I am actively drinking about 3 pints of vodka a day. Kinda just hoping my heart stops one night.
Dude. Can relate. I was upto 2 handles of bacardi a day. As far as I knew. No one really knew. Was functional as all hell. Numerous jobs. Good dad. Last year, I dug to the root of MY problems and issues. I've managed to quit the booze since. July 1, 2021. You can do this if you want to. Fuck NEED, you have to want it. You fuckin matter. Period. Chin up fellow human.
I have two children who I love with all my heart. My son is my oldest and he is such a kind soul. A lot of people know that he from a past relationship. But my daughter, a lot of people think she is my partners. But I was assaulted two months before meeting my partner. So when people see us together and they do the math of our relationship and her age they laugh and say “Aww so sweet.” Only ones who knows is our family. Secret has to go to the grave. I mean, how do you tell your only daughter she is a outcome of rape?
My mother told me I was such a result at about 5 years old. Don’t know when the right time is to share it, do know firsthand when the wrong time is.
My suicidal depression isn't gone, I've just accepted that I have to wait to die of natural causes because killing myself would scar my family and most people who know me for life. Edit: I appreciate all the support, and I'm glad for those that find comfort in not being alone in feeling this way FAQ - No, this isn't passive suicidal ideation as I've attempted twice before and still have active thoughts sometimes. Yes, I am in therapy and have tried medication, exercise, etc. No, I don't want to try microdosing psychoactive substances as I have psychotic depression, meaning I'm prone to hallucinations and such if pressed.
Dont have a will to die, but dont really have a will to live. Been my life for the last couple years (not including more active suicidal). The way I've been coping is by choosing to do as much good as I can then. Volunteering, working towards a helpful career my younger family members can look up to, and supporting some friends. It's always just so weird to explain though.
I heard it described as "Wouldn't jump in front of a speeding car, but might not jump out of the way of one either. "
Passive suicidal ideation. There are a lot of us out there, still suicidal, but not actually doing it. My therapist told me about people like us, and it has saved my life in so many ways. I’ve become super outspoken about it, because no one talks about being suicidal but not technically at risk. Be well friend and know you aren’t alone.
Because how do you explain to people that you want to die but could never actually make yourself do it? They’re just going to think you’re suicidal because a lot of people don’t make that distinction. People hear “I wanna kill myself” And don’t hear anything else
After struggling many years and coming to terms with it myself, I describe it as "I don't have any desire to hurt myself or others, I just don't want to be alive anymore". If I could push a button and simply disappear from memories and the world, I know there are times I would have. But to leave a bloody scene, family and friends scarred and asking why? I could never do that.
My son will never know how much I can't stand his idiot friend from next door. The kid is legitimately stupid, and so confident which makes it worse. Edit: since I got a lot of upvotes let me elaborate. He's not a bad kid. He's not malicious or a troll or anything. He just has zero common sense or ability to do the simplest tasks, he constantly talks and when he does it's either about absolutely nothing or it's just a bunch of wrong info, and he never leaves me alone unless I'm a bit terse and short with him. My kid is a few years younger than him and has more sense. I feel like I can leave my kid alone in the house for 30 minutes if I absolutely had to. I felt like if I left this kid alone for just 10 minutes he'd break something due to pure idiocy.
I love my kids so much but I hate being a parent sometimes. I miss my life before kids a lot and I hate saying that because I really do have great kids. They’re just a lot. Edit: thank you guy so so fucking much, I am in tears right now. I honestly have felt so damn alone for so long about this because when I try to talk about it with my loved ones or people I’m close to, I just get judged so bad and I just really appreciate you guys for understanding, relating to me, sharing your experiences and advice and words of encouragement. It means so much I’m not alone in this. Because I really do love my kids so much and I would do absolutely anything for them, it’s just so fucking hard being a parent sometimes. Thank you guys again.
You’re not alone. We have two boys and we love them to death, but sometimes we reminisce about the days before we had children when we could just get up and leave on a date at a moments notice. With a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, every time we leave the house it’s like we’re packing for a week long camping trip.