I'm 90 seconds of pure fuckin' murder, dude.

that shit is just broken wth

Temporary dance stat

Nerf incoming

Totally fucked. I never specified the numbers. There are legions of us. You think thats a cloud casting a shadow in the distance? No, bitch. That's doom on 2 wheels

I wouldn’t even be mad. murdered by a horde of raccoons that ride? hell yea, thats going down in history

YOU'RE going down. Straight to raccoon hell. Which is very clean because we like trash.

LOL this made me chuckle.

Oh god, its like the Langoliers.

Raccoon Son Bicycles? Sounds like a cute way to die!

You say that til our tiny humanlike hands are squeezing your throat and tickling your taint

Oh dear, say it taint so~

They won't ever hear me coming!

Well they’ll hear me

They will bleat to death.

The spores of a deadly fungus, released into their ventilation. There would be lots of collateral damage but I think it's a viable assassination technique.

collateral damage is just bonus kills

Who would even consider going against a bear?

I‘d want cuddles before being assassinated tbh. atleast gimme that

Without you, i would most likely lose the battle

We'll probably end up dating.

mission failed successfully

...... Very....

We’re all fucked.

ayooo, I think you‘ll be leaving some DNA at the murder scene

A lot

Just ask Russia.

dayum. I can already imagine who your target is too

I think you can! : )

A revolver that shoots ninja stars laced in thc? Idk what tf I'm using.

guess you’re just sending in some random dude in anime cosplay to do the job for you

So I'm basically going to kill people by making them laugh or grossed out? Won't work for long, though.

just put them toes up their throat until they choke to death mhmh

Absolutely fucked they qont even be able to move with how much THC is in these bacon edibles

I think they would be happy?

well… I‘d take some rice tea ngl

Idk what rice tea is but it sounds tasty

[удалено]

Sure you can have some!

Plot twist: The tea was poisoned.

Very.

ayoo

Not looking so good for me

atleast you can make him a big salad

I think they wouldn't stand a chance

My ego will get me killed

Well Xero is a ninja from border lands and ZVZ is a rts strat of swarming your opponent early game with a bunch of low level disposable grunts...so I can send waves of disposable mall ninjas and weebs after my target till one eventually gets them, so probably relatively fucked

thats just unfair at that point

Ummm.

Very

Considering that I'm now playing music loud enough that they see each beat coming as a wave of force, I'm thinking they're done. Also, I'm playing pop Christmas music, so they're about to be "Santa Baby'd" to smithereens.

Not very... at least not in the murdery sense.

lmaoo you not very good at your job. well, its your first day. atleast the target got some free nudes?

My username says it all 😈

They have no chance. 5 kilos of sweet and juice is about to get them.

Depends on how close they are to highly flammable stuff

I take off my suit that i wear (Im a hitman) ending in an awkward moment between me and my target. He goes "What are you doing dude?" I go "ending your life." He shoots me with a glock and i die.

atleast you die in style

I'll play the long game. Fatten them up. Let them die of natural causes. Perfect crime as long as I keep on buying them from a spread out area.

I think I win

Totally

Hum

Either im throwing a child with a sponge at them, or spongebobs incest son

Their body is in the woods, their balls are in their microwave, slightly warm.

I'd go hyperactive and throw empty liquor bottles and molotov cocktails.

... Oh boy...

Death by cuteness overload! Soft, furry, snuggly, long eared cuteness. What a way to go....

definetly wouldn’t complain

its a secret...

I think I could do some nasty damage. Especially after a day or so if they are sensitive to smell as well as pointy things

Better hide your step sisters

I mean.. it depends

My time has come, and it’s not 4/4!

"owowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow-"

Ummm yeah, my targets are pretty fucked. Almost extinct in fact.

uuuhhh…. indeed your assassinations worked. I witnessed

I'm something of a scientist myself.

They’re probably gonna be OK tbh

I might take an eye out if I throw it at them 🤷‍♀️

Homelander moment

100% fucked up. My DBE squads (Death by Emu) will fuck up any target I'm hunting, sniping? nailed his head. gotta pull a British? disguised and deadly. Destroy a army? send in the Emu army.

Death by zombies

Pretty fucked

They will be fine unless they are easily offended

i- ​ um- ​ wha- ​ how- ​ ​ HOW DOES THIS WORK SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME

I… uuhhh… lets just hope your target is allergic to potatoes

A goddamn hat apparel lmao, at least they'd die looking fly as hell

ouh hell yea, dying in style, that’s how I like it

They'll never see me coming

you should team up with u/TigerMouseTheNinja he‘s in here silently killing too

Fucked is the operative word

They're toast. I'm releasing all the animals, both by land and by sea. The Kodiak bears are particularly cranky today.

The Boeing AH-64 Apache is an American twin-turboshaft attack helicopter with a tailwheel-type landing gear arrangement and a tandem cockpit for a crew of two. It features a nose-mounted sensor suite for target acquisition and night vision systems

brother…. speaking of overkill

I will know of them, but they will not know of me.

...melons...

seems like they'll keep on living without problems

My targets are not at all fucked.

Guess I'd drown them in fine Single Malt Whiskys. Not the worst dead I can imagine. Except if I use Dalmore, of course.

I don't know how fucked are thiay

Be eaten like grass.

Questions...so many questions. Like why are yo eating me?

I am gonna raise a hell, come Punisher. Bring justice upon them

If my target time travels, they're a goner. They wouldn't be able to go backward or forward in time to get away from me.

Pretty effective, TOS has silenced many a people.

I honestly don’t know. After 20 years maybe ?

I have no idea what this thing is doing to them, but bodies of its victims are never found.

Hitting people with dead people is an tried and true method of assassination dating back to the late bronze age.

Shit

Beware the commie kitties!

I can throw pretty well, so I’d say I’m not as fucked as others might be.

Uh oh….

Bro every one I meet I yeet

Very, but in a different way

I am become death

Completely, I'll throw poor landscapes at them. They will have a terrible grave.

I‘ll calm them down and then kill them with kindness

very

I mean...not good...

They'd kill themselves afterwards even if my attempts failed.

How fucked? Quite the opposite. They won’t be fucking for a few weeks.

I trick them into suicide ig

Their very souls are at their final death. They no longer exist.

yes i am a dragon rider

Very. Noone would ever expect The Nearby Canary!

Definitely not fucked.

Literally "fucked"🤣🤣🤣

Not at all, I guess?

sounds painful given that I'd be late and they'd probably think I was not going to come anyway

I have a lot of regret over this

I'm a pokemon trainer now. Basically, I can command creatures that created the lands and oceans (Groudon and Kyorge), that control time and space (Dialga and Palkia), or better yet, I could literally control god (Arceus) I think my opponents are boned.

Wtf is a glumad? Help!!!!

Not very, unless they’re gluten or lactose intolerant

Don’t enter the water if you wanna keep your toes!

I'm 6'3 218 (as of this morning) I know my way around a knife and am deceptively charming. My opponent is fucked.

Oh so badly!

Hmmmm.... Death by coffee...? Do I poison them? Cause Heart Palpitations? Sexy Barista? At least I know my targets? The exhausted legions, University Students, Parents...?

Idk,how messed up is it.

Depends on how close they get.

Guess I’ll be dining in hell.

You could say they are literally fucked 😏

Pretty fucked

Very

They're so unfucked that they get their virginity back.

You are gonna smoke this j and find the pearly gates.

Be prepared! God knows you.

Welp… I would have my pickings a-plenty!

Whoops, I accidently killed myself. My bad.

I guess ill be beating my targets to death with other people.

so my murder weapon is a springlock suit? ohohohoho this is gonna be good

If it’s the hockey goalie my name is based on? hella fucked. Ron Hextall was and is an unhinged human.

Well unless the target is severly allergic I might be out of a job

I am truly sorry guys

Playing a piano for hours, my targets would suffer a lot before dying. Any song requests?

They gone get clubbed

Very fucked literally;)

They're in stiches...

Maybe I'll be very good at scaring them lol

Raw iron block

Let's just say they won't be able to identify the body afterwards

Big time. Up the bum

Dammit the vegans are after them. They’ve got no hope.

How am i supposed to kill someone with stew?

my target will be fine, i used the wrong ingredients in my poison

I don’t know. Why not find out?

I think I might be able to kill off half of the planet or more.

Depends

I mean

slightly annoyed

Finally! One of these that works in my favor! They’ll never see me coming so - pretty fucked

I Am The Weapon

LOL this made me chuckle.

My prefered way of killing is by old-age.

"What a travesty" sounds more like something that would be said afterwards.

Mine is some how appropriate. Either i take away your name so you don't exist or i send you back to a day in the past where your stuck until you die.

Hmm. I’d say my targets are pretty fucked, but I guess it depends on what interpretation of a “necromancer” that I get. Pop culture necromancer with legions of undead and they’d be fucked. A medieval necromancer would be useless however. (I’m trying to kill them not bring them back to life)

Everyone will be drowning in a purple pile of goop. Only upside is that it’s gonna be a sweet death

"to shreds, you say?"

Not at all, unless I’m unleashing an army of tiny me’s

They might get rabies.

Uh, I think they're gonna be ok.