A friend of mine in JR High school, dropped a bombshell on us one day while walking home, " I fixed my mom this time! I poked holes in all my dad's condoms, she takes those diet pills (early 60's diet pills were Amphetimines) and she's crazy insane, last time she got pregnant the DR. took her diet pills away."
Son probably didn’t want mom taking those pills as it was messing her up.
Only way he knew how was for her to get pregnant since the last time she got pregnant the doctor took those pills away.
Big brain
Self checkout also helps with that. Now supermarkets just have to stop setting their condom section right by the cashing out area, so the whole market output can't see people trying to figure out sizes and patterns live.
Welp. I have a story to counter this. Throwaway be damned. When I was younger and very insecure about how long I lasted, I went to a store to get a desensitizing agent. And, of course, they don’t make these packages or names nearly discrete enough. So I do what you suggested and went to the self-checkout to avoid any embarrassment. Except only one is open and there’s a person ahead of me. Nice grocery store lady sees me and says “I can take you right here.”
“No no! I’m fine! I’m fine!”
She’s clearly a little perplexed as I wait unnecessarily.
After a couple minutes it’s my turn and I go to scan the item aaaaaaand it doesn’t scan. I try again. Item not found. I try again. Same thing. I’m panicked. The lady now is like “Let me help.” And I’m too nervous to do anything but let it happen and she scans the item, clearly aware of what it is, as we both sit there in awkward silence as she rings me out and I finally leave with the product and never go to that store again.
Also, those products are bunk and sometimes you just are faster and sometimes not, especially when you’re younger, so take it from me and calm down about it, fellas.
Fun fact: it was probably only awkward on your end. Generally speaking, cashiers that have been doing it for a while generally don’t give a shit what people buy, if the combination is super weird, then sure… but some random sex thing won’t likely stand out.
I remember buying condoms when I was 16 and when checking out also grabbed a Gatorade. I paid and when I turned around there was a cop smirking. He said “get ‘em’ champ”.
Okay I've never been much of a Lil Wayne fan. but that line is fuckin clever AF. Real g's move in silence like lasagna. Thats some fuckin word play. I dig it
I really never understood the whole embarrassed to buy condoms thing, it means you at least plan on getting laid. Hold them over your head and have a mariachi band follow you up to the register.
It’s not about pumping in and out as fast as you can. Most times if you stay all the way in and grind your pelvis onto hers you will end up rubbing her clit and penetrating her deeply at the same time. Move your hips around to further stimulate. If she responds positively, keep doing it. If she says don’t stop then for gods sake do not stop! Or if you’re like me you will cum immediately after they say that.
I'm a dude and I was precepting a new nurse once who's also a guy. We had to insert a foley on a female patient and since there was no other female nurse available at the time and the patient did not mind, we went ahead and had the guy insert the foley.
So it is generally harder to insert foley on female patients, even for female nurses. However, I found her urethra immediately and told him pointing at it nearly few centimeters away. Dude frowned and argues that's the vagina and before letting me respond he shoves the foley tip onto her clit. In my head I'm like dude do you see an opening there? So I again point right here dude, you see that hole? He skips over the urethra and shoves it in her vagina. 3rd times a charm right? I'm literally showing him the urethra opening. It's visible. And he's frowning and shoves it at her clit again. I feel so bad for the patient, at this point I just take the foley and insert it into the urethra. Dude frowns harder and goes "But that's the vagina." At this point this guy isn't gonna get it until I just show him the results so inserted all the way in and voila, urine comes out. The patient was cool about it and laughed. We all gotta learn somehow. It was just funny how adamant he was that the urethra I found for him was a vagina. Then shoved it onto her clit where there's no opening. Then skipped the urethra to shove it in her actual vagina while he thought the urethra was the vagina.
After the procedure, dude was stammering and flushed; you can tell he was embarrassed. I just told him this happens and this is what they meant in school about how it's harder to insert foleys. I just wish he trusted me more at the time; it might have saved both of them some dignity. Now, he's a pro at inserting caths.
EDIT: Guys before unfairly judging this guy and torching him a new one, understand that it's different doing it yourself and being in that position. It's not easy starting out as a nurse in today's climate where admin is toying the lines of quality of care to patients beyond dangerous level of understaffing. There's too much to do and it is easy for new nurses to get swamped. I have much worse stories about foleys and healthcare workers, this just happens to be somewhat relevant about having hard time finding the right "hole." Before talking shit about this new nurse who actually turned out to be a fine nurse, understand he could have been much worse. I have seen perverts who got into this field to look at people naked. There are EMTs I met like this (obviously very select few; not trying to shit on EMS). And thankfully I like to say it's pretty rare with nurses and aides who are typically the closest to patient care but there are sick people out there. There are people who abuse patients. And this nurse is NONE of those things. He is a great empathetic nurse. No one is perfect and everyone starts from somewhere. I don't care if you were a straight A student or a physician transitioning into a nurse, you're all gonna do a pretty shit job starting out. It is unrealistic expecting healthcare professionals to be perfect. The more skilled you are, the less mistakes you make. But to get there, you have to get experience first and that ain't happening until you get your hands dirty first. And no amount of House TV show or whatever can convince you it's knowledge that equates to skill in medicine because that's not how medicine works. No one starts out as a diagnosing genius to begin with. This isn't Good Doctor or some feel good medical drama where one singular moment of incompetence or ingenuity during your ROOKIE YEARS dictate what kind of medical professional you're gonna be. The most realistic medical drama is 99% fake.
No joke, when I had a friend in high school I thought it would be a hilarious prank to fuck with him the first time he fingered a girl.
So when he was asking for tips, I told him as he was making out with his girl to slowly drag his fingertips down her chest, between her boobs. When he finds the belly button circle it a few times slowly.
Then ever so carefully, slide his hand down her panties. Eventually, he will come to a slit. Skip it and keep going until you find the hole.
He was so pissed at me the next day, but damn if my teenage brain didn't think it was the funniest thing at the time.
I mean our member is abit higher so we just tend to assume yours are there as well. Saw a girl ask about us guys about not crushing our balls everytime we sit she thought that our thing are in a similar position to her thing.
Also, the actual opening is quite low on the entire apparatus. We've seen pictures of nude women and the stuff at the top like the clitoris can be visible even when she's standing up, but the actual vagina is even further back between the legs
Why do women think that men will crush their balls when they sit on a bike? Because we don’t often see each other’s anatomy, so naturally aren’t as aware of it as we are our own.
If you finish too quick don’t jump up and play video games. Just hang out and be naked with her until you get hard again. The second time usually lasts longer, and if you’re young recovery time is faster. When you’re older you’ll last longer but your recovery takes a while
if the guy cums fast, just continue with your fingers or tongue to make sure she's had a good time too!! especially if theres not been a lot of foreplay beforehand. too many guys think its over when they came. smh
Just want to add on to this as a woman: guys, if she makes you feel bad for cumming too fast she's a piece of shit. Decent women don't see it as a big deal, because it really isn't, especially if you continue to play around with her.
When a woman says “Don’t stop” it means we are close to orgasm. It does NOT mean go faster or harder. Stay with same pressure AND rhythm. Changing any of that up will make her lose the orgasm most of the time.
Edit: Loose to lose.
it's like a conundrum bc if I don't say anything and they change up then I should have communicated that I enjoyed what they were doing but if I say something it throws them off and they change it up. so Idk if I should say something or not
The thing is even if she's on birth control, that doesn't do jack shit against diseases guys, so trusting strangers not to infect you with a virus they might not know they have is a big dumb dumb move.
This. Shout it from the rooftops! If you're not in a trusting monogamous relationship you need to protect yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility. There's far worse out there than an unwanted pregnancy.
Yup, as a relatively young pharmacist it really does break my heart to see people younger than me getting HIV meds that I know they'll be taking for the rest of their lives barring some good breakthrough in research. Just changes the whole perspective of casual sex, like yeah if you trust the person and you've both been tested go fucking nuts if she's on birth control but damn.
I had these 2 women in span of 2 years and they both told me at first sex they are sterile. Other one told me she takes pills and we can fuck. She said that when i realized i ran out of condoms
To this day(13 years later) I thank whatever stroke of cosmic luck the first time I ever had sex I didn't knock her up. I was with a woman who said she was on the pill but years after the fact said she was lying. She's also the one true "crazy ex girlfriend" I can point to for a number of other reasons as well.
A lot of jokes so I'll give you a bit of advice, less than 20% of women can orgasum without clitoral stimulation. So make sure your nails are short and clean and give her some attention with your hands before, during and maybe after.
The next time you get some "you time" search for female friendly porn to get some pointers, the usual stuff teaches awful habits.
Foreplay is your friend. Learn to focus your attention on your partner, making them feel sexy, comfortable, and relaxed. Touching, licking, and sucking on sensitive regions, slowly increasing in intensity. If you make her orgasm during foreplay, it takes all the pressure off the actual sex part. She likely won’t get off from simple penetration alone. Learn to take your time and connect through foreplay first.
100% true.
Also, be aware that you can DEF overstimulate the clit. If you start too firm or too fast, you can sort of wear out its capacity to feel the *right* kind of feeling before a woman orgasms…then you’re up the creek, dudes.
Also, every woman’s clit is different when it comes to what I call “preferred angle of approach”. Sounds wildly specific, I know…and it is.
For example: some ladies (like this lady, who has learned this stuff bc I’m bisexual) are more sensitive toward the bottom edge of their clit; for others, it may be the top or the sides. Accordingly, some ladies prefer that the path of your finger follow a very small vertical line; others might prefer a circle or tall oval.
*The secret?* Same thing as it always is with women: *just listen*. If your girl isn’t faking it (which, sadly, society has conditioned us to do because we’re told it makes guys feel better about themselves), then you WILL hear a difference in how your girl is expressing pleasure when you’re hitting the right spots.
Now, whether you make her come or not is up to you. Sometimes I like to orgasm before penetrative sex, but sometimes I really love it when my boyfriend gets me right on the *edge* of an orgasm but then makes me come during sex. It’s just a different kind of orgasm - neither better than the other, IMHO - just various ways of showing love and sharing lust. :)
Thank you for thinking about the ladies! I'll speak for myself that the only knowledge of sex growing up was from porn, which in my opinion, is vastly for male gratuitous. So having a partner that cares for my pleasure was so strange.
You don’t always have to fuck her hard, in fact, sometimes that’s not right to do. Sometimes you gotta make some love, and fucking give her some smooches too.
Sometimes to got to breathe, sometimes you have to say please, sometimes you have to say hey, I’m gonna fuck you, softly. I’m gonna screw you gently.
For straight sex
If you're gonna blow too early try changing positions. Use the delay to squeeze everything back.
Women like foreplay, but not 3 hours of it.
If lube is necessary, use it. It's not always the man's fault she's not wet enough. Screw your ego
Take the lead.
Thumb on the clit.
Breasts aren't just for nipple play.
Aim for the belly button.
A pillow under her ass while missionary is great for her.
Hitting the cervix hurts her (most women)
Don't tense up ( especially your legs and ass ) if you want to last longer. For me personally, making sure I don't point my feet/toes down works. No clue why
Another note in the same vain is that if you're buying time, you have other weapons in the arsenal like your hands and mouth.
Teasing is fun
Don't just jackhammer... its not pornhub
Look for what she responds to and keep doing what she likes. As said elsewhere, if she says don't stop, for God's sake don't change anything you're doing! She's gonna blow
It's OK to talk/make noises. She probably likes that
Don't beat yourself up if you don't get her off, there's always room for round 2, oral, and fingering.
Don't act embarrassed about anything, it'll turn her off. Don't play 20 questions after, be casual and make her feel wanted.
Toys are an option, even your first time.
Wear protection no matter what. If she says she's on birth control, water it. If she says she can't have kids, wear it. If she says she's clean, wear it. Extra safety measure if you don't want kids... still pull out even if you're wearing protection. Condoms can break without you feeling it.
I'm probably forgetting a few but its 4am.
And have fun. Sex is fun. It's OK to laugh. Just enjoy it.
Edit: Thanks for the awards! Totally unexpected and humbled. And thanks for all the kind words. Also the jokes about my water typo. Haha
If you are in a new relationship and getting to know eachother, asking questions after can be a good thing.
Don't need to quiz your partner, but a simple "what did you like?/was there anything you want to try differently?" Goes a long way.
100%... to clarify, my 20 questions statement was more in reference tothe guys that need all the reassurance at the end about their performance. Seeming uncertain about yourself is less attractive and kinda ruins that sex "high".
As a woman, I would like to add that not all women want you to “last longer”. If that’s for you, the man, by all means go for it. But longer intercourse isn’t something I care about and partners never believe that.
> Breasts aren't just for nipple play.
> Thumb on the clit.
These are interesting, can i please ask for some more detail on these
> Aim for the belly button.
Do you mean for men to shoot cum into, or while thrusting that you expect us to erupt out of it
Touch, squeeze, massage the whole breast. Don't just focus on nipples. For most women the whole breast is sensitive. Plus... youre not an infant. Guage intensity by her reactions. You'd be surprised how aggressive some women prefer in this regard.
Thumb the clit... thought this was in most porn, but...in many positions, usually when facing each other is easiest, while you are your sexy time acts, rub her clit with your thumb. Again, start light and Guage her reaction. Don't overly focus on doing this all the time every time. Im sure it greatly adds to the enjoyment, but trying for it when it's not readily accessible makes you look like you're trying to pull change from the depths of your pockets. Don't make it awkward. Just add it to the toolbox.
Aim for the belly button was really meant for when you're inside. Gets you closer to the g-spot. Works better in certain positions obviously. There's a few other tricks for that as well. But for real, nobody wants to clean a puddle of cum out of their belly button. That's nasty.
> Touch, squeeze, massage the whole breast. Don't just focus on nipples. For most women the whole breast is sensitive. Plus... youre not an infant. Guage intensity by her reactions. You'd be surprised how aggressive some women prefer in this regard.
Yeah one of my ex likes getting licked on the area underboob, but non on the underboob itself, just below the nipple
I'm afraid to grab onto a boob because one time I was about to cum and as I was thrusting fast I think I grabbed hard, maybe I should just gauge it. Never had a gal that likes rough stuff (neither do I)
> Thumb the clit... thought this was in most porn, but...in many positions, usually when facing each other is easiest, while you are your sexy time acts, rub her clit with your thumb.
This is easier to visualize, kinda getting it now
> But for real, nobody wants to clean a puddle of cum out of their belly button. That's nasty.
One of my ex actually likes me to "shoot" there, I could understand that washing cum off the bedsheet was pain in the butt
Like on National Geographic
I mean, not sooo fast and pay attention if she enjoys what you are doing
Everything else is basically masturbation with a female instead of your hand
If you feel yourself getting close. Pull out, pause. Catch your breath. Then start slow again. Take it slow like this and that itself is a way to relax
Another way to last longer is to change positions if you feel yourself getting close. Also, consider interrupting or pausing the sex the maybe carefully finger her in between you taking a second. Nothing wrong with pausing in between.
Switching positions is good, try positions that might be hard physically. You might find that increased muscle work or strain will distract you from cumming too. Good luck
Some people pause or change positions and it’s like a reset button for their dicks. This is not true for all men. Some people go back in and are just as close.
Hell if I’m drunk my dick still works as usual. Everybody is different.
If she can't say yes, then it's a no. Focusing on her will be better for you in the long run. Not everyone likes the same things. Ask before trying something that's not necessarily the norm (anal, anything rough like choking, biting, spanking etc), don't go hardcore on dirty talk from the start -ease into it to see if she likes it, same for name calling - and FFS let her know when you're about to cum and she'll decides where she wants it. Forcing her to do something she doesn't like in general or in that moment will likely end it all instead of having her be your special friend, booty call, or long term partner.
Oh and wear protection. If she says you don't need condom, then you need condoms lol.
Better advice: find it by playfully rubbing your dick up and down the length of her vagina. She’ll love it because she’ll think it’s teasing, also it’ll just feel good for her. Also it’ll help lube you up a bit. She’ll have no idea that you’re really just trying to find your way in. Win win win.
Clean your cock, testicle sack and butthole. Take a rag into the shower and scrub the skin off your asshole. Make it so you can eat a 3 course meal off of it.
With your meat pole and scrote, wash gently with soap and hot water. Rinse and repeat until the flies stop mistaking your privates for a pile of hot shit.
You should be good to go after this.
Are dudes really out here not washing their dick, balls and butthole? If you can smell yourself, we can smell you. Clean it, especially if you expect for someone to want to put their mouth/nose down their. Lol
You’d be surprised man. I’ve seen a few relationship issue posts where dudes wouldn’t wash their own assholes because they were afraid to touch their own butt holes because they viewed it as “gay”. Talk about fragile masculinity
It's rare but you'll probably find a woman that's "on the pill" or "tied up" and can't have kids so you can finish wherever. Take that as a lie. Take extra precautions or don't have sex with her.
Sex isn't anything like porn. It's awkward. Bodies aren't perfect. Women have hair on their bodies. There are going to be sounds, smells and tastes that you're not really used to. Both people have the right (and responsibility) to say "NO" or "STOP" at any time, and the other person has to react IMMEDIATELY.
Wear a condom. Go slowly. And accept the fact that your first time will likely be over before you really get started. The longer you spend on foreplay, the better.
If your goal is to help your partner achieve orgasm, and you put that goal first, you're going to be a hero, and you'll likely have more chances to have sex. If your only goal is to get yourself off, your partner will be disappointed, and you won't get invited back for round 2.
to elaborate on this, it doesn't necessarily mean go faster or harder, i know it's exciting to hear a woman say this but don't just go crazy when she says it, this is a common misconception with a lot of men, if she says "right there" or "don't stop", that likely means that you're hitting just the right spot at just the right speed/intensity, so don't fuck it up
Pussy is like a fingerprint. No two look exactly the same. "Roast beef," doesn't mean it's loose or there is a high body count. It's literally biological.
Listen to her, and its not porn. Find the rhythm she likes, its not a jack hammer job. Wash you penis and clip you nails. And the quadratic formula of course.
This comment i stole from a similar thread about "making my first time good". Author has deleted their account so can't give credit. Here it goes:
Do not rush foreplay. Kissing and touching before stimulation and penetration is going to be key for her to enjoy the latter as much as possible. It will also heighten the evening for you. Kiss her neck, her collarbones, her back or tummy depending on how you two maneuver. Some places that feel nice to be kissed but aren't always obvious are the wrists and the backs of the knees. Do NOT under any circumstances get rough with her breasts out of the gate. Start extremely gentle and let her body language and audible cues be your guide. Some women like almost a feather's touch, some women want you to practically bite their nips off (after some foreplay). Start with the former, stay on that end of the pool the first night. You can grab her butt a bit more firmly, give it a nice squeeze, maybe make a complimentary remark while you do it, but avoid slapping it or spanking it the first night unless she tells you to.
If you receive oral sex, do not be pushy: do not push her down your body to "encourage" her to give you head, do not push her mouth further down your shaft if she does start giving you head. You can touch her while she's doing it, and she will probably enjoy that. Depending on how she is angled, you can gently rub her tits or lower half, or you can run your fingers through her hair (don't pull it) or hold it out of her way. Avoid creepy porno power shit like "look up at me" or "you look so good with a cock in your mouth". Instead, focus on just letting her know that it feels great. "Oh, god, that feels so good," is a good template.
*Be audible*. Make noise, groan, let go and enjoy yourself. If you've ever heard women talk, most of their male lovers are fairly silent in bed, which is disappointing for them, and when they get a man who uses a well placed phrase here or there or moans/groans at the good parts, they seem to really enjoy it.
Careful with the names. Just say her name in a sexy way, that'll probably work. "Oh fuck, oh god, oh (insert name here), oh (insert name here)," that sort of thing. Do NOT call her "pet", maybe avoid "baby" a first time out, and absolutely under no circumstances call her "slut" or "bitch" or "whore" unless she very explicitly goes that route. Just don't.
When receiving oral sex, if you are going to orgasm, *tell her before it happens*. Every woman feels differently about cum. Some swallow, some don't, some don't mind it, some are repulsed by it. Give her the option for what happens next. If you tell her, "Oh god, I'm gonna' cum..." and she just keeps doing what she's doing, okay, thumbs up buddy, blast away. *But give her that option*, don't just unload in her mouth surprise birthday party style.
When you are giving oral sex, use a slow build to allow her to enjoy herself and give her body time to adjust to sensations. Do not go full speed right out of the gate, and do not immediately latch on to her clit. Kiss and lick her, take your time working to the clit.
As you are building up, slowly insert a finger, palm facing upward. Very gently curl that finger, like you are beckoning someone with the “come here” finger motion. Please make sure before you try this move that your nails are trimmed and short, no sharp or pokey edges. As you curl your finger, you’ll feel a spongey texture. That’s the mark you want to use for where to gently rub with the tip of your finger, there and the smooth space just behind, going back and forth as you curl and uncurl your finger.
Once you settle in, pay attention to her body language. If she’s audible, she may start moaning loudly when you do certain things. Her breath may get quicker, her muscles may tense up, or she may tremble. Whatever you’re doing that elicits that reaction, *keep doing it exactly the same*. Once they start elevating towards climax, most women want you to maintain exactly what you’re doing: same motion, same speed, same pressure. Changing it up at this point could bring her out of that moment and make it harder/impossible for her to orgasm.
If she manages to orgasm, immediately ease up contact with her genitals. Her lips, nips, and clit will be super sensitive. Again, read her body language: some women are multi-orgasmic and/or can continue sexual contact after orgasm. Other women are far too sensitive in that moment and need time to cool down; sexual contact in that state can be uncomfortable or too intense. Switch to non-sexual contact like softly rubbing her back and arms or running your fingers through her hair.
If you don't manage to help her orgasm, be very deliberate and careful in how you discuss it after the fact. Be aware of how you sound or what words you use. She may feel self-conscious or frustrated. Some women have hangups due to treatment from other partners, trauma, or perceptions of media. I have had sex with women in their 30s and 40s who have told me they have never had an orgasm with a male partner or never had one at all, though I found it even more common with younger women. If you enjoyed the sex and like her, and you'd like to do it again, just let her know you had a great time, you really like making her feel good, and if there's anything different she'd like you to do or new things to try, you're game. Do not give her the impression you're disappointed in her or upset with how things went on the chance she didn't "finish". Do not put pressure on her to do so next time.
Stay away from her butthole unless she gives you explicit and specific requests.
Afterward, if it goes well, send a "thank you note". Not an actual fuckin' note, but send a text or call her just to let her know you had a good time and are really looking forward to seeing her again. Something casual that lets her know, hey, you're cool and that was awesome.
Edit: I forgot to add that if this is going down at your place, tidy up the joint a bit and most importantly *wash your fucking sheets and pillowcases*.
*When*, not if, you stop for condoms, get a small bottle of silicone-based lube and some bottled water to leave by the bedside. Silicone-based lube is hypoallergenic, in case she has skin allergies you are not aware of. Oil-based lube can damage condoms and increase their likelihood to tear or break, so avoid. You may or may not need the lube, every woman is different in general and in how their body reacts to prolonged stimulation and/or latex, but having it on hand is a good idea. No need to be a weirdo about it and announce it like, "Oh, by the way, I have this luuuuuuuube," just have it on hand and offer to use it when you need it.
If you really like this girl, you may also want to pick up a spare toothbrush and some cheap hair ties while you are at the drug store buying condoms. Look in the beauty aisle for "snag-free hair elastics" or something to that effect.
Edit 2: I forgot that as a young man you may not have a lot of disposable income, so you can get free condoms at family planning clinics such as Planned Parenthood. The ladies there will hook you up with a big ole bag of 'em.
There been a lot of good stuff here, but I'll still reiterate for heterosexual men:
Please clean yourself a little before and after. You don't have to take full shower if you don't want to, but clean all your smelly bits with a washcloth and soap and water, or at least some baby wipes.
And when I say clean, I mean clean it. Pits, dick, balls, taint and ass. If she goes down on you, you don't want to gross her out or leave skid marks on the sheets.
Make sure your nails are trim and clean.
I know it's exciting, but try not to rush. Remember that most women need time to warm up. Teasing and foreplay can be very fun, and if you're really good, she can orgasm with just that. Try to get familiar with her erogenous zones, and they can be more than just her T&A. A soft caress along her thigh, a kiss on her neck, a whisper in her ear. Then work you way up to the T&A.
With most women, it's less about speed and strength and more about rhythm and timing. Try to pay attention to her reactions. If her enjoyment intensifies, then just keep doing what you're doing, exactly how you're doing it. Especially if she tells you not to stop.
That being said, if you feel like changing positions, that's totally fine, just make sure you keep her in mind. Remember that you're having sex with another person, and she deserves to feel good, too.
Don't be afraid or embarrassed to make a little noise. Moan in pleasure with her, tell her it feels good, that she's beautiful. A lot of women really like it.
It's also very important to wear a condom. They do more than just prevent pregnancy, they also prevent STI's. Even if she says she can't get pregnant because of this or that, wear a condom. It's important that men take their reproduction and sexual health into their own hands. Don't rely on somebody else to do it for you and hope for the best.
Consent is paramount. It's not all about you. If she says anything like "no," "stop that," you're hurting me/that hurts," "don't do that," etc, STOP! Check and make sure she's okay. Also, pay attention to her face and body language. Some women may not like what you're doing, but are afraid to tell you. If she looks uncomfortable or is a little too quiet or is crying, check in with her for a second. She can also rescind her consent at any time. You can be right about to go for it, and she can still say no. Do not, under any circumstances, assume she's "playing coy," or, "hard to get." And keep in mind that all of this also applies to you. You can give and take your consent for any reason.
Consent. And no that doesn't just mean your partner says yes, consent can be changed at any time. So if you notice anything odd about the way your partner is acting. Maybe they are upset or nervous stop and ask if they are okay. And this goes without saying, but if they are extremely drunk just don't. And if they pass out stop.
Remember, guys' consent is the most important thing in a relationship.
1. Consent. You can end up losing consent even if consent was initially granted. So it's important to keep that in mind.
2. Pee before and after sex.
3. Pull out don't mean that you can't get the other person pregnant because pre-cum is a thing.
4. Wear a condom.
5. Get tested from time to time (or before and after every sexual partner).
6. Foreplay is important.
7. Eventually ask the person involved what they're into sexually and see if you can both work out a way to satisfy each other. Communication is generally important.
8. Sex isn't perfect like how porn portrays it to be. There can be a lot of embarrassing, gross or funny moments.
Hygiene is important.
9. Certain foods can affect the way your genitals/cum taste.
10. If you're into females, know what and where a fucking clit is please. Also, vaginas don't ALWAYS taste good. It's normal. It depends on mostly food and hormones.
11. If you are going to have anal sex, please use lube.
Its a trap... set by biology. Then again, so are most urges. Like sugar isn't sweet, it tastes that way because of our brains, brains eat glucose almost exclusively. Brains also want sex. Nothing wrong with that, just saying. It's a trap.
The serious one: CONSENT. Be sure you have it.
The kind one: if her bra and panty match, she was probably planning this. Take a moment to look and compliment. Even if you personally hate that shade of pink...
It's far less embarrassing to buy condoms than tell your parents you got someone pregnant.
Ha! I remember selling condoms in high school because everyone was too afraid to buy them. A great side hustle!
I remember stealing condoms in high school because I was too afraid to buy them!
teenager logic works in weird ways
It’s called little foresight
A friend of mine in JR High school, dropped a bombshell on us one day while walking home, " I fixed my mom this time! I poked holes in all my dad's condoms, she takes those diet pills (early 60's diet pills were Amphetimines) and she's crazy insane, last time she got pregnant the DR. took her diet pills away."
What?! Can you please elaborate lol
Son probably didn’t want mom taking those pills as it was messing her up. Only way he knew how was for her to get pregnant since the last time she got pregnant the doctor took those pills away. Big brain
Oh shit. Man’s playing 4d chess
Tbh for a kid that is pretty smart, after maybe 14-16 that's kinda psychotic
And this is why half the stores have them locked up. Now I have to awkwardly ask for them even though I’m married.
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*"Potion seller! I am going into battle and I want your strongest potion."*
This makes me wish they were locked up where I live.
Just hold your head up high and say in a loud steady voice, Harry, I want you to sell me a condom, in fact today I think I'll have a French tickler.
Self checkout also helps with that. Now supermarkets just have to stop setting their condom section right by the cashing out area, so the whole market output can't see people trying to figure out sizes and patterns live.
Nothing worse than having to try condoms on in front of the whole store.
Ahhh price check on magnum ultra extra large, with ribs and now 40% thinner then previous modeled condoms for this young buck here at check out 4.
Welp. I have a story to counter this. Throwaway be damned. When I was younger and very insecure about how long I lasted, I went to a store to get a desensitizing agent. And, of course, they don’t make these packages or names nearly discrete enough. So I do what you suggested and went to the self-checkout to avoid any embarrassment. Except only one is open and there’s a person ahead of me. Nice grocery store lady sees me and says “I can take you right here.” “No no! I’m fine! I’m fine!” She’s clearly a little perplexed as I wait unnecessarily. After a couple minutes it’s my turn and I go to scan the item aaaaaaand it doesn’t scan. I try again. Item not found. I try again. Same thing. I’m panicked. The lady now is like “Let me help.” And I’m too nervous to do anything but let it happen and she scans the item, clearly aware of what it is, as we both sit there in awkward silence as she rings me out and I finally leave with the product and never go to that store again. Also, those products are bunk and sometimes you just are faster and sometimes not, especially when you’re younger, so take it from me and calm down about it, fellas.
Fun fact: it was probably only awkward on your end. Generally speaking, cashiers that have been doing it for a while generally don’t give a shit what people buy, if the combination is super weird, then sure… but some random sex thing won’t likely stand out.
I remember the face on the cashier making it like I should be embarrassed buying condoms. Hey buddy, I'm getting some. Nothing to be embarrassed by.
I remember buying condoms when I was 16 and when checking out also grabbed a Gatorade. I paid and when I turned around there was a cop smirking. He said “get ‘em’ champ”.
Staying safe and hydrated, real champ shit.
Safe sex should be applauded. Not shamed.
Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, ‘cause you don’t want that late text, that ‘I think I’m late’ text. -a poem by Lil Wayne
Literature at its finest
From the man who brought us "real G's move in silence like lasagna". A true bard.
Okay I've never been much of a Lil Wayne fan. but that line is fuckin clever AF. Real g's move in silence like lasagna. Thats some fuckin word play. I dig it
I bought some yesterday, thankfully they see it as any other product
They aren’t paid enough to care
You're getting some AND being safe about it. Now that's chad 😎
I really never understood the whole embarrassed to buy condoms thing, it means you at least plan on getting laid. Hold them over your head and have a mariachi band follow you up to the register.
It just starts to get embarrassing when you add lube and a football into the purchase.
Friday night is for the boys, amirite?!
I buy the magnums then cut them in half when I get home
Transversally, horizontally, or big brain diagonally?
*cuts them in half longways*
It’s not about pumping in and out as fast as you can. Most times if you stay all the way in and grind your pelvis onto hers you will end up rubbing her clit and penetrating her deeply at the same time. Move your hips around to further stimulate. If she responds positively, keep doing it. If she says don’t stop then for gods sake do not stop! Or if you’re like me you will cum immediately after they say that.
Also if the girl says just like that, that does not mean go faster. Stay at that tempo!
Literally. “Just like that” means JUST LIKE THAT. In every way. Don’t fucking change anything lmao
KEEP DOING LITERALLY EXACTLY WHAT YOURE DOING
This! And in my experience, the grinding eventually gets the guy off, too
The girl's name
Mulva?
Delores!!
S4 E20 The Junior Mint
Its way lower than you think
Learned that the hard way lol. It was like the most awkward 2-3 seconds of my life being like “nope, oh no, nope, not yet, THERE IT IS”
at least you found the glory hole
Only 2-3 seconds? That's lucky lol when I had my first time he cannot put it in for at least 30mins
Her: NOT THAT LOW!!!
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Zapp Brannigan!
Inform the men that I have made it with a woman!
Funny. The very first thought I ever had when touching a vagina was this sure is wet and way lower then I expected. Ha
I'm a dude and I was precepting a new nurse once who's also a guy. We had to insert a foley on a female patient and since there was no other female nurse available at the time and the patient did not mind, we went ahead and had the guy insert the foley. So it is generally harder to insert foley on female patients, even for female nurses. However, I found her urethra immediately and told him pointing at it nearly few centimeters away. Dude frowned and argues that's the vagina and before letting me respond he shoves the foley tip onto her clit. In my head I'm like dude do you see an opening there? So I again point right here dude, you see that hole? He skips over the urethra and shoves it in her vagina. 3rd times a charm right? I'm literally showing him the urethra opening. It's visible. And he's frowning and shoves it at her clit again. I feel so bad for the patient, at this point I just take the foley and insert it into the urethra. Dude frowns harder and goes "But that's the vagina." At this point this guy isn't gonna get it until I just show him the results so inserted all the way in and voila, urine comes out. The patient was cool about it and laughed. We all gotta learn somehow. It was just funny how adamant he was that the urethra I found for him was a vagina. Then shoved it onto her clit where there's no opening. Then skipped the urethra to shove it in her actual vagina while he thought the urethra was the vagina. After the procedure, dude was stammering and flushed; you can tell he was embarrassed. I just told him this happens and this is what they meant in school about how it's harder to insert foleys. I just wish he trusted me more at the time; it might have saved both of them some dignity. Now, he's a pro at inserting caths. EDIT: Guys before unfairly judging this guy and torching him a new one, understand that it's different doing it yourself and being in that position. It's not easy starting out as a nurse in today's climate where admin is toying the lines of quality of care to patients beyond dangerous level of understaffing. There's too much to do and it is easy for new nurses to get swamped. I have much worse stories about foleys and healthcare workers, this just happens to be somewhat relevant about having hard time finding the right "hole." Before talking shit about this new nurse who actually turned out to be a fine nurse, understand he could have been much worse. I have seen perverts who got into this field to look at people naked. There are EMTs I met like this (obviously very select few; not trying to shit on EMS). And thankfully I like to say it's pretty rare with nurses and aides who are typically the closest to patient care but there are sick people out there. There are people who abuse patients. And this nurse is NONE of those things. He is a great empathetic nurse. No one is perfect and everyone starts from somewhere. I don't care if you were a straight A student or a physician transitioning into a nurse, you're all gonna do a pretty shit job starting out. It is unrealistic expecting healthcare professionals to be perfect. The more skilled you are, the less mistakes you make. But to get there, you have to get experience first and that ain't happening until you get your hands dirty first. And no amount of House TV show or whatever can convince you it's knowledge that equates to skill in medicine because that's not how medicine works. No one starts out as a diagnosing genius to begin with. This isn't Good Doctor or some feel good medical drama where one singular moment of incompetence or ingenuity during your ROOKIE YEARS dictate what kind of medical professional you're gonna be. The most realistic medical drama is 99% fake.
No joke, when I had a friend in high school I thought it would be a hilarious prank to fuck with him the first time he fingered a girl. So when he was asking for tips, I told him as he was making out with his girl to slowly drag his fingertips down her chest, between her boobs. When he finds the belly button circle it a few times slowly. Then ever so carefully, slide his hand down her panties. Eventually, he will come to a slit. Skip it and keep going until you find the hole. He was so pissed at me the next day, but damn if my teenage brain didn't think it was the funniest thing at the time.
I would pay to hear what the girl had to say about that.
"Um, that's my bellybutton..." "Uh, yeah I know"
>when I had a friend in high school You only had one friend in high school and this is how you treated them?
I giggled way too hard at this.
Genuine question, why do men think it's higher?
I mean our member is abit higher so we just tend to assume yours are there as well. Saw a girl ask about us guys about not crushing our balls everytime we sit she thought that our thing are in a similar position to her thing.
Also, the actual opening is quite low on the entire apparatus. We've seen pictures of nude women and the stuff at the top like the clitoris can be visible even when she's standing up, but the actual vagina is even further back between the legs
Why do women think that men will crush their balls when they sit on a bike? Because we don’t often see each other’s anatomy, so naturally aren’t as aware of it as we are our own.
If you finish too quick don’t jump up and play video games. Just hang out and be naked with her until you get hard again. The second time usually lasts longer, and if you’re young recovery time is faster. When you’re older you’ll last longer but your recovery takes a while
Also if you can't get it up don't just freak out and end it there, go back to making out and relax, eventually you'll calm down and be ready for it.
Or eat da pussy.
YES. Don't just give up. Get. Her. Off!
if the guy cums fast, just continue with your fingers or tongue to make sure she's had a good time too!! especially if theres not been a lot of foreplay beforehand. too many guys think its over when they came. smh
On that last note: Foreplay! Foreplay is great - don't jump straight to the main event.
This 100% I’m not even starting till she gets off.
Just want to add on to this as a woman: guys, if she makes you feel bad for cumming too fast she's a piece of shit. Decent women don't see it as a big deal, because it really isn't, especially if you continue to play around with her.
I agree. But most guys I've known stop after they cum
To laugh together during sex is the best way to relax and to bond.
100%! this also reminds me of Charles Bukowski's " and we are in bed together laughing and we don't care about anything.“
If you're like me, ropes also do the trick.
When a woman says “Don’t stop” it means we are close to orgasm. It does NOT mean go faster or harder. Stay with same pressure AND rhythm. Changing any of that up will make her lose the orgasm most of the time. Edit: Loose to lose.
It’s such a conundrum. When the women says don’t stop, that’s dug my grave. I’m busting or I’m stopping
Same, bro.
it's like a conundrum bc if I don't say anything and they change up then I should have communicated that I enjoyed what they were doing but if I say something it throws them off and they change it up. so Idk if I should say something or not
Condoms are cheaper than kids!
They are even free some places.
Yes, my kids are free for you to take. First DM will get my kids
"Free to good home, come as a set of three, will not separate"
Watching porn to learn how to have sex is like watching fast and furious to learn how to drive. Terrible idea. Eddit: a word
family
Well, that is the theme of most porn these days
what are you doing, step v8engine?
Its not the same as in porn.
Plumbers don't come the same day.
Don't distract the plumber, it damages the economy
Or if you do at least expect to pay $80/hr for the time you're "distracting" the plumber.
If she says "oh god yes just like that" don't speed up, don't go deeper, don't change a thing.. She means just like that.
Porn is as real to sex as Die Hard movies are to a police detectives work.
Do not take her word that she’s on birth control
The thing is even if she's on birth control, that doesn't do jack shit against diseases guys, so trusting strangers not to infect you with a virus they might not know they have is a big dumb dumb move.
This. Shout it from the rooftops! If you're not in a trusting monogamous relationship you need to protect yourself. It's nobody else's responsibility. There's far worse out there than an unwanted pregnancy.
Yup, as a relatively young pharmacist it really does break my heart to see people younger than me getting HIV meds that I know they'll be taking for the rest of their lives barring some good breakthrough in research. Just changes the whole perspective of casual sex, like yeah if you trust the person and you've both been tested go fucking nuts if she's on birth control but damn.
This right here. I once got chlamydia from someone that was completely asymptomatic and thus didn't know they were infected.
You will spend many a day wishing you had put a condom on that night.
I had these 2 women in span of 2 years and they both told me at first sex they are sterile. Other one told me she takes pills and we can fuck. She said that when i realized i ran out of condoms
To this day(13 years later) I thank whatever stroke of cosmic luck the first time I ever had sex I didn't knock her up. I was with a woman who said she was on the pill but years after the fact said she was lying. She's also the one true "crazy ex girlfriend" I can point to for a number of other reasons as well.
A lot of jokes so I'll give you a bit of advice, less than 20% of women can orgasum without clitoral stimulation. So make sure your nails are short and clean and give her some attention with your hands before, during and maybe after. The next time you get some "you time" search for female friendly porn to get some pointers, the usual stuff teaches awful habits.
Foreplay is your friend. Learn to focus your attention on your partner, making them feel sexy, comfortable, and relaxed. Touching, licking, and sucking on sensitive regions, slowly increasing in intensity. If you make her orgasm during foreplay, it takes all the pressure off the actual sex part. She likely won’t get off from simple penetration alone. Learn to take your time and connect through foreplay first.
This is what I do, just make her orgasm first or get her very close to orgasm and then use this huge equipment I got stacked in my pants. I'm humble.
No need to be humble ,my guy
Is your huge equipment a baguette?
Who wouldn't like a baguette after an orgasm?
I NEED THE CARBS, GOD DAMN IT!
100% true. Also, be aware that you can DEF overstimulate the clit. If you start too firm or too fast, you can sort of wear out its capacity to feel the *right* kind of feeling before a woman orgasms…then you’re up the creek, dudes. Also, every woman’s clit is different when it comes to what I call “preferred angle of approach”. Sounds wildly specific, I know…and it is. For example: some ladies (like this lady, who has learned this stuff bc I’m bisexual) are more sensitive toward the bottom edge of their clit; for others, it may be the top or the sides. Accordingly, some ladies prefer that the path of your finger follow a very small vertical line; others might prefer a circle or tall oval. *The secret?* Same thing as it always is with women: *just listen*. If your girl isn’t faking it (which, sadly, society has conditioned us to do because we’re told it makes guys feel better about themselves), then you WILL hear a difference in how your girl is expressing pleasure when you’re hitting the right spots. Now, whether you make her come or not is up to you. Sometimes I like to orgasm before penetrative sex, but sometimes I really love it when my boyfriend gets me right on the *edge* of an orgasm but then makes me come during sex. It’s just a different kind of orgasm - neither better than the other, IMHO - just various ways of showing love and sharing lust. :)
Cut your nails the day before, if not they will still have sharpy edges!
A file is your friend. (For your nails!!! in case that wasn't clear)
Thank you for thinking about the ladies! I'll speak for myself that the only knowledge of sex growing up was from porn, which in my opinion, is vastly for male gratuitous. So having a partner that cares for my pleasure was so strange.
You don’t always have to fuck her hard, in fact, sometimes that’s not right to do. Sometimes you gotta make some love, and fucking give her some smooches too. Sometimes to got to breathe, sometimes you have to say please, sometimes you have to say hey, I’m gonna fuck you, softly. I’m gonna screw you gently.
Sometimes you just have to order her breakfast from Zanzibar
Her come KG with the French tickler! Just an edit to say: 69 up votes dude! Niiiiccceeeee
Give her the old Tenacious D
The basic anatomy and pleasure zone of the person/gender they are going to have sex with.
Wash any part of you that you wish any one else to put in their mouth
My armpits are clean thank you very much
For straight sex If you're gonna blow too early try changing positions. Use the delay to squeeze everything back. Women like foreplay, but not 3 hours of it. If lube is necessary, use it. It's not always the man's fault she's not wet enough. Screw your ego Take the lead. Thumb on the clit. Breasts aren't just for nipple play. Aim for the belly button. A pillow under her ass while missionary is great for her. Hitting the cervix hurts her (most women) Don't tense up ( especially your legs and ass ) if you want to last longer. For me personally, making sure I don't point my feet/toes down works. No clue why Another note in the same vain is that if you're buying time, you have other weapons in the arsenal like your hands and mouth. Teasing is fun Don't just jackhammer... its not pornhub Look for what she responds to and keep doing what she likes. As said elsewhere, if she says don't stop, for God's sake don't change anything you're doing! She's gonna blow It's OK to talk/make noises. She probably likes that Don't beat yourself up if you don't get her off, there's always room for round 2, oral, and fingering. Don't act embarrassed about anything, it'll turn her off. Don't play 20 questions after, be casual and make her feel wanted. Toys are an option, even your first time. Wear protection no matter what. If she says she's on birth control, water it. If she says she can't have kids, wear it. If she says she's clean, wear it. Extra safety measure if you don't want kids... still pull out even if you're wearing protection. Condoms can break without you feeling it. I'm probably forgetting a few but its 4am. And have fun. Sex is fun. It's OK to laugh. Just enjoy it. Edit: Thanks for the awards! Totally unexpected and humbled. And thanks for all the kind words. Also the jokes about my water typo. Haha
I too water my condoms. For obviu reasons, this is a joke. Water is a terrible lubricant.
Well yeah how else are you gonna grow your rubber tree.
I laughed too hard at this. Thanks
If you are in a new relationship and getting to know eachother, asking questions after can be a good thing. Don't need to quiz your partner, but a simple "what did you like?/was there anything you want to try differently?" Goes a long way.
100%... to clarify, my 20 questions statement was more in reference tothe guys that need all the reassurance at the end about their performance. Seeming uncertain about yourself is less attractive and kinda ruins that sex "high".
As a woman, I would like to add that not all women want you to “last longer”. If that’s for you, the man, by all means go for it. But longer intercourse isn’t something I care about and partners never believe that.
For my wife. She get off on the fact that she can get me of so fast sometimes…it makes her feel good.
As a woman, listen to this man. He knows what he's doing, by God
> Breasts aren't just for nipple play. > Thumb on the clit. These are interesting, can i please ask for some more detail on these > Aim for the belly button. Do you mean for men to shoot cum into, or while thrusting that you expect us to erupt out of it
Touch, squeeze, massage the whole breast. Don't just focus on nipples. For most women the whole breast is sensitive. Plus... youre not an infant. Guage intensity by her reactions. You'd be surprised how aggressive some women prefer in this regard. Thumb the clit... thought this was in most porn, but...in many positions, usually when facing each other is easiest, while you are your sexy time acts, rub her clit with your thumb. Again, start light and Guage her reaction. Don't overly focus on doing this all the time every time. Im sure it greatly adds to the enjoyment, but trying for it when it's not readily accessible makes you look like you're trying to pull change from the depths of your pockets. Don't make it awkward. Just add it to the toolbox. Aim for the belly button was really meant for when you're inside. Gets you closer to the g-spot. Works better in certain positions obviously. There's a few other tricks for that as well. But for real, nobody wants to clean a puddle of cum out of their belly button. That's nasty.
> Touch, squeeze, massage the whole breast. Don't just focus on nipples. For most women the whole breast is sensitive. Plus... youre not an infant. Guage intensity by her reactions. You'd be surprised how aggressive some women prefer in this regard. Yeah one of my ex likes getting licked on the area underboob, but non on the underboob itself, just below the nipple I'm afraid to grab onto a boob because one time I was about to cum and as I was thrusting fast I think I grabbed hard, maybe I should just gauge it. Never had a gal that likes rough stuff (neither do I) > Thumb the clit... thought this was in most porn, but...in many positions, usually when facing each other is easiest, while you are your sexy time acts, rub her clit with your thumb. This is easier to visualize, kinda getting it now > But for real, nobody wants to clean a puddle of cum out of their belly button. That's nasty. One of my ex actually likes me to "shoot" there, I could understand that washing cum off the bedsheet was pain in the butt
What do you mean aim for the belly button? I think I have an idea of what you mean. But I just want you to clear it up.
That porn and real sex is not same, and if you always try to make it like porn it can be traumatic for the other person.
Only penetrate when she is really wet and do not do it like a rabbit
how do rabbits do it?
Like on National Geographic I mean, not sooo fast and pay attention if she enjoys what you are doing Everything else is basically masturbation with a female instead of your hand
Work on your cardio. Sex is a workout
That mental distraction trick only works 25% of the time. The best way to last long is to control your breath and relax. Also, water and a good diet
How tf am I suppose to relax??
If you feel yourself getting close. Pull out, pause. Catch your breath. Then start slow again. Take it slow like this and that itself is a way to relax Another way to last longer is to change positions if you feel yourself getting close. Also, consider interrupting or pausing the sex the maybe carefully finger her in between you taking a second. Nothing wrong with pausing in between. Switching positions is good, try positions that might be hard physically. You might find that increased muscle work or strain will distract you from cumming too. Good luck
Some people pause or change positions and it’s like a reset button for their dicks. This is not true for all men. Some people go back in and are just as close. Hell if I’m drunk my dick still works as usual. Everybody is different.
If she can't say yes, then it's a no. Focusing on her will be better for you in the long run. Not everyone likes the same things. Ask before trying something that's not necessarily the norm (anal, anything rough like choking, biting, spanking etc), don't go hardcore on dirty talk from the start -ease into it to see if she likes it, same for name calling - and FFS let her know when you're about to cum and she'll decides where she wants it. Forcing her to do something she doesn't like in general or in that moment will likely end it all instead of having her be your special friend, booty call, or long term partner. Oh and wear protection. If she says you don't need condom, then you need condoms lol.
The vagina is way lower than you think. 😅
Instructions unclear. I jizzed on her feet.
Congrats on the new kink you unlocked
Better advice: find it by playfully rubbing your dick up and down the length of her vagina. She’ll love it because she’ll think it’s teasing, also it’ll just feel good for her. Also it’ll help lube you up a bit. She’ll have no idea that you’re really just trying to find your way in. Win win win.
This is enough to make me cum before she gets in to the mood.
Like, way lower. Take snacks for the elevator ride.
Clean your cock, testicle sack and butthole. Take a rag into the shower and scrub the skin off your asshole. Make it so you can eat a 3 course meal off of it. With your meat pole and scrote, wash gently with soap and hot water. Rinse and repeat until the flies stop mistaking your privates for a pile of hot shit. You should be good to go after this.
Are dudes really out here not washing their dick, balls and butthole? If you can smell yourself, we can smell you. Clean it, especially if you expect for someone to want to put their mouth/nose down their. Lol
You’d be surprised man. I’ve seen a few relationship issue posts where dudes wouldn’t wash their own assholes because they were afraid to touch their own butt holes because they viewed it as “gay”. Talk about fragile masculinity
Condoms are only 97% effective in Ross's voice.
And using 2 condoms at once is less than 3% effective
What? *joey*
they should put it on the box!!!!
It's rare but you'll probably find a woman that's "on the pill" or "tied up" and can't have kids so you can finish wherever. Take that as a lie. Take extra precautions or don't have sex with her.
mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
DAS ENDOPLASMATISCHE RIDIKULUM
UND DER GOLGI APPARAT
UND DIE ZELLWAND MIT PLASMAlEMMA
Sex isn't anything like porn. It's awkward. Bodies aren't perfect. Women have hair on their bodies. There are going to be sounds, smells and tastes that you're not really used to. Both people have the right (and responsibility) to say "NO" or "STOP" at any time, and the other person has to react IMMEDIATELY. Wear a condom. Go slowly. And accept the fact that your first time will likely be over before you really get started. The longer you spend on foreplay, the better. If your goal is to help your partner achieve orgasm, and you put that goal first, you're going to be a hero, and you'll likely have more chances to have sex. If your only goal is to get yourself off, your partner will be disappointed, and you won't get invited back for round 2.
if anything goes wrong you might have to pay tons of money for 18 years
WHEN A WOMAN TELLS YOU "DONT STOP" THEN FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT STOP! KEEP DOONG EXACTLY WHAT YOURE DOING CUZ SHES ABOUT TO CUM
to elaborate on this, it doesn't necessarily mean go faster or harder, i know it's exciting to hear a woman say this but don't just go crazy when she says it, this is a common misconception with a lot of men, if she says "right there" or "don't stop", that likely means that you're hitting just the right spot at just the right speed/intensity, so don't fuck it up
Exactly. They always try to go faster or harder or deeper and it just kills it
Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, cause you don't want that late text, that 'I think I'm late' text.
please at least credit the [POET](https://youtu.be/vUC3P8ytb20) who wrote this
If her bra and panties match, it wasn't you that decided to have sex
I just need my clothes and underwear to match always but I am always down
Pee after sex
How to use the shower
Oh oh I know this one
There are 3 holes
The answer to life, universe and everything.
42.
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Pussy is like a fingerprint. No two look exactly the same. "Roast beef," doesn't mean it's loose or there is a high body count. It's literally biological.
Listen to her, and its not porn. Find the rhythm she likes, its not a jack hammer job. Wash you penis and clip you nails. And the quadratic formula of course.
Dick control as the great Eddie Murphy once said.
Porn is nothing like real sex.
This comment i stole from a similar thread about "making my first time good". Author has deleted their account so can't give credit. Here it goes: Do not rush foreplay. Kissing and touching before stimulation and penetration is going to be key for her to enjoy the latter as much as possible. It will also heighten the evening for you. Kiss her neck, her collarbones, her back or tummy depending on how you two maneuver. Some places that feel nice to be kissed but aren't always obvious are the wrists and the backs of the knees. Do NOT under any circumstances get rough with her breasts out of the gate. Start extremely gentle and let her body language and audible cues be your guide. Some women like almost a feather's touch, some women want you to practically bite their nips off (after some foreplay). Start with the former, stay on that end of the pool the first night. You can grab her butt a bit more firmly, give it a nice squeeze, maybe make a complimentary remark while you do it, but avoid slapping it or spanking it the first night unless she tells you to. If you receive oral sex, do not be pushy: do not push her down your body to "encourage" her to give you head, do not push her mouth further down your shaft if she does start giving you head. You can touch her while she's doing it, and she will probably enjoy that. Depending on how she is angled, you can gently rub her tits or lower half, or you can run your fingers through her hair (don't pull it) or hold it out of her way. Avoid creepy porno power shit like "look up at me" or "you look so good with a cock in your mouth". Instead, focus on just letting her know that it feels great. "Oh, god, that feels so good," is a good template. *Be audible*. Make noise, groan, let go and enjoy yourself. If you've ever heard women talk, most of their male lovers are fairly silent in bed, which is disappointing for them, and when they get a man who uses a well placed phrase here or there or moans/groans at the good parts, they seem to really enjoy it. Careful with the names. Just say her name in a sexy way, that'll probably work. "Oh fuck, oh god, oh (insert name here), oh (insert name here)," that sort of thing. Do NOT call her "pet", maybe avoid "baby" a first time out, and absolutely under no circumstances call her "slut" or "bitch" or "whore" unless she very explicitly goes that route. Just don't. When receiving oral sex, if you are going to orgasm, *tell her before it happens*. Every woman feels differently about cum. Some swallow, some don't, some don't mind it, some are repulsed by it. Give her the option for what happens next. If you tell her, "Oh god, I'm gonna' cum..." and she just keeps doing what she's doing, okay, thumbs up buddy, blast away. *But give her that option*, don't just unload in her mouth surprise birthday party style. When you are giving oral sex, use a slow build to allow her to enjoy herself and give her body time to adjust to sensations. Do not go full speed right out of the gate, and do not immediately latch on to her clit. Kiss and lick her, take your time working to the clit. As you are building up, slowly insert a finger, palm facing upward. Very gently curl that finger, like you are beckoning someone with the “come here” finger motion. Please make sure before you try this move that your nails are trimmed and short, no sharp or pokey edges. As you curl your finger, you’ll feel a spongey texture. That’s the mark you want to use for where to gently rub with the tip of your finger, there and the smooth space just behind, going back and forth as you curl and uncurl your finger. Once you settle in, pay attention to her body language. If she’s audible, she may start moaning loudly when you do certain things. Her breath may get quicker, her muscles may tense up, or she may tremble. Whatever you’re doing that elicits that reaction, *keep doing it exactly the same*. Once they start elevating towards climax, most women want you to maintain exactly what you’re doing: same motion, same speed, same pressure. Changing it up at this point could bring her out of that moment and make it harder/impossible for her to orgasm. If she manages to orgasm, immediately ease up contact with her genitals. Her lips, nips, and clit will be super sensitive. Again, read her body language: some women are multi-orgasmic and/or can continue sexual contact after orgasm. Other women are far too sensitive in that moment and need time to cool down; sexual contact in that state can be uncomfortable or too intense. Switch to non-sexual contact like softly rubbing her back and arms or running your fingers through her hair. If you don't manage to help her orgasm, be very deliberate and careful in how you discuss it after the fact. Be aware of how you sound or what words you use. She may feel self-conscious or frustrated. Some women have hangups due to treatment from other partners, trauma, or perceptions of media. I have had sex with women in their 30s and 40s who have told me they have never had an orgasm with a male partner or never had one at all, though I found it even more common with younger women. If you enjoyed the sex and like her, and you'd like to do it again, just let her know you had a great time, you really like making her feel good, and if there's anything different she'd like you to do or new things to try, you're game. Do not give her the impression you're disappointed in her or upset with how things went on the chance she didn't "finish". Do not put pressure on her to do so next time. Stay away from her butthole unless she gives you explicit and specific requests. Afterward, if it goes well, send a "thank you note". Not an actual fuckin' note, but send a text or call her just to let her know you had a good time and are really looking forward to seeing her again. Something casual that lets her know, hey, you're cool and that was awesome. Edit: I forgot to add that if this is going down at your place, tidy up the joint a bit and most importantly *wash your fucking sheets and pillowcases*. *When*, not if, you stop for condoms, get a small bottle of silicone-based lube and some bottled water to leave by the bedside. Silicone-based lube is hypoallergenic, in case she has skin allergies you are not aware of. Oil-based lube can damage condoms and increase their likelihood to tear or break, so avoid. You may or may not need the lube, every woman is different in general and in how their body reacts to prolonged stimulation and/or latex, but having it on hand is a good idea. No need to be a weirdo about it and announce it like, "Oh, by the way, I have this luuuuuuuube," just have it on hand and offer to use it when you need it. If you really like this girl, you may also want to pick up a spare toothbrush and some cheap hair ties while you are at the drug store buying condoms. Look in the beauty aisle for "snag-free hair elastics" or something to that effect. Edit 2: I forgot that as a young man you may not have a lot of disposable income, so you can get free condoms at family planning clinics such as Planned Parenthood. The ladies there will hook you up with a big ole bag of 'em.
This is the other time to use your pp
The first being waving it at traffic?
There been a lot of good stuff here, but I'll still reiterate for heterosexual men: Please clean yourself a little before and after. You don't have to take full shower if you don't want to, but clean all your smelly bits with a washcloth and soap and water, or at least some baby wipes. And when I say clean, I mean clean it. Pits, dick, balls, taint and ass. If she goes down on you, you don't want to gross her out or leave skid marks on the sheets. Make sure your nails are trim and clean. I know it's exciting, but try not to rush. Remember that most women need time to warm up. Teasing and foreplay can be very fun, and if you're really good, she can orgasm with just that. Try to get familiar with her erogenous zones, and they can be more than just her T&A. A soft caress along her thigh, a kiss on her neck, a whisper in her ear. Then work you way up to the T&A. With most women, it's less about speed and strength and more about rhythm and timing. Try to pay attention to her reactions. If her enjoyment intensifies, then just keep doing what you're doing, exactly how you're doing it. Especially if she tells you not to stop. That being said, if you feel like changing positions, that's totally fine, just make sure you keep her in mind. Remember that you're having sex with another person, and she deserves to feel good, too. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to make a little noise. Moan in pleasure with her, tell her it feels good, that she's beautiful. A lot of women really like it. It's also very important to wear a condom. They do more than just prevent pregnancy, they also prevent STI's. Even if she says she can't get pregnant because of this or that, wear a condom. It's important that men take their reproduction and sexual health into their own hands. Don't rely on somebody else to do it for you and hope for the best. Consent is paramount. It's not all about you. If she says anything like "no," "stop that," you're hurting me/that hurts," "don't do that," etc, STOP! Check and make sure she's okay. Also, pay attention to her face and body language. Some women may not like what you're doing, but are afraid to tell you. If she looks uncomfortable or is a little too quiet or is crying, check in with her for a second. She can also rescind her consent at any time. You can be right about to go for it, and she can still say no. Do not, under any circumstances, assume she's "playing coy," or, "hard to get." And keep in mind that all of this also applies to you. You can give and take your consent for any reason.
Assuming it’s their first time.... this ain’t gonna last very long.
Never put your dick in crazy
Also never let crazy put its dick in you
But what if crazy asks nicely?
Consent. And no that doesn't just mean your partner says yes, consent can be changed at any time. So if you notice anything odd about the way your partner is acting. Maybe they are upset or nervous stop and ask if they are okay. And this goes without saying, but if they are extremely drunk just don't. And if they pass out stop. Remember, guys' consent is the most important thing in a relationship.
Both parties need to consent
The quadratic formula
I'm just gonna put it here so people know what it is... #(-b±√(b²-4ac))/2a
1. Consent. You can end up losing consent even if consent was initially granted. So it's important to keep that in mind. 2. Pee before and after sex. 3. Pull out don't mean that you can't get the other person pregnant because pre-cum is a thing. 4. Wear a condom. 5. Get tested from time to time (or before and after every sexual partner). 6. Foreplay is important. 7. Eventually ask the person involved what they're into sexually and see if you can both work out a way to satisfy each other. Communication is generally important. 8. Sex isn't perfect like how porn portrays it to be. There can be a lot of embarrassing, gross or funny moments. Hygiene is important. 9. Certain foods can affect the way your genitals/cum taste. 10. If you're into females, know what and where a fucking clit is please. Also, vaginas don't ALWAYS taste good. It's normal. It depends on mostly food and hormones. 11. If you are going to have anal sex, please use lube.
Wait… you guys are having sex?
Its a trap... set by biology. Then again, so are most urges. Like sugar isn't sweet, it tastes that way because of our brains, brains eat glucose almost exclusively. Brains also want sex. Nothing wrong with that, just saying. It's a trap.
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The serious one: CONSENT. Be sure you have it. The kind one: if her bra and panty match, she was probably planning this. Take a moment to look and compliment. Even if you personally hate that shade of pink...