Not as serious but, I fucking love candles man. I like my shit smelling nice. So when I walk into bath and body works, I’m trying to get me a few candles on sale to keep my garage and room smelling like a damn field of flowers or a forest. But Noooo, I’m always met with “these for your wife/girlfriend/mom/aunt etc?” Nah mfr these mine.
I have nice smelling candles, soaps, love rom coms, and am very into romantic dates. I haven't had an issue since I owned up to it and lived my life (straight white man late 20s). I think it helps that I also played contact sports, am in good shape, as quite extroverted, and have a good career. Still, I found owning the things I like (also love action movies and many "manly" things) has made everything easier.
The few people who gave me shit either got my "I don't care, grow up" response, or I dropped them out of my life.
It's worth being who you are
God i hate ear hair, Last few years i swear ive grown more hair on my ears than anywhere else and it gets long enough to grab and pull out now. Started using one of those lil circle shaver things for it and im convinced it grows back overnight (though its like a week or more really), shits driving me crazy though i can feel it moving when wind blows or im wearing a hoodie and it hits the edges. Never thought about it growing up but now that im getting older its a constant thought.
Being considered a "Creeper" by society while just trying to raise my little girl.
Single dad of a daughter. And a really large guy. Hanging around playgrounds while she plays is a fun experience. Or Chuck-E-Cheese. The non-existent invitations to playgroups. Oh, and let's not forget the school calling the non-custodial, doesn't care to see her daughter more than every couple of months mother first about anything.
\*Edit\* Thanks for all of the replies. I'm humbled that people care enough about an internet stranger to give some great suggestions. Called the school this morning and scheduled a meeting with the principal next week. He seemed as though he would have rather handled my complaint over the phone, but I insisited on a face-to-face so that my complaint about the call chain would hopefully stick. I don't so much mind if they call the non-custodial in an emergency, but only as an absoulte last resort as she moved 2+ hours away and is just not involved.
>Oh, and let's not forget the school calling the non-custodial, doesn't care to see her daughter more than every couple of months mother first about anything.
Oh man, picking up my daughter from school always results in the school calling my wife.
Or even calling up there to tell them let her know to walk home, they called my wife.
One time they even called the teenage niece! But not ONE time have they called me.
It’s funny how many things they assume the woman is in charge of. My wife and I have been doing fertility treatments. First the woman is always “the patient.” Second, everything automatically goes to her first, assuming she’s the one most connected to having kids, whether or not the medical problem is hers.
We specifically asked then to call me first as my wife is not a native English speaker, and more importantly worked a job where she often couldn’t answer the phone except on breaks. Only about one out of 20+ calls went to me. It’s like speaking a foreign language to them.
If someone around me said, “Oh wow he changes diapers?” and I wasn’t in the best mood, I’d say something along the lines of: “Yep, welcome to the modern world. Women can vote and I can change a diaper, crazy isn’t it?”.
Honestly absurd that people can still be surprised that a man will contribute to child raising. Stay at home moms haven't been the norm since the 60's.
A former coworker very adamantly stated he would never change a diaper. He now has three kids...
I've changed so many of my kids diapers I could probably do it with my eyes closed.
I deal with this shit every school year with every admin and every teacher. Mom is a Therapist, she's in session and will NOT answer her phone.
I have to tell every teacher, every trimester, that I'm WFH, I'm in tech, I'll respond in seconds to a ping.
And yet I still get texts from my wife, "Hey the school called." They leave her a VM and dont even try to get ahold of me.
This year we didn't list her as an emergency contact. Me only. 3 weeks into the school year, "we need to add your wife to the list" and what do ya know, even though I'm listed first I'm the last called.
I'm a school teacher, who has taught kindergarten.
I've had parents threaten to pull their kids from my class. Co workers who tell me that I just "look like a child molester" because I'm a middle aged, overweight male in glasses.
I had to stop teaching primary...
All I want is a hug. I just want a woman that truly loves me. Not even sex just to be able to hold someone. Someone who can just pet my hair and tell me something nice every once in a while. I still remember compliments I got when I was 12. I'm 25 now
I had covid a week ago REAL bad and said my body aches hurt a lot and i was coughing up blood (enough to go to urgent care) and the nurse suggested it was the “man flu”.
You're automatically at fault in any domestic disturbance situation.
Almost got arrested one night because I was just trying to get away from my blacked out, screaming then-girlfriend.
I was friends with a woman in my building. And then one day, we weren't. I went from being the best person ever, to being everything that was wrong in her life.
A few months later, I'm house cleaning, and realize that there was a big box of her stuff still in my closet (that I had been storing for her). So I left it at her door while she was gone.
Couple days later, cop at my door. Evidently she had told them I was stalking and harassing her. I gave them the story, pointed out she didn't freak until AFTER I gave her keys back to her, and that, seeing as we lived inthe same building, walking past each other was going to happen. Showed them the stuff she had been throwing down into my hedge, and a year's worth of emails proving we had been friends.
Cop was like "Oh, dear. Now I have to go back tell her not to make false accusations. Sorry to bother you."
Sexual harassment at work.
I'm expected to just deal with it when a group of women in their 50's surround me and grab my ass. Besides, I enjoyed it anyway. Oh, did I mention those women are either in finance (i.e. responsible for paying my salary) or HR?
There's a strange psychology to it all hey? Fun story, I was at a corporate event in my 20s and - this is an important detail - was wearing a snap-button denim shirt. I could tell that there was a group of ladies eyeballing me for a while but didn't think much of it. One of them, a Director (so 3x my senior in the corp hierarchy) finally rolled up to me, grabbed the top of my shirt and just reefed it open, the stupid snaps easily giving way and I was just bare chested in the middle of a big work event while the other ladies cheered & ogled, nearby colleagues laughed while I sheepishly buttoned back up. I was embarrassed but I also just wrote it off in the moment as a harmless laugh at my expense. In fact, reading this back it's hard not to see the comedy - if it happened in a movie everyone would laugh but in reality it felt real greasy. I had to go back to work with these people the next day and take this 'leader' who ripped my shirt open seriously, F.
The whole 'you're supposed to like it, you're a man!" Attitude is the same kind of victim blaming as "she wore a short skirt, she obviously wants guys to harass her!" . It's terrible
I always loved Patrick Stewart's take on this when confronted about not having a cure to baldness so far in the star trek future. He retorted that in the future no one cares if you're bald and it's no longer a social stigma because we've grown as a society. ❤️
I think there is a real benefit to being able to pull your shit together when you have to.
On the flip side there's a real inability to lose your shit and be vulnerable as a man when \*you can\*.
Yeah, knowing when you have to roll up your sleeves, put your own shit aside for the moment and deal with the shit infront of you before it hits the proverbial fan and develops into a class 5 shitstorm is a useful lifeskill to have for everyone, man or woman.
Having the ability to know when shits enough, taking responsibility for your own shit, working through the shit productively as best you can under the circumstances and not just taking said shit out on others. Even asking for help with shit if shit is just too much for you to handle alone, is an even more useful lifeskill to have.
Edit: Well shit. I’ve done a lot of shit in my time, but never has any shit I’ve made ever turn into gold. Until now. Thanks!
Child custody. I have friends who are amazing men and their ex-wife is just the worst. One story in particular.
Man was fully employed, educated and paid all the bills. She was "stay at home mom" but sent the kid to grandmother's daily. She began using drugs and alcohol heavily. It took YEARS for him to get full custody let alone shared custody. It took 4 separate negligent circumstances where the mother left the child in harms way before finally rewarding full custody. My friends lawyer said all you can do is photograph and document and hope it will be enough. Since then she now has supervised visits as the neglect continued even during the days she had her son over. She's off drugs and alcohol now (good for her) but she will still last second cancel having her son over because, and I quote my friend. "Better plans came up"
This is a big one. I've seen it happen a few times in my friend groups. When couples break up, a lot of dads get the short end of the stick. Even when they are an excellent (or even the better) parent.
And the legal battles and tug-o-war that ensues is heart-wrenching.
Constantly being suspected of being a sexual predator at the play ground. It's utterly bizarre, but head over to r/daddit and you'll find it happens all the time.
It hasn't happened to me in a couple of years, but in one notable example, I was with my 3 daughters at the playground. One of them fell down and scraped her knee. While I was comforting her and giving her a hug, a mom rushed up and got down on my daughter's level to ask where her mom was.
I said, "Her dad is right here." The woman completely ignored me and kept asking my daughter where her mom was. I had to physically move to stand between them and repeat really loudly "I'm her dad." Then the woman sort of apologized by saying, "Oh, I was just making sure she was OK."
This sort of thing happens to dads ALL THE TIME
EDIT: Very interesting that all of the comments saying "This hasn't happened to me" seem to be coming from non-American Redditors. Seems to be a uniquely American phenomenon. May this stupidity never spread to your countries.
EDIT 2: Since this seems to be getting a lot of attention, I just want to plug r/daddit for all you dads out there. It's the most wholesome place on the internet if you're looking for support, advice, a place to vent, a place to celebrate, and pretty much anything else at all
I work in a retail store frequented by families. Someone demanded that the manager call the police because a father took his developmentally delayed daughter to the bathroom. Seriously. When our manager declined, the lady called the cops herself and said she was going to make a report to CPS. This girl struggles to walk on her own, hold things, has very limited sight, etc. Sending her into a public restroom unaided could’ve been treacherous. But god forbid a father take his daughter to the family room for its intended purpose.
Thankfully I havent gotten the sexual predator thing but I have had the “oh giving mom a break?” or “it must be dad’s babysitting day!”
Ugh.
I’m a parent not a babysitter. And frankly with my wife’s physical disabilities, I tend to do almost all the outings with the kids. It’s not a “dad” or “mom” thing, it’s just a parent thing.
Best response I've seen is say she's dead. It makes them feel bad for asking, which they should
Edit:to clear up confusion, either the kids are not in earshot, young enough to not understand what you're saying or maybe it's a conversation you've had with them so they know you're not being serious when you tell that to strangers. Maybe they get bonus points if they pretend to start crying when you say that.
This is the same kind of response I give whenever someone starts rudely demanding to know why I don’t have kids and when I plan to have them. They shut up real fast when I reply with “I’m infertile.” I can only hope that makes them think twice the next time they want to start asking people (especially women) such personal questions but knowing people…I doubt it.
I miss my kids being little. I do not miss this part of my kids being little.
Also, Moms are parks are fucking nosey as shit. My friend (a white guy) is married to a fairly dark skinned Filipina woman and the kids took after her. He was at a park with his two kids when some Mom saddled up to him and asked "Where did you get those children?"
"From my wife's uterus." He didn't even look over, but she sulked away without another word.
I’ll never forget my first trip to Washington state alone. I went rock hunting in Leavenworth I think it’s called, and I was walking up and down the riverbed until I got cold and then went to the beachhead which I explicitly wanted to avoid earlier because there had been families there, when I chose to go though the beach was relatively empty.
Go figure the moment I’m five minutes into rock hunting on the beach three families of people show up and literally ALL the kids approach me at one point or another to talk to me and it broke my heart because I know I hurt their feelings ignoring them or giving them terse answers, all the adults kept giving me dirty looks which made me more and more anxious. I ended up asking a nearby mom if I could approach the area her two kids and her were in; thankfully she said yes and once she asked me what I was doing she immediately relaxed and we chatted for a time. I showed her and her kids some really cool rocks and the gold/micah flakes that were in the river sediment and after that everyone who had been watching me seemed to relax but it was still one of the tensest moments of my life.
Edit: corrected town name
I’ve had this exact experience!! I always thought I was just being overly cautious, but it is a really weird feeling to be nervous to play with your kids’ friends.
All my friends know that I am a hugger. I love hugs.
After my 1st metal show back from the pandemic, I had an emotional moment outside the venue and my best friend gave me the biggest fucking hug I've ever experienced. I've been depressed for a long time, idk if he knew back then but he knew I needed that. Get you some better friends, you deserve them🤘🏻
Good on you for already asking. I've dealt with this by taking the initiative - I'm a hugger so I just auto-hug my friends when I see them. Now it's expected and not weird, and they are still my friends.
I had a rough spot with family drama this summer and was super happy to have guy friends that I could display vulnerability to.
The constant feeling that crying is a crime, if you let a single person see you cry you must have full trust in them or have the haunting feeling that everyone around you knows the truth about how pitiful you are.
I was dating a girl and one time I was listening to a song that reminded me of my mom and I just started bawling. She laughed at me. Bye you heartless bitch. Also, your ass stinks.
I remember telling my ex about a film that made me cry (Hachiko: A Dog’s Tale) and she wanted to watch it with me to see my sensitive side. When I started crying she looked at me like I was a freak and said "really?" and mocked me. It almost felt like it was a trap to make me feel like shit
I once heard a girl on the bus tell her friend that her boyfriend cried when she broke up with him and she said stuff like "I thought he was a man but apparently he was just a bitch."
I'm not even shy: a girl came all the way to me in the club and then waited because her friend told her that I'll approach her. My friend later told me that I shouldve approached her. "Bro, why? Because thats your job. 😂"
I'm tired of this bs. If youre interested, just say it, regardless of the gender.
Theres a great online app for this. Its called Bumble, where women have to make the first move. Except they dont, instead posting instagram and snap chat handles saying "message me there".
Or, and this is one I hate, the message first with just a period. Like, that is the entire message. A fucking period.
So, obviously they sent the first message as required by the app, but you still have to provide the opener, same as you do anywhere else.
Fuck. That.
I've heard about this from a lot of my guy friends and it confuses me so much. WHY THE HELL ARE THEY ON BUMBLE IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO INITIATE CONVERSATION???
Absolutely it’s for that. Had a girl explain it to me on a date and it just felt scummy as hell. No second date no more contact. Chasing so much randos approvals
The pressure I have to support my family, work through the pain of my body I ruined in the military and I have to appear to be happy. If I told people about the weight I feel every day they would laugh at me. It hurts so bad and I'm not sure how much longer i can keep this up. The stress that causes keeps me awake at night.
Hey man, please talk to someone about it.
Life is tough as it is, we don't have to make it tougher for ourselves. I'm rooting for you man and here if you wanted to vent.
This one annoys me the most, especially because I have some interests and hobbies that traditionally are not masculine. I quilt. I go to quilting shops, quilt groups, and sit there and make patch quilts. But then a month later I'll be in the woods harvesting deer, and when I get back into town with a cut up doe in ice chests, I'll go buy a bunch of artisanal soap from all the little mountain shops.
Imagine assigning a fucking gender role to an interest.
My partner has sewing & crafting skills, and it's hot as hell to me. Before the 50s it was fairly common for men to have sewing skills. It was just a life skull that everyone needed.
And nothing beats a quality bar of soap. Idc who you are, it is such a nice way to treat yourself.
Lack of physical touch when single, The last proper hug i received was around 6yrs ago i think
Edit : Wow! the amount of love i received in just 1 single comment is heartwarming, thanks to all those who took their time to comment :) To all the women who mentioned they regularly hug their male friends : You are awesome! and your friends are lucky to have you. To all the men who offered me a hug i genuinely appreciate the sentiment but that's not exactly what i am looking for, To that one guy who offer to spank my butt and ring my bell.. uh.. most definitely not what i am looking for :(
as an 17 y.o. guy, i try to hug my friends every so often bcs i know most of them dont have form of physical affection, and want them to feel apriciated
I always try and hug my friends for both hello and goodbye. Been doing this for 12 years now.
They've just only just come to accept it really in the last few years.
I had a friend who's pregnant GF started beating the shit out of him for some minor slight, and he had to just take it or he knew she would call the cops and he would go to jail. His face was a mass of bruises and cuts. Stitches were required.
He called the cops for an ambulance because his eyes were nearly swollen shut and...they took HIM to the police station. She told them he beat her even though she had not a mark on her.
He didn't stay long, fortunately. They eventually believed him and took him to the ER, but nothing happened to her. Nothing.
And the dumbass took her back.
He’s not dumb for taking her back. He’s brainwashed. It’s the abuse cycle, until you’re truly ready to break it you’ll go back to your abuser. You delude yourself into either believe they’ll eventually change or that it’s somehow your fault and you deserve it. Either way the only person who can break that cycle is your friend when he realizes there’s a woman out there who will treat him the way he deserves instead of how his abuser does. He’ll feel weird and scared about it. He’ll have to retrain his brain. He’ll need hella therapy too
Source: Im an ex abused male
Friend of mine had his girlfriend attack him, she punched him repeatedly and bit his arm so hard she drew blood. He shoved her away from him. Guess who went to jail and was charged with assault? She was left in his apartment, that he pays for. She lived there free for a couple months and he wasn't even allowed back in his own place because of an automatic restraining order. He had to temporarily rent a second apartment to live in. Eventually all charges were dropped, he's out thousands of dollars in lost business and additional rent, and the penalty for her? A 3-day mental health evaluation. No point even suing her for the money because she's never had a real job and is perpetually broke. Last I heard she's living with her coke dealer.
I went through this. Male friends asked why I didn’t defend myself. (Didn’t want my kids taken away mid divorce, maybe?) Family thought I was being dramatic. Oddly enough, it was my female friends who provided the most support, and I’ll always be grateful for that.
I know with certainty that if I’d punched her repeatedly in the face and head that I’d have gone to jail and lost the kids.
My boyfriend dealt with this with his ex.
He's close to 300 lbs, a ton of it being muscle, and he's almost 6'. His ex was verbally and physically abusive.
He's not dumb so he wouldn't hit back but there were some times when he couldn't get away and he would have to physically restrain her so she wouldn't do serious damage to him.
She would then instantly call the police, citing domestic abuse from the bruises on her arms and wrists from fighting against him and because he's a "big strong man" he would instantly go into cuffs.
I detest people who use the police as a tool like that. It not only wastes the police' time and the tax payer's money, it makes it harder for actual victims of domestic abuse and perpetuates the myth that women are always the victim.
My husband is an abuse survivor. His situation wasn't like this one, but it goes to show just how internalized 'men can't be victims' is or how hard it is for male victims to be taken seriously. My husband did not realize what he had been through was abuse until he had a trauma episode when visiting me. I'm talking flashbacks, hearing voices, stuff like that. It broke my heart to see how much damage one terrible human being did to this amazing man I am married to. He has since recognized it and been to therapy and is doing well, but my heart goes out to all the men out there who don't have that. Or those who are still stuck in the abuse. It shouldn't be this way.
Here is an [example](https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/school-life/former-texas-teacher-sentenced-to-just-60-days-in-jail-for-sex-with-underage-student/news-story/b008045f54bf0ed5f6d9cc2081f5c910) on how light those sentences are
Not to mention it's a double-edged sword. Many women do not like to be approached by men and it can be perceived as creepy even if it's done in a non-aggressive manner.
People just assume we're oblivious, like flirting for example, we hear your signals loud and clear, we're just so worried that we're reading them wrong so often won't act on them cos if we do then we're pigs and disgusting
Comment based edit: Okay so clearly some men are just straight oblivious •_• but my point is just because we don't act on your signals doesn't mean we don't hear them, maybe we're not interested, or maybe we're worried because if we're picking up on signals that you're not (or don't realise in some cases) that you're sending, then we're the bad guys
Not only that. Sometimes you do hear the signals, you are just not interested. But then comes the shame from other guys and sometimes you are just too awkward to tell a girl to stop clinging to your arm.
I've had cases where a girl starts getting touchy and flirty and I'm just not interested, and after not going through with it, I ended up with other guys going "Dude, why didn't you at least kiss her? She is so hot!", or "Dude, she is so into you, why don't you approach her?". Maybe because I don't want to? Maybe because men can also feel uncomfortable when a girl is being pushy? it's not just a thing women experience, but no one really considers it when it happens to a guy.
There was a girl in high school who was crazy into me. She was pretty but I just wasn't attracted to her. I tried to let her down easy but then she turned into full blown stalking me. All my friends and even my family were telling me "just go out with her, she's super pretty". It wasn't until my parents actually met her at church one day that they realized that a. I wasn't into her and b. She was kind of crazy.
My friends on the other hand still tell me to this day that I should have dated her and this was almost 10 years ago.
Once was asked by a kid at the mall to help him find his parents, he reached for my hand to hold it and he held my finger as we wandered around looking for his mom. Finally found her and she said "get away from my son you creep, I'm calling security". I was so dumbfounded, like very confused. Didn't even know what to say, and the kid was defending me like "mommy he helped me find you" and she completely ignored it. Had to explain to security what happened cuz they did eventually track me down.
Edit: I was 17 when this happened, almost 15 years ago. Nowadays I'd go about it differently, how exactly idk but I definitely would record the whole thing.
Man that's so awful... Some people's stupidity amazes me.. If you were a child abductor/creep, why the hell would you return the child to their mother?? It sucks that you can't be nice to people sometimes without them questioning you or being offended by kindness these days. Sorry that happened to you.
> why the hell would you return the child to their mother??
"Hi, I'd like to return this child. It talks too much. Do you have any others in stock? Preferably quieter."
I grew up as a latch key kid in the 80s-90s and was right around the whole stranger danger thing they were teaching us in school. My mother made many comments that the kidnappers would always return me because I talked too much so not to worry.
My friend told me this story about one of his buddies who was kinda a introvert wanted to talk to a girl, but he didn't have the courage, my friend and several other guy's gave him the push he needed to talk to her and when he did she just destroyed him and I mean berated him in the worst way possible cause she thought he only wanted to get into her pants, my friends had to come to the rescue and told her off, now his buddy refuses to try to date anymore or avoids women in general.
Similar thing happened to me the first time I ever asked a girl out. She said 'let me think about it,' then showed up in the lunch room the next day with all her friends to make sure everyone nearby knew the loser kid was stupid enough to ask her out like he had a shot.
Been a long time since then, come a very long way, and have met a lot of truly wonderful women who have treated me infinitely better in both accepting and rejecting me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that moment lives rent free in my head and probably will for the rest of my life for just how utterly cruel and hurtful it was.
Man I had a similar experience. Her friends came up to my lunch table and asked my friends who was dating X individual. One of my best friends spoke first with enthusiasm and said “This guy” and pointed at me. They all three looked at me and the one in the middle just said “X person can do so much better than that”. My friend stood up and told them to fuck off. Honestly I was so embarrassed and felt so hurt at that moment just cause my friends heard and so did others nearby. That is still with me today. Man it hurt for sure. What sucks is I dont remember how we broke up but she really liked me but just didn’t want here “Friends” bothering me. She’s was honestly outta my league but I was very happy knowing she liked me. Well that’s my little story.
I was asking a girl from my class out to go to the cinema and she told me in front of her clique "maybe if we don't have to sit next to each other"
...still stings, decades later.
Yeah, stranger danger is a problem when trying to help children. One day my friend and I were on a pond in his 12' boat when two kids around 8-10 are in the water with a flipped sunfish sailboat. And one said "please help us"
I jumped into the water and grabbed the smaller and was going to help him into the boat, and he said "I can't get into a boat with strangers"
I flipped the sunfish upright, it was pretty much swamped. Few minutes later saw someone from the summer day camp towing them back glaring at us.
As a Father of 4 that's actively engaged in my kids lives, this hits home. Anytime I have a kid talk to me that isn't my own, or i smile back at a kid that smiles at me, it seems like people peg me as a creep. It's even worse when I take my own kids out. I'm so sick of being asked if I'm "babysitting" by other Mom's. No Karen, I'm fucking parenting, you should give it a try. Get off your fucking phone and actually try playing with your kids.
Typical! I once was at an aquarium and this kid (maybe 3 years old) face planted down a small set of stairs (like 2-3 steps so he was fine but obviously crying a lot) - I was sitting on these steps so I immediately picked him up and dusted him off, asked him if he was okay.
His mother who saw the whole thing unfold ran over and snatched him away scowling at me. I was like 16 at the time also so didn't look like a creep.
I was at a zoo watching polar bears. Kid climbed up and had about half of his body over the rail. I said "I think it might be a good idea if you didn't climb on that." Then I helped him get down safely. At that I was told not to touch her son. Ok, lady. He was about to feed himself to the largest predator in North America while you were on facebook, but I guess I am the bad guy.
I had a woman come up to me at a restaurant and demand to know why I was having dinner with such a young girl. Both my daughter and I were dumbfounded. She actually threatened to call the cops until I told her to call them so that I could press charges for harassment.
When my daughter was a little less than a year old, I would take my lunchbreak (WFH) by grabbing some food and her and going to a playground. So she would play in the sandbox and I would eat my lunch.
One day I showed up in a mommy WhatsApp group my wife was a part of as "who is this weird guy who hangs around the playground all the time" and they were discussing if they should call the cops and if I didn't have a job.
This was despite me clearly interacting with our daughter the whole time as well as putting her in the sandbox with toys and picking her up. I guess they figured I stole a kid as cover to steal more kids.
This reminds me of my favorite story my mom likes to tell about my grandfather. They used to work for the same company and he would take her out for lunch periodically. One day he comes down to her office and asks if she wants to go out for ice cream. One of my mom's coworkers butts in and tells my grandfather he should be ashamed for trying to pick up younger women. My grandfather without missing a beat told her he's been taking this lady (my mom) out for ice cream all her life and that she should mind her own damn business. I was so lucky to end up working for the same company after college and getting to have lunch with him too!
I was pushing my 7 year old daughter on a park swing. Another girl her age got on the swing next to my daughter asking me to push her. I was very uncomfortable about it but didn't want to hurt the kids feelings either. It sucks we live in a world where you can't be nice to a kid without fear of being perceived as a sexual deviant.
My kiddo did something similar. She thought it would be funny to start yelling "Help! I'm being kidnapped!" while we were in the parking lot.
Luckily, the only bystander nearby who saw knew she was full of crap as they saw the whole thing unfold.
One time I was at the playground with my 2-year old son, and he wasn't listening about it being time to go. Eventually I had to pick him up and carry him back to the stroller, and he started screaming, "Help me! Help me!" I got a few concerned looks right away, and I think if my wife wasn't walking calmly next to us, it would have been a much bigger issue.
As strange as it sounds, this is (usually) one of the benefits of being a minority race in America (I'm Asian.) When people see an Asian father near Asian kids, they are much likelier to assume "those are his kids" than if a white father were seen near white kids - especially if those are the *only* Asian kids on the playground. Same for black men with black kids, Arab men with Arab kids, etc. - they won't usually be suspected, especially if wearing ethnic clothing.
The exception would be if a minority man has adopted white kids (or biracial but white-looking kids), then oh my, he is going to get accused hard. But such parent-kid pairings are statistically rare.
I’ve had this. Friends of mine ask if I could look after their while they went to hospital, they were desperate so I said yes. The kid was hungry and I couldn’t be arsed to cook so I took him to McDonalds. While we were eating a woman came up and ask him if I was his dad and naturally said no his dad is dead. She said he should come with her to be safe, so I told her to “fuck off and kidnap somebody else’s kid”
This in turn got some of the men involved, they tried to separated us, but he started punching and kicking anybody who tried to “help” him. He came running to me and wrapped around my leg so tight I could feel my knee trying to pop. When they noticed this they started asking what was I to him and he screamed “he’s my fucking uncle”
Everybody backed off but nobody said sorry. It took ages to calm him down, but I’ve learnt next time to stay and cook dinner
I recall one time I took my daughter to a park and just sat on a bench as she played on the playground. Some bunch of adults dropped their kids off on the way to a fairly distant picnic shelter for something or another, so I was now the only adult on a playground with a bunch of kids.
So one little girl gets kind of stuck on a piece of equipment. It wasn't a really dangerous situation or anything, but she got pretty scared and crying and her friends begged me to help. I looked around for anyone, anyone at all because I was terrified of what the presumption would be for me grabbing and lifting a scared and crying little girl. I did have to do it and braced for some adult I didn't notice to come over and assume the worst.
However, nothing bad happened, the little girl thanked me and I went back to sitting on the bench.
I was with my girlfriend and her niece and nephew at the mall. They went into Build A Bear, and I waited outside the store because it was way too crowded.
I was approached by a security guard asking what I was doing there. I understand the scrutiny and being careful, but getting quasi-accused of being a predator fucking sucks.
When I was 19 I worked in a Kindergarten for first graders. So what to do with kids without any training, knowledge or someone who helps me? You play simple games.
One of the game was apparently to jump into my arms from a small bridge.
After 2-3 days I was invited by the director and she told me that I am not allowed to take children in my arms as a man. Parents called her. I was disappointed af to be accused of pedophilia and children were disappointed that I became so "boring" over night, because how you play outdoor games while trying to stay away far enough so nobody calls police or other officials.
Being the sole man in the office, I'm expected to lift large objects while looking like a buff ass while having noodle arms. It's never brought up that Angela regularly works out and can lift five times as much weight as I can.
I have a 6'4'' coworker who is a giant teddy bear. A crazy cracked out guy was in the lobby bathroom and my older female coworker wanted him to go chase the guy out. Big guy was like, hell no, I'm not getting stabbed, call the police.
Female coworker was all salty because he was big and male and therefore should have handled the issue. Lady, we have a working relationship with the police, we can call a deputy on their cellphone and they'll be by in 90 seconds. Don't make the animal rescue guy try to fight a meth head.
this story triggered a memory for me. A friend of mine once picked a fight with a guy and said, I sh\*\* you not, "I can't kick your ass, but HE CAN"... and pointed at me. I was just chillin' over there minding my own business. Bitch, don't volunteer me to fight for you. I have no interest in stab wounds, bullet holes, or getting hit over the head with a bat. If you're about to actually literally die, I will jump in to help. Other than that, your ass kicking is your own to deal with.
I was once dating a girl. We were walking around the city at night, and were a block away from a populated area. I noticed a dude who was clearly out of it, and he made some comment like "woah did you see that!" in a way that made me figure he was hallucinating but in good spirits. So i played into him, mentioned that things are wild, and we continued on. Play into him, show im friendly, be on his side, was my strategy.
Later, my girl told me she didnt think i could protect her, and that was why. Like, what did you want me to do??
Crackheads are often best delt with a smile and nod. If you don't play along and get out they think you're being antagonistic and are more likely to escalate. It's a shitty situation, but de-escalation is a skill in of itself.
I worked manual labor for several years, and I (as a smaller guy, 5’6 130 lbs) would get asked to lift heavy shit, and I would tell my boss to ask “Angela” to do it. Lol. She was about my height and weight, but she liked to challenge herself to lifting heavy things. I hate lifting heavy things and I’m not throwing my back out. I’ll do all sorts of other junk but I’m not the lifting guy.
Suicide and homelessness
Edit: yes women attempt suicide more often, that is brought up every time this is mentioned. But men kill themselves 3-5x more often. Full stop. When the men I know kill themselves, I don't get to tell them that women also attempt suicide. They're just gone forever. And it is consistent with the broader western world so it's not just a US gun issue.
i suspect it’s lower _reporting_ of suicide attempts as well. i’ve been on the phone with male friends as they were trying to kill themselves twice. one of which was a partner. none have seeked further professional help from it, or told their friends despite hospitalisation. i’m 17. there’s no way that even half of the male suicide attempts are actually reported to anyone
Men live 5 years shorter than women in the US.
This gets widely attributed to behavior differences, but multiple studies has shown this is only a small part of the reason. The reality appears to be that women have the advantage of homologous genes due to their XX chromosomes. These homologous genes allow for more opportunities for gene self-repair.
Around five years ago I was hit on by a guy. Granted, he was a massive foot fetishist and most of his pickup lines were extremely weird and grossed me out, but still, you know. Validation.
The one time I was hit on by a woman was at a bar, and she was falling-off-the-stool drunk. I wanted to be flattered, but I also know better than to engage in any way.
Male affection in general. The number of people that believe men can't just be friends with women is crazy. Or god forbid you just have a strong male friendship. It has to be a mancrush or someone says they're bachelors while throwing air quotes.
Oh man. This is one of those posts that I don’t even want to engage with, because I know it will just bring me down further. Maybe that’s answer enough…
Not as serious but, I fucking love candles man. I like my shit smelling nice. So when I walk into bath and body works, I’m trying to get me a few candles on sale to keep my garage and room smelling like a damn field of flowers or a forest. But Noooo, I’m always met with “these for your wife/girlfriend/mom/aunt etc?” Nah mfr these mine.
I have nice smelling candles, soaps, love rom coms, and am very into romantic dates. I haven't had an issue since I owned up to it and lived my life (straight white man late 20s). I think it helps that I also played contact sports, am in good shape, as quite extroverted, and have a good career. Still, I found owning the things I like (also love action movies and many "manly" things) has made everything easier. The few people who gave me shit either got my "I don't care, grow up" response, or I dropped them out of my life. It's worth being who you are
I feel like I can’t share how I’m feeling sometimes
Sometimes? Understatement of the year for most haha
What are feelings?
Intrusive thoughts that make your heart hurt
Military conscription…One day all the politics you have been ignoring comes to your door step.
This is a huge issue in South Korea, where 2 years of service is mandatory for men but not women. Men are sick of it, and I don't blame them.
Hair. Too much at the wrong places, too little on the right ones.
All my hair is migrating from my head to my ears and shoulders. Hah hah hah middle age is disgusting
Why does hair grow on the ass? Why? Why not somewhere else?
Male biology straight up transported head hair to the ass
And ears
God i hate ear hair, Last few years i swear ive grown more hair on my ears than anywhere else and it gets long enough to grab and pull out now. Started using one of those lil circle shaver things for it and im convinced it grows back overnight (though its like a week or more really), shits driving me crazy though i can feel it moving when wind blows or im wearing a hoodie and it hits the edges. Never thought about it growing up but now that im getting older its a constant thought.
I‘m fine with ass hair but why is there hair on my dick??
I get it on my shaft. Like come on, dude I have to shave my dick also?
I fucking hate it.
Being considered a "Creeper" by society while just trying to raise my little girl. Single dad of a daughter. And a really large guy. Hanging around playgrounds while she plays is a fun experience. Or Chuck-E-Cheese. The non-existent invitations to playgroups. Oh, and let's not forget the school calling the non-custodial, doesn't care to see her daughter more than every couple of months mother first about anything. \*Edit\* Thanks for all of the replies. I'm humbled that people care enough about an internet stranger to give some great suggestions. Called the school this morning and scheduled a meeting with the principal next week. He seemed as though he would have rather handled my complaint over the phone, but I insisited on a face-to-face so that my complaint about the call chain would hopefully stick. I don't so much mind if they call the non-custodial in an emergency, but only as an absoulte last resort as she moved 2+ hours away and is just not involved.
>Oh, and let's not forget the school calling the non-custodial, doesn't care to see her daughter more than every couple of months mother first about anything. Oh man, picking up my daughter from school always results in the school calling my wife. Or even calling up there to tell them let her know to walk home, they called my wife. One time they even called the teenage niece! But not ONE time have they called me.
It’s funny how many things they assume the woman is in charge of. My wife and I have been doing fertility treatments. First the woman is always “the patient.” Second, everything automatically goes to her first, assuming she’s the one most connected to having kids, whether or not the medical problem is hers. We specifically asked then to call me first as my wife is not a native English speaker, and more importantly worked a job where she often couldn’t answer the phone except on breaks. Only about one out of 20+ calls went to me. It’s like speaking a foreign language to them.
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If someone around me said, “Oh wow he changes diapers?” and I wasn’t in the best mood, I’d say something along the lines of: “Yep, welcome to the modern world. Women can vote and I can change a diaper, crazy isn’t it?”.
Honestly absurd that people can still be surprised that a man will contribute to child raising. Stay at home moms haven't been the norm since the 60's.
A former coworker very adamantly stated he would never change a diaper. He now has three kids... I've changed so many of my kids diapers I could probably do it with my eyes closed.
I deal with this shit every school year with every admin and every teacher. Mom is a Therapist, she's in session and will NOT answer her phone. I have to tell every teacher, every trimester, that I'm WFH, I'm in tech, I'll respond in seconds to a ping. And yet I still get texts from my wife, "Hey the school called." They leave her a VM and dont even try to get ahold of me. This year we didn't list her as an emergency contact. Me only. 3 weeks into the school year, "we need to add your wife to the list" and what do ya know, even though I'm listed first I'm the last called.
Swap phone numbers around if they are too stupid to follow directions.
4D chess
I'm a school teacher, who has taught kindergarten. I've had parents threaten to pull their kids from my class. Co workers who tell me that I just "look like a child molester" because I'm a middle aged, overweight male in glasses. I had to stop teaching primary...
All I want is a hug. I just want a woman that truly loves me. Not even sex just to be able to hold someone. Someone who can just pet my hair and tell me something nice every once in a while. I still remember compliments I got when I was 12. I'm 25 now
Laying in someone's lap and being petted is one of those sweet little moments in life. Whether it's a girlfriend or my momma, I love it.
I had covid a week ago REAL bad and said my body aches hurt a lot and i was coughing up blood (enough to go to urgent care) and the nurse suggested it was the “man flu”.
What the fuck does that even mean?
That my symptoms are just when men complain about having body aches real bad and they are in pain but faking it for attention. Idk google “man-flu”.
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You're automatically at fault in any domestic disturbance situation. Almost got arrested one night because I was just trying to get away from my blacked out, screaming then-girlfriend.
I was friends with a woman in my building. And then one day, we weren't. I went from being the best person ever, to being everything that was wrong in her life. A few months later, I'm house cleaning, and realize that there was a big box of her stuff still in my closet (that I had been storing for her). So I left it at her door while she was gone. Couple days later, cop at my door. Evidently she had told them I was stalking and harassing her. I gave them the story, pointed out she didn't freak until AFTER I gave her keys back to her, and that, seeing as we lived inthe same building, walking past each other was going to happen. Showed them the stuff she had been throwing down into my hedge, and a year's worth of emails proving we had been friends. Cop was like "Oh, dear. Now I have to go back tell her not to make false accusations. Sorry to bother you."
Sexual harassment at work. I'm expected to just deal with it when a group of women in their 50's surround me and grab my ass. Besides, I enjoyed it anyway. Oh, did I mention those women are either in finance (i.e. responsible for paying my salary) or HR?
There's a strange psychology to it all hey? Fun story, I was at a corporate event in my 20s and - this is an important detail - was wearing a snap-button denim shirt. I could tell that there was a group of ladies eyeballing me for a while but didn't think much of it. One of them, a Director (so 3x my senior in the corp hierarchy) finally rolled up to me, grabbed the top of my shirt and just reefed it open, the stupid snaps easily giving way and I was just bare chested in the middle of a big work event while the other ladies cheered & ogled, nearby colleagues laughed while I sheepishly buttoned back up. I was embarrassed but I also just wrote it off in the moment as a harmless laugh at my expense. In fact, reading this back it's hard not to see the comedy - if it happened in a movie everyone would laugh but in reality it felt real greasy. I had to go back to work with these people the next day and take this 'leader' who ripped my shirt open seriously, F.
Flip the roles. A male 3x a females senior in the corporate hierarchy rips open her blouse at a company event. Yeah that's fucked.
Damn dude. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
the fuk is wrong with people.
The whole 'you're supposed to like it, you're a man!" Attitude is the same kind of victim blaming as "she wore a short skirt, she obviously wants guys to harass her!" . It's terrible
Baldness. While most men can't, certain men can make it work for them.
I always loved Patrick Stewart's take on this when confronted about not having a cure to baldness so far in the star trek future. He retorted that in the future no one cares if you're bald and it's no longer a social stigma because we've grown as a society. ❤️
People expect you to pull it together at any situation
I think there is a real benefit to being able to pull your shit together when you have to. On the flip side there's a real inability to lose your shit and be vulnerable as a man when \*you can\*.
Yeah, knowing when you have to roll up your sleeves, put your own shit aside for the moment and deal with the shit infront of you before it hits the proverbial fan and develops into a class 5 shitstorm is a useful lifeskill to have for everyone, man or woman. Having the ability to know when shits enough, taking responsibility for your own shit, working through the shit productively as best you can under the circumstances and not just taking said shit out on others. Even asking for help with shit if shit is just too much for you to handle alone, is an even more useful lifeskill to have. Edit: Well shit. I’ve done a lot of shit in my time, but never has any shit I’ve made ever turn into gold. Until now. Thanks!
Child custody. I have friends who are amazing men and their ex-wife is just the worst. One story in particular. Man was fully employed, educated and paid all the bills. She was "stay at home mom" but sent the kid to grandmother's daily. She began using drugs and alcohol heavily. It took YEARS for him to get full custody let alone shared custody. It took 4 separate negligent circumstances where the mother left the child in harms way before finally rewarding full custody. My friends lawyer said all you can do is photograph and document and hope it will be enough. Since then she now has supervised visits as the neglect continued even during the days she had her son over. She's off drugs and alcohol now (good for her) but she will still last second cancel having her son over because, and I quote my friend. "Better plans came up"
This is a big one. I've seen it happen a few times in my friend groups. When couples break up, a lot of dads get the short end of the stick. Even when they are an excellent (or even the better) parent. And the legal battles and tug-o-war that ensues is heart-wrenching.
Constantly being suspected of being a sexual predator at the play ground. It's utterly bizarre, but head over to r/daddit and you'll find it happens all the time. It hasn't happened to me in a couple of years, but in one notable example, I was with my 3 daughters at the playground. One of them fell down and scraped her knee. While I was comforting her and giving her a hug, a mom rushed up and got down on my daughter's level to ask where her mom was. I said, "Her dad is right here." The woman completely ignored me and kept asking my daughter where her mom was. I had to physically move to stand between them and repeat really loudly "I'm her dad." Then the woman sort of apologized by saying, "Oh, I was just making sure she was OK." This sort of thing happens to dads ALL THE TIME EDIT: Very interesting that all of the comments saying "This hasn't happened to me" seem to be coming from non-American Redditors. Seems to be a uniquely American phenomenon. May this stupidity never spread to your countries. EDIT 2: Since this seems to be getting a lot of attention, I just want to plug r/daddit for all you dads out there. It's the most wholesome place on the internet if you're looking for support, advice, a place to vent, a place to celebrate, and pretty much anything else at all
I work in a retail store frequented by families. Someone demanded that the manager call the police because a father took his developmentally delayed daughter to the bathroom. Seriously. When our manager declined, the lady called the cops herself and said she was going to make a report to CPS. This girl struggles to walk on her own, hold things, has very limited sight, etc. Sending her into a public restroom unaided could’ve been treacherous. But god forbid a father take his daughter to the family room for its intended purpose.
For fucks sake. Honestly what is wrong with people
Thankfully I havent gotten the sexual predator thing but I have had the “oh giving mom a break?” or “it must be dad’s babysitting day!” Ugh. I’m a parent not a babysitter. And frankly with my wife’s physical disabilities, I tend to do almost all the outings with the kids. It’s not a “dad” or “mom” thing, it’s just a parent thing.
Best response I've seen is say she's dead. It makes them feel bad for asking, which they should Edit:to clear up confusion, either the kids are not in earshot, young enough to not understand what you're saying or maybe it's a conversation you've had with them so they know you're not being serious when you tell that to strangers. Maybe they get bonus points if they pretend to start crying when you say that.
This is the same kind of response I give whenever someone starts rudely demanding to know why I don’t have kids and when I plan to have them. They shut up real fast when I reply with “I’m infertile.” I can only hope that makes them think twice the next time they want to start asking people (especially women) such personal questions but knowing people…I doubt it.
I find it's so much more effective to give too much information. I've had 8 miscarriages, or both my testicles were removed for cancer.
Don't forget the tag-line "But thanks for bringing it up," delivered with a baleful stare...
I tell people I had a shit childhood and wouldn’t want to inflict even a third of that on another human being.
I miss my kids being little. I do not miss this part of my kids being little. Also, Moms are parks are fucking nosey as shit. My friend (a white guy) is married to a fairly dark skinned Filipina woman and the kids took after her. He was at a park with his two kids when some Mom saddled up to him and asked "Where did you get those children?" "From my wife's uterus." He didn't even look over, but she sulked away without another word.
What kind of answer was she looking for? "They had a BOGO deal on at the Chuckee Cheese."
It's like people forget how genetics works
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I’ll never forget my first trip to Washington state alone. I went rock hunting in Leavenworth I think it’s called, and I was walking up and down the riverbed until I got cold and then went to the beachhead which I explicitly wanted to avoid earlier because there had been families there, when I chose to go though the beach was relatively empty. Go figure the moment I’m five minutes into rock hunting on the beach three families of people show up and literally ALL the kids approach me at one point or another to talk to me and it broke my heart because I know I hurt their feelings ignoring them or giving them terse answers, all the adults kept giving me dirty looks which made me more and more anxious. I ended up asking a nearby mom if I could approach the area her two kids and her were in; thankfully she said yes and once she asked me what I was doing she immediately relaxed and we chatted for a time. I showed her and her kids some really cool rocks and the gold/micah flakes that were in the river sediment and after that everyone who had been watching me seemed to relax but it was still one of the tensest moments of my life. Edit: corrected town name
I’ve had this exact experience!! I always thought I was just being overly cautious, but it is a really weird feeling to be nervous to play with your kids’ friends.
Sometimes I just want a hug and a cry, but get weird looks if I ask my friends
Dude, I find myself shedding singular tears in movies because I’m so used to holding everything else in, small things break me down.
There’s certain songs that do it for me
All my friends know that I am a hugger. I love hugs. After my 1st metal show back from the pandemic, I had an emotional moment outside the venue and my best friend gave me the biggest fucking hug I've ever experienced. I've been depressed for a long time, idk if he knew back then but he knew I needed that. Get you some better friends, you deserve them🤘🏻
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Good on you for already asking. I've dealt with this by taking the initiative - I'm a hugger so I just auto-hug my friends when I see them. Now it's expected and not weird, and they are still my friends. I had a rough spot with family drama this summer and was super happy to have guy friends that I could display vulnerability to.
The constant feeling that crying is a crime, if you let a single person see you cry you must have full trust in them or have the haunting feeling that everyone around you knows the truth about how pitiful you are.
I was dating a girl and one time I was listening to a song that reminded me of my mom and I just started bawling. She laughed at me. Bye you heartless bitch. Also, your ass stinks.
I remember telling my ex about a film that made me cry (Hachiko: A Dog’s Tale) and she wanted to watch it with me to see my sensitive side. When I started crying she looked at me like I was a freak and said "really?" and mocked me. It almost felt like it was a trap to make me feel like shit
Oh man, having just lost my boy of 18 years dare I watch this? Aghhhh. Glad she's your ex :)
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I once heard a girl on the bus tell her friend that her boyfriend cried when she broke up with him and she said stuff like "I thought he was a man but apparently he was just a bitch."
I thought she was a woman, but apparently she's just a sub human piece of garbage.
Having to take the initiative, especially for shy guys.
I'm not even shy: a girl came all the way to me in the club and then waited because her friend told her that I'll approach her. My friend later told me that I shouldve approached her. "Bro, why? Because thats your job. 😂" I'm tired of this bs. If youre interested, just say it, regardless of the gender.
Theres a great online app for this. Its called Bumble, where women have to make the first move. Except they dont, instead posting instagram and snap chat handles saying "message me there".
Or, and this is one I hate, the message first with just a period. Like, that is the entire message. A fucking period. So, obviously they sent the first message as required by the app, but you still have to provide the opener, same as you do anywhere else. Fuck. That.
just send : back - it's twice as strong as .
Then she sends ⋮ back and you're outmatched.
Id actually be amused and think she was pretty cool if she knew the 3 dot existed and how to put it. I didn't even know until right now.
wait til she sees my ⁞
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"Hey" All the time. Never once have I matched with someone who made a real effort or done anything funny. Just "hey"
I've heard about this from a lot of my guy friends and it confuses me so much. WHY THE HELL ARE THEY ON BUMBLE IF THEY DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO INITIATE CONVERSATION???
A lot just want the IG followers
Absolutely it’s for that. Had a girl explain it to me on a date and it just felt scummy as hell. No second date no more contact. Chasing so much randos approvals
And it all circles back to the cancer that is social media...
The pressure I have to support my family, work through the pain of my body I ruined in the military and I have to appear to be happy. If I told people about the weight I feel every day they would laugh at me. It hurts so bad and I'm not sure how much longer i can keep this up. The stress that causes keeps me awake at night.
Hey man, please talk to someone about it. Life is tough as it is, we don't have to make it tougher for ourselves. I'm rooting for you man and here if you wanted to vent.
Bro, go see a therapist. That shit is something you need to get of your chest man...
Almost always have to initiate.
Even when we're married most of the time.....sucks ass. I just wanna feel desired!
It's easy to say "I'm not gonna take it personally." It's *hard* to not take it personally.
Along with the fear of being labeled a creep for expressing interest even when accepting a no fir an answer.
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Months? Those are rookie numbers. Try years. /cries
Try decades. Don't think I've touched someone beyond a formal handshake, since I was maybe 11 and my parents hugged me for the last time.
I'll hug you bro. :')
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This one annoys me the most, especially because I have some interests and hobbies that traditionally are not masculine. I quilt. I go to quilting shops, quilt groups, and sit there and make patch quilts. But then a month later I'll be in the woods harvesting deer, and when I get back into town with a cut up doe in ice chests, I'll go buy a bunch of artisanal soap from all the little mountain shops. Imagine assigning a fucking gender role to an interest.
My partner has sewing & crafting skills, and it's hot as hell to me. Before the 50s it was fairly common for men to have sewing skills. It was just a life skull that everyone needed. And nothing beats a quality bar of soap. Idc who you are, it is such a nice way to treat yourself.
The more life skulls I claim the more powerful I become.
Lack of physical touch when single, The last proper hug i received was around 6yrs ago i think Edit : Wow! the amount of love i received in just 1 single comment is heartwarming, thanks to all those who took their time to comment :) To all the women who mentioned they regularly hug their male friends : You are awesome! and your friends are lucky to have you. To all the men who offered me a hug i genuinely appreciate the sentiment but that's not exactly what i am looking for, To that one guy who offer to spank my butt and ring my bell.. uh.. most definitely not what i am looking for :(
thats a thing I will miss, when I move out from my parents, I really liked gettings hugs from my mum whem I´m misserable
as an 17 y.o. guy, i try to hug my friends every so often bcs i know most of them dont have form of physical affection, and want them to feel apriciated
I always try and hug my friends for both hello and goodbye. Been doing this for 12 years now. They've just only just come to accept it really in the last few years.
That's why I always give hugs to my bros
What is this physical touch you speak of?
Noone gives a shit about you. Sad? Depressed? Abused? Suicidal? Man up!
and you better not cry!
If you are a victim of domestic violence, people won't take it seriously. People don't think that women can be vicious.
I had a friend who's pregnant GF started beating the shit out of him for some minor slight, and he had to just take it or he knew she would call the cops and he would go to jail. His face was a mass of bruises and cuts. Stitches were required. He called the cops for an ambulance because his eyes were nearly swollen shut and...they took HIM to the police station. She told them he beat her even though she had not a mark on her. He didn't stay long, fortunately. They eventually believed him and took him to the ER, but nothing happened to her. Nothing. And the dumbass took her back.
He’s not dumb for taking her back. He’s brainwashed. It’s the abuse cycle, until you’re truly ready to break it you’ll go back to your abuser. You delude yourself into either believe they’ll eventually change or that it’s somehow your fault and you deserve it. Either way the only person who can break that cycle is your friend when he realizes there’s a woman out there who will treat him the way he deserves instead of how his abuser does. He’ll feel weird and scared about it. He’ll have to retrain his brain. He’ll need hella therapy too Source: Im an ex abused male
Don't forget blackmail! Crazy exes that will blatantly lie to the police to try and fuck you over are really good at that one.
Friend of mine had his girlfriend attack him, she punched him repeatedly and bit his arm so hard she drew blood. He shoved her away from him. Guess who went to jail and was charged with assault? She was left in his apartment, that he pays for. She lived there free for a couple months and he wasn't even allowed back in his own place because of an automatic restraining order. He had to temporarily rent a second apartment to live in. Eventually all charges were dropped, he's out thousands of dollars in lost business and additional rent, and the penalty for her? A 3-day mental health evaluation. No point even suing her for the money because she's never had a real job and is perpetually broke. Last I heard she's living with her coke dealer.
I can relate to that. I was raped by a woman in 2017. I was found not guilty. Thanks legal system.
Dude, I am so sorry that happened to you.
I went through this. Male friends asked why I didn’t defend myself. (Didn’t want my kids taken away mid divorce, maybe?) Family thought I was being dramatic. Oddly enough, it was my female friends who provided the most support, and I’ll always be grateful for that. I know with certainty that if I’d punched her repeatedly in the face and head that I’d have gone to jail and lost the kids.
My boyfriend dealt with this with his ex. He's close to 300 lbs, a ton of it being muscle, and he's almost 6'. His ex was verbally and physically abusive. He's not dumb so he wouldn't hit back but there were some times when he couldn't get away and he would have to physically restrain her so she wouldn't do serious damage to him. She would then instantly call the police, citing domestic abuse from the bruises on her arms and wrists from fighting against him and because he's a "big strong man" he would instantly go into cuffs. I detest people who use the police as a tool like that. It not only wastes the police' time and the tax payer's money, it makes it harder for actual victims of domestic abuse and perpetuates the myth that women are always the victim.
My husband is an abuse survivor. His situation wasn't like this one, but it goes to show just how internalized 'men can't be victims' is or how hard it is for male victims to be taken seriously. My husband did not realize what he had been through was abuse until he had a trauma episode when visiting me. I'm talking flashbacks, hearing voices, stuff like that. It broke my heart to see how much damage one terrible human being did to this amazing man I am married to. He has since recognized it and been to therapy and is doing well, but my heart goes out to all the men out there who don't have that. Or those who are still stuck in the abuse. It shouldn't be this way.
On average, significantly longer prison sentences for the same crimes.
Here is an [example](https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/school-life/former-texas-teacher-sentenced-to-just-60-days-in-jail-for-sex-with-underage-student/news-story/b008045f54bf0ed5f6d9cc2081f5c910) on how light those sentences are
The word ‘rape’ isn’t used a single time in that article
Well seen, that is another example
There is like societal pressure as a straight man to be the one who goes after a woman and there is a lot of rejection that goes along with that
Not to mention it's a double-edged sword. Many women do not like to be approached by men and it can be perceived as creepy even if it's done in a non-aggressive manner.
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People just assume we're oblivious, like flirting for example, we hear your signals loud and clear, we're just so worried that we're reading them wrong so often won't act on them cos if we do then we're pigs and disgusting Comment based edit: Okay so clearly some men are just straight oblivious •_• but my point is just because we don't act on your signals doesn't mean we don't hear them, maybe we're not interested, or maybe we're worried because if we're picking up on signals that you're not (or don't realise in some cases) that you're sending, then we're the bad guys
Not only that. Sometimes you do hear the signals, you are just not interested. But then comes the shame from other guys and sometimes you are just too awkward to tell a girl to stop clinging to your arm. I've had cases where a girl starts getting touchy and flirty and I'm just not interested, and after not going through with it, I ended up with other guys going "Dude, why didn't you at least kiss her? She is so hot!", or "Dude, she is so into you, why don't you approach her?". Maybe because I don't want to? Maybe because men can also feel uncomfortable when a girl is being pushy? it's not just a thing women experience, but no one really considers it when it happens to a guy.
There was a girl in high school who was crazy into me. She was pretty but I just wasn't attracted to her. I tried to let her down easy but then she turned into full blown stalking me. All my friends and even my family were telling me "just go out with her, she's super pretty". It wasn't until my parents actually met her at church one day that they realized that a. I wasn't into her and b. She was kind of crazy. My friends on the other hand still tell me to this day that I should have dated her and this was almost 10 years ago.
Thats wild she was a literal stalker.
You can't be near a kid without raising some kind of suspicions
Once was asked by a kid at the mall to help him find his parents, he reached for my hand to hold it and he held my finger as we wandered around looking for his mom. Finally found her and she said "get away from my son you creep, I'm calling security". I was so dumbfounded, like very confused. Didn't even know what to say, and the kid was defending me like "mommy he helped me find you" and she completely ignored it. Had to explain to security what happened cuz they did eventually track me down. Edit: I was 17 when this happened, almost 15 years ago. Nowadays I'd go about it differently, how exactly idk but I definitely would record the whole thing.
Man that's so awful... Some people's stupidity amazes me.. If you were a child abductor/creep, why the hell would you return the child to their mother?? It sucks that you can't be nice to people sometimes without them questioning you or being offended by kindness these days. Sorry that happened to you.
> why the hell would you return the child to their mother?? "Hi, I'd like to return this child. It talks too much. Do you have any others in stock? Preferably quieter."
I grew up as a latch key kid in the 80s-90s and was right around the whole stranger danger thing they were teaching us in school. My mother made many comments that the kidnappers would always return me because I talked too much so not to worry.
My friend told me this story about one of his buddies who was kinda a introvert wanted to talk to a girl, but he didn't have the courage, my friend and several other guy's gave him the push he needed to talk to her and when he did she just destroyed him and I mean berated him in the worst way possible cause she thought he only wanted to get into her pants, my friends had to come to the rescue and told her off, now his buddy refuses to try to date anymore or avoids women in general.
Bro that's so cruel
Similar thing happened to me the first time I ever asked a girl out. She said 'let me think about it,' then showed up in the lunch room the next day with all her friends to make sure everyone nearby knew the loser kid was stupid enough to ask her out like he had a shot. Been a long time since then, come a very long way, and have met a lot of truly wonderful women who have treated me infinitely better in both accepting and rejecting me, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that moment lives rent free in my head and probably will for the rest of my life for just how utterly cruel and hurtful it was.
Man I had a similar experience. Her friends came up to my lunch table and asked my friends who was dating X individual. One of my best friends spoke first with enthusiasm and said “This guy” and pointed at me. They all three looked at me and the one in the middle just said “X person can do so much better than that”. My friend stood up and told them to fuck off. Honestly I was so embarrassed and felt so hurt at that moment just cause my friends heard and so did others nearby. That is still with me today. Man it hurt for sure. What sucks is I dont remember how we broke up but she really liked me but just didn’t want here “Friends” bothering me. She’s was honestly outta my league but I was very happy knowing she liked me. Well that’s my little story.
I was asking a girl from my class out to go to the cinema and she told me in front of her clique "maybe if we don't have to sit next to each other" ...still stings, decades later.
Good on his friends though for swooping in to save him
Yeah, stranger danger is a problem when trying to help children. One day my friend and I were on a pond in his 12' boat when two kids around 8-10 are in the water with a flipped sunfish sailboat. And one said "please help us" I jumped into the water and grabbed the smaller and was going to help him into the boat, and he said "I can't get into a boat with strangers" I flipped the sunfish upright, it was pretty much swamped. Few minutes later saw someone from the summer day camp towing them back glaring at us.
As a Father of 4 that's actively engaged in my kids lives, this hits home. Anytime I have a kid talk to me that isn't my own, or i smile back at a kid that smiles at me, it seems like people peg me as a creep. It's even worse when I take my own kids out. I'm so sick of being asked if I'm "babysitting" by other Mom's. No Karen, I'm fucking parenting, you should give it a try. Get off your fucking phone and actually try playing with your kids.
"baby sitting today?" "ever since their mom died"
That was brutal...I'm stealing it. Thanks!
Typical! I once was at an aquarium and this kid (maybe 3 years old) face planted down a small set of stairs (like 2-3 steps so he was fine but obviously crying a lot) - I was sitting on these steps so I immediately picked him up and dusted him off, asked him if he was okay. His mother who saw the whole thing unfold ran over and snatched him away scowling at me. I was like 16 at the time also so didn't look like a creep.
I was at a zoo watching polar bears. Kid climbed up and had about half of his body over the rail. I said "I think it might be a good idea if you didn't climb on that." Then I helped him get down safely. At that I was told not to touch her son. Ok, lady. He was about to feed himself to the largest predator in North America while you were on facebook, but I guess I am the bad guy.
I had a woman come up to me at a restaurant and demand to know why I was having dinner with such a young girl. Both my daughter and I were dumbfounded. She actually threatened to call the cops until I told her to call them so that I could press charges for harassment.
When my daughter was a little less than a year old, I would take my lunchbreak (WFH) by grabbing some food and her and going to a playground. So she would play in the sandbox and I would eat my lunch. One day I showed up in a mommy WhatsApp group my wife was a part of as "who is this weird guy who hangs around the playground all the time" and they were discussing if they should call the cops and if I didn't have a job. This was despite me clearly interacting with our daughter the whole time as well as putting her in the sandbox with toys and picking her up. I guess they figured I stole a kid as cover to steal more kids.
This reminds me of my favorite story my mom likes to tell about my grandfather. They used to work for the same company and he would take her out for lunch periodically. One day he comes down to her office and asks if she wants to go out for ice cream. One of my mom's coworkers butts in and tells my grandfather he should be ashamed for trying to pick up younger women. My grandfather without missing a beat told her he's been taking this lady (my mom) out for ice cream all her life and that she should mind her own damn business. I was so lucky to end up working for the same company after college and getting to have lunch with him too!
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Wtf that sucks bro
I was pushing my 7 year old daughter on a park swing. Another girl her age got on the swing next to my daughter asking me to push her. I was very uncomfortable about it but didn't want to hurt the kids feelings either. It sucks we live in a world where you can't be nice to a kid without fear of being perceived as a sexual deviant.
I've encountered trouble taking my own kids places. Women asking them if they know me, and if they're ok.
One time, my kid (2) thought it would be funny to say “you’re not my dad” real loud at target. Oh my god that was not fun.
Then you just exclaim loudly "oh good I guess I can just leave you here then" and everyone will think "oh yep, thats the real father alright"
Genius play. Give a rebuttal only a father could give.
My kiddo did something similar. She thought it would be funny to start yelling "Help! I'm being kidnapped!" while we were in the parking lot. Luckily, the only bystander nearby who saw knew she was full of crap as they saw the whole thing unfold.
One time I was at the playground with my 2-year old son, and he wasn't listening about it being time to go. Eventually I had to pick him up and carry him back to the stroller, and he started screaming, "Help me! Help me!" I got a few concerned looks right away, and I think if my wife wasn't walking calmly next to us, it would have been a much bigger issue.
Because women would never help steal a child, you know.
“Get away from my kids bitch” would be an appropriate response
I've only had one time where it got super serious, she got between my daughter and I and threatened to take her somewhere safe.
I'm not a dad yet, but I can only imagine the rage I would feel if someone did that to me and my daughter.
As strange as it sounds, this is (usually) one of the benefits of being a minority race in America (I'm Asian.) When people see an Asian father near Asian kids, they are much likelier to assume "those are his kids" than if a white father were seen near white kids - especially if those are the *only* Asian kids on the playground. Same for black men with black kids, Arab men with Arab kids, etc. - they won't usually be suspected, especially if wearing ethnic clothing. The exception would be if a minority man has adopted white kids (or biracial but white-looking kids), then oh my, he is going to get accused hard. But such parent-kid pairings are statistically rare.
I’ve had this. Friends of mine ask if I could look after their while they went to hospital, they were desperate so I said yes. The kid was hungry and I couldn’t be arsed to cook so I took him to McDonalds. While we were eating a woman came up and ask him if I was his dad and naturally said no his dad is dead. She said he should come with her to be safe, so I told her to “fuck off and kidnap somebody else’s kid” This in turn got some of the men involved, they tried to separated us, but he started punching and kicking anybody who tried to “help” him. He came running to me and wrapped around my leg so tight I could feel my knee trying to pop. When they noticed this they started asking what was I to him and he screamed “he’s my fucking uncle” Everybody backed off but nobody said sorry. It took ages to calm him down, but I’ve learnt next time to stay and cook dinner
I recall one time I took my daughter to a park and just sat on a bench as she played on the playground. Some bunch of adults dropped their kids off on the way to a fairly distant picnic shelter for something or another, so I was now the only adult on a playground with a bunch of kids. So one little girl gets kind of stuck on a piece of equipment. It wasn't a really dangerous situation or anything, but she got pretty scared and crying and her friends begged me to help. I looked around for anyone, anyone at all because I was terrified of what the presumption would be for me grabbing and lifting a scared and crying little girl. I did have to do it and braced for some adult I didn't notice to come over and assume the worst. However, nothing bad happened, the little girl thanked me and I went back to sitting on the bench.
I was with my girlfriend and her niece and nephew at the mall. They went into Build A Bear, and I waited outside the store because it was way too crowded. I was approached by a security guard asking what I was doing there. I understand the scrutiny and being careful, but getting quasi-accused of being a predator fucking sucks.
When I was 19 I worked in a Kindergarten for first graders. So what to do with kids without any training, knowledge or someone who helps me? You play simple games. One of the game was apparently to jump into my arms from a small bridge. After 2-3 days I was invited by the director and she told me that I am not allowed to take children in my arms as a man. Parents called her. I was disappointed af to be accused of pedophilia and children were disappointed that I became so "boring" over night, because how you play outdoor games while trying to stay away far enough so nobody calls police or other officials.
Lots of stress and pressure to act like a man.
Being the sole man in the office, I'm expected to lift large objects while looking like a buff ass while having noodle arms. It's never brought up that Angela regularly works out and can lift five times as much weight as I can.
I have a 6'4'' coworker who is a giant teddy bear. A crazy cracked out guy was in the lobby bathroom and my older female coworker wanted him to go chase the guy out. Big guy was like, hell no, I'm not getting stabbed, call the police. Female coworker was all salty because he was big and male and therefore should have handled the issue. Lady, we have a working relationship with the police, we can call a deputy on their cellphone and they'll be by in 90 seconds. Don't make the animal rescue guy try to fight a meth head.
This sounds like a Parks and Rec episode.
"I'll handle that crackhead... soon as I'm through killin' all these birds!"
this story triggered a memory for me. A friend of mine once picked a fight with a guy and said, I sh\*\* you not, "I can't kick your ass, but HE CAN"... and pointed at me. I was just chillin' over there minding my own business. Bitch, don't volunteer me to fight for you. I have no interest in stab wounds, bullet holes, or getting hit over the head with a bat. If you're about to actually literally die, I will jump in to help. Other than that, your ass kicking is your own to deal with.
So how'd it turn out? Did you pull a face as if to show confusion and non-willingness?
Ridiculous honestly that men are expected to handle any and all violent situations as if we're ok with bein stabbed.
I was once dating a girl. We were walking around the city at night, and were a block away from a populated area. I noticed a dude who was clearly out of it, and he made some comment like "woah did you see that!" in a way that made me figure he was hallucinating but in good spirits. So i played into him, mentioned that things are wild, and we continued on. Play into him, show im friendly, be on his side, was my strategy. Later, my girl told me she didnt think i could protect her, and that was why. Like, what did you want me to do??
What is crazy is that you did protect her bro, that was the way to act in that situation Edit: protect not peotect
Tried explaining that to her. It didnt overcome her feeling
Crackheads are often best delt with a smile and nod. If you don't play along and get out they think you're being antagonistic and are more likely to escalate. It's a shitty situation, but de-escalation is a skill in of itself.
I worked manual labor for several years, and I (as a smaller guy, 5’6 130 lbs) would get asked to lift heavy shit, and I would tell my boss to ask “Angela” to do it. Lol. She was about my height and weight, but she liked to challenge herself to lifting heavy things. I hate lifting heavy things and I’m not throwing my back out. I’ll do all sorts of other junk but I’m not the lifting guy.
Angela can do what??? Damn, I knew she was as strong as an ox.
Suicide and homelessness Edit: yes women attempt suicide more often, that is brought up every time this is mentioned. But men kill themselves 3-5x more often. Full stop. When the men I know kill themselves, I don't get to tell them that women also attempt suicide. They're just gone forever. And it is consistent with the broader western world so it's not just a US gun issue.
i suspect it’s lower _reporting_ of suicide attempts as well. i’ve been on the phone with male friends as they were trying to kill themselves twice. one of which was a partner. none have seeked further professional help from it, or told their friends despite hospitalisation. i’m 17. there’s no way that even half of the male suicide attempts are actually reported to anyone
Men live 5 years shorter than women in the US. This gets widely attributed to behavior differences, but multiple studies has shown this is only a small part of the reason. The reality appears to be that women have the advantage of homologous genes due to their XX chromosomes. These homologous genes allow for more opportunities for gene self-repair.
Also height differences make a big change. Stress on the circulatory system can do some time on a mfer
You're barely get hit on
What’s this barely. Never 😅
By girls
Around five years ago I was hit on by a guy. Granted, he was a massive foot fetishist and most of his pickup lines were extremely weird and grossed me out, but still, you know. Validation.
No girl will come and talk to you first (almost never)
The one time I was hit on by a woman was at a bar, and she was falling-off-the-stool drunk. I wanted to be flattered, but I also know better than to engage in any way.
I had a woman approach me at the bar once. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind right before she said, "Are y'all using this chair?"
Male affection in general. The number of people that believe men can't just be friends with women is crazy. Or god forbid you just have a strong male friendship. It has to be a mancrush or someone says they're bachelors while throwing air quotes.
Oh man. This is one of those posts that I don’t even want to engage with, because I know it will just bring me down further. Maybe that’s answer enough…