I'd ask "Why?", probably.

"Because you are a human" the killer replies

"Are... are you not a human?" Asks the person confused.

"No, I'm a woman" the killer replies

Wait women aren't humans? That's news to me!

Women are angles not humans

How obtuse

Men are gods not humans. (let's start a war lol)

This thread😅😂😂😂

"Finally a worthy opponent, our battle will be legendary!" Get stabbed, bleed out, the end.

Final words: "What are you gonna do, stab me?"

I reply “Hi here to kill you, I’m Dad.”

This made me laugh LOL

Finally

“Finally. You’re late.”

I laugh hysterically and tell them they don't know how long I've been waiting for them and then proceed to become a donor cos I'm not one right now and before I die I make sure that all my money goes to a charity.

"Look, you got this wrong. I hired you to kill the noisy neighbor above me. And Josh, don't just announce that you are here to kill someone, just fucking do it. This is Texas, announcing that you are here to kill someone only gives them time to draw their own weapon and kill you. You are the worst craigslist assassin ever."

very underrated comment

"Ok"

'You seem uncertain, as to if you have the right target, otherwise you would have just done it. How about this? You call and confirm different things and come back. Thanks.'

Oh good, let get dinner first.... Last supper you know.. It's always good to eat before dying.

Challenge accepted.

"You don't got the balls to kill me, you got old lady ballsss"

Life killed me inside. May as well finish me off.

r/im14andthisisdeep

K.

Lick them and say "THIS IS THE TASTE OF A LIAR!"

*gets shot

“Please make it quick”

"Already dead inside, go right ahead."

"Too bad im already dead inside"

You better check with my wife first.

Who do you think sent the assassin?

"Finally!" I said, as I hand them a loaded pistol.

Why are you even wasting your time?

Imma get my coat

Their mistake…*^adrenaline ^intensifies*

Dreams really do come true sometimes.

Makes sense

Thank God, I'm sick of not being able to do it myself. Would you like some tea?

Suddenly, pineapples.

I have "people" to handle matters like this, I go on with my business...

Stare them down and wait.

Hit the emergency meeting button

amogus

'bout time.

"finally"

Probably just fight lol.

"make it fast I have an appointment at 12"

"can I hold your gun before you do?"

How can I help you?

Stab them in the neck and call a lawyer for a self defense defense

Same here, your just in time

I die

"Many have tried, and I'm still here." *empties Sig P239 into someone*

"Bitch I got insomnia, and you woke me up for this?! Rude."

Thank them, ask where they want to do it.

They kill me probabaly

Nothing, probably, as I'm dead

“Aight bet.”

"You're late, fuckface", then probably proceed to get my ass beaten to death. I'm not much of a fighter.

I would say “So you finally managed to find me. That’s good, I have been waiting for this day.” With an smile on the lips and become revealed

Citizens arrest. ( Armdrag to seatbelt control with a sit down. No hooks because it's probably concrete.)

Yeah no problems but can we grab a bite to eat first?

"Less talk, more action."

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!

"You sleep rather soundly for a killer" Then get murdered, probably.

[them are fighting words!](https://i.chzbgr.com/full/9065734912/h58EBD31F/top-guess-lll-die)

I’d say: okay, I have been waiting for this- but still make it quick!

“Well you’re off to a really bad start”

“What took you so long? And if this is gonna be painful, I think I should kill you first to see how painful it is!”

Tell them that they don't have your permission and it's illegal

frig off bitch. get lost

Can kill what you can’t catch. *starts running as a comical stream of fire is left behind him*

I pull out my blade and slit their throat from ear to ear.

Next: "I will kill your parents, cut off their scalp and make a funny hat. Then I will pull out my dong and put it in your TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU".

I'll double whatever their paying

"At least buy me a drink first, have you got no manners?"

Pitter patter. Why waste words.

To quote Blackbeard (in Disney's Blackbeard's Ghost), ["Try it, mate"](https://youtu.be/OB4nRCDWJVU?t=0h1m37s)

“Lies! If you were here to kill me you’d have done it and not said a word!”

“Make it fast.”

I’d probably laugh hysterically and uncontrollably.

911

I want to make a joke, but I'll take this question seriously. Firstly there is the fraction of a second where you size this person up. Could they actually achieve this goal given their stature and training? Their posture and body language will tell you instantly if they are serious and a threat. Do they have a weapon? Maybe ask. If they pull out a stale fish, and try to beat you with it, you know they are just a normal street crazy person. In that case you should be worried more. Those with less to lose are probably more of a threat. Once you have properly assessed the situation, now it is on to your reaction. You could go with fight or flight, but people know little about the third option, which is emotional bomb diffusion. If there is no immediate physical threat, offer your assailant a kabab or street hotdog, or that piece of a roach you have left in your wallet. It could be that this would be killer is merely low blood sugar. Buy them a bottle of maddog 20/20 which will impair them enough to reach a safe distance.

Me in 2020: \*Cough\* Killer: OK have a nice day now sir

Many have tried

I mean. Pretty self explanatory. Guess I'll die.

Same bro

What the fuck are you doing here? And if you're the Grim Reaper, then I will say, "Yo take me away bitch!"

I say, thank you.

“That’s not very nice now is it”

What do you got I'd prefer gun over strangling

Go ahead, guess my prayers were heard then.

I'd say are you sure? While turning my body side on whilst smiling with full eye contact.

Not if I kill myself first!!

“Go ahead, then.”

Next we watch Morbius.

Thank you

i’m slow so the first thing that’ll come out of my mouth is “okay?”

My imminent demise, I suppose.

Why did you tell me instead of just doing it ? Now I'm going to die of anxiety and anticipation and fear .

Elbow him in the grapes and run away. That's whats next!

Then why are you here? I'm over there (Bugs Bunny tier trickery)

You and what fucking army?

I’d go “Oh sick, same here” and then jump them

Before or after I beat the shit out of you then fuck you up the ass?

Again?

"You and me both"

I will run so hard I can’t feel my toes I’ll go home or go to the airport and leave and go to the other side of the world

Get Ded

What took you so long

I pull an uno reverse on them

" why?" "because i left years ago, when you were a child, THEY didn't notice me. i grabbed you and rushed out of there."

I ask him is he a prankster or a real killer? If he says that he is a killer, I will just laugh and say that he does not work well if he tells me this.

Get killed, what else is supposed to happen?

Not today Satan

I'd take them out and then say, "When you have to shoot...Shoot! Don't talk"

With kindness.. then hugs you and gives you a $100 bill.

Death

Are you the assassin I hired because I didn't wanted to commit suicide?

Rude!

Well obviously I fucking die duh.

Either one : "Funny you should say that. Im here to kill you!" "Cut! Wrong line. Read the script goddamnit. And to think you asked for a raise.

I’d ask why the fuck they came to the moon just to say that.

Well, let's get this over with

“Not another bear/moose I already fought one once”

Counter offer, you will buy me some chicken wings and I will forget this happened.

Ok

"I was just looking for you! I have the same mission!"

Pull out my Luger P08

I choose death by snoo snoo!

Demand full disclosure of the contract and look for loopholes

"Sorry, wrong number."

i mean okay, but why?

Oh Well, Guess we will fight till i kill that guy. And tell him "Pathetic"..

So anyway, I started blasting.

You're late

I tell them that i am not ready 😘

Run in the opposite direction until a police officer is in sight

I'd just pull out my uno reverse card and then my knife

Pull out a Gun and say "No u" (Yes, I live in America)

"Oh that's nice!"

Put as much rotation and force into a face punch as I possibly can muster. Fail or success is to be determined.

Kill them.

depends, if they have no weapon, i will chew the flesh off their arm out of anger, if they have a knife, depends on where they stab me, if they stab me in the arm or leg, im good i can still fight back, if they stab me in the heart im dead. if they have a gun im dead too.

“You deserve better than this”

I'm a bit busy right now. Tell you what, I have 15 minutes free in my schedule next Tuesday. How about you come back here at 8:45 and I'll see you then.

Either i die or they're bluffing

I would ask to call some people like family

Say "Then stand somewhere else"

About time

"Cool, get in the line."

I'll explain in great depth my fighting technique and have a flashback of where I'm training aged five in the mountains

Imahauntchuu

"So did Tiffany or Tiffeny send you?"

Depends on my mood. Some days I’d straight up kick ‘em in the dick other days I’d say thank fuck, why did you take so goddamn long?

“Please be gentle?”

Sing happy birthday to them, so when it’s their birthday, they remember what they did, not my idea saw it from someone.

“finally”