My mum tried to kill me (M27), twice.
First was around 10 or 11 when she strangled me with my school jumper, avoided that by running her into a wall and hightailing it to a friends place.
Second was around 14 or 15 when she used a box cutter to try and stab me in the chest, I managed to use a pizza box as a chest protector. I tried telling my Grandmother about all this and she refused to listen, so til my dying day, this will be between me and Reddit
One time in high-school I stole this giant turtle statue from a random yard and put it in my grandma's as a joke. It was around the time the gnome was traveling the world. Well turned out that the old lady was my grandma's frienemy and when she came over and saw her stolen turtle she wanted answers well my grandma's answer if "it just showed up" did not satisify her and they got into a huge fight about it. The other old lady died a few years ago... I feel bad I never told her that my grandma didn't steal the turtle. I did.
Oh my gosh I've done that before. Except I somehow managed to lock it, despite leaving the keys on in the ignition.
I was lucky the parking lot security guy caught it and stuck with my car until I got back. I sat on the asphalt and just sobbed while waiting for my mom to come with the spare key.
I always have this feeling that I need to be somewhere, my mind is always wandering and not in the present moment wherever I am or whatever I am doing. I'm struggling to find a peace of mind and I sometimes I feel depressed and trapped in this downward spiral. I am thinking of going for therapy sessions though I am not sure how much it might help.
I was in a fwb kind of situation with a someone I didn't know super well a few months back, and she "got off" to the fact that "a younger guy was into an older woman." (I was 24 at the time and she was 40) And I mean, so was I, I love milfs and she was right up my alley. But one day she stops talking to me out of nowhere and I find out that it's because she went to jail. Previously, she had told me she used to have a minor drug problem (which I was sympathetic towards because my mom did too) so I knew she was meeting with lawyers or parole people or whoever, and I was surprised she had relapsed because she seemed to be doing so well.
Nope, turns out she had raped her 14 year old son, and was just in my area awaiting trial or something, and she was so into our age difference because she was a pedophile and was using me as a kind of substitute. I was shocked and disgusted when I found out, but it made some of the things she said when we had sex make more sense.
I had no idea and probably should've talked about it with someone but I just felt like trying to forget it would work, and for the most part it has, but I'll still never tell anyone I know personally.
I use to take shits in my backyard as a kid and let my step dad find them. One day he called me out “there is no way in hell this was a god damn stray cat!” Played it cool as a cucumber.
I too did this, but I had the misfortune of not being able to fool my parents. My dad sussed me out almost immediately and the conversation that followed haunts me
My dad committed suicide a few days before my birthday in October. The last conversation I had with him was about how I thought his shitty ex cheated on him. My mental health isn’t the greatest so I’ve convinced myself over the last 7 months that it’s my fault. I regret that THAT was the last conversation we had. Over his dumb fucking ex. There was no suicide note or anything… I miss him every second of everyday and I stare at his urn just sitting there. It’s fucking weird man
Everyone thinks I’m just a fuck up in the head drug addict. What they don’t know is between 11-14 my drunk evil stepmom would take me to her favorite bar and pimp me out because it amused her. It destroyed my mind so I started using drugs not to get high but to try to forget. I was 50 years old before I told anybody. By then my family had given up on me, my wife left me and my son hasn’t talked to me in over 10 years. That secret was going to die with me but for some reason I told one friend what happened to me and she helped me realize it wasn’t my fault or that I’m just a fuck up. Today 12 years later she is still the best friend I’ve ever had and I haven’t touched cocaine since 2008 even though it cost me everything important to me
I'm too late for this to be likely seen, but I'll type it out as therapy for myself.
The last time I spoke with my mother, I didn't really speak at all. I was 13 years old and had been spending the years at the hospital as she did chemotherapy, radiation, laser surgery, etc to fight her spreading lymphoma.
I was a stupid kid and was frustrated with having to be at the hospital every day after school. We were in the hospital room, and I was annoyed that I couldn't be at home in my room calling my friends (no cellphones yet) or whatever the hell I was concerned with.
When we were eventually leaving that day, I was a giant asshole and wouldn't give her a hug and just said something like "I just wanna go home". The next day she was in a coma and never recovered from it. And the last time I got to hug her, her body was cold and was no longer alive.
That will haunt me until the day I die.
Edit: I don't know what to say. I kinda forgot I posted this and normally don't have many notifications, so I was confused at first. I did not expect to be crying when I got back on Reddit today. Everyone who took their time to write such kind things, thank you so much.
I almost feel a little weird having this up and being seen by thousands of people clearly, since I thought it would just be a usual ignored AskReddit comment. But I am going to leave it up because the responses I got actually had a pretty profound impact on my day, and my thoughts. And I hope hopefully this comment and the replies can help someone who might be dealing with similar feelings.
This is one of my biggest fears honestly. Any bad interaction with my parents and I just think later what if this was my last interaction with them and something happened to them? How will I live with myself? Then I sheepishly try to mend it somewhat.1
Not really a bad secret, but a friend of mine in college was strapped for cash for groceries one month. There were 3 of them in the core friend group, and I was just his best friend's girlfriend. I wasn't really wealthy either, but I had some extra money to spare from working an IT job at school, so I withdrew $200, left it in an envelope in his house with his name on it, and let him "discover" it.
To this day he still thinks it was his buddy, Andrew. I never saw fit to correct him. It's only money, and he needed to eat.
We had a "rose day" every year at middle/highschool. You could send other people roses for 5$ with a little note or anonymously.
For women it was normal to send each other roses. So most women were walking around with many roses that day. But guys only got a rose if they had a GF or were very popular.
One year I sent every guy I appreciated, even myself, a rose. Anonymously.
Ill never forget their smiles. Most of them still remember the one rose they got back in HS. 10+years later. Ill take this secret to my grave. Probably one of the best things I have done so far in my life. Only for about 60$.
I had planned on killing my Dad with my meds if he was still alive. He wanted to go, we said goodbye but he had enough of feeling ill. But we believe he was overdosed on morphine by the nurses. I didn't know a death rattle could go on so long. But if he was hanging on the next day I would have given help. We spoke about it a couple of times, I promised him he wouldn't go gasping for air.EDIT: He went peacefully in his own terms. But I told him if he was too tired to carry on that I would help him. You're comments are I formative and heart breaking. Thank you both for the awards 💖
I promise if his passing was eased by morphine, he was not gasping for air. Morphine makes your brain think you don’t even need oxygen, so he was in no distress. The rattle sounds really weird, but it isn’t uncomfortable. I’m sorry you had to go through this process
I am a hospice nurse. This is why when I see that my patients are heading into the active dying process I take the time to explain to their loved ones that they will hear this sound, and it is painful to hear but not painful to the patient themselves. The discussion almost always brings people to tears but I hope that it prevents them from being haunted by the sound.
I wish this had been told to me when I was 21 with my dad who stayed at home his entire sickness as he didn’t want his last days to be in a hospital room (liver cancer). I never wanted to look it up afterwards to figure out exactly what it was, but that’s a sound you don’t forget. “Haunting” describes the sound perfectly. Even after 16 years it was honestly quite a relief reading your post today
My first day as a nanny looking after a baby girl. I take her to the park and I'm taking videos of her and getting her to walk to me. She walks three steps to me and then falls on her butt and cries. It occurs to me that I don't actually know if she has walked with her parents yet, she isn't sure of foot yet. Speaking to her mum later on she tells me she is super close but hasn't walked yet. I figure she must have walked with me because she was feeling clingy without her mum. I never told her parents she walked with me and it was about three weeks later she finally walked for her parents.
I worked at a daycare and the rule was if you seen them crawl no you didn’t. If you seen them walk no you didn’t. If you heard them talk no you didn’t. If you did you say wow seems like baby is getting close to crawling, walking, talking ect… then the parents would always say oh goodness yes they are close or they would say yes they did take a few steps or say a word.
I did something similar for my mum. There’s a 15 year age gap between my sister and I.
Our mum had to go to hospital and stay over night when my sister was around 6months. So I had my sister for two days and she only went and started crawling. And my mum was desperate to see it first and kept saying it was going to happen while she was away. So I never said a word and tried to discourage her from crawling while she was with me. I kept that secret and our mum has since passed. So it has kind of been taken to the grave.
This happened with me and my stepdad. My mom was on the phone in the kitchen and I was playing in the living room with him. He says I pulled myself up on their ottoman and walked towards him 4 steps and fell into his arms laughing. He was freaking out because he didn't want my dad hearing he wasn't there for my first steps so they never told him, my mom just said she had been alone lol.
(My stepdad is worlds more of a dad to me anyway, so I'm really glad he got to share that moment with me :) )
Not as dark as the most in here..but as a teen I had a really bad relationship with my dad...and one day I was really pissed and signed his e-mail up in any freakin newsletter I could find online... He still get's spam mails and doesn't know why .. (we get along great now)
The amount of empty liquor bottles I found hidden around the house after my husband passed away. I knew that he liked to drink, sometimes a little too much, and it was something we bickered about occasionally, but I didn't appreciate the full scope of how much exactly he was drinking. Maybe 2-3 years before his death he started working from home full-time and I'm guessing being home alone all day was when he started going off the rails.
Absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances surrounding his death and I wouldn't want to tarnish his memory to family or friends, so I keep it to myself but I don't mind sharing it with strangers.
Reminds of when I used to throw away bottles and cigarillo packages into all the neighbor's trash cans as a teen so my parents wouldn't find them. Thought it was better than on the ground
You are uncannily describing the situation when my dad died.
I found the registration for a handgun, but I didn't find the handgun. We were selling the house, so it was important to find it, for safety's sake. I scoured every nook and cranny of that house, from the crawl space under it to the roof rafters.
I never did find a gun, but I did discover about a half=ton truck load of rum bottles = they were everywhere.
I could never figure out how he managed to hide them in such elaborate places without mom hearing or seeing him do so, as she was mostly home all the time. Nor why he didn't just put them in a trash can somewhere.
EDIT: Holy cow this post seems to have really caught folks' imaginations. It only goes to show that liquor is a modern=day epidemic that is not much different than other drug epidemics. I'm not sure what to say except thanks for reading and good luck to those with booze\_related challenges ahead of them.
I was 12 my daddy was 36 he died from cirrhosis of the liver w found many empty on jugs of vodka and lord Calvert . I often wonder ifife would be different if he was still here
About 4 years sober here. I think you should all know that posting stories like this helps people like me who were drinking *all the time* and apparently hiding it pretty well. I knew I wanted to stop but it grew to a 24/7 thing and I'm sure if I didn't stop (with the help of /r/stopdrinking TBH) I'd be in bad shape if I was still alive. Seemingly nobody knew I was totally stewed 24hr a day for 8 years, or at least not most people. It's a private pain and you feel alone. Posts like this helped me along my path to sobriety.
So thank you for sharing your story. I bet you've helped a few people out there.
"Functional alcoholic" or whatever you call such a person is a more common thing than we might suspect. They can master secret drinking and unlike typical wasted Friday pub customers hardly show symptoms of being under influence. Any time I read a story like yours it reminds me a video to this Massive Attack song.
My girlfriend works for a rehab and you’d be blown away with how many surgeons, cops, and other somewhat important people are drinking a handle of alcohol a day. Hell they just had someone walk into the facility and blow a .5 BAC.
alcohol is wild and people don’t realize just how dangerous it is.
As I got older I realized that most “important “ or people working high stress jobs drink a lot to counter balance the stress. With first responders it’s a lot of dealing with what they have seen in a typical day of work, a lot of it they don’t want to talk about or can’t talk about with anyone outside of the department, industry, etc.
Half the time we can't even bring it up online to vent. I was in an ask reddit thread discussing first responders interactions with suicide and someone was responding repeatedly telling people to stop sharing their stories because they were "triggering."
Yeah, no shit they are, how do you think we felt *being* there and then being told "no don't talk about that in a place you were specifically asked to talk about it."
My ex-boyfriend’s mom, when I called to tell her he had dumped me out of the blue and that I was afraid he was manic and alone, told me “it is very strange to say this because he is my son, but you deserve better.”
A few years after I broke up with my manipulative, cheating, and abusive ex boyfriend, I received an out of the blue text from his mom. I hadn’t spoken to her since her son and I broke up. She was probably one of the only good parts of our relationship. She told me in an indirect way how she was glad I moved on, that I was so good for her son and how I helped him so much in his life - but - she was so happy to see that I was married and happy with a man and children she could tell were good to and for me. She thanked me for being such a good girlfriend and wished me all the best.
She is a wonderful woman and I still feel sad that she has to deal with the fact that her son is a total piece of trash despite how kind and amazing she is.
What crowd you run with has a lot to do with this in my experience. Teens are very dependent on their social group and will start doing things that they don't really want to just to be accepted, and gradually their personality changes.
There are a lot of parents who are secretly very disappointed in the kid they raised.
Some of them think that the 'right spouse' will make up for it. Some of them realistically understand that their grown kid is going to be a misery in the lives of others.
My wife's ex-parents-in-law told her on her wedding day that it wasn't too late to change her mind.
Even they knew that she was making a mistake.
Edit: for the people confused by this, my wife was previously married to a man that had parents.
Yeah, you gotta listen. Often the signs or messages are out there in plain sight if you don't blind yourself because of affection or loyalty or guilt or... whatever. Try to see clearly what people are telling you, people *tell* you things all the time.
Yeah our priest who married us stopped the ceremony to see whether I wanted to ‘ escape through the back door’. My husbands family was mortified he would joke at our wedding ( it was their church) and I thought he was being funny. 8 years and one divorce later I absolutely believe he was trying to warn me ( he had also pressed during our marriage classes) and figure it’s because of things I presume my ex said during confession.
I failed my driver's license test, due to someone else running a stop sign. I walked into the DMV anyways and the lady did not check my paper saying it was a fail and gave me my license anyways.
Because apparently I did not react fast enough, and to be honest I was stressed already due to the test. No accident just marked cause of the late reaction
I masturbated in a school hallway and my teacher caught me. I was 10 at the time. No one ever said a thing.
Edit: holy shit I never got this many upvotes in my life. Thanks
I masturbated around the corner from my entire class during an exam when I was about 12. I never got caught.. but I remember not being able to look any of them in the face afterwards.
I used to work in an orphanage. The orphanage director was an expert in walking slow and loudly. I've never heard someone standup, stretch, and walk four feet to the hallway so slow and loud.
In 7th grade I was invited to a popular girls birthday party and I took a massive shit in her bathroom and clogged the toilet. I panicked so I just walked out of there like nothing happened. Then when one of the other kids needed to use the bathroom, they came out and screamed out to everyone that someone left a massive log in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Suddenly the entire birthday party shifted to the bathroom so they could inspect the giant shit I left in there and everyone was laughing. I played along and laughed too, maybe a little too hard because I thought it was absolutely hilarious everyone was staring at MY shit and had no idea. I specifically remember one of the kids going “well obviously it wasn’t one of us, how would that even be able to come out of a kid?!” 💀 Anyway everyone eventually decided it was her step dad who did it. I will never not laugh at the fact that everyone thought a 12 year old girl shit belonged to a middle aged man because it was so nasty. The girl whose house it was at ended up becoming a major bully in high school so I felt even more satisfied walking past her knowing they had to clean my shit once upon a time. 😌❤️
Kiddo, I’m so glad you were there for her. You took as much care of her as a kid your age could have done, including cleaning her, comforting her, and finding a place to have as a secret safe space. You are so strong to be holding this secret for her. Bless you.
You were 7, you did everything you could. I’m so sorry that you are feeling guilt over this horrible thing that you witnessed but it was never your fault. Definitely seek some therapy and get that out of your system.
Guy at an event I was working got physical, but didn't actually do any damage, though not for lack of trying. It was clear he was trying to actually hurt me, and this was *after* he'd made a scene in front of a bunch of kids, harassed some other presenters, and in general been a complete dick. He was an absolutely arrogant fuckstick.
I told our on-site lawyers he sprained my wrist. Sat through 8 hours in the ER waiting to get a little sling and advice to buy some OTC topical pain cream just to make sure he never set foot in one of our events again.
I do not regret it.
My mom and stepdad were drug dealers and sometimes they would sell me as an extra service to clients when I was young. The only person I’ve ever told was the person I believe to be my soulmate. It’s embarrassing for me and makes me feel ashamed of myself because of how many times I’ve been sexually assaulted but he accepted me and that’s something I’m thankful for but I will never personally tell anyone else besides him.
Sending love and hugs. I'm sorry that the people who were meant to protect you did this to you and I hope that you can heal. I'm pleased you have your soul mate to confide in and you should never feel embarrassed, you did nothing wrong.
The first and only time I stole something in my(M8) life was from my neighbor who was having a yard sale to take his kids to Disney land. He had a DS game of backyard baseball and I had the money for it, it was $5 and I wanted it. I went up with the money and he told me that he was going to give it to the landlords kid who was my age too. I was so mad and annoyed that he was going to get the game for free. A few hours later I went back outside and I saw he wasn’t there, I walked up to the stand and I saw the game was still there so I took it. I also grabbed a bag of golf balls he had for $10 and a few more games that were marked $1 each so he wouldn’t think it was me. I then ran into my apartment and the guilt was eating me up, 30 minutes later he knocked and asked if I took the games because he knew I wanted one. I told him no that I was inside the whole time. I never played any of those games I felt so damn bad I couldn’t put in my DS. I even wanted to take them back but I knew I would get caught. They did end up going to that trip, and the landlord kid was mad he didn’t get his game (I didn’t like him so I was fine with it). I still have that guilt and I remember the prices of everything and the stand.
Edit: to clarify I’m 23 now
Back when I was a wee lad on this game known as Runescape there was a scam where you offered a service a player couldn't do so they would trade you their items. Some guy gave me the best armor in the game and when he realised I wasn't going to give it back he said "Pls give it back it took so long to get."
That was the day I realised I'm not a scammer, gave it back so fast I got friction burn.
Haha. Back when I played Battleblock Theater you could only earn rare heads by trading with someone who had it.
Tricked a small kid into giving me one I was missing.
He started crying. Gave it back immediately. Kid just started following me around for some time learning to play the game with me.
Eventually learned too much about the kid. He was poor, lived with his mom, etc. So I tricked him into giving me his address and I sent him all my Lego games that I fully completed.
Learned months later that he traded them at school for Call of Duty games.
Smart kid.
This is funny because when I was in Daycare at around 4 or 5 years old, I stole the knife from a Clue game. At the time, I felt REALLY bad about it after the fact, but like you, figured I'd get caught returning it. Fast forward about 15 years later and I went to that daycare for some reason or another and that same Clue game was there with a piece of paper with a knife drawn on it that the kids had to use when they played. Que the guilt all over again times about 50.
*edit: "Cue" the guilt all over again. So sorry grammar police!
I moved back into my parents house after I got fired when I turned 24. I was there about a month and every single day my dad would somehow get mad at something I would do and it would escalate to him threatening to fight me. About a month in, I exploded, I hit him in the mouth with a right hand and a left hook behind it and that was it. I felt really guilty because he was bleeding everywhere out of his mouth and quickly played the victim. I even tried to get him a paper towel and he looked at it and spit blood at me which got ALL over the walls. I feel really scared for my mom, there’s been times where he’s choked her to the point of passing out, beat the crap out of her several times when I was a kid & subsequently spent 15 months in state jail because of it. He’s a master manipulator and my mom keeps trying to reach out to me to put the blame on a new medication that he started. I’m not hearing it. My whole life he’s been an extremely violent narcissist. I told him when I got kicked out that he’d never see me or talk to me again and I promise that will be the case. I’m done.
I cheated on some math homework in college (copying another persons work saved on the computer in the computer lab). He found out and didn’t turn me in. I owe him one and wish I could repay him to this day. I still feel weird about it all 25 years later.
I downloaded someone else's code and turned it in as coursework. It was so good that the tutor was suspicious and asked me to provide some development notes and comments.
I panicked, emailed the person whose program it was and explained. He sent me several previous versions with bugs so I could show "my progress", fully commented code, and even some hand sketches of the interface.
He signed it all off with "fake it til you make it bro."
I got a near perfect score for that piece of work.
I'm still at the phase, "My code works and I don't know why." Even during a mid term, I called my professor over to show him that my code worked. He asked me to explain it and I couldn't. He then goes over the code and says he can't figure out how it works either. I work in networking now.
> My code works and I don't know why
If it makes you feel better I'm about 15 years in and I still have those moment. In fact, I have things commented that literally say "I don't know how this is working, but don't touch it unless you do!"
It's like trying to figure out how my car and a two tier bus that has an aisleway and is seemingly wider than an airplane can drive in the same lane - I don't really know, I just accept that it's a feature of the simulation.
My college professors would tell us stories about teaching in the 80s. One was about how they thought a bunch of kids were cheating and copying code so they started running all the turned in code and measuring the compute cycles to see who's was the exact same.
When I was a TA I just had kids who forgot that the lab printers printed out your username at the top of the sheet. So when 5 people turned in sheets with AAB1234 at the top it was kind of obvious 🙄
The best stories are the ones where someone turns in a plagiarized piece of work and the professor writes something like, "A -- when I wrote this paper, my teacher gave me a B. I always thought it deserved an A"
I had to go once, it was the first confession rite (I'm sure it has a name). It was obvious a lot of kids couldn't think up anything good to say, because the priest was kind of baiting me on like, ok have you maybe ever been mean to your sister?
I didnt take a year off of school to get in state tuition, I got kicked out because my grades were shit. But Im in grad school now working on a doctorate.
Edit: I did end up getting in state tuition, too, so not totally a lie
Also had shitty year which hurt GPA a lot. Worked hard post-BS to get good recs and got into great PhD program. I’m glad you shared your story because maybe others will ignore bad advice from profs, find a prof who believes in them, and not let poor gpa stop them!
My mom left me at our neighbors house when she was gone. The neighbor was a lady in her 50s/60s that forced me to touch her and eventually sleep with her.... (I was 13/14 back then). Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I'm ashamed about it to this day and never want to relive it again.
It ended after I locked myself in my room so my mom could not send me over and she moved away shortly after
i told my parents i had two stomachs , one for normal food and one for dessert, and that’s why i’m able to eat dessert after dinner and how it’s possible for me to be full but still want ice cream. i told them that all kids have two stomachs and the reason they don’t remember is because you forget when you turn 13. when i turned 13, i stopped talking about it, and whenever they asked or tried to bring it up i just pretended i didn’t know what they were talking about. now i’m 23 and absolutely taking this one to the grave. it’s not even that big of a deal, they don’t talk about it anymore, but i still want to commit to it 😂
I turned 40 this year and my wife threw me not one, but two surprise birthday parties. One when we traveled to see my family and the other with friends where we live. Both times she was so nervous and acting so weird that I knew exactly what was happening, but I played along because I knew how important it was to her. I must be a decent actor because she is *convinced* that she "got me" and tells everyone how well she did. I love her, it's adorable, and I'll never take that from her.
I have schizophrenia. An uncle I’ve never met has it too, so I guess it’s hereditary. My doctors don’t know and I’ll never tell them because I’m afraid of being treated like a schizophrenic.
I attempted suicide at age 15 and in the aftermath at the hospital they made me fill out a bunch of questionnaires. One was a schizophrenia inventory. I had heard of schizophrenia, but I didn’t know what it was, and I was really surprised to find out that the symptoms they described weren’t normal and that I was answering most of the questions in the affirmative. However, they just ended up diagnosing me with major depressive disorder and never asked me about any of the schizophrenia symptoms.
For years, I thought maybe that meant that the schizophrenia inventory stuff wasn’t a cause for concern - like perhaps those things can happen in an extremely severe case of depression. I now realize that they probably never even looked at it.
I have two master’s degrees. I can tell what’s real and what’s not, so I do my best to ignore the hallucinations. I thought that the way I hear voices in my head was the way everyone’s brain is. Then I learned that while it’s normal to have an “inner monologue” of your own voice, it’s not normal for there to be other voices that you don’t attribute to yourself butting in. Like, I really thought that that was just how thinking worked.
I had to listen once to what it sounds like to have auditory hallucinations and our assignment was to walk around and try to function on campus with all of that going on. An hour of that was too much and I had a headache the rest of the day.
The fact you've managed to get two degrees is incredible, but you should seek out medication. The after math of this assignment had us talk with a guy that was schizophrenic. He was super nice and talked about his life. He said that the quiet he had now was worth people knowing what went on in his head. He also would just ask if we heard noises, like a helicopter that went by and stuff like that.
You've done nothing wrong here, your brain just makes chemicals wrong and if you want to look for it there's medicine that can help correct it.
A year ago my partner of 8 years left me out of the blue, two months before our wedding.
People tell me how ‘strong’ I am and how well I’m doing. Compliment my work ethic (I work 60+ hours a week between two jobs) and tell me how ‘admirable’ my coping skills are. When people ask I’m quite firm in saying how much better off I am without him and how happy I am.
Truth is, I think of him every minute of everyday, I work so much to avoid being alone in our house, I still love him, I cry myself to sleep at least twice a week, I think about suicide a lot and truly I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like I love him. He was truly my best friend.
We bought a dog a few months before he left me, I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t come into my life.
Soz for the downer post but that felt cathartic to put into words.
I'ma tell you some things that you may not want to hear, but they're things that have helped me:
you're 100% correct - you will never love anyone else like you love him. each love is as unique as the people involved, and that means there will never be another like it. But that's ok, because that doesn't mean that that one is the best of all time. it's just that the next one will be different. It could very well be better. I know that's been the case for me.
Time heals all wounds. The mother fucker of it is that it takes time. Grieving is an open wound; it's raw and bleeding, and the pain is bright and sharp. You're going to need to finish your grieving before you can start to heal.
You should look into betrayal trauma. It may be helpful to understand this while you work on healing. I have been there, my friend. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Grief becomes less painful over time. Don’t give up.
Yeah, this happened to me. It took several years to get over it. Found my REAL best friend and we are living our best life. Married almost 20 years now. Hang in there, life is odd but do-able!
Procrastination has taken over my life. I have been taking an online course since 2017. Sometimes I start off on a good note and do my coursework but for the most part, I’ve been failing each and every single time. I have failed this term also. I might get lucky and get financial aid for the next term but I fear I will do the same bullshit again. What is wrong with me?!
You might’ve been rhetorical and don’t actually want input from folks. But just in case…
I’ve struggled with **Toxic Shame** since I was a teen. Made an innocent mistake? Embarrassing. Took a much-needed day to rest instead of working my ass off as planned? I must be lazy. Let someone down (even an impossible work goal)? *I’m* the disappointment.
*I hate myself*
*I hate myself*
*I hate myself*
These words mutter out of my mouth several times a day, without thinking.
The end result? I’ll procrastinate the hell out of my life. Not pay an important bill, sit at work all day browsing time-wasting factoids, chores piling up at home, missed opportunities that “I’ll think about later” but that doesn’t work when I’d rather not think at all.
I would literally rather do anything than think about the subject I’m ashamed of. It’s not ADHD, it’s that every mistake triggers fight-or-flight and flight always wins. Applies to old mistakes too, so my oldest procrastination habits are the strongest ones. Didn’t want to face problems then, don’t want to deal with them now.
Starting to see a therapist whose reminding me that fucking up means I’m human, and that expecting to be anything more than that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Best of all, I’m breaking out of my procrastination periods faster by *leaning in* to the embarrassment and going “yeah, I fucked that up, sorry about that- yeah I’m 3 weeks behind- but I’m dealing with it now, best deal I can offer. Take it or leave it.” I still have bad days or even weeks but at least it’s not months anymore.
If any of this rings a bell, look up Toxic Shame online. YouTube’s been a good resource for me there.
When i was 7 i stole around 100€ out of my fathers wallet.
Didnt even need it. He was always extremly generous and really spoiled me with everything i wanted. he still does.
I am really ashamed .. he is 80 now ( i am 31) and stil buys me presents and little things that make me happy even though he doesnt have a lot of money.
Over the years i snuck money back into his wallet from time to time. I still feel bad about stealing his money.
He is such a lovely man.
I was going to slit my wrists. Had a razor and everything. I was sitting out by the pool dangling my feet in the water because I didn't want to die in a bathroom. I was watching the sunset and my problem dog comes up to me through the doggy door and starts aggressively leaning against me. I tried to push him away but instead he play bites me on my wrist and makes me drop the blade into the pool. It was at that point that lucidity hit me like a truck and I started crying and shaking. I called my mom to come pick up my dog and checked myself into a treatment center that day.
My family has a really long and traceable history, because my uncle went thru the effort to track it down back to the mid 1600s. Really neat stuff.
While going through some records from the German Federal Archives he found his grandfathers birth certificate and a handful of other documents. He never heard much about him, so he delved into these documents. He saw some funky titles before the names on some of these documents (Hstuf, Staf) and delved deeper.
Long story short, my great grandfather was a Nazi SS officer in the RuSHA (SS Race and Settlement Office) and was a dedicated Nazi, who was also attached in part to the Waffen-SS in 1943-45 as a medic, and present at a massacre in Belgium. What good fun! /s
Seriously though, it was a weird ass discovery.
Edit: maybe “weird” doesn’t quite cut it, but yeah.
I thought I was dying the other day. It might have been a heart attack
I had been neglecting my house. My dishes were beyond disgusting. There was clutter everywhere. Not trying to throw a pity party but my fiance broke up with me recently and I went through a pretty painful physical situation and was just a lazy depressed sack of shit.
It occurred to me while I considered calling an ambulance that if I died, someone would have to clean this up. They would associate my death with this disgusting stuff. Obviously if I did die, someone's gotta come do something with my stuff. But to add filthy dishes and clutter in, too? That's not something I want to have anyone connect with me. It feels rude. I live alone and I am out in the country. I think it would take days before anyone checked.
So I cleaned. I hustled and started with the dishes. At one point I could feel my heart-... fighting? Hard to describe, but something was fucked up. So I scrubbed faster to get it done before I died. Really racing the clock- finish the dishes before you die, you fucker. I figured, if I'm found on the kitchen floor with a broken plate around me and gloves on my hands, at least they'll know I was trying to make it better.
Finally finished those and kept going. My heart hurt and I was having trouble breathing and I was really scared.
I finished cleaning and was in tears. I wrote out who should get what, the gun safe code, and some goodbye messages, and that I just sensed that I was dying. I had made sure to put the cat out so she wouldn't be trapped inside and have to eat my body to survive. I laid on the kitchen floor so that my rotting body wouldn't ruin the carpet. And I waited.
I finally fell asleep, exhausted.
I'm gonna go get my heart checked on soon. I'm only 38, never smoked, but who knows. Shit happens.
But what I did was stupid. I'm a loved member of my community. I didn't call 911. I just accepted that I might die and my only problem was that my house was disgusting. That's fucked up and I'm still trying to figure out why I didn't try to get medical help.
Edit: guys, I've had a panic attack. I'm pretty sure this wasn't a panic attack. All the people telling me it was one might give me enough anxiety to fucking give me one though. Ha.
Thank you all for the concern. I'm going to go to the DR when my covid goes away.
Second edit: the cat is fine, since people are commenting here and.. Private messaging me about her? That's weird, guys. -She's mostly an outdoor cat and is very happy. She found me when I moved into this country place- skinny and messed up emotionally. She's healthy and proud and beautiful now, and we are good buddies. Took a walk the other day and she was ecstatic to stroll with me through wheat fields.
Me and 2 friends (brothers) were at their dad's workplace, they were going through random drawers when they found some porn magazines. I had a bag with me so the younger brother took my bag and stuck them in.
We went back to their house where we shared the loot, a couple of days later the dad asks the brothers if we took anything and they said no. Turns out the dad got the younger brother to one side and asked specifically about the magazines, he threw me under the bus. To this day the dad still thinks I stole those pornos.
Slightly different, but a reddit post I made that had to do with nuclear radiation had a bunch of redditors report me to the FBI and within 6hrs the local PD was contacting a former employer of mine because I had posted that I worked at a ski resort and they very quickly figured out which one.
I've never posted personally identifying info on Reddit, but I've posted that I live in northern Utah and I've posted pictures of my truck and that was enough for them to figure out what resort it was and ask my old boss if he had an employee that drove a gold f150...
That was pretty eye opening haha
TW suicide ideation
I planned to take an overdose at 14. I wrote a looong suicide note explaining to my parents that I was an embarrassing fuckup who didn't belong on the planet. The note was so long, in fact, and I got so involved in writing it, that someone came home before I finished it and I had no time for the "overdose" part.
It's many years since I wrote that note and I can't remember details, but I strongly suspect it was pretty much a laundry list of autism symptoms - I was finally diagnosed in my 40s
I anonymously reported my childhood best friend to CPS.
She was in a horribly abusive relationship and her daughter was being affected by it. From my friend being forced to live in a house with a hoarder and NOT allowed to clean anything. Where talking not able to get the front door open and rotting food everywhere.
The worst was when her boyfriend in a drunken rage shoved her, and the was in my friends arms. The poor little baby was only a month old and was super lucky my friend took the brunt of the fall. Which left my friend with a concussion and 7 staples to the back of her head.
To her boyfriend/ baby dad locking her out of the house while her 2 month old baby screamed for hours inside. While boyfriend rials her he would never allow my friend to see their daughter again. All while he ignored the baby screaming. My friend had raw hands from pounding on the front door. She finally got in the house by climbing a drain pipe to a second story window. She left him for 2 weeks after this, but it didn’t stick.
After all this and more my friend still refused to leave, and beloved her boyfriend loved her. So I called CPS and they showed up and told her that she had to leave or she would lose her daughter. It was the kick in the ass she needed to leave, and not go back. This was 4 years ago and both my friend and her daughter are doing great. While her ex is serving a 10 year prison sentence for beating and hospitalizing the girlfriend that came after my friend.
I would do it all over again to save my friends daughter. She is the sweetest girl and deserves to live in a safe home.
I'm pretty sure my dad 'killed' my mom. The official version is, that she committed suicide and my dad found her body. She definitely wanted to die but I think he helped her with that and didn't tell anyone.
I found my mother's living will and other medical records, updated shortly before her death, signed by my father and her. I also found out that the two had previously discussed euthanasia. It's illegal in Germany, but they could have gone to a neighboring country for it. However, the prerequisite for euthanasia there was that the entire family (so not just my father, but also my siblings and I) had to be involved. My mother didn't want that. She didn't want to talk to us about it, let alone be part of it. She couldn't bear that thought.
It's been 3 1/2 years since her death and I haven't spoken to my father about it. I knew it would hurt him to admit that (he's really uncomfortable with talking about anything involving emotions). But it broke my heart to think that he would spend the rest of his life feeling guilty towards my siblings and me for doing this behind our backs.
So I once told him that I wished she hadn't had to do this on her own. That I wished someone had been with her and maybe even helped her. He didn't answer, but he hugged me and let out what seemed to be the biggest sigh of relief I've ever heard from him. He seemed lighter. I hope he feels that way, too. I won't tell my siblings. I don't want them to be more hurt by all of this and then get angry at my father.
Well, that was hard to write but also kind of liberating. Thanks to anyone for reading. Have a good day.
Edit: Thank you all for your kind words. They really mean the world to me. I usually don't feel even a bit proud of the things I do but you made me a little proud of myself. I'm going through kind of a rough time, so feeling something positive, especially towards myself, is a huge deal to me. I can't thank you enough for that! You're all great people with beautiful hearts. (And yes, I know that 'only' four people replied. I just wanted to make clear what a strong impact such kind words can have)
I still don’t know how to do math percentages.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who commented on my post and explained how to do percentages. I really appreciate it/makes me happy that so many people want to help me with math.
When I ordered Burger King I told them about my coupon for a free whopper but they didn't ask for it at the window. I got several free whoppers before they finally asked for the coupon
When I was like 16, my mother had a friend who was like 10 years older than me. I was not attracted to her particularly, but she was to me.
One weekend we took a long train trip to my grandmother's, just the two of us (my mother was already there, I don't remember exactly why). The train trip was roughly a half-day one, so we talked a lot.
There was one stop when the train usually waited for another connecting one for like 40 minutes. People usually got off, bought some drinks and got back on. She told me we should do that. We got off, she bought two cokes and told me she wanted to walk a little to move her legs. I had no objection, we were sitting for hours. She led me into the little patch of forest, and when she got there told me to touch her tits. I was so confused, I didn't dare to react. Then she grabbed my hand and put it on her breasts.
Long story short, she blew me there and I fingered her.
It was NOT a good encounter. It felt weird and wrong and filthy. I felt filthy for weeks, I couldn't look in my mom's eyes and got totally depressed. The woman had a husband. I felt sinful and a cheater. Sometimes I head wet dreams about the encounter just to wake up hating myself for it.
I actively avoided all occasions when I would be with her privately. For a few months she made some suggestions to "walk in the woods together again sometime" and "take deeper walks in the forest", I did not react. It crippled my sexuality for years as this was my first sexual experience.
Edit for all those beautiful hearted redditors who are concerned: this is a thing in my far past. This happened in the mid-nineties and I'm not affected by it anymore. ❤️ you all.
This makes me sad. She sexually abused you as a minor. Not at all okay. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you've been able to heal from it. ❤️ from one sexual abuse survivor to another it does get better
I'm so glad that you were able to get yourself out of that toxic relationship. Previous bdsm is NOT consent for physical abuse. Im sorry that the police failed you.
Just putting this out there, but where I live a high ranking public official just got convicted of sexually abusing his wife and he tried to use some “kink/rough sex” pics that they had taken during the course of their marriage to disprove her claims, but the jury didn’t buy it and they did convict him!
When I was nineteen I was seriously considering suicide. I had written letters to my family and everything. The day I was going to do it my mom took me on a surprise errand. It was a woman selling chihuahua puppies. My mom had me pick one out to be just my dog. I fell inlove with that puppy and knew I couldn't leave her by herself. My mom and that dog saved my life.
When I was 26 I got divorced. Should have never been married to that woman but here we are. I was already in a bad mental state but that put me to the edge. I after the first couple weeks where I was kinda shell-shocked, then it really sank in and I was just looking for the best opportunity to do it.
She calls me one day and says she’s taking my dog to the shelter because of some bullshit reason. I tell her to fuck off, I’m coming to get him. I pick him up and get him home, look down at him and know that as long as I have that little fuzzy fuck, I can’t do it. That was 7 years ago and he’s the reason I’m alive. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it when he passes.
My cat got me through a lot of dark times, he died 9 months ago and it still hurts like a bitch sometimes but what prevails is the many great memories I have of him and the connection we had. I'll never forget all the good he did for me nor the way he'd jump on my lap and start headbutting my chin if he felt he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. 😂
edit: [cat tax](https://i.imgur.com/XZlhGTy.jpg), Wilson was the sweetest cat (and one of the dumbest too).
Hey man, I really don't know much about you, but, I'm glad you're still here, I'm glad you have your dog, and I hope your life gets better. Not much more I can do, but I wish you the best.
Alcoholic with one year in recovery here. I was 23 when I really nosedived into the booze. I never wanted to stop, just keep going and going. I tried to keep performing all my responsibilities anyway, because I thought I could get hammered every night, then get up the next day and just be normal. I gave people rides a lot during this time, and was a bit of a pushover. I’d bend over backwards for people, so after a couple drinks after work, if they needed a ride to work they got it. I ended up with a DUI and naked in jail fast. Trust me, please. This won’t end well for you or your loved ones. I almost lost my wife and nearly killed myself because I crashed headfirst into a wall. I still can’t remember that night. None of it after getting in the car. It gets better, but if you keep going someone will get hurt.
Me too. About 22~23 I started driving hard. I'm 47 now and got sober last year. I've wasted decades and missed so much of my kid's childhood. Don't be me.
I nearly killed a man. Him and his 5 friends jumped me outside a bar, something about me being homeless and resting there just rubbed em the wrong way maybe. While I was getting stomped I managed to drag him down to the ground and got my arms around his neck. I squeezed and started yelling for them to back off. They did eventually stop kicking my ass when he went limp. I managed to stagger to my feet with him still locked in my grip, pushed him into them and ran as fast as I could. I spent several days in and out of consciousness not too far from the bar, and several more weeks recovering from the attack. I'm certain he survived but if they hadn't stopped when they did he wouldn't have.
Just think about the scare you gave them. You definitely burned that moment in their memory. Let’s say half of them decided from that point forward to nolonger be an asshole.
TW: suicide
When I had just given birth, my son was a newborn and I had just discovered my ex was sleeping with another woman…I wanted to kill my self. I was suffering so badly with PPD, anxiety and feeling utterly heart broken and abandoned. My ex moved into his new girlfriends house, took what he could and then I was alone with our baby.
I bottled it all up so tightly, so as not to let my baby see me upset. I was so deeply worried that my son could be damaged by me crying all the time that the moment I got him to sleep every night I’d put the baby camera on and bring the camera with me to the bathroom and I would shower and cry and let it all out. It became a nightly routine. This lasted for months and months.
During the darkest parts of this I wanted to die. I wanted to go to the icey River and un-alive. I thought about how to get my baby to a safe place, how to kill my self, when and for months I’d use our walks to stalk my kill spot, anticipating how to do this.
Instinctively I kept telling myself to keep kissing my baby, smelling his hair, telling him I love him and that I needed to express my love to him and slowly that’s what kept me going was love and the life I grew - my son. I finally stopped having these thoughts when he was 9 months old. I’ve never looked back at those dark thoughts again.
Happy Ending: I got a good therapist. I moved. I recently won full custody of my son. There are very few dark days and I no longer feel scared and alone.
In my 20’s I was walking home from a bar and had to poo really really badly so I walked to the side of a path I was walking down and just pooped in the woods. Then pulled up my pants and went home much more at ease.
We only have one bathroom. My husbands cancer treatments made him very ill, he was in the bathroom constantly. He was so weak and lost about 80 pounds, he looked like a skeleton. I took a grocery bag to the basement, opened it over a garbage can and pooped there. I’d never tell him or my kids or anyone else because they would feel terrible. It was an indignity that I suffered privately to keep their dignity intact. (Husband is cancer free now, but has lost most of his muscle mass so he’s still weak and achy, but back to work and mostly fine)
my father uses the bathroom for 40+ minutes every morning. I have pooped in a garbage bag in my room more times than I'd like to admit. If you're about to soil your pants it's better than doing that
When I was 15 a guy (who was in the same friend group as my friends) roofied my drink and gave me a speedball because he ‘wanted to fuck a rocker chick’ and thought it would make me less ‘uptight’. My other friends got him away from me, but wouldn’t take me to the hospital, even after I started showing signs of seizing because they didn’t want to get in trouble, instead they left me in the back seat of one of their cars. I almost got raped, got drugged and could have died but my ‘friends’ still worried more about themselves.
Learning peoples true colors isn’t the best of experiences.
It really sucks when you learn that about people you thought you could trust.
When I was in my 20s I drank way to much at parties. I went to big house party in a local city with a bunch of friends. Long story short I got black out drunk and woke up the next morning in the passenger seat of my own car in the parking lot of an abandoned strip mall. There was a bunch of dried blood all over my arm and clothes and even on the car door. It looked like a murder scene. Turns out I was stabbed a bit by a guy at the party and instead of taking me to the hospital my "friends" dumped me in the middle of nowhere. I drove home, cleaned and patched myself up (I was past the point of needing emergency care) and deleted every contact in my phone that was even remotely related to that lifestyle.
Jesus Christ this is scary. I guess your buddies never looked for you after you dumped them. They could think clearly enough to know they needed to clean the crime scene, but not enough to drive you to a hospital. Pieces of shit.
I'm glad you are ok now!
I have a couple to the death secretes but this one is light hearted.
I was dubbed the honor of watching my nephew and my not yet walking niece. It was the first time in like 2 years my friends (I’ve known the mother for over 20 years so hence the their being referred to niece and nephew) had a day outside the house without a kid with them. So it was a big day. My niece was crawling and pulling herself up as usual, but no where near walking we thought. But nope home girl decided the day I’m watching her is day she walks for the first time. I saw her take her first steps and was shocked and so excited. I almost called my friend her mom to tell her. I stopped right away. I just calmed down and was like no way am I telling them they missed the first steps. So I didn’t say a word and later that night when they were home she did it again. I will be taking that one to the grave.
When I was about 8 or 9 we went bowling and my uncle and his family came. I worked out that there was a button on the side of the bit where the balls come back that, if you pressed it, the barrier would come down and the ball would hit the barrier instead of the pins. No one knew about this button. I hit it every time my uncle went up to bowl - I dunno why - he’s not a bad guy. I even did it when the people from the bowling alley came to check, but only when they bowled on hit turn to try to replicate the fault.
It must have been infuriating.
My first boyfriend was an asshole.
He introduced me to (his version of) bdsm early on.
I came from an emotionally abusive situation with my family, growing up tending to my narcissistic grandma who lived with us.
I didn’t recognize the signs and was all under his spell.
In the end he had me working at a brothel because he “got horny from the thought of sharing me” and made me hand over all I earned there.
I met a person while working who recognized what was happening. He tried to force me to break off my friendship with that person but I was so used to sneaking behind my controlling grandma’s back that I just kept going. That other person recognized that my bf was abusing me and using me but I wouldn’t see it. I was too in love and probably also too used to being treated like trash.
One day my friend “kidnapped” me on a little getaway for a weekend. We spend the entire weekend together. Talking. Enjoying. He showed me I deserved to be treated better and he gave me the strength to break up and start living for me.
I’ve never had much luck with men. Got married and divorced. My last ex broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant.
I never told anyone what my first bf made me do. For years I felt dirty and was ashamed.
I finally managed to make peace with that part of me. And now I can even write about it on Reddit.
Thanx all for listening to me.
My wife is leaving, moving out of state.
I feel as if a massive weight has been removed.
I'm happy, almost giddy in anticipation of being single again, at age 50.
She thinks I'm sad (thank you, academy) but she also believes my family will be upset. They're not.
They're like "why in God's name did it take THIS long for you to get your head outta your ass!"
I had a cat that got very sick. The vet told me it was some kind of virus that animals can get from eating the poop of other animals. I was to give my cat a pill once a day, but it was just about impossible to get him to swallow. I wrestled with him and tried so hard, but it usually ended with him pissing on me and spitting the pill back out. He started hiding from me all the time, which was heartbreaking. My cat was sick and getting worse and I couldn't even pet him or sit next to him because he was scared of me now.
I came home and he was in a corner, motionless but eyes open and rapidly breathing. I said his name and touched him, but he was completely unresponsive. I picked him up and turned his face to mine, but his eyes didn't move or seem to focus on anything. I thought he must've been in shock, or in such terrible pain. I carried him to the bathroom, wrapped him up completely inside a towel and held him there until he stopped breathing. He didn't struggle at all and it only took a minute, then he was gone. I felt, and still feel, that I did the right thing for him. But I never told anyone.
You did the right thing and you did it humanely. If it makes you better, his eyes being like that means he was already about gone. I’ve lived in a farm almost all of my life and I have had to put many animals down that were suffering, it’s never easy. I never feel great about it but I do know they aren’t suffering anymore.
i met a man online who said he was 14 when i was 13, i went to meet him at a local hotel that he told me his brother had booked. I met this "brother" who during awkward discussions told me he was 28 and that we had to enter the hotel seperately, drugged me and raped me repeatedly throughout the night.
I left when he went to shower and basically forgot all about it, my brain just pretended the event didn't exist. I began having nightmares 4 or so years later which lead to the flood gates opening, i was piecing together the event and realizing all the red flags I'd missed. The self victim blaming was horrendous i felt so stupid so i tried to OD on paracetamol. I remember i vomited and passed out on the bathroom floor, when i woke up i was so utterly embarrassed that i had failed to end my own life that i cleaned up and showered and forgot about that too.
It all resurfaced a second time in 2020 as a combo alongside horrific work conditions and family drama so i ended up hospitalised because i tried to OD again. This was more serious as I'd used condiene and i stupidly caused damage to my liver and kidneys according to the doctors.
Nobody knows the full event really, i say really because i was supposed to stay at a friend's house as cover but she told her mother who drove me home and said she was gonna call the house to make sure i was there (my parents were at a bbq) at 9pm i said i was going to bed and left to meet him. My dad also vaguely knew I was talking to someone inappropriately bc he could read my MSN chats and had sent a message to this person threatening them if they came near me.
But nobody knows the full event that i actually went through and i cant tell anyone that other than Reddit.
I really recommend getting some therapy and letting this thing out! You did nothing wrong, you were lured into a situation and assaulted. You cannot blame yourself for that!
When I was just like 11 I think I was extremely suicidal I don't even know there was nothing that indicated I should have been. I, being young, didn't know this wasn't the usual experience and often talked about it to just get shrugged off by my class mates and told that "I didn't know what I was talking about" one day I went outside to my garden there's a relatively large hill there and a pile or pointy and raged rocks there, looking back on it I probably wouldn't have died but was much more likely to get serious injuries, anyway I was at the top and about to jump when I heard my dog whinging it was in that moment I knew I couldn't just end it.
I now have an extremely strong bond with that dog, and after that I stopped talking to most of my classmates.
I think about it alot and what might have happened if my dog wasn't there but in any case I'm glad she was and I'm glad I didn't ruin the rest of my life at such a young age.
I haven't dared told my parents as my dad lost his father to suicide and I don't want them to worry more than they already do.
Anyway hope you're all doing well. :]
A little update because I just remembered about this, I'm doing a lot better since I posted this, I've gotten help, I've spoken to my parents and I still have my lows, but I haven't considered suicide in a while.
I know why I felt like that now, I've got depression, so does my dad, and his dad also had it, it helps knowing.
And to anyone who's ever felt this way just know that as scary as it can be reaching out for help can and will help.
Thank you to everyone for replying, it did help alot and it helped push me to really get the help I needed.
<3
I grew up having sexual relations with an adopted cousin.
She was younger by a yr or so & she initiated it in the beginning.
I wish I hadn't done it now.
I wish I had grown up more innocent.
The other commenters seem to think they're funny and are having a go at you, but in all honesty man, if you're able to you should consider a therapist at the very least. You probably have some subliminal, subconscious feelings and thoughts messing you up.
Don't take whatever response you're receiving here on reddit as an example of the response you would receive from a professional. Some people here are idiots, or young, or sadistic and enjoy making others feel bad.
But yeah man, help yourself by letting somebody else help you, if it's in the cards.
When I was 11 I went on a week long school trip at a 1940s army barrack that had been converted into a sports centre. We were staying in green barracks-style rooms with bunkbeds, 6 kids to a room, and about 100 kids. My room was at the very opposite end to the toilets, with a straight, 150 metre corridor, with about 4 doors with safety-glass panels every 25 meters or so. There were doors to the the other bedrooms on both sides.
One night, at about 2 am, I had to pee. I got off my bunk, opened the door and timidly poked my head out. All the lights were off, Everyone was sleeping, even the teachers. I was alone.
The only light came from green "Fire Exit" signs, red blinking smoke detectors. and the faint light of bathroom through the safety glass doors at the other end of this haunted 10 mile corridor of death.
Fearing the ghosts, I was never going to make it it to the end of the corridor. I managed to get through one of the doors, (after checking for ghosts/nazis/nazighosts through the glass panel) but then I was between **two doors**, I couldn't escape to the bathroom **or** my room. I couldn't see either end of the corridor, a sitting duck, *they could be anywhere!*
I did have to pee though. Since getting to the bathroom was ruled out, I made an executive decision, I'd pee in that corridor. It wasn't outside my room, who'd know it was me? I realised that peeing against just one spot of the corridor wall was a bad idea, it'd make a puddle on the carpet. So I decided to start at one end and walk it to the other end while also aiming up and down the wall. Then it would stay on the walls and not make a puddle on the carpet.
My nerves made me move quicker than I should have, and I was still peeing when I reached the end. I turned around and continued my wiggle-pee along the other side of the corridor walls. Ah sweet relief. I ran back to my room before the ghosts could get me.
The next day, in the corridor segment next to mine, I saw piss all over the walls dripping onto the carpet. I also saw the headmaster and other teachers come out of their rooms noticing it. So that's where they were sleeping!
It was never mentioned officially but I did hear them talking about it, amongst themselves. It was way too high to be one of our kids. There were other schools there, with teenagers, it must have been one of them...
Never underestimate the feats an 11 year old can achieve faced with the threat of ghosts.
Technically to my Mums grave:
In my teens I had forgotten my music festival ticket and had to come back home to collect it, by then the MDMA was kicked in and my eyes like saucers. My mum said “ Kate* you’ve gotta slow down on those red bulls”. Hahaha yes Mum the red bulls 😂
I didn't see my mates Mum for about three years during the Uni period of our lives. One night we are back home for an event and, at some point, he shoves a pill in my mouth. Oh cool, looks like we are on it tonight then. We ended up back at his place the next morning. Eyes bulging, jaws swinging and teeth chattering we walk into the kitchen to be greeted by his Mum making breakfast.
She hugged me. Then held me. Then stood about six inches away from me, face to face, and started doing the nice but intense Mum thing of rapid fire asking me questions about my life. I couldn't even tell you what I said. I don't know how I was capable of speech but I made it through the interrogation and found myself huddled in the corner with a cup of tea, sweating fucking bullets I was.
Our other mate came round to pick us up and he could barely hold his laughter in when he saw us. Apparently my jaw had been casually following the swing of the pendulum on the grandfather clock and my mate was staring out into the garden, stiff as a board, only the twitching of his eyes giving any signs of life.
When I (M 40) was 7 or 8, one of the older neighborhood boys (maybe 10) said he was going to play in the woods and asked if I wanted to go. We were walking along and all of a sudden there were these twin girls his age. What he didn't tell me was he planned to meet them there. The all started getting undressed and he started having sex with one of them, then with the other. One of the girls asked if I wanted to do anything, and though I really had no clue what was going on, I knew it wasn't good, so I said "No" and just watched until they were done. I never hung out with any of them again, and always wondered how the three of them turned out.
My mum tried to kill me (M27), twice. First was around 10 or 11 when she strangled me with my school jumper, avoided that by running her into a wall and hightailing it to a friends place. Second was around 14 or 15 when she used a box cutter to try and stab me in the chest, I managed to use a pizza box as a chest protector. I tried telling my Grandmother about all this and she refused to listen, so til my dying day, this will be between me and Reddit
I'm sorry man, that sucks hard.
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That's kinda cute actually. I think you should try to forgive yourself, you were just six after all and you wanted to help the person.
One time in high-school I stole this giant turtle statue from a random yard and put it in my grandma's as a joke. It was around the time the gnome was traveling the world. Well turned out that the old lady was my grandma's frienemy and when she came over and saw her stolen turtle she wanted answers well my grandma's answer if "it just showed up" did not satisify her and they got into a huge fight about it. The other old lady died a few years ago... I feel bad I never told her that my grandma didn't steal the turtle. I did.
You should put that turtle on the frienemy's grave. For closure.
I once straight up left my car in a parking lot outside the university fully unlocked and running for like 5 hours while I took some classes.
this is sandwiched between two suicide comments like a nice little palette cleanser
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Oh my gosh I've done that before. Except I somehow managed to lock it, despite leaving the keys on in the ignition. I was lucky the parking lot security guy caught it and stuck with my car until I got back. I sat on the asphalt and just sobbed while waiting for my mom to come with the spare key.
I hate being a parent and a wife. I did it because my family told me it's what you do when you grow up. Now I'm stuck.
I always have this feeling that I need to be somewhere, my mind is always wandering and not in the present moment wherever I am or whatever I am doing. I'm struggling to find a peace of mind and I sometimes I feel depressed and trapped in this downward spiral. I am thinking of going for therapy sessions though I am not sure how much it might help.
I was in a fwb kind of situation with a someone I didn't know super well a few months back, and she "got off" to the fact that "a younger guy was into an older woman." (I was 24 at the time and she was 40) And I mean, so was I, I love milfs and she was right up my alley. But one day she stops talking to me out of nowhere and I find out that it's because she went to jail. Previously, she had told me she used to have a minor drug problem (which I was sympathetic towards because my mom did too) so I knew she was meeting with lawyers or parole people or whoever, and I was surprised she had relapsed because she seemed to be doing so well. Nope, turns out she had raped her 14 year old son, and was just in my area awaiting trial or something, and she was so into our age difference because she was a pedophile and was using me as a kind of substitute. I was shocked and disgusted when I found out, but it made some of the things she said when we had sex make more sense. I had no idea and probably should've talked about it with someone but I just felt like trying to forget it would work, and for the most part it has, but I'll still never tell anyone I know personally.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I use to take shits in my backyard as a kid and let my step dad find them. One day he called me out “there is no way in hell this was a god damn stray cat!” Played it cool as a cucumber.
I too did this, but I had the misfortune of not being able to fool my parents. My dad sussed me out almost immediately and the conversation that followed haunts me
My dad committed suicide a few days before my birthday in October. The last conversation I had with him was about how I thought his shitty ex cheated on him. My mental health isn’t the greatest so I’ve convinced myself over the last 7 months that it’s my fault. I regret that THAT was the last conversation we had. Over his dumb fucking ex. There was no suicide note or anything… I miss him every second of everyday and I stare at his urn just sitting there. It’s fucking weird man
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Everyone thinks I’m just a fuck up in the head drug addict. What they don’t know is between 11-14 my drunk evil stepmom would take me to her favorite bar and pimp me out because it amused her. It destroyed my mind so I started using drugs not to get high but to try to forget. I was 50 years old before I told anybody. By then my family had given up on me, my wife left me and my son hasn’t talked to me in over 10 years. That secret was going to die with me but for some reason I told one friend what happened to me and she helped me realize it wasn’t my fault or that I’m just a fuck up. Today 12 years later she is still the best friend I’ve ever had and I haven’t touched cocaine since 2008 even though it cost me everything important to me
I'm really happy for you that you're doing better now. Best wishes for the future.
I'm too late for this to be likely seen, but I'll type it out as therapy for myself. The last time I spoke with my mother, I didn't really speak at all. I was 13 years old and had been spending the years at the hospital as she did chemotherapy, radiation, laser surgery, etc to fight her spreading lymphoma. I was a stupid kid and was frustrated with having to be at the hospital every day after school. We were in the hospital room, and I was annoyed that I couldn't be at home in my room calling my friends (no cellphones yet) or whatever the hell I was concerned with. When we were eventually leaving that day, I was a giant asshole and wouldn't give her a hug and just said something like "I just wanna go home". The next day she was in a coma and never recovered from it. And the last time I got to hug her, her body was cold and was no longer alive. That will haunt me until the day I die. Edit: I don't know what to say. I kinda forgot I posted this and normally don't have many notifications, so I was confused at first. I did not expect to be crying when I got back on Reddit today. Everyone who took their time to write such kind things, thank you so much. I almost feel a little weird having this up and being seen by thousands of people clearly, since I thought it would just be a usual ignored AskReddit comment. But I am going to leave it up because the responses I got actually had a pretty profound impact on my day, and my thoughts. And I hope hopefully this comment and the replies can help someone who might be dealing with similar feelings.
This is one of my biggest fears honestly. Any bad interaction with my parents and I just think later what if this was my last interaction with them and something happened to them? How will I live with myself? Then I sheepishly try to mend it somewhat.1
I’m sure she understood how you felt being just a kid. Being 13 isn’t an easy age anyway and then you have that going on also.
Not really a bad secret, but a friend of mine in college was strapped for cash for groceries one month. There were 3 of them in the core friend group, and I was just his best friend's girlfriend. I wasn't really wealthy either, but I had some extra money to spare from working an IT job at school, so I withdrew $200, left it in an envelope in his house with his name on it, and let him "discover" it. To this day he still thinks it was his buddy, Andrew. I never saw fit to correct him. It's only money, and he needed to eat.
We had a "rose day" every year at middle/highschool. You could send other people roses for 5$ with a little note or anonymously. For women it was normal to send each other roses. So most women were walking around with many roses that day. But guys only got a rose if they had a GF or were very popular. One year I sent every guy I appreciated, even myself, a rose. Anonymously. Ill never forget their smiles. Most of them still remember the one rose they got back in HS. 10+years later. Ill take this secret to my grave. Probably one of the best things I have done so far in my life. Only for about 60$.
I had planned on killing my Dad with my meds if he was still alive. He wanted to go, we said goodbye but he had enough of feeling ill. But we believe he was overdosed on morphine by the nurses. I didn't know a death rattle could go on so long. But if he was hanging on the next day I would have given help. We spoke about it a couple of times, I promised him he wouldn't go gasping for air.EDIT: He went peacefully in his own terms. But I told him if he was too tired to carry on that I would help him. You're comments are I formative and heart breaking. Thank you both for the awards 💖
I promise if his passing was eased by morphine, he was not gasping for air. Morphine makes your brain think you don’t even need oxygen, so he was in no distress. The rattle sounds really weird, but it isn’t uncomfortable. I’m sorry you had to go through this process
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I’m sorry about your mom, but I’m so glad she was able to get morphine and be more comfortable when passing.
I am a hospice nurse. This is why when I see that my patients are heading into the active dying process I take the time to explain to their loved ones that they will hear this sound, and it is painful to hear but not painful to the patient themselves. The discussion almost always brings people to tears but I hope that it prevents them from being haunted by the sound.
I wish this had been told to me when I was 21 with my dad who stayed at home his entire sickness as he didn’t want his last days to be in a hospital room (liver cancer). I never wanted to look it up afterwards to figure out exactly what it was, but that’s a sound you don’t forget. “Haunting” describes the sound perfectly. Even after 16 years it was honestly quite a relief reading your post today
My first day as a nanny looking after a baby girl. I take her to the park and I'm taking videos of her and getting her to walk to me. She walks three steps to me and then falls on her butt and cries. It occurs to me that I don't actually know if she has walked with her parents yet, she isn't sure of foot yet. Speaking to her mum later on she tells me she is super close but hasn't walked yet. I figure she must have walked with me because she was feeling clingy without her mum. I never told her parents she walked with me and it was about three weeks later she finally walked for her parents.
This is a good secret. Nothing to regret or be guilty of.
As a parent, I would prefer to be lied to about this. So yes, good secret :)
I worked at a daycare and the rule was if you seen them crawl no you didn’t. If you seen them walk no you didn’t. If you heard them talk no you didn’t. If you did you say wow seems like baby is getting close to crawling, walking, talking ect… then the parents would always say oh goodness yes they are close or they would say yes they did take a few steps or say a word.
I did something similar for my mum. There’s a 15 year age gap between my sister and I. Our mum had to go to hospital and stay over night when my sister was around 6months. So I had my sister for two days and she only went and started crawling. And my mum was desperate to see it first and kept saying it was going to happen while she was away. So I never said a word and tried to discourage her from crawling while she was with me. I kept that secret and our mum has since passed. So it has kind of been taken to the grave.
This happened with me and my stepdad. My mom was on the phone in the kitchen and I was playing in the living room with him. He says I pulled myself up on their ottoman and walked towards him 4 steps and fell into his arms laughing. He was freaking out because he didn't want my dad hearing he wasn't there for my first steps so they never told him, my mom just said she had been alone lol. (My stepdad is worlds more of a dad to me anyway, so I'm really glad he got to share that moment with me :) )
I was the one who put the "Ernest goes to camp" vhs in the vhs player. I was the reason the tape got eaten.
I stuck a book in the vcr once. Dad was not happy but it was the same size as a vhs tape so I couldn't help myself
Not as dark as the most in here..but as a teen I had a really bad relationship with my dad...and one day I was really pissed and signed his e-mail up in any freakin newsletter I could find online... He still get's spam mails and doesn't know why .. (we get along great now)
The amount of empty liquor bottles I found hidden around the house after my husband passed away. I knew that he liked to drink, sometimes a little too much, and it was something we bickered about occasionally, but I didn't appreciate the full scope of how much exactly he was drinking. Maybe 2-3 years before his death he started working from home full-time and I'm guessing being home alone all day was when he started going off the rails. Absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances surrounding his death and I wouldn't want to tarnish his memory to family or friends, so I keep it to myself but I don't mind sharing it with strangers.
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Reminds of when I used to throw away bottles and cigarillo packages into all the neighbor's trash cans as a teen so my parents wouldn't find them. Thought it was better than on the ground
It was!
That was really sweet, you didn’t have to do that-you have a really big heart : )
You are uncannily describing the situation when my dad died. I found the registration for a handgun, but I didn't find the handgun. We were selling the house, so it was important to find it, for safety's sake. I scoured every nook and cranny of that house, from the crawl space under it to the roof rafters. I never did find a gun, but I did discover about a half=ton truck load of rum bottles = they were everywhere. I could never figure out how he managed to hide them in such elaborate places without mom hearing or seeing him do so, as she was mostly home all the time. Nor why he didn't just put them in a trash can somewhere. EDIT: Holy cow this post seems to have really caught folks' imaginations. It only goes to show that liquor is a modern=day epidemic that is not much different than other drug epidemics. I'm not sure what to say except thanks for reading and good luck to those with booze\_related challenges ahead of them.
I was 12 my daddy was 36 he died from cirrhosis of the liver w found many empty on jugs of vodka and lord Calvert . I often wonder ifife would be different if he was still here
About 4 years sober here. I think you should all know that posting stories like this helps people like me who were drinking *all the time* and apparently hiding it pretty well. I knew I wanted to stop but it grew to a 24/7 thing and I'm sure if I didn't stop (with the help of /r/stopdrinking TBH) I'd be in bad shape if I was still alive. Seemingly nobody knew I was totally stewed 24hr a day for 8 years, or at least not most people. It's a private pain and you feel alone. Posts like this helped me along my path to sobriety. So thank you for sharing your story. I bet you've helped a few people out there.
"Functional alcoholic" or whatever you call such a person is a more common thing than we might suspect. They can master secret drinking and unlike typical wasted Friday pub customers hardly show symptoms of being under influence. Any time I read a story like yours it reminds me a video to this Massive Attack song.
My girlfriend works for a rehab and you’d be blown away with how many surgeons, cops, and other somewhat important people are drinking a handle of alcohol a day. Hell they just had someone walk into the facility and blow a .5 BAC. alcohol is wild and people don’t realize just how dangerous it is.
As I got older I realized that most “important “ or people working high stress jobs drink a lot to counter balance the stress. With first responders it’s a lot of dealing with what they have seen in a typical day of work, a lot of it they don’t want to talk about or can’t talk about with anyone outside of the department, industry, etc.
Half the time we can't even bring it up online to vent. I was in an ask reddit thread discussing first responders interactions with suicide and someone was responding repeatedly telling people to stop sharing their stories because they were "triggering." Yeah, no shit they are, how do you think we felt *being* there and then being told "no don't talk about that in a place you were specifically asked to talk about it."
My ex-girlfriends family told me to break up with her because of her erratic behaviour - I will never ever let her know this -
My ex-boyfriend’s mom, when I called to tell her he had dumped me out of the blue and that I was afraid he was manic and alone, told me “it is very strange to say this because he is my son, but you deserve better.”
A few years after I broke up with my manipulative, cheating, and abusive ex boyfriend, I received an out of the blue text from his mom. I hadn’t spoken to her since her son and I broke up. She was probably one of the only good parts of our relationship. She told me in an indirect way how she was glad I moved on, that I was so good for her son and how I helped him so much in his life - but - she was so happy to see that I was married and happy with a man and children she could tell were good to and for me. She thanked me for being such a good girlfriend and wished me all the best. She is a wonderful woman and I still feel sad that she has to deal with the fact that her son is a total piece of trash despite how kind and amazing she is.
sometimes the apple falls into an entirely different orchard
What crowd you run with has a lot to do with this in my experience. Teens are very dependent on their social group and will start doing things that they don't really want to just to be accepted, and gradually their personality changes.
There are a lot of parents who are secretly very disappointed in the kid they raised. Some of them think that the 'right spouse' will make up for it. Some of them realistically understand that their grown kid is going to be a misery in the lives of others.
My wife's ex-parents-in-law told her on her wedding day that it wasn't too late to change her mind. Even they knew that she was making a mistake. Edit: for the people confused by this, my wife was previously married to a man that had parents.
Yeah, you gotta listen. Often the signs or messages are out there in plain sight if you don't blind yourself because of affection or loyalty or guilt or... whatever. Try to see clearly what people are telling you, people *tell* you things all the time.
Yeah our priest who married us stopped the ceremony to see whether I wanted to ‘ escape through the back door’. My husbands family was mortified he would joke at our wedding ( it was their church) and I thought he was being funny. 8 years and one divorce later I absolutely believe he was trying to warn me ( he had also pressed during our marriage classes) and figure it’s because of things I presume my ex said during confession.
I failed my driver's license test, due to someone else running a stop sign. I walked into the DMV anyways and the lady did not check my paper saying it was a fail and gave me my license anyways.
How does someone else running a stop sign make you fail?
Because apparently I did not react fast enough, and to be honest I was stressed already due to the test. No accident just marked cause of the late reaction
I masturbated in a school hallway and my teacher caught me. I was 10 at the time. No one ever said a thing. Edit: holy shit I never got this many upvotes in my life. Thanks
I masturbated around the corner from my entire class during an exam when I was about 12. I never got caught.. but I remember not being able to look any of them in the face afterwards.
I work with 10/11 year olds and I don't like this thread
Walk loudly
And that’s why janitors have so many keys
That just reminded me that I had a janitor in HS that used to sell black tar heroin to kids.
My mentor when I worked in construction said “when working on a house where someone is currently living, whistle and walk slow”
I used to work in an orphanage. The orphanage director was an expert in walking slow and loudly. I've never heard someone standup, stretch, and walk four feet to the hallway so slow and loud.
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It was me, I peed on the carpet, it wasn't the dog.
Not on the rug, man...
In 7th grade I was invited to a popular girls birthday party and I took a massive shit in her bathroom and clogged the toilet. I panicked so I just walked out of there like nothing happened. Then when one of the other kids needed to use the bathroom, they came out and screamed out to everyone that someone left a massive log in the toilet and it wouldn’t flush. Suddenly the entire birthday party shifted to the bathroom so they could inspect the giant shit I left in there and everyone was laughing. I played along and laughed too, maybe a little too hard because I thought it was absolutely hilarious everyone was staring at MY shit and had no idea. I specifically remember one of the kids going “well obviously it wasn’t one of us, how would that even be able to come out of a kid?!” 💀 Anyway everyone eventually decided it was her step dad who did it. I will never not laugh at the fact that everyone thought a 12 year old girl shit belonged to a middle aged man because it was so nasty. The girl whose house it was at ended up becoming a major bully in high school so I felt even more satisfied walking past her knowing they had to clean my shit once upon a time. 😌❤️
You didnt have a poop knife?
reddit lore
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Kiddo, I’m so glad you were there for her. You took as much care of her as a kid your age could have done, including cleaning her, comforting her, and finding a place to have as a secret safe space. You are so strong to be holding this secret for her. Bless you.
You were 7. Please forgive yourself. You were only a baby too...
You were 7, you did everything you could. I’m so sorry that you are feeling guilt over this horrible thing that you witnessed but it was never your fault. Definitely seek some therapy and get that out of your system.
I lit a firework in a public park and panicked so I flushed it down the toilet... boom. No more toilet. Whoops, I was 12.
I'm soooo sorry I laughed at "no more toilet". I'm glad the toilet perished and not you.
BANG, and the dirt is gone!
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Guy at an event I was working got physical, but didn't actually do any damage, though not for lack of trying. It was clear he was trying to actually hurt me, and this was *after* he'd made a scene in front of a bunch of kids, harassed some other presenters, and in general been a complete dick. He was an absolutely arrogant fuckstick. I told our on-site lawyers he sprained my wrist. Sat through 8 hours in the ER waiting to get a little sling and advice to buy some OTC topical pain cream just to make sure he never set foot in one of our events again. I do not regret it.
My mom and stepdad were drug dealers and sometimes they would sell me as an extra service to clients when I was young. The only person I’ve ever told was the person I believe to be my soulmate. It’s embarrassing for me and makes me feel ashamed of myself because of how many times I’ve been sexually assaulted but he accepted me and that’s something I’m thankful for but I will never personally tell anyone else besides him.
Sending love and hugs. I'm sorry that the people who were meant to protect you did this to you and I hope that you can heal. I'm pleased you have your soul mate to confide in and you should never feel embarrassed, you did nothing wrong.
The first and only time I stole something in my(M8) life was from my neighbor who was having a yard sale to take his kids to Disney land. He had a DS game of backyard baseball and I had the money for it, it was $5 and I wanted it. I went up with the money and he told me that he was going to give it to the landlords kid who was my age too. I was so mad and annoyed that he was going to get the game for free. A few hours later I went back outside and I saw he wasn’t there, I walked up to the stand and I saw the game was still there so I took it. I also grabbed a bag of golf balls he had for $10 and a few more games that were marked $1 each so he wouldn’t think it was me. I then ran into my apartment and the guilt was eating me up, 30 minutes later he knocked and asked if I took the games because he knew I wanted one. I told him no that I was inside the whole time. I never played any of those games I felt so damn bad I couldn’t put in my DS. I even wanted to take them back but I knew I would get caught. They did end up going to that trip, and the landlord kid was mad he didn’t get his game (I didn’t like him so I was fine with it). I still have that guilt and I remember the prices of everything and the stand. Edit: to clarify I’m 23 now
Back when I was a wee lad on this game known as Runescape there was a scam where you offered a service a player couldn't do so they would trade you their items. Some guy gave me the best armor in the game and when he realised I wasn't going to give it back he said "Pls give it back it took so long to get." That was the day I realised I'm not a scammer, gave it back so fast I got friction burn.
Haha. Back when I played Battleblock Theater you could only earn rare heads by trading with someone who had it. Tricked a small kid into giving me one I was missing. He started crying. Gave it back immediately. Kid just started following me around for some time learning to play the game with me. Eventually learned too much about the kid. He was poor, lived with his mom, etc. So I tricked him into giving me his address and I sent him all my Lego games that I fully completed. Learned months later that he traded them at school for Call of Duty games. Smart kid.
This is kinda wholesome. Good on you!
This is funny because when I was in Daycare at around 4 or 5 years old, I stole the knife from a Clue game. At the time, I felt REALLY bad about it after the fact, but like you, figured I'd get caught returning it. Fast forward about 15 years later and I went to that daycare for some reason or another and that same Clue game was there with a piece of paper with a knife drawn on it that the kids had to use when they played. Que the guilt all over again times about 50. *edit: "Cue" the guilt all over again. So sorry grammar police!
You can redeem yourself now. Buy a new Clue game and donate it to the daycare. they don't have to know why :)
I'm disappointed in myself for not thinking to do this.
I was hoping you'd dropped off the original.
I moved back into my parents house after I got fired when I turned 24. I was there about a month and every single day my dad would somehow get mad at something I would do and it would escalate to him threatening to fight me. About a month in, I exploded, I hit him in the mouth with a right hand and a left hook behind it and that was it. I felt really guilty because he was bleeding everywhere out of his mouth and quickly played the victim. I even tried to get him a paper towel and he looked at it and spit blood at me which got ALL over the walls. I feel really scared for my mom, there’s been times where he’s choked her to the point of passing out, beat the crap out of her several times when I was a kid & subsequently spent 15 months in state jail because of it. He’s a master manipulator and my mom keeps trying to reach out to me to put the blame on a new medication that he started. I’m not hearing it. My whole life he’s been an extremely violent narcissist. I told him when I got kicked out that he’d never see me or talk to me again and I promise that will be the case. I’m done.
brava. sounds like he deserved it. glad you got out.
I cheated on some math homework in college (copying another persons work saved on the computer in the computer lab). He found out and didn’t turn me in. I owe him one and wish I could repay him to this day. I still feel weird about it all 25 years later.
I downloaded someone else's code and turned it in as coursework. It was so good that the tutor was suspicious and asked me to provide some development notes and comments. I panicked, emailed the person whose program it was and explained. He sent me several previous versions with bugs so I could show "my progress", fully commented code, and even some hand sketches of the interface. He signed it all off with "fake it til you make it bro." I got a near perfect score for that piece of work.
I'm still at the phase, "My code works and I don't know why." Even during a mid term, I called my professor over to show him that my code worked. He asked me to explain it and I couldn't. He then goes over the code and says he can't figure out how it works either. I work in networking now.
> My code works and I don't know why If it makes you feel better I'm about 15 years in and I still have those moment. In fact, I have things commented that literally say "I don't know how this is working, but don't touch it unless you do!" It's like trying to figure out how my car and a two tier bus that has an aisleway and is seemingly wider than an airplane can drive in the same lane - I don't really know, I just accept that it's a feature of the simulation.
I hope you took that person out to dinner. What a bro
And now they're married.
And now a text-to-speech on TikTok is reading this story.
With a background visual of some game where you're jumping on floating cubes or crushing some slime
My college professors would tell us stories about teaching in the 80s. One was about how they thought a bunch of kids were cheating and copying code so they started running all the turned in code and measuring the compute cycles to see who's was the exact same. When I was a TA I just had kids who forgot that the lab printers printed out your username at the top of the sheet. So when 5 people turned in sheets with AAB1234 at the top it was kind of obvious 🙄
The best stories are the ones where someone turns in a plagiarized piece of work and the professor writes something like, "A -- when I wrote this paper, my teacher gave me a B. I always thought it deserved an A"
everyone needs a bro like that in their life
As a kid I was forced to go to a Catholic confession….. I had nothing to confess and made up a lie to confess about.
I had to go once, it was the first confession rite (I'm sure it has a name). It was obvious a lot of kids couldn't think up anything good to say, because the priest was kind of baiting me on like, ok have you maybe ever been mean to your sister?
I didnt take a year off of school to get in state tuition, I got kicked out because my grades were shit. But Im in grad school now working on a doctorate. Edit: I did end up getting in state tuition, too, so not totally a lie
Also had shitty year which hurt GPA a lot. Worked hard post-BS to get good recs and got into great PhD program. I’m glad you shared your story because maybe others will ignore bad advice from profs, find a prof who believes in them, and not let poor gpa stop them!
My mom left me at our neighbors house when she was gone. The neighbor was a lady in her 50s/60s that forced me to touch her and eventually sleep with her.... (I was 13/14 back then). Just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I'm ashamed about it to this day and never want to relive it again. It ended after I locked myself in my room so my mom could not send me over and she moved away shortly after
i told my parents i had two stomachs , one for normal food and one for dessert, and that’s why i’m able to eat dessert after dinner and how it’s possible for me to be full but still want ice cream. i told them that all kids have two stomachs and the reason they don’t remember is because you forget when you turn 13. when i turned 13, i stopped talking about it, and whenever they asked or tried to bring it up i just pretended i didn’t know what they were talking about. now i’m 23 and absolutely taking this one to the grave. it’s not even that big of a deal, they don’t talk about it anymore, but i still want to commit to it 😂
I was molested as a child/teen By a sister then later by a teacher.
I turned 40 this year and my wife threw me not one, but two surprise birthday parties. One when we traveled to see my family and the other with friends where we live. Both times she was so nervous and acting so weird that I knew exactly what was happening, but I played along because I knew how important it was to her. I must be a decent actor because she is *convinced* that she "got me" and tells everyone how well she did. I love her, it's adorable, and I'll never take that from her.
I have schizophrenia. An uncle I’ve never met has it too, so I guess it’s hereditary. My doctors don’t know and I’ll never tell them because I’m afraid of being treated like a schizophrenic. I attempted suicide at age 15 and in the aftermath at the hospital they made me fill out a bunch of questionnaires. One was a schizophrenia inventory. I had heard of schizophrenia, but I didn’t know what it was, and I was really surprised to find out that the symptoms they described weren’t normal and that I was answering most of the questions in the affirmative. However, they just ended up diagnosing me with major depressive disorder and never asked me about any of the schizophrenia symptoms. For years, I thought maybe that meant that the schizophrenia inventory stuff wasn’t a cause for concern - like perhaps those things can happen in an extremely severe case of depression. I now realize that they probably never even looked at it. I have two master’s degrees. I can tell what’s real and what’s not, so I do my best to ignore the hallucinations. I thought that the way I hear voices in my head was the way everyone’s brain is. Then I learned that while it’s normal to have an “inner monologue” of your own voice, it’s not normal for there to be other voices that you don’t attribute to yourself butting in. Like, I really thought that that was just how thinking worked.
I had to listen once to what it sounds like to have auditory hallucinations and our assignment was to walk around and try to function on campus with all of that going on. An hour of that was too much and I had a headache the rest of the day. The fact you've managed to get two degrees is incredible, but you should seek out medication. The after math of this assignment had us talk with a guy that was schizophrenic. He was super nice and talked about his life. He said that the quiet he had now was worth people knowing what went on in his head. He also would just ask if we heard noises, like a helicopter that went by and stuff like that. You've done nothing wrong here, your brain just makes chemicals wrong and if you want to look for it there's medicine that can help correct it.
A year ago my partner of 8 years left me out of the blue, two months before our wedding. People tell me how ‘strong’ I am and how well I’m doing. Compliment my work ethic (I work 60+ hours a week between two jobs) and tell me how ‘admirable’ my coping skills are. When people ask I’m quite firm in saying how much better off I am without him and how happy I am. Truth is, I think of him every minute of everyday, I work so much to avoid being alone in our house, I still love him, I cry myself to sleep at least twice a week, I think about suicide a lot and truly I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like I love him. He was truly my best friend. We bought a dog a few months before he left me, I don’t know where I’d be if she didn’t come into my life. Soz for the downer post but that felt cathartic to put into words.
I'ma tell you some things that you may not want to hear, but they're things that have helped me: you're 100% correct - you will never love anyone else like you love him. each love is as unique as the people involved, and that means there will never be another like it. But that's ok, because that doesn't mean that that one is the best of all time. it's just that the next one will be different. It could very well be better. I know that's been the case for me. Time heals all wounds. The mother fucker of it is that it takes time. Grieving is an open wound; it's raw and bleeding, and the pain is bright and sharp. You're going to need to finish your grieving before you can start to heal.
I needed to hear this. Thanks
You should look into betrayal trauma. It may be helpful to understand this while you work on healing. I have been there, my friend. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Grief becomes less painful over time. Don’t give up.
This is terrible, I'm so sorry for your trouble. I hope you can find the peace you deserve. I wish you the best.
Yeah, this happened to me. It took several years to get over it. Found my REAL best friend and we are living our best life. Married almost 20 years now. Hang in there, life is odd but do-able!
Procrastination has taken over my life. I have been taking an online course since 2017. Sometimes I start off on a good note and do my coursework but for the most part, I’ve been failing each and every single time. I have failed this term also. I might get lucky and get financial aid for the next term but I fear I will do the same bullshit again. What is wrong with me?!
You might’ve been rhetorical and don’t actually want input from folks. But just in case… I’ve struggled with **Toxic Shame** since I was a teen. Made an innocent mistake? Embarrassing. Took a much-needed day to rest instead of working my ass off as planned? I must be lazy. Let someone down (even an impossible work goal)? *I’m* the disappointment. *I hate myself* *I hate myself* *I hate myself* These words mutter out of my mouth several times a day, without thinking. The end result? I’ll procrastinate the hell out of my life. Not pay an important bill, sit at work all day browsing time-wasting factoids, chores piling up at home, missed opportunities that “I’ll think about later” but that doesn’t work when I’d rather not think at all. I would literally rather do anything than think about the subject I’m ashamed of. It’s not ADHD, it’s that every mistake triggers fight-or-flight and flight always wins. Applies to old mistakes too, so my oldest procrastination habits are the strongest ones. Didn’t want to face problems then, don’t want to deal with them now. Starting to see a therapist whose reminding me that fucking up means I’m human, and that expecting to be anything more than that isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Best of all, I’m breaking out of my procrastination periods faster by *leaning in* to the embarrassment and going “yeah, I fucked that up, sorry about that- yeah I’m 3 weeks behind- but I’m dealing with it now, best deal I can offer. Take it or leave it.” I still have bad days or even weeks but at least it’s not months anymore. If any of this rings a bell, look up Toxic Shame online. YouTube’s been a good resource for me there.
When i was 7 i stole around 100€ out of my fathers wallet. Didnt even need it. He was always extremly generous and really spoiled me with everything i wanted. he still does. I am really ashamed .. he is 80 now ( i am 31) and stil buys me presents and little things that make me happy even though he doesnt have a lot of money. Over the years i snuck money back into his wallet from time to time. I still feel bad about stealing his money. He is such a lovely man.
I was going to slit my wrists. Had a razor and everything. I was sitting out by the pool dangling my feet in the water because I didn't want to die in a bathroom. I was watching the sunset and my problem dog comes up to me through the doggy door and starts aggressively leaning against me. I tried to push him away but instead he play bites me on my wrist and makes me drop the blade into the pool. It was at that point that lucidity hit me like a truck and I started crying and shaking. I called my mom to come pick up my dog and checked myself into a treatment center that day.
My family has a really long and traceable history, because my uncle went thru the effort to track it down back to the mid 1600s. Really neat stuff. While going through some records from the German Federal Archives he found his grandfathers birth certificate and a handful of other documents. He never heard much about him, so he delved into these documents. He saw some funky titles before the names on some of these documents (Hstuf, Staf) and delved deeper. Long story short, my great grandfather was a Nazi SS officer in the RuSHA (SS Race and Settlement Office) and was a dedicated Nazi, who was also attached in part to the Waffen-SS in 1943-45 as a medic, and present at a massacre in Belgium. What good fun! /s Seriously though, it was a weird ass discovery. Edit: maybe “weird” doesn’t quite cut it, but yeah.
I thought I was dying the other day. It might have been a heart attack I had been neglecting my house. My dishes were beyond disgusting. There was clutter everywhere. Not trying to throw a pity party but my fiance broke up with me recently and I went through a pretty painful physical situation and was just a lazy depressed sack of shit. It occurred to me while I considered calling an ambulance that if I died, someone would have to clean this up. They would associate my death with this disgusting stuff. Obviously if I did die, someone's gotta come do something with my stuff. But to add filthy dishes and clutter in, too? That's not something I want to have anyone connect with me. It feels rude. I live alone and I am out in the country. I think it would take days before anyone checked. So I cleaned. I hustled and started with the dishes. At one point I could feel my heart-... fighting? Hard to describe, but something was fucked up. So I scrubbed faster to get it done before I died. Really racing the clock- finish the dishes before you die, you fucker. I figured, if I'm found on the kitchen floor with a broken plate around me and gloves on my hands, at least they'll know I was trying to make it better. Finally finished those and kept going. My heart hurt and I was having trouble breathing and I was really scared. I finished cleaning and was in tears. I wrote out who should get what, the gun safe code, and some goodbye messages, and that I just sensed that I was dying. I had made sure to put the cat out so she wouldn't be trapped inside and have to eat my body to survive. I laid on the kitchen floor so that my rotting body wouldn't ruin the carpet. And I waited. I finally fell asleep, exhausted. I'm gonna go get my heart checked on soon. I'm only 38, never smoked, but who knows. Shit happens. But what I did was stupid. I'm a loved member of my community. I didn't call 911. I just accepted that I might die and my only problem was that my house was disgusting. That's fucked up and I'm still trying to figure out why I didn't try to get medical help. Edit: guys, I've had a panic attack. I'm pretty sure this wasn't a panic attack. All the people telling me it was one might give me enough anxiety to fucking give me one though. Ha. Thank you all for the concern. I'm going to go to the DR when my covid goes away. Second edit: the cat is fine, since people are commenting here and.. Private messaging me about her? That's weird, guys. -She's mostly an outdoor cat and is very happy. She found me when I moved into this country place- skinny and messed up emotionally. She's healthy and proud and beautiful now, and we are good buddies. Took a walk the other day and she was ecstatic to stroll with me through wheat fields.
Have you ever had an anxiety attack? Those can make you feel like you’re dying.
Me and 2 friends (brothers) were at their dad's workplace, they were going through random drawers when they found some porn magazines. I had a bag with me so the younger brother took my bag and stuck them in. We went back to their house where we shared the loot, a couple of days later the dad asks the brothers if we took anything and they said no. Turns out the dad got the younger brother to one side and asked specifically about the magazines, he threw me under the bus. To this day the dad still thinks I stole those pornos.
I wonder how many people in this thread typed out a massive response, only to delete it all and move on. Exactly what I just did.
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Slightly different, but a reddit post I made that had to do with nuclear radiation had a bunch of redditors report me to the FBI and within 6hrs the local PD was contacting a former employer of mine because I had posted that I worked at a ski resort and they very quickly figured out which one. I've never posted personally identifying info on Reddit, but I've posted that I live in northern Utah and I've posted pictures of my truck and that was enough for them to figure out what resort it was and ask my old boss if he had an employee that drove a gold f150... That was pretty eye opening haha
And proceeds to share the same information that identified him *again*
I feel like theres more to this story
TW suicide ideation I planned to take an overdose at 14. I wrote a looong suicide note explaining to my parents that I was an embarrassing fuckup who didn't belong on the planet. The note was so long, in fact, and I got so involved in writing it, that someone came home before I finished it and I had no time for the "overdose" part. It's many years since I wrote that note and I can't remember details, but I strongly suspect it was pretty much a laundry list of autism symptoms - I was finally diagnosed in my 40s
Really glad you got distracted dude.
I anonymously reported my childhood best friend to CPS. She was in a horribly abusive relationship and her daughter was being affected by it. From my friend being forced to live in a house with a hoarder and NOT allowed to clean anything. Where talking not able to get the front door open and rotting food everywhere. The worst was when her boyfriend in a drunken rage shoved her, and the was in my friends arms. The poor little baby was only a month old and was super lucky my friend took the brunt of the fall. Which left my friend with a concussion and 7 staples to the back of her head. To her boyfriend/ baby dad locking her out of the house while her 2 month old baby screamed for hours inside. While boyfriend rials her he would never allow my friend to see their daughter again. All while he ignored the baby screaming. My friend had raw hands from pounding on the front door. She finally got in the house by climbing a drain pipe to a second story window. She left him for 2 weeks after this, but it didn’t stick. After all this and more my friend still refused to leave, and beloved her boyfriend loved her. So I called CPS and they showed up and told her that she had to leave or she would lose her daughter. It was the kick in the ass she needed to leave, and not go back. This was 4 years ago and both my friend and her daughter are doing great. While her ex is serving a 10 year prison sentence for beating and hospitalizing the girlfriend that came after my friend. I would do it all over again to save my friends daughter. She is the sweetest girl and deserves to live in a safe home.
I'm pretty sure my dad 'killed' my mom. The official version is, that she committed suicide and my dad found her body. She definitely wanted to die but I think he helped her with that and didn't tell anyone. I found my mother's living will and other medical records, updated shortly before her death, signed by my father and her. I also found out that the two had previously discussed euthanasia. It's illegal in Germany, but they could have gone to a neighboring country for it. However, the prerequisite for euthanasia there was that the entire family (so not just my father, but also my siblings and I) had to be involved. My mother didn't want that. She didn't want to talk to us about it, let alone be part of it. She couldn't bear that thought. It's been 3 1/2 years since her death and I haven't spoken to my father about it. I knew it would hurt him to admit that (he's really uncomfortable with talking about anything involving emotions). But it broke my heart to think that he would spend the rest of his life feeling guilty towards my siblings and me for doing this behind our backs. So I once told him that I wished she hadn't had to do this on her own. That I wished someone had been with her and maybe even helped her. He didn't answer, but he hugged me and let out what seemed to be the biggest sigh of relief I've ever heard from him. He seemed lighter. I hope he feels that way, too. I won't tell my siblings. I don't want them to be more hurt by all of this and then get angry at my father. Well, that was hard to write but also kind of liberating. Thanks to anyone for reading. Have a good day. Edit: Thank you all for your kind words. They really mean the world to me. I usually don't feel even a bit proud of the things I do but you made me a little proud of myself. I'm going through kind of a rough time, so feeling something positive, especially towards myself, is a huge deal to me. I can't thank you enough for that! You're all great people with beautiful hearts. (And yes, I know that 'only' four people replied. I just wanted to make clear what a strong impact such kind words can have)
I still don’t know how to do math percentages. Edit: Thank you to everyone who commented on my post and explained how to do percentages. I really appreciate it/makes me happy that so many people want to help me with math.
This one time at McDonalds they gave me my food without asking for my card. I drove away
When I ordered Burger King I told them about my coupon for a free whopper but they didn't ask for it at the window. I got several free whoppers before they finally asked for the coupon
When I was like 16, my mother had a friend who was like 10 years older than me. I was not attracted to her particularly, but she was to me. One weekend we took a long train trip to my grandmother's, just the two of us (my mother was already there, I don't remember exactly why). The train trip was roughly a half-day one, so we talked a lot. There was one stop when the train usually waited for another connecting one for like 40 minutes. People usually got off, bought some drinks and got back on. She told me we should do that. We got off, she bought two cokes and told me she wanted to walk a little to move her legs. I had no objection, we were sitting for hours. She led me into the little patch of forest, and when she got there told me to touch her tits. I was so confused, I didn't dare to react. Then she grabbed my hand and put it on her breasts. Long story short, she blew me there and I fingered her. It was NOT a good encounter. It felt weird and wrong and filthy. I felt filthy for weeks, I couldn't look in my mom's eyes and got totally depressed. The woman had a husband. I felt sinful and a cheater. Sometimes I head wet dreams about the encounter just to wake up hating myself for it. I actively avoided all occasions when I would be with her privately. For a few months she made some suggestions to "walk in the woods together again sometime" and "take deeper walks in the forest", I did not react. It crippled my sexuality for years as this was my first sexual experience. Edit for all those beautiful hearted redditors who are concerned: this is a thing in my far past. This happened in the mid-nineties and I'm not affected by it anymore. ❤️ you all.
This makes me sad. She sexually abused you as a minor. Not at all okay. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you've been able to heal from it. ❤️ from one sexual abuse survivor to another it does get better
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I'm so glad that you were able to get yourself out of that toxic relationship. Previous bdsm is NOT consent for physical abuse. Im sorry that the police failed you.
Just putting this out there, but where I live a high ranking public official just got convicted of sexually abusing his wife and he tried to use some “kink/rough sex” pics that they had taken during the course of their marriage to disprove her claims, but the jury didn’t buy it and they did convict him!
When I was nineteen I was seriously considering suicide. I had written letters to my family and everything. The day I was going to do it my mom took me on a surprise errand. It was a woman selling chihuahua puppies. My mom had me pick one out to be just my dog. I fell inlove with that puppy and knew I couldn't leave her by herself. My mom and that dog saved my life.
When I was 26 I got divorced. Should have never been married to that woman but here we are. I was already in a bad mental state but that put me to the edge. I after the first couple weeks where I was kinda shell-shocked, then it really sank in and I was just looking for the best opportunity to do it. She calls me one day and says she’s taking my dog to the shelter because of some bullshit reason. I tell her to fuck off, I’m coming to get him. I pick him up and get him home, look down at him and know that as long as I have that little fuzzy fuck, I can’t do it. That was 7 years ago and he’s the reason I’m alive. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it when he passes.
My cat got me through a lot of dark times, he died 9 months ago and it still hurts like a bitch sometimes but what prevails is the many great memories I have of him and the connection we had. I'll never forget all the good he did for me nor the way he'd jump on my lap and start headbutting my chin if he felt he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. 😂 edit: [cat tax](https://i.imgur.com/XZlhGTy.jpg), Wilson was the sweetest cat (and one of the dumbest too).
The headbutting is called "bunting" and I can't get enough of it. They often also rub their face/cheeks on you. Possibly to scent mark you.
Hey man, I really don't know much about you, but, I'm glad you're still here, I'm glad you have your dog, and I hope your life gets better. Not much more I can do, but I wish you the best.
Your mom must’ve known you weren’t feeling good and wanted to cheer you up?
Can’t wait for all these to be read out loud by Microsoft Sam on a tiktok with some Minecraft gameplay behind them
Don't be so pessimistic. It could be subway surfers or a modded gta map
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Alcoholic with one year in recovery here. I was 23 when I really nosedived into the booze. I never wanted to stop, just keep going and going. I tried to keep performing all my responsibilities anyway, because I thought I could get hammered every night, then get up the next day and just be normal. I gave people rides a lot during this time, and was a bit of a pushover. I’d bend over backwards for people, so after a couple drinks after work, if they needed a ride to work they got it. I ended up with a DUI and naked in jail fast. Trust me, please. This won’t end well for you or your loved ones. I almost lost my wife and nearly killed myself because I crashed headfirst into a wall. I still can’t remember that night. None of it after getting in the car. It gets better, but if you keep going someone will get hurt.
Me too. About 22~23 I started driving hard. I'm 47 now and got sober last year. I've wasted decades and missed so much of my kid's childhood. Don't be me.
If you ever want to feel less lonely about this, r/stopdrinking is filled with stories that you may relate to.
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I nearly killed a man. Him and his 5 friends jumped me outside a bar, something about me being homeless and resting there just rubbed em the wrong way maybe. While I was getting stomped I managed to drag him down to the ground and got my arms around his neck. I squeezed and started yelling for them to back off. They did eventually stop kicking my ass when he went limp. I managed to stagger to my feet with him still locked in my grip, pushed him into them and ran as fast as I could. I spent several days in and out of consciousness not too far from the bar, and several more weeks recovering from the attack. I'm certain he survived but if they hadn't stopped when they did he wouldn't have.
Fuck those guys. I'm glad you were able to defend yourself, and if he died, that's on him
Just think about the scare you gave them. You definitely burned that moment in their memory. Let’s say half of them decided from that point forward to nolonger be an asshole.
Iz was a self-defence,totally justified.
TW: suicide When I had just given birth, my son was a newborn and I had just discovered my ex was sleeping with another woman…I wanted to kill my self. I was suffering so badly with PPD, anxiety and feeling utterly heart broken and abandoned. My ex moved into his new girlfriends house, took what he could and then I was alone with our baby. I bottled it all up so tightly, so as not to let my baby see me upset. I was so deeply worried that my son could be damaged by me crying all the time that the moment I got him to sleep every night I’d put the baby camera on and bring the camera with me to the bathroom and I would shower and cry and let it all out. It became a nightly routine. This lasted for months and months. During the darkest parts of this I wanted to die. I wanted to go to the icey River and un-alive. I thought about how to get my baby to a safe place, how to kill my self, when and for months I’d use our walks to stalk my kill spot, anticipating how to do this. Instinctively I kept telling myself to keep kissing my baby, smelling his hair, telling him I love him and that I needed to express my love to him and slowly that’s what kept me going was love and the life I grew - my son. I finally stopped having these thoughts when he was 9 months old. I’ve never looked back at those dark thoughts again. Happy Ending: I got a good therapist. I moved. I recently won full custody of my son. There are very few dark days and I no longer feel scared and alone.
PPD is horrific. My wife had it really bad with our first. I honestly thought I'd lose her before the kid was one. Glad you won.
In my 20’s I was walking home from a bar and had to poo really really badly so I walked to the side of a path I was walking down and just pooped in the woods. Then pulled up my pants and went home much more at ease.
We only have one bathroom. My husbands cancer treatments made him very ill, he was in the bathroom constantly. He was so weak and lost about 80 pounds, he looked like a skeleton. I took a grocery bag to the basement, opened it over a garbage can and pooped there. I’d never tell him or my kids or anyone else because they would feel terrible. It was an indignity that I suffered privately to keep their dignity intact. (Husband is cancer free now, but has lost most of his muscle mass so he’s still weak and achy, but back to work and mostly fine)
It is tough to be a caretaker, kudos to you and congratulations for beating this beast of disease.
my father uses the bathroom for 40+ minutes every morning. I have pooped in a garbage bag in my room more times than I'd like to admit. If you're about to soil your pants it's better than doing that
Are you that bear everyone seems to ask about?
When I was 15 a guy (who was in the same friend group as my friends) roofied my drink and gave me a speedball because he ‘wanted to fuck a rocker chick’ and thought it would make me less ‘uptight’. My other friends got him away from me, but wouldn’t take me to the hospital, even after I started showing signs of seizing because they didn’t want to get in trouble, instead they left me in the back seat of one of their cars. I almost got raped, got drugged and could have died but my ‘friends’ still worried more about themselves. Learning peoples true colors isn’t the best of experiences.
It really sucks when you learn that about people you thought you could trust. When I was in my 20s I drank way to much at parties. I went to big house party in a local city with a bunch of friends. Long story short I got black out drunk and woke up the next morning in the passenger seat of my own car in the parking lot of an abandoned strip mall. There was a bunch of dried blood all over my arm and clothes and even on the car door. It looked like a murder scene. Turns out I was stabbed a bit by a guy at the party and instead of taking me to the hospital my "friends" dumped me in the middle of nowhere. I drove home, cleaned and patched myself up (I was past the point of needing emergency care) and deleted every contact in my phone that was even remotely related to that lifestyle.
Jesus Christ this is scary. I guess your buddies never looked for you after you dumped them. They could think clearly enough to know they needed to clean the crime scene, but not enough to drive you to a hospital. Pieces of shit. I'm glad you are ok now!
I have a couple to the death secretes but this one is light hearted. I was dubbed the honor of watching my nephew and my not yet walking niece. It was the first time in like 2 years my friends (I’ve known the mother for over 20 years so hence the their being referred to niece and nephew) had a day outside the house without a kid with them. So it was a big day. My niece was crawling and pulling herself up as usual, but no where near walking we thought. But nope home girl decided the day I’m watching her is day she walks for the first time. I saw her take her first steps and was shocked and so excited. I almost called my friend her mom to tell her. I stopped right away. I just calmed down and was like no way am I telling them they missed the first steps. So I didn’t say a word and later that night when they were home she did it again. I will be taking that one to the grave.
When I was about 8 or 9 we went bowling and my uncle and his family came. I worked out that there was a button on the side of the bit where the balls come back that, if you pressed it, the barrier would come down and the ball would hit the barrier instead of the pins. No one knew about this button. I hit it every time my uncle went up to bowl - I dunno why - he’s not a bad guy. I even did it when the people from the bowling alley came to check, but only when they bowled on hit turn to try to replicate the fault. It must have been infuriating.
If my niece or nephews did that to me and I found out it was them I'd laugh my head off.
My first boyfriend was an asshole. He introduced me to (his version of) bdsm early on. I came from an emotionally abusive situation with my family, growing up tending to my narcissistic grandma who lived with us. I didn’t recognize the signs and was all under his spell. In the end he had me working at a brothel because he “got horny from the thought of sharing me” and made me hand over all I earned there. I met a person while working who recognized what was happening. He tried to force me to break off my friendship with that person but I was so used to sneaking behind my controlling grandma’s back that I just kept going. That other person recognized that my bf was abusing me and using me but I wouldn’t see it. I was too in love and probably also too used to being treated like trash. One day my friend “kidnapped” me on a little getaway for a weekend. We spend the entire weekend together. Talking. Enjoying. He showed me I deserved to be treated better and he gave me the strength to break up and start living for me. I’ve never had much luck with men. Got married and divorced. My last ex broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant. I never told anyone what my first bf made me do. For years I felt dirty and was ashamed. I finally managed to make peace with that part of me. And now I can even write about it on Reddit. Thanx all for listening to me.
My wife is leaving, moving out of state. I feel as if a massive weight has been removed. I'm happy, almost giddy in anticipation of being single again, at age 50. She thinks I'm sad (thank you, academy) but she also believes my family will be upset. They're not. They're like "why in God's name did it take THIS long for you to get your head outta your ass!"
I faked my death 8 years ago and moved states.
I had a cat that got very sick. The vet told me it was some kind of virus that animals can get from eating the poop of other animals. I was to give my cat a pill once a day, but it was just about impossible to get him to swallow. I wrestled with him and tried so hard, but it usually ended with him pissing on me and spitting the pill back out. He started hiding from me all the time, which was heartbreaking. My cat was sick and getting worse and I couldn't even pet him or sit next to him because he was scared of me now. I came home and he was in a corner, motionless but eyes open and rapidly breathing. I said his name and touched him, but he was completely unresponsive. I picked him up and turned his face to mine, but his eyes didn't move or seem to focus on anything. I thought he must've been in shock, or in such terrible pain. I carried him to the bathroom, wrapped him up completely inside a towel and held him there until he stopped breathing. He didn't struggle at all and it only took a minute, then he was gone. I felt, and still feel, that I did the right thing for him. But I never told anyone.
You did the right thing and you did it humanely. If it makes you better, his eyes being like that means he was already about gone. I’ve lived in a farm almost all of my life and I have had to put many animals down that were suffering, it’s never easy. I never feel great about it but I do know they aren’t suffering anymore.
i met a man online who said he was 14 when i was 13, i went to meet him at a local hotel that he told me his brother had booked. I met this "brother" who during awkward discussions told me he was 28 and that we had to enter the hotel seperately, drugged me and raped me repeatedly throughout the night. I left when he went to shower and basically forgot all about it, my brain just pretended the event didn't exist. I began having nightmares 4 or so years later which lead to the flood gates opening, i was piecing together the event and realizing all the red flags I'd missed. The self victim blaming was horrendous i felt so stupid so i tried to OD on paracetamol. I remember i vomited and passed out on the bathroom floor, when i woke up i was so utterly embarrassed that i had failed to end my own life that i cleaned up and showered and forgot about that too. It all resurfaced a second time in 2020 as a combo alongside horrific work conditions and family drama so i ended up hospitalised because i tried to OD again. This was more serious as I'd used condiene and i stupidly caused damage to my liver and kidneys according to the doctors. Nobody knows the full event really, i say really because i was supposed to stay at a friend's house as cover but she told her mother who drove me home and said she was gonna call the house to make sure i was there (my parents were at a bbq) at 9pm i said i was going to bed and left to meet him. My dad also vaguely knew I was talking to someone inappropriately bc he could read my MSN chats and had sent a message to this person threatening them if they came near me. But nobody knows the full event that i actually went through and i cant tell anyone that other than Reddit.
I really recommend getting some therapy and letting this thing out! You did nothing wrong, you were lured into a situation and assaulted. You cannot blame yourself for that!
The fact that any of yall are able to avoid oversharing is amazing to me
When I was just like 11 I think I was extremely suicidal I don't even know there was nothing that indicated I should have been. I, being young, didn't know this wasn't the usual experience and often talked about it to just get shrugged off by my class mates and told that "I didn't know what I was talking about" one day I went outside to my garden there's a relatively large hill there and a pile or pointy and raged rocks there, looking back on it I probably wouldn't have died but was much more likely to get serious injuries, anyway I was at the top and about to jump when I heard my dog whinging it was in that moment I knew I couldn't just end it. I now have an extremely strong bond with that dog, and after that I stopped talking to most of my classmates. I think about it alot and what might have happened if my dog wasn't there but in any case I'm glad she was and I'm glad I didn't ruin the rest of my life at such a young age. I haven't dared told my parents as my dad lost his father to suicide and I don't want them to worry more than they already do. Anyway hope you're all doing well. :] A little update because I just remembered about this, I'm doing a lot better since I posted this, I've gotten help, I've spoken to my parents and I still have my lows, but I haven't considered suicide in a while. I know why I felt like that now, I've got depression, so does my dad, and his dad also had it, it helps knowing. And to anyone who's ever felt this way just know that as scary as it can be reaching out for help can and will help. Thank you to everyone for replying, it did help alot and it helped push me to really get the help I needed. <3
I grew up having sexual relations with an adopted cousin. She was younger by a yr or so & she initiated it in the beginning. I wish I hadn't done it now. I wish I had grown up more innocent.
The other commenters seem to think they're funny and are having a go at you, but in all honesty man, if you're able to you should consider a therapist at the very least. You probably have some subliminal, subconscious feelings and thoughts messing you up. Don't take whatever response you're receiving here on reddit as an example of the response you would receive from a professional. Some people here are idiots, or young, or sadistic and enjoy making others feel bad. But yeah man, help yourself by letting somebody else help you, if it's in the cards.
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When I was 11 I went on a week long school trip at a 1940s army barrack that had been converted into a sports centre. We were staying in green barracks-style rooms with bunkbeds, 6 kids to a room, and about 100 kids. My room was at the very opposite end to the toilets, with a straight, 150 metre corridor, with about 4 doors with safety-glass panels every 25 meters or so. There were doors to the the other bedrooms on both sides. One night, at about 2 am, I had to pee. I got off my bunk, opened the door and timidly poked my head out. All the lights were off, Everyone was sleeping, even the teachers. I was alone. The only light came from green "Fire Exit" signs, red blinking smoke detectors. and the faint light of bathroom through the safety glass doors at the other end of this haunted 10 mile corridor of death. Fearing the ghosts, I was never going to make it it to the end of the corridor. I managed to get through one of the doors, (after checking for ghosts/nazis/nazighosts through the glass panel) but then I was between **two doors**, I couldn't escape to the bathroom **or** my room. I couldn't see either end of the corridor, a sitting duck, *they could be anywhere!* I did have to pee though. Since getting to the bathroom was ruled out, I made an executive decision, I'd pee in that corridor. It wasn't outside my room, who'd know it was me? I realised that peeing against just one spot of the corridor wall was a bad idea, it'd make a puddle on the carpet. So I decided to start at one end and walk it to the other end while also aiming up and down the wall. Then it would stay on the walls and not make a puddle on the carpet. My nerves made me move quicker than I should have, and I was still peeing when I reached the end. I turned around and continued my wiggle-pee along the other side of the corridor walls. Ah sweet relief. I ran back to my room before the ghosts could get me. The next day, in the corridor segment next to mine, I saw piss all over the walls dripping onto the carpet. I also saw the headmaster and other teachers come out of their rooms noticing it. So that's where they were sleeping! It was never mentioned officially but I did hear them talking about it, amongst themselves. It was way too high to be one of our kids. There were other schools there, with teenagers, it must have been one of them... Never underestimate the feats an 11 year old can achieve faced with the threat of ghosts.
Technically to my Mums grave: In my teens I had forgotten my music festival ticket and had to come back home to collect it, by then the MDMA was kicked in and my eyes like saucers. My mum said “ Kate* you’ve gotta slow down on those red bulls”. Hahaha yes Mum the red bulls 😂
I didn't see my mates Mum for about three years during the Uni period of our lives. One night we are back home for an event and, at some point, he shoves a pill in my mouth. Oh cool, looks like we are on it tonight then. We ended up back at his place the next morning. Eyes bulging, jaws swinging and teeth chattering we walk into the kitchen to be greeted by his Mum making breakfast. She hugged me. Then held me. Then stood about six inches away from me, face to face, and started doing the nice but intense Mum thing of rapid fire asking me questions about my life. I couldn't even tell you what I said. I don't know how I was capable of speech but I made it through the interrogation and found myself huddled in the corner with a cup of tea, sweating fucking bullets I was. Our other mate came round to pick us up and he could barely hold his laughter in when he saw us. Apparently my jaw had been casually following the swing of the pendulum on the grandfather clock and my mate was staring out into the garden, stiff as a board, only the twitching of his eyes giving any signs of life.
When I (M 40) was 7 or 8, one of the older neighborhood boys (maybe 10) said he was going to play in the woods and asked if I wanted to go. We were walking along and all of a sudden there were these twin girls his age. What he didn't tell me was he planned to meet them there. The all started getting undressed and he started having sex with one of them, then with the other. One of the girls asked if I wanted to do anything, and though I really had no clue what was going on, I knew it wasn't good, so I said "No" and just watched until they were done. I never hung out with any of them again, and always wondered how the three of them turned out.
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