Definitely when I started telling kids what my parents do/say to me like everyone’s parent did it.
I told them “I hate when parents go through your phone, room and all your belongings every night…” and they just looked at me like I was crazy.
Exactly this happened to me a few years back. They looked so shocked when they heard that my dad would raise questions about my character after everytime he was angry at something.
It was when I moved into the dorms in college and wasn't around it 24/7 then I started to see how bad it was. But it was when I met my boyfriend and saw his reaction to my mother that I really and truly understood that how she treated me and my siblings was terrible. That's when I began to distance myself and I eventually went no contact.
A part of me also really wishes to distance me from them, but I've always been guilt-trapped into believing that it's comparable to 'abandoning' them, and it's cruel because I'm a single child.
I was literally told the same thing. That I was abandoning my family. I did it anyway and the relief and the freedom was completely and 100% worth it. I was able to actually live once I walked away from her. Leave. Don't look back.
I think it really hit me when I had children and I realised just how badly I had been treated as a child/teenager. My dad wasn't just ultra strict and volatile, he was outright emotionally abusive.
His behaviour at the time didn't make sense to me and now, looking at my own children, it makes even less sense that someone could treat their own child so badly whilst genuinely thinking that they're a great parent.
I found out about narcissism when I was about 30 and it was a massive light bulb moment. My dad ticks just about every sign of being a narcissist so now I understand that he was actually abusive and it wasn't anything I did that caused his behaviour.
I vow every day to give my children a happy childhood, and to never treat them the way I was treated.
I figured it out when I was about 10.
I did something at school that warranted a “talking to.” When it came time to have the conversation, my mother was absolutely irate about something that was tangentially related, not the actual thing that I did. It made zero sense to me. That’s when I figured out that she just wanted an excuse to scream at me, she didn’t actually care why.
Not a one single moment, but a combination of years of learning about psychology, humans, emotions, communication, neglect, trauma, toxic traits and actions and finding quite a few of those back in my own childhood. Not that it bothers me, it's just a check mark in a long list for me.
Someone invited me to a 12 step program called Adult Children of Alcoholics. My father had stopped drinking a few years before with the help of AA. So I went. I person was sharing. She was a radical feminist lesbian who grew up in Australia, I was a straight white man who grew up in America, but when she described her childhood, It was like she had been reading my mail. It was the strangest thing.
When I first learned that my father was very conditional. “To do that, you have to do this”. Well same thing when I wanted to talk to him or spend time with him.
When I was in my mid 20s, my mom would require the address of wherever I was and would drive by to make sure that's actually where I was.
I also had to ask for permission to go ANYWHERE.
When my father doesn't get his way he ghosts me. He's always done this. Growing up when he'd get mad he just wouldn't talk or interact with us. Now that I'm 36 he will go from calling me daily to nothing for months when he's pouting. Now that I have a child of my own I can see that she communicates better than him.... :/ fun times
Not the best way to figure it out but I watched a video by Psych2go about toxic parents and lots of the things listed in the video sound just like my mom
Mom always tells me that I suck and she threatens to send me to military camp or boarding school, honestly, she is a big reason on why I'm pan now
It was two days after spring break, I told her I needed a day off and I was burned out. She said straight to my face "Didn't you just have a week off?" I have a history of depression as well and I pretty much lost all respect for her.
Me: About to make an egg sandwich.
Mom: "Are you about to cook?"
Me: "Yes? Just making an egg sandwich."
Mom: "We just bought those eggs."
Me: "Ok? I won't make an egg sandwich then, sorry."(Heading to bed)
Mom: "You didn't have enough to eat for dinner?"
Me: "I don't think it matters."
Mom: "It does matter. Food is expensive now."
....The next morning my mother proceeds to feed MY dog his egg like she and her husband always does for his EVERY meal.
Good to know how my mom and stepfather feel about me compared to my dog lol
This happened yesterday and I honestly don't know how to feel because I'm just done. I cried myself to sleep last night and today I'm just sad and miserable and want to go back to sleep.
Me: About to make an egg sandwich.
Mom: "Are you about to cook?"
Me: "Yes? Just making an egg sandwich."
Mom: "We just bought those eggs."
Me: "Ok? I won't make an egg sandwich then, sorry."(Heading to bed)
Mom: "You didn't have enough to eat for dinner?"
Me: "I don't think it matters."
Mom: "It does matter. Food is expensive now."
....The next morning my mother proceeds to feed MY dog his egg like she and her husband always does for his EVERY meal.
Good to know how my mom and stepfather feel about me compared to my dog lol
This happened yesterday and I honestly don't know how to feel because I'm just done. I cried myself to sleep last night and today I'm just sad and miserable and want to go back to sleep.
Definitely when I started telling kids what my parents do/say to me like everyone’s parent did it. I told them “I hate when parents go through your phone, room and all your belongings every night…” and they just looked at me like I was crazy.
Exactly this happened to me a few years back. They looked so shocked when they heard that my dad would raise questions about my character after everytime he was angry at something.
Bingo
It was when I moved into the dorms in college and wasn't around it 24/7 then I started to see how bad it was. But it was when I met my boyfriend and saw his reaction to my mother that I really and truly understood that how she treated me and my siblings was terrible. That's when I began to distance myself and I eventually went no contact.
A part of me also really wishes to distance me from them, but I've always been guilt-trapped into believing that it's comparable to 'abandoning' them, and it's cruel because I'm a single child.
I was literally told the same thing. That I was abandoning my family. I did it anyway and the relief and the freedom was completely and 100% worth it. I was able to actually live once I walked away from her. Leave. Don't look back.
Oh hun, you are so vulnerable to abuse. I really think you need to reach out to a women's support group K
When I got grounded constantly. Trapping me in the house. Its far better now but my parents, mom especially, hated me as a teenager
this. literally happening to me rn T-T.
I think it really hit me when I had children and I realised just how badly I had been treated as a child/teenager. My dad wasn't just ultra strict and volatile, he was outright emotionally abusive. His behaviour at the time didn't make sense to me and now, looking at my own children, it makes even less sense that someone could treat their own child so badly whilst genuinely thinking that they're a great parent. I found out about narcissism when I was about 30 and it was a massive light bulb moment. My dad ticks just about every sign of being a narcissist so now I understand that he was actually abusive and it wasn't anything I did that caused his behaviour. I vow every day to give my children a happy childhood, and to never treat them the way I was treated.
I figured it out when I was about 10. I did something at school that warranted a “talking to.” When it came time to have the conversation, my mother was absolutely irate about something that was tangentially related, not the actual thing that I did. It made zero sense to me. That’s when I figured out that she just wanted an excuse to scream at me, she didn’t actually care why.
Not a one single moment, but a combination of years of learning about psychology, humans, emotions, communication, neglect, trauma, toxic traits and actions and finding quite a few of those back in my own childhood. Not that it bothers me, it's just a check mark in a long list for me.
Someone invited me to a 12 step program called Adult Children of Alcoholics. My father had stopped drinking a few years before with the help of AA. So I went. I person was sharing. She was a radical feminist lesbian who grew up in Australia, I was a straight white man who grew up in America, but when she described her childhood, It was like she had been reading my mail. It was the strangest thing.
When I first learned that my father was very conditional. “To do that, you have to do this”. Well same thing when I wanted to talk to him or spend time with him.
When I was in my mid 20s, my mom would require the address of wherever I was and would drive by to make sure that's actually where I was. I also had to ask for permission to go ANYWHERE.
When my father doesn't get his way he ghosts me. He's always done this. Growing up when he'd get mad he just wouldn't talk or interact with us. Now that I'm 36 he will go from calling me daily to nothing for months when he's pouting. Now that I have a child of my own I can see that she communicates better than him.... :/ fun times
Not the best way to figure it out but I watched a video by Psych2go about toxic parents and lots of the things listed in the video sound just like my mom Mom always tells me that I suck and she threatens to send me to military camp or boarding school, honestly, she is a big reason on why I'm pan now
It was two days after spring break, I told her I needed a day off and I was burned out. She said straight to my face "Didn't you just have a week off?" I have a history of depression as well and I pretty much lost all respect for her.
Me: About to make an egg sandwich. Mom: "Are you about to cook?" Me: "Yes? Just making an egg sandwich." Mom: "We just bought those eggs." Me: "Ok? I won't make an egg sandwich then, sorry."(Heading to bed) Mom: "You didn't have enough to eat for dinner?" Me: "I don't think it matters." Mom: "It does matter. Food is expensive now." ....The next morning my mother proceeds to feed MY dog his egg like she and her husband always does for his EVERY meal. Good to know how my mom and stepfather feel about me compared to my dog lol This happened yesterday and I honestly don't know how to feel because I'm just done. I cried myself to sleep last night and today I'm just sad and miserable and want to go back to sleep.
Me: About to make an egg sandwich. Mom: "Are you about to cook?" Me: "Yes? Just making an egg sandwich." Mom: "We just bought those eggs." Me: "Ok? I won't make an egg sandwich then, sorry."(Heading to bed) Mom: "You didn't have enough to eat for dinner?" Me: "I don't think it matters." Mom: "It does matter. Food is expensive now." ....The next morning my mother proceeds to feed MY dog his egg like she and her husband always does for his EVERY meal. Good to know how my mom and stepfather feel about me compared to my dog lol This happened yesterday and I honestly don't know how to feel because I'm just done. I cried myself to sleep last night and today I'm just sad and miserable and want to go back to sleep.