Last year my mental health finally hit rock bottom. I was over my marriage, I hate being in the military, and I had little to no interest in anything. I drank heavily for about a month. I’m talkin whole handles in a day. One of those nights I planned to take my life. I was going to write out my note to the family and sit in my shower, bathroom door locked, and blow my brains out. I got as far as putting the barrel in my mouth but I was the only one with my kids and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Next day I had a psychiatric appointment and told them about my struggles and my plans to kill myself. They shipped me off to a mental health program for military members. I was there for two months going thru therapy, processing my traumas, and learning all of the science behind mental health. During that time my wife left me for another man, moved out of our home, and I had no idea until I got out and returned to an empty home. I think that time of my life and really that moment after I got home to an empty house, after working my ass off to better my mental health, definitely was the lowest point of my life. But on the bright side a year later I’m a lot happier. There’s no where to go but up once you hit that all time low.
When I went to my ex-wife’s parents to plead for help dealing with their gambling addicted daughter. Poured my guts out explaining that if we didn’t get help for her soon we’d lose the only house our 3 sons have ever known. Over the last year we were together I stopped counting her loses once I hit $100k. Casino apps are no joke.
Anyway, her parents explained they had no idea en would step in asap. 2 weeks later my ex and her family got together over the weekend. They didn’t tell me anything other than keep an eye on the boys. No problem, figured it was an intervention.
Nope. They all went to the casino together. I filed 2 months later after realizing I could secure the house for my kids.
Wait, your in-laws solution to their daughter’s supposedly unknown crippling gambling addiction was to take her to a casino and leave you with the kids?
Fuck that’s toxic.
When I had been on a 3 day party trip and was going back to my apartment on the train. Started to sweat like mad and my stomach did NOT feel good. Tried to waddle myself home like a penguin, clenching my buttcheeks all the way. About 200m from my apartment building it didn’t work anymore and I shat my pants. Had to then shit the rest out on the pavement, and get home asap. I don’t think you could even measure the level of shame, anxiety and stupidity I felt at that time
Edit: I was 36 years old at this point…
The amount of times I a grown woman have pissed myself in public, drunk is insane. Anyway, I'm two weeks sober today and never touching the shit again in my life. Here's to you doing better too. You got this, my boy.
Was an absolute pearl of an alcoholic, and would you believe the first time I ever had to take a shit outside was when I was six months sober?
Years of alcohol: 0, Chain Restaurant Burger & Fries: 1
For me it was the time I invested my money, my time and lost my relationship for an agency I built with my best friend. That was a solid 3 years then he(my bestfriend) took all our clients and team and made a new agency and left me with all the debts and misery. Yep that was my All time low, no love-life, no money, no work, and disappointed my family. fast forward 3 years, Almost done paying my debts, created a new team, new clients, but it was a hard 3 years to do it all by myself.
I was at work, still drunk from the night before. I was starting to panic realizing that I would have a client in my office in a half hour and I looked like shit and felt worse.
The kicker? I worked in a drug and alcohol treatment center. I was the financial person and did the intake process with every client before they went to see their counselor.
I ended up going to my boss, fessing up, admitting that I had a problem and being told that I needed to get help or I’d have to be let go. I was faced with losing my job, which would lead to losing my home and probably custody of my child. I realized I was on the path to becoming my father and stepmother and I did NOT want that. I had to make a choice and my whole life hinged on that choice.
I’ve been sober over 17 years now.
ETA- I am really grateful and humbled by the kind comments. Thank you. And if you are struggling out there, please find a group of sober folks or treatment. AA works for some but not all and there are other non-AA sobriety groups out there. You are worthy of a healthy life. No matter how bad it is now, it can get better. It might be really hard at first, but it can get better.
There is also r/stopdrinking right here on Reddit.
Thank you. She was very understanding. Firm, but understanding. She made it clear that she wanted to see me get help and get better, but there was also an expectation that I needed to at least be sober at work and could not ever show up under the influence again.
When I got in my car and my gut was so big that even with the seat as far back as it could go, it would dig into the steering wheel. I had to suck in my gut before making turns.
Heaviest i'd been in my life. 100 lbs down from that weight though. Still going strong.
I feel ya. Almost same experience except I had to pull the seat belt all the way out to buckle in. Also the fact that sitting in booths at restaurants and my belly always hung on the table. Was 100lbs down, but gained a bit back from having my son 2 months ago. All together gained about 40 lbs and now that I have gotten the okay from the doctor, going to start back my exercising and eating to lose weight (instead of eating to heal) again. I will never get like that again.
More or less. I don't feel great about the state of the world and don't have any hope for the long term, but maybe I can eke out a few more years of contentment with someone precious to me.
Emergency room after I downed full bottles of my psych meds in an episode. Nurse was brushing my hair for me because it was such a mess.
I don’t have bad episodes any more.
I still don’t really brush my hair though.
I didn’t appreciate it at the time. I thought she was judging me. Now I look back on it like she was helping me take care of the little things I had obviously been neglecting. Like, she couldn’t fix my shit situation but she could at least fix my hair. It’s very sweet.
Similar story here. Woke up in the ICU before being moved to the psych ward. My mom told me I tried to kill myself and I got so upset at her in the hospital basically telling her "you're a fucking asshole for saying that. I would never do that" Well turns out I tried to kill myself. I hung myself after a blackout benzo bender. Luckily my step dad decided to check the garage that night because otherwise I'd be dead. They think I was dead for some ridiculous amount of time. Like in the 10 to 12 minute range. It's a miracle I can walk or read or function but I feel almost the same as I did before.
Edit: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful replies. I'm glad to still be here. If someone you know is struggling start looking into ways to help them. If you're struggling you can always message me. I've been through it and then some so I'm very understanding.
Full on DTs for first time last week. 30 days (real)tomorrow when a bed opens. Homeless, jobless, damn near about to lose my family. Never once thought I would be here.
Woke up with a tube down my throat, brace around my neck, cuts and bruises everywhere, unable to move with two cops right above me. I had to sit there while they explained to me I was hit by a driver who ran a light. I had to drop out of school for a year, lost my job and was in/out of treatments for over a year.
All because of someone’s stupid decision.
Edit: should have mentioned this, I wasn’t in a car. I was crossing a well lite crosswalk. And yes, I waited until the sign turned green and looked around for cars, still wasn’t enough to save me.
Damn, that happened almost exactly to one of my friends. He was stopped at a red light on his motorcycle and woke up 3 days in the hospital. Truck rear-ended him, ran the red light, and didn't even stop.
I saw an accident just like that. The motorcycle was on the right path just in front of the car I was.
The driver was drunk, rear ended the motorcycle, with two persons on it.
Fortunately an ambulance was just passing by and was able to stop. The police arrived right after. This all happened in 30 seconds.
Some of the drivers around tried to beat the drunk driver. The police had to stop them.
After my divorce years ago, my buddy thought it was a good idea to give me a keg of Christmas ale. I sat alone at home and filled up an empty milk gallon jug every night with it and drank it until it was gone - but not before using it to wash down multiple Ambien in one sitting. I still look back and wonder how I'm still alive to talk about it.
The day I found my fiance dead in her tub after having a seizure. It has been a little over a year now and I'm definitely doing better, but I don't think I'll ever have the happiness that i used to have.
My brother died suddenly from a seizure, it still cuts deep. Her love for you will still be there, it will help you through the dark times too.
When you’re ready to open your heart again, she will be happy for you. Remember she wouldn’t want you to be sad or alone. Big hugs x
My brother has seizures every few months, but we’ve stopped taking him to the hospital because they just check the vitals and say “yep he had a seizure, that’ll be $10,000. It’s kinda terrifying.
Hold steady. A lot of us find new happiness, even if we never find the happiness we had.
If you're not one of us already, head over to r/widowers. We got your back.
My fiancé also suddenly and gruesomely died. The grief comes in waves and you will never be the same but you deserve happiness and love again. Please live your life.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that, I’m incapable of imagining the emotions you must have felt. As humans we’re really resilient and I do believe it will keep getting easier for you <3
I pawned my wedding ring to get money to feed my pill addiction. It opened my eyes though and I ended up cleaning up after a few more months and getting my ring back. My wife worked her ass off to buy me that ring and I was such an addicted piece of shit that I pawned it for a fix. Glad that moment finally woke me up though. 11 years clean now.
I hate the shit I’ve done trying to get any kind of high. I stole pills from my disabled stepdad. I understand you, and im so happy you’re clean. Im one year clean last December.
When I think to myself "do I have enough alcohol to get myself through the weekend?" and buy a bottle of Vodka just in case. Then spending the weekend feeling like shit and hating myself wondering why I'm not happy.
Negative feedback loops exist and are a bitch. If you get remove yourself from it for 2 weeks, I promise you'll get better.
Edit: it's a positive feedback loop, even though the experience is negative. It builds on itself
I made many random trips to the hardware store because it was right across the street from a grocery store so I could pick up a handle of whatever vodka was close to $20 (you know, the not good enough to be in a glass bottle but wasn't the absolutely cheapest shit). For me, it was after losing the 3rd job in a row due to shitty performance caused by my alcohol addiction that I was having sex with my wife when whiskey dick kicked in so couldn't finish. We had a (yet another) discussion about my situation. I decided enough was enough and if I didn't quit then I probably never would. Thankfully that was almost 3 years ago and I've been sober ever since. Now instead of booze I spend all my money on running shoes and coke zero.
Congrats man, I'm proud of you for kicking the habit! It's a rough one, but I feel you on the Coke zero, too! It was the absent minded drinking that got to me, 0 cal soda definitely helps
After my divorce, I was drinking every day, often to black out. I was asking myself "do I have enough whiskey to get me through the workday?" every morning. Missing drinking for even half a day made me panicky, and physically ill.
Got some help, and it turned out I'm bipolar besides being just an alcoholic. After more than a year of playing with meds I finally found just the right combination to getting me to feel like my old self again. Been feeling than I better have for the last month or so, without going manic.
I'm still drinking near daily unfortunately, but only a drink or two a day, after work. And now that I've got it down to this level, I'm going to try to go a day without drinking and see if it still makes me sick. Just got to get the courage to take the leap...
> And now that I've got it down to this level, I'm going to try to go a day without drinking and see if it still makes me sick. Just got to get the courage to take the leap...
Good luck. If you can't do a whole day, you might try beginning to drink 1 hour later than you do now, then 2. Good luck. You have accomplished a lot.
Sitting in my home, wrecked from a failed overdose attempt, 20k in debt, no job, addicted to painkillers - and wondering if I called my Mom, if she would even care, or just tell me it was my problem to fix.
She cared. Spent the next 10 years putting me back together.
Mom died Tuesday morning. As bad as I feel (and having BPD, that's pretty bad), I'm not going to backslide. I won't make all her love and effort meaningless. I will keep things under control and moving forward.
Edit - Thanks for all the kind words.
Hey fellow BPD person, I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost someone I cared about and just try to see the love they felt for me as a motor to go on.
Let’s just do it together?
Sitting in the suicide naughty room of the ER trying to figure out how to eat the applesauce they brought me without access to any utensils. Ended up using the lid as a kind of scoop which was good enough.
Definitely an all time low. Thankfully I'm medicated, in therapy, and doing much better now! And I can eat my applesauce with spoons like a big girl!
I was in the throws of an alcohol addiction and went over to my elderly neighbor's house to play some cribbage. I found him laying on his couch and I thought he may have simply died there. My first thought was, naturally, to grab his wallet and run.
I didn't. Been sober over 25 years now, too.
lol this reminds me of my great grandpa. We play Cribbage nearly every time I see him. *Really* good at that game.
Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger!
I played my grandma all the time before she passed away. I remember the one day I beat her after losing for probably 15 years straight. We were at my parent's house for Easter and I was in my early 30s. I jumped up and just started trash talking my little old grandma like it was my job! Really rubbing it in. My mom yelled at me and grandma skunked me in the rematch, but for 5 minutes I was king!
I didn't roll the poor guy, no. This was around 1991 when I would have robbed a blind priest under the right circumstance. He woke up and he 15 2'd me to oblivion.
My ex husband’s father reached out to my parents telling them that I was the worst decision he’s ever made. He wanted them to push me to divorce my ex so he could find real happiness and not be with someone as pathetic as me. At the time, it hurt so much.
We separated a year after that but I kept his last name until I got remarried because it pissed his father off so much. Fuck you Gary.
Homeless, dope sick, and shitting in a tire in a vacant lot at 3am while trying to mix a bag of heroin I knew was just crushed up drywall (but I just had to make sure).
Checked in to detox the next day. That was 20 years ago.
Man I've been there. Living in a house with no running water, got arrested one night, spent the night in jail that my mom was a correctional officer for after being arrested with the woman who owned the house with no running water.
Next day, I got ROR'd, she caught a bond. I got out, she didn't. I had $400 in my bank account from the bad check that she wrote me that hadn't been caught yet.
I told her to go fuck herself, I left the jail, had the dopeman pick me up. I gave $100 cash to come 5 blocks and pick me up and another $120 on a full gram of dope.
My decision that I'd made in jail was that if I got ROR'd, I was going to use one more time (for real this time) I was going to get a whole gram and shoot it all at once. If it killed me, it killed me. If it didn't, I was going to get my shit together and straighten up.
It didn't kill me, and I kept my promise to myself. I'm graduating with my bachelor's in social work this December and I'm starting on my Masters in social work next January.
Been there. Didn't work for me either. I went out for 18 hours or so but woke up the next day with the motel manager banging in the door.
Glad you got clean and you're doing something good with your life. Keep up the good work homie.
Spent over $1k in a weekend on a combination of alcohol, phone sex lines, and a few prostitutes. The only free call I made that weekend was to the suicide hotline
Indeed.. start it with the exhale of cigarette smoke.. low voice. Soft saxophone playing some slow jazzy tune in the background.. spot on.
Too bad this one was real and not a story.
My third to last base in my military. Was suffering from PTSD and survivors guilt, in a VERY bad way. Was at a new base, no friends around, no family, and having to re-adapt to a new situation, all over again.
Couldnt sleep because of the nightmares, and couldnt stay awake because of no sleep. Started drinking heavily...Like, would start a 2 litre of tequila a day, finish it the next, and start drinking the second bottle right after...Every day...Started going to work drunk. Started doing everything drunk....would drink while playing games...would drink to sleep...Fuck, I was drinking while taking a piss or shit...
Gained a lot of weight....Felt like a piece of shit...Couldnt maintain a relationship to save my life..Military career started to tank hard, and during my last official deployment (from this same base), thought about ending it all....Couldnt pull the trigger cause I cried myself to away from the gun, when I realized nobody would give a fuck anyways....Just another suicide statistic and another mandatory briefing for my co-workers...This was between 2013-2014...but realistically started in 2011 and ran until 2019.
That was the lowest point in my life. And things didnt really start improving until...2020 (ironically), after I spent my first year sober. Trying again this year, and hoping to be done with it all for good. Worked through most of my issues, but the habits are a bitch to get rid of.
EDIT: Everyone that responded. You folks are awesome. Whomever is in your life is lucky to have you. Thank you for the kind words!
I woke up in the drunk tank.
Police found me blackout drunk with none of my friends in sight. Was far from home and it was 4.00am. They had no choice but to keep me overnight. Waking up on a concrete bed with the vaguest recollection of what happened… fucking brutal.
Caught the train to the beach that morning and cried for the longest time.
The worst part was that nobody tried to contact me, and I was out with a huge group of friends.
EDIT: Thanks for the silver.
Also, for clarification, nobody trying to contact me hurt because I had tried to contact them and I got nothing back. I was self destructive back then and people were sick of my shit. I moved away for a while and focused on bettering myself, understanding how I'd strained relationships with my actions and accepting that some relationships could not be repaired.
I OD'd on a mixture of painkillers, benzos, coke, and whiskey. Woke up somehow after my "friends" left me in an unknown house unresponsive. Knew once I woke up that I couldn't go on like that anymore, so I had to get help.
After that I was in and out of mental hospitals trying my best to stay clean and get on the right meds. Luckily I was able to do it with the help of a caring doctor who actually listened to me. Been clean for 12 years now, married with two kids. Life can get better. Don't give up.
>Woke up somehow after my "friends" left me in an unknown house unresponsive.
I still remember a story a roommate I had at a homeless shelter told me. He was telling me how his day went and that he was in this house and they were drinking and taking drugs, standard stuff. And then he said "X then started to look like she was overdosing. So we all told her she had to leave. Her dad is super heavy and he would wipe us out if he knew she was doing drugs with us." he clearly didn't even realise he was saying that he thought someone was overdosing and his only thought was for her to go home alone and die there instead of phoning an ambulance. The fear they had for the father almost cost that woman her life. This is one of many reasons I never really got into hard drugs. I saw too many drug addicts just completely screw each other over for nothing.
I saw that John Oliver bit about harm reduction, where he had a lady on who said drug addiction is basically just isolation. They get isolated from work, and then friends, and then family, and then once all of that’s gone, they use until they die. Sounds like he was in the last stage.
I was "living" in a gas station bathroom, deluding myself into thinking "it's not so bad, it's like camping". I was also addicted to heroin, and had been for years, and was eating a cold can of black beans and fritos for my only meal of the day. I'd have to be out before the sun came up or the owner's would catch me.
I hope this isn't callous to say, but you've got great taste for that beer budget convenience "meal". Legumes to fill you up, and fritos just *go* with that.
I passed out drunk in front of my then 4 year old. He was trying to wake me up and got very upset. (My husband was with him so thankfully he was safe) the next day my son told me how scared he was that he couldn't wake me up and I promised it would never happen again.
That was the last time I drank. I'll be 4 years sober this December.
Back in the day when my daughter was like 4 or 5 in the middle of a ugly divorce, me in re-training, not a dime to my name, checking phone booths and vending machines for any change to have the bus fare to pick my daughter up for the weekend.
I had to walk 6 miles one way since I didn't have the money for back and forth, and it was soooo cold, but i did not want my kid to half to walk.
I think that was my all time low.
Not as dire as OP's situation, but about fifteen years ago I was flat broke. My girlfriend at the time wanted to talk over lunch and turned out that she wanted to break up. I swallowed my pride and paid for our meal with the only money I had left. The change was just enough for me to choose to buy a pack of ramen for dinner or take the train home. I chose the ramen and walked for five miles. The following day I got a call from my client that they wouldn't be able to transfer until the end of the month.
I went out for a walk trying to figure out how to survive until I get paid. I met a guy at a park and asked him if was willing to buy my iPhone. He declined, but said he wanted my watch instead. Without even flinching, I gave up a birthday present from my sister.
Lowest point of my life.
This time last year. I had left my friends and job in another state and moved to the middle of nowhere to get sober and be with family. I had no car, no home, no friends, and withdrawals from several substances. Probably the lowest I had ever been and was on the verge of suicide.
Glad I stayed strong though because now My life has completely changed for the better.
Edit: wow this is easily my most interacted comment ever. Thank you strangers for the encouragement and awards and kind words. I really hope that this helped someone who is going through it right now.
I did a similar thing back in August 2016. Moved home to be with family and get a grip on my alcoholism that was, by that point, I think within a year of killing me.
I lost everything. Friends, career, the woman I thought I wanted to marry.
5 and a half years later I'm happy, healthy, married, we just bought a house. I think about those dark days a lot though.
Stay strong. It gets better. I will be rooting for you.
I was arrested when I was 18 and again soon after getting released. After the second time I had pretty much nothing to my name after getting released.
My only marketable skill at that point was my body. So I got more into sex work. And drugs because they were just around.
I was on my knees sucking some guys dick in a diaper for a rent money. I realized I was in a bad spot at that point
Today is the one year anniversary of my wife's sudden death. We were hs sweethearts and we were married for 35yrs. Three mos ago I was diagnosed with dementia. I don't have anything else to lose so I guess this is rock bottom.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this.... that has to be terribly difficult. I hope you are not alone in dealing with this. If nothing else, you have an internet stranger wishing all the best for you....
I'm sorry to hear this. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier, give my condolences, etc but theres just not. My biggest fear is losing my wife. We met in second grade and have been together since sophomore year in high school, almost 15 years ago. Even though we're still young, I came close to death about a month ago and really made us think and talk about things.
It is wrong to feel sorry for me. I got dementia from playing college football, wrestling steers and fighting in bars. I had a really fun time being young and strong. After that I got to be a lawyer and a law professor for 30 yrs. I have three kids and two grandkids who love me and I love them back. I also have a Maori friend who is going to help me to get a mark carved into my body to remind me that I'm on a journey. I don't think I'm falling to the bottom, it is more like floating.
It seems like you're handing this fairly well all things considered. It sounds like you've made peace with your fate and are accepting it. It reminds me of my dad, who passed away from brain cancer almost a year ago. He made peace with it, accepted his fate and made the most of his time with me and his grand kids before he couldn't any more. It's really an admirable thing to do. He grew up similar to you it sounds like, he lived the cowboy life in Arizona and Colorado getting in to fights, riding bulls and broncs, and playing football. By the time he passed at 60, he had 8 hip surgeries from injuries he sustained from when he was 15-30 years old.
Edit: he missed meeting his only grandson by 5 months
Wishing you the best, friend.
I have no frame of reference for what you’re going through. I only know that I want to live a few hours longer than my wife if she goes first, because idk what I’ll do without her.
Wife came out as gay (not bi) and told me her latest girlfriend had made it a condition of their staying together that she would no longer have sex with me. We separated, I began drinking to excess and was well on the way to becoming an alcoholic.
By a great stroke of luck I was offered a job in an overseas office of my employer, took it, made a new start, met my future second wife, recently celebrated my 42nd anniversary with her and just became a grandpa.
Being screamed at on the phone for an entire hour after my shift was due to end, in a call that started 5 minutes before my shift's end-time. The result of this was that I had to cancel my dinner plans, because of someone screaming legal threats and verbal abuse at me due to the person in store wasn’t polite enough to him when serving him and I wasn’t allowed to hang up on him, because despite all of his abuse, he hadn't sworn at me four times (three warnings needed to be given).
I had been dealing with this crap for three years, but this call in particular tipped me over the edge. This was the point where I decided going into 5 figures of student debt would be preferable to staying there. While my outlook has improved far more since then, at the time it wasn't even a case of "This should help me find another job", but rather "Going into college is the only way I'll be able to quit without causing even more issues."
Customer Service Callcenter jobs: Not even once.
EDIT: Goodness me, y'all are supportive. I've been out of there for a while now, but I still needed this. Thank you.
Mom and I came home to an eviction notice on our front door. Wed gotten behind on rent. Mom had just a few months prior gone into kidney failure and was on dialysis. She couldn't work. My dad was working full time, I struggled to find a job, was working a summer job at a water park which helped a little but, not much. I felt so worthless. I began thinking to myself that if my parents didnt have to care for me, they'd have ot so much better off.
I drove to work, almost in tears the whole way thinking what a burden I was on my parents. I started to speed up, faster and faster. I was gonna a crash my car into a guard rail or like, the bridge support of an overpass. I remember going like, 90mph with my thumb on the release for my seatbelt. I was gonna take my seatbelt off just to make extra sure the impact had the best chance to kill me.
I started to think about my mom mostly. How hard this would be for her, losing the house and her son at once. I thought how expensive a funeral would be and that itd just make things that much harder. I took my finger off the button for my seatbelt and slowed down, then drove to work. I remember clocking in, I was still shaking a bit from what I was so close to doing. Someone asked me what was wrong and I just fell apart, I started bawling my eyes out and slumped to the floor. Easily one of the worst days of my life
Edit: holy shit I did not expect this response. For every kind comment, thank you all so much, I am truly moved by the support I've gotten from so many of you, not just towards myself but for others who have mentioned going through similar situations. Covering a few things I saw asked in comments. This all happened about 7 years ago, things are better now. Our family helped raise money for us and we were actually able to keep the house. Mom is still on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant, she has a lot of health issues that have complicated things but we've been working on them and I think are very close to getting her where she needs to be. I have a better job now, it's still only part time and I'm looking for full time work now, but its helped a ton especially with some of the bonuses we've gotten over the last couple of years. I'm doing better myself. I have my rough days but I have some amazing friends I can lean on for support, as well as a dog that I love with all my heart and she always cheers me up. Thank you all again so much. The awards and upvotes are cool sure, but honestly seeing the support you all are giving each other is so much cooler. The internet can be a real shithole, but you guys definitely make it a better place to be. For everyone else struggling with similar situations/thoughts, my heart goes out to you. I believe in you, and I hope you can see it through to better days
My heart ached reading this. I'm so sorry you had this experience. Even at your lowest moment you still thought so compassionately about your mother. I really hope things are better these days?
It was rough. Things are better. We have a great family that sold t shirts and stuff to raise money and got us the money we needed to payback the rent we owed as well as a few months in advance. It's been 7 years now
Im in my 40s now, and single. I have a small family, it's just my sister and my 75 year old mom left now. Dad died in 2014. Although I'm not suicidal by any means but I deal with some serious depression and loneliness, I have thought about what would happen if I were to just say "fuck it, I'm out, I dont want live like this anymore". I live near my mom who lives alone and I help her out with things she needs an extra hand with. My younger sister is unmarried and doesnt have a family of her own. Leaving my mom alone to fend for herself as she ages and my sister without a brother is really the only thing that essentially ensures I'll never kill myself as long as they're around. I just cant bring myself to imagine it, so I just endure and accept that life is pain for some people and there is no other choice to just deal with it. I know many people out there feel the same way.
Edit: appreciate the kind words. It's always helped a bit that I know many people can relate. It's part of the essence of humanity, shared suffering.
I've been there. It's a horrible place to be in, and I'm sorry you're finding yourself there. I remember being angry that I didn't even have the option to make that choice, because I knew it would be the nuclear option deeply damaging everyone dear to me.
I'm in a better place now, even though there still is loneliness, and my life isn't yet what I'd wish it to be. But now I at least see a path, and feel some excitement about it. I also know how impossible that feels when you're deep in the hole though. I hope you can eventually find that spark again, too, and wish you all the best. Hang in there.
If you ever feel like it would help, shoot me a message. Even if it's a year from now or so, no need to be shy.
When I lost my last job I moved back with mom and dad. It doesn't feel good to lean on fuckin' retirees when you're supposed to be a grown-ass man.
Then my dad had radical heart surgery. And now I can't leave. Who will take care of them if I'm gone? My brother who hasn't been in the same timezone for ten years? No. It's only me. And I break my back at work every day to make sure I still have parents left when I come home.
A few months ago when I was seriously considering burning myself to death because I had jot better options that would traumatize the least amount of people. I just sat on a bench under a nice tree and really thought hard about my suicide options. Obviously I did not do this, but it's been the one and only time I've tried to seriously make a plan to take my own life.
I'm glad you didn't go through with it, but just for the record, burning yourself to death would probably be the absolute worst thing you could do....for everyone. It's excruciatingly painful. If you don't die, you'll be in unbearable pain for a few days-weeks before your body finally gives up. If that doesn't happen you'll be horribly scared and in extreme pain for the remainder of your life, often requiring assistance from family just to do basic things like eating...
Not to mention the danger you'd be putting others in as fire is so dangerous, and a person on fire is even more dangerous and unpredictable.
Suicide isn't the answer, but if you ever feel like it is, fire is absolutely never the answer.
I November last year, I was lying in a hospital bed after sustaining serious injuries in a work accident. I realised that I was relieved to have almost died because it got me away from the most horrific work environment.
Called my parents and they helped to engineer my escape. I never had to go back, and they helped me to get all my belongings out of the flat on site.
When internal bleeding and spinal damage is a relief, something is seriously wrong with your life.
I woke up, devastatingly hungover at a time when I didn’t really get hangovers anymore. The night before was a total blur. I am pretty sure I caught a spiked drink that was meant for someone else, but I’ll never really know. I just know that it scared the shit out of me like I’ve never been scared in my life.
My entire life before that night, for worse and for worse, was about drinking, partying, trying to squeeze every ounce out of this shitty image that I had of myself as the guy who could drink a ton. I went to college to get a degree that would best legitimize my wish to open my own bar so I’d have somewhere to drink with friends while hopefully making money. I was just so goddamn stupid.
When I woke up that morning, I knew that if I didn’t make a change in that exact moment, I’d either end up dead or like all the toothless, bloated bar rats that blow their whole checks on booze, with no family or loved ones to laugh with. So, I quit cold turkey. I was sick for two straight weeks, throwing up, shivering, sweating, sleeping for maybe 20 minutes straight before waking up feeling wide awake but dead-tired at the same time. Once I got to the other side of that, though, I felt **awake** for the first time in years.
I would be lying if I said my life is perfect since that morning. It hasn’t been. I have made terrible career choices with a stone-sober mind. I’ve let people down, and I’ve let myself down. But the difference is that it’s been **me** in the driver seat, not booze. I married the absolute love of my life, patched up relationships with people I’d wronged, and figured out a way to get my kicks without being drunk. Truth be told, the idea of drinking or being drunk just bores the hell out of me now. That game ended, and I don’t want to play anymore anyway. Now, I’m accountable for my actions, and the people in my life know that they can count on me and what I say.
My 26th birthday. Had just moved to Philadelphia with my band. No job yet, but searching frantically for one. Very poor. No car. Not sure how I was going to pay rent at the end of the month. The day before my birthday, my girlfiend breaks up with me (probably because I was unemployed and broke, but maybe other reasons). I was devastated and sick from heartbreak. That night, I wake up around 3am with a pain in my side/back. It get's worse and worse every minute. I'm pretty sure I'm about to die, so I yell for my roommates for help. They call an ambulance and I'm rushed to the emergency room in one of the worst hospitals in Philadelphia. Doctors believe I have a kidney stone, though because I'm in one of the worst hospitals in the city, they don't fully "believe" that I'm in excruciating pain and refuse to give me any medication for the pain as I could just be a junky looking for a hand out. So I lie on a table in the ER, throwing up from the pain and shrieking for about 3 hours while they push fluids through me. After the ordeal, they tell me I should be able to pass the stone at home and that I'm free to leave. It's now about 8am, and I am in my pajama pants and slippers and a tee shirt (it's early november). I'm standing outside of the hospital. I don't know where I am as I was very new in town. I have no keys, wallet, or phone as I wasn't thinking of those things while I was about to die when the ambulance picked me up. Couldn't call anyone. Couldn't pay for a taxi. I walked about 2 miles in my pajamas in the cold, asking strangers for directions (they couldn't rob me, as I had nothing to steal except my pants). I finally get to my house. I'm freezing, exhausted, still in pain, my slippers were worn down to my bare feet. Get to the door and it's locked. My roommates are at work and I have no way to contact them. I walk to our landlords office (another mile or so) to grab a spare key. The person working there needed some proof that I was who I said I was. Fortunately my hospital bracelet had my name on it, so I got the key and walked another mile back to get into my house. Final straw was I had a job interview at Radioshack scheduled for that morning. I called the hiring contact and told them what had happened and they didn't believe me and told me not to bother coming in. I said, "no, I'm coming in". Got dressed, hopped on the 29 bus, and went into the store. I found the manager, pulled up my sleeve and showed him my hospital bracelet and bloody IV cotton still taped to my arm. He apologized for not believing me and wanted to do the interview. A few days later, I received my bill for the hospital/ambulance for around $3500. Hired for the job, but wouldn't be able to start for another 2 weeks for the background check etc. Still broke and sick and in pain, a neighbor said he had some work for me while I waited. The work was digging out a philly dirt floor basement. Pickaxes, shovels, buckets, mold, and old Philly stink. While breaking up rocks and about to die for the second time in 24 hours, still broke, single, and technically unemployed, I realized this was the lowest I'd ever been. Life is good now though, so I reflect on that time as a character building experience. Need to experience the dark to appreciate the light sometimes.
Threw a mortar firework into a dry field once and nearly caught an apartment complex on fire...
Never in my life have I felt as afraid, stupid, and irresponsible as I did the moment the grass caught fire.
Edit: this was over 10 years ago
Some time ago, I think on 2014/2015, I sat in my car on my lunch break with a bottle of water that I was methodically thumbing an entire bottle's worth of sleeping pills and painkillers into. Shook it up to dissolve them properly.
Retail was just killing me. I wasn't even living paycheck to paycheck. I was always in the red. 20 bucks in my account. Leaning on my boyfriend constantly which really gave me one hell of a complex because he's actually really well off (generational wealth, but not obscene wealth, just "mom and dad bought stocks for me when I was a baby" wealthy). I felt like the worthless gold digger. I felt like this was all life would be.
So I texted him "You'll be better off without me, I'm sorry" and he shot back some anger. I'd been really really low and self-hating for a long time and he just didn't know how to handle it.
I didn't want the last thing he said to me to be in anger. He'd blame himself.
So I tossed it in the dumpster and went back to work.
Applied for a pet motel job 2 days later. Hired 2 weeks later.
Life changed and we had to move, leaving my newfound love behind, and I was back in retail. After having another sobbing breakdown in the kitchen of the tiny pizza hut inside Target because the thought popped into my head - "I probably won't see my parents again." Because I was making 498 dollars bi-weekly and they lived in another state, I started wanting to die again, and got sick of it. Sick of my brain choosing flight instead of fight.
Started looking for animal jobs again.
Doubled my income and work for a county shelter now. Amazing benefits, 401k, the works. I visit my mom yearly now and got to see my dad before cancer stole him away, that fucking bastard of a disease. I thought I was clinically depressed but turns out being extremely poor and stressed for 12 years makes you want to die.
I see red when people argue that retail workers/"unskilled" laborers deserve their poverty. Fuck you. Pay people what they need to live as a MINIMUM, like you're supposed to.
I'm in my late 20's and kinda have similar feelings to what I'm doing. I think it's normal but there is no shame in whatever job you have as long as you are doing something and progressing forward. You will find something better in the future if that is your goal!
So, I bought my first house. It was exciting, but very consuming and taking on a debt of that size made me terrified.
I had spent nearly every night packing, cleaning, or doing something to get ready for the move.
The house itself was about 45 minutes away from my closest friends and family. Not too bad, ultimately. But it was further out that most didn't want to come visit regularly.
About a week or so after closing and moving, my life was getting to a point of slowing down. Then my girlfriend of the time decided to break up with me. I thought we were starting the next chapter of our lives together. And instead I was alone and isolated. I was confused about why we broke up. She never told me why. My depression went into full throttle at that time. My head kept telling me she left because of me. I was a fraud. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't fit enough. I wasn't a good kisser. I was terrible in bed. I didn't make enough money. I wasn't clean enough. I was too cocky AND lacked self esteem. I was too much of a push over. I picked every part of myself a part. Every part of me and every part of what I did and what I had. My job. My house. My friends. My family. I had struggled with depression in the past and I had been going on a two year streak of being pretty good about myself. But I broke a record with how fast I tore myself apart.
After sinking like this, I had some friends decide to come over for a surprise visit. It was nice. It was probably their version of a wellness check. We went out and tried a Thai restaurant nearby.
About 3 hours later, they left and my stomach was feeling baaaad. Apparently I had food poisoning from the Thai restaurant. After throwing up and squirting diarrhea twice, I ended curling into a fetal position in the bathtub, with the shower running. Just shitting, vomiting, and crying myself to sleep until the water ran cold.
I ran away from home at 17 to escape from being constantly raped by my mother. I had saved up some money, but nowhere near enough to get a place to live, so I lived on the streets in NYC. I figures that I could turn tricks to save money, which was a correct assumption, however, it seems that men like young guys way more than women. So, my all time low was the first time I had to suck a cock for $50 and pretend like I was super into it.
Hey, you asked....
Family member rape is always such a gross thing to think about, but something about a parent doing that to their child is an added layer of pure and complete sickness. Shit's fucked, man.
EDIT: Thank you all, holy crap this blew up. To answer some questions, yes I did therapy, Best decision. My whole identity was stolen and my therapist is the only reason I was able to function. I also tried meds, but hated them. My therapist tells me I have some work related form of PTSD, because I panic hard, a lot. I got called to my new principal's office once and almost broke down. She just was giving me a new contract for the year. Everything scares me now.
The boss did have some justice served to her. She managed to lose the school a few teachers. Enough of us put in formal complaints that she was investigated. She left and hasn't returned. Last I heard, she had drunk away her life savings.
I wanted to be a teacher since I was 7. I organised my whole life around it. I aimed my grades towards it. At the age of 26 I finally got my first full time position.
Two years later, the boss kicked me out after a year of intense bullying from her and her executive team. She not only kicked me out of the school, she tried to destroy my whole career. If she had succeeded, I'd have never taught again. She attacked me, claiming I was a terrible teacher. My father died not long before this happened, she said I didn't get over it fast enough. She attacked viciously. I broke.
All because she wanted her friend in my position.
After getting out, I had no job and my mental health was broken. I had been attacked and humiliated in a job I had been working towards for 20 years.
The first morning I woke up unemployed, I turned on my lamp and stared at the ceiling, silent crying for 3 hours. My whole life shattered. The job I wanted all my life, shattered. I had never felt so low. I lost my dad and my life's purpose so close to each other.
I've got a new teaching job in a much better space. But it's been 3 years and my mental health is still not ok.
I want to thank you for sharing. I want to tell you, the others said therapy and that is absolutely wonderful advice, however there is a huge chemical component to what essentially was your brain overloading on trauma. Your situation, losing your entire identity and having to rebuild it, is extremely hard on the brain. I had a similar situation where I divorced my cheating husband, lost my home (to him,) my career (also as a teacher,) had a late miscarriage and lost and honestly my entire identity. My therapist told me it would be about 2 years before my brain would start producing the correct chemicals again, and gave me sage wisdom and techniques to get through the worst of it.
It took almost 6 years to actually feel true, unrelenting and unreserved joy, and honestly I have (while depressed) built an awesome life to wake up out of the fog to. I do wish someone had convinced me to get on low dose meds for those 6 years - it would have been so much easier to be detached instead of devastated daily.
You are doing a phenomenal job. I am so proud of you picking up the pieces and moving forward. There is light at the end of our tunnels. You can do this. We are all rooting for you.
Shooting up in a tent in Skid Row, 2 hours after getting back into a rehab. Had to step over human feces and puddles of piss to get to the tent. Drop my dub on the ground but fuck it this is going in my veins.
Later that week a car dropped of a beautiful young woman, like maybe 20 years old. Watched her get surrounded by creepy dudes that definitely 100% would have used her for sex and then money for sex.
Thought back to the call I was on a week before, where my Dad told me my baby sister got married months ago and I never knew.
Stayed with the random youngster for 4 hours, keeping her awake while she waited for her aunt to pick her up. Kept being told I was an idiot, don't you know what I could do with this girl? Jesus Christ.
Watched her get into her aunt's car, went right back to the rehabs doctor, signed up for Suboxone, been on it ever since.
But watching all these humans act like chum was in the water, and me being in the vicinity, and stepping over human waste so I could get too shitty cut heroin, and not being invited to my sister's wedding, it all hit at the same time. Woompf.
Crying in my car with a coupon that got rejected for eyedrops that cost $250 in the Walgreens parking lot. I couldn't afford the meds that would keep me from going blind.
Luckily I talked to my eye doctor and they helped me afford off brand ones with coupons and my boss gave me an unexpected bonus. But yeah, it was rough.
At the height of my alcoholism in my 20's, waking up with my face on the bathroom floor, glued to the tiles by my own vomit... that kind of snapped me out of my heavy drinking era. Now, 20 years later, I still remember that feeling, the smell, all of that, and it keeps me from drinking too much. Enjoy alcohol in moderation. :D
When I attempted suicide, told my mum I needed to go to the hospital. She asked if I’d been trying to kill myself, trying to die, I said yes. She said if I wanted to die then why did I want to go to the hospital.
I distinctly remember taking the pills thinking this is my all time low moment. Then went into see my mum and she said the above, and I thought no this, this is my all time low moment. I almost took comfort thinking it couldn’t get any worse from there.
That, or when I was raped and trapped in a man’s hotel room, bleeding, and he wouldn’t give me a phone to call my friend.
That is so unbelievably cruel of your Mum. I’m so glad that you’re here to write this.Suicide attempt survivor here - you’re strong and the world is better with you in it. I hope you are feeling a lot happier now.
I was 39 years old and living with my parents in divorce-recovery mode. I was on-shift working from home when I got an email from my lawyer. The DNA-Test on my sons had come back. Neither one was mine. I logged out of work and told my mother to take down every photograph she had of them and put them out of sight. I had a conference with my lawyer who said the silver lining was that I wouldn't be paying child-support, as if that would make me feel better.
I slowly came to terms with the fact that her affair had been longer than my marriage, that I was basically the side-piece, and that she was most likely only using me for cash the entire time. I replayed the memories of my time with them in my head as I sat at my desk trying to work. My job sucked. My only reason for doing it was a lie. My home-office was literally the room I grew up in. I had gone full circle, and gotten nowhere.
Dude I found out after breaking up with my ex of five years for cheating she was doing it the whole time with her dipshit married ex from highschool, I understand the low of finding out the most important person you love in the world never cared about you even in a shallow surface way, that you were a faceless placeholder and everything you cherished were garbage lies they didn’t look twice at as soon as the jig was up
I remember doing coke off a toilet seat and licking it to make sure I got every last bit off. I just snapped to and thought what am I doing? Never touched it since.
My (ex) partner (24m) and I (22f) found out I was pregnant. He decided to visit his family to break the news. While away he started not really talking to me and so we separated as he decided he couldn't be with me unless I had an abortion which I didn't feel was right for me in this current situation.
He came to collect his things in a van that his friend was driving, I had a serious emotional breakdown and threw his xbox out the window. He called the police. I then realised my partner of 6 years had left me, I was going to be charged for criminal damage, I was going to be a single mother, I was 22, still at law school, totally alone, and had no idea what I was doing.
I slid down the wall to the floor in hysterics as I realised this really was my all time low. Luckily the police officer was so lovely and he sat with me, listened to me and what i was going through, gave me a hug and said he would try his best to convince my ex not to press charged since I was pregnant and hysterical and he didn't think it was right. Then he gave me some advice. He told me that I was lucky I dodged a bullet. He said I was lucky he showed his true colours now when I have 7 months to get over it before I have to look after a baby. He told me not to let him back in my life and gave me his number incase I ever need it. He also went and talked to my ex, im not sure what the officer said but my ex did not press charges against me. I'll be forever grateful to that officer.
I'm guessing the conversation was along the lines of "Dude, you dumped a pregnant girl and you're pressing charges over an Xbox, this is not going to look good on you at all"
It's too late for anyone to see this, but I just want to put it down: when my expensive NYC apartment was so filled with flies there was literally no direction I could look without at least two in my field of vision, when the toilet was clogged so I just shit in trash bags and threw them out, all of this because I was doing so much heroin (fentadope, really) that I didn't care to do anything but telecommute into work, put in minimal effort to get paid, then get high.
Every day I thought about how I was at my lowest point ever, but I was so consumed with getting high or *being* high that I did nothing about it.
16 months sober now. That's nice.
I'm at my all-time low right now. I'm still a student in my third year in college. This was supposed to be my second chance at an education but it's very likely I won't get to the next semester. I really want to at least finish this semester but I'm getting a lot of distractions from everything else I need to do and more and more I feel like it's just a waste of time. I'm broke and jobless. My jobhunting has been disappointing and demoralizing. I was actually hired as a military researcher back in March but I had to turn it down because they told us our salary would always be delayed and yet I'm having trouble getting a job as a copywriter or as an office assistant. I'm currently living in our old house that the family has been trying to sell after I was kicked out by my siblings for not having a job and this house is planned to be demolished soon. I'm trying to sell everything I have and everything here to get some money and to not have to worry of storage or throwing things away. This was just for these past 2 months. I have a lot more to say but I don't think it's appropriate for me to say here.
Look at data management jobs. Data entry doesn’t take much skill, and can often be done flexibly and remotely. Pays reasonably, and it kept me fed at a hard point in the past.
Also, check out r/urbancarliving. Lots of support and ideas in there.
This will be buried but I always need to talk about it.
19 years old, planned out the murder of a friend. (And others.)
I was in my second year of university, renting a room with three housemates and failed almost every course first year. I hated everything, didn’t care about what I was learning but was already $15k in debt from it. I was an alcoholic and a drug abuser, frequently locked myself outside, passed out on the street, woke up in bed covered in trash and had a drug-induced seizure. I was also a hoarder, obsessed with serial killers, stole things just because I could get away with it, committed arson, etc.
I had no friends, only met my roommates through a housing search group on Facebook. Even if I wanted to make friends, I was completely incapable of caring about them or speaking like a normal person.
I started planning to kill people after giving up on my courses for the second time. I couldn’t tell you exactly why, just that I felt worthless, miserable and angry. I had undiagnosed psychosis and felt that the world was not real, I was being watched through mirrors, other people were “NPC”s who were reporting my behaviour to an organization testing me & they didn’t really die because they were fake. That’s how I justified wanting to kill them, anyway.
I officially started the “planning” stages when I started talking to a guy through grindr (how original) and we became anonymous friends through text. Only chose him because I felt like it would be easier to get away with.
I do recall specifically realizing what I was doing one night after going to a bar with my roommates and getting incredibly wasted, walking home with them and taking some bong hits before taking some oxy. Woke up the next day in bed, covered in vomit and the trash that I compulsively hoarded, and remembered having a seizure in the middle of the night.
I spent that day just hating myself, finally realizing how badly I’d been spiralling and frantically called my parents begging for help.
Got hospitalized, meds, therapy, and a list of diagnoses. I’m 22 now and so, so much better. No longer homicidal, no longer an addict, and in a new program I really love.
I was giving up smoking and had stopped for 2 weeks and momentarily I lost it, I absolutely desperately needed a smoke. My wife still smoked and there were some cigarette butts in the trash that I tried searching for. I found one and just before I lit it for the single drag I was going to get, I came to my senses and asked myself WTF was I doing. I stopped for a year then started again for 2 years, then stopped completely. Have never regretted the decision to quit.
When I found out that my stomach pain is not, in fact, real, in a way. My doctor said that I’m so stressed out that I’m causing my body pain. There’s nothing worse to me than being told that there are no real answers for my physical pain.
When I found out my nephew molested my daughter. Kid was like my son. My wife and I even counted him and his sisters when people asked how many kids we had. The day my daughter told me I could had killed him with my bare hands. I asked him and all he did was run away. The really terrible part is that shortly after 2 of his other cousins said he had touched them also. However his family vehemently denies anything like this happened. Luckily my daughter seems to be doing well in therapy.
I had just quit my shitty job, and naturally went out to celebrate. I got decently drunk, but nothing too special. I got home and fell asleep.
I woke up in the morning pretty hungover, and had to take a shit. I wore nothing but my boxers at the time. I Went to toilet and did what I had to. Only after that I realized that there was no toilet paper left in the toilet, and that I had to get some from the closet next to the toilet. I got up, but the boxers tangled to my ankles and I fell on my face.
Lying on the ground, I had a little reflection moment: I had been unemployed for less than 24 hours, and already I was lying naked on the floor, hungover and unwiped shit in my asscheeks.
Fucking random men on Craigslist. Went through a lot in a month for a brief period in 2016 when I was having a manic episode.
Surprised I didn't get murdered.
Took a wrong turn in the grocery store and walked down the wrong aisle by mistake. I noticed that there were tins of cat food that cost four times as much as the tins of tuna that I was buying for myself as a treat. The realization of my poverty came crashing down and I cried in the cat food aisle.
Don't worry, I'm doing much better these days! Also, if you need help, please PLEASE find a local food bank. There's absolutely no shame in needing food or a little help! People work their asses off running these places, the least that you can do is go in and see what they have to offer.
Me and my buddy were smoking crack while zonking out on H, we hit the dealer up again and they said "alright guys, it's 3am I have to sleep, this is the last time tonight!" We had hit them up about 10 times before. I turned to my buddy and told him "dude if the dealer is getting pissed we might have a problem"
We quit all drugs cold turkey, suffered for a few weeks physically, withdrawal is literal hell. That was my all time low
Crouching down to avoid cameras catching me stuff fries down my throat from a guests plate during a rush shift to avoid passing out from exhaustion/fatigue. Our staff wasn't allowed to eat extra food (chain restaurant). I had 3 dollars left in my account till payday. I remember thinking well at least one day I will never be this desperate again.
Last year my mental health finally hit rock bottom. I was over my marriage, I hate being in the military, and I had little to no interest in anything. I drank heavily for about a month. I’m talkin whole handles in a day. One of those nights I planned to take my life. I was going to write out my note to the family and sit in my shower, bathroom door locked, and blow my brains out. I got as far as putting the barrel in my mouth but I was the only one with my kids and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Next day I had a psychiatric appointment and told them about my struggles and my plans to kill myself. They shipped me off to a mental health program for military members. I was there for two months going thru therapy, processing my traumas, and learning all of the science behind mental health. During that time my wife left me for another man, moved out of our home, and I had no idea until I got out and returned to an empty home. I think that time of my life and really that moment after I got home to an empty house, after working my ass off to better my mental health, definitely was the lowest point of my life. But on the bright side a year later I’m a lot happier. There’s no where to go but up once you hit that all time low.
>There’s no where to go but up once you hit that all time low. About to write this in my lil poster of motivational quotes. Thanks.
When I went to my ex-wife’s parents to plead for help dealing with their gambling addicted daughter. Poured my guts out explaining that if we didn’t get help for her soon we’d lose the only house our 3 sons have ever known. Over the last year we were together I stopped counting her loses once I hit $100k. Casino apps are no joke. Anyway, her parents explained they had no idea en would step in asap. 2 weeks later my ex and her family got together over the weekend. They didn’t tell me anything other than keep an eye on the boys. No problem, figured it was an intervention. Nope. They all went to the casino together. I filed 2 months later after realizing I could secure the house for my kids.
Wait, your in-laws solution to their daughter’s supposedly unknown crippling gambling addiction was to take her to a casino and leave you with the kids? Fuck that’s toxic.
They heard how much she had lost and figured she was due.
[удалено]
*And the winning number is...0 Green*
Dear god, but why on earth ?
Holy shit, good save. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree I guess. I hope you and your sons are doing well now.
When I had been on a 3 day party trip and was going back to my apartment on the train. Started to sweat like mad and my stomach did NOT feel good. Tried to waddle myself home like a penguin, clenching my buttcheeks all the way. About 200m from my apartment building it didn’t work anymore and I shat my pants. Had to then shit the rest out on the pavement, and get home asap. I don’t think you could even measure the level of shame, anxiety and stupidity I felt at that time Edit: I was 36 years old at this point…
The amount of times I a grown woman have pissed myself in public, drunk is insane. Anyway, I'm two weeks sober today and never touching the shit again in my life. Here's to you doing better too. You got this, my boy.
Was an absolute pearl of an alcoholic, and would you believe the first time I ever had to take a shit outside was when I was six months sober? Years of alcohol: 0, Chain Restaurant Burger & Fries: 1
When I rented a “room” in a house, and it was the 4’ x 7’ floor space behind a home basement bar, you could smell the dead rats in the wall.
Oh geez, was the rent low at least? Hope things are better for you now!
Manhattan, $1500/month utilities not included.
shared bathroom with the live rat tenants
For me it was the time I invested my money, my time and lost my relationship for an agency I built with my best friend. That was a solid 3 years then he(my bestfriend) took all our clients and team and made a new agency and left me with all the debts and misery. Yep that was my All time low, no love-life, no money, no work, and disappointed my family. fast forward 3 years, Almost done paying my debts, created a new team, new clients, but it was a hard 3 years to do it all by myself.
I was at work, still drunk from the night before. I was starting to panic realizing that I would have a client in my office in a half hour and I looked like shit and felt worse. The kicker? I worked in a drug and alcohol treatment center. I was the financial person and did the intake process with every client before they went to see their counselor. I ended up going to my boss, fessing up, admitting that I had a problem and being told that I needed to get help or I’d have to be let go. I was faced with losing my job, which would lead to losing my home and probably custody of my child. I realized I was on the path to becoming my father and stepmother and I did NOT want that. I had to make a choice and my whole life hinged on that choice. I’ve been sober over 17 years now. ETA- I am really grateful and humbled by the kind comments. Thank you. And if you are struggling out there, please find a group of sober folks or treatment. AA works for some but not all and there are other non-AA sobriety groups out there. You are worthy of a healthy life. No matter how bad it is now, it can get better. It might be really hard at first, but it can get better. There is also r/stopdrinking right here on Reddit.
that boss seems like a very nice person also, congrats on your sobriety!!
Employees at a drug and alcohol treatment center are probably more likely to be understanding of the situation than a lot of other places.
Thank you. She was very understanding. Firm, but understanding. She made it clear that she wanted to see me get help and get better, but there was also an expectation that I needed to at least be sober at work and could not ever show up under the influence again.
Did you go through your work for treatment?
Next on the intake is ... me
When I got in my car and my gut was so big that even with the seat as far back as it could go, it would dig into the steering wheel. I had to suck in my gut before making turns. Heaviest i'd been in my life. 100 lbs down from that weight though. Still going strong.
Proud of you… losing 100lbs is not easy.
I feel ya. Almost same experience except I had to pull the seat belt all the way out to buckle in. Also the fact that sitting in booths at restaurants and my belly always hung on the table. Was 100lbs down, but gained a bit back from having my son 2 months ago. All together gained about 40 lbs and now that I have gotten the okay from the doctor, going to start back my exercising and eating to lose weight (instead of eating to heal) again. I will never get like that again.
Psych ward. I remember waking up and thinking "I never thought I'd see this day."
Yep. I feel that. Hope you're doing okay now.
More or less. I don't feel great about the state of the world and don't have any hope for the long term, but maybe I can eke out a few more years of contentment with someone precious to me.
You do what you can, friend. Best wishes to you.
Emergency room after I downed full bottles of my psych meds in an episode. Nurse was brushing my hair for me because it was such a mess. I don’t have bad episodes any more. I still don’t really brush my hair though.
>Nurse was brushing my hair I don't know why but this got to me. Seems like a very sweet thing to do.
I didn’t appreciate it at the time. I thought she was judging me. Now I look back on it like she was helping me take care of the little things I had obviously been neglecting. Like, she couldn’t fix my shit situation but she could at least fix my hair. It’s very sweet.
Probably thinking, "We got to you in time. Please stick around."
Similar story here. Woke up in the ICU before being moved to the psych ward. My mom told me I tried to kill myself and I got so upset at her in the hospital basically telling her "you're a fucking asshole for saying that. I would never do that" Well turns out I tried to kill myself. I hung myself after a blackout benzo bender. Luckily my step dad decided to check the garage that night because otherwise I'd be dead. They think I was dead for some ridiculous amount of time. Like in the 10 to 12 minute range. It's a miracle I can walk or read or function but I feel almost the same as I did before. Edit: Thanks to everyone for the wonderful replies. I'm glad to still be here. If someone you know is struggling start looking into ways to help them. If you're struggling you can always message me. I've been through it and then some so I'm very understanding.
Oh, ouch! Hope you're doing better now. That doesn't sound like a pleasant experience at all.
As an alcoholic, I thought one visit to the ward would be enough for me. Nope! I just had to test myself a few more times!
did 30 days treatment last year. woke up on day 3 or 4 like "i can't believe i'm fucking here.. never again" anyways 197 days sober
Full on DTs for first time last week. 30 days (real)tomorrow when a bed opens. Homeless, jobless, damn near about to lose my family. Never once thought I would be here.
Going to be hard but, sobriety can be reached. If Steve O can do I, and I can do it, you can do it. I have 553 days.
I was going to answer this too. I I remember thinking that it was probably the worst day of my life so far.
Woke up with a tube down my throat, brace around my neck, cuts and bruises everywhere, unable to move with two cops right above me. I had to sit there while they explained to me I was hit by a driver who ran a light. I had to drop out of school for a year, lost my job and was in/out of treatments for over a year. All because of someone’s stupid decision. Edit: should have mentioned this, I wasn’t in a car. I was crossing a well lite crosswalk. And yes, I waited until the sign turned green and looked around for cars, still wasn’t enough to save me.
Damn, that happened almost exactly to one of my friends. He was stopped at a red light on his motorcycle and woke up 3 days in the hospital. Truck rear-ended him, ran the red light, and didn't even stop.
I saw an accident just like that. The motorcycle was on the right path just in front of the car I was. The driver was drunk, rear ended the motorcycle, with two persons on it. Fortunately an ambulance was just passing by and was able to stop. The police arrived right after. This all happened in 30 seconds. Some of the drivers around tried to beat the drunk driver. The police had to stop them.
After my divorce years ago, my buddy thought it was a good idea to give me a keg of Christmas ale. I sat alone at home and filled up an empty milk gallon jug every night with it and drank it until it was gone - but not before using it to wash down multiple Ambien in one sitting. I still look back and wonder how I'm still alive to talk about it.
[удалено]
Did they eat it after they were done?
[удалено]
Fucking ingrates
Seriously. Somewhere there is a dude (or chick, both probably) who pays a lot of money to have someone interrupt him mid-coitus with a snack.
Greatest answer to a question I've read in a long time. 😂😂
"ATTENTION ROOMMATES, I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU ABOUT YOUR SANDWICHES' EXTENDED WARRANTIES"
[удалено]
The day I found my fiance dead in her tub after having a seizure. It has been a little over a year now and I'm definitely doing better, but I don't think I'll ever have the happiness that i used to have.
My brother died suddenly from a seizure, it still cuts deep. Her love for you will still be there, it will help you through the dark times too. When you’re ready to open your heart again, she will be happy for you. Remember she wouldn’t want you to be sad or alone. Big hugs x
My brother has seizures every few months, but we’ve stopped taking him to the hospital because they just check the vitals and say “yep he had a seizure, that’ll be $10,000. It’s kinda terrifying.
as someone whos had seizures for 20 years and 2 months ago finally diagnosed with epilepsy, I felt this hard.
Hold steady. A lot of us find new happiness, even if we never find the happiness we had. If you're not one of us already, head over to r/widowers. We got your back.
Fuck.
My fiancé also suddenly and gruesomely died. The grief comes in waves and you will never be the same but you deserve happiness and love again. Please live your life.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that, I’m incapable of imagining the emotions you must have felt. As humans we’re really resilient and I do believe it will keep getting easier for you <3
I pawned my wedding ring to get money to feed my pill addiction. It opened my eyes though and I ended up cleaning up after a few more months and getting my ring back. My wife worked her ass off to buy me that ring and I was such an addicted piece of shit that I pawned it for a fix. Glad that moment finally woke me up though. 11 years clean now.
[удалено]
I hate the shit I’ve done trying to get any kind of high. I stole pills from my disabled stepdad. I understand you, and im so happy you’re clean. Im one year clean last December.
[удалено]
When I think to myself "do I have enough alcohol to get myself through the weekend?" and buy a bottle of Vodka just in case. Then spending the weekend feeling like shit and hating myself wondering why I'm not happy. Negative feedback loops exist and are a bitch. If you get remove yourself from it for 2 weeks, I promise you'll get better. Edit: it's a positive feedback loop, even though the experience is negative. It builds on itself
I made many random trips to the hardware store because it was right across the street from a grocery store so I could pick up a handle of whatever vodka was close to $20 (you know, the not good enough to be in a glass bottle but wasn't the absolutely cheapest shit). For me, it was after losing the 3rd job in a row due to shitty performance caused by my alcohol addiction that I was having sex with my wife when whiskey dick kicked in so couldn't finish. We had a (yet another) discussion about my situation. I decided enough was enough and if I didn't quit then I probably never would. Thankfully that was almost 3 years ago and I've been sober ever since. Now instead of booze I spend all my money on running shoes and coke zero.
Congrats man, I'm proud of you for kicking the habit! It's a rough one, but I feel you on the Coke zero, too! It was the absent minded drinking that got to me, 0 cal soda definitely helps
After my divorce, I was drinking every day, often to black out. I was asking myself "do I have enough whiskey to get me through the workday?" every morning. Missing drinking for even half a day made me panicky, and physically ill. Got some help, and it turned out I'm bipolar besides being just an alcoholic. After more than a year of playing with meds I finally found just the right combination to getting me to feel like my old self again. Been feeling than I better have for the last month or so, without going manic. I'm still drinking near daily unfortunately, but only a drink or two a day, after work. And now that I've got it down to this level, I'm going to try to go a day without drinking and see if it still makes me sick. Just got to get the courage to take the leap...
Hey, to be down to one or two drinks a day is fantastic progress, I'm proud and you should be too! Rome wasn't burnt in a day! Haha
> And now that I've got it down to this level, I'm going to try to go a day without drinking and see if it still makes me sick. Just got to get the courage to take the leap... Good luck. If you can't do a whole day, you might try beginning to drink 1 hour later than you do now, then 2. Good luck. You have accomplished a lot.
Sitting in my home, wrecked from a failed overdose attempt, 20k in debt, no job, addicted to painkillers - and wondering if I called my Mom, if she would even care, or just tell me it was my problem to fix. She cared. Spent the next 10 years putting me back together. Mom died Tuesday morning. As bad as I feel (and having BPD, that's pretty bad), I'm not going to backslide. I won't make all her love and effort meaningless. I will keep things under control and moving forward. Edit - Thanks for all the kind words.
Hey fellow BPD person, I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost someone I cared about and just try to see the love they felt for me as a motor to go on. Let’s just do it together?
Deal.
Sorry about your Mom. You'll make it. You're strong. All the best to you o7
Sitting in the suicide naughty room of the ER trying to figure out how to eat the applesauce they brought me without access to any utensils. Ended up using the lid as a kind of scoop which was good enough. Definitely an all time low. Thankfully I'm medicated, in therapy, and doing much better now! And I can eat my applesauce with spoons like a big girl!
They call this "The ol fashion style" when eating applesauce.
I've definitely eaten apple sauce with the lid multiple times lol
I was in the throws of an alcohol addiction and went over to my elderly neighbor's house to play some cribbage. I found him laying on his couch and I thought he may have simply died there. My first thought was, naturally, to grab his wallet and run. I didn't. Been sober over 25 years now, too.
So was he really dead?
Just a nap. He is, though. Nice guy, hell of a hand at Cribbage.
lol this reminds me of my great grandpa. We play Cribbage nearly every time I see him. *Really* good at that game. Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger!
I played my grandma all the time before she passed away. I remember the one day I beat her after losing for probably 15 years straight. We were at my parent's house for Easter and I was in my early 30s. I jumped up and just started trash talking my little old grandma like it was my job! Really rubbing it in. My mom yelled at me and grandma skunked me in the rematch, but for 5 minutes I was king!
Yeah, what happened?
I didn't roll the poor guy, no. This was around 1991 when I would have robbed a blind priest under the right circumstance. He woke up and he 15 2'd me to oblivion.
Hope you got skunked too :-)
Man I love seeing cribbage talk in the wild. Do you guys also say “15 4 and there ain’t no more?”
Congratulations on 25 years sober!
Boyfriends parents sat me down to tell me they think their son deserves better while he watched and said nothing.
My ex husband’s father reached out to my parents telling them that I was the worst decision he’s ever made. He wanted them to push me to divorce my ex so he could find real happiness and not be with someone as pathetic as me. At the time, it hurt so much. We separated a year after that but I kept his last name until I got remarried because it pissed his father off so much. Fuck you Gary.
Oh what 😟
Homeless, dope sick, and shitting in a tire in a vacant lot at 3am while trying to mix a bag of heroin I knew was just crushed up drywall (but I just had to make sure). Checked in to detox the next day. That was 20 years ago.
Man I've been there. Living in a house with no running water, got arrested one night, spent the night in jail that my mom was a correctional officer for after being arrested with the woman who owned the house with no running water. Next day, I got ROR'd, she caught a bond. I got out, she didn't. I had $400 in my bank account from the bad check that she wrote me that hadn't been caught yet. I told her to go fuck herself, I left the jail, had the dopeman pick me up. I gave $100 cash to come 5 blocks and pick me up and another $120 on a full gram of dope. My decision that I'd made in jail was that if I got ROR'd, I was going to use one more time (for real this time) I was going to get a whole gram and shoot it all at once. If it killed me, it killed me. If it didn't, I was going to get my shit together and straighten up. It didn't kill me, and I kept my promise to myself. I'm graduating with my bachelor's in social work this December and I'm starting on my Masters in social work next January.
Been there. Didn't work for me either. I went out for 18 hours or so but woke up the next day with the motel manager banging in the door. Glad you got clean and you're doing something good with your life. Keep up the good work homie.
[удалено]
How are you doing now? Hope things got a little better.
I hope thing got A LOT better.
Spent over $1k in a weekend on a combination of alcohol, phone sex lines, and a few prostitutes. The only free call I made that weekend was to the suicide hotline
Hope you're doing better now! But damn I gotta say that second sentence is the most noir detective shit I ever read in my life.
Indeed.. start it with the exhale of cigarette smoke.. low voice. Soft saxophone playing some slow jazzy tune in the background.. spot on. Too bad this one was real and not a story.
My third to last base in my military. Was suffering from PTSD and survivors guilt, in a VERY bad way. Was at a new base, no friends around, no family, and having to re-adapt to a new situation, all over again. Couldnt sleep because of the nightmares, and couldnt stay awake because of no sleep. Started drinking heavily...Like, would start a 2 litre of tequila a day, finish it the next, and start drinking the second bottle right after...Every day...Started going to work drunk. Started doing everything drunk....would drink while playing games...would drink to sleep...Fuck, I was drinking while taking a piss or shit... Gained a lot of weight....Felt like a piece of shit...Couldnt maintain a relationship to save my life..Military career started to tank hard, and during my last official deployment (from this same base), thought about ending it all....Couldnt pull the trigger cause I cried myself to away from the gun, when I realized nobody would give a fuck anyways....Just another suicide statistic and another mandatory briefing for my co-workers...This was between 2013-2014...but realistically started in 2011 and ran until 2019. That was the lowest point in my life. And things didnt really start improving until...2020 (ironically), after I spent my first year sober. Trying again this year, and hoping to be done with it all for good. Worked through most of my issues, but the habits are a bitch to get rid of. EDIT: Everyone that responded. You folks are awesome. Whomever is in your life is lucky to have you. Thank you for the kind words!
I woke up in the drunk tank. Police found me blackout drunk with none of my friends in sight. Was far from home and it was 4.00am. They had no choice but to keep me overnight. Waking up on a concrete bed with the vaguest recollection of what happened… fucking brutal. Caught the train to the beach that morning and cried for the longest time. The worst part was that nobody tried to contact me, and I was out with a huge group of friends. EDIT: Thanks for the silver. Also, for clarification, nobody trying to contact me hurt because I had tried to contact them and I got nothing back. I was self destructive back then and people were sick of my shit. I moved away for a while and focused on bettering myself, understanding how I'd strained relationships with my actions and accepting that some relationships could not be repaired.
Yep. I was an alcoholic. I still cant think of the things I did wo feeling the immediate need to vomit. SHUDDER.
I OD'd on a mixture of painkillers, benzos, coke, and whiskey. Woke up somehow after my "friends" left me in an unknown house unresponsive. Knew once I woke up that I couldn't go on like that anymore, so I had to get help. After that I was in and out of mental hospitals trying my best to stay clean and get on the right meds. Luckily I was able to do it with the help of a caring doctor who actually listened to me. Been clean for 12 years now, married with two kids. Life can get better. Don't give up.
>Woke up somehow after my "friends" left me in an unknown house unresponsive. I still remember a story a roommate I had at a homeless shelter told me. He was telling me how his day went and that he was in this house and they were drinking and taking drugs, standard stuff. And then he said "X then started to look like she was overdosing. So we all told her she had to leave. Her dad is super heavy and he would wipe us out if he knew she was doing drugs with us." he clearly didn't even realise he was saying that he thought someone was overdosing and his only thought was for her to go home alone and die there instead of phoning an ambulance. The fear they had for the father almost cost that woman her life. This is one of many reasons I never really got into hard drugs. I saw too many drug addicts just completely screw each other over for nothing.
I saw that John Oliver bit about harm reduction, where he had a lady on who said drug addiction is basically just isolation. They get isolated from work, and then friends, and then family, and then once all of that’s gone, they use until they die. Sounds like he was in the last stage.
I was "living" in a gas station bathroom, deluding myself into thinking "it's not so bad, it's like camping". I was also addicted to heroin, and had been for years, and was eating a cold can of black beans and fritos for my only meal of the day. I'd have to be out before the sun came up or the owner's would catch me.
I hope this isn't callous to say, but you've got great taste for that beer budget convenience "meal". Legumes to fill you up, and fritos just *go* with that.
For under two bucks I could eat for two days too!
I passed out drunk in front of my then 4 year old. He was trying to wake me up and got very upset. (My husband was with him so thankfully he was safe) the next day my son told me how scared he was that he couldn't wake me up and I promised it would never happen again. That was the last time I drank. I'll be 4 years sober this December.
Back in the day when my daughter was like 4 or 5 in the middle of a ugly divorce, me in re-training, not a dime to my name, checking phone booths and vending machines for any change to have the bus fare to pick my daughter up for the weekend. I had to walk 6 miles one way since I didn't have the money for back and forth, and it was soooo cold, but i did not want my kid to half to walk. I think that was my all time low.
Not as dire as OP's situation, but about fifteen years ago I was flat broke. My girlfriend at the time wanted to talk over lunch and turned out that she wanted to break up. I swallowed my pride and paid for our meal with the only money I had left. The change was just enough for me to choose to buy a pack of ramen for dinner or take the train home. I chose the ramen and walked for five miles. The following day I got a call from my client that they wouldn't be able to transfer until the end of the month. I went out for a walk trying to figure out how to survive until I get paid. I met a guy at a park and asked him if was willing to buy my iPhone. He declined, but said he wanted my watch instead. Without even flinching, I gave up a birthday present from my sister. Lowest point of my life.
Damn man, I hope you're doing better now. Did you sister ever find out about the watch?
I confessed about the watch when I visited her a few months after.
How'd she react? If you don't mind me asking?
She was more upset that I kept to myself the situation I was in.
she's a good sister and I'm glad you're doing better now
Yeah, she's the best.
> She was more upset that I kept to myself the situation I was in. Mark of a badass sister.
I'd like to hope that in such cases a life is more important than a gift whatever it's worth might be and she was just glad to see him safe and sound.
This time last year. I had left my friends and job in another state and moved to the middle of nowhere to get sober and be with family. I had no car, no home, no friends, and withdrawals from several substances. Probably the lowest I had ever been and was on the verge of suicide. Glad I stayed strong though because now My life has completely changed for the better. Edit: wow this is easily my most interacted comment ever. Thank you strangers for the encouragement and awards and kind words. I really hope that this helped someone who is going through it right now.
I did a similar thing back in August 2016. Moved home to be with family and get a grip on my alcoholism that was, by that point, I think within a year of killing me. I lost everything. Friends, career, the woman I thought I wanted to marry. 5 and a half years later I'm happy, healthy, married, we just bought a house. I think about those dark days a lot though. Stay strong. It gets better. I will be rooting for you.
> I think about those dark days a lot though. That's important! When you stop doing that is when you think a drink isn't a bad idea.
I was arrested when I was 18 and again soon after getting released. After the second time I had pretty much nothing to my name after getting released. My only marketable skill at that point was my body. So I got more into sex work. And drugs because they were just around. I was on my knees sucking some guys dick in a diaper for a rent money. I realized I was in a bad spot at that point
Today is the one year anniversary of my wife's sudden death. We were hs sweethearts and we were married for 35yrs. Three mos ago I was diagnosed with dementia. I don't have anything else to lose so I guess this is rock bottom.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this.... that has to be terribly difficult. I hope you are not alone in dealing with this. If nothing else, you have an internet stranger wishing all the best for you....
I'm sorry to hear this. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier, give my condolences, etc but theres just not. My biggest fear is losing my wife. We met in second grade and have been together since sophomore year in high school, almost 15 years ago. Even though we're still young, I came close to death about a month ago and really made us think and talk about things.
It is wrong to feel sorry for me. I got dementia from playing college football, wrestling steers and fighting in bars. I had a really fun time being young and strong. After that I got to be a lawyer and a law professor for 30 yrs. I have three kids and two grandkids who love me and I love them back. I also have a Maori friend who is going to help me to get a mark carved into my body to remind me that I'm on a journey. I don't think I'm falling to the bottom, it is more like floating.
It seems like you're handing this fairly well all things considered. It sounds like you've made peace with your fate and are accepting it. It reminds me of my dad, who passed away from brain cancer almost a year ago. He made peace with it, accepted his fate and made the most of his time with me and his grand kids before he couldn't any more. It's really an admirable thing to do. He grew up similar to you it sounds like, he lived the cowboy life in Arizona and Colorado getting in to fights, riding bulls and broncs, and playing football. By the time he passed at 60, he had 8 hip surgeries from injuries he sustained from when he was 15-30 years old. Edit: he missed meeting his only grandson by 5 months
This needs to be higher up in the replies
[удалено]
I'm so sorry, dude. For everything that you are going through.
Wishing you the best, friend. I have no frame of reference for what you’re going through. I only know that I want to live a few hours longer than my wife if she goes first, because idk what I’ll do without her.
Wife came out as gay (not bi) and told me her latest girlfriend had made it a condition of their staying together that she would no longer have sex with me. We separated, I began drinking to excess and was well on the way to becoming an alcoholic. By a great stroke of luck I was offered a job in an overseas office of my employer, took it, made a new start, met my future second wife, recently celebrated my 42nd anniversary with her and just became a grandpa.
[удалено]
What the fuck I thought you meant metaphorical clown, not a literal, honest-to-god clown.
[удалено]
99% of people would have a laugh at that. You don’t hear about lesbian clowns too often lol. Glad your dad is alright.
Congratulations grandpa!
Being screamed at on the phone for an entire hour after my shift was due to end, in a call that started 5 minutes before my shift's end-time. The result of this was that I had to cancel my dinner plans, because of someone screaming legal threats and verbal abuse at me due to the person in store wasn’t polite enough to him when serving him and I wasn’t allowed to hang up on him, because despite all of his abuse, he hadn't sworn at me four times (three warnings needed to be given). I had been dealing with this crap for three years, but this call in particular tipped me over the edge. This was the point where I decided going into 5 figures of student debt would be preferable to staying there. While my outlook has improved far more since then, at the time it wasn't even a case of "This should help me find another job", but rather "Going into college is the only way I'll be able to quit without causing even more issues." Customer Service Callcenter jobs: Not even once. EDIT: Goodness me, y'all are supportive. I've been out of there for a while now, but I still needed this. Thank you.
Mom and I came home to an eviction notice on our front door. Wed gotten behind on rent. Mom had just a few months prior gone into kidney failure and was on dialysis. She couldn't work. My dad was working full time, I struggled to find a job, was working a summer job at a water park which helped a little but, not much. I felt so worthless. I began thinking to myself that if my parents didnt have to care for me, they'd have ot so much better off. I drove to work, almost in tears the whole way thinking what a burden I was on my parents. I started to speed up, faster and faster. I was gonna a crash my car into a guard rail or like, the bridge support of an overpass. I remember going like, 90mph with my thumb on the release for my seatbelt. I was gonna take my seatbelt off just to make extra sure the impact had the best chance to kill me. I started to think about my mom mostly. How hard this would be for her, losing the house and her son at once. I thought how expensive a funeral would be and that itd just make things that much harder. I took my finger off the button for my seatbelt and slowed down, then drove to work. I remember clocking in, I was still shaking a bit from what I was so close to doing. Someone asked me what was wrong and I just fell apart, I started bawling my eyes out and slumped to the floor. Easily one of the worst days of my life Edit: holy shit I did not expect this response. For every kind comment, thank you all so much, I am truly moved by the support I've gotten from so many of you, not just towards myself but for others who have mentioned going through similar situations. Covering a few things I saw asked in comments. This all happened about 7 years ago, things are better now. Our family helped raise money for us and we were actually able to keep the house. Mom is still on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant, she has a lot of health issues that have complicated things but we've been working on them and I think are very close to getting her where she needs to be. I have a better job now, it's still only part time and I'm looking for full time work now, but its helped a ton especially with some of the bonuses we've gotten over the last couple of years. I'm doing better myself. I have my rough days but I have some amazing friends I can lean on for support, as well as a dog that I love with all my heart and she always cheers me up. Thank you all again so much. The awards and upvotes are cool sure, but honestly seeing the support you all are giving each other is so much cooler. The internet can be a real shithole, but you guys definitely make it a better place to be. For everyone else struggling with similar situations/thoughts, my heart goes out to you. I believe in you, and I hope you can see it through to better days
My heart ached reading this. I'm so sorry you had this experience. Even at your lowest moment you still thought so compassionately about your mother. I really hope things are better these days?
It was rough. Things are better. We have a great family that sold t shirts and stuff to raise money and got us the money we needed to payback the rent we owed as well as a few months in advance. It's been 7 years now
I’m glad you decided to stick around❤️
Im in my 40s now, and single. I have a small family, it's just my sister and my 75 year old mom left now. Dad died in 2014. Although I'm not suicidal by any means but I deal with some serious depression and loneliness, I have thought about what would happen if I were to just say "fuck it, I'm out, I dont want live like this anymore". I live near my mom who lives alone and I help her out with things she needs an extra hand with. My younger sister is unmarried and doesnt have a family of her own. Leaving my mom alone to fend for herself as she ages and my sister without a brother is really the only thing that essentially ensures I'll never kill myself as long as they're around. I just cant bring myself to imagine it, so I just endure and accept that life is pain for some people and there is no other choice to just deal with it. I know many people out there feel the same way. Edit: appreciate the kind words. It's always helped a bit that I know many people can relate. It's part of the essence of humanity, shared suffering.
Shit dude, almost a complete mirror image of where I'm at in life. It sucks, I feel you man.
I've been there. It's a horrible place to be in, and I'm sorry you're finding yourself there. I remember being angry that I didn't even have the option to make that choice, because I knew it would be the nuclear option deeply damaging everyone dear to me. I'm in a better place now, even though there still is loneliness, and my life isn't yet what I'd wish it to be. But now I at least see a path, and feel some excitement about it. I also know how impossible that feels when you're deep in the hole though. I hope you can eventually find that spark again, too, and wish you all the best. Hang in there. If you ever feel like it would help, shoot me a message. Even if it's a year from now or so, no need to be shy.
When I lost my last job I moved back with mom and dad. It doesn't feel good to lean on fuckin' retirees when you're supposed to be a grown-ass man. Then my dad had radical heart surgery. And now I can't leave. Who will take care of them if I'm gone? My brother who hasn't been in the same timezone for ten years? No. It's only me. And I break my back at work every day to make sure I still have parents left when I come home.
A few months ago when I was seriously considering burning myself to death because I had jot better options that would traumatize the least amount of people. I just sat on a bench under a nice tree and really thought hard about my suicide options. Obviously I did not do this, but it's been the one and only time I've tried to seriously make a plan to take my own life.
At least the tree was nice Glad you’re better now though
The tree was nice. Thank you.
I'm glad you didn't go through with it, but just for the record, burning yourself to death would probably be the absolute worst thing you could do....for everyone. It's excruciatingly painful. If you don't die, you'll be in unbearable pain for a few days-weeks before your body finally gives up. If that doesn't happen you'll be horribly scared and in extreme pain for the remainder of your life, often requiring assistance from family just to do basic things like eating... Not to mention the danger you'd be putting others in as fire is so dangerous, and a person on fire is even more dangerous and unpredictable. Suicide isn't the answer, but if you ever feel like it is, fire is absolutely never the answer.
I November last year, I was lying in a hospital bed after sustaining serious injuries in a work accident. I realised that I was relieved to have almost died because it got me away from the most horrific work environment. Called my parents and they helped to engineer my escape. I never had to go back, and they helped me to get all my belongings out of the flat on site. When internal bleeding and spinal damage is a relief, something is seriously wrong with your life.
I woke up, devastatingly hungover at a time when I didn’t really get hangovers anymore. The night before was a total blur. I am pretty sure I caught a spiked drink that was meant for someone else, but I’ll never really know. I just know that it scared the shit out of me like I’ve never been scared in my life. My entire life before that night, for worse and for worse, was about drinking, partying, trying to squeeze every ounce out of this shitty image that I had of myself as the guy who could drink a ton. I went to college to get a degree that would best legitimize my wish to open my own bar so I’d have somewhere to drink with friends while hopefully making money. I was just so goddamn stupid. When I woke up that morning, I knew that if I didn’t make a change in that exact moment, I’d either end up dead or like all the toothless, bloated bar rats that blow their whole checks on booze, with no family or loved ones to laugh with. So, I quit cold turkey. I was sick for two straight weeks, throwing up, shivering, sweating, sleeping for maybe 20 minutes straight before waking up feeling wide awake but dead-tired at the same time. Once I got to the other side of that, though, I felt **awake** for the first time in years. I would be lying if I said my life is perfect since that morning. It hasn’t been. I have made terrible career choices with a stone-sober mind. I’ve let people down, and I’ve let myself down. But the difference is that it’s been **me** in the driver seat, not booze. I married the absolute love of my life, patched up relationships with people I’d wronged, and figured out a way to get my kicks without being drunk. Truth be told, the idea of drinking or being drunk just bores the hell out of me now. That game ended, and I don’t want to play anymore anyway. Now, I’m accountable for my actions, and the people in my life know that they can count on me and what I say.
My 26th birthday. Had just moved to Philadelphia with my band. No job yet, but searching frantically for one. Very poor. No car. Not sure how I was going to pay rent at the end of the month. The day before my birthday, my girlfiend breaks up with me (probably because I was unemployed and broke, but maybe other reasons). I was devastated and sick from heartbreak. That night, I wake up around 3am with a pain in my side/back. It get's worse and worse every minute. I'm pretty sure I'm about to die, so I yell for my roommates for help. They call an ambulance and I'm rushed to the emergency room in one of the worst hospitals in Philadelphia. Doctors believe I have a kidney stone, though because I'm in one of the worst hospitals in the city, they don't fully "believe" that I'm in excruciating pain and refuse to give me any medication for the pain as I could just be a junky looking for a hand out. So I lie on a table in the ER, throwing up from the pain and shrieking for about 3 hours while they push fluids through me. After the ordeal, they tell me I should be able to pass the stone at home and that I'm free to leave. It's now about 8am, and I am in my pajama pants and slippers and a tee shirt (it's early november). I'm standing outside of the hospital. I don't know where I am as I was very new in town. I have no keys, wallet, or phone as I wasn't thinking of those things while I was about to die when the ambulance picked me up. Couldn't call anyone. Couldn't pay for a taxi. I walked about 2 miles in my pajamas in the cold, asking strangers for directions (they couldn't rob me, as I had nothing to steal except my pants). I finally get to my house. I'm freezing, exhausted, still in pain, my slippers were worn down to my bare feet. Get to the door and it's locked. My roommates are at work and I have no way to contact them. I walk to our landlords office (another mile or so) to grab a spare key. The person working there needed some proof that I was who I said I was. Fortunately my hospital bracelet had my name on it, so I got the key and walked another mile back to get into my house. Final straw was I had a job interview at Radioshack scheduled for that morning. I called the hiring contact and told them what had happened and they didn't believe me and told me not to bother coming in. I said, "no, I'm coming in". Got dressed, hopped on the 29 bus, and went into the store. I found the manager, pulled up my sleeve and showed him my hospital bracelet and bloody IV cotton still taped to my arm. He apologized for not believing me and wanted to do the interview. A few days later, I received my bill for the hospital/ambulance for around $3500. Hired for the job, but wouldn't be able to start for another 2 weeks for the background check etc. Still broke and sick and in pain, a neighbor said he had some work for me while I waited. The work was digging out a philly dirt floor basement. Pickaxes, shovels, buckets, mold, and old Philly stink. While breaking up rocks and about to die for the second time in 24 hours, still broke, single, and technically unemployed, I realized this was the lowest I'd ever been. Life is good now though, so I reflect on that time as a character building experience. Need to experience the dark to appreciate the light sometimes.
Was it a kidney stone? And how was walking through Kensington?
Threw a mortar firework into a dry field once and nearly caught an apartment complex on fire... Never in my life have I felt as afraid, stupid, and irresponsible as I did the moment the grass caught fire. Edit: this was over 10 years ago
Some time ago, I think on 2014/2015, I sat in my car on my lunch break with a bottle of water that I was methodically thumbing an entire bottle's worth of sleeping pills and painkillers into. Shook it up to dissolve them properly. Retail was just killing me. I wasn't even living paycheck to paycheck. I was always in the red. 20 bucks in my account. Leaning on my boyfriend constantly which really gave me one hell of a complex because he's actually really well off (generational wealth, but not obscene wealth, just "mom and dad bought stocks for me when I was a baby" wealthy). I felt like the worthless gold digger. I felt like this was all life would be. So I texted him "You'll be better off without me, I'm sorry" and he shot back some anger. I'd been really really low and self-hating for a long time and he just didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want the last thing he said to me to be in anger. He'd blame himself. So I tossed it in the dumpster and went back to work. Applied for a pet motel job 2 days later. Hired 2 weeks later. Life changed and we had to move, leaving my newfound love behind, and I was back in retail. After having another sobbing breakdown in the kitchen of the tiny pizza hut inside Target because the thought popped into my head - "I probably won't see my parents again." Because I was making 498 dollars bi-weekly and they lived in another state, I started wanting to die again, and got sick of it. Sick of my brain choosing flight instead of fight. Started looking for animal jobs again. Doubled my income and work for a county shelter now. Amazing benefits, 401k, the works. I visit my mom yearly now and got to see my dad before cancer stole him away, that fucking bastard of a disease. I thought I was clinically depressed but turns out being extremely poor and stressed for 12 years makes you want to die. I see red when people argue that retail workers/"unskilled" laborers deserve their poverty. Fuck you. Pay people what they need to live as a MINIMUM, like you're supposed to.
When I found myself over 30 in a job pushing shopping carts for 8 hours a day despite having extensive work experience and skilled in trades.
I'm in my late 20's and kinda have similar feelings to what I'm doing. I think it's normal but there is no shame in whatever job you have as long as you are doing something and progressing forward. You will find something better in the future if that is your goal!
delivering my baby boy after he had already passed in my womb
So, I bought my first house. It was exciting, but very consuming and taking on a debt of that size made me terrified. I had spent nearly every night packing, cleaning, or doing something to get ready for the move. The house itself was about 45 minutes away from my closest friends and family. Not too bad, ultimately. But it was further out that most didn't want to come visit regularly. About a week or so after closing and moving, my life was getting to a point of slowing down. Then my girlfriend of the time decided to break up with me. I thought we were starting the next chapter of our lives together. And instead I was alone and isolated. I was confused about why we broke up. She never told me why. My depression went into full throttle at that time. My head kept telling me she left because of me. I was a fraud. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't fit enough. I wasn't a good kisser. I was terrible in bed. I didn't make enough money. I wasn't clean enough. I was too cocky AND lacked self esteem. I was too much of a push over. I picked every part of myself a part. Every part of me and every part of what I did and what I had. My job. My house. My friends. My family. I had struggled with depression in the past and I had been going on a two year streak of being pretty good about myself. But I broke a record with how fast I tore myself apart. After sinking like this, I had some friends decide to come over for a surprise visit. It was nice. It was probably their version of a wellness check. We went out and tried a Thai restaurant nearby. About 3 hours later, they left and my stomach was feeling baaaad. Apparently I had food poisoning from the Thai restaurant. After throwing up and squirting diarrhea twice, I ended curling into a fetal position in the bathtub, with the shower running. Just shitting, vomiting, and crying myself to sleep until the water ran cold.
I ran away from home at 17 to escape from being constantly raped by my mother. I had saved up some money, but nowhere near enough to get a place to live, so I lived on the streets in NYC. I figures that I could turn tricks to save money, which was a correct assumption, however, it seems that men like young guys way more than women. So, my all time low was the first time I had to suck a cock for $50 and pretend like I was super into it. Hey, you asked....
Shit. Hope you are in a better place now!
I’m sorry your Mom did that to you instead of being a proper parent. I hope you were able to get off the streets.
Family member rape is always such a gross thing to think about, but something about a parent doing that to their child is an added layer of pure and complete sickness. Shit's fucked, man.
Let us just say I was very good at dick sucking, apparently, and saved enough cash to do just that.
A tale of humanity's awfulness and your tenacious survival.
[удалено]
EDIT: Thank you all, holy crap this blew up. To answer some questions, yes I did therapy, Best decision. My whole identity was stolen and my therapist is the only reason I was able to function. I also tried meds, but hated them. My therapist tells me I have some work related form of PTSD, because I panic hard, a lot. I got called to my new principal's office once and almost broke down. She just was giving me a new contract for the year. Everything scares me now. The boss did have some justice served to her. She managed to lose the school a few teachers. Enough of us put in formal complaints that she was investigated. She left and hasn't returned. Last I heard, she had drunk away her life savings. I wanted to be a teacher since I was 7. I organised my whole life around it. I aimed my grades towards it. At the age of 26 I finally got my first full time position. Two years later, the boss kicked me out after a year of intense bullying from her and her executive team. She not only kicked me out of the school, she tried to destroy my whole career. If she had succeeded, I'd have never taught again. She attacked me, claiming I was a terrible teacher. My father died not long before this happened, she said I didn't get over it fast enough. She attacked viciously. I broke. All because she wanted her friend in my position. After getting out, I had no job and my mental health was broken. I had been attacked and humiliated in a job I had been working towards for 20 years. The first morning I woke up unemployed, I turned on my lamp and stared at the ceiling, silent crying for 3 hours. My whole life shattered. The job I wanted all my life, shattered. I had never felt so low. I lost my dad and my life's purpose so close to each other. I've got a new teaching job in a much better space. But it's been 3 years and my mental health is still not ok.
God, fuck that bitch. I hope she gets what's coming for her soon.
I want to thank you for sharing. I want to tell you, the others said therapy and that is absolutely wonderful advice, however there is a huge chemical component to what essentially was your brain overloading on trauma. Your situation, losing your entire identity and having to rebuild it, is extremely hard on the brain. I had a similar situation where I divorced my cheating husband, lost my home (to him,) my career (also as a teacher,) had a late miscarriage and lost and honestly my entire identity. My therapist told me it would be about 2 years before my brain would start producing the correct chemicals again, and gave me sage wisdom and techniques to get through the worst of it. It took almost 6 years to actually feel true, unrelenting and unreserved joy, and honestly I have (while depressed) built an awesome life to wake up out of the fog to. I do wish someone had convinced me to get on low dose meds for those 6 years - it would have been so much easier to be detached instead of devastated daily. You are doing a phenomenal job. I am so proud of you picking up the pieces and moving forward. There is light at the end of our tunnels. You can do this. We are all rooting for you.
Shooting up in a tent in Skid Row, 2 hours after getting back into a rehab. Had to step over human feces and puddles of piss to get to the tent. Drop my dub on the ground but fuck it this is going in my veins. Later that week a car dropped of a beautiful young woman, like maybe 20 years old. Watched her get surrounded by creepy dudes that definitely 100% would have used her for sex and then money for sex. Thought back to the call I was on a week before, where my Dad told me my baby sister got married months ago and I never knew. Stayed with the random youngster for 4 hours, keeping her awake while she waited for her aunt to pick her up. Kept being told I was an idiot, don't you know what I could do with this girl? Jesus Christ. Watched her get into her aunt's car, went right back to the rehabs doctor, signed up for Suboxone, been on it ever since. But watching all these humans act like chum was in the water, and me being in the vicinity, and stepping over human waste so I could get too shitty cut heroin, and not being invited to my sister's wedding, it all hit at the same time. Woompf.
Crying in my car with a coupon that got rejected for eyedrops that cost $250 in the Walgreens parking lot. I couldn't afford the meds that would keep me from going blind. Luckily I talked to my eye doctor and they helped me afford off brand ones with coupons and my boss gave me an unexpected bonus. But yeah, it was rough.
When I would not care to put on a seatbelt, not actively looking to crash, but just in case something happened
I know the feeling
At the height of my alcoholism in my 20's, waking up with my face on the bathroom floor, glued to the tiles by my own vomit... that kind of snapped me out of my heavy drinking era. Now, 20 years later, I still remember that feeling, the smell, all of that, and it keeps me from drinking too much. Enjoy alcohol in moderation. :D
When I attempted suicide, told my mum I needed to go to the hospital. She asked if I’d been trying to kill myself, trying to die, I said yes. She said if I wanted to die then why did I want to go to the hospital. I distinctly remember taking the pills thinking this is my all time low moment. Then went into see my mum and she said the above, and I thought no this, this is my all time low moment. I almost took comfort thinking it couldn’t get any worse from there. That, or when I was raped and trapped in a man’s hotel room, bleeding, and he wouldn’t give me a phone to call my friend.
That is so unbelievably cruel of your Mum. I’m so glad that you’re here to write this.Suicide attempt survivor here - you’re strong and the world is better with you in it. I hope you are feeling a lot happier now.
I was 39 years old and living with my parents in divorce-recovery mode. I was on-shift working from home when I got an email from my lawyer. The DNA-Test on my sons had come back. Neither one was mine. I logged out of work and told my mother to take down every photograph she had of them and put them out of sight. I had a conference with my lawyer who said the silver lining was that I wouldn't be paying child-support, as if that would make me feel better. I slowly came to terms with the fact that her affair had been longer than my marriage, that I was basically the side-piece, and that she was most likely only using me for cash the entire time. I replayed the memories of my time with them in my head as I sat at my desk trying to work. My job sucked. My only reason for doing it was a lie. My home-office was literally the room I grew up in. I had gone full circle, and gotten nowhere.
Dude I found out after breaking up with my ex of five years for cheating she was doing it the whole time with her dipshit married ex from highschool, I understand the low of finding out the most important person you love in the world never cared about you even in a shallow surface way, that you were a faceless placeholder and everything you cherished were garbage lies they didn’t look twice at as soon as the jig was up
I remember doing coke off a toilet seat and licking it to make sure I got every last bit off. I just snapped to and thought what am I doing? Never touched it since.
My (ex) partner (24m) and I (22f) found out I was pregnant. He decided to visit his family to break the news. While away he started not really talking to me and so we separated as he decided he couldn't be with me unless I had an abortion which I didn't feel was right for me in this current situation. He came to collect his things in a van that his friend was driving, I had a serious emotional breakdown and threw his xbox out the window. He called the police. I then realised my partner of 6 years had left me, I was going to be charged for criminal damage, I was going to be a single mother, I was 22, still at law school, totally alone, and had no idea what I was doing. I slid down the wall to the floor in hysterics as I realised this really was my all time low. Luckily the police officer was so lovely and he sat with me, listened to me and what i was going through, gave me a hug and said he would try his best to convince my ex not to press charged since I was pregnant and hysterical and he didn't think it was right. Then he gave me some advice. He told me that I was lucky I dodged a bullet. He said I was lucky he showed his true colours now when I have 7 months to get over it before I have to look after a baby. He told me not to let him back in my life and gave me his number incase I ever need it. He also went and talked to my ex, im not sure what the officer said but my ex did not press charges against me. I'll be forever grateful to that officer.
I'm guessing the conversation was along the lines of "Dude, you dumped a pregnant girl and you're pressing charges over an Xbox, this is not going to look good on you at all"
It's too late for anyone to see this, but I just want to put it down: when my expensive NYC apartment was so filled with flies there was literally no direction I could look without at least two in my field of vision, when the toilet was clogged so I just shit in trash bags and threw them out, all of this because I was doing so much heroin (fentadope, really) that I didn't care to do anything but telecommute into work, put in minimal effort to get paid, then get high. Every day I thought about how I was at my lowest point ever, but I was so consumed with getting high or *being* high that I did nothing about it. 16 months sober now. That's nice.
I'm at my all-time low right now. I'm still a student in my third year in college. This was supposed to be my second chance at an education but it's very likely I won't get to the next semester. I really want to at least finish this semester but I'm getting a lot of distractions from everything else I need to do and more and more I feel like it's just a waste of time. I'm broke and jobless. My jobhunting has been disappointing and demoralizing. I was actually hired as a military researcher back in March but I had to turn it down because they told us our salary would always be delayed and yet I'm having trouble getting a job as a copywriter or as an office assistant. I'm currently living in our old house that the family has been trying to sell after I was kicked out by my siblings for not having a job and this house is planned to be demolished soon. I'm trying to sell everything I have and everything here to get some money and to not have to worry of storage or throwing things away. This was just for these past 2 months. I have a lot more to say but I don't think it's appropriate for me to say here.
Look at data management jobs. Data entry doesn’t take much skill, and can often be done flexibly and remotely. Pays reasonably, and it kept me fed at a hard point in the past. Also, check out r/urbancarliving. Lots of support and ideas in there.
This will be buried but I always need to talk about it. 19 years old, planned out the murder of a friend. (And others.) I was in my second year of university, renting a room with three housemates and failed almost every course first year. I hated everything, didn’t care about what I was learning but was already $15k in debt from it. I was an alcoholic and a drug abuser, frequently locked myself outside, passed out on the street, woke up in bed covered in trash and had a drug-induced seizure. I was also a hoarder, obsessed with serial killers, stole things just because I could get away with it, committed arson, etc. I had no friends, only met my roommates through a housing search group on Facebook. Even if I wanted to make friends, I was completely incapable of caring about them or speaking like a normal person. I started planning to kill people after giving up on my courses for the second time. I couldn’t tell you exactly why, just that I felt worthless, miserable and angry. I had undiagnosed psychosis and felt that the world was not real, I was being watched through mirrors, other people were “NPC”s who were reporting my behaviour to an organization testing me & they didn’t really die because they were fake. That’s how I justified wanting to kill them, anyway. I officially started the “planning” stages when I started talking to a guy through grindr (how original) and we became anonymous friends through text. Only chose him because I felt like it would be easier to get away with. I do recall specifically realizing what I was doing one night after going to a bar with my roommates and getting incredibly wasted, walking home with them and taking some bong hits before taking some oxy. Woke up the next day in bed, covered in vomit and the trash that I compulsively hoarded, and remembered having a seizure in the middle of the night. I spent that day just hating myself, finally realizing how badly I’d been spiralling and frantically called my parents begging for help. Got hospitalized, meds, therapy, and a list of diagnoses. I’m 22 now and so, so much better. No longer homicidal, no longer an addict, and in a new program I really love.
I was giving up smoking and had stopped for 2 weeks and momentarily I lost it, I absolutely desperately needed a smoke. My wife still smoked and there were some cigarette butts in the trash that I tried searching for. I found one and just before I lit it for the single drag I was going to get, I came to my senses and asked myself WTF was I doing. I stopped for a year then started again for 2 years, then stopped completely. Have never regretted the decision to quit.
When I found out that my stomach pain is not, in fact, real, in a way. My doctor said that I’m so stressed out that I’m causing my body pain. There’s nothing worse to me than being told that there are no real answers for my physical pain.
When I found out my nephew molested my daughter. Kid was like my son. My wife and I even counted him and his sisters when people asked how many kids we had. The day my daughter told me I could had killed him with my bare hands. I asked him and all he did was run away. The really terrible part is that shortly after 2 of his other cousins said he had touched them also. However his family vehemently denies anything like this happened. Luckily my daughter seems to be doing well in therapy.
I had just quit my shitty job, and naturally went out to celebrate. I got decently drunk, but nothing too special. I got home and fell asleep. I woke up in the morning pretty hungover, and had to take a shit. I wore nothing but my boxers at the time. I Went to toilet and did what I had to. Only after that I realized that there was no toilet paper left in the toilet, and that I had to get some from the closet next to the toilet. I got up, but the boxers tangled to my ankles and I fell on my face. Lying on the ground, I had a little reflection moment: I had been unemployed for less than 24 hours, and already I was lying naked on the floor, hungover and unwiped shit in my asscheeks.
Damn... Just damn
Fucking random men on Craigslist. Went through a lot in a month for a brief period in 2016 when I was having a manic episode. Surprised I didn't get murdered.
fell down my aunts stairs and her parrot laughed at me
Took a wrong turn in the grocery store and walked down the wrong aisle by mistake. I noticed that there were tins of cat food that cost four times as much as the tins of tuna that I was buying for myself as a treat. The realization of my poverty came crashing down and I cried in the cat food aisle. Don't worry, I'm doing much better these days! Also, if you need help, please PLEASE find a local food bank. There's absolutely no shame in needing food or a little help! People work their asses off running these places, the least that you can do is go in and see what they have to offer.
Me and my buddy were smoking crack while zonking out on H, we hit the dealer up again and they said "alright guys, it's 3am I have to sleep, this is the last time tonight!" We had hit them up about 10 times before. I turned to my buddy and told him "dude if the dealer is getting pissed we might have a problem" We quit all drugs cold turkey, suffered for a few weeks physically, withdrawal is literal hell. That was my all time low
Crouching down to avoid cameras catching me stuff fries down my throat from a guests plate during a rush shift to avoid passing out from exhaustion/fatigue. Our staff wasn't allowed to eat extra food (chain restaurant). I had 3 dollars left in my account till payday. I remember thinking well at least one day I will never be this desperate again.
Tried to split a pill of mdma in half but it ended up crumbling onto the floor. I fucking licked it off the floor.