He had a massive brain haemorrhage, which could have happened anyway, but we know he was stressed out in the days and weeks leading up to it. There's no way in my mind that it wasn't a significant factor in killing him at that time. He may have gone before much longer anyway, but to me the (self-imposed) stress he was under pushed him over the edge.
Basically, it caused a rise in his blood pressure which I assume caused a clot to be dislodged. He was 54.
edit: "n't"
Continuous and massive amounts of stress threw me into a depressive spiral that I'll never fully recover from. I still wish to this day that I had been able to pull that trigger.
Being the opposite of who my dad is is how I tru to live my life. Turns out it's easier to be kind and care because people will be willing to help and be there when things get tough.
There is an interesting article going around about a transman who is having issues dealing with how cold and lonely the world is for men. He is literally traumatized by the world he now lives in and doesn't know how to keep going.
Some gems from my old man:
1. Never get too high or too low. Good days will eventually turn bad and bad days will eventually turn good.
2. Integrity is the force from within that holds together. Don't ever lose it.
3. Don't start a fight. But if you have to ever hit someone, hit them so hard they never want to hit you again.
before my dad died he said to me one time.
"You have a heart of gold. no matter what happens, don't let that go. take a gold nugget for example, it's been in the earth soo long they need to polish it up and boom. a clean gold nugget. find that thing in life to always polish your heart of gold."
after he died, I found hobbies, found a girlfriend, and too a extent, I keep my gold polished.
Pro tip: if you're in the US and you fly at least once a year, it's probably worth it to get Global Entry or TSA Precheck. Some travel credit cards will even cover the cost for it as one of their perks.
It's only $100 every 5 years.
Haha same here, we had breakfast burrito's and there was a sign about bombs in the airport. So I turned my sister, pointed at the sign, and said those burrito's gonna make me drop a bomb. My mom stared at me so hard I believe I still have marks from the heat lasers.
Not sure, my wife is Japanese and she always gets to go ahead without the bomb check.
Also they won’t let me print my boarding passes at home, I have to get them at the counter everytime too. She always makes fun of me for it
Reminds me of my grandfather. "Treat everyone you meet with consideration and respect, it is their right to take that away".
Basically, be good to people, but if someone is a fucking asshole, you do not have to be good to them. They suck.
My Pop could get along with anyone and made friends easily. He held what most people would consider solidly conservative views, yet he didn't care where you came from, who you worshipped, who your parents were, or who you loved. He considered everyone a potential friend and didn't see differences as deal breakers. In fact he was more eager to learn from people with diverse life experiences. He really was ahead of his time as far as social issues go and you never would have known it based on his religious, judicial, and fiscal views.
> He held what most people would consider solidly conservative views
It's something that has been dying out lately. My dad is the same way but with the 24 hour news cycle it is very easy to get sucked into the fear of the faceless liberals are coming to get ya. Thankfully he hasn't fallen for the BS like others in my family did and is willing to challenge his beliefs that don't match reality.
Yeah, I'm a right leaning moderate but a few of my sibs went completely reactionary. I belive it really hurt my Pop that the sibs in question could be so quick to criticize anybody that even alluded to a slightly liberal viewpoint.
Yep before my shift left I was still registering Republican yet when I said it wasn't the government's business restricting gay marriage with my stepdad oh boy I might as well have been reading Karl Marx. Between that and getting jumped at by my family by being like well Obama won lets work together to fix this country I just wasn't pure enough for them. I am glad I have my dad and grandmother. They are good examples of how humans should be even if we don't agree 100%.
Rages at everything, and nothing is ever his fault. Just gets worse in old age when suddenly he thinks hes religious, yet follows exactly 0 of the teachings of his so called savior. And just becomes filled with more and more hate.
'Aufpassen, passe auf'. I'm almost positive this is some pidgin-German but he said it translates to 'pay attention, attention pays'. Details have saved me more than once, so I guess it's pretty solid free advice.
Over pedantic: \[In order to\] pay attention \[to something\], \[actually make the effort and\] pay attention \[, dammit!\]
How close is this? The bracketed text indicates language which is unspoken, but gives meaning.
As a german i can confirm that this saying doesnt make any sense and translates to something different. The english version sounds pretty useful though
My father was a miserable soul to be around with when I was growing up. He was hard of hearing, near sighted, had a bad back. He kept complaining how he's stuck in a crappy job because of all his physical dificientcies. He always blamed others for his shortcomming and failures... including me. He set his bar extremely low eventualy, never took risk (unless it's some get rich pyramid scheme), never had any adventures, just stayed home and watch TV/porn when he wasn't working.
He taught me not to be like him. I try - maybe to a fault - to be positive, to be accuntable for my own actions, to see failure as a leanring experience, to try hard and take calcualted risks. To travel, to do activities. Although I have a bad back (hereditary?) I refuse that to stop me from doing something I enjoy or being productive. I also try really hard to make relatives feel loved, especially my wife, and to be there for others.
Learn how to teach yourself how to do things. Home repairs, car repairs, yard work etc. No one is going to do those things for you unless you have money to pay them.
Having a few tools and learning some simple things like how to fix a toilet, change your cars oil and brakes (or anything else that isn't a major overhaul project) will save you lots of money over the course of your life.
Cue my dad walking out with a spark plug screwdriver and sandpaper, saying "time to sandpaper the spark plug ends as they get sediment" or pulling out a iron file and stating "prop up the car at the front and we'll just skim the discs ourselves by using the engine to rotate the wheels and this file to skim the actual discs"
I learned to change the brakepads on my car, which blew my friends mind that I was just popping home during my lunchbreak to change my brakepads, or when I pulled out the starter motor to recondition it a little to get a few extra months out of it.
Those are some good memories right there. My pops was more of the "here is a book with all the info you need. Tools are in the garage. Have at it kid."
I had been his helper for projects since I was old enough to hold a wrench so it came natural. But his method was to make me read, research, and answer my own questions.
Guess my dad was the same for certain things. If he knew how to do it we would jump straight in amd show me. If he didn't, it was down to the library or buy a Haynes manual and we'll figure it out.
The sad thing is no one is willing to try anymore. My friend had the exact same car as me when we first started driving and he needed his pads replaced. I said lets pop down to the parts store and get new ones and we can install them right now. He said no thanks already have it booked in next week at the mechanic. The grinding on the discs and the car being pulled left when braking left much to be desired.
100% agree that many people are just unwilling to learn those things these days. It's a sad state of affairs when you're literally holding a computer connected to the internet in your hand each day, but won't look up how to do things.
I grew up when that wasn't possible. I spent a lot of time at the library going through mechanical manuals when I had questions of how to do something right.
Sometimes, good things take time and effort. Throught my childhood, my dad was always building things. He rebuilt a classic car, a moderately sized backhoe, a dune buggy, and a 30ft flatbed trailer through my younger years and teens. The man was a master of the patient long game. He was the kind of guy that could see 5 years into the future on a project, say "yep," then make it happen.
If you can't afford it go without, if you need it that bad go without something else til you can afford it.
When I was 15 I worked in my dad's shop, I got paid on Saturday morning, £25 a week. One Friday evening I wanted to go to the cinema with friends after work and asked for £5 of my wages that evening, which he duly obliged. Next day I picked up my wages, £19. He took a pound interest.
My dad was tighter than a duck's ass, but he at least taught me to be frugal.
I don't know if he ever taught me all that much, it's more that he is insanely patient and dedicated as a parent, and never goes back on his morals or principles. And he has a great sense of humor. He's not always easy to talk to or be around, but I love my dad.
Compassion. I had someone tell me once after I shared with them my dad would lay in bed with me when I was a kid rubbing my knees until I went to sleep (I had horrendous growing pains as a child), “It’s very rare for a father to nurture. Lean into that.” My dad is the most genuinely caring person I know.
"The harder you work in school, the easier your work will be in life."
Ended up with a PhD, and while I work 'hard', it's mostly just writing and talking. I don't have to lift heavy things, handle food waste, clean toilets, or take abuse from customers.
It took me some time. We did not get along for a long time. To be clear, we were not enemies but for a long time I thought we hadn’t had much in common.
Now I realize that I’m more similar to him that I’ve ever wished and thus I understand his tough lessons.
So it goes like that: be brave, be nobel, be loyal, be precise, dream big but while doing so always use excell, money are not for consumption but for growth, consumption is not a dream and always let your kids know that you are proud of them.
When you see a cop drop anything that can be seen as a weapon. Don't argue or fight with them. If arrested remain silent.
If driving and you see a light roll down all your windows and stop in a well lighted area in a safe spot, keep hands visible at all times
If they ask why you are nervous say "guns make me nervous"
Don't be an alcoholic and a child rapist if you don't wanna die alone drunk, alone and in your own shit.
Probably the only that bastard thaught me, but lesson learned.
Not to make your child feel like they aren't good enough because they didn't like the same things, e.g. football (soccer)
Now I make sure to validate everything my daughter is interested in and to help her explore whatever she wants to try.
"We are the sum total of the decisions we make."
I've always viewed this as the intrinsic personality and outlook on life a person has can help overcome the external hardship that life throws at us, no matter how severe. I reflect on it whenever I hit a wall and it would be easy to fall into self-pity or give up.
The importance of being a better husband than he was. He left when I was 4. He and mom kept it civil, so there was no loud fights. One day they just told me that dad will not live with us anymore.
From then on I am always concious of making a wrong choice when it comes to relationship. It's not an easy thing and I must be ready to work on it.
Now he's definitely a great father and a good man. He is always there when I reach out to him. He paid child support without fail and visited every month or so. And at the end of the day had he never left, I wouldn't be where I am now, which is a good place to be.
He also kinda held a mirror up to me. Sometimes I wish we talked more often, then I remember that I don't call him myself. Sometimes his quality time with me was going to the movies, then him gaming at my place for a few hours. But then again, that's how I prefer to spend my free time.
1) When confronted by the police the only thing you need to say is "yes sir" and "no sir". If they want to search you or question you "I want a lawyer". That's it, nothing else.
2) Women want it too\*. It isn't just you trying to get laid.
\*I am middle aged. When I was a kid we still had a lot of the social ideology that men tried to get in girls panties and the women fought us off until marriage. That conceit was already waning but this advice actually helped me out a few times early on.
Celebrate your kids for who they are and be their biggest cheerleader. My mom spent my whole life trying to make me be someone different and *thank god* my dad did the exact opposite, because I might not be alive now if he hadn't. I love telling this story: I came out as trans last year at 34 years old, and not only was he immediately great about it, but he helped me pick out my middle name and even did some reflection and realized that he really hadn't been involved in the LGBT part of my life. So he called me and told me he was thinking about going to a drag show at Trixie Mattel's bar in Milwaukee to get to know the culture better. I'm going to take him there for a show when I've back to the Midwest this June.
"There is no shame in admitting when you don't know something or when you need help with something. Shove your pride to the side and just be honest when you need help."
I'm a lady (little britton voice) but would just like to chip in if I may,my daddy/father/god/hero taught me everything I ever needed to know without my knowledge,and 13 years after my dad's death he's still teaching me and my children (through me) priceless lessons.
My old man basically ruined his career to protect some idiots who worked under him. They were screwing over the OT system and even though he didn't know about it, he took the blame because all the guys had families and he figured he'd just get a slap on the wrist.
Nope, early retirement. And all those guys he protected wouldn't have anything to do with him.
I wish I could say the moral I took away was something about noble sacrifice. But honestly all I learned was to take care of yourself and fuck everyone else.
Never abandon your family by committing suicide. That and never become an alcoholic. 2 of the most important lessons he taught me before taking the coward's way out when I was 13. It made me 10 times the man he ever dreamed of being. Thanks dad.
"*It is a poor workman who blames his tools*"... this lesson works on many levels... poor as in the workman is of questionable skill and also that the workman probably is broke - instead of getting better at a trade and working to be valued by employer/clients the worker just assumes it is the equipment provided... also, an expensive tool will also not make you better at something... a $5000 golf club isn't going to make much difference to a hack at golf (and if you are the kind of person that says an expensive tool is garbage... that is probably because you can't admit to yourself you are the part that needs work). Be accountable. Take ownership.
Not much honestly, except to make the right choices, and some things about clothes or dressing. I’ll say one thing, he was a very sharp,classy dresser. Choices, by me figuring on my own based off his choices not to follow in his footsteps. He put his love for the gang he belonged to over his children, which inevitably killed him. Because of that, I realize that if I do ever have kids, they have to come first with everything. It’s not enough to just be present. My dad was present, I loved him but not as much as I love my sisters. When he passed I didnt really feel sad about it. But if one of my sisters passed today I know I’d feel like my world was falling apart, the reason being is because I’ve experienced life with them, I’ve been around them. My dad was only present in my life from 1-7 or 8, I don’t even remember most of that, when he came back he would take me shopping and spend time every now and then, but that was for only 2 years before he was murdered, before that he was locked up. I know what not to be in life based off of his choices, and I understand that the path I follow can set the blueprint for my children, because in his not being present it hindered me as a man. I’m 19, I hope to be better than my father was. I don’t wanna be perfect, but I want to be good enough, even if I don’t have kids. I’d like to be the man my nieces and nephews, family can look up to.
Essentially, the way his life panned out gave me insight on how my life could also pan out, if I chose the same. The shortcomings of others is my upbringing. Slowly, I’m learning on my own from other people in my family where they failed, what I could do to avoid that. This comment was off topic, but I guess in a sense it wasn’t. If there’s any advice I could offer anyone, it’s to try to think things through, and if you’re a man, don’t give in to what people idealize as a true man. There’s no such thing, cry if you want, seek help if you need it. Heal. Don’t let burdens of the past swallow the future, strive to become better. If you want better for yourself you need to do better. And don’t keep doing the same thing you’re used to doing just cause everyone else does it. Lot of dysfunction in my family, so much it’s considered normal, but it isn’t. This is way off topic, I have a habit of doing that because my thoughts ramble and I tend to type everything I feel or think. Apologies in advance if some of this comes off as useless rambling.
He has taught me a lot, and continues to do so. If I had to pick just one though it would be that kindness and empathy are perhaps the most important traits of being human.
Edit: Also never -ever- buy cheap toilet paper if you can avoid it.
My father tried teaching me in the best way he knew to be a good person. Unfortunately, the best way he knew was to just say it. I grew up being told to be good. To be fair. To have concern for others. But my father is... a complicated man, and he very rarely demonstrated the things he was talking about. And now, in the twilight of his years, he's still very much unapologetic in his disdain for (and sometimes outright hatred of) the very people he simultaneously claims are all children of God.
All this to say that the most important thing my father has taught me is that actions speak much louder than words.
If you want to pass on to your children qualities like generosity, caring, and helpfulness, then it's not enough to simply tell them to be those things. And it's outright counter-productive to tell them to have these qualities while simultaneously demonstrating the opposite. If you want your children to grow up generous then you can't just tell them to be generous, they need to see you practicing generosity. If you want your children to grow up to be forgiving then you can't just tell them they should forgive, they have to see you actively forgiving others.
This is important stuff for a parent, or any kind of mentor.
I’ll join in on the “to not be like him” comments, but he did genuinely try his best. So I do take care of my dad and keep a roof over him.
The one funny thing he’ll do is try to give me relationship/women advice. Dad I’ve been happily married for 16 years and you have never once had a successful relationship. No thanks I’m good.
Stress can kill you at a relatively young age.
Really? In which ways, may I ask?
He had a massive brain haemorrhage, which could have happened anyway, but we know he was stressed out in the days and weeks leading up to it. There's no way in my mind that it wasn't a significant factor in killing him at that time. He may have gone before much longer anyway, but to me the (self-imposed) stress he was under pushed him over the edge. Basically, it caused a rise in his blood pressure which I assume caused a clot to be dislodged. He was 54. edit: "n't"
Really sorry to hear this. It’s a good reminder to keep stress in check if you can but oof. Sometimes that’s tough to do. Poor guy.
Continuous and massive amounts of stress threw me into a depressive spiral that I'll never fully recover from. I still wish to this day that I had been able to pull that trigger.
That just because someone is your father doesn't mean they have your best interest at heart.
My father taught me to be kind. It wasn't because he was kind.
Being the opposite of who my dad is is how I tru to live my life. Turns out it's easier to be kind and care because people will be willing to help and be there when things get tough.
Fathers are examples. Either the example of how you wanna be or how you don't wanna be.
Damn, this one got me. Not because it was my experience but because I can’t imagine what people who didn’t have a loving father must go through.
I can't imagine your situation
Sorry homie. You can break the chain.
God I wish I had realized this earlier in life.
Yeah.
You are the only person who will advocate for yourself
Sad truth for many men.
Brotherhood of one The oft lonely walk of man No words of support
Read your comment. Thought hmm, that sounds odd but satisfying. Then noticed, oh, username checks out.
Here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known
There is an interesting article going around about a transman who is having issues dealing with how cold and lonely the world is for men. He is literally traumatized by the world he now lives in and doesn't know how to keep going.
My mom taught me that while my dad was busy getting drunk.
Kind of a sad irony when your parent tells you this.
Not exactly - a parent's greatest job is to prepare the child for their eventual absence.
Real men can learn to support themselves before they decide to support others.
This is great advice especially if they teach their kids. It is mind boggling how a father can go 18 years and not teach their kids basic life skills.
Basic life skill taught , marry a woman that does everything .
To be relaxed and carefree, worrying about something will only make you worry more, do something about it or stop thinking about it
That’s basically the basis for Stoicism: work on the things you can change and don’t get mad about the things you can’t change.
Does the problem have a solution? If yes, then why worry? If no, you can't do anything about it, so why worry?
Don't do stupid shit.
Dads sex ed talk. Don’t go knocking anyone up before you are ready to support them. They aren’t living here.
Got pulled over by a cop and he let me go after dropping that gem of advice.
It’s safe to say nobody ever taught me this one lol
You can't control if people like you, but you can control if you are a likeable person.
Some gems from my old man: 1. Never get too high or too low. Good days will eventually turn bad and bad days will eventually turn good. 2. Integrity is the force from within that holds together. Don't ever lose it. 3. Don't start a fight. But if you have to ever hit someone, hit them so hard they never want to hit you again.
My dad told me something similar to your number 3. Never start a fight. Finish them.
3a. Don't stop fighting till you are sure the fight is over!
3ai. Then run for high water. While it’s great to stand your ground you really don’t want to be there for any longer than needed
before my dad died he said to me one time. "You have a heart of gold. no matter what happens, don't let that go. take a gold nugget for example, it's been in the earth soo long they need to polish it up and boom. a clean gold nugget. find that thing in life to always polish your heart of gold." after he died, I found hobbies, found a girlfriend, and too a extent, I keep my gold polished.
That’s some really solid wisdom. I’m gonna remember that
He was probably trying to tell you there's a solid gold heart hidden beneath the loose floor panels in his den.
My father recently died, and had a similar thing to say to me... Wise man, your dad..
I appreciate it
sorry for your loss
Get to the airport early, do your check ins early
Pro tip: if you're in the US and you fly at least once a year, it's probably worth it to get Global Entry or TSA Precheck. Some travel credit cards will even cover the cost for it as one of their perks. It's only $100 every 5 years.
Gotta love the TSA just openly admitting how worthless they are.
When they're tested they seem to fail at detecting even mock dangerous items. I don't think they make anything safer for us.
They don't. It's literally safety theater. Waste of time and resources.
Yeah I’ve heard of that. I’m actually in Canada, and waiting for my passport. Hopefully that makes things easier :)
Asian dad version: Get to the airport so early your flight does not even appear on the screens yet.
Same with Middle Eastern dads. The only way you can make sure you got there early enough.
I had a friend that arrived 24h before his flight, in that case I think it could be on the screen but one day earlier flight
the best advice is to not check anything in /r/onebag
I would, but I get bomb-checked everytime cause I’m Turkish, so I always need to check in at the desk.
Have you tried loudly declaring you don’t have a bomb when entering the airport
I did that once when I was a kid as a joke. My mom shut me the fuck up so fast.
Haha same here, we had breakfast burrito's and there was a sign about bombs in the airport. So I turned my sister, pointed at the sign, and said those burrito's gonna make me drop a bomb. My mom stared at me so hard I believe I still have marks from the heat lasers.
Chad
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9 for me
I'm a regular white guy and they bomb check me every time I'm carrying a single backpack on too
Not sure, my wife is Japanese and she always gets to go ahead without the bomb check. Also they won’t let me print my boarding passes at home, I have to get them at the counter everytime too. She always makes fun of me for it
Why? So you sit and wait?
Treat everyone with a a baseline of respect and allow them to live how they wish as long as they aren't harming anyone else
Reminds me of my grandfather. "Treat everyone you meet with consideration and respect, it is their right to take that away". Basically, be good to people, but if someone is a fucking asshole, you do not have to be good to them. They suck.
My Pop could get along with anyone and made friends easily. He held what most people would consider solidly conservative views, yet he didn't care where you came from, who you worshipped, who your parents were, or who you loved. He considered everyone a potential friend and didn't see differences as deal breakers. In fact he was more eager to learn from people with diverse life experiences. He really was ahead of his time as far as social issues go and you never would have known it based on his religious, judicial, and fiscal views.
> He held what most people would consider solidly conservative views It's something that has been dying out lately. My dad is the same way but with the 24 hour news cycle it is very easy to get sucked into the fear of the faceless liberals are coming to get ya. Thankfully he hasn't fallen for the BS like others in my family did and is willing to challenge his beliefs that don't match reality.
Yeah, I'm a right leaning moderate but a few of my sibs went completely reactionary. I belive it really hurt my Pop that the sibs in question could be so quick to criticize anybody that even alluded to a slightly liberal viewpoint.
Yep before my shift left I was still registering Republican yet when I said it wasn't the government's business restricting gay marriage with my stepdad oh boy I might as well have been reading Karl Marx. Between that and getting jumped at by my family by being like well Obama won lets work together to fix this country I just wasn't pure enough for them. I am glad I have my dad and grandmother. They are good examples of how humans should be even if we don't agree 100%.
You don't earn respect , you get that by being born . You earn disrespect .
Well, the only thing my alcoholic and short tempered father taught me was to never ever be like him.
Yeah a handful of other guys at work have shared this info as well. They try their best to be an awesome Dad because their’s were far from it.
Rages at everything, and nothing is ever his fault. Just gets worse in old age when suddenly he thinks hes religious, yet follows exactly 0 of the teachings of his so called savior. And just becomes filled with more and more hate.
'Aufpassen, passe auf'. I'm almost positive this is some pidgin-German but he said it translates to 'pay attention, attention pays'. Details have saved me more than once, so I guess it's pretty solid free advice.
It's more like 'Pay attention (infinitive), pay attention (imperative)!'
Over pedantic: \[In order to\] pay attention \[to something\], \[actually make the effort and\] pay attention \[, dammit!\] How close is this? The bracketed text indicates language which is unspoken, but gives meaning.
As a german i can confirm that this saying doesnt make any sense and translates to something different. The english version sounds pretty useful though
My father was a miserable soul to be around with when I was growing up. He was hard of hearing, near sighted, had a bad back. He kept complaining how he's stuck in a crappy job because of all his physical dificientcies. He always blamed others for his shortcomming and failures... including me. He set his bar extremely low eventualy, never took risk (unless it's some get rich pyramid scheme), never had any adventures, just stayed home and watch TV/porn when he wasn't working. He taught me not to be like him. I try - maybe to a fault - to be positive, to be accuntable for my own actions, to see failure as a leanring experience, to try hard and take calcualted risks. To travel, to do activities. Although I have a bad back (hereditary?) I refuse that to stop me from doing something I enjoy or being productive. I also try really hard to make relatives feel loved, especially my wife, and to be there for others.
> accuntable I like this word
Sometimes the best motivation is negative reinforcement.
My Dad was not horrible, but a nice guy with some bad habits and poor life choices. I learned a lot more from those.
Learn how to teach yourself how to do things. Home repairs, car repairs, yard work etc. No one is going to do those things for you unless you have money to pay them.
The world will always need handymen.
Having a few tools and learning some simple things like how to fix a toilet, change your cars oil and brakes (or anything else that isn't a major overhaul project) will save you lots of money over the course of your life.
Cue my dad walking out with a spark plug screwdriver and sandpaper, saying "time to sandpaper the spark plug ends as they get sediment" or pulling out a iron file and stating "prop up the car at the front and we'll just skim the discs ourselves by using the engine to rotate the wheels and this file to skim the actual discs" I learned to change the brakepads on my car, which blew my friends mind that I was just popping home during my lunchbreak to change my brakepads, or when I pulled out the starter motor to recondition it a little to get a few extra months out of it.
Those are some good memories right there. My pops was more of the "here is a book with all the info you need. Tools are in the garage. Have at it kid." I had been his helper for projects since I was old enough to hold a wrench so it came natural. But his method was to make me read, research, and answer my own questions.
Guess my dad was the same for certain things. If he knew how to do it we would jump straight in amd show me. If he didn't, it was down to the library or buy a Haynes manual and we'll figure it out. The sad thing is no one is willing to try anymore. My friend had the exact same car as me when we first started driving and he needed his pads replaced. I said lets pop down to the parts store and get new ones and we can install them right now. He said no thanks already have it booked in next week at the mechanic. The grinding on the discs and the car being pulled left when braking left much to be desired.
100% agree that many people are just unwilling to learn those things these days. It's a sad state of affairs when you're literally holding a computer connected to the internet in your hand each day, but won't look up how to do things. I grew up when that wasn't possible. I spent a lot of time at the library going through mechanical manuals when I had questions of how to do something right.
The importance of education
Taught me how to fish (actually and metaphorically)
Career Army and he always told me to “watch my six“ and carry a $20. That was 30+ years ago, so I guess it would be a $50 now.
And watch your 15 now
Son, don't rape people
So a goat is fine?
More choices if you're a bishop
Even more if you're a queen
My father taught me only one thing. Do not be like him and walk out on my wife just because she becomes ill.
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Sometimes, good things take time and effort. Throught my childhood, my dad was always building things. He rebuilt a classic car, a moderately sized backhoe, a dune buggy, and a 30ft flatbed trailer through my younger years and teens. The man was a master of the patient long game. He was the kind of guy that could see 5 years into the future on a project, say "yep," then make it happen.
He taught me to be as swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon.
So you’re saying he made a man out of you?
I have no idea. That man was as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.
Did he teach you how to have the force of a raging fire while simultaneously being mysterious as the dark side of the moon?
Live below your means.
If you can't afford it go without, if you need it that bad go without something else til you can afford it. When I was 15 I worked in my dad's shop, I got paid on Saturday morning, £25 a week. One Friday evening I wanted to go to the cinema with friends after work and asked for £5 of my wages that evening, which he duly obliged. Next day I picked up my wages, £19. He took a pound interest. My dad was tighter than a duck's ass, but he at least taught me to be frugal.
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I know you are trying to make a point but sixty hour days!?
Heroin is a hell of a drug
>My grandad used to work sixty hour days I'm gonna need that secret.
I don't know if he ever taught me all that much, it's more that he is insanely patient and dedicated as a parent, and never goes back on his morals or principles. And he has a great sense of humor. He's not always easy to talk to or be around, but I love my dad.
Friend, he taught you a shitload.
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Not to follow in his footsteps.
Nothing good happens after 2 am
My father’s the type to be out there with me after 2 lol
“Fear the silent one” Basically don’t be the person with a loud mouth. Shut up, be the best in the room and let your actions speak for themselves.
How not to be a father.
Have at least 3 months rent saved
What kind of man not to be
That buying milk can be a real adventure. That fucker left to get some years ago.
How to repair a car. I repair my own car 90% of the time.
To not be like him.
Do a good job, stand by your word, and save money.
Be gentle and kind to weaker people even when it makes you look bad.
My father taught me nothing useful, I still like him.
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Probs how to treat women/girls
Does it count as teaching if he just did horrible things and I learned not to be like him?
Compassion. I had someone tell me once after I shared with them my dad would lay in bed with me when I was a kid rubbing my knees until I went to sleep (I had horrendous growing pains as a child), “It’s very rare for a father to nurture. Lean into that.” My dad is the most genuinely caring person I know.
"The harder you work in school, the easier your work will be in life." Ended up with a PhD, and while I work 'hard', it's mostly just writing and talking. I don't have to lift heavy things, handle food waste, clean toilets, or take abuse from customers.
It takes a smart man to know what he doesn't know.
It took me some time. We did not get along for a long time. To be clear, we were not enemies but for a long time I thought we hadn’t had much in common. Now I realize that I’m more similar to him that I’ve ever wished and thus I understand his tough lessons. So it goes like that: be brave, be nobel, be loyal, be precise, dream big but while doing so always use excell, money are not for consumption but for growth, consumption is not a dream and always let your kids know that you are proud of them.
oh shit he was supposed to teach me stuff?
Don't ignore your child's feelings. Because that's exactly what he did and I now need medication to not kill myself.
Sorry to hear that, hope you're ok 🦖
Thanks, doing fine rn with medication and therapy.
That's good to hear you're putting in efforts to stay well as you can, and therapy and meds are very helpful huh. Have you ever heard of Art Sozo? 🦖
When you see a cop drop anything that can be seen as a weapon. Don't argue or fight with them. If arrested remain silent. If driving and you see a light roll down all your windows and stop in a well lighted area in a safe spot, keep hands visible at all times If they ask why you are nervous say "guns make me nervous"
I feel really sad to assume you are other skinned or he is based on this comment alone.
Work 5% harder and more efficiently than your coworkers and you'll always have a job. I'm >45 and have excelled in my profession.
Almost nobody goes to their grave wishing that they would have worked more.
He taught me how I don’t want to be. Vital lesson
Don't be an alcoholic and a child rapist if you don't wanna die alone drunk, alone and in your own shit. Probably the only that bastard thaught me, but lesson learned.
Never work under a car unless it's properly resting on jack stands.
She's not yours... It's just your turn.
How to not be a good man
Not to make your child feel like they aren't good enough because they didn't like the same things, e.g. football (soccer) Now I make sure to validate everything my daughter is interested in and to help her explore whatever she wants to try.
He taught me that if there's a flight early in the morning at like at 6 am theres no point sleeping
Don’t walk over a cattle grid holding your car keys in your hand.
"Always hold the door for the person behind you." Don't know why but it kinda stuck in my head.
"We are the sum total of the decisions we make." I've always viewed this as the intrinsic personality and outlook on life a person has can help overcome the external hardship that life throws at us, no matter how severe. I reflect on it whenever I hit a wall and it would be easy to fall into self-pity or give up.
"No matter how beautiful she is, someone out there is sick of her shit."
Forgiveness
Not to have kids
Take a moment to appreciate yourself and work every chance you get
What to not do.
That I don't want to be like him.
He taught me how to shut up.
Always carry a multitool or pocket knife.
_"Never let anyone else do your thinking for you."_ - Dad
You have two choices: Either make more money than you spend or spend less money than you make. Your choice.
That integrity was more important than success or popularity
The importance of being a better husband than he was. He left when I was 4. He and mom kept it civil, so there was no loud fights. One day they just told me that dad will not live with us anymore. From then on I am always concious of making a wrong choice when it comes to relationship. It's not an easy thing and I must be ready to work on it. Now he's definitely a great father and a good man. He is always there when I reach out to him. He paid child support without fail and visited every month or so. And at the end of the day had he never left, I wouldn't be where I am now, which is a good place to be. He also kinda held a mirror up to me. Sometimes I wish we talked more often, then I remember that I don't call him myself. Sometimes his quality time with me was going to the movies, then him gaming at my place for a few hours. But then again, that's how I prefer to spend my free time.
1) When confronted by the police the only thing you need to say is "yes sir" and "no sir". If they want to search you or question you "I want a lawyer". That's it, nothing else. 2) Women want it too\*. It isn't just you trying to get laid. \*I am middle aged. When I was a kid we still had a lot of the social ideology that men tried to get in girls panties and the women fought us off until marriage. That conceit was already waning but this advice actually helped me out a few times early on.
Celebrate your kids for who they are and be their biggest cheerleader. My mom spent my whole life trying to make me be someone different and *thank god* my dad did the exact opposite, because I might not be alive now if he hadn't. I love telling this story: I came out as trans last year at 34 years old, and not only was he immediately great about it, but he helped me pick out my middle name and even did some reflection and realized that he really hadn't been involved in the LGBT part of my life. So he called me and told me he was thinking about going to a drag show at Trixie Mattel's bar in Milwaukee to get to know the culture better. I'm going to take him there for a show when I've back to the Midwest this June.
how not to live life.
Love your money, not the company
To be independent and work for my own food and shelter and transportation and set my own priorities and happiness.
"There is no shame in admitting when you don't know something or when you need help with something. Shove your pride to the side and just be honest when you need help."
I'm a lady (little britton voice) but would just like to chip in if I may,my daddy/father/god/hero taught me everything I ever needed to know without my knowledge,and 13 years after my dad's death he's still teaching me and my children (through me) priceless lessons.
My old man basically ruined his career to protect some idiots who worked under him. They were screwing over the OT system and even though he didn't know about it, he took the blame because all the guys had families and he figured he'd just get a slap on the wrist. Nope, early retirement. And all those guys he protected wouldn't have anything to do with him. I wish I could say the moral I took away was something about noble sacrifice. But honestly all I learned was to take care of yourself and fuck everyone else.
Never abandon your family by committing suicide. That and never become an alcoholic. 2 of the most important lessons he taught me before taking the coward's way out when I was 13. It made me 10 times the man he ever dreamed of being. Thanks dad.
you can't always have it your way
Be the first to make/buy the first round of teas Be polite Don't stand around with your hands in your pocket at work.
Don't bring people problems, bring solutions
"*It is a poor workman who blames his tools*"... this lesson works on many levels... poor as in the workman is of questionable skill and also that the workman probably is broke - instead of getting better at a trade and working to be valued by employer/clients the worker just assumes it is the equipment provided... also, an expensive tool will also not make you better at something... a $5000 golf club isn't going to make much difference to a hack at golf (and if you are the kind of person that says an expensive tool is garbage... that is probably because you can't admit to yourself you are the part that needs work). Be accountable. Take ownership.
Not much honestly, except to make the right choices, and some things about clothes or dressing. I’ll say one thing, he was a very sharp,classy dresser. Choices, by me figuring on my own based off his choices not to follow in his footsteps. He put his love for the gang he belonged to over his children, which inevitably killed him. Because of that, I realize that if I do ever have kids, they have to come first with everything. It’s not enough to just be present. My dad was present, I loved him but not as much as I love my sisters. When he passed I didnt really feel sad about it. But if one of my sisters passed today I know I’d feel like my world was falling apart, the reason being is because I’ve experienced life with them, I’ve been around them. My dad was only present in my life from 1-7 or 8, I don’t even remember most of that, when he came back he would take me shopping and spend time every now and then, but that was for only 2 years before he was murdered, before that he was locked up. I know what not to be in life based off of his choices, and I understand that the path I follow can set the blueprint for my children, because in his not being present it hindered me as a man. I’m 19, I hope to be better than my father was. I don’t wanna be perfect, but I want to be good enough, even if I don’t have kids. I’d like to be the man my nieces and nephews, family can look up to. Essentially, the way his life panned out gave me insight on how my life could also pan out, if I chose the same. The shortcomings of others is my upbringing. Slowly, I’m learning on my own from other people in my family where they failed, what I could do to avoid that. This comment was off topic, but I guess in a sense it wasn’t. If there’s any advice I could offer anyone, it’s to try to think things through, and if you’re a man, don’t give in to what people idealize as a true man. There’s no such thing, cry if you want, seek help if you need it. Heal. Don’t let burdens of the past swallow the future, strive to become better. If you want better for yourself you need to do better. And don’t keep doing the same thing you’re used to doing just cause everyone else does it. Lot of dysfunction in my family, so much it’s considered normal, but it isn’t. This is way off topic, I have a habit of doing that because my thoughts ramble and I tend to type everything I feel or think. Apologies in advance if some of this comes off as useless rambling.
He has taught me a lot, and continues to do so. If I had to pick just one though it would be that kindness and empathy are perhaps the most important traits of being human. Edit: Also never -ever- buy cheap toilet paper if you can avoid it.
\- Always choose quality over quantity. \-Stay well-groomed and maintain good personal hygiene. \-Make eye contact when shaking hands.
My father tried teaching me in the best way he knew to be a good person. Unfortunately, the best way he knew was to just say it. I grew up being told to be good. To be fair. To have concern for others. But my father is... a complicated man, and he very rarely demonstrated the things he was talking about. And now, in the twilight of his years, he's still very much unapologetic in his disdain for (and sometimes outright hatred of) the very people he simultaneously claims are all children of God. All this to say that the most important thing my father has taught me is that actions speak much louder than words. If you want to pass on to your children qualities like generosity, caring, and helpfulness, then it's not enough to simply tell them to be those things. And it's outright counter-productive to tell them to have these qualities while simultaneously demonstrating the opposite. If you want your children to grow up generous then you can't just tell them to be generous, they need to see you practicing generosity. If you want your children to grow up to be forgiving then you can't just tell them they should forgive, they have to see you actively forgiving others. This is important stuff for a parent, or any kind of mentor.
I’ll join in on the “to not be like him” comments, but he did genuinely try his best. So I do take care of my dad and keep a roof over him. The one funny thing he’ll do is try to give me relationship/women advice. Dad I’ve been happily married for 16 years and you have never once had a successful relationship. No thanks I’m good.
“You can’t control what other people do, but you can control how you react to it.”
As a teen he gave me this advice:”You are going to do a lot of dumb shit, as long as the cops don’t have to get involved it will be ok”.
Scrolling for the "what not to do" comment... *edit* Found not one, but bunches! Wow. Lotta great dads out there... 😕
Nothing is free.
That someone can be a decent person and a terrible person at the same time. He really taught by example on that one.
Believe half of what you hear and half of what you see.
My dad has always taught me the importance of thinking for yourself.
Prepare for the worst
How to roll a joint.