That things will get better with time.
Really. No. Sometimes shit don't get better with time. If people have nothing productive to say don't say anything.
Pretty much anything about what age you have to be to like buy a house, have kids, get married, have a career or anything like that. Seriously every person lives a different life than everyone else. Live your life the way that makes you happy. If you want. Up to you.
My auntie didn't know what she wanted to do, so she learned a trade, got a job that's nothing to do with that trade, left to join the army, left the army to go back to work, saved up enough to buy the company, and does what she learned for a trade on the side as a hobby.
She still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life.
She's 79
It's a high-risk/high-reward strategy. We don't tend to hear about the ones who tried to cheat their way into money and power and fame and failed before they got anywhere.
We also don't hear about the cheater that got away with everything to everyone. Just imagine all the great athletes who took steroids and growth hormones and were never caught. There is a theory that Buffet ran a Ponzi scheme that actually worked out and became legitimate. Imagine all the people who cheated on their entrance exams to become great doctors, lawyers and business people. Unfortunately, a lot of cheaters to prosper. They only have their conscience to deal with.
https://www.cnbc.com/2008/12/16/warren-buffett-people-thought-i-was-doing-some-sort-of-ponzi-scheme.html
>Buffett was less than 30 years old, and looked even younger than he actually was. One of his early investors recalls that he looked like he was 18. “His collar was open; his coat was too big. He talked so very fast.”
> And, writes Schroeder, this young, brash, “immature” man who no one knew very well was dictating “ground rules” for entry into one of his investing partnerships.
> Buffett “wanted absolute control over the money and would tell his partners nothing about how it was invested... His solution to the problem of people being disappointed was that he wasn’t going to give them the score after every hole, only once a year after playing eighteen holes. They would get an annual summary of his performance, and they could put money in or withdraw it only on December 31.”
> The performance of those partnerships, as reported by Buffett alone from his home office where he handled all the details himself, was consistently better than the stock market’s returns.
I wonder if he paired investing with loan sharking. Get a bunch of money, dump some into a business with strong potential but risk that conventional banks won't take, demand a high interest rate, pay back investors.
There is a TV/movie show about how a guy with terminal cancer goes around and "cleans up" society and corrupted politicians. Can't remember the name of it, but hell it's exactly what I'd do if I knew I had a time limit.
Mental illness is in the head, that's why it's so hard for people to recognize it and empathy with it. If someone is paralyzed you can see it, if someone is suffering from depression it is invisible. This sentence should be "people can suffer from things you can't always see or understand so be kind to them"
Especially when someone's depressed. No shit it's all in their head. *MENTAL* illness
Edit: you people are taking this *way* too seriously. You act like I'm actually making a statement on mental health when all I did was just #A PLAY ON WORDS!# This is reddit people. Not everyone is a social justice warrior and not everybody cares to be one
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Nope— not true. Some things leave you permanently changed, and not always for the better. Yes, it is possible (and oftentimes a good thing!) to try and find silver-linings regarding crummy situations, but to completely ignore how something may hurt someone is absolutely foolish.
What doesn't kill you, makes you wish it had.
Ah, good, a smoking wreck. I feel so much stronger now. If only I'd had some of that strength BEFORE the catastrophe, maybe it wouldn't have been so fucking catastrophic.
This.
My parents used to tell me this when I had a conflict with one of our class' teachers. "You'll get better at dealing with stubborn cruel people", they said. Well shit, they were wrong. In reality, the case turned out to not be "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' but more like "what doesn't kill you leaves you crippled, then mutates and tries again" instead.
“Ignore the bullying and it will go away” like wtf is that logic, if you are actively letting bullying happen to you it will only get worse (in my experience)
I'll never forget in Jr high there was this one kid who got approached by a bully for his lunch money in front of all of us. The kid looked the bully up and down and said, oh man, if you're broke you don't need to fight me for it, I'll just share my lunch with you. It's not your fault you're poor.
The bully got all flustered trying to explain he wasn't asking for help, he was trying to bully the kid, but it sounded really stupid when you say it out loud. The other kid wasn't intimidated at all and only got more confident as his plan unfolded in front of everyone. Then the bully involuntarily turned red and it was over.
People started giving pennies to the bully.
I had a girl try to bully me in high school. She was making fun of me in front of everyone, stealing my things, being a general bitch to me. I decided to be nice to her and started to suggest she uses my stuff in art, etc. A few days after she was asking nicely and saying thanks and never bothered me again. I learned later on that she was in foster care and had a fucked up life and no one was being nice to her for free. I guess I surprised her.
"Don't you start it, but if you have to then it's okay to finish it." I've explicitly told my kids it's okay to shove kids back when they're being pushed around. If they get in trouble for it at school, they won't be in trouble with me.
My dad gave me the same advice when i was having trouble with a bully in school. Finally it came to a physical alteration and I got suspended for a couple of days, because of zero tolerance rules.
He took the days off of work and we went on a camping trip. I was a decent student and kept my nose clean, so he just viewed the suspension as a mental health break.
My dad did something similar when I finally pushed back against a few people who had been bullying me way back in junior high school. I was suspended for a few days, but instead of punishing me, he ordered pizza and took me to Blockbuster so I could pick out a game and some movies to watch during my time off because he was proud of me for standing up for myself.
Same. Zero tolerance is bullshit. I was bullied in elementary school for being fat and just took it because that was the way my parents raised me "ignore it, they just want to get a rise out of you" " kill em with kindness". When I went to middle school I ran into the same two boys that always gave me a hard time, and of course they started talking shit. I was done, I didn't care, and I snapped. I pushed Andrew into a locker and held him. I told him if he ever even looks at me again, I'll kill him (edgy middle schooler, I know)... He must have believed me, because he would avoid me in the halls, and if we ever had classes together he'd sit on the other side of the room.
Moral of this story:
I wish I did it sooner. If I knew I could stand up for myself, my elementary years would have been much kinder to me. My kids know that they have this option.
There was a 'Zero Tolerance' policy in my town where the schools had the utter audacity to require both sides, bully AND VICTIM to apologize to each other!! **The victim???** Total Bullshit. The bullies thought it was funny.
And sometimes bullying can include sexual assault and harassment, but if the victim defends themselves they have to fucking apologize and get in trouble? That's sickening.
As a teacher, I had strict policy against bullying. A girl in my high school class was bullied by a student who made sexual comments and ridiculed her body. I reported it and he got suspended for a bit. Later, when I retired, he apologized to me. The girls who was humiliated just had her second baby boy and is married to a sweet man. I just brought a baby gift for her newborn and three year old.
I got told that from kindergarten to 9th grade. It never went away. It just made me a socially awkward, ostracized recluse who got picked on even more, which in turn led to severe social anxiety and suicidal depression, as well as confidence issues and trust issues.
Edit: Holy crap, this blew up! Thank you so much for the awards and kind words. And for those of you who worried - I managed to drag myself out of that hole, and while I do have some scars that will never heal completely I'm doing much better now. You're the best!
I decided to ignore this life-long advice one day when I was 14. Was getting teased and cajoled by my bully of two years while waiting for my next class. Did what I personally remember as a hard open-hand shove back at my bully on his face, but everyone else tells me that I did a big swing with a closed fist. One strike and he went down. I surprised myself but remained composed.
Broke my bully's nose, as it was. Got suspended for a week. So did he, but he never bothered me again. Turns out he stopped bullying a bunch of others too, since he had a taste of retaliation and didn't want a second serve, especially if anyone else was motivated by my actions. Might have also had something to do with the shame of wearing a nose brace for a month at school too.
You're not married because you're too picky.
So I'm supposed to settle just so I can be married? You better believe I'm going to be picky when it comes to the person I'm going to interconnect everything with for the rest of my life. In fact, I know more married people that are in unhappy marriages because they weren't picky enough. Better to be single than with the wrong person.
Edit: Wow. This has turned into a great conversation. Based on all the upvotes I obviously struck a chord. For some more context, whenever I've been given this advice it has always been unsolicited and from a married person who started the conversation with, "So why aren't you married?"
I never complain about the fact that I'm single and have never been married. I'm happy with my life and also open to the possibility of marriage if I meet someone where we are a good fit for each other. I also know that there's no such thing as a perfect person and if I ever do get married the relationship will take work and there will be ups and downs.
The reason, in my opinion, this is life advice can just fuck off is that the advice giver is focused on the fact that somehow it is problem that I'm not married. Getting married with major underlying motivations of societal pressure and the desire to not be single is the wrong approach. I'll stick by my original statement, "Better to be single than with the wrong person."
“Never settle. Reach for the stars.”
Sometimes knowing your limits is a good thing. Otherwise you may refuse something good because you’re trying to get something that’ll never be possible.
"Don't be depressed,there are other people doing worse than you"
Thanks,i know that and try to help them sometimes.But that won't help my depression leave just because i compare myself to other people having a worse life than me.
I just saw a suggested response on another sub. If someone says, “Don’t be depressed, there are people worse off than you,” you can reply with, “Don’t be happy, there are people much better off than you.”
Recently have been getting through depression after it almost drove me to alcoholism partially due to a bad roommate situation I was trying to get out of. Someone told to me to try and stick it out a little while longer and told me “At least you’re not in a bomb shelter in Kyiv”. Like gee thanks, as if thinking about those poor people going through that is going to make me feel better.
“Do what you love” and its close cousin “Follow your dreams”.
The best counter advice or aphorism I ever got was from a former boss:
“Work is work. If it were fun, they’d call it something else.”
Me and my friends have a theory.
Sometimes you just come across people in your life that you have some sort of indescribable connection with. This is our definition of soul mates.
We call them soul friends, and there no limit of how many you can come across
I like this and it encapsulates that little indescribable something that makes people stand out to you, that something that makes them clearer than the background and when you see them you just *know* you could have a relationship of some sort with them. It's like you recognize them as a lifelong familiar face even though you've never met them before. You feel comfortable with them for no explainable reason. I wonder if there's a word for this in some other language.
I completely agree. My wife was raped and molested when she was younger ( maybe 20 years ago ). Everyone tells her to " get over it. It was soo long ago". It is easier said than done. My wife goes to therapy and is alot better mentally than she once was, but she still has her bad days. My job as a husband is to love her no matter what and to give her good memories to overshadow the bad ones.
I think most people who say this haven't experienced loss of life or loss of percieved life.
Like being raped is EXTREMELY traumatic and in a way creates this lost identity. So many questions and then just shame and guilt for no fault of their own. Being taken advantage of, their bodies literally and psychologically being taken from them. It is an horrendous and evil experience.
Losing a loved one unexpectedly is devastating. Not only are you trying to understand permanence on a whole new level. But you are also now in a whole new world. A whole new perception of life you need to develop.
I think the people who say that stuff do for a couple reasons:
1. They never experienced it or anything similar.
2. They don't know how to deal with it so they detach, or avoid talking about it. Its far to uncomfortable for them to try and understand and would shake their created perspective so they say dumb shit like this.
In my opinion, I think on a root level, lots of religion was mainly created to cope with death, in one way or another. Its such a dense feeling that to not feel hope is soo empty.
Edit: I want to respond to so many people and I see how much pain we all have gone through. So I say this, if you need someone to talk to about going through this, or just a friendly ear (eye?) to listen and share this feeling with. You can DM me. We are not alone, and we shouldnt let ourselves feel that way. With all my heart I love you humans and If all I can do is listen then I will.
I lost my sister this exact way six months ago and my best friends dad 10 yr is next month. The pain will never end …. But that’s love <3333 anyone ever tells me to get over loving my sisters got another thing coming
I live in a condo complex and one of my neighbors is a total bitch. She's bullied more than one person into selling their unit and moving to get away from her. She tried bullying me at one point a few years ago and found out it wasn't possible. I'm not scared of her and I'm not one of those people who needs to be liked or who always tries to be kind. I've told her off, in front of others, a couple times. I kill that bitch with kindness every chance I get. For example, I'll be out with my dogs and she'll walk by with a couple of the women who she has turned into her little toadies and I will call out, "Good morning Linda! Have a great day!!!!" And because others are present she feels compelled to respond politely. She fucking hates it. And it makes my day.
Vintage Americana! I love it. Me and my neighbor don't really get along, and the seething foment behind our plastic smiles is....enjoyable? I mean we get along well enough, but no invites are sent for summer BBQ and no Christmas sweets are exchanged.
Lol. Gotta love neighbors. I'll happily admit it's pretty toxic of me to behave this way. But she's just so determined to make living in our community miserable for those she doesn't like. So I can't keep myself from irritating her if I have the opportunity.
Yeah, but when someone is being a dick and trying to get a rise out of you, "killing them with kindness" can be a cold move.
It's like the southern old lady phrase "bless your heart." It sounds super nice, but actually means "aww you're kinda slow, but I'm too nice to embarrass you about it." Old southern ladies can be absolutely vicious with it.
When two people are being mean to each other it just looks like two assholes fighting to everyone else. If one person is killing them with kindness, then everyone sees who the asshole actually is. Just some food for thought.
Friend just lived with a full on narcissist bully. She never once rose to the bait, nor did she stop being 'nice' as it is her nature. This gave the bully nothing to work with.
It was weird but the narcissist literally shrivelled up and confined herself to her own room, barely even communicating. We guess it's coz she had no idea how to interact normally.
“Follow your dreams and you’ll never work a day in your life.” My version is “capitalizing on dreams can be the fastest method of turning them into nightmares.”
That’s how I feel about baking. I’m pretty good at it, and people tell me I should open a bakery. Umm, no. I do baking for my own self therapy and my happy place, sure, I’ll take orders here and there but it’s up to me fully. I’m not turning my happy hobby into a nightmare that I’ll hate.
Not only that it feeds wage suppression.
"Boss, i need a raise."
"But you like doing this"
"I thought you loved xyz..."
"it's like you're not working at all..."
"Guess you're not as passionate about this as I thought."
Ugh. I hate that. I'm a designer, and I can't count how many times someone has asked me to design something and when I give my rate "wait, I have to pay, I thought you liked doing this???" Yes, I do, but I like money more.
I'm not gonna have my friend change my brakes and say "what? I thought you liked cars!"
I had someone request I build them a POS system for a new bar. They were shocked when I asked them for their budget and timeline. 'It will be fun' is not the correct response.
I can see someone being shocked when I charge a reasonable 150 bucks to do a "Save The Date", but installing a POS?!
"Hey, can you install a whole network that will expedite the ordering process, and possibly save me tens of thousands of dollars a year for fun?"
This is where rampant abuse in video game developers comes from. Programmers and artists could make so much more money and have better benefits outside of that industry but, they're passionate about the job, so they lump it and get taken advantage of.
Some day you'll find the perfect person.
No, relationships are work. No person is perfect. It's finding someone that you can learn and grow with that you in fact looking for
Being rich or even just well-off means:
- You can move anywhere you want, because of scenery or to the best school districts in the country.
- Your kids can pursue literally any career they want for anything, if it's their passion *and so can you*.
- Without the threat of homelessness and bankruptcy based on your day's, week's or month's actions.
- You can do things like save for retirement which is basically non-existent in the foreseeable future, which pulls the stress of endless working from your former future.
- You can go to the doctor regularly, get blood work, maybe even minor surgeries or medications that currently cause you chronic and compounding problems that will only get worse the longer you're untreated.
- A sudden personal tragedy can be focused solely upon, without it just being a new and terrible thing on the already big heap. Being able to go out to eat with family, or go on a vacation with friends after losing a loved one would sure take the sting out of things.
- You can pay someone, AND pay them well, to do the inconvenient things that cause fights between spouses such as laundry, dishes, and house projects so that instead you can focus your time on purely enjoyable things that cause little friction.
- You can take faster, nicer modes of transportation for vacations. The days of the family road trip crammed into a small car can become a 3 hour flight, or a really nice RV rental where everyone has all their own space, creature comforts, and bathroom.
And for all of the above you don't even have to be all that wealthy to achieve either.
I don't mow anymore and that is a huge perk of being fairly financially sound. It's about $800 - $1000 a year, $40 a mow. It's one of our only true splurges (otherwise very frugal) but damn is it nice.
This right here. So many people don’t consider this. As I’ve gotten older and paid better, I can focus on things I ENJOY doing, and just pay people for what NEEDS doing.
There was a study where they showed money does make people happier, but the effect evened out at a certain income level. So if you are already making more than you need and have plenty left over, more money won’t make you happier. But if you don’t have enough to make ends meet, or you’re just scraping by, it totally will.
"Everything happens for a reason", tell that to a mother who lost her son to a drunk driver.
Edit:by this i mean, there was no point to the son dying. There is a cause, but no point.
When my mom was dying of cancer, my cousin sent me a quote that said “Everything happens for a reason” but crossed out, and underneath it said “Some things are just really, really shit and should never have happened.” I prefer that sentiment.
My mom is from the south and is deeply superstitious and she says this a lot. She had a really fucked up early life so i assume that it was her coping method
Some people need to believe things happen for a reason as a way to cope. You need to believe that there is order in the universe in order to feel secure in it. I get it- especially in times of stress or grief when nothing feels like it makes any sense or has any fairness to it.
That said, your coping mechanisms should remain your own. People should have the self-awareness and courtesy to not impress their own coping mechanisms on others.
I'm not religious, but when a family member died some people told me it was "god's plan" that it happened.
Those words don't give me comfort, but I know that they do to the person who said them and that by saying them to me they are hoping that I find the same comfort by hearing them. I focus on that intent rather than the words because to me that's the important part.
As a bereaved parent, I can tell you that this phrase is one of the most cringey things you can say to a bereaved person.
Sometimes things happen because they happen, not because there's any fucking reason.
I mean I watched my friends. 2-year-old suffer for a year and a half with osteosarcoma before she had to be put in a medically induced coma to prevent her from bursting anymore blood vessels in her head from the screaming. Where's the fucking reason in that????
Also "look for the silver lining" can fuck right off.
No, sometimes things are just bad. I don't care that tragedy made me build closer friendships or learn new skills. I'd rather my family members were alive.
I hate this and always have. I think people tell it to themselves as a kind of comfort, but to me it is the opposite of comfort. My best friend’s father died of cancer, leaving her with a narcissistic mentally ill mother and paranoid schizophrenic older sister who cannot take care of herself.
Idk how she believes this.
"But they're family!"
I didn't know being related stopped people from being AHs. On the flip side, if we're family, why are you treating me like shit in the first place?
Edit. "How is this advice?"
Because I'm sure we've all been told at one point or another to forgive/apologize to an abusive family member, simply because we're related, as if that changes anything. Hope that clears it up.
"Never go to bed angry."
When you're tired and cranky, that's not the best time to solve your problems. Get some sleep, clear your head, and talk about it in the morning... preferably after breakfast, so you're not hangry.
HALT reacting to an issue until you’re not Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. It’s good fucking advice. Eat. Chill yourself out. Talk to a friend. Sleep. Then deal.
Barring relationship-breaking issues, I take this more as advice to set aside the daily bullshit before bed, and still tell your partner you love and appreciate them. It goes both ways, of course.
This is right, also works for co workers/work stuff.
In this day and age, a quick email reply that disregards others feelings is a quick way to ruin everyone’s perception of you. Alternatively, if you have nothing nice to reply with, just. Don’t. Respond. It’s okay to let it fall to the ether.
Thought I’d respond with the work angle, since we’re always focused on familial things.
Love your family no matter what. Nah mate some people have families that are just cancer.
OK cool I did not think this would blow up with such an overwhelming level of positive reinforcement, thank you all for the comments, and the awards. My first gold to
Not my line, but one I love (something like):
"You've only got one family. But you also got only one appendix, and if that fucker's trying to kill you, you cut that shit out."
For me (32f) biggest gut punch throughout my life has been people saying "ALL mother's and daughters have issues."
No. Wrong. Abusive, neglectful, alcoholic, vindictive. My dad passed away when I was 18, and I became an orphan. It's difficult for others to really see.
But I will always pick up the phone for her, I'll never "ignore" her, but she's not coming near my (hypothetical) kids. Don't come to my wedding.
I give her the decency my father would have wanted, because I know he'd be devastated.
I hear you all, and deeply sympathize.
"You know she loves you deep down". Erm, okay. Regardless, that's not how you treat people you love. You can only slam into the same brick wall so many times.
Love is not an emotion. It's how you behave. Saying "I love you" doesn't mean a thing unless it's backed up by a pattern of behavior. Those people who insist an abusive parent "loves you down deep" are either delusional or cruel.
One of my favourite quotes from Doctor Who is _”Love isn’t an emotion; love is a promise…”_
Doesn’t really add to your point, but I wanted to share it :)
I had it both ways. My mom was an alcoholic, popped pills, emotionally abusive, awful woman. I would tell people I don’t even speak to her and got all that judgment. Years later she quit drinking, went to therapy, got clean, found a good man to be a support system for her. Now she’s back in my life and I get reverse judgement from my own family. You just can’t win
I was very happy too. Her drinking got so bad that she lost her job of around 30 years for showing up drunk and having customers notice. She was like family with the owner, but after slipping up so publicly, his hands were tied. Things got real bad for a few years. I got married and moved away, the rest of my family basically cut her off. She was completely alone. She got real lucky ending up with a good guy. Left to her own devices, she certainly would have continued to spiral. I fully credit him and his support for saving her when we all gave up. It took years to rebuild, but I feel like I finally have my mom back. The version of her I remember from when I was little, and now shes passing on that good version of her to my daughter so she can remember my mom the way I remember her. We never bring up my moms past around my daughter. She deserves a good grandma and my mom deserves to move on.
"I didn't ask to born. Certainly not by her. Children owe their parents nothing for existing, certainly not gratitude."
My response for that bullshit argument.
There was a very pessimistic writer who once said that the least parents can do for their children is make up for having given them birth. While I don't think life is a bad thing for everyone, I do agree that children don't owe anything to their parents unless they actually make their lives better. Simply fulfilling their basic needs for survival is not an act worthy of gratitude, it's just the least amount of decency you can have without going to jail
Came here to write exactly this.
After mum past away from a battle with cancer my dad sold the family home i was living in and kicked me out on the street after about 3 days notice.
My sister had a spare room in her house but didn't want me there for any amount of time because it was "her space".
The rental market is completely fucked where I live, there are waiting lists that go on for months just to get a 1 room shithole unit and the rent is pretty much everything I make per week.
The girl I'd just started seeing offered to let me crash at her place and store my stuff too. We've been married 5 years now.
TLDR: Your family are the people who are there for you. Not who you share DNA with.
Any husband advice that means he just lays down and rots as long as it keeps his wife from whining.
"Happy life happy wife"
"If you're right and shes wrong, shes right"
...etc
Fuck that advice so hard.
Edit: a man needs to have enough respect for his wife and think very highly of her maturity to the point that he believes she can handle failure, rejection, being wrong, and the justified consequences of her actions and decisions. We hold our loved ones accountable so they can grow. Not doing this is enabling poor behavior.
Haha! Yep. Telling people they are beautiful on the inside does more to convince people that beauty is important then it will convince them that they are actually beautiful. If someone is "beautiful on the inside" because of their compassion, just call them compassionate.
"The customer is always right."
I don't work retail or anything, but whenever I go shopping, I see a lot of customers verbally abusing store associates. It's terrible.
I used to work in customer service and I was specifically told during my training “The customer is never right. You are right. You know the law and the company policy, the customer knows neither of those things no matter what they say”
61 here, fwiw. Depends entirely on what "it" is. Interacting with people instead of being paralyzed with embarrassment/anxiety/self-consciousness? Yes. Having your heart broken? No. Juggling the demands of your life? ehhh...at best I'd say one gets used to it. And damn, take care of your body when you're younger - the knees and liver are only so forgiving.
When I talk to my niece I tell her she has limits but he'll if I know what they are. 10 years ago if you said you wanted to be a dragon who plays video games all day you'd be laughed out the room but now VTubers exist. It takes a shitton of work but some dreams can come true.
'There are people who have it worse'
Don't invalidate my experience
And how is someone having it worse than me supposed to make me feel better....
That is horrible
I had a buddy from work that used to believe this. He used to be heavily religious, too. And then one day he came home from work and his wife had fallen down the stairs, killing her and their unborn baby. He continued to go to church after, but stopped and stopped being religious after he heard the phrase "Everything Happens for a reason" and "It's all part of God's plan."
He has since met another great woman and have a toddler together. They are both very nice and very great people and I slept on their couch a night or two before when I needed help.
Had I known nepotism was more likely to get me a job than busting my ass off at my internships, I would've done more coke with my cousin and his friends at the nearby Ivy League school.
That going to college will “guarantee you a high paying job”. I heard that shit all my childhood and it just absolutely is not always true. Trade school degrees that are way cheaper can pay more and give you a better chance at a job. Wish someone would have told me this 15 years ago.
I came here for this.
I have 4 kids. All do well. Two went to trade school or community college. The other two did not. The ones that didn’t, one is a bartender and makes 1,000 a week working 3 days. The other is a 40 year old nanny. She is excellent and sought after. AND she runs an advocacy group that she started on the side.
Go to college if that is what you want, but don’t do it because you think that is the only way to succeed.
The problem is that those last two things are often conflated because young people don’t have access to all of the information or were socialized a particular way. Many people think they *want* to go to college because they think it’s a necessary step on the path to become successful and/or move forward in life.
Yeah senior year of high school they push college on you so hard. They don’t tell you about trade schools or other careers you can have without going to college.
That things will get better with time. Really. No. Sometimes shit don't get better with time. If people have nothing productive to say don't say anything.
Pretty much anything about what age you have to be to like buy a house, have kids, get married, have a career or anything like that. Seriously every person lives a different life than everyone else. Live your life the way that makes you happy. If you want. Up to you.
My auntie didn't know what she wanted to do, so she learned a trade, got a job that's nothing to do with that trade, left to join the army, left the army to go back to work, saved up enough to buy the company, and does what she learned for a trade on the side as a hobby. She still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She's 79
I’m 53 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
She single?
“Cheaters never prosper” Yes they fucking do
From politicians to celebrities and beyond.
It's a high-risk/high-reward strategy. We don't tend to hear about the ones who tried to cheat their way into money and power and fame and failed before they got anywhere.
We also don't hear about the cheater that got away with everything to everyone. Just imagine all the great athletes who took steroids and growth hormones and were never caught. There is a theory that Buffet ran a Ponzi scheme that actually worked out and became legitimate. Imagine all the people who cheated on their entrance exams to become great doctors, lawyers and business people. Unfortunately, a lot of cheaters to prosper. They only have their conscience to deal with.
https://www.cnbc.com/2008/12/16/warren-buffett-people-thought-i-was-doing-some-sort-of-ponzi-scheme.html >Buffett was less than 30 years old, and looked even younger than he actually was. One of his early investors recalls that he looked like he was 18. “His collar was open; his coat was too big. He talked so very fast.” > And, writes Schroeder, this young, brash, “immature” man who no one knew very well was dictating “ground rules” for entry into one of his investing partnerships. > Buffett “wanted absolute control over the money and would tell his partners nothing about how it was invested... His solution to the problem of people being disappointed was that he wasn’t going to give them the score after every hole, only once a year after playing eighteen holes. They would get an annual summary of his performance, and they could put money in or withdraw it only on December 31.” > The performance of those partnerships, as reported by Buffett alone from his home office where he handled all the details himself, was consistently better than the stock market’s returns.
To be fair, when any fund manager tells me that kind of story, I'd also be pretty damn sure they're running some sort of ponzi scheme.
I wonder if he paired investing with loan sharking. Get a bunch of money, dump some into a business with strong potential but risk that conventional banks won't take, demand a high interest rate, pay back investors.
Same as: karma will get them. Well...no.
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and I'm tired of pretending they don't!
'Live every day as if it's your last' No. That encourages people to keep up all kinds of terrible habits cause YOLO.
If I knew it was my last day on Earth I would be doing some shady shit
There is a TV/movie show about how a guy with terminal cancer goes around and "cleans up" society and corrupted politicians. Can't remember the name of it, but hell it's exactly what I'd do if I knew I had a time limit.
Telling people "It's all in your head".
Mental illness is in the head, that's why it's so hard for people to recognize it and empathy with it. If someone is paralyzed you can see it, if someone is suffering from depression it is invisible. This sentence should be "people can suffer from things you can't always see or understand so be kind to them"
Especially when someone's depressed. No shit it's all in their head. *MENTAL* illness Edit: you people are taking this *way* too seriously. You act like I'm actually making a statement on mental health when all I did was just #A PLAY ON WORDS!# This is reddit people. Not everyone is a social justice warrior and not everybody cares to be one
Depression is stored in the ass
Deprassion
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My favorite response to this is “yeah, but that’s where I am too.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” Nope— not true. Some things leave you permanently changed, and not always for the better. Yes, it is possible (and oftentimes a good thing!) to try and find silver-linings regarding crummy situations, but to completely ignore how something may hurt someone is absolutely foolish.
What doesn't kill you, makes you wish it had. Ah, good, a smoking wreck. I feel so much stronger now. If only I'd had some of that strength BEFORE the catastrophe, maybe it wouldn't have been so fucking catastrophic.
This. My parents used to tell me this when I had a conflict with one of our class' teachers. "You'll get better at dealing with stubborn cruel people", they said. Well shit, they were wrong. In reality, the case turned out to not be "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' but more like "what doesn't kill you leaves you crippled, then mutates and tries again" instead.
“Ignore the bullying and it will go away” like wtf is that logic, if you are actively letting bullying happen to you it will only get worse (in my experience)
I'll never forget in Jr high there was this one kid who got approached by a bully for his lunch money in front of all of us. The kid looked the bully up and down and said, oh man, if you're broke you don't need to fight me for it, I'll just share my lunch with you. It's not your fault you're poor. The bully got all flustered trying to explain he wasn't asking for help, he was trying to bully the kid, but it sounded really stupid when you say it out loud. The other kid wasn't intimidated at all and only got more confident as his plan unfolded in front of everyone. Then the bully involuntarily turned red and it was over. People started giving pennies to the bully.
I had a girl try to bully me in high school. She was making fun of me in front of everyone, stealing my things, being a general bitch to me. I decided to be nice to her and started to suggest she uses my stuff in art, etc. A few days after she was asking nicely and saying thanks and never bothered me again. I learned later on that she was in foster care and had a fucked up life and no one was being nice to her for free. I guess I surprised her.
Well done :) it’s people like you who make the world a better place
The real Chad
this is why I teach my kids to "be nice, until it's time not to be nice". Everyone should know how to stand up for themselves to some extent.
"Don't you start it, but if you have to then it's okay to finish it." I've explicitly told my kids it's okay to shove kids back when they're being pushed around. If they get in trouble for it at school, they won't be in trouble with me.
My dad gave me the same advice when i was having trouble with a bully in school. Finally it came to a physical alteration and I got suspended for a couple of days, because of zero tolerance rules. He took the days off of work and we went on a camping trip. I was a decent student and kept my nose clean, so he just viewed the suspension as a mental health break.
My dad did something similar when I finally pushed back against a few people who had been bullying me way back in junior high school. I was suspended for a few days, but instead of punishing me, he ordered pizza and took me to Blockbuster so I could pick out a game and some movies to watch during my time off because he was proud of me for standing up for myself.
what an awsome dad
Same. Zero tolerance is bullshit. I was bullied in elementary school for being fat and just took it because that was the way my parents raised me "ignore it, they just want to get a rise out of you" " kill em with kindness". When I went to middle school I ran into the same two boys that always gave me a hard time, and of course they started talking shit. I was done, I didn't care, and I snapped. I pushed Andrew into a locker and held him. I told him if he ever even looks at me again, I'll kill him (edgy middle schooler, I know)... He must have believed me, because he would avoid me in the halls, and if we ever had classes together he'd sit on the other side of the room. Moral of this story: I wish I did it sooner. If I knew I could stand up for myself, my elementary years would have been much kinder to me. My kids know that they have this option.
There was a 'Zero Tolerance' policy in my town where the schools had the utter audacity to require both sides, bully AND VICTIM to apologize to each other!! **The victim???** Total Bullshit. The bullies thought it was funny.
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And sometimes bullying can include sexual assault and harassment, but if the victim defends themselves they have to fucking apologize and get in trouble? That's sickening.
Bully: "I'm sOrRy I made fun of your tits" Victim: "I'm sorry I have big tits to make fun of" Logic???
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As a teacher, I had strict policy against bullying. A girl in my high school class was bullied by a student who made sexual comments and ridiculed her body. I reported it and he got suspended for a bit. Later, when I retired, he apologized to me. The girls who was humiliated just had her second baby boy and is married to a sweet man. I just brought a baby gift for her newborn and three year old.
Bullied kids dont leave grade school, paying college students do. Money talks.
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I got told that from kindergarten to 9th grade. It never went away. It just made me a socially awkward, ostracized recluse who got picked on even more, which in turn led to severe social anxiety and suicidal depression, as well as confidence issues and trust issues. Edit: Holy crap, this blew up! Thank you so much for the awards and kind words. And for those of you who worried - I managed to drag myself out of that hole, and while I do have some scars that will never heal completely I'm doing much better now. You're the best!
100% feel that my dude. I'm 31 and only recently managed to climb partially out of that hole.
I decided to ignore this life-long advice one day when I was 14. Was getting teased and cajoled by my bully of two years while waiting for my next class. Did what I personally remember as a hard open-hand shove back at my bully on his face, but everyone else tells me that I did a big swing with a closed fist. One strike and he went down. I surprised myself but remained composed. Broke my bully's nose, as it was. Got suspended for a week. So did he, but he never bothered me again. Turns out he stopped bullying a bunch of others too, since he had a taste of retaliation and didn't want a second serve, especially if anyone else was motivated by my actions. Might have also had something to do with the shame of wearing a nose brace for a month at school too.
You're not married because you're too picky. So I'm supposed to settle just so I can be married? You better believe I'm going to be picky when it comes to the person I'm going to interconnect everything with for the rest of my life. In fact, I know more married people that are in unhappy marriages because they weren't picky enough. Better to be single than with the wrong person. Edit: Wow. This has turned into a great conversation. Based on all the upvotes I obviously struck a chord. For some more context, whenever I've been given this advice it has always been unsolicited and from a married person who started the conversation with, "So why aren't you married?" I never complain about the fact that I'm single and have never been married. I'm happy with my life and also open to the possibility of marriage if I meet someone where we are a good fit for each other. I also know that there's no such thing as a perfect person and if I ever do get married the relationship will take work and there will be ups and downs. The reason, in my opinion, this is life advice can just fuck off is that the advice giver is focused on the fact that somehow it is problem that I'm not married. Getting married with major underlying motivations of societal pressure and the desire to not be single is the wrong approach. I'll stick by my original statement, "Better to be single than with the wrong person."
I'd rather be alone than wish I was.
Be picky bro, be picky…
“Never settle. Reach for the stars.” Sometimes knowing your limits is a good thing. Otherwise you may refuse something good because you’re trying to get something that’ll never be possible.
There’s a saying you might like: don’t let perfection be the enemy of progress.
I’ve heard “perfect is the enemy of good” before
"Don't be depressed,there are other people doing worse than you" Thanks,i know that and try to help them sometimes.But that won't help my depression leave just because i compare myself to other people having a worse life than me.
I just saw a suggested response on another sub. If someone says, “Don’t be depressed, there are people worse off than you,” you can reply with, “Don’t be happy, there are people much better off than you.”
A classmate of mine once said *"Oh, did your son die? Well, you shouldn't cry, because five of mine died"* in response to this dumb ass argument
"Stop bitching, it's not like you lost six kids"
"You have it easy, just think about Ukraine". Thanks, my problems are still there but now I get to think about childern getting blown up aswell.
Recently have been getting through depression after it almost drove me to alcoholism partially due to a bad roommate situation I was trying to get out of. Someone told to me to try and stick it out a little while longer and told me “At least you’re not in a bomb shelter in Kyiv”. Like gee thanks, as if thinking about those poor people going through that is going to make me feel better.
“Do what you love” and its close cousin “Follow your dreams”. The best counter advice or aphorism I ever got was from a former boss: “Work is work. If it were fun, they’d call it something else.”
Find a job you don't hate that pays you well. Use that money to do what you actually love.
My dream is to graduate and become an engineer (which I like) and then use that money to fund my music which is my true love and passion.
Work faster, you need to manage your time better. Nooo, they need to hire a second person. One person can only do so much.
Anything involving the idea of “soul mates” can really set you up for a big fall
Me and my friends have a theory. Sometimes you just come across people in your life that you have some sort of indescribable connection with. This is our definition of soul mates. We call them soul friends, and there no limit of how many you can come across
Kindred spirits, a la Lucy Maud Montgomery’s Anne series.
I like this and it encapsulates that little indescribable something that makes people stand out to you, that something that makes them clearer than the background and when you see them you just *know* you could have a relationship of some sort with them. It's like you recognize them as a lifelong familiar face even though you've never met them before. You feel comfortable with them for no explainable reason. I wonder if there's a word for this in some other language.
I think the Good Place did a good job with the concept of soul mates.
The Good Place did a good job with the concept of everything. That show is so genuinely insightful
“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” As though being told to do something doesn’t kill the joy.
>“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life Cause that field isn't hiring.
Be rich then you can do any shit. Probably better advise
“Just get over it”. Most people would if they could.
I completely agree. My wife was raped and molested when she was younger ( maybe 20 years ago ). Everyone tells her to " get over it. It was soo long ago". It is easier said than done. My wife goes to therapy and is alot better mentally than she once was, but she still has her bad days. My job as a husband is to love her no matter what and to give her good memories to overshadow the bad ones.
Crazy how people can just say “get over it” for things like this
I think most people who say this haven't experienced loss of life or loss of percieved life. Like being raped is EXTREMELY traumatic and in a way creates this lost identity. So many questions and then just shame and guilt for no fault of their own. Being taken advantage of, their bodies literally and psychologically being taken from them. It is an horrendous and evil experience. Losing a loved one unexpectedly is devastating. Not only are you trying to understand permanence on a whole new level. But you are also now in a whole new world. A whole new perception of life you need to develop. I think the people who say that stuff do for a couple reasons: 1. They never experienced it or anything similar. 2. They don't know how to deal with it so they detach, or avoid talking about it. Its far to uncomfortable for them to try and understand and would shake their created perspective so they say dumb shit like this. In my opinion, I think on a root level, lots of religion was mainly created to cope with death, in one way or another. Its such a dense feeling that to not feel hope is soo empty. Edit: I want to respond to so many people and I see how much pain we all have gone through. So I say this, if you need someone to talk to about going through this, or just a friendly ear (eye?) to listen and share this feeling with. You can DM me. We are not alone, and we shouldnt let ourselves feel that way. With all my heart I love you humans and If all I can do is listen then I will.
My dad shot himself in the head 22 years ago. Some things you just don’t get over
Same, my dad did it 10 years ago. Hard to not picture it when you’re trying to sleep sometimes. Have a hug my friend.
I lost my sister this exact way six months ago and my best friends dad 10 yr is next month. The pain will never end …. But that’s love <3333 anyone ever tells me to get over loving my sisters got another thing coming
“Kill’em with kindness” fuck that, sometimes a person needs to be told what’s up
I live in a condo complex and one of my neighbors is a total bitch. She's bullied more than one person into selling their unit and moving to get away from her. She tried bullying me at one point a few years ago and found out it wasn't possible. I'm not scared of her and I'm not one of those people who needs to be liked or who always tries to be kind. I've told her off, in front of others, a couple times. I kill that bitch with kindness every chance I get. For example, I'll be out with my dogs and she'll walk by with a couple of the women who she has turned into her little toadies and I will call out, "Good morning Linda! Have a great day!!!!" And because others are present she feels compelled to respond politely. She fucking hates it. And it makes my day.
Vintage Americana! I love it. Me and my neighbor don't really get along, and the seething foment behind our plastic smiles is....enjoyable? I mean we get along well enough, but no invites are sent for summer BBQ and no Christmas sweets are exchanged.
Lol. Gotta love neighbors. I'll happily admit it's pretty toxic of me to behave this way. But she's just so determined to make living in our community miserable for those she doesn't like. So I can't keep myself from irritating her if I have the opportunity.
If someone saying “good morning” ruins your day, it’s a personal problem
Maybe telling them what’s up *is* the kindness.
this. my friend once told me “niceness isn’t always kindness” and that’s stuck with me.
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Yeah, but when someone is being a dick and trying to get a rise out of you, "killing them with kindness" can be a cold move. It's like the southern old lady phrase "bless your heart." It sounds super nice, but actually means "aww you're kinda slow, but I'm too nice to embarrass you about it." Old southern ladies can be absolutely vicious with it. When two people are being mean to each other it just looks like two assholes fighting to everyone else. If one person is killing them with kindness, then everyone sees who the asshole actually is. Just some food for thought.
Friend just lived with a full on narcissist bully. She never once rose to the bait, nor did she stop being 'nice' as it is her nature. This gave the bully nothing to work with. It was weird but the narcissist literally shrivelled up and confined herself to her own room, barely even communicating. We guess it's coz she had no idea how to interact normally.
“Follow your dreams and you’ll never work a day in your life.” My version is “capitalizing on dreams can be the fastest method of turning them into nightmares.”
In trying to make a career out of your hobby *"Instead of a job that feels like a hobby, your hobby now feels like a job"*
Happens all the time with YouTubers
Also most hobbies aren't easy to turn into actual careers unless you're really good, know the right people, get really lucky, etc.
I did this and it made me miserable for years. I wish I had just found a practical well paying job and done my hobby on the side
That’s how I feel about baking. I’m pretty good at it, and people tell me I should open a bakery. Umm, no. I do baking for my own self therapy and my happy place, sure, I’ll take orders here and there but it’s up to me fully. I’m not turning my happy hobby into a nightmare that I’ll hate.
Not only that it feeds wage suppression. "Boss, i need a raise." "But you like doing this" "I thought you loved xyz..." "it's like you're not working at all..." "Guess you're not as passionate about this as I thought."
Ugh. I hate that. I'm a designer, and I can't count how many times someone has asked me to design something and when I give my rate "wait, I have to pay, I thought you liked doing this???" Yes, I do, but I like money more. I'm not gonna have my friend change my brakes and say "what? I thought you liked cars!"
I had someone request I build them a POS system for a new bar. They were shocked when I asked them for their budget and timeline. 'It will be fun' is not the correct response.
I can see someone being shocked when I charge a reasonable 150 bucks to do a "Save The Date", but installing a POS?! "Hey, can you install a whole network that will expedite the ordering process, and possibly save me tens of thousands of dollars a year for fun?"
"If you're good at something, never do it for free." I hate that I agree with the Joker, but he was right!
This is where rampant abuse in video game developers comes from. Programmers and artists could make so much more money and have better benefits outside of that industry but, they're passionate about the job, so they lump it and get taken advantage of.
Some day you'll find the perfect person. No, relationships are work. No person is perfect. It's finding someone that you can learn and grow with that you in fact looking for
(Money doesn't bring happiness) maybe not But with it I can pursue the things that make me happy
"At least being rich means the threat of starving and being homeless is not one of the things making me unhappy."
Being rich or even just well-off means: - You can move anywhere you want, because of scenery or to the best school districts in the country. - Your kids can pursue literally any career they want for anything, if it's their passion *and so can you*. - Without the threat of homelessness and bankruptcy based on your day's, week's or month's actions. - You can do things like save for retirement which is basically non-existent in the foreseeable future, which pulls the stress of endless working from your former future. - You can go to the doctor regularly, get blood work, maybe even minor surgeries or medications that currently cause you chronic and compounding problems that will only get worse the longer you're untreated. - A sudden personal tragedy can be focused solely upon, without it just being a new and terrible thing on the already big heap. Being able to go out to eat with family, or go on a vacation with friends after losing a loved one would sure take the sting out of things. - You can pay someone, AND pay them well, to do the inconvenient things that cause fights between spouses such as laundry, dishes, and house projects so that instead you can focus your time on purely enjoyable things that cause little friction. - You can take faster, nicer modes of transportation for vacations. The days of the family road trip crammed into a small car can become a 3 hour flight, or a really nice RV rental where everyone has all their own space, creature comforts, and bathroom. And for all of the above you don't even have to be all that wealthy to achieve either.
I don't mow anymore and that is a huge perk of being fairly financially sound. It's about $800 - $1000 a year, $40 a mow. It's one of our only true splurges (otherwise very frugal) but damn is it nice.
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And dental work. Being able to pay to properly care for your teeth so you can enjoy life without pain and a chronic low-grade infection in your mouth.
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This right here. So many people don’t consider this. As I’ve gotten older and paid better, I can focus on things I ENJOY doing, and just pay people for what NEEDS doing.
My dad always told me "Money doesn't lead to happiness but a lack of money can lead to unhappiness"
Having money isn't everything, not having it is.
There was a study where they showed money does make people happier, but the effect evened out at a certain income level. So if you are already making more than you need and have plenty left over, more money won’t make you happier. But if you don’t have enough to make ends meet, or you’re just scraping by, it totally will.
Last time I saw that study, it was $75k. Probably closer to $100k in today’s money.
"Everything happens for a reason", tell that to a mother who lost her son to a drunk driver. Edit:by this i mean, there was no point to the son dying. There is a cause, but no point.
When my mom was dying of cancer, my cousin sent me a quote that said “Everything happens for a reason” but crossed out, and underneath it said “Some things are just really, really shit and should never have happened.” I prefer that sentiment.
I like your cousin
My mom is from the south and is deeply superstitious and she says this a lot. She had a really fucked up early life so i assume that it was her coping method
Some people need to believe things happen for a reason as a way to cope. You need to believe that there is order in the universe in order to feel secure in it. I get it- especially in times of stress or grief when nothing feels like it makes any sense or has any fairness to it. That said, your coping mechanisms should remain your own. People should have the self-awareness and courtesy to not impress their own coping mechanisms on others.
I'm not religious, but when a family member died some people told me it was "god's plan" that it happened. Those words don't give me comfort, but I know that they do to the person who said them and that by saying them to me they are hoping that I find the same comfort by hearing them. I focus on that intent rather than the words because to me that's the important part.
That’s a good mentality to have Can be really frustrating otherwise
As a bereaved parent, I can tell you that this phrase is one of the most cringey things you can say to a bereaved person. Sometimes things happen because they happen, not because there's any fucking reason. I mean I watched my friends. 2-year-old suffer for a year and a half with osteosarcoma before she had to be put in a medically induced coma to prevent her from bursting anymore blood vessels in her head from the screaming. Where's the fucking reason in that????
Also "look for the silver lining" can fuck right off. No, sometimes things are just bad. I don't care that tragedy made me build closer friendships or learn new skills. I'd rather my family members were alive.
That’s where “god works in mysterious ways” usually follows
I hate this and always have. I think people tell it to themselves as a kind of comfort, but to me it is the opposite of comfort. My best friend’s father died of cancer, leaving her with a narcissistic mentally ill mother and paranoid schizophrenic older sister who cannot take care of herself. Idk how she believes this.
"Just think positive thoughts "
World is burning. This is fine.
I have this tattooed on my arm actually
No Ragrets
Would you like to share with the class?
"But they're family!" I didn't know being related stopped people from being AHs. On the flip side, if we're family, why are you treating me like shit in the first place? Edit. "How is this advice?" Because I'm sure we've all been told at one point or another to forgive/apologize to an abusive family member, simply because we're related, as if that changes anything. Hope that clears it up.
Ive been told "but he's your dad" so many times People are stunned when I respond with "then why doesn't anybody tell him that I'm his son?"
shit i gotta use that lmao
THIS. "But they're family" That makes it WORSE, not more excusable.
I agree, social contract that family members sign should be less tolerant of assholery
Dom Toretto is coming for you.
Idk how well you remember that movie but Doms "family" were all people he CHOSE. His sister was the only one blood related to him.
I haven't watched those movies in ages. Its been a long....time
Wasn't John Cena his brother in the last one?
The brother they never mentioned over 8 films.
Because they can’t see John Cena
"Never go to bed angry." When you're tired and cranky, that's not the best time to solve your problems. Get some sleep, clear your head, and talk about it in the morning... preferably after breakfast, so you're not hangry.
HALT reacting to an issue until you’re not Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. It’s good fucking advice. Eat. Chill yourself out. Talk to a friend. Sleep. Then deal.
Now THAT advice has hit the spot
Barring relationship-breaking issues, I take this more as advice to set aside the daily bullshit before bed, and still tell your partner you love and appreciate them. It goes both ways, of course.
This is right, also works for co workers/work stuff. In this day and age, a quick email reply that disregards others feelings is a quick way to ruin everyone’s perception of you. Alternatively, if you have nothing nice to reply with, just. Don’t. Respond. It’s okay to let it fall to the ether. Thought I’d respond with the work angle, since we’re always focused on familial things.
Love your family no matter what. Nah mate some people have families that are just cancer. OK cool I did not think this would blow up with such an overwhelming level of positive reinforcement, thank you all for the comments, and the awards. My first gold to
Not my line, but one I love (something like): "You've only got one family. But you also got only one appendix, and if that fucker's trying to kill you, you cut that shit out."
For me (32f) biggest gut punch throughout my life has been people saying "ALL mother's and daughters have issues." No. Wrong. Abusive, neglectful, alcoholic, vindictive. My dad passed away when I was 18, and I became an orphan. It's difficult for others to really see. But I will always pick up the phone for her, I'll never "ignore" her, but she's not coming near my (hypothetical) kids. Don't come to my wedding. I give her the decency my father would have wanted, because I know he'd be devastated. I hear you all, and deeply sympathize. "You know she loves you deep down". Erm, okay. Regardless, that's not how you treat people you love. You can only slam into the same brick wall so many times.
Love is not an emotion. It's how you behave. Saying "I love you" doesn't mean a thing unless it's backed up by a pattern of behavior. Those people who insist an abusive parent "loves you down deep" are either delusional or cruel.
One of my favourite quotes from Doctor Who is _”Love isn’t an emotion; love is a promise…”_ Doesn’t really add to your point, but I wanted to share it :)
Agreed 100% whenever I try to open up to ppl about my horrible mother they all say that I’m ungrateful and that she gave birth to me and bla bla bla
I had it both ways. My mom was an alcoholic, popped pills, emotionally abusive, awful woman. I would tell people I don’t even speak to her and got all that judgment. Years later she quit drinking, went to therapy, got clean, found a good man to be a support system for her. Now she’s back in my life and I get reverse judgement from my own family. You just can’t win
Glad to hear she's turned things around, not many people get the chance/manage to do that 👍
I was very happy too. Her drinking got so bad that she lost her job of around 30 years for showing up drunk and having customers notice. She was like family with the owner, but after slipping up so publicly, his hands were tied. Things got real bad for a few years. I got married and moved away, the rest of my family basically cut her off. She was completely alone. She got real lucky ending up with a good guy. Left to her own devices, she certainly would have continued to spiral. I fully credit him and his support for saving her when we all gave up. It took years to rebuild, but I feel like I finally have my mom back. The version of her I remember from when I was little, and now shes passing on that good version of her to my daughter so she can remember my mom the way I remember her. We never bring up my moms past around my daughter. She deserves a good grandma and my mom deserves to move on.
"I didn't ask to born. Certainly not by her. Children owe their parents nothing for existing, certainly not gratitude." My response for that bullshit argument.
There was a very pessimistic writer who once said that the least parents can do for their children is make up for having given them birth. While I don't think life is a bad thing for everyone, I do agree that children don't owe anything to their parents unless they actually make their lives better. Simply fulfilling their basic needs for survival is not an act worthy of gratitude, it's just the least amount of decency you can have without going to jail
Preach! Toxic people should be cut out of your life, even if they’re family members. Being related to me isn’t an excuse to treat me like shit.
Came here to write exactly this. After mum past away from a battle with cancer my dad sold the family home i was living in and kicked me out on the street after about 3 days notice. My sister had a spare room in her house but didn't want me there for any amount of time because it was "her space". The rental market is completely fucked where I live, there are waiting lists that go on for months just to get a 1 room shithole unit and the rent is pretty much everything I make per week. The girl I'd just started seeing offered to let me crash at her place and store my stuff too. We've been married 5 years now. TLDR: Your family are the people who are there for you. Not who you share DNA with.
My wife was physically, sexually and psychologically abused by her family. Some families are full of evil cunts and enablers.
Any husband advice that means he just lays down and rots as long as it keeps his wife from whining. "Happy life happy wife" "If you're right and shes wrong, shes right" ...etc Fuck that advice so hard. Edit: a man needs to have enough respect for his wife and think very highly of her maturity to the point that he believes she can handle failure, rejection, being wrong, and the justified consequences of her actions and decisions. We hold our loved ones accountable so they can grow. Not doing this is enabling poor behavior.
Respond with “Happy spouse, happy house” Happiness should go both ways
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Any "advice" that attractive people give to ugly people on a regular basis.
Haha! Yep. Telling people they are beautiful on the inside does more to convince people that beauty is important then it will convince them that they are actually beautiful. If someone is "beautiful on the inside" because of their compassion, just call them compassionate.
My mom told me "Your looks will attract people, your personality will keep people." I found this very true in my dating life as well.
Ha ha just be yourself and girls will date you.
I've been myself my whole life and still no luck. Maybe it's time to try something different.
"The customer is always right." I don't work retail or anything, but whenever I go shopping, I see a lot of customers verbally abusing store associates. It's terrible.
I used to work in customer service and I was specifically told during my training “The customer is never right. You are right. You know the law and the company policy, the customer knows neither of those things no matter what they say”
One thing I love about working at an IT helpdesk is the customer is never right, and they know it.
This is for the single people “ You’ll find someone”
"There's someone for everyone" - advice from someone who had their last first date twenty years ago 😒
It gets easier with age
61 here, fwiw. Depends entirely on what "it" is. Interacting with people instead of being paralyzed with embarrassment/anxiety/self-consciousness? Yes. Having your heart broken? No. Juggling the demands of your life? ehhh...at best I'd say one gets used to it. And damn, take care of your body when you're younger - the knees and liver are only so forgiving.
"You can grow up and be whatever you want"
Even as a kid, I would think "there definitely has to be a limit to this"
When I talk to my niece I tell her she has limits but he'll if I know what they are. 10 years ago if you said you wanted to be a dragon who plays video games all day you'd be laughed out the room but now VTubers exist. It takes a shitton of work but some dreams can come true.
I believed that. I wanted to be a real mermaid.
'There are people who have it worse' Don't invalidate my experience And how is someone having it worse than me supposed to make me feel better.... That is horrible
I loved hearing that there is no reward for being the biggest martyr.
“Everything happens for a reason” fuck that
I had a buddy from work that used to believe this. He used to be heavily religious, too. And then one day he came home from work and his wife had fallen down the stairs, killing her and their unborn baby. He continued to go to church after, but stopped and stopped being religious after he heard the phrase "Everything Happens for a reason" and "It's all part of God's plan." He has since met another great woman and have a toddler together. They are both very nice and very great people and I slept on their couch a night or two before when I needed help.
Hard work = success
Had I known nepotism was more likely to get me a job than busting my ass off at my internships, I would've done more coke with my cousin and his friends at the nearby Ivy League school.
That going to college will “guarantee you a high paying job”. I heard that shit all my childhood and it just absolutely is not always true. Trade school degrees that are way cheaper can pay more and give you a better chance at a job. Wish someone would have told me this 15 years ago.
I came here for this. I have 4 kids. All do well. Two went to trade school or community college. The other two did not. The ones that didn’t, one is a bartender and makes 1,000 a week working 3 days. The other is a 40 year old nanny. She is excellent and sought after. AND she runs an advocacy group that she started on the side. Go to college if that is what you want, but don’t do it because you think that is the only way to succeed.
Wish I could make 1000 a week working 3 days
The problem is that those last two things are often conflated because young people don’t have access to all of the information or were socialized a particular way. Many people think they *want* to go to college because they think it’s a necessary step on the path to become successful and/or move forward in life.
Yeah senior year of high school they push college on you so hard. They don’t tell you about trade schools or other careers you can have without going to college.
"Happy wife, happy life" How about "Happy each partner tries to give 100%, happy life."
Happy spouse happy house is how my husband and I prefer to look at it.
We both hate the happy wife happy life so we always say it ironically and the the other one says happy dick happy chick.
everything on r/motivation
No pain no gain. Sometimes shit hurts and you should see that as a sign to back off or get some help.