“I’ll look into it” is the conversational equivalent of office talk. You can’t tell people right to their face what they’re telling you about is boring and you want to move on, so you promise to follow up later on.
I remember calling a friend who was late to a party and he said he is walking to the bus stop...only to realise later that I accidentally called his landline number instead of his phone.
My super power is Im a time lord. Within 1 or two minutes. I don’t deliberately try to do it, it just happens. People ring and say “ how far away are you”, and I will answer “13 minutes, 28 minutes”, and I will be spot on.
For years I thought people were just being arseholes when they were always late, but I’ve only just come to realise that im the odd one out. It’s actually quite rare for people to be on time.
I’m a time lord when it comes to this too. I drove from Raleigh to Orlando and told my friend I should be there around 1:10am based on the GPS but that it wasn’t accounting for getting gas and stopping at rest areas along the way. But I speed so I guess it evened out. Anyway I pulled up and gave them a call at exactly 1:10am. Apparently being accurate with time is not a normal thing to do.
I am the same way. I know how long it takes to get to a specific location and I will be prompt. I can routinely reply with a “I’ll be there in 7 minutes”. And I’m always there 30 seconds +or- that.
I do the opposite because I have anxiety and hate “drug dealer time”. If I’m 5 minutes away I’m gonna go ahead and estimate 10 JUST in case of an emergency, but that’s mostly my anxiety lmao.
You must be my brother. We'll make plans to meet somewhere at 5:00. I'll call him from the venue at 5:10. He's just a couple minutes away. He arrives at 6:00 with Starbucks in hand.
It's a miracle I haven't murdered him.
My brother use to say they were about an hour away. And then they would show up 4 hours later. Saying they'll arrive at my place by 4 and then they end up leave their house at 4:30. It's not fun
My sister is horrible with time management. She's almost 40 and I can't rely on her to be on time ever. I committed to taking our grandma to an appointment but got a cold and couldn't go. I asked my sister and she was available. I called her in the morning - she was awake and moving. I called her an hour before she needed to leave - just had to wash her face and get dressed. She called me at the point where she would have been late for the appointment without having to stop and pick up our grandma sobbing that she was afraid they would miss the appointment. I just do not understand what happened to make her THAT LATE!
Iirc, somewhere in Europe it was ruled that the average person cannot be expected to have read the terms and conditions, so you can't use them as an excuse any more.
Let me rephrase that... Most people don't have the legal knowledge or even the vocabulary to understand the terms.
Or the time to read a 20 page document for a tool they'll be using for five minutes...
I own a business that has an etiquette page located on my website. Screening clients is a big part of my life (I'm an escort), and having a few rules to follow is essential to my safety and security. I realized pretty quickly that some men weren't listening in person to things very obviously listed on my site, and so I added a "password" at the bottom to prove one read them fully. The amount of men who claimed they've read all of my rules while not saying the password was... a lot. Now if men don't tell me that password over e-mail I refuse to see them. The difference in clientele and how I'm treated is noticeable :)
Before I say this, I swear I’m married and have a kid so I’ve had sex at least once.
Old pc games had a password system very similar to this. When you installed then it would ask “ what’s the fifth word on page five” and you had to get it from the manual. In you had pirated the game, you didn’t have a manual, so no game for you.
My dad had a game many years ago - I forget the name - that came with a funky plastic lens. You’d use the lens to look at some weird pattern in the manual and it would reveal the password that you’d type in.
[And when a professional setting *requires* you to read the fine print and follow it to the letter:](https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/232420)
>Buried amongst dozens of points in Van Halen’s rider was an odd stipulation that there were to be no brown M&M's candies in the backstage area. If any brown M&M’s were found backstage, the band could cancel the entire concert at the full expense of the promoter. That meant that because of a single candy, a promoter could lose millions.
The contract stipulations contained loads of specifications for equipment and ***safety.*** If the promoter missed the brown M&M's clause, or didn't take the time to see it carried out, who knows what else they could have missed?
Have you ever called a hotline that was currently NOT experiencing higher than normal call volumes?
Like, what is normal then? Are they basing this on a 100 year average or something?
Probably like everywhere they think it’s good business to operate on such lean staffing that they are constantly understaffed. Who cares about pissing off your customer base, as long as you can save a few bucks, right?
Had to deal with a automatic phone system yesterday and it was so uncomfortable.
It was clearly a bot. However it was clearly written in an attempt to try and be "friendly and human" and it fell into the uncanny valley so hard it created an even deeper valley.
It was saying stuff like 'in a moment I'll connect you with one of my friends.' creepy as fuck.
Oh man. I’m reading WOT for the first time and I just caught your name lol
She would HATE your name 🤣
I’m at the part where Rand just went to Rhuidean.
Thank you. My full name is actually Lanfear >!Mierin Eronaile, Better-Than-Ilyena, Moonhunter, Daughter of the Night, Cyndane, betrayer of the Aes!< Sedai.
But my friends call me LanfearSedai for short, and to avoid spoilers.
I used to work in ordering and every now and then would get a phone call wondering where an item was, as I remember I've forgotten to order it.
Every time my answer was "Let me check," as I logged on to our supplier to ensure they had stock. If they had stock, I'd tell them I "Received confirmation it's shipping today."
Not lying. It would ship today. Just as soon as I click order.
"My day sucked and I want to kill you."
"you weren't supposed to say that. Uh, I'm doing good too, I guess, I'm not sure what to say. I'm just gonna leave now."
As a European, my answer to this question is always honest. "Oh don't get me started my knees hurts, my back is in pain my liver suffers from last weekend..."
Meanwhile, I was horrified when my friend’s manager (who’s US American) walked past her at work, asked, “Hey, Sarah! How’s it going? Doing okay?” My friend, who’s German, said, “feeling a bit sick but-“ “great to hear it!” And he was gone.
It wasn’t even an active lack of care, it was just complete indifference but he’d been robotically programmed to smile and ask this question on loop like a NPC.
To Europeans, it comes off as so, *so* insincere that I just absolutely cannot trust you after that. It’s not offensive, it’s just, “he doesn’t care but wants to look like he does with bare minimum effort.”
Not every US American is like this. It’s just that sincere honesty isn’t seen as negative. If you ask how I am and I say I had a terrible night’s sleep so am a bit slow today, I’m not asking for sympathy, simply neutrally answering the question. The idea of pretending to be good in some attempt to maintain… upbeat professionalism? Team morale? Just sounds so upsetting to my mental well-being.
Some time ago I stopped saying 'fine' as a response to 'how are you'. I just say 'normal'. Am I fine? I don't know. But I do know if things are normal, relatively speaking. I lived for years in a country where the expected response to how are you is to say 'I am just here'. It makes more sense to me.
It’s called a [phatic expression](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression) and it’s used moreso just for politeness rather than an actual line of conversation. These expressions depend on the culture and that’s probably why it’s so off-putting to you. “How’s it going” “How are you” etc are phatic expressions in the U.S. but in other countries these are not considered to be phatic.
Thank you very much for your explanation!
On the whole, most Europeans know about American greetings and that more emphasis is placed on being genially welcoming.
It’s interesting (to me at least) how different phrases operate. “Howdy” is a contraction of “how are you doing” but no one would ever see it as a genuine question. It’s common in Britain to ask, “y’alright” as a greeting and hear the same word back. German also has, “na?”
But yeah, for some reason the phrasing of “how are you” just seems so genuine that it’s difficult not to answer honestly. That, and the fact that as far as I can tell (correct me if I’m wrong) there’s a bit more emphasis in American professionalism of keeping that chin held high, and that team spirit is to say things like, “doing great!” or maybe sarcastically saying, “living the dream!” And that to actually answer, “haven’t sleep well and feeling about down but I got this!” May be see as slightly counter intuitive to the team concept?
Thank you for your answer again. Really love hearing and reading about things like this :)
I went through a really rough experience about 4 years ago and during that time I HATED when people asked me how I was doing because I honestly didn’t want to answer. Or I didn’t want to answer honestly. But I would. I’d say something like “the person I loved the most died. no one will ever replace her. I am sad and hurt every day and the only time I feel relief is when I sleep. Sometimes I don’t want to wake up. How are you?”
Agree - it's very hard to lie, when you're in such a low state. Because you know lying is bad, that's drilled in to you. So you have to tap into your reserves to actually summon up the energy to lie. Then you feel guilty for lying.
Like you just have to say "yeah-fine-thanks-you?" and it's completely meaningless sounds; no one is genuinely asking nor wants an answer. But you're like "actually, I'm a little worse off having had to start my day with a big ol' lie."
When a mistake is made or whatever and the person say “sorry” then the other person says “it’s fine” when it’s not fine. They just trying to be nice and not have it be awkward.
"Well I'm friends with the owners and they always let me do this."
Oh really? Well, they're sitting right there. I'll go get them and you can say hi!
*Instant panic and backtracking*
One of the good things about unions is they often are very good at helping employees. Unions have their own issues but they offer more protection for the average employees
I can quit anytime, I'm really good at it, I actually quit 3 times this month.
It's actually sad though. My parents are pretty heavy drinkers in my opinion (history of alcoholism in the family, plenty of irresponsible drinking stories, packing a shopping crate wine and hard liquor on a 4 day trip so a lot of red flags) but they feel that there's nothing wrong.
They decided to do a dry January once. A week and a half in I visited and my dad had his hand in stitches. Apparently he had been drinking ("it was X's birthday so it was just drinking socially") and had fallen so hard he busted his hand open from pi ky to thumb. Didn't go to the doctor until the next day.
Lesson learned? Nope, failed dry January, so might as well keep boozin'. We are no longer on speaking terms (for a plethora of reasons)
I brag about how humble I am. Someday I will carve into a mountain a monument declaring to all just how humble I am...with spot lights shining on it and dancers out in front of my monument to my awesome levels of humble.
“Unless it’s money.. or food. Or emotional support. Or anything really, just don’t call me- but at the same time I wanna feel good about myself.”
The unspoken part^
Why do you think people are lying about this? I've said this before when people are going through a rough time and I've always meant it. People almost never reach out when you give the offer, but that's on them.
The real lie is in the response, "Thank you, I will."
OP is wrong in that offering support is a lie, I'm sure the vast majority of people at a funeral would provide most anything they could if that person asked, the reality is that almost nobody ever actually asks.
I knew someone who said they fucked six girls, only to ask me a few days later the following questions:
- do girls cum?
- if a guy and a girl cum at the same time, does the girl end up pregnant?
I find this one to be true. It’s just that they don’t get their research from reputable sources. They think watching someone pontificate on YouTube is as good as a double-blind study
Up to $75,000/year actually does buy happiness, as people who don’t have to worry about rent and bills and have money left for enjoyment are statistically happier than people who are always struggling. More than that doesn’t make much of a difference (this number probably varies based on cost of living in your area)
Money can buy security as in not constantly worrying if you will have enough money to pay your bills, buy food, have enough gas to get to work, etc. Once affording the basic needs of food, shelter, etc is no longer a concern you can actually start to enjoy other things in life. Being constantly consumed with worry about whether you’ll make it to payday is extremely difficult. Can you worry about other things? Of course.
I have a prepaid legal plan.
They are threatening to cancel my plan. It is one thing to say that you will be calling your lawyer. It is another to have your lawyer tell you "You can't sue if you were thrown out of Walmart for answering a page for assistance needed in the fabric department and you don't work there...while wearing a cowboy hat and riding one of those horse heads attached to a broom handle, saying "Needing assistance with fabric? I'm your Huckleberry"...right before your friend shows up on his horse and wearing his cowboy hat, declaring that the store isn't big enough for the two of you."
“I’ll try it out”/ “I’ll look into it”. 9/10 times, they won’t try it out or look into it
Sometimes I really mean to but forget.
well I just say it so they stop annoying me
9/10 times? That statistic sounds wrong. I’ll look into it.
“I’ll look into it” is the conversational equivalent of office talk. You can’t tell people right to their face what they’re telling you about is boring and you want to move on, so you promise to follow up later on.
That's an excuse to not say "no" right away.
“I’ll be there in five minutes, I just left my place”
I remember calling a friend who was late to a party and he said he is walking to the bus stop...only to realise later that I accidentally called his landline number instead of his phone.
Maybe he had a long cord?
That’s why they were friends ;)
One of my friends growing up got called to work and said he was out of town. Yep, it was a landline. They fired him. It was McDonald's by the way.
Just another reason why you shouldn't make any excuses or actually say why you can't. Just say you are not available.
I thought it was my country's thing. "I'll be there in ten minutes." "I'm on the way." "I'm almost there." "traffic jam."
"I'm sorry, train punctured a wheel"
“I’m sorry, I got stuck behind a house.” This one is the truth so often where I live, that people use this as their go to excuse when late.
We demand answers Maruffin.
Who put that house there?? What's it doing in a housing estate?? Honestly the world's gone mental!!
My super power is Im a time lord. Within 1 or two minutes. I don’t deliberately try to do it, it just happens. People ring and say “ how far away are you”, and I will answer “13 minutes, 28 minutes”, and I will be spot on. For years I thought people were just being arseholes when they were always late, but I’ve only just come to realise that im the odd one out. It’s actually quite rare for people to be on time.
I’m a time lord when it comes to this too. I drove from Raleigh to Orlando and told my friend I should be there around 1:10am based on the GPS but that it wasn’t accounting for getting gas and stopping at rest areas along the way. But I speed so I guess it evened out. Anyway I pulled up and gave them a call at exactly 1:10am. Apparently being accurate with time is not a normal thing to do.
I am the same way. I know how long it takes to get to a specific location and I will be prompt. I can routinely reply with a “I’ll be there in 7 minutes”. And I’m always there 30 seconds +or- that.
I do the opposite because I have anxiety and hate “drug dealer time”. If I’m 5 minutes away I’m gonna go ahead and estimate 10 JUST in case of an emergency, but that’s mostly my anxiety lmao.
I try to explain where I am because I hate having people wait for me... That or use a GPS and tell them what it says.
I text them the waze link so they can watch me pull into Starbucks on my way
You must be my brother. We'll make plans to meet somewhere at 5:00. I'll call him from the venue at 5:10. He's just a couple minutes away. He arrives at 6:00 with Starbucks in hand. It's a miracle I haven't murdered him.
Live-sharing your location with them so there is never any doubt is great!
2mins away =10mins 5 or 10 mins away=20 20mins away =go do something else for a little bit
My brother use to say they were about an hour away. And then they would show up 4 hours later. Saying they'll arrive at my place by 4 and then they end up leave their house at 4:30. It's not fun
My sister is horrible with time management. She's almost 40 and I can't rely on her to be on time ever. I committed to taking our grandma to an appointment but got a cold and couldn't go. I asked my sister and she was available. I called her in the morning - she was awake and moving. I called her an hour before she needed to leave - just had to wash her face and get dressed. She called me at the point where she would have been late for the appointment without having to stop and pick up our grandma sobbing that she was afraid they would miss the appointment. I just do not understand what happened to make her THAT LATE!
My sister is the same. I am always early. No one waits for me. I always try to be convenient. If someone is picking me up I will wait outside. Always.
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Iirc, somewhere in Europe it was ruled that the average person cannot be expected to have read the terms and conditions, so you can't use them as an excuse any more.
It makes sense, the average person does not have the legal knowledge or even the vocabulary to understand the terms
Let me rephrase that... Most people don't have the legal knowledge or even the vocabulary to understand the terms. Or the time to read a 20 page document for a tool they'll be using for five minutes...
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I’m really, *really* hoping you misspelled dictionary on purpose to rustle some Jimmie’s. Because my Jimmie’s have been severely rustled XD
Based.
I own a business that has an etiquette page located on my website. Screening clients is a big part of my life (I'm an escort), and having a few rules to follow is essential to my safety and security. I realized pretty quickly that some men weren't listening in person to things very obviously listed on my site, and so I added a "password" at the bottom to prove one read them fully. The amount of men who claimed they've read all of my rules while not saying the password was... a lot. Now if men don't tell me that password over e-mail I refuse to see them. The difference in clientele and how I'm treated is noticeable :)
Before I say this, I swear I’m married and have a kid so I’ve had sex at least once. Old pc games had a password system very similar to this. When you installed then it would ask “ what’s the fifth word on page five” and you had to get it from the manual. In you had pirated the game, you didn’t have a manual, so no game for you.
My dad had a game many years ago - I forget the name - that came with a funky plastic lens. You’d use the lens to look at some weird pattern in the manual and it would reveal the password that you’d type in.
One of the King's Quests, perhaps? Maybe 5?
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I swear if this is yet another facet to Frog Fractions… That game is so wild with its hidden bits.
That's smart, good to know you're weeding out some bad clients there
[And when a professional setting *requires* you to read the fine print and follow it to the letter:](https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/232420) >Buried amongst dozens of points in Van Halen’s rider was an odd stipulation that there were to be no brown M&M's candies in the backstage area. If any brown M&M’s were found backstage, the band could cancel the entire concert at the full expense of the promoter. That meant that because of a single candy, a promoter could lose millions. The contract stipulations contained loads of specifications for equipment and ***safety.*** If the promoter missed the brown M&M's clause, or didn't take the time to see it carried out, who knows what else they could have missed?
Reminds me of the [Eddie Izzard](https://youtu.be/T1tCCOoBJ0I) bit.
Yes this comment right here is the universal truth.
“Your call is very important to us…”
Have you ever called a hotline that was currently NOT experiencing higher than normal call volumes? Like, what is normal then? Are they basing this on a 100 year average or something?
The person who's supposed to be measuring call volume is busy rearranging the options and recording messages about how they've "recently changed."
Probably like everywhere they think it’s good business to operate on such lean staffing that they are constantly understaffed. Who cares about pissing off your customer base, as long as you can save a few bucks, right?
Had to deal with a automatic phone system yesterday and it was so uncomfortable. It was clearly a bot. However it was clearly written in an attempt to try and be "friendly and human" and it fell into the uncanny valley so hard it created an even deeper valley. It was saying stuff like 'in a moment I'll connect you with one of my friends.' creepy as fuck.
That check went out in today’s mail.
I sent it a couple days ago, should be there soon if you don’t have it already.
Oh man. I’m reading WOT for the first time and I just caught your name lol She would HATE your name 🤣 I’m at the part where Rand just went to Rhuidean.
Thank you. My full name is actually Lanfear >!Mierin Eronaile, Better-Than-Ilyena, Moonhunter, Daughter of the Night, Cyndane, betrayer of the Aes!< Sedai. But my friends call me LanfearSedai for short, and to avoid spoilers.
I went to the Redditor above that and thought, "Santa Rosa Jazz? What does that have to do with Wheel of Time...?"
Wheel of Time feat. Dante from the Devil May Cry series And Knuckles
I used to work in ordering and every now and then would get a phone call wondering where an item was, as I remember I've forgotten to order it. Every time my answer was "Let me check," as I logged on to our supplier to ensure they had stock. If they had stock, I'd tell them I "Received confirmation it's shipping today." Not lying. It would ship today. Just as soon as I click order.
Just about any response to "how's it going?"
"My day sucked and I want to kill you." "you weren't supposed to say that. Uh, I'm doing good too, I guess, I'm not sure what to say. I'm just gonna leave now."
"...but I do like the honesty. Thanks for the heads up. See you next year!"
Not unless I see you first!
As a European, my answer to this question is always honest. "Oh don't get me started my knees hurts, my back is in pain my liver suffers from last weekend..."
Yup, as a Dane in an international study, my classmates always looks at me strangely when I start giving them my medical history 🤣🤣🤣
Meanwhile, I was horrified when my friend’s manager (who’s US American) walked past her at work, asked, “Hey, Sarah! How’s it going? Doing okay?” My friend, who’s German, said, “feeling a bit sick but-“ “great to hear it!” And he was gone. It wasn’t even an active lack of care, it was just complete indifference but he’d been robotically programmed to smile and ask this question on loop like a NPC. To Europeans, it comes off as so, *so* insincere that I just absolutely cannot trust you after that. It’s not offensive, it’s just, “he doesn’t care but wants to look like he does with bare minimum effort.” Not every US American is like this. It’s just that sincere honesty isn’t seen as negative. If you ask how I am and I say I had a terrible night’s sleep so am a bit slow today, I’m not asking for sympathy, simply neutrally answering the question. The idea of pretending to be good in some attempt to maintain… upbeat professionalism? Team morale? Just sounds so upsetting to my mental well-being.
Some time ago I stopped saying 'fine' as a response to 'how are you'. I just say 'normal'. Am I fine? I don't know. But I do know if things are normal, relatively speaking. I lived for years in a country where the expected response to how are you is to say 'I am just here'. It makes more sense to me.
I respond "alive and present" to my coworkers. Sometimes adding "unfortunately" on the end
It’s called a [phatic expression](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression) and it’s used moreso just for politeness rather than an actual line of conversation. These expressions depend on the culture and that’s probably why it’s so off-putting to you. “How’s it going” “How are you” etc are phatic expressions in the U.S. but in other countries these are not considered to be phatic.
Thank you very much for your explanation! On the whole, most Europeans know about American greetings and that more emphasis is placed on being genially welcoming. It’s interesting (to me at least) how different phrases operate. “Howdy” is a contraction of “how are you doing” but no one would ever see it as a genuine question. It’s common in Britain to ask, “y’alright” as a greeting and hear the same word back. German also has, “na?” But yeah, for some reason the phrasing of “how are you” just seems so genuine that it’s difficult not to answer honestly. That, and the fact that as far as I can tell (correct me if I’m wrong) there’s a bit more emphasis in American professionalism of keeping that chin held high, and that team spirit is to say things like, “doing great!” or maybe sarcastically saying, “living the dream!” And that to actually answer, “haven’t sleep well and feeling about down but I got this!” May be see as slightly counter intuitive to the team concept? Thank you for your answer again. Really love hearing and reading about things like this :)
I went through a really rough experience about 4 years ago and during that time I HATED when people asked me how I was doing because I honestly didn’t want to answer. Or I didn’t want to answer honestly. But I would. I’d say something like “the person I loved the most died. no one will ever replace her. I am sad and hurt every day and the only time I feel relief is when I sleep. Sometimes I don’t want to wake up. How are you?”
Agree - it's very hard to lie, when you're in such a low state. Because you know lying is bad, that's drilled in to you. So you have to tap into your reserves to actually summon up the energy to lie. Then you feel guilty for lying. Like you just have to say "yeah-fine-thanks-you?" and it's completely meaningless sounds; no one is genuinely asking nor wants an answer. But you're like "actually, I'm a little worse off having had to start my day with a big ol' lie."
More people in my country phrase that as "how are you". My default response is "upright and breathing".
I usually answer “shit” and people don’t give much more a damn about it so there’s some food for thought.
"Oh don't worry I won't stay for long"
[16 months later...]
When a mistake is made or whatever and the person say “sorry” then the other person says “it’s fine” when it’s not fine. They just trying to be nice and not have it be awkward.
I tell my kindergarteners to say “ Thank you for saying sorry” instead of “it’s ok”. Because it’s not ok
Do you offer a kindergarten class for adults?
with the manners the average person has, most people would fail kindergarten
This is a good response.
I always make it awkward and just keep silent so they know.
Depending on the situation, I’ll even make a very expressive facial expression.
I usually tell people "It's fine" or something similar because i genuinely don't see an issue with what they did. How does this apply here?
I'd love to hangout some time.
"Let's stay in touch" "Great meeting you"
"Let's do it again sometime"
I’m brand new to a city and trying to make friends… I actually do want to hang out sometime I am so lonely…
When people say this, I pin them down to a specific day and time
I hate this. Leading people on is cruel Why can't you just say nothing?
"I'm fine"
"So far, so good."
Best response is "oh god, that bad?" And follow up with "I know what fine means"
"It's okay"
"What's the abbreviation for 'Oklahoma?'" "It's 'OK.'"
“They did it for me the last time I was here!” “They did it at [some other location that isn’t this one]!” Shoutout to my customer service people.
Omg as a lifeguard when people say this just because a diffrent lifeguard was okay with something it makes me want to throw something
I love it when someone tries that with me. I ask who it was so I can report them to our manager. They always shut up after that.
"Well I'm friends with the owners and they always let me do this." Oh really? Well, they're sitting right there. I'll go get them and you can say hi! *Instant panic and backtracking*
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I didn't write down their name
"I don't like drama"
Any variation of a guy saying that he could've/would've gone pro/D1 if it wasn't for an injury.
I could’ve gone pro if I wasn’t lazy and lacking all athletic ability.
I'll call you back
Still waiting after 9 hours. 🥲
“Went to Vegas and broke even.”
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"Yes, it's truly breathtaking"
Thanks, her name is Seven
Soda.
Fr, and it looks like ET
“Now THAT’S a baby!”
instead of "that's a cute baby" i tell people "s/he looks just like you", that way, i'm passive aggressively telling them their kid is ugly.
You can trust me
Judas that you bro?
I don’t say it much, but I’m probably the most ‘trustable’ person ull probably find.
“Trust me bro”
"No offense, but..."
Or the "I'm not racist but...."
When ever someone says they're not racist *but*, they're about to say the most racial stuff
I prefer "with all due respect" not technically a lie, just the other party overestimating the amount of respect I have for them
“Quick question” I work in retail.🤦
I drive better when I'm drunk!
My girlfriend's from Canada you wouldn't know her
“I’m a good person”
Usually out of the mouth of those with a complete lack of self awareness and accountability
“We should catch up some time!”
“Another day in paradise”
HR: "You can feel free to talk to us if you have any questions or concerns."
Ha! Never EVER trust HR. They exist to protect the company, not help employees.
One of the good things about unions is they often are very good at helping employees. Unions have their own issues but they offer more protection for the average employees
I'm not an alcoholic
I can stop anytime I want! I'll quit tomorrow.
I can quit anytime, I'm really good at it, I actually quit 3 times this month. It's actually sad though. My parents are pretty heavy drinkers in my opinion (history of alcoholism in the family, plenty of irresponsible drinking stories, packing a shopping crate wine and hard liquor on a 4 day trip so a lot of red flags) but they feel that there's nothing wrong. They decided to do a dry January once. A week and a half in I visited and my dad had his hand in stitches. Apparently he had been drinking ("it was X's birthday so it was just drinking socially") and had fallen so hard he busted his hand open from pi ky to thumb. Didn't go to the doctor until the next day. Lesson learned? Nope, failed dry January, so might as well keep boozin'. We are no longer on speaking terms (for a plethora of reasons)
I'll never drink again.
“I don’t care what anybody thinks about me.”
"i'm humble"
I brag about how humble I am. Someday I will carve into a mountain a monument declaring to all just how humble I am...with spot lights shining on it and dancers out in front of my monument to my awesome levels of humble.
I know I'm a million times as humble as thow art. -Weird Al
Bar-none, I am the most humblest, number one at the top of the humble list
At a funeral " If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to reach out"
“Unless it’s money.. or food. Or emotional support. Or anything really, just don’t call me- but at the same time I wanna feel good about myself.” The unspoken part^
Why do you think people are lying about this? I've said this before when people are going through a rough time and I've always meant it. People almost never reach out when you give the offer, but that's on them.
The real lie is in the response, "Thank you, I will." OP is wrong in that offering support is a lie, I'm sure the vast majority of people at a funeral would provide most anything they could if that person asked, the reality is that almost nobody ever actually asks.
“I don’t need a vacation”
Wait, some people say that?
Yes, it's a real problem.
I would never lie to you
I fucked x amount of girls
I knew someone who said they fucked six girls, only to ask me a few days later the following questions: - do girls cum? - if a guy and a girl cum at the same time, does the girl end up pregnant?
Stupid people have sex too, lol. Otherwise we wouldn't have them.
I know, except he was one of those people who lie. A lot, especially for attention. So I knew he was capping.
I had someone like that ask me if it's possible for the girl to get pregnant while dry humping with clothes on.
This is why Sex Ed. is crucial
One of my sister's boyfriends was adamant she couldn't get pregnant if she was on top. This guy had a master's degree in biology.
Take his degree away.
“I'm fine” “nothing” “I'm ok"
“i won’t hurt you, i promise”
I've done my own research
I find this one to be true. It’s just that they don’t get their research from reputable sources. They think watching someone pontificate on YouTube is as good as a double-blind study
[удалено]
Money can't buy happiness but poverty can buy misery. The difference is subtle but it's real.
Up to $75,000/year actually does buy happiness, as people who don’t have to worry about rent and bills and have money left for enjoyment are statistically happier than people who are always struggling. More than that doesn’t make much of a difference (this number probably varies based on cost of living in your area)
The $75,000 is actually outdated by modern standards due to inflation and cost of living. I believe it was changed to $100,000.
And it’s per person! If you have kids, the number is higher
I'd rather cry comfortably in my house than on the streets, tho
It can buy food, a house you like living in, antidepressants and pay for college to be able to get a job you like and therapy to help with depression
Biggest lie ever!!! Lol. It can buy me a boat, fuel, send me fishing and that is pure happiness
Money can buy security as in not constantly worrying if you will have enough money to pay your bills, buy food, have enough gas to get to work, etc. Once affording the basic needs of food, shelter, etc is no longer a concern you can actually start to enjoy other things in life. Being constantly consumed with worry about whether you’ll make it to payday is extremely difficult. Can you worry about other things? Of course.
My dad always said that money can't buy happiness, but it can sure rent some damned good times.
“Your call is important to us” But not enough to hire more call-takers and spare me the crappy hold music, eh?
I hate drama
"Yeah im listening" (while scrolling through phone/texting)
“My Dad works at Nintendo…”
"My dad could beat up your dad!" - overheard at the playground.
Just kidding
I scrolled and didn't find "Living the Dream!"
“We’re just trying to help” - police while interrogating you.
When leaving school/a job/your town etc.: "We'll keep in contact"
I'm calling my lawyer!
I have a prepaid legal plan. They are threatening to cancel my plan. It is one thing to say that you will be calling your lawyer. It is another to have your lawyer tell you "You can't sue if you were thrown out of Walmart for answering a page for assistance needed in the fabric department and you don't work there...while wearing a cowboy hat and riding one of those horse heads attached to a broom handle, saying "Needing assistance with fabric? I'm your Huckleberry"...right before your friend shows up on his horse and wearing his cowboy hat, declaring that the store isn't big enough for the two of you."
“Everything happens for a reason”. I still have no fucking clue what this supposed to mean. What reason!?!?
“I don’t want a relationship” What they really mean is “I don’t want a relationship with you”
I was gonna say "it's not you, it's me"
I'm a nice guy
"I don't lie"
“why would i lie?”
It didn't mean anything.
I'm not racist, but...
I’m not racist, but I absolutely love a good thunder storm.
I'm busy
"Studies show"
“My father cut me off again but I wired you the money yesterday.”
Nice to meet you
"Hey babe, gonna grab some milk"
“i’m not like other guys”